#......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that

[lucyvaleheart]

.

[supermarketbae]

Heyyy, I just found you and followed❤️ could I request a billy Hargrove x reader where they argue one night and so she goes and stays the night with Eddie and somehow billy finds out where she’s at and shows up in the middle of the night and is like fuck no she’s mine and then him and Eddie argue over her and whatever else you wanna add and end how you want ofc I’m just a sucker for jealous/ angry billy

Omgg!! Hello lovelyyyy! I appreciate the follow!! thanks so much for requesting!

anddddd i made a tiny ittyyy bitty tweak to this because I felt like a little bit of angst today (sorry in advance)

warnings: Jealous!Billy, billy thinks reader is cheating, yelling, slight* panic attack for Billy (idk not really but), fluff, angst, hurt comfort :)

Some Things, Will Never Change.

You were dreaming. You just had to be. In no universe would Billy just accuse you of cheating so blatantly. You thought you had gained his trust, but apparently, old habits die hard. "I can't believe you." Billy seethes pacing in the kitchen slamming the refrigerator door open. You winced, annoyed at the noise that echoed through the dim house, When you had got home from your summer job at the arcade, You decided to pay Billy a visit. You were starting to regret that decision. "Believe what." You spit out starting to get angry at the haughty tone he was using towards you. "You playing around." Billy says eyes narrowed. "Don't think I haven't seen you flirting with that FREAK Munson." Billy growls, throwing his soda can on the table. You sigh as it bursts, eyes following the trail of carmel liquid to the floor. "I wasn't flirting Billy, He came in searching for Max and her friends, he couldn't find them so he asked me." You grit.

"You know, asking like a sensible adult. Like you should be about this situation." You say eerily calm. Billy's anger lights up like a firework at the insult. "fuck off," he growls again. "Maybe if ya didn't parade yourself around I wouldn't have to worry." Your eyes widen at his vulgar sentence. "Shut up." Your mouth hangs open "William Hargrove, don't you dare act like you don't flirt with every single fucking girl in our fucking school. AND don't you fucking dare act like I don't fucking tolerate your dumbass shit." Your screaming now. Not one to back down from mistreatment from anyone, even your boyfriend. "Then for shit's sake leave if you don't like it!" Billy shouts at you seeing nothing but red. "Don't let the door hit you in your fucking ass on the way out either!" He roars as you grab your purse and slam the door hard on the way out.

Your tearing up slightly as you get in your car. Who knows how many miles above the speed limit your driving, but your route takes you to one of your closest friend's home, who also happens to be the cause of the argument... Eddie. Knocking on his trailer door you hear a drowsy "It's open" rouse from beyond the door. Eddie's honeyed eyes light up as you drag yourself in, but quickly dim noticing you're crying. "oh my god, sweetheart what's wrong?" you sniffle louder as he calls you the pet name Billy usually does. As he pulls you into his arms, you are reminded of how Billy's frame feels wrapped around yours, and you start bawling. The whole shebang. Complete waterworks in Eddie's arms while he tries to comfort you. "Billy-mfg-Billy hates m-me" You hiccup out.

Eddie smiles bitterly. "oh honey..." Eddie trails off not knowing what to say. "Can I just... stay here." You cut off his pitiful comfort attempt quickly, feeling like a burden already. Eddie fumbles on his words, scratching his head awkwardly as he nods "Shit-of course-uh-hell-I don't really have an extra bed or anything but I can uhm- sleep on the couch... yeah." You laugh softly at his ramble. "I'm not a princess Eddie," you sigh, "I can sleep on the couch it's fine, truly." you continue as you see a look of protest on his face. He shakes his head "I'm trying to be a gentleman here excuse you." Eddie grins boyishly, and you don't know why. It could be nerves. It could be the emotional buildup from tonight. But your heart leaps. swoons even. And with a sickening resolve, you realize Billy's argument had, unfortunately, made valid sense. However, shaking your head at the thought, you let Eddie drag you towards his room to pick out a movie to watch.

Eddie's company had proven beneficial to your mood. A mere hour into the movie and your mind was elsewhere, far away from the argument you had with Billy as you two joked about last school year, munching on various health deleterious snacks that were found in Eddie's fridge. "And then she had the AUDACITY to call me 'late for class' and told me that I had to retake the whole course!" Eddie yells in indignation as you clutch your sides from laughter. "You chose to come in through the window Eddie, what was she gonna do? tip her hat and say 'pip pip cheerio' while she was teaching about the American revolution?" You cackle as Eddie slumps back on the couch snickering. Your laughter cuts short as you hear the roar of an engine.

Billy's camaro.

You panic. How could you not. Here you were with the exact boy who had caused the argument. And you knew how Billy would react to such a turn of events. To put it lightly, violence would be involved. Before you can voice your fears however, Eddie's front door slams open. You try to scream as Billy in an angered blur hurls past you and starts throwing punches, tackling Eddie, who is cussing, to the floor. "STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HER YOU SON OF A BIT-" Billy is cut of when Eddie lands a hard punch to his gut, grimacing as he wipes his bloodied nose. "Dude!" Eddie barks "You're so full of it you don't even know what SHE'S FEELING!" Eddie spins on you pointing trying to reason with him. "I don't even want her like that man. She's your girlfriend dude so how 'bout you BLOODY listen to her feelings maybe then she wouldn't come to me dipshit!" Eddie swears once more as Billy charges at him "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he roars as he takes a winding swing. A sickening crack issues and Eddie falls to the floor holding his nose "Fucking shit Hargrove," Eddie pants from the ground.

You realize your crying when a sob lurches out of you. Hot, thick tears streaming down your face. God how you wished to be anywhere else in the world. far far far away. It's enough to take Billy out of his angered trance, as your breathing comes out in short pants. "leave him alone Billy. I'll come back with you. Hell I don't care, just stop hurting him." you say quietly turning to the door sighing. It hurt really. So much that you couldn't feel as you lurched your way to the car. As you opened the door to leave, you glance back at Billy who's staring wide eyed, almost a look of sickened fear on his face. His usual sun kissed complexion looked paled, and gaunt. "You don't deserve her Hargrove." Eddie's gravelly voice is the last thing you hear before you shut the door behind you and drive back to Billy's house.

You don't look to see If he follows you.

It's late. You knew that for sure. The sun didn't even seem to have set before you were engulfed in a night that matched your feelings. The rain was howling outside as you sat at the lamp lit table in a witchy town you wanted desperately to forget about. The only thing that was making noise in the house was the clock. The dull ticking was a comfort. A reminder to you that some things will never change.

A comfort. you remind yourself closing your eyes. Heaving in a breath you didn't know you were holding.

tick. tick. tick. tick.

It was those four seconds you would remember till the end times.

Those four seconds in which Billy came into the room, looked you in the eyes and then crumbled. Simply melted to the ground, back against the fridge. "I'm so sorry." he said simply. You show no sign of emotion as you are unchanging, and to be frank, unflattered.

As you stiffen.

he notices.

He takes into account that your usual happy, touchy, aura is gone. He realizes he's the one that caused this. He realizes that he could lose one of the only things he's loved. He realizes you could hate him. He realizes you probably do hate him. He realizes he might never feel truly loved again. He realizes that he will never love like this again. He realizes you have been one of the only people to truly care about him. He realizes he has told you his deepest secrets. He realizes how blank your usually love filled stare is. He realizes he hates himself for this. He realizes that it feels like his heart is being ripped out.

The last thing Billy realizes is that he's sobbing.

Crying harder than he's ever cried before. Crying so hard he's shaking. He can't breathe. Why would he want to anyway. Everything hurts. It hurts so so so so bad. He would rather suffocate than lose you. He's hiccuping and thinking of every single time he's done something wrong. It only worsens as he feels your hand rub on his back as you kiss his hair "Your okay my love, it's okay... you need to breathe for me darling... deep breaths." a hard shiver racks his body at your words.

"my love" you had said.

Billy doesn't believe you still love him.

"Please-I" Billy can't get the words out as his throat closes up, hoarse with pain and emotion. The pain increases as you pull him into your chest and he inhales your scent. It feels foreign and familiar all at once.

It feels foreign because he knows he might have to let you go.

"I-I- Don't deserve you- just- I'msorryI'msorry- I hate me so MUCH." Billy sobs into your chest. He flinches as he feels a tear run down his cheek. He's oh so vulnerable. Billy whimpers pathetically into your chest. He doesn't hear the sweet nothings you coo to him as you yourself let tears flow. He's broken. you both know it. There's nothing you can do about it except try to fix the boy in front of you.

And you are.

You're trying so hard to fit the puzzle pieces back together. Billy's breathing evens out as he notices he's not the one shaking anymore. It's you who is rocking him gently in your arms. His eyes flutter as your nails scratch gently at his scalp. "You deserve love Billy." his eyes roll slightly as he hears your honeyed voice. Your voice was addictive, he thought as the thoughts whirring in his brain start to slow. Billy is focusing on the steady beat of your heart. "Let me love you." Your sweet sensual drawl is back. Billy grimaces. Cringing at how much he feels for you right now. "You still love me?" His gravelly even voice startles you. It's deep, milky, and stoic. You would've never guessed he had even cried. "Always." You say pulling him closer to you.

"Forever." You ghost into the quiet room. A small whine graces Billy's parted lips at your words. You made him feel so good. "I love you." comes the deep reply. Billy is looking up at you. Icy darkened eyes concealed by his hooded eyelids. Your mind reels, you think you've forgotten how to breathe. You'd never get used to hearing that from him. It made your heart swell every time he would say it. every. single. time.

"I love you too." you say it full of meaning. It's like a promise. A promise to hold him for as long as he needs. A promise to be there when no one else is. A promise to simply love him. You don't think you could want to promise something more than this.

A calm, needed silence enters the room, as Billy tilts up his head to kiss you. You sigh into the kiss, wanting to get drunk on the feeling of his body against yours. The last thing you allow yourself to think about before you give in to the godly pleasure of Billy, Is the clock.

tick.tick.tick.tick.

Some things, will never change.

And you hoped to God, your love was one of them.

-----

a/n: IM SOSOSOOSOOSOSO sorry it took this long. first i had a performance to end my acting classes out and after that i had to take a mental health break. I really hope you enjoy!! thank you so much for requesting and reading my love <3

[bokutobabes]

PAQUI ONE CHIP CHALLENGE WITH HAIKYUU MSBY BOYS

Haikyuu Atsumu, Bokuto, Hinata, Sakusa X gn!reader

MIYA ATSUMU

He's the shit who started this whole thing I just fucking know

Enthusiastically showing the video of people doing the one chip challenge on youtube

And ofc he's dragging the team to do it

Actually chickens out when he sees the black chip but his ego is too big lol

Shoves the whole thing in his mouth

He honestly doesn't look like he can handle spice well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk

Teary eyes and nose in an instant, he's sniffing so hard like staph! you're gonna get a nose bleed

"Wha- this is nothing, n-not spicy at all.."

Like everyone can see that he's lying

You've warned him about this before cos you KNOW this man couldn't handle the spice he can't even handle his samyang

But you still felt bad for him cos your best boyfriend Atsumu is suffering DUH

Barely made it out alive lol (◔‿◔)

He's 6/10 bcos it's entertaining to watch him but he's snotting everywhere and bonus because he survived the one chip challenge ✅

BOKUTO KOUTARO

So invested in what Atsumu is showing uh-oh someone save him pls

He shaking in excitement ㅠㅠ he's so cute and was really confident he could make it through

Wanted to be recorded too, so you'll willingly be his personal 'cameraman'

Gasped when he saw the black chip and snorts on the seasoning on top lol

Didn't eat the whole chip bcos he's suddenly unsure of himself and thank goodness he didn't eat the whole thing

Man is full on bawling after 15 seconds

"Y/N!! Y/N!! HELP ME I'M DYINGG!!"

SCREAMS at Atsumu for making him eat this horrible chip

You honestly can't stand watching Bokuto like this and scramble to get some milk or ice cream to soothe him "HE NEEDS SUM MILK" sry

Bokuto eating ice cream while crying

Yea no, you're not letting Atsumu drag your precious boyfriend to do shit like this again

3/10 you hate to see Bokuto suffer cos he's so precious and didn't deserved that 😭 Yea he did not survived the chip challenge ❎

HINATA SHOUYOU

Another curious cat 😸 and ofc he's gonna go with whatever Atsumu said

Bokuto 🤝🏻 Hinata (innocently getting dragged in Atsumu's stupid plan)

HE LOVES CHALLENGES like have you seen him in the anime hshshshhs

Was weirded out by the chip?? Like why is it black?? What flavour is this??

Also shoves the full chip in his mouth bcos ofc he loves food (˘⌣˘)

He was so quiet while munching that you were starting to get worried 😫

THIS BABY IS SWEATING BUCKETS like he had played a full tournament

Trying to control his mind that "He can handle this and kageyama could never"

You were at his side looking so worried bcos HINATA MY LOVE, BREATHE FFS!!

His face is the colour of his hair already

*Starts nudging a popsicle in his way because you don't want him to faint lol*

7/10 he did good 👍🏻 he stayed calm (let's ignore the fact that he made you worried) and survived the one chip challenge ✅

Please treat him to a nice desserts shop because he deserves it 🥺

SAKUSA KIYOOMI

UNINTERESTED 👀

Nah cos he's actually intrigued by the chip 'is it that spicy?'

But he's actually so done by Atsumu's shit that he don't wanna be involved

Jokes on him HAH! Did he think that Atsumu is gonna let him escape? NEVER!!

Grimace when he sees the chip like 'Dafawk is that??' ಠ﹏ಠ

Only took a nibble cos he doesn't trust that shit

His whole face immediately turns RED 🍅 cos ykyk he's got a pretty pale skin

"Omi, are you okayy??" "Shut up Y/N." He mumbles in tiny cos DAYUMNN THAT SHIT IS BURNING HIS THROAT

You could practically see smoke coming out of Sakusa that you decided to hand him a bottle of milk (~￣³￣)~🥛

Believe me when I said that Sakusa is thanking youu ��🏻 cos you look like an angel trynna save his life.

Might honestly be his breaking point with Atsumu's plan lol he's scowling as he's trynna soothe the spiciness ಠ_ಠ

1/10 He looks so angry and annoyed he actually is at what Atsumu had put him into lol He also didn't survive the one chip challenge ❎

[kimabutch]

I'm so sorry if you've gotten a similar question but just out of curiosity: What are your favorite things about each of the M9? (It can be just the first thing to come to mind, I just really like hearing your takes on them)

Oh thank you, that’s such a compliment!! Ok, going in alphabetical order (and excluding Molly not because I don’t love him, but because I feel like I don’t have a great handle on his personality anymore):

Beau:

Oh god I love her so much, it’s hard to even know where to begin! Maybe with the fact that Marisha might have my favourite sense of humour of all the cast. Beau makes me burst out in laughter at least once per episode. 

I love her strong instincts to help others — it’s been there from the beginning, with her attempts to stop the circus people from getting arrested, or her tucking in Jester. I feel like her decision to be a better person was a turning point not so much in her care for others, but in how much she admitted that to herself.

That being said, she’s tried so hard to keep that promise to herself, and to keep being better. She tries so hard to be more social. She tries so hard to treat her friends with tenderness that’s never been shown to her. She tries to hard to be an expositor, and to be patient, and to investigate shit. She tries so hard not to lie, and to be more emotionally vulnerable. And she’s succeeding! I’m so proud of her. 

I love that she’s a gnc lesbian, and that this is a big part of her story, and important. I literally cannot tell you how much it means to me that she’s a lesbian. 

Caduceus

Cad has been such a calming, loving presence in the show since his arrival in e28, but most of all I love his cracks — the times when he’s not as “good” as he first appears.

I love that he’s so incredibly judgmental, and has such strong opinions even though he initially appears quite humble and mild. It’s such a cool character choice, and 100% makes sense.

He also genuinely has no idea what he’s doing so much of the time, and I think that’s very cool and relatable of him. 

I really respect how much Taliesin has developed him since his initial creation. Tal has talked a bunch about how much lore he’s made for Cad since that one weekend where he created him, and I think it really shows in the way he’s played him. Having caught up about 5 episodes after he was introduced, I feel like I’ve gotten the chance to watch him being fleshed out in real time. 

Caleb:

Liam has said this too, but I love how even though Caleb is a serious, tragic character in many ways, he can be as much the source of gags as anyone else. He’s hilarious, and you can see his sense of humour shining through even when Caleb is trying his best not to show it.

I like that his story is one of healing. Not necessarily clear, linear healing, but gradual, realistic progress. Even if he “breaks” again — and he might — there have been times when he’s laughed with friends, times where he’s gone a little easier on himself, and times when he’s let other people help. There’s no taking that away, no matter what happens later. 

Despite the last two bullet points, I’ll admit that part of the reason I started listening to CR was for the angst, and boy has he delivered. Sometimes you need sad characters, y’know?

But beyond angst, I’m so glad Liam is playing Caleb with a sensitivity to how trauma works and consideration of real-life mental illness. I don’t relate to Caleb’s story, but I see parts of my own mental illness experiences in him, portrayed in a genuinely thoughtful way. 

Fjord:

Ok so I relate a lot to Fjord and it’s very difficult for me to talk about him without talking about myself 

With that being said: I appreciate that as a character, a lot of his issues stem from him being bullied as a kid. I’ve said it before, but it really helps me when I feel ashamed of being so affected by childhood bullying

I love that he’s simultaneously charismatic/smooth and nervous/awkward, and somehow those two things are both believable and don’t negate each other at all. He can be a bit of a disaster of a person, and yet people will believe what he says. 

I fucking adore warlocks. The first character I ever played was a warlock and they’ll probably always be my #1 spellcasting class.

Jester:

I love how dedicated Laura is with her Jester pranks. Both how she roleplays them even when there might be serious consequences because that’s what Jester would do, but also how they can turn into really cool moments that drive Jester’s character arc forward — from her Bahamut prank to “get out of my temple!”

Every time she cries or is sad, I feel my soul trying to leave my body and enter Exandria through my screen so that I can give her a hug. Laura plays the chinks in Jester’s well-crafted happy armour so well.

Combat clerics are so, so much fun, and so is the entire concept of the Traveler, and Jester’s relationship to him. It’s really different than a lot of clerics I’ve seen. 

Out of all the characters, I am maybe most interested in finding out where Jester’s character development is going. I feel like there’s still a giant dam to break, and I don’t now how it will happen or what it will look like. I think she’s already changed so much in how she thinks about the world and relates to others, but it’s clear that she’s not yet at peace. 

Nott:

It took me a solid dozen episodes to warm up to her voice and now it’s one of my favourite parts of campaign 2. Particularly when she screams. 

Ditto what I said about Fjord and childhood bullying — her backstory is so important to me. Also ditto what I said about Caleb and mental illness: Sam has clearly given a lot of thought to how trauma has shaped Nott, and I’m so glad that her journey through mental illness isn’t straightforward. 

Like with Jester, I find her to be a very cool take on her class, as a rogue who’s terrified to take the lead and who, despite her sneakiness, is among the most willing to use her own body as a distraction to save her friends. I also love the trope-defying fact that she’s a mom. 

I love that she has all of 5 CHA and tells the worst lies, but pulled a lying long con for 49 episodes, both on the M9 and on viewers�� but somehow, it still felt realistic that she’d be able to pull that off, because Nott’s deception wasn’t based so much in outright lies about her backstory (she definitely did lie, but many of the lies contradicted each other or fell apart on close examination), but on evasion, her speciality as a rogue. 

Yasha:

She’s soft! She’s so soft! She’s tender and quiet and loves the beautiful things in life, and for me it’s not just about the contrast between her toughness and her softness (although I do appreciate that, especially as someone who’s been told they’re intimidating, both online and irl), but also about how genuine it is: you can feel it in the way she talks and how Ashley moves when she plays her. 

She is awkward as hell, and it’s so good. Yasha’s dialogue, both with NPCs and with other PCs, is consistently some of the funniest stuff in the show. Ashley really lets that 7 CHA, 9 WIS shine through in all its glory. 

I think her backstory reveal was the first time I bawled while watching CR, but it was fun because of the rising anticipation as she revealed that she’s a wlw. 

Her rage is so interesting! Every barbarian so far in the show (Grog, Lionel, Yasha) has played rage slightly differently, and I appreciate them all — but I think there’s something special about how rage is so clearly emotionally fraught for Yasha. I hope and believe that they’ll explore this more after she’s saved from Obann. 

[hellreads]

For anyone who saw this, i urge u to read Right of Way. Okay io, my heart. First, as a jk stan, i feel like a several punches hit me from every direction. I'm the kind of reader who easily immersed into the character especially w the pronoun 'you' i feel like someone is reading me a story of my life, so yes i am bawling, usually it took me a few fluff or smut fic to simmer down the emotion but not this one. I went to bed with swollen eyes. I couldn't read a shit after that.

I will put all my answers under the cut because this is RoW and my emotions for this fic has no end T_T | 🍒

❤️ Rara | 🍒 Io (I decided to answer it as if we’re just chatting and not hurting rip our weak hearts for RoW Jimin, Jungkook, and OC)

[AN EXCHANGE FULL OF SPOILERS]

❤️ : For anyone who saw this, I urge u to read Right of Way. Okay io, my heart. First, as a jk stan, i feel like a several punches hit me from every direction. I’m the kind of reader who easily immersed into the character especially w the pronoun ‘you’ i feel like someone is reading me a story of my life, so yes i am bawling, usually it took me a few fluff or smut fic to simmer down the emotion but not this one. I went to bed with swollen eyes. I couldn’t read a shit after that.

🍒 : Rara, I feel you!!! I am the type of reader who hardcore immerses herself even if the main character gets killed or is a ghost because the best way for me to relate and feel everything to the core is to immerse, I can never read something as an outsider, okay maybe there’s a few I started out as an outsider but eventually caved in (even named OC fics lol, it’s fun to be someone else), sorry to break it to you but NO FIC CAN EVER HEAL THE DAMAGE RIGHT OF WAY HAS DONE TO YOU, NO FIC CAN MAKE YOU FORGET OF THE EVENTS, THE MISTAKES, THE REGRETS, THE PENANCE, THE ACCEPTANCE, THE WEIGHT THIS FIC WILL HAVE ON YOU IS TOO HEAVY YOU NEED A SUPPORT/SUFFER GROUP. 

ONCE YOU READ RoW YOUR HEART WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

❤️ : RoW jk is childish, to me. But maybe he is just naive or confused. For him to fall for oc but still care about sohee is kind of dick move to me, but someone once told me “we cannot choose who fall in love with, and we certainly cannot choose how it will happen either”. That’s their fates. I’m pretty satisfied w the ending bcs there’s no bad person in this story, just bad decisions. What saddens me is, it seems like only OC who pays the price.

🍒 : That is true that he seems like a childish one but isn’t that the beauty of being a child? loving without limits, with all your heart? no hesitations, just trusting that love will be kind, good, untainted even, he saw something in OC that’s why he opened up himself to her and fell for her even if we cannot fully understand the set-up they agreed to have, I hated him for staying with Sohee, I could never understand that part but then again have you seen how feral Sohee was for Jungkook? the girl would kill for the boy, she snaked her way to get him and she’d do anything for history to not repeat itself, but the gods said fuck you Sohee we’ll let the boy stray, he cheated once, he’ll cheat again, what makes you think you’re special hun? you’re right nobody is a bad person here since they’re all humans, something led them to commit the sins they’ve done in this lifetime…

Sohee’s Fault was stealing Jungkook from Seulgi, she was head over heels for him she didn’t think twice, she just wanted to get him at all costs even if it means karma will find her sooner or later, she lusted after him and eventually loved him so there’s no way she was letting go, hence, she carefully planned everything so she gets pregnant with his baby, sick right? but the reality is she’s not the only one who did this thing to their partner, she just didn’t fucking care as long as she keeps Jungkook.

Jimin’s Fault was trusting and loving OC too much he shrugged every sign of her infidelity under the rug, what a libra thing to do Jimin (I am a Libra and I can attest to this Libra trait especially when in love) he was too blinded by love that he gave her every benefit of the doubt whenever she skips dates, goes home late, always tired, even asking to be fucked dog style, sigh, he lost the love of his life to his best friend (well he lost his loves twice to the same boy) she was nothing but an empty shell pre-programmed to respond to him like a lover would and that fucking hurt, I think among the four characters here he received the most damage cluelessly, what a poor loving soul, my heart shattered for him, he only wanted to give her the world but she decided to run to a different planet.

Jungkook’s Fault was being weak and not opening himself up to Sohee, if he only opened up to her the way he did to OC then this wouldn’t have happened,  she’s always been there but something is still missing but he should’ve talked things with her instead of finding solace in the arms of OC, because of the secret class they shared they had to write something together which I think could’ve been written minus their drunken state but whoops this is their fate, maybe in another universe they belonged together and they’re trying it as well in this one? (coherence fucked up my mind so I keep thinking of alternate universes) also, Jungkook did nothing to stop the sins they’re doing, he’s into deep inside her in every sense and there was no going back, he was willing to ruin relationships and friendships but fate was cruel, he only had a taste of his euphoria before everything came crashing down.

OC’s Fault was thinking she was strong enough to fight her strong feelings and urges, she thought she was not capable of doing such thing, she wasn’t a bad person, maybe the stable relationship really got to her (long-term relationships can get boring and it isn’t pretty) and having a taste of something or someone new is titillating, also, it wouldn’t be bad right? because it’s the worst, just like Jungkook she gave in to lust, god their sexual chemistry and actual chemistry off-sex is something every lover should have except they aren’t lovers but sinners trying to milk each other everything they got before the world reveals their secrets, she knew it was wrong but she always kept coming back for more, as much as she tried to stay away and forget about everything she keeps spiraling down with Jungkook, it was no longer a mistake but a choice. ultimately, she had to pay the price because that was her predicament, she got the short end of the stick, everything was ruined for her, her relationship with Jimin, Sohee, and Jungkook.

❤️ : If i could wish for a different ending i would say a happy ending but that is unreal. I would want oc to end up w jk, sohee didnt ended up pregnant. (Thats the thing isn’t it, when u’re pregnant u’re bound for life, for the sake of the child). Maybe oc can end up w jimin, she will live her whole life as jimin wife and also as a liar. Point is, the ending is “this is bound to happen, someone have to take the bullet” n i think it’s necessary rather than satisfying,

🍒 : You’re absolutely right about somebody taking the bullet and that’s obviously OC, this is why it fucking hurts, you know for a fact that she didn’t do all of this on her own, it’s not like she forcefully had her way with Jungkook, I’m just so appalled because he was a fuckboy and suddenly lost all knowledge and imagination on this exact position “It’s actually pretty shimple… The girl is straddling the guy, her back facing him while her face is turned to the side so he can kiss her.” imo, he tricked her by playing dumb, maybe it’s true they’re tipsy but he constantly bugged OC after which means he remembers everything they’ve done that one sinful night…

~ the first ending I hoped for was Jimin and OC getting back together, I prayed so hard that he’ll have the heart to forgive and take her back but this the reality of cheating and getting cheated on, no matter how much you try to mend and put the pieces back together it will never fit perfectly again, edges now cracked and torn there’s no way their perfect relationship will ever be the same, as one of my favorite songs said “with each passing day the pain still stays the same” no matter how hard Jimin tries, his trust and love for her will never be the same, he will always doubt her and be reminded of her infidelity, it will not be a pleasant ride for them so it’s better that they didn’t end up being together because even if time heals all wounds the scar she gave him will always hurt like a salted fucking open wound.

~ the second one I hoped for was that Jungkook gives up everything even if Sohee was pregnant, this is brutal I know but if he truly loved OC he would keep his promise and be with her, with or without a child growing inside his girlfriend because it’ll never be the same for them but unlike Jimin, Sohee was willing to try and forget because he loves Jungkook too much, I applaud her for trying but I believe she will never be truly happy, she will be constantly reminded of stealing Jungkook from Seulgi, forcing their child into this world as a trap to keep him, and the devastating fact that Jungkook was willing to give everything up for OC, and that for a short period of time he loved her like the world was about to end, and end it did, Sohee won in this lifetime, suffering is a small price to pay to be with Jungkook ig, they can try but reality will come checking up on them once in a while and it won’t be fun, their relationship is damaged but for Hikaru their innocent angel they will try. 

~ the last and ultimate ending I prayed for was OC ending up alone, another savage wish because I love suffering, but this was the only way for her heart to be free from all the pain and guilt, she suffered long enough by keeping secrets and coming back to Jungkook’s arms, she wasn’t a bad person, she was just weak and lost the battle in holding tightly onto her morals because love is something you can’t run away from, yes, I believe that she and Jungkook fell in love it was evident in the incriminating poem he made her “the tiny islands of your birthmark leading me to your center like a happy trail” he paid attention to every part of her and you don’t do that to a random fuck, it was hard not to love the pair despite the sins they’ve done because fuck I’m crying again, my chest now heaving from too much pain ugh, they were perfect (these lines should’ve been on my second ending but whatever I’ll get to my point) if only Jimin and Sohee didn’t exist or sure let them join the picture except they’re just random friends, but they’re not, and that’s why it sucks that she had to endure all of this losing a lover, losing a friend, and losing a soulmate (because fuck the way Jungkook loved her screams soulmate to me except he’s tied to another T_T)

❤️ : My favorite moment would be when jimin found the poems, man it went down like I’m falling from a cliff straight into the coldest sea on earth. U know when u ride a rollercoaster, on the falling part, u feel like ur heart is at ur throat? That how i feel as jimin reads the poem. Now imagine being jimin. Imagine being cheated on in the worst way anyone could possibly imagine. He was ready to propose to oc, jk is his bff, she fucked jk while he was away, on the couch next to their photo…

🍒 : RARA, I FELT THAT, I RECENTLY VISITED A FAMOUS THEME PARK AND FUCK THE ROLLERCOASTER RIDE THERE TOOK MY SOUL, ALL I SHOUTED OUT WAS LOOOOOORRRRRRDDDDD AND I DIED ~ anyway, that poem part fucked me up, I was literally bawling my eyes out, I have been cheated on but if I happened to discover the affair the way Jimin did I would die, when I discovered my boyfriend of almost 8 years cheated on me my heart froze, literally fucking freezing cold and not a single tear dropped that day, the following days were hellish, that’s when I wanted to cry and release all my pain but still no tears (I knew it was coming I guess) ~ this is why the length of a relationship doesn’t really matter because it’s never an assurance that your partner will be faithful to you, maybe things got boring okay I admit to that but what I can never understand is, why stay and cheat and hurt your partner if you’re no longer happy.

no one owns anybody nor is anyone entitled to own anybody or have them as a back-up in case your mission to cheat or flirt fails, that is just fucking sick.

❤️ : I love it that I major in literature study, bcs i can keep my mind sane instead of just blaming myself (oc), i see it from each characters’ pov and god, the author deserves a standing ovation. This is so many asks hehe, i feel like i still have a lot to say but I couldn’t think straight right now, too clouded by the angst smoke, hehe p:s i love u more!

🍒 : ohhh that’s an interesting fact, my major and my profession has nothing to do with literature or anything, in fact, people who studied my major probs hate English ghasdjfghjdsagfhjsadgfjksd, I’m just used to seeing both sides of the story and trying to understand why they are like that, did something happen to them to end up in the situation they’re in? what is missing in their lives? what are they craving for? what tipped off the balance? nobody wanted to be in the predicament they’re in, Sohee, Jimin, Jungkook, and OC were victims of time and circumstance, just because things didn’t turn out the way you want them to doesn’t mean life or fate or destiny is cruel, this is the nature and balance of this universe, if they give everything to us freely even if we tried taking it in the most inappropriate or evil way there would be nothing but chaos, I just hope that somewhere out there our girl OC is happy and having the time of her life, I’m no longer wishing for Jimin to come back, I just want all of them to heal and learn from their experience, it’s sad and painful but they were just never meant to be, Jimin nor Jungkook was never meant for OC, OC wherever you are my love, I hope you’ve healed and loved yourself well and put back the pieces of your broken self together, love will find you and it will be beautiful.

[wordsnwhiskey]

I said if I cried, oh well and here we are!!!! Danni, it is absolutely amazing the way you wrap your readers in the feelings, the emotions, thoughts and behaviors of your characters and make us feel with them. This chapter was so, so good and I can't wait for the next!

The bit about Flor calling and realizing his phone is disconnected hurt especially since I'm assuming it's because he quit, they're practically almost star-crossed at this point.

When she starts to blink away her tears? Yep here's where my eyes got a bit misty too.

YES IT IS DESERVED but dammit I see we're not getting there yet and that's ok because we will but babies...I love them so much, they're just so star-crossed.

I can taste how much Flor despises this, I would too. In these paragraphs you captured that intensely frustrating experience so well of being surrounded by a bunch of white men who haven't a clue of what it was like down there trying to say how she failed. Fuck them.

Fuck this is just so beautiful? I could see those raindrops hitting and the pawn on a messy chessboard metaphor? Just amazing. And then you followed it up with the mocking of the freshly bathed threes? WHAT AN IMAGE. Combining this with your playlist? (GOD RIVER ROAD WITH THIS PASSAGE!) God I'm fucking bawling.

Mi preciosa esposa, I love the way you play with fire with your words. You manage to capture how these two can burn in their passion for each other and the things they believe in but also how it can burn them to a crisp, leaving them husks of ash. I absolutely love this and damn if "making you inhale the fumes of your carbonized self" isn't one of the more visceral things I've read.

OH MY GOSH THE SYMBOLISM HERE. Bless you, just fjdkaljfdla te amo, te adoro.

I started crying again when she went back to her old apartment and it smelled like him still

The part where she thinks back about how she left for Washington with her lip between her teeth and her heart between her feet? Beautiful. I felt this, could see it, understood the feeling.

HIM TELLING THE TEAM THAT FLOR HAD BEEN TRANSFERRED!

Annnnd here I started bawling again because Javi, Javi still looking out for you and for the team. Flor thinking she doesn't deserve him even more because of it? fdajfdla;jfdl;as

I'm pretty sure here is where my heart got ripped out of my chest because even after everything he still loves her and of course he would want to personally pack her things for her privacy (and maybe feel connected to her one more time [idk I'm crying so I could be way off base, fuck] and he knows her so he knows she'd come back for her stuff. (me estás quebrando mi corazón, baby)

I'm limited in my allowed screenshots by tumblr but "He retired last week." I MEAN I KNOW HE DID BUT IT STILL HIT ME JUST AS HARD AS IT HIT FLOR.

God this was just so poignant and absolutely visceral. Fuck, that last line, I felt that in my bones. Your writing is just so beautiful.

The hopeful part? I loved it because here's someone who has seen terrible things yet here we saw, love just comes out of nowhere and does some crazy shit to us, like make someone like Flor or Javi have hope. Who would have thought that of all the ways Colombia changed Flor and Javi, that it would have also given Flor hope?

Again you using fire just, fjdkalfjdak and this description? Amazing.

The whole trip to the café was an experience because I felt like I was going down memory lane too, those bittersweet memories and how she finally got to get the best damn Colombian coffee she's ever tried. Fuck, I loved this passage so much, and her thinking about what he would order just twisted that dagger further.

The "you were drinking your own tears" just hit, right in my heart.

Your writing really does just absolutely send me to where you want me to be. Sensory wise, I can feel the weight of this scene, can see the sadness around with ever letter you wrote and fuck I can feel that tightness in the throat.

This was that final twist of the dagger, this was just so well written. Just showing that he managed to permeate everything, no matter what it was, just everything.

You were right I did cry and am still crying but fuck I love you for it Danni, your writing is just absolutely amazing and the way you take us through these extremely difficult and emotional scenes is a true testament of how good of a writer you are. This whole series is a work of art.

Rushingly Bittersweet (Javier Peña x f!reader) part 22

Pairing: Javier Peña x ofc//f!reader with name.

Summary: After the fall of Escobar everything starts happening way too fast for Javier; his raise, his new office, his new team, the Cali cartel’s operation, the sudden arrival of a new agent that was transferred to his team for no apparent reason, the way he was falling in love with her almost unintentionally.

And he couldn’t seem to stop any of that.

Word count: +5.1k

Chapter warnings: alright, your perspective… angst, me making some shit up about us government, some descriptions of misogynistic behavior, a brief mention of blood… honestly this is pure sadness, dont read it

A/N: This chapter is set after season three. // aaaAAAAA this took me way too much and i dont know why, if you cry, i hope knowing that i cried SEAS while writing it makes you feel better. im so sorry… this just… had to happen

ao3 // fic index // Masterlist // fic playlist

comments and reblogs are eternally appreciated 💓 let me know if you wanna be tagged

←previous // next→ (coming soon)

gif: @bestintheparsec ​

You gripped your travel bag and walked towards the line of payphones just outside the boarding gate. You hesitated for a few seconds.

Was it smart?

You smirked to yourself and to the air, since when were you asking yourself if something was smart before you did it? Were you about to learn your lesson? There… Ten years too late?

You left your bag drop to the floor with a light thud, grabbed the receiver and gripped it on the cradle before lifting it. You took a deep breath and held it between your ear and shoulder to shove your hand inside the pocket of your jeans and reach for change.

You let three coins fall through the slit and dialed the number you knew by memory. Gripped the receiver again and scratched the plastic union of the two halves with your fingernail.

The connecting sound came through and you waited.

And waited.

And the universally known sound of a dead line blared through the receiver and made your heart fall to the floor.

And a recorded female voice with a colombian accent spoke to the air, letting you know the line was disconnected.

You let out the air you were absentmindedly holding and with a foreign delicacy you let the phone back on its cradle.

And stared at it.

Javier disconnected his house phone.

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