#(which i thought was in july but turns out it's in 3 weeks lmao i've lost all track of time. v v excited tho!!!)

[warpspeedchiic]

i love fan recordings don't get me wrong but i desperately need some crisp HD professionally filmed footage please for the love of god i need to see all their little faces in 4K it's been so long pLEASE

[thepeachyfaerie]

STOPPING EARLY ACCESS

Hey everyone, I hope everyone is doing well!

I have made the decision to stop releasing CC for early access. Starting July, all CC will be immediately public upon release.

There are a lot of factors that led to this and it's been something I've been debating for a while.

When I started making CC back in 2020, I didn't know very many creators and all the people I did know were either on TSR or on Patreon doing early access. I was unemployed at the time and decided it would be fun to do early access for my CC and make a little bit of side money while I searched for a job. Nothing really came of my Patreon, I think I made like $30 a month at most, until the 21st Birthday collab with EA came out in February 2021. After that, things kinda took off in a way. I got a lot more attention than I think I expected or was prepared to have, and while it was amazing, it also put an odd pressure on me. I struggled extremely heavily with imposter syndrome (I still do), thinking I didn't deserve that opportunity and it should've gone to someone more established in the community.

CC-creating became my job. I was making about $200 a month while unable to work due to deteriorating mental and physical health. I was in an extremely bad place mentally and wanted desperately to have CC-making become my career because I thought it would be better than an in-person job. In some ways, it was. However, in other ways, it introduced new issues.

I think starting in 2022 I was struggling a lot with motivation. I felt pressured to constantly make content to the point where I started doing the opposite. I love making CC but it got to the point where I was dreading it because I knew I HAD to do it, if that makes sense. I monetized a passion of mine, put insane pressure on myself, and I crumbled. Whenever I would do anything other than make CC, I would guilt myself so hard for not being productive.

Then the "paywall/early access" debacle happened in mid-2022. If you weren't there, basically EA had updated their TOS to ban permanent paywalled CC, however it was phrased in a way that made it seem like early access CC wasn't allowed. Many people, myself included, stopped doing early access CC to respect this. However, not even a week later, they updated their TOS to allow early access CC with a reasonable time frame (which has generally been understood to be 2-3 weeks, which I've always kept it within that time frame). Some creators stayed without early access, while others implemented it again, one of those people being myself. 

This... caused a lot of backlash, lmao. A LOT of people online were very upset with anyone who did this. In my eyes, I was doing early access to support myself through college while disabled and unable to work a "normal" job. To these people, I was greedy and taking advantage of the community. I got so, so many hate messages and death threats in my Tumblr inbox that I turned off anon messages, and to this day I still have anxiety every time I see a new message because I'm positive it's going to be hate.

I even got called out by name on a few occasions, which was definitely something difficult to handle while already in mental health crisis. One specific person was very angry I was putting Re/Gshade presets behind early access. 

I want to make something very clear. I understand. I understand how frustrating it is to not be able to get something you want immediately. I understand that The Sims 4 is just a game. I understand where these people are coming from because I know I've gotten disheartened when I saw someone had a piece I NEEDED but it was in early access. It's frustrating! However to me, I saw it as monetizing my hard work and time. I still think that's justified, however I know a vast majority of this community does not. That does not mean that the hate and aggression directed towards me was justified. At the end of the day, I'm still a person who loves The Sims 4, loves creating, and wants to share it with the world.

There was also the issue of reuploading. I know it's inevitable, people will share early access CC no matter what. I tried to tell myself that the only people downloading it were people who wouldn't pay for my CC anyway, so there was no harm done. In actuality, I noticed my patron number dropping. But at the end of the day, the money doesn't matter to me. It was the principal of the act. I felt really disrespected and like my hard work and energy meant nothing to people. I KNOW that wasn't intended by anyone downloading from these places, but I'm a very sensitive person and it still hurt. 

At the end of the day, I know that early access CC is hurting me more than it's helping me. I know that sounds dramatic and maybe it is, but I need to prioritize my mental health. I'm going into my 3rd year of college next fall and I need to start planning for when I graduate.

Will this change in the future? Probably not. I love making CC and I want it to stay that way. I don't know if uploads will be consistent at this point, if they'll increase or decrease, etc. I'm going to try my best but I want to work with myself and allow myself time and breaks if I need it.

All tiers will be converted to donation-only, although I will still offer my one-click CC folder for the $3.50 tier. 

Apologies that this got kind of personal, I've been ruminating on this for months and needed to get it off my chest. Again, I'm a very sensitive person, always have been, and at the end of the day my mental health matters more than any money I could make.

[insectsinsects]

December is always really vivid to me. I hadn't had a memorable July till this year but winter months seem to carry everything and more about a year. Maybe to it's detriment? It's overwhelmed with thoughts and greetings and travel and metamorphosis? I wonder if those guys who don't use the Gregorian calendar are forced to feel it too. Just the majority of people worrying and smiling and maybe it's a regular Tuesday for them?

Anyway 6 Decembers ago was my first Christmas away from home. I'd spent the summer carelessly and I was tired from boarding school. I think I've always been reckless and volatile, though I feel I am perceived as a stable element. Careless summer was spent driving around my hometown with a funny girl who I knew from choir and we were twitter mutuals. The brutal semester was spent with a person who'd patiently sit down with me and share the ways in which they loved physics. And of course, my parents came down and I hadn't been 4 months separated from them but I was used to their presence after 16 years so it was actually nice.

5 Decembers ago I was unknowingly allied with a future friend's enemy O_O She'd sit on my couch in my dorm and played the role of a wise confidant, as an upperclassman. I hope nothing was ever malicious but oomf did come to hate her next semester for fine reasons so? 😭 Her birthday is tomorrow, and I've always remembered that Saggitarian... And honestly by sometime that year I had begun avoiding physics person (on brand..) and I wrote a time capsule email about it (to myself in 5 year's time!) because I didn't have a blog and because I wanted to see if I could possibly get over it (I did!!!) I was a bit afraid of spotty wifi in the Philippines, so I submitted college apps 3 weeks early LMAO Victoria was waiting on a job offer from her boss who we'd come to learn was a little terribe, but that same night she was confirmed and moved to DC a week after we came back from that trip to the motherland.

4 Decembers ago?! I had met the newest crop of friends I was going to make. New York was so fun. Everything endless and memorable. Flying back used to be tough! They only introduced nonstop flights to Oklahoma like last year😑 But I flew out early and away from my beloved suitemates, my terrible roommate, my friends on other floors, classmate-turned-oomf, and so much more.

3 Decembers ago I'd been attending a different university since NYU was being stingy😭 OU actually treated me so well omg and my classes were fun. I guess by December I was wrapping up but I took a class on film music and I would joyously write an essay about some movie music each week and my professor just littered it with happy comments. I think she was glad I read the textbook and was enthused to learn. Also two weeks later, I got my whole head bleached and my hair was pretty long (not really, but Rapunzel-like to ME and probably if you've only ever known me with a bob/wolfbob). Also (2) I was in the Gensh*n pits (I don't want it in the tags...)

2 Decembers ago! My sister and her now husband were engaged and the three of us went on a mini-roadtrip to Dallas 😭 I like Garrett, he's like if a father figure was considerate... and Kathryn's got 17 years of light parentification on her belt ☠️ Garrett and I got XL Blizzards from DQ and almost died finishing them. Oh they also saw me get my roots done :O Barber cut it way too short but maybe it was cute. Junior year was so funny and cute💖 I worked hard and I was back home pretty late due to a stats final (Bombed)

Last December I spent my last week with my last set of randomized roommates and my friends! This was a funny time of year. I did a crazy amount that last week and in many ways it was a bender (Avatar in 4D cocktail☠️) but I do know oomf (yes you!) was the last person I saw. We played Minecraft on your Xbox after I obtained a second controller over Thanksgiving. We drank tall boys? I checked into my flight easily and I went home anxiously. I wonder if I could've seriously applied to school back then (Because it was lowkey not that serious lol) [actually I should be forced to reckon with my tantrums and the many times per week I was like IT'S OVER..] but I hadn't applied to school! And I was nervous to tell my parents that though I was a big investment, I was a failure. I cut my bangs too short on December 18 and hid it under a hat for a week till it grew a little more. I felt weird having red hair in Oklahoma, though it was cool to my contemporaries? My mom was sad knowing how much grief the thoughts were causing me. She told me I should rely on her more and talk to her. It's taken me all of the ensuing year to really be good about that advice. It's just easier to fail myself. I had tunnel vision— the potential for shame was only accompanied by a sense of pity and contempt. I genuinely couldn't believe my family would continue loving me. I drank with my dad so we wouldn't talk about anything real, and I painted with my mother to divert from the chaos.

[hms-no-fun]

What has been your favorite chapter(s) to work on so far in Godfeels?

this is a tough one! chapter 8 has been such a hectic, stressful process, and the whole series has been a struggle in various ways. my first thought is [S] saturday? everything from 8.2 on was SO tough, because i was inventing a metaphysics and cosmology out of whole cloth in real time. there were so many little details i'd planned for but hadn't initially intended to come into play yet, so getting everything to fit together up to the circus egotistica was like this gargantuan math problem that i just had to stew on for hours and days and weeks.

by contrast, i've had the vast majority of the action for [S] saturday pretty well mapped out in my head since july 2020, and a whole lot of it goes back as far as january. this entire time, i've had this big messy dramatic fight looming on the horizon as The End Of Godfeels 3 Part 1. it might even be the thing that kept me from giving up on writing godfeels when things really felt bad a year ago, because it was just so CLEAR in my imagination and i honestly just wanted to see if i could pull it off! so finally getting to it after chapter 8 ballooned so fucking exponentially with the ideaspace side of things, turning what i expected to be a couple-weeks-long commitment into a three-month full-time job, was unbelievably cathartic.

writing [S] saturday wasn't always smooth, but it was so much fun. i'd wondered for a long time how i was gonna depict it, because i knew the moment required multiple layers of interiority. i thought about having the whole thing narrated and guided in and out of different perspectives (which does happen towards the end of the chapter, For Some Reason), but then i remember that back when i wrote fiction more frequently i liked using numbers as subchapter markers! so i wound up adapting a technique that i forgot i had in my toolbox, and it worked so well i'm almost certainly gonna use it more in the future.

once that structure landed, god, it was like butter. i wrote the first i think ten or fifteen subchapters in one go. the energy of it, the fact that it was exclusively stuff happening rather than this endless parade of torturous psychodrama, i honestly surprised myself with how successfully it managed to embody the spirit of the [S] while still remaining very firmly a legible work of prose. i loved coming up with gags like risk's horns, or jake dodging the sword, they were things that just emerged as i was writing it. as i went on though, the simultaneity of events got so complicated that i just had to write each layer of the scene as a whole and then splice them together after the fact. but even with these, it was such a joy to find ways to make each moment resonant, to give everyone stuff to do. like kanaya's fight with terezi? my god. completely changed how i think about kanaya lmao

otherwise though, i’m not really sure how to even quantify which chapters i enjoyed more? 3.1 has always been so deeply mired in trauma, it’s never really been pleasant to write. generally i think like, i loved writing the party scene at the end of 2.3 (that felt like such a victory lap for me, i cried a lot writing it), i loved collaborating with zoe on 3.1 ch7 and figuring out how to incorporate the art she made. that was the first real indication i had that actively collaborating with others might be the natural future course of this story, and the most fun i’ve had in the entire project has honestly just been spitballing ideas with my friends and building out the lore of this universe with folks who don’t think i’m wasting my time.

maybe i’ll be better able to consider this once the ch8 epilogue is out and we’ve properly begun A Pause For All Seasons

[lunebinnie]

(1/11)Oh my gosh yesss I'm glad that you like long messages too because I talk way too much 😂 (And yeah about my friend and just hanging out w/ her more that's exactly what I was thinking 😂) It's actually kind of funny bc just yesterday I was hanging out at her house and her younger brother needed to go to Walmart and I was like 'I've been meaning to go to Walmart, I'll take you' and ofc since I have a bluetooth radio adapter the whole drive I had my Spotify going with some quality k-bops, lol

2)And as we were driving I noticed him kind of jamming and I was like 'Oh my god Mickey do you actually like this???' And he was Like 'yeah, these are some good bops 👍' I was shooketh. I had to go home before I had the chance to show him any music videos but he says he's open to watching some with me next time I see him. One way or another I'm going to turn someone in my social circle into a kpop fan you mark my words ☝ and then maybe we can team up and try to work on his sister some more 😂

3)I only started first getting into kpop last June so I'm still very new, but it's definitely super frustrating how so many ppl act like it's an inherently bad or cringey genre of music just bc it's kpop! The stigma is ridiculous! I also started out with BTS (lol) and since they're pretty popular in the US at least I was able to be like 'See, this isn't just a niche thing, lots of people know abt and like this group' but of course my dad still says 'Just cause it's popular doesn't make it good'

4)And I'm like? You're a band teacher, you of all people should understand that music doesn't have to be in your native language (or even have lyrics) in order for you to enjoy it, but go off I guess... It's the same with one of my college friends. They make fun of me for liking kpop but this is coming from some who still treats March 22nd (the day My Chemical Romance broke up) as a day of mourning. Like, no tea no shade no pink lemonade, MCR was a good band nothing wrong with liking them.

5)But like if you're 22 and you still haven't grown out of your emo phase do you really have room to pick on other people for their music taste?  🤷 Anyway that's the person who follows my main that I didn't want to know I had a kpop sb. I think I made it around July. Tbh it was pretty dead for most of 2018. But like I said I've started using it way more since I recently revealed that it exists, lol. Especially since that good good Astro cb 👏💗😩 But honestly Astro is such a blessing

6)Idk how I lived so long w/o them. When I first got into kpop I was planning on just sticking to BTS since the reaction to me being into kpop was so volatile. I was like 'I'm only into one group, ppl already are negative about me liking kpop so I'm just gonna stick to this and not become a full on multifandom fan' and then in Nov I accidentally let myself fall in love with Monsta X and that plan was foiled. And realizing I wasn't gonna be able to stick to just one anymore opened the floodgates

7)And I was like okay in that case, let's just start getting into *all groups* Lol. My story of getting into Astro was actually bc of my best friend's roommate (can you tell I have like one friend and my whole social circle kinda revolves around her? Lol) so this roommate when she heard me being sad about having no kpop friends was like 'oh hey, I'm kinda into kpop' and it turns out she didn't like very many groups and was one of the ppl who blah blah BTS is overrated, which ya know isn't ideal8)But I was just really desperate to have someone to talk about kpop with. And Astro was her favorite so I was like, okay I'll get into them so that I have something to talk about with her! So I started watching some videos and I fell in love with them pretty much instantly! And I was real excited bc #1 now I can talk about kpop with someone! And #2 this group is actually amazing? Bonus! ... And then they got in a big fight about their living conditions and the roommate ended up moving out RIP

9)So that didn't work out, lol (Your story about finding them during that internship sounds amazing though! Haha) But yeah, so this is my first cb too! And although I love them w/ my whole heart and would have loved to have them in my life even sooner what an amazing cb to be your first! The concept was wonderful, the album was excellent, the visuals were to *die* for. They worked so hard and I'm so proud of them and I'm so happy we got to see their work come to fruition and get them a win 🤧🤧

10)The dance practices though? You're so right omg 💗 Me and my Rocky bias *fully* understand 😂 All of them are such good dancers?? I never fail to be impressed. Of course you know who I always end up watching tho 👀 lol (̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶l̶f̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶R̶o̶c̶k̶y̶'̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶o̶t̶w̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶.̶.̶.̶)̶ ̶ I also love how at the end they always pause all dramatic for a minute and then start screaming 😂

11)It's like? Amazing talent *and* dorky personalities? What more could you ask for? Lol. In regard to your last question though Unfortunately I also won't be able to see them 😔 I live in the smack middle of the US and since they're only going to coasts all of the venues are way too far away to get to. Esp since it's the school year and I can't skip class to drive cross country for a concert much as I'd like to (Holy lord I talked over twice as much?? Why am I like this?) Talk again soon! -ASA

Okay SO I’m very sorry I haven’t had the time to answer everything until now bc I’ve been busy studying for midterms and also I was a lil trashy today since my uni closed bc of freezing rain so I slept in but I’m glad that FINALLY everything got sent like damn tumblr you really don’t want us making friends huh. 

Yessssss I love the feeling of seeing someone else also get into the same interests! I’ve been pretty lucky in the sense that I grew up around mostly other asian americans, so kpop was never something that was considered super “weird,” like some people were into it and some weren’t but even if you weren’t you still would’ve been familiar with the more popular groups from when you were younger. Even now, I have a bunch of friends also into kpop (one of them is even my roommate) so tbh I was definitely the one in my friend group late to the party aha. Even my university hosts kpop nights at our bar and I’m pretty sure we have a kpop dance team as well? So tbh if I met someone new there’s probably like a 50% chance they’re into kpop or at least listen casually. 

Tbh I used to be a little bit judgy too but moreso because of the obscene amount of money I’ve seen some of my friends spend (no joke one of my friends has spent probably like $500+ on Loona stuff in the past month and a half and another friend bought like 5 copies of the same album for herself like damn idk how do you have that much money).

I also really don’t like it when people bash other people’s music tastes, since I feel like it’s something so personal? Idk but for a long time I used to be really self conscious about sharing my music with other people and even now I feel like that sometimes. For me after getting into BTS I kind of expected to get really into other groups since I was in Korea anyway and I was already listening to a lot of other artists casually. For me it started with NU’EST (fell for them immediately at the same concert that I saw Astro at) and then after was Astro, and then I just started slowly getting into other groups after that (even though I haven’t totally been able to get into Got7′s music they’re SO funny and I just kinda fell for their personalities  you know). 

I honestly think that they did such a wonderful job with this comeback too! I like seeing their concept evolve and mature but they’re not straying too far from their original cute concept so I feel like it’s a nice middle ground that’s very unique to them, you feel? Also I feel like the visuals especially and the execution of the whole plant concept was just done so well?? Even my friend who’s not in kpop was like “k idk who they are but that was the prettiest music video I’ve ever seen”. What are your favourite eras and songs? For me I’d have to say either the Spring Up or Baby era BUT right now my favourite song is probably Again/Should’ve Held On though tbh my mood and my tastes change like every few weeks loool. 

I have no idea why I tend to be most attracted to the dances rather than vocals or rap (maybe has to do with the fact that it’s something I’ve always wished I could do but have always been bad at lmao). But Astro’s stood out to me for the exact same reason! I just thought it was so funny seeing them all break character at the end because you really get to see how hard their choreos are and you get a glimpse of their personalities like damn, how can you not stan these dummies?

That’s really unfortunate that you won’t get to see them either :/ They’re also coming to the closest city to me but it’s on a Tuesday, but I *hypothetically* looked up flight prices and tried to see if I could get away with just missing a day of classes if I flew back in the middle of the night since I have some friends who did the same thing and drove down to Buffalo but I seem to have underestimated the size of New York State LMAO. But apparently my university’s too far from the airport so it’s “not realistic” (and also I’m hella broke from travelling to Taiwan and Japan while I was in Korea but that’s a minor issue ig). I hope we do both get a chance to see them live though! Who knows, after the success of this comeback I’m expecting a lot more cbs and world tours out of them ;)

[icarianiscariot]

1, 3, 4, 33, 48

1. who is/are your comfort character(s)?

oh mannnn i have uhhh Many!! i'd say rn the top of the list is xiao from genshin impact, but kirk from star trek, makoto naegi from danganronpa, chuuya from bungo stray dogs, and mark watney from the martian are probs the top contenders??? as u can see, 90% of them are "unwavering faith in humanity / confidence that things will Turn Out Okay" lmao

3. do you leave the window open at night?

unfortunately i have not had windows that open in.... seven years? my apartment rn is a renovated storefront so i've got a bigass window on my bedroom wall but it does not open. also i live on the first floor so absolutely never even open my blinds :/

in an ideal world where my bedroom is 2-5 stories up and the windows open and the climate is temperate and dry, then yes, i would love to have a window open at night, that's so aesthetic and beautiful

4. which cryptyd being do you believe in?

skgjklsdjf like, legitimately believe is out there? honestly, i don't think there are any that i necessarily do or don't believe in. i can't bring myself to ever completely disbelieve in mothman, like, he MIGHT be out there!! who knows!! but i don't think i'm a deadset believer in any

do aliens count? bc i'd say that's the one that i just 100000% believe with complete certainty. the universe is so big, are you kidding?? of course they exist!

33. the last adventure you’ve been on?

over 4th of july weekend i went on an adventure up to my aunt's lake house that no one has used for the past year ^^; it was actually kinda fun, very poor cell service, a bunch of old VHS tapes, limited use of running water. just me n a couple pals out on the dock / in the water for a couple days :)

if you ask me this one week from now, i'll say "moving across two states to start grad school!!"

48. when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

when i was 13, i was in france with my aunt for two months. she and her british husband taught me what "summer shandy" is and then let me have one. it was yummy but i'm a slow drinker so they took it away before i had very much bc they thought i hated it lol

send me weird asks from this list!