#-in my own head for them. most of which i dont actually share with anyone cuz im too lazy to actualize anything but ghgh

[moonsaver]

thoughts on sunday after 2.2? i remember playing through the quest and being FLABBERGASTED the whole time like my GOD he is not beating the yan! allegations after this one. literally so much about his philosophy and perspective on life, and everything seemed to align with that sort of mindset imo and it was just like LSKJDGLSKJDGLJSFJKD

I wanted to answer both asks because i really want an opportunity to just go full blown in on sunday right now!!

Also, YESS i know right? I want to put him in a little glass jar enclosure and shake him around a bit. He's my creature dont touch him!!

Tw: yandere, manipulation, lovebombing(?)

Okay so one thing that I majorly believe in is Sunday was actually deeply lonely, and was much more prone to loneliness than Robin ever was, especially considering the fork in the road regarding their "paths" with Harmony vs Order. I feel that Robin was generally able to get along well with the adults like an amiable kid, but Sunday only ever got along with adults being looked at like "an old soul" and was let in on far more complicated and morally messed up stuff earlier than Robin, which could explain his tendency to never share about his own troubles (as Robin mentions).

And I feel like having been bottling up these feelings for so damn long, it's honestly messed with his head. And the slightest bit of resistance from anyone supposed to be under his control is met with overwhelming "disciplinary actions".

If yan!sunday ever manages to sit down and have a quiet, long talk with his darling, it's going to be quite possibly the most frustrating talk ever. He's not wrong, but he's not completely right either. Trying to disprove him is futile – he'll bolt down each and every argument against his ideals, and honestly starts trying to embed his own ideals into you bit by bit. Like water droplets on a weathered rock. He wears down his darling over time, and it's quite possibly over for you if he decides he wants to throw in the whole "triple faced soul" hypnotising debacle. You can't hide a single thing from this man.

Of course, I don't think he'll go that far unless it's absolutely necessary. Or he has, and you just don't realise it until you're stuck deep inside of a sweet little dream. However, I feel like even if you have the complete opposite views, he's still going to let you be for the most part. He doesn't want to transform his darling – frankly speaking, that's practically changing the very person who he loved in the first place. He holds a bit of sincerety in his heart, which he constantly condemns, but still keeps; a part of him does hope his darling comes around to his views, and at least learns to adjust to them instead of vehemently resisting. He still wants to be able to maintain some level of equity/equality in your "relationship" (as long as he still has more control, of course).

In the other route as mentioned in the second ask, if darling does have similar, but not same views, Sunday is a bit disappointed, although he does suppose it's not the worst..

He's most likely going to ask you about your views, and earnestly listen and make sense of it. Sits down and quietly, patiently listens to you as you try and explain your own views, why you think he's wrong, etc.. and for a moment, you think he's actually being.. kind of sweet. Which is promptly shaken off in the next phase –

He becomes the biggest ASSHOLE.

At first he's pleasant about it; gently persuading you to consider other ideas (his, basically). Sooner that persuading turns to thinly restrained coercion, until he's in a full-blown argument with you.

He starts out with each and every point of yours, whittles it down, breaks and crumbles it apart and hands it back to you with his own, perfectly polished views. He denies, manipulates or twists every little thing you said to his own benefit, speaking in that calm, factual voice of his with pityingly warm, golden eyes that frustrate you; this is the man that's bending every word of yours to his benefit, but at the same time he has so much loneliness and earnest in his eyes you don't know what to say, whether it'll be too harsh, or not. It's a weird game of manipulation and wordplay that eventually breaks you down into hot tears, which he so gently and lovingly wipes away after taking off his gloves. Burying your head into his neck and softly whispering comforting words into your ear; I know, darling, it's hard. I'm sure it's not easy to accept, I know, dear.

It's frustrating, but it's so.. comforting and loving that you almost don't want it to stop. His hand is lovingly petting your head or rubbing your back, his voice coos at you in comfort. If you didn't know any better – you'd think he was more akin to a siren than an angel.

[lightningonatether]

Why c!endersmile were actually friends

ALTERNATIVELY TITLED: my crazy thesis on two bad bitches with not a single moment of screentime fueled purely by my own insanity

ALTERNATIVELY alternatively titled: to all loreheads please be nice i dont usually lorepost. feel free to engage though

So my return is courtesy of litchi, who mentioned c!endersmile like once a month ago, and got me thinking about them so hard I couldn't just walk away.

Namely, litchi reminded me of a few theories I have concerning c!endersmiles relationship, that I developed back when i was watching the SMP live. This might make my recollection of some events a little fuzzy, but everything should be canon compliant cause I was thinking about all this as I watched.

I was already watching ranboo pretty regularly at the point the prison arc started, I cant resist a really weird guy with horrible debilitating anxiety. I already thought the whole hearing dreams voice in his head was really interesting, but as the prison arc evolved it became clear that ranboos relationship with dream wasnt just some hallucination inside ranboos head and actually had some substance.

My theory really started to develop into what it is now with the explosions on the prison roof which led to the lockdown and tommys death; these were confirmed to be set by ranboo in his enderwalk state. He was one of the only people online at the time, ranboo found tnt in his inventory afterwards, and I think dream also told sam he knew ranboo did it at some point, although I can't find the exact stream.

At that point it was obvious that enderwalking ranboo held a different set of beliefs, alliances, and likely more memories than the "awake" ranboo we saw most of the time on streams, and was acting against amnesiac ranboos wishes. The explosions above the prison along with the reveal that ranboo had been regularly visiting dream in prison confirmed that dream and ender!ranboo were some sort of allies.

At the time, my assumption was that ranboo had simply made an attempted prison break. It wouldnt be a stretch to assume, if ranboo had visited regularly, that he would have noticed the poor conditions and tried to break his ally out. However, after the confirmation of the staged finale, and a better look at cdreams motivations(wanting to provide protection for punz, separating himself very publicly from his only known ally to keep them safe) the idea that enderwalk ranboo, an ally of dreams, would go against dreams explicit wishes to stay locked in that prison began making less sense.

It would only make sense if either:

enderwalk never knew about the plan or

enderwalk knew about the plan but went against it anyway

1 is a very tempting explanation. c!dream rarely lets anyone close. even punz, who knew the plan intimately, wasn't aware of dreams true motivations to bring the server back to a peaceful time before conflict. but..... it didnt sit right with me.

Two reasons for this: I know some people may have stopped watching/never watched ranboo lore, but towards the end of the prison arc, ranboo began seeing flashes of "lessons" appear on screen. These lessons all had that utilitarian and paranoid feel a lot of dreams actions/reasoning have, like "dont trust anybody"(paraphrasing, thats just what i remember the core of that message being) or "never hesitate to gain a favor from someone, you can use it to get something from them later". anyone remember technos favor to dream? It was heavily implied these lessons were meant to be from dream, directed at c!enderwalk. This would mean the two spent a significant amount of time together. not only that, dream was sharing his *life philosophy* with ender!ranboo. thats not just something dream would share with anyone, and implies a close allyship at the least. its almost like he was teaching a pupil. yeah, sure, some of his lessons were a little fucked up and weird in that dream sort of way, but he was looking out for the kid. and it seems that enderwalk wasnt hesitant to act on those lessons either. he promised to keep a shulker safe for foolish, gaining a favor, and didnt sign a single one of those prison visitation waivers, on top of sam discovering they were corrupted into enderian when he checked LMAO.

This alone would be enough to persuade me enderwalk HAD to have been let in on the plan, at least so he wouldnt cause any problems (such as trying to get his ally out of prison).

but the other reason is... ranboos stated philosophy against conflict. he doesnt like sides, he wishes they wouldn't exist. I remember watching a stream and nearly jumping out of my seat when he told chat he just wished the server could just be one big happy family! because that is nearly word for word what a bunch of loreheads were saying about dreams motivations at the time(and now obviously lmao). if we keep in mind their contact for those "lessons", ranboos visits to dream in prison, AND the fact that dreams and ranboos motivations coincide on a level even Above dream and punzs(punz seemed to have been unaware of and also not particularly motivated by dreams wish for peace) i cant really imagine dream not letting this guy in on the plan.

which leaves us with 2) ranboo tried to break dream out against dreams wishes.

Maybe ranboo was just an ally and chickened out after he saw dreams mistreatment in prison and went against the plan, but... dream missed him after sam barred him from visiting. he asked sapnap to deliver a note to ranboo(just a smiley face, likely with the hopes of triggering an enderwalk) despite fearing for his ally punz enough to lock himself in prison. it feels reminicent to how dream sounds when he comments on george not visiting him once. like he missed a friend despite trying so hard to separate himself from the ones he'd had.

Maybe ranboo tried to break in because he saw a friend being mistreated, and couldn't leave the plan stand.

And that kind of makes sense doesn't it? that dream, someone whos paranoid about how peoples connection to him puts them in danger, would choose an amnesiac who spends most of their time terrified of dream, and wouldnt remember any of his plans or their friendship to use against either of them in the first place?

[sturniolo04]

Let Me Do Your Hair M.S.

Bf!Matt x Gf!Fem!Reader

A/N: If you don't like the preadded name in my stories, you can either add your own name or not read it; it's up to you :)

Being best friends with the triplets and dating Matt has come with some unforgettable memories which brings you to the best memory you could never forget, going on tour with them. Throughout the whole experience of tour not only have you visited states you haven't been to before but you also shared a new sense of personal satisfaction with the triplets in your guys friendship, the relationship strengthening because you guys literally are sharing a common space on a tour.

This brings you to the last show located in their home town of Boston. You guys are currently at the venue for tonights show running through a dress rehearsal making sure everything is working smoothly before the fans start lining up for small talk and photos. You guys had finally gotten a small break to catch your breath, sitting on the couches that were in the dressing room next to the small talk area.

"baby can i do your hair"

matt softly asks you as you are sitting on the carpeted floor in between his legs in front of the brown leather couch.

"no babe i dont want to redo my hair before small talk"

you whine out because it was true you didn't want to redo the lazy style you put it up in with your basic brown claw clip that perfectly coordinates with the brown and pink fresh love set you ironically borrow from Matt's closet.

"come on please and if you dont like it then you can put this back in"

he persuades you referring to the claw clip you had in your hair. you eventually give and let him do so.

"there is no way you actually let him do your hair and I don't even where he is even going with this style"

nick speaks up as chris subtly agrees with him by nodding his head.

"shut up nick"

matt complains still keeping focus on the task at hand.

"guys stop i trust him"

you giggle responding to him. About 45 minutes matt had finished your hair which was just in time to start heading to your guys designated tables for small talk. You couldn't lie he did a really good job on it *reference*

You guys made your way to your table immediately getting a sneak peek at the line of screaming fans in the aisle lined up.

You guys were about halfway through the fans receiving endless gifts and hugs from everyone and shocking lots of compliments on your hair and how it looked for the show tonight.

'hi oh my goodness your so pretty"

you exclaim with open arms as the next fan makes her way to your table.

"oh my god hi i love you so much"

she exclaims back hugging you and then handing the poster she wanted you to sign.

"oh my i love you more"

you exclaim as you lean over momentarily to sign the poster in front of you.

"are you enjoying everything so far"

you ask trying to make the most of the time in between.

"yes"

she nervously squeaks out.

"thats good"

you trail off standing up and handing her back her poster, smiling at her.

"yeah"

she states.

"come here give me another hug youre too cute"

she reply opening your arms as she gives you another hug.

"your hair looks amazing by the way"

she compliments as she pulls away from you as you lightly giggle.

"thank you well dont tell anyone but matt actually did it"

you chuckle adoring the eye contact the girl was giving you loving that she felt comfortable enough have a normal conversation with you not as a celebrity but as a regular person.

"no way matt"

she giggles along with you as you nod your head.

"yeah well its good to see you enjoy the rest of the night"

you states waving your hand to her as she walks out of the small talk area.

Time Skip

"Okay guys we are going to do a QnA Session"

nick confidently speaks into the microphone as you all are walking around waiting for the first question.

"okay frist question is for matt's girlfriend oh my 'how did matt ask you out'"

chris asks reading the first question off of a slip of paper as everyone focuses their attention on you.

"oh wow um well we knew each other in high school and middle school and he was like Ive known you forever and youre very pretty and-"

you trail off as Matt jaw drops and starts to speak

"i mean look at her"

matt shouts in the mic as you takes your hand twirling you around as the fans start screaming.

"oh my goodness get a room"

nick rolls his eyes.

"but he asked me out after school before cheer practice but yeah"

you sigh out as nick picks up the next question to read off.

"okay then next question for matt's girlfriend again 'who is your favorite out of us three"

nick chuckles out as the crowd starts screaming shouting out different answers.

"oh my god whoever asked this i don't like you"

you squeal out placing your hands on face.

"who you picking"

chris chuckles out.

"i cant pick guys no"

you state looking out into the crowd.

"you dont have to i just made that up"

nick chuckles as you let out a huge sigh of relief.

"oh thank god"

you huff out as you pick up the next question.

"okay um"

you trail off looking at the question first and start to giggle into the mic when you realize what the question read.

"what"

matt asks as he looks at chris and nick in complete confusion.

"okay so the next question is for me and it asks 'who did your hair today it looks really good' "

you read off as the crowd starts screaming as matt's face lights up knowing the answer.

"okay so i didnt do my hair-"

"well first do you guys like her hair tonight"

matt questions the crowd turning his mic away from him as they loudly scream affirming the answer was 'yes'

"well i did it for her"

matt states as the crowd continues to scream.

"what a great boyfriend"

"everybody say 'yeah matt' "

chris jokes out as nick chuckles into the mic as Matt goes over and hugs you and your blushing state. You let matt do your hair more often after that night.

Taglist

@dirtylittleheart333 @mintsturniolo @wh0resstuff @aaliyahsturn

@stayingstromboli @emely9274 @spicymuffins03

[tortor-sauce]

18+ POST LOOK AWAY 👹🔞 if you’re not 18+ PLEASE DNI with this post!! 👹🔞

(sketch and drabble and headcanons)

(jel/reth/oc stuff)

GO AWAY LOOK AWAY!!!!! IM WARNING YOU 🔪

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP I CANT EVEN TAG THIS I DONT EVEN WANT PEOPLE TO SEE BUT I HAVE TO SHOW SOMEONE AND TALK ABOUT IT OR I’LL EXPLODE!!!!

i’m too shy to share the whole picture IM SORRY—i just wanted to capture a few headcanons into a single shamelessly horny drawing of the three of them together. also, my thoughts are completely unorganized and this post is mostly just me rambling!

small disclaimer, if you don’t agree with or like my headcanons, that’s totally valid but please don’t tell me so 🙇 i kindly ask you just move on from this post. thank you!

okay. so i feel like both reth and jel are service tops HEAR ME OUT—like, they’re both just a couple of pathetic lover boys who are so head over heels in love with you. the fact they practically always gift you something when you flirt with them in-game (jel gifting silk and reth gifting soup) i feel is their attempts at spoiling you and taking care of you in their own way. they just want to see you happy and make you cum your brains out a thousand times until you can’t think straight anymore 🥺

and in general, i feel jel would love to shower you in compliments and words of praise and practically worship your body. while i feel reth is the type to show you how he feels and relish in watching you come undone with him. but personally 👉👈 i feel jel and reth align more closely as switches because they’re both so.. so soft and need to be spoiled and loved so deeply (no innuendo intended)

with that said, i think jel is a more intimate and passionate lover while reth is a bit more unhinged and rough. that’s not to say jel doesn’t have his sadistic bouts. i feel it stems directly from his obsessive nature and grows into a desire to watch you submit to him and his whims, sort of in a controlling way. but it makes him so happy when you do. the need to know you belong to him, both your heart and body, is honestly really important to him. i actually feel he has control issues due to a number of reasons but that’s a different discussion—💀 and he rewards you so thoroughly for showing him how much you love him. god, the aftercare? he’s so gentle and attentive and treats you like the most precious thing he’s ever held.

more on reth, while not as sadistic, i feel he’s still plenty controlling when he wants to be. the poor man has hardly any control in his day-to-day life and the fact you allow him an ounce of control? over your body of all things? yeah, that shit drives him mad (positive). gets a bit carried away and leaves marks on your body, hickeys, scratches, bruises, the like. but hey, at least it’s a pretty reminder of how much fun you had together. plus, if anyone sees they’ll know you belong to him. but he definitely teases you about it the following days by making sly comments and even running his fingers over the more sensitive marks.

so, in my polycule i envision moments where two will actively spoil the other. so for instance like when maddox and reth want to spoil jel and shower him in the love and affection he deserves, he gets all shy and blushy but relishes in the moment. he pays them back tenfold once they’re finished, but not that same night. maddox and reth make sure he’s completely worn out so he’ll finally get some damn sleep for once. reth is the same in that regard; he gets all shy and blushy but he enjoys being spoiled for once. not having to care about anything or anyone else and focus fully on himself and his pleasure. and the two know this and want to show him how loved he is. lowkey i imagine jel bringing him to tears, crying tears of pleasure and from overstimulation but that may be a personal thing of mine. 💀 and as for maddox? they both know exactly which buttons to push. i imagine them sort of egging each other along. i mentioned earlier i think jel has a sadistic side to him, well i think the same of reth albeit not nearly as prominent. like, the fact he teases and flirts so much could be for a number of reasons, but how lovely it would be if it were only to watch their reactions each time. with that said, maddox happens to be very reactive and discovering that fact in bed, like, awakens something inside of him to tease more, to push as much as maddox will allow him. and yes, he notices the way jel reacts to it too. it only makes him want to tease him for the fact as well 🥴 WHICH is why i drew him with that expression LMAO normally i would’ve imagined him with a much softer and kinder expression but i think he’s quick to lose himself in the throes of pleasure which causes him to act a bit selfish at times. but like i said, i see him as a service top so really his ‘selfish’ moments are him just spoiling maddie and jel and showering their bodies with so much love and attention.

i have so many more thoughts but this post is getting long and i’m getting embarrassed so i’ll stop there for now.

IF YOU READ THIS IM SORRY LOL BUT THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME///////

[astranite]

Here's a few questions lmao

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

20. What’s a favourite title for a fic you’ve written?

27. Is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? Why?

Thank you!!!

3. Edges of the Universe is definitely my favourite fic because it explores both John and Scott's relationship and who John is and how that is interwoven with being autistic. All of my neurodivergent Tracies fics have a special place in my heart because even though in my head they always are I love exploring it on a textual level. Though I actually love all of my fics for their own reasons!!

5. Hmmm I am often trying to write all the ideas I am having but some are fun just to play with and imagine! For a very random one I've got some ideas for a crack treated seriously body swap trope fic mostly because giving them each other's strengths and weaknesses quite literally has the capacity to be interesting for characterisation. I might write up some notes to post if people were interested but its not something id write as a fully fleshed out fic. Though I do enjoy a plot-device mad science we dont explain makes things happen presmise!

6. So many fics I love!!! There is Suffering in Silence by @janetm74 which has John and always gives me emotions, Nowhere Else by @silverstarfics because its scott and john and my birthday fic and i adore it, Trochilidae by @idontknowreallywhy for ADHD Scott that I am very fond of, and Sweet Chariot by @edutainer2022 particularly CH2 Puzzles for a beautifully described cuddle pile.

10. It would probably be that my fic of John and Virgil got more of a reaction of many people enjoying it than I expected as its not really a combination i have seen very often (but if anyone has any recs!!!).

20. Two titles of note are Protective is an Emotion because that encapsulates the core of the fic in John protecting Virgil, and Respite (Spun Glass and Golden Light) because of both poetic and metaphoric reasons. Though I occasionally use song lyrics or single words, I enjoy finding the right set of words for titles particularly in a phrase.

27. Again probably that would be Edges of the Universe most as it is very close to my heart, intensely emotional and personal from the experiences it is drawn from and I'm very proud of it.

[coldresolve]

tbh i didnt mean “not wanting to be criticized” i meant “not wanting to search up things and dive into stuff”. Rolling your head on the keyboard and relaxing while creating something is not the same by any means. I was also thinking more of visual art when i wrote that, since “art” is usually used in that sense these days. I do write and i do “research” (not like actual research articles tho) but i couldnt care less about political or any “other” interpretations. I know ur on the mindset of “all art is political” but nah. I just like creating. I dont even ever look ar politics. No news, no social media, nothing, i dont care, i dont interact, i dont listen. Not something that i care about. And im not the only one. And thats also fine. Art and creativity and the act of creation means different things to different people and noone can make a blanket statement with saying “its always political” or “it always has a »deeper« meaning”.

I also dont think “no deeper meaning” means its “shallow” or “lacks depth” (eventho this sounds contradictory), it just means that what might mean something to the artist, doesn’t necessarily mean anything for others and interpretating it in all kinds of ways is the viewers own opinions (also fine, but my point stays that it wasnt “meant” to be interpreted in any way other than how the artist meant it). Like idk how to explain this but just because you (or anyone) thinks about art in such a “deep” and “layered” way its not always like that. Not by far.

Woodworking is art. Pottery is art. Even architecture is art. All those art forms usually dont have any “statement”, or if they do, its not as common. Its relaxing and soothing to just… create. And im not saying “oh just start woodworking without any research”, that would most likely be a safety hazard. What im saying is not knowing about all these political bulshits and not CARING about them either doesnt make the art less valid?

I used these examples because writing and drawing is usually more “political” for a lot of people (including you I know) but for many people its just the same as a piece of pottery or wood statue they work on to relieve stress. And the way you talk about art/writing makes it seem like those people are “less than”. Because they dont do research, because they dont use themes or whatever all those things. No, you dont have to do all those if you just wanna create. Its gatekeepy af.

And tbf at least they are creating it themselves, even if it doesnt fit your standards. At least they arent using some ai. In these times we need to encourage people to create more than ever instead of gatekeeping art and writing and talking down to people who arent as sophisticated as you are.

Because your writing and art is insane but man that shits stressfull. I just want to relax and turn my brain off and create some art to soothe my nerves… not all this political implications lol

My opinion and i know you disagree but anyways. You said you like “criticism” so thougth i would share my thougths too.

hope you dont mind if i break it up by point. below the cut cause youve said a lot and i say a lot, ayy

you wanna have mindless fun and dont care if it comes at the cost of spreading harmful misinfo, bigotry or stereotypes, i got it. i read you loud and clear. im also criticizing you for it, which according to this, you shouldn't have a problem with

so when you said in the last ask that you don't care about 'pushing bad stereotypes', you meant visually...? are you drawing racist charicatures or sth lmao

you're right, i do think all art is political, but politics isnt just men in suits arguing about taxes yknow. a political ideology is a prescriptive worldview, that's it. broadly speaking, it's about how you see the relationship between the past/present/future, resources and power, who has them and who don't, and does that align with our ethics, etc. why things are the way they are and how they ought (/not) to be. how you see the world, other people and yourself necessarily shows up in self-expression, that is what self-expression is. it's inherent to art, and you can't get away from this by simply going 'not true' - what you're telling me here is just that you've decided you personally don't care. which is your right i suppose

just like i have a right to be able to think of this 'heres all the ways i'm extremely apolitical' section as you just declaring a privelege. lots of people - especially this site's userbase - don't get the luxury of being able to look away, because their existence itself is highly politisized. either you pay attention or they start sending you and your friends to camps, babey. deciding to be apolitical is a Very political act

you're not sticking fully to topic here. i never talked about depth, i talked about engaging with art uncritically, which are two different things. i do hold the former as an opinion but this is already long, send a different ask if you want me to get into it lol its mostly just me being a judgy bitch abt popular culture

to the relevant stuff, im just gonna reiterate that the themes you put in your work exist whether you want them to or not. death of the author, that whole thing. if you portray poverty in a way that suggests poor people are just being lazy, or that black people are violent, or that gay people are predatory, if you essentialize these traits in any given work, that is the statement that depiction makes, regardless of whether the artist actually believes it's true or not. that's just how biases work in fiction. it's not gonna stop existing because you stop paying attention to it.

funny you should mention woodworking - hi, im a cabinetmaker and i love talking about my craft. cool facts: scandinavian woodworking tends to use sustainable/local wood, minimalistic and semi-rustic designs with a focus on elegance and simplicity, and mostly uses natural finishes. american wwoodworking is a bit flamboyant and grand, frequently uses exotic woods for details, bulkier designs, with a focus on sturdiness and practicalty, and mostly uses glossy/shiny finishes. japanese woodworking is all about precision, subtlety and a world-famous tradition of the craft spanning back millenia, using wood from species that allow for chisel work with a precision that's down to the width of a human hair, occasionally stained with some nice colors (asia generally loves wood stain). ikea's woodworking uses cheap materials and cost-effective factory production, focuses on the mass marketability of their furniture, and has a legal team to deal with worker's rights abuses and forced labor cases. if you can read nothing about priorities and worldview into any of this, i don't know what to tell you. alas its true. your chair is indeed political

this doesn't mean you can't also use any chair to simply sit down in. these two aren't mutually exclusive.

pottery is the same. architecture is the same. in fact, tell any former soviet country that there's no politics in architecture lol they'll look at you weird

never said your art isn't valid or whatever, idek what that means in this context. i just said i can still criticize your racist charicatures regardless of how much mindless fun you had making them lol

(in case its not obvious i dont think youre making racist charicatures or all that shit, im going to the extremes to illustrate a point ykwim. im guessing you'd be fine with me critizising racism in fiction - in fact i don't actually believe you'd disagree with any of the things i've said if i'd framed it in terms of racism, or at least i hope not lol i dont know how far your take goes. im challenging a double standard ig)

"because they don't use themes" mhm, youre one of the ppl who dont know what a theme is, which ig is pretty valuable for context. art necessitates making decisions about what you portray and how you portray it. those decisions say something about your thought process, which your audience is able to draw conclusions about, or at least interpret from. art is a form of communication. if you create art, you are communicating. it means something. there is a message, usually more than one. that's what themes are. can be as benign as "damn hangovers kinda suck" or some grand statement about the nature of being human, doesn't matter. both of those things are themes

i don't think any person is "less than", i'm criticizing people's approach to art. person =/= person's approach to art. remember in my original post when i said that criticism is not the same as personal attacks? or cultural elitism?

im not particularly sophisticated, i just like abstraction cause im mentally ill lmfao. and i do want to encourage people to make art. i just also hate consumerist brainrot, so

its not that i cant relate to wanting to turn your brain off sometimes and just watch some sloppy horror movie or whatever, i do that too. but i also recognize that said sloppy horror movie can be criticized in seventy thousand different ways, and at least being aware of that instead of mindlessly consuming probably leads to a more wholistic appreciation of the art you create and engage with.

this is sliding into opinion territory like the sidenote in my last answer, so beware, but. if 'mindless fun' is the only way you engage with art, you're missing out, i'm sorry, Facts*. you're treating art like content to be consumed to distract you from the real world, not as something thats supposed to inspire or motivate or make you think about/understand things. it's reductive of what art has the potential to do, the ways it can help you grow. it takes effort to change your approach and i get that, but it gets easier once you've done it enough, and it is very worthwhile imo. just sayin'. im genuinely being an optimist about art here

*= opinion lol. but its a strong opinion which is basically the same as a fact**

**= irony

anyway i genuinely enjoy having these sorts of conversations just for the record. am able to disagree with someone without assuming they're a bad person or whatever. i understand if youre not interested in talking continuing but youve been fairly respectful or whatever so thats nice, love and peace✌️

[cipher-zoo]

First off to the birthday anon you own me financial compensation because one gonna be thinking about that forever

And kinda expanding on that maybe when buggy is a bit older its his birthday again and this time they didnt forget and they get a party set up that night. And then buggy doesnt show up. He is gone for hours and they are freaking out. Its well past midnight when buggy shows up scuffed and bruised but okay.

And they are demanding where is was at and why he didnt come to his own birthday party and to that buggy is just dismissively like “oh that was today”

And when the press further about where he was (cuase he wont tell anyone) he is just in general confused he is like “ sorry about the party but like you usually dont care when im usuallyout”

And before his mind can catch up Rayliegh ask “ what do you mean your usually out?”

And the look and buggys face is enough to tell them they once again fucked up and now everyone is trying to remember the last they saw buggy actually on the ship whenever their docked.

Buggy had assumed they knew when he was gone and just never asked either becuase they trusted him or just didnt care, they hadnt left him yet (there had been some close calls). He bother to hear the rest and just heads off to bed

Reggie, my friend! You can't demand financial compensation and then break MY heart in return! What did I do? I'm just the messenger here - well, a very unreliable messenger who adds their own thoughts and takes to other people's messages 🤔 ... but a messenger nonetheless!

All this being said, holy hell, I love this.

I have this Headcanon that, over the years, Buggy turned out to be a far bigger troublemaker than Shanks. At least on one hand, because he had less to lose than Shanks - after all Shanks was the golden boy, and we can't ignore that that must have put a lot of pressure on his shoulders as well - and on the other hand, because Buggy, as we know him, just gets himself into the most miserable situations. [Rayleigh definitely had to have the 'you can't follow strangers, just because they tell you they have treasure in the back of their carriage' conversation with Buggy MULTIPLE times]

Now I'm not just saying this to ramble, but because I think that maybe this is how the situation could have started.

When he was younger, Buggy would every now and again get in trouble for staying away from the ship for too long. I believe in the early days this was by no means on purpose, he was simply set on some goal or another that had him so focused he simply forgot to get back in time (that, or he got in trouble). Which in turn would get him stuck with more chores or maybe being stuck with guard duty for the next island etc.

But over the years, Buggy noticed that he would get in trouble less and less often. And he started to assume that Rayleigh simply realized that he could trust Buggy to stay out longer, since he was getting older and even if he wasn't as strong as Shanks, he could defend himself if necessary.

Only then to realize that the real reason was that nobody even NOTICED that he wasn't there... yeah, that must have hurt.

I don't know if you listen to musicals, but there is this song: "Superboy and the Invisible Girl" from the musical Next to Normal. And I have to say, this whole situation reminds me of that a lot.

Thank you very much for sharing these thoughts with me. Even if it hurts.

[Also, part of me feels like I need to write some happy Roger Pirate head canons, because as I said, I love them so much, and I know I am portraying them in a negative light a lot right now, but that's just one verse of them I could see!]

[borom1r]

FUCK I HIT ASK TOO EARLY SMH

4 5 6 9 12 14 18 19 20 21 22 24 25 and 26 (freebie: favourite h/c or whump headcanons because I’m a Fiend) for Boromir, Faramir, Éomer, and Théodred >:)

ALSO SIR PLEASE STOP DOING HELLA FUCKIN EDIBLES TOO FAST 😭🤣 I WORRY

SKSDHJFKJSDJ TYYYYY

Boromir—

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

UM. ok this is so fucking. this is SO DUMB but 1) Boromir is just inextricably tied to fantasy to me sorry BUT. im sticking him in The Sword and the Sorcerer bc i think if ANYONE deserves to get to mess around with a three-bladed magic rocket sword its Boromir

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Shock Me! by Baroness

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

loyalty :3 also bad at quantifying my own emotions sdkjhfsdkjf

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

YE. i think i could totally be roommates w/ him

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Boromir struggling with self harm impulses was sth that just kinda came up naturally in one fic + then got expanded on and now its. a very important hc to me actually, as some1 who also struggles w that

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

HRM. this feels like a cop-out answer but truly from the depths of my heart i think modern AU Boromir just dresses like Sean Bean. he'd just dress like a dad

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

Boromir&Faramir sibling relationship is Everything to me forever + ever

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

huh. idk? i think all the relationships he has are interesting so there's no specific relationship that's bad on a fundamental level. like i think Denethor is a shit parent and i do not think he and Boromir have a GOOD relationship. but it IS narratively interesting

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

HM. like Merry and Pippin obviously but also i do think he and Éowyn would get on like a house on fire if they got to meet.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

hmmmm i like putting him in situations where hes Loved. my Boromir/Théodred/Aragorn fic is one of my favs just bc i like Spoiling Boromir. he deserves to be spoiled sdjkfhsjk

i dont.. Know that theres anything i dont like abt writing him??? hes very cathartic to write

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

same answer as above pretty much :3 i love when hes treated with tenderness and love by the narrative

+ ive bitched abt this before but fics that just make him a brute are the woooooooooorrrssst. like. thats. thats so antithetical to even the most BASIC reading of his character. worsties how do u get him THAT wrong???

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

HM. HRM. idk :3 hes very special 2 me like he is THEE comfort character rn so idk anyone else off th top of my head where im like oh theyre Like Boromir

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

i did not care abt Boromir when i was a child first getting into LotR. Sighs. i was a legolas + merry/pippin stan. NOW he is thee singular guy of all time forever. i wld die 2 defend him <33

26. FREEBIE QUESTION!! — favourite h/c or whump headcanons?

ok kinda already answered in 12 but i do love any fic exploring how Boromir reacts when like. it sinks in tht he doesn't have to shove everything aside to be this unbreakable pillar of strength. u know

Faramir—

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

oh easy. The Last Unicorn. like again sorry ik its fantasy still but theres such a quiet melancholy to that story, and so much love and care.. I think Faramir would fit right in

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Living Pyre by Khemmis

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

far too willing to sacrifice ourselves in search of approval

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

ye :3

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

he's so autistic. to me <3333333

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

i feel like he wld rlly like corduroy. modern au i think he'd still lean fantasy-inspired for his fashion sense

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

Faramir&Aragorn and Faramir&Pippin friendships ilyyyyy

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

same answer as Boromir skjhfskjdf

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Aragorn!! autism2autism communication

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Faramir is so versatile w/ writing skjdfhskj i love him for angst, i love him for fluff... guy of all time (he deserves so many hugs)

he's very introspective so character studies are also very fun w/ him

(nothin i dislike wrt writing for him)

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

sth i like? love reading character study moments w him as much as i like writing them :3

dislike? woobification. he's an extremely capable soldier in his own right and captain of Ithilien's rangers. he does not need to be Babied

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

ties in2 my answer for four but the Lady Amalthea from The Last Unicorn actually. like again idk Faramir is so autistic-coded And trans To Me and just. yeagh. ethereal otherworldly magical creature trapped in a body that is fundamentally wrong + suddenly dealing w/ people who expect things of her that she just doesn't comprehend/expect certain reactions she cannot/does not give.

and her growing to love Lír because Lír takes the time to learn how to woo her in ways that truly work for her (instead of the ways princes are Supposed To woo their loves).

i think if Faramir got to watch/read The Last Unicorn it would rewire his brain love + light

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

again i never rlly thought much abt him originally. now tho? [aragorn kinnie voice] thats my whole entire little brother

26. FREEBIE QUESTION!! — favourite h/c or whump headcanons?

HRM. i think he does wind up with burns on his torso/arms at Least. at least. i do like the tenderness of him letting Éomer help look after the scarring

Éomer—

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

ummmm not so much sth i would put him in but i do think he should be allowed to marathon the Fast & Furious movies while intoxicated. fast cars hunky guys ridiculous stunts, 10/10 extremely fun

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

HM. ok this is like. in the context of Éomer/Faramir but Ride On by Cruachan

also Hulde Aan De Kastelein by Heidevolk

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

HRMGH. big fan of horses

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

uhhhhh yea?? maybe?? I feel like we might butt heads a little but not too bad

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

he’s nonbinary to me :3

at some point I’ll continue that post expanding on th theoretical overlap between Iron Age Norse conceptions of gender/mysticism and Rohan. but he is nonbinary To Me

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

farmer fashion lmao. again modern au Éomer is like. jeans work shirts boots etc. purely practical clothing + 100% has a farmer’s tan

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

I love his relationship with Éowyn like I do love sibling relationships so much. also really love his relationship with all of the Three Hunters like they’re so funny together

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

same answer!! nothin I really dislike bc even his negative relationships are super interesting

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

i genuinely really enjoy his + Gimli's banter i think they should get to be Actual Friends. that wld be a really fun dynamic i think

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

again idk anything super specific?? soz skjhfsjk i feel like im giving lame answers but i will say i do think its very funny that every time ive written a sex scene with Éomer its been outdoors. no beds for that Rohir

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

hmmmm im a weak bitch for Éomer/Faramir fluff fics :3

for dislikes— similar vein to Boromir but fics that make him a brute or treat him like hes stupid. feels weird besties

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

HM. i feel like i Should have an answer for this but i dont -_-;; th brain has been on 24/7 LotR lockdown for. So Long now. so i try to conjure other characters n my mind goes Blessedly Blank

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

look man. look when i first read lord of the rings all the way through, i was a weird trans autistic teen dealing with chronic depression and such a massive disconnect from humanity i was fully convinced i was a changeling. i was NOT paying attention to the Men in these books i was paying attention to one (1) elf and two (2) hobbits

impression of him now is [kinnie voice] brother in law :]

26. FREEBIE QUESTION!! — favourite h/c or whump headcanons?

touched on this briefly in one fic but i do think Éomer falls into a similar trap as Boromir where its like. "why should i bother Processing Emotions when i could kill 20-30 orcs instead. i will certainly not regret killing 20-30 orcs. wdym 'how am I feeling?'"

sth sth sth throwing himself recklessly into battle to combat crippling feelings of uselessness bc his cousin/practically his older brother is on his deathbed, his uncle is close behind and he's been exiled from his homeland, leaving his sister in the clutches of a skeezy little slimeball. getting hurt + not having the injury properly seen to until After bc, you know, he's got 20-30 Orcs To Kill

(don't be like Éomer. take care of yourself)

Théodred—

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

idk how much this counts but i wrote a fic retelling the story of Aran + Asmund with Boromir + Théodred, so that :3

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

ok well i feel like Théo is such a blank slate character with how little we know of him in canon that i can't give as solid an answer, but I'll drop the songs I've used to title Théo-centric fics:

Shine by Baroness (Boromir/Théodred)

Blot by Månegarm (Boromir/Théodred/Aragorn) < this one fits my personal vibes for him extremely well

+ technically, My Mother Told Me (Théodred&Éomer&Éowyn)

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

Big Sibling w/ two younger siblings sdkfhd

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

ye!! we could vibe i think

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Well Again, I Think Théo Is An Extremely Blank Slate. BUT Théo being trans is deeply deeply important to me

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

modern au Théodred dresses practically when he needs to but otherwise very cozy. hygge is real and he Is embodying it

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

sth sth i feel repetitive im sorryyyyyyy but his sibling relationship w/ Éomer + Éowyn is SO important to meeeeeeeeee

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

Same Answer As Everyone Else lol

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

BOROMIR. like i think they were more than best friends (wink) but also they are just. Best Friends. the basis for every lasting healthy relationship

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

he's very lighthearted 2 write. i love writing silly lil romantic fics w/ him. nothin i particularly dislike sjnjsfd

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

i havent actually read any Théo fics other than the ones i wrote sorryyyyyyy sdnfsjdfhk

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

i think i have actually pulled some of my voice for him from Lír in The Last Unicorn and Taran in the later books from the Chronicles of Prydain, so there u go :3

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Forgot He Existed. now i have a big soft spot for him lol

26. FREEBIE QUESTION!! — favourite h/c or whump headcanons?

ok this was sth i totally misremembered based solely off of the supremely excellent skeeziness of Brad Dourif's performance and just the way he says "oh.... he must have died sometime in the night" when he visits Éowyn while she grieves... anyways i think that could easily be read as Gríma having sabotaged Théodred's recovery

[butch-reidentified]

Your lack of self awareness about your own "dysphoria" is causing you to justify an extremely antifeminist industry and those profiting from selling marginalized women self-destruction. You have all the expected comorbidities (OCD/anorexia/body dysmorphia plus unresolved trauma from extreme homophobia) of someone in your position, shared with most female people who seek this surgery, and not someone with an implausible, never validated neurological disorder that coincidentally happens to map precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body. Your "resolution" of symptoms is dependent on defending your decision and not the actual reality of the results. Your comorbid issues (especially OCD, which your wife is enabling) are obviously still raging through your life no matter what you say. It is a direct insult to every woman who feels violated by what happened to them to claim that not only are you one of the only people on the planet to truly need this surgery but that you read their stories of profoundly woman-hating trauma to convince yourself that you were a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate. P.S. I would "pull up" but I have a job instead of whatever grift you run. Good luck and hope you figure this out before too many other women see you as a role model.

LMAO this is so so amazing thank you. when I tell you this reads like TRA arguments... straight up making things up, projecting, absurdity, and ad hominem bs. delightful!

long post incoming but I am gonna break this down on a micro level bc I haven't talked about these topics in a minute + I'm high and it seems like fun, like a satisfying puzzle, kind of, to break this down into individual parts and address each part. Plus, asks like this provide opportunities to really dive into nuance and detail on several of one's ideas, experiences, and worldviews all in one place, which I've always enjoyed.

I am gonna preface by saying several parts of this are blatantly bad faith, and I am answering more for others to read than for anon. In particular, the claim that I said I am one of the few people who "truly NEED" this surgery. Given you clearly read at least some of my posts on dysphoria, certainly you saw that I repeatedly emphasized that I never have or will view this as a "need." It's also worth noting that most of my posts on this were written quite some time ago, and I don't remember everything I ever wrote on the topic off the top of my head, but I 150% do know myself and what thoughts and feelings I've had and which I've not had on the matter.

ok so first off, I have literally not ever ever even once encouraged anyone to pursue a single elective surgery & have very consistently done the opposite. just because I feel chill about my surgery personally does not mean that I support that industry, actually. in fact, if i knew everything i know about that industry now, I would not get the surgery... but that's a matter of choosing to boycott the industry, not a matter of how i feel personally about my individual experience. how I feel has literally nothing to do with my opinions/beliefs/values. I dont choose how I feel, but I fully choose my moral code.

in fact, my honesty about my story is not supporting that industry in a single way - it simply is not lying. people like you would have me lie to further a narrative rather than be genuine and candid, which puts us on the level with TRAs since that is precisely what they do. it comes down to this: you are asking me to either be silent about (lie by omission) or knowingly misrepresent (outright lie) my experiences because you lack the capacity for nuance to fit them into your narrative without harming the integrity of said narrative. But I don't under any circumstances do that, regardless of whether or not I agree with said narrative (and in this case, I very much do agree). If you cannot work the nuances of my lived experiences into your narrative about gender ideology and transition without it threatening the narrative that's on you; it's entirely possible to do. I'm not going to lie or censor myself just because you're limited in that way.

to be clear, my theory about neurological sex dysphoria is not "implausible;" it is also not something I'm insisting definitely is correct, or I would not call it a theory. And do you even have the qualifications to rule it such, knowing that I am a published neuro/neuropsych researcher (though now retired from that field because I recently found my truest passion)? However, it is not based on absolutely nothing. This answer is already waaay too long, bad habit of mine, but my #ntsd tag includes some posts that elaborate on this. The only thing I am going to specifically say on this matter is that having a processing disconnect (which has literally been visialized on fMRI) that caused my breasts to physically feel like a prosthetic attachment... is not "coincidentally mapping precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body." This assertion doesn't even make sense in the context of everything I've said previously. I have never believed in the "body mapping" theory of dysphoria that you clearly are referring to by "mapping... onto the female body."

Additionally, I am not sure how you see logic in making this claim when misogynistic ideas of the female body are not known for being devoid of breasts. As I've said in practically every single post on this topic that I've made, I never went through a period of actually wanting to reject womanhood, be perceived socially as not-a-woman, or believing that womanhood and femininity were synonymous. That simply was not my motivation, and as I've said before, pain from chronic cysts was a large part of my decision. Lots of women on here have spoken about how they never went through those period either, yet I'm the only one I've seen get shit for it & get accused of thinking I'm better than other women for it. I never claimed or remotely implied that, and it has never in my life so much as occurred to me as even a hypothetical concept to feel superior about something like that. The only difference between me and most of the women on here who never went through those periods is that I had an elective mastectomy - but I did so while still entirely secure and at peace in my womanhood. Whether you find my truthful experience to be inconvenient or hurtful is entirely on you, not my responsibility to bury my own feelings and my own story for your comfort.

My lack of regret is not remotely "dependent on defending my decision." This is another statement that you would never make in a million years if you'd ever had one single irl conversation with me. I have no hesitation about admitting when I'm wrong. I do it /all/ the time. I don't have a pride issue, so "defending my decisions" is not something that matters to me. Again, you are projecting and you are assigning qualities to me without even the most basic knowledge of me as a person. I have not to date had a single human being on here miss quite this hard in an attempt to come at me. There's a lot about me, like anyone, that's ripe for completely justifiable criticism, and you've somehow managed to select some of the least applicable few assertions about me that you could find. Fact of the matter is I'm not prone to regret in the first place, and even factoring the dysphoria thing out of the conversation entirely, I genuinely like not having the inconvenience of large breasts and not having the pain of constant cysts, which i would still have if I'd gotten a reduction rather than mastectomy.

furthermore, you are making wildly unfounded claims. "lack of self awareness" lmfao this is pure gold. the people that hate me most in the entire world would laugh out loud if you tried to say that about me in front of them. I have plenty of flaws, plenty of areas I need to improve, but self-awareness is not one of those, not something I have ever in my entire life before this ask had a single soul give me constructive feedback about. so thanks for the novel experience, ig 🤷

I literally do not have a single one of the mental health issues you're claiming I do, nor do I have any unhealed trauma at all (and have not in a long time), as I've spoken about in-depth more than once, especially since my first ever Neuropsych research publication was on PTSD and I previously worked as a trauma therapist for patients with comorbid substance use disorders. I have a number of genetic physical health conditions, but my mental health is honestly excellent. Not to say I've just been totally cheerful my entire life, but at this point in my life, I have been healed long enough that it's almost surreal to look back on a time when I wasn't, and I am deeply happy with my career, my marriage, my relationships with my family and friends, my home and my pets, my hobbies... all of it. And I'm incredibly excited for the plans my wife and I have for our future.

The body dysmorphia claim is especially funny to me because one literally cannot possibly be any more neutral and at ease in their relationship with their body than this. I have said it several times on here, but I place as much value on my appearance now as I did when I was 4. Pretty much the only time I consider my appearance at all is to make sure I look professional and sharp for something like a business meeting. I talk about true body neutrality being attainable fairly often specifically because I've experienced it firsthand, so I know it can be done. I have a strict rule against speaking on shit I don't actually know.

but if you think that by reading my tumblr blog, you know my mind better than I do and better than medical professionals, that's just blatantly delusional and peak chronically online behavior. ESPECIALLY as someone who does not know me in any capacity. the audacity to make claims about not only me but also my WIFE, who you know nearly nothing about and does not even use this site.... it's genuinely mind-boggling for you to be running your mouth about some "lack of self awareness" shit given the content and tone of this ask.

same thing with you deciding you are able to speak for "every woman who feels violated by what happened to them." that is lack of self awareness and it is projection. your assertion that I read those women's painful stories of woman-hating trauma before having my surgery "to convince myself that I was a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate" is SUCH bullshit even you have to know you're lying. that comment is so bad faith it's a bit impressive, but mostly just disgusting on your part. I read detrans stories freely shared by both sexes on public platforms, with the specific intention of canceling my planned surgery the second I encountered one single thing I might have in common with those stories in terms of motivation to get the surgery. There is such a massive difference between trying to learn from others' mistakes and using others' trauma to validate your choices. You are lying if you try to act like I wasn't very clear about which one I did. I waited 5 or 6 years from when I learned that this surgery was even a thing to move forward. I waited until my prefrontal cortex was "done cooking" as the internet likes to say. I pursued multiple other treatment options, not one of which was "gender affirming" bc I did not buy into gender ideology back then, either. And I educated myself on the experiences of those who regretted it with the purpose of minimizing my risk of regret by NOT moving forward if I found that I related to any of the motivations that led them to pursue surgery and ultimately regret it. I was not blindly stubbornly committed to surgery; I was always very much open to canceling if it felt right. Yes, having chosen that process of literally informing myself DID make me uniquely informed... that doesn't mean i'm better than anyone else, though. it's just the reality of putting a half decade of work and analysis and thought into a decision that absolutely nobody pressured me into, compared to the pretty common experience of being misled by trans ideology and/or rushing into this surgery. I am very much aware that I'm not special or superior just because I am flat out lucky enough to have not had anyone trying to manipulate, mislead, rush, or pressure me to get surgery, and insanely lucky to have not had pain or complications from it. And yes, despite my unconventional path to surgery, I also know I am very lucky to not regret it. All the more reasons I don't promote it.

you have constructed an image of me, my wife, and my daily life in your mind based on reading my blog and absolutely nothing more than that. even if you are engaging negatively with that image, criticizing it/me, etc., this is a parasocial engagement by definition.

The above is exactly what you have done. Parasocial interactions don't have to be positive. You are deluding yourself if you truly, genuinely believe you have the remotest understanding of who I am or how I live.

out of curiosity, did you intentionally fail to mention that I had medical reasons for my mastectomy in addition to dysphoria? or did you just conveniently forget about that despite how frequently I've talked about it?

as an afterthought: the implication that unlike you, I don't have a job is fucking golden given that you've clearly been reading a LOT of my posts and I don't believe for one second that you simply missed all the posts where I've talked about the fact that we bought our own home at 24, the fact that my wife and I own our own business, and the extra shit I do just because. but if you like, we can compare our records of how much time per day and week spent on social media 💀

thank you for this ❤️❤️❤️

[koskela-knights]

This is gonna be a bit of a vent so I'll put it under the cut

Sometimes I really wonder how others and followers perceive and interact with my blog. Do u only see my stuff when it appears on ur dashboard? Or do u actively seek out this blog and scroll through it?

I see people like and sometimes reblog my age-old memes from months ago 😂 did u see them on someone else’s blog and decided to rb from the OP?

Well idk, but sometimes it kinda stings when most people only reblog stuff I reblog, like fanart and photos and seem to ignore all the stuff I make. Like wow thnx for following me only for others’ people stuff i guess. This blog was initially created to yeah, reblog bout the Koskelas but there was literally 0 content to reblog so it became more of a place where I share my own stuff

Again, I keep having trouble by comparing myself to others. Putting so much time and love into my serious art, gifs and moodboard edits only for most of them to be ignored or sit at a low 5 notes (given the fact I have more followers than that but 90% seems to not be active here. Some people rly start following me and then never reblogged or liked anything. Not even stuff I reblog from others.)

Like yeah I still enjoy sharing stuff I make but it gets harder and harder and I hate to often catch myself thinking:

is it even still worth posting when barely anyone interacts or reblogs anymore? Is it even worth making something anymore?🤪 (glad my fixation conquers the self-doubt more often than not)

maybe my art is just not good enough or not pleasing enough or whatever for people to want it on their own blog 🤡 Ik the note amount isn't everything to strive for lol but as a somewhat visual indicator of how much smth might be liked and enjoyed, it sucks ass at times when barely anyone interacts but only interact on stuff u didn't make. At first I wondered if people dont rly know what the rb button is until people do reblog stuff that isnt mine 🤸 Anyways that’s actually a big reason I started another sideblog to rb and to keep most stuff on here, just be my stuff. Cue the decline in activity.

It's already difficult being a Koskela fan, given the fact how little the large average fandom seems to care but I've seen other Koskela fanart that gotten 100+ notes. Makes me always think how??? Maybe they're more popular and have a bigger reach... The annoying voice in my head tells me it's becos their art is better T_T

But I think popularity really is key becos I remember when the 6 second Koskela BTS video came out and I created gifs out of it, which in the end did get a bigger rb/love than most of my work ever reached, but some other blog instantly had like 100-200+ notes on the same gifset that hadn't even fully separated each fragment of that 6second thing 😂

Anyways that's all for today. Sometimes I gotta express some insecurities and disappointment lmao

[discluded]

On MA and fanservice. Seems like discussion in anglophone spaces misses cultural expectations - many things MA do and say are expected of them as being a cp (even for het cp). Many actors in the thai BL world are very obviously queer - they dont hide, they just dont come out. Unpopular opinion, I honestly do think these couples (when both are queer) are getting together at the same rates as the het cps. Its human nature to like a person who is compatible with you and shares your interests.

[context]

FOR THE RECORD, I think most of his research happened in 2021 or early 2022 so like, MileApo would not be a blip on his radar during the time he would be talking to industry insiders. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Also hilariously just, take his big-headed declarations with a grain of salt. Appreciate it for what it is, but he got into a feud with one of my RL friends about Johnny's fandom a couple of months ago so 🤣 he's very self-important about how he has ~insider access too

Friend, I don't feel comfortable legislating morality. When it's a matter of fandom history / context with multiple perspectives discussed, sure, but in many instances, I don't know you might extrapolate approval or disapproval.

Also, this is not chastisement so don't take it as such, but I want to encourage everyone to be more confident in their own opinions.

If you don't feel it's wrong, like the tone of your message implies, then you don't need my or anyone's approval. And if not seeking validation of your opinions is hard for you sometimes, then practice!

I feel strongly about mentioning this since your message came in the context of me mentioning HP fandom history and toxic fandom participants, and I have no qualms highlighting who some of these people are and what they did when they took advantage of others with their more assertive personalities.

One such individual is thanfict!on (lol don't want them to find me) but this person not only caused drama in HP and other fandoms but also led a cult that eventually led to the deaths of some cult members. (See the fanlore article I linked about them.)

In regards to practicing cult/groupthink protective behaviors, it also help buffer against political propaganda.

But to answer your question: 1) it's not criminal in any way nor is it hurting anyone to believe such a thing and 2) as long as you are aware that an opinion about the people's relationships [general] is irrelevant to how those relationships actually are and don't get angry when there's evidence pointing to otherwise, then it's fine. A . absolutely asinine example of this was I once saw a person said their "opinion" was that Mile was closer to Build than to Apo... *makes Oprah "see" gesture*. Or the toxic solos who keep insisting that Mile and Apo barely tolerate each other, though their narrative is always a mess.

In many cases, we don't know the specifics of people's relationships with each other, and as long as you understand your own opinion has no effect on that actual relationship, there's no problem if you think one way or another. 🤷🏻‍♀️

For the record, I think my opinion is perfectly clear :) I trust y'all ability in reading comprehension. I just don't believe in telling people how to think or guiding them to a conclusion. I have faith in your abilities to do what's right for yourself.

The lovely thing about having differing opinions but civil conversation is that we can still respect each other and disagree! No harm, no foul. Some things set me off more than others, and we all come from contexts in which certain things are more sensitive than others.

[mothman-clarice]

Ok so I watched american psycho for the first time last night and I got a great idea for a cool crossover/thought experiment.

What if Patrick Bateman met Hannibal Lecter?

Quick note: I haven't read the book american psycho but I have done a little research about it. Also I'm aware that theres a lot of debate on whether or not patrick actually kills anybody since he is a very unreliable narrator. For the sake of this analysis we will assume all of his murders are real since I dont feel like opening up that complicated can of worms lol.

So first I'd like to do a little character analysis/compare and contrast with both of them cus I think these characters are very interesting to compare.

Let's see what they have in common first. They both are serial killers and cannibals who are lethally efficient and prolific. They are both very successful with Bateman being a millionaire wall street investor and hannibal being Lithuanian royalty and a successful psychiatrist. They are characterized as having some sort of mental illness/disorder, bateman obviously being a stereotypical psychopath plus possibly antisocial personality disorder and hannibal having several which I cant name off the top of my head. They are both known for having "high class" taste and deeply emerse themselves in fine culture.

Now let's talk about their differences...

While yes they both share one key character trait (being murderers) they are still vastly different in terms of personality and behavior. Let's start with their attitude/tendencies towards murder.

Hannibal may be a prolific vicious murderer but if you look closely enough you will see he actually has some form of moral compass. He never hurts children, only adults over the age of 20. He rarely if ever kills women (at least to my knowledge, I haven't read all the books or seen all the movies) which is very likely rooted in his chivalrous nature. He never kills out of the blue, he always has some reason for it, be it his victim making a rude remark or doing something hannibal finds reprehensible. No matter what, he always has some reasoning behind his killings. So while yes he is a vicious murderer, he does actually have a moral compass if you look hard enough.

And then there's Patrick Bateman.

Patrick's murderous behavior is completely different from hannibal. He is erratic and random, killing whoever just so happens to be closest whenever he gets the urge. He has compulsions to kill whereas hannibal pretty much has full self control and only kills of his own free will. Patrick never has any clear reasoning for his murders beyond very vague rationalizations which mostly boil down to "they are different from me" or they said something he perceived as a personal insult. Unlike hannibal, bateman has absolutely no moral compass since he completely lacks empathy. He despises anyone who is higher or lower class than him (especially the lower class), he despises women and views them as objects made for his sexual pleasure and nothing else. Women, especially sex workers, are actually his primary targets since he already views them as subhuman and knows he has great power over them physically and often financially. To him humans are tools he uses to achieve his desires. He completely lacks any emotion, even saying his only emotions are greed and disgust.

He is the purest example of the Id you could possibly think of. His brain is controlled by the most base primal instincts: hoard resources to preserve your own survival, fight and kill anyone you see as a threat or as different from you, and have sex as much as possible. His ultimate goal in life is to fit in with the rest of the white cishet male wall street yuppies, his "tribe" if you want to continue with the primitive themes.

In regards to emotion hannibal does very much feel. Yes his perception of emotion may be different from most people but he still absolutely has the capacity to feel sadness, love, joy, and more alongside anger and disgust. He may be violent but he is not devoid of empathy. We all know he falls deeply in love with clarice because he empathizes with her trauma and struggle. He recognizes her frustration with trying to get the male dominated world to notice her capability and strength. He marvels at her brilliance and adores her independence, he loves her, so so much.

What does bateman love? Well he certainly loves money and power. But does he feel that way about anything else? No. The closest thing he feels to love is lust, primal carnal desire. He hates women, he only values them for sex and nothing else. (Sorry to break the essay emerson but I just need to say this. Why didnt this guy just get a fleshlight? A sex doll? Like if you hate women so much but wanna fuck just get a fuckin toy dude, I'm sure they existed in the 1980s 🙄)

Another thing I noticed they differed with is their attitude towards wealth and media. Patrick is obviously obsessed with both. Media permeates every moment of his existence, constantly listening to music every chance he gets, "watching" movies (mostly just playing them as background noise), obsessing over p0rnography, and so much more. His attitude towards porn is especially interesting to me as he doesnt seem to consume it in the way people normally do. The first scene that comes to mind is the one where hes on a phone call with Evelyn while a porn video plays on his tv. He doesnt even look at the screen, he seemingly shows zero interest. Theres nothing near him in the scene that would suggest he was "enjoying" it (tissues, lotion, y'know..). Its like he just put it on as background noise just like he does with movies. He has similar behavior when he brings in the escorts and rambles about music while instructing them to perform for him, despite the fact he spends most of the beginning walking around his apartment not even looking at the women. It's like he has no idea how human sexuality works, he obviously doesnt feel horny given those two examples, it's like he just has sex and looks at porn because it gives him some kind of status or maybe it just gives him something to do. Maybe he does it purely because it seems like something a "normal human" would do.

As for his obsession with wealth, bateman seems to have a similar attitude. He hates going out with people to diners since we know he hates people in general. He seems to only go out with his fellow yuppies to feel like hes part of something. He pretends to get along with them and says anything they like to hear, putting on a character as if he was playing out a fantasy in his head. He expects people to be impressed with his wealth and feels deeply insulted when they're not. He sees wealth as a necessity, he constantly needs to be richer and more extravagant than everyone else. He is the ultimate personification of greed, a gluttonous, jealous dragon whose hoard is never big enough.

As for hannibal? Having been raised in royalty he naturally grew accustomed to lavish living and views it as his normal. He feels most comfortable having gourmet meals regularly, his day clearly planned out with plenty of activities to do, and generally a life full of savoring the finer things and enjoying many of the pleasures of noble life. Unlike patrick who's idea of lavish is hoarding expensive things he doesn't need and parading them around to inflate his ego, hannibal's idea of lavish living is playing piano, watching Shakespeare plays, reading classical literature, admiring fine art both old and new. He has no need for parading around his wealth because it doesnt matter to him.

You see what I mean? Bateman views wealth as a tool to gain status and be part of a community. Hannibal does not really perceive wealth since it has always been a part of his life, he doesnt want more wealth since riches alone dont give him pleasure. To hannibal wealth is simply the norm and something he pays no mind to, whereas patrick is utterly and completely addicted to it.

I feel like I've rambled long enough and pinned down their primary differences. I honestly had a lot of fun writing this! I find both characters incredibly fascinating and I thoroughly enjoyed dissecting them both side by side. I hope you all liked it too of course.

Also, good news! I'm finally starting my week long vacation from work so I'll have a lot more free time to post. So look forward to more activity from me in the future :)

[mothmandibles]

👁️ 💙⚡ PINK FROM WET COMIC

⚡ 💭 ✨ MAXIM FROM FORP

THIS got. Very Long i put it under the readmore.

👁️ - How do other people perceive this oc? How close do their first assumptions come to the truth?

off the top of my head i actually dont know. i cant believe but i dont really know what The People think of Ink. i wanna say people perceive them as very blunt . straightfowards. a bit silly from this. And i'd say thats right . ink is very forwards with how theyre feeling about things at the moment and far more Act NowThink Never . "because im soooo awesome. thinking is for NERDS!"

💙 - Describe their bedroom! Is it personalized, unchanged? Messy, neat?

(grimly looks off into distance as this prompts me to think about how i wanna redraw the whole prologue so i can better show off ink's bedroom considering what little we saw in comic is Not Accurate.)

ahem. this is to say, Jesus Christ ink has a Lot of "stuff" they keep around very messy. they share a room though so the chaos is (as best as they can manage) restrained to their half of the room.

the "stuff" is mainly trinkets and whatever they've either found outside (e.g. cool rocks, sticks), made (as practice, but they're not allowed to have weapons so its usually just random stuff they thought "i could make that" and then did), or belongs to them (clothes.) (there's not really anything seperating clean clothes from dirty. they're just. all around. doesn'tmatter. shes wearing outdoor shoes inside and sleeps in her outside clothes because why put on pjamas if youre just gonna have to puton the outside clothes again TCH!) . ... tl;dr messy room 1 billion things everywhere on her half of the room.

⚡ - Does this oc have any unusual or “irrational” fears?

white women angels new found fear of knives and other sharp objects "I would never be scared of anything because i could just beat it up who cares. and also if i WAS itd be very . RATIONAL!!" - Ink Wise Words.

& for maxim "forp" . this word scares me i dont know how to feel about shortening fearcorp to that. anyways

⚡ - Does this oc have any unusual or “irrational” fears?

Honestly no Maxim is very rational and would not be scared of whatever. I mean this so nicely to them because i love them dearly but i think Maxim lacks the imagination to even have things to imagine that would be scary. I don't think they're even scared of normal things to be afraid of.

💭 - How is their mental health? Do they struggle with guilt or shame?

this feels really funny to say but maxim is actually doing pretty good. they're extremely normal . until fearcorp happens , which just makes them feel very stressed and worried about Angelina specifically because they're very scared something bad will happen to it , be it from someone else, or it does to itself . (they dont really feel worried for their own well being because... its the strangest thing, really, but they just have this sense of Knowing that they're not really in any danger. They won't die here, like this. but that they don't feel that sure about Angelina, well..)

so no in general maxim doesn't have any problems with their mental health . fearcorp exception due to being literally the most nightmare event anyone in that story has gone through. live laugh love.

✨ - Tell something that makes this oc feel happy!

learning . learning about anything at all, maxim fucking looooooooves that shit so much they're a huge nerd there is no such thing as too much knowing to them, too many details, they love the process of learning, of having their view of the world get expanded by now knowing new shit about it. feed them infinite knowledge they will be so happy...

[rw-ship-showdown]

why do we bother with this tournament when we all know artihunter is the most popular ship and will inevitably win?

this is not true but i will entertain some discussion because i want to make my points (and if anyone would like to add on since the blog is for discussion)

this tournament is for FUN. im doing this for a sense of community and to hype up everyone around me, and to hear what other people think about things i didnt previously care about. ive been endeared to ships id never consider before seeing that at least some people care about them.

the journey is more important than the (assumed) destination. ive loved seeing people cheer and spread their propaganda, its a good avenue for people to share their art and thoughts. its practically a story to me to see these different ships face off and when im not looking at artihunter there are fun paths over ships are going on.

getting actual numbers (as muddled as my scientific methods are) is intriguing. knowing which ships win against other ships is interesting information. we're learning about how desireable nightlight and error 404 and kebab and cherry bush and barbecue are and how undesireable monk is.

nothing is a guaranteed win until 9... 28, i think? Or the week after, for week 6. there are other ships people have fought viciously for thatll put up a fight. artihunter in its span so far has amassed 1091 votes from week 1-3. error 404 has 1407. statistically placed against their former fights more people would vote for error 404- this may change when they fight, we cant know.

i think this is a run off of the previous ask i answered bemoaning that popular ships will win. this is a popularity poll, but i understand your frustration which youre not voicing is likely that more eyes are on artihunter or people feel like its a fad or a trend to support because a popular person shares it, instead of being a fair or honest fight on the merit of a ships content. please dont think like that, its impossible for me to do anything about that as a poll runner and i cant imagine its nice for the people you see as popular celebrities who in their own heads are just people having fun with the thing they like and showing them to other people, they cant control their following. and if artihunter wins, good, because people are voting for artihunter and they want it to win. its not some grand conspiracy if people do like it

[sopebubbles]

Just a slight input of mine, as in my two cents.

I totally absolutely understand yoongi's and tae's pov about them feeling left out when hobi goes in heat and Jin gets all possessive, but towards the end we also see how yoongi also gets a little possessive about Y/N when hobi mentions having a room for Y/N ( as in yoongi wanting y/n for himself) so in that perspective shouldn't yoongi be a little more understanding of Jin? No? Just me?? ( This is what I feel) Jin could have had his own dreams and desires no?? While trying to do his best (from his perspective) for everyone in the pack...

and somewhere my heart goes out to Jin that maybe he wants to have a child with HIS HUSBAND with whom he's been married for so long and loves so much. And Jin isn't being selfish just that hobi is his husband first and then the omega of the pack??? Jin could have been trying his best under the pressure and with what all knowledge he has?? No??

My heart goes out to jin for trying to take care of everything and everyone without being able to express himself. Maybe I am wrong but this is just something I felt. And I do agree that buying an entire house without consulting with other members is wrong, anyone would be upset.

( also being a leader isn't easy, if the members do not say how is he going to understand, and even if everyone says something and share their input but in the end their points do not get selected that too leaves a sour taste(I hope you understand what I mean) and the leader, I don't know if they do, go about talking with everyone individually? That could be exhausting no?😔)

And I am so proud of Y/N for asking for help. good job MC. I love you for this, you fighter!!

Im glad you noticed that parallel with Yoongi's possessiveness! There will definitely come a time when Yoongi has to confront those possessive feelings when she's actually around AND others want to be around her. I think there's a bit of a difference in the fact that they're in a years long relationship and Jin is trying dictate how other people can be with Hoseok. Yoongi should try to understand Jin's feelings, no doubt, but it doesn't make Jin's actions to alienate everyone acceptable. It will be interesting to compare them as alphas down the line

And yeah, Hobi is his husband but if he wanted to be exclusive like that maybe he shouldnt have brought 3 other alphas into his pack. The most troubling thing about his behavior for them is that its a change. In his own heart Jin never did use to care about whose baby hobi would have, he would've just loved any baby of Hobi's as his own. But his mom put this idea in his head and the fact that he wouldn't talk about it just shows that deep down he knows its wrong.

I think all your thoughts make sense in a way bc those are very natural ways to feel, i just dont think those are the core issues, but im glad you're in Jin's corner! Pack alpha is a tough job and theres still an important issue that Yoongi raised which is that Jin sees pack alpha as a set of privileges (i get to decide where we live) instead of responsibilities (i must provide us with a safe place to live). I strongly believe that if Jin hadn't been first he wouldn't be pack alpha. Its strictly bc of his position as Hobi's husband that he has the role BUT his upbringing/family also makes him feel entitled to it (his mother would be extremely displeased with him if he wasn't pack alpha). The stress is honestly a bit too much for him and makes him close in on himself, not discussing with others and ultimately making bad decisions. At the end of the day, he should be at least discussing important decisions with his packmates even if he ultimately thinks that his choice is the right one. In my opinion thats the more effective form of leadership.

I know everyone wants her to rush back but im honestly very happy with yn for doing the best she can rn. Asking for help was huge even though she might not have asked for all the help we think she needs.

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.

[bi-demon-ium]

Oof dont know if your still doing this :( but perhaps 100 for sticky bc he deserves a gift :)

i am!! im just taking. forever. oof lkgjfgh

(ao3.)

Sticky was used to his birthday not being a huge day of celebration.

His aunt and uncle weren’t unkind people. They didn’t just shove him in a closet until he could be brought out for game shows, even if it felt like it sometimes.

But it wasn’t as if he had a lot of friends. At school, he was too smart for the other kids—as arrogant as he felt even thinking that. And then at the competitions, with other kids like him, well. he was too smart for them, too, because he kept winning. And there was nothing they hated more than a winner.

So it wasn’t as if he had anyone to invite.

Still, it was nice enough, to get a slice of cake—his favorite, red velvet—and even if his presents were always books, particularly encyclopedias, well. He liked books. He liked encyclopedias. That wasn’t so bad.

This year was different.

It was only days after their return from the island, so conveniently, they hadn’t all gone their separate ways yet. Not yet. Everything was still getting sorted out, and it was all a bit of a mess, and frankly, Sticky hadn’t planned on making a big deal of it. His aunt and uncle weren’t around to care, either.

He supposed he should have known better—the adults must have known about it, although if he’d mentioned it to one of the other members of the Society and they’d passed it on, or if they’d found out on their own, he had no clue.

Whatever the case, he’d been quickly all but kidnapped—painlessly and in a polite, friendly manner—from where he’d been sleeping almost immediately upon waking, and when Rhonda had been done with their little planned supervised trip, he’d returned to Mr. Benedict’s house to find a small party awaiting.

Reynie was beaming next to a pile of neatly wrapped presents (well, most were neatly wrapped—one was a little clumsier, and also enthusiastically duct-taped shut, which he assumed was Kate’s, and another was just a shoebox someone had drawn on with sharpie, which he assumed was Constance’s) and Kate was bouncing on her heels next to an unnecessarily grand red velvet cake, which was rather elaborately decorated.

Constance was perched on a chair nearby, too, eyeing the cake.

The adults were there, too—Number Two seemed to be handling food, Rhonda and Milligan were doing… something (Milligan seemed to be both attempting to juggle logistics of party-planning and Kate supervision, the latter of which took more of his attention, while Rhonda had been the one to bring Sticky back in), and Mr. Benedict was at the head of the table, peering at him, eyes sparkling and pleased as punch.

It ended up being a really good birthday.

The presents were—well, there were still a lot of books, Reynie looked so happy to share his favorite book and it was a very nice edition—but there were other things, too. Kate had actually gotten him something she called “useful” and “practical”, which he privately classified as “unwieldy” but “thoughtful”.

It was more than he’d gotten in—ever, really, though. And more importantly, there were people actually here, which was nice. Even Constance’s gift—his favorite candy, wrapped in a poem that was actually more complimentary than insulting—was actually pretty nice.

After though, when the excitement had died down and people were beginning to trickle off to bed, or wherever else, Sticky found himself looking out the window, wondering about the future.

Not in a bad way, for once, although he was a little anxious that Boatwright wouldn’t be what he imagined. But he had more confidence than he’d had in years.

He had friends that cared about him. He had a plan for what to do next. He’d just had a birthday, and he’d gotten gifts for him, not for the sharpening of his mind.

“Ah, Sticky, do you have a moment?” Mr. Benedict said behind him, and although his voice was soft, Sticky still jumped.

“Oh! My apologies, dear boy,” Mr. Benedict said, stepping back with a little laugh. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Sticky took a breath, slightly shaky, before straightening up. “It’s alright,” he said. “Just—wasn’t expecting it.”

It was strange, talking to Mr. Benedict. He was so different to his brother—not just in actions, but even visually. He had kind eyes, and his smile was warm, and he was expressive, barely able to hide what he was feeling if he even tried.

Still, though, he looked so similar to Dr. Curtain. Their voices were so similar. It was a little… trippy.

(Part of him felt awful for ever doubting him, at the school. For trusting his brother over him, even if only for a moment. Part of him cynically noted that while Mr. Benedict had proven to be trustworthy, most adults never did.

Still, he wondered if Reynie had ever told Mr. Benedict of Sticky’s doubts. He wouldn’t blame him if he had, but he wished he knew. It wasn’t an easy question to ask.)

“I just, ah, wanted to. give you one last gift,” Mr. Benedict said, and presented a small box, wrapped tightly and neatly in green, patterned paper.

Sticky blinked. “…for. for me?” he said.

Mr. Benedict smiled warmly. “For who else?” he said. “My apologies for not getting it to you sooner; I’m afraid there was a last minute—ah. complication. But. here it is!”

He holds up the present as if to say ta-da!

It’s different, receiving a present directly from an adult again, rather than from a pile surrounded by friends.

Sticky tips his head a little, but hesitantly reaches out to take it.

The box is fairly heavy, enough that Mr. Benedict’s hands move to steady him, or catch it should it fall, until it’s secure in his grip.

“You can open it here, if you like,” Mr. Benedict said, not unkindly, “Or alone. We, uh. we all worked on it.”

Sticky looked back up at him. “We?” he echoed.

“Ah, I mean—Number Two, Rhonda, Milligan, and I,” he said. “Surprisingly tricky, but—a nice little challenge?” He said it almost like a question, then winced at his own tone.

Sticky realized, with a little start, that he was nervous. Oh. He. He wanted Sticky to like it.

(His aunt and uncle had never been nervous about him opening his presents.

Leaning forward eagerly, sure, but not truly in anticipation of a reaction. In greed, in thinking of what he’d do with the tools they gave him.

And it was always tools, really, just tools to make him better. More valuable.

They didn’t want him to like his gifts. They didn’t care if he liked his gifts. They just assumed he did, assumed he wanted what they wanted, and never thought to question it.)

(Mr. Benedict was not making assumptions. Mr. Benedict wanted him to like his gift.)

It’s this revelation that unfroze his numb fingers and made him peel away the tape and gently unwrap his present (Constance had teased him for not ripping into the wrapping paper, and Kate had concurred it was impractical, but Reynie had confessed to doing the same, feeling bad for messing up such neat folding) and then undo the latch of the box.

Inside was—a snow globe. But, no, on closer examination, it’s more than that: the figures in the swirling blue and silver glitter are familiar.

There’s a little pink one, with tiny golden braids, arms crossed and perched in the branch of a tree. Beginning to climb the tree, with a tiny red bucket gleaming on her hip, is another figure with a green cap. And then two more, hand in hand as if one is tugging the other forward on their snowy adventure, is a little figure in a green sweater vest, and another in round glasses.

It's them. The Society, all together in the snow.

“It’s, ah, also a music box,” Mr. Benedict interjects, still bizarrely nervous. “That was the tricky—the figures rotate, see? They’re—they’re actually wood, Number Two insisted on carving them, but the paint is special, and we treated the—”

He rambles a little, but Sticky loses the words to the swirl of false, glittering snow.

“—the chemistry was actually pretty interesting,” Mr. Benedict is saying, “—Milligan helped, ah, generally homemade snow globes are simpler than this, but with the mechanism and the wood and—oh, the mechanism, Rhonda helped with the mus—”

Sticky found the turning key on the bottom and twisted it, and after a moment, tinkling music begins to play. It’s a simple, lovely tune. A smile formed on his lips without his noticing.

Mr. Benedict faltered, then, unseen to Sticky, visibly realized he’d been rambling for quite some time and then attempted to hide (and miserably fails, should Sticky have been looking at him) scolding himself for it.

Sticky, however, is not looking at him. The snow globe is beautiful. It’s personal, and thoughtful, and it’s most certainly not a book.

It’s not practical or useful or in any way something he needs. It’s perfectly, wonderfully, superfluous. Just something for him.

“…ah, I’m. overexplaining again,” Mr. Benedict says sheepishly.

Sticky shakes himself a little and looks back up at Mr. Benedict, who’s peering down at him attentively.

“I love it,” he said, and he gently placed it on the table, so as not to risk damaging it, and then before he could overthink it, turned and threw his arms around Mr. Benedict’s waist.

Mr. Benedict made a startled little noise, but then relaxed and hugged back.

He gave a little chuckle—relieved, but warm—and said, “I’m glad you like it, Sticky. It was—it was a group effort.”

Sticky held the hug a second longer anyway, then stepped back.

“Thank you,” he said. “And uh, tell the others thanks, too.”

“I will,” Mr. Benedict said, beaming. “We, uh. thought it’d be good for your dorm room, yes? At Boatwright?”

“…yeah,” Sticky said after a moment, smiling at the thought. A piece of home—a piece of his friends—in his future. That sounded nice. “Yeah, that could be good.”

“I’m glad,” Mr. Benedict said. “I’m glad.”

(What he would not say, of course, is that while the snow globe very much had been a group effort, it had been his idea. He’d never take credit, but—he knew what it was like, to be a trophy on your parents’ shelf.

He knew what it was like to have birthdays alone, to only get books, because people assumed you could never want anything else.

And books were nice, of course, but sometimes, one wanted silly gifts. Pretty gifts. Gifts that had no use. He’d never gotten them as a kid, but there was nothing stopping him from giving them, now.

And if he could make it thoughtful, too, make it something that meant something, well. all the better.

He could only hope he wasn’t mistaken, that Sticky would appreciate it for what it was supposed to be.)

(Later, Sticky will find, to his delight, a small secret compartment: inside it is a simple, unsigned note. Happy birthday, Sticky. Always remember there are people who care deeply for you. And then there's a little smiley face, lopsided. The compartment is also big enough for him to hide something of his own there, should he wish, but he leaves the note.)