#... Don't know if it's a good idea to blast this out to the other Swedish tags but whatever. let's try it

[jojotranslates]

Fansubs released for Geografens testamente (the Geographer's Testament), seasons 1 and 2!

Summary: Holger is just an ordinary factory worker who's never left his home town. One day he hears about the death of a famous geographer and is astonished to hear that she left him something: a riddle hinting at the location of something valuable. The local shop owner/eccentric engineer Mortensen manages to convince him that they should search for it together... But their pleasant treasure hunt soon turns into a matter of life and death - not just for our heroes, but for planet Earth itself.

(So yeah, it's an edutainment show that's been nominated twice for the national award "Kristallen" within the category of "Best Children's Show". It was still weirdly compelling to me as an adult, so here you go.)

Where to watch it:

First season, available until 30th of June 2024 (EDIT: got updated until 30th of June 2025 at some point)

Second season, available until 30th of June 2025

These official links are for free and surprisingly not region locked (at least not where I live). Happy watching!

Where the subs are:

Zips (one for each season) are on my subscene profile and dropbox.

I also uploaded the subs to opensubtitles if you want to download each episode's subtitles individually.

Further comments below the read more:

This is one of those works with riddles, wordplay, and riddles involving wordplay... I've tried my best to force words into the right shapes, but was still forced to add translators' notes in some scenes where I genuinely couldn't think of a single replacement that made sense in context.

The Swedish subs also had several noticeable errors (especially in the first season, but other seasons misspell character names from time to time); hopefully all of these should be fixed in translation.

In terms of location names, I'll admit that my handling of these is inconsistent. For instance, I had decided not to refer to the provinces of Sweden by their Latin names, but when the second episode featured the adjective "skånska" (referring to things from Skåne/Scania) I couldn't figure out how to conjugate it in English with "Skåne" as a base and had to translate it to "Scanian" anyway.

Unlike my previous translations I decided not to use [brackets] whenever people are speaking in a language other than Swedish - it happens a lot later on.

... Unfortunately I'm already burned out on the project and would like to move on to other things, so no fansubs are planned for seasons 3 and 4. On the other hand the first episode of season 3 does have official subs in English, so let's hope they don't just leave it at that.

[gimmick-blog-bracket]

Now for the final round!

@hellsitegenetics

I love them

I didn't know I needed to know that the weed-smoking girlfriends post was genetically a wolf, but I did, and I do. Also puts great stuff on my dash.

it’s so fun to be scrolling unhinged posts and then boom. an organism!

so many moths‼ also, unexpected comedy with some of the matches

perfect blend of silly and informative, and makes for an excellent punchline at the end of a long post. puts creatures on my dash. literally what more could you ask for

It's a really unique blog concept and a lot of times the results are pretty funny. It's great when the sequence matches the post content too!

Creatures 👍

Finds beautiful creatures out of the mess of the hellsite

Offers finality AND gives us a creechur.

I love them. English speakers talk like moths

If this blog wins, they could run the text of the winning announcement, and determine the post's genus and species!

They're also very good about tagging the type of creature depicted in the results, so as long as you mute tags of creatures you don't want to see, it's a very fun time seeing iconic legacy posts (and new submissions) being reduced down to a string of letters and assigned a random species of fish or moth or something!

uhh it’s cool

BLAST

There are so many weird bugs in the world

Yippee!!

If, as Haldane said, God has an inordinate fondness for beetles, then surely this blog proves that Tumblr has an inordinate fondness for moths.

Top tier blog as a geneticist, I love seeing obscure organisms and MOTH

Admin got rate limited after trying to blast the bee movie

the knowledge of biology to pull this off (i have taken one biology class in my life) and also the work to find all the strings honestly deserves quite a bit of praise

This gimmick blog has it all: science, pictures of animals, interaction with the text of other peoples' posts, interesting information, and a unique and fun premise. As a biologist, I'm rooting for hellsitegenetics to reach the end and take the tournament, because it is truly a standout among gimmick blogs.

If they win, perhaps this blog too shall become a cool organism :3

@hasgavlebockenburneddownyet

What's more happy holiday cheer than cheering on the destruction of a giant straw goat?

The birds may have won 2023, but I believe in humanity's capability for arson for 2024 <3

a vote for me is a vote for arson! This message was approved by hasgavlebockenburneddownyet

gavle is SUCH a public service and holiday feature

what's more tumblr than comical destruction and holidays?

sometimes you just gotta vote with your matchsticks

Bringing a cultural staple to tumblr since 2021

Arson is so much more fun

It would be really funny and ironic if it survives the tournament

you have no idea how much joy watching the chronicling of the gavlebocken brings me every year

hasgavlebockenburneddownyet provides an essential public service

always love seeing a bit of Swedish history on my dash 'Swedish bamboo season'

the goat account is peak gimmick blog

If I don't get to beat the goat then nobody does. -pointless-achievements

Never ask Tumblr to choose between lies and arson! The winner threatens by nature to rip apart the very fabric of our DNA!

goat statues made out of straw are exciting and interesting

I wanna see things burn

the goat is an essential part of tumblr culture and the goat blog is a sacred keeper of the tumblr high holidays

watching to see if the big straw goat has burned down each year is a true delight, something I never knew existed until tumblr and the blog dedicated to it

the incredibly focused nature of @/hasgavlebockenburneddownyet is what makes their gimmick superior.

Please guys bite gavlebocken

Look, I'm Danish. I was put on this earth to annoy the Swedes and vice versa, but even I voted for @/hasgavlebockenburneddownyet

gavlebocken is also such a fun name and this blog informed be about its existence, so for that I am grateful

hasgavlebockenburneddownyet is providing a vital service! Every year, people rely on their updates regarding the fate of our most beloved Yule Goat! How could they NOT deserve the win!?

sacred anti-corporate arson

a vote for gävlebocken is a vote for anarchy!

pls vote for them they're the funniest gimmick keeping track on the funniest phenomena in recent human history, like when i look at their acc i think to myself this is what tumblr was created for

the goat is the GOAT

HASGAVLEBOCKENBURNEDDOWNYET DESERVES TO WIN, I have them on post alert for a REASON

the holiday season wouldn't be the same without them

they do important reporting. Do you look at the news and be like 'the reporters aren't doing work they're just telling you whats happening.' Have some respect for the goat news

let the weird burnt sacrificial ritual of it all appeal to you

nothing makes my December more interesting, arson should win

doesn't barge in on other peoples posts which is always a good thing in my books. not a fan when obnoxious gimmick blogs turn a decent post into a garbled mess

[official-weasley]

The Extraordinary Dragon (Part 1/6)

After about a century of me being gone and not writing a new story, I am back with a mini-series! 💙

I didn't have a good idea for a new OC so I decided to write a cute and fluffy story about Charlie training a dragon with a sad and mysterious past.

I would like to thank @am-i-space @madelineorionswan & @the-al-chemist for giving me ideas for the names of the dragons mentioned in the story. You are the best 💙 Since some of the dragons are mentioned in the later chapters I will make sure to include which dragons you named in the Masterlist for the story 💙

If you'd like to be tagged in every part the dragon with your name is mentioned please tell me and I will gladly do so 🤗

Warnings: Charlie being excited and obsessed with dragons.

Word count: 2,869

A dragon's roar awakened me. It might sound terrifying to some, but it is a pure melody for my ears. I have been working in the Romanian Dragon Sanctuary for almost 10 years now. Come to think of it tomorrow's the anniversary.

My co-workers constantly tease me, telling me that I'm a workaholic. I always disagree with them. I just love dragons and working with them. Am I a bit obsessed with the creatures? Maybe. But who wouldn't be so excited about having their dream job?

There is something so soothing working with a beast that can swallow you whole, yet if you have the right energy and you treat them right they can be more obedient than a Crup.

When I first got the job I worked with a team of researchers. Since I have never seen a dragon in real life before starting working, my boss Matthew wanted me to learn about their behavior and study them to be better prepared to do other things.

They all thought I will be bored out of my mind – because I applied for the care of dragons position and not researching – but I loved every second of it. All I had to do was wake up every morning and go to the assigned habitat and observe the dragon there and take notes. It's like reading a book about the creatures – something I did almost every day of my 7 years at Hogwarts – but you get to be around them every single day.

My mother thinks I am insane for wanting to be around such dangerous creatures and I had to promise her before I left for Romania that I will write home every day otherwise she is coming to get me at once. I guess she needs to know daily that I wasn't eaten by a dragon. The thing is that being hurt by a dragon is less likely than falling off a broom, so I don't know what she is so worried about.

The only one of my family members that knows about all my injuries and all my scars is my big brother Bill. He understands that I don't mind getting hurt and he doesn't get a heart attack every time I end up in the infirmary. It's nice to talk to someone about these things outside my workspace. Even though being a Curse Breaker isn't the safest job in the world, Bill's number of scars can't even compare to mine.

We do have protective gear and gloves but sometimes the dragon's fire and teeth are just too strong. We are lucky that we have wonderful healers that take care of us and we have remedies that heal burns within minutes so it's mostly just an annoyance.

The year after my training I worked only with Common Welsh Greens. The year after that I tamed two Antipodean Opaleyes and it was the best feeling to see them get excited and welcome me with a friendly roar every morning. Even though they were both adults it felt like dealing with two kids and it was so much fun. The latter are such sweethearts and I even taught one how to roll over. They are like dogs but bigger, way bigger.

After that, I tried to convince my boss to let me work with a more dangerous breed. It's not that I didn't like what I did but I like a challenge. I needed 2 months to convince him to let me work with 2 Chinese Fireballs and by the smirk on his face I knew I was in for a treat. They were brought to our reserve so they could breed but no matter how much others tried nobody succeeded at mating them.

When Matthew finally gave in – not seeing any harm in letting me try before they send them back – I remember I danced around my hut for a solid half an hour being so excited to work with them the next day.

I was surprised that nobody thought of the strategy I choose. It was true that they brought the dragons to us together but they didn't know each other and since nobody thought of trying to acquaint them first, I gave it a go.

After 3 days they were best mates and I gave them 4 more days to fully feel comfortable with each other before taking them to the mating habitat. I am more than proud to say that since then they have been parents 2 times. I did some great things since I started working in the Sanctuary but you never forget your first big achievement.

Due to Matthew being absolutely in awe of me succeeding after a week he allowed me to work with a bunch of Swedish Short-Snouts even though usually only a dragonologist with 5+ years of experience can work with them alone.

I was amused when I saw the faces of some of my older co-workers when they found out – thinking they were going to get the job. I love working with them even though they are the ones responsible for most of my scars. Just after the first day, one burned my entire forearm and everyone thought I was going to back off because of it but it only made me want to work with them more.

Now, after almost 10 years I have worked with every single breed of dragon except my favorite – the Hebridean Black. They are one of the most dangerous and stubborn kind and only a dragonologist with a lot of experience gets to work with them.

I got the glimpse of one when I was working with the research team but no matter how sneaky I tried to be, Matthew wouldn't let me get anywhere close to them. I even got a chance to work with a team that took care of a sick Norwegian Ridgeback even though they are considered to be the most dangerous.

A year ago I got a chance to be part of an exchange program at the Swedish Dragon Reserve and I worked with a Peruvian Vipertooth and a Ukrainian Ironbelly. My boss wasn't happy about the latter one as he reckoned I was too inexperienced to be around and try to tame the largest breed of dragons but as you can probably tell from what I told you so far, I was over the roof about it!

The Ironbelly might be the largest but they are among the least vicious ones – none of my co-workers would agree with me as most of them are terrified of them but I think they are adorable thinking since they are the biggest they are also the scariest. It's the same as with dogs – sometimes the smaller ones are more dangerous.

I got out of bed with a grin on my face. Even though I don't like to admit it I like reminiscing on my biggest achievements.

I made myself some breakfast – eggs and bacon as usual – while blasting music on my wireless. Nothing like singing while cooking and reading the letters my family sent me.

Mum and dad were going to visit George and Ron for the weekend. Bill and Fleur decided to repaint their living room. Ginny invited me to one of her games next week and Percy got another promotion.

I walked to the wall where I had a calendar hanging to mark the date of Ginny's game. It was the perfect event to meet with most of my family members and I love supporting her. I am proud of all my siblings' achievements but Ginny being the only girl among 6 boys made us all have a soft spot for her - even Percy, even though he would probably deny it if someone asked him about it.

Since I was working with three different dragons at the moment – Peruvian Vipertooth named Hel and two Romanian Longhorns Lasair and Rocker – I double-checked my schedule to see which one I am supposed to visit today. As I thought, it was Lasair. I know my schedule by heart but always check it twice– I don't want any dragon to be jealous thinking one is getting more attention from me.

My routine with the dragons was simple. First, they get their breakfast which is usually a piece of their favorite meat, except if it's our Common Welsh Green Crystal – she is the only dragon I have ever met that is a vegetarian and she mostly doesn't want to eat anything else than apples. It took us the longest time to figure out why she doesn't want to eat – vomiting out all the meat we gave her – until we moved her to an habitant with a pumpkin patch and them mysteriously disappearing overnight.

After the feeding, I like to play with them. That usually includes large balls or levitating rocks after which they can jump and run. Then it's my favorite part of the day – the flying lessons. We transport them to the part of the reserve that is built like a large stadium in the middle of the forest surrounded by mountains and it has 10 obstacles that the dragons have to learn to overcome so they are cleared for free-flying sessions.

After flying it's time for a brief pause to get the dragon back to its habitat and calm it down before giving it dinner and tucking it in.

Flying is the most fun thing we can do at our job. When Matthew told me that I am finally allowed to fly with them, I had to excuse myself and go to the bathroom because I felt like crying my eyes out. I wanted to fly on a dragon ever since I was a kid and even though I heard rumors about training them in that way, I always thought it was too good to be true.

The first time I flew on a dragon was with a dragonologist named Jim. He showed me how to properly prepare the dragon to be in the mood to have a person on its back and how to lift off and then safely land. Vulcan the Opaleye was just the loveliest when I trained with him to trust me to the point that he would allow me to fly. Even though my dream is to one day fly on a Hebridean Black, I wouldn't change my first flight for anything in the world.

Vulcan was more than obedient and so careful to make me feel comfortable and constantly made sure I was still on his back. He flew in a straight line and at an even pace making me feel so safe that I let go of his shiny scales and lifted my hands in the air. I wanted to shout from all the adrenaline and excitement that ran through me but I didn't want to startle the dragon.

It's safe to say that I didn't sleep at all that night. The second I laid in my bed I felt as if I was still in the air with Vulcan and I couldn't help but wish to do that every day.

"Good morning, Lasair. What do you want to eat this morning? Boar, deer, moose perhaps?"Lasair lifted her head sleepily at me. I teased her with the options, knowing full well that moose was her favorite. If she could speak she would ask me if I can't remember her favorite meal.

"Don't worry, you'll get what you want." I winked at her and put on my gloves before taking out my wand and levitating the big chunk of meat to her.

Lasair was one of the rare dragons that ate her food slowly, so I loved to sit down next to her and watched her chew. If Matthew saw me, he would probably murder me for sitting so close to a dragon but he doesn't know that Lasair and I have an agreement of her keeping me alive and I give her some extra meat for dinner in return.

"So, Lassy, I have some bad news." I cleared my throat as the dragon stopped chewing and tilted her head toward me. "We have to sharpen your claws today."

Lasair groaned and went back to her breakfast.

"I know, I know. Not your favorite thing to do. Trust me if it was up to me, we would rather do something more fun like play with your favorite tire or play fetch with your ball. But the boss said it was time."

Lasair didn't react to my words but laid on the ground once she finished her meal and wrapped her tail around me.

"You know that cuddling and being cute won't work on me." I chuckled. "Not this time, at least."

The dragon's nostrils started to smoke and I knew she was trying to negotiate.

"Between you and me," I whispered, "I'll throw in another piece of meat if you'll be a good girl like last time. How about some boar for dessert, huh?"

Lasair let out a gentle roar, giving me a sign that she agrees with my terms.

"That's my girl. I knew we'll find a common ground." I grinned at her and got up so we could start our day.

"Okay, Lassy. I will need you to step on this mat and do the burying motion. As if you were burying the bones of a deer." I explained when Lasair looked at the mat in confusion.

I mimicked the gesture and she copied it and walked to the mat with grace as if she was a princess.

"There you go! I am so proud of you, Lasair. You really want that extra piece of meat, huh?" I laughed to myself.

"So that is how you get all dragons to behave as if they're Crups?" I turned toward the voice and saw Matthew's amused face, observing my work with the Romanian Longhorn.

"You were never meant to find out," I said in a dramatic voice.

"Oh, it's fine." Matthew swung his hand. "You'll need all the skills."

"What do you mean?" I furrowed my brows at him as I stepped to Lasair to show her to step a bit forward so she could sharpen the claws on her back paws as well.

"Do you know what tomorrow is?" Matthew asked, observing my every move.

"No." I lied. I knew that tomorrow will be 10 years since I work in the reserve but I didn't want to boast about it.

"Come on, Charles. I know that you out of everyone here you’re the one who counts how long you are working here for." He smirked at me.

I couldn't believe it. He remembered that it's my 10th anniversary? I couldn't help but grin.

"What about it?" I tried acting casually.

"Well, the team was thinking about what to get you as a present..."

"Matt, you don't have to get me anything. You know I am just happy being surrounded by dragons." I smiled appreciatively.

"Well, how about you get surrounded by a new dragon?" He winked at me.

"What are you on about?" I narrowed my eyes at him. I was getting impatient, the excitement in me growing.

"We are getting a one-year-old Hebridean Black in a week from the MacFusty’s." Matthew started to explain. "And since you are so good at taming and being best mates with the three you’re taming now, I was thinking of assigning it to you."

"Did...did you just say a Hebridean Black?" I said in a voice that was barely a whisper. I couldn't believe what just came out of his mouth. He was going to let me work with my favorite breed?

"You heard correctly, Charles." Matthew's smirk was growing larger.

"But...but I don't have enough experience, you said so yourself. You...you should give the job to someone worthy, to someone who will know how to handle the breed." I knew that I should've just shut up and thank him for the opportunity. Working with a Hebridean Black has been my goal ever since I can remember, but I have to keep my head clear and think of what's best for the dragon.

"Thinking like this is exactly why I am giving the job to you even though I told you the last time you begged me that you need at least 7 more years before you can work with them." Something in his eyes shifted. He had the exact expression on his face as he did when he assigned me to breed those two Fireballs.

"You are up to something. What's wrong with the dragon?" I pursed my lips at him.

"Oh, the dragon is just fine. Lovely, actually. I bet you two will have a lot of fun." The sarcastic tone in his voice told me that he was hiding something from me but I didn't dare to ask him about it.

He deemed me ready to work with a Hebridean Black. To work with my favorite breed. I am not about to jeopardize that if he thinks I am the one for the job. In a week my biggest dream will come true and there was nothing in the world that could ruin that.

[doorbloggr]

Sunday 22/8/21 - Media Recommendations #16: Top 3's of Right Now

In terms of new media to recommend this week, there is none. So this week I'm gonna do a bit of a recap/best of media thing. From the categories of Music, Anime, and Videogames, I'm gonna list my top 3 of right now.

What do I mean by Top 3 of Right Now? Well, personal taste in consumable media is very malleable and subject to change over time. So today, I'm gonna quickly highlight what I can declare my Top 3 Favourite Songs, Anime Series, and Videogames are, as the Mitchell of August the 22nd, 2021.

Some of these things I'm recommending I will have discussed in a previous Media Recommendations post, but my discussion of each of the things I talk about today will be very short. So without further ado, let's start with music.

● Top 3 Favourite Songs

▪︎3rd: Caramelldansen - Caramella Girls

I can't really explain in words why I like this song so much, but it's just really good. I am not fluent speaker of Swedish, so I do not understand much of anything in the lyrics, but that's the magic of good music, you don't have to understand. If a song bops hard enough, the lyrics can be complete nonsense and still make worldwide charts even outside their native tongue. Caramelldansen also manages to capture that quintessential excitable weaboo nerd energy that I've come to accept is definitely part of my being.

This spot was the hardest to place out of any other placing in this post. There was about 6 songs I could declare as being my 3rd favourite song of all time, but at the very second I'm writing this, midnight on Sunday, I decided that Caramelldansen is my third favourite song.

▪︎2nd: Foolish Heart - Nyanners

One thing that will always make me enjoy a song is a funky beat. Music that just pumps and jams. Foolish Heart is fun to groove to and there's not much more to it. I also have a soft spot for bitter-sweet lovesongs, and there aren't many songs I know that are as bitter about the sweetness of love than this. I follow the artist who does this song on many of her socials and I was a fan of it the second it came out, and it will probably stay in my regular rotation for a long time.

Honourable Mentions:

Old 45s - Chromeo

A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton

Mr Blue Sky - ELO

Mansion Party - Ninja Sex Party

Roundabout - Yes

▪︎1st: I Want You - Savage Garden

I had actually heard this song a bit when I was much younger, but it was only recently I became obsessed with it. It is the song used in the closing credits during JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 4, and I instantly fell in love with it. It's just so funky and goes so damn hard. It's a soft song, but also very powerful. The vocals are so smooth and the instruments are so sexy. It's been my favourite song for many years in a row now, and I think it's gonna keep that number 1 spot for a while longer yet.

● Top 3 Favourite Anime Series

▪︎3rd: Darling in the Franxx

Darling in the Franxx just vibed with me on an emotional level. My very soul was touched by how much love this anime exudes. Studio Trigger are known foremost for their intense action and over the top characters, and sure this anime has those in spades. For someone who hasn't watched it, it may appear to be a cosmic mecha anime, but in fact, it is a romance story first. I can't really explain it well, but Darling in the Franxx just punches you right in the soul with how much emotion there is. It is a beautiful anime.

▪︎2nd: Food Wars - Shokugeki no Soma

There's just something fun about rooting for a snarky protagonist who is overconfident. Especially when, most of the time, they are precisely big enough for their boots. Food Wars is a complete 3 course dinner that fills many different niches of anime. It's a lesson in many different cultures, it is food porn, it's a battle shonen, it even has light romance, but never lets that take centre stage over the journey of the protagonists. I'm admittedly a lover of tasteful fanservice here and there, and Food Wars delivers just the right amount of echi to entertain those into it, but no more than necessary. Food Wars is just... a lot. And it's great.

Honourable Mentions:

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku o!

Dagashi Kashi

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime

Log Horizon

▪︎1st: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood

FMA is just such a full package. It has a fun and interesting cast of characters. A complex and vast setting that is neither overexplained nor underexplained. A cast of villains that are all unique and the perfect balance of sympathetic to hateable. And most importantly, it does not outstay its welcome. I was very much considering putting JoJo's Bizarre Adventure up here, but the issue is that like, many other series, a series can be too long. A good anime has to be long enough to sink your teeth into, but if drags on for too long, it can become exhausting. FMA spends the perfect amount of time building up the plot and ends where it should. Edward and Alphonse Elric are the perfect dynamic duo, and every character has such fun designs and personalities. I could blab on for ages on why I love Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood, and I have in a previous post. So go search that up in my pinned post if you want a longer breakdown. It is an anime MUST WATCH.

●Top 3 Videogames

▪︎3rd: Super Smash Bros Ultimate

The very idea of Super Smash Bros is something that appeals to gamers everywhere. A suite of characters from all over gaming that are all playable in one huge game. You get to play that classic "my favourite character could kick your favourite character's butt" in real time. I'm not a big fighting game guy, but Smash has a very accessible jumping off point, simple controls and a system of combat that's only really as deep as you need it to be. Smash Bros is also a very important game to me socially, since I owe all my current closest friends to meetings I had interacting with the competitive scene. I used to be really into competitive Smash too, and Smash Ultimate in particular had a fairly balanced cast, in that if you were committed enough, you could dominate with any character. But even if I've grown exhausted with that scene, and only ever play the game casually now, I owe a lot to this series.

▪︎2nd: Animal Crossing New Horizons

As of right now, Animal Crossing is not a game I play.... at all. But for the few months after the game released, ACNH was a religious dedication. I'm in a pretty shitty place these days. Can't see friends, can't even go to work, the world is falling apart as our leaders can't get Covid under control. But while I was playing ACNH, it brought structure and purpose back into my life for a while. I had villagers depending on me, museum collections to complete, flowers to breed, an island to transform into my vision of a nice place to live. It was nice. This number 2 spot might be taken by a different game in the future, but this year, Animal Crossing New Horizons was a very important game for me.

Honourable Mentions:

The Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess

Pikmin 3

Jackbox Party Pack (the whole series)

Shovel Knight Treasure Trove

Pokémon Soul Silver

▪︎ 1st: The Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild

Despite Zelda being a huge part of my identity, I didn't actually get into the series until my mid teens. By that point, most of the later games were very formulaic and linear. And sure that can make for a very compelling story and experience, but BotW just threw that idea out the window. Breath of the Wild is a game you can just get lost in. Spend an hour just dicking around in the middle of nowhere and it's a blast just to move around. The world is tranquil, and also exciting. The game is gorgeous and fun to play and there's just too much to talk about. I've played the game from start to finish at various levels of completion about 5 times now, (one playthrough being a 2 hourish speedrun to the final boss) and every playthrough I found new locations, puzzles, interactions that I never encountered before. It's a game that just matched my being perfectly and I doubt a game will leave an impact like that for many years to come.

[fae-fucker]

im dying there's so much hilariously wrong with that stan "don't be mean about ma series wah!" post, but first and foremost, using s/he instead of they/them. like, wow, just fucking wow. also, all the points they try to make are so blatantly based in having never actually read a snark blog's posts, and just getting pissy about critics. sure the posts are sarcastic and snarky (of course), but they also do engage in explanation and discussion of why they are taking exception with a particular book

She’s not a stan, as far as I know. And yeah, literally all her “suggestions” are things that most snark blogs already do, but I guess she can’t see that from her GIANT HORSE. If it’s snarky and sarcastic it means it’s worthless, right? We’re basically a bunch of babies who cry about how Problematique things are and have no actual opinions or valuable things to say. 

I mean, we all knew it but dang, does it hurt to be called out! :/

Discourse and drama under the cut. Uh ... warning for transphobia, I guess? 

Listen. I know you’re reading this, danceny, and I just want to say that your dismissal of nonbinary people and suggestions that the idea of gender and sexuality being a spectrum somehow makes society more homophobic and misogynistic is ...

I mean it’s fucking wild, man. There’s no other way to put it. And uh ... thanks, I guess? Didn’t realize my existence hurt the women and gay folks around me. Maybe I just smell really bad?

Reading your “communications” with @brynprocrastinates​, you seem to be implying that most nonbinary people are just women who try to get away from misogyny by pretending not to be women. (yikes)

You then also imply that straight trans men are actually just confused lesbians who don’t want to experience misogyny and homophobia and thus pretend to be straight men to get away from that. (DOUBLE YIKES)

There’s also this bit: “I’m not sure if you know this, but transexuality (which has become “transgenderism” in English and now encompasses non binary) has always been linked to homosexuality.”

Confusing gender and sexuality and using outdated terms, are we? How basic.

At the end, you seem to be saying that if we just “solve” homophobia and misogyny, men and women will finally go back to “just” being men and women, and that somehow a society that accepts more genders are just proof of both homophobia and misogyny still existing? I’m ... not sure of the logic behind that. You’ll probably dismiss this as me putting my FEELINGS over FACTS AND LOGIC, which in itself is rather funny considering you talk so much about misogyny but don’t seem to mind pretending that your “rational” thoughts are somehow more valuable than how people feel. 

“Biological sex is a neutral reality; it is restrictive only when tied to gender. Thus, what difference between being non binary and a woman if not stereotypes?”

*deep breath*

The difference is that if an NB person tells you they’re NB, that means they’re NB. They’re not SECRETLY A WOMAN WHO’S AFRAID OF BEING A WOMAN BECAUSE OF THE STEREOTYPES.

Did you know that there can be NB people who are feminine, and still be NB? That a each individual’s gender and the expression of said gender is decided by themself and nobody else?

You are in no position to tell someone else that their identity is somehow a defense mechanism for society’s faults, or that you know it better than they do.

And you know what? I’m NB, but I still experience fucking misogyny. If this is my subconscious attempt at escaping all this WOMAN HATRED, then I’m not doing an especially good job. And when considering people like you, who deny my right to express what I am and try to tell me that they know me better than I do, I get DOUBLE THE GARBAGE. I just love “escaping” misogyny by ... not escaping it and also getting blasted for being a dirty enbee.

“Furthermore, I cannot lie to you about foreign languages like my mothertongue. That “they” doesn’t exist is simply the truth; what you make of it is left to you.”

Hey, guess what? Language changes. It evolves. It always has and always will. In Swedish, there was no gender neutral pronoun. And guess what? WE MADE ONE. AND WE’RE NOW USING IT ALL OVER THE GODDAMN COUNTRY. AND PEOPLE ARE LOVING IT. 

We’ve become more accepting of other identities and reflected that in our use of language! How DISGUSTING. 

“But as someone who struggled with biological sex/gender, I can assure you turning gender into a sprectrum won’t help.”

I mean, right? It didn’t help you so how would it POSSIBLY help anyone else?

And honestly? These things in particular:

“I know that tumblr loves to spread new concepts, most often not maliciously, but most of the time none of them are based on actual sociology or biology. The latest feminist wave is feminist in name only.”

“A tolerant and egalitarian society have men and women comfortable in their bodies and sexualities. So gender as a sprectrum and sexuality as fluid betray remaining homophobia and misogyny.”

This sounds like some premium TERF bullshit. 

[theplaguezine]

STRATOVARIUS

Interview with Jörg Michael by Daniel Hinds

(conducted April 2000)

Stratovarius are an amazing success story.  First, they came on in the scene in 1989, just as their style (melodic speed metal) was on its way out of fashion.  In the ensuing years, metal in general became less and less popular, but Stratovarius stuck to their guns and defied the odds, increasing their fanbase with each album.  Incredibly, their songwriting got better with time, too, bringing us to their latest masterpiece, Infinite.  The mix of power, speed, melody and musicianship has never sounded so good and the album debuted at #1 on the national Finnish charts.  So, in a world of Korn clones (and Korn for that matter…), there is hope!

The incredibly enthusiastic drummer Jörg Michael (the lone German in the band) practically talked my ear off, giving some great insight into this standout band…

I was very impressed with the new album, Infinite.  Are you happy with how it came out? It's like giving birth to something.  After such a long time preparing this album, writing this album, getting down to rehearsal - this time we actually rehearsed quite a lot, for about three weeks.  I injured myself in a football match just three weeks before the recording, so we had to delay everything a little bit until my leg was in order.  So like in the first rehearsals, I couldn't play any double-bass drum stuff.  Then we had a very nice time during the rehearsals and during the recording and at the end you can see how it came out.  You don't really questions yourself like, 'Will this be an economical success?' or whatever - you just listen to the record yourself, you let it sink in.  I must admit during the first days after it's finished, you have such a close relationship to it that you can't really judge it.  It takes a few weeks afterward.  So, now the record has been finished since the beginning of December and we all have a very, very good feeling about this album.  And I'm not saying this in general about every album because I can tell you honestly that wasn't the same with the Destiny album, where we weren't quite sure if it's good or not and we got a lot of fan mail saying that they liked the Visions album much more, for example.  But this time we are very happy and everything worked out like we planned it to be.  We have now this flying[?] equipment, so we can record wherever we want.  We went to a very nice house in the suburban area of Helsinki, Finland, directly by a lake.  It had nice sound and daylight in the rehearsal room and it was really nice to live there.  We had so much fun and we really enjoyed working there.  The guitars, the bass and the vocals were recorded there.  Of course, I myself had to go into a clinical studio again because you need quite a lot of channels to record Stratovarius drums, but everything else worked out perfectly.  At the end of the day, you see the result and everybody gave their best and we're very happy about it.

That kind of answers part of this questions, but did you do anything differently this time, in terms of the writing or the way you worked in the studio? I wouldn't say so much with the song writing.  As you know, Timo Tolkki writes about 90% of the stuff for Stratovarius.  He is the man, the bandleader, since 1984 working on this band.  Jens Johansson and I joined the band in 1995, so we just worked on the last four albums.  I would say that the song writing changed a little bit in the matter that Timo Kotipelto and Jens Johansson this time were involved as well.  And of course because of the long practice/rehearsal time that we had, it was possible for me to sneak a few arrangement ideas in there, so that gave a little bit of a different vibe to it.  In general, Timo Tolkki always writes the songs.  He has it all in his head, but then he comes out and writes the whole album in about 3 or 4 weeks.

I just saw that Infinite debuted at #1 in the Finnish album charts.  Was that a surprise? I'm a German guy and Jens is Swedish and the rest of the band are Finns.  They achieve a level of being #1 in their home country and for them it's like heaven. (laughs)  We did achieve the same thing with Destiny and that was a big surprise.  This time, we didn't have so much hope, as there was a few big Finnish bands coming out.  For example, there is one called Apulanta that sells about three times as much as we do in Finland.  They sing in Finnish, so it's this folk rock thing.  So we didn't expect it, but then it happened again and was another surprise like it was with Destiny.  I feel very happy for all the Finns in the band.  For me, it would be the same as being #1 in Germany.

How is it selling outside of Finland? I can tell you the album was released worldwide on the 28th of February, so we expect the first results to come in maybe next week.  Me and the band aren't really that interested to know how it goes… You can tell after a tour in a few months how it was.  I don know that the advance sales of Infinite have already topped the sales of the Destiny album after one year.  I know that we hit the charts in Europe, in almost every country, but it is especially surprising in countries like France where last time we invested in a tour with Angra.  Angra are Brazilian rockers who are very popular in France and we toured there with them for the Destiny album as a support act and we had played there before only about twice.  So this is nice because France has like 55 million people, so it is quite huge, for Europe.  In south Europe, like Italy and Spain, we are already very big there, so I don't think it will be a big surprise if we hit the charts there, top 10 or top 20.  What looks even more promising is that we put our tour on sale at the beginning of December in some countries and by January, our show in Paris was already sold out so we had to add another show.  The Swedish show, where we've only played so far once, are also sold out.  So it is going really good and we still have like up to 2 or 3 months before this tour happens in these countries.

You guys seem to always be touring or working on an album or promoting it.  Have you guys had a real vacation in a while? You observe right.  Since I joined the band, we did the Episode record, had a normal tour, then put out the Visions record about Episode came out.  From then on, Stratovarius became a full-time job.  We also try to control the whole business side of the band.  We have our manager, but we definitely also work behind the curtains to keep control of the band.  Sometimes, it's not so good to not have a big management, because they don't have the power to put you up with really big bands, playing support, but we're really happy with doing it our way and at least we have the control over everything and aren't filling the pockets of other people we hate anyway (laughs).  So for every one of us, Stratovarius is a full-time job.  Besides the playing, for example, I take a little care with the tour organization and I'm also in charge of the merchandise.  Mr. Kotipelto is doing the accounting and booking.  Mr. Tolkki has kind of an overview of everything and is, of course, the most creative member of the band.  Everyone puts his own talent and time into the band.  You have to give respect to other people because you can't do everything and we have a really good relationship between us.  For me, personally, it's a big change because I was always playing so much as hired gun in other bands.  It feels great to be part of a real band! (laughs)

I understand there is a special version of Infinite that includes a multimedia CD.  Can you tell me a bit about that? (pause)  What is a multi-media version?  I don't….

Like a CD-ROM? Ohh…..I'm the right guy to ask that question…  There's so many different configurations of the album coming out.  You've probably heard that we moved from Modern Music to Nuclear Blast, almost worldwide.  We are doing direct deals to Japan, France and parts of South America, but the rest is in the hands of Nuclear Blast.  They are known for putting out certain configurations to make something special for the fans and especially at the beginning, they are a lot of limited editions.  I know for example that there is a limited edition CD box with photo booklets, a sticker and additional CD-ROM, where you can watch our videos and see an interview with Mr. Tolkki by some guy in Germany.  I also have to tell you that I can't open it so far! (laughs)  It only works on Windows 95 and somehow they made a little bit of a mistake.  It's difficult to deal with these copy protections and stuff.  There is also a limited edition in France with a second CD in the first 3000 copies.  There are also a lot of bonus tracks in different countries, they are requesting that.  I think we have to bring out a CD with all these bonus tracks that everybody can buy on one CD at a special price, because [these different versions] give me a little taste of being a rip-off, to tell the truth. (laughs)  On the other side, I have to say that when we were with Modern Music and we only brought out one CD at a time, so many fans were asking us for more material: demo versions, live versions and whatever.  So we don't know what to do and this time we tried it differently, with 5 or 6 different configurations.  And I don't even have them all myself!  What I like is this picture disc, on vinyl.  We were very happy that they made this as well and a lot of people on our home page were asking for it.  We've tried to put our controlling hand on things so, for example, they don't sell all of a sudden these CD digi-packs for double the price - that I would really hate.  It's understandable to make it a little more expensive if the fans are interested in having some rare material, but just to double the price and rip these fans off who have been supporting the band for so many years, it's definitely not in our interest.

Are you getting more response from the U.S. these days? Yeah…  I can't tell so much about the other albums.  I think they were released by Modern Music and one got released by Century Media over there.  We have the feeling from observing our e-mails coming out that there are much more people from the States interested in this kind of music.  Not in particular Stratovarius, but I would also list like Gamma Ray or Iced Earth, for example.  I still think it's not enough interest to really put up a headlining tour over there.  Our label there said, 'We really like this album, would you like to promote it?' and we were like, 'Of course!'  That's what we are here for, to spread Stratovarius Finnish attitude worldwide.  On top of that, there was coming from the Iced Earth camp, asking us if we would be interested in supporting them on their next U.S. tour in November or December.  At the moment, our managements are negotiating that, because it is a question of economic survival (laughs) because when we tour there with Iced Earth, we don't get a fee.  If we tour for one and a half months in the States, from what I've heard, that doesn't really mean anything.  You can tour there for six months, you know, it's so big.  Let's see what they come up with.  If it makes sense to play the shows with Iced Earth, I'd really like to do it.  The only time I've been in the States was about 2 years or something.  I visited New York, playing in a band called Unleashed Power.  I really liked it, but this is the only thing I saw from the States and people tell me there are many completely different places from New York. (laughs)  For me, this is reason enough to give it another try.  To play there with my band would be brilliant, but it shouldn't be complete economic overkill.  Not just to say, 'Oh, we toured the States!" and then you come back and have like $120,000 minus. (laughs)  There is no point to do that.  I've heard that our record is selling or that the interest is quite big over there, but what does that mean?  Is it like we sold 500 copies before and now we're selling 1,500? (laughs)

You guys have always handled your own production.  Was there ever a time when you thought you'd like to work with someone outside of the band? (long bout of laughter)  That's a very…rare question, actually!  This is my personal opinion, but I think that Stratovarius has with Timo Tolkki one of the best producers in the world.  Even coming out of Finland and not having big success with producing other bands before, but I think that our records sound absolutely great.  All of the records I have played on with Stratovarius, I think have a very good sound and the old albums that I wasn't a part of, there is still already a high level of quality.  So, we are quite happy with what we are doing and there is no idea of changing anything.  We never even thought about it.  This time and with Destinybecause the band has gotten more popular and there is so much to do, like promotion, we have this guy called Mikko Karmila.  He is basically the engineer and this time he almost mixed the album alone.  There was a little bit of overview by Timo Tolkki behind him, but there was not really time and trust that guy so much because everything he does sounds great.  When you have a big producer like, let's say Bob Rock.  I think he's one of the best, I really admire his work and he did great, great records.  He does records like Metallica and they sell millions of copies worldwide, so you think you have to have Bob Rock to make it happen in the same way.  That's bullshit because he also does records that don't sell at all, but you don't know that.  Every big producer has these, what we in Germany call, corpses in the cellar.  Not to put him down in any way.  But if we were to try and get this Bob Rock, besides that it would explode our budget, we would end up spending so much money on a production that isn't even better in the end in my opinion.  Maybe different, but not better.  We know how we want to sound and I was always very happy with the sound on our records.  This time, Timo Tolkki and Miko tried to push up the guitars a little and the drums are a bit more quiet, but it doesn't actually disturb me so much because it gives such a powerful feeling.  We're not like 17 or 18 anymore where you go in the studio and the drummer says, 'The drums aren't loud enough,' and the guitar player says, 'The guitar is not loud enough.'  At the end of the day, all the levels are at the peak of the possibility and they still think, 'Oh, my drums still aren't loud enough!' (laughs)  So, it's really cool, no one has to prove anything now.  When I go to the studio, I listen to the whole song and how it all comes across, not just to my drums.  Of course, when it comes to like the toms sound, for me as a drummer, I'm very, very picky, but it's probably the search for the perfect toms sound that I'll never achieve.  Probably when I do, I'll retire. (laughs)

The cover art for Infinite is amazing.  How did you hook up with Derek Riggs? We were all very impressed of course by the work he did for Iron Maiden.  We have a completely different style with our album covers than Iron Maiden, but we still thought that Derek Riggs might be very interesting for us at some point because it might be challenging for him as well.  Then the Gamma Ray album came out, Powerplant, and Derek Riggs did this artwork.  It had some similarities to the Iron Maiden covers, but it also went a little bit away.  So we thought, oh, he can do different stuff so he might be interested in working with us as well.  We called Kai Hansen and asked if he would give us the number.  We got an e-mail address for Derek, sent our albums to him, told him what we wanted to do and the whole album cover concept is made by Timo Tolkki's brain.  The album was supposed to be called Infinity, but then we heard that Devin Townsend already released an album with that name, so we renamed ours to Infinite, since it means the same thing anyway.  The whole world, the whole atmosphere is divided into two parts - we have the spiritual world and we have the material world.  Of course, the material world is like the one we are living in now, that's why we have this polluted sea and everything is a little bit more dark.  The space and atmosphere, the heavens, are not so colorful or shiny, everything is a bit darker, because of the human beings who are doing a lot of harm to the world right now.  With our ability to think, we can't understand why the people are not stopping this, for example killing the rain forests because it gives us the air that we breathe.  It's like we are trying to kill ourselves.  Maybe not in our generation, but if you look a little bit further in the future, it will be that way if we don't stop it.  Then we have this infinity sign changed because normally it lies horizontally, but we put upright, like an '8', which also gives the relation of the eighth Stratovarius studio album.  Then you have the dolphin jumping from the spiritual world into the material world, which suggests birth.  And when you die you return to the spiritual world.  We believe that life in this universe is infinite, it never stops, and our existence right now is just part of that, the part in the material world, but that doesn't mean that necessarily after that all is dead.

It's nice to see someone put so much thought and detail into the cover art.  In the old days, with LPs, it seems like a lot more bands did that than now. I think a lot of bands making it very easy want to go into these old metal cliches and just shock as much as they can.  Even looking at the older Stratovarius covers, you can see it is completely different.  We never worked with this blood bath, cutting off heads or whatever, not at all.  It's a completely different image that we have and nobody in the band is like that as well.  And we get people asking, record companies especially, telling us we have to make the cover something that really shocks people.  But this is our style, take it or leave it.

Stratovarius seems to have a much more optimistic outlook than most metal bands.  Is that a reflection of how the band actually views the world and the future? I have to say that everyone in the band is a bit of a different character.  By explaining the cover artwork to you, you can see kind of the point of view of Timo Tolkki and also most of the other people in the band have.  Timo Tolkki especially is going into these esoteric things.  I'm not at all into that.  We are all not believing in religion - this is one thing where everybody is on the same wavelength.  As far as like life after death, I have a little different point of view about it.  I'm also a little bit more simple, I'm the drummer in the band (laughs).  I like to enjoy the moment and am not thinking so far into the future.  Nobody can prove anything to me what happens after death.  But Mr. Tolkki and Mr. Johansson talk a lot about that, they have a lot of discussions.  Also, Mr. Kotipelto wrote a lot of lyrics on the last albums and it has a lot to do with like Finnish mentality, living in Finland.  Everything is a little bit more frustrating, depressive, dark, sad.  They had a lot of problems with relationships to women, which is very easy to see with the lyrics on the Destiny album.  This time, it changed a little bit.  There is some of that here, but I think it is also a lot more positive.  Everybody leaves a little bit of the dark side behind and puts up some visions of the future.  We also want to take part, not to warn or pointing fingers, but maybe waking up some people and make them do something and live a little more by their conscience about everything.  Like I told you about the rain forests, or air pollution or plastic - all that stuff.  It's not that we can change it so much or that we're coming out as a new messiah or something, but this time we thought we'd just give a little bit of a different view to this whole concept.  Also right now, the band has become so big, so the band has some power…not influencing people, but people have started to listen to us a little more, what we're saying and thinking.  So we thought it would be good to tell the people what we think and they might just be more conscious of these issues.

Stratovarius at The Metal Archives