#(this is all i'm giving of the fic for now)
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
yanmuffins Ā· 3 days ago
Note
waiter! waiter! more phineas and ferb reader pls!
I wonder how the batfam would react once they catch reader inventions on a random tuesday, like, "hm, what a nice day to look out on the window and HOLY SHIT WHY IS THERE A GIANT ROBOT SPITING FIRE WHILE RIDING A ROLLERCOASTER IN MY BACKYARD???"
the events that would follow this incident would be funny and exasperating, me thinks
also, wouldn't it be funnier if Perry the Platypus was part of the JL? and like, no one knows his identity but Superman, and neither of them are willing to talk about it-
I know it would be very unlikely, since everyone there would have enough neurons to recognize a platypus with and without a hat, but for the sake of shit and giggles, just think of how funny that would be
welp, I needed to get that outta ma chest, I hope I at least made you laugh a little, because seriously this is one of the best ideas I've seen in this tag and I can't stop thinking and giggling about it
Stay well!
context.
first: i was not expecting this concept to be so popular!! the responses i've gotten from everyone are so amazing!! Ā ( āøāøĀ“ź’³`āøāø) thank you for the ask, anon!! it always makes my day.
i am formally announcing that i will be turning phineas and ferb reader into a fic now. it's too good a concept to pass up. something more light-hearted to work between the other fics i'm writing.
batfamily finding out about reader's whacky inventions would be an event. it so wholeheartedly shatters the image they had of reader to the point they just have to sit with what the hell just happened for a while before they even consider what to do about you next. still so many things that don't make sense. their newest case is how the fuck did we go this long without finding out (Y/N) has been building mechas in our backyard and why are those things always gone when it's convenient.
then the realizations just start dropping on them like an anvil on a looney tunes character. and they kinda feel like shit, cause how did they not notice? really puts into perspective how they've neglected you all this time. so many stunts you pulled right under their nose, on their backyard, their garage, throughout gotham and metropolis. ok, were out there being creative and amazing and you sure know how to spend the wayne family money, they'll give you that, but it was so irresponsible of you! who knows what could've gone wrong. you're not like them! you're a civilian with no training, the only regular teenager in the family, you're the last person who should be exposing themselves doing all that.
bruce goes off on you, screaming about how could you be so reckless, you did all of this behind his backā€“ what? what do you mean he gave his permission? and he is floored, devastated, blood pressure up, when you remind him of every instance you dropped by his office with a document for him to sign or to ask for permission, with proof as you pull out every paper he put his signature without a second look.
and that, ladies and gentlemen, is when reader's dynamic with the batfam does a complete 180 and their little yandere antennae start going off. no more whacky cartoonish shenanigans. at least not without proper supervision. they know you're not a fan of this new arrangement, but you gotta understand they let you go unchecked for way too long! they'll drown you in family activities so you don't even have to worry about it. who wants to build a teleportation machine, anyway? just join them for family movie night.
as for perry, that is going to take them a while longer to figure out. bruce just can't stand another insane discovery, so when batman sees an intelligent platypus wearing a fedora and walking on two feet on justice league headquarters (if we're going by the idea that he's a part of JL), he's just going to think "my kid has a pet platypus. huh."
oh, consider:
dick: "damian, you knew all this time?! our sibling could've gotten into serious trouble! why didn't you tell us about this?"
damian: stares into the camera like he's in the office.
574 notes Ā· View notes
julymusings Ā· 3 days ago
Text
Jason Todd x Single Mom!Reader
I've been plagued for many months now by the idea of jason todd x young single mom!reader. I literally made this blog this morning just to post this
this is so LONG try as i might to shorten it i've been itching to get all this out of me so enjoy this word vomit i might just make a full fic if i'm feeling extra frisky
You got pregnant in college, and now youā€™re fresh out of grad school moving to a new city with your 3 year old daughter
You got a job at Wayne Enterprises, leading an important new project. You and your colleagues are invited to the latest Wayne Gala, hosted at the billionaireā€™s own manor. All these years as a young mother and a student, you hadnā€™t any experience with such extravagance-- how could you say no?
the party lowkey sucks because it's all old rich people so you sneak out to a balcony where you find a young man drinking whiskey and texting on his phone.
he introduces himself as jason, and his hand is rough and calloused when you shake it, but it's warm and sends a tingle up your arm. (šŸ˜)
You chat about your work, he complains about the stuffiness of a life at Wayne Enterprises and you laugh when he warns you to get out while you can (he's joking, of course. not because he thinks it's worth staying but because if you leave he'd never be able to hear that adorable laugh again)
when you go off on a tangent about how excited you are for your project, he's not even listening anymore. the sheer passion that lights up your face has his mind going fuzzy and a full orchestra playing in the background
you're pulled back in before he can get your number :( he's so mopey all weekend he doesn't even have it in him to retaliate when damian makes fun of him for having pink pony club as his top song for this month :(
when you get home your email is flooded with warnings from other parents at your daughter's daycare about a lice scare?? okay, you think, she's definitely not going on monday, you can just bring her to work with you, right? what's the worst that could happen?
the following monday he just happens to show up at the office (He can't just stop by to say hi to his brother who he loves?) (tim calls security almost immediately)
you're not at your cubicle (in a meeting, your desk neighbor informs him) so he mills about the floor like a lost puppy just waiting for you to show up so he can "accidentally" run into you
the woman at the front desk has a chair pulled up next to hers where this little girl with pigtails is sitting, trying to console her as tears stream down her face
jason springs into action, kneeling in front of her chair to ask what's wrong
she just sniffles and holds up her stuffed animal, an elephant whose button eye has popped out, the woman watching her trying to get her to hand it over so she can sew it back on but she wont let go
he goes full grey's anatomy, fussing over the toy like it's in mortal peril and complimenting her for being so brave before gently asking if he can try to fix it
she lets him take it and he uses the woman's travel sewing kit to stitch it back on
she's ecstatic, leaping forward into his arms to give him a big hug
but now she won't let him leave because no he has to have a conversation with the elephant first and introduce himself and give it post-surgery care instructions and listen to it talk about how much she it wants a puppy and he feels like such an idiot talking to that thing but anything to make this little girl smile
she pulls a little picture book from the backpack hung on the back of her chair and asks him to read with her and he can't just say no!
so he plops down on the tile floor and starts reading out loud and even though she's standing next to him craning her neck to see the pictures he's a head taller than her
when you finish your meeting and head back to the front desk to thank gretchen for watching your kid the sight you see makes your heart absolutely melt
jason and your daughter are sitting criss-cross applesauce on the floor of Wayne Enterprises as he reads to her, and he's pulling out all the stops, he's doing voices, sound effects, and she's giggling so hard she can't sit up straight
but then they both finally notice you
"mommy!" she yells, running to you and wrapping herself around your leg
you're surprised to see him, but definitely not disappointed, and if what you just walked in on indicated anything, it was that you wanted, nay, needed this man
so now you're flushed and hopeful, mind running with possibilities of why he's here; could it be? he couldn't stop thinking about you either? he came all the way to ask you out?
but jason is also surprised, astounded even, by the miniature carbon copy clinging to your leg saying something about scooby snacks
he's freaking out on the inside
through a tight-lipped greeting he excuses himself with what he hopes is a neutral demeanor (spoiler alert: it's not) and goes home to think
and you obviously know exactly what that was about, one doesn't go through pregnancy at 19 without becoming well-acquainted with the whole catalogue of surprised/judgy reactions
of course you're a mess because the early/mid 20s dating scene is hard enough as it is but with a toddler? forget it, might as well just give up now
you go home to call your best friend and get drunk over face time while she assures you that men aint shit and offers to put a curse on him (you consider it, but how are you supposed to get a lock of his hair?)
he's up all night hating himself for being such an asshole and trying to come up with a scenario in which this works, in which he can have you in his life and also a child and be the red hood because he can't stop thinking about you
so then he just says fuck it and the next morning he shows up at your office with flowers and a puppy stuffed animal and finally asks you out
590 notes Ā· View notes
cynifer Ā· 2 days ago
Text
I was in the midst of writing a very dark destiel fic and today put it aside and took it down from AO3 because I can't go there right now. I need to write something fluffy and sweet that will make my heart and maybe other people's hearts happy even if only for the time they are reading it.
I'm devastated...and I'm angry...and I plan on using those emotions to fuel whatever it is I need to do to help right the wrongs that are happening right now...but I also deserve to give myself some grace and if part of that is sharing posts of things that make me happy...I'm going to do it and you all should feel free to do the same.
"how can you be blogging about fun stuff while this horrible thing is going on?"
there's always horrible things going on somewhere. if you refuse to calm down until it all stops, all you'll do is give yourself a stroke
7K notes Ā· View notes
cvnntagious Ā· 18 hours ago
Text
ā™± ā‹® fratboy!chris headcanons āøāø
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
all my fratboy!chris blurbs, fics, and wips : here
ā‡¢ SFW
āœ± fratboy!chris who, of course, met you at a party his fraternity threw and instantly decided you were comin' up to his room at some point, even if it wasn't gonna happen that night
" y'look good "
" me? "
" yeah, youā€” wa's y'name? "
āœ± fratboy!chris who's known all too well by girls at boston university, though, despite contrary belief, he doesn't actually entertain most of them... guess you got lucky?
āœ± fratboy!chris who's BU's resident dealer, known by every fiend on campus and more
āœ± fratboy!chris who doesn't fuck with relationship labels whatsoever
āœ± fratboy!chris who doesn't mess with anyone else, and doesn't want you to either, even though you guys aren't really 'dating'
āœ± fratboy!chris who has no problem letting everyone know you're his with pride
āœ± fratboy!chris who would rather focus on his lacrosse career than "some shitty college romances", or at least that's how he explains it to you
" and why are you telling me this? "
" jus' thought y'should know... i'on want you gettin' any funny ideas about what we got goin' on here "
āœ± fratboy!chris who avoids any conversations about the future, or anything that requires him to even think about committing
āœ± fratboy!chris who constantly needs you with him, whether he's just lounging around, at practice/games, or out making moves. ironic, isn't it?
āœ± fratboy!chris who doesn't call you anything but mama, not even ma, no matter the occasion
" y'see how crazy you're bein' right now? mama, m'jus sittin' here, see? can't stand when y'do allat whinin' shit "
" don't call mama right now, chris, i'm done with all your fake nonchalant ass games "
āœ± fratboy!chris who, even with being admired for his outgoing and charming personality, has such a rotten temper, especially when things don't go his way
āœ± fratboy!chris who always says what's on his mind - to you, his friends, random people, anyone - even if it's completely unnecessary
āœ± fratboy!chris who absolutely relishes in the respect he has from not only his peers, but the staff as well. humble's simply not a word in his world
ā‡¢ NSFW
āœ± fratboy!chris who's big and knows how to use it
āœ± fratboy!chris who favors doggy, but can also get down with some rough missionary
" nah, s'okay mama... we'll switch it up tonight, don't worry "
āœ± fratboy!chris who likes giving, but loves receiving. the image of your lips wrapped around his length is what helps him to sleep at night
āœ± fratboy!chris who's a huge hair puller and thigh slapper (as well as occasional cheek squeezer)
āœ± fratboy!chris who will take any opportunity he possibly can to either roll up or puff his joints while you use him
āœ± fratboy!chris who makes sure to leave marks. usually where only you two can see, but if he feels like a guy's paying too much attention to you, he'll mark you on your neck or something for him to see
" chris, it's so obvious. how am i even gonna cover this up? "
" don't cover it. i'd like to see m'try an' get in your pants again when he sees allat "
" he literally asked for the material in our class..? "
āœ± fratboy!chris who's almost always down for trying something new, but isn't usually one to suggest it
āœ± fratboy!chris who loves when you praise him, even if it's unintentional. simple things like "so big," or "so good," really get him going
" yeah, s'good? y'wan more of that good shit? "
āœ± fratboy!chris who, to no surprise, is horrible at aftercare.
Tumblr media
a/n : i fear this took a lot longer than i thought it would to make... but i'll be making at least one of these for each of my au's since a) i'm unmotivated/don't have time to actually write, and b) want to develop the characters (and some of their pairings) further
-love, grandma cvnty ā˜†!
231 notes Ā· View notes
andcars Ā· 2 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
# š— š—©šŸÆšŸÆ ā”€ā”€ā”€ GAMER MOMENTS MASTERLISTā €REQUEST MEā €TAGLISTā €PATREON GUIDEā €AO3
YOU'RE A MINECRAFT STREAMER and get in contact with some new guys. one of them won't stop bullying you. it's kinda silly how he acts like he's being subtle that he's trying to flirt with you.
Tumblr media
TAGS. . . # fluff, bullying as flirting, pining max verstappen, 'oblivious' reader, minecraft streamers
FIC STYLE. . . # social media au (instagram chats, tweets)
Tumblr media
zsync
Tumblr media
ty FSMP for having me. that being said, hopefull i didn't give too much of a bad impression to some of ya'll....
liked by albonono, grussell and 7,742 others
View all comments
stellaroit i MISSED A ZSYNC STREAM?!?!?
orrifices RIP it was a funny stream
stellaroit what happened the vod isn't out yet
rudemi played minecraft in a new friend group and just decided to cause chaos towards this other streamer the entire time
angeleles who the hell is this lion33 dude and why did he have to hog all the wheat
divissx CHAT THE FURNACE IS NOT FURNACING!! highlight of the stream
lion33 mate i need u to leave the smp
albonono You're just jealous she got all the diamonds in the main island
lion33 completely unrelated
zsync (i'm not) sorry max
Tumblr media
ynpng
Tumblr media
chat i am not washed at minecraft
liked by alexalbono, georgerussell and 219 others
View all comments
georgerussell Disagree
ynpng like i ASKED
alexalbono Slay
alexalbono Btw why're u off priv do u know that
ynpng yessir
alexalbono Suspicious
alexalbono Are you joining the server soon. Max is annoying me
ynpng stop hogging my comments + maybe idk i'm still bitter abt him killing my cows
Tumblr media
lion33
Tumblr media
appreciate @ albonono for letting me on his stream. i do have his password now btw
liked by albonono, grussell, zsync and 13,611 others
View all comments
zsync WAS THAT WHY ALEX WAS JUST MUTED THE ENTIRE TIME?? IT WAS YOU??
lion33 lol
albonono @ zsync he was enjoying receiving flowers from you too much
lion33 your base? exploded.
shouula i love having a pov of max smiling like an idiot when yn was treating him like alex (aka kindly)
vrikrik real. yn is living the y/n life. what i would do to make him smile like that
albonono If u wanted to flirt do it on your own stream I literally went to piss
lion33 ???
massuech dude this is the weirdest softlaunch ever
Tumblr media
zsync @ zsyncc Ā· 28 October i'm never playing this game again
141 replies 881 reposts 1.8k likes
Max V @ lion33 Ā· 28 October ā€” Replying to @ zsyncc ur being dramatic lol my house was griefed i needed somewhere to stay 41 replies 331 likes
mia šŸ•ø @ webberstrr Ā· 28 October ā€” Replying to @ lion33 just say you wanted to put your beds together in minecraft and leave 2 replies 6 likes
Tumblr media
EVE @ eeves1 Ā· 28 October so we agree that max and yn were flirting the entire thing right
14 replies 7 reposts 63 likes
EVE @ eeves1 Ā· 28 October ā€” Replying to @ eeves1 i don't like rpf but it is kinda funny how max was goading yn on like a kindergarten with a crush 3 replies 7 likes
Tumblr media
zsync
Tumblr media
my beautiful house before it was INVADED BY THE DUTCH (also here's the mirmir bath pics ya'll begged for)
liked by albonono, grussell , lion33 and 7,742 others
View all comments
pineeapper KITTYYY
lion33 you could've just said no
zsync would u have taken no as an answer?
lion33 no haha this is what u get for stealing my diamonds
littelorrenst chaotic stream as always
piapastry no one else gonna question the weird domesticity of her and max? no? ok
albonono Why're you reposting the mirmir pics from your "priv" account
zsync because i can
lion33 what? u have a priv?
Tumblr media
Yn | You are now private messaging @ ynpng 142 followers Ā· 521 posts
lion33 this isn't private lmao
ynpng no i just took it off priv for a bit
lion33 oh. ok btw like do u wanna film something tgt soon
ynpng yea sure why not
lion33 cool cool yea friday?
ynpng sure
lion33 shared a location
ynpng huh
lion33 where we can meet. alex told me you live near me so
ynpng wait omfg i thought u meant like stream
lion33 oh it's ok if u want it to be just a stream like minecraft or smthn
ynpng no no its okay. i need new vid on my main yt anyways
lion33 u sure? lol it's ok if u dont wanna film irl w me
ynpng stop being such a hard ass maxy. i say yes to filming
lion33 cool. thanks btw i really like ur videos šŸ‘
Tumblr media
zsync
Tumblr media
causing chaos in the toy store in my new video. thank you @ lion33 for featuring and being my slave for the day
liked by albonono, grussell, lion33 and 64,147 others
View all comments
wiiredxs never thought id get to see max doing an irl vlog willingly
hamiston who messed with the timeline why am i seeing max and yn tgt
vrikrik RIGHT like max flew a plane just to film this video šŸ˜­ they live in diff continents
lion33 sighs
albonono Your flirting technique sucks
lion33 shut the fuck up
orrifices am i delusional is this not the equivalent to teasing ur friend over his crush
grussell Yn, I hope you're seeing this
zsync seeing what
grussell Crikey...
Tumblr media
Yn | You are now private messaging @ ynpng
georgerussell I don't wanna be the bearer of news... But Max has a crush on you
ynpng that's crazy dawg
georgerussell Okay I need some more reaction than that Me and the guys' GC have been talking about it ever since the first FSMP stream
ynpng whattttttt he's whatttttttt
georgerussell What in the Have you like known this the entire time
ynpng George. The man is a Monaco based streamer. I do not live in Monaco. He told me that Alex said we live near each other. I can kinda tell when people have a crush...
georgerussell And that's just your reaction!? I still expected something!
ynpng ill give u a reaction if he does something more obvious in the next stream
Tumblr media
zsync @ zsyncc Ā· 8 November fsmp birthday stream 2nite y'all. wish me bday luck i need netherite
568 replies 7k reposts 12.9k likes
Tumblr media
EVE @ eeves1 Ā· 8 November alright are we ever going to talk about how max (and im entirely sure it's max) put netherites in yn's chest like that was so cute...
27 replies 142 reposts 628 likes
Tumblr media
ā™  | FIO @ butt3fl1es Ā· 8 November WHY DID I ENTER THE STREAM TO MAX MAXPLAINING ABOUT MONACO BOYS NOT BEING FUCKBOYS!?!?
WHAT IS HE YAPPING ABT
16 replies 7 reposts 88 likes
Tumblr media
#33 @ quetoii Ā· 8 November someone needs to tell max his cam is still on everyone can see him giggling after yn thanked him for his gift
23 replies 98 reposts 218 likes
Tumblr media
dumb blonde moment @ jaccalps Ā· 8 November ā€” Replying to @ quetoii it's his fault anyways like no one streams minecraft w their cam on for maximum laziness
2 replies 6 likes
Tumblr media
ynpng šŸ”’
Tumblr media
@ lion33 thanks for the present! and you, I guess. but seriously, you need like better courting skills. my nephew could do way better than you and he's 3yo
liked by alexalbono, georgerussell and 327 others
View all comments
alexalbono I'm sorry, courting!?
ynpng if bullying me counts as courting yeah
georgerussell ... No one won the bet
lion33 this is why you don't start a bet
georgerussell Mate, no one expected you to try and get with her like two weeks when you first met
ynpng ok to clarify, we are not dating. he's funny and he's rich so im letting him try
layladook girl whyre you a red flag šŸ˜­
lion33 my fave color has always been red
Tumblr media
šŸ—’ š—£š—”š—£š—˜š—„ š—§š—„š—”š—œš—Ÿ . . . ok so i decided to do like my tweets as the text so it was easier for me to make this + less images uploaded. feel free to tell me if it's better or bad from how i used to do it before. anyways this was funny to write. i love minecraft. i love that max loves minecraft. it's just a bunch of tomfoolery around here also, my birthday is actually on the 8th so lil easter egg lmao ĖŽĖŠĖ— į°.
ā”€ā”€ā”€ā”€ šŸ“Ø @delululeclerc @hiireadstuff @bicchaan @fallingforpvris @rtorresblog @tribbisweetdear @jamie2305 @mv1simp
Tumblr media
you support me best on tumblr with reblogs and comments ! ā”€ā”€ by andcars āŸ”
354 notes Ā· View notes
woso-dreamzzz Ā· 1 day ago
Text
Pup's Halloween
Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle x Child!Reader
Summary: The fourteenth of my Halloween-centric fics
Tumblr media
Lucy loves her family.
Her parents. Her brother and sister. Her aunts and uncles and grandparents. All her cousins and everything in-between.
But she loves, most of all, this little family in Spain she has.
With Ona tucked under her arm in bed and the baby in their new bedroom just down the hall and the even more excitable child that she shares with Keira and Laura.
She loves Keira too, to an extent. Not that romantic love that surrounded them when you got adopted but still a deep love that comes with being co-parents to an excitable little girl that's up way too early to be healthy.
"Pup," Lucy groans, voice still thick with sleep and unbelievably groggy as she hears the familiar pitter-patter of feet on the carpeted floor," It's too early."
"No," You say," Mummy says when the clock says nine and five-zero. She says that's wakeup time."
"I'm not Mummy, Pup," Lucy reminds you," This isn't Mummy and Mama's house. It's Mum and Mami's house."
"With Baby Sibling, yes, I know. Still, wake up time. Pumpkin day."
Lucy's eyes crack open, lifting her head off the pillow and astounded by the way Ona's still fast asleep throughout this whole exchange.
"Why don't you just get into bed with us?" Lucy asks, weary and still heavy with sleep.
You point to the tv mounted on the wall. "Paw Patrol?"
"Mami's still asleep."
"I wake her."
Lucy fights back a groan. "No, Pup. We can watch Paw Patrol but it has to be low, alright? Mami deserves to sleep."
"Okay."
Lucy helps you into the middle of the bed, letting you drink from her water and turning on your favourite episode of Paw Patrol before you speak again.
"Baby Sibling awake too," You tell Lucy.
She screams into her pillow - her lay in well and truly forgotten.
By the time she gets back to the bedroom with the baby, you've successfully woken Ona who looks a little dazed and confused but happy nonetheless.
"And Mama take me climbing at rock wall with funny thing around my legs," You're telling Ona when Lucy comes back in.
"I told her not to wake you."
Ona laughs, bundling you closer as she raises her arms for the baby. "I have no problem being woken by Pup kisses."
You grin at her, showing off all your pearly whites before clambering over to Lucy to give her kisses too.
"Pumpkins now?"
"Later," Lucy corrects," Let's get through breakfast first."
The idea of pumpkin carving had originally been Keira's idea but it had only been in passing but you'd really taken to the idea, insisting that you actually get to do it with at least one of the couples.
At seeing the slight look of disgust on Laura's face at the idea of rummaging around in pumpkin guts, Ona offered up her and Lucy as the sacrifices.
Which is really the reason why Lucy's sat at her own kitchen table trying to dig a knife through the stubborn pumpkin sat in front of her.
The baby babbles happily in their highchair as Ona stands at the kitchen sink, supervising your hand washing.
"Do you need any help, Luce?" She asks.
"No!" Lucy insists," I've got this!"
She very much doesn't have this but Lucy isn't about to let a stupid pumpkin beat her.
Finally, after several desperate moments, she manages to cut through and breathes a sigh of relief as you come over, dressed in your puppy costume.
"Alright, Pup," Lucy says, hefting you up onto her lap," We're going to take this pen and draw what we want to cut out."
You take the pen, nodding seriously. "I draw puppy."
"No, Pup," Lucy says gently," It's Halloween. Remember those designs I showed you? Something like that."
Ona chuckles from her seat across the table with her own pumpkin.
"No," You say," I want puppy."
"I-"
"If she wants to draw a puppy then let her draw a puppy," Ona laughs," It'll make her happy."
"But I'm the one that has to cut it out."
"Then you'll make her happy," Ona says.
Lucy sighs again and you look up at her.
"Mum?"
"Alright, Pup," Lucy says," Let's find some pictures of a dogs on a pumpkin to get ideas, alright? Let's see if we can copy one down."
Ona, like Lucy predicted, finishes her pumpkin much quicker than you and her and you leave Lucy to cut out the picture in favour of watching Ona place a candle into her pumpkin, showing you the way it lights up the scary face she's cut out of it.
"Do you need any help?" Ona asks.
"No! I've got this!" Lucy insists as she gets through a particularly tricky curved area of your puppy drawing," I'm nearly done."
But it seems Lucy's version of nearly done is different to Ona's definition of nearly done because times passes and your baby sibling gets put to bed and you have your bath time.
"Mum," You call, toddling towards her in a different puppy onesie," Night-night."
"Night, Pup," Lucy says on autopilot, leaning down to drop a soft kiss to your crown," Sweet dreams."
"Sweet dreams!" You says back, slobbering all over Lucy's cheek in your own version of a night time kiss before hurrying back to Ona for your bedtime story and a glass of warm milk.
"Done!" Lucy announces, putting down her tools to triumphantly look around," I did it!"
"That's nice." Ona's head pops around the door frame. "But can you be a bit quieter? The kids are asleep."
379 notes Ā· View notes
le-monchou Ā· 2 days ago
Note
hello Soru, Iā€™m evil now and I think a fic about Leona doing something villainous to protect women / womenā€™s rights etc. would make me feel better
Tumblr media
if the dimly lit room was an intimidation tactic, leona would scoff in the faces of that faction. he'd grown up practicing and perfecting his magic in the dead of night, when the servants would rest easy for the night knowing that their lieges were in their beds for the night. the night was his home and the moon and stars were familiar friends.
"you want to tell me, that this is your proposal." he starts, and the ministers scoff lightly at his audacity to start negotiations without his brother or father's approval, but this was no mere negotiation- this was an active war. "give me an example of what you think would happen were i or my brother and father were to give you the go-ahead. go on."
the room remains silent, and even his brother and sister-in-law have nothing to say. "the traditional roles of the sunset savannah ensure the woman is in power. they are the hunters, the feeders, the birth-givers, the teachers. i feel sorry for your mother who married the pathetic man whose dick you shot out from- or maybe she wasn't even married to him, because marriage is something equal. excuse my language, brother."
farena merely nods by his side and swallows, and leona takes that as further permission to rip them a new asshole. "you're a self-serving maniac who couldn't get a woman to stay by your side willingly, so you decide to punish all the women ever born for that. it's not their fault you do not have the capacity to be a nurturing, capable, and worthy man."
the council members at this point are also exchanging glances. "i'm trying to push this nation to modernity, not take it back to the ancient times of a completely different land. do not bring that tradition here again, or i will make your lives so, very, very, very miserable, that even if you have the power to establish these rules, you will hear me down the halls of the office you walk in. understand that we rely on them even more than they rely on us, because what can a man do that a properly grown woman cannot?"
but as the representatives stand up to leave, one decides to taunt the royal family and their archaic ways, and farena's eyes widen as the man himself turns to sand, his brother nonchalantly looking at his nails before sniffling and getting up. "someone better clean that up. dump that out with the rest of the mud, he'd be doing something useful then, i suppose."
Tumblr media
i hope you like this nettles šŸ«¶šŸ«¶šŸ«¶šŸ«¶ 428 words stay safe, my american mutuals and friends <3 and if anyone who reads this voted trump (highly unlikely that you simp for leona and can be a trump supporter) pls do not interact with me <3
254 notes Ā· View notes
kaleidohscopic Ā· 3 days ago
Text
TRY AGAIN ā€” JJH
Tumblr media
PAIRING: jaehyun x female reader SUMMARY: if you could have it your way, you'd never have to see, hear, or even think about jeong jaehyun ever again. a fortuitous blind date, and that same dimpled smile after all those years, is somehow enough to make you reconsider. maybe he was always meant to be by your side. GENRE: exes to lovers! au, slight coworkers! au, romance, angst, slow burn, humour, some pining, a touch of smut WARNINGS: swearing, alcohol consumption, too many descriptions of coffee and wine, mentions of sex, general mature content and themes, reader is not good at talking about her feelings, joy x doyoung, i try to write about the complexity of relationships and personal growth (i fail miserably) WORD COUNT: 32.4k NOTE: oh. my god. it's finally here! there's certainly something different about writing for your ult. office scenes inspired by the internship i did at a big 4 firm that ended up rejecting everyone from my department (yes i'm still bitter). i actually wanted to get this out back in august to celebrate jolo but alas, Life. i guess this is a parting gift? (jaehyun i am nothing and nobody without you.) i poured a lot of heart into this fic and posting it feels like letting my child go out into the world alone... be safe my darling xx
Tumblr media
You shouldā€™ve brought an umbrella.Ā 
The early evening sky was darkening faster than usual, ominous grey clouds hovering between the skyscrapers like an unspoken but imminent threat. Though the ground was still dry, you had a feeling it wouldnā€™t be for long. Your haste to leave your apartment this morning had robbed you of the good sense to check the weather forecast, mind too preoccupied with tonightā€™s agenda to spare a thought for the possible torrential downpour that summer seemed to be so fond of.Ā 
A glance down at your feet sent a twinge of annoyance through you. Of course you picked the black pumps to wear today. They were pretty, which was why you had slipped them on in the first place, wanting to make a good impression even if you told yourself you didnā€™t really care that much, but they were also expensive, and you did not want to get them wet. You said a silent prayer. Hopefully the impending rain would be kind to the leather.
ā€œYou better not be flaking,ā€ Joy warned, voice crackling through your phone speaker. ā€œI donā€™t really care what he thinks of you for not showing up, but itā€™ll reflect badly on me, and I canā€™t have that.ā€
You suppressed a smile. Ever the drama queen.
ā€œI am literally walking out of the station right now. The Italian place, right?ā€ you asked, pausing for a moment at the top of the stairs to gather your surroundings. The restaurant she had picked out wasnā€™t exactly an unknown location to you, but it had been a while since you last visited, and the buildings seemed to look back at you with a dazed unfamiliarity.
She gave an affirmative hum. ā€œTwo streets down from the exit. The reservation is under my name, but I think he might be there already.ā€
ā€œYippee. How exciting.ā€
There was a loud sigh from the other end of the line, and you could almost hear her rolling her eyes at you. ā€œYou do know I set this up with your best interests at heart, right?ā€
ā€œAre you sure itā€™s not because you were bored and needed to use some poor soul for your own entertainment?ā€
ā€œHey, Iā€™m not the one who put three packets of salt in Jungwooā€™s coffee,ā€ she fired back.Ā 
Okay, maybe that one was on you. But it had been pretty funny seeing him spit it out all over the office kitchen counter and then meticulously clean up the mess with paper towels, all the while eyeing everyone on your floor with suspicion.
ā€œIā€™m just saying,ā€ she continued, ā€œgive him a chance. I think you guys could really like each other.ā€ There was a pause. ā€œPlus, heā€™s super fucking hot. Like if I wasnā€™t happily taken I would be climbing him like a tree.ā€
ā€œGross. Iā€™m filing a complaint with HR.ā€
ā€œReporting me to my own department? Iā€™ll make sure that file never even makes it through the portal,ā€ she cackled at your empty threat, and you joined in with her. ā€œSeriously though, just give him a chance. At least stay until the mains come out.ā€
ā€œFine,ā€ you acquiesced, though you made sure she heard the huff that accompanied it. ā€œBut if he starts talking about cryptocurrency I am leaving.ā€Ā 
Joy only laughed, assuring you he probably wouldnā€™t, and bid you goodbye with a parting command for you to enjoy yourself.Ā 
On days like these, you couldnā€™t decide whether you were grateful or unlucky to have been placed on a team with her for your first project at the company. Technically speaking, Joy was your senior by almost two years, but even at that first daily stand-up half a year ago, filled with nervous smiles and clumsy introductions, you had the feeling the two of you would gel. By the time that first project wrapped up, the two of you had long progressed past mere co-workers, having bonded over 8-hour days of Powerpoint formatting and your mutual dislike of olives. You had never been more thankful for someone so vivacious to show you the ropes, and help you settle into the new environment with such ease.
However, Joy was a meddler.
Her meddling was what had you currently navigating the crumbly asphalt in your nicest shoes to meet the apparent hunk she had set you up with. You didnā€™t know much about the guy since she refused to give you his name, afraid youā€™d search him up on social media and then make up some excuse to back out once you had seen his face ā€” like you had done with the previous two that sheā€™d picked out for you.
Apparently, this one was from the Digital department, and had been at the company for a little over a year. Those were two out of the three pieces of information that she had deigned to bestow upon you, the third being that he had dimples, which she thought youā€™d appreciate.
Oh, and now the fourth one being that he was ā€˜super fucking hotā€™.
Who knew? Maybe you would enjoy yourself. Getting back into the dating scene was pretty low on your priorities, with your career and trying to stick to a consistent gym routine taking up the majority of your time, but you were never opposed to a bit of fun.Ā 
Maybe Mr Super-Fucking-Hot could be a bit of fun.Ā 
Just take it easy, you thought to yourself, spotting the glass windows of the restaurant as you rounded the corner. Il Giardino, read the sign that hung above the door. Cute.
Hastily, you shifted your bag and cardigan to the other arm and smoothed out the creases in your black trousers. You had tried for something a little dressy, but also office-appropriate since you were coming straight from work, and not like you had tried too hard and spent an unnecessary number of hours thinking about what to wear on this stupid blind date. Another quick glance at your reflection in the window, just to make sure there was no food or lipstick in your teeth, and you pushed past the door.
Soft jazz filtered through your ears as you stepped inside. The restaurant was nicely decorated, a few vintage Italian posters hanging on the exposed brick walls, and an overall rustic feel that paired well with the warm, earthy ambience. Judging by the patrons already seated, this place was a popular date night location, with all but one table occupied by couples sharing soft touches and flirty smiles over half-filled glasses of red wine.
Joy certainly knew how to pick a spot.
You gave the smiling hostess Joyā€™s name for the reservation, managing a weak smile of your own when she informed you that the other half of your party had already arrived, and followed her through the tables further into the restaurant. Outside, the first few raindrops had begun to splatter against the asphalt, slowly darkening the road with wet patches that were sure to grow into puddles. It seemed you had arrived just in time to escape the rain.
The hostess stopped at a more private table towards the back, and gestured towards the empty seat with that same welcoming smile. Mystery man, aka Mr Super-Fucking-Hot, was sat with his back to you, leafing through what you assumed to be the drinks menu. His silhouette from behind was alright-looking, you supposed, if you really had to put a label to it, but there was something vaguely familiar about the shape of his head. Perhaps you had crossed paths in the office lobby before?
You approached the table, trying to sneak a peek of him out of the corner of your eye, just to see if he lived up to Joyā€™s oh-so-generous description, without being so painfully obviousā€”
And froze.
ā€œIs everything alright?ā€ the hostess asked, still beaming at you.Ā 
You barely heard her through the cotton wool that seemed to suddenly fill your ears, hands instantly clamming up as you took in the man in front of you. His warm eyes widened a fraction of a millimetre with recognition, quickly followed by something else you couldnā€™t place.
This was not happening.
ā€œIs everything okay?ā€ the hostess tried again. The corners of her mouth were beginning to slip, and she cast you a mildly concerned glance.
How strange you must have looked, standing stock-still beside your reserved table like a statue. The only things that could dispel the notion you had suddenly turned into stone were the light flush to your cheeks, and the deafening pounding of your own heart that you were sure the whole restaurant could hear.
ā€œEverythingā€™s fine, just give us a minute please,ā€ Jaehyun finally said, flashing the hostess a kind smile. She took her cue to leave, but not without another curious look between the two of you, hurriedly brushing away the waiter who was approaching the table and preparing to rattle off the specials.Ā 
Hearing his voice seemed to break the spell that had rendered you so immobile. You straightened, shifting your bag higher up your shoulder, and turned to leave. Whatever this was, you were not entertaining it.
Chair legs screeched abruptly against the floor.Ā 
ā€œWait,ā€ he pleaded.Ā 
Your eyes landed on his hand latched around your wrist first, before they moved to his face again. Slowly, his fingers loosened, but he kept you in his hold.Ā 
ā€œWill you sit, please?ā€ he asked softly.Ā 
You looked at him. Really looked at him, taking in his full, straight brows, the slope of his nose, the pinkness of his lips. His cheeks had slimmed since you had last seen him, allowing the sharpness of his jaw to really come through. Breathtakingly handsome as he always had been. A little older, a little more masculine, and yet somehow still the same.
And maybe because you still saw him, the boy that you loved, the first and likely only boy you had ever truly loved, you did sit, sliding into your chair like it was made of ice.
ā€œItā€™s been a while,ā€ he began, lowering back into his seat. You gave no indication that you had heard him at all, eyes focused on the flickering tealight candle at the centre of the table. The wax was a pinkish red colour, and the light scent coming from it was sweet, with a touch of tartness. Pomegranate, maybe. At your silence, he cleared his throat and tried again. ā€œHow have youā€”ā€
ā€œDid you plan this?ā€
He pulled back a bit, as if in genuine shock. ā€œNo, I swear, I had no idea it was you. Joy only told me it was someone from her department, and that you were pretty, and she thought youā€™d be my type.ā€ A pause. ā€œDid you?ā€
Your reply was icy. ā€œWhy would I plan to see you?ā€
He looked away at that, sucking in a breath through his teeth. You were probably mistaken, but something akin to hurt flashed in those eyes as he gave a short nod at your words. Likely a trick of the light. It was a little too dim in here. What reason would he have to be hurt? Why would he be bleeding when you were the one with cuts all over your hands from picking up the glass shards of your own broken heart?
An uncomfortable beat passed. ā€œWell, Iā€™d say it was nice to see you, but you know Iā€™m not good at lying,ā€ you said. Shouldnā€™t have sat down in the first place.
Grabbing your bag and cardigan, you made to stand up again, regretting your decision to come here, regretting giving in to Joy so easily, regretting leaving the house this morning without a stupid fucking umbrella. The drizzle outside had turned into a downpour in no time, and the street drains were definitely going to clog up tonight.Ā 
Seoul and its fucking summer monsoon season.
ā€œCan we justā€”please, can youā€”fuck. Can we have dinner and just talk? As friends?ā€ His hand shot out across the table, as if itching to grab yours again, but thought better of it, letting his fingertips rest against the edges of the linen napkin you hadnā€™t even bothered to unfold.Ā 
A refraction of light from his sleeve caught your eye. His cufflinks. He was wearing the cufflinks you had gotten him for your high school graduation all those years ago.Ā 
They had been expensive. Four months of pay from your part-time job at the ice-cream parlour was just enough for the pale pearls set in sterling silver. You supposed it would have been silly of him to throw them away when they were so valuable. It wasnā€™t like you had thrown away the gold pendant he had given you either. That necklace hadnā€™t hung around your neck for a long time, but it still sat somewhere in the depths of your jewellery box, underneath all the newer ones you had bought for yourself or received from friends over the years.
ā€œFine,ā€ you found yourself saying. ā€œSure. As friends. Why not?ā€Ā 
Sinking back into your seat, you reached for the wine menu immediately. Enduring the next hour in the company of your ex-boyfriend without a drink? Unbearable. As much as you liked to convince yourself you were over him, from your behaviour tonight it was clear you most certainly were not, and only alcohol could soothe that blow to your pride.
Your eyes flitted down the page of reds, then the whites, then the sparklings. Christ, the prices in this place were not pretty. Joy would have to be in a completely separate tax bracket from you if these were the kinds of establishments she frequented.Ā 
For a brief moment, you thought about ordering the most expensive bottle on the list ā€” a Penfoldā€™s 2018 Shiraz ā€” just to be spiteful, but decided against it. If you were really going to be sharing a meal ā€˜as friendsā€™, he would not be footing the entire bill. You wouldnā€™t let him.
The waiter, under the impression that things had somewhat cooled down, finally approached your table, albeit a bit cautiously. Hearing but not really listening, you let him sing praises about the wild mushroom ravioli, ordering it just to save yourself the effort of reading through the rest of the menu. When he reached the beverages portion of his spiel, you settled for a more reasonable bottle, a 2021 merlot.
It was only once he had left to put your orders in that you realised that you had not even checked if Jaehyun was driving tonight.
ā€œIā€™ll pay for the wine, if youā€™re not drinking,ā€ you said, fiddling with your napkin. You could probably finish the whole bottle yourself anyway. Maybe that would make it easier to look him in the eye.
ā€œYou really donā€™t need to do that,ā€ he replied, voice soft but firm. The weight of his eyes on you was almost a tangible thing. ā€œIā€™ll have a glass.ā€
Your waiter returned, making a show of uncorking the bottle before pouring it out into both your glasses. You couldnā€™t down the first one fast enough, draining half the contents in one long mouthful like it was your first taste of water after finishing a marathon. Jaehyun was more deliberate with his glass, taking only a few small sips before he set it down on the table again. If he noticed the speed at which you emptied yours, which it was pretty hard not to with the way you were gulping the wine down, he said nothing.
God, this was fucking awkward.
ā€œSo,ā€ he began, trying to mask the crack of his voice with a cough, ā€œwhat made you agree to this thing?ā€
You reached for the bottle. ā€œFelt like I owed it to Joy,ā€ you said, pouring yourself another glass. ā€œI flaked out of the last two she organised.ā€Ā 
Maybe you should have just gone on that first one with Taehyung, or Taehyun, or whatever his name was. Then you could have avoided this situation altogether.Ā 
ā€œSo you do this kind of thing a lot, then?ā€ came his careful question.
You were curt. ā€œNo.ā€Ā 
He blinked a few times, the movements slow with confusion at the abruptness of your answer. You knew you were being difficult. You wanted to be. Five years could heal most things, but unspoken words could linger like splinters under your fingernails, festering below the surface. Calluses had hardened over the splinters of your breakup, tough and protective, but now it was as if they were pushing through to the surface again, your fingers newly tender at the sight of him after all those years.Ā 
A small part of you wanted to give him a taste of your hurt, wanted him to feel the prick of tiny wood chips in the flesh behind his nail beds. The larger part, however, knew malice would do no good for you. You had survived the pain. There was no reason to survive poison as well.
ā€œNo, I donā€™t,ā€ you tried again, a little softer, a little less jagged around the edges. ā€œI think she just likes to set them up for fun. This is my first time on one of these blind uhā€¦ā€ The word date sat heavy on the tip of your tongue but refused to budge. ā€œOne of these things.ā€ Maybe another mouthful of wine would wash it down.
ā€œHer definition of fun can be rather interesting,ā€ he said, politely filling the silence.
You hummed in agreement, raising the freshly filled wine glass to your mouth again as you scrambled around in your head for something, anything to say. It had been a while since you had last been out on the dating scene, and you were well aware of it, but good grief, it was like your conversational skills had evaporated into thin air.
ā€œHow do you know Joy?ā€ was what you decided on after a deliberately slow sip.
Thankfully, Jaehyun seemed to still know how to carry a conversation. ā€œSheā€™s one of the HR reps for Digital, so weā€™ve spoken a few times before. And her boyfriend is a friend from university.ā€ He paused to take a sip of his wine. ā€œHave you met him?ā€
You shook your head lightly. ā€œNo, not yet. Hoping to, soon.ā€Ā 
ā€œYouā€™ll like him. Doyoungā€™s a great guy. Patience of a saint.ā€
ā€œHeā€™d have to be to keep up with her,ā€ you said, hints of a chuckle sprinkled in your voice.Ā 
Something about the fact that he was already privy to more of Joyā€™s personal life than you were had a sliver of jealousy wriggling in your stomach. She was supposed to be your friend, and yet you knew very little about Doyoung besides his name, while your ex-boyfriend across from you had been buddy-buddy with him for probably years and years. Not that it was a competition to see who held more information about their coworker outside the office, but the feeling that you were somewhat losing didnā€™t sit well.
ā€œItā€™s actually my first time on a blind date as well,ā€ he said, allowing himself a tentative smile. ā€œYou know how convincing she can be. I mean, I donā€™t think Iā€™d ever go on one if she hadnā€™t roped me in. It feels a bit silly meeting up with a complete stranger, you know?ā€ He turned his smile to you, still tentative but coloured with a tinge of hopefulness, like he wanted you to understand, like he knew you would.Ā 
How could you not? There had once been a time where you believed that you and Jaehyun had been two halves of the same soul, carved into existence from the same stone. There had once been a time where you knew him almost better than he knew himself.Ā 
A time rather distant from now.
You kept your answer non-committal. ā€œSure,ā€ you murmured, wishing his pretty face wouldnā€™t fall so quickly at your nonchalance, wishing you hadnā€™t caught the slightest droop to the curve of his mouth. Everything about him was still too familiar. ā€œIā€™m just a bit surprised to hear that, I guess. You were so desperate to meet new people back then.ā€
Three seconds passed in silence.Ā 
His eyes dropped to his lap, as did yours to your own. This previously reasonable bottle of merlot was loosening your lips rather unreasonably.
ā€œSorry, that wasā€”ā€ Unnecessary? Mean?Ā 
True?Ā 
ā€œI didnā€™t mean to say that,ā€ you finally managed, the words spilling out of your mouth in a tumbled rush.Ā 
Or maybe you had.Ā 
Jaehyun could only flash you a weak smile. ā€œItā€™s fine,ā€ he said, though you both knew it wasnā€™t really.
Frigidity returned to the air between you, stopped just short of freezing over by the reappearance of your waiter, along with a plate of goatā€™s cheese arancini. Jaehyun politely gestured for you to eat first, watching as you speared the crusty surface with your fork and moved it over to your own plate. For a few seconds, the only noises that could be heard from the table were the clinks and clanks of stainless steel utensils against ceramic plates. The arancini could not have come at a better time, affording both of you the opportunity to hide behind the guise of eating, and put off the need to make strained conversation, even if the time it bought you was fleeting.
Meet new people. Those were the exact words he had said to you all those years ago. Han River on a Tuesday night, cherry blossom petals fluttering through the balmy April air, the iciness of winter finally melting away into a distant memory to reveal fresh green carpets and vivid blooms ā€” few things could have been more romantic. Spring is the season of love, they said.Ā 
But for you, spring was the season of loss. It was the season when love ended, when love could be taken back and snatched away in the blink of an eye. On a Tuesday night in April, you learned that your love was not just not enough, but that it was a burden, an obstacle between Jaehyun and living his life to the fullest. That time spent with you was time squandered. That you were robbing him of the complete university experience, and to an extent, his youth.
Jaehyun had always been a wanter. He wanted boldly and he wanted freely, never dwelling too long on how his wanting could appear in the eyes of others, never shy about his desires. When he was ten years old, he wanted a dog, despite the reddening of his nose and the watering of his eyes whenever heā€™d get within armā€™s distance of the bichon frisĆ©. In tenth grade, he wanted you, with cans of peach soda and sweet little notes in your locker until you finally said yes to being his girlfriend after three days of public pursuit.Ā 
(You had arguably wanted him more, and for longer, though nobody had been none the wiser ā€” you were rather good at hiding your feelings.)
Two months into your first year at university, his wants changed. He wanted more space and more freedom to meet new people. He wanted to be able to attend club social outings, and get to know his seniors, and play drinking games with his new roommates, instead of trekking to the other side of Seoul every week to see you, his girlfriend, who had now become his obligation.
It would have been a lie to say you hadnā€™t noticed a shift in his behaviour in the months leading up to that fateful night. Smiles had become a little wearier. Texts had become sparser. You had chalked it up to the challenges of settling into the new routine and rigorous coursework, and the distance between your schools that occupied opposite sides of the city. Sure, the hour-long subway ride from his campus to yours wasnā€™t the greatest asset to your relationship, but 18-year-old you had remained optimistic it would endure whatever curveballs your first year of university and the beginnings of real adulthood would throw at you.Ā 
You had survived the CSAT together and emerged in one piece. What else could be harder than that?
ā€œYouā€™re right though,ā€ he said quietly, eyes fixed on his own piece of fried goatā€™s cheese. ā€œI guess I was.ā€
You let your fork drop with a soft clang. ā€œLetā€™s not, uhā€”we donā€™t have to talk about that.ā€ Pink petals were swimming at the edges of your vision.Ā 
Please, letā€™s not talk about that.
A flicker of something behind his eyes could almost convince you he wanted exactly the opposite of your unspoken plea. Maybe this was a conversation he didnā€™t actually want to avoid the way you so desperately did.Ā 
And maybe he would have said something too, if not for the waiter who returned at that precise moment.Ā 
ā€œThe mushroom ravioli,ā€ the waiter announced, setting the plate down in front of you, ā€œand the amatriciana spaghetti. Enjoy.ā€Ā 
Four pieces of pasta covered in sage butter looked back up at you.Ā 
You made a mental note to never order ravioli at an Italian restaurant ever again.Ā 
The sound of scraping utensils returned to your table, lightly blanketing the stilted pause in conversation with idle noise. Without much enthusiasm, you sliced at one of the four pieces of your ravioli, throwing what you hoped were sneaky glances at the full plate of spaghetti sitting in an appetising red sauce laid out before your ex-boyfriend.Ā 
ā€œDo you want to try mine?ā€
Sneakiness had never been your forte.
Your polite refusal came quickly, even if it was rather weak to your own ears, but Jaehyun was already twirling a portion out onto the share plate the waiter had kindly provided a few minutes earlier. He made sure to scoop some sauce and pancetta bits on top as well, before gently pushing the plate towards you.Ā 
ā€œThanks,ā€ you mumbled, though you made no move to dig in.
Everything wasnā€™t supposed to feel this familiar. You werenā€™t supposed to soften so easily at the sight of his dimpled smile. You werenā€™t supposed to feel that strange tug in your chest at his thoughtfulness, at the way he could still pick up the slightest change in your expression. And maybe the bar was too low, and here you were fawning over nothing more than the bare minimum, because what guy would see his date enviously looking at his food instead of her own and blatantly ignore it?
But with Jaehyun, it was different. You knew it was. Within every action, there was familiarity and practice, there was thought and care, there were years of history that were unerasable, even with the passage of time. You werenā€™t the same wide-eyed teenagers now as you had been then, and yet scenes from the rest of that excruciating first semester flickered in your mind.Ā 
A silent breakdown during a business administration lecture. Your roommateā€™s concerned expression when you decided to skip dinner again.
The tug in your chest was leading you back into dangerous territory.Ā 
For the third time tonight, you debated grabbing your things and walking straight out. You had only promised Joy that you would stay until the mains came out. If you were going to leave now, technically, you would still have fulfilled your end of the promise. Arguably, this wasnā€™t the best time to make an exit ā€” fifteen minutes earlier would have been much better so that the kitchen would have time to cancel your stupid ravioli before they started preparing it. Leaving now wouldnā€™t be the most optimal, but it was still an option. A tad heavy on the dramatics, but you could live with that. Youā€™d just never be able to step foot in this establishment again.
A shame. The spaghetti looked good. Youā€™d have to search up if this place did delivery.
ā€œYou can go if you really want to, I wonā€™t hold it against you,ā€ Jaehyun said quietly. His eyes were fixed on the fork he was twirling through his dish. You supposed you shouldā€™ve been surprised at the way he could read your mind without even looking at you, but you couldnā€™t find the energy in you to pretend.
ā€œBut,ā€ he continued at your silence, ā€œif youā€™re willing to stay, Iā€™d really like it if we could just catch up?ā€ At this, he finally met your eyes and offered a small smile. ā€œIt has been a while, after all.ā€
Maybe it was the sincerity contained in those soft brown eyes. Maybe it was because you really did want to try the amatriciana spaghetti while it was hot and fresh off the stove. Whatever it was, you found yourself resolving to stay, despite all the reasons not to, despite the sound of them loud and clear in your head, ready at your disposal. Allowing yourself to indulge in nostalgia once in a while couldnā€™t be that bad for you. Right?Ā 
So you stayed. And you ate (his spicy amatriciana scored a landslide victory over your mushroom ravioli). And you talked. As two friends would do, catching each other up on the things that had shaped your lives since you had gone on your separate ways.Ā 
Conversation was clunky at first, that was to be expected. Even the closest of friendships would encounter some choppy waters when reconnecting for the first time after five years. But conversation with Jaehyun gave way to smooth sailing much quicker than you would have expected. He still wore the face of the boy who would sneak an extra serving of fried sweet potato from the cafeteria because he knew you liked them, but he wasnā€™t quite the same. Older, certainly. Maturity wasnā€™t something that went hand-in-hand with age like you had thought when you were younger, but he was more mature too. Surer of himself, and his place in the world.
You heard of the summer he spent in the UK after graduation, visiting his uncle and their family, appreciating classical architecture and the leisure inherent to rolling green hills that he hadnā€™t been able to find in the metropolis he had grown up in. (The food, however, was an entirely different story. He had never been so overjoyed to see a bowl of rice that wasnā€™t covered in mushy peas or sitting in a puddle of questionable-looking curry.)
He learned of your semester exchange in Amsterdam, including the unfortunate incident involving you, a runaway bicycle, and the freezing water of the Dutch canals. Fortunately, a nasty cold and two weeks in bed over the Christmas break were the worst things that came of it. Those few months had been eye-opening, to say the least. Stepping outside of your own bubble had made you realise how much more there was to the world, and how little you knew of it.
Yes, Jaehyun had changed, but then again so had you. The realisation dawned halfway through dessert, slowly settling over you as you spooned at the tiramisu in the centre of the table. Perhaps it hadnā€™t been fair to him that you had been harbouring this seed of antagonism towards him for all these years. He, so afflicted by youth, as you both had been back then, was only doing what he thought was right and necessary. Could you really fault him for that? You had seen enough of life now to know that sometimes, nobody was to blame.
There was a comfortable lull in the conversation before he spoke again. The sound of his voice drew you away from the window, where you could see that the rain had slowed from the earlier dramatic downpour to a lighter shower.Ā 
ā€œI know I probably wasnā€™t who you were expecting today,ā€ he said, a little hesitant and gauging your expression.
ā€œYou definitely were not.ā€ You gave him an amused half-smile over the rim of your barely-filled glass, which he returned. The bottle of merlot sat tall and empty on the table.
ā€œI just wanted to say,ā€ he began, taking in a breath, ā€œIā€™m glad it was you. It was really nice to see you again. And Iā€™m sorry if you were disappointed that it was me.ā€Ā 
There was something sad in the curve of his mouth, you thought. It tempered the warmth in his eyes.
ā€œIā€™m not disappointed,ā€ you heard yourself say. ā€œReally.ā€
It was the truth. You knew he could see it written across your face. Dishonesty and insincere flattery were not familiar weapons you wielded. He knew that. He knew you.
Jaehyun sat back, bringing his own glass to his lips and draining the lingering contents. Perhaps to hide the private smile that broke out across his handsome face, which you pretended not to see, turning your attention back to the raindrops pattering against the window.Ā 
The evening air was cool on your bare arms when you stepped out, taking shelter under the awning in front of the restaurant. You werenā€™t the only one who had forgone a weather app consultation today. Jaehyun stood beside you, hands tucked neatly in the pockets of his slacks, a not unwelcome companion while you waited for your taxi to arrive. Heā€™d call one later, after he made sure you had gotten in the car and were on the way home.
ā€œI guess Iā€™ll see you around?ā€ he asked, tone light.Ā 
You cast a sidelong glance at him. His profile was backlit by the warm light emanating from inside the restaurant, carving out the straight bridge of his nose, a soft shadow cupping the fullness of his bottom lip. Would there ever be a time the sight of him wouldnā€™t take your breath away?
ā€œMaybe,ā€ you breathed. Letting him back into your life wasnā€™t a decision you felt ready to make yet, and you had no intention of promising him anything you couldnā€™t be sure youā€™d be able to deliver. Even if you would only be promising him friendship.
He didnā€™t push it further and hummed in understanding. Then your taxi was pulling up in front of the restaurant, the splash from the tyres just missing the hem of your trousers, and you were bidding him goodbye, staring a second too long at the dimples that appeared, and trying not to step in a pothole puddle as you clambered rather ungracefully into the car.Ā 
But because realisation was never punctual, it was only when you arrived home, carefully kicking off the black pumps and patting them dry with a microfibre cloth, that you realised two things.Ā 
First, you had left your cardigan at the Italian restaurant.
And second, Jaehyun had footed the whole bill.
Tumblr media
There was a reason the seventh floor was your favourite floor in the building.
It wasnā€™t because of the little in-office cafe with the cute but ridiculously overpriced pastries that tasted even better than they looked, or the deceptively comfortable bean bag chairs by the far window that would always tempt you with a mid-afternoon nap every time you sank into one of them.
No. The seventh floor was your favourite because it had a Nespresso machine. Free use. Company-funded.
A seventh floor coffee was one of the only things that could get you to leave the comfort of your desk and willingly walk up two flights of stairs. (The elevators always took too long.) On Monday afternoons like these, after an entire morning swimming through attendance and sick leave reports from the last quarter, the promise of a smooth and velvety cappuccino felt like your only hope for humanity. Unfortunately for you, it seemed like everybody else had the same idea, if the line in front of the coffee machine was anything to judge by.Ā 
ā€œYou should have told me!ā€
You gave Joy an incredulous look. ā€œRight. Because I definitely knew exactly who he was.ā€
ā€œWell, you could have worked it out. Youā€™re a smart girl.ā€
ā€œYou said a total of three sentences about him.ā€
She paused, fixing you with a contemplative stare. Her eyebrows were doing that weird lifting thing when she was running something through her head. ā€œFive sentences,ā€ she finally managed, tapping around the rim of her empty mug.Ā 
Why she came up with you at all when she wasnā€™t a coffee person, would probably take two sips of the espresso, and then complain it was too bitter, was beyond you. Sometimes you wondered if she was really that good at her job, or if her workload was just so non-existent that she could take five coffee breaks a day. It couldnā€™t be the latter, because you had seen that her calendar was full for the entire morning.
ā€œLetā€™s not spend the next fifteen minutes talking about last Friday,ā€ you sighed, already pushing thoughts of dimpled smiles and warm eyes to the far corner of your mind. Hopefully not to be revisited for a while. ā€œI want my head outrageously blank while I enjoy this cappuccino. Swear to god Junmyeon is trying to drown me with those leave reports.ā€
ā€œYou know he only assigns them to you because youā€™ve never told him you hate doing it.ā€
ā€œHe assigns them to me because Iā€™m the only one available who can get it done properly. Youā€™re always blocked out, and Jungwoo has that weekly coaching session. Jisung tried to help me do it this morning, and he didnā€™t even separate paid from unpaid leave. The numbers looked like we were bleeding PTO.ā€
She gave you a sly smile. ā€œYou know you can block yourself out too,ā€ she said off-handedly.Ā 
ā€œYou can what?ā€
This was new information.
ā€œYouā€™re telling me someone else could be sifting through that 70-page file if I just schedule in a random meeting with myself?ā€ you asked again, to which she nodded.
ā€œHas yet to fail me. But make sure you name it something that makes sense, and donā€™t do it all the time, otherwise itā€™ll look suspicious.ā€
Corporate bullshitting was a fine art, and you were beginning to realise you were still but a novice at it.Ā 
ā€œAnd lay off the intern,ā€ she added. ā€œHeā€™s just a child.ā€ ā€œHeā€™s taller than Junmyeon.ā€
ā€œA child in spirit, then. You know what I mean. He sort of reminds me of a cute little mouse,ā€ she mused, trailing off. If her apartment complex didnā€™t have a pet ban, you had a feeling she would be taking in every stray animal off the street.
However, she was right. Jisung had been a bigger help than you had expected of a second-year commerce student. Even if it was just skimming through a finished presentation pack to fix up any typos and align text boxes, you couldnā€™t deny that having an extra pair of eyes and hands had made your life a little bit easier. Maybe you would even miss him once his summer placement came to an end and the semester rolled back around. As long as there werenā€™t too many more incidents like the one from this morning.
Speaking of this morningā€¦
ā€œHey, does that mean youā€™ve been making yourself unavailable so you donā€™t have to read theā€”ā€
ā€œOh look! The lineā€™s getting shorter. You should move up before someone cuts in.ā€
You shuffled forward, but not without throwing her a displeased look along with a grumble or two. Next time the quarterly attendance analysis rolled around, you were definitely making use of the trick she had just told you about. A quick glance up ahead. There were now three people in front of you in the line, but only one green capsule left on the rack.Ā 
Please, caffeine gods be willing, let that last one be yours.Ā Ā 
ā€œI canā€™t believe I told you that I thought your ex-boyfriend was super fucking hot. I feel so icky, like Iā€™ve betrayed you somehow,ā€ Joy said, making a face. The dimpled smile fought its way back into your consciousness, and you suppressed the twist in your stomach that seemed to accompany every recollection of it.Ā 
ā€œItā€™s honestly fine. Thereā€™s no way you could have known.ā€ You shrugged, partly to reassure her it wasnā€™t a big deal, and partly to shake off that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach.
The better part of your weekend had been spent trying to make sense of the night, after battling a merlot-induced migraine for most of Saturday morning and early afternoon. Three glasses had been a necessity to get through dinner, but it was ultimately overkill. You were no longer the girl from two years ago who took advantage of her afternoon class the next day by destroying a few soju bottles with your roommates. On a weeknight, too.
Joy gave your arm a soft squeeze. ā€œStill, Iā€™m sorry I put you through that. Hopefully it wasnā€™t completely awful?ā€
Completely awful, it was not. Awful at some parts? Maybe.Ā 
Truthfully, you hadnā€™t been prepared to see Jaehyun again. Not to say that you had never thought about it ā€” you definitely had, running simulations through your head about how you would run into him on the street, ignore his greeting and walk past him like he didnā€™t even exist. But those were the musings of a heart-broken teenager, turning to spite and cheap endeavours at revenge to cope with the loss of her first love. Last Friday did have spite rearing its ugly head, but that spite was short-lived, and only one aspect that made up the whirlwind of emotions that came with seeing him again after all those years.Ā 
ā€œNo, it wasnā€™t all bad,ā€ you were about to say, when your eye was suddenly caught by a movement up ahead.Ā 
A slender, veiny hand reached out to grab the last green pod from the coffee rack. You watched as the thiefā€™s fingers closed around the capsule and slotted it into the machine. He pressed the lever down ā€” because of course, it was a man. Not only was he on the better side of the gender wage gap, but he also had to be ahead of you in the caffeine race as well.
The sound of the capsule being punctured was the final blow.Ā 
ā€œMy coffee,ā€ you lamented under your breath.
ā€œHave some patience,ā€ Joy chided. ā€œWeā€™re nearly there. Youā€™re like a zombie when you donā€™t have your little cup of bean juice.ā€
You shook your head glumly. ā€œThe last Peruvian. I waited for so long. It was supposed to be mine, and he took it.ā€Ā 
ā€œWho did?ā€
ā€œThe guy at the front.ā€Ā 
Your eyes were still glued on the hand as it wrapped around the mug filled with your favourite blend, completely unaware that it had just robbed you of the only small pocket of joy you had been looking forward to all afternoon. Peering around the two people still ahead, your gaze travelled up his exposed forearm and the sleeve of the white dress shirt cuffed there. If only you could catch a glimpse of the face that had stomped all over your hopes and dreamsā€¦Ā 
The lady in front of you shuffled closer to the coffee machine and finally cleared your line of sight. Coffee stealerā€™s ear came into view before his face did, and he wasā€”
ā€œJaehyun?ā€
His name fell out of Joyā€™s mouth before you could even get your own to start working again and beg her not to call out to him. For a moment you were afraid you had conjured him out of thin air from the uninvited thoughts of him circling the outskirts of your mind. At least now you knew he wasnā€™t a hallucination.
Jaehyunā€™s eyebrows pinched in confusion first, then surprise, before finally smoothing over with recognition. He offered a small wave, eyes flitting from Joy over to you, and then he was walking over, and you were fighting for your life trying to mask the panic that was bubbling away inside your chest.
You shot Joy a frantic look. Why did you do that?
I donā€™t know! Sorry, said her returning one. The corners of her mouth were turned down in an apologetic frown, but she quickly schooled it into a smile at Jaehyunā€™s approach.
ā€œIā€™ve never seen you on seven before,ā€ Joy said, the spitting image of friendliness, nevermind that you were beside her and desperately looking for an exit out of the incoming conversation. ā€œYouā€™re always holed up somewhere on ten.ā€
You supposed you should have known this would happen sooner or later. Six months without running into each other when you worked at the same company, in the same building, was the exception, not the rule. You were just grateful Joy didnā€™t try to bring up her clever little dinner setup that had been plaguing you the entire weekend, or try and rope the two of you into awkward and unnecessary introductions.
ā€œSomeone told me I should come down and try the Nespresso machine. Apparently itā€™s really good,ā€ he said, gesturing at the mug you had been staring at for the past three minutes.
ā€œIt is,ā€ were the first two words you managed. Both pairs of eyes shifted towards you, waiting for the rest of your comment to come, but you could only disappoint, the syllables hanging thick and dumb in the air.Ā 
There appeared to be some sort of blockage in your mouth-to-brain pipeline.
Joy cleared her throat lightly, throwing you a sideways glance. ā€œWhich one did you try? They all taste the same to me, but she only drinks the green ones,ā€ she said, ignoring the panicked twitch of your mouth. She knew full well that he was the one youā€™d been staring daggers into ever since he grabbed that stupid capsule. Your stupid capsule.
Jaehyunā€™s eyes flicked between your face and the steaming drink in his hand a few times.
ā€œDo you want mine? I think I might have taken the last green one.ā€ He offered the mug to you. ā€œI didnā€™t really know what to press, so itā€™s just a cappuccino. Regular milk. I havenā€™t had any yet.ā€
ā€œItā€™s fine, you should have yours. Iā€™ll get another one,ā€ you politely declined. No matter how much you liked the Peruvian blend, it was not worth the charity from your ex-boyfriend. Even if it was the only thing that could get you through the rest of the afternoon. Even if he was holding the exact thing that you had been planning on getting.Ā 
Hopefully the kitchen staff would restock those capsules by tomorrow.
The look he gave you was not a convinced one, but he didnā€™t push further. With your dismissal of his offer, the three of you lapsed into a sticky silence. Even Joy, who was so adept at making topics of conversation out of nothing, had little to add, passing up the challenge of pulling meaningful sentences out of your mouth. The stifling tension between you and Jaehyun must have been more powerful than you thought.Ā 
ā€œShoot, I think Iā€™m getting a Teams call,ā€ Joy suddenly said, making a show of pulling her phone out and tapping the screen.Ā 
Liar. She didnā€™t even have the app notifications turned on.Ā 
ā€œI should probably take this, but Iā€™ll see the both of you later.ā€ She flashed a contrite smile, and then she was off, almost speed-walking her way down the stairs you had come up together, all the while pressing her phone to her ear with a little too much urgency for a mid-afternoon cold call. By the look on Jaehyunā€™s face, he hadnā€™t been all that impressed by her impromptu theatrics either.
ā€œAre you still in the line?ā€
ā€œSorry, yes,ā€ you muttered at the woman behind you. Clearly, you were not the only one impatient for their caffeine fix.Ā 
Finally, you were at the counter. You stared blankly at the rack of capsules. The empty space where the green ones were usually stored was glaringly obvious, jumping out at you while you skimmed through the other blends for a passable alternative. After many more seconds than would have been necessary to pick one flavour out of the remaining three, your fingers closed around a gold one. It would have to do for today.Ā 
Jaehyun watched as you dropped the capsule into its slot and made your selections. Why he was still here with you was somewhat of a mystery. You wouldā€™ve thought that Joyā€™s hasty exit would have prompted him to do the same, saving the both of you from having to make bumbling small talk about the weather, or the weekend, or whatever else that two people working at the same company, with no other relational history, could talk about to fill in the silence.
Maybe he wanted to talk about the dinner bill. The fact that he had settled it, without you even noticing, had been weighing on your mind. It was less of a money thing ā€” though you were pretty sure the total hadnā€™t been a modest number ā€” than a pride thing. Being indebted to others always left a smear on your conscience.Ā 
Being indebted to your ex-boyfriend was like someone had shit all over it.
Whatever. If he didnā€™t bring it up first, you would. This was the 21st century. You were both financially independent adults. Splitting the bill on a first date didnā€™t have to be such a contentious thing.Ā 
Although technically, it was far from your first. And it wasnā€™t a date either, because you had refused to label it as such in your head.
The last few drops of milk and espresso trickled into the mug, before the machine stopped whirring altogether. You knew he was still there. You could feel his presence behind you. He had probably been waiting for the noise to stop so that youā€™d be able to hear him speak. Taking your mug off the stand, you turned to face him.Ā 
ā€œYour cardigan,ā€ he said.
ā€œHuh?ā€
Confusion splashed over you. You werenā€™t even wearing one today.
ā€œI have your cardigan,ā€ he amended. ā€œFrom Friday. You left it inside the restaurant. One of the waiters brought it out, but you had left already, so I took it with me.ā€ He scratched the back of his neck. ā€œI have it now, if you want it back.ā€
ā€œYou do?ā€Ā 
ā€œI mean, itā€™s at my desk. I brought it in today,ā€ he added quickly, seeing the way you were looking about his person like you were expecting it to materialise into his hands.
You blinked a few times, trying to clear the brain fog that had decided now was the perfect time to strike. ā€œYes, Iā€”thank you, um, for that. I can take it off youā€¦?ā€Ā 
Had you meant to have it sound so much like a question? It seemed like your capacity for human speech was always afflicted by some sort of malfunction in his presence.
ā€œOkay, uh, do you want to come up to my desk? Iā€™ve got it there.ā€
The elevator ride up to the tenth floor was a short one. You could have taken the stairs just to get the extra steps in, but with both of you holding uncovered drinks, three flights of stairs combined with your clumsy fingers were a slip hazard just waiting to happen. Still, despite the short journey, the seconds inside the elevator seemed to drag on for much longer.
Before you could lose your nerve, you opened your mouth to crack the silence.Ā 
ā€œLet me pay you back for dinner.ā€Ā 
Good. It sounded good. Firm, but not overbearing. Hell yeah, you were getting the hang of this conversation-with-your-ex-boyfriend thing.Ā 
Jaehyun seemed a bit taken aback by that, turning to you slightly with surprise woven into the crease of his brow. ā€œYou really donā€™t need to do that,ā€ he said after a beat.
The elevator dinged, and he stepped out through the sliding doors before you could form a coherent response. It took a second for you to follow, the coffee inside your mug almost making a dangerous appearance all over the elevator floor as you caught up with his strides.Ā 
ā€œThink of it as me taking care of a junior colleague. I am your senior, you know,ā€ he said over his shoulder, a smile gracing his features at the latter part.
ā€œOnly by half a year,ā€ you grumbled. ā€œThat doesnā€™t even count.ā€ The light shake of his broad shoulders let you know he had heard your gripes over his attempts at enforcing seniority. His accompanying laugh was a soft one. You barely caught it above the noise of the tenth floor office.
The mellowed cosiness of the fifth floor HR department was hard to be found here. You were used to some chatter, with the occasional high-pitched laugh from Joy punctuating the air. On days he was feeling particularly jovial, Junmyeon could be heard humming from whichever desk he had decided to park at for the day (such was the beauty of hot-desking and hotelling). The few occasions you shared a table with him had allowed you to recognise the melody of The Beatlesā€™ Strawberry Fields Forever ā€” always the same song, and he hummed everything except for the words ā€˜strawberry fieldsā€™, which he insisted on singing, albeit softly.
Nothing about Digital was soft or cosy. Except maybe the sofa in one of the open creative spaces. The floor buzzed with activity, from the influx of incoming call ringtones to agenda-packed meetings in conference rooms. A group of people were clustered around a floor-to-ceiling whiteboard covered in diagrams that were undecipherable to you, engaged in animated conversation while pointing at various parts of the board. Some of them greeted Jaehyun as he walked past with you in tow.
ā€œI had no idea Digital was this busy,ā€ you mused out loud, following him as he weaved through the desks.
He chuckled lightly. ā€œWe like to talk a lot. And some of us can get a bit loud,ā€ he said. The joking undercurrent to his voice had you thinking that the second part was said with someone in mind. ā€œBut itā€™s more hectic than usual. Weā€™ve just won a really big bid and Johnnyā€™s excited about his first time leading one of the streams.ā€ He paused to wave and give a thumbs-up at the man standing at the very front of the whiteboard group (you assumed this was Johnny), who returned the greetings with just as much enthusiasm.Ā 
Jaehyun had always been a people person. That was one thing that would likely never change.
The two of you arrived at his desk, a quieter one next to the windows offering an almost unobstructed view of the city. He dug around his workspace, pulling out a Jo Malone gift bag.Ā 
ā€œIgnore the bag,ā€ he said, catching your wary expression. ā€œI didnā€™t want to stuff it in my duffel with the rest of my gym stuff.ā€Ā 
You took it from his outstretched hand, with a quick glance to check that it was in fact your cardigan. The ribbed black fabric sat inside, folded neatly over itself.Ā 
ā€œIt got rained on quite a bit, so I washed it. I hope thatā€™s okay.ā€
ā€œOf course, thatā€™s kind of you, Jaehyun. You didnā€™t have to.ā€ For a moment, you wondered if he still used the same pine-scented laundry detergent. The smell of it used to cling to his school uniform, a burst of freshness you always sought during the muggy summer days.
ā€œThank you,ā€ you said, giving him a grateful smile. ā€œI thought I lost it for good.ā€ In your mind, you had already made peace with the fact that you would probably see the thing ever again. Yet all weekend, it had been taking up space in Jaehyunā€™s hamper, uncertain as to when it would finally be able to reunite with your closet.
You gave him a careful look.Ā 
ā€œDid you plan on seeing me today?ā€ you asked.Ā 
ā€œNo. Yes. I meanā€”ā€ The tips of his ears took on the faintest hint of a pink flush. ā€œI didnā€™t know if I would run into you, so Iā€™m glad I did. But otherwise, I was just going to give it to Joy and get her to pass it along to you,ā€ he trailed off, gaze shifting sideways to the cityscape posted on the other side of the glass windows.Ā 
Neither of you had bothered with exchanging contact details after dinner, an oversight that was more deliberate than not on your part. His re-entry into your life was something you hadnā€™t felt quite ready for. And yetā€”
ā€œDo you want my number?ā€
Stupid mouth. The words were out before you even registered that you had spoken. You prayed he wouldnā€™t pick up on the unintended suggestion of the question, though judging by the quick raise of his left eyebrow, you werenā€™t the only one who realised the other possible interpretations of your words.Ā 
ā€œI mean, just in case something like this happens again. So you can contact me directly,ā€ you added quickly. Heat slowly crept its way up to your cheeks. You hoped he wouldnā€™t notice.
ā€œSure,ā€ he said, lips curling into a smile. ā€œIf thatā€™s okay with you.ā€Ā 
Considering you were the one who had said it out loud in the first place, it would have been strange if you suddenly decided it was not okay with you.
There was some fumbling with each otherā€™s phones, before you were typing your number to add into his contacts, and he was doing the same to yours. Would he realise yours was still the same string of digits as it had been five years ago?
ā€œWell, Iā€™d better get going,ā€ you said, handing back his phone. Now was as good a time to make an easy exit as any. You had planned on gossiping with Joy in the level seven kitchen for the rest of the hour, but back to your desk appeared to be the more likely destination this afternoon. 70-page files didnā€™t read themselves. ā€œThanks for the cardigan. Iā€™ll see you later, then?ā€
Jaehyun looked like he had more to say, but you were already turning around, ready to leave the hubbub of the tenth floor. Ready to leave the presence of your ex-boyfriend-turned-friend? Acquaintance? You shook your head lightly. A drink was needed to unpack that box of worms.
A call of your name had you pausing mid-step.
ā€œYour coffee,ā€ Jaehyun said, tapping you on the shoulder to hand you your mug.Ā 
ā€œThanks,ā€ you mumbled, taking it from his grasp. You hadnā€™t even bothered to take a sip of the non-Peruvian cappuccino, the surface still untouched. It was probably cold now. Maybe youā€™d pass it off to Jungwoo, this time sans the salt.
ā€œYou know, if the dinner bill thing bothers you that much, you can just make it up to me later.ā€
You blinked at him a few times. ā€œMake it up to you how?ā€
ā€œAh, thatā€™s for me to decide,ā€ he replied, a boyish glint to his smiling eyes. Both his dimples popped out, and you found yourself unable to choose which one to focus on.Ā 
Then he was moving, and you were left staring at the broad expanse of his back as he walked away. Head full of thoughts wondering what the hell kind of favour he would now hold over your head, you almost walked straight into Jungwoo as you came out of the elevator.
ā€œHey, I got a Nespresso from seven. You want it?ā€ you asked, offering him the coffee you stopped yourself from spilling all over him. He eyed the mug apprehensively.
ā€œYou put salt in it again, didnā€™t you?ā€
ā€œNo? Where did you even get that from? Hang on, how do you know it was me?ā€
Jungwoo sucked in a breath through his teeth. ā€œSo it was you! I knew it! You know, you really are a scary woman,ā€ he grumbled. ā€œWho ever would have thought an evil spirit lurked behind such a kind face?ā€
ā€œSo thatā€™s a no to the coffee?ā€
ā€œI donā€™t trust you anymore, so no.ā€
ā€œSuit yourself,ā€ you shrugged, making your way back to your desk. The attendance reports stared back at you as you logged into the monitor, drawing a sigh out of you. You took a sip of the coffee.
And frowned.
You brought the mug to your mouth again. Like the first sip, the second was also lukewarm. But like the first sip, the second also tasted exactly the same as your usual Peruvian blend. Maybe there really was no difference between all the different coloured capsules, you thought, skimming through page 33 of the file.
That thing about realisation never being on time? Still true.
On the subway ride home, gripping the handle with all your might while sandwiched between two middle-aged men in stuffy suits, it dawned on you.
Jaehyun had given you his coffee instead.
Tumblr media
ā€œThanks everyone for dialling in today. Weā€™ll chat soon.ā€
The screen reverted back to its default background as the call ended, and you let out a sound somewhere in between a groan and a whimper. Junmyeon did not look to be faring any better, head in his hands while his elbows rested on the meeting room table.
ā€œCan somebody please tell Jackson and the rest of the Marketing heads that Summer Fridays doesnā€™t mean they can just take Fridays completely off?ā€ he groaned, the sounds escaping through the gaps in his fingers. ā€œOur absenteeism looks like itā€™s at an all time high. Nayeon, youā€™re friendly with him, arenā€™t you?ā€
The girl pressed at her temples. ā€œI mean, we were in the same advertising and PR club back in university, if that counts for anything. But yeah, Iā€™ll schedule some time with him and go over it.ā€
ā€œGreat, thank you,ā€ Junmyeon sighed, throwing his head back. ā€œAlright, Iā€™ll send around a debrief email later this afternoon. Thanks everyone for your time.ā€
You didnā€™t have to be told twice. A second later and you were out of the eighth floor Marketing meeting room, already on your way to the Nespresso machine downstairs. Another coffee at 4pm was slightly pushing it, but you needed a pick-me-up urgently to wash away the gruelling two hours spent going through company policy with Marketing.
The buzz of your phone was a momentary distraction from your mission.Ā 
It was a message from Jaehyun. Something silly in response to a text you had sent earlier in the day.Ā 
jaehyun [04:07 pm]: in dire need of a fake mango right now jaehyun [04:07 pm]: mmm fake mango milkshake
The smile that crept up onto your face was almost like a reflex in the way it couldnā€™t be helped.
Now that you were acquainted again, it was like you saw him everywhere. How you had managed to completely avoid each other for the last half a year or so was a fascinating mystery. Some mornings youā€™d run into him in the building lobby. Heā€™d hold the elevator doors open for you, and youā€™d exchange pleasantries on the ride up to the fifth floor, where youā€™d get off and bid him goodbye, or see you later. And see him later you did. Whether it was at the seventh floor coffee machine, or in line at the cafeteria on twelve, the sight of his face had become a nice interruption to the hours spent at a monitor, or in a call like the one you had just escaped.
He would come down to the fifth floor sometimes, stopping by Joyā€™s desk or yours to say hello and have a chat if you werenā€™t busy. You found yourself wishing he would spend less time with Joy than he did with you ā€” not because you wanted to see him more (because that was absolutely not the reason at all), but because he was steadily gaining a lead over you in the Joy friendship competition. The three of you had spent a few lunch breaks at the cafeteria together, granted that your schedules matched, with an odd appearance from Jungwoo every now and again.
You saw more of Johnny (loud) and Mark (louder), Jaehyunā€™s friends from Digital who youā€™d normally hear before youā€™d see them. Johnny was his ā€œbeloved coffee mateā€ (Jaehyunā€™s exact words) and possibly the only other person in the building who cared about the green Peruvian capsules as much as you did. Mark wasā€¦ Mark, for lack of a better description. There was nobody the boy couldnā€™t strike a conversation with. If he really needed to, you suspected he could probably get along with a wet paper towel.Ā 
You had been offered an invitation to join the three of them for one of their weekly lunches outside the company building. Johnny was more than happy to let you know he was somewhat of an expert at finding the hottest eats in the area, having put half his floor onto the cold noodle place he had sought out at the start of the month. And laugh as you had when he proudly told you about it, Johnnyā€™s influence was no joke. News of the restaurant had somehow trickled its way down to HR, with Junmyeon just the other day asking around the team if anyone had tried the place before.Ā 
Perhaps youā€™d join them next week. It was always nice to be ahead of the trend.Ā 
You arrived at the seventh floor kitchen and sighed. The rack was out of green capsules again. Although, maybe that was to be expected. It was nearing the end of the day, and the gold capsules were finished too. So much for a 4pm pick-me-up, you thought, though it might have been for the better ā€” too much caffeine in one day always made you a bit antsy and had your resting heart rate up in the high 80s.Ā 
With empty hands and a pout on your lips, you made your way back to the fifth floor.Ā 
Joyā€™s eyes were glued to her screen when you walked past her. ā€œJaehyun stopped by while you were in that Marketing call,ā€ she said without looking at you, squinting at a spreadsheet.Ā 
ā€œDid he?ā€ you replied, trying your best at nonchalance despite the little flip of your stomach.Ā 
ā€œAre you talking about her handsome friend from Digital?ā€ Jungwoo peered around the table with a playful grin on his face.Ā 
You were back on good terms now, thanks to your promise to pay for his lunch from the cafeteria for a whole week to make up for the coffee incident. The look in his eyes right now had you thinking life was better that week where he had been afraid of you.
ā€œYeah, thatā€™s the one,ā€ Joy said distractedly in between clicks of her keyboard. ā€œJisung, can you just double check these numbers for me? Iā€™m in the second tab of the Excel file.ā€Ā 
The intern was quick to comply. You had a feeling she was his favourite senior.Ā 
ā€œAnyways, I think he left you something.ā€
You made your way over to your desk, ignoring Jungwooā€™s oohs and ahs. Sure enough, there was something sitting next to your diary and the three empty glasses you hadnā€™t had the chance to rinse out yet.
It was a coffee capsule. Specifically, it was a green coffee capsule.Ā 
There was a sticky note stuck to the back of it, which you turned around to read. His handwriting was still identical to that of the silly little notes he used to leave in the margins of your home economics workbook.Ā 
saved this last one from johnnyā€™s clutches. enjoy ^.^
Despite the jitters from the end-of-day caffeine fix, you smiled the whole way home.
Tumblr media
ā€œIā€™ve found a way you can make it up to me.ā€
You pulled the phone away from your ear to check the screen. 9:34 am. The Saturday morning still had you in its clutches, and it took a few seconds to process the sounds you were hearing.Ā 
ā€œWho is this?ā€ you croaked, sleep lacing your voice.Ā 
ā€œItā€™s Jaehyun.ā€Ā 
You sat up a little straighter against the pillows. ā€œJaehyun?ā€ you echoed.Ā 
ā€œYes, itā€™s me. Do you not check the caller ID before you answer?ā€
You grumbled something about it being too early on the weekend to have your head screwed on properly, to which he laughed, a vivid sound even through the phone.Ā 
ā€œDo you have plans later today?ā€
You hesitated. Technically, no, unless a hot date with Netflix and whatever leftover snacks you could find in your pantry counted as plans. You were due for a grocery trip soon. The three eggs and single sprig of spring onion in your fridge would not last for long. Cooking had never been something you enjoyed, especially not after a full work day, and yet living alone required so much of it. You didnā€™t want to make up a non-existent dinner reservation, partly because you knew heā€™d be able to tell the untruth just by listening to your voice, and partly because something unpleasant niggled at your insides at the thought of lying just to avoid him.Ā Ā 
ā€œWhy, whatā€™s up?ā€ you asked instead.
ā€œWell, you know that jazz festival?ā€ You gave an affirmative hum. ā€œI have tickets for today. Mark and I were supposed to go together, but he just called me saying he canā€™t make it. Something about a leak in his apartment from all the rain. Soā€¦ā€
You stifled a yawn. ā€œSo?ā€ Your brain was still trying to catch up with the land of the awake and living.Ā 
ā€œCome with me?ā€
The words took a while and a few blinks to register. When they did, your first instinct was to say no. Jaehyun was fine in small doses. A quick chat over coffee, sporadic texts throughout the day, conversation within the safety of a group setting ā€” these were all fine. Manageable. Nice, even. But Jaehyun in the flesh, outside of the office, with nobody else around to buffer the strange sort of tension that seemed to always thrum between the two of you ā€” that was an entirely different ball game altogether. Sometimes, a mere run-in was enough to have your heart going a little faster than usual, nerves lighting up at the unexpected sight of his face.Ā 
ā€œI am not above begging. Please donā€™t make me go to this thing by myself.ā€
And yet, there was a flicker of something pleasant and sweet, something akin to excitement that curbed the nervous flutter in your gut. You were fifteen again, waiting outside the movie theatre, a little too giddy at the thought of spending time with the boy whose sweet smile had become the cause of your stomach somersaults. And that was before you had even admitted to yourself that you liked him, as more than a friend.Ā 
ā€œWhat time is it?ā€ you found yourself asking.
So maybe you were seriously considering it. You had been meaning to put that new film camera to use. The thing had been collecting dust in one of your drawers ever since you bought it on a whim one night scrolling through Pinterest. Somehow, the rows of tables and monitors in the office didnā€™t seem like the most interesting camera subjects compared to the scenes of concerts and beach bonfires that had driven your impulsive purchase.Ā 
ā€œWell, the doors open at 11, but the first performer is at 12. And Lauvā€™s set isnā€™t until later in the evening.ā€
ā€œLauv is performing?ā€ Your voice had gone up almost an octave, but you couldnā€™t care enough to be embarrassed. This was a crucial piece of information. Now you had to be there.Ā 
He laughed. ā€œSo is that a yes?ā€
ā€œYes. Yes, itā€™s a yes.ā€ The covers were flipped off your legs in an instant.
Tumblr media
It wasnā€™t that Jaehyun looked bad in slacks and a dress shirt. That was not the case at all. But you had grown used to them on him over the last few weeks, and the sight of his long legs in a pair of well-fitting trousers no longer caused a spike in your heart rate.Ā 
Jaehyun in casual clothes outside the office was uncharted territory.Ā 
The midday sun was strong outside the subway station. Clad in a black graphic tee over a pair of baggy green cargos, Jaehyun stood idly at the entrance, face hidden by the brown baseball cap on his head and eyes trained on his phone. How someone could look so gorgeous in something so ordinary was a secret only he knew the truth of. He caught sight of you from across the road, waiting for the pedestrian light, and raised his hand in a wave.Ā 
ā€œItā€™s different seeing you out of your work clothes,ā€ he said.Ā 
ā€œDifferent good or different bad?ā€
A soft smile grazed his lips. ā€œJust different. You look younger.ā€
ā€œSo do you,ā€ you replied.Ā 
You look like the boy I was in love with all those years ago.Ā 
ā€œDid you taxi?ā€
ā€œNo, I took the bus. Thereā€™s one that goes straight from my building. I didnā€™t know you lived around here,ā€ you mused to yourself.
ā€œMy place is really close.ā€ He pointed somewhere behind him. ā€œFive minutes that way, tops. You should come over sometime.ā€
A slight pause. Jaehyunā€™s eyes flitted down to the pavement. You werenā€™t sure if the heat in your cheeks was from the sun or something else entirely.Ā 
ā€œAnyway,ā€ he cleared his throat, ā€œwe should probably go. It takes 40 minutes to get there, so if we leave now we should be able to catch the 1pm.ā€
The subway on the weekend was nowhere near as awful as it usually was during the weekday rush hours, but packed nonetheless. You definitely preferred being stuck in a carriage full of bright-eyed and chattering teenagers than the usual crowd of solemn-faced office workers. When a seat finally freed up, Jaehyun was quick to offer it to you, manoeuvring himself so that he could stand in front of you as you sat down. Toe to toe, the tips of his shoes grazed yours, and you were suddenly reminded of study periods at the library. The two of you could never agree on who first started the game of footsie under the desk.
ā€œSee those girls over there?ā€ you asked quietly, nodding towards a group of likely high schoolers down the other end of the carriage. Jaehyun turned his head to follow your gaze, catching sight of the girls who immediately erupted in whispers and giggles upon making eye contact with him. ā€œTheyā€™ve been staring at you for the last two stops.ā€
He was quick to turn back towards you, nose scrunching and slightly embarrassed. ā€œKids these days are so weird,ā€ he said with a soft groan. ā€œWhy are they doing that?ā€
ā€œYou know theyā€™re only staring because youā€™re handsome.ā€Ā 
Despite the pinkness of his ears, he was smiling wide. ā€œYou think Iā€™m handsome?ā€
You blinked up at him. ā€œI didnā€™t say that.ā€ Did I? ā€œI meant they probably think youā€™re handsome. Which is why theyā€™re staring. You know. Itā€™s nice to look at good-looking people.ā€Ā 
The rushed explanations did nothing to shake the feeling that you had slipped-up somehow, and he had caught it. Jaehyunā€™s dimples only deepened at your backtracking.
ā€œYou know what I mean,ā€ you finally huffed, biting back a smile at the deep sound of his responding laugh. ā€œWhatever. I think this is our stop.ā€
The festival couldnā€™t have picked a better day to be held. The skies were clear and blue, and the air carried a light breeze that provided a welcome relief from the heavy stickiness of midsummer. It was a nice change from the sporadic rainstorms that had plagued the city over the last two weeks or so. Markā€™s leaking apartment was proof of the temperamental weather. If you had one bone to pick, the sun was a tad strong, but that was to be expected. You had come prepared, tugging the bucket hat down further to cover your face.Ā 
Alaina Castilloā€™s set was well underway by the time you and Jaehyun made your way into the venue grounds. A decent amount of people had already arrived, trickling in to fill up the gated area in front of the main stage. The two of you filed in with the rest, finding a place towards the back of the growing crowd where there was ample room to breathe without inhaling someone elseā€™s breath.Ā 
You had never been one for being stuck in a swarm of people. A harsh reminder of why that was the case appeared when, out of nowhere, a strangerā€™s elbow dug into your arm, knocking you sideways in their determined path towards the barricade.Ā 
The steadying hand around your shoulder was instantaneous.Ā 
ā€œAre you okay?ā€ Jaehyun asked, and you mumbled something affirmative in reply, trying not to dwell too much on the warmth of his skin on your bare arm. His eyes followed the stranger who was still pushing on through the crowd in front. ā€œPeople really need to watch where theyā€™re going,ā€ he muttered, brows drawn together in a frown.
The rest of the afternoon proceeded more smoothly. It was a little unsettling how normal and nice everything felt. Jaehyun kept close to you for the sets that followed, the distance between the two of you gradually shrinking as the crowd grew in size. The occasional brush of your forearms as you moved to the music was no longer something to jump at like you had the first time it had happened. You managed to snap a few pictures on your almost-new film camera, mostly of the artist performing, but there was one of you in there somewhere amidst the stage shots, taken by an insistent and smiley Jaehyun during one of the set breaks.Ā 
ā€œSo this is why you wanted someone to come with you,ā€ you said, sliding onto the bench and passing him one of the burgers from the food truck.
ā€œItā€™s so much more efficient when you can line up for two things at once. If I was by myself, Iā€™d either wait for the beer and let my burger get soggy, or wait for the burger and let my beer get warm and flat. This way the food is fresh, and our drinks are ice cold out of the fridge.ā€
You cracked a smile. ā€œAnd here I thought you called me because you enjoyed my company.ā€
ā€œI do enjoy your company,ā€ he said without missing a beat. ā€œThe other stuff is just an added plus.ā€
You took a sip of the cold beer, hoping it would stave off the quick flush of your cheeks. Jaehyun said things so easily. Too easily. It was harder and harder to adhere to that invisible boundary you had been so adamant on protecting.Ā 
Why were you so reluctant to let him back in? Why all the walls? He made it too easy for thoughts like that to creep in and loiter in the back of your mind.Ā 
Evening had begun to settle, the brightness of the midday sky fading away to a twinkling twilight blue over your heads. The music was quieter at the picnic tables by the tents, where festival-goers sought respite from the main stage crowds with a cold beverage and something greasy. Between mouthfuls of an early makeshift dinner, you and Jaehyun sat in your own bubble, comfortably falling into conversation about the performances throughout the day, or whatever else happened to be on your minds.Ā Ā 
ā€œYour mouth opens so wide,ā€ you said, watching as he all but inhaled half the burger in one go. His nose scrunched up as he tried to take the massive bite, and the sight of it was such a far cry from his usual cool guy image that you couldnā€™t pass up the opportunity to snap a picture of it. The click of the shutter had him looking up at you mid-chew with a dismayed expression.
ā€œThatā€™s not fair. You attacked when I wasnā€™t ready!ā€
ā€œIā€™d hardly call that an attack,ā€ you said, not without a smile. ā€œI was just getting a candid.ā€
He wiped his fingers on the napkin. ā€œOkay, my turn then,ā€ he said, gesturing for you to hand the camera over. You obliged, letting him point the lens at you and fiddle with the knobs along the top. His slender fingers navigated the controls with a practised ease.
ā€œRelax,ā€ he added softly, noticing your fidgeting. Twenty-something years, and you had made little progress in mastering the art of posing for photos. ā€œPretend the cameraā€™s not here, and itā€™s just you and me.ā€
Right. Like that was supposed to make you loosen up.
ā€œI actually used to be really into photography. Got pretty good at it too,ā€ he said.
ā€œReally? I donā€™t remember that.ā€
ā€œPicked it up in uni,ā€ he explained. ā€œHad all this free time on my hands and didnā€™t know what to do with it. Besides drinking.ā€ A pause. ā€œHonestly, first year second semester was pretty rough afterā€¦ you know.ā€
The last part caught you somewhat off-guard. After that fateful April night, you had always assumed Jaehyun was off living his best life, blowing through society events with the new friends he had made, maybe even letting a few of them warm his bed now that you werenā€™t around. It wouldnā€™t have been the biggest surprise. Even at nineteen, Jaehyunā€™s good looks were uncontested. His sweet and attentive personality was the cherry on top of an already delectable cake. Whatever he got up to when the sun set, you were none the wiser, having completely wiped his existence from your phone by the time your first semester exam period rolled around.Ā 
Though you didnā€™t go as far as to block his number, he never reached out, and so Jeong Jaehyun became a relic of the past, embracing his newfound freedom now that he had shed himself of you, his unwanted baggage.
Or so you thought.
ā€œBut yeah,ā€ he continued, ā€œI started getting into photography. Burnt a hole in my wallet trying out a bunch of different cameras,ā€ he said with a chuckle. ā€œI liked film the most though, I think. Itā€™s the only one I still use now.ā€Ā 
ā€œWhat do you like about it?ā€
He took a moment, pausing in thought. ā€œThe colours, mostly. How itā€™s a bit muted, it has that vintage feeling.ā€ You hummed in agreement. ā€œSelfies on a film camera are fun as well.ā€
ā€œYou must really like looking at yourself,ā€ you teased, enjoying the sight of his ears flushing with colour from where they poked out above the camera.
ā€œNot like that,ā€ he said in reply to the raise of your eyebrows. ā€œItā€™s more likeā€¦ when you take a selfie on film, you canā€™t see yourself, right? Whether the focus is focusing, or if the angle is right.
ā€œOr if your whole face is actually in the shot, not just your right eye.ā€
ā€œExactly. But then taking the picture anyway. Thatā€™s what I like.ā€ He pulled away from the camera to flash you a small smile. ā€œIsnā€™t it funny, the way we try so hard to capture moments of time?ā€
Jaehyunā€™s attention returned to the viewfinder, leaving you to quietly dwell on his words. How else could one keep a piece of time stored away if not through photos? And yet, photography would never be able to capture the entirety of a moment the way a memory could. The sound of the bandā€™s bass guitar from the side stage in the adjacent garden. The smell of summer carried by the evening breeze as it ruffled through his hair.
The warm feeling in your chest as you sat across from him at this wooden picnic bench, surrounded by people, sharing wistful conversation and a basket of fries.Ā 
The feeling of coming home.
The shutter clicked.
ā€œGot it. That last one is going to turn out so nice.ā€ Jaehyun smiled triumphantly, cheeks dimpling. ā€œIf you make this your profile picture you have to add the ā€˜photo byā€™. I need my credits.ā€
You blinked away the precarious thoughts. ā€œAlright, mister photographer man, give it back now. Donā€™t use up all my film before Lauv.ā€
He handed the camera back to you, looking very pleased with himself. The light from the nearby tents cast a dusky glow over his face. Jaehyun from Digital was sharp and polished. The Jaehyun before you now, with his hair dishevelled from taking off the cap earlier, was softer, more open, and more subtle in the way he had slipped under your defences and picked the locks chained around your heart.Ā 
The question now was whether youā€™d let him in further than you already had.
He tugged at his collar. ā€œGod, itā€™s still muggy at night, isnā€™t it?ā€Ā 
ā€œYou stay here, Iā€™ll get us some more beers,ā€ you said, already standing up.
If anything, you were grateful for the errand, a welcome distraction from the tumultuous battle between your heart and your head that always forged on at any thought of him. The line for the bar was no shorter than it had been half an hour ago, to nobodyā€™s surprise (this was a festival in Seoul, of course the queues would be severe) and it was a while before the two cold plastic cups were in your hands.Ā 
The short time away from him had given you the space to steer your mindset back onto the charted platonic course. A little voice in the back of your mind objected, and was making a damn convincing argument about why you should be more inclined to go beyond plain friendship with Jaehyun, but you chose to ignore it, suppressing the nagging with a deep breath and a smile that you hoped looked less conflicted than how you felt. Beers in hand, you carefully made your way back to the picnic table ā€” only to be met with a rather interesting sight.
Jaehyun was still where you had left him, thankfully. But the two girls that now stood around him were a new addition.Ā 
ā€œHey,ā€ you greeted, tapping him on the shoulder to pass him one of the beers. The taller girl visibly deflated when he flashed you a grateful smile, taking the plastic cup from your hand. The shorter one, however, ran her eyes up and down your figure with an almost calculating gaze.
ā€œIs this your friend?ā€ the shorter one asked, question directed at Jaehyun.
ā€œUh, yeah, umā€”hi,ā€ you answered very eloquently, introducing yourself. You tossed a glance between Jaehyun and the two girls. ā€œDo you umā€”are you guys friends?ā€
ā€œWell, no, not really. Minjeong and Jimin just cameā€”ā€
ā€œWe were actually going to ask if you guys wanted to join us up closer to the main stage?ā€ the shorter one (Minjeong perhaps?) asked, flashing a sweet smile you suspected was more for Jaehyunā€™s benefit than yours. ā€œWe have a blanket and a few chairs set up, so you can sit and watch the closing set. Itā€™s much more comfortable than standing inside the barricade.ā€
ā€œJaehyun looked a little lonely by himself,ā€ the taller one added.
Lonely because you left him for ten minutes to go get some cold drinks? These girls were unbelievable.
ā€œWhat do you say? Want to join us?ā€
Maybe you shouldā€™ve taken the group of highschoolers on the subway earlier more seriously as a forewarning. Not that you had any say in what Jaehyun could and could not do ā€” he was his own person, and the closest thing you had to a claim on him had disintegrated years ago. If he wanted to go hang out with pretty strangers, he could go and do exactly that, and you didnā€™t have to follow him either. The invitation had clearly been meant for him more than it had been for you.
So what if you had been looking forward to enjoying the last set together? You were a big girl. You could brave the main stage crowds by yourself if you had to.
Jaehyun glanced at you, searching your eyes while you tried your best to keep your face neutral and devoid of the uneasy thoughts bubbling away beneath your skin. He was his own person. He could make his own choices.Ā 
After a second or two, he seemed to find what he was looking for, and turned back to the two expectant girls with a polite smile. ā€œWeā€™ll take our chances with the pit,ā€ he answered. ā€œBut thank you for the offer. Thatā€™s kind of you guys.ā€
The two girls made their exit shortly afterwards, but not without a final look at him, and a decidedly less enthusiastic one at you. It was quiet for a few moments, the two of you sipping on your beers without a word, waiting for the other to speak.
ā€œYou could have gone with them if you wanted to,ā€ you finally mumbled, eyes fixed on the contents of your cup.
To your surprise, Jaehyun let out a soft chuckle. ā€œI donā€™t know if you noticed, but Iā€™m pretty sure Minjeong had an engagement ring on her finger.ā€
ā€œOh, what?ā€Ā 
You definitely had not noticed, too occupied by the saccharine looks she was throwing his way.
ā€œYeah. It was a pretty big diamond too. I think she must have forgotten to take it off today.ā€
You turned to look at him then. Jaehyun already had his eyes on you, sporting a lazy grin. ā€œCome on, you canā€™t think Iā€™m the type to mess around with married women?ā€
ā€œThatā€™s not what Iā€”I didnā€™t knowā€”ā€
ā€œDonā€™t worry,ā€ he interjected. ā€œYouā€™re still cute when youā€™re jealous.ā€
The quick heat rising to your face dispelled any of the remaining nonchalance in your expression. ā€œI wasnā€™tā€”Iā€™m not jealous,ā€ you spluttered. ā€œI was just worriedā€”I mean, not worried,ā€ you paused, sighing. ā€œI thought youā€™d leave me.ā€
His eyes sought out yours, keeping them captive once they grabbed a hold.Ā 
ā€œI wouldnā€™t leave you.ā€
The teasing brevity to his voice had disappeared. Somehow, you had the feeling he wasnā€™t simply talking about the jazz festival. The sincerity in his gaze made it hard to look away, but you had to, in the name of self preservation. Too long staring into those brown eyes was an unnecessary test of the upper limits of your heart rate.Ā 
ā€œMaybe she came with her husband. He could be up there on that picnic mat, waiting for her.ā€
He laughed, throwing his head back. ā€œTrust me, if her husband was here, she would not have been looking at me like that.ā€
To their credit though, finding a spot to watch the main stage proved to be rather difficult now that everyone had arrived to catch the final act. For a moment you considered leaving the pit to take the two girls up on their offer. But with Jaehyun by your side, you were able to navigate the crowds with a bit more peace of mind, his presence a solid and comforting anchor within the sea of people. A few rogue pushes here and there had you stumbling ā€” and perhaps the two beers on a rather empty stomach were coming on faster than you had expected ā€” but he was there, steadying you with a gentle hand around your arm, or the light press of his firm chest against your back.
And maybe you leaned into him for longer than necessary to regain your balance, but was that really a crime? To enjoy the touch of a friend? Was it a crime for warmth to pool in the pit of your stomach at the sight of him swaying along to Lauvā€™s Enemies?
No, the little voice in your head denied forcefully. Jaehyun grooving to the music had always been one of your weaknesses.Ā 
As the closing chords of Paris in the Rain sounded out across the venue, you pulled out your film camera.
ā€œWalking down an empty street.ā€
A gentle nudge of Jaehyunā€™s shoulder had him turning towards you, nose scrunched in a happy half-laugh from watching the performance. You moved to face the back of the crowd and raised the camera high, pointing it towards the two of you.Ā 
Was the stage in the shot? Was Lauv?Ā 
Were you?
ā€œPuddles underneath our feet.ā€
Call it courage, or liquid courage, or just plain recklessness on your part. Rising up on your tiptoes, you pressed your cheek to his, and clicked the shutter button.Ā 
The final chord of the song struck, softly, like an afterthought, and the crowd burst into appreciative hoots and applause, marking the end of the performance.
You were beaming as you turned back towards him. ā€œDo you think I got that one?ā€
Jaehyun simply stared at you, lips parted and turned up slightly at the corners. He looked more caught off-guard than he had when you had told him you thought all the Cigarettes After Sex songs sounded the same. You felt the glowing smile on your face slip, little by little, as you let his eyes roam your features, gaze indecipherable. They flitted to your lips, and for a second you were sure you stopped breathing.
Just do it! Just fucking do it! screamed that little voice in the back of your mind.
And perhaps you wouldā€™ve done it too, whatever it was, if it werenā€™t for the shove from behind that sent you almost face-planting into his chest.
ā€œWhat the hell?ā€ you yelped, whipping your head around.Ā 
What was with the people here today? You never thought jazz lovers could be so aggressive and insensitive to othersā€™ personal space. Trying to find the perpetrator was a futile task, since the crowd had started to disperse following the end of the performance, moving in all directions.
Jaehyun looked over you with concern, the earlier expression on his face now gone.Ā 
ā€œCome on,ā€ he finally said, fingers gently circling around your wrist. ā€œLetā€™s get out of here before we get trampled by the crowd.ā€
Overhead, the blue-black sky that had been so cooperative for the whole day emitted a low rumble, as if to emphasise Jaehyunā€™s words. Sure enough, by the time the two of you arrived at the station, it had started to sprinkle. Perhaps the clouds had been holding back the rain until the very end of the festival. How considerate of them, you thought.
The ride back into the city felt shorter than the one to the venue, though it couldnā€™t have been. Saturday nights were even busier than the weekday rush hour, with people young and old out and about, ready to tame the weekend with sheer determination and a bottle of soju in the stomach. This time, there were no free seats in your carriage, but you didnā€™t mind. Standing with Jaehyun, your heads pressed together to go through the videos in his camera roll, made the time pass faster. There was something to his photos, you decided. Something in the angle, or the light, or the composition, that made them look nicer than the ones on your phone. Maybe you ought to take a photography course too.
The clouds may have been considerate enough for the festival to hold off dumping their contents during the day, but they certainly were not for the two of you tonight. Standing under cover at the subway station exit, you watched as the torrential deluge only seemed to worsen. Thunder cracked angrily through the air. It wasnā€™t July without the threat of flash flooding.Ā 
ā€œAny drivers around?ā€ Jaehyun asked.
You gave a sad shake of your head. ā€œNobodyā€™s picking up my request. Must be because of the rain,ā€ you muttered. Overhead, the sky split open with a strike of lightning, startling you, and you jumped back a bit, further into the covered area of the exit.
ā€œHow about the bus?ā€
ā€œI think I just missed one,ā€ you answered, checking the timetable on your phone. ā€œIt says the next isnā€™t for another twenty minutes. But with the rain, it might be delayed even longer.ā€
You flicked through the taxi app, then the bus timetable app, and then finally back to the weather app, which you always seemed to forget to check on days like this. Three consecutive 100% signs stared back at you, and you let out a sigh. The sky would not be clearing up anytime soon.
ā€œMy apartment is only two streets down, if you want somewhere to wait out the rain,ā€ he said.
You looked up at him. The smile on his face was guileless, but at the same time, there was something guarded about it, like he was expecting your rejection. Perhaps you had studied his face for too long, because then he was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, and averting his eyes to the ground.
ā€œOr you donā€™t have to, we could justā€”ā€
ā€œOkay,ā€ you said.
His head shot back up. ā€œOkay?ā€
You shrugged, a smile finding its way to your lips. ā€œIā€™d rather not be soaking wet on the bus.ā€
ā€œOkay,ā€ he repeated, corners of his mouth turning upwards to mirror yours. ā€œTo my place, then.ā€
Tumblr media
The usual five minute walk to Jaehyunā€™s apartment from the subway station turned into a two-and-a-half minute mad dash under the downpour. Despite your attempts at keeping to storefront shelters and ducking under the cover of big trees, the short trip had ended up with the both of you drenched to the bone, teeth chattering as you dripped rainwater all over his lobby.
You said a silent apology to the building cleaners.Ā 
It was a relief to be dry again. Jaehyunā€™s sweats swamped you, the French terry fabric pooling around your feet as you sat on the couch in his living room. The top was no better, reaching almost to your knees, with the sleeves completely covering your fingertips. His clothes werenā€™t always this big on you. At least he still used the same pine-scented laundry detergent.Ā 
The sound of the running shower blended smoothly with the raindrops pelting violently against the balcony window. You wrung your hands, unsure of what to do while you waited for him to come out of the bathroom. It was easy to feel out of place in a home foreign to you. The sleek furniture and minimalist colour palette of the apartment looked nothing like Jaehyunā€™s childhood bedroom.Ā 
Maybe you shouldnā€™t have agreed to come to his place. While you were pretty sure he hadnā€™t invited you up with any ulterior motives in mind, there was still something ambiguous about being in your ex-boyfriendā€™s home and wearing his clothes. And only his clothes.Ā 
You would have liked to keep your undergarments on, but they had also been soaked through. Going bare in these too-big sweats had seemed the less questionable option, compared to sitting with a wet patch around your butt and crotch. Heat flooded your face as you thought about your underwear and bra hanging on the heated towel rack in the bathroom.Ā 
Whatever. It wasnā€™t like they were things heā€™d never seen before. And as for his clothes, of course youā€™d wash them before giving them back to him.Ā 
It was then that you decided that you had enough of sitting around in a puddle of fabric and your own thoughts. Jaehyunā€™s living room wasnā€™t all that big, even if it felt roomier than your own, with enough space to fit a decently-sized couch and small coffee table. The tv on the far wall sat atop a rather large entertainment unit that, upon further inspection, also housed a record player and an impressive collection of vinyls.Ā 
You padded over, eyes flicking through the various titles printed on the covers. One of them had been taken out from the shelf and sat splayed on top of the cabinet. Maybe he had meant to play it, or just forgotten to put it away. Slowly, you let a finger trace around the edge of the jacket and over the black lettering of the title. Youā€™d recognise that white album cover anywhere.
Only you knew how much effort it had taken to source the thing, scouring auction sites and dodgy online stores until you finally bit the bullet and ordered it from a reasonable-looking seller with a 4.7 star rating. But it had all been worth it. The unadulterated joy on Jaehyunā€™s face as he undid the wrapping paper to reveal Frank Oceanā€™s Blonde was not something you could easily forget. Later, you found out that it had probably been a bootleg, since the official Blonde vinyls were a limited release, but he had hardly batted an eye when you broke the news.
ā€œStill my favourite birthday present that anyoneā€™s gotten me,ā€ Jaehyun said.Ā 
Dressed in a plain white tee and a pair of grey sweatpants, he leant against the bathroom door, surveying you with an easy smile. You must not have heard the shower turn off, the noise drowned out by the storm raging outside. His hair, still damp from the shower, hung over his eyes, and you watched as he brushed it back with his right hand, arm flexing with the movement.
The sudden flare in your lower belly was something youā€™d rather not feel, alone in these four walls with him, with nobody else around to witness or put a stop to whatever might follow. Youā€™d like to think self control was something you had a firm grip on, but it seemed Jaehyun was made to put you to the test.
ā€œActually think it might be my favourite present ever,ā€ he added, pushing off the door frame. He reached you in a few strides, maintaining a polite distance between your bodies.
ā€œI didnā€™t even realise you still had this,ā€ you murmured, letting him take the record from your hands. You tried not to flinch at the brush of his fingers against yours. ā€œYou didnā€™t even have one of these back then,ā€ you said, lightly tapping the case of the record player.
ā€œI changed my mind, actually. The turntable is my favourite present.ā€
An unfamiliar twinge of dread zipped through you. ā€œWho gave it to you?ā€Ā 
Could it be an ex-loverā€™s gift sitting on display in his living room? That did not sit nicely in your stomach.
ā€œMyself.ā€Ā 
He was holding back a laugh, eyes squeezed into crescent moons and too busy appreciating his own joke to catch the quick roll of your eyes. Instantly, your chest felt a little lighter, and the dread vanished as quickly as it had come on.
ā€œHere, let me put it on,ā€ he said, shuffling over towards you to lift up the case on the record player. With gentle fingers and a delicateness you didnā€™t see often, he unsleeved the record and carefully placed it on the turntable. A few fiddles with the side knobs and a precise adjustment of the needle arm later, the opening bars of Frank Oceanā€™s Pink and White filled the air of his living room.
For a minute, there were no words exchanged, the two of you simply content to enjoy the music as it filtered through the speakers. There was a quiet smile on Jaehyunā€™s face. You wondered if he, like you, was thinking of the last time you had listened to this album together.
The image of the two of you, sprawled out on his bed, sharing a pair of wired earphones, was hard to shake. It had been early evening, or nearly twilight. Sometime before sunset. The reflection on the ceiling of his childhood bedroom had changed along with the sky, until the only light left in the room was the dim blue glow from the laptop on his desk. At his motherā€™s call for dinner, he had gently shaken you awake, fingers light on your shoulder and against your cheek.Ā 
Jaehyun was undoubtedly handsome in the light. But there was something about dusk and the softness of the shadows on his face that made him all the more compelling. You usually werenā€™t one to initiate, so the kiss you pressed to his mouth in the barely-lit room had surprised you both.Ā 
Even now, the thought strangely sent a flood of heat to your cheeks.
ā€œSorry, did you want something to eat? I havenā€™t been a very good host.ā€
The grumble of your stomach answered before you could. You bit back an embarrassed smile, but Jaehyun was not so frugal with his amusement, letting out a short chuckle. Your feet followed him as he made his way to the kitchen. Perched on the marble countertop, you watched as he rummaged through the fridge.
ā€œI have eggs, yesterdayā€™s leftovers, and a shit ton of beer cans,ā€ he announced.Ā 
You exchanged a glance.
ā€œLetā€™s do ramen, actually. That sounds better.ā€ He bent down to dig through the pantry, pulling out two red packets, before moving back to the fridge and getting two eggs. ā€œI can crack these in too, andā€”why are you looking at me like that?ā€
It was your turn to laugh, the wide grin on your face a contrast to the cautious smile on his.
ā€œAre we having ramen?ā€
His brow creased a little. ā€œI thought you liked ramen?ā€ The innocent tilt of his head made him all the more endearing to look at.
ā€œI do, butā€¦ did you really invite me back to your placeā€¦ to have ramen?ā€
It took a few seconds for the ball to drop. You held back giggles as his ears flushed hotly, as they always seemed to do on the occasions you decided to indulge yourself and tease him.
ā€œCome on, thatā€™s notā€”youā€™re doing it on purpose,ā€ he said, bottom lip jutting out with the suggestion of a pout. Despite his grumbles, the shape of his mouth slowly settled into a defeated smile at your visible glee of having flustered him.Ā 
Jaehyun, soft-spoken and easy-going, was not the type to be easily ruffled. You excelled and enjoyed the challenge of it more than most.
ā€œNo,ā€ he said once your laughter had somewhat subsided, voice low and velvety. ā€œBut I wouldnā€™t be opposed.ā€
And suddenly it wasnā€™t so funny anymore.
The silence that followed was a loud one. It was hard to ignore the way your mouth dried up at his words. Something warm and tingly spread from your stomach all the way down to your toes as you stood there under his level gaze, eyes drawn to his like magnets. He had to know. The effect his words had on you were surely plastered all over your face, obvious in the tight grip of your fingers against the countertop and the shortening of your breaths.
Jaehyun leaned in a little closer and you felt the inhale stick in the back of your throat. Then he cracked a crooked smile, pretty teeth all on display.Ā 
ā€œDonā€™t dish it out if you canā€™t take it.ā€
He moved away then, busying himself with pouring water into a pot and bringing it to a boil while you tried to blink yourself out of the daze. ā€œRamen okay?ā€ he asked over his shoulder.
You cleared your dry throat, somehow finding your voice again. ā€œRamen is fine. Thank you,ā€ you added after a beat. You took a deep breath, waiting for the rush of blood to drain from your face.Ā 
Something sour settled in your chest ā€” something akin to disappointment, though surely it couldnā€™t be. Disappointed that what? Jaehyun wasnā€™t actually sexually attracted to you? When you were obviously still attracted to him, despite all your attempts at convincing yourself you werenā€™t?
You scoffed to yourself. As if.
A quick shake of your head was almost enough to clear your mind, save for the remnants of that sour feeling that lingered. You asked if there was anything you could do to help, not wanting to simply sit around on your thumbs and wait to be fed. He had insisted you do exactly that, warning you there was only enough space in the kitchen for one, and assuring that there was nothing he needed from you besides patience and faith in his cooking.Ā 
Patience you could give him. Faith was a little harder to muster, given your memories of the kitchen disaster from when he had tried to make okonomiyaki.Ā 
The questionable, half-burnt half-uncooked taste was one thing. You finding random pieces of cabbage on the tiled floor for days afterwards was another thing entirely.
However, it seemed Jaehyun had improved from his old ways. The steaming pot he brought over to the coffee table not only smelled delicious, but looked the part too. You helped carry over the small bowls and chopsticks, along with two cans of beer, despite his requests for you to just sit and be ready to eat.
You took the first bite, blowing on the noodles to cool them down before slurping them into your mouth. All the while, he watched you, an expectant expression painting his face.Ā 
ā€œWow. Youā€™ve grown up, Jeong Jaehyun. Who wouldā€™ve guessed youā€™d become such a whiz in the kitchen?ā€Ā 
He smiled, a bashful one at your compliment. ā€œBeing able to cook ramen is nothing impressive,ā€ he said, digging in with his own chopsticks.
ā€œThere was no way you could have made this for me when we were 17. Look at this egg!ā€ The centre was perfectly soft, not too runny, but not rock hard either. Just the way you liked them.Ā 
You took another mouthful. ā€œYouā€™re a changed man,ā€ you said. ā€œHonestly, your place is a lot cleaner than I expected it to be.ā€
ā€œThatā€™s what living with four other guys will do to you. I had to learn how to clean out of pure survival,ā€ he chuckled.Ā 
ā€œWas it really that bad?ā€
He grimaced. ā€œYou shouldā€™ve seen my dorm room. Basically a biological hazard.ā€
ā€œThey didnā€™t let non-students into the building. Your building RA was crazy scary, remember?ā€ Even now you could remember the perpetual scowl of the law major when Jaehyun brought you into the dorm lobby.
ā€œIt was probably for the best. You wouldā€™ve broken up with me on the spot the second you walked through the door.ā€
You shared a laugh. Strangely, jokes about your break-up were light-hearted in their landing, the words leaving much less of a prickly uncomfortableness than you had been expecting. Perhaps it was still an event of importance in your life, but that cloudy unpleasantness you had come to associate it with had dissipated. It was a turning point, certainly. But so was graduation, and moving out, and travelling overseas for the first time.Ā 
Your feelings about those things werenā€™t all bad. As you shared the pot of ramen and sipped on your beers, you realised, neither were your feelings about Jaehyun.
ā€œIā€™m telling you, I was drinking Taeyong under the table. And I do mean that literally. He was passed out and laid across the stools.ā€ He grinned, proud at the memory of beating his senior even five years later. You couldnā€™t help but grin too, amused by the sincerity of his expression and the way his shoulders set in accomplishment.
ā€œOkay, okay. So now youā€™re a better drinker, youā€™ve gotten good at cooking, and youā€™re cleaner too.ā€
ā€œAnd funnier,ā€ he added.
ā€œThat one is still up for debate,ā€ you joked, and his eyebrows furrowed together in mock offence. Digs at his sense of humour were not taken lightly.Ā 
ā€œJust because you donā€™t get my high quality gags,ā€ he sighed, shaking his head. ā€œYouā€™re missing out.ā€
You nodded, making a noise of agreement if only to appease him.Ā 
ā€œWhat about me? How am I different?ā€ you asked, voice curious.Ā 
Jaehyun didnā€™t miss a beat. ā€œHmm, I think you got older?ā€
ā€œCome on, Iā€™m being serious!ā€
His laughter subdued then, surveying you thoughtfully. A quiet smile tugged at his lips when he spoke again.Ā 
ā€œYouā€™re more outspoken than you used to be.ā€ He paused, taking a sip from his can while trying to find the right words, all the while keeping his eyes on you. ā€œYou prioritise yourself more. And youā€™re more sure of who you are. You shine brighter, I think.ā€
Strange, how a personā€™s gaze could strip you down and make you feel so naked. There was nothing but earnestness in his eyes, plain and absolute, and the intensity of it was almost too much for you to bear. After all your time apart, Jaehyun could still see you, and see through you.Ā 
I think you still know me inside out, and that scares me, you wanted to tell him.
Instead, you looked away first, tearing your eyes away from his with considerable effort. The pot of ramen on the coffee table, lukewarm now, was almost finished. The music had also stopped playing a while ago. Neither you or Jaehyun had bothered to get up and flip the vinyl to the other side, too busy eating. All that was left was the rain, and even that had faded to a soft pattering against the glass, following its own rhythm.Ā 
Hastily, you stuffed a piece of kimchi into your mouth, for lack of anything better to do. The crunch of it in your mouth was loud, and you fought back a cringe.
ā€œDid your mother make this?ā€ you asked, hoping your attempt at diverting the conversation wasnā€™t so obvious.
If Jaehyun noticed, he didnā€™t show it, only nodding in confirmation.Ā 
ā€œShe dropped some off last month,ā€ he replied. ā€œRemember how you told me herā€™s was better than your own motherā€™s?ā€
You let out a scandalised gasp. ā€œAs if I would ever say such a thing! Donā€™t let my mother ever hear something so blasphemous about her favourite daughter.ā€
ā€œYouā€™re her only daughter.ā€
ā€œAnd you care too much about technicalities. Just because Iā€™m the only one doesnā€™t mean I canā€™t still be the favourite.ā€
The crisp crunch of another piece of kimchi punctuated the end of your sentence. There was certainly something different about Mama Jeongā€™s recipes. If there was one thing you missed besides Jaehyun himself, it would have been his motherā€™s cooking. The woman knew her way around a stovetop better than a Michelin chef, at least in your eyes.Ā 
You thought of her warm smile, and her even warmer embrace. Jaehyun had inherited many things from her, kindness being the greatest of them. Back then, she had been so sure of your future place in their family, welcoming you into her home as if you were her own daughter. You wondered where she stood on that now.
Still clinging onto that idea, perhaps, or were her sights now set on someone else?
ā€œYouā€™ve got somethingā€¦ā€Ā  Jaehyun murmured.
He reached across the table, over the pot and the small bowls, the movement quick and almost instinctive. Soft fingers found purchase on your left cheek. His thumb was gentle as it brushed away the stray chilli flake from the corner of your mouth.
Just the lightest touch against your bottom lip. And the warmth of his hand cradling your face.
Then he froze, as if to catch himself, but the damage was already done.
Jaehyun pulled his hand back with a start, an inscrutable expression across his face. He spilled a quick apology that you smiled away, putting on a composed front. At least, you assumed it was an apology. It was hard to hear anything above the buzzing chaos of your mind. The air filled with idle noise as the two of you shuffled in your seats.
ā€œI should umā€”I should probably get going,ā€ you mumbled, avoiding his eyes. The meal had long been finished. Your hands were already beginning to gather up the bowls and utensils into a stack for easy carrying.Ā 
Jaehyun hummed, something akin to resignation in the noise. ā€œYeah, uhā€¦ I guess so.ā€
ā€œLet me help you clean up first, and then Iā€™ll be on my way.ā€
Despite his protests against you assisting with any kind of housework, there you were at the sink, helping him scrub everything nice and clean within the small space of his kitchen. Maybe he was right about there only being enough space for one person behind the counter. The aluminium beer cans went into their designated bins, and you made sure to wipe down the coffee table too.
This time, your half-damp, half-dried clothes found their way into a Byredo shopping bag ā€” Jaehyun would rather die than not smell good ā€” though your shoes still squelched rather uncomfortably when you slipped your bare feet in. By luck, you were able to book a taxi and could pass on the wet walk to the bus stop.
You thanked him again for bringing you along, noting that you probably got more out of the alleged ā€˜favourā€™ than he did.Ā 
ā€œTrust me, going with you made the whole thing so much better,ā€ he said, both cheeks dimpling in your favourite smile of his. ā€œAnd let me know if you need to get the film on your camera developed. I know a place.ā€
The ride home was flavoured by a sudden loneliness. Maybe it was the view of the city at night, or the absence of people out on the rainy streets, that had an empty feeling settle in your chest.Ā 
Perhaps you should have delayed leaving his apartment. Perhaps you shouldnā€™t have left at all, and instead weathered the night away with Jaehyun on the couch, some slasher flick playing on the television while you shook under the blankets and tried not to scream at the jumpscares, like you used to. You never did understand why he liked horror films as much as he did.
Perhaps heā€™d slot his fingers between your own and give them a reassuring squeeze, and gaze at you with the kind of amused fondness he only ever reserved for you.
Heat flooded your face. As if you were entertaining the thought of spending the night at your ex-boyfriendā€™s place. And getting butterflies at the thought of holding hands?Ā 
How embarrassing.
One thing was for certain. The walls you had put up were cracking, and there seemed to be little hope of patching them up.
Tumblr media
ā€œWill you stop messing with that thing?ā€
Jungwoo clicked his tongue against his teeth, fingers still fiddling with the ribbon on the gift bag.Ā 
ā€œItā€™s not straight,ā€ he grumbled, pulling at the bow.
ā€œYouā€™re so pedantic.ā€
ā€œItā€™s called being detail-oriented,ā€ he fired back, leaning against the backseat of the taxi with a sigh.
You raised an eyebrow. ā€œYou say that like Iā€™m not.ā€
ā€œWell,ā€ he trailed off, shrugging his shoulders. His mouth formed the shape of a smirk.Ā 
You flicked a glance towards the rearview mirror, checking to see if the driver was paying attention to the two of you in the back. After verifying he was not, you landed a few (softā€¦ish) punches on Jungwooā€™s upper arm, revelling in the shocked little noises he made, along with a few mumbles of ā€˜that actually hurtsā€™ and ā€˜crazy womanā€™.Ā 
How nice it was to let your hands fly without the threat of some other fifth floor witness reporting you for physical harassment.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m telling Joy the present is entirely from me,ā€ you warned, turning around to face the front again.
ā€œRight, except the card inside says my name too. So thatā€™s not going to work.ā€
You reached into the gift bag, pulling out said card before rolling down the window. ā€œLet me just throw this out.ā€
It was Jungwooā€™s turn to deliver a light smack to your wrist. You dropped the envelope back in the bag, not without tossing an eye-roll his way. He knew just as well as you did that there was no real substance behind the threats ā€” banter with Jungwoo was more for amusement than anything else. Deep down, you were quite fond of him, even if your actions tended to say otherwise, and youā€™d like to wager he quite enjoyed your company too.Ā 
You couldnā€™t wait to get a few shots in him later tonight. Word had it he was a notorious lightweight.Ā 
ā€œHopefully nobody vomits. Iā€™d hate to be cleaning that up in my own house.ā€ He shuddered at the thought.Ā 
ā€œOh, donā€™t you worry about that,ā€ you smiled sweetly, patting him on the shoulder. ā€œYou just focus on sticking to your limit, okay? I heard what happened at last yearā€™s wrap up event.ā€
He bristled. ā€œNothing happened! It honestly wasnā€™t even that bad. Iā€™m getting unfairly slandered,ā€ he sulked. ā€œI think you should stop hanging out with Joy so much.ā€
ā€œYeah, alright. Should we just skip her birthday party and turn the car around then?ā€
ā€œShut up.ā€
The taxi pulled up in front of Joyā€™s apartment complex, a tall modern thing with much bigger windows than your own building. And so much more glass, too. After splitting the taxi fare with Jungwoo, the two of you stood at the entrance, waiting for the intercom to connect.Ā 
ā€œAre you sure you pressed the right buttons?ā€ Jungwoo asked, peering over your shoulder.
ā€œYes, of course. Apartment 814.ā€
ā€œMaybe you should let me try.ā€
You let out a sigh. ā€œItā€™s three numbers, Jungwoo. How is it going to be any different if itā€™s you pressing them instead of me? Do you think the keypad is going to magicallyā€”ā€
ā€œHello?ā€Ā 
An unfamiliar male voice crackled through the intercom. ā€œAre you here for Joy?ā€Ā 
ā€œYes,ā€ you and Jungwoo answered in unison.Ā 
ā€œGreat, Iā€™ll come down to get you guys now. Will only be a minute!ā€ and then the line disconnected.
You and Jungwoo exchanged a glance. ā€œIs he going to let us in?ā€ you asked.Ā 
ā€œHe literally said heā€™d come down to get us,ā€ he answered flatly. ā€œDo you not listen?ā€
ā€œIt was hard to hear him clearly with all the noise in the background,ā€ you grumbled in defence. Hopefully Joyā€™s walls were thicker than your own, and her neighbours would not lodge a complaint halfway through the night.
The elevator doors slid open to reveal the face of the intercom answerer. It wasnā€™t detective work to match up the real thing to the pictures Joy would sometimes show you, though he looked taller in real life than he did in the photos from their weekend Jeju trip.
ā€œSorry about the wait, it was a bit hard to hear the doorbell,ā€ he greeted, ushering you both inside with a warm smile. ā€œIā€™m Doyoung, by the way.ā€
You and Jungwoo both introduced yourselves as you stepped into the elevator after him, to which he responded with a hum in recognition, and a knowing grin.
ā€œAre you on door duty for the night?ā€ Jungwoo asked.
Doyoung nodded, pressing on the button for the eighth floor. ā€œIt appears I am. She has her hands full with guests to entertain, so,ā€ he trailed off, eyes glazing over for a split second, ā€œyouā€™ll see what I mean when we get up there.ā€
You had never imagined that a 2-bedroom apartment could fit so many people. Granted, it was nothing compared to the kind of parties you frequented during your university days where cheap spirits and green soju bottles lined the counter, but it was quite a distant cry from the gathering you thought it would be. Judging by the look on Jungwooā€™s face, he had not been expecting this either.Ā 
There had to be at least forty people. It almost made you wonder why she didnā€™t just book out a space instead of letting everyone invade her and her boyfriendā€™s shared home.
Doyoung made his exit rather quickly after letting you in, probably off to tend to one of his many other duties as unofficial host ā€” poor guy was likely in for a very busy night ā€” leaving you and Jungwoo to fend for yourselves in the entryway of the apartment. There was barely any room left in the tiled space for you to put your shoes.
How did Joy even know this many people? was the thought at the forefront of your mind as you helped Jungwoo stack his sneakers next to yours on a rack further down the hallway. Her present was left on a table near the entry piled with gift bags and wrapped boxes that you assumed was the designated drop-off area.Ā 
Speaking of the birthday girl, you spotted her mingling in the living room and pointed her out to Jungwoo, though it was no easy feat finding her. The number of people, coupled with the dim ambient lighting, made it a challenge to recognise familiar faces. Joy, champagne glass in hand, was swept away in conversation with one of the most beautiful women you had ever laid eyes on. The gorgeous lady held a matching champagne flute in one hand, while the other was wrapped around the arm ofā€”
ā€œJunmyeon? What the hell is he doing here with that beautiful woman?ā€Ā 
Jungwoo took the words right out of your mouth, a somewhat displeased noise making its way past his lips. You couldnā€™t help but echo the sentiment.
ā€œCanā€™t believe this turned into a work function the moment we stepped through the door,ā€ you all but groaned. ā€œAnd here I thought having you around was bad enough already.ā€
You expertly dodged the elbow he jabbed into your side.
Joy spotted the two of you then, lingering by the kitchen, and quickly excused herself from the conversation to rush over. The champagne wobbled precariously in her glass as she approached, engulfing the two of you in a sweet-smelling hug.
ā€œMy little children! Iā€™m so glad you could make it!ā€ she cried, resting her chin in the space between your shoulder and Jungwooā€™s. You exchanged a glance with the boy amidst the chorus of ā€˜happy birthdayā€™s.Ā 
There was a 77% chance she was drunk already.
ā€œHad a little too much fun tonight?ā€ you asked, helping to prop her upright again.
Joy only beamed in response. ā€œAll the more fun now that you two are here. My favourite fifth floor prisoners.ā€ She gave your cheek a soft pinch.
ā€œQuick question,ā€ Jungwoo began, ā€œwhy is our manager in your house?ā€
ā€œWith his arm around a beautiful woman way out of his league?ā€ you added, swatting her fingers away from your face.
ā€œThatā€™s my sister Irene,ā€ she said, like it was common knowledge.Ā 
You raised an eyebrow. ā€œSince when did you have a sister?ā€
ā€œOkay, well not my real sister,ā€ she amended, hurriedly waving off your words. ā€œShe was a senior in my department. I was really close with her back in university, so, basically my sister. I think we look pretty alike, honestly.ā€
ā€œAnd her relation to Junmyeon isā€¦?ā€
Joy threw a conspiratorial glance around before leaning in, beckoning the two of you closer. This time, a few drops of the champagne did manage to escape via the side of her glass, narrowly missing Jungwooā€™s white socks.
ā€œI set them up. On a date!ā€ she whispered, eyes glinting with pride. Why she chose to whisper when it was already hard enough to hear her above the noise at her normal speaking level was beyond you.
You blinked at her a few times. ā€œYou set up a goddess like thatā€¦ with our manager?ā€
Joy waved another hand dismissively. ā€œOh, please. Like Junmyeonā€™s not handsome too. You only think that because youā€™re too used to seeing him frown and squint at a monitor.ā€Ā 
You cast a glance in his direction. Maybe she was right. Junmyeon did look somewhat more like a human without his glasses and the semi-permanent lines etched into his forehead. He even looked (dare you say it) quite nice. But maybe it was the poor lighting that made it seem that way.
ā€œAnyways, itā€™s been aboutā€¦ two months now? I think they look pretty good together,ā€ she mused, following your gaze.Ā 
Junmyeon must have said something funny ā€” a rather loose use of the word by your standards ā€” because Irene had her lovely face scrunched up in a laugh, the pitched sound of it ringing out clearly above the noise of the apartment. In her amusement, she even threw a hand out to slap him lightly on the arm, which he appeared very pleased by.
Sure, you laughed at his jokes too, but it was more out of corporate self-preservation than actual amusement.Ā 
ā€œHe kind of has been in a better mood recently,ā€ Jungwoo said thoughtfully.
Joy grabbed his hand with fervour. ā€œYes, exactly! See? Thanks to my sacrifice, we can all enjoy a nicer, much more pleasant office environment.ā€
ā€œIā€™d hardly call that a sacrifice,ā€ you chuckled. ā€œYou take too much pleasure in playing matchmaker.ā€ Joyā€™s response was nothing more than a guilty smile, followed by her emptying the rest of the glass.
It was then that you heard it ā€” the deep, reverberating laugh that always bordered a little bit on breathlessness. It was slightly unnerving how quickly you could pinpoint the sound of his voice without even seeing him, or knowing that he had entered the room.Ā 
You turned around first, eyes drawn to the entry hallway in search of the face to which the laugh belonged. Of course he was going to be here. You knew that. He had said as much two days ago, bidding you farewell across the cafeteria table with a promise to ā€˜see you on the weekend at Joyā€™sā€™.
Lunch with Jaehyun had recently become a rarer occurrence. From what he told you, and the bits of information you gleaned from Joy about Digital, Johnny had pulled Jaehyun onto his team to try and get a firmer grip on the reins not even two weeks ago. Already, the intensity of the new workload was obvious.
You certainly saw him less, much to your disappointment ā€” you could admit that to yourself now.
Jaehyun emerged from the hallway then, midway through another laugh with an arm slung around Doyoungā€™s shoulders. Funny, how all the other faces were so murky and hard to identify under the dim lighting. And yet, the shape of his dimpled smile was unmistakable to you, as bright as the beacon of a lighthouse on the midnight sea.Ā 
Doyoung scanned the room, catching sight of Joy with you and Jungwoo. He gestured at his girlfriend, and Jaehyun obediently turned in your direction, likely wanting to give his greetings to the birthday girl.
Your eyes locked, and your heart gave a woeful little squeeze in your chest.
ā€œIā€™m just going to do a quick check on the drink inventory,ā€ Doyoung said as they approached, ā€œIā€™ll be right back. And please take care of my favourite guest.ā€ With a final friendly pat on Jaehyunā€™s shoulder, he was off, ducking into the kitchen.Ā 
ā€œHappy birthday!ā€ Jaehyun beamed, arms circling around Joy in a hug which she enthusiastically returned. He grabbed Jungwooā€™s hand, pulling him in for one of those man greetings. (Since when were they close?) Their apparent friendship was an unexpected development.Ā 
And then it was your turn. You wondered if it was as easy for others to find solace in a mere gaze as you did with Jaehyun. His eyes did not stray far, wandering around your face, something tender and comforting in his appraisal of your features. A hand came up to brush against your lower back, a gentle and quiet greeting against the excitement of the previous two. His lips pulled into a soft smile as he called your name in greeting.Ā 
ā€œYou two are ridiculous,ā€ Joy scoffed.
You inhaled sharply. Was it really that easy to tell? The depth of your attachment?
ā€œYou planned this, right? I mean seriously, matching outfits?ā€ she asked, gesturing at you and Jaehyun.
You blinked a few times, looking down blankly at yourself. The dark wash denim and white silk that you had picked out yesterday looked back at you familiarly. Then you glanced at Jaehyun, taking in his white t-shirt, half tucked into a pair of jeans that were exactly the same wash as yours.Ā 
The coordination was completely unintentional ā€” you had no idea what you were going to wear tonight the last time you had spoken to him ā€” but the look on Joyā€™s face told you there was no use in trying to convince her of the truth.Ā 
(You wouldļæ½ļæ½ļæ½ve argued that the cowl neck of your white silk top elevated your outfit above Jaehyunā€™s plain white tee, but you digressed.)
ā€œOkay. Iā€™m done with this,ā€ Jungwoo said, throwing his hands up in defeat. ā€œIā€™m going to do what single people do, and that is to get a goddamn drink.ā€
ā€œMe too, another bubbly,ā€ Joy chimed, grasping onto Jungwooā€™s arm as he turned to leave for the kitchen. ā€œSee my success rate? Let me set you up with someone. My hairdresserā€™s daughter went to Korea University Business School and graduated not too long ago.ā€Ā 
The rest of her appeal to play matchmaker for Jungwoo was swallowed up by the music and chatter of her guests. And then it was just you, and Jaehyun, and the thirty other people filling up the living room.Ā 
The two of you shared a glance before dissolving into a few light giggles.Ā 
ā€œI do think I pull it off better,ā€ you teased, giving Jaehyun another once-over. He was as handsome as always, the white cotton draped picturesquely across his lean frame while the dark jeans made his mile-long legs look even longer. He could wear a garbage bag and make it look couture.Ā 
ā€œI wouldnā€™t be so sure about that,ā€ he said with a crooked smile.Ā 
He raised his arm to reveal the denim jacket draped across his arm that you hadnā€™t noticed before, too busy making sad little googly eyes at him that you hoped other people couldnā€™t see. The jacket was coloured in the same wash as his jeans, and your own.Ā 
You gave a scandalised gasp. ā€œNo, a matching set? How am I supposed to beat that?ā€
ā€œYou canā€™t. You can only admit defeat to the double denim. I out-Justin-Timberlaked you.ā€
ā€œJustin Timberlake is not a verb.ā€
He only grinned in response, teeth pearly and eyes sparkling as he took in the slight pout of your mouth.Ā 
ā€œWhatever,ā€ you conceded with a wave of your hand, though a smile crept its way onto your face. ā€œYou win. Letā€™s get something to drink.ā€
Jungwoo and Joy were nowhere to be found when the two of you made your way to the kitchen. What you did find was an impressive selection of bottles atop the marble counter, a selection that easily outdid the ones from your university days in both quality and variety.Ā 
At least one thing was the same. Green soju bottles were always a dependable presence.Ā 
ā€œShall we go for your favourite?ā€ Jaehyun asked, holding up what looked to be a bottle of wine. You moved a little closer, peering at the label through his fingers.
ā€œI do enjoy a good red,ā€ you replied, accepting the glass he offered you with a quiet ā€˜thank youā€™. You took a small sip ā€” because tonight, you felt no need to gulp down alcohol like a camel to ease your nerves ā€” before adding, ā€œMerlot is far from my favourite though.ā€
ā€œReally?ā€™ He raised an eyebrow. ā€œI do seem to remember how you pretty much finished a whole bottle by yourself. At dinner, that time at the Italian place.ā€
You held back a wince at the recollection of that fated blind date. Of course heā€™d remember that. It would be hard to forget the way you all but sculled down three full glasses in the time it took him to finish one. A quick sideways glance revealed the slight upturn to the corners of his mouth, paired with a telling glint in his eyes. Jaehyun was teasing.
ā€œIt was honestly quite impressive,ā€ he said, lips curling into a full-blown smile now.
ā€œThat was different,ā€ you said. The next sip went down a little faster than you would have liked. ā€œThat was out of necessity.ā€Ā 
There was no way I couldā€™ve made it through that night without alcohol in my system, you almost said, but caught yourself just in time.Ā 
A few seconds passed before either of you spoke again.
ā€œWere you really upset to see me?ā€
Gone was the playful lilt to his voice. This question was asked softly, carefully, the sound of it so delicate you were afraid it would shatter in the air at your clumsy reply. Slowly, you turned to look at him, seeking the reassurance you were sure you could find in his eyes, but they had moved to the contents of his own glass. You followed their path, watching as he gave the liquid a few absent-minded swirls.
ā€œMaybe. A little, I think,ā€ you admitted. ā€œI donā€™t know. There was a lot going on in my head that day. When I realised it was you.ā€
A pair of giggling women ā€” Joyā€™s guests who you didnā€™t know ā€” approached the counter, one of them tentatively reaching for something in front of you. Noticing her struggle, you shuffled slightly towards Jaehyun, trying to make some space around the counter. The one with her hand outstretched flashed you a grateful smile, which you politely returned, although with far less vigour.Ā 
Perhaps the bustling kitchen in the centre of all the foot traffic wasnā€™t the best place for a conversation like this.
There was some fussing with the bottle cap, or whatever it was that they couldnā€™t quite get to work, followed by a considerably clean pour for two people who were clearly not quite sober. Then they were gone, giggling the entire way out of the kitchen and freeing up the space around you.
If you wanted to, you could have stepped back and returned to your original spot before their arrival. Put some more distance between you and Jaehyun again. Not that you were seriously encroaching on his personal space, but it was enough for you to recognise the proximity.
Instead, you took the smallest of steps closer and placed a hand on his forearm. His eyes flitted down at the touch, taking in the way your fingers lay feather-light on his skin, just above the ridge of his wrist.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m glad it was you,ā€ you said. The words were true, but the honesty of them still tasted odd on your tongue, and you fought back a cringe. Jaehyun finally turned to meet your eyes, some semblance of hope, or maybe it was relief that coloured his expression. ā€œAnd Iā€™m glad weā€™re here, now,ā€ you added.
You hoped he knew you werenā€™t talking about the far right corner of Joyā€™s kitchen.
Jaehyun smiled, and it was like the sun had finally risen up over the stark mountain peak, bathing everything in a warm, golden glow. It was the kind of warmth you didnā€™t realise you craved until the full force of it spilled over you, washing away the blue and the cold.Ā 
ā€œMe too,ā€ he said softly.
Even if you hadnā€™t fallen victim to Joyā€™s schemes, you would like to think the two of you would still end up here, only via longer and slightly different routes. Perhaps an unexpected run-in in the lobby on a Tuesday morning, or the eventual and excruciatingly awkward introduction through Joy. Whatever it may have been, youā€™d like to think you wouldā€™ve found your way to each other again eventually.Ā 
Curiosity tickled your mind. ā€œWhat about you?ā€
ā€œHmm?ā€
He was still smiling, the lines by his nose just visible, and he had his eyes on you, though there was a faraway look about them. Something about his gaze reminded you of the way youā€™d regard a painting, framed and hung up on a wall in some art museum ā€” carefully examining the details of the brushstrokes against the canvas, yet all the while trying to hold the whole piece in your mindā€™s eye, and let it touch the surface of that primal emotion somewhere inside of you. The depth of his gaze was enough to make you self-conscious, and you quickly averted your eyes, taking another sip from your glass. It was a good excuse to school your features before you spoke again.
ā€œHow did you feel when you saw me? Were you upset?ā€
Jaehyun regarded his own glass wistfully. ā€œNot exactly upset, no,ā€ he began, though a movement in his peripheral had him trailing off.Ā 
Another of Joyā€™s guests had appeared, hovering beside the two of you with his eyes set on the bottle of whiskey directly in front of you. Politely, Jaehyun side-stepped away from the counter and wrapped a gentle hand around the bend of your elbow, guiding you out of the hectic buzz of the kitchen. It stayed there, warm and comforting, until you found your way back to the open space of the living room, and even then he was slow to let you go, fingertips lingering a just second too long before they retreated back to his side.Ā 
ā€œI think I was surprised, more than anything,ā€ he continued. ā€œDidnā€™t really know what to expect, not that I was expecting much. I never even thought Iā€™d get to see you again after university. Thought you were gone for good.ā€
He paused, one side of his mouth quirking up slightly. The movement was small, and you wondered if you were supposed to have caught it at all.
ā€œYou stood there, with your bag in one hand and your cardigan in the other, looking like you were waiting for me to spontaneously combustā€”ā€
ā€œOkay, Iā€™m sure it wasnā€™t that bad.ā€
ā€œā€”and all I could think about was how you were even prettier than I remembered. And back then I already thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.ā€
At that, you were quiet. Whatever silly rebuttal or attempt to defend yourself died quickly on your tongue as you let his confession settle beneath your skin, warming it from the inside out. Jaehyun was not even one bit fazed, looking like he had just said something trivial about the weather, or stated some objective fact like ā€˜grass is greenā€™. For him, honesty had never been the heavy, cumbersome challenge it was for you. Judging by the resigned smile on his face, he wasnā€™t expecting some grand response from you either, which was all the better, because god, what were you supposed to say to something like that?
ā€œOh, there you are,ā€ came a voice from behind you, followed by a hand on your shoulder.Ā 
Joyā€™s timing was impeccable, as always.
ā€œSorry, this one is coming with me,ā€ she said to Jaehyun, looping her arm around yours with half-drunken determination. ā€œUs fifth-floors have some business to settle. With darts.ā€
Your eyes followed the direction of her outstretched arm, where sure enough, there was a dartboard hanging on the wall by the balcony. Jungwoo was there, standing obediently with his hands crossed in front of his stomach as he politely nodded along to whatever Junmyeon was animatedly saying. The beer bottle Jungwoo cradled, now forgotten, seemed more like an accessory than an actual beverage. He caught your eye and sent you a frantic look.
You whipped your head back to Jaehyun. ā€œPlease donā€™t let her take me.ā€Ā 
Surely, he could see the pleading, the desperation in your eyes.
Jaehyun, having witnessed the whole exchange between you and Jungwoo, only grinned. ā€œIt does sound like some serious business,ā€ he said, cheeks dimpling. Joy made a noise of agreement and gave your arm a little tug.
ā€œYouā€™re more than welcome to come and spectate, Jaehyun,ā€ she called out over her shoulder as she herded you towards her destination. His only response was a hearty laugh. You stared at him in despair as you were towed away by the birthday girl. Next time youā€™d invite his boss to the function.
The game of darts (or seven games, if you were being precise) was decidedly less awful than you had expected. Junmyeon had promised not to speak about work and by some miracle, actually stuck to his word. Maybe you even got to know the guy a little better, outside of his office habits like the specific order in which he drank his three teas everyday (yuja, then chamomile, and lastly peppermint). Like you, he was somewhat of a wine enthusiast, though his knowledge of French vineyards was far superior to yours.Ā 
By the third round, the game had clearly left your little work circle. Jaehyun joined in at one point, competitiveness getting the better of him. Doyoung tried his hand too, and he was honestly abysmal, but smiled the whole time and seemed to be enjoying himself, even if he had to pick the darts off the floor on every turn. Out of all the players over the course of the seven games, Junmyeonā€™s date Irene had been the most unexpected hidden card, scoring three bullseyes in a row.Ā 
Oh, to be a goddess and have perfect hand-eye coordination.Ā 
ā€œYou feeling okay?ā€ you asked a rather blank-looking Jungwoo. His eyes were beginning to droop, and so was the rest of his body, long limbs sprawled out against the leather. You could swear he only had his initial bottle of beer and the two celebratory soju shots Joy had forced him to take (from which you were not exempt either), and yet here he was, half-asleep on the couch.
ā€œHmm,ā€ was his eloquent reply.
The party was slowly drawing to a close, the living room much emptier now than it had been when you first walked in. Junmyeon and Irene had made their departure some twenty minutes ago, and there were only a handful of guests left, most of them getting ready to leave as well. Grown adults didnā€™t gamble with their sleep schedules.Ā 
Doyoung emerged from the hallway, running a hand through the mess of hair on top of his head, already tousled from the fifty or so times he had repeated the action throughout the night.
ā€œOkay, sheā€™s knocked out,ā€ he sighed. On his face, you glimpsed the first sign of relief you had seen all night. ā€œI donā€™t think sheā€™s going to puke, but I left a bucket by the bed just in case.ā€
You flashed him a grateful smile. ā€œThank you for tonight. I canā€™t imagine it was easy having to wrangle all these people for so long.ā€
ā€œOh, itā€™s no big deal. As long as Joyā€™s happy and had a good time.ā€Ā 
Even though he was clearly exhausted, Doyoung smiled, and the fondness held within it felt like a private thing you shouldnā€™t have witnessed. Your mind went, now as it always did, to a certain dimpled smile.
ā€œIā€™d better get this one home,ā€ you said instead, gesturing at Jungwoo slumped on the couch. You turned towards the boy, patting his shoulder gently. ā€œCome on, time to go.ā€
ā€œMmffh.ā€Ā 
Another brilliant and enlightening response.
The owner of your favourite dimpled smile stepped out from the bathroom to the sight of you struggling to get Jungwoo upright enough to loop an arm around your shoulders. The half-asleep boy was lean, but definitely heavier than he looked, or perhaps the few glasses of wine over the course of the night had sapped some of the strength from your body. Jaehyun was at your side in an instant, shouldering most of Jungwooā€™s weight as the two of you dragged him to a standing position.
ā€œIā€™ll come with you,ā€ he said, no room for discussion in his tone. You had no mind to protest anyway.Ā 
Doyoung was already busying himself with clearing plates and glasses from the living area when Jaehyun bid him farewell. The guy seemed to have formulated a detailed plan of attack to get his apartment back to the no-doubt spotless state it had been prior to tonight.
ā€œI sorted out most of the empty bottles so you should be able to just throw them out in the morning,ā€ Jaehyun said over his shoulder. He crouched on the ground, guiding Jungwooā€™s disobedient left foot into the correct shoe, carefully doing up the laces once both feet were inside their corresponding sneakers.Ā 
You tossed a glance back at Doyoung whizzing around the place like a Roomba, feeling a pang of guilt for not having done much to help him clean up. Even though you had been a much more gracious and tidy guest than other people in Joyā€™s company, you couldnā€™t help but feel like there was more you couldā€™ve done, apart from babysitting a very not-sober Jungwoo and making sure he didnā€™t crack his head open on the corner of the coffee table.Ā 
ā€œItā€™s fine,ā€ Jaehyun said softly. You turned to look at him, half-surprised, and he only flashed you a small smile. ā€œDoyoung likes to clean. I think he finds comfort in it.ā€
He was fluent as ever in your micro-expressions. Maybe one day youā€™d learn to stop being surprised by it.Ā 
The taxi back to Jungwooā€™s place was shorter than you had expected. His head lolled between your shoulder and Jaehyunā€™s in the backseat, before finally finding a home in Jaehyunā€™s lap. Even when you finally tucked the younger boy safely into his own bed ā€” after going to great lengths to extract his building code which involved a series of profuse apologies to his neighbours who you had mistakenly rung in the middle of the night ā€” there was an impressive imprint on his right cheek that exactly matched the side seam on Jaehyunā€™s jeans. You couldā€™ve sworn there was a small, wet patch of drool left behind on the denim, and you were sure Jaehyun himself had noticed it too, but he gave no indication of complaint.
ā€œAre you far from here?ā€ Jaehyun asked once the elevator had brought the both of you back down to Jungwooā€™s lobby.
ā€œIā€™m actually just a fifteen minute walk away,ā€ you answered.
The invitation in your voice was silent, and you knew he wouldā€™ve accompanied you home even if you lived on the other side of the city. Still, some achingly pleasant emotion settled over you when you heard his footsteps fall in with yours against the pavement. He took his place between you and the open street, shielding you from the bustle of late night delivery bikes and club bound taxis.
Though the days still resembled summer, nights were when the beginnings of autumn could reveal itself. The slight chill in the air was not unbearable, but still noticeable against your bare arms, and just enough for goosebumps to spring up on the skin there. Before you could even bring your hands up to wrap them around yourself, Jaehyun shrugged off his jacket and wordlessly draped it over your shoulders.Ā 
ā€œThanks,ā€ you mumbled, drawing the collar close around your neck. The stiff denim was a little rough, but warm from his body heat all the same, with faint traces of his woody scent lingering on the fabric.
Jaehyun thrust his hands in his pockets and grinned. ā€œNow you out-Justin-Timberlake me.ā€
ā€œStill not a real word.ā€
You supposed there was something about night-time that made it feel all the more forgiving to the emotional afflictions of the human condition. Perhaps it was only against the muted palette of the midnight blue sky and the dimly lit city streets that you felt brave enough to face the truth of your feelings, without agonising over the consequences of acknowledging them. Even so, you found yourself wishing the night would stretch on for just a little longer. Honesty always seemed to wear off faster than it came on.
ā€œYouā€™ve been crazy busy lately.ā€
Jaehyunā€™s responding laugh contained little amusement. ā€œCrazy busy is one way to put it. I canā€™t believe Johnny has had to deal with all of this the whole time. This client is so,ā€ he paused, trying to find the right word, before finally settling on ā€œdemanding.ā€ The look in his eyes gave you the feeling there were many other more colourful adjectives he wanted to use instead.
The two of you passed the convenience store corner of your street. Your place was not too far up ahead, the glass building doors almost visible if you squinted. The night was coming to an end, and something cold and heavy settled in your chest to accompany the realisation.
ā€œThey want us in New York working on the new client site as soon as possible, so weā€™ve been running around trying to get visas and everything sorted,ā€ he sighed.Ā 
Your footsteps faltered.Ā 
ā€œYouā€™re going to New York?ā€ you asked.Ā 
He nodded.Ā 
ā€œWhen?ā€
ā€œWithin the next week, if everything comes back approved.ā€
You hadnā€™t even noticed that you had come to a standstill until Jaehyunā€™s footsteps also slowed to a stop. The both of you stood like that, under the dim glow from the streetlights, in the middle of the sidewalk.Ā 
ā€œWeā€™ll probably be there until the end of the year, at least until the design piece is done,ā€ he said.Ā 
Did your face betray the sudden drop of your stomach? Did the sound of a fissure cracking through your chest escape through the slight parting of your lips?
It was silly, really. That one small piece of information could turn your entire world on its head. International travel on a project wasnā€™t a rare occurrence. And you supposed you wouldā€™ve found out sooner or later, even if he hadnā€™t told you, because he had no obligation to update you about every development in his life, even if they involved crossing continents. Even if you wanted to know every little detail.Ā 
Jaehyunā€™s eyes moved from his shoes to your face. The shadows cast by the streetlights made it hard to decipher his expression, but you thought there was a pleading look to his handsome face. What he was pleading for, you werenā€™t entirely sure.Ā 
You cleared your throat and finally found your voice again. ā€œThatā€™s really exciting, Jaehyun,ā€ you managed, trying to keep your tone light. ā€œI hear New York is gorgeous this time of year.ā€
The smile you pasted on your face was a flimsy one, and you could feel your top lip begin to tremble when he didnā€™t quite return it. Before it could turn into a grimace, you let the corners of your mouth fall. There had never been any use in putting on an act in front of him. Unsure what else to say without sounding insincere ā€” though you were excited for him, truly, this little fit of sadness was a silly thing that would pass surely and quickly ā€” you turned and resumed your steps towards your apartment.Ā 
Another few minutes and youā€™d be in the safety of your own home. Free to let your top lip tremble and quiver, and let the inexplicable lump in your throat force its way out, rather than try to swallow it down.
It only took a few steps for you to realise that Jaehyun had not followed. You looked over your shoulder to find him standing there by the streetlight, eyes fixed on the ground again.Ā 
ā€œI donā€™t want to go,ā€ he said, toeing at a crack in the concrete. ā€œIf I didnā€™t have to, I wouldnā€™t. I donā€™t want to leaveā€¦ā€
You.
He may not have said that last word, but you heard it all the same. Your chest squeezed with emotion you couldnā€™t quite place.
ā€œBut you have to,ā€ you said softly. A gentle breeze blew through the early autumn air and you briefly wondered if your words had been carried adrift.
He looked up at you then, eyes burning into yours with unspoken sentiments. A thousand words were conveyed with that one look, those few seconds in which you understood everything he wanted to say, and nothing he wanted to say, because he hadnā€™t said much at all. Just like how he could read your emotions with a simple glance at your face, you saw his reluctance. You saw the irresolution in his resolve, and how it wavered as he turned over in his mind the things he wanted to say to you, and how much of his heart he was willing to risk.Ā 
ā€œBut I have to,ā€ he agreed.Ā 
Jaehyun still knew you inside out, yes, but you knew him too.
Your feet dragged over the last few hundred metres to your apartment complex, until you finally reached the door and there was nothing left you could do to delay the inevitable.
ā€œHere,ā€ you said, handing his jacket back to him. ā€œThank you for walking me home.ā€
He took it from your outstretched hand, fingers just brushing your knuckles. ā€œOf course.ā€
And maybe Jaehyun was just as unwilling to let you go. His feet stayed firmly planted on the concrete pavement in front of your building, even though you were pretty sure no harm would befall you across the five steps into the lobby. The two of you stood there for a while, neither quite knowing what to say, or how to ward off the odd melancholy you knew he felt too.
There were so few guarantees of forever in life. You knew that. And even if you had never really gotten him back in the first place, you couldnā€™t shake the feeling that you were losing him again. Except this time, he wouldnā€™t just be a 67-minute subway ride away. This time, heā€™d be a 14-hour flight away, on the other side of not the city but the world, with 7,000 miles and the entire Pacific Ocean separating you.Ā 
And yes, heā€™d come back eventually, but who could promise that the feelings between the two of you now would be the same upon his return? You knew that you were in no position to demand he refrain from exploring other romantic pursuits, to deter him from making new connections in the diverse metropolis that was New York City, and all the excitement and energy that came with it.Ā 
You had unknowingly gotten in the way of that once.
ā€œWell, Iā€™d better get inside,ā€ you said quietly, gesturing at the building behind you. Jaehyun only nodded.
This was it. All things must come to an end, you thought as you walked up to the lobby door. Even if they never really started. Perhaps you and your hesitance to let him in had played the biggest part of all, and whatever it was between you and Jaehyun wouldnā€™t be ending before it began if you had only been more forgiving at the start. Less pointy and disagreeable. Perhaps then you would be parting now on more certain terms, and youā€™d carry some peace of mind knowing heā€™d be coming back to you, instead of the crushing weight of disappointment currently lodged underneath your sternum.
And yet, what difference did it make? Youā€™d be losing him anyway, no matter what you did. In two weeksā€™ time, heā€™d be sitting in a conference room on a different continent, regardless of whether you said nothing or cussed him out to his face right now.
Your hand froze on the steel handle for only a second before you turned around to face him again. Three determined strides was all it took to close the distance between you.Ā 
ā€œWhat is it?ā€ he asked.
There had been few occasions where you had seen Jaehyun drunk, or at least not sober, in the years you had known him. Your split early on in university had not afforded you many chances to witness his supposedly high tolerance in action at weekend benders. Nothing more than a few underage sips snuck from his dadā€™s glass at the dinner table. You took a second now to look at him, really look at him, taking in all the details of the face you knew almost as well as your own.Ā 
Pink. Everything about him was so pink, from the slight tinge around the whites of his eyes, to the lingering flush in the apples of his cheeks.
To the pretty colour of his soft, full lips.Ā 
They parted with confusion when you approached. Carefully, you reached out a hand and placed it against his cheek, feeling the way he leaned into your touch almost immediately. His eyes fluttered shut for the briefest of moments before they were searching your face again, almost fervently.Ā 
ā€œI justā€¦ā€ you whispered, trying to commit this picture of him to memory.Ā 
What difference did it make?
It was hard to tell who moved first. Youā€™d like to believe it didnā€™t matter.
The rhythm of your lips against his was unfamiliar at first, clumsy from years of disuse. Through slow and careful movements, you reacquainted yourself with the shape of Jaehyunā€™s mouth, the pillowy swell of his bottom lip as it gently slid in between your own. It fit there perfectly, like it always did. His hands came up to graze the curve of your waist, resting lightly on your skin as if he was afraid youā€™d crumble like sand in his grasp.Ā 
You tilted your head, parting your mouth ever so slightly to let the tip of your tongue brush against the underside of his top lip. The kiss changed immediately. You felt his surprise in the small puff of air that escaped through his nose and landed softly against your cheek. His fingers gripped at you with a newfound strength, pulling you flush against him. Even through the fabric of your shirts, the outline of his toned chest was unmistakable. Your hands found their home in the softness of hair at the nape of his neck, revelling in the throaty sound that left him as you ran your hands through it.Ā 
How had you denied yourself of this for so long?
Jaehyun must have pulled away first, because suddenly you could breathe again, shaky gasps coming in and out through your mouth. He fared no better, pressing his forehead gently against yours while he tried to catch his breath.
You couldnā€™t think. You felt electrified, as if every nerve ending in your body was simultaneously firing, as if your blood was laced with dynamite. Hell, you had half a mind to invite him up to your room and finish off what you had so brazenly started.
ā€œItā€™s late,ā€ he finally managed, voice rough. ā€œYou should head in.ā€ His hands, however, stayed firmly in place around your waist. You watched as his Adamā€™s apple bobbed up and down with each swallow.
Right. Perhaps it was best to let the night end here, before you could do anything else that you might regret.Ā 
ā€œYeah, I should probably,ā€ you murmured, catching the way his eyes followed each movement of your mouth as you spoke. The sound of your voice seemed to break the daze he was in, and you felt his grip on you loosen, slowly and reluctantly. The arms you had looped around his neck made their way back to your sides. You were released from his warmth far too quickly.
Impulsive decisions (like inviting your ex-boyfriend to spend the night in your one-bedroom apartment with nowhere to sleep except in your bed) seldom ended well. You shouldā€™ve known better than to make those rookie mistakes.
You had barely turned around to walk up to your building doors when Jaehyun wrapped a warm hand around your wrist and pulled you back into him. He pressed his lips to yours, swallowing the small noise of surprise that left your mouth. This time, his kiss was softer, surer, and in it you tasted the sweetness of unspoken promises he was determined to keep.Ā 
ā€œIā€™ll see you when I get back,ā€ he said, dark eyes fixed on you with conviction. Your lip colour had smudged by the side of his mouth, leaving behind a faint pink stain that only added to the pretty hue of his now kiss-swollen lips.Ā 
He was still the most gorgeous person you had ever seen.Ā 
ā€œSee you when youā€™re back, then,ā€ you echoed.Ā 
Some odd emotion, neither happy nor sad, settled in your chest as you pushed open the door to the emptiness of your home. You had rushed to the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Jaehyun before he left, only to find he had gone already, and the sidewalk outside your building was as vacant as to be expected for this hour of the night.
No matter. Youā€™d wait for him to come back.Ā 
Tumblr media
ā€œOne more prosecco before he disappears to the bathroom for the rest of the night.ā€
You cast a glance at the catering table and clicked your tongue against your teeth.
ā€œHalf a prosecco,ā€ you concluded, taking a sip from your own glass.Ā 
Joy raised a shapely eyebrow at you. ā€œYou know it doesnā€™t hit until at least twenty minutes after he gets the munchies.ā€
ā€œTrue, but he specifically told me he skipped lunch today so it would hit earlier, and heā€™d have the energy to mingle.ā€
ā€œWell,ā€ she shrugged, ā€œI guess thatā€™d do it.ā€
The two of you turned your gazes back to the catering table, where Jungwoo was doing some serious damage to the salmon ceviche tostadas. The glass in his hand was empty, and you watched as he asked for a refill from one of the waitstaff.
ā€œSomeone should really stop him,ā€ Joy sighed. ā€œBefore we get a repeat of last year.ā€
ā€œSomeone should,ā€ you agreed.
Neither of you made a move.
As far as year-end wrap-up events went, this one wasnā€™t too bad, even if it was your first at the company. This year, HR had managed to book one of the smaller function rooms at an upscale hotel, with an open bar and hors dā€™oeuvres menu to match. It was a nice chance to celebrate the yearā€™s achievements, and get to know the other people in the department a little better. Already a year in this place, and youā€™d be lying if you said you knew the name of every person on your floor.
September to November had flown by in a blur. Recruitment for the companyā€™s graduate program next year had been an intensive few months of screening, interviewing, reviewing, and then interviewing again. As hectic as it had been, the fruits of your teamā€™s efforts had been warmly recognised with smiles and praises from the senior managers and higher-ups youā€™d had the chance to speak with tonight.Ā 
Traditionally, each department hosted their own event, though from what you gathered, HR and Marketing were the only ones that put in any real effort. While HR liked to keep things classy, Marketing liked to go all out.
ā€œDo you think itā€™s true that Marketing rented out a yacht this year?ā€ you asked. Surely their budget wasnā€™t that excessive.
Joy made a face. ā€œGod, I hope not. Itā€™s the middle of December. Iā€™d be surprised if the Han River wasnā€™t all frozen over.ā€
Winter had come early this year, sinking its cold fingers into November and staking its claim. Yet, there had been no snow, even though it was only a few days out from the holidays. Though it was nice that your clothes stayed relatively dry all day from the lack of precipitation, you couldnā€™t help but miss the sight of the city covered in a blanket of white softness.Ā 
ā€œThere he goes,ā€ Joy said, nudging your arm. You turned to see Jungwoo excuse himself from the conversation, setting down a barely-touched glass on the tablecloth. He made a beeline for the menā€™s restrooms, or as close to a beeline as he could manage in his current state, face flushed and a little queasy.
It was a good thing the companyā€™s holiday closure started tomorrow.
ā€œOkay, you win. Want to come and get a refill with me?ā€ she asked. ā€œWe can say hi to a few of the directors over there.ā€
The thought of having to network with more seniors, when you had already spent the last hour and a half donning bright smiles and laughing politely at their lacklustre jokes, was not a pleasant one. You knew it would be a good thing for you to go and introduce yourself, but your battery for social interaction had long since been depleted. Perhaps you shouldā€™ve taken a page out of Jungwooā€™s book.
Still, you flashed Joy a grateful smile. ā€œYou go ahead. I might grab some air, actually.ā€
ā€œOkay,ā€ she replied, eyes warm with understanding. ā€œBut make sure you put your coat on. Itā€™s freezing out there.ā€
She was right, of course. The toasty interior of the function room was a completely different world from the frigid gust of wind that greeted you as soon as you pulled the sliding door open. An upscale hotel needed to have a matching upscale view of the city. You leaned against the balcony railing, blocking out the icy sting of the metal against your hands, and took in the sight of the not-quite-frozen Han River below, and the sparkling Seoul Tower further away on the skyline.
Youā€™d only be out here for a little bit, you told yourself. Just a few minutes, and then youā€™d head home.
Truthfully, you could have left half an hour ago when your reserves for socialising had just run out, and be within the warm and familiar confines of your own bed right now, doom-scrolling to your heartā€™s content. But these days, the solitude of your apartment that you had once found comforting had evolved into a loneliness that youā€™d rather avoid.Ā 
The empty echoes of your own footsteps across the tiled floors didnā€™t bounce against the walls like deep laughter did.
Absent-mindedly, you thumbed at the pendant sitting at the hollow of your throat. You had turned your jewellery box inside out, almost fully convinced that you had lost the thing entirely until you finally spotted the milky pearl set in white gold, underneath all the other chains. It was gorgeous when you had first opened the velvet box all those years ago, and it still was now, even if you hadnā€™t seen it for quite some time. Jaehyun always had an eye for beautiful things.
You werenā€™t the only one who endured a few packed and chaotic months. Johnnyā€™s team had flown out of the country the Wednesday after Joyā€™s birthday and had been sequestered in New York ever since. Between your swamped schedules and the 14 hour time difference, conversations with Jaehyun were intermittent at best, and sparse and uncoordinated at worst. Sometimes heā€™d message with silly little things, like the time he sent you a picture of a doll sitting in the window of an antique shop.
this reminded me of you, the accompanying text had said.
He was due back soon, and there was still much left to be said, but above all, you only hoped that he was well, and that the New York winter was much more forgiving than it was here at home.
The cloudy wisps of air formed by your breath floated upwards before they dissipated into the night sky. No wonder the balcony was empty ā€” who would want to be out here when there were mozzarella stuffed mushrooms and central heating on the other side of the glass?
You heard the doors slide open behind you as someone else equally as crazy decided to step out into the cold. Just as well. It was time for you to head back anyways. You turned to make your way inside, only to freeze in your tracks.
ā€œThey told me Iā€™d find you out here. You really know how to pick a spot, huh?ā€
A soft gasp left your mouth.
ā€œJaehyun?ā€
He gave you a smile, your favourite smile, where his dimples were only just visible, and there was the hint of a pout to the shape of his lips. He was here, and he was in front of you, looking at you like you were the most wonderful thing in the world that he would ever have the good fortune of knowing. Your chest swelled almost painfully at the sight of him.
ā€œWhen did you get back? How did you even get in here?ā€
ā€œWe landed in Incheon earlier this afternoon. I had to pay the door guy outside a hundred bucks for him to let me in.ā€
Your eyes widened. ā€œHe canā€™t make you do that!ā€
ā€œJust kidding,ā€ Jaehyun chuckled. ā€œI only had to show him my company ID.ā€
He walked over to where you stood by the railing and rested his arms against the metal. His profile was sharp against the darkness of the night sky, and you took a moment to study the details while he took in the view.Ā 
ā€œAre you tired?ā€ you asked. ā€œIt canā€™t be easy adjusting to the time difference.ā€
ā€œA little,ā€ he admitted. The bags under his eyes were dark and purple now that you could see his face up close. He must have been exhausted. Nobody ever slept well on long haul flights. ā€œYou should see Johnny though. He would have come tonight, but jet lag is seriously kicking his ass.ā€
You shared a laugh, traces of your breaths mingling in the air. Beside him, you settled back into your original spot, mirroring the way he leaned against the metal railing. Jaehyun was close, but not too close, your elbows only a few centimetres apart. A mellow silence settled over the balcony as you gazed out at the river, watching the never-ending stream of cars as they circled the waterfront.Ā 
With even this, you were content. His mere presence next to you was a remedy in itself, regardless of the words shared or touches exchanged. You felt more at home in this moment now than you had in over 3 months.
ā€œIā€™ve missed you,ā€ he said, still gazing out into the distance. The gravity in his voice hinted at circumstances beyond the recent season he had spent on the other side of the world. And yet, he had said it so simply, as if the words were an immovable truth that would withstand the corrosion of time.
ā€œIā€™ve missed you too,ā€ you replied.
Maybe it was just that simple, because it was the truth. The nights weathered away in your own apartment were only lonely because there had been an absence of him, an absence that was known to you, even if you had not felt it for many years.
He turned to you, taking in a shaky breath. ā€œI should never have let you go.ā€
ā€œOh, Jaehyunā€”ā€
ā€œI was young, and foolish, and I thought I knew what I wanted. And I had you, but I thought I wanted more, because I wanted everything. I wanted the whole damn world.ā€
Something sharp pricked behind your eyes as you listened to the honesty pouring out of him.
ā€œAnd then I lost you, and it wasā€”god, it wasā€¦ like someone had sucked all the colour out of my life. And I had no one to blame, because I was the one who did that to myself. To us.ā€
It was so hard to not notice the pain etched into his beautiful features. The tight set of his jaw. The redness that rimmed his eyes. Your fingers ached to reach over and smooth out the crease between his brows.
ā€œThere were so many things I could have done to make things right between us again. Even if you wouldnā€™t have me back. But my pride, and my egoā€¦ I did nothingā€”ā€
ā€œYou canā€™t pin it all on yourself, Jaehyun,ā€ you said, shaking your head. ā€œI had no idea what I wanted. And even when I did, I never actedā€”I never stood up for myself. I couldā€™ve fought for us, but I didnā€™t. I just accepted everything. Hell, I never even told you how I felt.ā€
You flashed him a watery smile. ā€œWe needed the time away from each other, donā€™t you think?ā€Ā 
There was a moment where the two of you simply stared at each other. A hurricane of repressed emotions swirled in your chest, finally breaking the surface five years on. Jaehyun must have felt the same, reliving all those memories now. You could see it on his face.
Youth was so beautiful, and precious ā€” even the heartbreak, and all the other foolish things that came along with it.Ā 
ā€œI let you go once, and maybe that was meant to happen.ā€ He took a step closer. ā€œBut weā€™re not dumb teenagers anymore. Iā€™m notā€¦ I wonā€™t make the same mistake twice.ā€
His eyes locked on yours as he gazed at you with reverence. ā€œDonā€™t you still feel the same? Even after all these years?ā€
I do, you wanted to say.Ā 
You would have too, if it werenā€™t for the small speck of white that landed in Jaehyunā€™s dark hair. It was visible for only a few seconds before melting away. You looked up and sure enough, the night sky was dotted with white.
ā€œFirst snow,ā€ you breathed, watching as the snowflakes fell from the sky. ā€œDo you know what that means?ā€
Jaehyun gave you a small shake of his head. Of course. He never believed in superstitions.
You reached for his hand, feeling his fingers respond to yours immediately. He was so warm, and his touch breathed life back into your frozen body.
ā€œIf you see the first snow with someone you love, it means that your love will be true and long-lasting.ā€
A few seconds passed as he took in your words, trying to make sense of them.
ā€œYouā€¦ love me?ā€
ā€œI do,ā€ you admitted. A teardrop finally spilled out from your waterline, leaving behind a wet track on your cheek that stung in the cold. ā€œEven when I thought I hated you, deep down, I think I still loved you.ā€
One of his hands came up to wipe away the trail of moisture from the escaped tear. The action sent a shiver through your entire body.
ā€œI never stopped loving you,ā€ he confessed softly, stroking your cheek. You felt it then, that deep, aching feeling that had threaded itself into the very marrow of your bones.Ā 
Longing. You longed for his presence, his smile, his touch. You longed to hold his heart in your hands again, and give him yours in exchange. You had missed him more than you could bear, and here he was, telling you his heart was where it had always been, sitting in the centre of your palm.Ā 
Perfect moments didnā€™t exist, but damn did this one come close.
ā€œCome here,ā€ Jaehyun whispered, pulling you into him.Ā 
His mouth was just as sweet as you remembered. His lips were a little rougher, slightly chapped from the cold. His kiss was slow and patient, taking his time to explore the shape of your mouth and mould to it again. You felt his smile, the slight tension in his bottom lip giving him away, and you couldnā€™t help but reciprocate, a quiet giggle bubbling in your chest before escaping through your lips.Ā 
ā€œI really fucking missed you,ā€ you mumbled against his mouth, another giggle accompanying the words. ā€œYou kissed me and then you were on a plane to the other side of the world.ā€Ā 
ā€œI told you Iā€™d see you when I was back, didnā€™t I?ā€ he reminded, giving your waist a small squeeze. ā€œAnd for the record, you kissed me. Not that it matters.ā€
You swatted a hand against his chest. ā€œI see you still care too much about technicalities.ā€
Jaehyun only laughed, that deep and familiar sound you had craved to hear for the last 3 months. He pulled your hands into his warm ones, and pressed his lips to your knuckles.Ā 
ā€œYour hands are cold,ā€ he murmured, wrapping his fingers around yours.Ā 
ā€œWell, I was about to head back inside when you found me. Itā€™s nice and toasty in there.ā€
ā€œDo you want to go in now?ā€
You looped your arms around his neck and buried your head into the crook of it. ā€œLetā€™s just stay out here for a little bit longer,ā€ you said, words muffled by the fabric of his coat. ā€œYou always run hot in the colder months anyways. Enough to keep me warm.ā€
He hummed in agreement, holding you flush against him as the snow fell around you. In his arms, you were the most at ease you had been in years, and the thought was almost enough to bring a fresh new wave of moisture to your eyes.Ā 
ā€œWhat is thatā€”somethingā€™s digging in,ā€ he suddenly said, pulling away from you. His eyes landed on the pendant that had slipped out from underneath the lapels of your coat. Wordlessly, he reached for it, running his thumb across the pale pearl that hung from your neck.Ā 
ā€œYou kept this?ā€Ā 
ā€œOf course,ā€ you answered. ā€œYou kept yours.ā€
He smiled, a big one, dimples marking his cheeks. ā€œOf course,ā€ he repeated.Ā 
ā€œWeā€™re lucky, arenā€™t we? To have found each other again after all this time?ā€
Jaehyunā€™s reply took the form of another sweet and unhurried kiss. It warmed you from the inside out, all the way down to the tips of your toes.
ā€œSo weā€™re really doing this, right?ā€ he asked. ā€œWeā€™re giving us a second chance?ā€
You raised an eyebrow. ā€œAre you telling me you said all that earlier just for shits and giggles?ā€
ā€œOf course not,ā€ he chuckled, squeezing your sides again. ā€œI just wanted to make sure. I think I might lose faith in the world if you tell me you donā€™t want to be with me.ā€
ā€œYou have nothing to worry about,ā€ you reassured. The snow was sticking to his hair, and you took a second to run your hands through it, brushing off the half-melted pieces. His eyes fondly followed your every movement.
ā€œGood, because I plan on keeping you for a long time.ā€
You returned inside shortly after. The snow had picked up and it was clear that you couldnā€™t stay out for much longer (unless you wanted hypothermia, which neither of you did). The function hall was much emptier now than it had been when you stepped out, and of the remaining faces, none of them were familiar.Ā 
A quick glance at your phone showed a few unread messages from Joy.Ā 
joy [08:32 pm]: hey, had to leave, doyoungā€™s still working tomorrow so itā€™s an early night for me joy [08:33 pm]: hope you and jaehyun work things out joy [08:33 pm]: iā€™m rooting for you guys!!
joy [08:37 pm]: also can you see if jungwoo is okay joy [08:38 pm]: i donā€™t think heā€™s come out yet
ā€œCan I ask a favour, just before we go?ā€
Jaehyun smiled back at you sweetly, devotion written in his eyes. ā€œAnything.ā€
ā€œPop into the menā€™s room and check if Jungwooā€™s still alive?ā€
Tumblr media
Life was a funny thing.Ā 
ā€œThere are so few things in life that are guaranteed. Death, for one, and taxes, for another. Sorry if that was a bit dark and killed the mood. You can laugh, by the way. But I think everyone here would agree, neither of those two are all that conducive to happiness.ā€
Roundabout.Ā 
ā€œSo when the girl youā€™ve been chasing, for what feels like an eternity, finally gives you a second chance, you absolutely cannot take it for granted. You grab onto that chance with both hands, and even your teeth if you have to. Itā€™s no guarantee for happiness, but itā€™s your best bet.ā€
Unpredictable.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m not a God-fearing man, but Iā€™m a God-believing man. I thank God everyday for bringing such a magnificent woman into my life.ā€
He raised his glass.Ā 
ā€œJoy, you make me the happiest person in the world, and I canā€™t wait to be married to you.ā€
The crowd broke into warm applause as Doyoung finished off his impromptu speech by planting a kiss on his bride-to-be.
ā€œHeā€™s so good at talking,ā€ you mused, wrapping your arm around Jaehyunā€™s. ā€œIf thatā€™s his toast for this, I wonder what his vows will be like.ā€
A year ago, you would never have believed that youā€™d be attending your co-workerā€™s engagement party, much less with your ex-boyfriend who you hadnā€™t seen in 5 years. Spring had well and truly arrived, and with it came promises of love and new beginnings. The last rays of the April afternoon sunlight filtered through the windows of the riverside art centre. The venue was gorgeous, floating on the edge of the river with unobstructed views of the skyline and where it met the water ā€” as always, Joy knew how to pick a spot.
ā€œI didnā€™t know she rejected him before they got together. He must have really liked her.ā€
Jaehyun gave you a crooked smile. ā€œFour years of university, and he never gave up. Even when she started dating that blockhead from liberal arts.ā€
ā€œI bet he wouldā€™ve felt like the luckiest guy in the world when she finally said yes to a date,ā€ you said, watching as the happy couple shared a moment, giggling about something nobody else was privy to. Jaehyun followed your gaze and made a small noise of agreement.
ā€œNot as lucky as I am to have found you again.ā€
He ran his thumb across your knuckles. You couldā€™ve sworn there was stardust sprinkled into those pretty brown eyes of his.
Life was a funny thing, for sure. It had a funny way of bringing back things you once thought you had lost forever. You knew now that you had to seize them before they passed by. Who knew if theyā€™d ever turn up again?
ā€œOkay, thatā€™s enough.ā€
Jungwoo set his glass down on the table with a loud thunk, lightly startling you.
ā€œIā€™m right here. You guys know that, right? I am right in front of you.ā€
A sheepish smile was thrown his way. ā€œSorry.ā€ You patted his hand once, softly. ā€œYour time will come, Iā€™m sure of it,ā€ you reassured. ā€œHow did the date with the KU Business girl go?ā€
ā€œI flaked,ā€ Jungwoo said simply.
ā€œNo! Why?ā€
He sighed. ā€œBlind dates are really not my thing. Itā€™s too awkward. And it feels so superficial. Like, what if you have nothing in common, or thereā€™s no physical attraction, orā€”ā€Ā 
Jungwoo paused, cutting himself off. ā€œActually, Iā€™m not talking about this with you people. Iā€™m going to get another drink.ā€ With that, he turned and headed straight for the cocktail bar. You and Jaehyun gazed at him from behind as he walked off.
ā€œIā€™m gonna be babysitting him again tonight, arenā€™t I?ā€ Jaehyun asked, the question directed at nobody in particular.
ā€œPeople are going to start wondering if youā€™re dating me or him.ā€
His mouth curled into a smirk. ā€œShould I give them a reminder?ā€
ā€œMy boss is standing right over there, so no.ā€
Junmyeon and Irene were still going steady, to your surprise. Youā€™d probably be seeing more and more of him, since Joy and the rest of the Parks genuinely treated Irene like one of their own. The thought wasnā€™t exactly a pleasant one, but not awful either. Maybe you were warming up to him.
ā€œAlso, you should probably be careful about who you call blockhead,ā€ you said to Jaehyun, holding back a smile.
He fixed you with a suspicious stare. ā€œAnd whatā€™s that supposed to mean?ā€
ā€œYou know,ā€ you trailed off, gesturing vaguely at his head. The smile broke through, your cheeks lifting as you tried to keep the laughter from coming out. He, on the other hand, was thoroughly unimpressed.
ā€œYou should really watch your mouth,ā€ he said lowly, though he was smiling. There was a look in his eyes that sent a jolt straight to the pit of your stomach.
ā€œOr what?ā€
His hands were all over you before you even made it through the door.
ā€œMy beautiful, gorgeous, sexy girlfriend,ā€ he mumbled, peppering your neck with kisses between each adjective. The keypad finally beeped and you pushed down on the handle, letting the door swing open as you pulled him in by the collar.
ā€œStop talking and just kiss me,ā€ you sighed, dragging his face back up to yours. He was all too eager to comply, mouth slotting over yours with practised ease. His tongue brushed along yours in the way he knew you liked, pulling your bottom lip into his mouth with just the right amount of pressure. Fire licked at your insides as he drew a light moan from you.
Four months in, the second time around, and everything with Jaehyun was still electrifying.Ā Ā 
Your hands fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, finally succeeding with undoing the top one after a few tries. Hands came up around the back of your thighs, lifting you up onto his kitchen countertop. The marble was cool to the touch, and you felt it through the silk of your dress, a soft gasp of surprise flying from your mouth into his awaiting one.
ā€œBeen wanting to do this all day, ever since you put this thing on,ā€ Jaehyun rasped. The heat of his body radiated into you from where he stood between your parted legs. He was so warm up against you, and he smelled so good, you were positively light-headed with desire.
His mouth ghosted over the shell of your ear, sending a shiver through you. ā€œYou look so fucking good,ā€ he said, teeth gently grazing the skin of your neck. ā€œMy pretty girl.ā€ The quick press of his hips into yours pulled another moan out of you, and you braced a hand against the marble countertop.
Your fingers knocked against the edge of something sharp and sent it tumbling to the floor, where it landed with a heavier thud than you were expecting.
ā€œWhat was that?ā€ you forced out in between gasps. Jaehyunā€™s teeth nipped at your collarbone, showing no signs of letting up. ā€œWait, Jae, something fell on the floor.ā€
You had smashed a mug in your apartment in the midst of it once. Better safe than sorry.
Reluctantly, Jaehyun detached himself from you and bent down to retrieve the fallen item. He was breathing hard as he picked up a thick, padded envelope, and flipped it over to read the details.
ā€œPhotos,ā€ he finally managed, tossing the package back onto the counter. ā€œWe can look at them later.ā€
His mouth was on you again, working at the spot between your neck and shoulder that always had your knees weak and toes curling.Ā 
ā€œWait,ā€ you giggled, ā€œmy film photos? I want to see.ā€ He had sent the camera off almost two weeks ago, and you had been (im)patiently waiting for the developed pictures to be sent back.Ā 
Jaehyun looked up at you with hooded eyes. ā€œReally? You want to look at them now?ā€
You nodded.Ā 
A beat passed before his face broke into a lazy smile.Ā 
ā€œOkay,ā€ he chuckled softly, reaching for the envelope again.Ā 
There was a good stack in there. The ones on top were more recent, with a few shots from his birthday that had recently passed. You had taken him ice skating at the outdoor rink atop Namsan Mountain. The twinkling lights that hung from the trees surrounding the rink were still beautiful, even through photos. Jaehyun was good at so many things that it was unfair ā€” how could he be so talented and have a face like that? ā€” but on that day, you discovered that ice skating was not one of his strengths, and the bruises on his tailbone could attest to that.Ā 
ā€œThe colouring on these is really nice,ā€ you murmured, flicking through the photos.
He hummed. ā€œThey are. This place doesnā€™t over-saturate the images, which is why I like them.ā€
A few more pictures from Christmas, where the two of you had set up a pillow fort ā€” it had always been a childhood dream of yours ā€” and stayed in watching movies for three whole days because it was too cold to do anything that required leaving the house. Funnily enough though, you had spent New Yearā€™s Eve out in the cold with a few thousand others, waiting for the annual fireworks. There were a few shots of those as well.Ā 
You neared the bottom of the stack, recognising the blur of colours that formed the crowd of the jazz festival from last year.
ā€œAll of these are out of focus,ā€ you complained, a pout adorning your lips. The shots of the stage, of the artists, even the one of Jaehyun and the cute face he made trying to fit the burger in his mouth. Only the two pictures of you were crisply defined, because he had taken them.Ā 
You flipped to the last photo. It was the one you took at the end of the show, during the closing bars of Lauvā€™s set. Miraculously, this one was in focus. You could see the press of your cheek against Jaehyunā€™s, and the slight surprise in his eyes as you had clicked the shutter. Lauv was nowhere to be seen, but maybe a clear shot of him as well would have been asking for too much.Ā 
ā€œCan I say something cheesy?ā€ Jaehyun asked softly.Ā 
ā€œYouā€™ll say it anyway.ā€
ā€œI really wanted to kiss you. On this day.ā€
Strange, that it was these words which brought heat to your cheeks. Surely there were other things that would be more appropriate to blush about, instead of a months-late admission that was degrees more innocent than your current situation, where Jaehyunā€™s shirt was half undone, and the fabric of your dress was bunched up around your hips.Ā 
ā€œI wanted to kiss you right there, in the crowd. And then I wanted to kiss you again, here, when you made that stupid ramen joke. And when you had that chilli flake stuck on the corner of your mouth.ā€
You set the last photo down on the counter and turned back to Jaehyun, who was still standing between your knees.Ā 
ā€œAnd how about now?ā€ you asked, the corners of your mouth lifting in a teasing smile.Ā 
He cradled your chin, tilting your face towards his, and let the pad of his thumb brush over the swell of your bottom lip.Ā 
ā€œI think you already know the answer to that.ā€
The crescent moon was high and luminescent in the sky when you caught your breath again, the last few waves of euphoria ebbing away through your body. Jaehyun always indulged you.
Maybe a little too much.Ā 
You turned to him, nestling your face into the crook of his neck and breathing in the scent of soap and his skin. A finger lazily traced over the ridges of his stomach.Ā 
ā€œThat tickles,ā€ he mumbled into your hair. It mustā€™ve still been damp from the shower, but he didnā€™t seem to mind. Fatigue was already tugging away at him.Ā 
ā€œDo you want me to stop?ā€ you asked softly, looking up at him.Ā 
He shook his head, just slightly. ā€œI like knowing youā€™re there.ā€
You resumed your movements, but it was only a few seconds before Jaehyun was shifting, soft laughs filling the intimate space of his bedroom.Ā Ā 
ā€œThat really does tickle,ā€ he said, smile threaded into his voice. One of his hands reached for yours, pulling it up to rest against his chest. The gentle press of his lips on your forehead was a delicate thing.Ā 
You fell asleep like that, feeling the steady beat of his heart, quiet and sure beneath your fingertips. It was warm in his hold, and safe. There was no other home you needed to know.
263 notes Ā· View notes
ruyakasunshine Ā· 3 days ago
Text
My humble suggestions to make F1 more interesting
In the light of the recent rumors about the FIA trying to manipulate the races in order to get more ratings, here are my totally awesome suggestions to make the races more interesting for the viewers.
obligatory disclaimer : those are jokes.
1. Add the Mario Kart blue shell
With the blue shell, you wouldn't have to worry about a race being uninteresting because one of teams has built a rocketship! Now you might be wondering how that would be doable, because how do you get an actual blue shell to only hit one driver? To that I answer, "sweetheart, give me your hand, and let me enlighten you with this name : Kevin Magnussen". Our dear K-mag won't be on the grid next year, and since we'll all miss him dearly, I think we should give him a blue kart and tell him to take out the race leader. He would be released once during the race, in a very random moment (that would be decided through 'google, give me a random number between 1 and 67') and the moment he is out a loud radio voice should announce "WE HAVE UNLEASHED THE MAGNUSSEN" in order to stress everyone out.
2. Add Horns
I know I'm not the only who has thought of this, because the CarCar beef would have been so much funnier if Oscar was allowed to just hit the horn at Carlos. Or the other way around, considering Carlos is a Mediterranean.
I believe that the one who'd abuse this the most would be Fernando, who, if he were to be passed by another driver, would push the button hard enough to spook them and gain his position back. We'd get him to win a race again with this, think about it!
Also, as an exception, Yuki's horn should be customed so that when it is pushed, it doesn't make a "beep" but a loud "FUCK" sound. He should be the only one allowed to do this.
3. Let them hear each other
I think they should just be all allowed to communicate together during the race, the way they do it with their engineers.
Now do I think it's doable? Probably not. Do I think that would be productive? Absolutely not. Do I believe the FIA would decide to remove this option 3 laps into a race? Totally.
But the entertainment value would be so high, because I refuse to believe anyone who says they wouldn't want to hear the Checo-Liam beef in live. Also, I think Carlos should have heard Oscar say "typical Carlos" as he said it. Now that would be fun.
No more team orders, if a driver wants to swap position with his teammate, he has to convince him with everyone being able to hear them.
I also believe that Charles and Max should be given this option anyway, since Max has decided to talk to Charles alone in his own car.
4. Settle the penalties through fistfights
I've seen people talk about how it is problematic to have different stewards at every race, because it makes the decisions taken incoherent. George believes permanent stewards would solve the issue. I believe that when two drivers collide, they should be allowed to fistfight in front of the arena, and the loser gets the penalty. That would especially funny in Vegas, with Bruce Buffer as the commentator.
Also, an exception would be made for one specific situation: if Lewis and Fernando collide, they have to hug, and the first one to let go looses and gets the penalty.
5. The team who gets tenth position in the constructors should get sold to One Direction
I have no arguments other than the fact that the team could use the money anyway, since they won't get much from the constructors.
6. Make the read fanfics for each penalty point they get
Remember this post where I suggested that Haas should have made read K-mag self-insert fanfics for every point he gets on his licence? Well I've changed my mind, I think every driver should have the chance to do it, in public, if they want to get out of a penalty. The higher the penalty is, the cringier the fic gets.
7. Find a solution to the lestappen followgate
Everyone and their mothers has been asking for one thing and one thing only : a Lestappen title fight. I think Charles could use some motiviation, so here is my humble suggestion : tell him that if he wins, Max has to follow him on Instagram. If he loses, it's the other way around. Believe me, this diva couldn't take it and would tranform whatever atrocity-car Ferrari gives him into a rocket. He's done it before for the sake of winning, believe me he'll do it again to get Max to follow him.
Thank me later.
148 notes Ā· View notes
dadvans Ā· 19 hours ago
Note
i am just so sad right now. like going into s8 i didnā€™t think bucktommy would be endgame, but the way s8 started changed my mind, so to have them be literally so in love for 5 episodes straight just to have them break up in the most abrupt way?? it just feels so last minute which is shocking because in the interviews this was apparently a planned thing but it doesnā€™t feel like it at all. Like if this was a concern Tommy had why didnā€™t it come up at all? like little throwaway lines of Tommy making jokes of Buck getting sick of him or wanted to explore other options or whatever. I hope the backlash makes them rethink, and Tommy comes back but for now it doesnā€™t seem like it. I guess my only hope is that Buddie goes canon, but even then i wonā€™t be able to really enjoy it. I seriously donā€™t know if iā€™ll be able to keep watching the show, not solely because they broke up, but because of how they broke up. (srry for the long ask, just needed to vent)
no apologies needed!
at the end of the day, so many of us found joy in their story, their chemistry, the way even up until the final second tommy admitted that what he wanted with buck was something that would inevitably break his heart.
they were good together. tommy fit into so many intimidating parts of buck's life with ease. tommy is (as far as we know) still good friends with buck's best friend! tommy loved him anyway, loved him warts and all, road shotgun to buck's worst fears and weirdest conspiracies.
at the end of the day, we have a few things:
we GOT them. we got to see them together, we got the soft looks, we got the kisses, the foundation of them that is real and canon in a way we could strike like a match against the edge of a box to light them up for real all over again. i don't think "being canon" gives any credence or superiority to a ship, and have shipped people or characters that have never interacted/existed together in a tangible way, simply because it's FUN. that's how i'll always have fun with ships and fandom, BUT! what a wonderful thing to celebrate that we DID have them, that we have this as a foundation for whatever comes next, that there is never a door permanently closed to them finding each other again when it was already real from the start
for a lot of us, this isn't how their story ends. it's insane that so much fic and content was produced for a canon ship like this. so often fandom is chasing down the what-ifs and never-hads. a lot of us invested in bucktommy because they had the compatibility, the fit, the chemistry, the potential. that's novel shit! that doesn't just evaporate because they broke up in canon. it certainly hurts. the kind of hype we were surfing will crash and sink back in the oncoming months, but i know talking to a lot of people tonight that we aren't done with this ship. we aren't ready to say goodbye.
i'm sad. i'm angry. i felt a real sense of queer euphoria whenever i saw them together, even for 30 seconds, teetering on the edge of this new couple joy learning each other into something new and weird and fun that always lingered as a promise on the edge of their interactions. i was so excited for who buck could become with tommy as his home base. shifting that has rocked me in a bad way.
i expect people to inevitably step away from this ship and this fandom, but i'll mention that non-canon ships like arthur/eames or mcshep or social network rpf or short-lived shows from 1996 (hi sentinel) have had long-lived fandoms and left long-lasting impressions in other fandoms that have lasted for over a decade of zero additional content. this is a playground that, just because they've parted ways for now, we don't have to stop playing in.
and i'll be honest: i have several WIPs i'm like, well trash that! after watching the most recent episode. but i also have a dozen new ideas. new ways they could fall in love now or again, new ways they could meet, new ways they could be for each other.
i'll keep creating. i'll keep dreaming. they won't ever not have the spark that they had. the show could end tomorrow but we'll always have an open door to believing and shaping the thousands of ways they can and will find each other again.
143 notes Ā· View notes
demaparbat-hp Ā· 3 days ago
Note
When I saw you making For the Spirits art I was so excited, wow, one of my favourite artists is reading this too, how nice!! Then I realised youā€™re actually the author and I just want to ask, how?? Are you so talented???? I love this fic and I love your art so so much, thank you for sharing it all with us. Canā€™t wait for the next update!!
Ah, thank you! This is literally so sweet! For the Spirits (adding a link for the curious folks out there!) is my love child. This project owns my heart and soul, and it's truly so rewarding that you like it! I want to sketch so many different scenes, really, but I'm doing my best to give you some quality artwork of my favorite moments in the story. It's a slow process.
Tumblr media
As for next chapterā€”soon! I'm working on some sketches for this particular scene, and I am so excited to share it with everyone! Things start to pick up from here... But, for now, have a (very little) sneak peek ā¤ļø
Zuko stood at the end of the world, surrounded by miles of snow and the resounding echo of his own shallow breaths. He took everything in, closed his eyes to receive Agniā€™s light, and howled.
Something howled back, and he smiled.
107 notes Ā· View notes
bidisasterevankinard Ā· 23 hours ago
Text
It was just a joke in February. What if Buck dates Tommy. But it became more than a joke
I was so happy. I was so so enthusiastic, literally running around my house, because it was incredible. The kiss made me so so happy I never felt like it bc It was really beautiful
I was so sad after bad date, but then hopeful when Buck chose to call Tommy and ask about new chance. I was so in love when Tommy did everything to be here for Buck in 7x6. I was so so happy to see them in dress blues together. I laughed at the dinner scene
I had the best summer with my babies, talking about them, speculating, reading and writing fics. I saw so much incredible art. I met incredible people
I was so so lucky to see Buck happy in relationship where person sees his beauty and compliments him. I blushed with Buck when Tommy complemented him
I was absolutely delighted to see Buck being taken care of. No one ever did it like Tommy. And Tommy was here when Buck was himbo, when Buck was giving this beautiful eulogy to Billy. Tommy was there for Buck
Nothing led to the heartbreak I feel right now. They told me it would be different, they promised good episode. But I'm heartbroken, because for BuckTaylor break up I was ready, and actually I never enjoyed them so much
I fall in love, got so invested, and I was hit too hard
They could make the storyline with break up seems less as surprise. To let us prepare. But no. They ripped our hearts unexpectedly
Idk what happens next, I'm hopeful but Idk how long I can stay that way. Anything can happen and I don't want to really say good bye
I just want you all to know, I'm not in love with just a ship, I'm in love with community too and I hope we can support each other
On that, my love letter to bucktommy is done. I hope to let myself move on to see what happens next soon
82 notes Ā· View notes
sweetprfct Ā· 1 day ago
Text
Bookshop Conversations
Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader
Summary: A meet-cute with Joe at a bookshop cafe was something you didn't expect. Being a lone wolf for a year now and still being haunted by your past, could you open up your door for him and give love another chance?
Author's Note: I have been staring at a blank page for more than a couple of months, almost every day. Wrote unfinished one shots and series and then scrap it up and toss it in the bin. Been going through a really dark time personally (and still is). Events of the last few days after election didn't help either. Writing is art and art always gets me through a tough time, so that's why I'm here. I haven't been updated to any news in this fandom, and I plan to stay that way. I plan on coming here and publishing and interacting through DMs and ask box about positive stuff about my fics only. This idea appeared just a couple days ago, and it started igniting back some inspiration. Am I back? The answer is: I don't know. I'm taking it slow. Let's take it slow, okay? So, here's a new short series. I've missed some of you, and I hope you enjoy this because I'm winging it with no plot notes. LMAO.
Disclaimer: 18+
Wordcount: 1.7K
Tumblr media
part one - part two - part three - part four - part five
The soft pitter patter of the rain hit the wet, glowing pavement outside. Cars passed by from time to time and people walked down the streets, holding their umbrellas above their heads. There was something about this weather that made you feel warm on the inside. Most people would feel doleful with this kind of weather, but not you. It filled you with a warm feeling that it would pool in your stomach, almost bursting and invading your veins.Ā 
It felt peaceful.Ā 
This cute bookshop cafe that stood on the corner of your street was the only place that made you feel safe lately. Autumn season was starting, and the trees were turning into their orange and yellow hues, surrounding the city of London. The string of light bulbs that hung around the bookshop cafe and the dark wooden shelves made the place feel cozy. It was almost like you were stepping into another world when you entered this place.Ā 
Claire De Lune was playing in a low volume around the shop as you picked up your cappuccino and took a sip. You have been sitting at the small table beside the window for about an hour now. Your head had been stuck in your book, your focus totally disappearing from the world around you as you indulged in a different universe.Ā 
Moving to London was something you had been thinking about for several years now and, knowing the fact that you finally made it, you couldnā€™t help but feel at ease. The troubles you left behind in California seemed so far away now, even if it still lived in the back of your mind. There were certain things that you still thought about, still feel the pain from the experiences, but you pushed it away. Something you seemed to be an expert on lately.Ā 
This place has been a peaceful solitude for you. It was quiet enough for you to enjoy the peace whilst reading your book, but also enough crowds for you to not be able to drown in your own deep thoughts, unlike when you were all alone in your flat.Ā 
ā€œNew book?ā€Ā 
You had paused from your reading and had been watching the raindrops roll down the glass window, letting your brain play the game of which raindrop was going to roll down first. Turning your attention away from the window, you looked up to see Sara, the owner of the bookshop cafe. Her light brunette hair was in a ponytail today, hazel eyes twinkling in curiosity. She was wearing her usual apron, while carrying a coffeepot in her hand.Ā 
ā€œUmā€¦ yeah. Just got it the other day.ā€ You smiled softly.Ā 
As much as you and Sara had a lot in common and actually had pretty good, interesting conversations, you couldnā€™t help but distance yourself from her. She was always kind, and her eyes always twinkled with sincerity. It wasnā€™t like she was the problem. It was you. You had closed yourself off too much from other people, especially strangers. As much as you would love to be friends, there was a part of you that kept hesitating.Ā 
Sara tilted her head and squinted her eyes towards the title of the book you were holding.Ā 
ā€œOh, Little Women.ā€ She smiled. ā€œThatā€™s a good one.ā€
ā€œYeah.ā€ You gazed down at the book cover before looking back up at her. ā€œI have never read the book. Thought I should finally do it this time.ā€
Sara nodded her head in agreement. Just right before she could say something else, Sara's attention turned to the front door when it opened.Ā 
Both of your eyes caught a man with curly brown hair walking in. He was wearing a navy trench coat and carrying an umbrella. The cold breeze trailed behind him, blowing it through your hair. Sara immediately walked up towards him with a smile. You watched as she greeted him kindly and asked if there was something she could help him with.Ā 
You couldnā€™t help but reel in the sight of him the moment he gave her a soft smile. From the two months of you hanging out in this shop, you have never seen someone so alluring walking into the shop before. Your eyes were glued to him, and you couldnā€™t seem to peel them away.Ā 
ā€œThank you.ā€ He murmured to Sara before disappearing between the tall bookshelves.Ā 
Looking away, you cleared your throat and felt your cheeks ignite as you tried to focus your attention back on your book. You picked up your cappuccino and took another sip when you caught sight of him again when he passed by in front of you. You looked at him through your lashes until you realized how ridiculous you must look in front of him.Ā 
His chocolate button eyes immediately caught yours, making you glance away from him instantly. Your cheeks were as red as a tomato at this point as you set your cup down on the table and focused on the book you were reading. There were a million thoughts running through your mind, cursing yourself for being so weird. He must have thought you were strange for staring at him since the moment he entered the shop.Ā 
From the corner of your eye, you could tell he was smirking slightly as he looked through the books in front of him. Your eyes studied the shop and there were only a couple of people hanging around, looking through the books or sipping coffee and reading their books. You couldn't help but curse at yourself mentally again for bringing so much attention to yourself in front of him.Ā 
You hated the attention, and you certainly didnā€™t need a strangerā€™s attention when all you wanted was to enjoy your book and mind your own business.Ā 
ā€œThatā€™s a classic.ā€ He interrupted your thoughts.
You just now realized that you have been reading the same line in the book repeatedly because your mind was distracted by him. When you slowly gazed up at him, you saw a kind, soft smile tugging on his lips, and you swore you felt your knees went slightly weak.Ā 
ā€œSo, Iā€™ve heard.ā€ You replied, giving him a slight smile back.Ā 
There was no going back now.Ā 
Now that he was standing near to you, you could see the freckles on his face and his long lashes fluttering softly. A strand of curl fell perfectly on his forehead and little drops of water from the rain covered his trench coat.
Your eyes fell on the book he was holding before biting your lower lip. You have read that book because Sara had recommended it to you before, and you knew what was the text behind it. It sure made you glad that he wasnā€™t afraid to read things like that. The man glanced down at the book he was holding before snickering.
ā€œSomething wrong?ā€ He asked.
You shook your head, biting down your inner cheek to stop yourself from smiling. It wasnā€™t like the book was allā€¦ sex. It was about finding yourself and knowing what you want. Although, knowing the people you had before in your life, they certainly judged you for reading something like that. So, you couldnā€™t help but have that glued to your brain that maybe those kinds of books werenā€™t really everyoneā€™s cup of tea.Ā 
ā€œNothing wrong with a littleā€¦ erotica.ā€ You murmured before he chuckled softly.Ā 
ā€œI think itā€™s sexy.ā€ He gave you a small smirk, studying the cover page of the book. ā€œIā€™m assuming you read it before?ā€
ā€œUmā€¦ maybe.ā€ You gave him a playful smile.
He hummed approvingly, ā€œSo, tell meā€¦ Is it really just aboutā€¦ sex?ā€
He squinted his eyes at you, and you could tell he was teasing. Leaning back in your chair, you marked the page that you were reading and closed the book.Ā 
ā€œNo, itā€™s about the characters finding themselves and how intimacy can be in different ways other than just physical. I donā€™t want to spoil too much for you, though.ā€Ā 
He stared at the book cover again and nodded in agreement.
ā€œI guess Iā€™ll just have to give back a review when I finish it.ā€ Smiling, his eyes studied you for a moment before walking away.Ā 
What did he mean by that?Ā 
You stopped yourself from getting up from your seat as he made his way towards the coffee counter. It was rare for you to encounter certain people that pull your gravity towards them. The moment he entered the shop, you felt that pull already. That micro conversation that you both just had, you already felt the spark between you two.Ā 
Letting out a small sigh, you pushed the thoughts away and told yourself that he was just a stranger.Ā 
A stranger with a nice smile.Ā 
For a few minutes, you went back to indulging yourself in your book, finishing your cappuccino before you heard the front door open. Feeling the breeze through your hair again, you glanced up to find him giving you a warm smile before walking out the door.Ā 
Accepting it, you knew it was one of those rare occasions where you would meet someone interesting and lose them forever. It wasnā€™t like you were interested in meeting somebody these days, but sometimes, you couldnā€™t help but think that it would be nice too to have a small meet-cute in a bookshop.
God, you have been reading too many books lately. It was getting in your head.
ā€œSeems like someone has taken an interest in you.ā€ Sara smiled, placing an apple turnover on a plate for you.Ā 
ā€œI didnā€™t order this.ā€ You shook your head, pushing the plate towards her lightly.
ā€œSomeone did for you.ā€ Sara winked.Ā 
You turned your head to the side, side eyeing her before Sara chuckled softly at your reaction.Ā 
ā€œThat cute man just asked if you were a regular customer here.ā€ Sara explained. ā€œDonā€™t worry, I didnā€™t give out any details. Though he insisted on at least getting you a pastry.ā€
Staring at the apple turnover that was in front of you, you bit back a smile before looking out the window. He was gone, and you didnā€™t even get the chance to thank him.Ā 
You couldnā€™t help but wonder why he did such a gesture.Ā 
***********
Taglist:
@palomahasenteredthechat @sunvick @eddies-acousticguitar @demonsanddemogorgons @joesquinns @mmunson86 @ghostinthebackofyourhead @corrodedcoffincumslut @figmentofquinn @tlclick73 @munsonluvrr @ali-r3n @quinnyficsy @capricornrisingsstuff @missonlypost @ali-in-w0nderland @amberolivia666 @lalalala-melmosworld @niallersfreckles @nanas-lasagna @emma77645 @indulgence-be-thy-nameĀ @readergf @ladamari68 @1paire2vans @d4rk4ng3l86 @paleidiot @josephquinnsfreckles @readergf @mvnsonlover @mdurdenpitt @siriuslysmoking @blueleonor @bejeweled13swiftie @reoalessandra
65 notes Ā· View notes
ofstarsandvibranium Ā· 2 days ago
Text
Pull the Thread
Fandom: Marvel (Mob Boss AU)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader
Summary: You and Bucky used to be so in love and soā€¦ ignorant of the roles you had to play, which lead to you breaking up. But that didnā€™t seem to keep you away from each other since you now act as Buckyā€™s nurse whenever he gets hurt. Based off my mini fic here.
Warnings: mentions of child death
Stitched Together | Bucky Barnes Masterlist
Tumblr media
When you wake the next morning, Bucky and Sam are gone. Their sleeping areas are made up and a note is left on your kitchen counter.
Thanks again.
See you around.
-B
PS. call me if you ever need anything
Beside it is a cup of coffee and a stack of bills. You count it out and chuckle in disbelief. Bucky left you two hundred dollars for helping him out.
You grab your phone and type in Bucky's number. You insert a picture of the money along with the text:
You: you didn't have to pay me.
Bucky: I wanted to. For disturbing your night and for your work.
You: It's fine, but thanks anyway.
Bucky: Hope you have a good day, sweetheart. :)
You pause. Sweetheart. You can't help the way your heart beats a little faster when you read that word. He used to call you that when you two were dating. It was never "babe" or "honey". Always "sweetheart".
You feel conflicted. You want to scold him for calling you that...but you also really miss being called that by him.
You decide to not respond back at all, since you still need to eat before you head into work.
_____________
Bucky shows up at your place again a few nights later. This time, he's alone and with a bullet graze on his side.
You frown at him as you let him into your apartment, "Is this going to be a habit of yours?"
He snorts, "You think I purposely get hurt just to come and see you?"
You shrug, "I don't know, Buck! We don't really know each other anymore, so I'm not sure what you'd do!" you snap at him. He looks at you with surprise and you sigh, "Sorry. It's been a long day and I wasn't expecting you."
"I can go. I'll-I can find someone else to help me."
"No. You're here already. Might as well get it over with." You gesture to the couch and he sits down as he waits for you to come back with your first aid kit.
Bucky starts to rethink things. It's true that he didn't purposefully get shot at so he can see you. But he definitely didn't hesitate to start heading to your place as soon as things were handled. He just misses you.
You come back with gloves on. You have Bucky take off his shirt so you can fully assess the wound. Just a bullet graze. He lays on his other side as you clean his wound.
Again, you work in silence. You're focused on getting this done quickly and efficiently so you can go to sleep.
As you dress his wound, you say, "You should get some antibiotics or pain relievers so it doesn't get infected or if the pain becomes too much. Change the dressing often. Make sure there's minimal movement."
He nods, "Alright. I can do that."
You help him sit up and pull his shirt back on.
Once he's dressed, Bucky looks up at you, "Maybe you and I could make an arrangement."
You look at him with a cocked brow and he stammers ā€œNot that kind of arrangement! Business! Strict-Strictly business. You take care of me and my people when we get hurt. I pay you for your efforts and weā€™re out of your hair until the next time.ā€
"...I don't know, Bucky."
"We'll be discreet. I promise. I'll make sure everyone knows not to blab about you and to only come if it's an absolute emergency."
"I'm sure you can find an actual doctor or something to help you. Why me?"
"Because I trust you."
"Bucky, my dad is the chief of police. You shouldn't trust me."
"I know you wouldn't tell your dad. Because despite how long it's been, I still know you care about me."
You cross your arms over your chest and look at him defensively, "And how do you know that?"
He gives you a cocky grin, "Because you wouldn't have helped me that first night."
"I was doing my civic duty. I'm in the healthcare field. It's my job to help people no matter where they come from."
"Okay. Fine. All I'm saying is that you do good work and I don't want anyone else fixing me and my guys up, but you. And, of course," he pauses to pull out his money clip, picking out a few hundred dollar bills. He holds it out to you, waiting.
You weigh out your options and then take the money. You agree, because, despite what your father tells you and how Bucky treated you in the past, a part of you still loves him and will always love him.
"Alright. I'll do it. Just let me know when you're coming just so I'm not surprised every time there's a knock at my door."
"Will do," he mumbles, grunting as he stands to his feet, "Get some rest. I'm sorry you had a shitty day."
"It-It's fine. I just-" you pause and start feeling choked up. You let out a sob and you lean forward, burying your face into Bucky's shirt.
His arms immediately wrap around you in a protective, comforting hug, "I got you, sweetheart. It's okay. Let it out." His heart breaks when he hears your muffled cries.
"We lost a patient today. He had cancer. He was only eleven," you mumbled into Bucky.
His arms around you tighten, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. That's heartbreaking. But I'm sure you did everything you could to make sure his last moments were good, right?"
You slowly nod and step away from him. You wipe at your eyes, "Shit, sorry. I didn't mean to-"
"It's okay, Y/N. Cry on me whenever you like," he gives you a soft smile, "You gonna be okay?"
"Yeah. I've just been keeping that in all day. Thanks, Bucky."
"No problem. You're a great nurse, Y/N. I just know that those kids are lucky to have you take care of them. I know I am." He kisses your forehead, "'Til next time." He murmurs before heading to the door.
"Hopefully, not any time soon."
He shoots you a grin, "No promises." With a wink, he's out the door. You go over and lock it in place. You lean against it and let out a long sigh. Your heart is beating fast again.
_________________________
It's one of those nights where you dad comes over after a shift and you two have dinner. Neither of you felt like cooking, so you ordered takeout instead. You eat out of the styrofoam containers at your small dining table, pausing in-between bites to chat.
"Work's been okay?" your dad asks before shoveling food into his mouth.
You swallow your food, washing it down with water, "Yeah. We lost a patient earlier this week and I-I can't seem to shake it."
Your dad nods in understanding, "I get it. It's never easy and it never gets easy. And you can't even do anything but continue working after it happens. You gotta push through it. In our line of work, it's important to care for others, but also important to care for yourself too. Got that, bug?"
"I know, dad. Thanks. What about you? You said earlier that work's been super stressful lately?"
Your dad gives an exhausted sigh and leans back in his chair, "Yeah. Been working closely with different units. For years there's been word that the Barnes Family has been the head of several crime operations happening around the city. They've been good about keeping their tracks covered, but since George Barnes' passing, I'm hoping to see his son slip up." Your dad gives a disappointed shake of his head, "Still can't believe you were friends and dated his son."
"He wasn't a bad kid, dad."
"Yeah, up until he started being a prick to you. Good thing you broke things off with him when you did."
You slowly nod, "Yeah. Good thing."
___________________________
You hadn't seen Bucky for two weeks, but he'd been texting you here and there during that time.
He sent you pictures of dogs he'd seen while out and about, would ask about your dad, even ordered food for you when you said you were too tired to eat. It was really sweet and kind of him, but you couldn't help but still have your reservations about Bucky.
Did your heart skip a beat every time you received a message from him? Absolutely. But were you still anticipating on the day he'd turn around on you again? Yup.
You kept things friendly, but also not too friendly. You didn't indulge in anything too personal or detailed. For all you knew, Bucky could be using you to get information about what your dad had on him. As much as you wanted to think Bucky wouldn't do that, you had to keep yourself accountable and aware.
125 notes Ā· View notes
bukvarsbitch Ā· 2 days ago
Text
attn folks interested in preserving fanfiction + digital fan history
alright so uh... the us is going through some shit right now.
as someone who's currently pursing graduate education with a substantial focus in fan studies, i am especially concerned about preserving the amount of works fans have created over the last however many years we've been fucking around on the internet. in particular, i'm really worried about ao3 and (even though i look at it like a cousin i'm not fond of) wattpad. these sites have immense cultural value and history that is worth preserving, and i'm not gonna lie: i'm a little worried about their standing come january.
so this is where we as a collective come in. i don't know how many followers i have on this silly hellsite, but i'm going to ask folks this: please, please, pleaseā€” start archiving the fanfics and fanart and fan-everything of the fandoms you're in, you care about, or you have been in. put it on an external harddrive. make back ups. you'll want it if things go south, and scholars like me will want it so we can preserve fan history.
if you're interested in doing this, rb or message me or leave a comment or something and i'd love to work together on making a massive, cloud and external, database of fandoms we all care about. we have time to do this, and other folks have done and are doing this, but we need to do it.
to spread this around some, i've tagged this with fandoms i'm most active with here, but share wild and far. even if you don't want to do this with me, do it with your friends. please <3
tldr: i, and many other fan studies folks/fans writ large, are worried about what happens to fanfiction come january and trump's presidency. if you also care about this, let's work together to start putting together a database of fics we care about.
p.s. and if you do it i'll even give you a little shoutout in the acknowledgements of my master's thesis if you want idk (is this anything????)
95 notes Ā· View notes
joyfulcowboycandy Ā· 3 days ago
Note
My tears, oh my tears, I just read your Lilia ficšŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­I don't think I'll be able to get through my day well. I really need a happy ending for him with heršŸ¤§šŸ¤§šŸ¤§
HI ANON! Thank you for your request ā¤! I had to think pretty hard for an idea and I settled on this I hope it's satisfactory! I'm not very good at writing fluff and happy endings so I tried my best:p
Lilia Vonrogue x Reader
ā„ part two (part 1: here)
Tumblr media
Content warning: none
fem reader
Lilia had spent countless years as a hardened warrior, fighting on the front lines and keeping his heart guarded from attachment or sentimentality. But when she died in his arms, all his strength and resilience seemed to dissolve. Now, he was left with only her memoryā€”and the child sheā€™d entrusted to him, Silver. Raising Silver should have been a way to honor her, but each day felt like a reminder of his failure to protect her. Despite this, he kept her memory close, never sharing the truth with anyone else.
When heā€™d returned to Briar Valley, he had simply told others heā€™d found the boy abandoned. He didnā€™t want their sympathy, their prying questions, or their pity. She was his secret, a part of his soul he guarded as fiercely as any territory heā€™d once protected in battle.
Though he loved Silver fiercely, Lilia struggled to raise him properly. Silver was human, fragile and dependent in a way that bewildered him. Malleus, though eager to help, was just as lost. He was unused to anything so delicate, and his fascination with Silverā€™s human traits sometimes did more harm than good.
ā€œI do not understand, Lilia,ā€ Malleus said once as they watched Silver wail at the unfamiliar taste of solid food. ā€œWhy does he reject this nourishment? Fae children devour their first meals.ā€
Lilia only chuckled, masking his own frustration. ā€œHuman babies donā€™t always eat everything, Malleus. Theyā€™reā€¦ unpredictable.ā€
But when he was alone, Lilia was less assured. How could he teach a child when his own life had been war and solitude? He often tried to remember the warmth of her smile as she held Silver, the way sheā€™d cradled him with a patience and gentleness he could never seem to match. Heā€™d even picked up books on human parenting, flipping through pages with an intensity usually reserved for military strategies. Yet, with every attempt to follow the words, he felt her absence even more sharply, the emptiness of her laughter lingering in the silence of their small home.
Silver was growing quickly, and with him, Liliaā€™s feelings shifted. At times, Silverā€™s big eyes, so much like hers, would look up at him with a trust that made Liliaā€™s heart ache. But he was also reminded of his failings. How could he raise this child with warmth when he had none left to give? He was a warrior, not a father. And yetā€¦ he couldnā€™t let her down. Each time he saw Silver sleep, curled up and peaceful, heā€™d lean against the doorway and watch, feeling something unfamiliar and gentle soften his battle-worn heart.
ā€§ā‚ŠĖš ā˜ļøā‹…ā™”š“‚ƒ ą£Ŗ Ö“Ö¶Öøā˜¾.Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Years Later
As he grew older, Silver began to notice things that didnā€™t quite fit the stories his father told him. Lilia had always said he found Silver, abandoned and alone, and that heā€™d taken him in. But there were gaps in the story, inconsistencies that left Silver questioning his past.
Sometimes, late at night, Silver would wake to find his father sitting by the fire, staring into the flames with a distant, sorrowful expression Silver had rarely seen. And sometimes, Lilia would hold a small trinketā€”a ribbon, or a faded piece of clothā€”that he quickly hid whenever Silver approached.
ā€œFather,ā€ Silver asked once, ā€œwere you alone when you found me?ā€
Liliaā€™s gaze shifted, and he masked his expression with a wry smile. ā€œYou were all I found that day, Silver. Just a bundle of trouble waiting to happen.ā€
But Silver couldnā€™t shake the feeling that there was more to it. Over time, he learned not to ask too many questions, knowing they would only be deflected. Yet, the mysteries lingered, especially in the moments when he saw a softness in Lilia that he couldnā€™t quite understandā€”a gentleness that seemed to speak of someone else.
One night, Silver dozed off after a long day of training, only to find himself drifting into a dream unlike any heā€™d ever had before. It felt unusually vivid, he realized he were stepping into someone elseā€™s memories rather than his own. He was in a dimly lit forest clearing, and through a haze of recollection, he saw his father, but not as he knew him. This version of Lilia seemed slightly younger, sterner, his gaze sharper and full of fire. And beside him was a woman Silver had never seen before.
She was human, with soft, gentle eyes, and the way she looked at his father was unlike anything Silver had ever witnessed. In one scene, she was gently binding a wound on Liliaā€™s arm, her hands steady and careful. Lilia was grumbling, clearly unused to being cared for in such a way, but there was a tenderness in his eyes, a look Silver had never seen directed at anyone before.
The memory shifted, and now she was holding a small childā€”an infant Silver realized with a start was himself. She whispered to the baby in her arms, her words too soft for him to hear, but the expression of love on her face was unmistakable. And when Lilia glanced at her, it was with a mix of admiration, something deeper and unspoken lingering in his gaze.
Silver stirred, feeling an ache in his chest he couldnā€™t explain. Who was this woman, and why had his father never mentioned her? The dream faded, but the questions remained, and the next morning, he couldnā€™t hold back any longer.
ā€œFather,ā€ he began hesitantly, watching Liliaā€™s face, ā€œI had a dream last nightā€¦ or maybe a memory. There was a woman with you. She lookedā€¦ kind.ā€
Lilia stiffened, his usual mirth fading as he met Silverā€™s gaze. For a moment, he was silent, his eyes betraying a depth of pain Silver had never seen before.
ā€œShe wasā€¦ā€ Liliaā€™s voice was barely a whisper. ā€œSomeone I lost long ago.ā€
Silver remained quiet, sensing the weight of the memory and the love his father had hidden all these years. Though Lilia didnā€™t offer any more details, Silver understood that this womanā€”his motherā€”had been someone truly special.Ā 
Silver felt a quiet desperation gnawing at him. Now that he had glimpsed a fragment of herā€”a woman he felt connected to yet hardly knewā€”a hollow ache settled in his chest. His father had always kept his sorrow hidden, masking any sign of grief with his usual humor and lightheartedness. But after seeing her, Silver couldnā€™t ignore the emptiness left by her absence, and he couldnā€™t accept that this was the end of their story.
The longing grew sharper with each day, his mind drifting back to the mystery of herā€”a mother he barely remembered, a bond he could only dream of. How could he let things end like this? To never have truly known her felt wrong. Still, he was just a human, and what power did he have over something as final as death?
But the thought wouldnā€™t let him rest. He was not as helpless as he felt. He was strong, he knew magic, and he was connected to some of the most powerful beings in Twisted Wonderland. Surely there was a wayā€”some forbidden knowledge, some hidden path he hadnā€™t yet considered.
And then he remembered the rumors, whispers of a witch who resided far beyond Briar Valley, somewhere between worlds, where human souls and fae magic brushed against each other. A powerful sorceress who understood the mysteries of life and death and could speak to the spirits themselves.
The path to this witch wouldnā€™t be easy, but Silver knew he couldnā€™t turn back now. This was something he had to doā€”not just for himself, but for the one who had given everything for him, the one he knew his father had loved in a way he had never spoken of.
Silver set out quietly, keeping his journey a secret from his father, Sebek and Malleus. He ventured through dense forests and past enchanted lakes, traveling farther than he ever had before. His heart remained steadfast, though fear began to settle in as he neared his destination.
Finally, after days of travel, he reached the borderlands between the human world and the realm of the seaā€”a place where twilight lingered, where ancient stones rose from the mist, and the air was thick with enchantment. In the shadows of the rocks, he caught sight of her: the witch he had heard of. She was cloaked in dark robes, her figure partially obscured, but her gaze was piercing, as though she had been expecting him.
ā€œYou seek to bring back a lost soul,ā€ she said before Silver even spoke. Her voice was calm but held a warning, laced with an unsettling wisdom. ā€œA dangerous wish, young one. Life and death are not to be tampered with lightly.ā€
Silverā€™s resolve held firm. ā€œI know itā€™s dangerous, butā€¦ she was taken from us too soon. I just want the chance to know her, even if itā€™s only once.ā€
The witch regarded him in silence, her expression unreadable. ā€œTo bring back a soul from beyondā€¦ it requires a great sacrifice,ā€ she finally said. ā€œNot in gold, not in power, but in spirit. To restore what was lost, you must be willing to give something of equal weight in return.ā€
ā€œWhat do you mean?ā€ Silver asked, feeling a shiver of uncertainty.
She gave him a steady look. ā€œIt will cost you a piece of yourself. Memories, perhaps, or a fragment of your own life force. To give life, something must be taken. And even then, it may not work as you hope. The dead do not always return as they were.ā€
Silverā€™s heart raced, but he nodded, his determination unwavering. ā€œIā€™ll do whatever it takes.ā€
The witch watched him, assessing his resolve before finally nodding. She led him to a clearing at the edge of the shore, where she instructed him to gather rare herbs and light a circle of candles in the shape of the full moon.
Silver could feel the energy drain from him as the witch chanted in the language of old, his very life force spilling into the circle they had created. He closed his eyes, focusing on his motherā€™s face, the brief glimpses he had seen in his dreamsā€”the gentle smile, the warmth that lingered even in a memory. He barely noticed as the witchā€™s voice faded, the mist thickening in front of him until it nearly obscured the world.
When he opened his eyes, she was there.
She stood just beyond the edge of the mist, her form wrapped in simple robes of soft, muted colors, somewhere between the shades of twilight and dawn. Her hair, flowing, caught the light in a gentle, silvery sheen. Silverā€™s heart stilled, his breath caught in his throat as he took in her familiar featuresā€”the softness of her gaze, the contours of her face that mirrored his own.
For a moment, she looked around in confusion, her brow furrowing as her gaze settled on him, lingering with a glimmer of recognition that hadnā€™t fully settled. She studied his face, her eyes taking in every feature as if piecing together a puzzle from fragments of memory.
Silverā€™s lips parted, and the word slipped out like a breath. ā€œMotherā€¦ā€
Her eyes widened, the dawning realization flooding her expression, and then, as if nothing else in the world mattered, she moved toward him. At first, a tentative step, and then, as recognition and emotion surged within her, she rushed forward, wrapping her arms around him with a force that belied her slight frame. Silverā€™s arms moved instinctively to hold her, his heart pounding as he felt the solid warmth of her, the reality of her presence.
They held each other for a long moment, both too overwhelmed to speak, both still trembling with the fragile wonder of what had just happened. She pulled back slightly, gazing up at him, her eyes studying every line and shadow on his face. She let out a soft, incredulous laugh, a sound both joyful and tearful.
ā€œSilverā€¦ā€ she whispered, her voice filled with wonder. ā€œYouā€¦ youā€™ve grown so much. Youā€™re so big now.ā€
Silver managed a shaky smile, barely able to contain the overwhelming surge of emotions. ā€œIā€¦ I never thought Iā€™d see youā€¦ā€
Her hand reached up, brushing his cheek, her fingers lingering as though she was still trying to assure herself he was real. ā€œI donā€™t understand howā€¦ or whyā€¦ but I felt something calling me back, a longing I couldnā€™t ignore.ā€ Her voice faltered, softening. ā€œI thought Iā€™d lost you both forever.ā€
Silver shook his head, his own hand moving to cover hers. ā€œNo. I had to bring you back. I had to know youā€”just once.ā€ His voice broke slightly, but he didnā€™t care; he needed her to know the depth of his longing, the years he had wondered about her.
They shared another silent moment, just taking in the wonder of being reunited before Silver finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. ā€œThereā€™s someone who needs to see youā€¦ someone whoā€™s missed you even more than I have.ā€
Her gaze brightened, and she nodded, a glimmer of emotion flickering in her eyes as she realized who he meant. ā€œTake me to him.ā€
When they returned to Briar Valley, Silver led her to the castle, his heart racing with anticipation and awe. Lilia was there, his usually cheerful expression softening as he spotted Silver at the entrance. But when his gaze landed on the figure beside him, he froze.
For a heartbeat, Lilia seemed unable to comprehend what he was seeing. His eyes widened, his mouth slightly open as he took in the sight of her, standing beside Silver, alive, her eyes shining as she met his gaze.
ā€œLiliaā€¦ā€ she whispered, her voice breaking as tears pooled in her eyes.
Lilia took a hesitant step forward, his composure slipping away, replaced by an expression Silver had never seen beforeā€”a vulnerability, a disbelief, and a raw, overwhelming joy. ā€œHowā€¦?ā€ he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.
Unable to hold back any longer, she moved toward him, her steps quickening until she wrapped her arms around him, clinging to him as if he might vanish. Liliaā€™s arms encircled her, holding her tightly, and a tear slipped down his cheek as he buried his face in her shoulder.
They stayed like that, the two of them locked in an embrace, their reunion marked by silent tears and whispered words of comfort and disbelief. Silver watched, a warmth filling his chest, his heart swelling with quiet happiness as he witnessed the reunion he had always longed for.
When they finally pulled back, Lilia placed a gentle hand on her face, brushing away a tear. ā€œI thought Iā€™d lost you forever,ā€ he murmured, his voice thick with emotion, his eyes softened with a depth of love that Silver had never seen before.
She placed her hand over his. ā€œYou never lost me. I was always thereā€¦ watching over you both.ā€
Lilia looked toward Silver, his gaze filled with gratitude and something elseā€”a newfound pride, a warmth that he struggled to put into words.
ā€§ā‚ŠĖš ā˜ļøā‹…ā™”š“‚ƒ ą£Ŗ Ö“Ö¶Öøā˜¾.Ā  BONUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Silver led his mother, Y/N, through the stone corridors of the castle. She held herself with quiet grace, her steps soft, but she was clearly a bit nervous. As they approached the courtyard, Malleus and Sebek stood waiting, expressions guarded yet curious.
ā€œMother,ā€ Silver began, a touch of pride in his voice, ā€œthese are my friends: Malleus Draconia and Sebek Zigvolt.ā€
Y/N gave a small, respectful nod, her gaze briefly meeting theirs before she glanced aside shyly. ā€œItā€™sā€¦ nice to meet you both. Iā€™ve heard a little of you on the way here.ā€
Malleus tilted his head, regarding her with a steady, thoughtful gaze. ā€œItā€™s a pleasure to meet you as well.ā€
ā€œWait,ā€ Sebek interjected, brows drawing together in confusion, ā€œSilver, youā€¦ have a mother? Thatā€™s not the story Master Lilia told usā€¦ā€ His voice was skeptical, yet respectful.
Silver shifted slightly. ā€œI uhā€¦. Well, itā€™s complicatedā€¦ā€
Just then, Lilia approached, hands behind his back, giving the scene an amused glance before his gaze softened on Y/N. She caught his eye, a bit of warmth there, even if neither spoke right away.
ā€œLilia,ā€ Malleus finally ventured, ā€œperhaps you could enlighten us?ā€
Lilia gave a faint smirk, his tone dry. ā€œOh, I do seem to have forgotten a few details, havenā€™t I?ā€ His eyes flicked to Y/N with a hint of warmth. ā€œShe has a habit of showing up when you least expect it.ā€
Y/N chuckled softly, glancing at Lilia. ā€œSome things havenā€™t changed.ā€
Sebek was still gaping, while Malleus studied the quiet exchange between Y/N and Lilia with a thoughtful look. Lilia only shrugged, his voice nonchalant but his gaze carrying a deeper feeling as he said, ā€œEvery family has a few secrets, after all.ā€
Bonus 2: Y/n: Ohā€¦ You cut your hair. Lilia: Yes, I didā€¦ Did you like it longer? Iā€™ll grow it out. Y/n: W-what? Itā€™s okay! I love it now too. Itā€™s cute. Lilia: I love you tooā€“oh, I mean I love it too, yes.
67 notes Ā· View notes