#2. I'm so sedentary that it's only natural that standing up would give Me tachycardia (I obviously stand up multiple times a day everyday)
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sometimes I believe that My tendency to avoid telling My family when I'm having health issues is just the result of avoidant cognitive distortions, but then I actually do it, get told that it's "normal" and/or a lifestyle issue, and realize the real cognitive distortion was expecting help at all -_-
#personal#I'm struggling to breathe and My heart rate is high. inhaler doesn't help. go tell My mom about it and she says#1. try again. 2. drink water. 3. eat a mint. 4. I'm getting fat#and then last time I told her about this same issue she said#1. I have anxiety from too much silence (I'm auditorily hypersensitive? noise gives Me anxiety not the other way around)#2. I'm so sedentary that it's only natural that standing up would give Me tachycardia (I obviously stand up multiple times a day everyday)#3. I don't need a therapist (which I've been asking for) I need a physician#and it's just a ton of excuses to deny what I'm saying. because how is it just in My head but I need a physician?? make up your mind#am I crazy or sick. it's literally just whatever makes Me look like I need the least intervention in that moment#medical neglect is a bitch man. it's not even that she doesn't want Me to be healthy. she absolutely does#but she just never wants to believe that it's THAT bad. I can't have anxiety because it's just cabin fever#I can't be delusional because I'm just spiritually gifted. I can't have an arrhythmia because I'm just fat. so on and so forth#she constantly doubts that I'm doing anything for My health on My own (I literally asked for a fitness boxing game this christmas#and yet she doesn't believe that I exercise in My own time until I outright tell her)#and never believes that I'm suffering beyond something that can easily be solved. it's so patronizing#she acts like I've never heard of breathing exercises for anxiety or exercise for hypertension. everyone knows that!!#you acknowledge that I know so much EXCEPT when Me being knowledgeable on a subject would mean that I'd be able to recognize when My health#is failing. once she said she thought I had hypochondria as a child and I increasingly believe that influences how she sees My health today#she said she never told a doctor because she didn't want Me to be dismissed in adulthood and yet she does that same thing to Me#and honestly I do get anxious about My health! I developed contamination OCD when I was fucking eight!#but that doesn't mean that I'm just being compulsive whenever I suggest a need for medical/psychiatric attention!
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