#*you bc i totes respect you. no worries man. i respect you so much which is why i'm reiterating it to you

[heniareth]

Anyways, I ran out of tags, so I’m gonna continue this here! :D

The measurements for Spellpower and mana inefficiency are so cool!!! So spellpower basically encompasses the strength and duration of the spell and mana inefficiency the amount of mana lost as light, sound or heat during the casting of a spell? I love it! It really reframes the way we’d approach spellcasting as having a physical component as well as an intellectual one. After all, those measurements look a lot like something you’d see in P.E. classes, less like something from math classes. I’m guessing there’s an intellectual component to it, and having a solid grasp on the theory of how magic and mana and spellcasting works probably makes the spellcasting itself easier, but it’s not the end of it. In DAI, there’s banter between Dorian and Solas were they talk about how they manipulate the Veil to create magical effects and it does sound very hands-on. So I love that the evaluation method reflects that. You could have your standard high school plot of the 2000s-2010s happening at Kinloch Hold. Nerd mage asks Jock mage if they can help them increase their spellcasting prowess and offer to help them with the theory in return! This is amazing and I’m glad the ask gave way to have you figure out these things.

Also Rhodri tutoring the younger kids. It’s nice that, as far away as she was from her family, she got a chance to still live a bit of family life with the younger apprentices (until Broken Circles. Fuck. The templars. And Uldred).

Also also: the Tevinter letterheads. Oooooooh it’s so cool. An all official-sounding paper and it’s a tercet from one spouse to the other. It wamrs my heart. Also, it says a lot that Rhodri would use this sort of paper. I can imagine Dorian using everything BUT paper with that letterhead except when he absolutely has to XD XD XD XD I also love that Owen gets his own letterhead. Every member of house Callistus is important and has their own stationary. Yes, the nine-year-old is included in this, he absolutely needs his own stationary as well. I love that

I’m cackling over here at Zevran not only organizing this whole bet to get his hands on the tercet (which, oh Rhodri XD XD XD XD Don’t tell this man you wrote a love poem only to then not want to show him XD XD XD XD Also RHODRI IS A POET??? RHODRI IS A POET!!! I remember what you said about Tevinter and the arts (namely that Tevinters don’t really do hobbies or arts & crafts since these are things they could very easily purchase) and the fact that Rhodri pens her thoughts down as a poem sometimes, and especially if those thoughts are about Zevran, surely does things to Zevran’s heart)

...

Where was I? Oh yes. Not only does Zevran organize this whole bet to get his hands on the tercet, but he hides grapes in his pockets. Evil, evil man!! I’m guessing Rhodri doesn’t like grapes (or is it a throwback to that time Zevran was bored on the road and started throwing grapes at Rhodri?) Anyways, what a poem. Unflinching devotion paired with a complicated religious life. That Rhodri decides the Maker doesn’t exist so she doesn’t discharge all of her rage and grief over her friends during Broken Circle at him does things to me. It’s heartbreaking (and practical, I guess, but idk. Maybe getting real angry and screaming at the sky would’ve been a bit cathartic?). I hope Leliana (or Wynne) didn’t do too much poking on the matter. But really, how do you deal with this kind of pain when it’s doen by the servants of “your” god who supposedly left the world to its devices because rational beings were too sinful for him? And, and, Rhodri, as the head of a house is in a similar position to the Maker (although on a much smaller scale); and the Maker fails by most of her standards. What kind of person leaves his place as the head of the house bc he just can’t deal with the people he’s leading?

That Zevran’s faith is something she considers admirable though? That. That gets me. Of course, Zevran knows better than to pressure her on the matter, bless him. But... what an example does he have to set, what an experience does he have to communiacte that Rhodri sees something good about worshipping the Maker. It speaks volume about Zevran’s influence on her, the way he lives his faith and the high regard in which Rhodri holds him. I love it. Simply love it. Zevran probably knows Rhodri’s conflict with the Maker, right? That poem must’ve either sent the biggest grin to his face or made him tearful. Maybe both.

Also: Sēvē and Zēvē XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD Marvellous! They should get matching shirts XD XD XD XD Or aprons. This whole family has a wicked sense of humor XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD

Also!!!!!! The gif lets me imagine Owen so well with the mop of ginger hair, quietly working on his plants (what ARE Rhodri’s favorite plants is the question). I hope he and Rhodri get to spend lots of time in the greenhouse once Rhodri gets back.

This was an amazing read!! I apologize for being late in my answer, but my crops have been watered, fertilized, de-weeded and blessed by these lovely codexes. I also haven’t forgotten about the ones you sent me; they’re in the works. Hoooooo boy, so many great things have come out of this XD XD XD XD XD XD Thank you heaps!!

Hello my wonderful and lovely friend!!! I come, as I am wont to do, with questions for splendidissima Rhodri from the OC Codex prompts:

2. a letter written by your OC’s family member

3. a report written by your OC’s teacher or mentor

4. a letter from your OC to their love interest

Now, I don't know if you will spend these days celebrating or not, but they seem to be busy days for anybody regardless. Please take as much time as you like and pick whichever tickle your fancy. And have some lovely, lovely days. Off I go!

OH HI HEY ! 8D 8D Good to see you and thank you for sending in the prompts!! I had such a great time with these, both of my braincells were working overtime and it was a joy!

Owing to spacing and the sheer volume of the answers I'm sticking all this under the cut. I'd apologise but we both know I don't mean it x) x) x)

so o o o 2. A letter written by your OC's family member Here's one from Rhod's younger brother, Owen. Heirs aren't allowed to have favourites, but suffice it to say she and Owen had easy and natural compatibility. He was nine-ish and Rhodri would've been twelve.

The paper is bleached, high-quality Tevinter vellum, bearing a template header in red ink, reading in Tevene rune script, EX SCRIBIO CALLISTANI SPIRI (“From the desk of Spiro Callistanus”). At the top right of the page, the date 13 Justinian, 9:22 Era Drakonis is added in the same wobbly runic script in the rest of the letter. The language of writing is Tevene.

I love you Sēvē,

My birthday was good but sad without you, and thank you for my greenhouse. Mazarin and Evander aren’t allowed inside because they break everything now. Bethann sits with me in there sometimes but not for long. 

School is hard but Tata says it gets easier with time. When you come back we can go together. I think that would make it better. Mazarin and Evander are too loud and they don’t sit with me any more. Do you know any plant spells? Please write all of them down so I can learn them when my magic comes. And please tell me your favourite three plants. Mine are ivy, snake kiss, and butterleaf.

Please write lots more soon.

And I love you, from Owen your brother.

-

Author's notes:

Callistanus- ‘of’ House Callistus, the name given to non-heir family members. An heir is the house, the non-heirs are the members of said house. ‘Callistani is Callistanus in genitive (possessive- I know you know this; clarifying for other potential readers) case. Owen's Tevene name is Spiro, Spiri in genitive form.

The Callistanus/Amell kids did not cope well with Rhodri being taken to the Circle. Not least because they were an arm’s length away when the Kirkwall Templars were beating her to a pulp.  Mazarin and Evander, who already tended to be loud and demanding, became destructive and disruptive, and both of them developed explosive tempers that proved hard to pacify.  Bethann, the youngest and most sensitive sibling, suffered frequent meltdowns that required many years to identify causes for and address.  Owen, the middle child, was always quiet and courteous. The adults in his life, amid attending to his louder, needier siblings, frequently ‘checked in’ on him, and they would have used all the resources they had to attend to any need he might have, but if he said he was doing fine (he always did), they left it at that and assumed he was content to keep to himself. Rhodri had always made a point of keeping him by her side and giving him plenty of one-on-one attention even if he was ‘fine,’ and he soaked that up like a sponge. After she was taken away, though, and the other siblings proved to be very squeaky wheels, there was nobody to fill the gap in those childhood to early teen years. Owen ended up rather neglected, and horribly lonely, and hid it, even lied about it, to everyone but Rhodri for years. Consequently, Owen tends to have a low opinion of himself, and is disinclined to seek out something, however badly he might want it. He does a lot better once Rhodri's back, and certainly once his folks found out (to their unrestricted horror) how neglected he had felt, they did their darnedest to make it up to him as well. But Rhod's return was really what cemented that improvement.

§

On to 3. a report written by your OC's teacher and mentor

I liked this question because I like the idea of there being a very specific, Chantry-determined format to a progress report, filled with formalities that ostensibly show some level of "civility" between the Templars and the mages. Plus, grading system? How do the mages measure success? So many questions!! Thank you for making me think of the answers!! -

The paper is bleached, blank vellum of middle to high quality, with the standard Circle progress report template already written in with black ink. Irving’s handwriting is a neat cursive that is no longer taught in the Circles. -

Date: 7 Eluviesta, 9:21 Dragon

Tutor name and rank: Irving, F.E.

Apprentice name; age; specialisation: Rhodri S. C. Amell// 10 y.o.// Arcane Magic

Progress report number, AYTD: 2

Presenting compliments to the Knight-Commander and having the honour to report:

Following the discovery of lyrium affliction in early Verimensis 9:22, Rhodri Amell has completed three months of compensatory meditation and distraction management training. Spellpower has improved significantly, as has spell duration (Max. 4; 10s per HS); mana inefficiency has also decreased (less est. 2.5, now 5.5). Continuation of the program recommended indefinitely.

Despite her progress, Rhodri’s temper outbursts are increasing in frequency during lessons proper. I reiterate to the Knight-Commander my suspicion that these arise from the elemental damage and consequent pain in her hands from unsafe proximity to trained mana, particularly as her affliction prevents her from wearing the requisite enchanted safety gloves. As per my last reports, I strongly recommend that my apprentice be permitted to use a sylvan branch staff to prevent more of the same; responding to outbursts with punishment has proved manifestly unhelpful and I continue to urge its cessation to the Knight-Commander with the greatest emphasis.

I note that Rhodri continues to tutor beginner students in her free time. E. Delilah has anecdotally mentioned better performance in this cohort in comparison to Delilah’s previous cohort, and has advised willingness to allow my apprentice to shadow her for some classes. With assistance in managing the change in schedule, I anticipate further progress for all concerned.

Reiterating assurances to the Knight-Commander of my highest consideration.

Irving, F.E. 

-

Author's notes on abbreviations and measurements - AYTD: Academic year to date - Spellpower scale is from 0 (not casting) to 10 (Destruction of a single room - HS- healing spell (in this case spell duration measures how long the intended effects persist until the spell is cut off or wears off on its own) - Mana inefficiency scale measures how much unformed mana escapes when a spell is cast, from 0 (no mana lost) to 10 (all, or almost all mana escaped). .

§

And 4: A letter from your OC to their love interest!

The author's notes are long so I'd better just get to it:

The paper is bleached, high-quality Tevinter vellum, bearing a template header in red ink, reading in Tevene rune script, EX SCRIBIO CALLISTI SEVERIN (“From the desk of Severin Callistus”). At the top right of the page, the date 11 Pluitanis, 9:35 Era Drakonis is written in sharp, austere letters, as is the rest of the content. The language of writing is Common, with the exception of the tercet, which is in Tevene.

Dulcis,

I pen this letter to you with all my love and, in adherence to the conditions set by your challenge:

I admit that I stand corrected: pickpocketing is very difficult and is not “something I could do as easily as blinking.” (I will say, however, that hiding grapes in the pocket you were keeping the coins was entirely unnecessary. It feels like those bastard Void fruits are hiding everywhere, now.)

With great embarrassment, I enclose a reproduction of the tercetus I so foolishly admitted to writing and frankly, my love, I am starting to think you organised this whole bet so you could get your hands on it.  . In vitae finite stabit Formator ton, et querisit "A Incredule, quemisi exultum mihim offerti?" Et respondit humilite, "Ton Zevran, Sanctus amade" .

I must say, my love, I’m enjoying writing to you even though you’re right beside me. I think I’d like to do this more often– though hopefully with fewer tercetae. Maybe I could hang short missives off your Friday flowers. What do you think?

Also, please let me know if you would like to go to the Sidereal Telescopium tomorrow. Quirina is giving a speech on the upcoming New Constellations Room, and I have many questions for them.

My whole heart to you,

Severin (Rhodri). -

Author’s notes:

Tercetus- a traditional Tevene-style three-line rhyming poem.

A rough translation: At the end of life I will stand before your Maker, and he will ask me "You, Unbeliever, tell me– what worship did you ever offer me?" And I will say, simply and earnestly, "Holy Immortal, I loved Your Zevran."

Rhod’s got a complicated religious life. She started okay; the family wasn’t especially pious but they did Chantry things at the frequency considered respectable. Once she landed in Kinloch Hold, though, her prevailing question, for which never received a satisfactory answer, was: “If the Maker can do anything, and He loves us, why does he let us suffer? I wouldn’t do that, and I’m a child, nto a god.” After Broken Circle, she refused to believe the Maker existed, as a consolation to herself, and to avoid the sort of vengeful blasphemy that gets you hung, drawn, and quartered. There’s something about Zevran’s patient faith, though, and his willingness to offer thanks that he has what he has, however miserable his life has been. It’s impressively staunch, and Rhodri admires that, and treasures the comfort it brings him, enough that she slowly comes around to her idea of a compromise. Said compromise is acknowledging that if the Maker exists, He is as capable at unleashing bitter cruelty as He is at creating boundless joy. Rhod’s not one to praise bad behaviour in anyone, let alone a god who should know better, but by golly He did everyone a good turn when He made Zevran. Maybe age will bring other wisdom, but for now, she lets her love for Zevran be her tentative worship, because it’s the only praise she can offer in earnest. Though idk, what better compliment is there for a creator than someone wholeheartedly adoring their creation?  I like to think it’s enough for the time being. A religious journey isn’t always straightforward but I always found that complications bring their own insights.

I have no idea why Rhodri signs off her letters to Zevvo as ‘Severin (Rhodri).’ They agreed early on never to use the Tevene name to avoid the ridiculousness that comes with similar-sounding names (it gets especially bad when the siblings give him the Tevene-ised nickname Zēvē when they’re already calling Rhodri Sēvē. Agony!) Same deal with Owen signing off letters to her as “Owen your brother”. Must be hereditary.

Also I'm not sure about how ok it is to use Artbreeder generated images what with the art theft things going around now (I'm not sure where it stands on that sort of thing) so I'll leave out the artbreeder portrait I have of Owen. For a face claim, though, this feller here is pretty close (though I grant you Simon Wood is unlikely to be 9yo in this gif). Token ginger of the Amell-Callistus brood, what's up!

[levi-lover]

New Light Part: 1

College Levi x Reader(Modern AU)

W/C: 2.5

T/W: Pretentious Hipster Levi lol 

A/N: Levi is a moody English major who spends his free time reading at the local cafe and yes, I think that is sexy as hell. This is a slowburn piece kinda  inspired by the Hulu show Normal People! I love that show but I could never watch it again bc it breaks my heart too much lol. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! (Part Two will be up soon! & this picture is from Pinterest)

I’ve put all the parts in one list here:  New Light Masterlist

“I just don’t get it.” You huffed and leaned back into your chair. 

“Don’t worry, this stuff takes time to learn!” Hange looked at you earnestly.

The two of you had been studying at Maria’s Coffee for a few hours. Your genetics midterm was in a few days and you were completely lost. You met Hange on your first week, you anxiously walked into the lecture hall thinking this would be an easy pass to fulfill your science credit. Oh boy, were you wrong. Immediately, you were thrown into the depths of mitosis and chromosomes. The only good thing that came out of it was your new friendship with Hange. On your first day, Hange complimented your sweater and asked if they could sit with you. Hange was a genetics major so this class was easy, hell, it was fun for them. They offered to tutor you so you bought them coffee during your study sessions in return.

“Yeah, you’re right but still,” You said in between sips of your coffee. “How do you like this stuff?” 

“Oh, it’s fascinating to me, it’s crazy how we’re made up of tiny cells and in those cells is our human history but we can’t even see it. It’s like the world’s smallest yet most important puzzle.” Hange’s eyes lit up as they continued speaking. 

You listened and continued to drink your coffee. It was late but the cafe was still busy with college students hurrying to type their papers and study for tests. The lamps left soft yellow shadows on the cream colored walls. The cafe was homey and it felt like it was a cottage pulled straight out of a forest. From the back of the cafe, you could see the entrance. It was raining and people ran across the sidewalk with their jackets over their heads. You laughed through your nose.

“Hey! Are you listening?” Hange questioned. 

“What? Of course, I am. Science is the answer to everything, right?” You quipped. 

Hange rolled their eyes and went back to their textbook. You kept your eyes on the front door. It had been a few days since you had seen your coffee shop friend. The word friend was a loose term for your relationship with the dark-haired boy. Your relationship started one day when you were sitting in the spot you are now, it was late, close to 1 am and after downing two cups of coffee you needed to pee. Across from you was a small man holding a used copy of Slaughterhouse Five, he was dressed in all black and was munching on a muffin. You asked him to watch your stuff, he nodded and pushed his hair away from his gray eyes. From that point on, you developed a friendship founded on your mutual respect for privacy yet concern over each other’s well-being. It became an unspoken rule that this was the only place you would meet. Your attention returned to your work, if he wasn’t going to show up then whatever, he was just another stranger. 

“Hange, I think I’m gonna call it a night.”

“What?! Why?! We haven’t even gotten to the good part, wait until you hear about what happens to the amino acids during replication.” The same familiar look of excitement washed over Hange’s face. 

“Look as exciting as it all sounds, I’m gonna have to pass.” You began to gather your things when the front door opened. You looked up and saw the dark-haired boy. He looked as pretty as always with a beige tote bag draped across his shoulder, droplets of rain hung onto his dark strands. Next to him stood a tall, handsome blonde man who was looking around the cafe. His eyes stopped when he reached your table and he lifted a hand and waved at you. You looked at him confused. 

“LEVIIII!! ERWIIIN!!” Hange yelled and waved their arms. People looked up at them with annoyance. 

“Wait, you know them?” You asked.

“Who, those idiots? Yeah. I forgot to tell you I invited them to study with us. Levi promised to help me write a paper,” Hange said nonchalantly. “Shit! I should have asked you if that’s okay. Is it?” 

You looked down and felt your face redden, “no worries, it’s not a problem.” 

“I’ll introduce you to them, they’re buttheads but they don’t bite.”

You sat back down and looked at your notebook as the dark-haired boy and the tall blonde walked towards you. A bundle of nerves planted themselves in your stomach but you couldn’t understand why. You’ve known this man for a couple of months now, slowly building a friendship at your own pace. It was nice to have control over something in your life for once but life always has a different plan for you; it was time to properly meet the dark-haired boy. All rules are eventually broken.

You ruffled the papers in front of you and took another sip of your drink but it was empty. Shit, you thought. The two men were standing in front of you and Hange at this point. The dark-haired boy looked at you, his brows furrowed.

“Hey, you’re House Coffee,” he said in a monotonous tone.

The blonde man and Hange looked at him confused, “wait, you know her?” Hange asked.

You shook your head, “nope.”

The dark-haired boy looked at you confused.

“Well, kinda, actually,” You muttered.

“Huh, that’s cool!” Hange announced. “Levi’s a little bitch but you probably already knew that.”

“Shut up, Four Eyes,” Levi retorted.

The blonde man laughed, “my name is Erwin. I’m a Political Science and History double major.” He gave you a dashing smile and lifted his hand.

Levi rolled his eyes, “humble much?”

Erwin gave him a glare before returning his clear blue eyes to you. You chuckled and raised your hand to his. It was a firm handshake.

“My name is (Y/N), it’s very nice to meet you, Erwin. And it’s Levi, right?” Your head turned to the dark-haired boy and he blushed slightly. Hange and Erwin exchanged a look.

Hange raised their hands slightly and asked, “I’m confused.”

“When aren’t you.” Levi remarked.  

“Oh, shut it you. I thought you two already knew each other.”

You placed your hands around the empty mug, hoping it would stabilize your nerves. “Know might be a strong word, I guess we’ve seen each other here before?“ You shrugged and looked at Levi.

He nodded, “I agree, we sometimes look after each other’s stuff and talk about books.”

“Good to know. I’m glad Levi has someone else to talk to,” Erwin declared.

They pulled out two chairs and placed them around the table. Erwin pulled out his laptop and his binders, everything was color-coordinated down to the tabs and pens. Levi pulled out a yellow notepad and a beat up copy of On the Road and single black pen. He tried his best to act natural but was unsure how to act around you and his friends. He wasn’t prepared for his two worlds to crash, it wasn’t that he was ashamed to know you. He enjoyed your company but it was something that was special to him. He didn’t want to share those precious late night hours with anyone else but you.

“I’m going to go buy a tea, (Y/N) do you want anything?” Erwin said pointing at your empty cup.

“Uh no-” You were about to say before Levi interrupted you.

“12 oz house coffee, splash of soy,” He stated.

Hange raised their eyebrows, in all their years of friendship he had never bothered to learn their coffee order. Erwin was equally as surprised. You stared at Levi, unsure what to say.

“Alright, you got it,” Erwin said before grabbing your empty mug.

Levi and Erwin got up and walked to the front counter. Hange grabbed your arm and you looked at them surprised.

“How long have you known Levi?” They whispered.

“Uh, like I said, ‘know’ is a strong word but a couple of months. We just sit near each other and sometimes talk. It’s not a big deal.”

“I can’t believe Levi didn’t tell me he knew you,” Hange said in disbelief.

“Did you tell him about me?” You retorted

“No but still. If I knew my two friends knew each other, I would have set this study party together a long ass time ago.”

You shrugged and went back to looking at your notes. By this time, Levi and Erwin were walking back to the table. Erwin was holding a mug of tea and your coffee, Levi was holding a mug of tea in one hand and an apple muffin in another. Erwin handed you your coffee and you thanked him. He sat in front of you and Levi opposite of him. Erwin cleared his throat and asked, “how do you guys know each other?”

“We met in genetics class,” You responded.

“You’re a science major, too?”Erwin asked.

“No, I’m a humanities major but I still need my science requirement so I’m taking this class and majorly regretting it.”

“Hey, it’s not all bad. We’re friends now,” Hange nugged their elbow at you, you gave them a smile and nodded.

“What a reward,” Levi muttered.

You held back a laugh which made Levi smile, he hid it behind his book.

“How do the three of you know each other?” You pointed to the trio.

Hange shot up from their text book and exclaimed,“oh, (Y/N) you’re going to love this so it all started four years ago…”

It was their freshman year, Levi’s uncle had just dropped him off at the dorms and left him alone to unpack. Levi didn’t have much except for a suitcase of clothes, a bed sheet set and a small box of books. He started to put his clothes away in the drawers when the door opened and a lean, tall blonde boy and his father walked in, pulling a cart of the boy’s belongings.

“Hi, you must be my roommate. My name is Erwin,” he stood at the doorway awkwardly waving at Levi.

“Levi.”

“Hello, I’m Erwin’s dad, nice to meet you.”

Levi gave him a small smile and continued to organize his side of the room, it took about fifteen minutes in total. After Erwin’s dad left, Levi and Erwin sat on their respectives beds in silence. It took them awhile but eventually they bonded over their mutual love of Russian poetry. Over the next few weeks, they built a symbiotic relationship filled with chore charts and late night study hangs. Levi genuinely enjoyed Erwin’s presence, he was his first friend outside of his hometown. Erwin felt the same way too. He never had a huge opportunity to meet people since he was homeschooled until his final two years of high school. They had found a companion in each other.

The week before Thanksgiving break, Erwin convinced Levi to host a small gathering in their dorm. Levi hesitantly agreed and Erwin managed to get his hands on a weed brownie. They invited a few of their floormates and shared the goods and drank a single Mike’s Hard Lemonade that Hange brought. They sat on the concrete floor and waited for the weed to hit after thirty minutes, no one was high. One of their floormates, Zeke, took a whiff of the brownie and laughed.

“Erwin, this is a fucking regular brownie,” he glanced at Erwin who was tenderly sipping out of the bottle. Zeke’s roommate, Porco laughed.

“No, it can’t be,” Erwin responded. Hange looked around nervously and Levi glared at Zeke.

“Ha, whatever. This kickback is lame anyways. Let’s go,” Zeke and the others left.

Hange, Erwin, and Levi stayed in silence for a few minutes until Hange spoke, “I thought it was a good brownie.”

Erwin gave them a half-hearted smile and looked down at the bottle. Levi sighed and walked to his closet.

“Now that those fucktards are gone, let’s have a real party,” Levi said as he pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniel’s.

Erwin looked at Levi, shocked. “How long have you had that?”

“My uncle gave it to me when he dropped me off. As a going away present.” Levi shrugged it off.

The rest of the night was spent taking shots of whiskey and playing cards games, it was the first night of many.

“Wait, really? Erwin you bought a dud brownie.” You held your side as you laughed.

Erwin looked sheepishly at his drink. Levi had a smirk on his face.

“Yeah! Looking back at it now, it’s the funniest thing ever. But those other guys were jerks. I don’t remember their names now or anything but I hope they’re living horrible lives,” Hange proclaimed.

“I believe it and I hope so too.” You wiped a tear from your face and felt Levi’s gaze on you.

Levi had never seen you laugh that hard, he liked this side of you. He went back to notating his book but he couldn’t deny the feeling of warmth in his chest. The four of you remained in comfortable silence for a while. The coffee shop began to slow down as the clock ticked further into the night.

“This has been a lot of fun but I think I’m going to call it,” Erwin’s deep voice broke the silence of the table.

The three of you nodded in agreement and began to pack your bags. You watched Levi’s slender fingers gently put his belongings into his tote bag. His dark hair was getting long, it brushed against his cheek as he moved his body. You looked away quickly, you knew nothing could happen between the two of you but watching him interact with his friends casted a new light on him. Levi, what a name, you thought. For the past couple months, he was your secret friend, someone you could talk to without feeling judged because he was so removed from your everyday life but now, it was different. You both shared a mutual connection and of course, you shared the countless hours spent in this cafe.

The four of you made casual conversation as you exited the cafe. The cold air whipped your face and you tugged your scarf tighter around your neck.

“Hey, do you need a ride? I’m parked a block away,” Erwin asked you.

“Don’t worry, hot stuff. I’ll walk her home.” Hange winked at Erwin, Levi rolled his eyes.

“I live a few blocks away but thank you. It was really nice to meet you Erwin and Levi it’s nice to finally know your name.”

Levi looked down at the ground and a pink glow appeared on his face, “yeah, this was nice.”

You watched them turn around and walk in the opposite direction for a moment before turning to Hange. The air was cool and the clouds had parted, leaving open an endless sky peaking through the buildings and the trees. It had become a ritual for the two of you to walk home after study sessions since you lived a few blocks away from each other. Hange made casual conversation on your walk home but you hardly paid attention. You kept on thinking about Levi and wishing you never learned his name.

[ziracona]

On a scale of one to ten (one is your screwed and ten is your gonna destroy them) how would you do in a fight against the dead by daylight killers. First rules though. 1. No prep for either side (suck it Danny) 2. No guns! Only weapons found around your house. 3. It's to the death one being leaves an that's it. 4. No help from friends or pets. 5. Whether legion is four teens or just one combined is up to you.

Uhh, this depends drastically on if you mean I one v one every one of them, or if I’m trying to fight a mob. Because if it’s me vs all of them, I’d just die. Like I’m sure I’d have decent odds of killing at least one, maybe two, and taking them with me. But I’m not John Wick—I cant 1v23 a bunch of armed people with some degree of experience with their weapons given no prep time, allies, or special weapons to save me. I like basically anyone else die sadly to the mob.

If this is one v one though, bc it’d be hard to get them all to work together anyway, and that’s the only way like anyone stands a chance?

Evan: I give me 50-50 odds. He’s way bigger than me and his weapon has a longer reach than any known, even the swords. I’m pretty good at thinking on my feet though. I feel like I have about a 50% chance of living or dying (I’m getting gravely injured regardless), but if I die, I am taking him with me, 80% chance. I was not always proficient at winning fights, but I was very good at not losing them. I’ve been known for taking a sword to get a kill hit at cons a lot. I give me a 6 at simultaneous KO or victory.

Philip I refuse to kill. Even if he was trying to kill me. I would defend myself though. Much bigger threat than Evan to me because I /don’t/ want to hurt him at all, which puts me at disadvantage and liable to freeze up or make mistakes even trying to deal nonlethal damage, he’s bigger and taller than me so height and weight advantage, and I don’t have long enough weapons to help me overcome that, plus on top of that, he’s a tactical fighter, which is what I am. And I think it’s harder to beat someone at your and their own game than just to beat another style most of the time. I mean skill is skill in any area, but I’d take a really strong tank in a fight rather than a planner any day of the week. I think he’s smart, probably smarter than me under pressure, definitely more experienced, and would kick my ass tactically if his heart was in it. If it wasn’t though, I’d have a chance to catch him off guard. I think Vs Philip I get one chance to use a tricky move, and if I mess that up, I die. If I do it right, maybe I can knock him out. It’s a one shot long shot at disadvantage. I give me a 4 if his heart isn’t in it, 3 if it is.

Hillbilly has a chainsaw and hammer, but those are both unwieldy and slow weapons. I’m faster than him, and I’m willing to get hurt. Also he’s killed a lot, but he’s not a /fighter/, which gives me an edge. Being tactical works really well vs someone whose edge is brute force. And he doesn’t have as massive a height or strength advantage. I also have tricks and home court advantage. So long as I don’t fuck up, I give myself an 8.5.

Sally isn’t that scary. I would try to incapacitate her. I feel I could easily take her as a ghost or a person. I have good ghost fighting supplies, salt, chalk, talismans, knowledge. I’m prepared for this. I think I’m coming in for this one at a solid 10.

Michael Myers would kill me. I mean, he’s got like X-Man semi invincibility, good skills, and I don’t really want to kill him. I’d try to talk him down while defending myself. I’d probably fail, but I’d try. Best case scenario I get him to hesitate, but also I’m being generous and giving me a 12% chance of that. Realistically, best case is I pull out a rug, trip him, and temporarily escape. A fight in an enclosed space, most likely outcome is I try and fail to talk him down, and I die. I feel very sure I cannot take him in a fight unless Ishtar herself blesses me with god like abilities. I’m probably dead. At least it would be quick. I give me a 1.6.

Lisa is tiny and not that strong. I could easily break her little glass bones. I’m taller and stronger than her, and she had worse weapons than me. I would try not to kill her though—just incapacitate. I feel I could do this while sustaining only minor wounds. Not to give you a look beyond weird ghost shit into my personal arsenal, but I definitely have supplies for that. I give me a 10.

Herman is tall and strong but he’s not a fighter. He’s a scientist. I’ve been shocked before, and I know what to expect from him. He’s getting blasted by a power washer at range until his weird face apparatus comes off and he’s down and out. I have more precise weapons than him and can easily neutralize his abilities and turn them against him. Also have rubber to wear. He’s big though, so for that alone I give me a 9.6 in case I mess up.

Anna would destroy me. She’s good at ranged weapons, I am not. I would try to look as young as possible and convince her in my very bad but slowly improving baby Russian to please have mercy on me. We’re back to the Michael scenario where I know I have no chance of normal survival and would have to try and talk my way out. My odds are higher here though. I’m pretty cute and I know a little Russian. I give me a 4. But the 4 is not me winning it’s my odds of surviving through begging for my life. She’d kick my ass in a fight.

Bubba isn’t that good at fighting and has a big and cumbersome, if scary, weapon. I feel I could easily use terrain, weapons, and strategy to my advantage and kill him, unless I’m in a place with no terrain or furniture. In which case it’d be a lot worse for me. If I was not, though, I give me a solid 9.6 at owning that fight. I have a good throwing arm and plenty of stuff that can blind a foe, and a lot of weapons. A lot of weapons.

Freddy. Okay this is hard. I know how to kill him about as well as anyone does? So comparatively my odds are good? But. Also he’s a demon and a bit of a heavyweight in this arena. Sadly. If we’re in-realm rules, I have a /very/ good chance of kicking his ass. Give me a 10 to win, although I might not survive either. Probably would. If he’s like /film/ loadout? I give me more like a 6. It would be a battle, but I have a lot of knowledge and determination. Also I’m taller than him and bigger and could break his arms.

Amanda. Easy fam, that’s a 10. No, 11. Injured recently drugged Eric Matthews almost kicked her ass while toting a smashed foot. She’s like, 5 foot 1 and 30 pounds underweight. It’s not gonna be hard at all.

Kenneth I give me a 10 too. Easy fam. Even if he gets realm rules where he’s not tripping balls on his own drugs, I know what he’s got. I’ve got better weapons, I’m young, fast, strong, and smarter. I hold my breath, and run him through. Quick jabs from a dagger, take him down. Use my agility. He was never a fighter anyway—he used drugs to prey on people who couldn’t fight back. You know what? Give me another 11.

Rin? Uhhhh, I know as much as about anyone how to deal with her, but my odds of succeeding /before/ she killed me are...not great. And if we fought, there’s no way I have the ability to kill an Onryo. I put using my supernatural beings knowledge to hold her back long enough to stop her in the realm of improbably, but potentially doable, and give myself a 2.7. This is not to kill her though. Just to make her stop killing me. I have no way near the power or spiritual knowledge needed to kill something like that.

Legion I’d not really want to kill. They’re all teenagers or baby 20 year olds. I don’t want to wail fatally on kids, even ones who suck. That said, I think I could take them in a fight. If it was four and I got to fight them one at a time, easiest, four in one body back to back is medium, four at once is hard. First two options I could potentially fight to not kill. Third option only choice would be do everything I can to even /maybe/ have a shot. I have less experience stabbing people, but I’m more ready to take pain, and more motivated, so I give myself a 6, 5, and 3.5 to those scenarios respectively. I would be badly wounded regardless.

Adiris I don’t have healthy enough fear of dying of bubonic plague, and that would give me an edge. I think I have a good sword and shield combo to deal with the mace. She’s tall, but I have her beat in strength and stamina as well as agility bc she’s emaciated and dying. I would not want to kill her though. Might try to talk to her in my fucked Akkadian. Try to incapacitate if that failed. I give me a solid 8 if she’s treating this like a 9 to 5 or distracted by me, give me a 4 if she wants me /dead/. Either way, I probably have to run to the CDC and pray I survive scarred after.

Danny is just some sneaky dick with a knife. He doesn’t even know how to get stabbed. Slightly harder than a few other knife fighters bc he wears so much damn leather, but the eyes and mouth of that mask are vulnerable, and I feel sure I can drive a knife into them before sustaining any kind of fatal wound. He doesn’t have much edge on me in any area, I have him well beat in conviction, and I’m smarter than him by quite a bit. I give me a 9.

Uhhh, Demo isn’t that hard, and I love fire. Probably gonna get a little hurt, but I’m not worried about this one. Easy 10.

Kazan is interesting. He has me beat in size and strength, but his weapon is unwieldy and slow. I have quick weapons and am more agile, and I’m ready to fight dirty to save myself. 7 probably. It’s a luck thing. I have the edge, but if he really lands a hit on me even once, it’s all over. So. Not the /best/ of odds. Maybe a 6.8, actually.

You said no guns but I assume Caleb still gets his. He only gets one shot before being vulnerable though, and he’s much older than me. I’m faster and more agile, and stronger. He’s got really good endurance too though so I don’t have the edge there. It’s gonna be kind of a game of chicken to see who blinks. If he misses his one shot, I win. If he gets the shot, he wins. However, I think my odds of baiting the shot and getting my opening are decent. I give me a solid 7 here.

I still don’t even know which Pyramid Head he /is/. Why does any version exist here and want to kill me, can he smell, can I use that, can electricity hurt him, can he use my guilt against me? There are so many unknowns for both of us, I give us both a 5.

Talbot is an easy 10 unless he gets the jump on you. But you said no planning, so no surprise attacks, so I give me a 10. His body is literally falling apart, and all the blight serum in the world can’t save him from me forever. I have a bunch of tools at my disposal, and he’s fast, but he’s not accurate. Edge, me.

Victor and Charlotte. Interesting one here. Don’t want to kill them either, but I would to save myself I guess if I couldn’t stop them. Not scared of Victor. I bite too, and I go for the throat. Charlotte is more of a problem. Finally it’s a tall killer with a short range weapon though, so edge: me, in weapons. I think I have decent odds of beating them, but I would not get out unscathed. Give me a 7.5.

Jo-Woon. Depends wildly. He throws tiny knives that do too little damage. If he takes me seriously as a threat and tries to go for the throat before I can get close, edge: him, and I’m in for a really rough fight even with a shield. If he wants to fuck around with me though, I’ll win. Because I am prepared to suffer immensely to get a kill shot. If he was smart, I’d give the fight a 6, but I feel extremely confident he’d be cocky, so I give me a 9 to survive, a 10 to at worst get a simultaneous K.O.

[genderfreezone]

Do you like the Evil Within 2?

Yeah! Certainly not as much as the first one (i was not immune to being sad they left out fan favorites Jojo and Ruvik's Cube)

The rest of this post is me rambling about things i didnt like about the game, and then things i did like (most of my issues are how they treat the female characters tbh)

Its missing kind of the action-noir-gone-horrifically-wrong feel of the first game. The scare factor also suffers bc our player character has been through this before, hes a veteran at dealing with this crazy shit, it doesnt phase him anymore and by extension it doesnt phase the player. They really like tripled down on the Evil Corporation thing and both the intrigue and horror suffer for it.

This game did not drink its respect women juice (the first one didnt really either, case in point: Everything About Kidman) Sebastian is surrounded by 5+ female characters and only 2 of them survive (and one of them is his 7 year old daughter hes spent the whole game trying to rescue... and yet they never bothered to give her any kind of characterization or agency. A highly empathetic and supernaturally powerful little girl in a monster-infested hellscape?? HELLO???? Lily really had the potential to be the most interesting, sympathetic, and complex character--especially as she slowly lost her innocence--in the WHOLE GAME, but she was just sort of relegated to Plot Device McGuffin) The rest of the female supporting cast are killed off for Sebastian's Man Pain. In fact, THIS ENTIRE GAME IS CENTERED AROUND SEBASTIAN'S MAN PAIN. Torrez is a walking stereotype, shes literally just Vasquez from Aliens. Hoffman was the most likeable and believeable, except when it Turns Out She Was In Love With Liam Or Whatever (psst, guess what, i dont care. Also O'neal was kind of a dick anyway? I dont care x2)

And you know who i SUPER dont care about? Bland-White-Bread-And-Mayo-Sandwich Myra. Where's the no-nonsense firecracker of a police lieutenant Sebastian married? Not here, thats for sure. Her entire personality is "mother" and "worries about stressed-out husband". We got more characterization of Myra in seb's jornals from the first game, where she never even made a physical appearance! Horror media does this SO MUCH, women are either A. Sexy Lamp B. Hurts Men (Sexily) C. Mother or D. Innocent Virgin. It sucks. Do better.

The story lacked the "digging up old buried memories" and "theres more to this than meets the eye" of the first game. It felt too...... Straightforward. Everyone told Sebastian the truth. EVERYTHING WAS EXACTLY WHAT IT SEEMED. It all felt too simple, too easy, like there SHOULDVE been something else beneath the surface. And yet there wasnt. (I watched markipliers playthrough and i loved his theory that Kidman was actually Lily. It had such potential. Kidman's entire resume for the police station was fabricated, who's to say the rest of her past wasnt fabricated as well? It would retcon a lot of stuff and like 80% of her backstory from the DLC, but you know games like this arent above retconning important shit, and at least it wouldve been sacrificed for something with actual intrigue. Maybe it wouldnt even retcon anything! Consider: tiny Lily is taken by Evil Corporation and dropped off in a non-nurturing environment that would lead her to become the kind of person who would willingly join & work for an organization like Mobius. At least wouldve been a nice excuse for why Kidman and Lilys face models looked so similar... other than... yknow.... "WomEN ARe hArD tO DRaWwwwwee")

Okay okay ive been ranting for long enough. It probably makes it sound like i kinda hate this game, but i dont! It certainly doesnt hold the same place in my heart as the first one (which i still have very glaring issues with lmao Kidman deserved WAAAAAAY better), but i do like it! It brings back salty, grizzled, tsundere Sebastian Castinellos. It brings back spooky monsters that kill you dead. It brings back having a fun theatrical over-the-top villain who takes himself a litte too seriously.

I love Stefano. Probably not in the way some other fans do, but i love him as a ridiculous theatrical over-the-top villain. He sucks! And i love that he sucks! I love him BECAUSE he sucks! Hes terrible and exaggerated and completely up his own ass and ITS GREAT. He isnt as ACTUALLY THREATENING as Ruvik was (even in his bad assassin's creed cosplay. I could go on and on and on about why Ruvik is simultaneously a ridiculous AND frightening antagonist and how much i love it but uh..... maybe later) but hes such a FUN villain! Hes the kind of pretentious art snob shitheel i cannot STAND irl, but in this game i LOVE to HATE him. Hes just SO over-the-top you kinda wonder if he actually subscribes to the pretentiousness he spouts, or if hes just being Exceptionally Extra.

The other villains? Theodore was.... forgettable. His monsters were forgettable. (Its like how i completely forgot that Frank Manera was a character in Whistleblower for like... 5 years lmao i guess this game also kinda followed that "having multiple named/characterized antagonists in one game" thing that Outlast did) Myra, i just didnt care. Her final design was kinda cool, i liked the red clusters of insect eyes. Her monsters werent really gross enough to be memorable. The only reson theyre gross at all is bc they kinda look like theyre made of semen. (I checked the wiki and apparently Myra's white goo is "psychoplasm" and her monsters lost 99% of their gross factor. I just dont care.) The Administrator literally just looked like a 3D human model of Maxwell from dont starve, and i have to laugh every time i see him. Hes not terribly threatening, all he does is threaten characters to work faster and doesnt actually follow through on those threats. He doesnt even make fun threats like HABIT or anything. He thinks hes so powerful and ominous that his mere presence will frighten the player but hes just kinda all bark and no bite. Hes The Big Bad Company Man so you know hes gonna get whats coming to him, and you know Kidmans gonna be the one to do it to him, so hes not even that much of a threat. Hes whatever.

Stefano definitely got all of the coolest monsters. Many Arms Buzzsaw Lady was terrifying and i love her. And OBSCURA was just *Chef's Kiss* Anima was cool, she kinda looked like a mix of Laura and Samara. The Harbingers were neat, but really only bc ive got a thing for gas masks. The rest of the monsters werent really unique or weighty/threatening enough to be memorable. Now the first game is a fucking TREASURE TROVE of unique monsters *muah* you got Sadist, Sentinel, Keeper, Amalgam, Heresy, Laura, Shigyo, the Twins, Alter Egos, and im probably forgetting some!! But holy FUCK!!!!! And if we're includong the DLC?? MOTHER FUCKING SHADE. SPOTLIGHT LADY. LIGHT WOMAN.  SEXY LEGS.  Whatever you call her, i fucking love her. Her design is so simple. Helmet. Sheet. Legs. Her voice? Unnerving as hell. Love it. (Also i just personally love the diving helmet. Also like you know how a lot of games have a spotlight mechanic where you have to avoid the light and if it lands on you, you're fucked? LET'S MAKE AN ENTIRE MONSTER OUT OF THAT. She's PERFECT.) Oh and also those weird crawling exploding dudes. They made gross sounds and it was great. (Tbh Keepers still probably my favorite, if only for horny reasons)

TATIANA HOW HAVE I NOT FUCKING TALKED ABOUT TATIANA. Shes like the ONE female character that i fucking LOVE in the sequel. I love how they finally gave her a personality, and that personality is literally just "fuck you, Sebastian" Oh GOD its great shes SO FUNNY. I just.... god i love Tatiana lmao. I love how she makes you kinda uncomfortable too, like she knows something, but she wont tell you bc youre stupid. I didn't like the kind of "all-knowing guide" thing they did to try and make her creepy (like she's a "guide" but then also turns around and is like "no i wont tell you what you need to know bc you """have to discover it on your own""" or whatever") it serves no purpose since she never gave you any actual information, and it didn't succeed in making her creepier, all it did was frustrate me. She was at her creepiest when she IMPLIED she was doing something behind the scenes or knew something you didn't know and then didn't elaborate (not REFUSING to elaborate, just... stopping talking and leaving the statement to hang in the air, like the "getting her nails done" and "its been a long time, detective" and the "now what makes you say that" from the first game) and she was at her funniest when she was interacting with Sebastian from the sidelines, her snide little comments and sarcastic clapping cracked me the fuck up. Tatiana not treating Sebastian seriously was a fantastic touch for a game that otherwise would probably take itself so seriously it would double back around to being silly. Without Tatiana, it would've been just another male-centric gun-toting "survival horror" game, and for the most part, it was just that. She was definitely a much-needed source of slightly derisive comedy and a definite high-point for me, even if they didn't so a great job of making her creepy or fulfilling her "purpose."

Oh I also really love the COLORS in TEW2. The first game fell into the trap of having the colors be totally washed out that a lot of horror stuff does, but it also kind of worked for it. Especially with the color pallette of our main villain and how the whole thing was His World. The saturation of the colors in the second game is a breath of fresh air and gorgeous to look at, and you can even see the color motifs of the game change with each new villain: the game starts out with Stephano has lots of blues and purples and dark reds, when Theodore takes over we get bright orange and yellow contrasted with black and brown, and in the climax with Myra the game goes back to having washed out colors and white (and with her villain design? Let's face it: they were kinda just trying to do Ruvik again) We did get portions that were still kind of wahed out whites and greens and greys, but it wasnt the ENTIRE game, even the big blood-and-brains splatterhouse sections of the first game kinda had their colors weirdly muted for that "Horror Aethetic."

In conclusion, i do like the evil within 2, but i also had a lot of problems with it. And i complain about these problems because i like the game and know it couldve done better, tried harder, and been a LOT more than it was (the wasted character potential is my real overarching pet peeve, probably becuase i loved the characters in the first game, and character development is kind of my whole jam) . But all in all, it was still a fun monster-zombie romp with at least one entertaining villain and fun-to-look-at designs and environments. It wasn't character or horror or even REALLY story driven in the way I know it COULDVE been, but i still had a fun time and enjoyed myself.

[wannawrite]

I Latte You Very Much

Wanna One’s Hwang Minhyun X Reader

Word count: 1761

• talented af barista! Minhyun like srsly he can do anything • your friend [ created character, Sujin ] suggested this new cafe • you now spend most of your time there…wonder why ;)

awwwww this one was adoraBLe I LOVED IT I HOPE YOU DO TOO ANON THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING. I’m sorry I only got it out like 3 weeks later :( i hate disappointing you guys still, thanks for showering us with love. We love you guys 💓

- admin L

PS: to be edited [ 8/8/2017 ] 

edited 11/8/2017 __________

The pen that was once in your hands landed with a soft thud on your workbook, uncapped. You had tossed it down with an irritated growl, upset about a certain mathematics equation that seemed simple enough to solve yet it had twisted you in circles for the past 10 minutes. It was driving you mad.

Just as you were about to give up studying as a whole, your best friend, Sujin seemed to sense your mood was off and called you.

“Hey!” She greeted enthusiastically before you had even said a word. “Remember that new… well two month old cafe everyone at school was talking about? The one with the insanely good coffee and really good looking baristas? I’m having trouble with homework too, want to meet there? Its like a 2 minute walk from your house anyways.”

“Uh, sure. Okay. Dress cute.” You mumbled, almost too tired for words but the prospect of good coffee AND cute boys made your feet move a little faster.

“Okay! See you then.”

Beep.

Your homework glared at you, the mountains of papers seemed to grow by the second. You had to finish them, this was a good chance. You were killing three… or four birds with one stone.

…

It was rather late when you arrived at the coffee shop but lucky for you, it was those kinds that stayed open until 2am. The lighting was rather dim and ambient around the seating area but you were almost blinded by the spotlights at the front of the shop.

However, if it weren’t for those lights, you wouldn’t have noticed the incredibly handsome barista who was currently taking an order.

His smile seemed to illuminate the room, his hair looked fluffy and softer than swan feathers. The man’s eyes twinkled as he beamed brightly.

You were stunned by his beauty to say the least.

So as to not seem like a freak, you forced your legs to move, to unroot from your spot in the middle of the entire shop to where Sujin sat, her table nearly hidden by books. The cafe was pretty crowded, she was lucky to be able to clinch a booth. You had a feeling the both of you were going to be here until closing time. College was hard work.

Sujin smirked as you approached, settling your things down beside her. She reached over and grabbed your forearm as you moved to take your wallet. “So, you think he’s cute?”

You furrowed your brow, faking confusion but she had been your friend for the longest time and saw right through your facade.

“Well, I don’t know much about him but his name is Minhyun. He’s in the music course with Sungwoon, he works here almost every day and yes, he is single.” She winked, taking a sip of her iced vanilla latte. It seemed to satisfy her tastebuds, that made you look forward to getting one too.

You blinked once, staring blankly at her. “I didn’t need that information though…What are you-”

“I saw the way you looked at him. Your heart jumped. Did it not?” Sujin smiled smugly. “Did it not? Hmm?”

A blush filled your cheeks as you bonked your wallet gently on her head, chuckling while trying to remain a calm composure. Now that you pondered about it, you had seem his handsome face sometimes in between classes. He must know Ha Sungwoon and Ong Seongwoo, two of your other friends in the music course.

Perhaps I could ask Sungwoon about him….

Shaking your head, you banished all the odd thoughts from your mind and walked forward into the queue. Sujin tapped away on her phone and you hoped she wasn’t texting Sungwoon or Seongwoo about Minhyun. If she did…you weren’t sure what would happen to her after you were done with her.

Sujin owes me a coffee. Ugh…should I get a strawberry cappuccino or a regular latte with requested foam art?

The customer in front of you ordered a iced matcha latte so you figured those must be pretty good.

“And… your name is?”

Oh my god, it was a place where they asked for your name. Sometimes I really hate this concept.

“Oh come on hyung, we live next door to each other,” the youth in front of you whined.

Minhyun laughed, scribbling down the boy’s name. “Okay, one iced green tea latte for Lee Daewhi. Hi, what can I get for you today?” He smiled at you.

You felt your steps falter as you approached the counter, it was suffocating to be in the presence of Minhyun’s beauty. On top of that, he seemed to have a nice and friendly personality.

“Uh…uh, um. What do you recommend?” You blurted out after a series of incoherent stuttering, your cheeks flushed red right after realisation hit you like a truck. “Sorry, that was so dumb of me.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” Minhyun reassured, he put his pen to his lips, deep in thought. “If you like tea I really recommend The Sunset which is pomegranate, mango and peach tea combined. Hmm…what Daewhi ordered is a personal favourite, especially with azuki beans and chocolate sauce. Uhh, my friends seem to like the macchiatos but Bae Jinyoung is in charge of making those today and I would advise against trusting him.” ( rmb when everyone felt played bc Baejin tricked all of them hehe ) Minhyun drummed his hands on the counter, lips pursing as he thought hard. “What about a secret menu drink?”

That caught your attention, you looked at him with wide eyes. “Really? You’d do that?”

Minhyun nodded. “Yeah, of course. I can hone my barista skills. Give me a minute or two. Jisung hyung!” Another man came running from the kitchen, drying his hands on his apron and taking over Minhyun’s job at the cashier. He winked at Minhyun suggestively causing the him to roll his eyes and shake his head.

“Thank you!” You called cheerfully as you watched Minhyun gather several ingredients, he smiled but didn’t take his focus off his task. The sweet gesture made you blush and your heart fluttered madly in your chest. It was such a random yet genuine offer. Your face didn’t cool down even after you returned to your seat despite how dim the lighting around there was. Sujin resorted to fanning your face lightly with a stack of worksheets as she giggled.

“Oh my god…oh my god……Y/N finally has a crush!”

…

You pressed your lips together, the sweet taste of the secret drink Minhyun had created still lingered on your tongue. You remembered how he had came up to your booth and asked for your name, bashfully, ears tinging pink before retreating back to the safety of his bar and hastily scribbling your name on a plastic cup. Sujin had found it adorable, she teased you all night long and it was hard to tolerate but at least you got through majority of your papers. Last night felt like a good dream but the washed plastic cup that sat on your nightstand with your name on it kept you in check.

It was around closing time when Sujin decided enough was enough and packed up despite your protests, she dragged you out of there insisting you had worked hard enough. Minhyun was nowhere to be seen and you sighed in disappointment but acknowledged the fact that he too needed his rest.

Buzz. Buzz.

9.23 am

Sujin: guess what ;) You: what Sujin: sungwoon says minhyun’s single but looking ard ;) You: k so? Sujin: damnit girl take ur chance Sujin: i think you two wld make a good couple You: thanks but no thanks

10 am Sujin: want to go out today? movies? You: wish i cld :((( but i need to finish my work Sujin: aww okie :( gd luck bby

Truthfully, you were going to spend the day at the coffee shop your cute barista worked at, studying of course.

…

“Hey! Uh, uh… Y/N! Secret drink girl, hello,” Minhyun greeted cheerfully when he spotted you entering the shop. “So? Are you up for another off menu surprise?”

You giggled, blushing as you hung your tote bag on your chair. There weren’t many people today, good.

“Surprise me,” you said, winking and surprising yourself at your boldness.

Minhyun seemed… shocked yet undaunted, he appeared to like you posing challenges. “Okay, no problem. Miss Y/N.” He smirked, turning away to form a new creation.

You too, spun away to face your books. The constant whirring and mixing of different machines kept you from concentrating, the sounds only added to the excitement and anticipation. You heard the telltale steps on Minhyun and pretended to be deep in thought when he placed the mug on your table with great precision. Your gaze met his.

“Hey, I hope you like it. By the way….we have never met formally, so, hello. I’m Hwang Minhyun. I think I’ve seen you hanging out with Ha Sungwoon?” He bowed slightly out of respect which you returned.

“Yes! Sungwoon and Seongwoo are my friends so I suppose you have seen me before. Thank you, my name is Y/N,” you replied albeit it was a lame one, you were glad you hadn’t tripped over your words. Your eyes widened when Minhyun slid into the seat across from you.

“It’s off peak right now and I think I should give Baejin a bit of experience. Let’s talk, you seem like a nice person,” he suggested, looking hopeful. “Wait, try the drink first.”

You took a sip, leaving a minor lipstick mark on the side of the mason jar mug. It was very satisfying to your tastebuds, the drink fulfilled every craving you had ever had for sugar. “Mhmm. It’s so good! I love it! Did you come up with it yourself?”

Minhyun shrugged modestly. “I mean, I was just experimenting with some of my roommates and they insisted it was delicious but I only offer it to special people.”

“You have to teach me something! This is like a need now!”

“Maybe,” he told you, batting an eye. “We’ll have to see. How about you give me a call one of these days.” Minhyun slid a small folded up piece of paper across the table, grinned and left without another word.

Your jaw dropped, speechless. Everything he did only deepened your crush on him. The butterflies in your stomach and happiness coursing through your veins weren’t from the boost of caffeine.

Perhaps it was more than that.

[jess-oh]

Reflection

HEY JOURNAL! 

IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG!

I HAVE SO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT!

MY PRIORITIES AND THOUGHTS ARE ALL OUT OF WHACK AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN!

I’ve been trying to process externally through other people instead of internally through my journal and lowkey it has been affecting my relationships with other people and I don’t want it to. 

Recently, I was hanging out with Mitchell and we witnessed a drive by shooting and overall, I’m pretty okay now. I was pretty freaked out at first but I think I’m okay now. Honestly, I was in denial a bit because I couldn’t tell if I was just putting on more of an act so people don’t think I’m a sociopath but whenever I talked about it and actually felt pain or a tightness in my chest or cried about it, I would be surprised and realized I was more affected than I initially thought about it. I was honestly afraid to go outside and I did get triggered whenever I heard loud, sudden sounds. But overall, I am better now. I think sharing it with people and asking for prayer did definitely help and going to God first. I listened to “Resurrecting” and “Even When It Hurts” a lot and really resonated with the words. Honestly, even on Sunday during service, I tried really hard to be real and honest with God but I couldn’t stop crying. I did feel super nervous being outside at all on Saturday and clutched my tote bag closely over my chest just in case one of the speeding cars suddenly started shooting. I was afraid and I admittedly still am to some extent but I am a lot better now. I am a little bit more edge than usual being outside but I’m getting back to normal. I am. I’m close. And I’m glad. Thank you, God! Thank you for wonderful people around me.

But I think it was good that this happened to me. It made me face the reality of how I felt. I feel as if I’ve been living with a layer over everything recently and haven’t been totally honest with anyone. Which is, admittedly a little tough. I want to have a best friend to whom I can just tell them everything. But I am surrounded by guys and I don’t want things to get awkward in sharing too much? I know I need to set boundaries! 

I’m just sad because for the girls, I really don’t have a lot in common with them so I can’t necessarily go super deep? I do get along well with Amanda but she’s a horrible texter and already has so much on her plate and I feel bad. I don’t want her to feel like she just has to take care of me all the time either? Because I know she has her own trust issues and I want to be accommodating to that! But it does kind of suck. I know other people feel alone too and I want to reach out to them and let them know I’m here for the but knowing the line between guys and girls is kind of hard. I want to reach out more Jason and P. Josh but they are guys. And that isn’t something I normally actively think about and I don’t see either of them in a romantic sense at all. I JUST WISH THERE WERE MORE SISTERS :’((( The community is lacking on our end! And I know I, along with Amanda and the other sisters can do a better job with community on our end bUT, it’s just unfortunate. And Movement isn’t super big either so it makes sense but it does kind of suck. I lowkey always questioned P. Josh whenever he wanted to intentionally do something or have something with a specific gender but I get it now :’( 

I really dislike gossip and I know that I do it sometimes but I actively try to go against it. It’s annoying, just leads to drama, and is extremely passive aggressive which also bothers me. And I’ve been the victim of it in the past and it freaking sucked and I hated it and it was such a terrible feeling. And I don’t want to feel like that again and I don’t think anyone should have to ever feel like that. Ever. Really.

But now I know about this thing that happened between Joyce Park and Jason and I don’t know what to do now? But typing this at all has actually been helping me process a lot. I know that I can have a big mouth at times and feel like I can’t keep secrets and I definitely want to get better at that but this...I don’t feel the need to share it with more people because I understand it isn’t my place. I’m not the most trustworthy person and I think my first love language has become acts of service. If my friends ever need anything, I would gladly drop everything I’m doing and go to help them as soon as I possibly can. And I don’t expect others to do the same for me because I understand that it’s a big time and energy commitment. I don’t want someone else to do what I am willing to do for others necessarily. I just want to have some that I can fully rely and depend on. Which used to be Jeanne but she never really shared back to me and I wanted to be there for her too. I didn’t just want to use her as a resource and toss her aside once I was done. I know what that feels like and it really really sucks. It does! And no one deserves to suffer through that kind of pain. 

I’m also kind of confused because Jason has been saying a lot recently that he shoudn’t talk or hangout with girls as often which has left me confused? Am I just a bro or does that include me? Orrrrrrrrr I don’t know. I think I’m a good friend for him and he’s definitely a good friend for me too but I need something or someone more than that. Not necessarily a significant other but someone to whom I can always rely on, yknow? Preferably of the same gender to avoid all of this potential unnecessary drama. Because I did lowkey crush on Andrew for a time and highkey with Anthony. I think I see Jason as an older mentor figure if anything. I realized this yesterday. I definitely see him as an Anthony in my life. But for Anthony, it was very much him helping me more than me ever helping him and looking back on it, I was really glad that he was there to support me but I wish I was a better friend to him :/ Maybe because I already liked Jason before I have nothing to worry about? LOL. But yeah. This drama...is so easily avoidable. I don’t want any part of it. At all. I’m happy that I’ve been able to be there for him but... I don’t know. He is there for me but I am still cautious with what I tell him. I don’t want to just be a bro but I want to be a good friend too. 

I’m also kind of salty towards P. Josh and Jason right now. I know I was really tired last night and lowkey dreaded going home. And I don’t always take great care of myself and them two plus Johnathan know that all too well. When I’m sick or overworking myself, they can definitely see. I have such a need to define myself by my productivity and what I can accomplish and it’s hard to remember to take care of myself and I get that! ...nor do I always think I deserve to rest but that’s a topic for another day.

BUT, I am S A L T Y towards P. Josh and Jason bc they keep discussing whos gonna take me back home amongst themselves without talking to me first and asking if I even want it to begin with. Which I usually say no and they refuse that as answer. Which sometimes is nice but other times just feels degrading like my opinion or voice doesn’t matter. And I’m reminded of when I first didn’t want to feel like a burden when I saw my mom, dad, and Olessia discussing who was supposed to pick me up from school and I just watched them argue. And I felt terrible in that moment and I felt like a heckin big burden. I don’t expect them be my chauffeur. I never do. I learned that from my parents to never assume. I learned from P. Joe to never make excuses and instead to make things work if I can. He had a low tolerance for excuses and I respect that about him but it has left me a bit scarred to some extent.  But yeah. I don’t know. I want to bring this up to them but I think I need to get better at taking care of myself and understanding my limitations first. Oh man, am I glad to be journaling again. It feels so good to just freely express everything again, ahhhhh. 

Anyway, okay! I’m going to make an honest attempt to figure everything out. I think being self deprecating and not taking care of myself has become a “fun” yet “toxic” and “normalized” part of my identity which is not very good... haha. I need to figure this out so that I can help other people who are in the same boat as me! And they are definitely out there. I know them. And I want to help them. I want to figure this out through God’s grace and lead others in the same direction. I pray that he can use me in such a way where He can bring others to Him through me. This is my hope and prayer to you, God! People desperately need you. They really do. And I want to help because it pains me to see them in pain as well.

I know I’m pretty bitter towards my parents and it’s easy to toss them under the bus but I really am grateful for them. My dad is supportive and my mom does worry for me.  Yes, they can say hurtful things at times but I think they do care for me at the end of the day. My upbringing was rough, theres no denying that. We really didn’t get along until after I left. But I am thankful for them. I am.

Jason and Joyce are off to have their conversation! Good luck little flapjacks! I hope all goes well. I care for the both you very deeply.

I am lonely, I think. I think Rhyarna, Eliza, and I made Emily feel bad for being so wholesome and now she feels the need to be “bad” to be on the same level as us and I feel as if we corrupted her and I feel bad now. And we used to be close but she would never really respond to me. Or at least not in the way that I wanted. And I don’t really trust Eliza and Rhyarna to be unbiased. I don’t just want support. I want someone to listen to me but to also tell me the truth. That’s what I need right and that’s what I lack right now. I used to have it with Jakob and Mana but they left. And even pretty limited with them. I used to have that with Marlena but she got busy and went to study abroad. I had that with Andrew but he started dating Sofia and they’re both so far away. And I don’t want blind support. And honestly, Andrew just gets mad at me sometimes when I don’t see my own potential but because he gets angry, I don’t want to talk to him at all. I don’t want to be another disappointment. I had that with Sharlene but she transferred schools to California. I had that with TyKira and Jordan but they both got busy and graduated. And I know none of them meant to leave because of any reason against me but I felt the most real and honest and happiest with them and now they’re gone and I’m alone again. I’m left to search for a new support system somewhere, somehow. But I just feel lost and confused and alone. It is lonely. I was close with the seniors at school but they’re all graduating soon and I’m sad and I’ll be left to search for support from somewhere else again. It’s been a very transitional, lonely time. I miss them. I need them. But I don’t want to just use them either. I did really care for all of them and wanted to be there for them just as much as they were so gracious in being there for me. I think I just need to pray more and be more honest with God instead of rely on such temporary humans. Maybe that’s why He keeps taking my friends away. Because I’m too independent when it comes to Him but too dependent when it comes to man. Or I’m just suffering from lack of community. Or both! Who knows!

Jason and Joyce just came back and they seem relatively calm so I think their conversation went well? I didn’t think they would talk so long. I’m actually pretty tired now. It’s 10:43pm now. Wow.