#11k+ y'all omg

[blucassiopeia]

Falling Stars

the universe grants wishes to selfless hopefuls.

contents of this chap : fluff fluff esp at the end, a bit of angst, fem!reader, reader!twin of tsukishima kei, reader has to-be-revealed illness, anxious!reader, usage of first names, full names on mention are in lastname-firstname (japanese custom), japanese honorifics and vocabs present, HAIKYUU setting and vball jargons, pre-timeskip, character build-up, mentions of blood

warnings ⚠️ : English is not the author's first language. This fic has a draft Wattpad version. I do not own Haikyuu, its characters, plots and settings. Everything you see different here from the anime-manga is a becoming of my fictional world.

"Blue" for texts and chats. "Green" for calls. "Orange" for memory prompts. "White" for background convos that are audible to the reader.

wc : 12,153 words

Cassie : it may be a bit boring but it's the plot im taking soー ENJOY!

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Saitama Skies

"And it's even correct!! It's correct!!"

Oh my God. Anyone won't know how frustrated you were when you saw the damn exam papers. Oh my God. You wanna go and grab someone's hair right now. Oh my God.

Kei was already chuckling when he heard the results. Even more when he saw it. Tadashi was in your left, sighing and didn't know what to do to help. Tobio and Shoyo was leaning on the window totally void of anything. Are they still breathing?

"And that's how the two of you have to attend the supplementary lessons."

"Shut up, Kei!" You wallowed more to Tadashi, hitting your forehead on his shoulder as he took Tobio's paper from you to see. "They've worked so hard! We've worked so hard!"

"Now, all you can do is beg to the Principal. Although, it'll probably be useless."

You wanna grab Kei's hair then and there with his teasing and blunt tone. You turned to him, about to smack him out of frustration when the three of you noticed that the human subjects of discussion were already nowhere to be found in their initial positions.

"Where'd they go?"

"Probably out to do something stupid for Sawamura-san to explode later."

You closed your eyes in frustration and the mannerism went on. You felt a hard flick on your forehead and you glared at Kei.

"Everything will be alright. Don't stress too much." Tadashi said as he rubbed and massaged your shoulders.

But that's not it. What if they can'tーNo, no. You can't lose hope in them. Butー!! Kei's flinching and Owws were heard throughout the hallway that lunch. "Yes, that's a way to de-stress, Y/n."

But it just came back after that long day at Sakanoshita storeーthe new after-school tutor location. Chikara let them repeat the same questions for their failed tests and they just got lower scores than their original ones.

The second years and Tadashi were ready to help Tobio and Shoyo reach their maximum effort to pass the supplementary test. You had no choice but to help too because as what Coach Ukai said, We can't function well without the Stupid Quartet, and that includes these two. Though Kei don't like the thought of you stressing out while tutoring the duo, he stays as long as he wants just to be with you, making sure Tadashi will be the one to drop you home once he decides to go home first. Not even making an effort to help. Ugh!

Tobio and Shoyo were too thankful for the help of the team, excluding Kei's blunt remarks of course. The third years were busy enough for their own tests but they did spare time to check up on the situation, leaving the tutorial leadership to Chikara.

It dragged on for days and the weekend is nearing. They're improving little by little, putting more effort than they can, pressuring themselves. Well, you can't achieve something without pressure when it comes to cram-school. In between breaks, they would come to your classroom and try-out the exam again with you and Tadashi reevaluating their papers.

"Okay, stop your pens." You declared one time when you're all back at the store.

You got their papers, handed one to Chikara and evaluated their answers, your eyes twitching at Shoyo's wrong answers. You can feel the tension in them while waiting for the both of you to finish. When done, you deadpanned at Shoyo and handed him his paper, together with Chikara to Tobio. You watched their reaction drop at the sight of their scores, and you whined incoherently with them.

"Sorry, Y/n-san, everyone. Eventhough you worked so hard for us." Shoyo's dejected and void of all emotions as he muttered, Tobio immobilized at his own seat. "I guess I'll try my best at cycling to Tokyo."

You glanced at Kei that had his lips scrunched to the side watching the duo's scene.

"You can't give up! You can do it!"

"That's right! Let's continue!"

"It's useless, they're totally broken."

Kei sighed at your sight, brows creasing more. He slowly approached the duo and picked their papers.

"And here I thought of how well both of you can do, but it's just this much."

You saw Tobio and Shoyo flinched at his words while still in their dejected state. You flickered your eyes nervously at Kei, noting that this is not the time for his talent. He took a disappointing look at the papers.

"To be stumped by such textbook level questions, you are beyond saving."

"Kei!" You scream-whisper his name, eyes widened with worry as all of you in the store were looking at your twin, except for the two subjects that's still flinching in annoyance and embarassment.

He smirked and chuckled as he looked straight into your eyes. "The answers are all in the passage for Modern Lit, it should be nice to be a simpleton for a king like you, huh, Ou-sama?ー" Tobio was flinching hard in his seat at the words, burning red ears illiciting. "ーand isn't English just a language? Oh, but I guess it's impossible for a monkey to learn such language huh?" He continued, not breaking eye contact. And you're getting his motives, his point. You bit your lip, you can't smile. Shall not. This was his way of helping all along.

He placed the papers on the table. "Ah, it seems like it'll be a fulfilling and peaceful Tokyo training camp without you both. Ah, so grateful." He walked to the doors and you pouted. He's leaving already? "Then, I'll be going first~" And he closed the doors nonchalantly and walked home.

That fauxing blunt twin!

But thanks to those words of his that Tobio and Shoyo got more motivated to pass the supplemental exams.

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

You were lost in those scenes that happened just days ago when you heard gasps and your name getting screamed at. And then you felt it, square to your face.

They scrambled towards you, the referee whistling for a time-out, but all you see are black spots over the ball on your feet. You feel hot liquid dragging to your nostrils, metallic as it tastes on your lips and mouth. You see red spots on your white shirt before you realized what had happened. You blinked rapidly as you felt the pain coursing through your torso you have to scrunch your face and hunch forward to control it, it made you breathless.

"Y/n, towー"

"Hey, I didn't mean to."

A new voice sounded in your ear. You tried to look up but the pain is prohibiting you to do past a shallow breath. You saw a pair of white shoes with dark gray streaks in front of you and it was covered immediately when the owner squatted in, peeking at your face.

"I'm sorry."

Golden dilated orbs met yours as they blinked with concern, then it changed to wonder. You're achingly aware that there were voices around you but now, it seemed muffled. The pain in your torso subsided until it reduced to a beating tolerable pain at a concentrated point in your back. And you're achingly more aware that you're staring, given that his lips were moving as if he was talkーwhat

"I'm fine. It's okay." Your voice triggered the muffled voices to normalize and you're back on the court. You looked everywhere but his eyes.

"You sure? Can I check your nose?" Your rapid blinking reoccured and you slowly straightened your back, careful not to feel the pain again that's subsiding in your back. Your eyes shot to his hand closing the gap to your face when Tadashi stepped in between, hand shielding your face.

"Please, don't touch her senpai. Sh-She'sー" You can't look up to him for you're vigilant of your movements but you felt him glance at you. The hand of the golden-eyed player stuttered in the air and was drawn back to himself, glazing golden eyes still training on your face.

"Shimizu-san, Kinnoshita-san. Can you please take her to wash her face and to where her things are? And please don't touch her yet." Your throat whined at Kei's low voice in your back. It's so low that you felt everyone around tensed, you closed your eyes.

You felt Kei's breathe in your ear as he whispered, "Don't daze out during practices. It's in your bag. Go, be careful. Yamaguchi and I won't be with you."

You opened your eyes just to find the golden eyes still staring at you in concern, flickering to you and Kei. Then you noticed his gray brows, his sweating forehead and his hair. You blinked twice.

"Let's go, Y/n-chan? Your nose is really bleeding."

You tore up your gaze and focused on standing up, reluctant, but you successfully acted on with no responsive pain. The golden-eyed player stood from his knees too, towering over you and keeping distance from you as you were followed by Hisashi to the washroom, Kiyoko at your side, her hands assisting you without touching.

"Bokuto! Where are you going?"

"Iー"

Every step was painful because of the sensivity your body is in right now, even more so at this unknown feeling that's keeping you calm through all of this.

"I'm sorry, Coach Ukai. I really didn't mean to."

"Why are you crying!?"

"Akaashi!! Bokuto's crying!!"

"It's okay, Bokuto. Accidents happen. She'll be okay."

"Let's get back to the game?"

"Butーbut with all that blood, she'll die!!"

"She'll be fine, Bokuto-san."

You turned right to the gym's washroom and went straight to the sink where it's faucet has already been turned on by Kiyoko. The pain has already left you, suspiciously fast.

"Do you have Yamaguchi's towel, Kinnoshita?"

"Yes. Here." Hisashi handed Kiyoko Tadashi's towel. You smiled at it as you see it's the Doraemon one you got him during middle school.

"I'm sorry for him, Keishin-kun."

"No one dies from a nosebleed, Bokuto you idiot!"

"Konoha-sanーNo one dies from it, Bokuto-san."

The blood's still flowing but you can't stop smiling, creepy because the blood drips to your peeking teeth in your reflection. Hisashi groaned and kept his eyes shut at your reflection.

"So.. that was an intense eye contact, Y/n-chan."

"Really? I don't want her to die Akaashi.."

Your breath hitched and Hisashi groaned more when you choked on your blood and mucus. You shut your eyes tight at the searing sensation in your throat. Kiyoko chuckled on your side.

"Aaah! Stop it, Shimizu-saan! I didn't want to notice itt." Hisashi whined, head shaking intensely. Chuckling too, you started cleaning your nose and chin devoiding it from blood.

When finished, "What eye contact, Shimizu-san?"

"You saw it too, right, Kinnoshita? You were beside me." Kiyoko was beaming as she readied the towel. "Can I touch you now, Y/n?" You nodded and she held your shoulder and massaged the bridge of your nose down to let the blood flow more.

"Hm. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were emitting a scary aura we have to step away from them, well just me and Shimizu-san. I don't know about the rest of the team." Your cheeks felt hot and you closed your eyes in embarassment. Tadashi and Kei were most likely thinking about the unthinkable assumptions.

"It was nothing. He was just in my line of sight and I can't move."

They're suspiciously nodding and you narrowed your eyes in their reflection. "Really."

"Okay. Okay. But are you really okay?" You kept quiet as you continued to clean your nose. The blood has stopped flowing already but you can still taste it so you went and gurgle it out of your mouth.

"Yes, I'm okay and still breathing." You grinned and got Tadashi's towel from her and dabbed it to your face, Doraemon already wet.

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

Kiyoko snickered when she saw you hugging your plushie as you were lying on your futon at the assigned room for the managers. You know why she snickered but you just gave her a faux questioning look.

"Hey, Y/n, we're sorry about Bokuto earlier. It really did hurt, didn't it?" You tilt your head up to see Yukie on her stomach, palms there for her head to rest.

Beside her, Kaori was sitting rubbing her tummy, closing her eyes. "I also got those a year ago in my tummy. It's impossible not to get hurt considering how strong his spikes are." You sat up and faced them while still clutching on your plushie.

"We saw her doubled over earlier, Kaori, and the blood was drippingーKuroo had Haiba-kun to mop after you went out to change."

"That simpleton ruining a lady's face! Really!" You smiled at them and they stuttered for a second.

"C'mon, it's an accident and it's fine, senpais. It didn't hurt that much. I get those accidents during middle school." You grinned as you tightened your hug, Kaori's eyes went down to notice it. Yukie and Kaori both snickered just like how Kiyoko snickered earlier, it made your head tilt in pure confusion now.

"Bokuto! You're not allowed in here!"

"Whyyy? I just wanna ask a favor from Yukippe and Kaokao!"

"Akaashi! Kuroo!"

"Let's go, Bokuto-san. Let the girls have their space."

"ButーAkaashi!"

You heard Ubugawa's manager Eri arguing with that Bokuto at the halls outside. You figured out the name of golden-eyed player is Bokuto with the way the others refer to him whenever you heard the name. Your brows raised in interest as to why he's here. Not like you care.

You heard Eri's laugh through the halls that made the four of you girls to draw confusion on your faces. It was followed by Kuroo's hyena laugh and a loud smack and a whine. Yukie stood and made way to the door out of confusion and peeked but was just followed by her laugh. You blinked and decided to sprawl again on your futon. On the corner of your eye, Kaori joined Yukie on the door but she was just irritated at the muffled noise and whispers.

"Hey! Do that tomorrow, Bokuto!" She was furious with her hands on her hips.

"Eeehh?? Okay~"

"I told you, Bokuto. Tomorrow."

"Fine! Fine!"

And you heard muffled shuffles getting far off from the door. Yukie and Kaori went back inside with Yukie glancing at your plushie and snickering again.

"Really! That simpleton is stressing me out!" Kaori huffed as she plopped back to her futon.

"What did he want?" You glanced at Kiyoko upon her question and yawned at her face focusing on Yukie and Kaori in confusion.

"He want nonsense again. He's like that everytime, we're really sorry! He's too loud, worse when he's with Kuroo." Her eyes went from Kiyoko to Eri that's entering the room. Eri's eyes went straight to your confused face and she bit her lip when she saw the plushie.

"You're really cute, Y/n-chan. The plushie is cute too!" She complimented as she made her way to her futon. "Mako can't be with us, she's sick and have to go home to rest." She was shuffling through her bag when she continued further. "That #12 in your team, what was his name again?"

You turned to her, amidst the talk with Kaori and Kiyoko. "Yamaguchi?"

"Yeah? He'll be here in any minute. He shyly asked me about your whereabouts when we were held up in the canteen. Something about your brother? Who's your brother?"

You blinked. What about Kei? "Tsukishima, the tall one with the glasses. Her twin brother." Kiyoko was the one who answered and she got back to her conversation with Kaori.

What happened to Kei? You furrowed your brows as you searched in your head for answers. Did something happen to him? Did he finally pin Shoyo to the ceiling like how he used to grumble about? Did he forget something? Did he need something that's in yourーOh. You smiled and got up again grunting.

"Where are you going?" Kiyoko asked as you rummaged through your bag to get something so cute too. She laughed with the other girls when they saw what you were holding, you laughed with them, a finger over your lips shushing them.

"I'm just gonna.." You pointed the door and they shooed you away.

You yawned as you made your way upstairs to the boys' rooms. And it dawned on you that you didn't know where their room is. You closed your eyes in irritation and you're about to go back to your room and just wait for Tadashi when Koshi yelled your name out of nowhere. The hallway that was bustling with murmurs and laughs fell dead silent, you bit your lip as you turned around to see him running towards you, heavy thuds off from a 5'8 running.

"We thought you're asleep with Shimizu already. What made yーwhat's that?" His eyes trailed to the plushie you have in your hand.

"Y/nnnn!!" You jumped at Tadashi's voice and he rushed to you the same manner as Koshi and snatched the plushie from you immediately, making you laugh.

"It's yours, Yamaguchi?" Koshi was chuckling at Tadashi. "It's cute! Dino plushie." Tadashi's face went beet red and you found yourself laughing louder, now with Koshi.

You heard a loud door opening and "Y/N! Stop laughing and go to sleep already!!". Yep, that's Kei.

You pouted. "Haii~ Good night! Love you!" You called out to him, not minding the sweet talks you have given to your brother through the hallway. You can see him blushing from embarassment in your mind that made you chuckle.

"He's not in the mood." Tadashi commented and huffed as he hugged you on one arm and gave you head kisses, still blushing from embarassment. "Go now. Good night. Love you." You returned the hug and prompts, a routine you have with him every night you separate ways in going home.

"Uhhh, how sweet. Can you give me a hug too, Y/n?" You snickered at Koshi's impulsive remark and hugged him too mindlessly, Tadashi battling not to raise a brow at your action. You felt Koshi stiffened for a second and chuckled as he returned your hug, palming your hair. His warmth against you, wrapping around, is new to you and it's comforting.

"Now I know why they're protective over you." He chuckled as he broke the hug himself. The limits of your head tilts dinging as you took your last one for the day.

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

"Kageyama. In that fast attack that go whoosh, I'll stop closing my eyes. We can't stay like this. This isn't enough. I wanna decide where to hit the ball to."

"We tried that already, remember? It didn't work. I'll not invalidate you but if you keep insisting on this during this set, then I have no intention on putting a set up for someone I know would miss."

Shoyo's evolving at a scary pace. The team, even Coach, is seeing and feeling that. You just witnessed his collision with Asahi and it felt like he wanna steal the ball from the Ace. The team is also in a tension since then, maybe they had realized the same things that Shoyo said. We can't stay like this. This isn't enough. For someone that had seen their defeat against Aoba Johsai, I'd say he's not in the wrong.

Ittetsu was correct when he said that they are not the best, but they have always have room to grow. They just have to view their competitors as potential teachers that they can absorb techniques and strategies. You would have numerous to teach them but you can't impose it to them without them realizing what they really want to work with. You let out a sigh, being a coach is hard. You have to stick to just enhance and enhance and let them think.

"What will we do with Hinata, Y/n?"

"We still have to figure out what he really wants to do, Ukai-san."

You were standing side by side when you both noticed Koshi, Tobio and Shoyo getting off the gym. You exchanged looks and nonverbally agreed to eavesdrop.

Both of you heard about Shoyo's thoughts about the Seijoh match, and how he wanted Tobio to not apologize to him for something that's clearly his shortcoming. Tobio didn't deny him with an emotional outburst but he was just telling the truth, about how Shoyo's input is completely unnecessary, that it's not his call or anything that something he'll regret. It's a setter's job to bring out the maximum potential, a 100%. But he's wrong at somethingー

Tobio passed by you and Coach Ukai, having to half-ass bow and move on to the court.

"Sorry, Hinata, but I have to agree on Kageyama after hearing his reasons. That quick attack is already impressive and having that on the core of our attacks is essential right now."

You frowned more when Coach Ukai came out to them and agreed with Koshi.

"There's nothing wrong with you wanting to contribute even a little, Hinata, but that quick attack only hinges for a fraction of a second. Honestly, trying to decide where the ball will go to on that amount of time is impossible."

"On days when I'm in the groove, I can see things clearly from up there. Like everything is in slow motion. Just like Tanaka-san."

"Yeah, there are times when spikers can see the blockers clearly."

"And during that practice match with Seijoh, during that last point, I saw Great King's face.. his eyes."

"Oh, you think you sawー"

You stood straight and blinked rapidly in realization. You gulped hard, you wanted to tell them something.

"Even during that first 3-on-3 we had, I can see the entire court from up there, like I'm in a summit."

"Right, the impression Hinー"

It came quiet all of the sudden. Suddenly, Ryuunosuke bounded towards where you are and peeked to the trio talking outside.

"Game's about to start!" You heard a yelp from Coach, surprised by the sudden rollcall.

You wanna talk to Shoyo about something that'll make him at ease so you went to Coach Ukai to sub him for a while. He gladly obliged, full trust on you. Kazuhito went in replace for him.

"Hey." You approached him at the center of the two courts. He felt rejected and he stayed as far as possible from the team for the meantime. You pursed your lips at the thought and of how he just hummed in acknowledging you standing beside him.

"I can see it too, you know."

He whirled to you wide-eyed, shocked with the bomb you dropped, the bomb that told him he's not alone and that you understand him.

"I came in love with that sight. Too in love that I have to make my spikers see the view too. To share it to them. But never did they saw it. I initially thought I was imagining things, too. But it isn't."

His eyes glazed over. "IーY/n-sanー"

"Don't worry, Hinata. Everything will be alright, okay? Everything will turn out okay. Just be patient. I know what you want, but I'm just an assistant coach and still learning the trade, and I certainly don't want to impose my thing to the team. You guys have to think of what you really wanna do, that includes you and Kageyama. Tell me what exactly you both want, and I'm gonna teach you once, leave you to figure it out yourself, and enhance it afterwards." You wrapped an arm around his shoulder and patted him, consoling him, getting him back up to his stance even just a little bit.

You both jumped when you both heard a hum in your backs. Coach Ukai was there, listening. You blushed hard in embarassment.

"Hinata, if you think there's a way for that quick attack to evolve then I'll be glad to help coz I also want to see that. I don't have any clue on what toss you need to do that though. And I know she has a clue but will be too stubborn to just stick with her principles as a coach. But you can't impose to Kageyama that way, you'll just irritate him so no more games for you today. Sit it out with the rest on the bench."

Shoyo flinched and pouted. "Haii~" He went back to where Koshi and the others were, leaving you with Coach Ukai.

"You won't tell me too, are you?" You grinned at him and sticking out a peace sign before chuckling with him. "You're mean." He ruffled your hair before getting back to the bench. You followed him, poking at Tadashi's back on your way.

"Ah! Kuroo! Where are you looking at!? Damn it!"

"Just misjudged, Oni-senpai! Shut up!"

"Cover!"

"Lev!!"

"Bokuto-san!"

"Mine!"

"Noya-san!"

"Argh! Sorry!"

Kiyoko glanced at you and snickered, giving you a cheshire smile. "What is it, Kiyoko-san?" You whispered to her out of earshot from anybody around.

"One more time, Bokuto-san!"

"Three blockers!"

Her eyes raked its gaze on a certain player of Fukurodani, gained you a question on whoーyou hissed audibly for her to chuckle and turn to you again. You pouted and shook your head defensively.

Ugh, stop it Kiyoko-san before he notices and gets the wrong idea.

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

"Y/n-chaaan! Kiyoko! See you in 2 weeks!" You looked back at Eri from the crowd that's seeing your team off. You and Kiyoko waved back at her and to the other managers.

"Byeee~!"

"Ah! What was that for!?"

"Hinataaaa! See you later!! I'll stop you next time too!"

"Hah! You're not gonna beat me that easy. I'm gonna show you a 5'4 can mop the floor with the 6'4!"

"Bokuto!! They're leaving!"

"Don't you wanna seeー"

"Let's go." Kei got your bag from you and slung it on his shoulders. "I told you to bring me or Yamaguchi your bag. Tsk."

You pouted and followed him to the bus with the others. "You had so much on your shoulders already." He quirked a brow on you and you rolled your eyes.

"Y/n!" Your eyes turned to Koshi that's already inside the bus, head poking out the window. "You want the window seat? C'mon, hurry!" You grinned and hurried your way onto the bus.

"Tsk! Don't run!"

You hopped on the seat Koshi reserved for you, all smiles. Kei followed through and went on a seat at your back and pulled some of your hair with a glare. You returned his glare and Koshi chuckled next to you. You pouted at him and was about to whine at him when you saw his eyes going through youーto the back of your head, through the windows. You dared not to look. He chuckled mindlessly and patted your head. Your first head tilt of the day.

When the bus' engine revved, you turned to the crowd beside your bus and waved goodbye, catching a glimpse of that certain someone talking with anotherーor rather arguing. You quickly turned your gaze up front before he notices.

The rest of the ride was quiet due to the tension and exhaustion, except for the occassional sneezes you had, Koshi had to hand you a packet of tissues.

The tension broke off when Shoyo called you over to toss for him and Tobio. Kei agreed mindlessly but just until they finish changing.

You kept tossing to Tobio and he tossed to Shoyo, of which Shoyo was never successful. His attention's on the ball and not on his maximum jump. You tried to call him out for it but Tobio races you to it. The argument heated and heated up more when Tobio grabbed Shoyo by the collar and threw him across the court. Shoyoーperplexed and agitated by Tobio relentless wordsーlaunched to him and held on to him. You tried to stop them but you were out of options.

You held on to the gym's door and shouted for Kei or anyone so loud it might've disturbed some nearby houses and teachers that are still in the school's vicinity. "Hinata and KageyamaーKei!! Anyone!!"

The club room from upstairs flung open so harshly and Ryuunosuke hurried down for the gym, Kei and Tadashi following him. Yuu who was still in his boxers hurriedly wore his sweatpants, not minding that he's still shirtless, and went down as well.

Ryuunosuke yelled for Tobio and Shoyo who was so busy on each other and punched them together. You felt tears coming down your cheeks from the helplessness and someone hugged you from behind giving you headkisses and shushing your shaking self from the commotion, your eyes still glued at the two boys getting reprimanded by Ryuunosuke.

"Hey." The someone who was hugging you spoke. You heaved a shaky sigh and turned to Tadashi and hugged him. "It's alright. It's always like this with boys."

"You and Kei aren't like that." He chuckled and pats your hair down, giving you back rubs along the way.

"I told you both on our way back to not argue or brawl like this in front of my sister, didn't I? Didn't I? You're both really stupid. Can't you just talk it out without fighting? Huh? Too stupid to just talk?" Kei was towering on the duo, anger was seeping on his veins. The duo just went silent and muttered a hushed apology.

"Are you okay, Y/n-chan?" You peeked at Yuu against Tadashi's shoulders and smiled at him. "You're pale."

"I'm okay, Noya-san." He studied you for a couple seconds as you broke free from the hug and he nodded on, still wary.

"We'll go ahead. Both of you, stop it."

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜・

"Y/n." Tobio approached you warily, keeping an eye on Tadashi and Kei nearby. He stared at you and bowed, "I'm sorry." Your eyes bulged and quickly, you straighten up Tobio's back but to no avail, it caught the hallway's attention already, Kei and Tadashi eyeing on that little commotion. Tadashi had to stop Kei from prancing to where Tobio is.

"It's okay, Kageyama." Tobio looked at you, still wary. "What is it? You have more to say?" His expression piqued your interest, an expression that's too shy but resolved.

"Can we go to Sendai together after class?"

"No!"

You glared at Kei that's glaring at Tobio. Tobio scowled at Kei and fiddled his fingers when he faced at you again. "I wanna talk to your dad for advices? He's a setter, right?"

"I'm a setter, too, you know?" You chuckled at your reveal that surprised him. "You don't have to go to Sendai. But we'll go to another nearby place that'll maybe help you think of what to do. Come by the room at dismissal."

"I said no!"

But those Nos from Kei fell on deaf ears when Tobio really came by and fetched you. Tadashi approached him at the door, Kei close by. You didn't hear their conversation as you arranged your things, took your change of clothes, and left your bag on Kei's desk.

"ーgot it?" was all you heard as you approached them. Tobio nodded and took a glance at you over Tadashi's shoulder. Kei turned to you, scowling. "Change first. Kageyama-kun will be waiting."

It didn't take long and Tobio found himself chattering away with you on the ride to this certain volleyball clinic nearby. He even complimented your shirt that says: Setters are the rulers of the court. You told him you bought it three years ago in your brother's Tokyo Spring High.

"When I saw Hinata in Karasuno, I never thought I'll have a friend and a partner in one, Y/n. The one that can give me exhileration in just putting up those sets previous spikers can't hit. IーHe's my bestfriend." You smiled at him after he opened up about what happened the other night between him and Shoyo. You never thought of him as a confesser, but you like this side of him, more than his stoic face.

"Then, we shall do something about what he wants." You said as you stopped in front of a building. "Wait here. Sensei will be finished in a minute. I'll get him for you."

He nodded then you trotted inside the building. Maybe due to your height you hadn't noticed a kid bumped to you after running around. You kneeled in front of the kid and checked up on him.

"I'm sorry. Can you stand?" The kid stared at you and nodded. You helped him up while you're still squatting and checked his back for possible wounds and bruises.

"I'm sorry, pretty onee-chan." You felt your cheeks burned at that innocent compliment and you ruffled his buzz-cutted head. "It's okay. Be careful next time, hm?"

You stood up, worried that you might have took too much time and your sensei would be off home. A familiar looking face were walking to the kid behind you and you tried to remember wherever you saw him.

"Takeru, what happened?"

"I bumped to that pretty onee-chan, Tooru."

"You're clumsy, stop running around or I'll put you on a leash. Let's go."

You had reached an empty gym and groaned. Now, what to do with Tobio? Should you just tell him what kind of toss he needed to practice to match up with Shoyo is a falling toss? Your brows were furrowed as you made your way out of the building to deliver the news to Tobio. But he was already talking to that same guy you saw a while ago. And that was when it clicked to you.

The captain of Aoba Johsai. The one they call Great King.

"Do you know you have a counterpart, Y/n? Well, senseis claimed he was your counterpart. Well, there were two, they said. Heard the coaches passing by the court this morning."

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"In the Boys', just here in our prefecture, there's this someone that has potentials and talents at the same level as you. Well, maybe he's stronger because he has more muscles being a man. And the other one is in another prefecture, in the south."

You raised your brows at the sudden interest. "I'm not some high level setter and certainly not interested in those 'man-muscles' but who in the prefecture are you referring to?"

"Oikawa-san! Please!" You saw how Tobio begged for this Oikawa Tooru to give him an advice.

"Takeru." The kid who bumped into you looked at Tooru. "Take a picture. Hereー" Tooru taught Takeru the ways on his phone. "Hold it right there. Press here." Tobio peeked at Tooru and Takeru going through the older's phone. "Tobio, don't move." You were curious of what he'll do. What was the picture for? You crossed your arms on your chest and stared at them down the stairs. They even hadn't noticed you yet.

"A proof that Tobio bowed down to the great me!" And he posed. Your eye twitched. No. He's not my counterpart in this one, you thought.

"Wow. You like these kind of pictures, Tooru? How lame." You nearly laughed out loud at Takeru's dissing, to where Tooru flinches.

"Anyway, what is it Tobio? I'm busy."

"Huh? But you told me your girlfriend dumped you so you had nothing to do all day." You have to bite your lip to stop quivering to laugh.

"Shut up, Takeru!"

"Uhmー" Both the younger and the older kid paused to look at Tobio now standing upright. "Ifーif ever all of the sudden Iwaizumi-san said he wants to improve an already crazy setー"

"Hold up there. If you wanna get an advice from me, just go straight to the point."

Tobio scowled and huffed. Go on, you need someone's advice from him right now. "Hinata's been doing the quick sets with his eyes closed and now, he wants to do it with eyes open, to hit it by himself."

Tooru hummed, and even with his back on you, you can feel he's emerged to the topic. "It will be great if he can do that. Let him."

Your lips curved at what he said. As expected. "But Oikawa-san, Hinata's poor on his basic skills. It's not that simple!" Tobio retorted at him.

"So you wanted him to just shut up and hit the tosses you give him? That sounds like a tyrant king would do."

One time in your life, you were that tyrant he was speaking of. You closed your eyes as you continued to listen to them discreetly.

"Have you ever thought of what tosses he would like to hit? Or did you even think he likes the tosses you put up? Did you even think about it?" Tooru smugly said, but he's right though. Tobio has to realize it himself.

"Are you scared of the change that you've been acting defensive thinking that quick attack of yours is already good enough?" You saw how the air around Tooru changed that Tobio slightly flinched. "Don't get the wrong idea. The attack's Chibi-chan's call, not yours. If you can't wrap it on your genius head, then you're just reverting back being the Tyrant King of the Court. Andー"

You freezed when he side-eyed you from where you were standing. "ーshe's in your team, right? She knows what I'm talking about. Why don't you ask her?" He moved down the stairs. "Let's go Takeru."

Both yours and Tobio's eyes are on Tooru's back for a minute before Tobio looked at you, his eyes eager. You sighed and went down to him, "Let's go back first."

As to how Tooru knew of you, you were curious. Well, sure, he might've heard from others and things you wanted to just not think of like.. you're quite popular from the Girls' Volleyball matches of Miyagi. You scowled involuntarily at the thought. You don't want people knowing you like that but circumstances can't help it from happening. And you hate it.

You were dreading about that, not noticing you were already walking with Tobio, passing by the Sakanoshita store. His ringing phone woke you up from your thoughts.

He answered it, eyeing you. "Oh?ーYeah, we're going back to the school now. ーShut up. ーOkay." And the second he ended the call, it rang again. You chuckled at his side, pulling him aside by the vending machine.

"Kageyama! Where are you!?"

Coach Ukai's voice is so loud you can hear it eventhough the call's not on speaker.

"Ukai-san? Y/n and I are already walking back to the school."

"Huh?"

And Ukai-san came out of nowhere and ran up to the both of you.

"A falling toss, Kageyama! You have to drop the ball!"

You instantly smile. Your instincts were right.

"I was about to give in." You laughed and Coach Ukai brought you both inside the store to discuss about that set.

But all he did was gave you the floor to explain it to Tobio and he just sat back there and fill in necessary comments for Tobio to find it easy to understand. When you're in a roll in explaining, all human languages scurry away and technical languages invade you. You wished Tobio had understood all you've said. He's focused, though, so was it successful?

"Tobio?"

"I didn't quite understand what Oikawa-san said." His eyes found yours, your brows perked up. "That it's Hinata's call, not mine, or any setter in that matter."

You hummed and glanced at Coach Ukai, still listening.

"I told you on our way there that setters are the rulers of the court, right? Like my shirt now?" He nodded, picking up every word you said.

"Rulers are somewhat a serving king. Serving its citizens while leading them. That's what we are. The spikers have different quirks and abilities and it's our responsibility to utilize it. If they want to evolve, we let them if it's good for the team. We can't stop them from it, you know. The spikers are the breadwinners of the team, and we are the ones who are pulling them to work."

"It's a setter's responsibility to evolve with the spiker, too. We have to meet their abilities, because in that way we can utilize their skills better. We have to properly accomodate them, devout ourselves to them to the best of our abilities." Coach Ukai added.

Tobio was silent, probably absorbing what you both said. And after a while, he nodded with a determined look on his face. "Can you both teach me how to do that falling toss?"

Coach Ukai rubbed the back of his neck and looked at you. "We might have to get permission from your brother, Y/n."

"Oh, not a problem."

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

Kei groaned as you glare at him. Why wouldn't you? He just left your plushie, probably still loitered in your genkan. Your poor plushie.

"You can sleep without your plushie."

Your plushie is your stress-reliever and he can't say you can sleep without it. You grabbed his dino plushie, "You can also sleep without this, Kei."

You discarded his plushie to Tadashi with a glare, he immediately took it while consciously eyeing Kei. The dino lover grumbled and crossed his arms, closing his eyes. "It's not even mine."

Tadashi chuckled, fist flew in his lips and turned away to his side of the window, and a few rows up front, Koshi snorted beside Daichi. Kei's face went scarlet and contorted and shifted his body towards the window, away from you. Huh. That's what you get.

Your face screams unpleasant too, leaning back at the seat, arms crossed. You really can't sleep. The upcoming five days of the training camp will be one hell of an eyebag-inducer camp. You closed your eyes in irritation thinking of ways of how to soothe your nerves to at least relax and maybe, with the blessings of the gods, sleep.

You woke up from a hard poke on your forehead. You groaned as you snuggled more to the crook of Kei's neck. He groaned too, clearly disgusted. He violently shook your thigh with his and you furrowed your brows before opening your eyes, glaring at his skin.

"We're near."

You slowly sat up while wiping whatever evidence of drool, wet and dried alike, is in the sides of your lips. You heard Kei clicked his tongue and rummaged on his bag to get a new shirt. You ignored him changing and looked out the window.

Your eyes and mouth rounded as it caught glimpse of a hilly district, the sunrise just far off the mountains at the distance. It's peaceful, it instantly captivated your heart.

"Are we still in Tokyo?" You queried as Ittetsu turned right to a less hilly driveway, more yawns all over the bus.

"Saitama, Y/n." His voice was hoarse as he maybe up the long drive from Miyagi. He pulled over and you peeked up front just to see familiar buses and stairs leading up to a building that says: Shinzen High School.

"Kei?" You excitedly waited for his approval to get out of the bus before anyone else, seeing two of the Nekoma players out and waiting for your team to pile out.

Kei nodded with a sigh and turned to Tadashi with a knowing look as you bounded out of the bus.

"Hiii~ Good morning~!"

"Keiii~"

Kei rolled his eyes as soon as he hears you chime towards him after a mock game. He was lounging with Daichi and Koushi at the stage side of the gym.

"What is it?"

"Can I be friendly with the other teams in the training camp?"

You heard Koushi chuckled at your question, Daichi's eyes on both you and Kei, amused.

"Why are you asking him that, Y/n?"

You shrugged and pouted. "They might not like it, Suga-san. It's betー"

Kei groaned, cutting you off. "It's okay. Just don't get out of our peripherals."

"Good morning." Nekoma's setterーyou remembered his name was Kenma or somethingーlazily replied. "Shoyo?"

"Seriously Kenma, you only care about chibi-chan." You gazed at Kenma's back who was eyeing at the bus where you came from. And his troubled eyes fell on you and lingered as you heard the others coming out from the bus. "Good morning, Y/n, how's the ride?"

You felt your system getting excited, not with his question but with the interaction. You haven't been making friends out of Kei's circle of friends he insists they're all acquiantances but you're seeing otherwise, well except for Tadashi for all your life but this is worth a shot.

"It's amazing. Though I slept the whole ride." You giggled and you see how the brows of the raven-black haired boy shot up to the sound of it. "Saitama's view is relaxing, Kuroo-san!"

He hummed and smiled at you, the team's noise already close behind you. "I should offer to carry the bags for our kouhai managers."

It didn't slip your eyes how Kenma's brows quirked at Tetsurou, and giving him a deadpan look. "Ah, no thanks Kuroo-san! My brother's got it already."

He nodded and was already distracted by how the rest of the team filed in next to you. You shot a glance at Tadashi who was already looking at you, and you winked at him before going up the stairs, with him trailing and grumbling behind.

"Hey! Slow down, miss!"

You were about to laugh when a tall Russian came bounding down the stairs to meet you. He was all smiles and sunshine, it was infectious.

"You're Y/n-chan right? Hi! The others are murmuring about you upstairs!"

"LEV!"

You heard Tadashi hummed a suspicious streak, but you ignored it keeping your own enthusiastic streak. "Oh? Yes, I'm Y/n! You must be Lev? Hi!"

"You're really pretty!"

You were taken aback slightly and grinned at his straightforwardness. "Thank you Lev! You're really tall."

"LEV!!"

"It's in my genes." He suddenly patted your head while grinning. "I'll come back for you later, Y/n-chan. Kuroo-nii-san's calling." And he bounded down the stairs for Tetsurou.

Tadashi stared at you and shook his head, it made you jokingly gasp. "What? He was being friendly, Guchi-guchi."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go."

The climb to the top of the stairs is exhausting but you paid it no mind because the view was worth it, it made your sad golden eyes sparkle somehow. Tadashi saw it and smiled anyway.

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

The first day of the series of practice games are a mess you should say, considering Karasuno has yet to perfect their new gameplays. There's more room for improvement, and you're glad they aren't disheartened, thus you know they'll strive harder. To evolve, that is. That's how an omnivorous crow should be, to adapt to it's environment.

And you, to adapt to your environment, too. As a manager, you have to be up and going, because this what you chose to do. And as an assistant coach, that your team needs, what Coach Ukai needs, what Kei needs.

So why is he here, denying Tadashi of a time for personal practice? You stood by the door, hearing Tadashi convincing Kei to practice more but your awesome twin said,

"We have already practiced enough. It's no good to tire myself with practicing vigorously."

You rolled your eyes as Tadashi quipped a small "Oh. Okay."

You were not ready when Kei came out of the gym a second later, clicking his tongue as he saw you and trudged past you to the cafeteria. Unconsciously, you followed him.

"You should stay there and watch them. Why're you following me?"

"I don't know." He scoffed as he slowed down his pace to walk with you side by side.

"I didn't like it, Y/n. I don't need anotherー."

"Another what?" He, again, clicked his tongue at your clueless self and grabbed your ear enough to make you squirm.

"Oy! Karasuno! Tsukishimas! You, with the glasses!"

Both you and your brother whipped your heads towards the gym you were passing by. There you saw Tetsurou, and that Bokuto. You stopped your arm in time when it was going on instinct to your sternum for that unsightful mannerism. You didn't want Kei to worry about you. He has enough to think about.

"Can you jump blocks for us for a while?"

Huh?

"I'm busy training Lev with receivesー"

"I SAID I CAN JUMP BLOCKS WITH YOU NII-SAN!"

"ーShut up or I'll call Yaku!" Tetsurou roared to someone inside the gym that sounded like Haiba Lev who just whined loudly. You felt yourself fought a smile.

"Ah, I'm done for today, thank you senpais. Let's goー"

"HAAA!?" You both froze when they exclaimed, following your brother's cold rejection.

"It's lonely to practice spikes without blockers. Please." The golden-eyed player begged beside Tetsurou.

"You won't regret practicing blocks with this man. He's one of the top 5 aces of the country." Tetsurou added, just to convince your brother. But you know Kei won't. He's as cold now as ice.

"He just probably misses being in the Top 5 aces, Kuroo-san."

Someone with a monotone voice spoke from inside the gym that made Tetsurou cackle and mutter a "Don't mind" to the man beside him, tapping his shoulder in the process of comforting him.

"HEY!"

"And you're a middle blocker right? Should you be practicing more?"

A brow raised as you registered the sly tone from Tetsurou, and Kei registered it as well as he stiffen suddenly. Yare-yare.

Kei walked to them, clearly provoked and both the captains by the door were suprised by the reaction from your twin. They both held their thumbs up as Kei walked past them and inside the gym.

"Will you be watching your brother, Y/n-chan?"

Tetsurou asked you as you just stood there, debating within if you would accompany Kei or no. But why are you debating with yourself anyway? Your brother needs you there.

"Hai." You quipped as you walked through the pathway to the gym, the wind messing with your hair you have to tie it up again. Ugh.

You walked past the two captains and saw Fukurodani's setter by the net, and Lev of course, sprawled on the court's floor across the net with balls in his side. You grinned at his image while approaching Kei.

"You're hungry. You should go." You scrunched up your face at Kei while hearing coughs from behind.

"I'm gonna watch you. You're part of the team I want to improve." Kei groaned at that as you felt a calming presence from behind you, you wanted to ministrate your mannerism so bad.

"Let's start? Let's start? Agaaashee! Got a blocker!"

Even if you don't turn around and face that presence, you know he's grinning from ear to ear. How can he be so carefree like that? You took a deep, obscure breath and made way to the side of the court where Akaashi Keiji is standing. But Kei had plans. He dragged you to the side of the court with a chair for you to sit.

"Stay clear from the ball. You know how his spikes hurt."

That didn't escaped the boys' ears as Tetsurou snickered at the culprit of sorts.

"I was sorry."

You heard him mumble as you nodded to Kei giving your arm rubs before positioning opposite of the ace. You saw how they rested their eyes on you for a second before starting. But you noticed Lev staring at you, still sprawled on the floor and head propped up at your direction. He noticed you noticing him and he waved at you. You snickered, tilted your head and waved back. Cutie titan.

"LEV! RECEIVE!"

Lev groaned at the booming voice of Tetsurou as the ace is already in motion for a spike. You noticed Kei not closing in the line shot, causing the ace to take a shot there, just missing Kei's arm.

"Close the line shot, Kei!" Kei scowled at your remark but nodded anyway.

It went on for a few more with Tetsurou joining Kei on blocking until Bokuto stops and exasperatedly placed his hands on his waists as he stares at your brother.

"You know, Glasses-kunー"

"Tsukishima-desu."

"Tsukishima-kun." He huffs and scrunches his face. "You have an outstanding sense, but your blocks are pretty weak." You have to bite your bottom lip to suppress your escaping giggles at his straightforwardness, seeing Kei flinching in the process.

"I get so worried I'll break your arm in two or something. You have to rush in and stop it. Rush in!" Bokuto egged on and you have to clasp a hand above your lips to muffle your giggles at the comical scene in front of you.

"I'm still a growing kid, and I have so much ways to go in both muscular strength and height." Kei clapped back at him proudly which made you bury your face on your hands. You missed how Bokuto flinched at Kei's words.

"If you take things too easy, Chibi-chan will take all the glory. He's a middle blocker too, right?" Tetsurou nonchalantly added that shifted the comical atmosphere. You saw how Kei stiffen for a second and let out his hopeless smile, rubbing the back of his neck.

Of all the things your twin brother didn't like, it's comparing him to other people.

"I don't think I can do anything about it. There's an obvious difference in our potentials." And he always let himself down.

Without notice, some of Nekoma's players flooded the court, giving both you and your brother a confused look. You smiled at them while your brother shifted towards the door. "Well, looks like I'll be in the way. If you'll excuse me." He bowed at both the captains, still full of respect and went straight out.

"Kei!" You called at him as you rushed out, too. "Wait!"

"Don't run!" He hissed as you caught up on him.

"You're offended." You stated, wanting him to talk about it. He has to. He hasn't been talking to you about this.

You noticed him taking larger steps and you still stuck in his pace, not wanting him to make a distance from you. "I told you to stop talking."

"But why? You used to be so passionate with volleyball. I have noticed the changes, you know, so why?"

And he stopped abruptly. He faced you and took a step forward, meeting your questioning gaze.

"So much love for something will break you. You'll end up feeling so much pain later in the way."

And you saw how those unsaid words that may have followed his spoken ones trailed up to the atmosphere between you two.

"You just thought you don't want to be like me or Aki-nii." He groaned and that confirmed your statement. Your lips formed a thin line as another emotion came rushing up your gut, you took a step back from him.

"Why do both of you put so much into this? This is just a club and a sport! Will there be something waiting for me at the end of all of this? Huh?!"

Your brows involuntarily raised up at his change of tone and you were left speechless after he breathed a few rugged breaths and left you there standing in the pathway, the Saitama summer air blowing cold in your figure.

You exhaled a shaky breath as you watched him strut past the corridors and out of your sight, gulped as you inhaled back your emotions.

Keep it all in, Y/n. Keep it all in.

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

The girls in the room are long-gone asleep, hearing their shallow breaths as they slumber so deep. You can't sleep, have been staring at the ceiling for quite some time now. After the encounter with Kei, you kept quiet so as to not spill anything, even emotions. You're not supposed to show them anything other than your image of being a happy-go-lucky gal.

But you can't sleep. And your plushie isn't here to accompany you through your inner battles. You badly want to go home.

You huffed and sat up, rummaged from your bag for some layers of clothes and hoodies, rolled up your futon and pillow and silently went out to the corridor with those tucked in your arms.

The corridor is still lit, thankfully, and you were treading ever so silently so as to not wake the coaches sleeping on this floor. You have made it outside without any incident. You heard laughs from the second floor and found that all the boys' rooms are still all lit up. Your worry about being seen creeped in so you purposely sped up to the pathway to the side of the first gym where the penalties were held.

You felt excited for this night is so starry. And you suddenly missed your window sill back in Miyagi. Stargazing is your go-to when you have nothing to hold in your arms. It will surely lull you to sleep. It will be cold, but at least.

After smoothing your futon against the trimmed grass, you lay down and breathed in the Saitama night summer air, giddy that you could see the stars here clearly with all the lights turned off. It's dark but it's okay. You have been so accustomed in darkness to be bothered by it.

Your eyes were dancing from star to star and it felt like hours already until your mind drifted to Kei and his attitude earlier that night. Your gaze blanked as you remembered everything he said and why he said it; Why he felt like that.

Kei wasn't like that before. He used to be so passionate with the sport. But then, after what happened with Akiteru and his lies, added by you and your downfall, he changed. He saw Akiteru cry when your family went all back home after you all discovered his lies about being in the roster. Akiteru was broken hearted, yes, but it broke both of you more, broke Kei more. Akiteru was his hero, his idol, and seeing him like that and lying, the sour change was inevitable.

But the pain didn't stop for Kei there.

He saw you worked hard for your dream of being included with the aspiring players for the national league, to be known throughout Japan. He saw how you chased for it and win every match there is to reach Yoyogi Gym. But he saw you fall unconscious in the middle of that big game, just a step away bringing that national trophy.

You ended up in the hospital that day, with a devastating diagnosis. It broke him more, broke your family too. And you are to blame.

If you just heeded and took it easy in sports. If you have not just ignored the first signs.

It sucks to draw the shortest of all the sticks. It is your fate, but it doesn't mean you're notー

A squeaking step broke your train of thoughts. It came from the pathway. It was followed by a silhouette of a tall man. Initial fear creeped in as you can't seem to see the face of the approaching man. When he passed the threshold of the moonlight not too far away from where you are perched in your futon, the glistening white ends of his hair and his gleaming golden eyes came into view, not too obscure to not notice in this darkness.

He was heaving, and had a futon and a hoodie with him, and he was staring at you with anーis he irritated or something? You heard yourself scoff.

"You know, you're not supposed to be around here at night, alone with your thoughts." You turned your gaze away from his figure and stared at the swaying branches of a lone tree nearby.

"I'm sorry for Kuroo. It's mainly to mobilize people, motivate, but he's bad at delivering it and I'm aware of it." You stayed silent, hiding half of your face on your hoodie as you hugged your knees.

Rustles were heard beside you and you fought the urge to glance at it, knowing he's laying his own futon next to yours.

"We heard yourーuhm.. exchangeーfrom the gym. It's.. a little loud to not hear." You buried your face more to your knees, groaning low as you heard a low chuckle.

"So... you don't mind me being here, right?" You stiffen at his question for it has to be answered. And you're not sure how to not sound like you haven't been crying.

When you decided to just shake your head, you heard him hum in response and in the corner of your eye, he had laid back on his futon, arms under his head, golden eyes stared at the vastness of the starry Saitama skies.

The silence he offered for an hour was calming your nerves. Your still glossy eyes locked at his swaying feet and you blinked as it tranced your mind.

"Can't sleep." You murmured through your hoodie after an hour of silence with him, through the silence and rustling soft winds and the crickets harmonizing the night.

A questioning hum was quickly quipped, like he was waiting for you to speak up and break the silence between the two of you. You're glad he's not prodding. He's just.. waiting.

"There's just so much going on right now." You offered with a whisper, hoping he could hear.

"Thenー" You sighed in relief. "ーyou should unload some of it for you to be able to wear your mask again. Andー" He grunted and you heard shuffles and shoes were placed at the end of his futon. "ーit's okay if it's not with me. As long as you let some of it go."

You can't see him from your peripherals, but it felt like he sat up, legs still stretched and swaying. "Ahh~ it's really full of stars tonight!"

You stayed silent, rather enjoying the silence and his company. You felt comfortable and at peace andー

"If your dreams shatter in front of you after working so hard and so long for it, what will you do?"

He exhaled a long breath before resuming his leg movements. "Well, I would move on and do my second dream."

?

"Second dream?" You queried back, curious about his answer.

"Yeah? I have six dreams as of the moment, the first is for Fukurodani to become the national champion in the Interhigh and Spring Interhigh. If by any chance that that won't happen then, I'm going pro after I graduate instead and make a name for myself."

You gulped as you found yourself dumbfounded. All your life you have stucked your life direction to just one goal. You never had thought of doing anything else other than that. That was your compass, and when it crumbled last year, you were lost. Your life's meaning went to shambles too.

And then, this man in your right came along and blurted things about having many dreams, reserved dreams. It was pulling you to somewhere alien to you.

"You don't have any other dreams!?" He sounded scandalized at that, he even peeked at your side, wide golden eyes on you. You suddenly felt yourself tearing up and your mannerism exhibited unconsciously as your breath hitched. "I'm sorry Y/n. Was that a little loud? Sorry, I was just.. surprised."

But you were already shaking and crying from the realization, you can't control it. You're embarassing.

A hand came rubbing your back tentatively, touch hesitating. "I've been in an illusion all this time." You scoffed at yourself. "IーBokuto-san," You gulped before you continue, "I may have ruined things for Kei because of that illusion. He saw how I suffered when my dreams shattered last year. You see, I dreamt of doing nationals come highschool and make a name for myself enough to be a representative for the World Camp but something happened and I can't fulfill that dream anymore. And Kei saw everything and it made him hesitant to try his hardest for he saw pain when I did the same."

"There are also things that I can't tell my family ever since that day. And it's killing me already because I know it will hurt them one day. It will shatter them and it's scary. I just want to run away and be alone. I will hurt people as long as I'm breathing." You sniffed hard and wiped your snot with your hands.

"And you know what, Bokuto-san? I don't even want to be famous! I just want to excel in volleyball, to make my mom and dad the proudest! And now, they're allーOh, it's Tsukishima Y/n, how intimidating~ーAh! It's Y/n! We're doomed!ーCan't they just act normal!?"

"Andー" Your lips quivered as you stopped yourself, realizing you ranted almost half of your worries to a total stranger. And you almost told him about something you weren't even sure you wanna talk about. You buried your face in your palms and sobbed there.

You scolded yourself over and over at your outburst, worried what might the man beside you think. It was all shallow. Still too shallow than what you have kept hidden. Still too shallow to rant about. Oh my God, Y/n, you're really a shame.

The negative thoughts devoured you and you just want the earth to swallow you whole with your sobs right at that moment. You were anxious for the longest time and today may have peaked because of the exchange with Kei. If screaming just won't endanger your body, you would scream at the top of your lungs.

"You're beautiful."

"Huh?" You whipped your tear-and-snot-filled face to meet his eyes. His voice was breathy and his face is full of amazement and you can't even understand why. "What?" You might've heard it wrong. Fuck, your snot's doing their job against your ears. You're hearing things.

"You're beautiful."

Bokuto repeated with a boyish grin and a new batch of tears streamed down your face. You groaned and sobbed harder in your palms as you can't believe what he just said.

You're beautiful.

How could he say that? How could he say that now? Is he blind? Can't he not see? You're full of space debris, inescapable blackholes and exploding supernovas. You are not beautiful.

You felt his hand smoothing out your back again, his tentative touch seared through your hoodie and shirt, straight to your skin. "It's not okay now, but soon it's going to be. You'll figure it all out soon."

You squeezed your eyes shut, face pressed against your knees to stop the tears from falling. You fell silent with him again, his hands moved so slow on your back and it is relaxing.

It's not going to be okay. It'll never gonna be okay, butー

"Thank you." You whispered and turned your head to face him, offering him a small smile, cheek still against your knees. "Thank you, Bokuto-san. I find those things so hard to say out loud. But you made it easier. You somehow made it a lot easier."

He mimicked your body language, cheek resting on his knees too and smiling. "Glad to be of service." You sighed and buried your face again to your knees. "You're.. still shaking. Do you need a hug? Or can I even touch you? I'm sorry I touched you, I rubbed your back."

He saw you peeked to see his face and he got all nervous, he started scratching the back of his neck and pouted. "The last time I attempted to touch you, I was blocked by your friend."

Ah. Like everybody else.

"Any suggestions for a second dream?"

You veered from his topic. He might've noticed it for he came silent for a while, but he smiled nonetheless. How can this guy be so kind? It's scary.

"Well, what do you want to do?"

You exhaled a full amount of stress out of your nose as you felt the wind fanning against your face softly. It's warm now. Maybe because you have been curled up with your hoodie on for quite some time. But it's warm now.

What do you want to do huh. You never thought of that before, except for that closed goal. And every decision you'll have right now doesn't count as a goal for you. But if you'll think about it..

You hummed, biting your lip in deep thought. "Maybe.. make things easier for Kei, as an apology?"

Easier. But you already made it harder for him ever since you joined the team and be a hard-headed sister. He didn't vocalize it on your face, but he hates it and he worries so much about you. You're a burden now.

But you want him to take his moxie back, and succeed.

"Maybe improve his social and sportmanship, volleyball skills, overall? I know he loves volleyball. And I want to create an environment where it'll be fun for him."

You were on a roll as you laid out all what you want to do from now on. It was hesitant at first, but the man beside you showed no resistance and just listened to you, attentively. He keeps on egging you, encouraging you to do more, plan more. He's even more hyped when you talk about your visions of the future, future for Kei and for the team. But he offered a bit of resistance when you told him you wanted Karasuno to be the champ for Spring High. You laughed at his challenge.

He's warm. He's a light-source. He's an unknown force. And above all else..

He's.. pulling you out of the black tar.

You pursed your lips as you laid down on your futon next to him. He just asked why aren't you sleeping yet. It has been an hour after you have resolved your feelings and outbursts. And you were both just talking nonsense, mostly about his Kuroo, Kenma and Akaashi.

"I don't have my plushie. I can't sleep immediately without it."

He stared at you, full of confusion. "Can.. I do something about it?" You looked at him, bewildered at the offer.

It was almost two weeks since that day you saw someone who looks a lot like your horned owl plushies. You remembered staring at that crouching man, on his knees and apologizing about spiking the ball straight to your face. His hair, his brows and his eyes, his total expressionー

You grinned at Koutarou. "Can I touch your hair?"

He might've been so repulsed at your request that he sat up almost immediately. You bit your lip in embarassment. You were about to take back the request when he stared back at you.

"Will that help?" You blinked your eyes in confusion but you nodded eventually.

He silently stood, and you initially thought that you blew the budding friendship you have with him for the last couple of hours. You annoyingly shut your eyes and pouted in regret.

But you opened your eyes when you heard the scrunch sounds of his futon and you saw him repositioning it, perpendicular to yours, the head on your tummy's side. Your lip would have wounds in the morning because of your incessant biting. He's adorable, you can't help it.

Koutarou glanced at you after he laid down comfortably again in his futon. "You can touch it now. It'll help me sleep too, so win-win."

He grinned at you and it made your heart calm, it made you smile back and reach out to his hair. He reached out for your tentative hand and helped you card his soft locks. When you got the rhythm, he smiled eyes closed, his feet seem to dance at the sensation.

What surprised you was when he moved up to rest his head on your tummy and murmured, "This okay?", eyes still closed you thought your hands in his hair really is lulling him to sleep. You hummed in approval, still carding his hair and occassionally rub your thumb to his ear.

You woke up to the sound of your phone alarm. You and Koutarou had made plans about the morning after, now, and you have to move fast or you're both going to get it from your teams.

You sat up and found him face down on his pillow, back on his futon, hand ghosting yours. You smiled at his soft snores, and the funny way his leg hiked up to his body in the comfort of his sleep. You fought the urge to snap a pic of him.

You poked his broad shoulder and he lowly hummed, it made your back shiver at the sound. You bit your lip before poking him again. He murmured something before opening his eyes, staring sleepily back to yours. It was awkwardly silent for a minute, crickets still rang in the wee hours of morning.

"We have to get up, Y/n." You snickered at his drawling husky voice, for you are already up while he's still sprawled at his futon.

"Yup. We still have to shower and do laundry."

"We're not showering at the same time okay? Have to guard you while you shower." He murmured as he sat up, yawning after. You stared at the expanse of his back as he stretches and you smile.

"Okay."

You got off your futon and rolled it with your pillow, Koutarou doing the same with his. He's being pouty because of his incessant yawns, too cute.

"Bokuto-san." He looked down at you when he reached out for your rolled futon to carry it for you. "Why are you doing this?"

His lips scrunched to one side while he thinks, staring up to the skies, throat bobbing as he swallows a lump. He suddenly hummed and looked down at you, same curious but sure golden eyes.

"You feel like Kaori and Yukie, but more. Much more. You feel like Kuroo and Kenma at times, Akaashi even. But much more. Even if I just knew you."

Your confusion got the better of you as you stared at him too confused at his words. He paid no mind explaining it as he leaned to your face, but comfortably out of your personal space.

He smiled so warmly before saying, "I'm glad I met you again."

And it had your heart pounding uncontrollably, but suspiciously painless. You're aware your eyes widen as his eyes seemed to grin as he still stared at you and your reactions. You can't explain what's happening. All you know is there's a question waiting to be asked. Your hands went clammy at your sides, fisting your sweatpants as your knuckles shake.

"ーafter 2 weeks. I want to meet you again and again after this, hm?"

He grinned at your face but that follow-up phrase relaxed the hell out of you. You snorted and smiled back at him in relief.

"Glad I met you again, too, Bokuto-san. Thanks for accompanying me."

He reached out for your head and ruffled your hair as he smiled so brightly at you, along with his eyes so golden. You'd think there's a star directly infront of you while there are more above the Saitama skies that hour.

PREV | CHAP 2 | NEXT [masterlist]

FUN FACTS ::

1. Tobio and Shoyo just barely passed the 80 percentage of the supplemental exams, instead of the 90 percentage the vice-principal mandated them days ago during the wig scuffle.

2. Upon arriving, Shoyo puked at the court, the other boys had to mop it but the stench was still there Asahi had to puke too because of the stench.

3. That night with Eri and Bokuto, with Akaashi and Kuroo, Bokuto was bringing a cold compress and tissues for Y/n, thinking that her nose is still bleeding.

4. Kiyoko continuously teased Y/n throughout the day with Bokuto but it's oblivious to everyone around. Y/n kept pouting while shouting corrections to the team because of that, and Bokuto and some of the boys in the court notices that cute pout.

TAGLIST: @wolffmaiden @koushiwarrior @avygale @charsiuramen

☆ send an ask or msg me if you want to be in the taglist. thanks for the supporttt.

☆ Reblogs and interactions are appreciated. Theories will be entertained.

[bookwyrminspiration]

omg....... super long dira secret santa fic??? coming soon???? the fandom has been blessed once again

the fic is due in two days and it's 11k words and i'm still. not fucking done! I STILL haven't reached conflict three! though admittedly I am a lot closer.

s. s I'm going to lose my mind. who let me do this. multi-pov characters with big problems. what am I doing. have an excerpt:

They let themself fall to the side, crashing into them as they let out an “Oof.”  “Thanks.”  They shoved back at them, and despite themself, a smile tugged at their lips. “No problem. So you’re all fixed now, right? No more problems?” “You’re a problem.” “Hey!”

man I hope y'all like it I am walking BLIND in the DARK what is HAPPENING!! i've reread the entire og pjo series in the past week

[wlw-for-life]

WLW_for_life turned 8 today!

[spacejunk-tm]

that’s a....lot of 1′s 

[barbiewritesstuff]

Church Encounters: Chapter 17

-- OMG I have been so excited for this chapter y'all have no idea!!! Also sorry this one is like 11k words again, oops

ALSO We will be taking a small hiatus til the 4th of October so we won't post Church Encounters for a while but pinky promise there will be more chapters in the future!!

This fic was written in collabpration with @lgg5989 who will be posting this to her AO3 and her tumblr! She also made the lovely moodboard below!

Comments and reblogs are appreciated and we take blurb requests!

Previous Part

Taglist: @acarboni21 @unsurebuttrying @dempy @peaches-1998 @bbooks-and-teas @roosterscock @positivelyholland --

Jake’s hand had been killing him for a few days now, ever since your vigorous activities on Saturday night. He had gone to the med bay on base, and to his humiliation had to explain to the nurse how punching a wall had split one knuckle and bruised the rest. Not even the good Lord could save him from the blush that spread up his cheeks when the nurse realised that he had put his fist through the drywall during a rather pleasurable encounter with his wife. 

“Well you haven’t broken anything Lieutenant Commander, but in the future I would try to…um…restrain yourself from fighting anymore drywall,” she said, a knowing smile on her face. She was a little older, probably around his mother’s age, and she almost teased him about how he was injured, something he found rather funny. The other nurses in the ward had been damn near fighting over who would get to attend to him, but she had picked the file off the stack and sent them scurrying away with a loud barrage of disappointed sighs. 

“Yes, ma’am. Am I going to be grounded?” he asked, looking at her nervously. Their team had just been tasked with a new mission, and he didn’t want to risk sending them out without him. 

“I don’t think so, just keep icing it like you have been and it’ll be good as new in about a week or so. I would advise against participating in any other strenuous activities for the next few weeks though, we wouldn’t want you to reinjure it,” she finished, handing him a cool ice pack to place on his hand. 

“Thank you, ma’am,” Jake said as he stood from the examination table giving her a small smile before exiting the office. 

Pulling his phone out, he scrolled through the contacts until he came across Bob’s. Clicking the call button, he brought the phone up to his ear, waiting on Bob to pick up. 

“Hello?” his voice said, sounding a bit out of breath. 

“Hey,” Jake said, “I was wondering if I could have some help with something this weekend?” he asked. 

“Sure, what’s up?” Bob asked, his words broken up by sharp pants. 

“You good man?” Jake asked, concerned. 

Bob let out a breathless laugh, “Yeah, Phoenix is kicking my ass, treadmill is at like a seven incline step.”  

“Alright I’ll be quick then. I…um…I put a hole in the wall in my living room, and I’ve injured my hand…I need someone to help me patch it. Can you come by on Friday evening, say around dinnertime? Y/n’s making some kind of pasta dish, you can join us.”

“Sounds good, I’ll be there,” Bob said, “Got to go.” 

“Don’t let her beat you too bad Bobby,” Jake said, laughing a bit before hanging up the phone. 

Friday night came sooner than Jake anticipated, and he had forgotten to stop and pick up the materials he and Bob were going to need to fix the wall. By the time he pulled his truck into the driveway, Bob’s Astra was parked on the street, and the sun was beginning to set. 

Walking inside, he called out, “Sorry I’m late, I forgot to get the damn supplies to fix the wall.” 

“That’s alright,” Bob called back, “Y/n is trying to teach me how to cook, I don’t know how well I’m doing.” 

“You’re doing great,” you said with a smile, patting Bob on the back as he stood over the stove, “And how are you doing my dear, injured husband?” you inquired, stepping in front of Jake to take his lunch box and press a kiss to his cheek. 

“I’m alright, hand is feeling less sore so that’s good,” he said, smiling down at you and brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. 

“How did you injure your hand?” Bob asked from his place at the stove.

You tried to hold back your laugh as you watched Jake flounder at the question, “Well, I…um…I was coming in and tripped, yeah, I tripped and my hand went through the wall,” he said, unconvincingly. 

Bob looked at Jake, took a step to look at the wall in question, and then looked back at Jake, “Suuuure you did,” he said with a laugh.

Jake could feel the embarrassed blush from earlier come over his face, and before he could restrain himself he said, “Hey, I can’t be held responsible for what my hot wife does to me.” 

Bob let out a groan, “Never mind, I don’t want to know what happened. As far as I’m concerned you closed your hand in the door of your truck or something.” 

The three of you had a nice dinner before Jake and Bob set about patching the wall. Jake looked on as Bob screwed in a small piece of wood before fitting in a new panel of drywall that they cut to fit the fist sized hole. Finally finishing it with some fast curing drywall putty, the men waited an hour before digging the can of paint from the basement and rolling a coat over the new section of wall. I looked great, and you couldn’t even tell where the hole had been. 

“Damn Bob, you’re practically a professional,” Jake said, impressed at the WSO’s home project abilities. 

“Yeah, I had a lot of practice,” Bob said, “I used to work a construction job in high school, making extra money for mom to use on groceries,” he let out a small laugh before continuing, “That’s actually where my callsign comes from, I’m Bob the builder,” he finished laughing at the surprised look that came over Jake’s face. 

“So not Baby On Board then?” Jake asked him, his face red with laughter. 

“Definitely not,” Bob replied, “Maybe one day though.” 

“Bob, that's my sister you’re talking about!” Jake said, slapping the man on the back of the head with his good hand, “Besides, the two of you aren’t even married yet, you can’t be thinking shit like that.” 

“Tell me you didn’t and I’ll stop,” Bob said, raising one eyebrow at Jake before looking back at the wall they just finished painting. 

Jake let out a sigh, grumbling something under his breath as he turned around and picked up the gallon of paint, bringing it out to the garage. Bob just laughed, he was going to be in so much trouble if Jake ever found out how far he had toed the line with Maria. 

---

Jake had been working on the room you had decided would be the nursery. The two of you had been talking about having a baby for a few months and with your family’s history of having trouble conceiving, you had decided to try sooner than originally planned, figuring that you were unlikely to get pregnant on the first go anyway.  

You walked into the nursery, dressed in a casual jersey dress, feeling a little down.He stepped away from the crib he was putting together and pulled you into his arms, “Hello, maybe-momma.” 

“Hi there, almost-daddy,” you said back, laughing a little at the different versions of future mom he had been calling you, “How’s it coming?” 

“As well as expected, what man has ever read the directions,” he stated playfully, winking at you before pressing a kiss to your lips, “How about you? Any good news?” 

You frowned, producing the pregnancy test from behind your back, “No, still negative.” 

Jake pulled you to him in a hug, “It’ll happen baby, don’t worry. God will bless us when he thinks we are ready.” 

You nodded, the disappointment still cutting deeply into your heart. It didn’t help that you had been feeling strange for weeks now, with a weird assortment of symptoms that you had tried to google. Doctor Internet was as unhelpful as ever, telling you there were only three possible causes for your sudden bouts of sickness: pregnancy, cancer, or the flu. You could scratch off pregnancy as every test you had taken came back negative, which left only two things on Google’s list and a few thousands on your own list of completely ordinary causes for your aches and pains.

“I think I need to see a dentist,” you said, “I keep tasting blood.”

“It could just be working out,” Jake offered, trying to ease your worries. He knew how much you hated the dentist and how much losing or damaging your teeth freaked you out. 

Besides, they weren’t empty reassurances, it was well known that working out could cause a metallic taste in the mouth. Jake vaguely remembered his biology teacher explaining that a very high pressure of blood moving into a person’s lungs through their membranous tissues could make someone taste blood although he couldn’t for the life of him remember why. You had just started a new workout regimen, helped by Phoenix who was known amongst the squad for going hard at the gym. Your body simply wasn’t used to the new intensity. 

You nodded, ready to accept that as the answer when the alternative was so frightening to you.

“Or,” Jake said carefully, not wanting to hurt you any more than necessary, “It could be your monthlies…”

You sighed, on the verge of tears. Jake knew how much you had come to dread it, but it was undeniably going to happen at some point.

“I know honey,” he said, pulling you close to him in a comforting hug, “But we can’t deny it, yeah? You’ve been having hot flushes, you feel dizzy, you’ve been… emotional,” he explained

“And sleepy,” you added, nuzzling into his chest in the hopes that the fabric of his shirt would sponge up any tears should they fall, “You’re probably right,” you whispered, “It’s just periods.”

“I’m sorry honey,” 

“No, it’s fine. We expected this. We knew it would take a while,” you replied, rubbing your eyes and giving him a sad smile, “The Lord will bless us when we’re ready,” you repeated back to him, patting his chest before turning around and leaving for the kitchen.

You dropped a pod of Jake’s favourite coffee into the machine and pressed pour, fitting a large mug underneath the spout. Jake was right, periods would explain a lot of your symptoms but there were a couple you just couldn’t explain away. You couldn’t for the life of you find a satisfactory explanation as to why you were always so damn itchy, or why you suddenly got so clumsy, or why you kept getting nosebleeds, or even why you were getting strangely vivid dreams. But strangest of them all was your sudden and very acute disgust at the mere concept of coffee.

---

Lizzie: You free next week? Beau is taking the kids out and we need to catch up. I want to see the pictures from your honeymoon.

Jake’s out of the house next Saturday, I can make lunch? You texted back, excited at the prospect of seeing Elisabeth again. 

You had seen Beau at work since your return but his wife had remained elusive. She was always so busy running around taking care of the kids, organising meal trains for people around the parish and otherwise volunteering her services as a birth doula to mothers who couldn’t afford it. 

Lizzie: Perfect! Looking forward to it!

You immediately set to work, leaving the house to buy ingredients. When you came home an hour later you placed a pot on the hob, tipping in two litres of water and adding salt, sugar, saltpetre, a cinnamon stick, mustard seeds, peppercorns, cloves, allspice, juniper berries, bay leaves and ginger. You let it cook on high until the sugar dissolved, then, you removed it from the heat and stirred in some ice before checking the temperature. Once at the desired 7C, you placed your two kilo beef brisket into a bag and filled it with the brine, covering the meat, sealing it well and putting it into the refrigerator where it would stay for the next ten days. 

Once Saturday came around you removed the brisket from the bag and rinsed it under cool water. You placed it into a large pot, adding onions, carrots and celery and covered with water. After boiling it, you reduced the temperature from high to low and left it to simmer for three hours. 

You cut a few slices to test, making them thin enough to place on Jake’s sandwich which you packed in a lunchbox and set aside for him to take on his trip. He was joining his fellow Youth Ministers for a weekend in Joshua Tree National Park, requested by Freddie and Matt in an effort to bond more as a team. Jake was less than enthused by the idea, not keen to leave you home alone when you had been feeling ill for so long. 

He ran around the house trying to pack, taking more breaks than necessary to check his phone, drink some coffee and kiss your cheeks as you cooked. Eventually, he could no longer delay his departure and was forced to bring the bags to his truck, forcing the guitar into the passenger seat and unceremoniously dumping the duffel bag into the truck bed. 

“Honey?” Jake called from the kitchen, after remembering he’d bought some snacks for the trip. You hummed from the sofa where you were sat reading your bible, acknowledging that you had heard him, “Honey, why do we have pickles?” he asked, holding up the jar to show you.

“I don’t know, I saw them at the shop and they looked good,” you replied, shrugging your shoulders.

Jake hesitated, “Sweetheart, I thought you didn’t like pickles?” 

“I know but -- I don’t know, I’ve been craving them… I made you a sandwich! It’s on the table” you said, pointing towards the blue lunchbox on the kitchen table. Jake picked it up and lifted the lid, “It was supposed to be a reuben sandwich, but I swapped out the sauerkraut for pickles,” you explained. 

“Thank you, honey,” Jake said, picking up the lunchbox before making his way to you. 

“You have to go now though, or you’ll be late,” you chastised him. 

“Yes, that would truly be a shame, wouldn’t it… It’s weird, I suddenly don’t feel so good anymore, do you think I could stay home?” he asked, making a pouting face and pulling his collar away from his neck. 

“No,” you laughed, “Go! It’ll be fun.”

Jake snorted, “Says the woman who doesn’t have to share a cabin with Henry Greuvel, the loudest snorer this side of the equator.”

“It’s only for one night!” you giggled, pushing him towards the door. 

“Fine, but text me, okay? I wanna know how you’re feeling. If it doesn’t get better by Monday, I’ll take you to the doctor’s,” Jake said, he leaned down to kiss the top of your forehead and when you looked up at him, he kissed your lips too, “Have fun at church. I love you, see you tomorrow evening!” he shouted as he walked out of the house. 

An hour later, with Elisabeth’s arrival imminent, you got up from your seat and walked to the kitchen again where you switched on the kettle and prepped a mug with a homemade anti-nausea ginger and lemon tea bag. You poured the water in as soon as the kettle clicked and drank a few sips before pulling the ingredients for a russian dressing out of the fridge. You spread the mixture generously on two large slices of toasted rye bread, adding a few thin slices of still warm brisket, as much cheese as you could cram on and topping it all with a large helping of sauerkraut before closing the sandwich with another slice of bread. You had just plated it all when the doorbell rang. 

“Oh goodness, it smells amazing!” 

“It’s ready to serve,” you laughed,

“Good, because I am starving!” she said, walking into the living room where you had dressed the dining table and put the plates, “It is so nice not to have to cook for once,” 

“Dad doesn’t cook?” you asked, sounding confused. 

Elisabeth scoffed, “Beau isn’t allowed to cook.”

You looked at her, concern written on your face, “He’s not bad, I’ve had his homemade pizza before.”

“And therein lies the problem, my dear, it’s better than mine! I can’t take that kind of defeat,” she said with a wink.

You walked back to the kitchen, picking up the pickle jar that Jake hadn’t placed back in the cupboard, and relieved for once as you had started to feel a little dizzy and didn’t feel confident about reaching for the highest shelf. You carried it back to the dining table and twisted the lid open, picking two long slices of pickled cucumber and placing them on top of your open sandwich.

“I thought you didn’t like pickles?” Elisabeth remarked.

“I think they’re growing on me,” you replied with a small smile. 

The sandwich was delicious. You had never tried that recipe before but with each bite it earned itself a higher spot on the leaderboard of all your favourite dishes. You collected the plates and placed them in the sink, running some water over them before walking back to the coffee pot. 

“Would you like a cup of coffee Liz?” you asked her from across the kitchen. 

There was a moment’s pause before she answered, “That sounds great, maybe with a splash of milk?” 

Before even approaching the coffee pot, you popped a ginger candy into your mouth, taking a few good swallows of the sweet ginger flavour before approaching the pot with a mug ready. You poured the coffee into the mug and stirred in a little milk with minimal gagging before bringing the cup to Elisabeth. 

“Here we are,” you said, placing it down in front of her. 

“Aren’t you going to have one too?” she asked, looking at you confused. 

You grimaced, “I don’t think I could even if I wanted to,” you said, “The smell of coffee recently has been making me nauseous.” 

“Are you…” she asked, an excited smile growing on her face. It fell almost immediately when she saw you grow sad.

“No, women in my family have a history of struggles when it comes to conceiving. We’ve started trying but as much as we want it to happen, we know it’s unlikely to happen right now,” you explained, “The waiting is agony though,” you added. 

Elisabeth nodded. You stayed quiet for a moment while she seemed to be thinking of something.

“Beau and I struggled too. We had Peter without an issue but Matthew was a little harder, then when we went to the doctor’s to see if we could have a third, they told us it was unlikely we’d conceive again. We were heartbroken but we held on to the fact that they said it was unlikely, not impossible. We tried for years after that and nothing happened, so we gave up. It was a really dark time in our lives, we stopped going to church, I quit my job, and Beau and I seemed to fight every other night,” she said, pausing for a moment,

“And then one night, I was packing up our shrine to throw most of it away when I knocked something off of a shelf. I don’t know, maybe it was coincidence, or maybe it was the Lord trying to show us the way, but I had knocked Peter’s bible down to the floor and it opened on Luke Chapter one. The first thing I saw was, oh I remember it as though it happened an hour ago,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes, 

“The first thing I saw was ‘Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John.’ I called Beau immediately, even though he was playing baseball with buddies, and I told him to get his ass home because we were going to church,” she laughed, “He didn’t argue, even though I never told him about the verse or the Bible. And two months after that I went to the doctor’s for some unrelated health issues, and they told me I was pregnant. I was convinced we’d have a boy, obviously, and we were going to call him John. But then the three little ladies arrived and Beau asked me if we could name one ‘Joanna’, he said he didn’t know why but he felt it was right to use that name, as if he was fulfilling his end of a promise.”

You looked at Elizabeth for a moment, unable to think of what to say. She placed her hands on yours, gently squeezing, “All I’m saying is the Lord provides, but He does so in His own time and for His own reasons. We can’t understand them, nor should we want to but we can trust Him. And I trust He will bless you with your own bundle of joy soon, but in the meantime, you must listen when He tells you things about yourself and your life, even if they’re things you would rather not hear. While Beau and I waited to be blessed again, I ignored when the Lord tried to tell me I was impatient, quick to anger and jealous, I blamed others when I should have looked at myself. Instead of laying my worries and anxieties on God, I tried to deal with them myself, and if I had just left my heart open to His guidance, I could have let all that go sooner. And since I have, I have been a better wife, and a much better mother,” she finished.

You had often looked to Elisabeth for help and guidance when you had trouble hearing the Lord, and you valued her experience immensely. You were so relieved to finally be able to talk to Lizzie and air your worries, the experience only somewhat marred as your head kept spinning and you felt a little dizzy.

“You okay?” She asked, as a hot flush washed over you and you felt the colour drain from your face as soon as it departed.

“I feel funny,” you replied, your speech slurred by the speed at which the room had started spinning

Elisabeth grabbed a hold of your arm to ground you, “Hey, don’t faint on me, sweetheart,” she said, “Have you had much to eat today?”

You shook your head, instantly regretting it as it made your head spin faster. You felt Elisabeth move and you grabbed the edge of the table in an effort to keep yourself upright.

“You need sugar,” Elisabeth said, standing up to look through your cupboards.

“I have some in the pantry,” you told her, dropping your head down into your hands in an effort to stay conscious. Lizzie jogged down the corridor and came back into the room with a bag of sugar. She dumped two large tea spoons into a cup of freshly brewed coffee. 

“Drink, you’ll feel better,” she said, moving the cup closer to you. The smell overpowered your senses and you stood, trying to escape or at least turn away as your stomach lurched, but you didn’t have the time to be sick because as soon as you stood, your vision faded to black and you hit the floor with a heavy thud. 

When you came to, Elisabeth was kneeling beside you, fanning your face with a notepad she had found somewhere, “Y/n can you hear me? Are you okay?” she asked, you tried to get off of the floor but she stopped you with her hand, “Take it easy.”

“It’s okay, it’s happened a few times, I’ll be fine,” you said, placing a hand on the coffee table and trying to pull yourself up. 

Elisabeth stopped you again, “A few times?! And Jake leaves you home alone like that?”

“No, I -- I haven’t told him. It’s nothing, just my periods,” you mumbled out, suddenly feeling a bit stupid for not telling him. 

“Y/n, this isn’t normal. You need to see a doctor,” Elisabeth said, pulling you up and sitting you carefully on the couch before getting her purse from the door, fishing her car keys out of the side pocket. 

You let out a sigh, “Liz --”

“Do not make me play the ‘mom’-card, Y/n. Do as you’re told,” she said sternly, using the same tone of voice that she used whenever she needed to make Beau do something he didn’t want to do. 

---

The ride to urgent care was short and tense, Lizzie looking over at you every couple of seconds to make sure that you were still okay. 

“I’m fine Liz, I’m not going to keel over,” you said, raising an eyebrow at her. 

She sighed, “You might not keel over but that doesn’t mean I’m not still worried about you.” 

You sighed, looking at the grey building that appeared in front of you as Liz pulled into the parking lot. She had an arm wrapped around you as she walked you inside and you checked in at the desk. 

When the nurse called you back and brought you into a room, she asked you the routine questions: Have you been in before? Do you have a fever? Are you pregnant?. At the end of their questioning, you sat thinking about the last time you had a period, you’d been having all the usual symptoms but it hadn’t started yet. 

The nurse left, telling you the doctor would be in soon, leaving you and Liz in a comfortable silence. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and a short woman walked in. 

“Mrs. Seresin?” she asked, looking at you sitting on the table. 

“Yes, that’s me,” you said, smiling a little at your still fairly new title. 

She nodded, coming to stand in front of you to do a basic examination, “I am Dr. Fielding, is there anything specific bothering you today?”

You explained the situation as she examined you and when she was done, and once she had looked over your chart, she said, “I think we need to do a blood test, you have been fainting recently and with the other strange behaviours I would hate to miss something, otherwise, physically, you seem fine.”

“Alright,” you agreed, “Whatever it takes.” 

She nodded at you before leaving the room, “Nurse Amy will be back in soon to do the draw and we should have the results back in about an hour for you.” 

Once your blood was drawn you and Lizzie settled into the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. After only thirty minutes, you were called back into the exam room, Dr. Fielding waiting for you. 

“Mrs. Seresin, I am happy to tell you that you are pregnant, the blood work shows elevated amounts of HCG hormones indicating pregnancy. If I had to guess you are only a few weeks along,” she said, a small smile on your face. 

You felt the world rock, and you were half convinced that there was an earthquake and no one else knew it. The first thing you wanted to do was call Jake, the thought of telling him exciting you and scaring you at the same time. What if he wasn’t happy that you were going to be having a baby so soon? What if he was excited? Then your mind wandered to his family, and how good he was with kids, and your heart stopped in your chest. What if you wouldn’t be a good mom? Jake had wonderful parents to look up to and yours were dead, and a shitty parent at best. What if you were no good? What if– your thoughts were cut off by the doctor speaking. 

“This is a list of recommended prenatal vitamins for you to start taking and I would make an appointment with your gynaecologist or an OBGYN for a better estimate of the development of your baby,” she finished, “I’ll have Amy check you and you you should be good to leave, make sure you keep that blood sugar up.” 

The next half hour felt like it passed you in a daze, Lizzie was excited for you and she chatted animatedly to you the whole ride home. Once she helped you inside and made sure you were settled in, she asked, “Do you want me to stay with you?” 

“No that’s alright, I think I’m going to call Jake,” you said, trying to put a smile on your face for her benefit. 

“Alright dear, well it was wonderful to see you, and I am so happy for you and Jake!” her excitement causing you to smile for a moment longer before you see her out.

As you close the door you called out after her, “Oh Liz?”

“Yeah?” she asked, turning to look at you. 

 

“Will you keep this a secret from Beau for a bit? I want to tell him my own way,” you requested, hoping she would agree. 

She smiled brightly, a devious look in her eye at the thought of surprising her husband, “Oh of course! I wouldn’t want to take that moment from you. Let me know if you need any help planning anything okay?” 

“Okay, I will. Drive safe!” you called out before stepping inside and closing the door. 

Once it was shut you pulled out your phone and wrapped your now shaking frame in the throw blanket that you kept out on the couch. You clicked on Jake’s contact, the icon saved to your home screen under Hubby. You paced in front of the windows of your living room a few times before pressing the call button. 

When you pressed call, it didn’t even ring before being sent to voicemail. Your heart hurt, and tears sprung into your eyes. He probably didn’t have a signal and he didn’t expect you to be pregnant, but there was something inside you that screamed Why didn’t he pick up the phone? Does he know? How could he possibly know? Maybe he- you shook your head, trying to block out the intrusive thoughts that were trying to take over your mind. You tapped on Annie’s number in your contacts, hoping she’d answer. The phone rang three times before finally clicking through, “Hello?” she spoke into the receiver

“Hey, how are you?” you asked. Now that you had made contact, telling her suddenly seemed like a monumentally terrible idea.

“Err, I’m okay, I’m working,” your sister replied, clearly unsettled. You never usually called during the weekend, and certainly not while she was working. The last time anyone had done that it had been to tell her about the passing of your grandmother, “Is everything okay?” she asked, worry laced in her voice. 

You couldn’t back out now, you had to tell her, because she’d never buy that you wanted to catch up and quite frankly, you weren’t sure you would be able to keep yourself from crying much longer. 

“Are you okay?” she asked again, apologising as she made her way through the throngs of children she had been supervising during afternoon garden playtime and into a more private area where she no longer had to strain her ears to listen to you. You heard a door shut behind her and suddenly the ambient noise of the garden, the children and the blowing wind disappeared, much to your relief, you hadn’t realised how much the sound of kids had been making you feel worse.

“I’m okay,” you lied, “I’m pregnant!” you tried to sound excited, but tears bubbled in your throat and your voice came out wobbly and uncertain.

“Oh my goodness! That’s amazing!” she screamed, “I’m so excited! Does Jake know? Ooh! Are you going to do one of those cute Pinterest reveals? Oh my god this is going to be so great! You HAVE to film it and send it to me, I want to see his face! How far along are you? Are you--”

“ANNIE!” you snapped, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -- I’m so sorry,” you sobbed, your legs buckling underneath you and dropping you onto the floor with a painful crack of your knees.

“Is there something wrong with the baby?” she asked. You could practically see her standing there in front of you, one hand clasped in front of her mouth, a horrified expression on her face, it made you feel so much worse.

“No,” you whispered, “There’s something wrong with me.”

“What do you mean? Do you need me to fly over? Is Jake with you?” she asked, her words coming out in a panicked rush, and you could hear her rustling around in the background of the call. 

“Annie, what if I turn out like mum?” you said, “What if I hate them? What if something happens to Jake and I turn out like her?”

Annie was quiet for a second, “Honey, that’s never going to happen,” she whispered into the receiver, “It’ll never happen because if anything happens to my niece or nephew I will come down to California and kill you,” she joked, eliciting a watery laugh from you.

“In all seriousness, Y/n, I think you’re going to be an amazing mom. You’re kind, you’re caring, you’re gentle, and most importantly, you’re willing. This is what you have wanted since you were old enough to understand, mom… Mom became a mom because she thought that was what the world wanted. She had us to become the picture perfect family and when dad died, she couldn’t be bothered with keeping up appearances,” she said, “You wouldn’t know, because we don’t really talk about this, but when dad died, mom didn’t get any worse. The only thing that changed was that she didn’t talk to us anymore. Before then, dad took care of us, brought us to school and helped us with the homework. Her contribution as a parent extended to showing up at PTA meetings, dressing us all nice for school pictures and dishing up punishment whenever she thought we needed it. Mom was never good.”

“What if I find out it’s not what I wanted? What if I hold my baby and I look at it and I realise I made all the good bits up?” you sobbed

“Oh you will. You’ll hold the crying kid in your arms and your ears will ring and you’ll be desperate for sleep and you’ll wonder why on earth you even made the nugget. And then it’ll say ‘mamma’ and it’ll waddle over to you, or wave or smile for the first time, it’ll give you their first drawing and you’ll get it, even if the drawing is terrible, or they fall and hit their head and cry some more. Y/n, every season in life will have regrets, you can’t always be happy. You won’t get everything you want, and that’s good, because if you did you wouldn’t appreciate life as much as you do. Let me put it in terms you understand,” she chuckled, “If humans were awake and energetic all the time, we’d never have invented coffee.”

You laughed a little, “Promise me that if I ever fail at being a mom, you’ll be on the next plane over,” you said, growing a little more serious.

“Pinky promise. If you fail at being a mom, I will personally come and set your head straight. But I won’t need to, because if you were going to fail at being a mom, you wouldn’t have called. And if you were going to fail at being a mom, you wouldn’t have spent so much of your life trying not to be like mom,” she said, “I take it you haven’t told Jake?”

“No, I tried calling but he’s spending the weekend with youth ministry leaders and they’re in Joshua Tree with horrible cell service,” you explained

“Don’t forget he’s there too, yeah? He wants this as much as you and I’m sure he’ll have his own little freakout about being a good dad, so when the time comes, let him. Let him figure things out, let him have a couple of firsts, both good and bad. I know it’ll be hard, but you have nine months more than he does to bond with baby, so let him catch up a little. And he’ll fuck up, just like you will, but if you’re going to expect him to help shoulder all the burdens, he’s gotta go through the learning process too,” she said, “Speaking of learning process, having kids doesn’t come with a manual, but I’ve been a preschool teacher for ten years, so if you have a question, I’m here. And I’ll give you a little more free advice: pray. For the good things, the bad things, for everything. And read the bible, too. I think Proverbs 31 gives you a good blueprint on how to be,” she finished.

You walked up to your shrine and opened up your bible to the book of Proverbs and turned the pages till you hit Proverbs 31, you read through the entire verse twice, your eyes flicking down to the end. "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’" 

““Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death,” you whispered, putting your phone away after hanging up, “Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for me so that I may be the mother my children need. Pray for me so that my children may rise up and call me blessed.”

—

Jake knelt down on the uncomfortable floor of the wooden cabin, the badly hammered nails digging into his legs. He leaned against the bed, hoping to alleviate some of the pain and brought his hands together in front of his head. 

“Our Father, Who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our tresspasses, as we forgive those who have trespassed against us, and Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from Evil,” Jake spoke, his voice echoed by Henry, doing the same behind him. 

He lowered his voice, wanting privacy for the next bit, “Father, I thank you for the opportunities you have given me. Thank you for the people you have brought into my life and thank you for the people you have taken out. Thank you for creating the people I love and for the people I dislike too, I hope all who deserve it feel Your love and obey Your Will. Please keep Y/n safe and healthy. She hasn’t been feeling well these past few weeks, and I worry about her. Please keep Bob, Maria, my team and my parents and friends in your thoughts too,” Jake whispered, 

“I confess, Father, that I have been impatient. I know You will Bless us when we are ready but waiting has been torture, I find myself unable to think about anything other than having a little one of our own and how much happiness it would bring us. I ask that you help me remember Romans 8:25: "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." when times become hard,” he continued.

“Lord, I pray that you might guide me, and help me use the gifts you have given me. You know what I need and what I want, Father, and I pray my life may be filled with some of both. Amen,” he finished, using the bed to stand up, rubbing his knees free of the bumps and dips caused by the rough floor of the cabin. 

He climbed into bed, pulling the duvet up to his chest, feeling cramped and claustrophobic on the tiny single bed and terribly lonely without you laying right beside him. He had been tired when the evening had come to a close but now that he was there, sleep wouldn’t come. He seemed to be the only one suffering from insomnia, though, as Henry had begun snoring as soon as his head hit the pillow, causing Jake to wonder how park rangers hadn’t already been called for breaking the 60 decibel noise ordinance. 

He tossed and turned for twenty more minutes, the words he had prayed reverberating in his head so loud that he was getting a headache and finally harmonising with Henry so perfectly that it was slowly driving him insane. 

Unable to take it any longer, Jake stood up and went for a walk. Walking along the main trail until he hit a fork in the road. He had taken this road not even an hour ago, but they had taken flashlights then and Jake had forgotten his phone, in the moonlight, he was entirely incapable of remembering which way to take. He concentrated, trying to hear the gentle noises of the river they had eaten next to but he couldn’t find it in the ambient noise of the forest, moving with the breeze. Then, carried by the wind, the sound of a quiet melody came through from his right. Throwing all caution to the wind, Jake took that path and walked down until he hit a small clearing. 

The bonfire they had made was still going strong, and in the flickering light of the flames, Bob carefully strummed the chords of Jake’s guitar. Seeing him standing there in the shadow of the trees, Bob stopped.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he called out. 

Jake shook his head, “Thinking too loud,” he confessed.

“You’re bunking with Henry and your thoughts are too loud? My, you must really be worried,” Bob chuckled.

“Not worried,” Jake replied, “Okay maybe a little worried,” he admitted, “We’re trying for a baby.”

“I thought you were going to wait a while?” Bob asked, bending over the guitar’s neck to fiddle with the strings, pretending to be doing something to avoid making Jake uncomfortable. He had been his friend long enough to know that showing any emotion except happiness made him intensely uncomfortable, and that Jake seemed to have an easier time talking when Bob pretended not to be listening.

“There’s a history of difficulties with conceiving in Y/n’s family, we figured we’d start trying now, you know… In case it takes a while,” Jake said, his eyes trained on the fire. 

“Ah,” Bob said, “That’s fair. How’s Y/n feeling about it?”

“Well, it’s been two months and we’re both feeling pretty impatient,” he replied, “It’s hard to just … let things happen.. You know?”

“I know,” Bob agreed, leaning back behind him to fish two sodas out of the cooler and giving one to Jake, “I was feeling the same about meeting someone before Maria,” he admitted.

Jake sighed heavily before continuing, “And I’m honestly scared shitless that once we have a kid, we’ll -- I’ll fuck shit up.” 

“If it makes you feel better, the Lord seems pretty forgiving about that,” Bob said, trying to add the shame and the sound of his thumping heart with a nervous chuckle.

“What do you mean?” Jake asked, looking up at Bob, his voice laced with concern, “You haven’t fucked anything up with Maria, I had her on the phone like, this week, she seemed fine.” 

“I fucked up,” Bob replied, “We fucked up,” he added, his voice low enough that it could have been covered up by the crackle of the roaring fire.

“Floyd, what did you do?” Jake asked, his voice almost as threatening as it had been the night of the bar fight. 

“I…nothing, nevermind,” Bob tried, taking a sip of the Sprite he had pulled from the cooler. 

Jake let out a laugh, “It’s too late for that Bobby-boy, tell me what you did.” 

“I don’t know man, you are her brother, I don’t need to get the shit beat out of me on a Church retreat…” Bob said, his voice trailing off on the last word. 

“Should have fucking thought of that before doing anything to my sister,” Jake said, the threat of bodily harm evident in the tone of his voice. 

“Hey, hey, hey! I didn’t do anything she didn’t ask me to do, okay,” Bob exclaimed in outrage at the accusation, “This fuck up is on both of us!” 

Jake heaved out a large sigh before demanding, “Last time. What. Did. You. Do?”

“Nothing… -- We didn’t sleep together,” Bob said nervously, his hands gesturing wildly in front of him, “Qualifies as heavy petting at most.” 

Jake grabbed the collar of his shirt, standing up and lifting Bob up with him. For an agonising minute, Bob thought Jake might punch him but as soon as Jake had lifted up a fist, he had lowered it again, “I can’t really say anything, just -- just take care of her, you know, and keep the rest of it for the wedding night.” 

“I take it y’all did the same?” Bob asked, one hand coming up to run through his hair as Jake let him go and stepped back. 

“Absolutely not,” Jake replied, his voice sounding final. 

Bob winced at the tone, “I didn’t mean to --”

“Got so close though,” Jake chuckled, “And I was the one to stop it, if you’ll believe that.”

Letting out a laugh Bob replied, “Now you’re just making things up.”

“You wound me,” Jake said, raising a hand up to his pec, looking down at it like he was trying to keep himself from bleeding out, “Look at me, wounded,” he joked. 

“So you’re not mad?” Bob asked, his voice nervous. 

“I never said that, but I don’t get to judge,” Jake replied, “Not my job. And if He forgives you for it then there’s no reason I shouldn’t either.”

Bob nodded, staring at the bonfire’s dying flames, “Pray for me and I’ll pray for you?” he offered, “For the baby, I mean.”

“Now?” Jake asked.

Bob shrugged, “Seems as good a time as any…” he said, “I’ll start if you want?”

Jake shook his head, “I think I know the right way to start,” he said. Jake took a deep breath, pausing for a second to gather himself, looking up at Bob, he started into one of his favourite prayers, “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death,” he paused, waiting to see if Bob would take it from there. 

“Holy Mary we pray to you today so the Lord may bless Jake and Y/n with the child they desperately want, and that when the time comes and they fall pregnant, that Y/n may be healthy and enjoy every minute of the nine months their blessing will take to arrive. I pray Saint Joseph guides Jake along the path of Fatherhood, and that you, Saint Mary, help Y/n become the mother the child needs and that she would have liked as a girl. I hope the child is healthy and happy, that they learn to follow the Word and that they never stray far from His teachings,” he said, then, stealing a side glance at Jake, he added, “I also pray that Jake and Y/n learn to be more patient, and listen to Galatians 6:9, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time --” Bob began, his retelling of the verse rudely interrupted by a sharp slap to the back of his head.

“You’re a prick,” Jake said before adding, “Mother, Mary, please watch over Bob and Maria, and remind them of Romans 8:25, “But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” 

Bob let out a laugh, “I’m the prick?” he asked, before concluding the prayer, “Please guide us both closer to your immaculate self, and let our actions honour God’s will. Amen.” 

“Amen,” Jake said a second later. 

“Well that was interesting,” Bob said with a laugh. 

Jake rolled his eyes, “You are the biggest shit stirrer I’ve ever met, you know that?” 

“Yeah, I do,” Bob said with a smile, “Soon I’ll be your family too, no way of getting rid of me now.” 

��I don’t know, I think I could probably bury you out here somewhere, help Maria move on with….Coyote, yeah Coyote,” Jake said, one brow raised. 

Bob let out a nervous laugh, the colour draining from his face, “You wouldn’t,” he said, his tone contradicting his words. 

Jake just let out a deep laugh, almost falling off the log he was sitting on, “You’re right, I wouldn’t. But that has more to do with the fact that Maria scares me than my self control.”  

Bob nodded, a smile cracking over his face, “She is a little scary, isn’t she?” 

“When she wants to be,” Jake said, “But who do you think taught her that?” 

“It wasn’t you Bagman,” Bob said with a laugh, “I believe wholeheartedly that it was your mom.” 

“You might be right there, she and Nonna have this way about them,” Jake said, shivering slightly at the thought of his mom and grandma’s abilities to scare people. 

Checking his watch, he realised the time, “Well Bobby, we should probably get back to bed.” 

Bob nodded, “Yeah, you gonna be able to sleep?”

“Probably not, but that’s what the coffee is for right?” Jake asked, a tired smile on his face. 

Bob just nodded, “It’ll give you practice for when the baby you’re trying for comes along.” 

Jake just laughed as the two of them stood up and made their way back to the cabins in a comfortable silence. 

—

It started about twenty-five miles outside of Joshua Tree, the ringing. Jake and Bob’s phones were blowing up with notifications all at once. Things they hadn’t seen all weekend due to their lack of service. 

Bob picked up his phone, scrolling through the notifications, “Um..Jake?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Jake said, glancing over at him, “What’s up?” he asked, upon seeing the concerned look on Bob’s face. 

“There’s an email here, titled, ‘Father John’s Funeral Arrangements’,” he said, sounding confused, “And I have ten missed calls from Cheryl, you know the Church’s scheduling secretary?”

“Are you…Are you serious?” he asked, his attention now solely focused on Bob. 

“Jake, watch the road!” Bob shouted, and Jake cussed as he looked forward and saw a line of stopped traffic, slamming on the brakes and steering the truck off onto the sandy shoulder, he just missed the minivan in front of him. 

Bob looked at him concerned, “You good man?” 

“Yeah, I’m okay. Are you okay?” Jake asked, making sure that the rough stop didn’t cause any damage to any of the cars around him. 

“I’m alright, I think we need to stay here a minute though, call the church,” Bob said quietly. 

Jake just nodded, he and Father John weren’t the closest but he did think that the man was a damn good priest. He heard Bob talking to who he assumed was Cheryl on the phone as he watched Henry’s truck pull up behind him, the man got out and walked to Jake’s window. 

Just as Jake rolled it down, Bob hung up the phone. 

“You boys alright?” Henry asked, “I know you’ve got a new wife Jake but really shouldn’t be on the phone and driving.” 

“I wasn’t,” Jake answered, a little offended that the man thought so little of him. Before he could defend himself further, Bob cut in, “Father John passed away last night,” he said quietly. 

“What?” Henry asked, his eyes growing large as he looked between Bob and Jake. 

“We got emails about it, you’re on them too,” Jake said, grabbing his own phone from the console, he unlocked it to see that you had called him several times and left several messages. There were about a hundred unopened notifications, twenty of them from you.

He closed his eyes, rubbing his head with his baseball cap before placing it snugly back on. Bob and Henry were talking and the rest of the men were probably wondering what was happening, “Alright,” Jake said, interrupting the conversation, “Let’s get home, there’s nothing we can do for anyone stuck three hours away with limited phone service, right?”

Bob nodded, “He’s right Henry, Cheryl said that they were following Father John’s wishes and that one of the other priests from our sister church would cover masses until a replacement can be assigned by the diocese.” 

Henry let out a strangled sigh, “You’re right, let’s get home.” 

Jake rolled up his window and merged back into traffic, his phone still in his hand, all the messages from you were increasingly more concerning. 

Saturday 12-noon

Mine <3: Jake, call me when you can.

Mine <3: It’s important. 

Saturday 1 PM

Mine <3: I don’t know what to do, I need to talk to you. 

Saturday 3PM

Mine <3: Not being able to tell you this is making me feel sick.

Mine <3: Please call when you are able. 

Saturday 10PM

Mine <3: Jake, where are you? 

Mine <3: I need to get you a sat phone next time. 

Saturday 12-midnight 

Mine <3: Please call me soon.

Mine <3: I don’t want you to hear this from anyone else. 

Sunday 8AM

Mine <3: No mass this morning

Mine <3: When you get back into range you will know why

Mine <3: Call me when you can. 

Jake didn’t know what to do, when he tried to call, his phone said it didn’t have enough service. The messages weren’t much more descriptive than the texts, just saying that the two of you needed to talk and that you had news. 

He drove on, him and Bob sitting in a tense silence, by the time they had service again, Jake’s nerves were fried. He hit the call button on your contact as soon as he was able and had the phone pressed to his ear, “Come on baby, pick up, pick up, pick up…” he said under his breath. Jake could feel Bob’s eyes on him, but he didn’t care if his friend heard the call, he just had to know that your messages were about what he thought they were and not something to do with you. 

Finally, on the fourth ring, you picked up the phone. Glancing at the dash, Jake realised that you had probably gone back to sleep after the eight o’clock messages, considering it was only eleven now. 

“Jake?” you asked, your voice a little rough from disuse. 

“Baby? What’s wrong?” Jake asked, “I got all of your messages, and a few more. We know about Father John,” he rushed out, “What did you need to talk to me about?”

He heard you take a deep breath on the other side of the line and there was only a moment’s hesitation before you answered, “Oh, that was it. I just wanted to spare you from finding out from someone else is all,” you said. 

“Are you sure that’s it?” Jake asked, “It sounded like there was something else. Have you been to the doctor?” 

Another pause before, “No that’s it. I made an appointment for this week,” you said in reply. 

“Okay, we are on our way back. I’ll be home in a few hours,” he said, still not totally convinced there wasn’t something else wrong. 

“I’ll see you then, do you and Bob want me to make you something for lunch?” you asked, hoping a change in conversation would help distract him from your earlier panicked text messages. 

“Sure, anything you want to make would be great,” he replied, “See you soon honey.” 

“I love you,” he heard you say softly. 

Jake’s mouth quirked up in a small smile, “I love you too.” 

A second after he hung up the phone, Bob asked, “Everything alright?” 

“I think so,” he replied, “I don’t know, she seemed like she was hiding something but I’m not sure what it would be. She has been acting strange recently.” 

“Are you sure she isn’t pregnant?” Bob asked, trying to lighten the mood some. 

Jake shrugged, trying to put the pieces together, “If that’s all it is, I’m going to be the happiest man in the world.”

Bob nodded, “I’m sure she is fine, you’ll know when you get home anyway.” 

“Yeah, maybe she is just waiting to tell me when I get home,” Jake agreed, feeling a little lighter even though his mood was thoroughly soured by the passing of their church’s most trusted guide. 

---

You were sitting in Jake’s truck, waiting for him to come back out of the house. He had been on edge ever since he had received the news about Father John, with his mission coming up at work and you being ‘ill’ he had a lot on his plate. He rushed out of the house, his tie held in his hand, and a few notecards almost falling out of his pocket. He climbed into the driver’s seat of the truck and put it into gear, backing out of the driveway and almost taking out your mailbox in his hurry. 

“Jake!” you chastised, “We are only running a few minutes late and we are still an hour early for the funeral. It’s going to be alright,” you said, taking his hand in yours across the console and gently prying the tie from his grip. “Take a deep breath,” you tried, squeezing his hand in yours. 

He glanced over at you, an annoyed expression on his face. You raised an eyebrow at him, rubbing one thumb over the back of his hand, he turned his attention back to the road for a moment before looking back at you. He took a deep breath, pushing it out and you felt his hand relax in yours. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, his eyes now focused on the road, “I’ve been a bit of an ass haven’t I?” he asked, his mind wandering back through the events of the morning. You hadn’t been feeling well and laid in bed much later than usual. When you struggled out of bed to make breakfast, against Jake’s insistence that he could do it, you had gotten sick at the smell of his coffee. Then Bob called and said that the florist had not yet delivered the flowers from the parish to Father John’s funeral service, then Decan Dan had called him and asked if Jake could give a short eulogy. With the mission coming up and all of the other things piled up on top, Jake hadn’t been in a good mood at all today. He took another deep breath, risking a glance over at you to see if you were mad, he had been rather short with you earlier. 

“It’s alright, you are under a lot of stress right now,” you said, giving him a reassuring smile. While you loved him dearly, you knew that when Jake was feeling overwhelmed he had a tendency to snap out at people, it didn’t happen often and that didn’t make it okay, but in this case you had decided to let it go. The two of you had bigger fish to fry, Jake just didn’t know it yet. 

“Have you been to the doctor yet?” he asked, his brows creasing in the middle as he slowed down to stop for a red light. Turning to look at you he just missed the look of guilt that had settled over you. It had been almost a week since Elizabeth had forced you to the urgent care for a check up where you discovered that you were pregnant. You just hadn’t been able to find a way to tell Jake. 

“I have an appointment for later this week,” you replied, which wasn’t exactly a lie, you did have an appointment at the OBGYN for them to do a preliminary check on the baby. 

“Okay, good,” he said, his brows still creased as he accelerated, the light turning green, “You don’t think there’s anything seriously wrong do you?” he asked quietly, you almost didn’t hear him. 

“I’m sure that I’m fine, probably just too much stress from being in contact with you all the time,” you said, trying to lighten the mood. 

Jake sighed, his face contorting into something that almost resembled anger, “It’s not funny Y/n, what if you have cancer, what if you are dying?” he asked seriously. 

“I feel like I would know if I was dying, Jake,” you tried again, you were starting to get nervous, you were only a few minutes from the church and your goal had been to calm him down not rile him up more. 

He opened his mouth to say something, but you stopped him with a raise of your hand, “I know I’ve had some weird symptoms recently but I think it could just be my hormones since I quit my birth control,” you said, trying to brush over the topic. 

Jake’s mouth snapped shut and he guided the truck into the church’s almost empty parking lot. He flicked the key off and the humm of the engine cut out, leaving the two of you to sit in silence for a moment. You were going to try and say something again but at that moment Jake threw open his door and got out. You watched as he closed it, a little harder than necessary, before he wiped a hand down his face looking frustrated. 

You knew that it would only piss him off further if you opened the door for yourself so you waited for him to come around to your side of the truck. When he opened the door for you, presenting you with his hand, you swung your legs across the seat, taking his hand, you pulled him towards you with a sharp tug. Jake wasn’t expecting it and he moved somewhat surprised towards the truck. 

Reaching out, you tucked the collar of his shirt up, taking the tie you had saved from his grip earlier and slipping it around his neck. Wrapping it around itself and pulling the long end through, you tugged it gently until the knot rose to the top, just under his neck. Tucking the sides of his collar back down, you smoothed your hands over his chest, using the lapels of his suit jacket to pull him into a gentle kiss.

As the two of you parted he let out a quiet sigh, one of his hands resting on your cheek and the other on your thigh playing with the hem of your black dress, “I just don’t understand why you aren’t more worried,” he said, his eyes raising from your lap to your eyes. 

You opened your mouth to respond but he interrupted you, “No you had your turn to talk and now I get mine. You are my wife and I love and respect you dearly, but I am worried about you. Baby you went from drinking seven billion cups of coffee a day to throwing up at the smell of it. You have been acting strangely, eating pickles, and been overly emotional, and I mean that in the nicest way. I just think there is something wrong, and –”

Jake was cut off by you pulling him into a kiss, he tried to pull back from you to say something else, but your grip on him was too tight. When you finally parted, you rested your forehead against his, “You wonderful, stupid, caring man,” you said quietly opening your eyes to look into his.  

You couldn’t wait any longer to tell him, you couldn’t keep him in any more suspense, “I’m pregnant, Jake,” you said, pulling back some so you could watch his face for a reaction, “I found out this weekend, Lizzie made me go to urgent care when I fainted and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I just didn’t know how and I wanted it to be spec–”

Jake cut you off with another kiss, you could feel him smiling widely, his lips tight against yours. He pulled away with a laugh, taking a few steps away from you and the truck before turning back and pulling you into his arms in a tight hug, “Really?” was all he could think to ask. 

“Yes,” you replied, pulling him tighter to you, “The woman at urgent care said maybe two weeks along, but I have an appointment this week with my doctor to get a better estimate.” 

“Why were you in urgent care?” he asks suddenly concerned, “Wait, did you say that you fainted? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I didn’t want you to worry,” you said quietly, the look of joy slowly melting off your face.

“Hey, you’re my wife, you can tell me anything, especially if it has to do with your health, okay?” Jake asked, “Promise me you’ll tell me if something is wrong in the future?” 

You nodded, “I promise,” you said and he pressed a quick kiss to your forehead. 

He helped you down from the truck, one hand braced against your nonexistent bump and the other supporting your back, a huge smile splitting his face. 

“Honey?” you asked him. 

“Yeah?” he replied, taking your hand and locking the truck. 

You hesitated for a moment, not wanting to ruin his fun, “We are about to attend a funeral,” you said rather bluntly. 

Jake looked at you, his face still forming a smile as he said, “Yes I know that,” he replied. 

“Well you might want to try and wipe the smile off of your face then,” you told him with a giggle of your own, “Don’t want anyone thinking you’re glad the good father is dead or anything.” 

Jake spluttered at your comment, the smile still on his face, “I don’t know if I can,” he said, trying his hardest to look sad. You just shook your head at him as you entered the church. 

You helped Jake set up the church for the funeral, placing flower arrangements and pictures around the space, by the time you were done, the church was looking forlorn but brighter. The new priest who was going to be taking over for Father John was supposed to hold the funeral mass for the older priest and Jake was talking him through a few things. By the time people started to file into the church, you had taken a seat in a pew, feeling a bit light headed. 

You pulled out a bottle of Gatorade, taking a sip and closing your eyes, letting the sugary drink work its way into your system. 

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Elisabeth asked, sitting down next to you, placing a hand on your leg.

"A little dizzy," you replied, opening your eyes to see her looking at you with a bright smile, "This is so exciting! Have you thought of how to tell Jake?"

“How to tell Jake what?” Bob asked, scaring the life from you. 

“Um, to tell Jake that…I broke a nail,” you said, your lie as unconvincing as the face you made trying to think of it. You could see Lizzie roll her eyes at your poor attempt at lying over Bob’s shoulder. 

“You’re pregnant aren’t you?” he asked, a knowing look on his face. 

You tried to cover up the shock that struck you but all that could come out of your mouth was, “How did you know?”

“It was the way you talked to Jake on the phone last weekend, and how he’s smiling today. He can’t hide any emotion that crosses his mind can he?” Bob asked, chuckling a little, “Congratulations, I’m really happy for you two.” 

You nibbled your bottom lip, "Thank you, he was so worried and so scared and I just couldn't keep it from him!" you whisper shouted, a small smile etched on your lips.

"You should have, he looks as happy as he did on your wedding day," she giggled, "People will get the wrong idea."

"What's up with Jake," Cyclone asked, joining his wife on the pew next to you.

"Err.." Lizzie offered.

“Jake’s sister-in-law is pregnant, we got the news five minutes ago,” you replied.

“That’s wonderful, but people are starting to notice,” Cyclone said, “Mrs. McCreedy has already asked me if you were pregnant, because that’s the only reason she could think of for him to be smiling.”

“Huh,” Bob said, “Well… That was a fairly close guess…” 

Cyclone hummed, he turned around to wave down Peter and Matthew, the triplets having been left at home with a new babysitter. They were still too young to properly grasp the concept of a funeral and as this one was open casket, as per Father John’s request, The Simpsons’ didn’t really want to have to deal with the questions as well as manage their own grief. 

The boys shimmied into the pew, walking past their parents to sit as close to you as possible. 

“How are you two holding up?” you asked, wrapping your arms around the boys. 

“I’m doing okay, but Matthew hasn’t slept too well since Father John’s falls,” Peter leaned in close to whispered into your ear, “He’s been having nightmares,” 

“I have not!” Matthew protests, a deep blush turning his ears a dark burgundy and slowly creeping down his neck. Behind him, Elisabeth mouthed ‘He has’. You looked at Matthew with a frown, gently running your hand through his hair.

“There’s nothing wrong with having nightmares, it doesn’t make you any less brave. Jake and I have nightmares, and I’m sure Daddy does too,” you said, “And Peter used to have nightmares when he was your age.”

“No I didn’t! You’re a liar,” he exclaimed, jumping up from the seat, attracting looks from the people in the pews around you.

“Oh, so I didn’t have to hold you while you fell asleep after you watched an episode of Thomas The Tank Engine?” you asked him, your tone questioning. 

“No,” he answered too quickly, “I’m not scared of a cartoon,” he added. 

Matthew smiled next to him, “So if I ask to watch it later --”

“If you do that I will hide Mamma’s creepy old doll in your bed,” Peter said quickly. 

The smile vanished from Matthew’s face and the two boys settled down, their parents both giving them harsh looks for drawing attention during the funeral. Jake helped to lead the proceedings and by the end of the services, the smile he was trying so hard to keep off of his face was still there. 

“Mr. Seresin,” Mrs. McCreedy called, “Why is it that you have been smiling this whole service, is there something good you’d like to share with the group.” 

You quickly joined Jake’s side, plastering a smile on your own face before answering, “Well Mrs. McCreedy, just before the service we received word from Texas that our Sister-in-law is expecting another baby,” you said excitedly, “And we are just so thrilled for them.” 

When Jake looked at you, a bit of confusion on his face, you nudged him, hard. He immediately turned back to the older woman, “Oh yes, my brother Tony’s wife is expecting another little one,” he said with a smile. 

“Well,” Mrs. McCreedy said with a smile, “How blessed for them, maybe the two of you will be so lucky soon enough.” 

“We hope so,” you replied. 

Once everyone had a convincing story as to why Jake couldn’t keep the smile off his face, the rest of the day went rather smoothly. On the way home, he looked at you and you could feel the question he was about to ask, “We don’t tell anyone yet but our families,” you said quietly, “I just, I want to keep our little bean a secret a while longer, so they are just ours.” 

Jake nodded, “Alright, if that’s what you want darlin’.”

“I was thinking we could ask Bob and Maria to be the Godparents, what do you think?” you asked him, taking his hand in yours. 

Jake gave you his megawatt smile before answering, “I think that sounds great, I’m sure they will be so honoured.” 

You smiled back at him, bringing his hand down to rest on your still flat stomach for the rest of the drive home. 

[lululawrence]

lululawrence’s August 2021 Fic List

Previous Fic Lists / Lulu's List Podcast Masterpost

I'll be honest, I usually say something nice about the past month here and do a little thing about how much I loved the fics I read and look forward to sharing what I loved about them them with you now, but I barely survived August, y'all. I don't think my brain actually did survive it completely. Please know the few fics I did manage to finish reading absolutely 100% helped me keep what little sanity I have left. So, authors? I'm raising a massive fucking glass to all of you. I love you more than you can ever know lol

August's podcast has finally arrived! It only took three attempts at recording to finally be completed without any massive issues and here we are. Whew. It feels great to have had that time to talk in some more depth about what I loved about each fic, so I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoy making it.

As always, be sure to show your love and appreciation for all of the hard work our fandom authors have put into their fics with kudos, nice comments, and (when applicable) reblogging their fic posts!

obsessed by @disgruntledkittenface / disgruntledkittenface (100, NR, Nick/Harry, Drabble, Meet Cute, Face Masks, she wrote this for me for my birthday and posted it on Grimmy's last day with R1 and it was just the most perfect timing, This fic was so sweet and after weeks of not having time to read anything, I had the perfect fic to read on repeat until I had time for more than 100 words, Bless you Maggie)

Home Again...Winter Harlow by @dandelionfairies / dandelionfairies (28k, T, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, Meet Cute, Chef Harry, Louis works in Gemma's shop, It's very Hallmark Movie-esque, complete with the town name and plot and everything, it is so so cute, Fluff, Flirting, All the warmth and softness you need)

Blow Me Away by @ladyaj-13 / LadyAJ_13 (6k, E, Liam/Louis, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Blow Jobs, lmaooooooo, I mean, It is all about blow jobs but more about Liam's aversion to them, and GOOD HEAVENS the incredible communication they finally have is SO HOT, WORK OUT THOSE PROBLEMS BOYS, but also the way that Louis talks with the other guys to figure out what's going on, I about died but it does sound about right lol)

Getting a Head for Heights by @ladyaj-13 / LadyAJ_13 (4k, T, Greg/Lousi, Uni AU, Friends to Lovers, Sharing Clothes, Denial of Feelings, This fic is just so soft and silly and omg I loved every fucking moment of it)

Milk Kinship by @jaerie / jaerie (22k, E, Harry/Louis, 1D A/B/O fest fic, alpha Louis, omega Harry, nursemaid Harry, Employer/Employee Relationship, kinda? like there's defo power imbalance there, but it's consensual sooooo ¯\__(ツ)__/¯, breastfeeding, lactation kink, like the MOST lactation kink hahaha, angst with a happy ending, I thought I'd already read this but remembered I didn't and had to remedy immediately, Kinky and hot af as per usual haha, highly recommend if that's your thing lol)

The Stories They're Not In by @a-brighter-yellow / abrighteryellow (11k, E, Shawn/Niall, Heartbreak Weather fest, Song Fic, Based on San Francisco, Rocketman AU, mostly except make them American and a few other changes, but the vibe is totally still there, Niall is Bernie and Shawn is Elton, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Period Typical Homophobia but only in small doses, musicians, This fic is just so fucking soft and glorious the way it is all navigated and damn, i just loved it, it had it's own ambiance to it too?, i felt like i was entering a different world whenever i picked it up to keep reading)

Can't Buy My Love, Can Buy Me Dinner by @ladyaj-13 / LadyAJ_13 (10k, G, Harry/Louis, Uni AU, Enemies to Lovers, kind of, flashbacks, Zouis friendship, This fic is so fun and simple but also not at the same time, the emotions and motivations for everyone is so complex and real, it makes it so what could be an easily cliche and silly fic actually has so much depth and heart to it, I can't even begin to explain just please read it)

Until That Day by @kingsofeverything / kingsofeverything (45k, E, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, Runaway Bride AU, Enemies to Lovers, Established Narry but endgame Larry, Newspaper Columnist Louis, Baker Harry, Sarah and Mitch are Harry's best friends and omg I love them SO MUCH in this fic, The secondary characters bring so much color and flavor to this if that makes sense, The adaptations that were made to update the movie and make it British were incredible, I loved them so much and appreciated the adjustments that were made, it made it so Harry and the fic had more depth and a bit more realistic resolutions, plus harry's family was a larger part of it and his nan omggggg, anyway i devoured this fic in a night instead of sleeping so, a+ 10 out of 10 would recommend)

The Rest Of My Life by @reminiscingintherain / reminiscingintherain (11k, M, Niall/Bressie, Heartbreak Weather fest, Song Fic, Based on Black and White, meet cute, age difference, size difference, Canon Compliant for the most part? I think?, Flirting, It kind of is a very sweet set of vignettes capturing moments of their relationship from the day they meet through until they're much older and settled down, It was so soft and gentle and I loved how Bressie was written as well as how determined Niall was, looooved it)

Don't Hold Back by @jacaranda-bloom / jacaranda_bloom (15k, E, Niall/Harry, Heartbreak Weather fest fic, Song Fic, Based on Cross Your Mind, Famous/Non-Famous, Pop Star Niall, Fan Harry, Banter, Fluff and Humor, This fic was so soft and so much fun to read, and she somehow made it so the fan/singer scenario actually felt realistic???, it was really impressive and so fun)

[jaylaxies]

Will you also write letters in the end of each chapter of to all the boys? I'm so excited to read it all I can't wait 🥺

omg yes i'll write letters for all four members sjdmdk im sorry im making y'all wait so much, i had the worst writers block and i ended up deleting almost the whole story because i didn't like how it was turning out <//3 but dw i've been writing it since the past four days or so?? but ive been slow cause im not home sjdkkd, the story will be like 10-11k words long and im at 7k already, so expect it to drop sometime the upcoming week‼️💙

[dreamdropsystemarchive]

It's okay! I like talking to you guys and don't mind waiting! It's fun talking with y'all. 🥺

And thank y'all! I hope it goes well too.. And yeah, Tumblr has a lot of people on it, but not as many as other sites, so it's easier to keep things hidden. I want my journal entries to be seen, but don't at the same time and it's kinda confusing.

Aww, thank you guys for the award! I've never gotten one before 🥺

Distractions are nice. They help a lot. TV shows are pretty fun sometimes!

I hope the system is doing well! And the research is going well I think..

I'm not feeling well tbh.. pretty tired and stressed because of my parents and flashbacks, but I've been working through it.

I hope so! It's nice talking with you guys.

And I just wanted to say that your guy's blogs have helped me a lot. I especially love the art and relate to a lot of the posts. Idk, just wanted to say that..

How are you guys doing?

-🌺

hello 🌺 anon! nice to see another ask from you- didnt see it immediately sorry about that-- thanks for waiting--

no we get that too-- we dont want our stuff to be seen but at the same time we do?? so we get people to interact with like you who are positive and supportive- but it also comes with hate from others so its hard-- we have 11k+ followers but like only a handful of people even see our stuff- we get positive and negative feedback-- so we hope its positive for you--

well theres your award- hope you like it :] many many awards to you we hope- 🏅 heres another one you deserve it.

yes TV is a very good distraction sometimes- haha sometimes not-- but do you have a fav tv show? we contantly have Criminal Minds play in the background. fav show for us (the Shane(s)) are proabably Skins UK?? we loved it- everyone's like omg Euphoria is amazing but like-- you want Skins UK?? THAT SHOW SLAPS- we also love anime/manga and our fav anime (for the Shane(s)) is problems Princess Tutu?? that anime is amazing!!

thank you-- were struggling today, yesterday was better?? but we're still here and still trying.. were glad your research is going well

were so sorry youre struggling-- we get that. parents and flashbacks have been troubling us, youre not alone, get time to relax and recharge from them we hope, try to do some enjoyable activies like watching tv, looking at comfort music/vids or colouring/drawing

and thank you we like talking with you too

were so glad our blog has helped! we try- we just post whats going on with us and stuff we created to cope and people... actually like it?? its weird.. but thank you-

were struggling-- mainly with blurriness and tics. but the blurriness is good somwhat? we could explain it but itd take forever so we wont bore you with the deets. but not that well.. sorry- how are you doing?? - Shane(s) and a bit of Andy

[butmakeitgayblog]

Love your writing. Fuck, your Clexa stories are 🔥. Always read your stuff as soon as it comes in. Fucking me up with feels, smut and the rest. Keep on being awesome.

Thank you dude 🥺 I'm home and working on demon again rn. It's at 11k and still not done omg this is ridiculous I hate it y'all better like this chapter or I quit 😂

You stay awesome too lovely, thank you for reading and this sweet message

[lolimnotheidi]

What omg y u gotta bring this up? 😂

Maybe Yuuri wants the other Suck and Blow. Just saying. 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[wlw-for-life]

Whaaaaat?!

OMG!!! I'm speechless!

What did I do to deserve u y'all!!!

Thank you y'all! Love you y'all 11k!!!

Thanks for following me!