#*something something disgust response and assigning moral value to that response even though these people aren't real*

[musical-chick-13]

Who do I feel as though genderbent mello would get girboss treatment

See, I go back and forth on this, because my instinctive reaction is that you are absolutely right. There's the whole implied Catholicism thing (people love to use that as an aesthetic, which, fair, I used to be Catholic we have some banger art and designs), there's the leather and Fashion Choices™, there's the "is a criminal who kills people but isn't The Worst One Here" and there's the "main target of their ire is an unpopular character" all of which are prime traits for fandom girlboss-ification.

The conflict I find myself having, though, is that this character is. Angry. That's kind of his Thing™. And if he were a woman........people really don't like angry women. Especially if they act out about it. If they're lucky, all that happens is they get called "crazy" or "hysterical." But most of the time they get called [insert gendered insult or death threat here]. (Remember when I got harassed multiple times irl for simply dressing up as a fictional character at a con, good times.) A female version of this character would have "conventionally attractive thin young person" to her advantage, and people are kinder to female characters if they fit into that category than if they don't. And, again, a major source of this character's anger involves their misplaced disdain for a character the fandom at large (sadly, incorrectly) does not have a ton of love for. And those things might be enough to override the general fandom distaste for destructive anger in female characters.

I'm going to go into this further in my "almost-genderbent DN" post (which is. it's coming. I just. chronic illness. words.), but I guess it would depend on how unhinged (and, specifically in what ways she is unhinged) the story makes this genderbent version of her. Some types of "unhinged" are seen as delightful or even narratively palatable, and some aren't. Because there is a general-fandom threshold between, "The crimes make her cool™" and "The crimes make her the devil incarnate" and I'm trying to fully parse out where exactly that threshold is. And once I have a more concrete idea of it, all of you will be the first to know. :)

(Another factor in whether or not she gets Girlbossed™ is probably to what extent (if any) genderbending her changes her relationship with Matt. Because they're a pretty popular ship, and if a character choice makes a ship more or less appealing in the eyes of the fandom...historically, that's going to change the general perception of that character.)

[baixueagain]

What's wild to me is that both fanpol and radfems alike seem to assume that automatic emotional reactions themselves can be good or bad. In reality they're not much different from physical reflexes, like when a doctor taps your knee with a hammer. You see something gross, you react with disgust. You see something funny, you react with amusement. You see something unfair, you react with anger. For most humans, these are automatic reactions that are neurologically ingrained. You can also train yourself into certain reactions over time (much like an athlete can train their body into certain physical reflexes), though that can be extremely difficult and is not always possible for everyone.

Ultimately, though, these automatic reactions are value neutral. Societies may imbue them with certain values, but that varies depending on culture and subculture. Reactions may have some physical externalization (faster breathing, pupil movement, etc), but the majority of it takes place inside the mind. And, well, that's not actually harming anyone, no matter how morally objectionable some of those reactions may be in principle.

Harm comes after the cognitive phase of emotion, when you decide 1) whether to feel the emotion, and 2) how to feel the emotion.

Example: You see a rude old man trip and fall flat on his face. Your emotional reaction is amusement, because you hate that guy and seeing him trip is funny. You may have some involuntary physical symptoms of the reaction, such as a twitch of your lips. You then reach the cognition stage, in which you 1) realise that even if the old man is a rude asshole, it is still dangerous for older people to fall and he does not deserve physical harm even if he's a jerk; 2) decide how to respond

You have now entered the feeling stage of the emotion, in which your initial automatic reaction combines with your cognition to produce a response. You have a few choices: 1) schadenfreude, in which you go ahead and laugh at his pain; 2) indifference, in which you have no response and continue on your way; 3) compassion, in which you ask if he's alright or perhaps help him to his feet or even call an ambulance if it's serious.

Feelings and responses are where it is possible to apply moral value, as these are the stages in which your internal reaction and cognition enter into the world and impact it. They are how you interact with other humans, animals, and your environment, and thus involve more than just yourself. This is where the potential for harm enters.

Meanwhile, one anti-kink argument I see a lot from both radfems and fanpol is that it is immoral, for example, to react with arousal to a child's toy. Why? Because those things relate to childhood and it is wrong to be aroused by anything involving childhood. Why? Well, because that is harmful to children. But how, if it is only an initial reaction and no equivalent response is made? Well, because it is normalising pedophilia. But again, how, if the reaction happens almost entirely internally, barring some involuntary muscle movements?

Well, the explanation I tend to see is that the reaction will automatically lead to a response. In this, the role of cognition is completely discounted and the response is equated to the reaction, meaning that moral valence can be applied to the entire emotion (from involuntary reaction all the way through to feeling and response) without any nuance whatsoever. That, or they argue that humans can be trained, like dogs, to skip over cognition to automatically respond based on initial reaction (which, by the way, is essentially the argument of conversion therapists). And while initial reactions can be learned (a la Pavlov), it would take a hell of a lot to remove the cognitive stage from human emotion altogether. It is, arguably, one of the things which distinguishes humans from most other animals.

Anyway I am highly concerned by the amount of arguments I see online which assume that an initial emotional reaction is not only something which can be assigned moral valence, but which is equivalent to the entirety of the emotion itself. It is, essentially, reducing humans to their reflexes rather than their decisions. It is fundamentally an outmoded and antiquated concept of human emotion which is deeply dangerous, not to mention innacurate.

[17wishbones]

Here is Chapter VII: War’s End (Part 2). I low-key cried writing this because, wow, I really do love this Flame Hashira so so so so so so much. I got a bit distracted reading other fanfiction and all that but here comes the second part. Now, this has spoilers from the manga/movie, so get to watching it as soon as possible. However, if you don’t mind it, go ahead and have a read! Please enjoy!

- - - - - - - - 

                                            Chapter VII: War’s End (Part 2)

Bright rays of the sun beat down on you as you stood before the oceanfront. The wind blew through your locks and along your skin. In your hands was a net and a few fish caught in them. You ogled them with a tight squint. ‘I know this handwork-’

“_____! _____!”

Your eyes widen. “That can’t be. . .” You slowly turned around and was blessed with a beautiful sight. “Mother? Father? You’re both. . .” Tears flowed like a river as you tackled them in an overdue embrace. You couldn’t swallow the sorrow that crept over your body when you thought to have lost them.

“We’re both what? Other than waiting for you to come home?” Your father was a tall man, standing halfway over six foot. His thick dreads touched the small of his back and his salt and pepper beard filled out his face. He was a handsome man still.

“You must be thirsty, _____. Come on in and drink. You’ve caught enough fish to last us a while.” Your mother was a beauty herself. She had a clean shaven head, a strong jawline, and the legs of an Amazon.

They stood tall while you remained short. You didn’t receive the end of the tall gene pool but that didn’t make you any harder to love, even though they joked about your height all the time. The two of them loved you so much.

Your mother, Oolade, wiped your tears away as your father, Uzoma, got the net of fish from the shore. “We shall eat as kings and queens together!” He shouted. “Look at the bounty our daughter has gathered!”

“I am proud of you, my sweet _____.”

“Mother, Father, please, you are embarrassing me!” You laughed. “Kyōjurō would love nothing more than to meet you both.”

“Kyōjurō?” They both questioned in unison.

“Oh.” Your mind went blank a moment. ‘Why did I say that? Kyōjurō? Who-who is that? His name sounds familiar.’

“Never mind that. Come.” You didn’t even think twice as you followed your mother to your quaint house on the shore that your father built by hand. It was just as you remembered.

“Oolade found some wild rice to make with as well. We’re going to have a feast!”

‘What was I even doing before? I must have been daydreaming.’ There was no questioning this surreal feeling as your parents showered you with love and laughter.

Overwhelmed with a sense of unbridled joy, you thought to never leave him.

You blinked. ‘Him?’ You questioned blankly. ‘Who is this him?’

Time had passed but the scenery didn’t change. “Hey, I’m going to step outside for some air.”

“Hurry back so that you may bless the food before we feast.” Your parents’ smiles, even though forever imprinted in your mind, suddenly dulled in comparison to the image of this fiery man.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You slowly opened them and saw an outlined path towards the woods. You instinctively followed it to a rip into another space. You gasped aloud as you caught a young child making their way to this shining orb floating within a bundle of sunflowers.

The child turned to you, frightened and with the needle pointing towards you. They were sweating and shaking with fear.

“What are you doing here?” 

“How did you find me!? You’re not supposed to be able to enter into your own unconsciousness!”

“It’s mine… isn’t it?” You took a step forward.

“_____? _____!” Oolade and Uzoma came running toward the border with sadness filling their eyes. “What are you doing? Come back!”

“_____, don’t leave us!”

You didn’t heed their words, but their voices wretched your heart. “You plan to do something? For what cost?”

“Destroying your core will allow me to sleep peacefully and see my family again!”

“And that’s the best way to go about it?” You ignored their calls as you pressed forward towards the child. “Your good dream will end and so shall you succumb to your pain.” Your eyes softened. “You will die a sad death. To a demon.”

“How do you know how I feel!? You just had a good dream!”

“A bittersweet dream. My parents have long since passed. They no longer live in this world. Even this cannot bring them back forever or give me peace.”

The child backed up until he was just a footstep away from your core. “Come any closer and I’ll do it!” 

You stopped your approach and knelt down, holding your arms out. “Then you choose. Live your life or succumb to an eternal slumber?”

The child had wanted a good dream of his family, to be happy, but when he saw the look on your face, the look of pain and suffering from even getting a glimpse of what life could have been with them spread over your face.

He dropped the needle and ran to you full throttle, crying his heart out as he embraced you tight around your neck.

This was the right thing to do. Even as good as the dream would be, it would hurt all the more to have it taken away.

The faux warmth of the child disappeared and your eyes fluttered open to an ungodly sight that made you want to throw up.

“What the hell!?” You stood on top of flesh. “Intestines!?”

Rengoku flashed past you by one moment and returned the next. “You’re awake, Sunflower!”

“Did the demon become a train!?”

“So it seems, yes! Kamado and Hashibira are going for the neck. Our job—”

“Is to protect the passengers at all costs.”

“Nn! You take care of this cart and I’ll do the other four!”

“Just one?”

“Your safety is of utmost importance! Aid Golden Boy and the Demon girl as needed!” He kissed you quiet before dashing off in a blaze, hushing your protests.

“That man…” you drew your Nichirin blade, “Is so…” your short dash in the cart made easy work of the disgusting, fleshy tendrils, “Annoying!” But you couldn’t argue with his command or logic. He was sound in the midst of danger.

What you did was light work, and by the looks of it, Zenitsu and Nezuko had the other three sorted as Tanjiro and Inosuke ran for the front of the train. You hummed, slightly irritated at your position. You were getting into none of the action, but you knew how fast Rengoku and Zenitsu were moving by the back and forth teetering of the carts.

‘This train could topple at any moment, especially with all of this monstrous bulk. So, there’s no telling when it’ll--’ A shrill filled the air, disorienting you as the train of muscle crumpled up and fell right off the track. If it weren’t for the demon’s flesh and that Demon Slayer footwork, people onboard would have been seriously injured.

You checked those in your assigned cart and then where Zenitsu and Nezuko were. “Are you guys alright?” 

“Mm, mm!” Nezuko nodded as you came over to the slightly slumped Zenitsu.

“Great!” You took him by the shoulders and started shaking him away. “Zenitsu? Zenitsu! Wake up!” He was still asleep, but he only incurred very few injuries as Nezuko had. “At least you two are alright. You really held your own, Nezuko. I’m a little jealous I didn’t get to help out much at all.”

Nezuko, no matter if tired or full of spunk, was just a beauty to look at. You understood why Zenitsu was so smitten with her though he feigned himself a well-groomed ladies man. She offered a soft sound as a response before she leaned up against you. 

Parts of the demon’s body slowly faded from existence, leaving now broken windows with an open view to the outside. Rengoku stood over Tanjiro, instructing him as he laid on the ground. Nezuko picked up her brother’s scent and slowly headed outside. Zenitsu followed her sleepily as you grabbed a few people and exited yourself.

Suddenly, the earth shook and dust flew everywhere as something else landed unto the field. You couldn’t believe your own eyes! The aura spiked high as it circled around the tattoo-marked Upper Moon demon. The shine in those eyes were as hungry, monstrous, and devilish as their appearance.

In the blink of an eye, he was just moments away from striking Tanjiro. “Fire Breathing! Second Form! Rising Scorching Sun!” Rengoku’s quick thinking saved him. “I don’t understand why you’d target a wounded person.”

“I thought he’d just get in the way between you and me.”

You froze. You had never seen a demon so fast like this one. It was just as scary as that time in Asakusa. The aura you ingested made you run on instinct, quelling the thoughts of fear or nervousness. 

This one looked too toxic. You’d be sick for days. Not to mention, this demon only had eyes for Rengoku.

“You and I have something to talk about? It’s our first time meeting and I already hate you.” Rengoku replied.

“Is that so?” Akaza mused. “I really hate weak humans,” in terms of Tanjiro and others, “When I look at weaklings, I just feel disgusted.”

“It looks like you and I have different moral values in regards to things.”

“I see. Then I have a wonderful proposal. How about you become a demon, too?” 

“No chance.” Rengoku declined.

“I know your strength just by looking at you. You’re a pillar, right?” Akaza’s interest in Rengoku shined through his symbolic eyes. “Your battle spirit is quite polished. You’re getting close to Supreme Territory.”

“I am the Fire Hashira, Rengoku Kyōjurō.”

“And I’m Akaza.”

They both exchanged names but withheld their stances. Akaza came to kill and eat any humans as well as convert the strongest ones into those he could. However, no matter the strength, Rengoku was defiant in every sense of the matter when it came to slaying demons and protecting the weak who could not fight for themselves.

But you weren’t out of the clear, however. “Ah, seems like I have a two for one deal.” To your chagrin, the demon noticed you next. “Why don’t you consider becoming a demon, too?” He saw your spirit as well, one with potential of being his punching bag. “As a demon, you can become stronger. That wonderful sword style of yours will keep on improving and we can fight forever! Otherwise, you’ll never reach Supreme Territory and do you know why?”

Silence.

“Because you’re human. Because you’ll grow old. Because you’ll die.” Akaza pointed his finger at Rengoku. “Become a demon, Kyōjurō. You can train for a hundred years. Two hundred years. You can become stronger.”

His face grew dark as he pointed at the likes of everyone in the vicinity, truly disgusted by what he saw before him. Rengoku looked none too pleased with you inserted into the situation. ‘Don’t worry, _____. I will protect you, the children, everyone! Nobody here will die or turn into a demon while I still stand!’ He felt overprotective over you, and found it fit to fulfill his duty not only as a demon slayer, but as a man.

Rengoku couldn’t stand that look of dread and worry filling your eyes. “Growing old and dying is the beauty of the fleeting creature called a human being. Because they grow old. Because they die. They are tremendous. Lovable. What they call ‘strength’ isn’t a word that is used in regards to the body.” He wouldn’t let Akaza spout such untrue words. “This boy isn’t weak. Don’t insult him. I’ll say it over and over again. You and I have different moral values.” His sunset eyes widen menacingly. “No matter what kind of motivation I have, I will not become a demon.”

“I see.” Akaza stanced. “Technique Deployment. Destructive Kill: Compass Needle!” Akaza prepared to fight. “If you won’t become a demon, then I’ll kill you!”

Air waves and flames lit up the area as both Rengoku and Akaza moved at blinding speeds. Pillar versus Upper Moon. You were stuck in place, unable to move. The sudden gravity of the situation skyrocketed and your body froze. Your breath shifted, becoming uneven and quick.

“DON’T MOVE!! If your wounds open, it’ll be fatal! Standby, soldier!!”

Rengoku’s serious voice brought you back, but he demanded no one interfered. Inosoke, who stood at Tanjiro’s side, felt helpless.

It was an explosion of power that erupted, and emerging from the dusty cocoon was an unscathed, healed Akaza and a battered Rengoku. “Kyōjurō…?” His blood-soaked uniform recalled his humanity, his mortality. You were in a state of distress.

Akaza praised him, and employed the idea of becoming a demon, where all his wounds, his crushed eye, and his organs would heal in moments. He’d become stronger, faster, and more powerful than before, but the answer was still no.

Rengoku raised his blade and stared on with a dazzling, one-eyed smile. “I will fulfill my duties! I won’t let anyone die here!”

“You really should become a demon so that we can fight for all eternity!”

“Full Focus Breathing. Flame Breathing. Esoterica. Ninth Style: Purgatory!”

“Technique Deployment. Destructive Kill: Obliteration Style!”

They clashed in one final blow, and the results after the dust cleared terrorized you with your unknown and worst fears.

Akaza punched through Rengoku who held his blade upright. It was but a second before he tightened his grip and slashed at Akaza’s neck which surprised the demon. Rengoku, even as death approached him, remained resilient as he caught Akaza’s other hand, tightened his innards around his arm, and dug his blade further across. As the demon screamed for release, Rengoku screamed for his defeat.

“INOSUKE, MOOOOVE!!! MOVE FOR RENGOKU-SAN!!!”

Tanjiro’s shout broke you from your shock. Opportunity to strike was now or never. At the speed they ran, they wouldn’t reach Akaza as he struggled for release as the sun was due to rise. 

‘Full Focus Breathing. Fire breathing. First form: Unknowing Fire!’

It was a split second decision that made all the difference, and thanks to Inosuke. As Akaza panicked upon seeing Inosuke preparing to jump, Akaza suddenly felt weightless below. ‘What? My legs!’

Inosuke stopped just in time, leaving the final slash to Rengoku who pushed with all of his might and brought his searing blade through Akaza’s neck.

“You sneaky bit— oh no! The sun! I have to go, I have to— AHHHH!!”

Dawn broke over the horizon and Akaza’s body disintegrated.

“Kyōjurō!” You helped him to his knees, seeing the condition that he was in. “You’re hurt. Maybe if we can get you bandaged up, we can—”

“I’m sorry, My Sunflower. My stomach won’t close. I will die very soon.” He turned and addressed Tanjiro. “Kamado, my boy. Let’s have a final chat.”

Tanjiro ran over, huffing as tears stained his cheeks. “Rengoku-san, don’t talk too much! Help will be here soon. Just hold on!”

“Just listen to me. Return to the Rengoku Estate. There should be notes about the ‘Dance of the Fire God’. My father read them  many times. I didn’t read them myself, however, so I don’t know what’s inside them. And for the both of you, tell Senjuro to pursue the path that he thinks is right, as his heart tells him to. And tell my father to take care of his body. And also...” He leaned in. “Kamado, my boy, I believe in your sister. I accept her as a member of the Demon Slayers.”

Droplets of water dripped from Tanjiro’s big eyes.

“I saw that girl protect the humans inside the train despite bleeding out. Those that protect humans and fight demons are Demon Slayers, no matter what anyone else says. Live with your chest high. You, Hashibira, Golden Boy, and her will become great pillars.” His attention finally landed on you.“My Sunflower.” He weakly raised his blood-smeared hand, touching your cheek. “Never give up. I will be watching over you.”

Rivers flowed down your desolate face. “Wait for me over the bridge when I cross. And meet me in the next life.” You found his hands and held them in yours. “I-I l-” Words became lost as you choked on every letter, unable to contain the sadness corrupting your mind and heart.

It hurt him to see you like this, and it devastated him more that he wouldn’t be able to comfort you and grow old together. “My life flashed before my eyes and my most wonderful memories were of you. Your warm smile, your touch, your praises, it makes me more determined than ever to be with you wherever we may go or be.”

The last thing he’d feel was your lips on his, stained with his blood. “I’ll never forget you, Kyōjurō!” You said with as much enthusiasm as you could. “I-I love you!”

Rengoku couldn’t help but to smile. “I love you, too, My Sunflower. Set your heart ablaze. . .”

“And move forward.”

Rengoku peered past you and Tanjiro, spotting a familiar shape. ‘Mother?’ You and Tanjiro looked back but saw nothing. But an enveloping aura past you two and surrounded Rengoku. ‘Did I do everything right? Was I able to fulfill everything I was supposed to carry out?’ 

‘You did a wonderful job.’ A smile to him, a smile to her, and his head drooped. His body rested peacefully in your arms and his fiery aura dispersed as it was no more.

‘Kyōjurō!’ You were too choked up as you sobbed loudly and ugly. Your heart ached just like it had when your parents were eaten by demons.

Your world darkened, stained in your tears and his blood. What was this victory worth now that he was gone? 

It was worth every saved life here, and you knew that. It was going to weigh on your heart how you didn’t help him sooner, but his face discouraged you. He took the brunt of Akaza’s assault and held on until the very end.

You mourned over him from that day and weeks later. No one had seen you since the Mugen Train incident. Rengoku had done so much to keep everyone safe, taking his last breath on the battlefield. It had been a hard pill to swallow, one that you had not fully been accepting of even though you were there to see him off.

Tanjiro, Inosuke, Zenitsu, and Nezuko missed seeing you around. And especially Senjuro, but you needed to separate yourself and become better. You were no use to anyone lying on your back and crying your eyes out.

With the Nichirin blade in your possession, you carried on silently with a memory of him attached at your hip. His haori? Cleaned, pressed, and framed on the wall. For as long as you lived, his legend would be immortalized. On your shoulders, you carried the burden of loss. Sometimes, it’d hurt so much, your chest would heave and you’d clutch part of your left breast, where the pain ran deep as tears stung your eyes.

You left Senjuro with a kind yet sad smile as you didn’t want to hear the ugly mutterings of his father’s distant, drunk voice. His aura dripped in a drab blue, his melancholy nature surely melting at the loss of not only his wife but now his eldest son.

You hadn’t forgotten about those you loved. You’d be back for them. - - - - - - - - - -  Chapters: I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII (Part 1) / (Part 2) / (Part 3)

[being-worthy]

Don’t let them fool you!

A few months ago or so, I discovered an interesting article called Work for Loyal Employers. Life is too short for anything else. I asked myself are there still employers worth working for, if so where are they because let’s face it around 99% of the people just go to work because they have to and they’re not working for supervisors or a company who treat them right. This inspired me to write an honest review about one of the biggest companies of our time, a company everyone seems to have in high esteem - too high in my opinion - and people always look the other way when the company does something hideous, I’m talking about Apple.

There might be similar or worse conditions in other of their offices but this review is regarding the office in London in Piccadilly. I started to work for Apple as a contractor via an agency (Kelly Services, I wrote a separate review about them on Glassdoor) and remember well how full of dreams and innocence I was when I started my first day at Apple and now after having worked there for almost a year I’ve come out of there with my dreams crushed and a nearly dead mind because of the job - both of them thankfully recovering, albeit slowly.

At first, all supervisors are friendly, although some faked it so strongly that it cringes and are passive-aggressive to the point that it can make you sick to your stomach. If you’re a contractor and have an issue with your employer (the agency), such as late payment or no payment at all, don’t have any hopes that Apple will help you sort this out because they won’t even acknowledge you or the issue and prefer to do like it never happened or just tell you they’re your employer sort it out yourself with them. Apple’s way of saying we do not care whether you get paid or not whether you’re happy with your situation or not as long as you get your job done. Also, Apple didn’t seem have done any in-depth research about the agency prior to hiring them and it turned out that one of the biggest issues - inaccurate payment & no payment - was happening in all of the agency’s branches across the UK.

From the beginning, Apple will tell you that no matter if you’re a contractor or not, you’re part of the team and welcome any feedback. But the truth is that you’ll (the contractor) always be at the bottom of the food chain and the only type of feedback they welcome is the positive one. If you want to succeed and move forward in the company keep the real constructive feedback to yourself and if be ready to sell your soul and forget your ethics as well.

There’s a strict segregation regime like in the Middle Ages (the common folk and royalty) or like the racial segregation in the USA (black and white people) but at Apple it’s between the permanent staff and the contractors. This starts from the very beginning with the ID being a different colour compared to that of the permanent staff, first sign you’re not part of the team.

Forget about having any interaction with colleagues from other departments. In their eyes, you don’t exist and they won’t even acknowledge your existence. I’m not suggesting to talk about work because it’s not allowed and I fully understand this but not having the decency to say ‘good morning, how are you?’ back to someone who is talking to you and just treats you like you’re invisible/beneath them is disgusting, also the managers won’t sit and eat at the same table as you and this is not a joke, they’ll sit at their own table without any contractors in sight.

You’ll also be excluded from the company’s parties and they keep them highly classified and this one was a first for me. I’ve had my fair share of fixed-term jobs for many companies (big and small ones) and they all welcomed me to their parties, whether I had recently started or been there for years, whether I was a contractor part-time or full-time. E.g. during one of my FTC jobs, my senior told me the company was invited to an event (and it was quite a luxurious one too) and asked me if I wanted to assist as well and I was barely a week at the job! You can say that they might have the right not to invite contractors to their parties but this shows they don’t consider them part of the company/team.

Moreover, you’re not allowed to send parcels to the office. If you do, they’ll “kindly” ask you to not send any personal post/parcels to the office as they only can receive parcels related to Apple work as it’s “Apple’s policy”. Nonetheless, the permanent staff will constantly send stuff to the office, like clothes from H&M, gym products, things from Amazon, etc. So much for products only Apple-related ¬¬... The first time, you’ll get a warning but if it happens again they’ll refuse to take the parcel and it’ll be returned. As a contractor, I spent 40 hours a week at the company with only half an hour lunch break and some people have a long home journey (myself included) and wouldn’t make it on time to pick up the parcel because the post offices are already closed by then.

If you require specific work equipment due to a medical condition or similar no matter whether you were born with it or due to an accident, then strongly avoid Apple to work as a contractor. They’ll beat around the bush for months with back and forth emails, so that you eventually give up and forget about it, no matter if you’ve got a doctor’s letter stating you require it. They’ll find an excuse so as not to approve it, much less provide it, and go as far as saying ‘I think the doctor meant to say that you need something else’. If someone has a doctor’s letter confirming you’ve got a medical condition and for said condition, you require special equipment, what on Earth more do you require? A DNA sample? And how do you know what the doctor meant? Are you a doctor too now? Can you read minds? Firstly, it’s very hard to get an appointment, most of them are in 3 to 4 weeks’ time (if you’re lucky unless you can afford private medical healthcare) and until then you’re supposed to work as usual while being in constant pain? Secondly, if diverse body areas are affected you’ve to go to different doctors in the UK, meaning to book an appointment for each specialty doctor you’ve to see, and by the time you’ve got all documents they “require” months have already passed. No wonder that there isn’t a single person with a disability working at the company, so much for diversity at their workplace.

In addition, keeping up morale is the responsibility of the contractor ONLY, not of the company you work for too. You’ve to come up with ideas to improve the relationships - little info for Apple, the relationships between contractors are not the problem, it’s the lack of relationship, understanding, and support between contractor and Apple that is lacking, if not completely non-existent. It’s not surprising that the company DOES NOT care about you, even if you’re a great and hardworking employee and exceed in the assignments given, for them YOU ARE REPLACEABLE.

About the job itself. The job is easy, like incredibly easy. It’s so easy that your brain will reach a state similar to a coma while still being awake after only a few weeks (if not days) due to the constant repetition and lack of innovation/improvement for the tasks. However, policies can change rapidly and frequently even contradict themselves and if you ask for further clarification they’ll dismiss you or tell you the exact same information given by the policies you already read and make no sense.

Now to the part on how you succeed on becoming a permanent employee, even though they say this is impossible from day one. Well, if you really want to be part of the cult then follow these guidelines: don’t think outside the box, don’t look left or right and be close-minded, don’t ask for deeper clarification or further questions about a topic, go with their flow, become best buddies with the managers, inform on your colleagues - e.g. a work colleague is making a constructive comment about work, company, etc. or checking their phone while sitting on their desk while waiting for the work tools to load (which take ages by the way), then go and have a tête-à-tête with a manager about them, make sure to mention the employee’s name. At a certain stage, they’ll approach you and praise you for all your great espionage data, I mean feedback and “hard work” followed by an interview with other permanent staff from other countries where your ego will be molded to their vision and tell you that from now on you’re part of the higher-up and given the great power of prying on your colleagues and patrol the office to make sure only work-related tools are on display and the same for conversations - after all, this is kindergarten and someone has to breathe down your neck at all times.

No wonder when I was watching The Circle the first thing that came to my mind was ‘they should’ve called it Apple’. You can be as hard-working and punctual, kind and honest, always helping out others, even taking the responsibility of training others which is actually the managers’ job, and even excel at work and in all your tasks all you want because if you’re not ready to be submissive, forget your principles, and backstab your colleagues you will never be one of them.

These reasons might seem petty to some, particularly to those who think alike as Apple and are already under the spell of Apple’s indoctrination. Nevertheless, if you put them all together and imagine yourself going to work five days a week during a daily eight-hour shift where you see and experience these factors and many more day after day after day, you’ll realise that a job at Apple nor Apple itself is truly worth it and also shows, the bigger the company the less value an employee/contractor will have.

Please don’t think this review is coming from someone who is envious (yes, envious not jealous there’s a difference) for not being promoted or made permanent, and I know that my review might be fairly derogatory and too much for some to handle (probably too much for Apple too), but I don’t sugarcoat things particularly when it comes to the truth and Apple deserves it. Furthermore, I can happily and proudly say that I got a much better and permanent job offer at a company that highly values and greatly rewards their employees as well as gives them the opportunity to develop themselves and I don’t have to be an unscrupulous lowlife and can keep a clear conscience.

On the other hand, if you’re looking for backstabbing, two-faced politics, lies, hypocrisy, lack of recognition for hard work and dedication, no real employee value, and modernised and legal slavery, then by all means, Apple is your company.

Apple, your slogan is ‘think different’ but where is that different? You are a company that generates a revenue between $50-55 (or more) billion a year and pays only around 10% taxes on said amount (you might even surpass the trillion dollars soon), so why not bother in improving your work conditions and relationships among your permanent staff and contractors?

Peace out!