#. what I'm really saying here is that Bradley has no fucking self esteem and everyone in his life assumes he knows he's actually loved

[nixie-deangel]

Well now I can't get Jake crocheting out of my head, Red AND him crocheting a gift for Bradley! Which wasn't what I was even thinking about XD!

I'm thinking Jake learned when he was little (5-7) from his grandma and while he didn't enjoy it at first, eventually fell in love with it and kept it up till high school and then he got sort of serious about his academics and sports to ensure he could put his best application for the Naval Academy, so it sort of fell to the way side and he just stopped doing it for more than a decade.

Doesn't really pick it up again until after The Mission and he needs something to do with his hands, to keep them moving, to quiet his mind, to not constantly thinking about how he almost truly lost Bradley forever. And it's during a talk with his mama that he even thinks about getting a hook and some yarn and starting up again, but he does. Goes out to a 24 hour Walmart and grabs the first skein his hand lands on and the correct hook size for it and spends the next few days attending meetings and debriefs during the day and the nights getting all pissed and angry because it's not coming back to him until it does (after maybe a few tutorials on YouTube because he doesn't remember the basics of his old favorite hobby at all!) and he starts making this again. Mostly he takes it apart when he finishes, so he can just keep reusing the same yarn, over and over again. Which is helpful as he relearns.

But then he and Bradley finally talk it out and get back together and then the Dagger Squad is made a permanent squadron and are stationed in San Diego but need to finish out their current assignments.

And it's while they're finishing that up that Jake gets the idea to make Bradley something, a blanket because it's a huge commitment to undertake, but he's determined to do it, to finish it in the months he's got because he wants to show Bradley he's serious about him. Serious about them.

(it works. for their one year anniversary Bradley has knitted them a blanket with the question, 'will you marry me?' on it.

spoilers, Jake says yes!)

I need to stop getting ideas while I'm cooking dinner 😔😭😭😔

[nixie-deangel]

reblogging myself here, @redfurrycat, because I realized tumblr cut off some of the tags 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 so doing this to ensure the mpreg idea is all there share:

but no the idea for hangster I got while cooking yesterday was an angsty mpreg where Jake and Bradley sort of start working out their issues before Bradley is tasked with a blackout comms mission and he's away for nearly 14 months and he's hoping like hell that Jake will still be waiting for him.

only to come back to Jake living with IceMav and has a baby girl and Bradley with his massive self esteem issues assumes that IceMav have replaced him with Jake (because he KNOWS that Jake is more like them than he'll ever be) and that Jake has clearly moved on so Bradley spirals because in his mind he's lost the love of his life AND his family has clearly replaced him with who he believes to be a better fit for them and sort of pulls a Mav with his don't think just do & pulls in any and all favors he can

& tries to get himself transferred out of the pacific fleet and in the Atlantic fleet but can't because of the commander of the Atlantic fleet is slider, who won't approve the transfer without talking to ice who immediately shows up with a ?!?!?! &then there's a fight because of course there is with Bradley and ice realizes that there are still a LOT of underline issues with what he & Mav did by pulling his papers and realizes that Bradley has made a lot assumptions because he doesn't have all the facts &is just assume the worst but after a bit eventually Ice gets Bradley to agree to come home to talk to them all &if after he still wants to go; Ice will ensure he gets to go without any issues

(Mav Ice & Jake in this all realizing that they've all kind of assumed Bradley had gotten over/worked out through his issues with them and are horrified to learn he's actually just buried it because he's just been so grateful to have them all back in his life that he never actually learned that he didn't process all of the hurts he had with them or worked through all the issues his mom's promised wrought for how he interacted with the world and how he trusted and assumed he should be loved and treated)

Jake is especially horrified by all of this because BRADLEY worked so fucking hard to ensure that all the shit he spewed at Jake over the years and the damage he caused was made up for and worked to be truly forgiven before Bradley went off on his blackout comms mission and Jake nearly has a breakdown because he realizes he never extended the same sort of effort to Bradley which is in part of WHY Bradley was so nervous and unsure about Jake truly willing to wait for him. what I'm really saying here is that Bradley has no fucking self esteem and everyone in his life assumes he knows he's actually loved but he doesn't because babygirl has no self esteem or self worth.

IceMav and Jake work really hard with Bradley to ensure he knows they love him and want him. that Jake hasn't let any person touch him since Bradley kissed him all soft and unsure when they were celebrating THE MISSIONS success and hasn't ever really seriously entertained the idea of settling with ANYONE but Bradley, since the FRIST time they got together! but it's a lot of work and a lot of tough conversations, ones Bradley doesn't really start taking seriously until he gets informed that the baby girl, Nicole Elizabeth Carole Bradshaw, is in fact his child, that Bradley actually starts putting in the heavy work to get himself mentally healthy because like fuck is he going to let his child grow up feeling or thinking about themselves like Bradley does to himself.

I need to stop getting ideas while I'm cooking dinner 😔😭😭😔