#.you’re the reason i felt like i was home || *alex

[jo-com]

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚ ➛ Clingy

Charles Leclerc x Fem!reader x Alexandra Saint Mleux

Summary: Charles and Alex gets so clingy it’s adorable

Genre: Short Fluff, Throuple!

Tw: not anything in particular js some grammatical error and mind u this is not profread

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ➛ My Masterlist

─────── ─ ‧₊˚ ☁️ ─ ───────

Yn.cult just posted!

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Yn.cult 📍NYC!! Finally back at home💋

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Bellahadid No invites??

Yn.cult NEXT TIME I PROMISE

Bellahadid You better🤨

Alexandrasaintmleux Pretty as always ma fille

Yn.cult Stopp, you’re making me blush🤭

Charles_Lecler I think you’re pretty too!

Alexandrasaintmleux i said it first tho😐

User1 THE WAY THEY’RE FIGHTING OVER HER😭😭

User2 Nah cause i’d do the same ngl

Ex.bf Staying there too! Maybe we should hang out!

Alexandrasaintmleux yeah no.

Charles_Leclerc Agreed.

User3 he shoot his shot but got rejected twice😭😭

…

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Yn.cult Omy to time square btw thanks for having me!💋

Tagged; Vougemagazine

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User4 How can one person look cute and hot at the same time

User5 it’s called the y/n effect✨

User6 Faxx☝🏻

User7 Nah who took the first pic?🤨

Vougemagazine lovely having you!

♥️ liked by the author

Alexandrasaintmleux Missing you so bad mon amour😢

…

Alex pouted, her brows knitted in a frown as she stared blankly at your post; constantly refreshing it to see whether or not you replied to her comment yet.

But every time she does, she gets disappointed—not seeing your reply just makes her grow fonder of your presence.

With a deep sighed, Alex turned off her phone and buried her face in y/n’s favorite pillow. The one she uses every time they sleep, the one that has her lingering smell on it, and the one Charles and Alex coddles up whenever they miss you. Which is constantly so they fight about whoever gets it.

Alex stared blankly at the ceiling, her mind was clouded with the thoughts of you. She just misses you so much it’s killing her. Literally.

The only reason you were out was because of your job; you love modeling that’s why they couldn’t have the guts to stop you from going. But now they just wished that they stopped you.

“Ughhhhh” she sighed, dragging the h along the tone of her boredness. Her voice echoing around the empty room which caught the attention of their boyfriend.

“What’s the matter, bébé?” Charles asked, peeking his head into the doorframe.

Alex lazily dragged her head up to face charles. “Everything’s cool, i just miss her is all” she mumbled, her voice laced with sadness and longing.

Charles smiled emphatically, he knows what it’s like to miss you— he’s going through that too but he’s not taking it as hard like Alex though. He’s trying to act strong for the both of them, i mean someone has to, right?

Alex felt the couch dipped down as Charles sat besides her frame. “Should we call y/n and see what’s she’s up to?” He asked, rubbing soft circles around her back.

“No” she replied all muffled due to her head still facing down and resting on your pillow.

She wanted them to call you; to hear your sweet voice. Alex wanted nothing more than that, but then again she doesn’t want to disturb you and ruin your fun.

“Let’s just watch a movie and try to get our minds of her, yeah?” Sighing defeatedly, alex nodded her head and muttered a low ‘sure’ making Charles smile happily.

So that’s what they did, they watched a movie, and ate all the food they could find in the house until they fell asleep.

They woke up the very next day— saw your recent post and started to miss you like crazy again.

…

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Yn.cult Miss my two pouty babies!💋

…

Got bored and wanted to make this, hope you guys enjoy itt!!

[bornwholocker]

Reading flatland and obviously Bill’s home dimension and flatland aren’t exactly the same, but like. Since we don’t know which parts are different I’m just thinking. This is really unorganized and all over the place and probably doesn’t make any sense but

In flatland, it takes a LOT of planning for an equilateral triangle to be born. I’m talking like generations of interbreeding and methods for the fathering isosceles to get as close to equilateral as possible. It’s a huge deal. When an equilateral is created, it’s celebrated by pretty much everyone (for a miriad of different reasons but I won’t get into that). And being “irregular” in any respect is one of the worst things you can be. If you don’t “fix” your irregularity enough, you’re executed.

So imagine Bill’s family working their triangular asses off to have an equilateral kid, to give him a better life, and when they finally do it, he’s got that eye. From what we’ve seen of his parents, they seem to have taken care of him as best they could, but again, it’s been a whole ordeal just to have him, involving the whole community and family, and he came out wrong.

I imagine that’s probably why his parents took him to see the doctor and drink the “juice” that messed with his vision. They thought they were doing what was best for him. They didn’t blame him for his eye, didn’t hate him for it, but they felt the need to fix him, either to please their families or even just bring him to their own standards. The idea of irregularity being wrong is seen as natural and obvious, so they wouldn’t find an issue with trying to change him.

Another thing about flatland is that the mention of any third dimension or any idea close to that is pretty much criminal. (Spoilers i guess) The narrator of the story, a square who saw the third dimension for himself, is eventually locked away for talking about it.

So Bill was supposed to be a sort of miracle baby, I guess is the best way to put it. And when he came out just slightly but irreparably wrong, it was devastating. And then he starts spouting about 3D and the stars and he just wants people to understand, to see that it’s not dangerous, that it’s beautiful. But his parents don’t want him to get imprisoned or worse, so they try to keep him quiet. They give him his juice and his silly straws and wave away any ideas about the third dimension.

Bill was born a disappointment, one of the lowest life forms imaginable, and the only way he was gonna get anywhere in life was by losing his stars forever. He was told that the thing right in front of him wasn’t real, that he should stop talking about it, that he could get in trouble. So he had to show everyone that he was right. He would be a hero! He would be the kid who finally discovered where the light came from, something no scientist had ever gotten close to figuring out!

But in the end his parents were right. It was too dangerous. God bill tragic backstory is so ougrhhhhj grabs alex hirsch by the shoulders and shakes him

[disneyprincemuke]

bother figures * fem!driver

being the designated baby sister of the grid by default is never as easy as you think it would be

pairings: alex albon x fem!driver, max verstappen x fem!driver, george russell x fem!driver, lando norris x fem!driver

warnings: ugh annoying men

notes: this is hardly funny but like i've had to take inspiration from my bother-less life rn so i'm like rly going through it rn LMFAO and it's almost 5am here but as far as i'm concerned, it is night time somewhere so teCHNICALLY i'm not late to an update!

(series masterlist) | (📂 the rookie season)

in the almost empty room, she sits in the corner seat as she taps away on her phone a message to reply to her siblings' group chat. she had arrived early for the driver's briefing and decided to take solace in the corner with a cup of hot chocolate.

she was enjoying the peace and serenity with the soft chatter in the background as she tried to lock herself in for the race weekend. that was until she felt a presence looming behind her with an aura she couldn't possibly ignore.

she slowly lifts her head up with a mean glare. she turns her head and meets max's blue eyes and sly grin. "what'cha doin'?"

she puts her phone on her lap as a scowl replaces her dead expression. "what do you want?"

"what are you doing?"

"does it hurt you when you see me and like... not do anything to annoy me?"

"yes, actually. i like talking to you."

"i just wanted to talk to ciara."

"now you can talk to me."

"but i don't really feel like doing that."

"why not? i'm here in front of you and not behind a phone screen. where's ciara?" he looks around, then at her with a beaming smile. "oh, would you look at that? not here."

"because she isn't an f1 driver."

"still not here to talk to you and provide you the joys of interacting with somebody face to face."

"max."

"(y/n)."

"times like these i remember you've got a younger sister."

"what's that got to do with anything?"

"you've mastered the practice of being annoying growing up, obviously. you're such a pro at it."

"how can you say that?" max cries, hand on his chest to feign hurt over her words. "i'm not annoying. please take that back!"

"you realise you made me stop my conversation with my lovely sisters because you saw me sitting alone."

max reaches out and pinches her cheek, grinning when blood rushes to her cheeks. "you were just looking a little lonely. just wanted to make you feel a little accommodated to, that's all."

she stares at him, lips pressed together. "okay, that's actually pretty sweet. i kinda feel bad now.”

“and you should!” max frowns, folding his arms over his chest. he leans back into his seat and rests one leg over the other. “you’re mean, you know?”

“i’m an oldest sister.”

“i’m an oldest brother.”

“i have three younger siblings that made me wanna shave my head bald.”

“that’s kinda crazy.”

“i know,” she sighs tiredly. but she smiles slightly. “but it’s kinda nice. with oscar and logan taking over those responsibilities growing up, we never had a moment of boredom at home.”

“cute!” max smiles. “if i lived with you growing up, you might’ve actually run away for good.”

“i could run away for good now if you’d like.”

“seb wouldn’t like that.”

“you’d have to deal with it. i’ll leave a note on my team’s fridge with your name on it.”

“you need to put the reason underneath. if not, your team will think you’re just naming the most handsomest driver on the grid,” max shakes his head in disappointment. “don’t wanna give off the wrong idea, you know?”

“if you say ‘handsomest’, it doesn’t need a ‘most’ before it,” she says, lips parted slightly at the atrocious grammar. if there’s one thing she can’t stand, it’s most definitely the reigning world champion making simply grammar mistakes. “you should get more sleep.”

“i do! i slept like 10 hours last night!”

“somehow i find that hard to believe with the bags under your eyes.”

“what are you two bickering about?” a hand lands itself on the back of her chair. carlos stands next to her with one hand on his hip. “i could hear you from the hallways.”

“damn, you should really keep it down, max,” she chuckles, sending him a shocked look before she clasps her hands together and rests it on her stomach. “you’re too loud.”

“i’m sure he meant you. you like… swallowed a mic as a kid,” max scoffs. he looks up at carlos. “tell me she was louder than me.”

carlos sighs. “you were loud on the same level, i believe.”

"see? i told you."

"you're moving in with logan?" alex's jaw drops, the tiktok video no his phone left to play on repeat as the younger girl dropped the news that logan's moving into her apartment. "mate, what?"

she looks up at him with a confused stare. "what?"

"i thought you said you didn't want people talking about you like that?" alex asks, raising an eyebrow. "people will definitely talk if you move in with a man."

she presses her lips together. "you've got a point, i suppose. but logan's my best friend. we've been talking about moving in together forever! since i was 15!"

"i'm just looking out for you, kid. you should really think this through," alex sighs as he slumps his shoulders. of course, he knows just how close she and logan are on a day-to-day basis. but people tend to be quite ruthless with women and he just can't see this going any other way. "you know how people are."

she sighs, shaking her head. "i don't know. i just don't think people would pay attention to that aspect of my life. i still deserve to make decisions that wouldn't be at risk of scrutiny, right?"

she takes a step forward towards alex. she hadn't exactly thought of the public implications that this would cause her. all she knew was that they'd talked about this for years and were ecstatic when logan shyly brought up their conversation from years ago.

"that's the basic that we all hope for," alex frowns. "but you know how people are. you've seen how they treat you just being here. imagine the chaos."

"maybe i'll just keep it under wraps and hope for the best," she suggests with a small smile on her face. "that could work, right? i don't wanna have to put down something i spent forever talking about."

"if you can keep it under wraps, i applaud you," alex smiles, slinging an arm around her shoulders. "and i thought you've had enough of men - why are you still moving in with one?"

"to save money, really," she smiles. "and with kidnapper and stubby at home... i think living with another person is best."

"but doesn't logan like dogs more?"

"yeah, but kidnapper's taken a very weird liking to him. he doesn't wanna admit, but i know logan really likes kidnapper a lot."

"typical logan, really."

"you'd be surprised how much feelings that loser's holding in."

"oh?" alex smiles mischievously. "tell me more?"

"nice try," she scoffs with an eye roll. "i'm not spilling the beans about logan's love life. that's lore you've got to unlock the longer you race with him. just hope he's feeling friendly enough to share, yes?"

"so true," alex frowns. "but what if he's not friendly enough? means you are my only source for material to piss him off with. so, 'fess up!"

"can't betray my best friend like that, i fear," she frowns. though, her smile grows slowly. "but i can be bribed."

a scowl carves her face as she stares at the roll-in whiteboard with pictures held up against it with sesame street magnets. she sinks into the plastic chair she's given and tilts her head at the men gathered around her.

"and that's why i think you should get the same car as me," lando says simply, recapping the marker in his hands. he turns to her with a proud smile after his presentation.

her lips part. "so that we can matchy and..."

"and fuel rumours," lando repeats. "i'm involved in too little drama this year. it's always 'no wins' this, and 'no podiums' that... i want more."

"that's not a very good argument," she answers slowly, confusion contorting her face that almost makes alex laugh. "i said that i want an easy car, not a supercar. i've made that clear to almost everyone on the grid, yes?"

"yeah, but like," lando whines, throwing his head back as he stomps a foot into the ground. "seriously? you can't do this one thing for me? i'm asking you a favour!"

"to spend big money on a supercar i have to drive like it's made of glass!" she laughs dryly, hands thrown in the air in disbelief. she looks around at the men that have forcefully pulled her out of her garage and put her in this private room, in this plastic chair when she could've been taking a power nap. "is this what i'm here for? you lot are trying to convince me to finally purchase a car?"

"as per logan's request," alex shrugs, sipping on his juice box. "he said you've been putting it off all year. the season's about to end."

"and you listened to that nonce?" she cries, pinching the bridge of her nose. "you guys are absolutely unbelievable. i can't believe i'm wasting my time here!"

george, sitting next to her with a picture in hand, points at the whiteboard timidly. "i really put in a lot of thought about a car you should get," he says softly, looking slightly disappointed that she's caught on a lot faster than they predicted. "can i at least show it to you? i don't have to present."

"aw, george," she sighs, shaking her head. "it's not another supercar, is it?"

"it's not, i promise!" he perks up with a small smile on his face. he turns to lando with a small scowl. "only lando did this presentation with his best interests in mind. alex and i took the task seriously - just hear us out!"

she looks between george and alex, contemplating if the brit is telling the truth. instead of getting up like she had initially planned, she leans back into her seat. "fine. if it's anything like lando's, i'm leaving immediately. i don't care who has yet to present."

"but this ferrari looks so pretty," charles frowns, turning the picture in his hand to show it to her. "it's matte black and all. i thought we could match."

"that is also a supercar."

"he's presenting last, so i really don't care what he says," george mutters, shoving lando away from the whiteboard. he picks up a big bird magnet and pastes his picture between lando and max's proposal. "so, i think you should get this super cute toyota car."

taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @inejismywife @vellicora @leilanixx @meadhgbcavanagh @2bormaybenot @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology @cherry-piee @christianpulisic10 @elliegrey2803 @cashtons-wife @love4lando @sadg3 @bborra @a10vely-yutazen @mellowarcadefun @glitterf1 @megatrilss1885 @peqch-pie @gentlyweeps-world @woozarts

[grapejuicebrat]

carry you home

PAIRING: rafe cameron x reader

SUMMARY: where rafe finally found someone who loves him. and where finally rafe falls in love.

my masterlist

The best love is unexpected. You don't just pick someone and cross your fingers it'll work out. You meet them by fate and it's an instant connection, and the chemistry share is way above your head. You just talk and notice the way their lips curve when they smile or the colour of their eyes and all at once you know you're either lucky or screwed.

That’s what Rafe loves about you. Well, actually, he just loves you. He loves the way you smile, the way you walk, the way you talk. The way you hug him wherever he is sad. The way you talk him through hard times. The way you immediately know when something is off. The way you taught him how to trust people and not be afraid to express feelings.

You were his light in the darkness.

When he first met you he thought that you were disgustingly cute and sweet and shit. You didn’t care about Rafe being a total dick to you. You just wished him a nice day and offered a free ice cream just because you were in a good mood to make people happy.

And guess what? In the evening, the same day, Rafe felt guilty. You were so nice to him and he did everything to ruin your good impression of him. Like you weren’t like this pogues who just see him and are ready to throw all shit at him. You were literally smiling and offered a fucking ice cream. When he told you to fuck off and stop smiling.

Guess again? The next day Rafe bought you an ice cream in your own shop. And he apologised for being a dick. And of course you forgave him.

“Sure thing! Everybody has a bad day, it’s okay!”

And your sweet voice wasn’t that disgusting anymore.

You showed him one important thing that no one has ever been able to show him before. Not that he’s beautiful, not that he’s smart, not that he’s sweet. None of that. You showed him something more important than any of those things. You showed him that he was important, that there's a reason he’s here. You made him feel like the world was lucky to have him.

And Rafe doesn’t know if anyone will ever make him feel that way again.

Waking up next to you was Rafe’s favourite thing after coming home to you after a long day at work. Honestly, it is so nice - knowing that here is someone who is actually waiting for you. You were always there for him. Supporting in every decision, giving advices when he needs them, just being silent because comfortable silence is so underrated.

And when you said you loved him? Rafe thought that he was about to pass out. It was the best fucking thing that ever happened to him. Knowing that someone loves him. Just because he exists. Maybe he is toxic, manipulative. But she loves him. The way he is.

“I love you. Today. Tonight. Tomorrow. Forever. If I were to live a thousand years, I would belong to you for all of them. If I were to live a thousand lives, I would want to make you mine in each one.”

And then Rafe cried. And no, he wasn’t embarrassed of this. Because you taught him that it’s not a disgusting thing to express your feelings. It’s okay to cry. Just because you’re a man it doesn’t change anything. You’re still allowed to cry and to laugh and to be silent. Rafe is a human too after all.

“You know what i’ve learned from your stupid romcoms?” Rafe asks you and kisses your cheek.

“They are not stupid!” you roll your eyes and laugh. “But anyway, what you’ve learned?”

“The world was made so that we could find each other in it.”

And he was finally happy, having the love of his life in his arms.

this one is so special to me and no i won’t stop writing about rafe being a softie lmao

if you would like to be added to my taglist leave a comment or let me know by sending me in my ask!

tag list: @ivy-34

[lovelettersfromluna]

⋆｡˚☾ Silver Springs☽˚｡⋆

Summary: A step by step guide on how not to get over Ellie fucking Williams

an: AHHHH!! Here it is you guys! I wanna start off by thanking every single one of you for all the support not only did the first part of this series receive, but how much support my return received! I missed you all so so much and I’m so happy you’re enjoying this series just as much as I am enjoying writing it! I had some trouble tagging a few if you guys, as it wasn’t allowing your users to show up, so I really do apologize about that :( if any of you would like to dm me so we can solve it, feel free! I hope you all enjoy the second part to this series, and so much more is in store for this one! So stick around 🖤🖤🖤

Warnings: SMUT!!! 18+, MDNI, Alcohol and Marijuana usage, jealous!Ellie, slight asshole!Ellie, cheating, oral r!receiving, edging, fingering r!receiving, pet names, kissing, let me know if I missed anything!!

You can read part 1, here!

Tag list: @eveshyper @mattm1964 @teawithnosugar @macaroni676 @ximtiredx @gold-dustwomxn @mina-281 @aethelwyneleigh27 @abbysmainbitch @lil-elliesgf @franreadss @fairyysoiree @r3wbeef @liizzygrant @elliewilliamsgf69 @mabelle-cherie @cauliflowerpatch @forelliesposts @lunasolac @nil-eena @pillowprincessleia @pedropascalsbbg @ellieswifeyy @lesbiantothemoonandback @dummysimp011 @miniaturebananadefendor @sweetpumpkins @thesmutconnoisseur @miksde @delicategirlie

Ellie had always been possessive.

Over anything, really. Over her father, or her favorite forest green hoodie, or the bracelets you two made for each other when you were both in middle school. If it was hers in any way, there was a pretty good chance that she’d be possessive over it.

She was also, very possessive over you.

You never really noticed, mainly because she’s usually extremely discreet about it. Often time, it’ll go unnoticed by those around her, because Ellie knows not to make a scene over someone tugging you along to ride home with them after a party, or to have you stay in their bed instead of hers. And she only does it because you’re her best friend, not theirs. They shouldn’t be trying to take you anyways.

Yeah. That was the only reason.

So the shock you felt when she acted the way she did in front of Alex was something you’d never really seen before. Sure, your best friend had a temper. You couldn’t count on your hands how many times you had to talk down a very drunk Ellie from fighting some idiot jock because they told her she couldn’t beat them at arm wrestling, but that was stupid party banter. What happened at the beginning of class? That was just unwarranted.

And as much as you hoped it was simply Ellie being in a mood that morning, that wasn’t the end of it.

After that day in class, you and Alex grew nearly inseparable. You showed her around to all of her classes, she followed you to the library to study, and to the cafe to have lunch, she even ended up coming back to your apartment to play video games one night when your study session ran past the opening hours of the campus library. Days had gone by, and as much as you didn’t want to admit it, Alex had almost fully taken Ellie’s spot as your best friend.

But then again, Sofia took your spot too.

That was another thing, what used to be like pulling teeth to see your best friend after she had gotten herself a girlfriend, had suddenly taken a drastic change.

After the first initial situation with Alex, Ellie was suddenly almost always in the picture.

It first started with the text messages. When Ellie first started dating Sofia, there were only a few messages here and there, a few stupid tiktoks sent between one another, and the less than frequent plans that you’d try to make with each other that would almost always be cancelled due to last minute plans Ellie ended up making with Sofia.

Now? Now Ellie would text you all the time. She’d send you video after video telling you what kind of cat you were, or which season you were, and she’d make sure to never miss out on sending you pictures of her homework, asking you if it looked good enough to submit, and she was constantly trying to make more plans with you. It was just like how things were before Sofia, back when it was just you, and Ellie, and the little traditions that you and her had every weekend.

Only it wasn't just like those times...now she was...so much more.

It made things a bit awkward when you were studying with Alex one afternoon, the silence of you and her falling comfortably between the both of you as you simply scribbled notes in your books, enjoying each others company, when suddenly your phone went off. It was a message from Ellie.

Waddup dorrrrk

U busy tonight?

You frown softly as you look up from your phone, catching a glimpse of Alex's face as she types away at her computer before you looked back down at your phone, typing out a response to Ellie.

Yeah

prob gonna head home after this and sleep

wya?

library

lemme come pick you up then

no thats okay. Im with Alex

You stare down at your phone as you await a response from Ellie. you see her little chat bubble pop up, stay for a moment, and then disappear. It does this for a minute or two, and you know she's struggling to find the right words to say. She always does this whenever she doesn't know exactly what to respond with

u know Alex is a prick right?

what makes you say that?

she just is

mmm

good to know

ditch her for me

im not gonna do that

where's Sof?

at her dorm

cool

well I'll catch you later Ellie

Ellie never responded after that

and thats how things were for the most part. You would spend your time with Alex, and Ellie would try her best to intervene between that time that you spent with her. Whether it was swooping in and trying to pull you away from Alex while you were walking together, or blowing up your phone whenever she knew you were together, she’d make herself known.

And you still had that damn party to go to that following weekend

You let out a soft sigh as you stared at yourself in the mirror. Your hands came up, smoothing down the clothes that you had on. The strapless black top you wore hugged your middle perfectly, a contrast to the usual baggy, comfy clothes you wore, and the denim jeans hung low on your hip, hugging your curves perfectly. Your hair was styled, and your makeup was done, but you couldn’t help but pout softly at yourself, turning around and eyeing yourself in the mirror, shaking out your hair, pursing your lips together before releasing them.

God….you really didn’t wanna go to this party.

And you were very close to cancelling. You already had your excuse thought up too, you were going to text Ellie and tell her that you had come down with a cold, and that you couldn’t make it out tonight, that you’d catch her and Sofia at the next one.

But she was already pulling you aside after class to make sure you were going.

You were walking out of your last class for the day, the idea of the party on your mind the entire afternoon. You didn’t want to deal with Ellie, as bad as that sounded. She had been so weird ever since you and Alex became friends, and it bothered you how clingy she had suddenly become now that your time was suddenly taken up by someone else.

She was being possessive, and childish, and it wasn’t your job to make her feel better about you having other friends or apologizing for the fact that you were finally moving on-

“Hey! Hey wait up!” The familiar voice called out from behind you, and it almost made you wince. Ellie’s footsteps grew closer and closer as she ran behind you to catch up. You almost wanted to put your headphones on, a silent gesture that you didn’t want to deal with any of Ellie’s antics in that moment.

But she was still your best friend

You gave a tired smile once she finally catches up with you, and you can see the way her eyes twinkle the second she’s looking down at you. You figure it’s because she’s catching you on a rare moment when you’re not with Alex.

“There you are…” She mumbles softly, and you’re sure that if you weren’t so annoyed with her recent behavior, you’d be swooning over how fucking good she looked. Despite the fall weather, it was a bit warmer that day, so she opted for a loose fitted white t shirt, her signature baggy blue jeans, and of course her favorite rings. Her brown hair was tucked into a loose bun, and she wore a backwards faded maroon colored baseball cap.

Once again, Ellie Williams was a fucking dream.

“Here I am…” you mumble awkwardly, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear before you watch her, prompting her to get out whatever it was that she needed to talk about. Instead, she simply stares for a bit, seemingly taking in your appearance for a moment before she hums softly.

“No Alex today?” She questions, looking around to see if she just missed her. You could hear that tone in her voice, the one that was hopeful for a specific answer from you. You let out a soft sigh, shaking your head as you push past the doors of the building that lead to the campus courtyard. “She left early to run some errands” you explain, a soft frown on your face as you catch the familiar smug smirk of triumph on your best friends lips.

“You know she isn’t that bad, right? I think you two would get along…you have a lot in common” you tried, adjusting your bag on your shoulder as you looked up at Ellie.

It was true, Ellie and Alex were extremely similar. In the time that you’d been spending with Alex, there were frequent moments where you felt like you were with Ellie. Certain things she said or did, or the type of jokes she’d make, or the music she listened to. Hell, they even dressed similarly, you were sure that if they gave each other a shot, they’d become just as close, if not closer than you were with either of them.

Or should you rather say, if Ellie gave her a chance.

Your words make Ellie scoff, the girls veiny hands shoving into her pockets as she strolled along with you. “Get along? Yeah fuckin right…I’d rather drag my bare ass along the concrete than hang out with that moron” she huffed out, her words making you scrunch your nose in disgust at the vivid picture she was painting for you, meant to express her distaste for the girl.

“But why? You really don’t have any reason to hate her, Els…because she sat in your seat? You don’t even sit there anymore…” you mumbled the last part of your comment under your breath, your eyes trailing down towards your feet as you frown softly, thinking back to the times before Alex showed up. How lonely it was sitting alone, walking to and from classes by yourself, spending the weekends cooped up in your home with nothing to do, no one to talk to.

Ellie frowned with you, her own green eyes zeroing in on the ground similarly to the way you did as she found herself deep in thought. It confused her too, why it bothered her so much. When you’d ask, her excuse was that she just felt Alex was bad news, and that she didn’t want anyone taking advantage of you or ruining your friendship with her.

That was always her excuse.

She inhaled deeply, replacing her frown with a bright smile, almost as if she were trying to distract you from your question before she changed the subject entirely. “Do you know what you’re gonna wear tomorrow? I heard this parties gonna be fuckin dope” she breathed out, turning towards you and flashing her pearly whites.

It almost gives you whiplash. She’d done it before, completely disregarded your attempts at trying to figure out why exactly she hated Alex so much, wanting more of a reason beside Ellie’s ‘bad feeling’ about the girl. It made you feel even more confused and frustrated with her and how she was acting towards you.

But every time she flashed those pretty teeth your way, it was like your mind went blank.

You blinked a few times as you stared up at her, clearing your throat before your mouth started moving before your brain could properly form a the sentence you wanted to say. Which was something along the lines of ‘im not feeling well! I’ll probably skip this one’

But that isn’t what leaves past your lips.

“I’m uh…not sure yet. I guess you’ll see once I’m there” you breath out softly, followed by a soft chuckle that sounds similar to a sound of defeat, because that’s exactly what’s happened, you’ve been defeated. Ellie has once again wiggled her way into that little soft spot she knew she had for you, and managed to have her way with you, no matter how annoyed you were with her.

Ellie beams the second she heard your words, nodding as she gives you a nudge with her elbow. “That’s why I like to hear! Hey, I’ll text you, okay? Keep you updated on what’s happening” she promises, giving you a nod. Before you can respond, her phone vibrated in her back pocket, to which she pulled out to check it, and you already know who it is. It rips you away from the little interaction you’re having with her, and it makes you sigh softly as you give Ellie a soft nod. “I’ll see you there, Els” you promise, adjusting your bag on your shoulder before you began walking ahead of her.

“I’m pretty tired so…I’ll head home” you nod, not giving her anymore room to stick around and tell you how she can’t stay with you any longer because she has to meet Sofia somewhere. That hurts much more than whatever the hell it was that was happening between you and her within that moment. She watched you, opening her mouth to stop you from leaving but you were already giving her a small wave, paired with a soft smile as you began making your way home.

And that was that. You went home and spent the rest of the day hating the fact that you had said yes to Ellie. You hated that she still had this weird power over you to get whatever she wanted whenever she wanted it.

It’s how you found yourself staring blankly at yourself in the mirror, feeling ridiculous in your outfit, unable to even recognize yourself, and feeling even more ridiculous for going to the stupid party in the first place.

On your bed, you hear your phone buzz, and you already know who it is. You let out a soft huff, grabbing the platform sandals you had settled next to you in the mirror and sitting on your bed to put them on. You open up your messages to read through them while you do so.

yooooo

What time u want us to pick you up?

The messages make you frown, and for a minute your eyes trail towards the bubble at the very top of your phone, the one that has a silly picture of Ellie that you had taken of her when she was high out of her mind and babbling about something that was too incoherent to understand. Once you’ve put your shoes on, you grab the phone and begin typing out a message back to her.

sup

you guys head out without me, I’ll meet you there

huh?

I stg if ur flaking on me

I’m not

I’ll be there relax

ok who’s bringing you then?

The text makes you frown further, because you can practically hear the tone of accusatory thick within Ellie’s words from the text alone, and it pisses you off. Because why the hell would she be prying on who’s taking you to the party? And why does it even matter in the first place?

You sigh softly, eyeing the text for a few more moments before you stand up off the bed, shove your phone into your back pocket and leave your room to head out into your kitchen.

Once you’re there, you open up one of the highest cupboards, you’re glad that your sandals are platforms, because if they weren’t, you wouldn’t be able to reach the single bottle of tequila that sits at the very top of the cupboard. You huff in annoyance, because you can vividly recall the night you and Ellie bought the bottle. She was complaining about your lack of provisions, to which prompted the both of you to make a late night run to the liquor store to buy it. The only contents from the bottle that was missing was from that of which came from nights that you and Ellie wanted to let loose a bit, other than that, you never touched it. And with Ellie being Ellie, she made sure to tuck the bottle away at the very top of your cupboard with ease, where she knew you’d struggle to reach it, just so she could piss you off a bit.

Funny, Ellie seemed to always have a way of pissing you off.

When you finally managed to take the bottle down from the cupboard, you grabbed one of the only two shot glasses that you had in your house, the other belonging to Ellie, and you poured some of the clear liquid out for yourself.

Because lord knows with how this night was already going, you were going to fucking need it.

You threw it back, wincing as the vile liquid burned down your throat, making its presence in your body known as it traveled down into your stomach, settling in and making it feel as though a match was thrown into your body. Instantly, it was already making you feel looser, less tense, the worries you had about the party were still very much there, but they didn't seem to matter as much.

And when you heard the knock on your door, you knew your date was there to pick you up.

Did you end up inviting Alex to be your plus one to the party that Ellie invited you to? Yes.

Did this somehow morph into a date between you and Alex? Yes.

Did you know what you were getting yourself into by inviting Alex, knowing how much worse this would make things with Ellie? Sort of, but you couldn't really find it in you to care in that moment.

Not when Alex was showering you in compliments the second you opened the door for her. Not when Alex looked amazing in her outfit, and smelled even better, making you swoon for her the second she was wrapping her strong arms around your waist and guiding her out to your car. And definitely not when Alex's hand on your thigh on the way there was making your little heart flutter and dance, thanking the heavens above for granting you such a pretty girl to take along to this party with, and hopefully make it so that it wouldn't have the bitter ending of you sulking home while Ellie and Sofia made out in a random room, making it so that you were forced to catch the bus home.

Yeah, there was no way in hell you were letting Ellie ruin this for you.

It wasn't long until you both arrived at the house where the party was being held. Had it been any other day, the sight of drunk college kids, loud music, and the smell of beer and weed would have made you scrunch up your nose in disgust and walk back to your cozy little apartment, to make a warm cup of tea and cuddle up in your bed. But you were tipsy, you felt really fucking hot, and the longer Alex had her hands on you, the needier you felt.

It was time you finally give into the cliche world of being a college student, and lived a little. Because if not now, then when?

Alex had her hand slung loosely around your hips, her strong fingers slipped into your belt loop as she kept you close, toying with the soft sliver of skin that peeked out between the waist band of your jeans, and the bottom of your top. Upon walking into the house, you were glad to see that it wasn't a huge frat party. It was a bit more laid back, with the majority of the party goers splayed out within the living room, already having drunk or high conversations. Or they were in the kitchen, making drinks, or some even opted to head outside in the front yard or the back, the cold autumn air acting as an escape from the warmth that emitted from inside the house.

You feel glad that you don't spot Ellie and Sofia as soon as you walk in, knowing that, that was a confrontation that you were not drunk enough to face. You hum softly as Alex leans into you, your hand slipping down between the both of you as you interlock your fingers with hers, and drag her along to the kitchen.

That's how you find Alex pressed up against you, her strong hands resting against the edge of the counter top, hard chest pressing into your back, chin resting against your shoulder as she watches you pour out two drinks into red solo cups for you and her. She whispers sweet words in your ears, and to remember that she's driving you home, to make sure that you don't add any liquor to her cup. You giggle softly as you nod, melting into the girls touch, her soft caress and her even softer words. It's hard to remember the last time you were touched like this, given this sort of attention, told these sort of words. You figure that you could get used to it, especially when it's coming from her.

When you turn around in her arms, her hands are on your hips, giving them a slight squeeze as she smirks down at you. Both drinks are in your hand, and you simply stare up at her, your bottom lip tugged between your teeth, an overwhelming sense of warmth spreading throughout your chest, making it feel as though you could pounce this girl at any given moment-

And then it all stops.

Because suddenly, through the lust that you feel for Alex, your lips merely inches apart, the sound of someone clearing their throat somehow makes it through the music, cutting right in between the two of you and forcing you to look in the direction of where the sound was coming from, and you’re only met with Ellie.

A very angry, and annoyed, Ellie.

Her green eyes are dark, casted downward as she stares at you and Alex. She has a solo cup hanging loosely between her strong fingers, sharp jaw clenching as her eyes slowly drift between you and Alex, finally settling on you and giving you a look of disbelief, almost as if to ask if you were serious, and if this was some stupid fucking joke that you had.

And it’s so fucking awkward, that you have no choice but to break the silence.

“Ellie!” You chirp out, handing one of the cups to Alex before you turn to her, giving her an apologetic look, to which she simply sighs and gives you a nod before she briefly glares in Ellie’s direction.

You inhale deeply before you make your way over to your friend, clutching your cup slightly as you give her a smile. “Hey…sorry I didn’t come looking for you, did you and Sofia get in alright-“ Ellie immediately cuts you off, because you’re clearly trying to ease the burn of Alex being there, and you aren’t even sure why, because you truly don’t owe Ellie a single thing.

“What the fuck did you bring her for?” She gets straight to the point, and you can tell just how much she’s been smoking from her voice. It’s low, and rough, and if the way she was questioning wasn’t making you so fucking annoyed.

You would’ve been soaking wet just from the sound of it.

You raise your eyebrows in disbelief, a soft scoff leaving your lips as she give her a shrug. “Because I can? I didn’t know I was suddenly banned from bringing people places with me” you challenge her, your eyebrows furrowed as you stare up at the tall girl. Ellie chuckles softly, her tongue pressing against the inside of her cheek as she looks down at the floor before she nods slowly, smirking down at you.

“You know what? You can…don’t mind me” she hums out, a bit to casually for how angry she sounded mere moments ago. Her sudden change of tone makes you blink a few times, trying to see if you heard her correctly. You were convinced that this weird situation was going to turn into an argument, and you’d finally blow up on your best friend for acting fucking weird…

But that wasn’t at all what was happening.

“Oh…okay then…” you mumble out awkwardly, suddenly feeling small under Ellie’s gaze. Her eyes are low, and you can feel the way she’s eating you up, taking you in and shamelessly raking down every inch of your body with her emerald orbs that just seem different tonight than they have on any other night.

You both stay there for a few moments longer, and your skin begins to burn with the need to get away from the extremely awkward situation, making your mind cloudy with confusion as you’ve never once felt that way about Ellie. She’s a person you relate with the feelings of comfort, and warmth.

And now? You just needed to get away from her.

You inhale deeply, taking a large gulp of your drink that was far too strong, the contents burning your throat, which makes you wince as it travels down your body and settles in your stomach. You give Ellie a nod, clearing your throat as you avoid eye contact with her at all times. “Right, so….I’ll uh…I’ll catch you later” you try, giving your friend a half smile as you’re already making your way out of the kitchen to find Alex.

Ellie on the other hand? Simply gives you a slow nod, her eyes still shamelessly eating you up as you walk o it of the kitchen.

The only thing on your mind? Was that you needed to get drunk and forget about everything that just happened.

The laugh that leaves your body is almost too much to handle, your hand coming up to cover your mouth as you lean into Alex, your face mere inches from your neck as you rest your weight against her, your feet feeling wobbly underneath you. Her hand was placed loosely on your hip, smiling lazily as she watched you lose yourself at another one of the jokes she had made.

The night had carried on after the situation with Ellie in the kitchen. After that, you had quickly found your way to Alex, relief settling in once you were finally able to enjoy the party with your date. You two were stuck to each other like glue from that point on, the vibes of the party making it easier to loosen up around Alex and truly get to know her outside of an academic setting, which was the main place of your relationship with her thus far. However, there was a looming presence that you simply could not shake from your spot with Alex at the bottom of the stairs, tucked away from everyone else.

Ellie.

Her eyes never left yours from her point on the couch. A blunt was loosely hanging from her tattooed hand, lifting it up and taking a drag ever so often, a beer in the other, and to make things even worse? She had Sofia propped right on her lap the entire time she watched you.

And as much as you tried to ignore it? Ellie’s glares were lethal. She made no attempt in hiding it, or pretending like she wasn’t keeping an eye on you and Alex like a fucking hawk the entire night. After about the tenth time of catching her run her tongue along her teeth every time Alex tried getting closer, you’d had enough.

Its how you ended up in your current position. You had dragged Alex to the kitchen with you, and she had taken a seat on the island, where you made your own spot standing between her spread legs. The more you drank, the funnier Alex got, and you suddenly couldn’t breath every time she spewed another silly joke your way.

You hummed softly, coming down from your laughing fit and finally catching your breath. Alex smirked softly at you, watching as you tugged your bottom lip between your teeth, glossy eyes growing hazy, and giving the dreamiest look, strands of hair cascading down into your face, which made her push to the side to get a better look at you. It was like a movie, the universe setting up the most perfect time for you and her to finally do it, to finally break the barrier and press each others lips against one another…

But this isn’t a movie, and none of this is perfect.

You realize that, when you feel Alex’s body get shoved to the side, causing you to gasp softly and grip your cup a bit tighter, as well as grip Alex’s arm to make sure she isn’t pushed off of the island counter entirely. You’re ready to yell at whatever asshole made it a point to sit right next to you and Alex, when there’s not only an entire kitchen, but an entire house with thousands of other places to sit, because who on earth would do something so inconsiderate.

Ellie. Ellie Williams would.

Her laugh is something you’d always loved, when she was high, it was loud and boisterous and electrifying, and it had the power to make even the saddest person laugh. You especially loved it, when her voice would crack, and she’d shed a tear because whatever she was laughing at was far too much to handle.

But right now, in this very moment, her laugh was like nails on a chalkboard.

She laughs loudly, taking a seat right next to Alex on the island counter top, adjusting her worn out backwards baseball cap on her head, blunt perched between her lips, and taking a long drag before she blows the smoke right into Alex’s face. “Shit…my bad, man. I’ve just been looking everywhere for my two favorite people!” She chuckles out. Her words make you wince.

You’re frowning right at her, because you know exactly what she’s doing, her eyes are red, lips are plump and pink from all the biting and sucking she’d most definitely been doing, and her eyes never leave Alex’s, studying her face like she was a predator studying their prey, looking for all the flaws they could use to wiggle their way into the cracks.

And you realize, Ellie Williams was fucking cock blocking you.

You inhale deeply, trying to control your temper before you give Ellie a very exaggerated smile. “So nice of you to join us, Ellie….but I’m sure you have other things to do, why don’t you just…catch us later?” You try, your voice desperately trying to get Ellie away from the both of you, your eyes practically bulging out of your head as you try to silently tell your friend to leave.

But she ignores you completely.

Alex, being the angel that she is, simply chuckles softly as she shakes her head. “Not a problem…the more the merrier, right?” She nods, her words genuine. Her hand reaches down, wrapping around your waist and pulling you forward to be tucked into the side of her body, which warms you up.

A flash of anger ripples through Ellie’s expression, her face hard as she eyed the way Alex pulls you in before she quickly shakes it away, giving Alex a nod as she lifts the blunt to her lips once again. “You smoke?” She questions casually, her eyes drifting towards you for a brief moment before she blows the smoke away from you and Alex. Alex hums softly as she nods, “I do…but I’m DD tonight, so I’ve gotta pass” she politely declines, her long fingers rubbing a sliver of your exposed skin mindlessly.

Ellie rolls her eyes, giving a playful scoff “ahhh don’t be stupid, do you see this house? You and the princess here can crash in any one of’em” she smirks softly, eyeing you for a moment, watching the way you become bashful at the nickname. Alex sighs softly, looking down at you for a moment before she gives a half shrug. “Why the hell not…” she mumbles under her breath, taking the blunt from Ellie and bringing it to her lips, Ellie watching with the most mischievous look on her face, it almost looks fucking comical.

And that, was Alex’s first mistake.

Because sure, Alex had smoked a few times. She liked to pop an edible on nights where she couldn’t sleep or she needed a bit of rest and relaxation. So of course, she wasn’t at all a stranger to the angel that was Mary Jane herself.

But she had no idea, what Ellie was packing.

Ellie had always prided herself on having the best weed on campus, the college kids flocking to her every time she rolled up at a party. She had anything and everything you could think of, each strain providing something different for its users.

And for her? Her tolerance was high of course, so she would opt for something a bit stronger. The thing about that, is that not everyone could handle what Ellie smoked.

Alex was a prime example of that.

It only took about three passes between her and Ellie for Alex to be stumbling off of the counter and towards the couch, mumbling something about needing to be somewhere ‘soft’. You knew things were trouble as soon as Ellie was giving that smirk as she watched Alex pull from the blunt, one that looked like she’d already won whatever stupid battle she was playing with Alex.

Before you knew it, you were helping Alex up the stairs to a spare bedroom, struggling yourself because you were still very much drunk, helping her into bed, and watching her as she shoved her face into the pillow, let out a loud groan, and promptly passed out.

Alex had indeed, greened out.

You let out a soft huff as you stood back, watching the girl for a moment and thinking about everything she was experience, wishing you were able to take it all away and rewind time back to that moment in the kitchen, when your lips were mere inches apart, so close to tasting one another and cutting through this stupid slow burn that you had between one another.

But by the looks of that stupid smirk of triumph on Ellie’s lips as she watched you tug the girl to the stairs and to a spare bedroom, that wasn’t written in the stares for you.

You were so confused, and as you walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind you and making sure no one would walk in and interrupt her slumber, all you could think about is why Ellie was doing this. She was sabotaging you, that was without a doubt, but you just couldn’t understand why. Surely, you weren’t so blind that you wouldn’t be able to see that Alex was a bad person. You felt like your judgment of character was quite good, looking back at everyone you’d ever trusted, and trying to figure out if you’d ever gone wrong with who that wasn’t

But you couldn’t, nothing came up.

You pouted softly, making your way back into the kitchen and grabbing another cup and filling it with a drink. You figured, you might as well get your moneys worth through this damned party, and as much as you wanted to confront Ellie, you weren’t sure you could handle her reasoning behind doing what she did to you.

But alas, Ellie seemed to have continued her streak on making herself present in places that you wished she wasn’t, because as you were making your way to sit down at the bottom of the stairs, staring down into the orange color of your drink that was being distorted by the lights floating around in the party, you suddenly felt the familiar presence standing over you.

“Damn…a few pulls and that’s what takes her out? I think I’m doing you a favor, princess” you don’t even have to look up to know that she has that stupid fucking smirk on her lips. You let out a low sigh, resting your forehead against the palm of your hand before you bring your cup to your lips, taking another sip.

“I really don’t have time for this right now, Ellie. I’m finishing this, and then I’m going to bed with Alex” you explain, trying your best to put an end to this pointless conversation. You finally look up at her, giving her an unamused look. She’s seemed to have ditched her blunt and her baseball cap, a red solo held lazily between her hand as she takes a sip as well. Her smirk is gone once she hears your words, rolling her eyes as she leans against the wall next to the stairs.

“Seriously? You’re still interested in that idiot after what just happened? Isn’t she even the slightest bit pathetic to you?” She tried, and you swear you can hear her voice falling to a desperate tone. You scoff, unable to pay her tone any mind as you raise your eyebrows in disbelief.

“Her? The only one pathetic here is you, Ellie. I’m not stupid, I know exactly what you’re doing…the fact that you even had the time to do that was pathetic. Where even is Sofia? Don’t you have her to keep you occupied?” You practically spit out, unable to stop your words from sounding as harsh as they do. You know you’ll regret it later, despite the fact that Ellie very much deserved it.

Ellie eyed you carefully, bringing her cup to her lips before she gave a shrug that was far too nonchalant for what she was saying. “Dunno…she left a while ago” she mumbles out, staring at the bottom of your cup.

The way she says it, the way she had almost zero regard for the girl that she was raving about with stars in her eyes was almost scary, a chill running up your spine as you watched your friend.

You blinked a few times before you inhaled deeply, looking around at the house you were sitting in. The amount of people had lessened greatly since when you first arrived. What used to be a couch full of people was now only filled with a couple, passed out and wrapped up in each others arms. You sighed softly, throwing back the rest of what was in your cup down your throat before you shoved the empty cup towards Ellie’s chest. “I’m gonna go to bed….let me know when you wanna start acting normal again” you sigh out softly, turning around to begin walking up the stairs. A strong hand on your wrist stops you.

You frown, turning around and looking down to see Ellie’s tattooed hand squeezing your wrist, making you sigh softly. You try tugging your hand out of her grasp, clearly not in the mood for anymore of her tricks. “Ellie…come on. Im drunk, I’m tired, I am severely touch deprived, and right now, I just really wanna go to bed” you mumble out, your voice tired as you try wiggling your way out of her right hold on your hand, your hazy eyes looking up at her for a moment.

Thats when you catch it, that look of desperation that had become so frequent in your best friend. It was like she was begging you for something, begging for you to understand what she was saying, or what she was feeling. It makes your heart hurt, because it makes you realize that for the first time in the many years of your friendship with Ellie, you can’t understand her. You can’t read her feelings like you can your own, and the worst part of it all?

You can’t help her.

It makes you frown deeply, and you open your mouth to say something, to speak softly to your friend and try to come to a moral high ground where you could put aside her behavior, and try to understand what the root of it was. But before you can speak, you’re suddenly being dragged up the stairs.

You nearly trip over your own feet, the chunky sandals you decided to wear, paired with the alcohol in your system made it extremely hard to keep up with Ellie’s quick pace. You aren’t really sure how someone who’d spent the entire night drinking and smoking was able to move with such dexterity. You open your mouth to try and protest, to try and ask Ellie where on earth she was taking you, but those questions are all answered, because soon she’s tugging you into another spare bedroom, and locking the door behind her.

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion as you watch your friend lock the door, and remorse you felt for her suddenly gone as it was now replaced with pure annoyance. “Seriously, Ellie? I told you I don’t have time for any games” you groan out, moving your arms so that they were crossed over your chest. You expect her to give you another witty remark, one that was about you or Alex, about how stupid you are for going for someone like that. But she doesn’t do that, in fact, she doesn’t say anything. Ellie begins pacing back and forth in front of you, her strong hand coming up to run through her short brown hair, making it fall down in front of her face again as she stares down at the ground deep in thought.

Her actions make you scoff, rolling your eyes as you sigh out loudly. “And now you’re pacing…you know I was going to cut you some slack. I was going to let all of this go because frankly, I don’t want to deal with your bizarre behavior, but now that we’re here and you’re literally in front of me pacing as it I did something wrong, I can’t let it go anymore! You know what, Ellie…I’ve been so patient with you and I think that-“ your rant is cut off, and at first you aren’t really sure what’s happening. Your brain struggles to register what it is that’s happening, what it is that’s forced your rant shorter than you had wished. But when you finally come to, you aren’t sure if any of this is even real anymore.

Because suddenly, Ellie is kissing you.

You were too caught up in your rant, that you didn’t even realize Ellie had stopped pacing, and was staring at you with a conflicting look, before she inhaled deeply and was nearly stomping towards you, cupping both of your cheeks with her hands and pressing her lips on yours.

All of your words die down in your throat, and you’re melting into the kiss, and you can’t remember how many times you’d though about this. You can’t remember all the times you’d dreamed of Ellie doing this exact thing. Grabbing you, and kissing you like her life depended on it, like she needed your lips to breath, acting as a lifeline that kept her connected to the real world. Your hands went up to grip her wrists softly, a quiet whine leaving your lips and going directly to Ellie’s, and it makes her groan.

Her hands leave your face, and the lack of warmth on your cheeks makes you whine softly, but you aren’t without it for long, because her large hands slowly travel down your body, running along your soft skin until they settle on your hips, giving them a gentle squeeze before they slide down further, resting on your ass, to which she gives a firm squeeze.

Her grip makes you gasp, and she takes the advantage of pushing her tongue into your mouth, exploring you entirely and making you moan into her. Her mouth is warm, and wet, and it makes all of the blood in your body rush to your core. Your hands go to her chest, tugging at her shirt slightly as you let her dominate the kiss, playing with your tongue as she pleased, your head clouded with the an ever growing lust for your best friend.

“Ellie…” you moan softly into her mouth, the sound makes her groan, giving your ass a firm squeeze before her head drops down to attack your neck in kisses, her mouth licking, sucking, and biting on the soft skin of your throat. She isn’t sure she’s ever heard a sound so sweet, a sound that had the capability of throwing her into a frenzy of lust so quickly. “Lemme take care of you…” she mumbles out against your skin, giving your throat a playful nip.

It makes you whine softly, and before you can nod, beg her for everything you’d ever imagined, everything you’d ever wanted from her, a heavy, looming thought settles in. It’s like a dark cloud, one that quickly rains down on you and drenches you from the inside out, reminding you of why you couldn’t do this.

Sofia.

The name echos throughout your mind, and it makes you frown deeply, because it reminds you that this is wrong, and you couldn’t do this. You refused to be this, to be the other woman to your best friend of all people.

You frown deeply, shaking your head as you try to push Ellie away from you. “But…Sofia…” you mumble out, opening your mouth again to explain why you couldn’t do this, why she couldn’t do this, but Ellie quickly cuts you off with her lips on yours. She swallows down the words that were hanging off the edge of your lips, shaking her own head as she gives your hips a gentle squeeze.

“Isn’t here….you don’t need to worry about her right now…” she hums against your mouth, kissing you once more before she breaks the kiss, staring deep into your eyes, her own one’s blown out and lust filled. Her strong, calloused fingers go to grip your chin, angling your face so you’re staring up at her. “This is about you, and me right now…okay?” She promises, her words genuine, her eyes filled with something you can’t exactly make out.

And as much as the little voice inside your head screams at you to stop, to leave and go elsewhere, your heart is doing something entirely different, and the look in Ellie’s eyes is one you can’t deny.

So, you give in to her.

You stare into her eyes for a moment longer before you give her the tiniest nod, giving your trust to the girl. With that, she presses her lips against yours, the kiss was needy and sloppy and there were so many emotions put into it. Your head was spinning because you couldn’t understand the fact that this was actually happening.

You were actually kissing Ellie.

Through the clouds of your mind, Ellie begins pushing you back until the back of your knees hit the edge of the bed, her hand pressing against your chest gently and pushing you back to sit on the bed. You stare up at her when she does this, your eyes wide and needy, and it makes Ellie groan. “You’re so fuckin’ pretty…” she mumbles out, more so to herself than to you. You bite your lip softly, watching closely as she crawls over your body, pressing kisses against your exposed collar bones and neck until she reaches your lips again, taking the breath from your lungs away once again.

Ellie hums against you, relishing in the taste of your mouth, her hands traveling down your body until they reached your jeans, her skilled fingers undoing them. You pout softly, breaking away from the kiss and looking down at Ellie’s tattooed hand tugging at the waistband of your jeans. Ellie chuckles softly at the look on your face, to which she leans in and presses a kiss to your pouty lips.

“I told you…M’gonna take care of you…you trust me, don’t you baby?” She questioned, her green eyes staring into yours, hand massaging your waist gently. It feels like you can’t breath, because the look in her eyes, and the names she’s calling you are all things straight out of a fairy tale, and it makes you wonder whether this is all a dream or not. Even if it was, you decided you’d enjoy it to its fullest.

You stare down at Ellie’s lips before looking into her eyes and giving her a nod. “Of course I trust you, Els…” you hum out softly, giving her a gentle smile. The sound of your voice, and the little smile you give her makes her heart feel like it’ll burst, and she’s smiling with you, leaning in and pressing a kiss to your lips before she gives you a nod and kisses down your body until she’s on your knees in front of you.

Ellie brought her hands up to the back of either one of your knees, pulling you so your legs were spread, and you were at the edge of the bed. You propped yourself up on your palms, pressing them into the bed as you stared down at Ellie. You inhaled deeply, trying to fight off the intense butterflies you felt in your stomach, the feeling enough to make your head spin. Ellie stared up at you, gently tugging your jeans off your body and tossing them to the side. She presses a kiss to your inner thigh, humming softly as she kissed her way to your clothed core, her lips ghosting over the place you needed her most. “You’re in good hands with me, Angel…I promise” she assured you, giving you another slight nod before she presses the softest kiss to your pussy.

You gasp softly, watching as Ellie’s eyes never leave yours, scanning your face the entire time to make sure you liked what she was doing. She smirks softly against you as she watches the way you tug your bottom lip between your teeth, the way your eyes grow darker, filled with lust as you stare down at her. Both of her strong hands grip your thighs, keeping you spread for her as her kisses on your pussy grow firmer, making you whine. “Ellie…please…” you beg, and it makes her smirk against you again.

“So needy…tell me…what is it that you want, baby? Who’s tongue are you needy for?” She purrs out, her voice low and dripping with lust as she pulls your panties to the side painfully slow. You whine softly at the feeling of the cool air of the bedroom hitting your bare, wet pussy, it forces your hips to buck forward a bit.

“Yours…I want your mouth on me Ellie…please…don’t tease…” you moan out, your head tilting to the side as you watch her movements closely, hoping it’ll somehow make her speed up. She chuckles softly, a low hiss leaving her lips as she watches a string of your arousal connect to your cotton panties. She bites her lip, tugging them further to the side to get a good look at your core.

“Fuck yeah…look at how fucking wet you are, princess…so needy for me…” she hums out, getting a good look at your pussy before she slowly brings her mouth to your core, tauntingly slow, eyes never leaving yours. “For me, right? It’s all for me?” She questions, voice low. There’s a hint of desperation, like she needs to hear that it’s for her, she needs confirmation that this is her doing, and no one else’s.

It makes you moan loudly.

You give an eager nod, your hands fisting the sheets underneath you. “Yours! It’s all…all for you Ellie..” you confirm, because despite the cloudiness in your head, through all of it, there’s no doubt that she’s doing this to you, that Ellie is the reasoning behind the state you were in. Ellie smiles, and it’s like she’s so proud of you, like you’ve made her the happiest girl in the world just by telling her the truth.

You want to stick with that for a moment, look deeper into it and figure out what it is that you’ve said that’s made her so happening, but you can’t, because your head is spinning once Ellie latches her plump lips against your core, latching onto your clit and sucking like her life depended on it.

You throw your head back, back arching in pleasure almost painfully. Ellie watches in awe, because you look like a work of art, the prettiest painting, the most detailed sculpture, none of it can compare to the way your chest rises and falls, the way your lips swell, or the way your eyes become low and dreamy. You’re better than any work of art in the world, and it makes her feel lucky to even be here with you.

Her tongue is lapping at your core, watching as jolts of electricity travel through your body with each flick of her tongue to your sensitive little bundle of nerves, and she feels proud of herself for giving you this pleasure, for making you feel this way. You moan out Ellie’s name loudly, your head falling down and tilting to the side as you watch her closely. You want to remember it forever, you want to take this moment and burn it into your mind so you know that it’s real, and that this actually happened.

“So…so pretty…” you moan out, finding it hard to form coherent sentences through the blur of pleasure to felt, and the cloudy feeling that came with the alcohol. You felt numb and hypersensitive all at the same time, and the sensation of that made your head spin. Ellie groans softly against you, giving you an encouraging nod as she flicks her tongue against your weeping core.

And you suddenly feel it, that tight, coiling feeling at the pit of your stomach. It makes your legs shake, it makes your hips grind agains Ellie, forcing your pussy to grind against her face, desperately seeking your orgasm, needing to feel that familiar feeling of bliss wash over you, and you suddenly can’t help but wish that this doesn’t end, that this moment lasts forever.

“Ellie…Els I…fuck….mmmph…m’close!” You announce, your back arching further as you feel it growing closer, and closer and closer and the second you’re right there at the edge….

Its gone. And you realize, you need to be careful what you wish for.

You look down, a soft whine leaving your lips as you look at Ellie below you. Her face is soaked with your arousal, pupils blown out with lust, and bottom lip tugged between her teeth. You open your mouth to complain, to whine and tell her how close you were, but a shiver runs down your spine when Ellie brings her fingers to your core, rubbing circles ever so slowly into your throbbing clit.

“Look at you…poor baby wants to cum so badly, hm?” She hums out, voice tauntingly low as she stared up at you, eyes shining as she slowly toyed with your pussy. You can’t even respond, your hips buck up into her fingers, and she’s quickly clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth, and bringing one of her hands down to hold your waist steady

“Ooh, not so fast…I think you need to wait a little bit longer, baby” she explained, voice so low and sweet, it made your head spin. You let out a soft huff, tugging at the sheets beneath you further as you try moving your hips again. “Ellie..that’s…it’s not fair…I’m so close..” you explain, your demeanor clearly switching to one that was needy and huffy.

Ellie chuckles softly, nodding slowly as she continues toying with your pussy so slowly, it feels like torture. “No…no it isn’t fair” she hummed out, slowing her fingers down even more, which was something you weren’t sure was even possible.

She hums softly as she looks down at your poor, weeping pussy, biting her lip softly as she continued rubbing small circles into your clit, pulling you closer towards the edge, just to rip it all away from you, all over again.

“You know what else isn’t fair?” She questioned softly, her eyes now trailing up to yours, her fingers speeding up a bit. As much as you wanted her mouth, anything was better than nothing at this point, and you barely had the mind to give her a proper response. You whined softly, arching your back as you felt it again, growing closer to the edge. Ellie smirked softly as she watches you, going even faster before she leans in and gives your pussy a long lick, which makes you nearly scream.

“How much you hurt me, baby…” she mumbles out, and you can hear that she’s pouting. Her words make your eyebrows furrow, and you look down at her, whining and moaning through the pleasure as you try to see if you’ve heard her correctly. “W-what?” You whimper out, and it causes her to chuckle softly again.

“God, you’re so fuckin cute…” she whispers softly before she nods, a soft hum leaving her lips before she continues speaking. “You hurt me so much, princess….you and that stupid fucking girl…makes me so upset seeing you together, especially when I know I’d treat you so much better” she pouted out again, watching you as you fell apart above her. You’re sure you aren’t hearing her correctly this time. You’re sure that it’s the alcohol, and the pleasure, and everything else you’re experiencing that’s making you hear things.

There’s so much going on in her head, and you can’t even focus on it because she’s clicking her tongue again, and it’s almost like she feels sorry for you, for how much of a wreck you’ve become at the hands of her, at the workings of her tongue.

“And you don’t even fucking realize it too…that’s what pisses me off the most…” she groans out, speeding up her fingers, watching as you whine and wither for her. “You never fucking have…” she mumbles out that part a bit quieter, as it she hopes you don’t here it, or as if that part isn’t for you to hear.

She smirks softly, green eyes trailing up to watch you as she hums. “I think for the at…I shouldn’t give this to you so easily, huh? Pretty girl?” She continues, and you’re shaking your head before she can even finish her sentence. Somehow, out of all the outlandish things that have passed her lips within the last few minutes, that’s the only thing you can focus on and respond to, and that makes her chuckle.

“Ahh, but you can respond to that…” she teases, humming softly as she gently pushes her pointer and index finger into you, watching as your face contorts with pleasure, and it makes her groan softly. “I can’t even imagine how good you’d look taking my cock…you’re made for it…” she groans out through gritted teeth, watching as you moan and whine while she slowly fucks her fingers in and out of you.

At this point, you’ve been denied your orgasm so many times, you’re sure she’s going to do it again. You’re practically preparing for the second she stops, egging you on further until you’re crying for her. You let out a pathetic little whine, your legs threatening to close, and keep her out, to which she pouts. “Shutting me out already? But I haven’t even made you cum yet” she taunts, watching you with a look of pity before she leans in closer to your core, her warm breath wafting against your weeping pussy.

“I know you want it…you always have, haven’t you baby?” She smirks softly, eyeing you as her fingers come to a complete stop inside of you.

And that, that is what throws you over the edge.

Because you can’t take it anymore, one of your hands goes to the back of her head, grabbing a fistful of hair and pressing her face against your core. This results in a low groan from Ellie, one of her hands squeezing your thigh the second you push her in, and her tongue working on your core immediately. She’s just as desperate as you are, tongue lapping at your cunt like a hungry dog, wet noises of squishing and squelching echoing throughout the room, bouncing off the walls and making you feel even more aroused than before.

Her fingers inside of you begin pumping once again, and you finally feel it, that warm feeling you felt earlier, yet this time it’s stronger. All of the orgasms you’d been denied had built up together to create something explosive, electrifying, you could practically feel the energy building up within your body, begging to be released.

And the second you looked down into Ellie’s eyes, seeing the way she was watching your every move, watching the way your face contorted in pleasure, the way your lips parted to let the most wonderful noises escape…

You were done for.

You came so hard, you saw white. It was like you’d died and gone to an afterlife where there was nothing but bliss, a euphoric state that left you almost feeling like you were no longer a body, but a soul. Your back arched so hard it was painful, you were sure to be sore in the morning. It was all too much, too powerful, too erotic.

When you came down from your high, all you could hear were Ellie’s praises. She called you a good girl, she called you her good girl, and she was so proud of you for how well you did, how well you took her. And all you could feel, was Ellie’s strong arms pulling you back into the bed, into her arms as she tugged the covers over your limp body, everything you felt was distant, it was hard to even compute what was real and what wasn’t.

And the last thing you felt before you fell into the most blissful sleep you’d ever experienced, was Ellie’s lips pressing the softest, sweetest kiss to yours.

[snowysosturn]

Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warnings : MDNI, unhappy relationship, mentions of hangover, angst

The start of the new semester at UCLA brought a sense of urgency and routine that clashed with my internal chaos. Alex was excited, his schedule packed with classes and Bruins practice. Meanwhile, I struggled to shake off the lingering thoughts about Matt and Emily from the party, the Instagram follow, and my relationship dying out. I couldn’t tell anymore if my embarrassment was first or second hand. But today was a new day, and I had to focus.

I made Alex a protein-packed breakfast this morning, I had the day off so I had the time. “Thanks y/n” Alex said as he gave me a pat on the back. A pat on the back. He took the last few bites of his meal and grabbed the keys to the car. “I’m not too sure what time I’ll be back tonight, I’ll text to let you know” Alex said as I walked behind him to the front door. I saw him off as he walked down the steps to the driveway. “Aw shit” I hear him exclaim, realizing one of his tyres had burst. "Great, just what I needed," he muttered. Alex and I shared a car, it was originally mine, but I let Alex put it in his name as he needs to get around more than I do. So in simpler terms, Alex has a car that I’m able to drive once a month at least.

"Take my phone and book an Uber," I offered, handing it to him. "I'll figure out the tyre later."

He accepted my phone with a grateful nod and quickly booked the ride. As he waited, I heard my phone ping. A familiar sound, from Instagram.

“Matthew Sturniolo (@matthew.sturniolo) has requested to follow you”

"Hey, looks like Matt wants to follow you," Alex said, showing me the screen with a chuckle. "Guess he enjoyed your company at the party."

My heart jumped, a burning sensation flushed through my body. Why did this have to happen when Alex has my phone.

I tried to keep my voice steady. "Yeah, probably. We did talk quite a bit. I got along well with Nick too”

Alex shrugged, accepting the request before handing the phone back. "Alright, my ride's here. See you tonight."

"See you" I replied, watching him head out the door. Not a kiss to say goodbye or anything.

The day passed slowly, my thoughts constantly drifting to Matt's follow request. It felt like a lifeline, a connection I desperately wanted but also feared.

—————————————————————————

As the evening approached, I texted Alex to let him know the tyre was fixed if he wanted me to pick him up whenever he was ready. He replied saying he had an evening free and he we was going to Uber home with Emily to hang out. They had figured out they were taking the same classes and were coming back to organize a few things for the current semester.

Alex and Emily arrived at our apartment. Alex seemed in good spirits despite the tire mishap. “We have a school trip to Barcelona in 4 weeks, Europe! How exciting!” Emily said with joy. “We decided it would be easier to come back here and look at flights together if you don’t mind helping us y/n, I know you’re good with all of that.” Alex suggested. For some weird reason this lit a fire in my stomach. I knew I was being stupid since it was for a school trip, but it bothered me how eager he was to organize everything. It was almost like pulling teeth anytime I tried to organize a trip with him. After an hour of searching, I found the cheapest flights for them and everything was booked.

"I'm going to hit the sack early," he said after a while. "Practice starts tomorrow."

"Alright, good night," I said, trying to sound casual.

Emily and I were left alone in the living room. An awkward silence settled between us, punctuated by the occasional sound of Alex moving around in the bedroom. I knew I needed to break the ice, and I also had an opportunity to see where her and Matt stood with each other after Saturday night's events.

"So, how are things with you and Matt?" I asked

Emily smiled, her eyes lighting up. "Matt's great. I mean, he’s really sweet and all, but sometimes I feel like he’s too good, you know? I also want to apologize to you for how I acted at the party, it was out of line. We’re only newly friends and I don’t want to embarrass myself or make a bad impression. I honestly still have a hangover from it all”

“Friends?” I thought to myself.

“Oh you don’t need to apologize to me at all Emily, it happens” I respond, trying to make her feel better.

“I feel like I get carried away sometimes. I like the attention I get from Matt, but I also love the attention I get from others."

I frowned slightly. "Others?"

She shrugged, taking a sip from her Stanley cup. "Yeah, I mean, Matt has a big following, and being with him means I get noticed too. I love him, but I can’t help enjoying the attention. It's kind of addicting. Did you not notice all of the influencers at the party?”

Her words struck a nerve. How could she be so nonchalant about treating Matt that way? He deserved someone who appreciated him fully, not someone who saw him as a means to boost their own ego.

"Oh, no I didn’t notice" I said, trying to keep my tone neutral.

Emily glanced at me, her expression unreadable. "It just comes hand in hand with his job. I love him, but I also love being in the spotlight. Is that so wrong?"

I didn't know how to respond. It felt wrong, deeply wrong. Matt deserved someone who loved him for who he was, not for the attention he brought. The more Emily talked, the more I realized she didn’t deserve him. My feelings for Matt, already complicated, grew stronger. He deserved better, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, I could be that for him.

As time passed the conversation changed, I found myself genuinely getting along with Emily despite the lingering irritation from her comments about Matt. We chatted about various things like classes, mutual friends, upcoming campus events and even her life in Austin. I can’t lie, she was easy to talk to, and I could see why she was popular. But underneath her charming exterior, her earlier remarks about enjoying attention grated on me.

I knew I had to keep things friendly. Not just for Alex's sake, but for my own. Staying close to Emily meant staying close to Matt. It was a delicate balance, and I was determined to maintain it.

Later that night, Emily glanced at her phone and sighed. "I should probably get going. It's getting late."

"Do you need a ride?" I asked, half hoping she would say yes so I could see Matt again.

"Yeah, I'll ask Matt to come pick me up," she said, typing out a quick message..

Matt’s POV

I rotted away in my room all day Sunday. I needed some time to myself. Emily went back to college early this morning and I hadn’t heard from her since. After nearly 40 hours of sitting in my room, I decided it was time to try to be social again. I left my room and walked straight into the kitchen to find Nick and Chris sat at the kitchen table.

"Rough night Saturday" Nick asked, eyeing me with concern.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "You could say that."

Chris obliviously laughed. "Come on, it couldn't have been that bad."

Nick shot him a look. "Matt, we need to talk about Emily. Her behavior at the party... it wasn't okay."

I nodded, feeling a weight settle on my shoulders. "I know. She's been like this more and more lately."

Nick leaned forward, his expression serious. "You don't deserve to be treated like that. You do so much for her, and it seems like she doesn't appreciate any of it."

Chris, still not fully grasping the gravity of the situation, shrugged. "Girls can be complicated, man."

Nick ignored him, focusing on me. "Look, I know you care about her, but you have to think about yourself too. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and values you."

I sighed, the truth of his words hitting hard. "I keep hoping she'll change, that she'll realize how much I care about her and start treating me better."

Nick frowned. "People don't change unless they want to. And from what I've seen, Emily isn't interested in changing."

There was a moment of silence as we all absorbed the reality of the situation. Nick then changed the topic slightly, a mischievous look in his eyes. “I noticed you got along pretty well with y/n, Alex's girlfriend.."

My mind flashed back to our conversations. There had been an easy connection, a sense of understanding that I hadn't felt with Emily in a long time. "Yeah, she's great. We had some good talks."

Chris, always one to break the tension in the worst possible way, grinned. "And she’s got a fat ass, right?"

Nick groaned, and I shot Chris a look. "Dude, not the time."

Chris held up his hands in surrender. "Just saying."

The mood soured, I stood up, needing to clear my head. "I'm going to bed. Thanks for the talk, guys."

As I made my way back to my room, my phone buzzed. Emily had texted me: "Hey, can you pick me up? I'm at Alex's place."

I sighed, knowing I'd go pick her up despite everything. I couldn't shake the feeling that something had to change, but I wasn’t sure if it would be her or me.

—————————————————————————

Y/N’s POV

"He'll be here in about ten minutes." Emily said, reading out the message from Matt.

My heart danced but I had to maintain my composure.

We continued chatting until Matt's car pulled up outside. Emily grabbed her things, and I walked her to the door.

"Thanks for having me over," she said with a smile. "We should do this more often."

"We should" I replied, forcing a smile. "It was nice."

We stepped outside, and I spotted Matt waiting in his car. As we approached, he got out and walked over, his expression warm but tired.

"Hey, thanks for picking me up," Emily said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"No problem," Matt replied, his eyes briefly meeting mine. "Hi," he added, his smile softening as he looked at me.

"Hi," I responded, feeling a flutter in my chest.

"How was your evening?" Matt questioned.

"It was good," I replied, choosing my words carefully. "Emily and I had a nice time."

"Good to hear," he said, glancing at Emily. "Ready to go?"

"Yep," she replied, but then she turned to me. "We should all hang out together again, the four of us. Maybe we can plan another double date or something."

"Sounds good," I said, knowing that staying close to her meant more opportunities to see Matt.

As Emily climbed into the car, I took a moment to speak to Matt. "Hey, I just wanted to say... if you ever need to talk or anything, I'm here."

Matt looked at me, his eyes searching mine. "Thanks, I appreciate that. And same to you."

Just then, Emily reached over and playfully tugged Matt's arm. "Come on, let's go. I've missed you."

Matt turned to her, his expression softening. "I've missed you too," he said, leaning in to kiss her. Their interaction was sweet and intimate, a stark contrast to the tension I had sensed earlier.

Watching them together, my heart sank. The way Matt looked at her, the way he held her, it made me question everything. Had I misread his kindness? Was I seeing what I wanted to see rather than what was really there?

As they drove away, I stood there for a moment, feeling a mix of confusion and heartache. The connection I thought I had with Matt now felt uncertain, overshadowed by his obvious affection for Emily.

Matts’ POV

The drive to Alex's was quiet, my thoughts a jumble of emotions. When I arrived, Emily was waiting outside, looking a bit worse for wear from her two day hangover but smiling when she saw me.

"Hey, thanks for coming to get me," she said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"No problem," I replied, trying to keep my tone neutral. Still wanting to keep my stance that how she acted on Saturday was out of line.

As Emily climbed into the car, y/n turned to me.

“Hey, I just wanted to say... if you ever need to talk or anything, I'm here." I knew fully what she was referring to. Could she relate to me? Or was it just out of pity from the events she witnessed at the party.

"Thanks, I appreciate that. And same to you." We locked eyes for a moment, until Emily tugged at me and instantly broke the contact.

We got into the car and drove off as y/n waved us off. On the ride back home I couldn't help but think about Nick's words and the confusion I felt brewing in me surrounding y/n. Maybe it was time to seriously consider what I wanted and needed in a relationship. Emily had her good moments, but were they enough to outweigh the bad?

Only time would tell..

a/n : i’m rushing out for dinner rn so i will proof read and do tags properly when i’m back i just wanted to get this out asaaaaap. we do go back and forth with the povs here soz. part 6 hopefully tomorrow or sunday!!!!

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @sleepyysavv @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @immattsslut @mynbbys @sturniolopanini @mattsturnxoxo @delicatechrry @t77te @sturnsyaper69

[morgaseus]

sometimes, always, never.

inspired by @/yinyuedijun's translation. Absolute amazing fic, cannot recommend it enough!

Slight spoilers for anime onlys.

Orter Madl x reader

Orter is indifferent. 

He’s never one to act on his emotions. You’ve never seen him get angry, not even when he faced a cold blooded criminal who killed his own flesh and blood, not even when the criminal confessed to cruelly killing his child. You imagined yourself lunging at the criminal, stabbing him over and over and over and over, until he was left unrecognizable, until only a pool of blood and blobs of flesh were present. But you settled in gripping your wand so hard, your knuckles turned white. 

You’ve never seen him cry either. Not even when his friend or acquaintance as he called it, died at the hands of innocent zero’s forces. You remember him staring at the lifeless body of his friend, until you had to snap him out of it. But you’re sure, somehow, that his friend's death is the reason why he is now. 

You’ve never even seen him smile either. Not even when he’s with his family. Not even when he’s with you. Ryoh would call him a stuck up with a stick in his butt, you’d laugh and Orter would ignore him.

Sometimes you wondered if he ever loved you at all or if he was only entertaining your shenanigans. He rarely ever takes you out on dates, he’s busy, you understand, but would it hurt for him to make time for you? When you ask him how his mission was, he’d say a few words, not elaborating any further. He never says I love you first, it was always you. But he has too, right? If he didn’t he wouldn’t hold you in his arms and whisper words of promises that he’ll protect you and you needn’t worry because he’s right here, by your side. If you're ever in trouble, just call him and he’ll come right away. He’d say, his words gentle and his eyes full of warmth. How cheesy you think but hearing his words assures you.

Strange.

Sometimes you even wonder if he’s human, capable of feeling emotions. 

Something’s strange. 

Sometimes you’d wonder if you were the problem. Maybe it was you who’s reading it all wrong, maybe you were just trying to push your ideals to him. Yes, you think, maybe. 

You’d ask your friend for advice, and they’d say: You both need to work on communicating.

Something’s definitely strange. 

Orter Madl is indifferent. Ask anyone in town and they’ll say the same thing. I’ve never seen him smile. Well, he gets things done. He’s scary, unlike Mr. Ryoh. He always looks so grumpy. Maybe he just needs someone to lighten him up a bit. That just comes with being a divine visionary, I guess?

Yet why was it…he’s looking at you like he’s about to lose his entire world..?

.

Orter has a hard time expressing what he feels. He’s never cared much what others think or say about him. It’s not like he’ll get a reward or something if he refutes them, so he just let it be. But ever since Alex introduced you… yes, ever since he met you, he’s been feeling something, something he can not put a finger to, but it's definitely something strange.

Strange, definitely. 

Because for the first time Orter Madl felt what fear was. Not even Famin scared him. Not even Innocent Zero scared him. But seeing your bloodied body, in the confines of your shared home did.

It was one of innocent zero’s remnants. He’d been comfortable. He should’ve never left his guard down even after the war. Something wrong was always bound to happen. 

He held you in his arms, even when his shirt was coated with your blood. He’s always been meticulous about his clothing, always particular about it. But he didn't mind. Didn’t care. Right now, all he cared about was you.

Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.

Orter regrets not learning advanced healing magic. He never had any use for it. Why would he when was already powerful to begin with? He believed that was enough to protect you. Stupid. Idiot. Fool. He’d been complacent. His basic knowledge in healing spells wouldn’t do any good. Not with that gaping hole in your stomach. not enough. not enough. But he promised! He promised he’d protect you! 

What a fool. 

He’d tried calling a medic. No answers. Who was he kidding? All of them were deployed already, helping thousands of injured civilians.

Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please don’t die. Don’t die.

Don’t leave me-!

“Why are you crying, orter?”

“Please don’t cry, please”

He almost laughed at the irony of it all. It should be him, comforting you, not the other way around.

“Can you smile for me?”

“I want to see you smile before I go” You say, your chest heaving, mouth soaked with blood.

…He complied

And for the first time he says: I love you. I'm sorry. I love you.

And you say: I know. I love you too. As the light in your eyes vanishes. 

Orter hugs your lifeless body close to him. Tears fall from his eyes. He always loves hearing your voice, sweet and melodious, but now It's quiet, too quiet, save from his heaving and sobbing. He hates it. You always smell like the flowers you grow in your shared garden. Light. Pleasant. Sweet. Light. Pleasant. Sweet. But now you smell of blood. Strong. Metallic. Putrid. Strong Metallic. Putrid. He hates it. 

Orter Madl became a divine visionary so that no more lives will be lost. Yet, what purpose would that be all if he couldn't even save you. What purpose was his being powerful- strong enough, skilled enough, if he couldn’t even save you? 

In the end, he was nothing more but a helpless individual. 

[padfootagain]

Love in Verses (XX)

Chapter 20 : My heart has made its mind up and I’m afraid it’s you

Hi! Here is a new chapter! Valentine’s day is here… wondering how Andrew is going to cope with it, huh?

I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here

Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?

Word Count: 2477

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist

Valentine

My heart has made its mind up And I’m afraid it’s you. Whatever you’ve got lined up, My heart has made its mind up And if you can’t be signed up This year, next year will do. My heart has made its mind up And I’m afraid it’s you.

Wendy Cope

Andrew had a date tonight.

He hadn’t been on a first date since Sam, obviously, he felt rusty and nervous. He didn’t even know the woman, Alex had set up the date. Christina, that was her name. A year younger than him, working as a nurse at St James’s Hospital. Alex had showed him a picture, she was pretty. Apparently, she was nice and a lot of fun. Why not give her a chance?

Andrew was desperate at that point. Desperate to see if he could ever move on from Sam, desperate to prove himself that he didn’t have a crush on you. That this was nothing serious, just his heart longing for companionship when he felt so lonely these days. Besides, it was Valentine’s Day, he was so painfully lonely, he needed to focus on something else than his love life in shambles. He needed to try to move on. And if he did, he needed to do so with a woman who wasn’t you.

So, he had accepted Alex’s offer, had booked a table at a nice restaurant, had tried to look his best for tonight. Elwood was staying with Jon for the evening, he didn’t have to worry about going home late.

And now, there he was, running five minutes late as he walked inside the restaurant, but for his standard, he called that a win. Five minutes… who would care for five minutes?

Apparently, Christina would.

He had a shy but polite smile on his face when he spotted her across the room. He was polite as he took a seat. Meanwhile, she gave him a tight-lipped smile.

“Was there any traffic tonight?” she asked, and Andrew knew at once what she was talking about.

“Erm… it just… took me longer than I thought it would to drop my dog off at my brother’s. Sorry about that. I hope you didn’t wait for too long.”

“No, it’s okay,” she admitted, and she seemed to relax knowing the reason for his short delay. “It’s a nice place you’ve chosen, by the way.”

“Yeah? Glad you like it. Should we take a look at the menu, then?”

They quickly ordered their food, and then began the usual dance of questions that came with trying to learn the most basic things about a person while they waited for their meal.

“So… Alex told me you’re a professor? At Trinity?”

“I am,” Andrew nodded, before drinking a gulp of water. “Assistant professor, actually.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Erm… the paycheck, definitely,” Andrew joked, making Christina smile. “It’s a different rank at University… extremely hierarchical organisation. I don’t have a chair. I give classes, I do research, but I don’t have the same prestige and don’t own a chair for my work.”

“Right…”

“Which is normal, I’m not complaining. Chairs are rare, I’ll probably have to wait another decade to get the rank of professor.”

She didn’t seem reassured by that, Andrew wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“For how long have you been working at Saint James?” Andrew asked back.

“A couple of years.”

“Do you like it there?”

“Yeah… I guess,” she shrugged, and Andrew waited for her to say more about the matter, but she didn’t.

“And so… what do you teach at Trinity?” she asked after a short silence.

“Erm… English. Contemporary poetry, mainly, but I cover a lot of modernism as well through novels.”

She blinked a couple of times.

“Right… so… you like books.”

He gave her an amused smile.

“You can say that.”

“The last book I’ve read was a mandatory reading in high school,” she admitted.

“The last time I cleaned up a wound without feeling sick was… never. So, I guess we’re even,” Andrew offered with a smile, and Christina nodded.

And it was alright, of course. People had many interests. And his partner didn’t have to be interested in the same things as he did. Sam was the perfect example of that. Still… he didn’t really know what to talk about next.

They spent the next few minutes making chit chat, but it was laborious at best. Andrew used a moment of silence in the conversation to take a look around. The restaurant was obviously busy on Valentine’s Day. The decoration was simple but aesthetically pleasing; candles and white or red roses added to each table to enhance the theme of the evening. There were only couples around.

Only couples…

“Andy?”

He turned around, recognising the voice in an instant.

He couldn’t help it, his face fell for a second, before he could summon the strength to hide his reaction.

The universe itself was set against him at this point…

He got up, forced a smile to greet Sam and Frank.

“It’s so funny finding you here!”

“Yeah… wasn’t expecting to see you!” he forced a smile.

Frank noticed Christina then.

“Oh, honey, we’re disturbing Andrew, I think. Sorry, about that,” he was genuine in his apology as he warmly smiled at Christina.

Sam flinched, but quickly smiled as well.

“Oh, sorry! Have a nice evening you two!”

They moved away quickly, reaching their own table. Just a couple of tables away. Right where Andrew could see them whenever he looked up from his plate.

Nice… grand…

“Erm… what are your hobbies?” he asked out of the blue, trying to get the conversation going again, if only to distract himself from Frank and Sam holding hands across their table.

“Oh… not much. I don’t really have the time for those… I like running.”

“Nice!”

“Do you like jogging?”

“Erm… not that much. But I love swimming.”

“I can’t swim.”

“Right… do you like the sea anyway? Like… the beach? Running on the beach, maybe?”

“Not really, no. I’m not very interested in the sea. It’s a little scary.”

“Oh, okay.”

Andrew focused on his meal, but with every painful question asked and answered, it was more and more obvious that they had nothing in common.

A couple of tables away, Frank and Sam were sharing food, a habit Andrew knew Sam hated. They were holding hands, and giggling, and looking so disgustingly in love, while he was on his own, while he wanted that intimacy back, while he thought of you…

Andrew wasn’t sure at which point of the evening you had popped into his mind, but you were all he could think of, right now. He had mentioned that he was going on a date, but you had not given him any details concerning your plans for the evening. You would call your friend Siobhán, you had mentioned some ice cream… were you reading? Watching crappy tv or a good movie? Had you changed your plans? Were you on a date as well?

Andrew couldn’t refrain the bitter taste of jealousy as he thought of you with someone else… as he imagined you in his shoes, at a nice restaurant, meeting with a stranger, and perhaps you would let him hold your hand across the table and would kiss him at the end of the evening, and even spend the night with him…

A wave of nausea made it impossible for him to finish his plate as he thought of you in another man’s bed.

The couple dining at the table right next to Andrew’s started raising their voices. Not enough to draw attention from the entire restaurant, but enough for Andrew and Christina to overhear everything. An argument was brewing. Jealousy and an unhealthy relationship at its peak.

In a matter of five minutes, the two were almost shouting at each other. Andrew and Christina exchanged an embarrassed look while the guy complained about how often they had sex.

And Sam was still there, every time he looked up. And you were all he could think of. And Christina was nice, sure, but they were absolutely incompatible on every level.

And then the last straw came.

“Are you religious?” she asked, and Andrew shook his head.

“No, not really, no.”

“Oh…”

“What about you?”

“Yes, very.”

“Oh…”

“Is that… like… are you just not going to church, or…”

“I… I don’t know. I’m an agnostic, I would say.”

“A what?”

“Agnostic. I don’t know if there’s a God up there or not. I’m… neutral, I guess you could say it like that. But I wouldn’t go to church even if I did believe in God.”

“Really? Why not?”

“I’m wary of any institution run by men that uses its power to dictate how people should behave, including in the most private parts of their lives.”

She blinked, struggling with this new information.

“So… you would never practice religion…”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Right… Cause it’s a very important part of my life.”

“And I respect that.”

“But you would not start believing.”

“Why would I?”

“For me?”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Would you think it was okay if I asked you to give up on your faith to be in a relationship with me?”

“Of course not!”

“Then… how can you ask? We can have different beliefs…”

“But you’re wrong.”

“I can’t be wrong, Christina. It’s faith. And it’s the definition of faith to believe without proof. You can’t say I’m wrong, and I can’t say you are. We just have different faiths.”

She nodded, but had stopped eating.

Next to them the angry couple raised their voices again.

“Can I be brutally honest?” she asked, her voice softer now.

Andrew merely nodded.

“You’re clearly a really nice lad, Andy. And I’m not going to deny that Alex was right when he said that you’re definitely my type. But… it looks like we… don’t match.”

Andrew gave her a kind smile.

“I agree,” he nodded. “I don’t think our lives are very compatible.”

“Not really no.”

“You’re good craic though. And you’re… gorgeous, to be honest.”

“Thanks.”

“I don’t think we’d be able to find common things to build a relationship on, though.”

“Me neither. Would you mind if we called it a night?”

“No… no, I don’t mind, I understand.”

“Thanks.”

They paid for their food, left the restaurant while the couple bickered and Frank and Sam were still in love. Andrew waited for Christina to get safely in an uber, before he would walk to his own car.

He heaved a sigh, tried not to cry.

Everywhere he went, Sam’s ghost followed.

Whatever he did, you were always on his mind.

Were you home safe and sound? What were you doing? Was there a man with you?

He reached for his phone, his car still silent in the carpark. He touched your name on his screen, and you answered after three rings.

“Andy?”

“Hi, Y/N! You’re alright ?”

“Sure! Just… about to watch some adorable romcom to remind myself of unattainable standards concerning men and relationships, will most certainly have a good cry over the fact that the man I wanted to marry is probably getting amazing sex with his new fiancée, and I will definitely eat my weight in ice cream. You? How was your date? It’s early still… did everything go well?”

“Argh… don’t mention it. Everything about it was awful.”

He described his evening, and you listened, commented, interjected every now and then.

“You deserve to eat your weight in ice cream too,” you stated.

“I think I do, yeah… although… I think I’ll just go to bed once I’m home.”

“Are you driving?”

“No, no… don’t worry. I just… I felt bad. So, I called you before leaving the parking lot in front of the restaurant. I can see all those disgustingly happy couples walk out of there hand in hand…”

“Outrageous. Don’t they know we’re mourning?!”

“No decency. And God, I hate Valentine’s Day…”

“Me too… I feel… so empty today. Frank and I used to always go to the cinema on Valentine’s Day. He always stole all my popcorn. I found that adorable.”

He heard you sniffing, his heart broke at the sound. He wished he could have been there, hold you tight until the tears would subside, until he could make you smile again.

“What would you have done with Sam?” you asked, your voice hoarse with sorrow.

Andrew shrugged, stared at the night sky, made utterly black by the clouds.

“A restaurant, probably. Flowers. Nothing too fancy, but it would have been nice.”

He struggled to swallow, his throat tightening.

“Frank and Sam were sharing their food.”

“Hmm? Yeah, Frank does that sometimes.”

“Sam hates it. She hates it. She never wanted me to touch her food. Why does she let him do that, then?”

A short silence, your answer in a whisper.

“To make him happy.”

Andrew pondered on your words. You were right, obviously. When he spoke again, his voice was low and soft, barely above a whisper.

“I really wish I didn’t have to do that again to be loved.”

“Do what?”

“Pretend. Change. Stop… being myself sometimes.”

You were quiet, but you were still there. He knew it. He could hear you breathing in the phone. And beyond that reassuring sound, he just knew you were listening. He was never sure with Sam.

“I’d really like that too,” you whispered, and he hummed in response.

A happy couple came out of the restaurant then. Andrew watched them reach their car, laughing, holding hands. He felt so fucking lonely… So utterly alone in this world. No one knew him like that anymore…

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you promise me something?”

“What is it?”

“Promise me you… promise me you’ll never change for me. Promise me you won’t pretend. I want you to…”

He cleared his throat, brushing the tears that had gathered at the corners of his eyes.

“I want you to be yourself when I’m around. Can you do that?”

He heard you sniffing again. You were quiet for a moment, but Andrew knew you were nodding, he could hear the quiet hum that went with it.

“Andy?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you. Thank you, Andy.”

You sniffed, struggled through a few words, but Andrew was patient, he was drying his cheeks on his sleeves anyway.

“I don’t want you to pretend either when you’re with me, you know?”

“I know.”

He was lying. He didn’t know. He didn’t know at all. He didn’t know how to be loved, except by not quite being himself.

You both remained silent for a while, but it was still reassuring to know that you were there, on the other end of the line. Andrew should have hung up then. He should have let you watch your cheesy movie, and eat your ice cream. Instead, he spoke again.

“I’ve finished Dante, by the way.”

He spent the next forty-five minutes talking about Inferno with you. And after the call had ended, and he was finally driving home, it was harder than ever to deny that he wanted you.

[bitchinbarzal]

Always Our Daughter | N Hischier

summary; even after you split, his mom will always consider you her daughter.

-

In all of your time with Nico, you’d always been close to his mother. Katja had treated you like a second daughter from the moment Nico had brought you home.

So when you split up she was heartbroken. You felt sorry to be loosing a second family but you knew this was best for you both.

Nina reached out a few times to check on you but they all went radio silent for a few weeks until you got a text from his mom.

hi sweetheart, just checking in! you’ve been busy! it’s been so strange not having you around, we’re so proud of you! Please reach out if you ever need anything — you’ll always be our daughter.

It felt nice that she thought about you.

It was a little sad how you felt. You missed them.

Everything was changing; you’d moved out of your shared apartment in Hoboken and up to Buffalo for cheaper rent. Your mom had taken all of your belongings out of your shared home back in Bern.

She’d sent you a picture of the house almost completely empty, considering you’d bought the house together in the off season you were the only one who was able to stay in Switzerland to decorate and Nico didn’t get much of a say.

you moved! your mother showed us pictures of your new house, it’s gorgeous! please let us know if you’ll be visiting us on your trip back to Bern this Christmas, we miss you so much.

When you finally found a place you got to work making it yours, trying to make it home.

you’d never lived alone, constantly moving from rental to rental in Jersey to accommodate Nico’s lifestyle. Your first apartment was perfect and you’d considered buying it but as the internet does, fans had shared your address online and you then had to move a further seven times for the same reasons.

When you’d finally settled on your home in Bern you had planned to make it your own, you made countless Pinterest boards for each room.

You stayed up late nights in the bedroom, laying on the mattress on the floor holding one another while you spoke about all of the things you’d do to the house and all of the memories it would hold.

You spoke about how you’d get married in the garden, how you’d bring your children home here and how you’d decorate their nursery’s.

you went to South Africa?! how was it, sweetheart? you always said you wanted to go… I saw on facebook you’re dating someone new, is he nice? We’d love to meet him. miss you sweetheart.

When Nico had finally settled payment and given you your half of the money for the house you decided to go on vacation. A vacation you’d spoken about going on with Nico countless times but hadn’t gotten around to it.

On the plane you’d been sat next to a guy who you got chatting with. He told you he was headed to Johannesburg to do work, he worked with a non profit.

The two of you spent the entire flight chatting away, getting to know one another and before you parted ways at the airport you exchanged phone numbers with the promise to call when you got back to the US.

hi sweetheart, your mother told us you got a new job! Congratulations sweetheart you’ll be great.

After you’d gotten home and Alex called you, he showed you all the stuff he’d done in South Africa and you were enamoured with it and began complaining about your job and how you wanted to help more people.

Being the captains girlfriend in New Jersey meant you took lead on fundraisers and community events, you missed it.

So Alex told you about an event organiser position that was open in his company so you went for the interview and got it.

It felt nice to be helping make a difference again.

happy new year love. it was so nice to see you last week, congratulations to you and alex. you’re going to be an amazing mother, nobody deserves this more than you. can’t wait to meet this little one! don’t become a stranger please…. we love you! x

Things with Alex moved quickly. He moved into your apartment, the two of you settled into a routine and only a few months in you found out you were pregnant.

It was a massive shock and you were something bordering excited and disappointed. You liked Alex, truly you did and it was nice to be sharing your life with someone again but this was all a lot happening in such a short period of time.

Whenever you thought about having babies you always imagined them with brunette hair, Nico’s nose crinkle and his beautiful big eyes.

You called your mom and cried for a little bit, she tried her very best to soothe you. At one point you considered calling Nico, just wanting someone who would make you feel better.

it’s been a while! A little girl…. congratulations sweetheart, not long until she’s here. nico sends his well wishes, Nina shared your photos with him I hope you don’t mind. let us know if you got our gift in the mail.

A little girl.

You posted it on instagram, a heart shaped cake with pink icing inside with the caption ‘my sweet slice of heaven ☁️🩷’

Nico saw it, everyone saw it. They all tried avoiding the conversation in the locker room but Nina sent it straight to him ‘HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?!? THAT SHOULD BE YOURS!!!’

Things with Alex hadn’t been so smooth sailing, he’d been making off handed comments about your body and you guys had been arguing about finances, with the additional costs of a baby coming you were trying to be smart. That wasn’t something you’d ever had to worry about with Nico, he’d fight you to keep your credit card in your purse. He always said his money was the least he could give you for everything you’d ever given him.

oh sweetheart. claudia is just perfect. she looks exactly like you and she’s got the chubbiest little cheeks. your mom told us what’s happened the past few months, I’m so sorry sweetheart, someday someone will come into your lives for you both and change it for the best. one day claudia will know just how strong her mommy is. we’re always here to support you; we’re so glad you reconnected with nico. he’s been showing us all the pictures and videos you send him, we’re so excited to meet her someday. take care of yourself schatz, we’ll see you when you come home x

Claudia, the love of your life.

Your babygirl was born and she was perfect. Everyone said she looked like you which you were grateful for, not a reminder of Alex who had taken off just before she was born.

You freaked out when you went into labour, all alone with nobody to call so you called the only person you knew you could rely on.

He was by your side, holding your hand and whispering words of encouragement in your ear.

“I can’t do it! I can’t!”

“You can Schatz, you can. You’re so strong you can” you cried out in pain, squeezing his hand tighter.

He named her.

“Does she have a name?” He asks, stroking the little girls cheek.

“Alex wanted to call her Emma but I don’t like it” you scrunched your nose in discontent “My mom gave me a book of Swiss names but Alex wouldn’t even let me look at it he didn’t like-“

“How about Claudia?” He asks and your eyes go wide before you give a soft smile, remembering back to the first night in your house, holding one another while you said

“and our babies! if it’s a girl, Claudia and if it’s a boy I’d like to use Luca”

You nod, eyes full of tears “Claudia… hi babygirl”

Even after you’d gotten home and settled into life with your little girl you kept in contact with Nico. He asked for updates at least four times a day and you would FaceTime when he was on the road.

The devils last game of the season was against the sabres and you took Claudia to her first NHL game.

Nico found you both, standing next to the ice he waved to the baby through the plexi

“Hi, Chäferli!”

happy birthday to Claudia! we can’t wait to give her gift, we may have gone a little overboard but you can’t blame us… she’s our first grandbaby!! love you and we’ll see you three later at her party.

“Happy birthday Chäferli!” Nico shouted, peppering kisses all over the one year olds face as she sat in her high chair eating her cupcake delivered specially from the team.

Your camera shutter caught both of their attention, the two looking over at you with smiles and you shrugged “Capturing the memories”

Nico shakes his head, unclipping Claudia from her high chair and waltzing over to where you stood in the kitchen with your camera pushing the camera down from your face to kiss you softly

“Best day of our lives” he mumbled and you stroked Claudia’s cheek while nodding

“Our precious girl, you made this family”

[goblinontour]

Holding You, Holding Me

kissing forever, we’ll fall together

part 10 l series masterlist

warnings: prof!al, age gap (not specified), angst, fluff, feelings, crying, smut, mutual masturbation (kinda?), piv, handjob

word count: 17k

He was pacing around the room. He’d been pacing around the house since he came home from work. After what felt like a period of hibernation, where everything seemed too delicate to handle or move or change, he now started pacing. You’d talked about it, here and there, but nothing concrete. 

Until today, when he brought it up again. Not that you were opposed to discussing it. You just didn’t know how to approach the situation. You both had built up all these fears and perceptions about what would happen if people found out you were together that you hadn’t even really considered what it would actually lead to.

“I can quit. I’ll quit for you if it comes down to that.” he said, stopping in the middle of the office, propping his hands on his hips as he looked at you.

“Alex, you can’t quit. You love your job.” you tried to reason with him.

“But I love you more.”

His voice was firm, almost stubborn, and his eyes were locked on yours, waiting for your response. You could see the desperation in his expression. He wasn’t just saying it. He meant it. Every word. The thought of him giving up something he was so passionate about for you made your heart ache, but at the same time, it terrified you. The weight of that kind of sacrifice was almost too much to bear.

You looked away, trying to gather your thoughts, to find the right words. But nothing seemed adequate. How could you tell him that you didn’t want him to give up everything for you, even though the idea of losing him terrified you just as much? How could you tell him that the fears you both had were starting to suffocate you?

“Al…” you began, your voice trailing off as you searched for something to say that wouldn’t break either of your hearts. “We need to think this through. I don’t want you to make a decision you’ll regret. I don’t want to be the reason you give up something that means so much to you.”

His hands dropped to his sides, and he took a step closer to you, his expression softening. “You’re not the reason, okay? You’re not the reason I’m thinking about this. I just- fuck…I want us to be able to be together without all this...secrecy. I want to be able to go out with you, to live our lives without worrying about who might see us. I’m tired of hiding.”

You felt the tears prick at the corners of your eyes, but you held them back. You understood where he was coming from. Because you felt the same way. But the reality of the situation wasn’t as simple as just deciding to be together openly. There were consequences, things that could happen that you weren’t sure you were ready to face.

“I know…” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “But we need to be careful. I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret. And I don’t want to lose you either.”

He reached out, taking your hands in his, squeezing them gently. “You’re not going to lose me. I promise.”

The certainty in his voice gave you a small sense of comfort, but it didn’t erase the doubts that lingered in the back of your mind. You wanted to believe him, wanted to trust that everything would work out, but the fear of what could happen if things went wrong was still there, looming over you like a dark cloud in the sky before the storm. 

He started pacing again, his movements quick and restless. “We could get married.” he blurted out suddenly.

You blinked in confusion. “What did you just say?”

He paused, running a hand through his hair. “We could...get married.” he repeated, more hesitant this time. “Then no one could say anything, right?”

“Do you even want to get married?” you asked, your heart racing.

“Don’t you?” he shot back, his voice tinged with frustration.

“Don’t throw this stuff at me like this out of nowhere!” you snapped.

His pacing picked up. “Well, then what do you want me to do?” His tone was strained, but he was trying to stay calm.

“I don’t know! And don’t shout at me!” Your voice was rising, the tension in the room thickening.

“I’m not shouting.” he insisted, though his voice was getting louder.

“I know!” you replied, your voice strained as well.

He stopped pacing and looked at you, his eyes full of desperation. “I love you.”

“Stop saying that.” you said, feeling your frustration boil over.

“But I love you.” he repeated, almost pleading now.

“Then why did you go and kiss someone else?!” you yelled, the words escaping before you could stop them. The room fell silent, the weight of your question hanging in the air like a thundercloud again. 

His entire body seemed to tense and go loose all at once, as if the words had hit him like a physical blow. He stopped moving, his face draining of colour, his hands curling into fists at his sides before going slack. For a moment, it was as if he didn’t know whether to fight back or crumble. His eyes searched yours, wide with a mixture of guilt and frustration, the desperation from earlier now replaced with a raw vulnerability that made it hard to look at him.

“Why are you bringing that up again?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, thick with something that almost resembled fear. “I thought we were past that. That- that we were trying to move forward…”

You took a deep breath, feeling the familiar ache rising in your chest, the hurt that had never really gone away. “It hurts, Alex.” you said, your voice trembling slightly despite your best efforts to keep it steady. “It still hurts. And you…you can’t even give me a reason for it.”

He winced at your words, like they were daggers sinking into his skin. His shoulders sagged, and he looked down at the floor, avoiding your gaze, as if he couldn’t bear to face the pain he’d caused. “I-” he started, then stopped, struggling to find the right words. “I don’t…I don’t know why I did it. It was a mistake, a stupid, thoughtless mistake. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It never meant that.”

“But that’s the thing, Alex.” you pressed, your frustration mixing with the sadness, making your voice sharper than you intended. “You can’t explain it. You can’t tell me why. And that’s what hurts the most. How am I supposed to trust you when you can’t even give me a reason for why you just…did that?”

His hands clenched again, his knuckles turning white as he forced himself to meet your eyes. “I hate that I hurt you.” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “I hate that I can’t take it back, that I can’t give you the answers you need. But I need you to know that it didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t about you. It was…it was about me being stupid.”

You shook your head, tears welling up in your eyes. “That doesn’t make it any easier, Alex. It doesn’t make the pain go away.”

“I don’t know! I don’t know why I did it, I don’t know how to fix it, I don’t know how to take it back!” His voice was frantic, the panic evident as he threw his hands up in helplessness. 

“You can’t.” you said, your words sharp, almost biting, cutting through the thick tension that hung in the air. 

His breath hitched as the truth of your words struck him, his voice catching on the lump in his throat. “I know…” he choked out, his tears finally spilling over, trailing down his flushed cheeks. The sight of him breaking like that, the pain etched so deeply in his features, mirrored the agony you felt in your own chest. His tears were yours, and though they streamed down different faces, the hurt was shared, raw and relentless.

You could feel your own tears welling up, blurring your vision as you stood there, unable to move, unable to do anything but watch him unravel in front of you. His guilt, his regret, pressed down on you both, threatening to crush you. It was suffocating, this almost shared grief, this overwhelming sense of loss that neither of you knew how to navigate.

He couldn’t stand to see you like that, so he closed the distance between you, wrapping his arms around you tightly. Your fists hit his chest in desperation, but the blows were weak, more of an expression of pain than anger. He didn’t flinch, didn’t pull away, just held you closer, absorbing the hurt you were trying to get out. His shirt grew damp from your tears, and he cursed himself silently for causing this. Making you cry was the last thing he ever wanted.

“I love you.” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion, breaking under the weight of it all. You didn’t argue with him this time. You knew he meant it. You didn’t want to hold that kiss against him, but it was hard to let it go. You pulled away just enough to look up at him.

He looked down at you, his eyes red and puffy, glistening with unshed tears, and his hair falling over his forehead from how many times he messed with it. 

“I really want to kiss you.” he murmured, almost as if he was asking for permission. It had been days since that night, and neither of you had tried to close that distance. He hadn’t dared to kiss you, sensing you weren’t ready, or maybe it was just pride that kept you both apart. 

You could see the hesitation in his eyes, the way he searched your face for some sign that it was okay, that you were ready. But you weren’t sure if you were. Part of you still felt the sting of knowing he had kissed someone else. Yet here he was, vulnerable, asking for something so simple, so intimate, as if that kiss could somehow begin to mend the fracture between you. And maybe it could. Or maybe it would just be another reminder of how things had changed. But in that moment, with his arms around you, his breath mingling with yours, you didn’t want to think about any of that. You just wanted to feel something other than hurt.

You tilted your head slightly, inching closer, and he mirrored your movement. His eyes fluttered shut as he leaned in, his lips brushing against yours with such a delicate touch that it was almost like you imagined it. But the connection was real. You didn’t imagine it. And you kissed him back, your hand moving up to the back of his neck to pull him closer. His arms wrapped around you even tighter. 

The kiss grew more intense, fueled by the emotions you’d both been holding back. Everything that had been pent up for days. The hurt. The longing. The love. All came pouring out in that kiss. You could feel the dampness of his tears on your cheeks, mingling with your own as your faces pressed together. It wasn’t just a kiss. It was a release, a way to find some small piece of relief in each other. 

Your lips moved together in a rhythm that was both familiar and foreign, as if trying to find their way back to something they once knew. His breath was warm against your skin, the taste of him familiar yet tinged with the salt of tears. You pulled him even closer, your fingers curling into his hair, feeling the soft strands between your fingers. His hands roamed your back, holding you against him like he was afraid you might disappear if he let go. 

There was a desperation in the way you kissed, as if you were both trying to make up for lost time, to fill the void that had grown between you. A promise that neither of you knew how to keep but were willing to try for anyway. The tension that had built up inside you both was finally given an outlet, manifesting in the way your mouths moved against each other, the way your bodies pressed together, seeking comfort in the familiarity of closeness.

It became harder to distinguish where your tears ended and his began. They mingled together. His fingers tightened in your hair, and you felt his body tremble against yours, the emotion of it all threatening to overwhelm him again. But he held on, and so did you, clinging to this fragile connection. 

The only thing that mattered was the way you fit together, the way your breaths mixed in the small space between you, the way his heart pounded against yours as if trying to sync up, to find a rhythm that would keep you both steady. 

When you finally pulled back, it was with a reluctance that neither of you could hide. Your forehead rested against his. His arms remained around you. He wasn’t ready to let go yet. He feared that the moment he did, everything would fall apart again. 

His eyes opened slowly, red-rimmed and still glistening with unshed tears, and he looked at you with a mixture of sorrow and hope, waiting for you to say something, to give him some sign that everything would be okay, even if it was just a small lie to hold onto. You stayed like that, close enough to feel the warmth of his breath on your lips. 

“I love you too.” you whispered, voice still trembling. As you gaze into his eyes, you notice his lower lip quivering. It was too much to bear. You couldn’t let him continue like this, not when he was hurting so deeply and you could see it.

Gently, you began to wipe away his tears with your fingers, feeling the softness of his skin beneath your touch, and the stray rough hairs along his jaw. The tenderness in your actions grew as you leaned in, pressing your lips to his tear-streaked cheeks, kissing away the wetness. Each tear you caught on your tongue was a bitter reminder of the pain he felt. You both felt. But you didn’t stop, tasting the fresh ones that continued to flow.

Your hands slid down his body, clinging to him for support as you slowly dropped to your knees, never breaking contact. He let out a shaky breath, his hands instinctively moving to pet your hair, fingers tangling in the strands as if the act of touching you could steady him. 

As you knelt before him, clinging to the warmth of his body, you felt his hand tighten slightly in your hair, not out of force but out of need. His other hand cradled your face, thumb brushing away the remnants of tears, grounding himself in the feel of your skin against his. 

He shifted slightly, gently breaking free from your grip on his leg, and sat down beside you on the floor. He pulled you close, his hand continuing to stroke your hair soothingly. “What if we’re thinking too much into it?” he murmured, his voice still fragile but growing more confident with each word. “We aren’t doing anything wrong…I’ve spent too long trying to convince myself of that.”

But his earlier words still lingered in your mind, and you found yourself asking, “Did you really mean that…about getting married?”

He hesitated, as if considering how much to reveal, then nodded, his voice soft but steady, and a little shy. “I did. I’d like to…one day. I didn’t mean to rush you. I just-” He paused, searching for the right words. “I just want to stop feeling like this is something I need to hide, you know? Like I’m ashamed, because I’m not…not of you. Never of you.”

You took a moment to let his words sink in, to weigh their sincerity. “I’d like that too.” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, but the truth of it rang clear in the quiet space between you.

His eyes widened slightly as he asked, “You would?” There was a mixture of hope and disbelief in his voice, like he was afraid to believe it, yet desperate to. He was searching your face, looking for any sign of doubt, his fingers still lightly playing with your hair. 

“I would.” you confirmed, more confidently this time, feeling the truth of it settle in your chest. The tension between you shifted, softened, as he took in your words. There was a silent question in his gaze, a need for reassurance that what he’d said wasn’t pushing you away, but bringing you closer. 

He released a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, his shoulders relaxing slightly as he pulled you even closer, resting his forehead against yours. “I want to do this right.” he whispered. “I don’t want to hurt you again. I just want to be with you, for everyone to know that you’re the one I’m supposed to be with.”

You nodded, feeling the tears you thought had dried up welling in your eyes again, but this time they were different. Softer. Warmer. “Me too.” you whispered back. 

He brushed a tear from your cheek, his thumb lingering on your skin as he looked at you. “We’ll figure it out.” he says, his voice more certain now. 

You nodded again, leaning into his touch. He gently pulled back just enough to look at you, his expression softer now. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he said, “That wasn’t me proposing, by the way.”

You returned the smile, though it was tinged with the remnants of everything that happened. “I know.”

“I’d like to be more of a gentleman when the time comes.” he continued, his voice taking on a more serious tone as he paused, clearly considering his words carefully. “I want to do it properly, you know? The right way, with a ring, and preferably with only happy tears involved.” He chuckled softly at the end, trying to lighten the mood.

You couldn’t help but chuckle too, the sound easing some of the tension that was still lingering between you. 

He leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to the top of your head. “I’m sorry.” he murmured against your hair. His arms tighten around you, pulling you closer in an attempt to protect you from the pain he’d caused, as if he could somehow make up for the hurt with the strength of his embrace.

His apology hung in the air, filled with everything he couldn’t quite put into words, the depth of his remorse, and the unspoken promise that he was willing to do whatever it took to make things right. The kiss on your head lingered like an unspoken vow, a promise to try and rebuild what’s been shaken, to make it better. To be better.

You looked into his eyes and a sudden, intense need surged through you. You leaned in, pressing your lips to his with a force that left no room for retreat. The kiss was urgent. Demanding. He responded in kind, his body tensing momentarily before yielding entirely to you. 

Your lips parted and you slipped your tongue into his mouth, tasting the warmth and depth of him. His breath hitched, a mixture of surprise and pleasure as you explored the contours of his mouth. He moved slowly, letting you guide the kiss, his hands roaming instinctively over your back as he surrendered to the sensation.

You pulled back slightly, just enough to make him chase your lips. He dragged himself across the floor toward you, his movements clumsy but desperate. As you shifted to straddle him, his back hit the edge of the sofa with a muted thud. The position felt intimate and intensely personal all of the sudden. 

Your hand slid down his chest, the extra buttons he had undone allowing your fingers to trace the lines of his torso. You felt the coarse hairs beneath your touch and you raked your nails down his chest. The slight sting you inflicted caused him to groan softly into your mouth, the sound vibrating through the kiss. 

Your fingers tangled in his chest hair, pulling and scratching with a combination of tenderness and want. The sensation elicited a series of low, throaty groans from him, each one punctuated by the slight tug of your hand. He didn’t pull away. He only seemed to sink further into the moment, allowing the sting to add to the pleasure. The love and devotion you could see in his eyes made any pain you inflicted feel like a mere afterthought. Every touch, every caress was imbued with a raw, overwhelming affection. He accepted the pain, letting it wash over him. 

You needed to bridge the physical gap between you. Without breaking the kiss, you gently guided his hand down from your back, leading it slowly toward your skirt. The anticipation built with each movement. You shifted slightly, your fingers intertwining with his as you led him between your legs. Your touch was firm but gentle, helping him navigate under your skirt. 

As his hand reached the soft fabric of your underwear, you pressed his palm directly over your core. His fingers pressed lightly. The contact was electric, sending a shiver through you as you adjusted yourself to the pressure. You moved slightly, allowing him to feel the warmth of your body against his hand. 

You pulled back just enough from the kiss to look at him. His eyes widened slightly, a mix of surprise and intense focus as he felt the heat and moisture beneath your underwear. He responded instinctively to your guiding touch with a gentle, exploratory pressure, trying to decipher the depth of your need, trying to map out every reaction and every feeling you were experiencing.

You kept your hand on his, guiding him gently with each movement, encouraging him to explore in a way that felt right for both of you. You leaned back slightly, giving him more space to move. His hand followed, pressing more firmly against you, and you let out a soft, involuntary moan as the sensation heightened. You guided his movements with subtle shifts of your hips, encouraging him. 

His eyes remained locked on yours as he slid his fingers under the fabric of your panties, his touch unhesitating as he found you, skin on skin. The barriers that had separated you were now gone, leaving nothing but the direct sensation of his fingers moving gently against you. His touch was slow, careful, savouring every moment as he explored you with a tenderness that made your breath catch.

His free hand moved, reaching down to unbuckle his belt. The metallic clink of the buckle echoed softly in the room, a sound that felt almost deafening in the quiet tension that hung between you. He shoved his fist inside his underwear, his fingers curling around himself as he began to stroke lazily, the motion almost casual compared to the focused attention he was giving you. But you could see the need in his eyes, the desperation just beneath the surface.

You wanted more. You needed more. You needed to see. Without breaking eye contact, you reached down, fumbling slightly in the tight space between your bodies, and pushed his pants down as far as you could manage. The fabric bunched awkwardly around his thighs, but it was enough. Enough for him to pull himself free. His cock, no longer straining against the confines of his boxers, sprang forward, the sight of it making your heart race.

He was halfway there, not fully hard, barely having the time to feel where this was all going, yet the need in him was undeniable. He hadn’t touched himself since you last fucked. He didn’t allow himself to. The days without release, the self-imposed restraint, had built up a tension that was palpable. He stroked himself with a slow pace, the rhythm lazy and almost teasing, as if he was holding himself back. 

His fingers continued to move against you, the motion unhurried but knowing. He knew exactly how to touch you, how to drive you closer to the edge with each stroke. His breath hitched slightly, his focus never wavering from your face as he asked, his voice rough with need, “Do you need it bad?”

You nodded, unable to form words, your body already responding to his touch in ways that made it clear just how badly you wanted him. His eyes flickered with something intense, almost primal, as he whispered, “Okay- fuck-” the word catching in his throat as he tried to hold himself together.

He maintained the rhythm with both hands, one working you with a slow pressure, while the other stroked himself with a lazy but desperate motion. He was careful, attentive, his fingers against you knowing exactly how to coax every reaction from your body. The way he touched you, the way he stroked himself, the way his gaze remained on you. It all built to a crescendo. 

His breathing grew more ragged, matching the quickening pace of your own breaths. The need in his eyes mirrored your own, inevitable, unstoppable. You were so close, and he knew it. He could feel it in the way your body responded to him, in the way your breath hitched and your hips subtly moved against his hand.

The tension in the room thickened. His thumb brushed over you in a way that made your entire body tense, a soft whimper escaping your lips. He echoed the sound, his breath a shaky exhale as his hand on himself moved just a fraction faster, more insistent now, as if he was chasing the release that was just out of reach.

“Come on…” he murmured, his voice hoarse with a mix of need and reassurance, “I’ve got you.” And he did. His fingers worked you with a perfect rhythm, each stroke pushing you closer to the edge, his other hand never faltering in its pace. His eyes stayed on yours the whole time, fueling the fire that was burning through both of you.

He knew your body so well, knew exactly how to get you there, and in that moment, nothing else mattered. It was just the two of you, locked together in a shared need, each movement bringing you closer, the edge of pleasure just within reach. The room around you faded away, leaving only the consuming need to reach that final release together.

The moment he plunged two fingers inside you, your body responded instantly, a sharp gasp escaping your lips as you instinctively arched against him. The sudden intrusion, the feel of his fingers filling you, was almost too much, yet not enough. He moved them with precision, his fingers curling just right, and the heel of his palm pressing firmly against your most sensitive spot. The pressure, the rhythm, everything about it was perfect. 

You could feel the tension building within you, coiling tight until it snapped. Your body trembled as you came undone over him, a shuddering wave of pleasure rolling through you, leaving you breathless and reeling. He watched you, his eyes wide, mouth slightly agape, as if he could hardly believe the effect he was having on you. His hand on himself moved faster, the rhythm picking up as he chased his own release, but his focus never wavered from you. The sight of you falling apart was driving him closer to the edge, his breath coming in short, ragged bursts.

Your body slumped down onto his thighs, exhausted but still wanting more, still craving the closeness. You almost leaned in, ready to press against him, to feel his chest against yours, but his free hand stopped you. His fingers dug into your shoulder, holding you just far enough away that he could look at you, needing to see you, needing to keep this moment between you alive for just a little longer.

“Talk me through it.” he pleads, his voice strained with desperation. “Please.”

You could barely find the words, still catching your breath, but you knew what he needed. You reached out, your voice soft but firm as you said, “Imagine it’s my hand.”

He nods, his eyes squeezing shut for a moment as he tried to hold onto the fantasy, his fist moving faster, the movements now rough and relentless as he gripped himself.

“Just like all those times,” you continued, your voice dropping to a hushed tone, “when you’d touch yourself while I was sleeping next to you. Pretend it’s me, like you used to, when you’d imagine it was my hand instead.”

His breath hitched at your words, a low, guttural sound escaping his throat as he did exactly that, his mind replaying those nights where he’d lie beside you, careful not to wake you, as he gave in to the need that you always ignited in him. The memory of those moments, combined with your voice guiding him now, pushed him closer, his hand moving with a desperate speed as he chased that final, inevitable release.

His grip on your shoulder tightened, but his eyes were far away, lost in the sensation and the memories. You could see the way his body tensed, the way his breathing became erratic, and you knew he was close. So close. His name slipped from your lips, a soft, encouraging whisper, and was enough to tip him over the edge.

With a shuddering gasp, he finally let go, his body shaking. His eyes snapped open, and he looked at you, wild and unguarded, as he came undone, leaving him trembling beneath you. You watched him, your own body still tingling from your own release, as he rode out the final waves of pleasure, his hand finally slowing, then stilling.

The room was filled with the sound of heavy breathing, the aftermath of the storm you’ve both weathered together. He pulled you closer then, no longer keeping you at a distance, and you collapsed against him, your bodies fitting together perfectly as you both came down from the high. His arms wrapped around you, holding you close. And he never wanted to let go.

The next day unfolded quietly, the kind of day where the ordinary feels almost extraordinary because of how fragile things had felt just hours before. Alex didn’t have any classes to teach, but you had a full schedule, your mind still processing the emotional whirlwind of the night before. As you got ready in the morning, he hovered around, his offer to drive you met with your gentle refusal. He was persistent, naturally, not wanting to be away from you for even a moment, but he eventually gave in and let it go your way. It was one of those small moments that highlighted how much you could sway him. Something you knew he was aware of, too.

By the time you got back home to his apartment, a place that had practically become your home too, not even remembering the last night not spent with him, the sun had started its descent, casting a warm, golden light through the windows. As you approached the building, you spotted him standing by the window, cradling Sock, who had somehow come to symbolise your shared life in a way. His figure was outlined by the light, making him appear like a silhouette against the dimming sky, his face thoughtful and a little pensive as he looked out.

Sock noticed you first, of course, the cat’s alert eyes locking onto yours even from a distance. It was enough to break Alex from his thoughts, his gaze following Sock’s to land on you. His face lit up when he saw you, the smile that spread across his lips so genuine and full of warmth that it almost made your steps falter. He raised a hand in greeting, the simple wave made even more endearing when he took Sock’s paw and made the cat wave at you too. He looked almost childlike, and it filled you with a kind of affection that was both overwhelming and comforting, and that never seemed to stop growing as time passed. 

You stood there for a moment, just watching him. The cool evening air was a sharp contrast to the warmth that spread through your chest as you took in the scene. Alex, with that same soft smile, leaned closer to the glass, his breath fogging up the window. With a careful slowness, he drew a heart in the condensation, his eyes never leaving yours. The sight of it, the heart, his expression, the way Sock’s paw still rested in his hand. It was a gesture so simple, and tender, but it carried the weight of everything you had gone through together in the past few days.

Once he noticed you going towards the entrance of the building he went straight to the door. He watched through the visor, waiting for you. As soon as you reached the landing of the stairs, Alex had the door open, greeting you with that familiar, eager grin. Sock, perched in his arms, seemed equally excited to see you, his little paws stretching out as if trying to reach you first. You leaned in for a quick kiss, smiling at your two boys, waiting just for you. 

“Guess what,” Alex said, stepping aside to let you in so you could kick off your shoes, “I made dinner.”

You shot him a teasing look as you dropped your bag by the door. “Are you planning to make dinner every night to make up for everything?”

He followed you into the kitchen, where the scent of something warm and comforting filled the air. “I will if that’s what it takes.” he replied, his voice softening. “Plus, I love cooking for you.”

Dinner was laid out simply. Nothing too fancy, but the care he put into it was evident. You sat down together, the clinking of silverware and the hum of conversation filling the space. The tension that had been weighing on both of you for days seemed to lift with every bite, every shared glance.

After eating, you stretched out on the couch with Sock while Alex insisted on cleaning up. You didn’t argue. After all, it wasn’t something you were about to turn down. Sock curled up against you, purring softly as you absently stroked his fur. 

You let your eyes drift closed for a moment. You hadn’t even noticed Alex re-enter the room until you heard the soft crackle of a record starting on the turntable. The gentle sound filled the room, and you opened your eyes to find him standing there, his hand extended toward you.

“I want to dance.” he said, a playful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

You couldn’t help but laugh a little. “You don’t dance.”

“I want to now.” he countered. “And Sock can join too.”

With a shrug, you let him pull you to your feet. Sock leaped down from the couch, twining around your legs as you moved toward the center of the room. The music was slow, a classic tune that seemed to wrap around you just like his warm embrace.

Alex held you close, one arm around your waist, the other gently guiding your hand. You settled into a slow, swaying rhythm, your bodies swinging together . Sock continued to circle your feet, occasionally brushing against your ankles as he tried to be a part of the dance.

As the song played on, you found yourself leaning into Alex’s chest. His hand moved from your waist to the small of your back, pulling you just a little closer, his fingers splayed out to absorb as much of you as possible. The soft fabric of his shirt brushed against your cheek, and you closed your eyes, letting the music, the warmth of his body, and everything in the moment wash over you.

When the record reached the end of its side, the music faded, but neither of you moved. The room was filled with a comfortable silence, broken only by the occasional purr from the little guy, who had finally settled down at your feet.

Alex sighed, his breath warm against your hair. “This…” he murmured, “This is what I’ve wanted.”

You tilted your head back to look at him, and he gazed down at you. You nodded, understanding exactly what he meant.

This was home.

Alex held you even tighter, his arms snug around your waist as he buried his face in the curve of your neck. “I don’t want to let go.” he murmured, his voice slightly muffled against your skin.

You laughed softly, feeling the tickle of his breath and the scruff of his chin. “You’re tickling me.” you teased, half-heartedly trying to push him away.

But that only encouraged him. He rubbed his face into your neck even harder, making you squirm as he gently guided you backward until the backs of your knees bumped against the edge of the sofa. With a playful push, you fell onto the cushions, Alex following closely behind, his body pressing down on yours. He was careful, though, keeping one leg on the floor so he wouldn’t crush you entirely.

You found yourself almost pinned beneath him, his weight comforting rather than overwhelming. His breath was warm against your collarbone, and you could feel his heart beating steadily, in time with your own. 

“I need to iron my shirt for tomorrow.” he said out of nowhere, as if he just remembered it, but hoping he wouldn’t have to do it so soon. 

You looked up at him, a playful smile on your lips. “You don’t have any left?”

He shook his head, his expression sheepish as he admitted, “Nope. All out.”

You tilted your head slightly, your smile widening as you teased, “What did you do all day, then?”

He hesitated, his eyes flickering with a fake guilt before he answered, “Well…I made you dinner.”

“All day?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. 

His grin softened into something more tender as he looked at you, his hand gently brushing a strand of hair from your face. “It can get very distracting,” he murmured, his voice lowering, “when I keep thinking about you coming home.”

You reached up, your fingers tracing the line of his jaw as you whispered, “Is that so?”

“Mhm…” he hummed, his eyes never leaving yours. “I couldn’t help it. I kept picturing you walking through the door, and every time I tried to focus, there you were, in my head. So…yeah…it took me all day to get everything ready.”

You laughed softly, your fingers gripping his shoulders as you tugged at the fabric of his shirt, pulling him closer. “What am I going to do with you?”

He grinned down at you. “Whatever you want.” he said, leaning down to brush his lips against yours again. 

The ironing could wait.

You felt the warmth of his breath against your lips as you whispered, “I want you to keep doing what you’re doing.”

His grin widened, and he didn’t need any further encouragement. He kissed you again, deeper this time, his hands beginning to roam. His kisses trailed from your lips down to your jawline, then lower, finding their way to your neck and down your chest. Each kiss was elongated, unhurried, as if he was mapping out every inch of your skin he already knew by heart. His fingers began to unbutton your shirt, one button at a time, exposing more of your skin to the cool air and his warm lips.

The sensation of his lips against your bare skin sent shivers through you, and you arched slightly into his touch, your breath hitching as he moved lower. The fabric of your shirt fell open, and he paused to look up at you.

“Bed?” he asked, his voice husky, but there was a softness in the way he looked at you, waiting for your confirmation.

“Bed.” you agreed, your voice barely a whisper. 

With a smile, he stood up, scooping you into his arms. You wrapped your arms around his neck, your heart racing as he carried you to the bed, the things around you fading into the background as you focused on him. The feel of his arms around you. The warmth of his body against yours. 

He laid you down gently, his movements careful, almost reverent, like handling something precious. And you were, to him. The mattress dipped beneath his weight as he climbed in beside you, his hands never leaving your body as he leaned in to kiss you again, this time even slower, and deeper. His hand slid up to cup your face, his thumb brushing against your cheek as he kissed you, his other hand continuing down your body. 

You sighed into his mouth, your fingers threading through his hair as you pulled him closer, your body craving everything you knew that only he could provide. 

His kisses grew more insistent, his hands more daring as they continued to explore, memorising every curve and contour of your body. 

Clothes were shed quickly, the urgency between you rising. He climbed back over you, his body pressing against yours with a force that made you gasp, your breath hitching in your throat as you felt the heat of him against you. Your hands roamed his back, pulling him even closer, the friction between your bodies making you breathe out a single, desperate plea. “Fuck me.”

His eyes darkened with something primal, and he paused just long enough to murmur, “I love it when you say that…‘fuck me.’” His voice was thick, his words a breathless admission as he positioned himself, guiding his length with one hand, and then, slowly, he pushed inside you.

“Fuck.” he groaned, his gaze dropping to where your bodies were joined, watching with focus as he slid into you. You bit your lip, pulling him closer until he collapsed on top of you, his breath hot against your ear, both of you shivering. 

But then he shifted, turning you both to your sides, facing each other. Your leg hooked around his hip, instinctively pulling him deeper, making sure that he wouldn’t slip out, that the connection between you would remain unbroken. He reached back, fumbling slightly as he grabbed the blanket, pulling it over both of you.

For a moment, he just looked at you, his movements slow, almost imperceptible, the rhythm of his thrusts gentle, unrushed. His eyes were filled with so much emotion it was almost too much to bear. “I love everything about you.” he whispered, his voice barely audible as his hand traced the contours of your face, his fingertips brushing lightly over your skin. “I love your eyes.” he added, his thumb guiding your eyelids closed so he could feel your eyelashes flutter against his skin.

“I love your moles…I love your freckles.” he continued, his fingers trailing down your cheek, his touch feather-light. Each word was like a vow, spoken with the kind of tenderness that made you fall in love with him again and again.

You swallowed, your own hand reaching up to trace his features, your fingers pausing at the scar in his eyebrow, the one you’d memorised long ago. “I love your scars.” you whispered back, your voice filled with the same quiet intensity, the same love that radiated from him. You continued, your words soft but heavy with meaning. “I love all of you…everything about you is the sum of my admiration for you…”

His eyes locked onto yours, and for a moment, it was as if time itself had paused. You could see it welling up in his gaze, the way your words had touched him so deeply, almost to the point of tears, though he fought to keep them at bay. He didn’t want to ruin the moment, didn’t want to break the fragile beauty of what was between you.

Instead, he leaned in, pressing a kiss to your cheek, his lips lingering there before he buried his head in the crook of your neck, his breath warm against your skin. He resumed his slow thrusts, his pace lazy and calm, the rhythm soothing rather than urgent. It was weak, almost aimless, but neither of you cared. There was no race to the finish, no frantic need to reach a climax.

What mattered was the closeness, the way your bodies fit together perfectly, the way his breath mingled with yours, and the warmth of the blanket wrapping you both.

In that moment, just being together, so close, was more than enough.

Neither of you spoke for a long time, the silence filled only by the sound of your breathing, the warmth of your bodies pressed together, and the occasional rustling of the sheets. It was a moment of pure intimacy, where words weren’t needed, where the love between you was felt in every touch, every breath, every beat of your hearts.

You were nearly done with your day, just one last stop at the library to pick up a book that Alex, of all people, had mentioned during his lecture. You couldn’t believe he didn’t already have it at home. Typical. You wandered through the aisles, eyes scanning the shelves, until finally, you spotted it. Just as your fingers brushed against the spine, you felt someone’s hands wrap around your waist, making you jump. Your heart leaped into your throat, and you nearly let out a scream, spinning around quickly.

But then you saw him, standing so close that you could feel his breath against your cheek. “It’s just me.” Alex said softly, his voice tinged with a hint of amusement at your reaction. You tried to push his hands away from your waist, but he only tightened his grip, pulling you closer. “There’s no one else around.” he reassured, his voice low, almost a whisper. 

The sun’s golden light streamed through the large windows, casting long shadows across the library floor. It caught the side of his face, highlighting the sharp line of his jaw and the unruly strands of hair that fell across his forehead. His glasses, perched low on his nose, glinted in the light. The rest of his face was hidden in the soft shadow created by the towering bookshelves that surrounded you both, giving you just the secluded feel you felt you needed.

Despite your initial irritation, you couldn’t help but smile at him. There was something so disarming about the way he looked at you, his eyes soft behind his glasses, filled with an affection that made your annoyance dissolve like the sugar in his warm morning tea. You sighed, trying to hold onto your earlier frustration, but it was a losing battle. “Alex-” you started, but he cut you off, leaning in even closer so that his lips brushed against the shell of your ear.

“I couldn’t stay away.” he murmured, his voice sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. It was so ridiculous, really, the way he could just show up like this and make you forget everything else. But as much as you wanted to stay annoyed, you knew you couldn’t. Not when he was holding you like this, so warm and close, his breath fanning against your skin, his presence a comfort you hadn’t realised you’d been craving all day.

He was still holding you close, his hands firm around your waist, and you let yourself lean into him, feeling the tension of the day melt away. The library was quiet, the only sounds were the occasional rustling of pages and the soft hum of the air conditioning. Like there was nothing else but the two of you in this small, sunlit corner of the world.

And maybe that was why, despite everything, you found yourself relaxing into his embrace, a small smile playing on your lips as you let out a soft sigh. “I hate you.” you teased, trying to keep a straight face, but the grin on his face told you he wasn’t fooled. He chuckled softly, the sound vibrating against your chest, and you couldn’t help but laugh along with him. 

“You left without me this morning.” Alex said, his voice laced with a hint of hurt, though he tried to keep it light. 

You rolled your eyes slightly, replying with a casual “So what?”

His grip on you loosened slightly as he pulled back just enough to look at you, his gaze serious despite the proximity. “I don’t like it when you leave without me.” he murmured, his voice still low but filled with something deeper. His eyes searched yours for a moment before he continued, “I talked to her today.”

You felt your heart skip a beat as you met his gaze, confusion clouding your thoughts. “What her?” you asked, your tone tinged with unease. 

He hesitated for a split second, then clarified, “Her.” His words hung in the air between you, and it hit you immediately. He was talking about the woman he’d kissed. The one who had been the centre of this tension that had grown between you both, despite having no reason to make her the one to blame. 

Alex removed his glasses, lifting them to perch on the top of his head as he crossed his arms over his chest. His posture was defensive, though you could tell he was trying to be open with you. “I talked to her,” he repeated, the words heavier now, “About that night. I think I was a bit of an arse. I felt like I needed to apologise in some way or…just…explain. I told her about us.”

You stayed silent, your mind racing to catch up with the confession he was laying bare. There was a part of you that wanted to ask more questions, to probe deeper into the conversation he had with her, but another part that felt too tired to go into that, again. Instead, you just looked at him, trying to gauge what he was feeling, what he expected from you now.

Alex looked at you, puzzled by your silence. “I told her about us.” he repeated, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

You kept your gaze down, focusing on the book in your hands, tracing the letters on its cover as if they could somehow offer you clarity. The weight of his words settled over you, but you weren’t ready to look him in the eye.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” he asked, the frustration evident in his tone.

You turned around, placing the book back on the shelf, more to avoid his gaze than anything else. The question hung in the air, and you could feel his eyes on you, waiting. “What do you want me to say?” you finally asked, your voice quiet, still turned away from him.

Alex’s eyes stayed on you, watching the way your fingers hesitated as they slid the book back into place. He could sense the tension in the air, a subtle but unmistakable shift in your energy. He didn’t know what he was expecting from you, but it wasn’t this. This unsettling quiet that made his own thoughts seem louder.

“What do you want me to say?” asked again, breaking the silence, soft but steady, though you still refused to turn around and meet his gaze. It was almost like you were talking to the rows of bookshelves, the spines of countless stories that offered a strange sense of comfort in their predictability. 

He took a step closer. “I don’t know.” he admitted, his voice low as if speaking any louder might shatter something. “I just thought…I just thought it might mean something to you that I did that. That I told her.”

You closed your eyes for a moment, trying to gather your thoughts. This was too much. Too much for this quiet corner of the library, too much for you to process right now. “It does mean something.” you finally said, your back still to him. “But I don’t know what you want from me, Alex. Do you want me to thank you for it?”

The frustration that had been simmering beneath his calm exterior bubbled up. “I’m not asking for that. I’m not asking for anything, really. I just…I just need you to acknowledge it, I guess. I need to know that it matters to you. I’m trying to make things right.”

Your hand fell from the shelf, and you slowly turned to face him, your eyes finally meeting his. “Of course, it matters.” you said, your voice firmer now. “But you telling her doesn’t fix anything. So what do you want me to say, Alex? That I’m glad you told her? That it makes it all better? Because it doesn’t.”

He took off his glasses and ran a hand through his hair, the gesture one of frustration and helplessness. “I know it doesn’t fix everything.” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “I know that. I’m just trying to do the right thing here, and I don’t know what else to do…I’m scared I’m going to lose you.”

There it was, the raw vulnerability in his voice that made your heart ache. You softened a little at the sight of him, standing there with his arms crossed over his chest like he was trying to protect himself from the cold, from the possibility of losing you.

“You’re not going to lose me.” you whispered, taking a small step toward him, reaching out to touch his arm. “But…this is all still so…messy.”

His hand came down to cover yours, squeezing gently. “I just need to know you’re with me on this. That we’re still in this together.” he said, his voice a little stronger now. 

You nodded, feeling the tension in your chest ease just a bit. “We are.” you said, trying to believe it as much as you wanted him to. 

And for the first time since this conversation began, a small, tentative smile flickered across his face. “Okay.” he said softly, almost as if he was reassuring himself more than you. “Okay.” he repeated. 

“I’m gonna head home.” you gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze before stepping back. As your touch left, Alex let out a breath, placing his hands on his hips. 

“You forgot your book.” he said, pointing to the shelf in front of him. 

You paused, turning back on your feet. “Thank you, Mr. Turner.” you replied, a playful lilt in your voice as you leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Emotion washed over him. Relief, affection, and a hint of the fear that had haunted him since the very start. The feel of your lips on his skin, even for that brief moment, lit up a part of his heart that had been weighed down with guilt and worry. He didn’t want to let you slip away, didn’t want to let you walk out. 

Before you could fully turn around, he grabbed your shoulder, his fingers curling around you firmly, almost forcefully. In one swift motion, he pulled you back to face him, his lips crashing into yours, catching you off guard. You barely had time to close your eyes as he kissed you, his urgency palpable. His movements were small, almost desperate, afraid you might slip away if he didn’t hold you close enough.

He stepped forward, guiding you backward with a mix of careful intention and raw emotion. The bookshelves stopped you both as your back hit them. The impact was soft, cushioned by the sheer adrenaline, but it anchored you in place, pressing you further into the kiss. 

His hand slid from your shoulder to the back of your neck, holding you there as if to say stay with me, please. 

He didn’t care if anyone saw you both in that moment. In fact, he wanted to be seen. He wished so hard that everyone could just see. The urge to scream it out, for everyone to know, nearly overwhelmed him. When he finally broke the kiss, his breath was ragged, his forehead resting against yours. 

“Go home.” he murmured, almost a plea. “Go home, take the car.” he repeated, fumbling in his pocket for the keys before placing them in yours. “I’ll talk to...I don't even know.” he stammered, his fingers brushing your hair away from your face with a tenderness that contrasted with his earlier urgency. “I’ll figure it out. You won’t get in trouble.”

His gaze bore into yours. “I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want.” he added, the words almost an oath. He cupped your face, his thumb running along your jawline as he held you there, the tension in his body slowly giving way to something softer. “I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore.” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, as if he was making a vow, more to himself than to you. 

His hand stayed on your cheek, needing that connection to keep going. “I wanna kiss you everywhere.” he repeated. “I want to be with you without hiding. I want...I just want us.”

You could see the resolve in his eyes, the way his jaw set as if he had made up his mind, and nothing was going to change it. He let out a shaky breath, almost a laugh, but there was no humour in it, just relief, like he had finally said something that had been burning inside him for too long.

“I love you.” he said, the words so simple but filled with so much meaning that they seemed to echo in the quiet space between you. “I’m done pretending that I don’t.” His thumb moved gently across your skin, and you could feel his hand trembling slightly, not from fear, but from the intensity of everything else he was feeling.

He leaned in, his lips brushing yours again, but this time the kiss was softer, less desperate, more like a promise. It spoke of everything he wanted to give you. 

When he pulled back, his eyes searched yours, looking for something, some sign that you felt the same way. And when you nodded, his whole body seemed to relax, like he had been holding his breath and could finally exhale.

“Go home.” he said again, softer this time, meant to comfort you more than to send you away. “I’ll be there soon. Okay?”

He stepped back, giving you space, but not before he leaned in to kiss your forehead. “Go on.” he urged gently, his hand lingering on your back as if he wasn’t quite ready to let you go. But he did, taking a step back, his eyes never leaving yours as you turned to leave. 

You were anxiously waiting at home, your mind racing with a thousand questions. You had no idea what he meant to do or say, who he intended to talk to, or how he could possibly bring up the situation without making everything worse. The uncertainty gnawed at you, making it hard to focus on anything else. Every noise outside made you jump, thinking it might be him coming back, but then the silence would settle again, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

You kept replaying the conversation in the library over and over, trying to make sense of it all. Why had he felt the need to talk to her? What could he have possibly said? And most of all, what would happen now? You trusted him, you knew that, but the fear of the unknown, of what might come next, kept creeping back in, no matter how hard you tried to push it away.

The apartment felt too quiet, the stillness almost suffocating. You found yourself pacing back and forth, trying to distract yourself, but it was no use. Your thoughts kept circling back to him, to what he might be dealing with at that very moment. You wanted to call him, to hear his voice, to ask him what was happening, but you knew you had to give him space, to let him handle this in his own way.

You ended up sitting on the couch, staring at your phone, willing it to ring or buzz with a message. The minutes ticked by, each one feeling longer than the last, the anxiety building with each passing second. You could barely sit still, your leg bouncing up and down as you tried to keep your mind occupied with anything other than the overwhelming uncertainty of it all.

But then you heard it. The door creaked open, and you felt the familiar shuffle of his shoes against the floor. He walked past you without a word, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it onto a chair as he made his way straight into the bedroom. Something was off. You followed him, your heart pounding, trying to read his body language, but he was giving you nothing.

He sat on the edge of the bed, his shoulders hunched, his face buried in his hands as if he were trying to curl into himself and disappear. You climbed up behind him, your arms instinctively wrapping around his torso, trying to envelop him in your warmth, in your concern. You squeezed him, trying to convey through touch what you couldn’t quite put into words.

“What’s up?” you asked softly, though the simplicity of the question belied the depth of your inquiry. You wanted to know more than just how he was doing. You needed to know what had happened, what was weighing him down so heavily that he couldn’t even look at you.

He didn’t respond at first, his breathing shallow, his body tense under your embrace. You waited, your cheek pressed against his back, feeling his heartbeat through his shirt, trying to ground him with your presence. Finally, he sighed, a deep, shuddering breath that seemed to release a fraction of the tension he’d been holding onto.

“I…I don’t know what to do.” he finally said, his voice muffled by his hands. “I thought talking to her, explaining everything, would help, but…I’m just more confused. I don’t know if I made things better or worse.”

You tightened your hold on him, feeling his uncertainty seep into you. He was unravelling right in front of you once again, and all you wanted to do was hold him together, even if you didn’t have all the answers yourself.

“You’re not alone in this.” you whispered, trying to reassure him, even as your own doubts loomed in the background. 

He let out another sigh, this one softer, almost resigned. “I know. I just…I hate that you’re caught up in all this mess because of me. I hate that I can’t fix it, that I don’t even know how to start.”

You pressed a kiss to his shoulder, wishing you could take away his pain, wishing you could find the right words to make it all better. But you knew that wasn’t how this worked. Some things couldn’t be fixed with a few words or a simple gesture. Some things needed time. Patience. 

“I don’t care about the mess.” you told him, your voice steady, even though your heart was pounding. “I care about you.”

He finally lifted his head from his hands, turning slightly to look at you, his eyes red-rimmed and filled with so much emotion it made your chest ache. “I don’t deserve you.” he said quietly, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe you were still there, still holding onto him.

You cupped his face, brushing your thumb gently across his cheek, wiping away the tear that had escaped. “Don’t say that.” you whispered, leaning in to press your forehead against his. 

He sighed deeply, a weariness settling in as he began to speak again. “I meant to talk to the dean, after you left.” he started, his voice low and hesitant. “I thought maybe I could just tell him everything, be honest for once, you know? But…he wasn’t in.”

You waited, sensing there was more he wasn’t saying. “Maybe it’s…better.” he added, almost to himself.

“Why?” you asked, trying to coax more out of him, but he just shook his head, his expression guarded, slipping back into that withdrawn state.

“Maybe it’s…maybe I shouldn’t.” he mumbled, his tone wavering. You could tell he was closing off again, retreating into himself like he often did when things got too heavy.

“What did she say to you?” you pressed gently, needing to understand what had him so rattled.

“Nothing.” he replied too quickly, his voice flat. The word hung in the air between you, a wall he was putting up, blocking you from whatever was really going on inside his head.

His hands found yours, fingers grazing over your knuckles in slow, soothing circles, as if he was grounding himself in your touch. He continued like this for a moment, his touch repetitive and almost absent-minded, until he eventually pulled on your hands, leaning back into you as if seeking solace in your embrace, your body pressing on his back. 

“She said some stuff, okay?” he finally said, the words coming out a bit sharper than he intended. His shoulders tensed, but he softened almost immediately, exhaling a long, shaky breath. “I just don’t want to think about it again, if that’s okay, love.”

You could hear the strain in his voice, the way he was holding back the traces of whatever had been said. His head rested against your shoulder, and you felt the subtle tremor in his body, a testament to the effect it had that he was trying so hard to hide.

His voice was quiet, almost hesitant, when he asked, “Will you kiss me?” It wasn’t really a question. It was more like a plea, one that you were all too eager to answer. There wasn’t anything else you’d rather do in that moment. You shifted slightly, reaching around him to press a gentle kiss against the side of his face, your fingers brushing back his tousled waves. 

He turned his head, searching for your lips, his eyes still closed as if he couldn’t bear to open them and face the world right now. The connection was soft, tender. He hummed softly into the kiss, a sound that vibrated through your entire body, as he moved your hands from around his shoulders lower, to his waist. This was much better. This closeness, this feeling of being wrapped up in each other, was exactly what he needed. You could feel all of him, every inch pressed against you, holding him tight and close enough for both of you to momentarily forget everything else.

His hands slipped, tracing the curve of yours before gliding up to your arms. He was gentle, careful not to break the delicate moment between you. But there was a quiet urgency in the way he moved, a need for more, for the kind of closeness that only touch could bring. His fingers found yours, intertwining for a moment before he guided your hands lower, down the length of his torso, over the warm silk of his shirt, until they brushed against the front of his crotch.

The touch was accidental at first, your fingertips grazing him lightly. But he didn’t flinch or pull back. Instead, he hummed softly, a low, throaty sound that sent a shiver down your spine. “Mmm.” he murmured, the sound laced with satisfaction, and without hesitation, he pressed your hand down harder against him, this time intentionally.

The contact was inevitable, the warmth of him radiating through the fabric. His breath hitched, his eyes still closed, as he leaned into your touch, craving more. He didn’t need to say anything. The way he guided you, the way his body responded, said everything. He wanted this, needed this connection as much as you did.

You felt the tension building between you, an almost palpable energy crackling in the air as you reached for the button on his pants. The angle was awkward, your fingers fumbling slightly, but you could feel his anticipation, his quiet patience as he waited, his breath coming in shallow, uneven gasps. You managed to unfasten the button, your fingers quickly finding the zipper and tugging it down, the sound loud in the otherwise silent room.

He shifted slightly, helping you as you pushed his pants down his hips, your hands trembling with a mix of eagerness and nerves. The fabric slid down easily, pooling around his thighs, and you wasted no time in touching him again, your hand finding him just over the thin material of his boxers.

The heat of him was intense, even through the fabric, and you could feel the hardness beneath your fingers, the way his body responded instantly to your touch. He inhaled sharply, his eyes still closed, his head tipping back slightly as if the sensation was almost too much to bear.

You hesitated for a brief second, feeling the tension in his muscles, the way his body seemed to tremble under your touch. But then you tightened your grip, feeling the firmness beneath the fabric, and he groaned softly, his head dropping to your shoulder again.

“Just like that…” he whispered, his voice barely audible, a mix of desperation and need. He pushed against your hand again, the movement slow, drawing out every second of it. His hips moved slightly, seeking more pressure, more friction, but he didn’t rush you. He wanted you to feel him, to know exactly what you were doing to him.

His hips shifted again though, instinctively, pressing into your touch, seeking more. You could feel the tension in his body, the way his muscles tightened and released with each slow, deliberate stroke. He was holding himself back, and it made your heart ache too with the intensity of it all. 

You let your hand explore, feeling the way his breath caught in his throat, the way his body seemed to arch into you, begging for more. There was a weakness in the way he surrendered to your touch, in the way he let you take control, guiding him through this moment of need and intimacy. The way he needed you, the way he surrendered to your touch, was both humbling and empowering. 

He kissed you again, his lips trembling against yours, as his free hand found its way to your waist behind him, holding you closer, if possible. The kiss deepened, became more urgent, as if he was trying to convey everything he was feeling through the connection of your lips, the way your hands moved against each other’s bodies. He was losing himself in you, in the warmth of your touch, the softness of your skin, the way you knew exactly how to make him feel whole. 

You slipped your hand inside his boxers, fingers sliding over his warm, velvety skin, until you found him. Hard and throbbing in your grasp. The moment you wrapped your hand around him, he whimpered, a sound so defenceless and raw that it sent a surge of shivers coursing through you. His body trembled, his breath catching in his throat as he twitched against your palm, already so close to the edge that you knew it would only take a little more to push him over.

He was on the brink, and you could feel it in every shaky exhale, in the way his hips jerked forward, desperate for more. “You gonna make a mess all over yourself?” you whispered, your lips brushing against his ear, your voice low and teasing. The words were enough to undo him. His response was barely more than a mumbled, breathless “Yes.” a confession that spurred you on, making you want to see just how far you could take him.

The thought of him, every day, coming home to you, losing himself in your touch, in the pleasure you could give him. It was intoxicating. You wanted to be the one he thought of all day, the one who knew how to make him unravel with just a touch. You wanted him to look forward to this, to crave it as much as you did, to know that by the end of every day, he’d be covered in the evidence of your effect on him.

With that thought, you tightened your grip around his thick, heavy head and helped him swim towards salvation. His body responded instantly, hips bucking as you stroked him, the tension in his muscles coiling tighter and tighter until he was trembling against you, his breath coming in shallow, ragged gasps.

And then, with a gasp, he came. You felt the hot, sticky warmth of him spill out, wetting the fabric of his boxers, seeping over your hand. He moaned, his voice breaking as the pleasure overtook him, his entire body going rigid before sagging against you, spent and shaking.

You didn’t stop, not yet. You kept stroking him, spreading the slickness over his length, your hand moving in slow, deliberate motions, drawing out every last drop, every ounce of pleasure. He was a mess, his boxers soaked, his release coating your hand, and still, you kept going, revelling in the way he writhed beneath your touch, completely undone by you.

When you finally slowed, your hand still wrapped around him, he was panting, his cheek resting against your shoulder, his body spent but still twitching with aftershocks. He was trembling, the remnants of his release still sticky against your fingers, and you couldn’t help but smile, knowing that you’d reduced him to this. Utterly, completely at your mercy.

“Every day.” you whispered, brushing your lips against his hair. “I want this every day.”

He nodded weakly, too overwhelmed to speak, but you could feel the agreement in the way he tightened your arms around himself again, in the way his body melted into yours, content and sated in the aftermath of everything you’d just shared.

He shuddered as the last waves of pleasure ebbed away, his body slowly coming down from the high. With a trembling hand, he tucked himself back into his boxers, the fabric now damp and clinging uncomfortably to his skin. He pulled his pants up, wincing slightly at the sticky sensation. The mess was undeniable, and it clung to him, a tangible reminder of how completely he’d lost control in your hands. He couldn’t stand it, the way it felt against his skin, but at the same time, he couldn’t bring himself to get up, to break the connection between you. Not yet.

His breathing was still uneven, his chest rising and falling as he leaned back slightly, trying to gather his thoughts. The room was quiet, save for the sound of your breaths mingling in the aftermath. He hesitated, his eyes flickering over your face, searching for something. Maybe reassurance, maybe understanding. The shadows of everything that had been left unsaid were dark between you, dawning over him until he could no longer hold it back.

“I don’t want to avoid it anymore.” he finally said, his voice rough and unsteady. There was a frailty in his tone that made your heart clench. It told you he was on the verge of saying something he’d been holding in for far too long. “I don’t want to cover it up with sex or…or anything else. I just…”

He trailed off, his words failing him as he struggled to articulate the emotions that had been building up inside him, threatening to overflow. He looked at you, eyes pleading, as if he needed you to understand, to fill in the gaps where his voice faltered. There was so much more he wanted to say, so much he needed to express, but the weight of it all was too much, and the words just wouldn’t come.

You reached out, your hand finding his, squeezing gently as you met his gaze with a softness that made his breath hitch. “I know.” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, but the truth of it resonated between you. It was a simple statement, but it carried with it an understanding that went beyond words. You knew what he was trying to say, what he couldn’t quite put into words, and in that moment, he realised he didn’t need to. You understood him, even in the silence.

His eyes softened, the tension in his shoulders easing as he let out a shaky breath. Your acceptance was what he needed more than anything. He squeezed your hand back, grounding himself in your touch, in the knowledge that he really didn’t have to face this alone. The vulnerability in his eyes was still there, but so was a quiet determination, a resolve to face whatever was ahead without turning away, without hiding behind distractions.

“I don't want to keep avoiding it.” he repeated, this time with a little more strength in his voice, as if saying it out loud was helping him believe it. 

You nodded, the weight of his words settling over you like a blanket. You leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, a promise that you were in this with him, that you wouldn’t shy away from the things that needed to be said and felt.

“Yeah.” you echoed softly, feeling the truth of it settle deep in your chest. 

The cold water cascaded down his back, each icy droplet striking his skin with a sting that jolted him out of his thoughts, if only for a moment. He stood there, letting the water run over him, washing away the remnants of his release, the sticky evidence of everything that had just happened. The chill was a shock to his system, and it helped clear his head a bit, but it couldn’t quite wash away the gnawing thoughts that had burrowed into his mind, festering there.

He pressed his palms against the cool tiles, his head hanging low as the water continued its relentless assault. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus on the sensation of the cold, to ground himself in the here and now. But no matter how hard he tried, his mind kept circling back, replaying the same thoughts over and over.

Why can’t I just…He didn’t even know how to finish the thought. Why can’t I just be better? Why can’t I just let it go? Why do I complicate it so much?

The questions spun around in his head, relentless and unforgiving. He hated how his mind worked sometimes, how he could never just…be. How everything had to be dissected, analysed, picked apart until there was nothing left but raw nerves and exposed wounds. He couldn’t stop thinking about that night, the one he tried so hard to push out of his mind but always came back to. The night he let himself become exactly what he feared, exactly what made him so…paranoid.

Am I paranoid? Is that it?

He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure of anything anymore. The cold water did nothing to dull the edge of his thoughts. If anything, it made them sharper, more acute. He could still see it, playing out in his mind like a movie he couldn’t stop watching. The way he’d acted, the way he’d let his fears and insecurities take over, driving him to do something he couldn’t undo.

He shivered, not just from the cold, but from the memory of it, from the way it still haunted him. He wished he could go back, wished he could have done something, anything, differently. But he couldn’t. All he could do now was live with the consequences, with the knowledge that he’d allowed himself to become something he despised.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? 

He let out a shaky breath, the sound lost in the rush of water around him. The cold shower had done little to clear his head, but it had at least numbed him to the point where he could think, if only a little more clearly. He knew he needed to face this, to stop avoiding it, but the thought of confronting it, of confronting himself, was terrifying. He wasn’t sure he was strong enough to do it.

But as the water began to lose its chill, warming slightly as the pipes adjusted, he knew he didn’t have a choice. He had to figure this out, had to find a way to stop the cycle he was trapped in. Because if he didn’t, he’d keep making the same mistakes, keep letting his self-doubt control him.

He couldn’t keep living like this. He wouldn’t. But the question that lingered, the one that wouldn’t leave him, was how? How did he stop it? How did he change? He wasn’t sure of the answers yet. 

He started to lather the shampoo into his hair, but his thoughts kept slipping away, like the suds running down his body. He needed to figure this out. Needed to stop thinking in circles, to just make a decision and follow through. The water was warm now, soothing, but it wasn’t enough. 

He called your name, his voice steady despite the unease still simmering beneath the surface.

“Yeah?” you answered from the other room, your voice a little muffled but close.

“Come in.” he said, and though his heart raced, he knew he needed to say this now.

There was a pause, and then the soft sound of the door opening. You stepped in, your presence grounding him even through the foggy barrier of the shower door. He could see the blurry outline of your body through the frosted glass, and he shifted slightly, just enough to see you more clearly. Soap ran down his body in rivulets, and his wet hair clung to his face as he pushed it back, trying to gather his thoughts.

“I wanna go out tomorrow.” he said suddenly, the words coming out a bit faster than he’d intended.

You hesitated, a little confused. “What do you mean?”

“With you.” he clarified. He could see you through the glass, standing there, trying to make sense of what he was saying.

“I have classes tomorrow.” you reminded him, your eyes watching him intently as if you were trying to read between the lines of what he was saying.

“I know.” he replied, his voice steady but soft. Water splashed onto the tiled floor from how he squeezed it out of his hair. “We could meet.”

You were quiet for a moment, considering. “For lunch, or something?” you asked, and he could hear the hesitation in your voice.

“No, no. I mean…yeah, maybe. We could just meet up.” he continued, his hand pausing mid-scrub as he searched for the right words. “And go to the park on the east side of the building, you know the one.”

Your hesitation deepened, and you knew where this was heading. “That’s full of people, Al.” you said, your voice gentle but firm, as if you were trying to remind him of the reality of the situation.

He nodded, though you couldn’t see it clearly. “I know.”

The silence stretched between you, filled only with the sound of the running water. He looked at you through the glass, wanting to be sure you understood what he was asking, what he was ready for, what he needed. He saw the way you were trying to make sense of it, to get used to the idea that this could be real, that he was serious.

Finally, you nodded, a small, almost imperceptible gesture that still felt monumental in its significance. “Okay.” you said, the word simple but loaded with everything you both knew it meant.

He felt a wave of relief wash over him, mixed with the fear that still lingered. But he pushed it aside, focusing on the fact that you were with him in this. 

You pointed to the door, your hand lingering in the air for a moment. “I’m gonna…” you said, trailing off, but he understood. You were giving him space, letting him finish his shower without your eyes bearing down on him. He nodded, watching you as you turned and quietly left the bathroom, closing the door softly behind you.

As soon as the door clicked shut, it hit you. The full meaning of what he’d just suggested settled in properly, pressing down on your chest. He was right earlier. You were avoiding it, just as much as he was. Maybe you hadn’t wanted to admit it before, not even to yourself, but there it was, undeniable now.

You took a deep breath, leaning against the wall outside the bathroom, your mind racing. You loved him. A lot. That much was certain. And it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thought, but…it did. You hated that it did, but the idea of everyone knowing, of stepping out into the world with him, unguarded, made your heart race for all the wrong reasons. 

It wasn’t about being ashamed of him. It never was. It was about the judgement, the whispers, the way people would look at you differently, at him differently. You were scared, and it was hard to admit that, even to yourself. Scared of the stares, of the questions, of the way people might treat him once they knew.

You took another breath, trying to steady yourself. It wasn’t just about him being ready. It was about you, too. You’d been putting it off, finding excuses, telling yourself that you were just being careful, but maybe, deep down, you were just afraid. Afraid of what it would mean to be truly open, to let the world see you for who you really were together.

But he was right. You couldn’t keep avoiding it. Neither of you could. If this was going to work, if you were going to be together, really together, then you had to face it. Both of you. 

You pushed yourself off the wall, standing a little straighter. You were still nervous, that much hadn’t changed. But you knew, without a doubt, that you loved him. And that had to be enough. It was enough. 

You couldn’t keep hiding. You didn’t want to. Not anymore.

It wasn’t ‘tomorrow’ after all. The thought of going through with it had dawned on both of you, and it took a few more days to muster up the courage. But now, as you sat in the lecture hall, your focus was split between the professor’s droning voice and the sight of him waiting just outside the door. From your seat a few rows up, you could see him fidgeting with his sleeves, one of his nervous habits you recognized all too well. His fingers tugged at the fabric, smoothing it over and over trying to busy his hands, to keep his mind from spiralling.

You tried not to stare, to listen to the last few words your professor was saying, but they went right past you. Your thoughts were a mess, a tangle of anticipation and anxiety. The sight of people packing up their things finally snapped you out of it, reminding you that the moment you’d both been dreading, and yearning for, was here. No more stalling.

You stood, gathering your belongings with more haste than grace, and started down the stairs lining the middle of the room. With each step, your heart pounded a little harder, your eyes fixed on him as you made your way through the crowd. He hadn’t spotted you yet, his gaze still focused on his hands, but once you stepped through the door and into the hallway, his eyes lifted. The moment they met yours, they widened in surprise, as if he hadn’t fully believed this was real until he saw you up close.

“Hi.” he said, the word almost swallowed by the noise of the other students bustling around you. You heard the nervous edge in his voice, though it was nearly masked by the chaos around you. He shifted his bag to his left hand and, after a brief hesitation, wrapped his right arm around your shoulders. It was tentative at first, like he was still testing the waters, unsure of how you’d respond.

As you walked through the crowded corridor, aiming for the exit, you kept your gaze low, not wanting to see the eyes on you, to know you were seen. And he seemed to sense that. His hand slipped down to your waist, squeezing gently, as if to reassure you. The touch was comforting, reminding you that you weren’t alone in this. 

He bent down slightly, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head, his lips lingering just a moment longer than usual. He was with you. The world outside felt loud and overwhelming. But in that small gesture, you found a bit of calm.

He squeezed your waist once more, a gesture of reassurance, and then looked down at you, his expression soft, searching your eyes for something.

“Are you all ready?” he asked, his voice gentle but with an underlying current of anticipation.

You nodded, offering a small smile. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

For a moment, his touch left you as he reached into his bag, fingers quickly finding what he was looking for in the front pocket. His sunglasses. He slipped them on, not because the sun was particularly bright, but perhaps because they offered him a small layer of protection, a way to shield himself from the nerves bubbling under the surface. The act was subtle, but you noticed the slight ease in his posture once they were on.

His hand found its way back to you, his arm wrapping around your waist again as you both began walking toward the park he had suggested. It wasn’t far, just across the street from the university, a place where students and faculty alike often went during longer breaks. 

As you approached it, the familiar scene unfolded around you. Students scattered in groups on the grass, some deep in conversation, others with their noses buried in books, and a few just lying back, soaking in the rare midday sun. Faculty members strolled by, some alone, others in pairs, discussing academic matters or simply enjoying the break in their day.

It was alive, yet there was still a peacefulness to it, a sort of calm that belied the tension you both were still grappling with. You walked side by side, your steps synchronised as you navigated the pathways. Every now and then, his fingers would brush against your side, a reminder of his presence. 

And as you looked around, taking in the scene, the initial anxiety began to ebb away, replaced by a tentative hope that maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal, as you’d made it up to be. He squeezed your waist again, as if sensing your thoughts, and you leaned into him slightly, finding comfort in the closeness.

He pointed to a quieter spot in the grass, just close enough to the small lake that you could hear the water lapping gently, stirred by the breeze. The area was secluded but not isolated. 

“We could sit over there.” he suggested, his tone light, though you could sense the careful consideration behind his choice. The spot he picked was shaded by a nearby tree, offering a reprieve from the sun, and it seemed relatively undisturbed by others.

You both made your way to the spot, the grass soft underfoot. Neither of you had thought to bring a blanket or anything to sit on, a small oversight that hadn’t crossed your minds in the midst of everything else. You glanced at the grass, hoping it wouldn’t leave any stains, and then shrugged off the thought. It didn’t matter now.

You sat down, feeling the cool earth beneath you, and he lowered himself beside you, lying on his side. He propped himself up on his elbow, his hip jutting out slightly, creating a natural resting place for his other arm. The way he lay there, so effortlessly relaxed, struck you for a moment. He looked like a sculpture, like something timeless and carefully crafted, his form and features so naturally composed.

He set his bag down close to him, within arm’s reach, and then turned his attention back to you. “Lie down with me.” he said, patting the leather bag a couple of times, the makeshift pillow ready for you. 

You stretched out beside him, resting your head on the bag as he had intended. It wasn’t the most comfortable pillow, but the closeness made up for it. His arm draped over your midriff, pulling you in a little closer as you both settled in, side by side, with the sound of the wind and water creating a gentle backdrop. 

His fingers traced idle patterns on your side, and you found yourself sinking deeper into the calm of the moment, feeling at peace in a way you hadn’t in a long time. 

As you lay there, you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander around the park. Some people noticed you, their gazes lingering just long enough to make you self-conscious, while others passed by without a second glance, absorbed in their own conversations or thoughts. The mixture of curiosity and indifference made you uneasy, and you felt your focus start to drift away from the moment you were supposed to be sharing.

He noticed your distraction, his eyes following yours briefly before he spoke up, snapping you out of it. “It’s nice, right?” he asked, his voice soft, yet carrying enough to bring your attention back to him.

“Yeah.” you agreed, letting out a breath. He pulled you back from your anxious thoughts. You felt him shift beside you, his fingers brushing lightly against your cheek as he gently pushed the strands of hair away from your face, the wind having had its way with it. His own hair was a mess too, swept almost completely to one side by the breeze, but he looked good. He always did, even when everything was slightly out of place.

You watched as he reached into the pocket of his blazer and pulled out a cigarette from the pack. He placed it between his lips and reached for his lighter, but the wind wasn’t making it easy. He struggled for a moment, the flame flickering out before it could catch, frustration starting to show in his furrowed brow.

Without thinking, you leaned in to help, cupping your hands around his to shield the lighter from the wind. Together, you created just enough of a barrier for the flame to spark, catching the end of the cigarette with a faint sizzle. He took a drag, the tip glowing brighter as he inhaled deeply, and when he exhaled, the smoke curled into the air, quickly carried away by the wind.

“Thanks.” he murmured, his eyes meeting yours with a small, appreciative smile. There was something intimate in that brief exchange, the simple act of lighting a cigarette turning into a quiet moment of connection between you. The park, the people, the world around you, it all seemed to fade just a little more. 

His hand found yours again, and as he took another drag, he squeezed your fingers gently, the warmth of his touch reassuring. Despite the noise of the city around you, this felt like your own little bubble of tranquility. 

Exhaling slowly, he turned to look at you, his eyes searching yours. There was a seriousness in his expression that made your heart skip a beat, though it was softened by the way his lips curved into a tentative smile. “Would it be too much if I asked you to marry me now?” he asked, his voice steady but laced with a shyness that made you realise he was completely sincere.

The question caught you off guard, and you blinked up at him, a mix of surprise and amusement crossing your features. “Al…” you began, shaking your head, but you couldn’t keep the smile from spreading across your face. The way he looked at you, hopeful, maybe a little nervous, made it impossible not to smile. You weren’t sure if he was joking or not, but the warmth in his gaze told you that he wasn’t just teasing this time.

“I mean it.” he added, his tone firmer, more insistent. He shifted slightly, propping himself up a bit more on his elbow, his gaze never leaving yours.

You blinked, the words taking a moment to sink in. “You don’t have a ring.” you pointed out, your voice quieter now, tinged with disbelief as you looked up at him from your spot on the ground.

He hesitated for just a moment, the corners of his mouth twitching upward in a small, shy smile. “I do.” he said, surprising you further. “I’ve had it for a while.”

“What?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, a mix of shock and curiosity. 

“Yeah.” he said, nodding slowly as if the admission was something he’d been holding onto for too long. “It’s at home, I- I don’t have it with me now. It’s from your father.” He paused, and you saw the way his jaw tightened slightly as he continued, “Your dad, he, uh, he gave it to me when we visited them in the summer. I asked him if I could, you know…”

The words hung between you, the weight of them settling into your chest. You sat up slightly, turning to face him more directly. “You asked him?” you whispered, the disbelief evident in your voice.

He nodded again, this time with more certainty, though his eyes were still searching yours. “I did. I wanted to do it right. I’ve been carrying it with me, sometimes, just…waiting for the right moment.”

You felt a warmth spread through you, something that started in your chest and radiated outwards, filling every corner of your being. The thought that he’d been thinking about this, planning for it, and had even gone to your father. It was almost too much to take in.

“Al…” you said again, this time softer, your voice catching slightly as you looked at him. The seriousness in his eyes, the way his hand tightened around yours, told you that this wasn’t just a fleeting thought for him. He’d been waiting, just as you had, for the right time.

“It doesn’t have to be today.” he said quickly, as if he could sense the whirlwind of thoughts in your mind. “But I wanted you to know…that I’m ready when you are.”

The idea of spending the rest of your life with him wasn’t something new, but hearing him say it, knowing that he’d already made plans for your future, made it all feel suddenly very real.

“Okay.” you whispered, the word barely audible, but the smile on your face growing as you said it. “Okay.”

He hesitated for a moment, studying your face as if he was trying to read your thoughts. “So…is that a yes?” he asked, his voice quiet, almost tentative. He was poking at the question again, hoping for a clearer answer, something he could hold onto.

Instead of answering right away, you brought a hand up to his face, your fingers tracing the lines and curves you knew so well. The roughness of his stubble, the smooth skin of his cheek. Every detail was familiar and comforting. Your thumb brushed gently along his jaw, and then you cupped his cheek in your palm, feeling the warmth of him beneath your touch. He leaned into it slightly, his eyes searching yours.

“Yes.” you whispered, sure of it. 

The smile that spread across his face was like nothing you’d ever seen before. It was a slow, radiant thing, wide and genuine, starting at the corners of his mouth and pulling up into a grin that made his eyes crinkle at the edges. He didn’t say anything for a moment, just looked at you with a mixture of relief and joy that made your heart swell. Then, almost as if he couldn’t believe this was real, he reached up and slipped off his sunglasses, setting them to the side.

Without the barrier of the dark lenses, you could see him fully, his expression open and raw. He leaned in slowly, his gaze flicking to your lips before meeting your eyes again. When his lips finally touched yours, it was soft and slow, a light kiss. His hand moved to the back of your neck, holding you gently as he deepened it, still tender but with a bit more urgency, like he was trying to pour everything he felt into this one moment.

When he finally pulled back, just enough to rest his forehead against yours, his smile hadn’t faded. If anything, it had grown softer, more intimate, as he looked at you with an expression that spoke volumes more than words ever could.

“I love you…a lot.” he whispered, his breath warm against your lips.

“I love you, too. A lot.” you replied, your voice just as soft, your hand still resting against his cheek, feeling the way he leaned into your touch, as if it was the only thing keeping him anchored to this reality.

a/n: Sorry for the delay and taking so long to finish this one but I was away and I couldn’t really get into it yknow. And to be honest I didn’t really want it to end, or rather had a bit of trouble getting to an end that doesn’t seem too too cheesy. I feel like it’s a bit repetitive and sort of going round and round because of that. It’s also less smutty than some of the other parts have been cause I was feeling a bit weird and I had a realisation at one point that this got quite personal, hence Alex being a bit weird. I hope you like it. 🤎

tags: @st7rnioioss @theonlyoneswhoknowsblog @rentsturner @yourstartreatment @avxoxo1 @jqsvi @turnersfav @youresodarkbabe @psychedelicrocker @aacheinthejaw @zayndrider @humbuginmybones @tedioepica

[outsideratheart]

On a Night Like Tonight (Alex Scott x reader)

Retirement. A word that had been playing on your mind for a the past 12 months. After Australia, Team GB went on to win gold in the Olympics and it left only one trophy missing from your cabinet. The World Cup.

2027, Brazil. It was the day that you gave the fans the thing you promised 4 years ago. You lead your team to their first World Cup star and did so by beating the United States on penalties.

Unlike last year Alex was pitch side with Fara eagerly waiting for you to come over and when you did she welcomed you like the champion you now were or at least she gave you the PG version given you were live on TV.

You were overcome with emotion as Alex held you in her arms. To the outside world the tears you were clearly shedding were that of happiness but between you and Alex you knew they were sad tears too.

The celebration awaiting you back in England was unlike anything you could have imagined. It put the euros one to shame. The whole country showed up to celebrate you and you made sure to savour every moment.

Each player had their turn on the microphone and the fans loved it but when it was your turn to speak the fans took one look at your face and went silent. You could hear a pin drop in Trafalgar Square.

“You all know I hate being a bench warmer and I don’t want to be one of those players the play long after their time is up. It has been my greatest honour being your captain for over ten years but it is time that I pass on the torch and hang the boots up”

It was announced the following day that England’s match against Germany at Wembley in one month’s time would be you final game in an England shirt. The match sold out in minutes and it set the perfect scene for your send off.

The days leading up to it was hectic, you barely had a second to yourself and most of all it was extremely overwhelming. You questioned if you had made the right decision. You were still playing world class football, why stop now? Your question was answered one night at St George’s Park. It was the night before your final game and the entire team could tell you were having an hard time. It’s the reason Sarina allowed Alex to stay in your room even though it was against the rules.

“I don’t think I can do it”

Alex looked up from where she was laying on your chest.

“Can’t or don’t want to?”

“Football is all I’ve ever known Al, I’m not sure I can give it up”

“You’re not retiring completely. In a week’s time you will be back at Cobham with Chelsea”

“I’m going to be home a lot more”

“You make it sound like a bad thing. Remember the reason that made you consider retiring in the first place?”

It was a night you remember well. You and Alex spent over an hour talking about the future and what it could look like. You got so caught up in the hypotheticals that reality became disappointing. It made you want to skip the next few years so that you could start the next chapter of your life, the one where being captain was no longer the highest responsibility you had.

You feel asleep that night dreaming of the future and when you woke up you were ready to say goodbye to the team that you loved so much.

It was a bitter sweet feeling as the final whistle was blown. The entire England team, both the players on the bench and on the pitch, came running to you. It that moment you felt loved and appreciated. It was a moment that you would remember for the rest of your life. As you take a lap around the field you try to take in as much as you can.

“You know you don’t have to retire” Leah appears by your side.

“It’s my time. I have loved playing for this team and every time I wear this badge it is a great honour but this is my final curtain call Leah, my swan song” You pull the blonde into your side and kiss the side of her head.

“Don’t be getting soft. Save that for Alex because we need to go do media” Truth is Leah didn’t want you to leave, she had told you this much but your mind was yet.

“I know but before that there’s something I need to do”

You pull Leah towards the middle of the pitch, away from the shouting fans, the centre circle becoming your own little bubble.

“I have been captain of this team for almost ten years. I have lead them to the highest highs and the lowest lows. It takes a lot from you when you wear this band but it can also reward in the best possible way. I have spoken with Sarina about who I want to be my successor and that person is you Leah”

With a heavy heart you take the armband off and pull it up Leah’s arm. You were passing the torch, this was a changing of the guard and you were doing it for the whole to see.

By the time you reach Alex and the BBC team you are on the very line fine between keeping it together and breaking completely.

The world now knew about the two of you but with a camera pointed straight at you, you felt the need to stay professional but Alex soon changed that.

“We’re not rolling. It’s playing her career highlights” one of the camera men tells Alex.

“Come here” The BBC presenter pulls you into her arms and for a brief moment you allow yourself to feel, feel everything that you have been bottling up since you woke up.

“It’s over. I’ve played my last game as a lioness” you could feel tears falling down your face and you were aware that there were multiple people watching the interaction but no longer had to strength to bottle up your emotions.

The same man who told you that the cameras were rolling informed you that they would be live in 5, then proceeded to count down using his fingers.

As a way of regaining control of your emotions and in attempt of staying together you move away from Alex and closer to Jill and Fara. As if knowing that you still weren’t ready to answer the unavoidable questions Leah takes charge of the interview and the presenters follow her lead. It is when she is asked a question only you can answer do you need to get involved.

“Jill asked what’s next for you?” Leah nudges you.

“I go back to Chelsea. As for the next international break, well I have no idea. Maybe go on holiday, what do you say Al, fancy the Maldives?”

“Sure, why not. Fara can cover for me”

“Seriously though Y/N. What’s next? When asked about retiring you said that you have given over 15 years to your country and that it’s time to prioritise your personal life. I think I remember you saying it’s what our dear Alex over here deserves”

Leah switches places with you when Alex is mentioned. Sensing that being next to your person may bring you more peace and encourage you to answer the question without making jokes.

“If the song is right then I believe I hear wedding bells” Jills says.

You wonder what song she is referring to and upon turning to Alex you see that she is also at loss.

“You know the song. The one about kissing in a tree. I won’t sing it seen as though we are live on air and I am a professional”

With Jill’s clue you know exactly the song she is talking about although you think you may have been in high school when you last heard it.

“Since when are you a professional?” You scoff. You refused to bite.

“I get what you’re saying. I believe it says first comes love”

“Check” Alex plays along.

Before Leah continues you turn to Alex. Your hand sat on the small of her back and unknowingly to the women around, you tap you ring finger which was missing a very important piece of jewellery. Alex leans into you with her head on your shoulder and tells you to go for it.

“Then comes marriage-“

“Check” you were proud to finally announce that you had in fact married Alex but up until this moment it was only your immediate families that knew.

The faces of your friends were priceless. In that moment you wish you had a camera to take a photo but then you remember you are on live TV. Oh god, you were live on the BBC. Not only had you told your friends about your nuptials, you had told the entire world.

“Shit”

“Y/N” Alex playfully slaps your arm “We are live”

“I am now aware of this Al”

“I would like to apologise for the language made by Y/N Y/L/N”

“Don’t you mean Y/N Scott?” Jill asks.

“No she does not” you say rather defensively “Alex took my name, she is Alex Y/L/N”

“How about we discuss the details of our marriage when we are not live on TV.” Alex tries to get the interview back on track which you are happy to do.

You then proceed to talk all things football. Jill recalls your first training session as a lioness, Fara tells her favourite Y/N Y/L/N stories, Leah brings you to tears once again when she tells you about how you showed her what is possible and Alex grins ear to ear when she explains all the ways that you have changed the game and how a lot of people have you to thank for how far the game has come.

Almost an hour later you are in one of the hospitality suites at Wembley. The news of you and Alex had spread to rest of the team and the party that was originally planned for your retirement has now turned into a retirement / wedding party.

It doesn’t take much for you to get overwhelmed, how could you not. You escape to one of the boxes near the suite, the cold air grounds you and the silence is welcoming. Looking out at the pitch you are filled with nostalgia as memories flood your mind, it’s as if a highlight reel is playing.

“People are asking where you are?”

You feel your body relax upon hearing your wife’s voice. It is one of the things you love most about her.

“You found me. Any chance I can persuade you to stay here with me for a moment?”

“I can think of a few things”

“Can one of them be a hug? I could really use one”

Alex’s eyebrows furrow. You were a cuddler, Alex learned this very early on in your relationship but there is something about you asking now and the way you did it. You sound so vulnerable.

Your wife doesn’t say anything, instead she opens her arms and you melt into her hold.

“You know a lot of people are in there waiting to celebrate you, with you. Yet you are out here alone or at least you were until I found you”

“I want to celebrate with you though and everyone keeps stopping me from doing that. They want Y/N the England captain or I guess now it’s former captain but I just want to be —“

“Y/N, my wife”

Her wife. It sounds cliche like something that would be said in a movie or a line in a book but you loved hearing her say that and even now as you both wear your rings, you couldn’t believe that she had agreed to marry you.

“Can we go home?”

Alex knew that you liked to party and it didn’t take much to persuade to celebrate something no matter how small. It wasn’t like you to leave early and Alex knew that you might be feeling more than you are letting on if you want to leave a party that was honouring your international career.

“I didn’t tell you this but Ella and Alessia have wrote a speech. They read it to me and you’ll want to hear it. If after that you still want to go home then we will, I promise”

You stayed for the speech and boy are you glad you did. It was one of the most heartfelt yet hilarious speeches you have heard. You did end up going home but not till hours later. After hearing your plea, Alex stayed by your side the entire night and her presence allowed you to relax and have fun. A chapter of the book you called life was over and the chapters that followed would go on to be some of your favourite because each and every one of them included you wife Alex Scott.

[sweethischier]

𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐞 - 𝐣𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨)

one

word count: 3.4k

warnings: unedited, lil angsty, cursing, if you catch anything else let me know

note: here's part two! it's not my favorite, but it's leading up to the next part ◡̈

tags: @haydee5010

Luke’s soft voice called your name as he slowly opened the door, his curly hair and light eyes peeking through, “Are you okay? Alex said you were crying.”

You had managed to mostly calm yourself down by the time he came upstairs, but all you gave him was a thumbs up as you kept your face in the pillows. You knew your face was going to be puffy and eyes bloodshot from all of the tears you shed and you didn’t want to reveal that to anyone just yet. All of the boys had seen you cry plenty of times before, but this time it was different.

“I didn’t know he was bringing someone, I’m really sorry. I would have told you so you were a little more prepared,” He tried as he sat next to you, “I know how you feel about him so I know this probably sucks.”

You jumped up at his insinuation, giving him a muddled glare as you let out a raspy, “What do you mean ‘how you feel about him’?”

His eyes slightly widened at your sudden movements and soft glare, but he was quick to say, “C’mon. We all know you like him. Like like him.”

“No, I don’t,” You denied, roughly shaking your head and rubbing at your stinging eyes, “I don’t like Jack like that. We’re just friends. Or at least I thought we were. Whatever. I’m going downstairs.”

You hated talking about the way you felt about Jack because, deep down, you knew that you had fallen for him, but you weren’t ready to admit that to yourself yet. That would make it real. That would mean starting something you couldn’t come back from. You ignored Luke’s calls for you, and left the room, but of course you come face-to-face with the one person you didn’t want to be alone with. 

“Y/N,” Jack incredulously asked, eyes meeting yours, “Why are you here?”

You hated the way your chest burned with misery as his question tore into your heart. After nothing from him for weeks, that was all he had to say to you and that truly hurt you. More than his silence had.

“Why are you leaving Luke’s room,” He continued, his voice held a mix of emotions laced with one another, but you were too tired to try and piece them together.

“I invited her,” Luke stated, harshly glaring at his brother as he came out of his room. He loved Jack with every fiber of his being, but he was not going to let him treat you like that. You were important to him too, and you had done nothing wrong. Luke couldn’t say the same for Jack.

The silence that hung in the air made you want to crawl into a hole and never come out of it. You hated being the reason there was tension between the two of them more than you hated that Jack hadn’t talked to you. Your eyes stayed focused on the ground as you stood between them, but you felt his burning stare on you. You always did.

“I’m going downstairs so you two can finish whatever this is,” You breathed out, gesturing to the two of them before quickly darting back down to the living room.

The looks all the boys had plastered on their faces told you that tension from upstairs was bleeding down into the living room. A pang of guilt hit your chest, and you couldn’t help but blame yourself for the strained start of vacation. If you had just told Luke and Quinn that you were going to stay home, none of this would have happened. Jack wouldn’t be mad at you and Luke, and his brothers wouldn’t be mad at him.

Falling into the empty seat next to Quinn, you mumbled, “I’m going to text my mom and have her come pick me up tomorrow. I feel like me being here is ruining the mood, so I’ll go home.”

“Absolutely not,” Trevor interrupted before Quinn even had a moment to think, “You’re not ruining anything. Jack’s just in a pissy mood and he’ll get over it. You’re staying.”

The others nodded their heads in firm agreement, and you couldn’t help but tear up again. You didn’t realize how much you had missed being around people who genuinely wanted your presence and didn’t see you out of obligation. Of course you loved your friends back home, but these boys have always made you feel welcome without judgment. They made you feel carefree and shamelessly yourself.

Luke was the first to join everyone else, and he was sporting one vastly annoyed look. He took the seat on the other side of you, whispering something about how he’ll tell you about it later, before he fell into the conversation you all were previously engaged in. There was a certain edge to everyone that you all were doing your best to ignore, and you were grateful for that. You wanted to put the whole Jack situation aside and enjoy your time at the lake.

“You’re about to start teaching, right,” Cole’s question was directed at you, eyes flitting towards the stairs as they creaked.

“I am! I got a job at the high school,” You beamed, welcoming the brief distraction from Jack and Natalie as they found seats of their own.

“You got the job?” Jack spoke up, causing everyone’s gaze to fall on him. He didn’t miss the way his friends were sending him a few subtle glares, but he was too tired from arguing with Luke to really care. He knows he’s going to get an earful from Quinn as soon as he could get him alone, anyways.

“Yeah. I found out a couple of weeks ago,” Your tone was flat, and you wanted to add that he would know that if he had ever bothered to respond to you, but you decided to take the high road. You didn’t want to make his guest uncomfortable.

“You’re a teacher? You look so young,” Natalie proclaimed, her eyes wide as she took you in.

You let out a quiet, and uncomfortable, chuckle, “I’m 21, but I graduated a year early.”

She seemed extremely genuine in her surprise, along with her admiration, and a part of you hated it. It would be easier to not like her if she was a bitch, but she was probably one of the most genuine people you’ll ever meet. She was sweet and she actively listened to what everyone was saying, but you could tell that she still felt slightly out of place with the boys. Jack was only half heartedly paying attention to her, so you did your best to include her in the conversations.

Luckily, the rest of the day went by with only a thin veil of tension whenever you interacted with Jack in any sort of way. The dull pain in your chest was still present, but you tried to busy yourself with any sort of task that arose. You even offered to make dinner for everyone despite hating cooking for that many people. Trevor insisted on helping you, even though he was probably the worst cook ever, and you knew it was only because they didn’t want to leave you alone.

Once everyone had finished their food and the dishes were done, courtesy of Alex and Cole, everyone was worn out and ready to go to bed. Trevor had suggested taking the boat out tomorrow morning, and it was after a round of agreements that a trail of tired bodies finally trudged up the stairs. You followed closely behind Luke, trying to keep your distance from Jack, whose gaze you felt on you nearly all night. The thought of him cornering you alone after everyone had gone to bed made you want to throw up. 

For the first few hours, you stared up at the ceiling that was lit only by the moonlight that slipped through the breaks in the curtain. Your brain was running a mile a minute as you thought about spending the next two weeks with Jack and his new friend, but you knew you couldn’t let it bother you too much. The last thing you wanted was to make things even more awkward for everyone than they already were, and Luke’s sleeping body pressed against your side was a reminder of that.

You woke up the next morning with Luke nearly pushing you off the bed, his arm thrown over your chest and knee digging into your thigh. Gently pushing his limbs off you, you slipped out of the bed and grabbed the bag that had your toothbrush in it. Your feet quietly pad against the floor as you rub the sleep from your eyes and walk into the bathroom. Once you had finished getting ready and had your bathing suit underneath your dress, you went downstairs.

No one else was up yet, so the house was still and eerily quiet, but you were going to take advantage of it while it lasted. It wouldn’t be too long until the boys were awake and they were filling the house with their laughter and yells. You poured yourself a cup of juice before sinking into a seat on the couch, throwing your head back and letting your eyes flutter closed. You’re not sure how long you stayed like that, but an all too familiar voice calling your name had you snapping your head up.

Your wide eyes met Jack’s, and it was as if all of the air in your lungs had been sucked out of you. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs, blue eyes soft as they raked across your body. Suddenly feeling insecure, you straightened your back and looked anywhere but at him.

“I didn’t hear you come down the stairs,” You mumbled, hands nervously fisting the bottom of your dress.

“Yeah, it looked like you were asleep,” He lightly laughed, taking a few steps closer to you, “Look, can we please talk? I feel like I owe you an explanation.”

“You feel like,” You seethed, fury quickly taking place over whatever you had been feeling before, “You feel like you owe me an explanation?!”

You were on your feet now, nails digging into your palm as you tried to steady your breathing. Jack was slightly thrown off by your sudden change in demeanor, but he knew that it was well deserved after what he had done to you. He tried taking a couple of more steps closer to you, but the way you stepped away from him made his chest tighten.

“I’m sorry,” He began, watching as frustrated tears lined your eyes and hating himself because he knew he was the cause of them, “I know I fucked up everything, but if we can talk- just us- then I will explain everything. Please.”

He desperately whispered your name like it haunted him. His eyes were glassy, filled with uncried tears as he waited for your response, but truthfully, you didn’t know what you wanted to say. Right now, you didn’t want to hear him out. You wanted to shut him out the same way he shut you out, but you also didn’t want to regret not letting him explain himself. You were torn.

“No,” You finally let out after what felt like an eternity to Jack, “I don’t want to hear what you have to say. At least not right now.”

He felt like you had reached into his chest and tore his heart out as you denied his plea. He felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him and his entire world came out from under him. Jack knows that you no longer owe him anything because you wouldn’t be in this position if it weren’t for him, and he wishes he had never done it at all. Yet the girl he had left to get ready upstairs was going to be his reminder that he had.

You watched the way the person you loved more than anything in the world deflated at your rejection. He looked at you as if you had shot him in the heart, but you weren’t ready to let him back in. Not after what he had done. Honestly, you’re not sure if you even want to let him back in anymore.

The sound of the stairs groaning, alerting you both that someone was coming, was enough to break your devastating stares away from each other. Jack made a beeline for the kitchen while you settled back on the couch with your head in your hands, focusing on getting your heartbeat back to a normal rhythm. And to let the tears pass.

“Hey,” It was Quinn, “Are you okay? I saw Jack go to the kitchen.”

All you managed was a pathetic nod, but the slight sniffle you accidentally let slip gave you away immediately. Quinn was quick to take the seat next to you, pulling you into his chest as his hand rubbed soothing circles in your back. His attentiveness was enough to break you down, and you began to let out quiet sobs. He could hear the others start to come down too, so he gently pulled you off the couch. You let him guide you to the bathroom that was a few feet away, your legs giving out as soon as the door was closed.

“You’re okay,” Quinn comforted as he slid down to the ground with you, “You’re alright. I know it’s hard, but you’re going to be okay. We’ve got you.”

“I hate feeling like this. Like I lost my best friend,” You choked out through mangled cries, “He just stopped talking to me like our entire lives meant nothing to him and I don't even know what I did wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything,” He reassured, leaning away from you to grab the roll of toilet paper, “Trevor said he tried talking to him last night, but Jack didn’t say much other than that it’s not your fault. He knows you didn’t do anything.”

As soon as the words slipped from his mouth, Quinn knew that it made the situation worse. He knows how his brother meant it, but you didn’t and your intensified weeping only confirmed that. He chose to stay quiet, knowing that all you really needed was to get the tears out of your system before you went on like nothing had happened in order to not ruin things for everyone else. Quinn knew that you being upset wouldn’t ruin anything for anyone, but he also knew that trying to convince you of that was next to impossible.

After a while, you had managed to get your emotions in check, but you practically shoved Quinn out of the bathroom so you could “fix your face”. Which meant you were going to splash cold water on you until the redness and puffiness in your face was gone. Your eyes were still tinted red, but you knew they would go away on their own and you hoped that no one would notice, or that they would keep quiet if they did.

Everyone was gathered in the kitchen when you finally exited the bathroom, so you joined the group as they were going over the plan for the day. Slipping into the spot next to Luke, you avoided Jack’s gaze and you felt a pang of guilt when you noticed Natalie’s eyes dart from you to the boy next to her.

“Yo,” Trevor called out to you, “I was telling everyone I think we should go to the cliffs for a little bit and then we can go wakesurfing after that. Is that cool with you?”

“Sounds good,” You agreed, voice slightly scratchy from crying, “I’m not jumping, though. You guys always try and get me to do it so here’s me officially saying no.”

“We’ll see,” Luke playfully elbowed you.

Rolling your eyes, you let your gaze wander and you accidentally lock eyes with Jack for the third time this morning. His jaw was clenched, eyes glancing between you and his younger brother with a hint of annoyance mixed with what you hesitantly assumed was jealousy. Drawing your brows together in confusion, you tore yourself away from him and focused back on the others.

Finally, everyone had decided that they were ready to go, and you all made your way down to the dock and on to the boat. Quinn, Jack, and Trevor were in charge of making sure the boat was working correctly while the rest of you found homes for your various coolers and bags. You glanced towards the wooden platform and noticed that Natalie was standing there with her hands clasped in front of her, an uncomfortable grimace on her face as she watched everyone work. You could tell she was unsure of what to do to help, so you grabbed her attention and asked her to make sure there were enough life jackets for everyone.

“Thank you,” She mumbled, giving you an appreciative smile.

The one she received in return didn’t quite reach your eyes, but you tried. You know that she wasn’t at fault for how things fell with you and Jack, but a small part of you couldn’t help but place some blame on her. No matter how hard you tried to remind yourself she was innocent.

Once everything was good to go, you settled in a spot next to Luke with Trevor and Alex across from you. Jack, Natalie and Cole opted to sit up in the front in order to balance some of the weight out while Quinn took his seat at the wheel. His “i am the captain” hat you had gotten him for Christmas placed snugly on his head as he started the engine.

The ride to the cliffs was like a second nature to you and the boys by now. You had discovered the spot one day a few years ago, and you all had been going to it ever since. It was secluded enough that not many people knew about it, but so off the beaten path that you weren’t able to find it again after the first time.

You hated the feeling of the wind whipping into your face and through your hair, so you buried your head into the crook of Luke’s neck as a sort of shield. Typically, it was Jack who was your personal protection from the rough breeze, and there was a slight nagging in your chest knowing that he was doing that for someone else. Still, you were going to keep it to yourself and have fun with everyone.

“So, Lukey,” Trevor teased as everyone stripped down to their swimsuits, “I didn’t know you two liked each other.”

He subtly glanced at his best friend, taking note of the way Jack’s eyes narrowed in on his brother and his stare filled with jealousy. After the short conversation he had with Jack last night, he was testing the waters to see what exactly was going on. 

“Gross,” Luke grimaced, “She’s like a sister to me.”

You rolled your eyes as Trevor threw his head back in laughter, stepping up onto the back part of the boat so you could get in the water.

“Well, you’re not like a sister to me,” He dropped his left eye into a wink before jumping up in front of you.

You opened your mouth to give him a sarcastic response, but all that came out was a high pitched yelp as he threw you over his shoulder and then jumped into the lake. The cool water enveloped your body, bubbles erupting as you sunk through the water. You pushed your body back up to the surface, taking a gulp of air once you broke through.

“You ass,” You yelled, splashing Trevor as his head popped back up in front of you.

The two of you started splashing each other and trying to hold the other underneath the water. Trevor had you in some sort of weird hold when water came crashing down all around you. Water had gotten into your eyes and mouth, making you cough and sputter as you tried to clear it, slight irritation coursing through your body at whoever did that.

“Dude, what the hell,” Trevor slightly raised his voice, rubbing your upper back as you coughed.

“Sorry,” Jack shrugged nonchalantly, swimming away from the two of you as everyone else watched with disoriented gazes.

This was going to be a fun day.

three

[gothicflowers]

Alex Keller X GN!Reader

Field of Flowers

Warnings: Fluff.

“We’ve been inseparable for almost eight years. For some reason I just assumed I’d always have you around. I don’t wanna face that reality but I have to now. Saying goodbye completely ends the story.”

“New chapters mean you get to keep on writing the story. Why would it make you scared?”

“I’m terrified honestly. I want a life outside of all this, to be able to lay in a field of flowers and rest.” Motioning to your ballistics vest and the gun on his hip. “But ive been doing this for so long it’s almost like I have to completely hit reset on my life. I can’t tell anybody about any of this. About what I’ve done, the places I’ve seen. Hell, I can’t even tell them about you. It all dies with me.”

Over all these years with Alex you never told him your feelings. Too afraid to lose the only person who’s stuck by your side. Every mission, every wound, every sunrise and sunset he was with you. Learning to live without him was going to be hard. It was going to be even harder trying to start the life you envisioned without him.

Alex leaned against the hummer next to you trying to find the words to say. He hated that you were leaving. But he couldn’t ask you to stay with him. Not when he just abandoned the CIA for farahs army. But he loves you too much to tell you his feelings. He wants you to be happy, not to go to bed wondering if he’s ok or when he’ll return to you.

“I hope you find peace and get everything you want out of this lifetime. You deserve it.” His words felt heavy leaving his chest. “How about instead of goodbye, I’ll see you around.”

Tears welled up in your eyes. Biting your lip to try and stop a choked sob from leaving your lips. Nodding and looking at the sunset. “I’ll see you around Alex.” You look up at him, just as pretty as the day you first met. Only couple more scars and some lines around his eyes changed him. His eyes still sparkled when they looked into yours. A single tear falls down from your eyes taking in the sight of the man you’ll never see again.

His hand comes to rest on the nape of your neck as the other wipes away the single tear. Pressing a kiss to your forehead he takes in this final moment. His forehead rests against yours knowing he has to let go now or he won’t let you go. “I’ll see you around.”

And he’s gone. Gone from your life. You’re left watching the sun disappear over the mountains wondering why it is to be like this.

It’s been a little over three years since that day. You opened up that company you always told Alex about. Got a car and even purchased a home. Everything on paper looked like you had become quite successful. Your family was excited to have you home. But with all good things considered it didn’t feel how you thought it would.

The house was quiet. Making friends in your late twenties proved to be difficult. And every date you went on couldn’t compare to the man you left in a war zone. You thought about him often. Was he doing well? Was he making sure to eat enough? Was there someone that could cut his hair as well as you could? And the scariest thought, was he still alive?

Your dreams were fleeting with memories of your time together and the battles fought. Often times waking you in the night too scared to fall back asleep. Even though you were happy to be away from it all you still thought about it, if you hadn’t left. Stayed and told him that you loved him. Or should you have just told him before you left. At least then you’d have had an answer of some sort. Never to be left wondering like you still do. The waves of regret consumed you from time to time.

Today was a slow day, as most Mondays are for your company so it was just you today. You sat behind your computer finishing up this months paperwork. The front door bell chimed upon someone entering. Since it was just you, you headed to the front to greet the customer.

“Hello, how can I-“ you stopped dead in your tracks in disbelief when your eyes noticed the man standing there. Soft eyes, strong arms, and a smile like no other.

“Hi” he could barely make out that single word. Just seeing you took the breath out of his lungs. “I said I’ll see you later, not goodbye.” His mustache covered lips turned up into a smirk.

You run up to him wrapping your arms around his neck in a hug. His warm embrace welcoming you into his arms. His arms wrapped around you felt more like home than anything has the past three years.

“I can’t believe you’re here” your hands cup his face, thumbs caressing his cheeks “What are you doing here?”

“Laswell got my name cleared, thought about lying in a field of flowers like you said.” His arms still wrapped around you not wanting to let go. “And there was something I didn’t tell you before you left, I’m hoping I’m not too late.”

“What didn’t you tell me.” Your arms unraveled and your hands rest on his strong chest. You could feel his heart beating fast.

Taking a deep breath he looks deep into you. “That I’ve been in love with you since the moment I met you.”

Your voice weakened with the joy of hearing his confession. “I wanted to tell you I loved you before I left but I was scared you didn’t love me back.”

Alex looked down at you with a look you had seen glimpses of but never fully. It was love, joy, excitement and more passion than anyone had ever looked at you with in your lifetime.

Without words you both embraced in a passionate kiss making up for all the lost years. His hands pulling your hips into him closer desperately wanting to keep you close. Your hands traveling from his chest to his neck. Clinging to each other fearing separation. After what felt like eternity your lips departed one another.

“So since the moment you met me?” How could you have not seen? Was that truly what all those intense moments of eye contact meant? The fighting over each other going into something far too dangerous. Love?

His bright goofy smile was uncontrollable “Yeah”

You couldn’t help but laugh recalling that exact moment in time. “Alex I had a gun to your head because Laswell didn’t tell me I was gonna have a partner that mission. I was seconds away from killing you”

“Can’t lie it was definitely intimidating, but oddly attractive.” He smirked knowing it was the honest truth.

You give his chest a light hit at his comment “Shut up and kiss me again.”

“Yes ma’am.”

[azwhore]

husband alex turner x wife reader

warnings: nun but fluff <3

<><><>

It’s been a while since you’ve last seen Alex. He’s been on tour for The Car for six months and have only seen him on a few occasions. You couldn’t go with him and the band due to work; you were forced to stay behind despite your attempts to go with them.

The last time you and Alex had seen each other was about two months ago. The only reason you were able to see him was for an interview he had in which you were invited to. He begged you to go with him even though you didn’t like doing so. Alex knows that. You’ve always hated being interviewed with him because it felt like the interviewers were trying to pry into your private relationship. What went on between Alex and you was for you two only, not for the public.

After a long day at work, you come home exhausted. You’re eager to shower, eat some dinner, and just relax. Who wouldn’t be? So when you get home, that’s exactly what you do. An “everything” shower was desperately needed after the week you’ve had.

Once done with your shower, you put on a comfy set of pajamas. A grey tank top and white sweats, perfect. You decide on some perfume, even though you won’t be around anyone for the rest of the night. You put on your Victoria’s Secret Bare roll-on perfume. It’s your favorite.

You finish getting dressed and make your way to the kitchen to make dinner. Deciding on what you’ve taken out, you make pollo guisado (chicken stew). It was one of your favorites. Mom always made it when you were younger.

After some time, you finish cooking and feast on it. Man, were you a damn good cook. One good meal later, you settle in your queen sized bed that you shared with Alex. You miss him. You miss his warm body cuddling. You miss his soothing voice.

You soon dwell no more on that, as you were almost on the brink of tears. You pick up your book that you were currently reading on the nightstand, How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents. So far, you are greatly enjoying the book. You like analyzing it as well as it being somewhat relatable.

***

It’s 11:18 PM, about an hour and a half since you started reading. You need to get some sleep since you have work all over again tomorrow. Luckily though, tomorrow is Friday. Wonderful.

You put your book back and settle in bed. You can feel sleepiness sinking you deeper and deeper. Reveling in the feeling, you eventually fall asleep.

Suddenly, you feel something envelop around you. You wake up, anxiety beginning to course through you. Just as you are about to panic, you hear a voice whisper in your ear.

“I’ve missed you, love.” You’d recognize that voice anywhere. It’s Alex.

Turning around, you take a good look at your husband whom you haven’t seen for two months. He greets you with a smile, his hair as messy as you remember.

“Alex!” You exclaim. You couldn’t express your excitement any other way than wrapping your arms around him. Tears begin to well at your eyes, threatening to fall. You try to hold them back with all your might so you could speak with him.

“I thought you wouldn’t be able to come back for a while? How come you’re here?” You ask, bringing him into another big hug. You can feel him smiling against you as he brings his arms around your body, squeezing you against him.

“One of the shows got postponed for two weeks from now so I immediately came here. I had to see you. If I had gone another day without you, I would have gone mad.” He explained. It felt so good to see him again.

“Ugh, I’ve missed you so much.” You say. Suddenly you realize he might be hungry so you ask, “Are you hungry? There’s still some leftovers from what I made earlier. I can heat it up for you.”

“No, that’s okay. I’m just glad to be here with my wife.” He smiles. You could never get tired of his smile.

“How’s the tour so far? It looks like you and the boys are having some fun.” You laugh. Even though you aren’t going on tour with them, you still keep up sometimes. Especially with those edits of him that fangirls make. You’re not complaining since your husband is a damn fine man if you say so yourself. They should tone it down just a bit, though (don’t actually alex turner is so fine).

“Yeah it’s been awesome. The places we’ve been to have been beautiful. I really wish you could come with us, love. That would just make it 100 times better.” Alex smiles once again.

“Me too. But you already know why I can’t. If I didn’t have work, I most definitely would.” You say. It’s not like Alex wouldn’t full on support you financially; he obviously would. You, on the other hand, don’t want that. The two of you even got into a big argument once about it. He doesn’t see a problem in financially stabilizing you, but you would rather work. You still want to have a life and work for yourself. You don’t want to be just a stay-at-home wife; it’s so stereotypical of celebrity relationships. You want to make a living for yourself, and Alex now 100% understands and supports that.

“Yeah, I get it. My dear wife is so strong.” He gives you a quick kiss with a smirk. You giggle at that. Alex always knows how to make you laugh.

Some time later, you lay with each other in a comfortable silence. This was almost the best part of your relationship. You two could just sit there with your eyes closed not saying a word and you both would understand each other.

Alex lays on his back, eyes closed with his left arm wrapped around your shoulders. Your head is resting against his chest while your hand is on his stomach gently tracing circles. Your eyes were closed too as he hummed to you.

“You know, I still have to go to work tomorrow.” You break the silence. Alex hums in response.

“Do you really though? I’m going to be stuck here by myself all day without you.” He says with a pout.

“Well, I probably could call out tomorrow. One day wouldn’t hurt, right?” You question. Now that you think about it, you haven’t called out from work in a while. You should get a day off. “Hm, I think I’ll stay here with my husband. I get to enjoy a whole three days with you.” You say kind of sarcastically. Although you were anything but sarcastic. You’re more than happy to spend the rest of his two week break with him, as was he.

The both of you continue to enjoy each other’s silence, sleep overcoming you once again. Your eyes feel heavy as they slowly fall. Eventually, you succumb to your slumber, your breath evening out. Alex follows soon after with you in his arms. He really hopes these two weeks last forever.

<><><>

[silver-tooth-the-panther]

(Jeezus. Y’all really do like the idea of the Twin! Au, don’t ya? Well worry not! For I have cooked up a little fic for y’all! Enjoy!)

An Unexpected Friend

(A DOAI AU Fic!)

Word count: 894

Warnings: Nothing!

Frosty wind beat against Alex’s skin as they walked down the long road to their home. Although, it no longer felt like a home due to their occupation at the asylum. Today was especially rough since they had to mind their own while another innocent patient was dragged off. They dreaded every second of their life. Not knowing what moment could be their last.

“Calm down, Alex.” They said to themselves. “You can make another recording when you get home. That might soothe your nerves.* They shook their head as their shoes scraped against the gravel. Then, they heard a very strange noise.

The sound of something thick being cut. It didn’t sound like flesh thank goodness, but it was still unnerving. “Hello?” Alex said in a slightly frightened tone. The cutting stopped as if the being was caught off guard. Alex swirled around, hoping just to see another human, but there it was.

“Don’t approach anyone you see wearing this costume.” That phrase rang in Alex’s head as they stared at the familiar orange and yellow costume. The pitch black face and asymmetrical yellow eyes watched them curiously. Alex shrieked and stumbled backwards. “The Eastridge Demon.” They mumbled under their breath. They took a few steps back before thinking of something. “If I’m going to die, I would rather die by anyone else’s hands rather than that shady corporation.” So, they stood there and closed their eyes, waiting for a, hopefully, quick death.

But death never came. The Veldigun only broke the distance between them and raised what they had been cutting. “Pumpkeen?” It’s voice was soft, yet full of joy, and it oddly sounded like Alex’s own voice. Alex then opened their eyes to see the Veldigun holding up a beautifully carved pumpkin. It looked like a traditional smiling jack o lantern, but it also had swirls for cheeks and little eyebrows.

“You…” Alex whispered. “You were carving a pumpkin?” The Veldigun nodded excitedly, it’s familiar toothy grin appearing on it’s face. “Do you like it? I’ve been working on it for a few hours now.” Alex wearily nodded. “Yeah. It’s cute.” The Veldigun’s tail flicked happily as it patted it’s feet on the ground. Then, it looked like it suddenly remembered something. “Oh! I’m sorry. I should’ve told you my name. I’m Spec, short for Spector.”

“Alex” They said as they took a step back to avoid a possible handshake. “So, you’re the Eastridge Demon.” Spec tilted their head. “No? I’m actually new around here. Although, my brother has been here for some time now! I figured I should see what the fuss was about.”

Alex’s eyes widened at the sudden realization. “Wait, so the Eastridge Demon…is your brother?” Spec nodded excitedly. “Twin brother to be exact! Although…” Their tone shifted to a sorrowful one. “We’ve been distant for a while.”

“Why’s that? If you don’t mind me asking.” Alex’s voice softened, turning more compassionate. “Well, for many reasons.” Spec fiddled with their claws. “They say that I’m a disgrace to the Veldigun kind and that I came out wrong…” Spec sighed as their tail flopped onto the ground.

Alex furrowed their brow before shaking their head. “Don’t listen to them. From what I’ve experienced, you seem to be the most friendly Veldigun I know.” They huffed irritably and muttered one last sentence under their breath. “The child snatcher has no right to say that.”

“Thanks.” Spec whispered softly. Still, the poor Veldigun looked away, a droopy frown plastered on their face. Alex knew they had to do something to help this friendly creature. Yet they didn’t have much to offer them, so they decided to give them safety from the foundation.

“Hey, bud. You…can crash at my place while you look for your brother. You do seem to be pretty tired.” Alex smiled at the Veldigun. Spec looked up at them and intertwined their claws. “Really?” Alex nodded with a warm smile. An energetic grin filled Spec’s face before wrapping their long, noodle-like arms around Alex. “Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I promise you won’t regret this!”

Alex flinched at the touch, frightened that they were going to get infected. Yet, nothing happened. Spec took notice of their fright and let them go. “Sorry. I should’ve told you that I don’t spread the infection. It’s an abnormality amongst Veldiguns.” Alex chuckled as they were given a piece of their story. “Don’t worry about it, buddy. I’m guessing that’s one of the reasons?”

Spec nodded timidly. “There’s a few more, but I don’t feel like going into it.” Alex nodded, understanding their situation. “Don’t worry. You can tell me when you’re ready.” They then offered the Veldigun their hand, which they took with a wide grin. “Thanks, Alex.” Spec said with a warm smile. “Of course.” The two then made their way down the street. Alex now had some company while Spec finally found someone who was truly kind to them.

Off in the distance, Clyde, the real Eastridge Demon, growled in anger, yet also concern. “What are they doing here? Don’t they know that the foundation is here? It’s too dangerous for them to be here!” Clyde clawed at a tree as they watched the two. “They need to go back home.” The Eastridge Demon then slunk back into the darkness, planning on making their move on another day.

[harthazard]

Homie Hopper! Reader

Maxim is jealous. He’s the jealous type. Alex on the other hand is not. He’s confident that you’ll come running back to him.

There you were nipping at your bottom lip and squirming around in the sheets of Timur’s bed, holding back as many moans as you could as he went to work on your desperate clit. His lewd slurping sounds distracted you from yourself for a moment.

Finally after a long days work you can let go and relax into his eager tongue.

But meanwhile, Maxim was on the other side of the wall sharpening a blade to the sound of your pleasure. His eyes twitched and muscles tensed in green hot jealousy. But then again.. he’s the one who started this whole thing in the first place.

-

New Year Eve party. Everyone had cleaned up nicely and gathered in a venue with rainbows top supporters, patrons and some of your coworkers’ ‘plus ones’.

Yeah, get a load of Jordans new girlfriend 😒 Eugh.

But after all the small talk and chatter, maybe it was time to wrap it up and head home before the classy event turned to a raunchy party like last time. You did your last rounds and finally made it out the door and into the cold quiet streets. “Leaving without saying goodbye?” A familiar gruff voice asked from behind, the sound of heavy exhaling following close after. You turned to the shadowy corners of the entrance to see Maxim, also known as ‘Kapkan’, your coworker and fairly good friend. You were a new operator to rainbow and Maxim was one of your mentors in close hand combat. He took another drag of a cigarette that he had held between his coarse fingers, flashing you a small smile.

You had created close bonds with most of the others but the Spetsnaz were only welcoming due to their leader, Tachanka. He was very fond of you and even more forward. Once even asking your breast size in the middle of lunch.

“Well how could I say goodbye if you’re lurking out here like a creep.” You replied back with a playful jab.

-

You had began to look for your car while walking and talking with Max. He kept his narrow eyes trained on you and listened to your night intently. “This is me.” You stopped, turning to face him head on. “It’s nice.” He complimented dryly, finishing the cigarette and smashing it out onto the pavement. He spoke even though he didn’t bother to look past you at the car.

“How about I give you a ride.” You offered, motioning to the vehicle behind you.

The rest was history. That was almost 2 months ago and you two had kept up your occasional dalliances. And after Maxim reluctantly agreed to letting Tachanka join you both for a night, soon the whole team was in on it. Maxim became sick of it and started declining the offers from the others and hoarding you to himself. He became rougher and animalistic with you, often leaving obvious marks on your body and even sending you back to work or to one of his teammates with his cum still dripping out of you.

The whole situation was very.. don’t ask, don’t tell. They know exactly how good shuhrat attended to you. They know exactly how hard alexsandr was pounding you. They all know exactly how good timur was making your feel. They know exactly how hard Maxim was claiming you.

But no one really.. says anything. Besides a couple fist bumps, head nods or death glares.

But here you are now, getting feasted upon by the Russian sniper. But little did he know he was also feasting on Fuze from earlier that day. You had teased him long enough during a briefing to which he had had enough and pulled you into a family bathroom.

But for some reason..

The way Glaz scooped the excrement from you almost felt like he knew. Maybe they all knew and recognized the leftovers the others left on and in you and still took you in, hoping to leave theirs next. You have no idea what it is but the whole team couldn’t get enough of you.

————-

Hopefully this can be some kinda AU or Drabble prompt. I’m all about monogamy but homie hopping is a guilty pleasure. Especially with all these fine ass Russians.