#- ; I'm just a monkey rattle the bars on their cage

[deepwoundsandfadedscars]

Anyone else feel like there is not enough enrichment in their enclosure but don't have the energy to do anything about it so you just sit there and mentally chew on the bars while physically doing nothing at all to help your situation

[blubushie]

aro or aroapec?

Me? Arospec. I have dated two(ish) people in my life, only one of them am I convinced of having loved. When the feeling strikes me it strikes hard and devolves into toxic obsession. It's not love, not really, just possessiveness, and wanting to claim something as mine. Ownership.

The one person I'm convinced of having loved was different—upmost loyalty and devotion, looked at her like she raised the sun and hung the stars in the sky. But I was also in denial of having loved her for a very long time. I fought against the feeling with a fervored panic, like a monkey rattling the bars of a cage—or a dog caught in a trap chewing its own leg off. There wasn't a feeling of elation or euphoria, just immense distress. The moment I realised I loved her was the moment my fate was sealed for losing her.

I reckon that somewhere deep down there is a capacity for me to love someone, but in my own way. It wouldn't be recognised as love by someone who isn't a sociopath, probably, and it's love in the way only a sociopath can love. Reckless brutal devotion. So I find that arospec fits me well enough—my romantic affections are extremely selective, and they don't symptomise as expected by a neurotypical and allonormative society. So yeah, arospec.

[hxzelwallflower]

( 🌻 ) - :: God I really want to scream about Dreamlight Valley with someone. I have so much on my brain with it, and this verse I’m developing for Eileen continues to expand.