#... i feel like i could sit in hannibal's office in my crocs and ramble about one of my special interests and he's just there like :))

[inkyquince]

omg i am so with u on the “what if reader was short and adorable and sooo much smaller than (insert character)” like what about reader who is tall and is batshit crazy and is a masochist !!!!! what about us!!!!!!!!

okay, okay, okay. let me explain this theory i have using hit smash dark romantic comedy, NBC's Hannibal, and somewhat, the extended Hannibal books.

Okay so, all fannibals know that Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter are the main romantic pairing. They're in love. Murder Husbands was said IN the show, that's not a thing the fandom made up. Anyway-

A HUGE reason I adore Hannibal and the fandom is that... Bedelia should be Hannibal's love interest or obsession, in the same way the slasher fandom's usual Y/N is small petite and adorable and shit.

She is his perfect equal (kinda). She is put together, she is smart, she is beautiful, she is polite, she is a fellow psychiatrist. Hell, Bedelia was changed from an old woman in the earlier drafts to the mindblowing Gillian Anderson.

By all reason, she should be the one Hannibal is in love with.

She isn't.

Directly opposite of Bedelia, is Will Graham.

He is SO me-core. He is a rude, sweaty, sarcastic, dog dad. He is disturbed and twitchy and bitchy. He is autistic with an empathy disorder.

And Hannibal has many scenes where that man is staring at Will's ass. That man is so in love. The way he looks at that depressed homicidal fucker is beautiful. Just look at Tobias Budge's last episode. Look at how miserable he is in Europe with Bedelia while pining for Will. Yes, pining is a word the show uses, not me. He KILLS another man because he tried to peek behind the curtain like Will did.

And finally, we have Hannibal Lecter's book romantic partner, Clarice. Shout out, Clary. Bad bitch, redhead, and somehow Hannibal is the only man you can even like when you read her books, cuz every other guy is a gross asshole.

So, one one side, Bedelia, on the otherside, Will and in the middle, Clarice.

For a lot of slashers, it feels like... They'd enjoy the Will Graham of love interests. The unhinged. The weird. Like Chucky, Tiffany is the only woman for him (I COULD TREAT HER BETTER).

So, on a range of reader inserts there is the Bedelia's. The ones that SHOULD hold their interest, like Greta in The Boy. Pretty and smol and adorable and oh my god girlies. The one that in practise, would be their lil obsession.

Then we get reader insert Clarice. The understanding, the bad bitch, the one who hears the lambs screaming. In between socially acceptable and unhinged. God I love Clarice. I play remothered and kiss the screen. Takes time to become. Maybe its a bit of stockholm, or Hanni's extra finger is just that good at fingering. (i cannot emphasise enough how much i love Clarice. i legit hate fanfic that try to cast her as a basic bitch. god, she was like my major crush for years.)

Then.... Willy. ehe

The one, you can fully understand and fits too well. These two men SHOW to enjoy each other's company. Hannibal excuses SO much of Will Graham's fucking bullshit because Will Graham is such a BITCH AND I LOVE HIM. Bursting in, throwing his coat, saying he kissed Alana and the only thing Hannibal can focus on? Fucker got kissed. Next episode he sends a serial killer to her house. Get your own bad bitch to kiss, Alana. Hannibal killed people for being rude, or implying rudeness. Will is CONSTANTLY RUDE AND MEAN AND BITCHY and hannibal is kicking his feet.

So, take a slasher.

Let's say.... Ghostface. Shout out Billy and Stu, you guys would have loved... Gay porn? idk man.

Reader 1 is a perfect victim. Stays quiet, all uwu, and they get hard. Neat.

Reader 2 knows who they are. Just shrugs. They're enthused that you don't care and then they get hard. Brilliant. We love a morally grey reader.

Reader 3 is just unhinged. They're strange and weird and they stab back. They get hard. Stu, please, you don't have the blood to spare to get HARD RIGHT NOW-

Anyway, its how I categorise readers. They all somewhat make sense, but my favourite reader insert will be thjrd reader. The antithesis to the slasher. They SHOULDNT be into them, but THEY ARE, and thEY DON'T KNOW WHY.

Like, I love Hannibal because it was the first time we got a Will Graham, instead of a Greta. (also the fact this bitch was called Greta. WHO CALLS THEIR KID GRET0 who cares.)

Im not sure im explaining properly but I love a love interest that is an exception to the slasher. They dont fit in their world, but because of that, its sexy.

Also, the reader being a mess. Its why i love fallen hero rebirth, you can play such a messy villain that everyone still gets hard for. Will Graham was such a breath of fresh air, he's rumpled, he's a bitch, he's tired, his brain is on fire. But Hannibal still wanted to smash, in more than one way.

I fucking love unhinged readers, more than the cute little readers who are 4'11, cant reach shelves and always wear snug weedle jumpers. Like shout out if you are that, you're adorable, but my brain wants to see if i can knock you down like bowling pins. I will read a thing where the male reader jumps on The Collector's back and starts biting and be like omf so me vibes.

Weird bitches needs more weird bitches. And Will Graham once had a weird hallucination he was having a fivesome with hannibal alana margot and a w*ndigo, which is such a weird girl vibe