#...also you don't even /see/ nate in the video itself but this is what my brain has latched onto

[cel-aerion]

Sooo new interest might have escalated quickly.

I entirely blame the Random Encounters Phasmophobia musical.

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

i do want to say, this is no way in defense of c//a stans (cause god knows i don't like that ship or the shippers) but personally, when i started spop i never knew that they were supposed to be around 15-16 in s1, that even looking for it, the youngest i saw at the time was 17-18 for adora in season one (apparently nate said that adora was 17, just for the video of them celebrating her 16th birthday to come out), so that could be why they sexualize them from season one because of that. cause depending on their sources, they could use that maybe they already turned 18 by princess prom as a way to excuse themselves, that before seeing the discourse about their ages on the spop anti blogs i followed i still thought at least adora and catra was 17 at the youngest in season one, but also i never sexualized them because...they're children show characters and that just feels weird in itself, that even if they were adults, i still feel weird to openly sexualizion them online where kids could find it unless it's fanfic of them being adults that is tagged accordingly for any ship. but yeah, that's just my assumption cause god knows some of them probably is aware of their canon ages and still sexualize them without care.

i totally get what you mean! i blame the creators for making the characters' ages so ambiguous. i wouldn't have known that entrapta was supposed to be in her 30s if i didn't hear about the creators confirming it afterwards. she legit looks like a teenager, she even looks younger than perfuma, mermista, spinerella, etc. i know that some people can have young faces but this is taking it too far.

and yeah, same goes for catra, adora and the rest of the characters. the only thing is that.. they all act like teenagers, even in s5, and a lot of stans who sexualize them already know that they're teenagers. i've had people argue with me that catra shouldn't be held responsible for her actions “because she was just a child” and then turn around and call her a sexy milf.

i get that maybe some of the stans think that these characters are adults, but most of them don't. they just switch back and forth between “catra was just a teenager, she didn't know she was doing the wrong thing!” and “omg catra is so sexy i want her to top me” which is just really fucking weird.

[uupdirector]

The Eve Cometh Again

"Another day, another Christmas" is what I would be saying if I hadn't been doing all I could to bring my life to a point where I'm not only working hard at bringing the best possible life for myself, but also slowly but surely regaining the love I had for all the hobbies that kept me sound enough to enjoy said life. It's been a long journey to reach this point, and while I'm still fairly nervous about what the future beholds, I'm not going to let that hold me back on reaching the goals I have laid out for me. There's far more excitement than anxiousness, and sometimes I have to tell myself that so I don't end up getting pulled back into the gutter, but it's because of that excitement that I'm fairly happy this Christmastime.

I have something big planned not just for myself, but to everyone that's continued to see my journey and enjoy all the stories and goofs I've had to share. But today, I want to take the time to provide some letter-like notes to a few of my closest friends that have continued to help me smile over the years.

Let's start with my chums from the Joy Charged Gamerz Crew - first of all, sorry again for not being active on the channel this year xD I know the channel is meant to be more laid back and should only be obliged when we feel comfortable enough to do so. It doesn't change the fact that even now, I'm forever thankful to have been granted the opportunity to not only help and see the channel grow, but also create some fantastic memories with great friends. With the new year on the horizon, I hope we get the chance to create some more memories, and since I've been taking some time to play more games again, I hope that this spark will give me the chance to continue charging others with joy. Merry Christmas, lads, and love ya'll 💛

To many of the new friends that I've had the joy of hanging with a TON this year - @soybeanzoffical, @onyxcolonyart, Slime Guy/mrmendezgamer1, Rambles, Namor, @sparxsiris, Nate, @rubyshimmer0x, and many others, thank you all for being a supportive bunch of lads. Even though we've had a lot of bullying escapades in the past year, I can look back and get a little chuckle out of 'em x3 Much love to ya'll, and here's to another year of my dumbass shenanigans! Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays, buds :'3 🩷

To one of my good buds in animation, TheInvertedShadow (@asktheshadows), I know we've not spent as much time together, and we've both been going through our own fair share of down moments, but I just wanna leave another reminder for ya; you are always loved and cared for by thousands - if not millions of people, and as one of them, I'm glad to have seen your talent grow since I first laid eyes on your EoI video 10 years back. And if I knew we were going to be a chaotic duo of friendship back then, I'd probably call myself crazy xD But to be serious - you've always been such a supportive friend since we first spoke together back in 2016, and for that, I can't thank you enough, and I'm happy to call ya one of my best friends. Thank you so much for all the great memories, and here's to many more in the future - we both got a lot ahead of us, for sure ;) Merry Christmas, lad ❤️

And speaking of which, to another one of my best buds; Will Ryan (DAGames). Man - what a year it's been, hasn't it? Since the start, you've been constantly moving yourself up higher and higher, and being along with ya for the ride has been nothing short of a blast. I'm legitimately proud of you for all the accomplishments you've made - from the release of HOAA:R (btw to everyone else, bls stream Castle that Burns, kthxbai xD ), the launch of Solitude: Subject Placement, and all the conventions you attended. On that note, it was fucking amazing to be able to see ya again at MomoCon this year, and not just for a day, at that! The experience itself was already amazing as it was, but to be able to hang out with you, the crew, and some of our other friends was probably one of the best memories from this year. I still get choked up thinking back to the concert when Living Life Without The Cord and Gold: SSD played, and I'm so happy that it turned out so well. I know the year hasn't come without it's downsides either, but the fact you persevered regardless and brought some great times with it is something you can't knock. On that note, I also have my own share of thanks to give. I'm wholeheartedly grateful of all the support you've given me during the production of Scarlet Combine leading up to the launch of Storm Before The Calm. To be in a similar pair of shoes that you've worn, it's given me some semblance to the feelings and experiences you've had when you first released HOAA. It can't entirely be compared - that much I know, but to have made something of this calibur has shown me that the work of an artist of any kind isn't to be taken lightly, and while I too wish there were things I could have done better with my album, it doesn't change the fact that I'm proud to have made it possible regardless, and I have you to thank as one of my pillars of inspiration. And even though we may not have had the same experiences with our projects, one thing I can say is that it's helped me understand enough to have your back even more than I have before. It may be difficult to push out the negative thoughts that came from releasing Resurrection, but once you understand the obstacles in your Pursuit of Hope are meant to guide you to the joy you're seeking, it all comes slightly more naturally. I haven't given up on my own pursuit, so don't give up on yours. Thank you for everything, Will, and I love ya to fuckin bits. Merry Christmas, bud 💚

Now, to all the fans that have kept up with my bullshit for so long (sorry by the way xD ), thank you all for being so supportive and patient with me as I work towards the new year - a lot has been on my mind during this long break, and thankfully I'm pushing ever closer to a brighter end where I can be happy with the things I've enjoyed doing for years. There's a lot to look forward to, and I can't wait to talk about some of it when the Resolution of 2024 rolls in on January 15th. I love you all, and I hope you all enjoy the holiday season leading up to the new year.💙

And finally, I have one last person I'd like to speak to; my love, @aspennightray (Shut up, I know it's gay xDD). Words can't express how happy I am to have you in my life. I know this year has had it's struggles for the both of us, and I know that my dumbassery has caused its fair share of frustration with you in fixing some of those things, but this year has also brought some great memories as well. When we first met face-to-face for MomoCon, it was admittedly weird to continue from there like it was just another Discord call, but if anything, it helped make the transition to our time spent in the following 2 weeks all the more comfortable. I won't beat around the bush, but that was by far the best time of my life in such a long while, and has made me confident enough that you are the one I want to be with. While there's been quite a few potholes making the journey to that point fairly difficult, I still haven't given up yet, and I don't plan to anytime soon. You've done so much for me in the past year we've been together for, and while I know many of them were things I could have done myself or many other friends could have done for me, but I suppose it just has more meaning to me knowing it comes from you, especially with how much it's helped me get off my ass and take care of myself. Despite the tail end of this year feeling a bit off for a multitude of reasons, none of that overshadows the fact that it's been an amazing one, and i can't thank you enough for it. I also can't thank you enough for all you've done to bring my ideas to life - no matter how beautiful they've turned out (and they certainly ARE beautiful <3 ), none of that matters as much as the fact that you made it possible. Sure, they may have been "jobs" at the end of the day, but your fascination, interest, and support for Scarlet Combine has been a core spark in ensuring that I completed it, and that means so much to me. Despite the jokes, bullying, and a few moments of irritation, I know you've always believed in my ability to create this new world of mine, and though it will take a good while before I continue it again, I'm excited for what we'll do with it together. Thank you so much for everything, hon, and I hope this Christmas turns out well for you. Even if it doesn't, know that I'll still be here to help make it just a little bit brighter. I love you so much 💜

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and here's to an even Happier New Year to you all 🎄

[balillee]

okay so a lot of people were talking about euphoria (both positively and negatively) and i decided to give it a watch. quick thoughts on it:

tws for mentions of sexual assault, drugs and nudity

i agree that the nudity is definitely a lot, and what i've found is a lot of fans of euphoria would agree with that statement too. there's a line between 'natural or artistic' nudity in a scene and 'there is a man with his dick out in this scene for the sake of having a man with his dick out in this scene'. like a lot of it is definitely unnecessary. cassie gets it the worst. like sydney sweeney is a gorgeous actress, but i have had ENOUGH of her tits. please for the love of god. one thing i will say though is that the most recent episode (s2e5 as of writing this) is the first episode in a while where it doesn't focus on the sex or the nudity or the romance or that drama and instead it focuses on rue's addiction and her relapse and the episode was actually like really fucking good. the show is incredible when the entire cast is clothed, wow. almost like the euphoria fandom has been agreeing with this sentiment sam levinson.

i also do understand the uncomfort of like, even though these actors are all grown adults, these characters are all teenagers. the story itself is so annoyingly compelling and i end up having to skip a lot of the scenes anyway just because they make me so incredibly uncomfortable. i have a similar issue with sex education on netflix.

the biggest problem i have with the show is mckay. there was a rumour going around that mckay was cut from season 2 because algee smith refused to get the vaccine - that's entirely untrue from what i've seen however, because from my understanding he's complied with all set covid regulations and he wasn't in the script for season 2 anyway. it just sucks because from the getgo (and this is going to have spoilers for season 1 if you were going to watch the show) mckay is built up to be very very uncomfortable with the toxic masculinity that nate presents, like the first time we see mckay, nate is showing him a video tape of cassie having sex with someone and he is visibly uncomfortable and i wondered if they were going the route of overcoming toxic masculinity and helping to shut it down. later on, mckay and cassie start a relationship and i began to wonder if it was going the route of mckay defending cassie in front of nate (bc nate is definitely a very domineering force in any dynamic and he's very pushy and manipulative). then, it gets to the college party where cassie and mckay are hooking up in one of the bedrooms and like five guys burst into the room, rip mckay off of the bed and sexually assault him (i think? it's kind of implied but it's still up in the air) in front of his girlfriend. he's then left crying on the floor, goes to the bathroom, cries in there, and then comes out and has the absolute most depressing sex with cassie ever. i thought this would go somewhere; this could be a turning point for him where the cogs really get going for his character. we get to explore the trauma of that and how it affects him, his relationships, his aspirations as a football player. but no. the storyline ends with barely a mention of what happened to mckay, and instead switches to cassie finding out she's pregnant and getting an abortion, which to me seemed entirely unnecessary. and then they essentially wrote him out of season 2. they created a black male victim of sexual assault, did not address it, diverted the audience's attention to his white girlfriend, and then wrote him out of the show. literally probably the most disgusting thing the show has done. like unless they bring mckay back in season 3 and address it, i can't forgive that. male assault victims don't get talked about enough, and mckay just got Shat On.

i also don't like elliot. like we had a whole holiday special exploring how jules' experiences with cal and nate and the whole tyler thing really damaged how she feels about men and how she's really only interested romantically in women now and this leads back into getting back into a relationship with rue. then, season 2 rolls around and elliot just slots himself in and jules decides to cheat on rue with him. like sure, bisexual characters will always be bisexual characters, but there just doesn't need to be a man coming between a relationship between two wlw. like it's unnecessary. elliot doesn't even really have a character outside of this, either, he's just the guy that rue does drugs with to hide her relapse from jules, and he likes both jules and rue. like he doesn't really have a character. he seems really cool like i feel you could make him compelling but he's just kind of... there.

fezco, lexi, ashtray and ali are the top characters for me. there's not much to say about ashtray because he doesn't get much screentime, but he's definitely a G. fezco too. yeah he deals drugs to kids but i think there's definitely a part of him that gives a shit. he's carrying on his grandma's work to help with her medical bills and even though rue used to just be his customer, fezco's acts of true friendship lie in the fact that he won't be the one to fuel her relapse by giving her more drugs to do. they're family like that. lexi we also don't see much of, but i think she's a lighthearted breath of fresh air in quite a grim show with a lot of drama and she brings a decent amount of comedic relief, and i want to see her relationship with fezco expanded on and FOR FUCKS SAKE I WANT TO SEE HER PLAY. and then ali. if you want to see some good ass television and some brilliant acting, watch the holiday special with rue and ali titled 'trouble don't last always'. it's literally like 45 minutes (i think?) of rue and ali just sat down in a diner having a real ass fucking conversation, addict to addict, and you get to see the characters on a deeper and much more personal level. i think it's the best thing that the show has ever produced.

gia is also up there as one of the better characters - some of her motivations confuse me, (like why the hell would you start smoking weed after watching your sister OD? i'd be scared to death looking at a beer) - but overall her character ties the bennet household up very nicely and she adds a more human quality to rue's family. she's collateral to rue's relapse and we see it in how often she cries and how often she shouts and how often she's scared and hiding away and how often she dissociates. she's brilliantly acted.

the cinematography and the ost is amazing. almost too amazing to the point where some of the show feels a little style over substance, but the aesthetics are incredible nonetheless. bisexual lighting indeed. labrinth did amazing on the score, and the entire ending sequence to s2e4 left me frozen. rue standing alone in her bedroom, hallucinating hugging a father figure that's no longer there. that broke me.

[zirawrites]

Hey I really like your blog! I got quite a few questions from the questionnaire I'd like to ask, you by no means have to answer them all if you don't want to! Questions 2, 4, 5, 8, 10, 13, 20, 24, 26, 27, 29, 31, 43, 47. Hope that's not too much, okay love you bye

FALLOUT OC QUESTIONNAIRE

I’m honestly so glad someone wrote me with questions about my OG/OC Fallout 4 character! I only have one playthrough because I feel like I’m cheating on my character when I make another one. Her name is Zelda Draper (goes by Draper) and she sided with the Railroad. She romanced Cait, MacCready, Hancock, and Gage (though she killed him), but I like to pretend she’s really married to Deacon.

2. Which faction(s) did they join and which did they destroy? Why?

Draper initially joined all the factions, but she ended up choosing the Railroad. After seeing how terrible humanity treated itself after the bombs fell, Draper had little faith in other people. She rather help innocent synths that were a creation of the same species that killed her family than “waste time” building up settlements.

4. Give us a summary of their backstory.

Draper was a double-agent who played both the Railroad and Institute. On one hand, she couldn’t imagine taking down her own son. Shaun was her entire life. She dreamed of building a family with Nate. But after the bombs fell, Draper couldn’t care less about the fate of humanity. She almost wanted the Commonwealth to suffer because of how bitter she was.

She found solace in both the Railroad’s mantra of saving innocent synths and her partner Deacon. The more missions Draper went on with him to help escaped synths, the more she was falling in love with the organization. Draper felt that the synths were being abused in the Institute, so when she found out her son was dying, it solidified her position that the Institute must be stopped before they looked for a new figurehead. She didn’t think the other scientists would give her the Director title without a fight.

5. What’s their full name and does it have a meaning? Do they have any nicknames and how did they get em?

Her name is Zelda Draper, but everyone calls her Draper (or Charmer, of course). Draper comes from an affluent family that avidly enjoyed the gossip surrounding the Fitzgeralds. 

In reality, I found out Codsworth could say Draper and got super pumped. If it hadn’t had been for that aspect of the game, I would have simply called her Zelda. I thought you had to choose a name he could say (I was new to video games, give me a break!).

8. Do they have any medical conditions? Is medicine/ treatment available for them?

Draper is extremely healthy. Though she sometimes struggles with an on-and-off relationship with chems (especially Mentats and Buffout), overall she is perfectly normal.

EDIT: I’m adding this as an extra blurb. Draper is extremely mentally withdrawn. She obviously is suffering from PTSD after the trauma of losing her family and being thrown in to a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Instead of feeling anxiety, Draper is very detached from her emotions. This may be depression, or just a mental break. She actually joined the Children of Atom as a way to filter through her grief and animosity towards the nuclear fallout. She knows the fanatics are full of lies, but it makes her feel better treating the bomb as fate.

10. What do they fear the most?

Losing people who are close to them. Draper used to be warm and outgoing. When she lost Nate and Shaun, she refused to let her mental health slip any further. Draper rarely interacts with her settlers, or even the synths she saves. She keeps to her close companions, figuring if she has less of a chance of being hurt if she only has a handful of people to lose.

13. What Wasteland threat do they fear the most? (ex. Deathclaws, super mutants, raiders)

Draper hates running in to rouge Institute scientists or remnants of the Brotherhood. It reminds of her of the atrocities she’s committed to secure the Railroad’s success. She is also extremely uncomfortable by feral ghouls, especially because they remind her of what just a few more rads could do to Hancock.

20. Do they have any hobbies? What are they?

Draper loves collecting things from her travels. She has an entire shelf dedicated to trinkets. Among those are toy collectibles of different General Atomics robots and gifts her companions give her. MacCready’s wooden soldier sits proudly in the middle.

She also keeps a lot of clothing from her enemies. After freeing the slaves from Nuka World, Draper brought back all different sorts of garbs. For weeks all of Sanctuary was dressed as raiders. Preston didn’t appreciate the particularly pink and colorful outfit she saved just for him from The Pack.

24. Do they express their emotions freely or hide their true feelings?

She is stone fucking cold. The only emotion Draper lets you know she is feeling is annoyance. If she’s upset, Draper usually gets sarcastic. When she knows she’ll feel particularly upset about a certain mission, she wears duplicates of Deacon’s sunglasses. Draper raided the entire Institute wearing aviators so Shaun wouldn’t see her cry.

26. How do they come off to others? What first impression do they usually make?

Draper is a woman of many trades. It’s extremely hard to read how she’s feeling, especially because she’s always wearing shades and long, dark clothing. If you meet her through the Railroad (people like escaped synths or new agents), she is actually friendly. Draper tries to put her allies at ease, and doesn’t mind asking you about yourself.

If you meet Draper as regular Commonwealth folk, she is more reserved. She won’t be outright rude to you, but Draper likes to make sure you know she’s the most fearsome in the room. She’ll usually let her companion do most of the talking.

27. Do they prefer to travel alone or with company? Who have they traveled with if any? Current companion if any?

Surprisingly, Draper rarely travels alone. She has no problem being by herself, but bring along friends makes the time pass a little quicker. If she is visiting settlements or doing any positive work, Draper brings Nick or Hancock. Both of them are quick enough to keep the conversation interesting, and appreciate her helping other settlers.

In most other cases, Draper brings along Deacon or Cait. Her choices most align with causing a little trouble and not always doing the right thing. Neither of them seem to mind.

29. What do they find most attractive in others? Name at least one psychological and physical trait. (doesn’t have to be romantic attraction)

The best way to catch Draper’s attention is to have a sense of humor. She tends to be cynical, and anyone even more dramatic would bring both of them down. Quick wit and sarcasm will always catch her attention and gain her admiration.

Draper isn’t too picky about physical traits. However, she’ll never turn down a warm smile or bright eyes. It’s more about how confident you present yourself versus what you aesthetically look like.

31. What’s their love life like? Are they interested in anyone or in a relationship?

Draper had been in several relationships with companions before marrying Deacon. She was first involved with MacCready and even exchanged Nate’s wedding ring for his wooden soldier. Additionally, Draper wears his hat everywhere she goes. I mean, it’s a pretty great hat. She eventually had a fling with Hancock because their sense of humor is the most similar. He also didn’t judge her for her occasional stint with chems. Draper was briefly involved with Gage before destroying Nuka World. Luckily she didn’t physically kill him, it was Curie who shot him when he became hostile. Probably to spare her anguish.

Draper’s only bisexual experience has been with Cait. She had never been involved with women before the war, and hasn’t been with another woman since (though Piper often makes constant advances… I haven’t shut down her final affinity speech yet). It was only after securing Nuka World and going on a few more missions with Deacon that Draper realized she was in love with him.

43. What weapon(s) do they always carry with them?

Draper has heavily modified the Deliverer that Deacon gave her on their first mission together. She rarely uses it, but it’s always a sweet memento and she feels like he is with her when they’re apart. 

Draper also always has some kind of radiation gun from the Children of Atom. Since joining the cult, it just feels natural to have something like that if she ever runs in to her brethren. 

47. What’s their favorite radio station and song? (post-apocalypse)

You can’t beat the classics in Diamond City. She usually listens to “It’s All Over But The Crying” because that was the first song that played when she left the vault. It makes her think of her first day in the Commonwealth when she seemed to be the only one mourning an event that happened 200 years ago.