#2 other people in our 9 man team have told me in confidence they're looking elsewhere as well

[thedreadvampy]

oh boy the depression hole is deep and it is muddy

hahaha I fell into the classic trap! overidentify with your job and considering leaving it will trigger an existential crisis!!!!

[noeyeye]

Job hunting update : No make up! No hair down! Male bathroom and male pronounce!

[In pic : Tried all these shirt and trousers today with no make up and hair tied back to look less "Feminine" as what the CEO wants me to do if I start this job. So I did all practice even speaking (manly) in front of mirror. Felt shit yeah]

So it finally happened but unexpectedly with new job came up after all nice interviews in past weeks with many companies but never got called back but finally found an interview that will answer the result after interview sessions.

Which always took 45 mins to 2-3 hours per time with each company, I don't know why this is so extra for me than other candidates. I blamed it to my gender identity where (cishet) companies always gave attention and feel excited to see a "crossing gender human being" that's why it's always new for me especially when you're an ordinary trans in career like normal cis.

I did twice teaching performance and interview for their staff (I applied for a teacher again in my life) then the principal or CEO just decided to give me an interview personally. Now it made sense to me that why all other female candidates just finished off in an hour and go home while I waited from 9 am to 2 pm to finish.

Here to make it short, yes the first team really like me teaching in English but I assumed they cannot decide themselves to / if they should give me a big pass and hire me because of my gender (my first guess) and BINGO its true because the CEO spoke out about it later for second interview personal with other senior. Here's what they said.

" Your teaching is great and energetic and easy to understand BUT"

F*** what about but? (I swore in my head)

Principal continued "You know we have organization culture and as you saw in the news about our school"

(I knew, that homophobia lessons that people talked and criticized over the internet)

"We hope you know that's not true as we don't have anything to discriminate you and we're open more for now " she tried to make it sounded like less judgemental.

"The old cultures if our school is strict and traditional.... BUT you know I really want you to work with us because you're very talented and interesting, we just need you to follow our organization culture like...

I wanted you to dress as a man, saying "Krub" (male pronounce that actually always been spoken after every sentence to make it sound politely like sir and maam but in Thai these kinds of word have gender but depends on the gender of a person who speaks) instead of "Ka" for female speaker.

Now I tried to sell out but strongly show them about my perspective about being a transgender or LGBTIQ, I said "I'm sure some students like me or my gender will need a teacher who understands them and instead of bash them with bad words and turn them into a classroom clown just because they're different, so I sure will do my role to support the community and help them to feel comfortable with who they are. And support them, if you hire me, I'll help this part out for your school to be a better place for everyone and genders"

They seemed not interested or not even give any F. So they give me conditions, told me it I could do it for school, then nothing to worry, I can start my job this Monday as an examination teacher who brief all knowledge in English before students will get ready for official exam for high school kids.

But here what I have to follow :

1. Dress as a man (according to my original birth sex) with options (1) White shirt and black trousers with black leather shoes and ugly enormous school tie - or- (2) Sport / warm up suit / I chose warm up, it's equally Unisex, so not that bad.

2. Tie my hair back (easy I can do it, expecting my hight ponytail betch!)

3. No make up (screaming)

4. Saying Krub (the big part of torturing)

5. Avoid come out of my true identity like when a student asks me I have to tell something else but not "I am a transgender"

5 are enough, I made it professionally and confidently until interview ends (as I always did in many before) "Behave appropriately" they mean.

I cried walking out the room, straight to my car, while walking pass a security and had to lied him I cried because I was happy I got a job, the fact is I was crying because I felt very shit and unfair and unaccepted. Not easy to be a human, more xxxx2 on if you are living in society like this. It's true that this world isn't fair. I seek for better life bit sometimes life isn't easy like that so.. Haha

I told them I need time to think about the conditions (you guys have to understand that here is really hard to get a job after pandemic and since I'm homosexual and out-showed on my appearance, many rejection. So when I have a job comes to me like this I have to be careful and not miss a chance to make money to survive to pay my rent, hormones other things.

I asked if I can start a job at 16th because it's the middle of the month because I might open for other choice next week, if no ones call me I guess I have to take this school job to survive and have money for my rental and expenses.

Let see what will happen.

I did try to dress up with shirt today and tied my hair back with no make up on that pic. I'm super anxious if I look like a man or a freak :/

[miss-dr-reid]

This is calm, and it's, Doctor #2

Arriving at the Federal building and pulling in to the underground car park, I showed my credentials to the guard, who opened the gate to let me in. I found a park, pulled in and sat there for a minute. My watch said 9:18. Finished my coffee, put the empty cup back in to the cup holder and headed for the lift.

This is a completely different building to the one that I work in, so it was a little tricky trying to navigate my way around. On the phone, Agent Hotchner had said 'Sixth floor, right from the elevator and down the hall', so that's where I headed.

Arriving on the sixth floor, I looked at my watch, 9:20, perfect. I headed down the hall, coming to a glass door that had "Behavioural Analysis Unit Quantico" written in a big circle on the front. The excitement rushing through me was barely supressable as I pushed through the doors.

I was met by a beautiful, petite blonde lady, whose smile was contagious and welcoming.

"Hi there, you must me y/n, for the interview. I'm Jennifer, but everyone calls me JJ. Hotch's office is right this way." She turned, and I followed.

She was so sweet showing me around the bullpen and surrounding rooms. We walked along an elevated path around the bullpen, desks in a cluster right in the middle of it all. We reached a door, 'Specialist Supervisory Agent Hotchner' written on the name badge stuck to the door. JJ knocked on the door,

"Come in." Called a deep stern voice from the other side of the door.

JJ opened the door, introduced me to 'Hotch', gave me a smile and left.

"Please sit." he motioned to the chair on the opposite side of the desk from him, his head never lifting from the file in his hands. His shoulders broad, covered a dark blue almost black blazer, his short black, gelled out of his face. He finally looked up as I sat, his face every bit as serious as his voice.

"Why did you apply to transfer for the BAU?" the question very serious, with just a hint of curiosity.

"I want to know what goes on inside people's minds when they decide they're going to commit the crimes that they do. It is always on my mind, why do people do the things they do? I want to understand better. Understand others better, while becoming a better, more confident version of myself." I had to restrain myself from rambling, not wanting to ruin the interview.

"You graduated Highschool at 14, you've got BA's in psychology, physiology and criminology. PHD's in mathematics, chemistry and Neuroscience - obtained recently." he looked up from the piece of paper in his hand, "you've worked hard to be where you're at. Keep working hard like that and we won't have any problems." The way his eyes were string at me, was intimidating to say the least.

"Yes Sir." I confirmed. He stood up, putting his hand out toward me, I stood and took his hand in mine, shaking it firmly.

"The transfer has already been done. We have meetings every morning at ten sharp, in the conference room. If you've nowhere better to be today, I'd like to get started right away." He more so told me rather than asked.

"Of course. I came ready." He seemed pleased by this. He walked around the desk and toward the door, looking back briefly to make sure I was following and I didn't miss a beat.

He walked me in to a the room adjacent his own, sat me at the round table and left. I checked my watch 9:50. I breathed out quite deeply, almost in relief as a smile briefed my lips. I pushed myself so hard to be here, I was so excited to finally be here.

Soon enough, the room was filling with people who took their own seats, Around the table. I watched as JJ walked in, giving me the 'thumbs up' gesture with a smile on her face. She came over to me, asking how everything went, telling me she out in a good word because I reminded her of someone from the team.

I hadn't even realised that the room had filled until I heard a familiar voice come from behind me,

"I knew our paths would cross again," Derek called, looking straight at me with the biggest smirk on his face, "and I was right." He finished, sitting down with a wink.

"Derek! You can't be telling me that you already know our newest member before she's even started!" A heavier blonde lady called out, swimming almost jealous that her co worker had a lady friend.

"Its not like that, mama," he waved her down, "Spencer and I met her while on our coffee run this morning." I looked over and recognised those brown curls from the coffee shop.

"Spencer?" I questioned, looking at him.

"Dr. Spencer Reid." he looked straight at me as he spoke, confirming he was Reid AND Spencer and also a doctor. I nodded in understanding, satisfied that JJ's words to Hotch about me reminding her of someone was THIS someone.

I was introduced to the rest of the team, Penelope Garcia being the jealous sounding lady from just before, she's actually so sweet and full is sass. Emily Prentiss, another beautiful lady with shoulder length black hair, dark brown eyes and almost perfect porcelain coloured skin. Rossi, an older Italian man, whose manner was composed and parental.

Hotch, as I've been introduced to him by others, told us that we had a case. Between Hotch and JJ, it was clear that my first day was going to be interesting.

This is part #2, I hope you enjoy it 💗