#-and how i've now got a lifelong illness at 6 years old- | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

niicevibe · 2 years ago

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ah, i wrote a lot, whoops.

My husband and I developed a theory so please play along and tell me where you are in birth order (oldest, middle, youngest, only) and if you think having siblings is overall a positive or negative thing.

#i'm the second of two sisters #and honestly... i'm really neutral on this under the consideration that my relationship with my sister isn't normal at all.#there's a six year difference between us-- she's older than me at 30.#but when i was 8 and she was 14 she ended up running away #and i didn't see her again or have her back in my life for three years #but she comes back with a 1 year old baby boy and suddenly i'm an aunt???#i think i cried for days when i found out.#even while i just typed that i'm tearing up about the memory.#now i have a nephew AND a niece two years apart and even their relationship is slightly strained by no fault of their own #they're 12m and 10f. but i worry my niece is going to act out in some reckless way #and maybe even run away like her mom did bc of the pressure she's putting on her #like our mom did to our sister.#this was really long winded and i sidetracked.#my sister was not kind to me as kids. i was chased by her with a knife and various other things.#at the time i didn't understand how upset she was that suddenly our dad was gone from our life-#-and how i've now got a lifelong illness at 6 years old-#and suddenly she's the last person who gets attention from anyone.#she definitely needed that attention too; especially now.#she's not so violent or aggressive with me now or anything; besides #I'M BIGGER THAN HER. STRONGER THAN HER. (cue tiktok video)#like i can defend myself if she ever decided to act out; but we're both adults now and it's different.#we've felt the frustration of the pressures put on us; of us having to grow up sooner than what's the norm.#i wish everything could go back and we could start again.#with what i know now? i probably wouldn't have been so much of a snivelling brat that tattled on her for shit #she probably wouldn't have run away and had two kids before she turned 20.#i wish i could say our relationship's positive-- even at this point in our lives.#but we don't talk all that often. we aren't close-- nor do we share secrets like normal siblings do.#it's a little heartbreaking.#uhhhh..... so hopefully all of this helps with your guys' theory? i know it's a lot. i'm really emotional today. sorry!#🗣: some nice thoughts

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