#(who is considering bringing his immigrant gf)

[uptownhags]

my mom came to visit this weekend and gave me ~permission~ (this is a joke, i'm 33) to miss thanksgiving. every year is terrible in my fam, but this year is worse. i am THIS CLOSE to staying home with the dog and a stack of fav movies for two days off work!!

[mangoposts]

Mina i need to rant but i also need an opinion before i do sum stupid

so basically i miss like crazy my ex situationship (it lasted 5 FUCKING YEARS). So long story short we know each other since we were kids but never really had any interest in each other before we were like 16 right. Then we were on and off for the most part. When we were on, it was GREAT, we argued all the time but with passion yk ? Like the hatred ignited a fire and it was great, like adrenaline it was so addictive. But when we were off, we were OFF. It was so bad, we teared each other apart like crazy. Like we dated other people just out of spite and shit. But since like august 2023, we were good and I really thought it would work this time. But then he cheated again (oh bc yeah even tho we were technically dating, i consider it cheating) with one of his ex. I discovered it in march 2023, after i lost someone really close to me and was grieving, i found out he slept at her house more than once. I was too disappointed to say anything so i just blocked him. He still tried to reach out and blamed it on him because I wasn’t giving him enough attention (mind you i was grieving and had a really hard time getting over it)

Then, in july, i saw that he and his ex (with who he cheated on me with and who is his actual gf since i called it off with him) were together in Portugal (our families both immigrated to the same country and even the same part of the country, so we all go back to Portugal during summer). So you can only imagine how devastated I was when I saw that (and especially because getting back together in Portugal was the main thing for us, everytime we were back in our usual lives, that was when things went downhill). Also keep in mind that NO ONE knew about us except my cousin and his bsf, it was his choice but i was okay with it

Anyway, i went to Portugal too and completely ignored him. It was so hard because we have the same group of friends so we spent everyday together. It was the worst like i was so down because i lost the person i was grieving and i lost him (let’s call him T). T was not only the guy im in love with but he was also my best friend in a way. We are the same. So ignoring him like that killed me ngl. I met his new gf and I can’t hate her, she is very sweet and pretty. And she met his family in less than four months while in 5 years never once did I talked to his brother at least. Then his gf left and he stayed in our hometown in Portugal, he tried to make a comeback but i turned it down quick.

A week before he left, he really wanted us to talk so I agreed (I needed a really convo with him about what happened) but i got no answers he simply apologised and said he was dumb and didn’t know why he did that (always the same excuse). But then he hit me with something INSANE like this mf dared tell me that him bringing his gf in Portugal was the best way to sign the end of us and everything we had, he said that we tried and it doesn’t work out no matter how much love there is between us and in a way he did it for us like bro ????? I mean he’s not wrong but my ego took a tool with that

In conclusion, i miss him so bad and it’s eating me alive and idk how to do and i can’t talk to other guys because im sick of men

- 🧘‍♀️

I wish i could give you advice on this but i am also madly in love with a situationship who ruined any chances of future love for me so all i can say is i understand how you feel and im sorry 😭😭😭💔 One day someone else will compare

[talbottoresnick]

Xinyi's Mini-Research Paper

Photographer: Jarod Lew Website: www.jarodlew.com/ Bodies of work: 1) In Between You and Your Shadow, and 2) South of Heaven

In Between You and Your Shadow Jarod Lew is a Chinese-American artist and photographer born in Detroit, Michigan, who began to document his home city following graduation from Michigan State University. His photo series In Between You and Your Shadow (2023), was created using a FUJIFILM GFX100S with a FUJINON GF 80mm F1.7 R WR lens, documents the family scene at home in suburban Detroit. In 2012, Lew discovered that his mother had been engaged to a Chinese American draftsman, Vincent Chin, who was murdered in 1982 by two Detroit autoworkers days before his wedding to Lew’s mother. Retrospecting the trauma, he visited his parent’s house to create narrative images utilizing the contrast of light and shadow. Editorial writer Chen (2022) reviews in the Aperture article that Lew explores the “narrative possibilities in its banal geometry”. Beyond the visual depictions captured in this series of images, other vignettes of quotidian existence are presented, including instances of familial members immobilized on a couch while engaging in a game, the act of tenderly covering a bedquilt for loved ones in the bedroom, the mother's contemplative gaze upon her reflection in the bathroom mirror, and the mother's attentive grooming of the father's hair. If one were to consider family portraiture as the defining characteristic of this series, it can be observed that the unifying factors that connect these pictures are light and shadow. These are portraits and still-life silhouettes projected by natural light and interior lighting.

The utilization of light and shadow brings a flatness of clarity that is associated with the usage of flash. The photographer elucidates that this series serves as a means of recreating his recollections from childhood. Additionally, the photographer directed his parents to create a sense of authenticity in the images, sometimes his brother and Lew himself also make appearances, thereby reducing the fabricated nature of images. However, he admitted that the creation process revealed a disconnect between him and his parents so they were not able to take off guard when facing the camera. The recollections illuminated in this context bear resemblance to the historical accounts of Asian immigrants, exhibiting sporadic jumps and flickers, characterized by blurs and ambiguity. I am intrigued by the series since it speaks about Asian experiences as well as connects to my own cultureregarding similar gestures of love. In photo1 below, Lew’s mother sits at a chair outdoors peaking at the camera while his father does some roofing job. The mother's irises in the photograph evoke asense of reflection regarding her past as an immigrant and her sorrowful circumstances; however, the shadow cast by her father behind her instills optimism for her future. Photograph 2 captures the father indoors, encircling the mother while she sleeps on her side in bed with a manicure, with a blanket while obscuring her hand and shadow. The juxtaposition of light and shadow in the photograph evokes in me a greater sense of healing and redemption in the parental relationship and the immigrant family's optimism. While the pose and position of the portrait appear predetermined, the subjects' cooperation—the parents—establishes a feeling of warmth and profundity in the photograph. A plate of chopped strawberries and apples is displayed in Photo 3 alongside an adhesive note that the mother left behind. This brought to my mind that the love language of Asian parents is cutting fruit. Photo 1-3, from series In Between You and Your Shadow © Jarod Lew 2023

South of Heaven Another body of work by Lew, the series entitled South of Heaven (2023), explores “themes of ‘white flight’, the ideals of the American dream, consumerism, and loneliness” (Anna, 2020). Taken in the city of Detroit during a time of bankruptcy, the photographs offer documentation of suburban America and the landscapes of working-class families. In contrast to In Between You and Your Shadow, the photographer was a social bystander this time, documenting American suburbs and working-class families. Natural landscapes, still lifes, portraits, and animals are among the themes of the images, which were taken in Detroit during the bankruptcy period. Photo 4 depicts parents and children standing close to the trunk of a car, with an American flag fluttering behind them. Photo 5 depicts a young girl seated on her bedroom bed, her eyes vacant and defenseless. Following the photographer's gaze, I sense the struggle of the working class in Detroit who strive for the American dream. This sequence of photographs gave me a somber sensation. Jarod's South of Heaven is an exploration of the cities and neighborhoods of Detroit that documents the mundane moments of city dwellers. In an interview with the contemporary photography and fashion online publication WÜL Magazine (Khmelnitski), South of Heaven, according to Jarod, is his first photography project since he let go of his employment at a high school portrait studio. He employed an environmental documentary-style visual language to depict the American dream in the Midwest, focusing on Detroit as a destroyed industrial city and reflecting on white flight and the formation of suburban Michigan neighborhoods. Photo 4-5, from series South of Heaven © Jarod Lew 2023

Both In Between You and Your Shadow and South of Heaven depict life in Detroit, as the former focuses on the photographer’s own family scene and the latter on other populations in the city. In the interview with WÜL Magazine mentioned above, Jarod admitted that before he discovered the history of Vincent Chin, he was leaning towards document surroundings. Jarod explains that “uncovering my family history has renewed my commitment to visualizing my communities in honest ways.”(Khmelnitski) Hence, the shift from South of Heaven to In Between You and Your Shadow was rationalized by the impulse of delving into family history to reflect on identity issues. The two bodies of work differ a lot as well. South of Heaven seems to capture calm and cold tones of pictures while In Between You and Your Shadow presents more bright and warm undertones with the photographer being intimate to subjects. Unlike directing family members to pose and stage under the light, South of Heaven mostly portrays snapshots of natural scenarios. The use of contract between light and shadow is evident in family portraits, but also in South of Heaven. Light stands for hope and shadow indicates darkness. It is the juxtaposition of hope and darkness that makes both series absorbing.

Bibliography Anna. (2020, June 3). “south of heaven” by photographer Jarod Lew. BOOOOOOOM! https://www.booooooom.com/2020/03/06/south-of-heaven-by-photographer-jarod-lew/ Chen, P. (2022, January 15). The radiant intimacy of Jarod Lew’s family portraits. Aperture. https://aperture.org/editorial/the-radiant-intimacy-of-jarod-lew-family-portraits/ Khmelnitski, N. (n.d.). The paradoxes of our experiences by Jarod Lew. WÜL Magazine. https://www.wulmagazine.com/photography/jarod-lew

[marveltrumpshate]

The mods of MTH believe that matter is the minimum when it comes to black lives. In light of the ongoing police violence and systemic racism against black people in the United States and across the globe, we want to highlight some organizations working to ensure that "black lives matter" is considered common sense and the norm instead of a divisive statement.

The Bail Project

In their own words, “The Bail Project, Inc. is an unprecedented effort to combat mass incarceration at the front end of the system. We pay bail for people in need, reuniting families and restoring the presumption of innocence. Because bail is returned at the end of a case, donations to The Bail Project™ National Revolving Bail Fund can be recycled and reused to pay bail two to three times per year, maximizing the impact of every dollar. 100% of online donations are used to bring people home.”

The financial burden that bail places upon many arrestees means that they stay in the system disproportionately longer than necessary, disrupting their economic options and personal stability. This is particularly true if they're poor and/or people of color. To fight bail and provide pretrial support is to fight mass incarceration and the racial and economic disparities of the bail system in the United States.

Ghetto Film School

Ryan Coogler and Nate Moore’s support of this organization during the Black Panther promo tour is what brought it across our radar, and we want to make sure that you know about it as well. Located in London, New York, and Los Angeles, Ghetto Film School works to educate, develop, and celebrate the next generation of filmmakers by teaching the art and business of cinematic storytelling to young people from communities underrepresented in Hollywood. In addition to Ryan and Nate's connection to GFS, we wanted an organization that nurtured black representation in front of and behind the camera because that was something Chadwick always championed. We've seen that through the projects he picked and the stories that have come out about him since his passing about the support he gave fellow black actors and filmmakers, whether they were already in the industry or were trying to break into it.

Innocence Project

The mission of the Innocence Project is deceptively simple: exonerate those who have been wrongly convicted through the use of DNA evidence. The reality of it involves much broader strokes involving criminal justice reform. While this organization was started towards the end of Thurgood Marshall’s life, the law school that bears his name in Houston is a member organization. The mods want to highlight that connection in honor of Chadwick’s brilliant portrayal of the Supreme Court justice in the film Marshall.

NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund

Founded by Thurgood Marshall in 1940, NAACP LDF is the U.S.'s first and foremost civil and human rights legal organization and law firm. Their mission is “to achieve racial justice, equality, and an inclusive society” which they accomplish through direct litigation, macrosocial advocacy/research, and public education. This is another Chadwick connection via his role in Marshall.

Southern Poverty Law Center

They’re mostly known in the U.S. as a hate group watchdog of sorts, but their work goes beyond tracking and exposing hate groups and promoting tolerance education programs. SPLC works on voting rights advocacy, children's rights, immigration reform and family reunification, LGBTQ+ rights, economic justice, and criminal justice reform, working "with communities to dismantle white supremacy, strengthen intersectional movements, and advance the human rights of all people." Essentially, if there is injustice against a vulnerable and/or marginalized group in the U.S., SPLC aims to address and fix it.

For more information on donation methods and currencies per organization, please refer to our list of organizations page.

[schroedingersk8]

First of all I want to thank you for this beautiful and interesting blog you have. I can imagine you have many requests for dating you. How do you know which one is sincere with you and worthy?

Answering as Miss K8 Morgan, of K8Morgan.com 

Hello, and thank you very much for reading and enjoying this interesting blog of mine! :) And my Twitter, too! And thank you for giving me this opportunity to #dommesplain a few things to my kind followers and readers… 

But back to your question, out of the many requests for dating that I get, how do I know which one is sincere with me and worthy?

Well, it is a good question, but I would expand the categories in it further. How do I know those requests are 

sincere, 

realistic, 

acceptable, and 

worthy. 

For better understanding of the selection process, let’s take a closer look at each category individually, and examine them in detail, shall we?

1. Sincerity 

I have this saying, “no one is more sincere than a man firm in his delusions.” This is ever-so-applicable to each and every stranger from the Internet who has ever written to me with an inquiry to date me… And even to some guys making such inquiries after meeting me a few times, here and there. What can I say, I believe that all of them are most sincere in their desires to date me, or someone like me, or the “me” they imagine – and even more sincere in using their offer to date me as a means to avoid paying my session or social fees. Sincerity is not a problem here, Delusion – or lack of realism – is! 

2. Realism

So how do I know when somebody is being realistic? I suppose in the same way you, or anyone else would know. It just requires some common sense. For example, no realistic message has ever started with, or included, the following:

“Hello, Mistress, I am a real no-limits slave. I will do anything you want [except booking a session and actually paying me for my time] but I think pro dommes only do things for money, but I am looking for someone to dominate me for free as part of a FemaleLed relationship” To this particular kind of drivel you can also add things like “…but I am still a virgin”, “…but I am still married” “…but I have never seen a Mistress before” and a plethora of similar verbal identifiers. 

“… I have an excellent life, career and social circle here in the [insert any US city] and am able to provide you with a life in which you wouldn’t have to work.” This particular statement is more common than you think, and is ALWAYS US-based. Somehow they seem to believe that we, here in Europe, suffer greatly from our free health care, non-GM, locally grown wholesome food, the quaint culture and history of our countries, the public transport and rights to privacy protection. And it implies that because the author of it is so “overwhelmingly generous” – with his words – I am going to drop everything: my job, my family, my life, my friends, sell my cats to the Circus, and move to the US, to be his…mail-order pet-bride??? Someone with no job, no independence, no voting rights and with a precarious immigration status. To be bored to injuries, until death do us part? NO THANKS!   

“…I am not rich and do not have a fancy car, a palace for a house and travelling for me more often includes a backpack and a tent – I appreciate simple things in life…” Say no more, bro! I, myself, appreciate finer things in life, the finer the better, and the only way you would see me with a backpack in a national park is if some psycho has killed me, stuffed me into that backpack and is carrying me to bury me in a shallow grave there. I like fancy cars, I like rare timepieces, I enjoy luxury travel, fine dining, fine wine, fine arts… As a matter of fact, I unapologetically love all things fanciful and complicated, and am not looking to change that any time soon.

“…and I probably do not make enough to have you as a GF, but I thought I’d try anyway.” Mate, I wish you didn’t. I hear your pain, I myself do not have enough to buy me a Lamborghini Aventador S. Not even a stinky Murcielago… And every morning I wake up, and I come to terms with this harsh, cruel, unfair reality. But never once have I written to a dealership to try to get one anyway! Luckily, you can still book a session to enjoy me for a limited amount of time, and I can still go to the dealership and stare to my heart’s delight���

“…I do not believe in having to pay to date…” What are you doing writing to me, then??? You might as well try and tell me that you believe Jesus loves me, and that Earth is flat… Keep your beliefs to yourself, mate, no one here has asked to hear them – or I swear to Jesus that loves me I will bring out my pie chart again!

These are some of the most common examples of my dating wannabes, but that list is truly endless and ever-growing. But what would, then, a realistic approach entail? I would say a situational self-evaluation study: what you do, where you live, how much free time and disposable income you have, how much of it are you willing to spend on dating, if we live in different cities how often can you travel, and how often you’d need me to travel, what you’d ideally like to achieve with this relationship, when you’d like it to start, and whether you prefer it as a permanent or a fixed term contract. There, no rocket science, is it?

3. Acceptability

But what, then, would be the acceptable terms for me to favorably consider an offer? I think the main factors would have to be:

geographical compatibility, 

time strain, and 

relationship goals. 

It is not a secret that I am in my mid-30es, so I am old, lazy, and by now I have visited most places I had an interest in. I no longer get excited about having to take a trans-Atlantic flight to see someone for a date because “we are going to see DisneyWorld!!!!!”. I stopped being excited about it some…20 years ago. 

There are only two places in the US I am interested in, one is New England – in autumn or in winter, and another is Portland, OR in spring/summer. Part of my education took place in New England (I do not specify where for privacy reasons, so do not ask), and I have spent some time in Oregon in later years, too, both those are two places very dear to my heart. The rest of the US: seen, done, not much interest to revisit. And very little interest to return to live in the US at this point in my life. 

Same goes for SE Asia and Middle East. Would consider visiting, would not consider moving. Would not consider having to take 4 connecting flights to reach the final destination. Would not consider getting stoned to death for being your house guest. 

If frequent travel is required on my part, then it will have to be somewhere within a 3hr flight radius from Paris. I do have my pet peeve places, i.e. London. If you are someone who has tried to get me to come to London for a tour before, you’d be familiar with my “not enough money in the world to make me suffer through that indignity!” rant. I have lived there for too long, as one can tell, and I only visit when I absolutely must, as in, for legal obligations, deaths or weddings. I am somewhat more ok with Edinburgh.

I do have my “preferred” list, too! This year it features Stockholm (love that northern gem and the Swedish boys!), Zurich, Frankfurt, Vienna, Salzburg, Paris and most of France (once the strikes are over!), and I would love to discover Tunisia, Morocco and Israel (as I have heard very good things), but I am open to suggestions as long as there are direct flights. 

As for time restraints, then really anything above cumulative 2 weeks per month is unreasonable. I want my space, and I want my time. You should want yours! If you want to have an overly-attached live-in GF – look elsewhere. I am all for fun and intense time together inter-twinned with time dedicated solely to work. A “weekend relationship” would work very well for me, for example.

And when it comes to relationship goals, I understand that these change with time. And I think a relationship with me would be good for someone single, successful and busy with his own professional life, who wants to enjoy some time with kinky stimulating company without having to buy into societal pre-sets. However, if the end goal is to get married and have 3 kids – once again, I am not the Droid you are looking for.

I would say I am an ideal life companion for a social renegade and adventurer whose end goal is the same as his intermediate aspirations – joy, stimulating fun and absolution from boredom and trivia. I will be wasted on others… 

4. Worthiness of the Offer. 

And how, then, do I decide if the offer is worth it? Well, this subject is reminiscent of my earlier post, 15. Let Me Draw You A Pie Chart, and the arising Mathematical solutions. As with any relationship, I expect to be better off with it than without it. The offer will have to consider the amount of travel necessary, the cost of it, and the cost of my time. But overall, I would say, for a successful candidate with an interesting offer, the cost of weekend-dating me, per month, for 3 weekends, one of them long, would more or less be the cost of booking a long weekend Private Tour with me at my work rate. Which may seem like a steal and it is certainly a bargain in relative terms, but it is an eye-watering amount of money, for most people, and it is definitely not available to just anyone. 

As the matters stand, tomorrow will be the first time in a year that I have agreed to hear out an offer from an existing client, and I do not know whether or not we will be able to reach a consensus on terms. Alas, such is #DommeLife 

No one, under the penalty of the EU copyright laws, is allowed to use or reproduce my blog or individual posts, or even passages, in any way, shape or form, be it for Netflix series, Amazon books, or anything of the kind, regardless of the credit given. If you have any questions, you may contact me via K8Morgan.com

[bacchantis]

Hey, I'm begging people not to generalize NYC. I keep seeing it done, and I get it, it's one of the queerest places in the U.S. (fun fact DFW has biggest LGBTQIA population tho) , full of our history, and for certain circles one of the openest places but that's very much the opinions of outsider who don't live here or ...honestly? Queer people who move here to gentrified neighborhoods and don't interact with people who have grown up here who are largely of color and/or immigrants or first gen with some other marginalizations.

I get it, I get the tone of this post I'm not trying to derail but I am so tired of this specific trope when there was a big twitter screenshot 2 years back about how it was so common after pride to see people wipe their makeup off as they went into their actual neighborhoods because they feared being beaten or killed.

It's not normalized. It's been more than 10 years but me taking the Q train back home in my unisex/masc uniform and shaved head got me attacked and called an it by a middle aged woman as an entire subway car of people watched her tear down a 14 year old. A few years ago a friend and his boyfriend were attacked once they left the touristy part of Coney island to head to the projects where the boyfriend lived.

My home neighborhood pretty much has its own pride parade - why? Because I lived in the area with the largest amount of refugees and immigrants from the Former Soviet Union outside of the FSU and that means about two dozen or so of us every May try very hard each each year to make as much noise as possible to bring to the light we cannot live our own community. We stand there for like an hour on the boardwalk as the Russians laugh us for even trying to remind them we exist The whole reason RUSA even started Brighton Beach Pride was because a queer refugee from Russia was outed as gay at work, and like many immigrants had only found employment and housing in the area, and was beaten bloody by his co-workers. When I worked at a liquor store near my house I had to change the pronouns I referred to my ex gf with because I was scared of my coworkers hurting me or treating me badly.

There's a bunch of testimonies online on the utter hell it is to grow up queer/trans in Orthodox Jewish communities here in the city. There's two movies, Pariah and Naz and Malik that address what it's like to be queer and black here, with the latter also addressing the experiences of gay Black Muslim boys. Islan Nettles was murdered in Harlem in 2013, the same year I went to CUNY Hunter where our QSU room was also used, secretly, by members when their parents kicked them out for being queer. 3 people had this happen in one semester.

In my friend group full of born New Yorkers the experience of coming home and seeing that your mother has tore up your gnc clothing and ruined your makeup is absolutely normal. A Drag Queen named Madam Vivien V who works at House of Yes as their Mistress of Ceremonies has a story she likes to tell of walking, in 'boy drag', around Bushwick near where she lives where she was beaten bloody by two assailants that the only way she was able to stay alive is because she threw herself in front of a passing car, who mercifully stopped and rescued her. I'm partially worried about transitioning because I don't want to get assaulted again and it's why I've been femme-presenting for years.

I'm begging you, stop using us as your monolithic Queer Utopia. Yes, we have Greenwich and Chelsea and Hell's Kitchen and those are now considered safe, but you're also forgetting that the majority of us don't live in those areas. That the majority of the queers who grew up here are from places like Brighton Beach, or Wakefield, or East NY, or Satmar Williamsburg or Boro Park, or Flushing or the Rockaway or Howard Beach or all of Staten Island. We do not have the privileges of wealthy white Midwestern transplants who get to choose to live in little Queer Oasis like the East Village, we live with our parents or in places where we can afford where the surrounding area is dangerous for us. When your erase our experiences to validate your pain you erase us, meaning you're erasing a city full of queer and trans who have had just as bad or worse as you have in your suburbs or small towns. Who absolutely know the pain of their families and communities shunning and exiling them because that happens so often in our ethnic enclaves. Please don't use us to make your points when you don't even know us.

maybe this is bc i’m from the south and not fuckin uhhhh new york or wherever the hell but like. it is still not really normalized for a man to wear makeup or nail polish. women with short hair still get offensive comments about their appearances. like even small acts of gender nonconformity can still be scary and dangerous in 2021 and i feel like so many people just live in this progressive bubble where they think that all dudes being Remotely “feminine” in some way are like homophobic tiktok e-boys doing it for clout or whatever and that’s uh. fucking stupid. like i can PROMISE you that the vast majority of gender nonconforming people are not trying to do something that’s never been done before, nor are they claiming to do so, they’re just trying to live their lives and look the way they want to look. you aren’t helping anybody by trying to police who has the right to be wearing skirts or painting their nails or doing their hair a certain way.

anyway this is ur daily reminder that gender nonconformity is not a trend and it’s gross to attack people for being gender nonconforming in a way that you think “has been done before” or “isn’t that special” or whatever the fuck. like i’m sorry but it’s just cruel and hateful! being gender nonconforming still takes bravery and courage. people still face discrimination and harassment. whose cause do you think you’re helping by attempting to be the gatekeeper of nontraditional gender expression? genuinely, who do you think benefits when you attack people for stepping outside of the bounds of traditional gender expression? who? because it certainly fucking isn’t gnc people.