#2 say abt your boyfriend i dont know. but my opinion doesnt matter!! if you think he's cute good for u girl

[hertwood]

fuck i forgot 2 text my friend back she's telling me abt her new boyfriend and i'm like NOPE sorry way to busy posting porn on the internet ttyl

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going!  Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~ 

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”.  he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well”  while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school. 

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

[nadinesha]

Slowly but surely.

We call it quit. We cant go any further. Me and my ex have decided to make a move, in seperate way. Its me. I am the one who force him to live on his own by the day and forward. I have been thinking about it before we even had the fight. I believe you have heard a phase that say “the more you stay, the more you learn. the more you say, the more it burn.” So i know it was the best time to make everything done on dot. By the same time, i never thought of looking for anyone to replace my ex but i know that i need someone to make me feel better, talk with me everyday, ask me questions and tell me answers. It just a way to keep me busy from thinking on the decision i have made. Yup , i met this one guy thru tinder (well its 2016, cant say that its not legit to meet anyone thru online ahhahaha) plumpy and yup he was doing as what per i was hoping from a person . Text me everyday, get know of each other. Yah still my ex tried to ask me to change my mind, keep my track back to his and blabla. But i dont know what makes me strong to decide to not ever walk back to my ex. I am still with my decision to keep what i want as my priority , no more considering on others’ opinions and favors. After 1 month texting, me and this new guy decided to meet , no more online texting. This friendship has to be real. All along the one month , we only exchange picture once and the rest was only on phone call. (His voice is too good to hate) so on the day i meet the girls, we decided to meet at Grind22 Cafe, Bangsar. At least i have my girls to accompany me meeting this half stranger half friend guy of mine. The day went well, on the first time i meet him, he was wearing a nice faded grey folded sleeve tshirt with dark blue levi’s jeans. Tried to make myself chill during the date, thanks god i have my girls around so theres no such awkward situation happened or odd topics out on our conversation. I can still remember how he only look 2 seconds on me whenever i stare to his eyes. Its my way when having a talk with anyone. Always keep my eyes look straight deep in the person eyes so obviously he wasn’t comfortable with the eyes contact but its fun to see that kind of reaction from him. I can see he was freaking nervous abt the date. I was sitting next to him. After a couple hour, i grab his hand as it was very close to my hands, it isnt a sign of flirting. I just wanted him to know that dont get way too nervous, we are fine. I like you. This is not going to be the first and the last time you will see me. He grab my hand back as a way to say that he is completely relieved to see that i am accepting him as well. After days, on 12/11/16 , in his car, around 7.15pm, the sky wasnt yet dark but you can see the moon start to glowing alone in the sky. The sunset light still helping me to see his face. He called my full name and i was suprised as he continues his sentence with something i didnt expect. “Would you be my girlfriend?” OHMYGOD my heart was dropping but fortunately i was not fainted or died on that time, i hug his hand tightly and said “of course i do ! i love you !” Can see from his face that he was yup again , relieved. But as the time pass by, we get into couple of fights and oftenly, compare him with my ex. Theres a thing that he doesn’t have as what i had from my ex. My ex is very superb in looking. Trust me even gayboy also become a threat during our relationship. But this new guy, he have that cute looking face but not as cute as my ex. Whenever that comparing things come thru my mind, i always like fight with my inner self to not ever overshadow a person 99% positivity with a 1% negativity and stop loving a person by his look. Stop qusha stop. But still , this judgmental thinking cant avoid from comparing that 1% shit with my ex. Time after time, i am getting to know my boyfriend more and more. I learn that he is a family person, how much he wanted to have a family of his own. How much he wanted to have a baby and learn how to take care on a baby. He love animals as much as i do. He love to eat as much as i do. He even have love on me but he have so much than i do. it isnt because i hate him or whatever but after 3 years dating with my ex, i realize that its not easy to forget a person you have love with all you have. it isnt easy. Because in my mind i still thinking about my ex. i dont love him anymore but it doesnt mean everything has faded away. Sometime i ask my self if i really regret on my decision but i know time has flies. There is no such as turning back or else because my ex ard with a new girl and that girl was his ex before me and we had several time fight just because of that bitch and knowing that he with that bitch again literally mess my mind for almost a week. And by the time , i believe my bf can see it clearly based on things i have tweeted and shared in twitter. Thinking about it now how much he in pain patiently wait for me to slowly stop thinking about my ex makes me want to kill myself now. A good and kind man like him shudnt face with such of that stupid situation. Everything back to normal, and i was no longer in that freaking dilemma , we date more , share things more . Slowly i realize , my ex only have that 1% while him, he has the other 99% of what iw anted in a guy , in a person i wanted to be my forever, why can i be grateful this time. I learn that looks come after love. We had a very lovely dating days . I started to love looking on every inch and details on his face. its not about having a person who attract others to look but its about a person who attract you to look at him. its about a person who always give the best that he has in his life , a person who plan eveything for you and your future kids. its about a person who always making sure you are safe and always in the comfort zone of anything. A person who dare to bring you to meet his mom and let his family learn more about you , learn that this is why you were choosen to be his wife. its about him, and its about you. A person who willing to spend his money, time and effort just to suprise you even it just a small bag but think again how much he become very precise in everything you like, take note on things you wish you have. its about a person who stand on your side and always at your back. support on everything you wanted to do. always listen and fix everything that seems unsolvable. Everything seems so perfect. How much I wish my kids will have the same eyes as he has when he smile. how much i wish my kids will have a daddy like him. after all this time, i realize that he has what it takes to be my besfriend, boyfriend, partner, husband and father to my kids. he have everything insde him and its valuable. i will never let him go or let myself miss a guy like him. Like everything ! After the drama things, we plan for a holiday. Which i hope can fix all my stupid thoughts and attitude and try to make our relay better and stronger. Yup , it happened . The holiday went so well. by the time before departure, we were talking about food and suddenly i have to excuse myself to go to the toilet . i really dont think about anything as i came back to the seat, we were talking about our luggage when i decided to open my bag and show him how full it is but then i saw theres a polaroid bag inside my bag. i ard have one, and its on the table and he bought that for me. i ask my friend if she put her polaroid bag in mind but she said its not her bag. my boyfriend, he keep silent beside me . i ask him if he bought that for me , he said no. i asked my friend once again. she strongly said no its not her. i push my bf to tell the truth then he said , yup he bought the second bag for me. i was suprised again because i only have one polaroid camera, and why are you buying me a second bag ? he said by the time he purchased the bag , he remembered that i wanted the black colour bag but the shipping is too long to wait , it might arrive after the holiday date so he bought be the first bag in brown colour. he suprised me the first bag a week before the holiday and i was happy already because i love the brown colour as well. but then he knows my wishes is still not complete so he decided to buy the black bag for the second time and hoping that we will receive before the holiday and yup , it just arrived a day before the holiday. he want me to have the black beg no matter what . so that is how i can have two polaroid bag today. during the holiday,  i only have my phone with me just for taking pictures and on the rest of the time , i spend with him. We go to the beach together and walk by the shore . Spend the night together with cups of juice, under starry night sky. We went for food hunting together. we eat burgers, fries, seafood, we even had the best sambal belacan, we had kacang rebus, special milkshakes, chicken wings. The holiday has really change me into a new me. i have never believe that one day i will be as confident as i am today in a person who will completely become as a part of me. Everytime i look into his eyes , i can feel the butterly is now in me. He looks calm but i know i am not. he now can look back on me and its more than 5 minutes. My heart beating so fast, everytime . Because i know , i am looking on a person i am deadly in love . Deadly . He have that smile i love to see , his eyes is so shining so cute with the nice smiling eyes looking whenever he smile thru my camera . His smell , oh my god . His teeth is the what makes his smile even sweeter. I am going to lick that teeth i swear. his arm, that is where a girl like me shud be. his leg, yup this is suprising. he can carry me, let me sit on his lap with only one leg holding my whole body weight. that is impressing. he is so strong. yup physically and mentally strong . what a boy. no more doubt. i have no more doubt on him. he has to be mine forever. i never this crazy about my boyfriend. Tbh i have no more care on my ex. he has no idea how much i am in love with my life now. it better than i expect . there is no wrong in my decision and i am glad that i have done it . I have this few things of my ex belonging with me, thought of returning all his things back . I have decided to not to because is such a wasting time and money. I CAN BUY LIPSTICK instead … Yup , i love you Ahmad Aisar . Thanks. xoxo Qusha.