#1. he's like a mama bird but in both the best and worst ways

[luazasvogel]

best way to get king to actually show any form of emotion is just mention his literal children or just imply cereus's existence.

[ketso]

Episode 1

It has been fifteen years that I have spent behind bars. Today, I am a forty-three-year-old free woman. I did my time, but none of it was good behaviour. My daughter, Wandisa, is a groovy beautiful woman now. She is twenty-five years old now. She's a sassy grown woman that I did my best to raise behind bars.

You see, her father is a married man who came into my life and turned my life upside down for the worst. I lost my jobs. My businesses. My reputation and my child. I needed to beg his wife to raise my child for me. But in the end, I had to remove her from that situation. Nathi had other children with his wife, Thandeka, and she had a way of differentiating between my daughter and her kids with Nkosinathi. So, I asked her to take my child to boarding school and just let her grow up there. They paid her fees. I did the rest from behind these bars.

"Mah!" She's here. My child. She's waiting for me. She's the spitting image of her father. But she's grown into this bright young woman that I'm so proud to call my daughter. Now, she's here to pick me up with her Polo TSI from prison. One day, I'm going to buy her one of the cars that I used to drive when I was hot and relevant.

She hugs me so tightly.

I'm so thankful that I detached her from Thandeka. When she went to university, she made sure that she visited me every weekend in prison, and we would just talk. I told her everything there was to know about me and everything that is true about her father and me. She told me that she still had a relationship with Thandeka and she likes that relationship because as distant as her father is her, she feels close to him because of Thandeka. Thandeka lets her visit the house as often as she likes. She has a relationship with her younger siblings. She's part of their perfect little family and I'm happy for her. All I'd ever want is for her to be happy. Honestly, it's the only thing that I can really offer her at this point.

We drive away from this correctional centre and when I see the sign "Never Again" staring at me, I swear that indeed, never again will I be behind these bars.

"I was watching this show called The Wire. When one of the main gangsters came out of jail neh - his name is Avon Barksdale - his best friend bought him new clothes to wear so he could throw the prison clothes out the window. I thought it was pretty cool. So here, I got you new clothes. Please lady - throw out the jail bird and be this glam mother that I know you really want to be inside", she says.

We both laugh.

She's such a silly little girl.

I'm changing into these high-waste baby blue pants and a white tank top. She even bought me heels.

"Now throw out those prison stuff! Whoooooo!" She says.

This child mara.

But I throw out my clothes and I do the whole "whoooooo" with her. It feels so good! So so good! Oh man! There's no better feeling than this.

I'm out. I'm with my daughter. Oh man. God is faithful. It's okay if I never see Nathi again. But I do need to get out there and make a plan for my daughter and I to move out of this "ama-rooms" situation that she lives in here in Orlando, Soweto.

We arrive at where she stays and there are no cars in the yard. I'm sure people have gone to work. She parks the car then she leads me to her room. She unlocks the security gate then the door. We walk in.

"Welcome home, mom. This is us for now." She says.

It's actually nice. It's a huge open plan space.

She has couches in here that look very expensive. It's one two-seater couch and two single seater couches. The two-seater couch is navy blue and the single couches are yellow.

In front of these couches is a mounted 65inch plasma TV. Then, there is her bed - a king sized bed that is dressed in Egyptian cotton bedding. This room feels like a hotel.

"It's not big kodwa -

"It's bigger than the cell I had to share with fifteen other people."

"Fifteen? Yho mama, I can't even host fifteen people in here. I wouldn't want to. They'd just mess up my stuff." She says.

I just laugh.

She's such a grown woman.

"I bought you some stuff. You can have the cupboard. I've emptied it. We will go shopping together and get you more stuff. I'll take the chest of drawers." She says.

The cupboard is black and just nice. There is space here. A lot of it. And it's nice space. The chest of drawers is wide and long, with ten drawers to it. It's black. It's beautiful. The one empty wall in here is a full mirror wall. This girl has taste. I'm even beginning to forget that we are in a township here.

I walk into the bathroom because I kinda didn't bath this morning. I didn't want to. I didn’t want anyone taking a chance on me because they knew that I was leaving. I didn't want anything ruining the chance of me being with my daughter this very moment.

The bathroom is tiled with grey tiles. Her bathtub is that stand alone bathtub and it's massive. She has a shower as well that is black and dimmed. Her basin is lovely. The toilet is stunning. There are Egyptian cotton white towels in here and they feel AMAZING!

"I bought you that pink salt from the taxi rank, mama. Bath yourself with it and just clean everything that you could have gathered inside. You are not going back in there. Okay?" She says to me.

"Okay, baby." I promise her with a smile.

"Please mama, feel at home. I'm stepping out to make some deliveries then I'm going to meet up with Senzi. I'll see you later." She says.

"Wandisa, kancane nje baby girl." I stop her before she dashes out.

She stops and gives me her undivided attention.

I know she sells clothes and does freelance writing and promo work. She says she makes forty thousand rands from her jobs every month. I know that Senzi is her boyfriend. He is the one who bought her that car she drives. Like I said, we spoke a lot during the visits.

"So, you still doing your piece jobs?" I ask her.

"I'm a businesswoman, mama. Who still wants to be an employee in this messed up economy where unemployment is at its peak and you have to depend on building someone else's dream just to make sure that you can eat at the end of every month? Hai ngeke bo. But I'm saving for a house, mah. With me being self-employed, I can't get credit, so I buy all my things cash and save for the really big things." She says. Ja no, these kids have their own way of thinking. Hai.

"USenzi yena? Is he still flying planes?" I ask. I know he's a pilot. She's very proud of it.

"Yeah. It's his job. An aeroplane is not exactly cheap to buy." She says.

"Is he away often?" I ask her.

"Ja, a lot actually. But it's perfect because it gives me a chance to get my business straight. Phela uyithanda ukufa i-attention lo mlisa. When he's around, Wandi goes MIA in his room. But today, I told him it's your first day back. So, I want to take you out to dinner and spoil you and just watch a movie with you even." She says.

"Ngiyabonga, nana. Be safe out there, okay?" I say.

"I will, mommy. If you need anything, I have left money for you on your side pedestal. It's one-thousand-five-hundred-rands. Here's a cellphone I bought for you. It's an iPhone. It has everything. When you've started up, please call me so I have your number. I've written my number down on paper. Use an Uber to go anywhere and everywhere you wish to go. And -

"Wandisa, ngizoba right. Just go." I tell her.

She smiles at me. She kisses me and says, "Sizoba right, mah. You are home now. I love you."

This means everything to me. ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

"I love you too, baby girl." I say.

Then, she's gone.

I start off by running myself a good bubble bath and I chuck the entire white groff salt bottle and pink salt bottle in the bathtub. I light the scented candles that I see around the bathtub. Then I sink myself into the water. I literally slide in and even let the water cover my face and hair. This room is definitely Sandton level, but the kids running and screaming in the streets is reminding me that I'm still in the township. I can't begin to describe how happy I am that I have a relationship with my child. There's nothing else that I want. Nothing.

I see products here that I can use. These are all the products she'd tell me about every time she would visit me. She would tell me that she got a promo job with these big brands and she would get paid in money and a supply of the products. I pick one range that focuses on uneven skin. I use that and start cleaning myself. She's actually doing okay for herself. I'm proud of my baby girl.

When I'm done bathing, I get out of the bathtub and I drain the water from the bathtub. I clean the bathtub then lotion myself. I also use her hair dryer to dry up my hair. Maybe I should take this money that she left for me and do something about this afro situation on my head. I wear the outfit that she brought to prison for me to change into. I like it. She definitely has style and taste.

I open my cupboard send I see some handbags in here. I take a small handbag and sling it across my body. I start up my cellphone and as promised, I phone her - dialling in the number on my side pedestal.

"Hello?" She answers.

"Wandi, it's me."

"Mah, hey. Okay, I'll save this number." She says.

"Okay. I'm going to a salon to do something nice with my hair. Can you recommend anywhere that I can go?"

"Hai bo, doing my hair is one of my businesses. I'll buy hairpiece and we can braid each other tonight." She says.

"Okay." I say.

"Mama, relax. Enjoy the TV, walk around the township. Go have lunch at a nice mall. Just please, enjoy yourself." She says.

"Okay baby. I'll see you later." I say.

"Later."

She hangs up.

Yho. I gave birth to something else.

I briefly Google Dr N N Buthelezi. He pops up and I see where his offices are based now.

I get an Uber to take me there.

The Uber arrives and indeed takes me to his offices. When I arrive at the hospital, I go to the doctor's suites and I find his offices. I walk all the way into his office then I bump into him talking to his receptionists. He looks at me. He stares at me. I stare at him.

"Hi", he says.

"Sawubona." I say.

"You can come through to my office", he says.

I'm glad he's not being hostile and horrible. I just follow him to his office.

"Can I offer you -

"Nathi, I'm not here for all of that. I just wanted to say thank you for raising Wandi. She's one hell of a woman with a beautiful spirit and I'm proud to be her mother. I know that you and Thandeka had your challenges with her, but you did well. She's a strong young woman that's even taking care of me now. I'm proud of her. I'm proud of everything she is. And I want to say thank you ukuthi despite everything else, you've been a father to her. A single father raising her with a stepmother. You know. That couldn't have been easy."

"Thandeka did all the heavy lifting. She even did the parts that I honestly couldn't do. Even now, her relationship with Wandisa is something I wish I had with Wandisa."

"Well, I'll be sure to thank her too. I hope the two of you are doing well."

"We've... we've actually decided to get a divorce. It's been finalized and everything. We went through too much and I suppose we reached a point of no return. We are great with co-parenting the kids and it's better this way. Maybe this will also help me co-parent better with you." He says.

"I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. She's a good woman."

"She is. But I've been destroying her for years. I love her enough to let her go. It's time." He says.

I nod my head.

"You look really well. You look as beautiful as I remember you to be the first time I saw you. Wow, Maphuthi. You haven't changed one bit or aged one year."

I can't help but blush.

"Can I maybe treat you to lunch?" He asks me.

"I was going to grab something quick then head back home. Wandisa has all these plans. And as overwhelmed as I am, I don't want to disappoint her. I mean she's giving up her time with her boyfriend just to spend time with me. So until she gets back home, I just want to be alone. I need to breathe a little bit, you know. I need the reality of being free to finally sink in." I say.

He seems to understand.

"Let me at least drive you home." He says.

That I don't say no to.

The car ride is nice. It's quiet.

"I'm in the process of buying Thandeka a new car. I'm thinking I should maybe get you something as well." He says.

"Why don't you buy your daughter a car first? She has a boyfriend buying her cars when her father is this generous about buying cars?" I say.

"Ngiyazama nje, Maphuthi."

"Angiyena uThandeka, mina. Let's just get that straight. Ungang'phapheli."

"I was just looking after the mother of my child."

"When did you realise that I was the mother of your child? I was inside a cell for fifteen years and you never even bought me a fizzer. Now you've suddenly grown generous enough to buy me a car?"

"Maphuthi -

"Lalela! I know that Thandeka is the love of your life. I don't need there to be equality in how you treat us. Besides, Wandisa is twenty-five years old now. What exactly are we co-parenting?"

He stops the car outside the rooms that Wandisa lives at. She's not back. Good. I'll have a minute to myself before she gets back.

"Uhambe kahle!" I step out the car and say.

"Maphuthi", he says.

I look at him.

"I didn't mean to offend you. I'm sorry." He says.

I nod my head.

"Your number? Can I perhaps have it?"

"For what?"

"Any emergencies. It's good for us to have each other's numbers. We share a child."

"If you have anything to say to Wandisa, you can contact her directly."

"And if I have something to say to you?" Him

I pull out my phone.

"What’s your number? I'll buzz you." I say.

He calls out his number then I punch it in my phone and buzz him. His phone rings then he says, "Got it. Thanks."

I nod my head, close the car door and walk into the yard as he drives away.

I finally see someone who lives here. A man who could be my age if not older.

"I've never seen you around here before", he says to me as I unlock the door.

"I'm Wandi's mother."

"Mother? Not sister? Are you sure?"

I uncomfortably giggle. I know I'm beautiful, but I don't like hearing it from other people.

"Chase", he says to me as he extends his hand for a handshake.

Men can't look like this, call themselves Chase and introduce themselves to me when I'm fresh out of prison and have been having sex with myself for fifteen years. It should be illegal. The palms of my hands are even beginning to sweat.

"Maphuthi", I say and shake his hand.

"What a pleasure", he says as he kisses my hand.

Yoh! Chase cannot do such things to me. He just cannot.

"So, you live in one of these rooms?" I ask him.

"Yeah actually. I just recently got divorced and my ex-wife sued me for everything you can think of. So until I find my feet again, this is the place I call home and that white Audi A4 is the car I call transport." He says.

"Any kids?" I ask him.

"Yep. Four. Three boys and one girl. Their mother has packed them up too and took them back to the UK without me. They won't even talk to me. I know I fucked up, but I don't deserve to not be in my children's lives. I definitely don't deserve for my wife to feed my mistakes to my children and have them view me different. You know?"

I just nod my head.

"Is Wandi your only daughter?" He asks me.

I nod my head and say, "Yeah. My only baby girl."

"You did great with her. She's amazing."

"It was mostly her father and her step-mother that raised her. I was in prison for the past fifteen years. I only came out this morning."

His aura immediately changes.

I just know I've led him to losing all interest in me.

"I'll see you around, Chase." I say.

I get into the room and close the door.

Silence at last.

I actually do nothing fancy with my time. I don't watch TV or listen to music or learn stuff off my cellphone. None of that. I just sit here, lie on my back, shut my eyes and simply breathe. That's it. That's all that life requires of me today. To just breathe.

In and out.

In and out.

In and out.

I think about the novel that I wrote and finished in prison. I told Wandi about it and she was so excited for me to come out so that she can help me promote it, get it in stores and have me make honest money out of it. If I can just get a laptop, then I can just view it on a machine one more time before I start printing and selling it. It's titled "A mother behind bars: materially misbehaving inside so she could be all that she wants to be outside."

I think about the people that I never wish to see again. I laugh at the moments that I had inside. I laugh at how hard I had to fight to get out and be here... like this... with my child. Fifteen years of being a child in a small shack filled with fifteen other children and we all get one plate of food a day. Whoever eats the fastest will sleep the most full. Whoever eats the slowest will be hungry before the others. That's what prison is like. It's a fight for survival every single day. And I survived. I sold drugs inside so I could give my child start-up capital for all these businesses that she has. Every time she made bad decisions and they cost her financially, I had to step in. I sold girls from the inside. You'd be surprised how much money this gives you on the inside. When she got this place and she was required to pay six months rent in advance, she came to me behind bars, and not to her father who is a specialized doctor and a half. I did what I had to do. And my baby is okay. So, my actions have never been in vain.

When I think about my mother and all that she failed to do for me... I could never be her. She let her boyfriend rape me the minute our father left us for another woman. Another family all together. I grew up knowing I was beautiful because all the men who touched me told me so. I grew up knowing that my beauty can get me anything because the teachers at my high school who took me to their houses told me that when they did things to me. Sleeping for something that I want became normal to me. It's like even when I started working... I slept with the right people to get the promotions that I wanted- no matter how brilliant I was at my job. Sad reality, but very true.

I'd lie to anyone that would listen that I was a spoiled daddy's girl whose father left businesses upon businesses for me. It made me feel like I was exactly like all the other kids who had fathers that never left them for other women - that chose them over leaving. And in a weird way, my little lie of my perfect father and all the things he was doing for me kept me going.

I started getting into crime out of greed I suppose. I could always do with an extra rand or two... I could always do with a house that had an extra brick or two... I could always do with a car that had some extra power or two... and in the end, the Buthelezis came into life and I went to jail for everything that I've ever done wrong in my life.

But now, I've done my time. Now, it's time to get my groove back.

I just need one night of passionate sex and I swear I'll even think a little bit better. Nathi is not on my list. Hell no. Chase was a strong contender, but now he's scared of me because I'm suddenly tattooed "convicted criminal" on my forehead to him.

Eish.

For now, let the hand do its job. I normally feel sleepy after helping myself. I guess the nap will be sweet and Wandi will wake me up when she gets back.

...

"Unjani umah wakho, Sthandwa Sami?" Senzi asks me as we both lie in the bathtub full of water, bath foam and relaxing bath oils. We are enjoying some champagne as well as we sit in here and just catch up with each other.

"She's good, baby. I'm just worried about her." I tell him.

"Why?"

"She just comes across as if she doesn't want to enjoy life because she still has to pay for her sins, you know? I don't want her to feel that way. She's my mother and I love her. I want a chance to be in her life and have her be in my life fully."

"Love, she just got out of prison. She's adjusting. It will take some time, but she will be okay eventually."

"I know... it's just..."

"Just what, babe?"

"Senzi, we all have one goal when we wake up everyday. Our goal is to return home untouched by the things of the world even though we live in it. No woman plans to meet her rapist on her way to school or work. No woman plans to meet situations that force her to make difficult decisions that have such consequences. I want my mom to know that I understand that she did what she had to do and it's okay. It's really okay. I want her to move on."

"I hear you, baby." He says. Then he kisses me.

"Maybe you should tell her that. It would mean the world to her." He says.

I nod my head.

"Have you spoken to your dad?" He asks me.

"Not really. Ubaba is not exactly keen about him and I having a father and daughter relationship."

"But, he just concluded his divorce. He needs a hug too. He needs the love and support that you are giving to your mother."

"I spoke to uKhanya. He says dad bought a new place and he is living his best life. Obviously, they visit him - uKhanya noKhosini. But, I don't think ubaba has room for me like that in his life. He never has" I say.

"Well, now that he is divorced -

"No, I don't even want to think like that. UMam'Thandeka has been nothing but nice and loving to me. More than ubaba even. I'm not going to insult her by even insinuating that she is the reason ubaba just never wanted me."

He is silent.

"Anyway, babe... I need to get going. I'm sure umama is wondering where I am." I say.

I stand up and get out of the bathtub.

"Baby! Wandi! Are you upset?" Senzi keeps saying as I make my way into his main bedroom and start lotioning myself.

I'm getting dressed in the blue denim jeans that I arrived in and the see-through shirt that I wore with it. I can get away with shirts like this because I'm the sexy lingerie and underwear kind of girl. I took after my mom with the wide hips, round ass and thin waist. But with my boobs - the Buthelezi family definitely gave me boobs for days. I've even gone for a boob reduction just to have them be a little smaller. They were making me look fat more than anything.

I don't tie my braids, I just let them hang from my head.

"Baby", he starts.

He is naked. He still lives at home and his mother hates me. He must get dressed before his mother just walks in here and shits on us. Thankfully, his bathroom is attached to his bedroom.

I'm still wearing my heel-like push-in sandals that have a transparent wrap over my foot. I don't like flat shoes. If you see me in a flat shoe, it's sneakers. I'm all about heels, so I have them in every sandal, slops, and morning shoes. All my boots have heels. I just don't understand flat shoes. They are uncomfortable and so unattractive. They just don't make sense to me. But a sneaker, I'll forgive for not having heels and that's me trying to be basic.

"Wandi", he says as he wraps himself around me. Okay, now he only has a towel wrapped around his lower body.

I finally look at him.

He is a very tall man. He reminds me so much of my dad. He is a successful career man who is good-looking and very charming. He has these small eyes that I love so much. Sometimes I tease him and tell him that he doesn't see me coming sometimes because his eyes are so small. He is a dark-skinned beauty... he looks Ghanaian. His mother is from Ghana and his father is Zulu. So, you can imagine how sexy his bone structure is and how deliciously tall he is. He couldn't be ugly even he wanted to and that Ghanaian sauce is heat deep on him. I can't help but smile at him. His smile defeats me all the time and he knows it.

He uses his body to push me and corner me against the wall of this bedroom.

"You know that I love you, right?" He says.

"I know", I say.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. Baby, I just want you to be happy." He says.

"I know. Sometimes it just feels like you don't understand where I'm coming from half of the time. You have your parents living under one house and you are an only child who does not have siblings scattered between different parents. I'm the girl whose mother spent the last fifteen years of her life in prison. I spent the last nine years building a relationship with my mother through prison bars and on weekends and public holidays only. My mother was a side chick who turned my dad's world upside down by being pregnant with me. My dad lived my entire life apologizing to his wife about the fact that I even existed. I barely have a relationship with him because his wife tolerated me more than he did. I don't have a perfect life, Senzangakhona. Nothing is normal about my life. I was raped as a six-year-old child and no matter how hard I try to get over it or forget about it, I look at my mother and I realise that raping women is a norm where I come from. I could have easily been her. Mam'Thandeka saved me from that. Sometimes, when you give me advice about my family, I think you romanticise how painful it is to be in my shoes sometimes. I try my best to not blame my parents for it."

He hugs me. We share a deep and long hug.

"One day, I'm going to build you a house on a plot that is far away from the busy streets of townships and cities. We will grow our own vineyard and have the perfect banana tree. We will have a huge yard that we will fill up with trampolines -

"For me to jump on and lose weight", I say and we laugh.

"And we will have a huge swimming pool that is built with rocks and bricks that were used to build Rome and we will have our little Italy in our backyard."

I laugh.

"And I'll give you one baby." I say.

"Only one?"

"Okay, maybe two."

"How about three or four?" He says.

"Okay. Only if you buy yourself your own airline and have other people make money for you so you can spend all your time with your four kids and me", I say.

"Anything for you, baby. Anything." He says.

"We will start our own family. Just you and me and our four bundles of joy."

"And we will protect them. We will love them. We will try very hard to make sure that it's different for them."

"What happens if we fail, Senzi?"

"We can only do our best, my love."

"What if one of us die and someone else must come in and replace one of us in their lives?"

"Ssssshhhhhhhh...." He says as he hugs me tighter, pulling my head towards his chest. He kisses the top of my head.

"God is hearing our prayers, my love. And His answers are yes and amen. Always remember that." He says.

Yes, he is a youth pastor.

I look up at him. We kiss.

...

My mom was fast asleep when I got back from Senzi's house. It wasn't even 7pm yet. I didn't wake her up because I just felt that maybe she needed the rest.

Today, we woke up and we prepared breakfast together. After we ate, I plaited her hair. It took us about three hours and we were just talking as I was braiding her hair. She was telling me about prison and that she went to see my dad yesterday. I don't know why she did that. We don't need him. We really don't. She must just let him be. Some things must stay where they are. Like him.

As we clean up the hairpiece on the floor, I see Khanya's car park at the gate. Khanya and Khosini are my brothers. They are my younger brothers that were birthed by my other mother, Thandeka. I can't even call her my stepmother. She was so much more than that to me.

These two come here so often that they even know how to get in and just be comfortable. Khanya is twenty-two years old and Khosini is nineteen. But they are both taller than me and they think they are hottest things since sliced bread.

We are really close - all three of us. We have another sister - Sinqobile. She's Khosino's twin. She unfortunately passed away when she and Khosini were a couple of months old. So, it's just us three.

"Hello, sis", my brothers greet me.

I wish I could ask them what they are doing here, but this is their world. I just live in it.

"You guys look so good. Nibuyaphi?" I ask them.

"I'm coming from work. This one, I just picked up from campus. We going to dad's place for a braai, so we came to fetch you", Khanya says.

"I wasn't invited to a braai nje. And you know I'm still hanging out with my mom. She just got back from prison." I say.

They both look inside of my room and they notice my mother. She is also looking at us.

"Sawubona, Mam'Phuthi." They both greet her.

"Hello", she says, making her way to the door where we are standing.

"You are so grown. The last time I saw you, you were in diapers". My mom says.

"Now, you are grown and annoying as hell." I say.

They all laugh.

"Ubaba really wanted all of us to come, Wandi." Khosini says.

"He didn't say anything to me and he has my number." I say.

"He didn't say anything to me neither. He told Khanya and Khanya just passed on the message to everyone." Khosini.

"Hamba, baby girl. I'll be okay." My mom says.

"I'll go if you all go to church with me tomorrow. Including you, mama."

"Hai hai hai!" Khanya and Khosini protest.

My mom laughs.

"You are the mam'mfundisi here. Not us." Khanya says and everyone laughs.

"Please guys. Just come. We will just attend the youth service. Senzi is preaching." I say.

"USenzi is a preacher?" My mom asks.

"Youth pastor." I say.

My mom seems surprised.

"Mah, that church is so huge. There are three different services on a Sunday. It accommodates 300 people at a time. Yoh, I'm sure pastor Senzi earns a lot of money from that church. That place is a business. It even has a mall inside, mama." Khosini.

My mom is in stitches.

"Why are you like this? You know it's his parents' church and they started it from nothing. All they had when it started was material to build a shack and land. They had that land and shack then grew it into what it is now." I say.

"Mama, it's a mall. It sells all sorts of religious things. Then it's stunning infrastructure and it's just a vibe. Mama, they have musicians, brand and marketing people. For a church? A church, mama?!" Khanya keeps saying and honestly, my mom is going to faint at this point from all this laughing.

I love how my brothers are even calling my mother, mah. I love these two idiots.

"Well, I'll go to church. Maybe, I can even find a job there for now just to keep busy", my mom says.

"Thank you, mommy."

"Fine. We will also go." Khosini says.

I smile.

"Now, let's go to dad's place." Khanya says.

I quickly shower and get ready as they sit outside on the stoep with my mom. They actually talk. Like really talk and laugh.

When I'm done showering, I look for an outfit to wear.

I pull out a dress that I haven't worn in a while. It's a short dress, but it's cute. I wear it with Jordan sneakers. I grab a bag and we use Khanya’s BMW 1 series to head to my dad's place. I sit in the front seat next to Khanya who is driving and Khosini the baby sits at the back. It's just always been that way.

...

I'm cooking in the kitchen and the guys are braaing outside. It's just the three of us and my dad. I honestly feel uncomfortable. I don't feel like this is home for me.

"Hey", my dad comes into the kitchen with empty trays and braaing utensils covered in sauces that I used to marinate the meat.

I just give him a fake half smile.

"Kunjani ukuhlala nomama wakho?" He asks me.

"It's fine." I say.

"I was thinking that maybe I should get you guys a bigger place." He says.

"There's no need for you to do that." I say.

"I want to. And I want to buy you a car. I don't like this thing of you driving cars bought by other men", be says.

The fucken nerve!

"And when did you decide that? Around about the time when you woke up one day and decided that you are my father?"

"Wandisa -

"Baba, sobabili we know that I'm only here because my brothers have asked me to be here and they fetched me and brought me here. You don't want me here and if it were up to you and me, I wouldn't be one of your children."

"It's not like that, Wandisa. If you could at least give me a chance to explain before you write me off..."

"Don’t do that! Don't create expectations from me that we both know you won't be able to fulfil. You've let me down enough, baba. I can't open that door to you ever again only for you to let me down over and over again."

He seems hurt.

"Wandisa, ngane yami... I'm not a perfect man. But I do love you. I really do. At least tell me that you know that." He says.

I just turn around and focus on the pots again. I really don't want to entertain this any further. I don't.

[oneoftheprettynerds]

Welcome To The Darkside: Dark!Steve x Reader (Mob AU)

Chapter 1 in the Lipstick and Crayons Series

A/N: I just posted a story I know but I’m in love with this idea right now and this is my favourite fic right now. It’s going to be a three or four part fic I think and your support in any form: like, comment or reblog is appreciated greatly. Here is a piece of my heart right here.

Warning: Eventual Non-Con, Sickening Threats, Mob Themes, Violence, Death, Manipulation, sort of Blood Kink I think, Cheap Tricks later.

Genres + Characters: Mob AU, Single Parents AU, Steve Rogers x Reader.

Summary: Steve can't ever repay you for what you did. After meeting you, Steve believes his broken family is the missing piece in the puzzle of your own wrecked one. Indebting the crime lord to you has been the biggest mistake of your life, cause now you can't get rid of him, no matter what. Loyalty and favours go a long way in the mob.

Chapter 1 : Welcome to The Darkside

The gunshots around you frightened you more than anything in your life ever had. The merry, joyful ambience of the carnival was ruined in an instant. Screams around you provoked your panic-stricken form to gather your wits and run or hide. It wasn’t just you caught up in this dreadful situation, there was also someone you’d protect at any cost.

Picking your daughter up and setting her on your hip, you looked around for the way out. Who would have thought that open grounds were hard to get out of? Another wave of terror ran through you when the gunshots audibly neared and the crowd ran in random directions.

You decided to go along the way you recognised the games and shops at. You ran as fast as you could, checking on Grace in between to find her looking curiously all around but still more intent on eating her cotton candy than inspecting. You couldn’t be more thankful for kids' oblivion than at that moment in time.

A bomb explosion up ahead in your path made you halt in your tracks because you knew some of the attackers were scouting there. Turning back wasn’t an option, neither was crying and you were sure you closer to the exit this way. Another blast behind you took away the option of you retracing your path. You weren’t considering it but it gave you little comfort to have your options open.

As the shrieks and screeches grew tenfold, your best bet was to hide, the assaulters had already surrounded the field, the chaos around you informed you. Jumping through innumerable dead bodies, of kids and adults that ached your heart, and dodging bullets while laying low, you went inside a photo booth to hide.

This will not be in vain; you’d protect Grace no matter what.

The curtain to the photo booth provided cover from predatory eyes while the rest of the metal booth was quite safe against bullets you concluded hopefully.

You were just looking for a weapon to prepare for any adversity that might come your way, when the sound of crunching of pebbles made their way to your ears.

Failing to find a weapon in few seconds you opted to attack the intruder yourself when a voice reached your ears, “Mama?”

You puzzled your eyebrows and lowered your defences by just a bit when a toddler stumbled inside the booth, blonde haired and blue eyed. You were definitely not this girl’s mama but you grabbed the kid’s forearm and pulled her inside, shushing her gently and seating her beside Grace on the sitting bench inside. You were thankful Grace entertained her by offering her the pink cloud of sweetness.

You peeked outside but failed to find anyone else in 20 metre radii of you, nobody resembling the wandering kid nor looking for one. You did not know what you would do with another kid in your hands in this dire situation nor was it a wise decision to bring her inside and take her under your wing but you did not have it in you to leave an unsuspecting child, a mere four or three-year-old at that, during a calamity so extreme.

Your maternal instincts governed your thought process, imagining Grace to be in her shoes, all alone and discarded while a possible terrorist attack was happening. The kids’ corpses lying outside gave you no doubt that these children’s fate would be the same if found by the attackers.

A small tug in your dress made you look back and you found the azure eyed kid at your feet, offering you the street food you bought earlier while hugging your leg and observing you. Grace munched in the back silently, still happily eating and unaware.

You kneeled and whispered, “What’s your name, honey?” Maybe the girl understood the urgency, maybe she was just mimicking you but even she murmured in a low voice, “Sarah.”

You nodded, “Sweetie, I need you to sit there quietly and make no sounds, okay? We are playing a staying quiet game.” That was a stupid thing to ask of a kid but you hoped, you really, really hoped she would comply.

Her eyes widened in recognition of something as she eagerly asked, still in a hushed mumble, “Like I does for Dada in meekings?”

“Yes, you smart kiddo. Exactly that.” You replied with what you hoped was a convincing smile and ruffled her hair while nudging her towards her former seat. With kids, you knew a little encouragement went a long way to get them to do things. She whispered an ‘okay Mama’ and went about and sat.

You didn’t get to enjoy her obedience as the thud of pebbles crunching met your ears again. Your breath hitched; your intuition told you that this was not another kid confusing you for its parent.

Your eyes found a discarded piece of metal rod from the booth’s wrecked framework. You grabbed and hoped for the best, to save both the kids at your ability’s mercy.

Steve only saw red. The moment the first shot sounded in the air, he knew whom the assailants were, whom they were coming for. Going out tonight was a bad idea, a really reckless one indeed but when his daughter started bawling seeing the carnival’s lights from the car and wanted to get up and close, he couldn’t say no. He really tried to though, he really did.

It hadn’t been even a year since his wife died, but the father-daughter duo was getting by. He knew his wife took his daughter to the carnival and bought her things, toys and teddies, on every birthday of her own. It was a ritual his wife started, spending her birthday with her little offspring during the daylight and going out for a romantic dinner at the end of the day with her dear spouse. If only things could still be that way, could still stay the same.

When his wife turned out to be an elaborate spy all along, he was baffled. His professional side was, dare he say, impressed by the commitment to character but his personal side was beyond disappointed, disheartened in the worst way because his daughter was his most precious asset in this cruel world and that gift was given by such a treacherous person.

She begged and pled for mercy, to let Sarah have her mother and swore on her life that she quit her espionage journey when she actually fell in love but Steve didn’t trust a single syllable out of her filthy, deceiving mouth, not anymore.

He didn’t kill her though, because Sarah was his first priority no matter what. Her assassination was the work of his rival mob, ‘The Vice Kings’ led by the bastard Rumlow. It was an open invitation for war in the city, for them money came first and useless people had to die. They killed two birds with a single stone, git rid of a useless former member and successfully made a statement.

Then began the still happening rivalry between those Vices and his mob, ‘The Avenging Cartel’. The wound from his wife’s assassination was still fresh, he didn’t miss her as much as he had taken the hit to his pride. There had been a peaceful agreement until the brutal maiming of his spouse and now he was working more than ever, barely able to make time for his princess and that was his only regret, missing her childhood.

And now he felt more futile, his palette of emotions ranging from hues of ire to shades of dread. He couldn’t believe his entourage of trained professionals failed to monitor a two-year-old. He had just stepped aside to take a call, leaving her with his latest driver and three bodyguards. How could he be that clueless to not realise the imposters infiltrating his ranks, standing right there and selling away his location?

As soon as the sound of the first firearm shooting reached his ears, he leapt towards his daughter only to find her missing. His little minx thankfully escaped for one of her little adventures and successfully evaded these cheats, whom he shot right in the middle of the eyes when he glanced at the grenades packing in the coats’ undersides.

His moment of gratitude evaporated in mere seconds as he realised that the Vices now surrounded the entire area, their mission being his daughter’s abduction. If they wanted to kill both of them, they would have already, considering Steve’s distraction gave them quite too many openings. They wanted him to surrender, because mobs worked that way; only when one leader signed off his territories did it become the other party’s possession. If they just cut one head, another would grow in its place, a new leader would succeed the predecessor.

He sent emergency signals to both Barnes and Wilson, the only ones he could trust right now, summoning them with back-ups. The screams of the crowd did not ease him at all, piling on his burden and stress as he prayed for the first time ever, that by some miracle he would reach his daughter first in this field and she would safely be in his arms by the end of the night, not become a victim to what his enemies were planning.

He did have a tracker in her pendant but this realisation hit him later than he’d like to admit, the frustration clawing away his wits. The ground was now quite empty, piles of bodies scattered across the field abruptly where people became victims to the grenades, any person who failed to protect themselves, died. As he was pulling his phone out again, his eyes caught sight a flower bead. The same bead he and his daughter used to make a bracelet a month ago. She wore that everywhere, to day-care, while bathing, to birthdays.

The bracelet was obviously broken now but it was almost like a trail that led to his treasure, like in the Hansel and Gretel’s fairy-tale that Sarah loved. He followed with quiet steps, the beads far apart and some resting under the debris but they sure did lead him somewhere, and when he found the even the pendant in his path, he knew he had only the few beads to rely on.

Some thumps and crashes made him alert, his pistol ready, and when he neared carefully to a distorted metal framework of sorts, his eyes widened.

A young woman had a body in front of her lying on the ground. In a pool of scarlet it rested, still and unmoving while her breathing quickened, her eyes shining with tears that she tried too damn hard to confine to her eyes. He knew how hard the first kill always was, but one grows numb with increase in body count.

Brave women were his type and he would have been turned on by her courage, her hands stained red with whatever weapon she attacked with. Her soft facial features and her curves in the dress she wore were a show stopper for sure, and he would’ve been flirting with her if it was not for the brutal severity of the situation, his daughter missing and in possible danger.

His vigilant senses, courtesy of the epinephrin, picked up two things; the butterfly bead that rested in the door of the booth the woman stood at and the creep shadowing her from behind, ready to attack with a baseball bat he might have found in one of the other game shops.

Steve used his position behind the neighbouring booth to make a bull’s eye shot, the bullet going just an inch above the female’s shoulder and going across the creep’s head. The logo on the corpse’s leather jacket showed Steve he picked the right side to defend.

The sheer suddenness of the move caught the woman off guard as she dropped her weapon and twisted back to find the soulless eyes of her possible attacker staring at her. She quickly armed herself with her attacking rod once again and tried to trace the bullet back from its shooter, her eyes wide and calculating.

Steve decided it was time to interrogate, to find Sarah.

The graze of the bullet above your shoulder alarmed you and you stood dumbfounded only for an instant though. You were sure the bullet was meant for you but the thud of a body behind you, seemingly preparing to attack you proved you wrong.

Calming yourself, you still stood on the ball, because someone killing your attacker didn’t necessarily mean you were safe. With just a pull of the trigger, your fate could very easily be the same. You had to play this smart.

“Lower your weapon. I won’t repeat myself.” A husky voice called out, laced with seriousness which left no room for argument.

You did as he said, knowing that shabby rod was no match against the gun. He stepped out from his hiding position and gave away his location, steps slightly treading towards you. Your hands trembled, heart thumping a bit too loud while blood and sweat coated your frame.

When moonlight lightened his face, you saw his blonde luscious locks, slightly overgrown, a neatly trimmed beard darker than his hair and the cerulean blue eyes that were clear as crystal but shadowed with proficiency.

“Good, now did you see a kid around here? Blonde and blue eyes?”

His question didn’t surprise you, the gun barrel trained on you did. The previous man you had killed, that laid dead ahead of you had asked the same question. You did not know why they were after the toddler nor did you have the time to dwell on it. Time was of the essence now and he was expecting an answer.

The fact that he saved an unsuspecting lady was a plus point, but you also had to consider that he was threatening you all the same. But if that was his kid, it was understood, the resemblance between them was uncanny but that wasn’t enough proof. However, as your flickered to the man you killed, you noticed the logo on his jacket was the same as the one on your possible murderer’s jacket. It still wasn’t enough evidence but you had no choice, the man had a gun and you had two kids relying on you. At least he wasn’t on the bombing side.

“Yes, what is she to you?” You tried to be brave but you were sure he saw right through you.

“You don’t ask the questions here but this one I’ll answer. She is my daughter. Now, where is she?”  

“How do I know you’re not lying? I can’t just and her over to you!”

“Her name is Sarah; she is my carbon copy. She is wearing a pink dress with white flowers; pink crocs and her hair is in a ponytail with a white scrunchy. She had two white clips in her hair beside the ponytail. Enough proof?”

No, you could be a creepy paedophile for all I know.

You were still contemplating when he spoke again, “She’s my daughter and I know she’s in that booth beside you. I appreciate you trying to protect her I think but she’ll respond to me calling her. Sarah?”

The little toddler poked her head out, her eyes brightening in recognition and you heaved a sigh of relief involuntarily. Your maternal instinct made you anxious for kids you barely even knew. She ran towards her father shouting ‘Dada’ and jumped into his arms while he hid his gun. You almost snorted at that, tons of dead bodies surrounding you and he was worried about the gun?

He propped her up, hugging her tightly, and with what you knew now, he was scared to death and rightfully so.

Grace poked her head out and ran towards you now, hugging you from behind your legs and silently peeking at the mysterious human. You held Grace’s hand now, intertwining your fingers and felt relief after long. Even though there was no knowing that the man would help you two but you gave yourself comfort you weren’t alone here, not anymore.

Sarah turned and met your eyes again and whispered lowly, “Oops Mama, I think the games over! Sowwy!”

Steve’s eyes widened at that and you laughed at her innocence, feeling light. You played along with the kid, “It’s alright.” You didn’t want to play ‘Mommy’ anymore after that thinking it would offend her father but even, he chuckled, his laugh beautiful and boisterous.

Suddenly men dressed in black and armed with weapons ran about, skidding and crossing you to survey the area out. You shielded Grace once again but the father ahead of you didn’t even flinch. Noticing your unease, he came closer and put a hand on you arm, “I’m Steve and don’t worry, these are my men, the good guys.”

You nodded, not agreeing with his idea of good and bad but since you hoped he did acknowledge that he owed you one, you hoped none of these men would attack you. You introduced yourself and he nodded.

With Sarah on his hip, he started following one of his men and you followed along hoping to get to the exit. He even asked to drop you home but you refused, just wanting to get to the parking and put all these guns out of your kid’s sight. He tsked over his shoulder and you knew he would insist again later but for now he listened intently to the man he addressed as Buck.  

This Buck eyed you several times, not so discreetly, while Steve renounced the whole incident of some spies and whatnot. You closed your eyes, not wanting to eavesdrop and just wanting to relax but you could do neither right now. They were after Sarah; you had presumed right.

Sarah made grabby hands from over Steve’s shoulder while Grace slept soundly in your arms, maybe jealous of her. She pouted and then slowly began her lower lip began to tremble. A whine escaped her mouth as she started bawling. Steve stopped to shush her but she continued screeching, “I miss Mama!” and tried to get away from Steve and jump into your arms. Buck looked surprised while Steve’s eyes pleaded yours and you nodded and gave Grace to her and took Sarah in your arms, gently shushing her and patting her back. She drooled in the crook of your neck but that was nothing new and quietened down. You didn’t want to give Grace away but you couldn’t see another child so miserable, not when you had one of your own.

Steve and ‘Buck’ observed you, not saying anything so you broke the silence. “I’m sorry she confuses me with her mother, I hope she doesn’t get offended by this.”

“She’s no more.” Steve looked down and you cursed yourself for breaking the silence, make the situation more awkward and unbearable.

“I’m sorry.” Well that was better than joking about how Grace didn’t have a father either.

“Don’t be, she deserved what she got.” Steve mumbled and continued walking with ‘Buck’, lightly patting Grace and kissing her forehead.

The peck should have bothered you but you were too engrossed by his words to eavesdrop further or check on Grace. What did he mean she deserved it? You didn’t even want to think of the probability of him killing her. With all the soldiers that surrounded you, you suddenly realised he was capable of more than you thought and you felt stupid for feeling safe with him when you did. He was a leader of sorts, a person with unimaginable power and you had dived headfirst in the kind of things you should avoid at all costs. Even though you hadn't crossed him or weren't on his bad side, getting involved was a mistake.

You learnt this lesson the hard way soon enough.

[burntmcnuggies]

Hawks NSFW Alphabet

Sexual content ahead! :D please don’t read if it makes you at all uncomfortable and you are not over 18+ thank you!

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex) this man loves to cuddle. Once he's finished, he'll sigh in relief and happiness and just flop on top of you or beside you. He'll whine a bit for you to play with his hair, and with a roll of your eyes you gently run your fingers through his hair looking at his long eyelashes and dark markings near his eyes. Once the relationship is really far along, he'll let you stroke his wings while they're spread out and laid on the bed while he's asleep.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's) Hawks likes his arms and hands. Though he's not extremely muscular like All Might or Endeavor, he's got just enough. He likes to roam his hands over your body and hear you comment how warm they are. Makes him feel happy. It's the small things. He loves your eyes. From the moment he laid eyes on you your eyes were sad, and he wanted nothing more than to brighten them up. Just seeing your eyes glimmer with love for him makes his heart soar out of his chest.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) he's a raptor, and will claim his territory and let everyone know what belongs to him. He'll gladly cum inside you. Luckily you always have "Plan B" in your nightstand just in case he gets a little too carried away with it. Especially when he's happy, he'll definitely come home and cum in you lots and it fills his chest with pride knowing you're his. When he’s in rut though, prepare yourself, it’ll be a bumpy ride.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) He wants to "mate" with you like a red-tailed hawk. They mate for life and in the air. They lock talons and spiral before they break apart. Unlike that, he wants to just fly out of his apartment with you and officially mate with you like a real hawk. After that, expect a lot of talk about having little chicks and making a nest.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?) he's young and handsome, of course he's probably had some experience. He's quite lazy and carefree. He has indulged a couple people in flings, but never once stayed long or felt the slightest bit satisfied. But with you, he becomes a mess. He's never composed or slow (cumming wise). He's always quick to cum and satisfied greatly.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) because of his large crimson wings, he has to be on top in order not to hurt his wings since they're sensitive. His favorite position of all time has to be doggy. Or having you on his lap. Grabbing your hips tightly and just hearing the wet sounds gets him off. He also likes missionary just to see your lewd face calling to him. Sometimes he'll let his feathers roam over other parts of your body like your breasts or down to your lady parts. Don't worry, they're clean.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) He is very goofy in general and has a very laid back personality. Of course during the moment he's a little more serious and wanting to pleasure you both, but all leading up to he's very goofy. He's also the worst person at making puns, all of them have to do with birds, or chicken. "Mmm, you're almost as tasty as Yakitori~!" "I'm gonna make your insides like a scrambled egg, baby~" Needless to say you need to get used to bird puns.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) He's carefree and doesn't really care what people think, but if he knows for certain you both will be doing it, he'll make sure it's at least cut down and groomed for you. He didn't care what others thought, but with you, he gets a bit embarrassed. At least he won't have his jacket on to hide behind the lengthy collar to mask his flustered cheeks.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) you can always tell how he's feeling by the faces he's making. His eyebrows are always scrunched with that really fucked out look in his eyes. His lip is usually between his teeth, showing you just how good you make him feel. He loves to kiss anywhere on your body he can get to while panting praises in your ear about how amazing you are. Right after he cums he'll shake a little with his wings spread to the fullest and shaking a bit, and right when they slump down in happiness and exhaustion he'll tell you he loves you, and cuddle.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) he'll do it if you aren't around, or not in the mood for sex. If you're busy he'll whine and plead for you to at least help him a little with big puppy dog eyes. When you decline, because you're busy, he'll just jerk off right there on the couch for you to see and hear him. He'll purposefully be loud and call your name to try and bug you, needless to say it works 90% of the time. If he's away doing hero work, he'll text you straight up and say he's horny and wants to see you. If you're not working or out and about, you'll indulge him and sext him, or FaceTime him and have phone sex.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) He has a breeding/mating kink. Because his quirk is mutant type, he has some characteristics of a hawk. And he always loves to bring up that Hawks mate in the air together. Sometimes when he's really wanting to "mate" with you he'll jump off the balcony and do a couple cool tricks to impress you. It's part of a small courtship thing hawks do. He loves to bring up Hawks mate for life, so when you finally agree to have sex with him while he's flying (if you do), you'll be stuck with Hawks forever. And you bet he'll be jumping your case about having little chicks and getting married.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) in the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, balcony, couch, basically anywhere in your home, even by the door. Occasionally if you have to bring something to his office, he'll either bring you over to his desk, the couch, or against the glass windows where anyone can see. You always scold him later about being caught and ruining his image. He always says he doesn't care and cuddles you.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) your hips and your breasts turn him on to no extent. If you're in his office and you leave, your hips swaying when you walk, he'll quickly fly over and pin you against whatever he can find and have his way with you. He doesn't care what size your breasts are, he loves sucking on your nipples. He's convinced that milk will come out of them one day when you have "hawklets" or "chicks" as he calls it. He can't wait for you to be pregnant. It's part of the bird in him.

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs) hurt you, anything that can hurt you or him is a huge no no. Also fire, he won't do fire at any circumstance. Since fire is he weakness, he doesn't like being extremely alert when he's spending these moments with you. He wants to be relaxed and at ease with you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) 50/50. He likes when you give it to him, especially if it's on the couch or in his office under his desk. It's hard for him to keep himself composed when you're down there. You'll notice his wings twitch and fluff up when you're making him feel the best. He likes giving it to you because usually when he's down there, he thinks that your juices are practically chicken sauce, because he thinks it tastes good, when really it's not like chicken sauce at all, of course not. It's his favorite thing to eat besides chicken.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) he's too fast for his own good, but in the bedroom he's always slow and rough, taking his time to savor your body rather than being done with it extremely fast. If you beg him or get him extremely riled up, he'll indulge his animalistic side and fuck you like a real beast. Your legs will be like jelly when he's through with you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) because of his hero work he's not opposed to quickies, however sometimes he doesn't care about some of the jobs he's assigned or gets someone to cover for him and then goes straight to you. If he has to leave in five minutes and he's horny, you best believe he'll make you both cum in three.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) he's willing to try anything if you want to. He's pretty lazy and carefree and doesn't really worry about you leaving him. His possessive side would definitely activate if he were to believe you were getting bored of him. Low key wants to have a threesome with endeavor. Watching his idol with his girlfriend would probably make his day. But of course he'd be beside you the whole time and teasing you and the No. 1 pro hero.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) he's 22-23, his sex drive is almost as high as a teenagers. On average, you have sex almost everyday, sometimes two or three times if he's feeling rather possessive or missing you too much. Occasionally you won't have sex and instead have a romantic date or just laze around. It's his favorite thing to do.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) he's bought a few toys for you, and bought some for himself when you tagged along. Sometimes he'll make you wear an apron that says "mama hawk" and nothing else and put a vibrator in you. He'll be hugging you from behind and grinding on you just to make you plead for him. When you want to use the vibrating cock ring you got him, he whines and begs you not to, but you stand your ground and he's a loud whining mess.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) Hawks loves teasing you. He's playful and will ask you all sorts of embarrassing questions to make you beg for him. He knows your limits, so when you've had enough of his teasing he'll know and get straight to giving you what you want.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) usually very vocal. You've gotten a couple complaints from neighbors in his apartment about you both being too loud. 9/10 it's usually him that's the loudest. He has a sensitive body and is weak to pleasure. Especially when you touch his wings. Where his signature crimson wings meet his pale back is where he loves it the most. He'll groan and grunt, and his pants are usually quick desperate and loud. "It feels good! So damn good! Ngh~! I can't get enough! Hah! Hah! Ahh I'm cumming! Wait!" Sometimes makes you wonder who's the real woman in the relationship.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) Hawks likes fashion, and has made a couple shirts and designer jackets. He loves to order them and make you try them on for him and do a little fashion show. He'll be watching you intently with his eyes sparkling seeing you walk around in something he designed. Sometimes he collabs with Mirko, and gets a little jealous when you wear it around. He only wants you to wear his stuff. It also always makes his heart flutter hearing you praise his designs. He loves it when you're proud of him.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes) he's muscular but not too over the top big like all might and endeavor. Love part wise... he's average. A little on the thinner side but has absolutely flawless technique. He knows where you like it, how to make you cum the fastest, and always seems to find your G-spot in a matter of seconds. He's quite talented.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) he's 22-23, his sex drive is through the roof. He knows he's attractive and likes when you compliment him. It feeds his big ego. "Awe come on, babe. I know you want me! You're hot, I'm hot. Let's date huh?" No joke, that's a line he used on you while flirting with you trying to get you to date him. It sorta worked.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) when he's finished with sex for the night he will fall on you or beside you and mumble he loves you with a cheeky smile before sprawling his wings out and going to sleep. His wings are warm and almost like a blanket. So sometimes when his wings are largely draped over you, you'll cuddle to his wings and stroke them gently before falling asleep protectively under his fierce wings.

[snowdice]

Little Kestrel (Part 9)[Birds of Different Feathers Series]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Logan & Patton & Virgil (future Virgil/Patton but not in this story)

Characters:

Main: Logan, Patton, Virgil

Appear: Thomas

Mentioned: Janus

Summary:

It was supposed to be a quick job either way. Either Virgil would assassinate King Thomas of Prijaznia or he’d be caught and get executed. Yet, when Virgil gets the wrong bedroom and gets caught by Prince Logan and his future royal advisor, Patton, the job ends up getting way more complicated for the 14-year-old. He also ends up sleeping in a (actually pretty comfortable) closet for a few weeks…

Notes: Implied/referenced child abuse, assassination attempt, knives, torture mentioned, captivity, teenagers being really dumb

This is a prequel to Kill Dear. I wrote it 100 words at a time on my blog, but this is the edited version. If you want to see how it was crafted, look at the tag proofread stories.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Logan had explained briefly what had happened while Patton was gone getting food. Patton had lectured him a bit about the whole drugging the poor boy on accident over their breakfast, but he understood why it had happened. Logan had been too busy explaining to him that the nutritional potion would not hurt him, that he’d forgotten to explain everything about it.

The poor thing. Patton didn’t have any personal experience with binding potions, but he’d been around that one time Logan had accidently gotten some on his hand and that had been a nightmare. Swallowing it had to hurt really, really bad. So, it made sense that Virgil was tense when Logan came back in with the new restraints. It was just two thick leather bands that looked like simple bracelets and had little engravings on them. Patton wasn’t sure if those were decorations or meant something, but he did know at first glance they didn’t look like something to keep someone prisoner.

“I’m going to put these on first,” Logan told Virgil. Patton had brought him out of the closet and set him down in one of the comfy chairs while Logan had been gone. “Then, I’ll take off the old ones. Once that’s done, we’ll do some adjustments okay?” Virgil nodded, looking resolutely at his knee.

Logan’s expression grew pinched, but he still reached out to take Virgil’s wrists. Patton saw Virgil close his eyes and clench his fists. The leather bands were quickly fastened around his arms above where the metal ones sat. Then, Logan removed the metal ones and set them aside. “I’m going to tighten these around your wrists now,” Logan said, already sliding them down so they settled around his wrists. “Please tell me if there is any discomfort. I want them to be tight enough not to chafe, but I don’t want to tighten them too much and cut off your circulation.”

Virgil peeked open his eyes and blinked down at the cuffs. “That didn’t…” hurt, Patton filled in to himself.

“It’s not meant to hurt Virgil,” Logan said, coming to the same conclusion as Patton. “Whoever has applied binding magic to you before clearly is not only grossly negligent, but cruel. Now,” he finished fiddling with the cuffs. “There are three different settings that only Patton and I can change for these cuffs. The first setting is like the basic binding potion on the metal cuffs. It keeps your wrists locked in place wherever they’re moved.” He moved Virgil’s wrists, so they were both at his side and tapped the cuffs once. They glowed slightly making Virgil look at them curiously.

“This setting allows you some range of motion. You can move slowly, but you will feel a pull back to this position, and if you move too quickly it will snap your wrist back into place. Go ahead and try it.”

Virgil stared at him for a long moment. “Just… just move them?”

“Slowly, but yes.”

Virgil’s arms moved very slowly at first, but eventually he did pull them in front of him. Then he let them return to his sides.

“See?” Logan said. “You can do things like eat with that setting easily. The third setting gives unrestrained range of motion, but Patton or I can make them snap back into place with a simple hand motion. We’ll likely keep it on the second setting when we are actively watching you and the first when we are not, but I wanted to have the flexibility of the third as well, as well as have it be an option for when you are sleeping. For now, we’ll keep it on the second setting so you can eat.”

“Okay,” Virgil agreed.

“Here,” Patton said, walking over to where they had stored Virgil’s breakfast. “Logan put it in a stasis thing to keep it warm for you.” He walked back and sat it down next to him. “So, we’ve got bacon, eggs, blueberry pancakes, and blueberries by themselves. I suggest we start with the pancakes.”

“Um,” Virgil said. “Okay.” He still didn’t seem comfortable with moving his arms much, so he nodded at the plate. “Are those the pancakes?”

Patton gasped. “You’ve never had pancakes before?!”

Virgil looked startled. “Uh… no?”

“We need to rectify this immediately!”

“You were already going to have him eat pancakes,” Logan pointed out.

Patton ignored him and instead pulled over one of the other chairs so he could sit next to Virgil. “If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right,” he informed Virgil.

Virgil blinked at him and then looked over at Logan. “What is he talking about?”

“I have no idea. Just do what he wants. The worst it will be is a slight annoyance,” Logan said. Patton stuck his tongue out, but the statement seemed to make Virgil relax marginally so Patton couldn’t actually be annoyed.

“So, these are blueberry pancakes,” Patton said. “They’re my favorite types of pancakes, though chocolate chips ones are pretty good too. Have you had blueberries before?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Well, these are blueberries from the castle gardens and they’re really good. Here, try one!” He picked up the bowl and offered it to him. He looked at it hesitantly. “Oh! Right!” Patton said. He reached forward and popped a couple into his mouth and then offered the bowl again. Virgil very slowly reached out to take one and brought it to his mouth. Patton watched as his eyes lit up when he bit down on the blueberry.

“See? They’re really good!” Patton said. He shook the bowl. “Have another one.” He was a little quicker to grab a second blueberry, but still cautious of the restraints. He popped it into his mouth and happily chewed it. The way he perked up a little bit at the taste was absolutely adorable. “Okay,” Patton said, smiling in excitement about the next part, knowing if he had never had pancakes, he probably had never had syrup either. “You can have more of those later, but first we’re going to introduce you to one of the most important parts of pancakes other than the actual pancakes: syrup.”

Patton grabbed the still slightly warm bowl of syrup and stuck his finger in it before putting it in his mouth.

“Patton that’s disgusting!” Logan scolded. Patton rolled his eyes, popping the finger out of his mouth.

“Don’t mind him,” Patton instructed. “He’s just silly.”

Logan sputtered. “You didn’t wash your hands.”

Patton’s eyes met Virgil’s and then he rolled them. He saw Virgil’s lips twitch just barely. Patton offered the syrup and Virgil carefully dipped his finger in and brought it to his mouth. He made a small sound when he tasted it and then blushed slightly when he realized that he did.

“And then the best part,” Patton tore off a little bit of the blueberry pancake with his fingers and dipped it into the syrup.

“Patton silverware.”

Patton looked over at him as he popped the piece of pancake into his mouth. “Are we giving Virgil a fork?”

“Right…” Logan said. “Probably not.”

“It’s better to eat it as finger food anyway,” Patton advised Virgil. “Go ahead.”

Virgil tore a piece of the pancake off and dipped it into the syrup. He got maybe a bit too much on it because it dripped onto his shirt, but it was worth it to see his expression when he ate the bite of pancake.

“Like it?” Patton asked. Virgil nodded. “Well, have as much as you want and don’t forget about the bacon and eggs. You need some protein too.”

“Okay,” Virgil agreed. He reached forward and grabbed some bacon. Surprisingly, he didn’t make Patton eat any of it first.

“Patton and I were discussing sleeping arrangements before you woke,” Logan said after a few moments. Virgil looked up warily at that, and Patton wondered what he expected out of that. “I’m going to ward the closet you were in earlier and you can sleep in there.”

“I’ll make it up real nice and comfy for you,” Patton assured quickly. “I bet we can even convince Logan to make you some of the fun light thingys he does for it.”

“Unless you have an objection,” Logan said, “however, you seemed to be comfortable in the closet before. Also, since it is warded, I’ll set it so whenever you are in the closet you can move your arms freely.”

“The closet is good,” Virgil said. “It’s comfy.”

“And that’s without all the other stuff I’m going to put in it!” Patton bounced a bit in excitement. “We can decorate it too! However, you like!”

“…Okay?” Virgil replied, seeming confused.

“Great!” Patton chirped. “You keep eating and I’ll go get stuff to decorate it if Logan’s able to watch you.”

“Sure,” Logan agreed. “Go ahead.”

“Okay,” he turned back to Virgil. “What type of decorations do you want? I have a lot of cat decorations in my room so we can do that. Or mama has a lot of flower themed things I can get from her. Ooo and I think I still have star themed stuff from Logan’s birthday last year.”

“I like stars,” Virgil said after a moment’s thought. “But anything is fine.”

“Stars work,” Patton said with a smile. “I’ll go get the stuff and we can decorate the closet together today so it’s nice and comfy for when you go to bed.” He stood up to leave. “I’ll be right back with the stuff in a few minutes.” With that, he left Logan and Virgil alone in Logan’s room.

Want to read more? Click below!

AO3 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15

[rwbyvein]

Firen Lhain: Chapter 511: Top of the World

Ruby walked up to Weiss and Yang in the living room. "Team meeting, our room." Ruby nervously said to her.

"Sure." Yang said.

"I mean, I'm still the leader, right?" Ruby asked.

"What's it about?" Yang asked.

"That's... what the meeting is about..." Ruby nervously said.

"I'll be there with bells on." Yang said.

"She most certainly will not." Weiss scoffed, and Yang looked her in the eyes with a wicked smile.

"What's the matter, Ice Queen?" Yang asked.

"Just admit you were seriously thinking about it, weren't you?" Weiss asked, to which Yang nodded.

Yang then gestured to the stairs, "Ladies first." and a flustered Weiss scowled at her as she stood.

"Yang." Ruby admonished.

"She's just upset that I'm right." Yang said, to which a frustrated Weiss nodded.

* * *

Ruby sat on one bed with Yang and Weiss sitting across from her. "Okay, so..." Ruby nervously stated, "I've tried to think of the best way to bring this up, but I really have no idea what I'm doing here. So, I'm just going to come out and say it. "We..."

"All have it hard for Jaune." Yang said.

"I wanted to say it!" Ruby exclaimed.

Weiss scoffed, "Do you have to say it that way?"

"We've all got lady-boners for Jaune." Yang said with a wide smirk, and Weiss scoffed even louder.

"So?.." Ruby nervously continued, "I really don't know what we should do, but I love you both so much... that... I really... and I mean..."

"She means she wants to kiss you." Yang added, and Weiss looked surprised.

"I - DID!" Ruby exclaimed.

"What, seriously?!" Yang asked. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, I kind of thought I should, but then, with the Vytal festival, things got SO complicated... and I don't know... I mean..."

"Easy, sis." Yang said, "There's only one thing you need to do for me."

"And... that's?.." Ruby nervously asked.

"Let me kiss her, too." Yang said. Ruby looked confused, Weiss scoffed loudly.

"I mean... I guess..." Ruby said, and Yang somehow managed to pick Weiss up and dip her down in one move, bring their faces so close that they could taste each other's breath. Weiss looked nervous, but did nothing: no protest, no complaint, no scoff, no huff, just breathing as she looked into Yang's eyes. Yang leaned down and kissed her with passion Weiss had never imagined from a kiss. Yang sat up, draping Weiss gently along the bed, both of them breathing heavily.

"Point of... um... order... I think..." Ruby nervously said. Yang and Weiss were still panting, but slowly turned to look at her, expecting her to continue. "Okay, right, so, the point of the meeting was to talk about Jaune... not... um... whatever... so... I mean..."

"I say," Yang breathily voiced, "that we agree to not do anything until after what happens at Haven. It will give us all a chance to think about this. No hugging, no kissing, no confessing. Nothing overtly romantic between ANY of us until after Haven."

"Okay... but... what if Jaune hugs us?" Ruby asked, and then began rambling, "Because-he's-like-a really-good-hugger-When-I-asked-he-said-he-had-seven-sisters-and-that-seems-to-be-the-only-thing-that-ever-happened-to-him-and-I-mean-it's-like-he-didn't-have-friends-but-I'm-not-really-one-to-talk-because-I-didn't..."

Weiss and Yang looked each other in the eyes as Ruby rambled on, came to a silent agreement, stood up, and both hugged Ruby. Yang kissed her on the head. A moment later Weiss kissed her behind the ear. She was not certain of the rules for this kind of relationship. But, this was technically a chaste kiss, was it not?

Yang let the other two go, and the group hug broke up. "Alright, how about this?" Yang asked, "If Jaune hugs one of us, the others get a free hug from him. Just make sure you keep it, cool." She paused for breath, and looked at Weiss, "Right ice queen?"

"If I am an ice queen?.." Weiss asked, "do I really need to - cool?"

"Despite being an ice queen, you definitely need to learn to chill." Yang added.

Weiss looked down for a moment before looking back up, "Could I, perchance, be a Snow Angel, instead?"

Yang leaned towards Weiss, causing Weiss to flush light blue, "Let's wait until after Haven, and see what happens. Who knows, we might all have new nicknames. I, for one, and apparently his Summer Princess." she said with glee.

Weiss looked longingly for a moment before catching her breath, "I do believe it is you who needs to – chill."

"I can get a bit hot under the collar." Yang added, "and... other places... Alright, I need to get some sweat in to work out this, uh, enthusiasm I have. Time to go and trade punches with Jaune."

"But!.." Ruby tried to argue.

"Look, sorry-not-sorry, sis." Yang replied, "Oz did say we need to work on Jaune's hand-to-hand skills, and just because I'm a little hot in the yang right now, doesn't mean we can't kill two lady - birds with one stone."

Weiss scoffed while Ruby just hung her head and sighed, "FFFIIINNNEEEE. But no hugging."

"Or you get a hug, too." Yang voiced.

"Assuming I'd have the courage to..." Ruby voiced.

"Worst case scenario, I'll just throw you at him."

Weiss looked at her curiously, "You're serious, aren't you?"

"Never been more serious..." Yang voiced as she walked out the door.

* * *

"Alright," Yang said to Jaune, as the two lifted their fists, "hit me, but like... 10% of last time... or like 10% of that..."

"1%." Jaune stated.

"Yeah, try that." Yang replied. Jaune put barely any effort into it and hit Yang. "Yeah, like that." she said, and tapped him back. The two started going back and forth until Yang stepped back, lifting her hands. "Alright, now you're getting the feel for it. Remember, no two punches are the same. Every part of the body is different, and every way you punch hits differently." She then paused, "I've seen you already do this with Grimm. I'm going to teach you how each punch works, and when you use it." She paused, and looked distant for a moment, "Shit, is this what it was like for dad to teach me?"

"Hm?" Jaune asked.

"Oh, yeah, I kind of," she muttered, "have a tendancy to blow my top."

"Well, it works." Jaune stated, and Yang stepped forward, the two trading play punches again.

"Yeah, but what if it doesn't?" Yang asked, "I mean, what if I blow my top... and miss?"

"You just need to control your anger." Jaune stated, and reached back, making it as obvious as possible that this was a real punch. Possibly the realest punch he had ever thrown. Yang deeked to the right as Jaune's right fist flew past her hair, the shock from it visible as it traveled over the patio. "And learn when to let it go."

"What, you angry, bro?" Yang asked him, and he smiled at her.

"Don't bro me if you don't know me, ho'." he added, as the two went back to trading blows, though this time Yang was a bit more engaged. "Break." he stated, and Yang stepped back, angrily looking away. "You're pissed." he stated.

"No, I'm not!" she shouted, and then realized how foolish it was to shout about not being angry.

"Nothing wrong with anger." Jaune stated.

"What do you know about anger?!" she angrily asked him. She took a step forward and Jaune took a step away.

"I have seven sisters!" Jaune shouted, though doing his best to temper his shout, "From a... semi... traditional household!"

"What does that mean?!" Yang asked him.

* * *

Ruby nervously looked out the door to the patio, and almost stepped out when Qrow put his hand on her shoulder. "But?.." Ruby nervously said, and pointed at Yang.

"This is EXACTLY what she needs to hear." Qrow said to her, "I don't know what Tai said to her... but... scratch that, I DO know what he said to her; he wants her to be a coward. But Yang's not Tai. Tai is a mama bird making sure the rest of us idiots didn't hurt ourself, but Yang is a fire cracker waiting to go off. She doesn't need to be told to not go off, she needs to learn when."

* * *

"That means," Jaune continued, "they were allowed to hit me, but I wasn't allowed to hit them. Because we're all modern and progressive, but you know what?, that doesn't work on the farm. The strongest guy gets the most heavy lifting. Every day I used to watch my sisters get away with things I couldn't even dream of, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it! If I complained!.." Jaune said, and once again telegraphed his punch. This time it was angled down. Yang used her left forearm to brace against it and leapt off the ground, spining over it to avoid the shockwave, "It was just, OH, JAUNE, WHY CAN'T YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR SISTERS?!"

Yang landed a few feet away, and the two stood, huffing at each other. "Shit, man, that's tough."

"No shit!" Jaune replied, and then breathed in deep, calming himself, quieting himself, "but you know what I do with that anger?" he asked, and Yang looked at him expectantly, "I channel it into whatever I do. Whenever I lift something heavy, swing my sword, draw my bow, I channel my anger into it."

"So?," Yang asked, "You're like always pissed off?"

"Yes?.." Jaune asked, "No?.."

"At your sisters?" she asked.

"Y... No..." Jaune voiced.

"Then what?" Yang asked him.

"Myself." Jaune nearly spat, and leaned forward, looking down.

"Chill, dude." Yang said to him, and he looked up at her.

"Chill, dude?" Jaune asked. "You guys... accepted me..."

"Wha?.." Yang tried to asked.

"What?" Jaune asked, "Why, how?" he then leaned forward to breathe for a minute before standing back up again, "Do you know what it meant that you guys accepted me?"

"Friendship and babeship, and whatnot?"

"Well?.." Jaune asked, "Yes... but... alright, you said you spent your time taking care of Ruby, right?" Yang nodded in reply, "Alright, how about this, think about Beacon... the Emerald Forest... everything after... but... from Ruby?.."

Yang breathed in deep to calm herself down and shut her eyes; the images flashed in front of her eyes. Ruby watching her do everything she did. Yang then opened her eyes again.

"I was always behind," Jaune stated, "but I was tied to everyone else, and that meant if I fell behind, everyone else might FALL!"

"You know we don't think of you like that." Yang tried to reassure him..

"I... know..." Jaune voiced, "But you know what I'm afraid of the most?" Yang shrugged her shoulders, "Failing you, all of you. You guys are so amazing, and spectacular, and know what you want to do with your life... and I'm..." he trailed off.

"Do you think my life is perfect?" Yang asked.

"Far from it." Jaune stated.

"Huh?" she asked.

"I can see how much anger you have for yourself, and how that anger disappoints you and makes you angrier. I know how fragile you are, maybe better than you know yourself."

"But you... said... I was your strength." Yang voiced.

"I might be new to this friends thing, but isn't that how it works?" Jaune asked. "We help hold each other up?"

"Shit?.." Yang asked, and paused for breath, "Don't take this the wrong way, guy, but for some reason I just want to punch you even more." She smiled as she adopted a ready stance. A smiling Jaune punched his gauntlets together again and adopted one of his own.

"I feel the exact same way."

* * *

"Aw, man," Qrow voiced, "it brings a tear to your eye."

"I can think of no comment for that." Weiss said, and the crowd that had gathered inside the house started to disperse.

* * *

洋 (yáng) meaning "ocean" or

阳 (yáng) meaning "light, sun, male"

[fiercyy]

Chapters: 14/? Fandom: Naruto Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi, Team 7 - Relationship, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy Characters: Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi, Tsunade (Naruto), Orochimaru (Naruto) Additional Tags: AU, Post-Chuunin Exams, post chuunin exams attack, Minor Character Death, Trauma, Team 7 Family bonding, Genin Era, Everybody moves in with Sasuke, he's got room, semi-au, Plot Twists, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Roommates, Friends to Enemies, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto) Feels, BAMF Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto), Team as Family, Slow Burn, Post-Naruto Time Skip | Naruto Shippuden, Mutual Pining Series: Part 1 of Post-Chuunin Exam AU Summary:

Sakura always wished she could relate to her teammates better. She wishes she could take it back.

In which Sasuke acquires some unwanted roommates and a team becomes a family.

(Now at Shippuden Era)

.

.

a/n: Anyway, everyone’s bi now.

Chapter 14:

I am compromised.

Safe for now.

Don't think O knows.

Kakashi glances from one scroll to the other. Naruto is back in the village and Sakura is… at least willing to be in the same room as him. Sasuke is in danger. In two years, his family has been flung far and wide, but it seems that now they're destined to be reunited.

He should recall Sasuke. He should report his intel to Tsunade. He should go find Sakura and let her yell at him some more. What would do the most good? Probably the intel, even if seeking out Sakura would feed his masochism streak.

Taking on ANBU missions again has eroded his sense of reality. ANBU allows him to drift, rudderless in a stream that carries him down. He is goalless, living in an eternal period of waiting. Waiting for someone else's mission to end. Waiting for someone to come back. Waiting for someone to forgive him. He has no thought for a life put on pause. He'll continue to hold his breath until it's all over, but it probably won't ever be. So here he'll stay, shallow breath and panicked heart, prematurely gray and sick with grief.

When will it be enough? When will kids stop having to give up their lives in senseless, ceaseless war?

He thought that time was over. He thought that his generation would be the last. But then again, he supposes all generations fight to be the last. Everyone fights for their children to live better, don't they?

Kakashi doesn't have any children, but he has Team 7. A tragedy as old as the world, yet still in the making.

It's over. He's calling it. He'll go to Tsunade, give her the intel and demand they bring Sasuke home. It just isn't worth the risk to keep him in the field. Sure Sakura and Naruto will be a little confused when he tells them the truth, but they'll be happy in the end, won't they?

He slips his shoes on and is about the poof across town, when he's enveloped in someone else's smoke.

"Welcome back, Rival!" Gai exclaims with his usual excess of enthusiasm. "Got a minute?" he winks. Because of course he does. The man has no shame.

He sighs very deeply. Gai is yet another thing that he long ago tried to put on pause, but the man is by no means cooperative. "If I must."

Gai grins. "I insist."

.

.

There are days when focus is difficult, anxiety's high and Sakura has to run away from her own spiralling thoughts.

She goes to the hospital first, but Hatsune turns her away. "It's your day off." she says, "you deserve a break!" she exclaims. "Leave or I'll tell Tsunade," she threatens.

Fair enough.

Without permission, her feet carry her to the bridge where Team 7 used to meet. It doesn't matter how many years have passed, she can't forget it. Whenever she's lost in thought and wandering, she always finds herself here.

She hoists herself up on the bannister and twists so she's straddling it. Then she lays back and stares at the perfect, blue sky. Below, the stream rushes by. In the distance, birds chirp. A gentle breeze stirs her hair—it tickles her nose. Sakura can breathe here. And think.

She wonders what her parents would think of her life. The only thing they'd ever asked her for was her share of the chores and good grades. They never told her what future they wanted for her. Sometimes she wishes for a roadmap; she's not lost, but there's too many directions to choose from.

Would they understand her, as she is now? Is she doing enough to make them proud? Would her parents tell her to work things out with her team?

Mebuki made them change grocers once because Urashi-san gave her incorrect change and refused to correct the mistake. She never spoke to him again. She could be petty like that. She demanded her due and accepted no less. Sakura tries to take that lesson from her. When she's put on missions with sexist jerks or an older doctor doesn't listen to her because of her age, she fights back.

So she thinks Mebuki would understand why she's mad.

She thinks about them all the time; what they would say. She wishes they could have met her team, wonders why they never did.

Nothing to be done about it now.

.

.

Gai is a good listener, but the best thing about him is that he's perfectly able to fill a silence all on his own.

Kakashi pours tea and Gai talks.

"-It was an innocent misunderstanding. Everything could have been avoided if Neji hadn't skipped the sharing circle."

In the choice between snorting and rolling his eyes, Kakashi does both. "Sharing circle, huh?"

"It prevents all manner of misunderstandings!"

All teams have lots of those to go around.

"It's always best to know peoples intentions," Kakashi concedes. "Wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea."

Gai's foot, which has mysteriously found a resting place against Kakashi's ankle, jerks back. "No," he clears his throat. "I'd much rather know where I stand."

He avoids looking at Gai's face, though he knows he'll find no disappointment there. He stands up anyway, taking the still warm teacups and placing them delicately in the sink.

"I have to go." Which is the truth. "I owe Lady Hokage a debriefing."

Gai's empty hands fist against the table as he pulls them back. He awkwardly knocks on the wood and laughs to himself. "Of course. I won't keep you."

.

.

The purpose of not speaking to Gai was, in its own way, self-flagellation. When Sasuke's life was put on pause. Kakashi's was as well. Most waking moments, when not on a task, have been absorbed by worrying about his wayward student's wellbeing. It wouldn't be right or fair to anyone…

So they leave the apartment together and part at the foot of the stairs. He feels Gai's eyes on his back until he turns the corner.

.

.

Tsunade reads the scroll Kakashi has handed to her and bites her thumbnail while she thinks.

"He has not asked for an extraction."

Kakashi's eyes narrow. "I'm asking for one anyway."

"He clearly does not feel that it is appropriate at this time."

"He's a child!" he shouts, which takes her aback.

Tsunade rolls up the scroll and carefully places it on the corner of her desk. He's too close to this, she knows she must be delicate. "He's a leaf nin, same as you. He knew the risks." And worst of all. "You're in constant contact. If he feels he's in danger, he will let you know. In the meantime, I'm sending you and your team to follow up on his intel on Orochimaru's base in the Land of Waves."

He shuts that idea down too. "They're not ready. We haven't functioned as a team in two years, we're unfamiliar with each other's skillsets and we're a man down. I need more time."

"Kakashi," Tsunade sighs, "Make up your mind. Do you want to extract our operative in Sound or do you want to keep the rest of your team in the village forever? Because these are conflicting points."

"Godaime-"

"Shut up," she lazily waves him off. "You're like a protective mama bear. My word on this matter, is final."

But of course he doesn't shut up. Why would anyone around here make her job easy?

"Let me take my team on a retrieval mission to the Kusagakure base. Under the guise of recapturing a missing nin. This way we preserve his cover, but provide an escape route if necessary." He takes a deep breath, "And we can confirm that Sasuke's intel is good."

This gives her pause. "Is there reason to believe it isn't?"

He shakes his head, but now that the doubt is in her head, the suspicion won't leave. "Only that they might be feeding him false information as a test."

Sasuke has successfully passed along dozens of tips over the past year, all of them have been good. There's no reason to suspect that will change, but she doesn't say it. She weights her peace of mind against Kakashi's proposition. What could it hurt?

Sakura, for one.

"Fine," she agrees. She's so tired of this. "But an additional team member will be selected to fill out your ranks."

"Fine," he replies in that false cheery tone that she hates so much. Now that he's gotten his way, he wants to be downright delightful. Well, if she can't relax no one else is allowed to pretend. "Will that be all ma'am?"

"What will you tell them?" Sakura and Naruto think the brat's a traitor. How's he going to stop them from accidentally killing him? Then again, she's not sure either of them have that in them. Sakura doesn't talk about it much, but they must have loved the kid. He loved them a lot anyway, enough to fight that hard for a goodbye.

"That they're finally getting what they want."

.

.

"This isn't where I wanted to be either," Sakura growls, arms stiffly crossed in front of her chest. "Waiting around for Kakashi again… I could kill him."

"Ne Sakura, maybe calm down a little, uhn? Sensei's consistent at least. Consistently inconsiderate of other people's time is what he is!" He starts out trying to defend him but midway through, his own annoyance pushes forward.

She punches his arm, but it doesn't bruise so he knows it's a friendly jab. She's so different. He notices more and more, but at least she'll never stop hitting him. That's kind of comforting, right?

One of the first lessons Kakashi taught Team 7 was to expect the unexpected. The unexpected arrives with paintbrush in hand, insults on his tongue and blank, blank eyes.

.

.

Kakashi's arrival is overshadowed by the intense shouting match already taking place on the bridge. This day is turning out no better than yesterday, that's for sure.

"Children," he greets from his crouched position on the bridge railing. Sakura decides she's standing too close and takes three long steps to the left. This puts her within kicking range of the squabble between Naruto and a stranger.

Naruto's big toe nicks her ear, which zaps her of any patience she possessed. Sakura shrieks and punches the ground. Earth rockets up around her, like a meteor falling to earth. Naruto and the stranger fly apart, rolling into the river with a splash and a tree with a thud. Both boys seem stunned. He doesn't blame them, he's only ever seen Sakura's destructive potential once in person. That little girl is scary.

The stranger looks familiar, now that he can get a better look at him. Could be he's seen him around. Maybe ANBU? Or maybe just on the street. Kakashi's got good recall, but he's struggling to place him. Which is strange, because he's very distinctive looking. Pale as a blank page and just as unreadable, inky black hair and eyes and fashion choices that would make even Gai incredulous. Seems like no one follows regulation these days; everyone wants to show their midriff.

"I don't understand why you are so upset, Uzumaki." He doesn't ask why; he just expresses confusion with an eerie smile.

"Don't talk about my penis!" Naruto shrieks and cups his hands protectively in front of the appendage, like the other boy's going to lunge for it.

"Alright, I didn't mean to offend you, Dickless. I can do that."

Naruto groans and covers his ears. "Don't you see how that's worse?! Don't call me that!"

"But everything I've read about team building indicates that nicknames and jokes facilitate trust between teammates."

Ah. I see.

"Children," Kakashi tries again and three sets of eyes fly to him as they remember his existence. "I see you've already become acquainted." To the stranger in the crop top: "You must be the fourth member of our team."

He uses the tree to push himself to his feet and bows slightly at the hips. The back of his head is matted in blood but he doesn't so much as flinch. "I am Sai."

"Him?!" Naruto demands, running up the riverbank. Kakashi wonders if Jiraiya has robbed him of all critical thinking skills with his indolence. Genius and dissolution so often go hand in hand when it comes to great artists.

"Shouldn't you have figured that out by now?"

"Hello to you too," Naruto grumbles and wrings out his jacket.

Kakashi smiles beneath his mask, "It's good to see you Naruto." He reaches out to ruffle his hair and it strikes him that he's so much taller than he was when he left. He reaches his chin. Sasuke is a little taller and when they hugged, his hair tickled his nose. This is a thing he knows now and they do not.

The boy beams up at him and Kakashi feels a little less like a failure.

"If we're all going to be on this team, we need to learn to work together," Kakashi proclaims, "And what better way than a test?"

He produces two bells from the breast pocket of his jounin vest, makes eye contact with Sakura and smiles so big his eyes crinkle at the corners.

.

.

Turns out, Kakashi has not in fact seen the extent of Sakura's potential. And Team Kakashi is mission ready.

.

.

Gai's mind is still on his not-talk with Kakashi when he reports for duty alongside his team. He's unhappy and Gai understands this. If something bad were to happen to Lee or Tenten stopped speaking to him or Neji betrayed them all, he would be a wreck. He cannot blame Kakashi for his pain, but wishes that he would share it. A burden is lighter, carried by two. He supposes this liminal space is better than a definitive 'no'. They've spent so many years as rivals. When the possibility of more came into view, it was a wonderful surprise. Maybe is better.

"Sunagakure's emissary, Temari of the Sand requires an escort to return to her village," Lady Tsunade doesn't have a scroll to hand him. It's a simple mission, requiring no further details than the prescribed task. "You may remain a day before returning. When would you like to leave?" This, she directs at Temari.

The girl shrugs, "Now's good."

It's been a while since Gai has travelled to Suna. He likes the food, it's spicy enough that it helps with the heat. This will be fun!

.

.

"Maintain cover, expect us."

Generally, Sasuke and Kakashi communicate by written letters because it is the quickest and most accurate way to communicate information. It ensures that Pakkun does not remain in enemy territory overlong and his chakra isn't likely to be sensed. When he delivers messages by word of mouth is means that Kakashi was in a rush or he expected follow up questions.

Pakkun's face is always grim, but he has an air of resignation as he tells him that two years of work are crumbling.

"He's overruling me?"

Pakkun hesitates. "More like checking up on you. It's up to you how you receive them."

Sasuke understands, "So I have not been ordered to return."

"They're coming under the guise of a retrieval mission. You can use this as an opportunity to stage a capture or earn more trust by fighting back. In the meantime, try and find out who's discovered you."

Wait. Does this mean-? "A retrieval mission. So it's Team 7 coming."

He and Kakashi discussed them when they met covertly. Naruto hasn't been in the village for a while, but he was due back soon. And Sakura's doing well, according to their teacher. She's a chunin now.

"Yes."

Team 7 on a mission without him. To come get him.

"…Do the others know?"

Pakkun is not a very demonstrative dog. But he puts a paw on Sasuke's knee as he tells him, "No."

a/n: You may notice that I'm doing this thing where I skip over scenes from canon. This is because I don't want to rewrite scenes from canon, that's no fun to write or read. Instead, I'm letting you infer stuff, if it's confusing at any part, please let me know!

I've also moved around the Akatsuki stuff. It never made sense to me that they basically delayed their plans for 3 years for no reason? So I'm choosing to stretch out the Akatsuki arc so we can deal with Orochimaru properly first. This means that YES, we are headed to Suna for the Gaara/Akatsuki plotline, but other Akatsuki things are getting pushed back.

RE: KakaGai. Why? Dunno. My hand slipped and I love it./p

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you so much for sticking with me through this very weird journey. I love knowing what y'all think, don't be shy!

[medea10]

My Review of Aggretsuko

Her one bright spot in this day-in, day-out hellhole is her mic, a karaoke business, a solo room, and blazing death metal. Once she’s singing some hardcore death metal and unleashes her fury of her hectic workday, she’s ready to take on the world again. And just like with the Hello Kitty world, this series has many animals with quite the interesting line-up of quirks. For example we’ve got a sly fox who monitors Instagram, a suck-up dog, a hygena who is into rock, a fashionable gorilla who’s friends with a bird, a hippo that’s a spy, and yeah, the chauvinistic pig who’s also the boss. BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: So this anime is sort of exclusive to Netflix in every aspect (that includes in Japan). I’m noticing a lot of popular anime titles are being exclusive to Netflix. I mean, if they’re able to air them weekly as they air in Japan, I have no problem. It’s just the waiting for something to air and then they decide to bundle everything so you can binge watch is where I have a problem. Believe it or not, I’m not a binge-watcher. Every now and then I can breeze through at the most 6 episodes in a whole day, but a whole series or season, no! Yeah, Medea has a life outside of anime reviews (shocking)! I only did that once and that was a good eight years ago. But I digress! I will say that Netflix got their shit together better than Amazon. Anime Strike was such a major fuck-up from day one. Thank God it’s dead. Anyways, this does include an English dub. By the looks of all the Netflix exclusive animes, they all seem to be dubbed by VSI in L.A. (I guess a smaller version of Bang Zoom productions) with Patrick Seitz doing a lot of the casting. This was a very well casted dub (which is more than what I can say about a certain redub they did recently). But I really do love this dub with Erica Mendez, G.K. Bowes, Ben Diskin, Ray Chase, and many others. And oh my God, Jamison Boaz is like the best with the metal Retsuko moments! With the sub, you will not find much info on the voice of Retsuko. Rumor has it that she’s married to the guy who does the screaming death metal for Retsuko (who is also the director of Aggretsuko). Here’s what you might recognize these folks from. JAPANESE CAST: *Retsuko is played by Kaolip *Retsuko (metal version) is played by Rareko (director of Aggretsuko) *Haida is played by Shingo Katou *Fenneko is played by Marina Inoue (known for Aria on Pokemon XY, Armin on Attack on Titan, Yoko on Gurren Lagann, Jessica on Umineko, Kyouko on Skip Beat, Wataru on Hayate, and Rei on H.O.T.D.) ENGLISH CAST: *Retsuko is played by Erica Mendez (known for Ryuko on Kill la Kill, Haruka/Uranus on Sailor Moon redub, Emma on The Promised Neverland, Nico on Love Live, Yuuki on SAO II, Tsuruko on Anohana, and Tsubaki on Your Lie in April) *Retsuko (metal version) is played by Jamison Boaz *Haida is played by Ben Diskin (known for Sai on Naruto Shippuden, Satoru on ERASED, Joseph/Jojo on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, Umino on Sailor Moon redub, and Numba 1 on Kids Next Door) *Fenneko is played by Katelyn Gault (known for Prof Badcock on Little Witch Academia) FAVORITE CHARACTER: I’m a Fenneko fan. What’s not to like? Her mischievous behavior, her social media activity, and that freakin’ laugh! DISLIKED CHARACTER: It’s hard to find characters to hate here! Believe it or not once you get past the debut episode of an asshole character, you see them for more than just an asshole and think, maybe they’re not that much of an asshole. Yeah, in all good conscience I can’t really add Ton even if he’s a sexist pig. And Anai just needed to be pushed in the right direction so he can succeed. I don’t fully hate Anai…I fear him. Wait a second and I’ll talk a bit below! Then there are those characters who still rub on me the wrong way and those characters are Tsubone, Tsunoda, and Komiya. But I’m laying off Komiya. I don’t know why! Maybe it’s because Todd Haberkorn plays this little brown-noser that it makes me laugh to a point where I can’t hate on him. Yeah, Haberkorn is that good! Tsunoda knows the game and does what she has to do in order to survive in the office and on social media. I’m not thrilled to witness females put on the charm at the workplace the way she does, but you know it happens. Tsubone just seems like such a bitch so for the moment I’ll leave her on my dislike corner. Okay, anybody else? Shit. Retsuko’s mother!

Yeah, as I mentioned recently in my Top 10 Worst Anime Mothers list, I had to put Retsuko’s mother on there. She was such a pushy mama that she did so much damage to her daughter’s life. Okay lady, lay the fuck off! Your daughter is not living with you at home, she has a stable job, and she’s making the most of her life. She doesn’t need you giving her embarrassing clothes to wear, hooking her up with random bachelors, flat-out lie to her with photoshopped photos, force her on speed-dating, break into her apartment, and just be a complete hypocrite! SHIPPING: Retsuko has had quite the romantic cycle throughout the 20 episodes. Let’s go down this list, shall we? Retsuko x Haida: Ah, the little ship that can’t even leave port. Haida has had this humungous crush on Retsuko throughout the entire series. However this love is unrequited. Retsuko just sees Haida as a workmate and a friend, nothing more. Haida has been friend-zoned so many times. Even when he tries to release his feelings towards Retsuko, most of the time it would fall on deaf ears or in the case of season one’s finale/Christmas special, a rejection. Then again, it came right after a break-up and no one wants a rebound! But I do find myself rooting for this little ship to one day set sail. I know one day they’ll be together and I will await for that to happen. Retsuko x Resasuke: I really don’t know what drew Retsuko to this pot-plant. Yeah, I call Resasuke a pot-plant because of his nothing phases him attitude, his abundance of plants at home, and monotone voice. IT DOESN’T HELP THAT HE’S VOICED BY SAITAMA! It was pretty clear that there were a lot of loose connections between this couple that despite both Retsuko and Resasuke having some things in common, not going to work. It was not the best of ships. Retsuko x Tadano: Tadano was the man in Retsuko’s life that could have given her anything her heart desires. Everything except a family since Tadano doesn’t want to get married or start a family. Retsuko always dreamed of having a sugar daddy of a husband so that she could quit her soul-crushing job (at least that’s what she wanted in season one). But in season two she realized that she likes her job and wants to be with someone that resonates with her. As for wanting a family, Retsuko kind of grew to the idea of one day becoming a wife and mother. But Tadano wants nothing to do with that. Retsuko x Shirota: Aw, this was kinda cute even though these two were totally hooked up because of their nosy mothers. Retsuko at the time was scared at the prospect of getting married and Shirota completely understood. But when Retsuko asked about Shirota after some time had passed, Retsuko’s mother said that he was hooked up with another girl and it’s going well. I felt that sting all the way over here. I know he was the right guy at the wrong time, but I felt for Retsuko. Second place for me in the shipping department. Retsuko x Anai: GOOD FUCKDOM NO! Who would ask for this to happen?! TWO THINGS THAT FRIGHTEN ME: Yep, two things frighten me quite a bit. First thing would be whenever Ton smiles. I know most of the time when he’s smiling, it’s one of those fake as hell smiles, but they are frightening to see regardless. And the whole floor agrees as seeing that scared the ever-loving crap out of everyone there. And second…Anai! When you first meet him, you think he’s a positive go-getter. But when he’s behind his cellphone, he is downright scary. He ends up cyber-stalking half the office including Retsuko, Haida, and even Ton. ENDING TO SEASON ONE: We all know how much Haida has a this huge crush on Retsuko right? Let’s add a new love interest to spice things up! An absolute space cadet by the name of Resasuke! Retsuko has seen him around the office and on the train when she’s on the way to work. The only problem is, no one is able to get through to him…he’s so spacey! So one night, Retsuko gets roped into going on a speed date with some of the girls in the office. And the men they met are also some men from the office. And Retsuko surprisingly wound up having a meaningful conversation with Resasuke. Through text messages. Even though they’re right in front of each other. Sighs in disgust because I really hate that in real life as to showing my real age. Actually, I probably shouldn't scold the boy as he could be on the Autism Spectrum and has problems communicating normally with people in social interactions. Unfortunately, Retsuko winds up drinking too much alcohol that night and forgets key parts of what happened. All she knows is that when she woke up, her heart was all pitter-patter. It must be indegest…no, it’s love! Retsuko definitely sees something in Resasuke that no one else can see. Not even Washimi or Gouri can see it! But the important thing is that Retsuko is on cloud nine that nothing gets her down and when nothing gets her down, she’s not going to go “metal”. However, the “metal” side was ready to peak out. It’s clear that Resasuke doesn’t know much about relationships or other social interaction for that matter. He can’t tell when Retsuko is in pain and isn’t that considerate to her. Plus he wasn’t really the one who wanted to go on the dates. He was always put up by one of his co-workers. Meanwhile, Haida (who has had a major crush on Retsuko from the beginning) has been super moody. He gets so drunk one night and ends up the hospital because dumbass injured himself accidentally. So the following day at work was hectic for Retsuko, Fenneko, and Ton. During that long day of work, Retsuko’s boss (while always grumpy and insulting to Retsuko) made a little sense to her today. His words kinda hit Retsuko in the terms of the relationship dilemma. I know he meant it in terms of the accounting job, but I think it struck a nerve with how Retsuko is in her relationship with Resasuke. “If you keep giving out more than what you’re getting back in return, eventually there ain’t gonna be anything left” So…Retsuko took Resasuke to karaoke and expressed it all out. In the end, Retsuko and Resasuke split up. But could there be hope for Haida now? Well, we close things out in Haida’s hospital room and Retsuko visits him. And surprise, surprise, it looks like a love confession! What will Retsuko say? Tune in next ti…end of the season now! CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: Unlike all the other episodes (which are 13 minutes long at most), this one is a full 22 minute special. We start the Christmas special with what Retsuko said to Haida. It was a rejection. So you know Haida was going to be a depressed basket case for a while. But let’s not worry about that now, it’s Christmas time! And the episode focuses on what everyone around the office is doing for the special holiday. Tsunoda’s going out with a guy (no surprise there). Kabae is spending it with her husband and three kids (and also hide the presents so the kids won’t find them). Before Retsuko could figure out what she wants to do, in comes Ton with paperwork that needs to be done by the end of the night. Retsuko still put up a brave front finishing her work and also fooling social media that she’s having a fabulous dinner. But Fenneko knew that was a lie when she saw the picture and told Haida that she’s at work suffering through paperwork. And being the hopeless romantic, Haida tries to get to the office to help her, but found she was no longer there when he arrived. After Retsuko finished, her friends Gouri and Washimi swooped in and treated her to dinner. But after dinner, Retsuko bumped into Haida…so Haida got a little lucky there. And he got to spend a few moments alone with Retsuko. SEASON TWO: After the success Aggretsuko made in 2018, strike twice while the iron is still hot! Season two dropped this June with brand new characters, new love interests, and so much METAL! Actually, not as many metal moments as season one, but still there. Retsuko had her hands full all through this season with her mother setting her up with “eligible” bachelors, work still giving her the business, a new guy at work who’s possessed by Beelzebub’s cellphone, getting her driver’s license, and possibly meeting the man of her dreams. And with all those, Retsuko’s going to need some time in the karaoke booth to let out this pile of rage. And this season we meet Retsuko’s mother (a different shade of panda than her daughter), a woman who is way too invasive of her daughter’s privacy and home life. Then we have Anai (a badger), a straight out of college newbie at work. If even one thing is said to him that even seems 1% offensive, he will break out his phone and cyber stalk that person and threaten them with a harassment charge. And then there’s Tadano (a donkey) who Retsuko meets in a driver’s education course. Oh, wait until you meet Tadano! END OF SEASON TWO: As it turns out, Tadano (the guy Retsuko meets at Driver’s Ed) isn’t really a slacker like she thought at first, but a multi-millionaire with his work in A.I. He’s a major celebrity in the tech world and Retsuko’s company wants to partner with him. Meanwhile Tadano has eyes for Retsuko…as a love interest! This could be it! This could be Retsuko’s chance at absolute happiness, where she can have anything in the world with this sugar daddy. There’s a drawback to this. Recently, Retsuko has been thinking if she’s really wife/mother material after seeing some of her coworkers (like Kabae and Ton with their families). Plus the whole marriage conversation with her mom probably got to her too. So she’s thinking more and more about starting a family. However… Tadano has NO interest in either marriage or having kids! For some time, Retsuko and Tadano were seeing each other privately. But somehow, someone got pictures of them together and it spread throughout the internet. And everyone, including Retsuko’s mother, friends, and co-workers were blown off their asses when they saw pictures of Retsuko with Tadano. Meanwhile, Haida got drunk and wound up on his back again! Retsuko tried her best to see the bright side of all this. But she kept running into hate-filled posts bashing her for dating Tadano. And the whole dilemma that she and Tadano aren’t on the same wavelengths when it comes to marriage and family is digging at her like a shiv. Add to that, Tadano wants Retsuko to quit her job since he believes her job will be obsolete once his A.I. business takes over. After some soul searching, Retsuko came back to work after a few days of being AWOL and was ready to hand Ton her resignation letter. Ton sat back and watched all this happen and wouldn’t accept this. He gives her shit literally every day of her job, even giving her the nickname “Calander” because her “days are numbered”. But he knows that all of this isn’t even her deciding. Tadano is doing all the talking and actions for her. Once again, Ton was able to reach Retsuko with his words. So Retsuko knows what she must do. Retsuko’s friends Washimi and Gouri put aside a heated fight they previously had in order to help. So they ambushed Tadano, had Haida take care of his entourage, and have Retsuko hijack his limo. Their destination, the karoke bar! And that’s when Retsuko released out everything through METAL! In short, Retsuko and Tadano split up. So she’s (once again) back at square one. But it was fun, right?! Wow, this is pretty…real to me. In fact, it’s almost on Bojack Horseman levels. Yeah, you can tell I’ve dived into Netflix. Cartoons with cute animals in it…but they deal with adult issues. Yeah, animation’s not always for kids (otherwise I would have watched a lot more Ralph Bakshi when I was 7). Anyways, this anime does speak to me and just about anyone with a job that causes you immense stress. Retsuko gets the shit-deal at her work which causes her to vent it out in a karaoke booth. A job that chips away at you every single day you’re there. Disappointment of every variety when some shred of hope pops through. Workers who take advantage of the hard work you put in. Drunk boss that stumbles into work late and passes out hungover. Working 10 hour days with no overtime pay! Having that drunk idiot boss always calling in sick because he’s hungover from the night before. Whoops, those last three were my bad experiences with a bad job. The working world can be cruel. I’m glad I left that nightmare job for the good old store that rhymes with Mole Goods. It has its ups and downs but it’s been kind enough to me for me to stay in the company for almost 12 years at this point and time. But everyone has their own reasons for staying at a job that abuses you. Mostly survival! Retsuko wishes that she could find a rich husband so that she could quit this horrible job. Don’t we all? Sadly things can’t be like the way they were in post-war era United States (or so I imagine). In my case, the middle class is a gangrene arm ready to be chopped off, cost of college is expeninential and I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to pay off my student loans 30 years after I die. Depending on what economic world you’re in, it’s almost impossible to quit your stable job to be a housewife. Unless you’re Marge Simpson or part of the elite 1% there’s no fucking way. And then Tadano shows up! But funny thing, money can’t buy you happiness! Sure it’s great if you could find a sugar daddy husband, but if there’s no real love or compatibility, it’s not gonna last. The love issues Retsuko had these last two seasons…I can’t really relate. Thankfully, my mother is not as neurotic about me finding a husband. As I have been butt-fucked in the relationship department, I don’t give a shit about finding a mate (at the moment) and my mother has accepted that. And I’ve never really felt anything for workmates nor have I ever met a young entrapeneur. I’m sure other people can relate to some of these issues, but not me. Thankfully we see different views on marriage from different characters. Fenneko believes people her age don’t even think about it and hopefully they’ll be the generation to kill the idea of marriage, Haida is still a hopeless romantic when it comes to Retsuko, Gouri will get back up after being heartbroken time and time again, Washimi thinks marriage isn’t worth it and even sheds light on an old marriage during the second season, Ton is married and has two kids (though he seems pretty put-off by them), and then you have Kabae who has a husband and three little kids and she’s happy with her family every single day! Back to the working world topic, Aggretsuko showed how much the working world impacts us. Without having a character say it, this anime brought out many thoughts when we see many of these characters. For example, Anai! Many fans hated this guy the second he started cyber-bullying Retsuko. But others see Anai as a guy with the adult world finally crushing down on him. An ugly glimpse at how life can be (particularly in Japan). He’s fresh out of college and sometimes college does NOT prepare you for the real working world. And as we all know this cruel statistic, Japan has the highest rate of suicides in several age brakets in the world. Including young teenagers! An atmosphere of failure can cause one to do that or act erraticly. Aggretsuko doesn’t necessarily say this, but it’s very much felt that it’s implied if you think about it. Yes, I still find Anai to be a bit of that millennial shit that feels offended by anything even when a co-worker is trying to help them. But if you think about it, all of this feels new and scary. I’m sure everybody in the office at the beginning of their job experience had felt this scary feeling before. Man, these shows really get me to think a bit! I do recommend this anime to just about anyone. Just note that this anime is NOT as depressing as Bojack Horseman. But it can get real at times that makes you step back and say, “Wow, I can totally relate.” And to anyone who is a total metal-head (like me) might enjoy those parts when Retsuko screams into a microphone. This anime is only available through Netflix. It shouldn’t take you too long to finish though as each episode is approximately 15 minutes each and there’s only 20 episodes overall (+ one special). Okay, now that Aggretsuko is done...what's next?

Little Witch Academia it is!

[netflixandgrill-blog]

How to Get Through a Quarantine in 10 Movies

(The Netflix and Grill Guide to Movies You Will Love to Hate)

1. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey are both charming and pleasing to look at, but even they can’t out-act this God-awful script. We felt our minds wandering through all the exposition, so much so that the movie should be called How to Lose a Viewer in 10 Minutes (nailed it.) Kate Hudson’s gold dress was, and always will be, the star of this movie. 

2. The Notebook

We both (separately) bought tickets for this movie in the theater when it was released in 2004, when the average movie ticket price was only about six bucks, and we both had the same thought upon leaving: “I definitely overpaid.” We watched it again on Netflix and, after figuring out our per-movie cost from our monthly subscription, found that this viewing cost us about 34 cents. We still think we overpaid. Someone needs to tell Allie she’s in an abusive relationship with Noah. Someone needs to tell Noah that no means no--an easy way to remember that is that it’s the first syllable of his name. We thought it was an interesting choice that Allie’s later dementia was foreshadowed by her younger self forgetting what accent she was supposed to have in any given scene. Allie the Sometimes Southern Belle is a flighty bird, Never-Say-Die Noah is a toxic male bird, and we wish we could fly back in time 2 hours. 

3. Eat Pray Love

What could be less interesting than a well-off white woman traveling across the world to escape her first-world problems, the worst of which seems to be that her husband loved her too much and her subsequent much younger boyfriend loved her even more? Answer: nothing. Why this movie became such a phenomenon escapes us the same way Julia Roberts’ character escapes accountability for any of her shitty behavior. 

4. Crazy, Stupid, Love

Ryan Gosling is a street-smart Brooklyn-Italian-sounding ladies man who says things like “Just bang the broad, Bah-fahn-gool. Fuhgeddaboutit.” (We paraphrased.) And Steve Carell was like, “Remember when we did 40-Year-Old Virgin? Let’s do the exact same thing again.” Let’s also not forget that boundaries and propriety don’t seem to be a thing in this movie, as the grown-assed babysitter gives nude pictures to a minor and we’re all supposed to be cool with it. A lot of people are crazy, stupid in love with this movie. We think they are crazy and stupid. 

5. P.S. I Love You

This movie begins with what feels like a 3-hour exposition scene to set up the fact that Hilary Swank is oh-so-unhappy with the fact that she's already 28 years old and her carefree Irish husband hasn’t given her 5 kids yet. Also, their ultra-beautiful and hip New York apartment isn’t enough--why don’t they have a house already??!!  Waaaaahhhhh. Then her husband dies, and Hilary’s already unlikeable character spirals from annoying into the realm of insufferable. The dead husband orchestrates a series of notes to be delivered to Hilary, still trying to please his sullen and ungrateful wife from beyond the grave, proving that he has just as poor taste in women in death as he did in life. 

6. Catch and Release

Oh, we caught it, but we didn’t release it soon enough. We suffered through to the end. Why was Kevin Smith in this movie, and why was he trying so hard to be funny? The plot is so unclear and convoluted that we can’t tell you exactly what happened, but the bullet points are: Jennifer Garner’s fiancé dies, leaving behind a million bucks that she didn’t realize he had; she moves into a house with her dead fiancé’s buddies for some reason; her dead fiancé had a secret lover (Juliette Lewis) and possibly fathered a son with her; and, in the end, Jennifer Garner gets with Timothy Olyphant, her dead fiancé’s best friend. Why does all of this make for a compelling movie? It doesn’t. Why was this movie called Catch and Release? Beats the hell out of us. What could possibly account for this movie getting made? Our guess, cocaine. 

7. Monster-in-Law

Monster-in-Law...more like a Monster Waste of Time (nailed it x 2). Jennifer Lopez is at war with her fiance’s mother (played by Jane Fonda), who has a death-like grip on her son, Michael Vartan. Jennifer Lopez is just a simple dog walker with the beachside apartment of a tech CEO who fell in love with the world’s biggest mama’s boy and got engaged to him after what seems to be four dates, a fact which Jane Fonda hates. Conflict ensues. And that’s it, just 102 minutes of that. Except for Wanda Sykes, the no-nonsense assistant and only sympathetic character, and you can practically see the sweat beading on her forehead from her straining to try and save this steaming pile. The other movies on this list we either loved or loved to hate. This one we just hated. 

8. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Makers of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, you did it. You made a movie that not even Emma Stone, Matthew McConaughey, or Charles Goddamn Dickens could save. This movie came out eight years before the #metoo movement, and has aged about as well as Harvey Weinstein’s face. To be clear, it sucked regardless, but now it suffers from the double-whammy of both sucking and trying to evoke empathy for a sexual predator.   

9. My Best Friend’s Wedding

In fairness, Heidi actually loves this movie, and Mike thinks it’s not the worst thing ever. Ok, he loves it too, in spite of (and sometimes because of) its many flaws. The movie begins with a music video that has nothing to do with the rest of the story, leading you wonder how it’s going to pay off, and yet it never does. It’s so laughably dumb that we both wish we had thought of it. Julia Roberts’ gay (2nd) best friend, Rupert Everett, flies in not once but twice to save her ass. And at the last minute, too, so you know those flight prices must have been steeeeeep. Which made us realize we need better best friends. Mike’s best friend stole his wallet. On his birthday. Heidi’s best friends are not quite so bad. They just forget her birthday.

10. Dear John

What a snooze fest. Any movie that Channing Tatum is in where he doesn’t dance isn’t worth watching. Any movie that Amanda Seyfried is in that’s not Mean Girls isn’t worth watching. Amanda Seyfried and Channing Tatum don’t get together, though. She instead marries family friend Henry Thomas, who even as he’s dying of cancer admits that he’s really only a sub-plot in Channing and Amanda’s life--a plot device more alien to us than the one in Henry Thomas’ most well-known role (Elliot in ET), in which he encounters an actual alien. 

[prettywordsyouleft]

Beyond the Palace Walls - Part Ten

Genre: royal au / fluff / adventure / self-growth

Characters: Jung Jaehyun x reader (feat. Ten, Lucas and Taeyong)

Index: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Epilogue

You had arrived home late at night; the clattering of the horses’ hooves upon the entrance to your home had alerted the slumbering King and Queen and all those inside. Once your horse stopped, you leapt down, flushed with the excitement of your travels and from seeing your home in person again.

You were surprised by how much you missed it.

“Mama!” you cried as you saw the front door open. Your mother gasped and came running out despite being only in her nightgown, embracing you dearly to her bosom.

“My goodness, I thought I would never see you again!”

“Is it truly her?” you heard your father ask and you stepped out of the embrace, moving into the hesitant arms of the King. “You are my daughter?”

“Yes, Papa,” you confirmed, glancing up into his tear-strewn face. You smiled and reached up to wipe away his emotions, the older man blinking rapidly at your affection. “I’m sorry I left without warning and only returned now.”

“I thought you… I mean, I was concerned I would never see my Princess again,” he managed to say, now holding you at arm’s length. He examined you from head to toe, soon frowning at your appearance. You knew from the wind and the fast pace of your travels that your once neat hair had fallen from its clasp and would look positively wild around you. But you felt beautiful despite his concern. You were finally able to show your father who you wanted to be, and not look like the perfect little princess you had always been.

It was quite the image for him to accept. Clearing his throat, the King glanced in the direction of Jaehyun and Taeyong waiting nearby and then to the butler who stood at his side. “Humphrey, do make sure to get the chefs to make some tea and a light meal. Our guests and my daughter have travelled a long way. Come inside, all of you.”

You handed the pouch of tea from Marigold to the butler and then followed your parents inside your home to your father’s study, the head of the house sitting down heavily in his chair. You sat down beside Jaehyun and waited for the King to speak.

“I received correspondence from your father; I presume you are Prince Jaehyun?”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“And you were her travelling party?”

“Where is Jane?” your mother asked before anyone could answer and you took a deep breath.

“She is married and now lives in the neighbouring kingdom.”

Your mother blinked quite a few times and then nodded. “You must miss her.”

“Terribly.”

“That is not of concern right now!” the King exclaimed, looking at you and your unkempt appearance again. “My daughter is home, but my Princess is missing.”

“I am right here, Papa. This is me. This is who I was all along. I may have worn expensive fabrics and did all expected of me and more before, but you never got to see who I am. I want to travel and explore, not be kept as a porcelain doll within these walls.”

He huffed at you, incredulous that you had spoken up so easily. In the past, the most he had ever heard out of you was yes, Papa. Your father remained very perplexed for some time.

The food and tea arrived and you ate and drank happily, feeling the warmth of the meal fill you. Your mother gushed over you and kept feeding you and your guests, eying Jaehyun appreciatively.

Just as you were almost done with eating, your Father cleared his throat. “I won’t allow you to leave here again.”

“I will, I need to visit with Jane. You cannot keep me trapped here any longer.”

“You are the Princess of this kingdom and you will obey by my rules! I cannot risk harm coming to you!”

You stood up, defiant. “Why, because I am the heir to the throne or because you love me like no other?!”

The king’s eyes were wide, but he did not answer.

“I ran away because I, your daughter, was miserable. I was not allowed to experience anything of my own. What little I saw of the world was from my bedroom window or a royal carriage. I wanted to understand our kingdom better. And our people, to get a true grasp of the land so I would know how to become a great Queen one day. How would I do any of that from the little I had in understanding?”

“It is far too dangerous out there-”

“There was equal danger of me remaining in this castle and dying unfulfilled. Instead, I explored, I learned. I struggled, I got dirty and yet I lived to tell another tale. I challenged who I am and discovered many hidden strengths. I learned to love many things around me.” You glanced at Jaehyun who was quietly watching on. You smiled. “Including this man as well.”

Your mother gasped, hiding her glee behind her hand she raised to her mouth.

However, your father was still too stressed by your newfound ability of talking back. “You were never to get dirty! I wanted you to live a beautiful life and be safe, my child! You will rule well because you are respected by everyone. You do not know of the dark side of this world and-”

“I now do, some of it at least, and I feel it has helped me understand how to keep the light prevailing.”

“You are very argumentative.”

You nodded, smiling. “I am as stubborn as you, Papa.”

“I refuse it all!” he claimed and you nodded calmly. The King watched your reaction, confused. “Did you hear me?”

“Yes, I did. But I will not agree with you. If you want a trapped bird, I will leave immediately and you can lose your one and only daughter. I will take Jaehyun’s hand and we will marry away from here and live a peaceful life without our titles.”

“You will do nothing of the sort!” your father cried, and then blinked several times. It was as if he only noticed the other people in the room again. Eying Jaehyun for a moment, the King then snapped his focus back to you. “D-Did you just say marriage?”

You nodded.

“I know everything is very unsettling for you at present with our hasty arrival, but I do hope you can come to respect that our love is true. We would like to marry, if you give us your permission,” Jaehyun said, standing up and joining your side. Your father looked between you both, wide-eyed.

“And if you cannot accept it, then we will marry elsewhere,” you reminded but Jaehyun shook his head softly at you. It made you sigh heavily; you were as equally worked up as your Father was now.

The King rubbed at his face tiredly and looked to his Queen. She was smiling and nodded once. “My wife, I am very exhausted. Should we go back to bed?”

“Yes, I believe we should, my dear.” She guided your father to the door and looked back at you with a wide smile, the pair then exiting the room.

“Well, that was rather intense,” Taeyong mentioned quietly as Jaehyun slumped heavily back onto his chair.

You smiled at your friends and then nodded. “It appears we can continue to hold onto hope.”

Unlike the incident in the middle of the night, the next few days were peaceful. You spent them showing Jaehyun and Taeyong around the large palace grounds, pointing out your favourite places and how you had once entertained yourself within the palace’s walls. You had somewhat settled back into the rhythm of titles and servants, but as Bessie came to dress you this morning, you were particularly turbulent. Your father had mentioned at dinner the night before he wished to meet with both you and Jaehyun this morning and you were agitated. You didn’t want to have another fight with him, but you would if it meant you lost your freedom again. You had bouts of feeling selfish for returning with such a strong opinion of the world, but you had already lived many years as the perfect and filial daughter you could be. You had only now to express who you wanted to be and establish it before the King ordered otherwise.

You were desperate to have your voice fully heard.

“How can I tighten the laces properly if you move about like so much?” the frustrated chambermaid implored and you sighed, ceasing your movement at once and tried to remain still. It didn’t last long, you were back to fidgeting and the urge to pace was ever present. Bessie finished your outfit off and you all but ran away from her side. “Be careful!”

“I will!” you called out, darting out of your chambers and coming to a hasty stop when the door to Jaehyun’s room opened. He seemed just as nervous as you were and straightened out his clothes.

You smiled, feeling yourself relax now that you saw the man who had comforted you every time recently. Slipping your hand into his, you noticed Jaehyun slump a little as you both walked off. You even giggled. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“He doesn’t approve of our marriage, he ships me back home and contains you here,” he answered immediately and you shook your head.

“My father would have done that by now.”

“Then why is he summoning us?”

“Perhaps, it’s good news?”

You didn’t want to get your hopes up but as you thought over all the variables, this was the idea that was the most logical. You wondered if he would want to discuss your marriage, and how it would tie the kingdoms together. As you walked with Jaehyun down the grand staircase and towards your father’s study, you couldn’t help but think of Marigold and how happy and calm she was on your last visit. You wanted to believe your father would want what is best for you and allow you the chance to blossom into the fine woman you were trying to be.

And you had been right. The next hour was spent discussing your impending union with Jaehyun and what you could and couldn’t do until you were married. You had been so excited for the King’s approval that you had leapt into his arms and hugged him tightly. He was surprised again by your endearing behaviour but chuckled this time instead.

He was starting to accept your change in disposition.

Over the next three weeks, the whole kingdom was full of joy as preparations for your wedding begun. And whilst you had been energetic in the beginning, you clearly hadn’t been listening to all the stipulations your father had given you that day.

Because you had barely seen Jaehyun since.

You didn’t mind it too much when you were summoned for tasks to do with the royal wedding, such as dress fittings or discussing cake flavours with your mother. But when you had free time, you were unable to meet with him. And if by chance you found him around the castle at any given moment, anything further than a quick conversation was refuted by your chambermaid. You now had a grand skill of glaring at Bessie whenever she wasn’t looking, though you were certain she had a fair idea of your frustrations.

The other who knew how irritated you were from being kept away from Jaehyun’s side was Taeyong. He thankfully hadn’t been banned from seeing you until the wedding and spent his days travelling between you both. Some days he would act as a messenger, delivering letters back and forth as your only means of deeper contact. Others, he was the only voice of reason to not pack your bags and leave again.

“You promised you would stick it out, Jaehyun did too.”

“Yes, but I didn’t agree to be separated like this, what does my father think we’ll do?!”

Taeyong smirked. “I am certain he has thought deeply about how casual your sleeping arrangements were in the woods. For his daughter to be gone for less than a month and to return with a man to be betrothed to, he must have grave concerns of what you and Jaehyun might have done.”

“What on Earth do you…” You gasped then, your face flooding with colour as Taeyong chuckled. “It’s not funny! I would never do … do such acts until married!”

“And the King is making sure you won’t,” Taeyong confirmed. You scowled at the book you had been reading before his appearance in the library. Placing it down, you looked over at the older man sadly. He groaned at your expression. “You and Jaehyun are trying to weaken me with all these looks!”

Knowing Jaehyun was just as exasperated by your separation swelled your heart. And made you yearn for him more. You whined immaturely. “Surely you must have some ideas of how I can escape to see him!”

“There’s only two more weeks-”

“Two more days and I will go positively mad,” you cut in desperately, Taeyong’s cheeks darkening with his own strange thoughts. You decided to not pay mind to his reaction and got up, rounding the table to sit in the chair beside him. “Taeyong, please.”

“What can I do? You have servants around you both until you… sleep,” he mentioned, growing thoughtful. You perched on the edge of your chair in avid anticipation. You knew Taeyong was the cleverest of you all. If anyone could think of a plan it would be him. Soon, he smiled and you grabbed his lower arm impatiently. Turning to look at you, he nodded. “Surely you don’t need all those hours of sleep, right?”

It took another day, but you had successfully gone to bed and now heard Bessie snoring in her quarters to your chamber through the door. Throwing on a simple dress, you then quietly left your room, taking a similar path as you had the night you and Jane escaped. There was an element of déjà vu that travelled through you as you snuck around the grounds, though instead of heading for the Oak tree to meet Jaehyun, you moved faster through the trees and around to the stables.

A horse nickered softly at your arrival and you smiled at it before entering the building as quietly as you could. Taeyong had mentioned the stable-boy had fallen ill recently so no one was staying overnight with the horses which meant the building was unoccupied by anyone that didn’t have four legs and a tail.

Still, you were cautious as you slowly made your way deeper into the stables, looking for signs of Jaehyun. Had you escaped earlier than him? You continued your search, fear keeping you from calling out his name. When you reached the farthest stall from the entrance, you sighed deeply.

“Don’t sound so defeated,” a low voice mentioned and you squealed, a hand quickly muffling the end of it. You spun to see Jaehyun behind you and relaxed immediately, even thumping him on his chest in annoyance.

“There was no need to frighten me! I was already worried that I would get caught on my way here,” you admitted, your arms instinctively wrapping around his waist all the same. Jaehyun smiled at your physical need for him and licked at his lips lightly.

“Did you miss me?”

“Terribly.”

Jaehyun lowered his head to rest his forehead on yours. “You know, your Father strictly warned me if I so much as used my charms on you before the wedding, he would cancel it. I’m certain he wouldn’t believe me for a minute if I told him it was you who had me under this spell of love first.”

“My parents will be happily tucked up in bed right now,” you reminded and Jaehyun chuckled softly.

“Y/N, you’re absolute trouble.”

His lips found yours then, kissing you softly and slowly. Though the longer he pressed into you, the further your desires grew from being away from Jaehyun for so long. You couldn’t fathom why you had such a hunger within you and your lips soon moved languidly as you tried to understand. Taeyong’s remarks about indecent thoughts cropped up in your mind then and you jumped back, eyes wide with fright.

“Are you alright?”

You were embarrassed to realise how deeply you wanted Jaehyun right now. Looking around yourself, you eyed a grey horse that was watching your embrace avidly. It made you uncomfortable and you turned away quickly. “Rules keep us bound here and apart from each other, I hate it.”

“Once married, we will share everything together,” Jaehyun assured but you looked up at him, doubtful.

“Are you sure? What if my father bans us from sharing the same chambers as man and wife?”

In the dim lighting, you witnessed Jaehyun grow shy and he cleared his throat noisily. “I uh, believe the promise of grandchildren would prevent that from being an issue.”

You blushed deeply at the thought of the act Jane had explained to you in great detail in her latest letter. Although you always had some understanding, now with her addition and the way your body desired Jaehyun, you felt flustered. You stepped back to lessen the fever overwhelming you.

Jaehyun had recovered from his surprise and chuckled again. “Why are you acting shy? You wanted me as your own.”

“Yes, well I do miss sleeping in your arms, but I hadn’t really thought further than that.”

Jaehyun stepped forward and he smiled as he brushed the hair away from your face. “We don’t have to any time soon.”

You smiled, nestling into his arms again. You stayed within them until you saw the light slowly change inside the stables, a groan leaving you as you were far too comfortable to leave Jaehyun. Bessie would be awake soon and the other servants would begin their working day as soon as the moon left the sky. You had to get back to your room before anyone suspected otherwise.

“I will miss you until I can next hold you in my arms,” Jaehyun murmured into your ear, kissing your cheek softly. It made you swell with further adoration for your future husband. “We only have two more weeks.”

“Now that I’ve had a taste of you again, do you expect me to handle another two weeks?” you asked as you tiredly stood to your feet. Jaehyun got up as well and brushed the hay off his pants.

“You already did well with three.”

You nodded. “I won’t last another three days without you.”

“So dramatic,” he teased, leaning down to place a chaste kiss on your lips. It was odd; your mood had shifted back and forth from confident and awkward all night long. Right now, with the desperation you felt with your immediate separation again, you reached for Jaehyun, deepening the kiss and holding him there.

“Should we escape?” you breathed when you pulled away and he looked at you incredulously, your eyes going towards the horses. “We could take a horse and-”

“Little bird, you’re not trapped alone. In this cage, I’m here too.”

“Then what shall we do?”

He smiled. “I’ll meet you here every second night until our wedding.”

You grinned and reached to peck his now swollen lips again. “Not every night?”

“If the princess has dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep, do you believe we will be able to avoid being caught?”

He had a point. You agreed and played with the button on his shirt in attempts to delay leaving his side. You knew you had to and looked up at Jaehyun, nodding gently. “Once we’re married, let’s never part from each other again.”

“Y/N,” he called, cupping your hand in his hands, smiling the widest smile you had ever seen before. “I’m never going anywhere in this lifetime without you.”

_________________

Epilogue

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[msbeccieboo]

Arrow 7x18 brain dump

And we’re back from hiatus! Unlike a few that I see, I really enjoyed this episode! Sure the main story was clunky, and a lot of the dialogue was cheesy as hell, but the theme and notion behind it of women coming together to save the day was just everything that Arrow, and the whole Canary concept up until now has been missing. As usual, this got long, and gif-heavy, so apologies if you get bored haha!

Felicity

Yes of course we’re coming to Felicity first! Our (Smoak) Queen absolutely ruled the show this week! I still remember the fandom reaction when we heard the episode title…it was something along the lines of:

(gif from my gif keyboard-sorry no link!)

And then the episode rolls round and it’s awesome (mostly) and Felicity is at the centre of it!! Amazing! In fact, it was so hard to separate this review into character/theme sections this week, as Felicity was intertwined so closely with all of them.

Felicity was at her finest this week. We saw her both as Overwatch and literally saving the day in the field. We had wifey Felicity, loyal friend felicity, mama Felicity, flirty-flirt Felicity….the list goes on!! And in an episode called Lost Canary??

Continued under the cut

It was Felicity’s heart and famous empathy that really shone through for me this week. From start to end she tried her best to win Black Siren back round, to clear her name, and save her from herself. Our girl literally reached across time to help her friend. Now whether or not BS had earned/deserved that much effort on Felicity’s part is another thing altogether, but one thing that prevails is Felicity’s huge heart, her compassion and her unwavering belief in those she calls her friends. Her ability to see the good in people, even at their worst, is probably my favourite thing about her. And whereas Dinah was right to an extent about Felicity having ‘blinders’, she just wants to see the best in people. This is why she is the heart of the team. This is why Oliver fell in love with her. This is why I fell in love with her. The moment where she shouts at Dinah “we should be helping her not hunting her”, just epitomises Felicity for me.

It was ultimately Felicity’s stalwart belief in her that made BS turn ‘good’ in the end. Our girl literally put her and her unborn child’s life out there and dared BS to kill them to prove she was evil. In doing this, Felicity ultimately saves the day! Sure, we see Felicity being a badass every week, but watching her lead a team of women in the field was super emotional for me to watch.

Source: smoaktechs

This did start to feel like a goodbye to Felicity, especially with the Sara scene, reminiscing and commenting on how far she has come. I imagine the timing of Emily’s announcement was planned to precede this last run of episodes for this reason. I’m still coming to terms with Emily leaving, and I haven’t been able to write anything about it yet (and not sure I will tbh), but episodes like this make me realise just how different (and by different I mean shitty) this show would have been/will be without her in it and I’m simply not ready still 😭😭😭

Olicity

We only got two Olicity scenes this week, which was actually far more than I thought we would get, and they bookended the episode so beautifully!! I still don’t think I’m over the cuteness this week!!

In the first scene we got a beautifully babbly Felicity; “Are you sure that you are ok, now that you know that your sister is evil and tried to kill you? Too soon?” 😂😂, along with a little of her own horn-tooting haha:

Source: felicitysmoakgifs 1 and 2

Oliver’s little smile after that was just 😍😍

We had a cute little smooch, and touching!! It was so nice to see them being truly affectionate and comfortable around each other again!

Source: olicitygifs

Then Oliver being all Protective Daddy!Oliver, asking Felicity to take it easy and look after her PRECIOUS CARGO!!!!!

NVJDFNVJDKVNFDVKND!!!! Honestly this will go down as being one of the great Olicity quotes for me! His little belly gesture, and then her adorable “I know” I can’t handle the cuteness guys!!!!!!

Oh and then there was the cutest Olicity scene everrrr!! Felicity returns from her bird adventures to find a sleepy adorable Oliver laid out on the couch 😍🔥😍

Source: lucyyh 💗

OMGGGGG her face when she sees him, and tells him she’d missed him….hgfidsbodsnfv!!!

Source: olicitygifs

The mystery remains as to just why Oliver is that exhausted…as I talk about in the next section, he and Dig didn’t do an awful lot this episode. The only acceptable answer is that they spent the rest of their time in the episode putting together an endless amount of baby furniture…I now decree this as FACT!!

Anyhoo…back to snuggly Oliver. Ughh this man does not stop being adorable (even with this hair)! He sits up and pulls Felicity into him by the bum (we all see you Oliver 👀) and smushes himself into her chest for a hug, kissing her shoulder, telling her how he will take care of her 😍😱 😍😱, then Felicity promptly asks for a foot rub, to which he happily obliges.

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer 💗

I AM DECEASED!!!!

Combined with the ending of 4x08 this confirms that the Green Arrow is a cuddleholic, and I will watch this scene on a loop FOREVER!!! I could seriously watch the rest of this season/show just of them being affectionate and domestic like this. Your OTP could never!!

Oliver/Dig

Oliver goes on a little boys trip with Dig to try and find the killer of Emiko’s mother. I’m sooo glad they didn’t waste much time on this, and gladder still that they wasted no time at all on Emiko! Turns out the responsible party was one of the Longbow Hunters (yes them again), that Felicity found for them.

Source: ebett

I love how Dig/ARGUS/NTA spent the first part of the season trying and failing to capture these guys, then Oliver rocks up and takes him out with a tranq arrow in 2 seconds flat, and has no clue who he even is haha!

Source: feilcityqueen

They work out pretty quickly that Dante hired him, then promptly leave and that’s the end of that! I really like how the men weren’t minimised or side-lined entirely (except Rene *shrugs*), they just weren’t that significant in the episode. Boss Beth and her team did a great job here of not taking away from them in order for the women in the episode to shine, something that previous writing teams on this show have done over and over again in the reversed situation *cough* MG *cough*.

Sara

Sara frikking Lance is back!!!!

That entrance though...it was everything!! The way all the glass shattered was reminiscent of her first cry scene where she saved Oliver at the DA’s office in 2x03.

Source: supercanaries

I do think though that it was absolute bullshit that BS could beat Sara in a fight!

Then we got the previously teased Sara/Felicity scene. OHMIGOD I loved this scene so much!! I really miss Sara in Arrow, and this scene was just so perfect!! I loved their little friendly flirty-flirt!!

Source: felicitysmoakgifs

Putting together the two people in the Arrowverse that have killer chemistry with everyone was an inspired choice here, and it just makes me long for the Smoakingcanary friendship that we never really saw fully developed! We have a lighter Sara now, so they could not have had this level of friendship in S2, or even S4, but I always loved their relationship, even back then.

Source: eloquence-of-felicities

Sara has grown so much since she left for the Waverider, she is so much more reflective and a wiser woman now. I like that she doesn’t acknowledge BS as LL, but sees herself in her and still wants to help, and to honour Quentin. Lance sister scenes were always my favourite of Laurel’s, and the Sara/BS scenes have the same energy about them. I loved Sara’s speech to BS at the graveyard about redemption. Sara still doesn’t see herself as completely worthy, but acknowledges that she has grown into a hero, through her years of trying. So I cheered when she told BS “You think you deserve a medal for trying to be good for 5 seconds? Redemption isn’t a destination it’s a journey”

Source: canarygifs

Oh, that’s just the theme of the entire series!! Yaaaaassss!! Go Sara! I really hope we get to see her again this season.

Black Siren

Straight up, I was worried when I saw the opening scene…the overacting, yelling, annoying music, ridiculous unbelievable ass-kicking and then that title card?? 😬😬 ‘Evil’ BS is so campy in the worst way…I like ‘good’ BS, so that opening?? Yeah I had my doubts haha!

I enjoyed Black Siren’s struggle within the episode; what she really wants is to be seen and accepted as the good person she is trying to become. As soon as she was doubted last episode, her instinct was to revert back, an ‘if they think I’m evil, I’ll just be evil’ mentality. The problem is, as Sara told her, she was trying to be a good person for like a few months? She has a long way go to redeem herself and earn back the trust of people who know what she did as Black Siren before (see: Dinah 😬). Her beacon of hope (see what I did there?) is Felicity. She has been ever since she approached her at the start of the season. BS saw in Felicity an opportunity to avenge Quentin initially, and eventually, through falling for Felicity’s friendship charms (doesn’t everybody?), do good, and be that better person that Quentin and Felicity thought she could be. And despite Sara’s (awesome) talk with her, it’s Felicity in the end that persuades her which side to fall on in the end.

In the end, Black Siren realises/decides that in order to continue on her redemptive path, she needs to go back to where she started, Earth 2, and do some good there. How this fits with her appearance in later episodes in the season (spoiler pics) and her apparently large storyline next season is yet to be seen. Felicity’s face when she hears BS is leaving is heart-breaking 😭😭 Their friendship has been one of the unexpected highlights of this season for me; it has been so nice to see a female friendship on this show! I also liked how through all of her short-lived evilness, she never revealed Felicity’s pregnancy, even covering for her back in the lair at the end of the mission!

Extra BS moments:

BS pushing Felicity out of the way in the final fight scene 😍

Shadow Thief: “Which one is Felicity?” BS: “The chatty one” 😂😂

Source: minibetta

Source: plotbunnyshipper 

Dinah

*Dramatic sigh* Ugh Dinah. She continues to drive me mad! She has some real moments of warmth (but I think that’s just Juliana shining through), but for the most part she’s just super annoying! She has a constant condescending tone, a terrible attitude, is massively hypocritical, and is so back and forth with her standpoints that she leaves me with whiplash most episodes!

I hated the way she talked down to Felicity throughout the episode, for believing in Laurel. Dinah believed in Vinnie, and the Team had her back (until BS killed him 😬). Dinah MURDERED PEOPLE TOO, and the Team had her back. She should have empathy for BS, having been in the exact same situation, but she doesn’t see it that way. I loved Felicity serving her up the tea in the bunker scene, it’s about damn time!

Felicity’s overall snark at Dinah this week was on point!  Her “Please hold” and “Good chat, really love our chats” 😂😂 our girl really knows how to deliver a burn and still look cute doing it haha!

Flash Forwards

I have missed my flashforwards baby OTA!! Unfortunately we were missing William, Connor and Roy this week, cos Girl Power ✌ and all that jazz! But we did get to see some more Mama Felicity. Future Felicity is definitely more stoic and detached than our Felicity, but that changes when her kids are around; I loved the mother-daughter hug when Mia returned!  

Source: felicitysmoakgifs

I’d forgotten about the whole helmet thing to start with, when I first saw it I thought it was Dig!! But helmet guy basically shows up at the start of the FFs and kills a boatload of Canaries. Did I giggle at the notion that anyone can be a Canary in the future, and that therefore they are totally interchangeable and dispensable in nature? Yes I did 😂 Anyway, Mia’s determination to track and take down helmet guy, to honour the dead birds, led to more Oliver (and later, Felicity) comparisons, which I am always here for!!

Dinah later actually gives Mia a really inspiring speech about the Canaries. That they are girls taking care of girls; a support system for women, so that they are there for each other when needed most. Dinah references a time when she did not do that (for Black Siren, presumably), and that that following that she changed how she worked. I’m hoping this means that Dinah will become more likeable in the present timeline for the upcoming episodes, but I’m not holding my breath.

Mia still isn’t used to relying on others, but she does ask Dinah for help and is refused, so her reaction to Dinah’s talk was just ‘yeah….no’, pretty much, with the line “Too bad I’m not a Canary”….and the Smoak burns keep on coming this episode 😂 😂

Source: amunetblack

At the end, as Mia nearly meets her end taking down helmet guy (as if he could have taken her!) she is saved by…Future Black Siren!!! Who is obviously alive still, back on Earth 1, and a goodie!! Yay!! I love that BS ‘saves’ Mia in both timelines in the same episode, nice touch! She gives Mia the helmet for Felicity, along with some sage advice:

Source: jaces-clarissa

I’d have liked to see her and Felicity interact, but you can’t win them all!

Bonus moments

Felicity: “Fake heat signatures? That is devious and impressive!” Lolololol!

That table slide!

Source: seeing-red-arrow

Source: smoaktechs

(I love that Felicity delivered the birds line 😂😂)

“To ladies taking down ladies”

And that’s it! Four episodes left 😭😭😭 I AM NOT READY!!

Thank you to all the wonderful gif makers! This episode has yielded SO MANY amazing gifs, so thank you for sharing them with us all! 💗💗💗

[stormielikeweather]

Le Caniche -  Pure nonsense. Sesshomaru somehow got turned into a toy poodle. Fun!

Le Caniche

“What do you mean that over fluffed handbag is Sesshomaru?” Inuyasha was livid. He was beyond livid. Fist clenched, waving in the air. “Just what is going on here!?” His sword jabbed toward the rabidly barking dog in Kagome’s arms. “Let it go, and I’ll put it out of its misery!”

The puff ball had not stopped trying to rip his leg off since he commented on how cute Rin had gotten recently.

“Inuyasha!” Kagome shouted over the yips, “It’s your own fault, quit aggravating him!” Suddenly the tiny white dog leapt free from her arms and landed on Inuyasha’s face.

He flung backward, knocking over the giant pot of boiling ramen, agony forced the birds to flee from the overhead trees.

“Do you think we should help him?” Sango murmured, huddled together with Miroku, Shippo, Kagome, and Kirara.

“Are you really in the mood to anger Sesshomaru-sama?” Shippo muttered, eyes glued to the hanyou as he leapt this way and that.

“What harm can he do in that form anyway? Best to let things work themselves out in this case.” Miroku winced.

“I can’t believe he ruined dinner,” Kagome huffed, cleaning up the meal.

By the time the brother’s returned, both were missing large patches of hair and fur.

“It’s the Bastard all right!” He growled, scowling.

“Woah!” Shippo chuckled, “What happened to you, Inuyasha!? Couldn’t take on a tiny little dog?” He rolled onto his side, giggling.

Kagome rubbed her lips together, eyes on the little dog in question. His nose was in the air. A bald spot made a halo right in the middle of his head. “Come here Sesshomaru-sama.”

The toy poodle sniffed, a skip to his step as Inuyasha snarled. He hopped into her waiting lap. Making a little circle, he curled against the warmth.

“Wow,” Sango murmured, “I never realized Sesshomaru-sama could be as cute as Kirara.”

Kirara meowed, shoving her head into Sango’s side for attention.

“Oh nothing is as cute as you Kirara.” She petted her.

Miroku sobbed, “Not even me?”

“Especially not you, pervert.” Sango hissed.

Kagome glanced from the still growling Inuyasha, to the cute little poodle curled up in her lap, and came to a decision. “We are going home.”

“Hey, wait a minute!” Inuyasha, stomped his foot, “There ain’t no way in Hell I’m gonna let that fuzzy bastard go home with you!”

He moved to grab her arm, but angry blue eyes held him in his place. “Inuyasha, I’ll say it if you force me to.” She grinned, “We don’t want that, now do we?”

“Feh,” He crossed his arms and looked away, “Don’t come crying back when that asshole eats your damn cat.”

Sesshomaru nuzzled into her petting fingers.

“You wouldn’t do that, now would you Sesshomaru-sama?” She adjusted her backpack on her shoulder and waved goodbye. As she headed down the path, a tiny poofy head popped up above her shoulder glaring amber eyes at a certain hanyou. An even tinier paw made a slicing motion across his neck, and pointed toward Inuyasha.

“Why I outa!” Inuyasha gnashed his teeth, waving his sword as he charged.

“Sit.” Kagome frowned at the poodle in her arms, “And you, you better behave little youkai.”

Sesshomaru huffed, but hunkered back down in her arms.

“Alright,” She stood beside the well, “I hope this works!” She patted his head, careful of his new bald patch, “Don’t be scared.” He blinked at her and upturned his delicate nose. Leaping into the time stream, luckily, Sesshomaru was able to tag along in her arms.

By the next afternoon, Kagome had decided luck was fully on their side. She aced a surprise test. Grandpa hadn’t once tried to purify Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru hadn’t tried to kill anyone, even buyo,...yet.

She took the steps up to the top of the hill by two. Adrenaline pumped through her veins. She opened the door, “Hi Mama, I’m home!” Slipping off her shoes, with a smile on her face, she wondered why her Mother had yet to greet her.

Kagome peered into the kitchen. No one was there.

Souta hollered, “Up here, Kagome!”

A loud hacking sound rang through the silence. Wet gurgly coughing. “What’s wrong?!” She dashed up the stairs and into Souta’s messy room.

There on the floor laid a disheveled, patchy furred, choking poodle.

“Sesshomaru!” She gasped, “Oh Gods, what happened?!”

“Souta tried to feed him a meatball!” Her Mother shouted, running a wet cloth over Sesshomaru’s brow.

A strangled cough left his over stretched mouth.

“How was I supposed to know a Youkai Lord can’t eat meatballs!?” Souta shouted, hands in his hair. His brown eyes were wild.

“What are we supposed to do?” Her Mother looked at her expectantly.

She rubbed her lips together and looked down at Sesshomaru’s trembling little body, “Maybe we should take him to the vet?”

“Here!” Mrs. Higurashi shoved Sesshomaru into the vet receptionist’s arms, “Hurry, fix my dog!”

With big brown eyes, the receptionist took Sesshomaru, “O..okay.” She ran toward the back, “Doctor! This dog needs fixed immediately!”

The waiting room was the worst part. Kagome chewed her nails, staring at the door leading to the back rooms. She wasn’t sure what was going on with Sesshomaru. He wouldn’t die because of a meatball, would he?

Suddenly the door opened. The doctor held Sesshomaru at arms length. The tiny dog snapped his jaws at his just out of reach fingers.

“He’s okay!” Mrs. Higurashi put down her prayer beads.

“Sesshomaru-sama!” Kagome ran over to him, grabbing him out of the doctor’s arms, “How did you fix him?”

“Well!” The doctor shoved his glasses back up his slender nose, “We started to prep him for a neutering and suddenly he coughed up a meatball. Then he went wild. We don’t work on animals that can’t control themselves, young lady.”

Kagome narrowed her eyes, “Fine. No one asked you to neuter him anyway!”

“What do you think getting fixed means!?” The doctor huffed.

Sesshomaru nearly attacked his face, but Kagome held him tighter in her arms.

She spent the entire ride home, and the rest of the evening apologizing to Sesshomaru. Unfortunately he didn’t seem to accept it. The next morning, he wouldn’t allow her to leave.

“Sesshomaru-sama!” She tried to shake him loose of her ankle, “Let go! I have to go to school!”

Souta shoved passed her, “Just let Gramps call you in sick, he does it all the time!”

“But I!” She sucked in a deep breath and slowly exhaled, glaring at the poodle attached to her shoe, “Fine.” Leaning down, she traded her backpack for the dog, “You’re a menace, you know that!”

A weird twist to his lips and she knew for sure he was smirking at her.

She angrily ran her fingers through his soft fur, “I had an idea anyway, to get you back to normal...” The sky was bright blue as she walked them to the main store house of the shrine. All the weird and ancient artifacts would be in this building. “You know,” She gave him a pointed glare, “It’d be helpful if you could actually tell me why you’re like this.”

He yawned, closed his eyes, and pretended to be asleep. She was tempted to shake him to death.

“Ungrateful little...ow!” He nipped her thumb and she dropped him. “Brat!”

A yip was her only reply as he ran around the corner.

She licked the pinpricks of blood from her finger, and flipped through the pages of the record book, frowning, “Why am I even helping you?”

Suddenly a clawed hand pulled the book from her grasp, “It’s it obvious? You are a strange Miko.”

Her eyes went wide, she peered over at the hand clutching the book she’d had. Smooth creamy skin, sharp claws, a striped wrist. She squeaked, “Sesshomaru-sama! How are you here!” She spun around, “How are you not a poodle!?

He answered with a half shrug, “Some spells are strong against youki, but weak against reiki. A little blood is all that is needed.” Turning on his heel, he walked out of the building. Little glimpses of a perfect buttocks peeked through swaying silver hair.

“What the Hell!” She slapped her hands over her eyes, rushing forward, “Sesshomaru! You can’t go out there naked!” Her foot caught on a loose floorboard, and she landed with a oomphf!

Her palms caught her fall, but unfortunately they also caught something else. Squeeze. “Oh Gods...”

“Miko...” His brow twitched.

“Sorry!” She scrambled to her feet, wiping her hands on her pants as she stared mortified at the wall. “Just uh...wait here, I’ll get you something to wear and then we’ll go back to the Feudal Era.”

“And so,” Kagome gestured to Sesshomaru as she explained to her friends, “Sesshomaru just needed a little bit of Reiki in order to break whatever the spell was. Now everything can go back to normal!”

Inuyasha growled.

“Kagome?” Miroku wondered, giving the oddly thick and revealing pink kimono the Lord of the Western lands was wearing a once over, “Why is Inuyasha so angry?”

“Oh...” Kagome bit her lip, that’s probably because it was her bathrobe, “Who really can tell these days?”

“Miko,” Sesshomaru petted the plush pink collar, “It’s almost like being in your lap again, I shall keep it.”

Inuyasha snarled, rushing his older brother, who merely stepped out of the way of each attack. “Fight me, you Prick!”

“Yep, everything’s back to normal!” Shippo chuckled.

“Hn.” With one punch, Inuyasha went flying into a nearby tree. Sesshomaru peered over at Kagome, a strange glint in his eyes, “Miko, do be careful where you place your hands from now on. Until next time.”

Her blue eyes bulged, face instantly beet red. She blinked at his retreating form. The large Hello Kitty patch on his back was striking.

“Kagome,” Inuyasha grumbled, “What the Hell was that supposed to mean?”

She shrugged, keeping her cool, “How should I know? He’s your Brother.”

“Half Brother!”

AN: This is completely because of an inspiring conversation with RTB and VS*.

[thatsabae]

Payback - Jungkook | Chapter 11

genre: romance/comedy/friends-to-lovers

summary: “Revenge is sweet”, that’s what they say, and your plan is to find out if that statement is true. After finding out about your boyfriend’s infidelity, you seek after his lover’s boyfriend, cause mama always told you that sweets are better when shared. But first, you need to convince him to join you.

prologue | chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | final

You turn around and face Jordan, still disbelief of what he was proposing you. Did he finally become crazy? 

Jungkook is also tense, standing by your side, as shocked as you. The air seems thicker now, even more than it was thirty seconds ago, and all you can see is Jordan in front of you. 

“What did you say?” You were hoping to you be the crazy one, not listening right. 

“Exactly that. I love you and I want to marry you.” He took your hands into his and looked hopeful.  Your eyes could fall from your face by the way you opened them. “I do want a future with you. You even said that what happened with Calli isn’t hurting anymore. Maybe we could… We could start again.” 

“Jordan, that’s not… Ugh.”You sighed. 

Why he was making everything more difficult for you? Couldn’t he just accept and leave?

“Jungkook, can we talk later, please? I promise that I’ll call you.” You push his arm a little bit.  

“Are you sure?” He didn’t look like he wanted to leave, but you needed to do this alone.  

“Please”. 

“I’ll wait for inside.” Taehyung informed, sensing that he wasn’t needed there anymore, but instead of doing what he said, he followed Jungkook to his car. 

You waited their brief and quiet talk end and both leave before starting your own conversation with Jordan. But it was hard to find the right words. You felt like laughing, but also crying. 

How long did you wanted to hear these words but now they sounded just like a big joke? 

You dreamed to build a family with Jordan, marry with a beautiful dress, have kids. Maybe a dog too. 

But that’s what they were. Dreams. Dreams that turned into a nightmare when you found out about Calli. When your cousin Kimberly saw him entering a hotel with a blonde girl when he said he would be out of town to a convention. 

Now you just wanted to be far from him. You didn’t wish him bad things anymore, just move on and dream it all again with someone else. 

You look at his face, full of hope, and can’t hold back a chuckle. 

“We are over, Jordan. I’m sure about it”. 

“Just listen to me, babe. Don’t be hasty because I made a mistake”. 

“A mistake is picking salt instead of sugar. You cheating on me wasn’t a mistake”. 

You were calmer than the day before, when you had to break up with him, and you were glad for that, at least explaining and talking would be easier and better explained. You just hoped Jordan would finally understand. 

“And what? That guy was here because of friendship?” Jordan rubbed his eyes. “Can’t you just recognise that I’m the only man that didn’t try to rush you? Even you said it before, that all guys you met didn’t want to date you because of that. I made one mistake, but it was only because I was lonely, please, understand me”. 

“I guess you’re right. I don’t think Jungkook was here because he wanted to be friends.” You smiled, unsure of how much you should share with him. “But that’s okay, I’m not after his friendship either”. 

“What?” Jordan took a step behind. “You don’t even know him”. 

“I don’t, but I knew you and look where we are”. 

He sighed. “Can’t you at least give me another chance? Please? I love you, Y/N.” 

“Jordi. I loved you too.” You caressed his face, trying to sound the softest you could. “I really forgive what you did and I promise to always try to think the best of you. I forgave you the moment I accepted that I was the only one suffering because of it”. 

Your fingers touch his nose, like you were trying to memorise his features. You would miss him, he’ve been not only a boyfriend, but also a friend this whole time, but it was needed. You needed to move on. “It’s still hard, but I’ll work on it. I loved you this time we were together, please remember it”. 

You let your hand leave his face, falling by your side. 

“But don’t ask me this. You can’t ask me to forgive something like this and, at the same time, say you love me. I don’t want it. I don’t want us anymore”. 

“Is this because of that guy? I promise you we can go back to what we was. I haven’t talked to Calli since that day on the restaurant”.

“You’re right about Jungkook. I barely know him, so no, the answer is no. It’s because of myself. I wasn’t going to end everything so soon, but that guy, he made me realise that the only person suffering is me. There was no point trying to make you feel a tiny bit of it.” You sigh, but smile right after. “It was only us. We were the ones suffering. Not you and that girl”. 

You start walking towards your house again, when you heard Jordan following you behind. 

“I don’t care about her. Please, listen to me. I want you, I love you. I want to marry you and spend the rest of my days by your side”. 

“Jordan, stop it!” You push him away, and take a few steps away too. “Leave me alone. I said no, and that’s my answer. I don’t want you anymore.” You turn around to start walking again, but decide to do the opposite and say more. “Saying you didn’t care about the girl you were seeing only makes everything worst. That means you’re a heartless cheater”. 

“Are you acting like this because of that guy? Do you like him or something?” 

“Jordan, stop making this about him. I’m breaking up with you because I decided that. How many times should I say it? And yes, answering you, I do like him. He’s great, and was great yesterday.” You make sure to add, hoping it would pain him a little bit of all he done to you. 

He may never understand what you really meant, but you said anyway. If he did, better. 

You both hear the front door opening and your mother staring you both, confused by the animosity between you two. 

She waves at Jordan, but is ignored. He’s still staring you, tears on his eyes. 

“And now. Leave my yard and don’t come back unless you have a great reason to, or else my dad is gonna show you how sorry you should really be”. 

You enter your house, pulling your mother along by her arm. Enough of Jordan. Enough of all this pain he caused. 

You stare both your mom and dad in the living room, Taehyung is seated by your dad’s side, waiting and curious about the scene outside. 

“Mom, dad. I have something that I wanna share with you”. 

You stare the road outside Taehyung’s car. You’re really late for work and might even lose your job, but you don’t care. What’s the point? Today is a great day. Everything seems prettier. The grass seems greener, birds singing louder and stronger. Even the sun is looking more yellow than how he used to. Brighter. 

It all seems to be a better version now. Even you seemed a better version of yourself when you got back inside and added some makeup in front of the mirror. 

Was that the effect pos-Jordan?

You liked. 

“Have you ever realised that you could be seeing something that you always knew, always seen, totally wrong?” 

His laugh echos through the car. 

“I guess that can be, but does it make sense?” 

“I mean, just an example: I do this route everyday for almost two years now, but today… It seems different. Like I missed something this whole time I passed here and only now I saw it, and I can’t stop seeing it and noticing. Guess it doesn’t make sense, right? What could I have missed in a street?” 

Taehyung thought about what you said for a moment, while changing lanes. 

“I think I understand what you’re saying. Like when you finally understand something in maths and suddenly everything makes sense and seems easier?” 

“Yes and no. Just forget I mentioned, okay. It only make senses in my head, I guess. It’s just like I haven’t really seen all these things before. Or like they didn’t have colours”. 

“Ah, I think I know what you mean, but people usually get like this when they are in love, not when they break up.” He laughs at you, again and fuss your hair before starting to whistle. 

“What about you?”

He stayed silent, only smirking at you, making you even more curious.

“That’s right! Y seems to be happier and I’m sure that’s not because of my current situation”. 

“Glad you asked.” Taehyung gave you a giant smile. “There’s this guy I know. Richard, the photographer?” He waited for you to nod before explain. 

“He was hired for a task next week. A guy wants to propose to his girlfriend, but he also wants to be creative. He got the idea of hiring Richard to film everything, and it will be like they are giving an interview to a tv show, talking about relationships”. 

You started to understand the whole idea. 

“That sounds funny. But why are you so happy about it, he’s not proposing to you”. 

“Well, Richard will take the role as the director and interviewer. He needs at least three more guys to help with cameras. He asked me to help. We need to film the big moment”.

Taehyung shrugs, the big smile still on his face. 

“I suppose that you’re not this happy because it will be a romantic scene to watch?” 

“Let’s consider that the payment will be good enough to make me happy. If I’m lucky enough, they will ask Richard to take pics of their official party too, and he will include me on the event”. 

You smile, proud of your brother. He always worked so hard, turning a hobby into his work and being good at it. 

Different from you, Taehyung always been more independent. He found himself what he wanted to do. You were still trying to find what you liked.

You felt like you were on right path, being able to break up with Jordan, you sensed that as your first step. 

Then it hits you. 

If you really wanted to move on and start over, inspired by the independence of your older brother, you needed to do all by yourself. Including finding a job by yourself. You liked the one your father helped you, but it was too easy for you, being helped always. 

You knew what else you would have to do. 

You were finally getting the control of your life. 

That day, you did everything crossing your mind. You informed your bosses that it was great working with them, but you would only wait until they found someone to replace you. The best was that they agreed that you were way too young to stay in a job that wouldn’t allow you to grow. 

When you left the office, you saw a language school and entered there, without seconds thoughts. 

You wanted to do as many things you could. Things that would only add at you. 

So many ideas of things you always wanted to do but postponed for who-knows-when were coming back and being written on your pocket planner, that calling Jungkook that day didn’t cross your mind. 

[simblrbreezycakes]

i was tagged by @chippedcupanddustybooks sweet bb. i am tagging @irrelephantsims @magnoliidae @simplymelaninated and anyone who hasn’t been tagged i swear i feel like the last person doing this LOL. heckin long ass questionnaire under the cut.

1. What is your full name? Brianna Leigh [Redacted] 2. What is your nickname? Breezy 3. Birthday? may 4th 4. What is your favorite book series? hmmmm series? idk.... i really like every single john grisham book and they aren’t related but when you have such a niche brand of book i feel like it counts lol.  5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? kinda on both. 6. Who is your favorite author? oh whew. tough one right here. idk man, i have a few? but if i had to choose i guezz i would say george orwell.   7. What is your favorite radio station? who tf listens to the radio like det anymore lmfao. i don’t have one. before i listened to 107.1 in memphis in the car sometimes, but i moved so. 8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? i loveeee pineapple anything. 9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? lit 10. What is your current favorite song? currently really into pink in the night by mitski and also sicko mode by travis scott.

11. What is your favorite word? good ole fuck(in/ed/etc.) i also really like voluptuous and bubbles. 12. What was the last song you listened to? last thing i listened to was another lifetime x nao.  13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? absolutely check out the good place. also hilda, the dragon prince, she-ra princess of power, criminal minds, law and order (the original), and snapped. 14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? i used to watch the notebook religiously when it rained/felt upset like shit. but lately i’ve been watching say yes to the dress to combat my depression lol. 15. Do you play video games? yah 16. What is your biggest fear? dying alone and no one finding me. like literally alone not like meta alone “oh no one loves me” like dead ass alone somewhere isolated. 17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? hmmmmm idk that i care a lot about other people? 18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? all of them lmfao. i’m annoying, i’m physically unattractive, i talk too damn much, i can be kind of a bitch both intentionally and unintentionally, i’m a trash writer, i can be selfish, and i self depreciate a lot (lol see above response “all of them”) and i’m sure that gets on people who love and care about me’s nerves ((but like....i mean it lmfao)) 19. Do you like cats or dogs better? whew tough. prolly cats though.  20. What is your favorite season? winter followed by a tie between spring and fall.  21. Are you in a relationship? nah lmfao.  22. What is something you miss from your childhood? not being so fuckin ugly and depressed lmfao. 23. Who is your best friend? “my person” as greys anatomy stans would say is ivy lynn [redacted] [redacted] but i also wanna shout out my home girl mary (i know you follow me on here), my home girl christina (also follows me on here but she never checks her simblr anymore), my smoothie gang bitches, my NSA bitches (which includes both ivy and mary lmfao), and my memphis as fuck family. honorable mention to loml [redacted] who is skating on thin fucking ice with me right now lmfao. 24. What is your eye color? brown 25. What is your hair color? brown 26. Who is someone you love? don’t make me answer this tumblr gods. 27. Who is someone you trust? all my best friends, my parents, my brother. 28. Who is someone you think about often? fucking murder me @ this question lmfao. my friend kate (RIP) my grandmother grannypeg (RIP) and [redacted] 29. Are you currently excited about/for something? i’m excited to spend christmas in a new country! forging new traditions and all that. 30. What is your biggest obsession? currently i’m obsessed with wedding stuff and mens fashion and how mens fashion such as suits translates into womens fashion. we love a hot lady in a tailored suit amiright? 31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? spongebob squarepants RIP :”( 32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? [redacted] 33. Are you superstitious? kinda i guess? not really about stuff like stepping on cracks breaking mamas’ backs or opening umbrellas indoors but little things about familial traditions. 34. Do you have any unusual phobias? not really a phobia but i have misophonia. i also hate eye shit. like eye violence or anything fuckin around with eyes is a big no from me dawg. 35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? absolutely behind the camera. i used to be a theater kid so like being on stage i don’t mind but when it comes to the spotlight and being filmed??? no no no no no. lemme be a cinnamontawgrowfur all day.  36. What is your favorite hobby? watching movies, playing skyrim (I MISS IT SO MUCH), reading, watching music videos, modern calligraphy/hand lettering, baking (ALSO MISS IT MUCH) 37. What was the last book you read? lol a textbook about developing countries.

38. What was the last movie you watched? i just rewatched the swan princess the other day but in terms of watching something brand new i think it was this tom cruise movie my friend showed us and i thought she said someone else ( i don’t remember now. maybe tom hanks?) it was pretty good he was irish or sum with nicole kidman and they came to the united states and pretended to be siblings but the sexual tension was so fucking high dawg. 

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? nothing i’m wack and a disappointment to my musically gifted family (my dad and brother)  40. What is your favorite animal?  polar bears followed by giraffes. 41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? i’m gonna go with my main tumblr because ion wanna hurt nobody’s feelings but i follow a celebs of color page i really love, a fashion page i really love, and a few artists i really love. 42. What superpower do you wish you had? teleportation or shape shifting.  43. When and where do you feel most at peace?  i feel most at peace when it is raining and i’m in my room, everything is clean and tidy, candles are lit, i have nothing to do so the world is my oyster, i have a nice cup of coffee or hot cocoa or tea, and i just am v i b i n g.  44. What makes you smile? seeing my friends, my brother (when he isn’t pissing me off), funny videos of red dead people falling off their horse in cinematic mode, pretty flowers, cute art, round birds. 45. What sports do you play, if any? i don’t lmfao. 46. What is your favorite drink? honestly a frozen margarita no salt. 47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? a month ago.  48. Are you afraid of heights? absolutely. 49. What is your biggest pet peeve? people chewing with their mouths open and people talking to me like i’m incompetent/assuming i don’t know anything about what they’re trying to talk to me about especially if it is my area of expertise lol. 50. Have you ever been to a concert? hail yeah. many. 51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? nope! 52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? honestly i don’t know but i have a distinct memory of a bunch of girls in my second grade, yours truly included, wanting to be strippers. and i don’t know why or how this came up or if we even truly knew what stripping meant but. yeah. OH i guess around the time i was in 4th/5th grade i started wanting to be a harvard law graduate and be a lawyer but i gave that up in like high school and then bounced being a lawyer back and forth in my noggin up until i applied for grad school. shout out to my mary for doing it though.  53. What fictional world would you like to live in? hmmmm idk. none of em really. 54. What is something you worry about? if i made the right decision(s) in life lol.  55. Are you scared of the dark? not really.  56. Do you like to sing? yeah i do! doesn’t mean i’m good at it though haha. 57. Have you ever skipped school? yeah lmfao. 58. What is your favorite place on the planet? i miss Rwanda a lot. but honestly my favorite place is wherever the people i love are. my family loves to travel so whenever i’m with someone i love sharing an experience? i’m in heaven. 59. Where would you like to live? idk anywhere i guess. somewhere it is mostly cold most of the time though haha. 60. Do you have any pets? my bb boi fred lives with my dad and my mom has a dog and 2 cats. we used to have 3 but one of em ran away when she moved to her house, we caught him, he ran away again. oh whale. 61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? oh a big time night owl. big time. 62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? honestly i like sunrises better but i am never awake to catch em hahah. 63. Do you know how to drive? yah and i fuckin love doing it. 64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? i prefer headphones. like really quality ones too. but i tend to use earbuds more often because i don’t need quality while im working out or going to class just easy grab and go. 65. Have you ever had braces? nope but i used to want some so bad. 66. What is your favorite genre of music? i love rap, dream-y pop music and dream-y rap music, i love 80s music. all 80s music really lmfao.  67. Who is your hero? mi mum and mi dad. also viola davis queen of inventing acting and every single color in the rainbow. 68. Do you read comic books? kind of. i was trying to build up a collection before i moved but i only had my BP comics. 69. What makes you the most angry? injustice and offensive ass content and behaviors. also don’t fuck with my friends. i got two dudes on my shit list right now that it is *on sight* if i ever see them again. 70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? a real book all the way. idk what it is about digital reading my brain shuts the fuck down. i am super fast reader but the second i try and read something digitally it takes me maybe like 10-15 min to get through just a few sentences. 71. What is your favorite subject in school? history lol i was a history major. 72. Do you have any siblings? yeah my chicken nugget puppy brother dylan. asshole. 73. What was the last thing you bought? some historical romance i think? it’s in dutch so idrk.  74. How tall are you? 5′7 i think. 75. Can you cook? yeah i love cooking but saddly don’t do much of it. 76. What are three things that you love? my teddy bear my momma got me for valentines day, my st. agatha figurine, and my yikes tapestry mary got me. i realize now after reading the next question you probably meant like shit in general so. the smell of a fresh cup of coffee, snuggly warm sweaters, postcards and tiny gifts from friends. you know the ones “i just got this for you because i thought you’d like it” 77. What are three things that you hate? funky ass attitudes, the smell and feel of lavender oil, corn. 78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? female 79. What is your sexual orientation? i’m a big ole heterosexual. sorry to disappoint :/  80. Where do you currently live? the netherlands. 81. Who was the last person you texted? my friend and former roommate. today is her birthday. 82. When was the last time you cried? like an hour ago lmfao. 83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? i don’t have one haha. vevo i guess. 84. Do you like to take selfies? do i like taking them? not really. it takes me too damn long to get one that looks good enough. i like sending stupid selfies to friends though. 85. What is your favorite app? i use twitter probably the most but my favorite app is my spider solitaire game haha. 86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? we are very close. i would say both of my parents are my biggest supporters and cheerleaders but how they do that looks a bit different. my mom and i are very similar but sometimes how we handle certain things is very different so we can be the best of friends one day and the completely butt heads the next. 87. What is your favorite foreign accent? i loovveeeee a scottish accent and an irish accent. also tbrh i love a good southern boy drawl. like idk if i could play for you all the way this one dude who works with my mom talks? i would because i wanna bottle it and listen to it whenever i feel bad. 88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? i would really like to go to norway for my birthday. 89. What is your favorite number? i don’t have one. 90. Can you juggle? nope but i did try and learn i have a video of it somewhere lmfao. 91. Are you religious? kind of. i’m more spiritual than religious and lowkey hate saying that because it sounds so hoitietoitie but it’s true. 92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? the ocean. so much of it we haven’t explored. thinking about space makes me feel existential and dead inside.  93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? nah haha 94. Are you allergic to anything? yeah i’m supposed to take one claritin a day but like i don’t. 95. Can you curl your tongue? yeah 96. Can you wiggle your ears? nope :(  97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? i’ll admit i’m wrong if i’m actually wrong but you’re gonna have to a helluva lot of convincing to get me there lmfao. though if my being “wrong” has caused harm to someone else i’ll apologize quicker than lightning because the last thing i would want is for my stubbornness to hurt someone i love. 98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? um the mountains 99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? "never turn down a date. you never know who you might meet while you’re out” -my grandmother to my mother to me. 100. Are you a good liar? lmfaooooo i am a reformed liar. 101. What is your Hogwarts House? HUFFLEPUFF BAYBEEE 102. Do you talk to yourself? yah 103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? an introvert. i may be loud and talkative sis but i promise you i’m over compensating because i want you to like me lmfao. 104. Do you keep a journal/diary? i have a private twitter does that count. 105. Do you believe in second chances? depends. 106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?imma keep it real with you chief i would keeps the money lmfao. in the past i would’ve tried to return it to the owner but i am big broke bois with a lot of unexpected expenses coming up so like... yeah lmfao. we keepin that coint. 107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? sometimes. 108. Are you ticklish? yes lmfao 109. Have you ever been on a plane? yeah! 110. Do you have any piercings? yah i got my lobes pierced one on each ear, my nose, and a cartilage piercing. 111. What fictional character do you wish was real? my girl nancy drew. 112. Do you have any tattoos? yeah i got 2 of em. 113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? idk lmfao. probably when i applied for cityterm and when i appled to go back to undergrad. 114. Do you believe in karma? Yeah but not in a “oh you hurt me? you’re gonna get your come uppins” way but in a every action affects your soul and your being kinda way.  115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? im supposed to wear glasses but ask me if im wearing em right now lmfao. 116. Do you want children? presently i don’t see myself wanting or having kids but i want to foster. 117. Who is the smartest person you know? my friends lol. 118. What is your most embarrassing memory? literally every single memory has a tinge of embarassment lol. but probz when i walked into the cafeteria my first day of highschool as a smol freshman and my knees locked up and i fell forward and my giant ass backpack (because i never used my locker ever in any grade) wrapped around my neck and had me stuck in a strange position in the middle of the parting of the tables in the cafeteria.  119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? hell yeah lmfao. 120. What color are most of you clothes? blue or black 121. Do you like adventures? yeah! 122. Have you ever been on TV? yeah but like on the news and shit. 123. How old are you? 24 124. What is your favorite quote? i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) 125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? OOF TOUGH BUT UHHH probz sweet. 

[doomedandstoned]

Swedish Doomers VOKONIS Share New Single Ahead of RippleFest Sweden!

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

What a way to start the week, with brand new music from VOKONIS!   It's hardly a secret that we're fans of the band. After all, they're making their first appearance in North America at Doomed & Stoned Festival in October. One month before that, they'll be joining a damned impressive bill for RippleFest Sweden II. Ahead of the big event, which takes place September 7th and 8th at Copperfield's in Stockholm, we're debuting a new single by each of the bands featured on the bill, starting with the progressive doomers from Borås. You'll be able to download each single the day after we premiere it here.

"It's a somewhat transitional song for us," singer/guitarist Simon Ohlsson says of the massive seven-minute-plus single before us. "We're showcasing our best doom while offering up a varied and progressive feel. I also believe I've done some of my best solos yet on this track!"

Vokonis are about to make a leap forward in their evolution as a band and we dispatched executive editor Melissa Marie to ask Simon all about it, so be sure and check out the interview below and turn up the volume loud as Simon, Jonte, and Emil bring us the roaring "Celestial Embrace."

Give ear...

RippleFest Sweden II

It's coming!

Last year's RippleFest Sweden inaugural Festival was so successful, that it had to come back again...and expand to 2 nights! Invading Copperfield's Stockholm, Sept 7 and 8: Six Ripple bands, two nights, new merch, exclusive shirts, music, beer and fun at RippleFest Sweden II!

To celebrate this event, Ripple Music will be releasing a series of free digital singles showcasing each of the performing bands, one per week, leading up to the event. First up this week, the brand new song "Celestial Embrace" by Vokonis. Taken from the vinyl-only Skull Mountain, a four label compilation from the heavy underground. This particular single has all new artwork by Kyrre Bjurling.

Next up, look for new singles from Kingnomad, Witchers Creed, Craneium, Nekromant and Ozone Mama. All digital singles can be found on Ripple Music's Bandcamp page for free downloading. And check out Doomed and Stoned who will exclusively premiere each single the day before they're released!

Hosted once again by Magnus of Into the Void radio and promoted by Sweet Leaf, RippleFest Sweden II will be one of the must-see events for fans of stoner/doom.

WHEN: Friday and Saturday, September 7 and 8, from 9 pm to 1 am

WHO: Kingnomad, Ozone Mama, Nekromant (Friday) and Vokonis, Craneium, Witchers Creed (Saturday)

WHERE: Copperfields, Sankt Eriksgatan 36, 112 34 Stockholm, Sweden

*Admission is free!   For more information visit www.copperfields.se.

Interview with Vokonis Frontman Simon Ohlsson

  By Melissa Marie

  Photographs by Robert Hellström

Hey, Simon, thanks again for visiting with us. I’d like to first talk about 'The Sunken Djinn' (2017). This album is certainly more dynamic and far more transparent than your debut 'Olde One Ascending' (2016). Did you guys really set out to prioritize and improve your production quality on this album?

Hey Melissa! Thanks for having me. A pleasure as always! Personally, I think our first record Olde One Ascending is very raw. We had only been playing for a few months when we recorded it. So it’s a special record in that sense. I think that’s a good way to keep progressing, write a bunch of songs, record them and let them go and focus on the next thing.

So when we set out to write The Sunken Djinn we knew what we wanted to do differently. I think it’s more focused and direct in terms of songwriting. As you say, it’s also more of a hi-fi experience. That was our first collaboration recording new material with Joona at Studio Underjord. So we kind of developed this bond and for every recording we did with Joona, the better it sounded. He’s just got an ear for what we want out of a record.

Olde One Ascending by Vokonis

You released 'Olde One Ascending' on Ozium Records and at some point, ended up signed with my all-time favorite underground label, Ripple Music. How did you end up with Todd Severin and company?

Yes! Todd really is the man. We actually got linked together by one of the best podcasters that deals in heavy music here in Sweden, Magnus Tannergren of Into The Void Radio. He knows Todd from a while back and he’s always on the lookout for bands. So when he saw us he gave us a great recommendation that landed us a spot over at Ripple. We are very honored to be part of the family, that’s for sure.

The Sunken Djinn (Single) by Vokonis

How important is artwork to you, as a band? Both the artwork on 'Olde One Ascending' and 'The Sunken Djinn' is very interesting and not something you always see in doom metal territory. Even the artwork for “The Sunken Djinn” and “Blood Vortex” singles are something that looks like they might come from a band like Entombed, which I think it very cool. I love Entombed by the way. Now that you’ve released the new track for “The Derelict Eyes” I can also say that I find the artwork is so unique.

I do love death metal and graphic art! That style is something that has spoken to me since way before I started playing doom. I guess it carries over well stylistically.

Tessa Najjar handles the art for our albums. For us it’s very important to paint a picture. It’s so important I think for a lot of bands in the scene. And I believe that Tessa’s style works very well with our music. We generally present to her a concept and just let her do her thing. If she comes to a crossroad with the piece, we’ll discuss in what direction we should go together. It’s a great partnership.

Kyrre Bjurling have handled art for us too. He’s a very special person to us since we found a fan-made picture for when we had released "The Sunken Djinn" as a single. We reached out to him and he helped us make that piece of fan-art as the cover art for the Ripple Music 7” single. That’s why our community is so cool!

Doomed & Stoned in Sweden by Doomed & Stoned

Speaking of “The Derelict Eyes,” I believe this is likely your fastest song to date. Do you feel putting this track on the 'Doomed & Stoned in Sweden' compilation was a bold move? You know people are bound to complain when bands take new directions, although sometimes I wonder if this occurs mainly in America. Do you feel that Swedes are more musically open minded than Americans? How has the general response been to this track?

Yes this is our fastest song. We wrote it in a period of us not really knowing where to go next. So we wrote something entirely different. Because I’m a big prog-lover. I don’t really care what style I’m listening to as long as it’s good. So that song was very important in our progression. Elements of “The Derelict Eyes” will definitely be used going forward. We have had great reception on the song. Our new label, The Sign Records, was so surprised when we sent it to them, they were like “Have you been sitting on this song for over a year? It’s killer! We gotta get it out now!” So that made me laugh a lot haha! Seeing their initial reaction gave me confidence in the song as well. I’m my own worst critic.

I don’t know if swedes are more open minded as a lot of my favorite bands that I am continuously inspired by are American. My thoughts are that if you dig a band such as Monolord, you probably like Entombed, right? And I’d love for Monolord to do a fast song. They’d pull that off with grace, I’m sure.

We’re now past the halfway mark in 2018. Any favorite albums of the year so far?

I have a few yes! Weedpecker came out with a great album right after the New Year. I’ve listened to that a lot. I know that SVVAMP released a great follow-up to their first album just now. My friends in Fungus Hill released what’s to me one of the best albums this year, Cosmic Construction on Proxima B. Also, we have Spiral Skies that delivered an album that sounds like I wish Ghost would sound. I always love to listen to new music. And I mainly pick up inspiration from bands doing something else than heavy fuzz-stuff.

I understand you are quite the gear junkie. Tell us about your setup. Favorite guitar? Preferred strings? The pedal you refuse to live without? Your amp setup?

Is it that evident? We are huge gear nerds and we’re always looking for ways to reach that tone that you have in your mind. I haven’t been using them live but my favorite guitar is the Jazzmaster. They’re kind of odd birds in heavy music but I can make it fit and I plan on using them extensively going forward. I usually use Elixir 0.13-0.52 in a C standard tuning. I like how it feels crisp and tight. Not to floppy and boomy. If that makes sense.

I refuse to perform without my Black Arts Toneworks Pharaoh. That’s just the best fuzz pedal I know. It can do basically everything you want in the realm of muff-style fuzz. So it goes very well with our music. Regarding amps I have two of them. And they’re actually my dream amps. Ever since I started out playing guitar, I wanted a Marshall JMP 2203. I got hold of one last year and I love it so much. It’s got that grind that I’ve been searching for. I also got an Orange OR100, the other dream amp for me. It’s thick and perfect for playing with single coils as it’s always beefy and never shrill sounding. These two are gonna do the bulk of the work on our new album.

I follow Vokonis constantly on Facebook and see that you have a signature guitar with Boult guitars. How did all that come to be?

Yes! Chris reached out to me after he noticed me using another Boult guitar. I always had this thing for Yamaha SGs and I still do. So he did a Yama style guitar which carries the name The Djinn. Pretty cool, huh?

The heavy metal scene in Sweden is overwhelming, just to say the least. Who are your favorite Swedish metal gods?

That’s gotta be Opeth. I love them with a passion and they got me into heavy music. I can listen to their discography over and over and not get tired of it. The way they’ve transformed themselves time and time again is beyond me. I always get a kick out of listening to them. Then there’s Skraeckoedlan. They’re probably my favorite band in the realm of stoner/doom/sludge.

Let’s talk about the invitation you received to be a part of the Planet of Doom movie. Did you write an entirely new song for it? That must be a massive honor!

That was so insane. I had been aware of the project for a few years before we got an invitation, so when David messaged me asking if we could put together a song we jumped on it. Feels kind of insane even now when it’s out there. Tim helped me with the lyrics just to get the story across. It was certainly the first time I wrote lyrics with someone from the other side of the planet. So yes, to sum it up, we are very honored to be part of it. It’s like a love letter to the whole genre. To be part of that select few is a special feeling.

Speaking of collaborations with Ripple Music, you have a new track titled “Celestial Embrace” on 'Skull Mountain' (2018). Did you write this specifically for this vinyl release?

Todd of Ripple Music asked us if we wanted to be on a compilation. So we became linked at an early stage. More than a year ago. And we had been started writing two songs after we had recorded The Sunken Djinn. We wanted to do something different and try to convey that we’re going to do some different stuff. I think that we got to showcase some of that in “Celestial Embrace” Very proud of that song.

The Sunken Djinn by Vokonis

I hear we can expect a new full-length Vokonis record in the not so distant future. What can you tell us about it?

We are headed into Studio Underjord in August, actually, so it looks like there’ll be at least a single out this fall. Then we’re going to release that album sometime in 2019 on The Sign Records. It’s too early to say dates and such but it’s coming for sure. It’s very different from our previous material. We have more clean passages and Jonte is singing almost half of the record. We had a different approach while writing it, previous albums was mostly my writing. Now I came up with a riff/idea and we did a lot more work on it. So it’s not nearly the same as it was when it was just an idea. In my mind, it’s the most Vokonis-sounding thing from us yet. As we put ourselves into this album more than ever before.

Of course, I must mention that, in addition to Ripple Fest in September, you'll be headlining at this year’s Doomed & Stoned Festival in October. As you recall, we tried to get you guys to come out last year, but the stars just didn’t align the way we wanted. Patience always pays off and 2018 is the year!

We couldn’t be happier! Finally we’ll be able to come to the US and play! Seriously, though, this is what makes the scene so special. It feels kind of close-knit and small even though you’re from the US and I’m from Sweden. I can’t wait!

Thanks for chatting with us once again. We’ll see you on stage!

Thank you! Always a pleasure.

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[quaxorascal]

All questions for Taber and co!

actuallyaltaria said: (co being Belasco, Aracelli, and any NPCS you think are relevant here)

Sure thing! Though I’ll only do odd-numbered questions I think! (from here)

1) What’s their favorite types of art? Do any of them make any art themselves?Taber appreciates all forms of visual art but doesn’t make any herself, and idk about the rest of the party. As far as NPC, Zuzanna is a jeweller, and Helia is pretty damn artful at killing people to death

3) Who will buy the others candy and treats if they’re feeling down, and who will comfort them emotionally?Esovera once gave Taber a bottle of whiskey as a “sorry you got crushed by a dragon and nearly died” gift, so I think she counts for the first category. As for the second, Aracelli is good at voicing her emotions and comforting others when their emotions are out of whack, though she doesn’t let others do the same for her, whoops

The rest goes under a cut!

5) What does everyone do in their downtime?Belasco’s most likely to sell shit, solve puzzles, and design new weapons; Aracelli does target practice for hours on end and pets her bird; Taber spends time with her girlfriend and reads; Esovera and Nate fuck behind Esovera’s bar

7) What superpowers would they pick?I’ll just answer for Taber for this one, but I think she’d choose either invisibility or the ability to take wounds from others. She could, you know, heal those wounds instead of taking them for herself, but uh

9) Can one of them bake well?Nobody in the party has tried while in-game, but I imagine Esovera and Zuzanna can both bake decently well

Gonna skip 11 actually

13) Who enjoys parties? Who would rather stay at home?Lmao the gang is neutral leaning negative toward parties in practice, but Taber does like the idea of being at a party. Zuzanna seems to enjoy parties though, and Esovera likes throwing them! Nate would rather be at home I’m sure, and Helia is more of a rave sorta girl I think

15) Who wears cheesy, cliche, embarrassing underwear?Please please please @theraveninhisstudy​ tell me that Nate would wear heart-print boxers

17) How would they react to a call or text from a wrong number?Belasco would probably fuck with whoever called him and keep them on the phone to know what it is they’re calling about, unless he doesn’t know who they are and they aren’t important. Aracelli would probably just hang up immediately, as would Taber

19) Who has the worst puns? How do the others react?God I hope this is Helia

21) Who would dye their hair/dye it again? What color would they go for?The closest I can think of would be Belasco donning the Disguise Cloak to actually give him hair, otherwise I’m not sure anyone would?

23) Who is the biggest nerd of all? What makes them a massive nerd?Your fave is a nerd: Belasco [last name confidential]. Receipts:

Mama’s boy

Loves puzzle books

Thought sending a dragon tooth home to his mom was a great idea

It was not a great idea

Once won a spicy food eating contest by cheating bc crows can’t taste spicy food

Avoids swimming lessons by cheating bc he’d rather invest in a pair of Shoes Shin Guards of Water Walking

Once came down from a dissociative episode by remembering that his tiny kitten loves him

Hates shoes

Runner-up is Esovera, who gets immensely excited for holidays and decorates her bar appropriately a month in advance

25) Who is the most likely to be called an edgelord? -Yml switches campaigns just for this question-

27) What did they get made fun of for when they were younger?Aracelli got made fun of by her clan because she comes from a clan of druids but isn’t a druid herself despite all best efforts; Taber was made fun of by her cousins for her height and heritage; Belasco was probably also got made fun of by his asshole cousin for his height but he was made fun of because he was short lmao

29) Who is the most ticklish?My gut tells me either Helia or Zuzanna and either way I need it

31) One of them buys one of those custom T-shirts where you can choose what words are written on it. What does it say? What do others think?Helia would totally have a shirt that reads “I flexed and the sleeves fell off” and Mason, you can’t argue with me about this because I won’t believe you

33) Who eats tons of plates at an all-you-can-eat buffet? Who gets one small plate, and not much more?Depends on what’s being offered! Aracelli will eat lots if it’s not fancy food, meanwhile Taber will do the same if it Is fancy. Honestly I think Belasco would eat a medium-sized plate of whatever

EDIT:Shay: aracelli is absolutely a five dollar all you can eat buffet kind of girlShay: she’d eat a plate of ten slices of pizza at cicis no problem

35) How would one of them react to another getting them flowers?Taber has already given her gf flowers, specifically silk flowers because Zuzanna is allergic to the real deal. Zuzanna was delighted when she learned who her secret admirer was ;0

37) Who would eat ghost peppers without breaking (too much of) a sweat?Belasco, see point 23

39) Who’s that one person who loves candy corn?Taber probably likes it, and I can see Esovera liking it too if only during Halloween Nightmare’s Eve season

41) Who gets hassled the most to fix computers/technology?I feel like that’s probably Aracelli in a modern AU, since she’s so good at fixing things

EDIT:Shay: also aracelli Isn’t a tech person so: she could fix your car, not your computer ;0

I will thus edit my statement to say probably Belasco ;0

43) Who would be the crazy cat person?Belasco

45) How do they tell their crushes they like them, if at all?Taber gave Zuzanna a flower through Zuzanna’s best friend, disappeared for like two weeks, then came back and honest to god meant to tell Zuzanna herself that she sent the flower, but she’s a bi disaster and wasn’t able to get the words out, leaving Zuzanna to spot the flower on her own. That went pretty well though all things considered

Helia meanwhile is a pan disaster who made a bit of a show of stammering out that she liked Aracelli, and could they go out together sometime? Aracelli thought it was cute though

47) Who stims? What’s their favorite method of stimming?Aracelli stims with archery practice, petting her bird, sitting upside down and occasionally by lying facedown on her bed

49) Who is the sassiest of all?Belasco “Are you just going to tell me to go fuck myself? Because if so, you’re derivative and boring” Belasco

51) What is that one interest they could spend hours talking about? Who listens?Aracelli’s special interest is bows/ archery!! Honestly if she wants to talk about it Taber would be happy to listen as a fellow admirer of weapons, but the problem is it hasn’t come up yet. God damn that would be cute

53) Who makes lunch for who?The gang buys food at Esovera’s bar on the regular, which I say should count toward our rent

55) Who’s not strong enough to open tight jars? Who has to open it for them?

Belasco: 9 STR

Aracelli: 11 STR

Taber: 18 STR

Take a guess

57) What’s their ideal first date? What was/will their actual first date be like?I’ll just answer she second question of these! 

Aracelli and Helia’s first date was an attempt to eat at a fancy restaurant, both of them bailing because it was too uppity for both of them, then going to Helia’s favourite bar and kicking ass in the fighting pit because why not. Aracelli kicked the most ass and I’m so sad I wasn’t actually present for that

Taber’s and Zuzanna’s was also an outing to a fancy restaurant, less fancy than the one the other two picked but still a good choice for these two rich kids. They chatted over wine and Taber walked Zuzanna home and got a kiss on the cheek before Zuzanna left. It was very cute

59) Who would study for days for a test? Who doesn’t do a lick of studying?Honestly I feel like all of our kids would be pretty good as far as studying!

61) Does anyone have an unusually loud or quiet voice? Does anyone never speak sometimes/at all?Aracelli has gone nonverbal a couple of times, and in general her voice is pretty quiet. Taber keeps hers quiet too, as well as pitching it up. Belasco kinda just talks normally, not loud or quiet

63) Who comes to an event super late? Who comes to it super early?Just gonna answer for Taber for this one too! She’d rather be early to an event than late, she’d definitely be super early if given the chance. Also if Nate is late for an event it’s because he didn’t want to come

65) What’s the most annoying thing about living with these characters/people?Aracelli sometimes just doesn’t wear a shirt, and Belasco is cool with joining in on the naked party, too. That’s just how it is sometimes. Taber is always flustered when this happens. Also Belasco will be subtle and pull personal info out of you/ eavesdrop on all sorts of stuff he shouldn’t. Taber sometimes chills in her full suit of paladin armour for no gd reason other than that she likes wearing it, and it baffles the other two so much

67) Who sees an empty playground and can’t resist playing around for awhile?Probably Aracelli and Helia tbh, and that would also be a really cute date

69) Who’s the one that “you can’t take anywhere”?You can’t take Taber to anyplace where you wanna be stealthy, you can’t take Belasco anywhere if you want him to mind his own business, and you can’t take Aracelli anywhere where there’s no trees

71) What’s the dumbest thing they own, and the story behind it?Taber has a bottle of cheap and shitty perfume that she won at a carnival by playing one of those strength games with the mallet, Aracelli has arrows with heads full of peppercorns meant to be fired in people’s faces (and she made them all by herself!!), and when I asked Nidoran what the dumbest thing Belasco owns is they said “a cat” and that’s fair (and then they later added “6 stolen lemons”, which Belasco stole because Ulrich wouldn’t tell him where he got the lemons in the first place)

73) Who wears/would wear the most colorful or extravagant clothing?Out of everyone in the party, Taber and Belasco both, and Belasco might be a little more extravagant. As far as extravagantly fancy, that would be Zuzanna; for just plain extravagant, Esovera, see point 23

75) What’s a secret one of them have been hiding from the rest?For the longest time Aracelli had been hiding the fact that she was spellscarred, and Taber had been hiding the fact that Deniel is her brother and not her cousin. She’s also hiding the details of what she had to do under the Broker’s servitude, and Belasco is not only hiding as much personal information as he fucking can, but he’s hiding it by lying about it