#1 look at todd's face and im back on my bullshit

[gaym3bo1]

you know the difference between todd and black?

todd would never hurt black like that with his own hands, he couldn't

and black wouldn't let anyone else hurt todd like that, he'd have to do it himself

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

Hii !! From the smut prompts (stop rolling your eyes, I know Im predicatable!) could I request "Accidentally Sending Nudes", "Sexting" and... a secret third thing (the choice is yours, go hogwild) for Jason x Fat Fem Reader? I'm leaning more towards sub!reader but shes def a little shit about it :3

Thank you in advance if you write it !! 🌼

See, this is why it pays to send in a request with me, because even if I don't answer it right away, I keep requests in my inbox for months and come back to them later!!! (This is from December 2023)

(Also this request is just plain fun) (because Star knows exactly what buttons to push to get me lmao)

DC Titans Requests - OPEN

How would Jason react to you accidentally sending him a nude?

(Jason Todd x Fem!Thick!Reader)

Warnings: set specifically in the Titans!verse - set during season 3/mentions of season 3 plot points; spoilers for major plot points of Titans (including character deaths on the show); this is kind of enemies to lovers? (enemies to fwb, I guess); the reader uses she/her pronouns and has a vagina; the reader is described as being fat/plus sized; passing mentions of Gar x reader (I couldn't help myself); dubious consent - because of the nature of the trope, Jason sees the reader naked without her explicit consent, and he decides to keep the picture without her consent - but it does spark a consensual sexual relationship between them; passing mention of using nudes for blackmail (that does not happen); this isn't really proofread; (generally, I consider this post to be a fucking mess because it was written in Tumblr but I was still trying to have fun with it lmao.)

...

Jason is minding his own business when it happens.

(For once in life, he is fully, completely, minding his own business.)

He's back in Gotham and he hasn't seen you in months - and if asked, he would say that he hasn't thought about you. He doesn't have time to think about you because he's been too busy with this therapy bullshit, training, trying to get back his title of Robin. Trying to get back in the cape. (And trying to get back in Bruce's good graces.)

But that's not exactly true. He's thought about you a lot.

(Most of those times have been with his hand around his cock, but again - he won't admit that.)

There is an occasional time that you cross his mind and it's because he's wondering genuinely how you're doing - wondering if you're well, how your training is going, wondering if you're doing okay under the Dickhead's reign. But he can't ever pluck up the courage to text you and simply ask. Because that would be admitting that he cares, and that would make him look like a weak little prick.

And that's why he's so damn surprised when you text him first.

He hasn't heard from you since he left the Tower (well, since he stormed away from Donna's funeral in what you called a 'toddler fit' - something that ended in a rather vicious text argument between the two of you). In fact, the last thing in the text history between the two of you is you calling him a 'giant, petty, whiny baby who can't deal with his own emotions'.

(You had no clue what had happened between him and Rose, so that did inform a lot of your opinion on the matter.) (And that was probably the reason why Rose still had all of her teeth after you had seen her at the funeral.)

But all of that was aside from the point.

The point being - Jason found himself smiling when your contact name popped up on his phone.

He has you in his phone as 'Pretty Girl' - along with a contact picture of you sticking your tongue out at him in response to having his phone shoved in your face with the knowledge that he was taking a picture of you. (That tongue always makes him think certain things, so even though you intended for it to be some rude thing to ruin the picture, it makes it so much better for him.)

(1) new photo

That instantly catches Jason's attention.

Perhaps you were sending him a picture just to flip him off, or sending him a picture of a dumpster to ask him if it reminded him of home - a common joke you used to make when he still lived at the Tower.

Jason grabbed his phone and opened the message, expecting another tired joke, and-

Holy fuck.

The last thing he was expecting - your naked body. Your gorgeous naked body.

(He likely would have expected a nuclear blast or for the Joker to clean up his act and actually become a decent, sane citizen before he expected this to happen.)

Jason brought his phone closer to his face, making the picture full screen in order to examine it better - he needed to make sure that he wasn't hallucinating, or that this wasn't some weird dream. But fuck, he definitely wouldn't be able to dream up this.

You were so perfect - so fucking perfect in a way that was so very real.

The picture was a fucking stunning side profile of your body - rolling curves, lacy underwear that could clearly barely contain your impressive hips with sweet little stretch marks jutting out from the fabric (jagged little marks across the softness of your skin that made Jason want to act up) - soft fat for him to grab onto, and the perfect teardrop shape of your breast, now bared to his eye in a way that he had only dreamt of before. Something that he had stared at through the oversized tee shirts you wore to bed without a bra, just wondering what you looked like underneath.

And fuck, this was so much better than anything he could have dreamt up.

Jason's cock began to harden almost instantly, and laying in bed, he reached over to his nightstand for some lube, ready to milk that picture for all it was worth, when-

His phone buzzed again.

Pretty Girl: 'Delete that.'

Jason hadn't even considered that you had sent it to him by mistake. He had been far too busy enjoying to even consider the intention or the psychology behind it.

So, he took his hand off the waistband of his sweats and texted back the first thing that came to mind.

'No.'

(He didn't hear your annoyed growl on the other end, frustrated at his downright typical Jason behaviour.)

'It's not my fault you made a dumbass mistake. Besides, it's the least I get after all the nagging from you.'

Then, something else came to mind as the bubbles popped up, meaning you were busy formulating a reply - an annoyed one, no doubt.

'Who did you mean to send it to anyway? Who are you fucking whose name starts with J that's not me?'

(You hesitated.)

Pretty Girl: 'I didn't type in J.'

'???'

Pretty Girl: 'I typed in G. And it turns out the first contact that popped up was Giant Baby. That's you.'

Jason felt annoyed and insulted on all levels. The fact that you were going to Tiger Boy for dick instead of him, and the fact that you had used such a mocking contact name for him. But when he realised that such a pathetic string of events had caused him to accidentally see you naked, he couldn't be too upset.

'I'm still keeping the picture 😈'

Pretty Girl: 'You're such an asshole' Pretty Girl: ... Pretty Girl: 'You owe me one'

'Fine, I'll owe you one'

Jason shrugged it off, thinking he had won, until -

Pretty Girl: 'No, you owe me a cock.'

This made Jason's stomach jump. You couldn't possibly mean-?

Pretty Girl: ... Pretty Girl: 'You owe me a picture of your dick. You know - an eye for an eye type stuff.'

Jason wanted to ask questions - what did you plan to do with the picture? Should he shave his balls first? Did you want more than one?

But his cock got even harder at you asking for a picture, at you demanding to see his cock, and he couldn't properly think - he couldn't even reason that you might later blackmail him with the picture.

No, instead, he found himself ripping down his pants and turning on the bedside lamp for good lighting, pumping himself up to peak rigid hardness and grasping the base of his cock in hand. And then, without hesitation, he snapped a picture for you. He made sure to get his abs in the photo - a collection of his best assets, with his pants pulled down to mid-thigh, showing off his tight stomach, the deep V leading down to his dick, and his thick seven inch cock in hand surrounded by some well-kept dark pubic hair.

(He was proud of it - and that ego was one of the things that annoyed you most about him.)

He sent it without hesitation and then you began typing several times and stopped once again. Jason's stomach churned with nerves until -

Pretty Girl: 'Fuck you' Pretty Girl: 'I thought it would be smaller'

Jason had no clue how to respond to that, and he was busy racking his brain for some clever reply, when -

Oh. Oh fuck.

(1) new photo

You had sent him another picture. And this time it was definitely on purpose.

It was a view between the plump, beautiful thickness of your thighs - your hand was inside the pretty lace of those panties, and your fingers were visible working on your clit while your needy hole dripped wetness onto the fabric.

So you had liked what you had seen.

Pretty Girl: 'What would you do if you were here right now?'

Jason's brain short-circuited then. He thought of so many things - eating your pussy until you screamed, flipping you onto your stomach and fucking you until you begged him to stop, gripping onto those gorgeous thighs, pinning them to your chest and pounding into your cunt until you finally surrendered and said that you had liked him all along, fucking your smart little mouth to finally shut you up-

Pretty Girl: 'Come on, Jay. Don't disappoint me.'

Oh, he won't.

(Another thing Jason won't admit - he came back to the Tower just for you.)

...

DC Titans Masterlist

[cdc1345711]

OC Story: Academy Days 1

(Chip proposed to his Girlfriend Ari before the New Year awaiting their wedding in February of 2021 and despite what everyone says Chip is Romantic and what better way to show it than to Ari's job at Mandrake University as he steps out his car and checks the Directions on his Phone)

Chip:Mandrake Academy? Yep this is the place....now the effort of finding Ari's Office......oi vey"

(He searched around asking Students while inside Ari was hanging in the lounge with her fellow educators)

Ari:(Putting Creamer in her Coffee)Another Day Another Dollar or at least that's what the Board Says"

Owlferd:(Anthropology Teacher and Owl)I agree Ari least you're shift hasn't started yet"

Ari:It did but I got no clients till after Lunch"

Wanda:(Coed Coach/Entomology Teacher Wasp)My class is about to start....damn early risers"

Ari:Just like High School"

Connie:(Cone Headed Honors Science)Except most of the Students look like they're Held back a couple of years"

(Everyone laughs)

Wanda:So......anyone going to the Headmasters Party tonight?"

Owlferd:Only downside of Tenure of I got to go hohoho it's no trouble for me it's just my Husband doesn't wear much Formal Attire"

Connie:Speaking of 'Husbands' when are we gonna meet yours Ari"

Ari:First off Not my Husband YET we're engaged Second He's very busy and isn't a Formal Fellow as well"

Wanda:That so? Or is he fake?"

Ari:Not Fake he's real"

Wanda:Sure(says sarcastically)"

Moe:(Lorologist aka Primate Guy who studies lore comes in making a dash for the Coffee)Coffee coffee coffee need it......(gets his cup)"

Wanda:You okay Beu?"

Moe:Classes about to start and I SWEAR to every Gods if someone asks me another Eldritch Question I might bash my head in.....(takes a deep breath and exhales calming down)so what I miss?"

Owlferd:We're talking about the existance of Ari's Fiance"

Moe:Seriously? What are we in Middle School?"

Ari:Thank You Moe"

Moe:It's up there with 'My Boyfriend who lives in Canada' and 'My BF is my Cat'"

Ari:Okay that last one isn't real"

Connie:Like your Fiance...."

Ari:HE'S REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Owlferd:Well Ari you never showed us a picture of him......"

Wanda:Hell you Never gave us his name"

Ari:Well......its because we want our private life to be uuuh whats the word umm.....Private"

(Everyone Stares)

Ari:Alright......his name is Chip"

Moe:The Psychotic Metal Organic?"

Ari:He's more Sociopathic than Psychotic"

(Everyone looks at each other and all laugh)

Wanda:Seriously the Greatest Assassin ever is marrying you?"

Ari:Mmmmm"

(Bell Rings)

Moe:Time to Work.....we'll pick off later(phone ding)huh?(looks at it)oh shit turns out some Bearded Weirdo is on Campus"

Wanda:That......narrows it down to most of the Students here"

Moe:But he's not a student....probably just a Homeless Guy snuck in....again"

Owlferd:3rd time this week by my count"

Ari:Well if anything Security might catch him"

(Back to Chip he so far hasn't found anyone who knows where Ari's Office is until he stops to asks some Stoners)

Chip:Yo Potheads....."

Stoner 1 Grass Guy:Whoa man this is medicinal..."

Chip:Grass smoking Grass? Either Charles Coburn thinks this is original or he's REALLY bad at being funny"

Stoner 2:Whuuuut?"

Chip:Nothing anyone here knows a Miss Ari Zira? Or more importantly the location of her Office?"

Stoner 3:No"

Stoner 1:Why so you can Narc on us Fascist?"

Chip:I really don't give a shit I just.....wait those Grade A Mary Jay?"

Stoner 2:Yeah man....."

Stoner 1:We'd share but we don't share with cops...."

Chip:Not a cop just trying to find my Soon to be Wife"

Stoner 3:Likely story.....NARC!!!!!"

Chip:(Whispers as he face palms)Jesus Fucking Christ looks Shaggy Scooby and Dooby either you tell me where Your Psychologist is or I'm taking all your Weed"

Stoner 1:You and what Army man?"

(Chip just looks straight for a moment and in the next scene he's walking away with a box of Doobies whistling....how he can whistle without a mouth don't ask me bub it's my story-speaking of.....as he walks off he's stopped by a Axe Headed Guy A Gorilla and a Coyote)

Konk:Freeze you the Bearded Weirdo walking around the University?"

(Chip just looks at him confused)

Hatchet:Sorry there is like a billion Bearded Weirdos here....must of asked 50 people to show us their student ID"

Chip:Well.......Im not a student I'm just a Guy holding this Doobies I snagged from a couple of pot smoking retards...."

Colty:WAIT......that Pure Marijuana?"

(Chip eye widens......next minute everybody is smokin the Weed)

Konk:Man....they don't make this shit like this anymore...."

Chip:Very few thing my People can feel honestly"

Hatchet:So....why you here Chip?"

Chip:Surprise Visiting my Wife Ari Zira....."

Konk:The University Psychologist?"

Chip:Thank FUCKING God someone knows her"

Colty:Course we know her....helped me get over my Issues with my Mom"

Hatchet:Helped me get in touch in my inner self"

Konk:Helped me overcome my homicidal anger by finally coming out of the closet as a self confidant Bisexual Man"

(Everyone looks at him)

Konk:Yep I'm Bi(Changed subject)So you want us to help you find your Girl?"

Chip:Be Appreciated....."

Konk:Then let's go...."

(Other side Ari is visited by the Vice Headmaster Todd the Fox)

Todd:Ari how is the School's Best Psychologist?"

Ari:Kinda meh Morning but I'm better now. And you Vice Headmaster?"

Todd:Well.......I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!!!"THERE'S ANOTHER WEIRDO IN OUR CAMPUS......what if he's armed"

Ari:You shouldn't judge that person....for all we know he or she is probably hungry and as decent beings we should not be fearful but helpful towards the poor soul"

Todd:And THAT Ari is proof of your Tenure"

Ari:See there....wait SERIOUSLY???"

Todd:YES"

(Both Squeal in excitement but quickly calm down)

Ari:Finally I've worked hard for Tenure....."

Todd:And you deserve it a lot....(looks at the clock)oooh almost lunch care to join me?"

Ari:Why not?"

(The 2 leave for Lunch while Chip bonds with the Security Team)

Chip:This Campus has a BAR?"

Colty:Yeah it's called Barsco it's run by our Friend Rosco....if you plan to stay longer we can take you there"

Chip:Really?"

Hatchet:He has booze for everybody Even Lighter Fluid and Gasoline for Metal Organics"

Chip:Sounds like my kinda Guy"

Konk:Yo wanna get some grub first I'm hungry...."

Hatchet:Munchies Man....."

Chip:They're a Cunt"

(As they Chat Ari and Todd were walking to the Cafeteria as they bump into......)

Ari/Todd:MR.MANDERS?"

Mr.Manders:Hoho Hello Todd and Ari....(he's holding a tray of A Burger Tater Tots and a Sparkling Ice)Just in luck they're serving Bean Burgers my Favorite...."

Ari:That's great Headmaster...."

Mr.Manders:So Ari can I expect to see you at my Party tonight?"

Ari:Oh idk Sir I gotta check my schedule to see if it's not booked"

Mr.Manders:Oh I understand Duties come first you know....btw have you heard the news?"

Ari:No Sir(she lies thinking he's about to say she's getting Tenure which will up her pay making sure to help Chip with their Wedding)what is it?"

(Gestures them to move forward as they do and whispers to them)

Mr.Manders:The Security team found the Bearded Fellow who snuck in on Campus....."

Ari:Oh(feeling a bit dissappointed)well least they got him out safely"

Mr.Manders:Actually they didn't...."

Todd:They beat him up?"

Mr.Manders:No....hes still here"

(They turn to see the cart)

Ari:(In Horror)Oh No"

Chip:ARI!!!!!!(walks up and hugs her)Been trying to find you all damn day so far none of the students know your office....I had to beat up a bunch of Stoners as I 'took' their Cush and met my New Best Friends right here"

Konk/Hatchet/Colty: Hi Ari"

Ari:Hi Boys(to Chip)Why are you here....'Honey'?"

Chip:I wanted to surprise you by Romantically coming to your work"

MrMander:Mhmm(coughs as the Other Faculty joins in)Ari mind introducing us to your friend"

Ari:(Gulps)Right Mr.Manders Todd and Everyone this is Chip my Fiance....."

Wanda:(Whispers)Holy Shit she wasn't lying"

Todd:Well even though it's nice to meet you Mr......Chip was it? You are however tresspassing on University grounds"

Chip:Don't get your Panties in a twist Nick Wilde I'm here for Ari"

Todd:Why I never...."

(Just then someones bag was stolen)

Girl:HELP!!!!!"

Mr.Manders:THIEF!!!!!!"

Todd:Quick securi....."

(And in a flash Chip catches the thief and pummels him as he realizes....)

Chip:Holy Shit you're the Stoner Kid"

Stoner 1:You stole my livelihood man....gad to earn green somehow...."

Chip:Yeah yeah....(knocks him out)"

Mr.Manders:(Clapping)My My what skills you were amazing"

Chip:Twas nothing sir"

Mr.Manders:'Twas' ooh Ari your Future Husband is quite a sophisticant"

Chip:I try...."

Mr.Manders:Would you like to come to my Party Tonight? It's to Celebrate the Anniversary of our University being the first to integrate Metal Organics it will be catered and I'll announce a New Tunre Employee"

Chip:Huh can't say no to that plus free dinner I'll be there"

Mr.Manders:Oh Splendid"

Moe:Uuuuh Ari......"

Wasp:You okay Girl?"

Ari:(Grinding her teeth and says angrily)Never......Better"

Chip:Hey Hon I'm gonna start getting ready see you at home(kisses her cheek)"

Owlferd:Nice Bod...nothing on my Man though"

(Night of the Party And Chip and Ari are wearing their Best Formal Clothes)

Chip:Hmmm Swanky"

Ari:(Stops him)Look Chip this is not just some fancy party by your Rich Friends or by the Lewd Crew this is my Job with my Coworkers and Boss so please please PLEASE be on your best behavior alright?"

Chip:(Looks straight at her)Okay what's up you're really on edge?"

Ari:I'm not on edge it's nothing...."

Chip:Let's cut the Bullshit Ari you know we're on the same scale when it comes to smarts"

Ari:Dammit alright.....I...I was told I might get Tenure...by Todd...."

Chip:Fox Boy? Okay(thinking of something)"

(They Enter and Ari meets up with Wanda and Moe)

Ari:Hello Everyone....Wanda Nice sashes"

Wanda:Thanks Bug People don't usually wear clothes but even we can look pretty"

Chip:Nice Suit"

Moe:Right back at ya"

Konk:HEY CHIP"

Chip:KONK you made it"

Konk:Wouldn't miss it"

Chip:Where are the rest of the Guys?"

Konk:At Barscos. They ain't the Formal Types"

Chip:Heh the more I know about them the More I like them"

Owlferd:Hoohoo Hello Ari(accompanied by his Husband)Chip this is my Husband....."

Chip:BASILISK......"

Basilisk:CHIP......"

Chip:You old Son of a Bitch"

Owlferd:Seems you both know each other"

Chip:Shared a Mission once his Eyes of Penance whew Powerful Shit"

Basilisk:Had to be to stop those Humanoids....(to Owlferd)Later Hon"

Todd:(With his Rabbit GF Lydia)Ari hi...."

Chip:('Hmm guess I was wrong')Bunny GF? Goddamn you are Nick Wilde"

lydia:He tries"

Todd:Hopefully things go smoothly without(looks at Chip)interruptions"

Chip:(Just Grunts)"

Mr.Manders:(On Stage)Good to see all you lovely faces here Tonight"

Konk:This will take a while(drinks his flask)want some?"

Chip:Can't taste booze but what the Hell(drinks some) anyone else?"

Moe:Yo"

Mr.Manders:My Grandfather Founded this University in 1945 and My Father was the first to integrate with Metal Organics in 1958..."

Chip:Apparently his Family has a Jesus complex.....which Ironic for me...."

Wanda:How come?"

(Chip reveals his Star of David Necklace)

Wanda:Oh okay"

Mr.Manders:Now without further adieu our new Tenure is.......Ari Zira"

Ari:YES.....I mean yes"

Todd:Yay Ari"

Wanda:You go Girl"

Mr.Manders:Congratulations Ari and I'm also proud to pronounce our newest employee...."

Ari:What......"

Mr.Manders:I was impressed with his skills this morning and while he left to prepare for Tonight I asked him......would you like to be in our University's Security....followed by his yes.....Mr.Chip Cosmas"

Ari:Que..?"

Chip:Wanted it to be a surprise....now we can see more of each other"

Ari:But....your Assassin Business....the Training of the Next Warriors?"

Chip:I thought of spending more time with my Future Wife...."

Ari:Oooh(walks up to the drinks and start drinking)"

Chip:Why she upset? She got Tenure"

Todd:You really can't see it can you?"

Chip:You got something to say say it Foxy"

Todd:I doubt you can grasp it"

Chip:(Wanting to punch but holds back)Not worth it"

Todd:Good to hold back Huh Meto....."

(Chip heard what he said and as quick as lightning punches Todd slamming him on the table)

Ari:What the Hell?"

(Todd tried to fight back but Chip was better as he beat Todd up)

Ari:CHIP STOP IT....STOP IT NOW(holds him off)You seriously can't go one night without being an Angry Animal can you not even for me? And to my friend and Coworker?"

Chip:Ari you don't understand....."

Ari:What I don't understand is why you couldn't do this one thing ONE FUCKING THING for me....just NOT BE YOU!!!!!"

Chip:Ari he's trying to get with you.....by making me the bad guy"

Todd:What? No I'm not Ari is my Friend and I love Lydia you psycho....."

(And as Chip heard his Voice his words were true)

Chip:Then why where you an Asshole to me?"

Todd:Because you're image isn't right for Ari....shes sophisticated and intelligent but you're a Violent Monster....."

Chip:You don't know a Fucking thing about me.....Ari...."

Ari:Chip please.....I just.....dont wanna see you now....(she cries)"

(Chip leaves looking back and Konk goes to Ari saying)

Konk:He had another reason Ari....."

(At Barscos the Campus Bar Chip is drowning his sorrows in Arsenic and Gin)

Chip:Another Round....."

Rosco:Sure Pal.....(puts in the Lighter Fluid Soda Water and Gin)"

Chip:Leave the Cannister"

Rosco:Whoa Bud I can't just(Chip stares at him angrily) eh Fuck it(leaves the Lighter Fluid)"

(Second later Ari shows up and sits next to Chip)

Chip:Hey....."

Ari:Hey........"

Chip:I really Fucked shit up didn't I?"

Ari:Yes......."

Chip:Guess I'm fired?"

Ari:Could've......"

Chip:What?"

Ari:Konk told me what Todd said to make you Angry......seems I was the one who Fucked Shit Up in a metaphorical sense...."

Chip:You were caught in a misunderstanding that's all.....didn't mean your were wrong....I got Angry and beat the living shit out of your friends at work......"

Ari:Well after he used that Racist Slur He's knocked down a few pegs.....sigh it was true I thought you'd jeopardize my chances of Tenure"

Chip:Why you so hellbent on this Tenure Shit?"

Ari:It's because....I wanted the pay bonus to help pay for our wedding"

Chip:Ari I said I got it...."

Ari:Chip we're about to spend our lives together....that means we're a team and we should be there for each other"

Chip:Hmm......that Fox was right about one thing....you're smart as Fuck"

(Mr.Manders arrives)

Chip:Oh Headmaster.....sorry for earlier....I lost my shit"

Mr.Manders:I heard what Todd said he's taking a HR Seminar so he can be more open minded as for the party well.....since the Gym is a mess(the Caterers come in with the Food)Guess we can move it to this fine Bar...with Owner's permission"

Rosco:Got my Approval Boss"

(And so the night that started off unexpected turned into something better as Chip and Ari's Bonds grew stronger for it. The Next Day)

Ari:Ready for your First day?"

Chip:Hell Yeah I am(Walks to the Security Office and looks around ready for this New Chapter in his Life"

THE END

[happyk44]

YFIP: Ollie, Part Nine

yoooooooo, im at fudging nine, @spacejasontodd

HAS NEVER SEEN A ROOSTER EVER

has seen maybe one (1) chicken

can't be bothered to check what part they're on for my YFIP list (laziness is a sin, ollie, and it was 5)

cares about Keef (disgusting)

thinks i almost cried when I EXPLICITLY SAID I MEANT IT IN AN EMOTIONAL WAY (fool, I have never cried in my life, ever)

thinks i care about jason todd bc i experienced emotions once for him

10/10 would slap (gently pwaps tho, ur face probably bruises like a peach)

confuses me almost every day

their entire life is confusion

daddy issues

mommy issues

sibling issues

literally has enough issues to cover every family member

defs the type to look uncool on a motorcycle which automatically notches anyone's coolness up by five points (ur like negative one million cool)

is so uncool, their coolness is negative one million

me: i gotta get dressed for work ollie: good luck!

why the fuck would i need luck for getting dressed

ollie i get dressed all the time

it's not rocket science for me

why are you like this

LAZY

won't call me daddy (offense, ollie. i'd be a great father)

claims that reading porn and looking at it elicites two different responses for them and that's why they won't read my smut but will look and send me different pornographic pics of voltron characters

ollie, my writing is not as explicit as seeing a dick physically go into someone's ass.

is that it??

ARE YOU SAYING U WON'T READ MY SMUT BC IT'S NOT EXPLICIT ENOUGH (offense)

married me and trying to hook me up with a gf

polyam for the win, bro

hates angst but intentionally went back and changed their prompt to an angsty prompt for two of the angstiest characters ever

the meme that goes person a "do you have this thing", person b who visibly has the thing "no" - that's us.

ollie's usually person a bc they are soft like a watermelon

how the fuck do u save weed tea? why are you saving it anyway?

wants me to message them about things but frankly that would decrease my problems for them and i cannot have that

"where are my effects" - ollie immediately after taking a hit of weed

im like 500% sure it was actually grass

claims to have smoked 1 weed

actually has more likely smoked 1 grass

told me they had wi-fi and then didn't tell me when their wi-fi access stopped and then promptly complained when i kept sending them data-eating shiz

u should've told me, fool

this is your own fault

honestly, im still stuck on the fact that they wished me good luck at getting dressed

im very able-bodied and also not a child

i did not need good luck

thinks i stopped tagging them in stuff

fool, relax, i got shit in my queue for you

has no idea what they're gonna do in their future

speaks like twenty languages (unnecessary)

wants to speak like fifty more (doubly unnecessary)

made a post about the fact that i sent them every emoji i had available on my phone in consistent stream

doesn't know their zodiac and astological bullshit but had the nerve to tell me i was wrong about mine (i was not so haha)

blames me for being the reason why lance is piloting red and allura for piloting blue

look, ollie, you fuck, do you think i knew what they were planning?? no??? I WAS JUST TRYING TO WRITE ANGST MY GUY

“I’ll wait for u bro” (i was going to the store)

always dramatic

hates antis but would probably be annoyed by the lack of drama if they didn’t exist

cares about inifity war and probably doesn't worry it will be a disaster, despite the fact that it has 20+ characters and stuff with 20+ characters interacting is always a hit or a miss

the saltiest potato chip

follows the politics of their government like some kind of fool who cares about the direction their country is going in (loser)

once claimed that i, a native english speaker, was speaking the language wrong

ollie

ollie, bro, this is literally the language i grew up with, what did u grow up with, polish, that's right, you fool, you know nothing about english and everything i say is automatically correct by virtue of me being native to this damn language so ha

defs gay for me

also a goddamn nerd

got excited because someone messaged them about jason todd out of the blue

i mean what kind of nerd

bigass nerd

hugeass nerd

the nerdiest of all the nerds

has comic books??? (the nerdiness just mass increases)

reblopped a post i made after it reached like 500 notes just to tell me in the tags that i was doing a good job

i mean

they literally stalk my notes and progress on posts

and i don't even udnerstand why??

are u waiting for me to get famous off a shitpost??

is ur goal here to be famous by association???

i feel like ur goal here is to be famous by association

why

they were made like the powerpuff girls but inside of chemical x, it was chemical NERDINESS

such a nerd

also got a huge dose of "cries about jason todd in the middle of the night" in the middle of their creation process

i once started to make a joke post about us but deleted it because i didn't feel it was accurate only for the post to actually come fricking true three days later

probably a meme

most likely wants to become famous by association

get on my level bro, look AT ALL UR PROBLEMS

their username is spacejasontodd, which implies shiro, but their icon has only ever been jason todd, damian wayne and lance in the eight to nine months that i've known them (petition "change ollie's icon to shiro from voltron so their damn username is accurate 2k17" is now in motion)

abandoned me, their husband who lives six hours behind them, to go to sleep. what kind of disloyalty? smh