#(sure it's not got like jiggle physics or anything but i don't need it to)

[atalana]

and everyone always uses the hitbox excuse like so many fantasy games don't make many different sized races and that's fine

or like games where you have beefier races so their male models can be fat but the female model is always just more boob

and then there's people going 'oh but not every game can accomodate for more than one body type' and okay, i accept that. make fat your only body type. why are extremely skinny or extremely muscular the only 'default' bodies

i really wish i knew more about game design so i could be the person to make a game with a singular protagonist who is also fat

actually now that i'm thinking about it. every single video game that lets you costumize characters but doesn't let you be fat is extremely revealing to the fact that most people can't imagine fat as something a person would want to be. there's other examples but like, fuck, i can't even choose to be fat in imaginary spaces. My size isn't accommodated for because they couldn't imagine a player who wants to be anything other than skinny.

Like, you see it right. How media shapes people's beliefs, and people construct beliefs into the things they create? If all you can ever choose to be in a game is one of two body shapes, and you have to physically alter the game to be anything bigger, like. "why would i imagine a world with you in it."

[sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare]

Tess TLOU NSFW Abc's

Warnings: 18+! Minors and Men DNI dom!tess x sub!reader, slight dubcon, smut obviously, sligh somno, oral and fingering (f receiving), scissoring, kinda public places, this is all lesbian sex from a lesbian virgin pls be kind, also some fluff cause i couldn't help myself

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

She would be so gentle afterwards like no matter if it was a rough session or soft and intimate she would hold you and stroke your skin, making sure you were grounded before she left to clean you up. If you two got really messy she would insist on taking a shower (together obviously) and she would scrub every discomfort from your body. If you were too tired to take a shower, she'd definitely clean you up, not just between your legs but your chest (she'd been busy there) and face too, making sure you're nice and clean and ready for bed.

What she'd want from you after sex though is physical contact. She feels like no matter how close you are to her, you're not close enough so you're always trapped against her afterwards. You don't mind though; you'd have to be crazy to mind

B= Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Her favourite part of her body is probably her face, more specifically, her eyes. She knows how much power they hold and she can control anyone with just a look. She uses her eyes on you often instead of her voice because she knows you'd do anything to please her and she loves seeing you struggle beneath her gaze.

Her favourite body part of yours has to be your tits. She grabs them any chance she gets and you pretty much have to peel yourself away from her. She acts tough, and she is, but she is whipped for you and needs to always have her own personal stressballs in her hands when it's just the two of you. She also loves to see them bounce and jiggle when you ride her thigh and you've noticed she purposefully bounces her legs so she can watch them more.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Tess is definitely a pleasure dom so, though she might like teasing and edging, she loves overstimulation the most. She'll eat you out for as long as she wants and you sometimes have to push her away because she gets so lost in the feeling of you cumming again and again against her mouth. If she fucks you with her fingers though, she'll keep them inside of you until you stop spasming from your last orgasm. Then, when you finally catch your breath, she'll press her fingers into your mouth so she can feel you instictively suck on them. And let's face it, that act alone turns you back on.

As for her, she has trouble giving control but she realizes that you still want her to control her when you're touching her so she'll have you on your knees, begging to taste her. When she finally gives you permission, she'll guide your head with the hand she has tangled in your hair. She gives you directions on how to please her: "higher, slide your tongue up and down just like that", "suck, baby, that's it. Fuck!" When you don't wait for permission and just dive in like you've been starved, she'll pull your hair back and say something like, "Wow you're such a desperate slut it's fucking pathetic" (making you want her more) or "Be patient sweetheart. You'll get to have a taste but you have to be a good girl for me, okay?" which just turns your brain to mush :(

(giggling kicking my feet)

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Before you got together, you'd go on runs together, sometimes going outside the QZ and she would purposefully get too close to you or "check on you" after you ran into infected just so she could feel your warmth and smell your aroma (which, despite the end of the world, always smelled slightly of vanilla). One time, she grabbed onto your waist on one of these runs saying it was because she thought your were about to fall but you had been flirting with her all day and she couldn't handle it. That night, she touched herself to that memory and came harder than she ever had, before you that is.

She has never told you this.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

She has a lot of experience with sex since she'd had a few one night stands in her years in Boston, but she's not quite as experienced with intimacy. Your first time together you though she was fucking you so good you might actually die from the pleasure she was giving you. Her tongue was on your clit, licking and sucking, and her fingers were just teasing your entrance, waiting for persmission. It's when you practically whined at her that you needed her inside of you that she pushed two fingers in and had you cumming in a few minutes. Later on that night, she was surprised to find herself spooning you and kissing your neck as you both dozed off.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying.)

As I said before, your tits are her favourite part of your body so any postition in which she can see them is great. Her favourite position is when your on your back with a pillow or two under your hips and she can just fuck you into the matress (she traded a lot of cards for a black strap). She gets to see your chest and has a solid grip on your hips, making sure you don't go anywhere. Her favourite part of this position is that she has a perfect view of your pussy and she can see every little twitch. Plus it means easy access to your clit which she loves to abuse especially when she's deep in your cunt. She also noticed that, if she angles her hips right, she can see a bulge form in your belly and pressing on it makes you let out the cutest moans.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

I think she'd be more serious, knowing that you both get vulnerable in those moments and she'd never want you to associate those to anything but love. Sometimes she'll be rougher with you but most of the time she holds your hand while fucking you slowly, dragging out every moan and sigh out of you. She'll kiss up your neck and nibble on your ear as she whispers to you how much she loves you and how good you make her feel.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

It's the apocalypse so don't expect anything to be smooth and hairless. She does, however keep it trimmed, especially when you've been more flirty towards her than usual because she knows you just need to be taken care of and she's more than happy to take care of you.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

In the beginning of your relationship, she would show her love but would never say anything that might indicate how enamoured she was by you. When your relationship gets more serious though, she's repeating "I love you" like it's the only sentence she knows. She caresses your body, which she didn't really do before, because she's comfortable with you and wants to feel all of you, to memorize every inch of your body. Her mouth is also always on your skin one way or another. She kisses you deeply when her hand is rubbing languid circles on your clit, loving the feeling af your moans against her. If she's being to rough to kiss you she'll be sucking on the skin on your neck or chest, watching the marks blossom.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

She can't go more than two days without fucking you but sometimes your schedules don't line up and you barely see each other for a week. So, one day she had the brilliant idea to record the two of you going at it (with your consent, of course), and she listens to it when she needs to get of. She keeps it in a locked drawer because she's the only one who gets to hear your sweet sounds (other than your neighbours, some nights, whoops).

One night, she came home early and heard you whimper. She hurried to the bedroom to see you on your back with a hand between your legs and the recording in the other. Luckily for, her your eyes were shut and she was stealthy enough to get between you thighs and start sucking on your clit. You were starteled but once you realized it was her, you had a long sleepless night filled with so much pleasure that the room smelled like sex for days.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Tess is absolutely a sucker for marking. She always makes sure that you have at least one hickey visible so eeveryone knows to stay the fuck away from you. She also leaves hidden marks on your chest and thighs, loving the fact that you always have something to remember her by when she's not around.

She's also into praising and degrading, sometimes all at once. The sounds you make when calls you her pretty little slut while her hand is between your legs almost make her pass out. She loves that her just her words can make you so weak. She's also a very patient woman so sometimes she'll praise or degrade you all day using the voice she uses for you only, loving the way you squirm.

I don't think she'd be into heavy impact play but I think she'd enjoy giving you a few slaps here and there, mostly to get your attention. For example, when she's eating you out and you close your eyes after she specifically tould you to keep them on her, she'll slap the outside of your thigh, turning your focus back to her.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

If you have access to hot water, the shower is her favourite to fuck you. Her favourite thing to do is hold you up and abuse your pussy, knowing that she made you this weak and that you trust her enough to be so vulnerable towards her. The shower is her favourite place because she gets to pin you against the wall or glass and use you however she wants without worrying about the mess it'll leave on the floor. Plus, the best sight she can think of is you on your knees, face burried in her heat. The way the water trickles down into your face and you struggle to keep your eyes open but oh you want to keep them open because seeing Tess' face contort in pleasure is your favourite thing to see.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Your entire being turns her on but she's especially taken aback when she comes home to find you clean and smelling of... lavender? You must have gotten some soap from Frank. She finally sees you on the bed reading a book she recognized as the one you'd been trying to read for weeks now. She notices you're wearing a white tank top (without a bra) and baby pink shorts. Both of these look like you could have just gotten them off the rack of a store from how spotless they are. What turns her on is how innocent and clean you look and she has the urge to just ruin you. So she does. However, she makes sure the clothes stay perfect, and that's how you learn that Tess has a thing for corrupting you.

Now anytime you're really needy you just take a shower and wear the outfit that revealed her obsession with you. You also find out that giving her doe eyes turns her to jelly and using them makes her go feral. Whenever you look at her with those wide innocent eyes, she practically rips your bottoms off, not bothering with your top since fucking you half naked just turns her on more, and she licks or pounds the innocence out of you. She loves seeing you go from sweet little flower to messy fuck toy :(

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

She'll never do anything that could put you in danger like breath play or anything like that. You have asked her to choke you before and she got really concerned until you explained that you just wanted to feel the pressure of her hand around your neck and that it makes you feel her power and control. So she did try it hesitatingly one night and absolutely fell in love. She's still very careful about that though.

She wouldn't ever cut you or leave any permanent marks but that doesn't stop her from making empty threats.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

She's been used to being the giver in any intimate relationship and, with you, she knows exactly where to slide her tongue and which places are most sensitive to her kisses. She was very satisfied with that (sometimes finding herself close to cumming in her jeans at the sounds you made) but then you started begging to tasste her too, saying you wanted to make her feel good. How could she say no to that? So you flipped her over, which she helped you with, and trailed open-mouthed kisses down her torso, taking off her pants and trying to drag that moment on forever. After a few minutes of teasing her through her panties, she tangled her hand in your hair and said, in her usually relaxed and honey voice, "Sweetheart, just a second ago you were begging to taste me now I suggest you get to it." she punctuated with a squeeze of her hand. When you finally did taste her, you were done for. everything you'd ever had on your tongue before could not compare to her. And the feeling of her against your mouth sent shocks to your clit. She now finds herself daydreaming of the next time she'll have you between her legs.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

She's probably a mix of everything, liking to drag things out but hearing your broken moans when she reaches somewhere deep inside you makes her want to never take it easy on you again. So, she goes unbearably slowly, teasing you to no end, but goes rough enough that everything she does is pleasurable. This way she gets to see your face scrunch and hear your desperate whines at how good it feels for as long as she likes. That is until she decides she wants to see you cum over and over again. The she speeds up gradually so you don't realize that you're slowly getting closer and closer until she's telling you to cum for her.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

She decidedly LOVES quickies. She loves the thrill of having somewhere to be, but being so desperate to have her hands on you that she makes everything wait for your pleasure. I imagine her being stressed about a job, especially with you there because she's so protective of you. And now the fucker you were supposed to meet is no where in sight and she's all tense, looking around sporadically. You try to calm her down by putting your hand in hers and giving her a light squeeze. She looks at you and you say, "It's gonna be okay bub." She realizes then how absolutely infatuated she is by you. After another quick look around she drags you to a dark corner where you couldn't be spotted. She'll still make sure you're ready for her, not wanting to make you numb, so she'll grope your thighs and ass while kissing you feverishly, swallowing up all your whines. She'll keep going despite your protests that someone will catch you. You'd be embarrassed, sure, but with Tess' reputation no one would dare make fun of you for it. So, knowing you don't actually want her to stop, she'd slide her hand down und unbutton your pants and shove her hand down your panties. Given the time crunch of the situation, she doesn't waist any time teasing you, instead going straight for your clit. Her fingers are so warm and rough they give you the perfect amount of friction and she has to slap her other hand over your mouth to keep you from being too loud. You don't last long due to the exposure of it all. When you've both caught your breath, she licks her fingers and fixes up your clothes seconds before the guy you were supposed to meet shows up. Just like that, she's back to her tough 'don't-fuck-with-me' personality.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

She's willing to do anything you show interest in but she's often the one to want to introduce new kinks to you. Before Tess, you'd known you weren't the most domineering person but you didn't think that would translate in the bedroom, much less that you'd enjoy it. But on one of your first nights together, she helped you slip deeper and deeper into sub-space, convincing you she'd take care of you. Which she did. She made you feel so small, taking away any thought you could have that wasn't focused on her and she did it so lovingly.

She also introduced you to anal, which you were terrified of until you started to experiment with it. At first, she would just graze your tight hole which sent jolts of electricity to your spine. You eventually asked her for more and she obliged with a smirk on her lips. She made you lie down on your belly, which was in itself a rare occurence, and used your abundant wetness to push a finger in. Needless to say you were hooked after that and often begging her to abuse your ass again.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

She's a very strong woman and can therefore go for hours, sometimes lasting all night when you've been away for an especially long time. She has a hard time voicing her emotions but she's able to show you how much you mean to her through the pleasure she gives you and she can never get enough of you. She is human though so she'll stop every once in a while to get you both some water and talk with you about anything that comes to mind. You love these moments when you're talking, wrapped up in each other and you get the sudden urge to kiss her and be all over her again, knowing she would never want to do anything but be close to you.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Other than the strap, she does own a vibrator which both of you use. She likes using it on herself when you've been a brat. She makes you kneel on the floor while she turns up the vibrations and makes herself moan, her gaze never leaving yours. As she looks at you so intently, she says, "See what you did? Coulda been you making me feel good but you had to be a brat and now I gotta do it myself." with a sultry voice. All the while, you're begging her to let you make her cum but she's not having any of it. She makes you watch as she cums with your name on her lips before tossing you onto the creaky bed and fucking you with the vibrator (still wet from her heat) until you can't form a proper sentence.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Ma'am is such a fucking tease, not because she wants to torture you but because she gets so much pleasure from watching you squirm. When you're out in public, she loves going behind you and putting her hand on the front crease of your thigh, knowing how sensitive you are there. Her graze gets you slipping and she sees it. She often whispers in your ear using her bedroom voice to get you all riled up and asks questions like "Oh baby, what's gotten into you? Why are you so needy all of sudden?" when you start grabbing at her.Knowing she has so much power of you makes her weak in the knees.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

She's not a very loud person but she does make a lot of noise. When you're making her feel good, she's always moaning and groaning at how good you are. You love her moans since they're so breathy and almost she, like she reserves them for you. When she cums though, to your surprise, her voice gets uncharacteristically high and you can't help the butterflies that form in your stomach. She used to be self conscious about that, but ever since you told her how wet you get knowing that you make her feel that good, she doesn't hold back her moans.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

After a while of dating Tess, you finally get the courage to ask her to try one of your fantasies and she's more than happy to try. You tell her you want to be closer to her when you have sex and that you want to try scissoring so the next time you're making out, she pins you to the bed and grins into your mouth. "What're you up to?" you say with a slight giggle.

"Oh nothing," she says, "just making your dreams come true, princess."

Your heart skips a beat as she takes off your pants much faster than she normally would. She goes back to kissing you as she presses a knee between your legs, making you whimper. Soon, you're clawing at her pants and she gets the hint. She takes off all remaining clothing from both of you and slides her right leg over your left one, aligning her center to yours. All the while, she's looking at your fascinated face, "How you feelin' baby?" she asks.

"So good, please need you to touch me." you respond. So she does. She lowers herself onto you and the mixture of your wetness makes her grind so easily against you. You swear you've died and gone to heaven with the bliss you're feeling. And she couldn't be happier, knowing that she can truly feel how everything she's doing makes your body react.

Then you feel her throbbing and you can't help it, "Fuck! Tess I'm gonna cum please cum with me I need to feel you." you start begging.

She starts grinding harder and faster, and you know she's close too. "Go ahead, cum for me sweetheart I'm right behind you."

As you come down from your high, you feel Tess reach her climax and you're amazed at the feeling of more wetness gushing from her.

This becomes one of your regular activities.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Not much to say here other than I know it's pink—

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Her sex drive is pretty high; as I said before she can't go more than a few days without fucking you. So she'll corner you at the most random times, almost demanding that you let her "that pretty pussy of yours" and you melt for her every time. She feels lucky to be with someone who's as horny, if not more, as her and she uses that to her advantage every chance she gets.

You'll often wake up from particularly exciting dreams only to realize that it was Tess waking you up in her favourite way: hand between you're thighs and face in your neck.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Unless she's had a very long day, she doesn't fall asleep before you. She always makes sure you have everything you need before settiling into bed and nestles you under her chin until she hears your breathing even out. Then she takes a few minutes to admire your beauty as you sleep before falling asleep holding you close and safe.

***

a/n: no one asked me to do this but i needed to think about tess bc omg loml pls i need her to run me over and step on my face.

@lonelyfooryouonly here you go bbg I'm sleep deprived but lowkey proud of myself.

I was really inspired by @messrmoonyy for this fic cause there's so little Tess content on here and i wanted to do my part so she's the real hero here. Pls pls pls go check out her blog i literally fell in love and I can't go a day without my fix <3

[stayandot8]

The Listener

Genre: angsty-fluff i guess

Relationship type: established boyfriend/girlfriend

Important Contents: reader has a bout of a depressive episode and pushes Chan away, Chan won't take that lying down

a/n: every angst I write turns fluffy again, I don't know why lol. I guess I don't like the idea of either him or the character in my mind that I'm writing about (me?) in pain for very long. I was also inspired by The Trick by AJR when I started this and then it developed into this but I still might use my original idea! Just some background

WC: 2.5k

“I don’t think you should come over tonight.” I never thought I would say those words to him, but they were out before I could stop them. Our phone calls were fewer and far between, Chan’s busy schedule playing more into my unconscious plan than I thought. But this particular phone call was happening more and more often lately. 

“I haven’t seen you in weeks. Just for a few minutes. Please?”

“I’ve got so much going on and I know you do too. Just focus on that, okay?” I hung up before he could see through my lies. If I saw him face to face, I wasn’t sure what I would do. I might not let him leave and that was just as dangerous as the alternative; the opposite. What I didn’t know was that he would come over anyway. 

I was flickering through my TV from my spot on the couch, trying to find something, anything that would take my mind off of him. I was thinking about him more and more often nowadays, which scared me even more. See, here’s the thing. I have always been the type of person who didn’t need to depend on anyone. I made my own life for myself, I’m always the friend that people relied on and the person they went to for anything. When they needed advice, they would come to me. When they wanted to rant about something, I was the sounding board. If they wanted to gush, I was the one they ran to because they knew I would be happy for them, no matter what. I never had that person. I was just bothering them when I would need to return the favor or the subject would turn back to themselves and I found myself slipping into the familiar role of The Listener. 

Now, there’s someone who wants to hear everything I have to say. Every question he asks, he wants the real answer, not the one he wants to hear. And this is new for me. Which is why it’s terrifying and also the reason I've avoided his calls, texts, and apartment for the last couple weeks. 

I hear keys jingling from the hallway outside my apartment door along with heavy footsteps. I make nothing of it until the shuffles stop just outside my door and my door knob jiggles. My head snaps to the door as I sit up, ready to run for my bedroom. Then Chan bursts through my door, his eyes wild until he finds me. His brows raise in a slightly annoyed expression, his once excited posture now dropping.

“‘So much going on’, huh? Yeah, really seems like you’re busy these days.” He drops his bag by his shoes that he’s just taken off and casually strides halfway between me and the bedroom door my shoulders are leaning towards. He leans on the wall, crossing his arms as he sets his jaw and mouth in a tight line. “Care to explain?”

My shock that he had just showed up was quickly replaced by annoyance that he had in fact just showed up. 

“You can’t just walk in here-” He held up a hand before I could finish.

“You gave me that right when you gave me your spare key. Now why did you lie to me?”

I sat back into the couch facing away from him and crossing my own arms, knowing he was right. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything so we just existed in silence for as long as he could stand. 

“Okay, fine.” He left his place on the wall to sit on my coffee table in front of me, trapping me there unless I wanted to physically climb over him to run away from the eyes I knew could get me to do anything. The thought had occurred to me, what route I wanted to take when I eventually did run away from his gaze. My eyes roamed to every possible way I could go until he forced his finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him. The annoyance in his face was still present but his eyes only held concern now. “Why did you lie? Did you really not want me here?” I bit my bottom lip to stop the trembling I knew was coming. I shut my eyes and shook his finger out from underneath my chin. When I opened them again, the concern was replaced by pure sadness. 

“Just go home, Chris.” I stood, my stomach now directly in front of his face. He kept his eyes forward, now leaning his head against me.

“What did I do?” His voice cracked, breaking my resolve that much more. I looked to the ceiling, my lips trembling violently. 

“You didn’t do anything.” My voice was just as quiet as his, breaking in its own way. I finally climbed my legs out from between his and made a break for my room, knowing he’d follow me. I shut my door just in time to see him stop in the hallway, three feet from my door and with that sad look still painting his features. I turned to slide my back down the door and sat, curled up on the floor and trying to keep my sobs from coming out too loud. I felt the door thud, him doing the same as me. I heard his voice through breaks in my cries. 

“Are you trying to break up with me?” I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me. 

“No.” I said quietly. I heard him sigh, his frustrations catching up to him.

“I can only ask so many times before I give up. I have my limits too.” I heard him get up after a long few minutes, his footsteps receding down my hallway. I never heard my front door close though, so I assumed he was still there but it was the ‘why’ I couldn’t put together. I crawled to the foot of my bed, not yet strong enough to climb onto it. I grabbed a random sweatshirt from the floor to act as a pillow to cry into. I didn’t know I had fallen asleep until the sound of snoring woke me out of a dazed half slumber. When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a nose, followed by the rest of his face coming into sharper view as my vision focused. I wondered why he was still there, especially on the floor with me. 

As I unstuck my tongue from the roof of my mouth, I couldn’t help but notice the tears I had cried were causing the dryness that I was currently feeling there. My aching limbs were punishing me for trying to use them, rising from my place. I made sure not to wake up the sleeping boy next to me as I walked out to get some water from my kitchen. 

Leaning against the sink gave me the space I needed to think clearly about what had just happened.

 Do you want to break up with him? 

No. Plain and simple.

Then why are you pushing him away?

Because I’m getting too close.

No, that’s not it and you know it.

But I don’t know the actual reason.

Yes you do.

Now tell him before you lose him.

That annoying voice in my head was always right. I imagined it was that voice that stopped me from doing all of the stupid things my brain had wanted to do throughout the course of our entire relationship. I downed two glasses before I got the courage to retrace my steps back to my room. I found Chan sitting on the bed, back against the headboard. He eyed the glass of water I had brought with me for him. My feet padded against my rug to where he was, silently handing him the glass. He took it but didn’t drink. I sat down on the edge, giving myself and him the space to think. 

“Why did you stay?” I fiddled with the string of my hoodie, waiting for his answer. It was a full minute before he spoke. 

“I thought you would need me.” He said simply. “So I slept on the couch but it was so uncomfortable so I checked in here to see if you were asleep. Then I found you on the floor. You looked so sad, I couldn’t leave you like that. You had this deep frown that I couldn’t ignore so I laid down beside you and watched you sleep. I was wondering if I was the one who caused it when I drifted off too.” He took a sip of his water. I did the 180 spin to face him but not meet his eye. I picked a spot on my blanket to stare at. He took several deep breaths. 

“You can’t even look at me, can you?” My blanket was all I could see. It was the only stable thing I could focus on, a constant I could rely on to stay present in the conversation we were supposed to be having. But I wasn’t saying anything. Why am I not saying anything? I tried to move my mouth to speak but my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth. I couldn’t move. 

“Why are you pushing me away? What did I do?” The pain in his voice caused me to finally meet his gaze, the familiar tears coming back. I could only make out those eyes, begging me to tell him the truth. That closed off space in my heart was begging to be let free, just waiting for someone with the right-shaped key. And that person was sitting right in front of me, imploring me to let him in. To let him see everything, every ugly thing I had ever said or done, every thought I had he wanted to know. The moments I paused, running every possible way that this could go wrong in my brain, gave him the impression that I was closing him out again. His shoulders sagged in defeat, the sad look in his eyes hadn’t left since he crashed through my door. He looked to the floor, unsure of what to say next. He shifted his weight to leave, leave me behind. Suddenly everything went in slow motion. The worst possible situation was happening in front of my eyes, every good thing I had known was grabbing his belongings to desert me like they all did. My breathing came quicker, panic fully setting in. No. Not this one. 

I grabbed his wrist before he got too far, forcing him to stop and turn back to me. 

“Please don’t go.” I whispered. “I don’t know who I am without you.” My voice was so low I could barely hear it myself. I still wonder how he heard what I said but he did. I know he did because he kneeled in front of me.

“Every relationship I have ever had, romantic or platonic, I’ve had to pretend to be people that I thought they would want to love. I wanted to be loved so badly that I would transform into different people to please them. I would like things I don’t, do things I never thought I would do in the worst way just to make people happy. I’ve done that my whole life. Except… when I met you. I found that when you were asking me things, the only answer I could give was the real one. You would ask me what I wanted to do and for the first time, I wasn’t secretly thinking ‘what do I think he wants to do?’ You never made me feel like I had to be someone else. I feel like I’ve never met myself until I started hanging around you. And that terrifies me.”

“But why? Why does that scare you?”

“I thought you would notice that and push me away. So I did it first.”

He sighed, his shoulders drooping as he rested his forehead on my knees. That’s when the shaking started, the vulnerability of this moment starting to take over.

“I’ve always been the one people depend on. I’m not used to having someone like that. I feel like I can’t breathe without you. And I’ve never felt that before. I’ve never needed anyone like I need you. All the time, everywhere.”

“Well, I don’t know if you know this, but I’m the same way. I have seven kids that I have to be strong for. That I have to be stable for. And you keep me stable. I have millions of people who rely on me because I bring them strength and comfort. I don’t know how, but I have to believe what they tell me. I feel like I put too much on your shoulders because I’m in this relationship with you. I know I can only be around so much and my attention has to be split between so many things. But you have been such a breath of refreshment every time. I can relax around you.  I don’t have to be anyone else with you. I don’t have to put on a mask or be a professional or someone else. You make me appreciate the simple things about myself. You remind me that I don’t have to be Bang Chan all the time. With you, I can be Chris.” He stood only enough to be eye level with me, bringing his hands to catch my tears from falling all the way down. “Sometimes I think I’m a little too obsessed with you. I feel like I crowd you too much. I know I can be very clingy but it's just because I can’t possibly be around you enough.”

 I chuckled through the remainder of the tears, simply for something else to do. 

“I never had to depend on anyone before you. I was the one people depended on.” 

“Even the dependable people need someone to lean on. The listeners need someone to listen to them.” The way he whispered it against my forehead sent a shiver down my body. “And now that we’ve established that, can we please sleep on something other than the floor? I know you’re exhausted.” I nodded, looking longingly at my pile of pillows, exhaustion taking over my limbs. I knew this conversation wasn’t over but for now, I just missed him too much. We both moved to our respective sides, his arms opening to invite me in. I let myself be pulled up into his chest, his warmth surrounding me as his chin rested on the top of my head. 

“I missed you.” He sighed, his breath tickling my hair on my neck. I had no more words left so I just did the only thing I knew could express my feelings at that moment. I just hugged him tighter. My last thoughts before I drifted off were the ones that had been going through my head since I met him.

 Please don’t leave me.

[basic204]

Writing Prompt

Please write up your normal day but make it cyberpunk example:

The first size chirping of my digital alarm brings me out of the hazy sleep I barely got last night into a tactile world of sunlight and stuffy air that seeps in through my windows and past my air filter. I can already hear the sounds of the city outside of my window the film of grime on it giving everything a hazy look. I look away from the window to the universe and the palm of my hand. A 19 by 9 window Of 8 million pixels flares to life with a simple button push infinite configurability and it's the closest thing we have to the morning post Only a lot less friendly. The online forums are already active and justice like the city that never sleeps they continue to share, message and post reminding me that even after I die and my body is cremated the net will buzz on barely noticing my existence.

I leave the cubicle in my room and walk into my kitchen oh this tiny apt. I grabbed my cup and fill it with dihydrogen monoxide. I put it into a machine that blasts it with microwaves to make the molecules jiggle to simulate heat we don't even have real fire anymore just directed energy. As that's happening I spend the next 30 minutes playing catch up on all the things I missed in the twilight loneliness of my room while I slept. The only real connection now come what I see on my screen. The directed energy box beeps and lets me know that my dihydrogen oxide is Finally hot I steep my black tea I'm pouring some ultra filtered milk.

My com chirps once more encrypted message from my boss he needs me come in. He needs me to set up new cloud servers. I'm a Sysadmin. While the code Jockeys are tapping away all night to build you your quick serve applications. I'm the one who keeps it all running who keeps the firewalls hot so the keyboard cowboys don't tear it all down for the LOL's.

I spin up my encrypted Messenger making sure to set it to its maximum settings. I can already hear the transistors in my phone worrying as I type out my message and it prepares to send a 256bit encrypted message to the other side of the country.

We don't even work in the same cities anymore everything's remote. I even work from home. I've never even really touched a physical server in my entire life no I'd log in through command line interfaces plugged right into my eye sockets to the screen in my hand pair it it takes me a few moments to configure the servers spinning them up and then setting them out to their tasks like good little soldiers .

Cloud computing is all the rage but at the end of the day it's all just someone elses computer and I don't trust anything important anymore to be on someone elses system. If I don't own the network then I don't put anything sensitive on it anymore.

As I watched the code scroll as my configuration sets up I check the news and see a new cyberattack takes down AT&T the largest network in the country taking most phone services offline. For me I set up my own years ago piggybacking on the network this city set up. Yeah I said I'm a system administrator but it doesn't mean I wasn't a hacker in a past life you all got to start somewhere.

I see that pharmaceutical networks are being Disrupted by the digital chaos. I checked the configuration on the rest of the servers to make sure they're hardened just in case this stupidity continues. I drink down my tea and I decided it's time for me to head outside and meet up with a few friends I have left in this city

I put on my air filtration mask filtering 99.999% of all the air I breathe to keep out The noxious and polluted air but to also protect me from the return of the flu and covid19. Add over to my elevator and take it down and as I pass the various floors in here the voices of my neighbors talking once I'm on the ground floor I hear my neighbor Gloria arguing with the security guard about who they should vote for president doesn't matter they're both digital sock puppets nothing's going to change. I hear Gloria ask her phone her facts about one of the candidates the AI on her phone reaches out into the net and scoops up the most convenient pieces of information and presented to her just how she wants it curated to exactly the way she wants to see the world. I drawn out the political nonsense by putting in headphones and tuning into a consensual hallucination does it make my way to the Enter way to the trains.

[ftmtum]

The second you asked me to get you pregnant, I couldn't say no. Who would be able to say no after seeing you in this state? Your hands were discontentedly settled over your flat stomach. You needed life within, you needed that. You needed me to give that to you. So I happily obliged.

Maybe I overdid it. Sometimes when I see you, I think I did. When I see your hips or the side of your belly squeeze through door frames. When I see how obscenely knocked up you are. When I notice your bouncing tits, full of milk for our babies. Every morning when you lament about not a single piece of your clothing fitting right. Seeing all this really makes me think I did exactly what you asked of me. I made you massively, unbelievably pregnant. And you can bet I'll be doing it again.

when i waddle out of the bedroom every morning for breakfast, i have to take about a minute or so to squeeze my enormous, spreading hips through the doorframe. before you did such a thorough job of knocking me up, i was less than half as wide as i am now. but my body has been preparing for your huge babies since the second you filled my fertile pussy up with your cum. my ass is so much bigger than before that i've had to trade out my usual pants and shorts for skirts that don't even pretend to cover a single thing. my ass is far too huge for skirts of any length to look like anything other than the tiniest miniskirts on me.

my tits have also swelled up considerably. before i could wear most things and have people never even notice my little breasts, but now.... god, now they're so huge that not a single shirt i own even manages to cover them past my areolas. in most of my shirts that still manage to cover even just my big, milky nipples, i can't lift my arms up — or, really, move much at all — without them fully sloshing out, on full display for everyone around me. they dont manufacture bras that are big enough for how ive gotten, so there's nothing to prevent them from bouncing right out of my shirts. and anyway — even if i could physically get a bra on at this point, my breasts are far, far too sensitive for that. i can even feel them as they slosh around and jiggle with every step i take, dripping milk with each and every bounce.

and of course, my belly. god, i'm so, so, unbelievably gigantic. i havent been able to reach my belly button in nearly a month, and my waddle is so pronounced that the word "waddle" is clearly in no way strong enough. i'm a lot slower, too, since theyre so heavy, so my enormous, taut, gravid belly tends to enter rooms nearly 10 entire seconds before i do. the babies you filled me up so completely with are also relatively active for having such little room, and you can often see a little bit of shifting going on somewhere inside my enormous, gravid womb — true evidence that we created real, actual life together.

god, i am so fucking huge. now when i sit down, my belly reaches nearly to my knees, and i've been looking like i was beyond ready to pop for about a month and a half now. three months ago people started asking how many i was having instead of when i was due. i'm sure, now, that the second i'm done giving birth to these huge, heavy babies, i will make sure that you're already sliding into me ready to fill me up all over again.

i rub my enormous belly, as it forces my legs apart. wow, and to think... i've still got three whole months left until i'm due ;)

[kingdaddydaichi]

NSFW Alphabet || Katsuki Bakugou

I had so much fun with this! Vodka may or may not have been involved in the making of this little ditty. 🍸 I hope you shameless hussies enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. 😩

*Exhibit A:

(Source)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I feel like he gets clingy asf, but plays it off like it's something he's doing for your sake. He'll probably never admit that he feels so vulnerable after sex, but he does. If it was a rough session - which it usually is with him - he'll ask if you're okay, if you're hurt anywhere, kiss any marks he left on you - he's such a protective hero boi.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: he's not gonna lie, he's fully aware of how well-endowed he is. He really is proud of his cock, the way it makes you sing when he works it - and he knows how to work it okay? Favorite non-sexual body part - his arms. He works hard to keep them cut (as in lifting, not cutting). 😬

Yours: listen, Katsuki is an ass man through and through. Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong, I'm 👏🏼 not 👏🏼 listening 👏🏼. He loves to watch the subtle ripples he sends through your ass cheeks when he's driving into you from behind. Also, our big scary boomboom man appreciates a nice, thicc pair of thighs. Bonus points if they're muscular/toned - he loves the way it feels when your thighs have such a strong grip around him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Let's just say our boy's orgasms are explosive. He cums hard and loud, shooting long ropes of his hot seed. Consistency is about average, not too thick, not to thin, but there's a lot of it. He doesn't taste too bad - salty, but not too bitter. You're more likely to gag from the sheer volume and force of his cum hitting the back of your throat than the flavor.

His precum gets honorable mention here. It's fucking delicious. That is all.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It took him no less than 2 years into your relationship to tell you this, and if you ever tell anyone he might actually kill you, or at the very least make your ass bleed. He hasn't gotten to the point that he's ready to try it yet, but he's not entirely opposed to the idea of you pegging him. Someday. It kinda does make his balls tingle a little just thinking about it tbh. He hasn't yet, but he thinks he might be ready to try working up to it and is really close to asking you to stick a finger in his ass and stroke his prostate. He's heard how good it feels and he's super curious to find out for himself.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not very experienced, actually. He's only had 1 or 2 lovers before you, BUT he's determined to be #1 at everything. Couple that with how perceptive he is and you've got yourself a winner of a loverboy. He's going to make damn sure that, even if things don't work out between you two, he will always ALWAYS be the best you've ever had. No other man will outdo him, E-V-E-R.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggystyle all the way, baby. As stated before, he loves watching your booty jiggle every time he slams his hips against it. He gets off on spreading your ass cheeks to watch his slick-coated cock slide in and out of you. God he just loves hitting it from behind, makes his dick so fucking hard.

Bonus 2nd Favorite Position (couldn't help myself): you on your back with your ankles on his shoulders, your ass lifted off the bed, him on his knees and hugging those thick thighs of yours, keeping them closed as he reams into you. (Slight variation of this one: he leans over you, nearly folding you in half, putting you back on your shoulders with his hands pressing into the mattress beside you, angling you such that his prominent corona rubs over your g-spot as he drills down into you. 10/10 you're gonna scream his name when (not if) your liquid gushes all over him.)

Tell me the truth, am I a disgusting human being? Here are all the fucks I give:

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Bakugou is serious asf about his sex game. This is not the time to joke around or poke fun at him, understand me? If you do he will get pissed and either fuck the silly out of you, or if he's feeling particularly ruthless he'll just stop altogether and let you ache for him as punishment until you beg him for release.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He takes care of his body, paying a lot of attention to his hygiene, which includes manscaping to keep his pubic hair trimmed and kempt. The carpet's just a shade darker than the drapes, like a honey blond. If he lets it grow out, it sticks straight out just like his head hair. It's actually kind of funny and he hates it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

*sigh* Let's be honest. Katsuki is not the super romantic type, at least not outwardly. However, if he realizes something he's doing is hurting you - physically or emotionally - he's going to stop dead in his tracks and hold you close, push his fingers through your hair, and tell you how much he loves you and how safe you are. He can be rough and he can be an asshole, but if he thinks he's genuinely hurt you at all, he's all over you, doing everything he can to make you understand that he will never let anyone hurt you, especially not himself. Got that?

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't jack off very often. You two share a very active sex life so he doesn't see the need to. If you have to be apart for more than a day or two, he'll rub one out. Or if the need hits him particularly hard and you're not available or in the mood, he's not above closing his eyes and reaching into his pants to wrap his thick fingers around his cock and start tugging.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Lord Baby Jesus, where do I even begin? Kinky, kinky Katsuki. This man should come with warning signs and disclaimers.

First of all, he dom asf okay? Even if he lets you play with his ass someday, he's gonna be bratty about it. He's going to top from the bottom, hashtag facts. And trust that he WILL own you afterwards to securely reestablish his dominance.

Giving and Receiving: Hair pulling. DIRTY TALK - you think he's got a potty mouth in the streets? His mouth is downright filthy between the sheets. Loves it when you dirty talk right back to him. "You love taking my fat cock, don't you princess?" "Mm yessss, fuck me, Katsuki! Your cock feels so fucking good babyyy!" He eats that shit up.

Giving Only: Degradation. Praise. Spanking. Cockwarming. Dom/sub/power play. Shibari/ropework (he tried it bc you wanted to and he fucking loved it). Creampies. Begging. Discipline. Ravishment.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere inside your home/homes - bed, bathroom/kitchen countertops, kitchen/dining table, office desk/chair, any piece furniture is fair game really, up against a wall, washer/dryer, the fucking floor, ugh just all the places to fuck. Not one square foot is sacred tbh.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Wear something that showcases the curve of your butt. Doesn't have to be revealing per se, matter of fact he'll get possessive as fuck if you're showing too much skin in public. At home/privately though? He can't help himself. Dat ass tho...he is going to smack it hard enough that it stings and that's final, understand?

Tease him. You can't be obvious about it though. If he senses that you're doing it on purpose, it'll just backfire. But if you just so happen to brush against his crotch when you squeeze past him, it'll drive him crazy. Go commando in short shorts/skirt and cross your legs just so, his dick will twitch. Even better if you do shit like this in public where you know he won't act on it. But when you get home you best believe he's going to dick you down so hard, won't even bother to take said shorts or skirt off.

His ears and neck are his most sensitive erogenous zones. Whisper in his ear or kiss his neck and he's going to grit his teeth in an effort to fight back the shudder that threatens to rattle his bones.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Let's get one thing straight. Katsuki Bakugou does not share. This is non-negotiable. He will not agree to anything involving additional people - cuckolding, threesomes, orgies, exhibitionism, voyeurism (unless it's him watching you pleasure yourself - that he will gladly do, and probably start palming himself in the process).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves giving and receiving. Giving puts him in full control of your pleasure, receiving makes him feel like you're worshipping his cock, which you probably are. Have you seen this man's cock? Of course you have. Gatdamn.

Y'all, Katsuki's so good at eating pussy. Like how does one get that good at eating pussy? I don't even know, but god the way he flicks his hot tongue over your precious, tiny bud before wearing it down like a fucking feed bag? It's unnatural. Like it could be his backup quirk if blowing shit up doesn't work out. You've seen the way he licks his lips when he gets excited, everyone has.* He doesn't even bother swallowing while he's feeding on you so you just be dripping in slick and saliva and he's just slurping away. It's lewd.

*See Exhibit A above.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You already know this, but I'll say it anyway. His go-to fucking style is fast and rough, dominant and relentless, hard and dirty. But every once in a while he'll want to take you slow and deep and passionate. He'll hold you so tight in his arms and chest, you'll have to tap his shoulder sometimes to let you breathe. And he'll just roll his hips so fucking thoroughly both of you will feel every last inch, his pubic bone rubbing your clit so hard. You've told him so many times how much you love it when he makes love to you like this, but he maybe makes it a rare treat on purpose. 😈 Little shit.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are difficult for our boy. It's not that he's against them, it's just that he savors every drop of sensuality, he has a tendency to draw the pleasure out as long as possible. He can’t help it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

The idea of having public sex turns him on, but he's only done it with you a couple of times when he was 10000% sure you wouldn't be caught. He can't risk doing anything that would tarnish his reputation and goal of becoming the #1 Hero. He might be freaky as hell, but he needs a sex scandal like an Alaskan needs a refrigerator.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He loves you long time. He's a Taurus for fuck's sake (well, Aries/Taurus cuspie, but that just sweetens the deal). Great stamina. Grinds you down like a whetstone. Can last as long as he needs to to ensure you cum for him as many times as it takes for you to beg him to stop. If he feels himself getting too close while you're blowing him, he'll stop you and go down on you instead. If he's inside of you, he'll pull out and start kissing all over your body, sucking, nipping, licking until his urge to cum passes, then he pushes it right back in and keeps going.

If on the off-chance he does cum before you, he'll be ready to go again in about 20-30 mins. Just give him some motivation, he deserves it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didn't own any toys when you first got together, but you did. He hated the idea of you using them though, especially when he's right there with you. You've since assured him that you don't want to use them to replace him, but to enhance the pleasure. So now you do use them from time to time.

The first time you managed to coax him into using a toy together, it was a small wireless bullet with a remote. When you brought it out and showed it to him, there was a wild glint in his eye. He carefully inserted the vibrator into you, his cock slowly following suit. He loved the fact that he had complete control over this thing, but later complained because the sensation of it against the head of his cock made him cum too fast. He still wants to use it sometimes though. 😏

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh he can be so unfair. He loves teasing you until you're begging him to put his cock inside you. He's not so much into orgasm denial per se; he just loves to hear you beg him for shit - to let you cum, to suck his dick, to stop fucking you when you're overstimmed, etc.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Lol he's fucking LOUD! And he's going to make you cum so hard that you're screaming his fucking name. There was a time when one or both of you lived in an apartment and the neighbors would bang on the wall behind your headboard.

Shit, what sounds does he NOT make? He growls, moans, grunts, groans, yells, swears, fucks you so hard you can hear the wet sound of slapping skin, hell even the bed protests. Another reason he doesn't fuck in public - he can't stay quiet enough to be discreet about it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Okay, as much of a wild sex beast as he is behind closed doors, he gets embarrassed so easily when your sex life is so much as hinted at around others. It's legit funny how flustered he gets about it.

If he goes into work real tired and Kirishima says, "Hey Bakubro, you look like shit this morning. You and (y/n) stay up too late?" while doing the finger in the hole gesture, Katsuki will just "Shut the fuck up, Shitty Hair, or I'll blast your ass right through that fucking wall!"

Or if you two go out together with friends and the girls are talking about sex-related stuff, Katsuki will just roll his eyes and try to ignore it. But if one of them is all "So, (y/n), does Bakugou ever like accidentally let off explosions while you're doing it?" and you wink and say, "Only when he's especially *cough* frustrated *cough*". Katsuki will go red from his neck up to his hairline and start stuttering, sparks flying from his palms. "H-hey, d-don't tell them sh-shit like that! I-it's none of their god-goddamn b-business, (y/n), what th-the f-fuck?!" Meanwhile, you and the girls are in stitches while he stomps away, just mortified, bless his heart. When you catch your breath from laughing you'll follow it up with, "Looks like tonight's gonna be one of those nights", and you all lose it again.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

As has been mentioned, Bakugou's well-endowed. I figure he's packing about 7.5-8" in length x just under 2" wide. He takes some getting used to, that's for damn sure. Oh, and he's more of a shower than a grower. Like around 6" long x 1.5" wide when flaccid. Katsuki + sweatpants/basketball shorts = swinging dick print, alright sis? Take notes, this motherfucker visibly jumps when he does, class dismissed.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Eh, he's surprisingly not ridiculously horny. Maybe a little above average sex drive? A lot of times hero work just takes it out of him and he comes home utterly exhausted and just needs a soft place to land, and you provide him with all the love and nurturing in your heart. ❤

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends, really, on the time of day and what type of day it's been. If it's late (like past 9pm lol) and he fought more villains than usual that day, he's probs gonna pass out pretty soon after. If it's earlier in the day - especially first thing in the morning - it gets him pumped and almost comically genki.

[kpop---scenarios]

Same Time (4)

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Pairing: Changbin x Reader/Minho x Reader

Warnings: Smut, Unprotected Fucking, Oral (m. & f.), fingering ect. Angst

Word Count: 3.9k

Taglist: @binnieboyswhore @f4ncyvelvet @skittlez-area512 @biaswreckingfics @buttvi @imhyvnjin @wheeintaer @rindomo @lizsvcks @zhaqifa @markswifeu @qtieskz @joonies-destiny @etherealbyeol @straytannies @twnklbb @multi--kpop--fanfics @lilithxray

Unable to Tag: @hwly0ung

Both men physically tense up as they eye eachother up. Minho's heart pounds into his ears as Changbin puffs out his chest, trying to seem intimidating to Minho, but it doesn't bother him. Minho sets his shoulders before clearing his throat. "She deserves better than you. She deserves better than being treated like she's nothing." 

Changbin laughs. "And better is you?" He sneers. 

"Absolutely. I won't keep her hidden, act like I'm embarrassed to be seen with her." Minho scoffs. 

"I'm not embarrassed of her.." Changbin says. "She's not going to say yes to you. She's in love with me, it'll always be me." Changbin smiles. "Sure, she went on a date with you, but she'll keep fucking me." He laughs, patting Minho on the shoulder. Minho steps back from Changbin, nodding his head. 

"Yeah." Minho smiles. "We'll see about that." He finishes, walking away from the delusional man. Minho knew he had gotten into your head about how badly Changbin was treating you. You were a smart girl, he knew you'd realize your worth and soon you'd be his. 

** 

You're dancing through your apartment, listening to music while cleaning. You had spoken to Changbin in a few days and honestly your heart hurt, but you knew you needed to distance yourself from him if you were going to be happy with someone else. 

You stop in your tracks, the smile fading from your face as you think about being with someone other than Changbin. As much of a dick as he was, and how dumb he was, you still wanted him. You still hoped that somehow he might love you back. 

You knew the likeliness of that was slim to none. He has Hwasa, so he didn't need you anymore. You sigh as you pull out your headphones, not quite feeling like dancing anymore. You were just about to curl into a ball on the couch when your phone began to buzz. Your smile grows, seeing Minho's name flashing across the screen. Quickly you answer it. "Hello?" 

"Hey you." He says, you can hear tension in his voice through the speaker. 

"You okay?" You ask. 

"All good." He laughs. "What are you up to tonight?" He asks. "I want to do something." 

"I'm not doing anything." You excitedly say. "What did you have in mind?" 

"Something special." He tells you. "I'll pick you up at 8pm." 

"See you then." You finish, hanging up the phone. You set it down on the table, realizing that your heart suddenly doesn't feel so empty. 

** 

Your doorbell rings at 8pm exactly, and you are ready. You had no idea what he had planned, so you decided to go casual with leggings, a cute top and a cardigan, you left your hair down and applied natural looking makeup. 

You open the door and Minho's face immediately lights up when he sees you. "You take my breath away everytime." He sighs, grabbing your hand and kissing it before pulling you from your apartment and leading you down to his car. 

"So what's the plan?" You ask, buckling your seatbelt. 

"Well, since no one is at the dorm tonight, I set up something." He says, scanning your face for your reaction. 

You smile widely, nodding your head in excitement as Minho begins to drive you back to his dorm. 

Thirty minutes later you're sitting on the couch in the living room, surrounded by candles, an array of your favorite snacks laid out on the coffee table, with a pile of your favorite movies stacked on the floor. 

"Which one first?" He asks, pointing to the pile. 

"Gotta start off with zombies." You laugh. "Train to Busan."

Minho grins, pulling it from the pile and putting it in the DVD player. He had a feeling on why you picked this movie, and as it played on and people began getting sick and the action started, his assumptions were correct. You continued to inch closer to him with every scary part of the movie until he had his arm wrapped around you and you were snuggled into his side. 

He honestly felt like his heart couldn't take it. He hadn't felt as happy as he did in that exact moment for who knows how long. 

After the movie had ended, Minho stuck in the second movie, but you weren't paying too much attention to it. You looked over at Minho who had already been looking at you. You smile, darting your eyes away and then look back at him, who was still looking at you. 

"What?" You giggle. 

"You're just so beautiful." He sighs, grabbing your chin. Minho closes his eyes, leaning in for a kiss, parting his lips. Before the two of you could kiss the, the door opened and a few of the members walked in, coming back home early, despite saying they wouldn't be back until morning. 

It eventually got so crowded that the two of you decided that you would go to your house where you would have much more privacy. 

The drive was quiet, your stomach was nervous. You wanted him to kiss you, you wanted him to touch you, and you hoped he would make a move tonight. 

"So..." You begin, placing your keys on your kitchen table. 

"I'm going to do something." He starts. "And if you're uncomfortable, let me know, but I need to do this." He finishes. You both stand there for a few seconds, staring at each other before Minho walks towards you. He reaches his hands out, placing them on either side of your face before leaning down, pressing his lips to yours. You wrap your arms around his waist, falling into the kiss. Slowly the kiss becomes more heated, Minho slips his tongue into your mouth, tangling it with yours. 

You had been kissed before, more times than you could count, but this.. you had never been kissed like this before. The passion Minho had for you came out in the way he kissed you, the way he held you and caressed you. 

He suddenly pulls away, panting as he tries to catch his breath. You look at him confused, as if you had done something wrong. "I'm sorry." He whispers. 

"If I didn't stop I was going to take it further." He explains. 

"I want you too." You whisper, looking at him with a seductive smile.

"You're.. ready?" He asks.

You excitedly nod your head as he smiles widely. Without warning he runs towards you, scooping you up and over his shoulder before running off to find your bedroom. 

Minho lays you on your bed, while he stands over you just admiring you. "I want you to do whatever you want to me." You say. 

He lightly chuckles. "Oh baby. You don't know what you're in for." 

Minho runs his hands up your legs, tucking his fingers into the waist of your leggings. He hooks his fingers in, pulling them down, along with your panties. You lift your ass, helping him take them off. He slowly pulls them down, over your thighs, down to your calves, pooling them at your ankles before fully pulling them off. With a smirk on his face, stands up, discarding his shirt and undoing the button to his jeans, pulling them down and leaving them on your floor as he crawls onto your bed. He positions one leg between your legs as he crawls up to you. He runs his hands over your stomach, pushing up your shirt, groaning as it's pushed over your breasts, making them jiggle. He helps you take it off, throwing it behind him as you sit up slightly, letting him unhook your bra, tossing it to the side. 

He cups your breasts, leaning his head down, taking your nipple in his mouth, sucking gently until the bud hardens in his mouth, running his tongue over it. He releases your nipple, moving over to your other one to do the same thing. You let out small breathy pants as he licks and sucks your nipples, teasing you, making your pussy throb in anticipation. He brings his head closer to you, pressing his lips against yours, deepening the kiss quickly while slipping his tongue into your mouth, making you moan into the kiss. Without breaking the kiss, he moves his hand down your body placing it between your bodies and between your lips, rubbing your throbbing nub. 

"Oh." You groan, as your back arches, pushing yourself more into him. You can feel his hard cock pushing against your pelvic bone as he begins to slowly hump you, rubbing his clothed cock against you. 

"Just fuck me, please." You beg, bucking your hips. "I want to feel you inside me." You whisper. 

"Soon enough." He smirks, moving down your body, until his face is buried between your legs. He spreads your lips, diving in face first, attaching his lips to your clit, sucking while inserting two fingers inside you. 

"Oh my god." You groan, as Minho pumps his fingers in and out of you, while licking your clit, teasing you with the tip of his tongue. Your orgasm builds quickly, it's been a few days since you had gotten off, your pussy was begging you to let her cum. You grind yourself against his face and he picks up the pace with his fingers, switching between licking and sucking your clit. You grip the bed sheets as pleasure radiates through your body, the feeling of pure bliss surrounding you. You grab onto a clump of his hair as your orgasm hits, you aggressively grind on his tongue, riding through your high. 

"Fuck, Minho." You scream out, jolting upright as you cum all over his face. 

You collapse back on the bed, panting as Minho looks up at you, his face glistening with your cum. He crawls up the bed standing up to take off his boxers, throwing them behind him. He kneels beside your face, turning your head to face his large, thick cock staring directly at you in the face. 

"Open." He demands. You get on all fours, opening your mouth for him to shove his cock down your throat. You close your mouth around him, sucking as hard as you could, as he kneels there with his hands tucked behind his head. 

"Good girl." He groans, watching you slurp on his cock, drool spilling from your mouth. Minho grabs a fistful of hair before he thrusts his cock down your throat making you choke, tears running down your cheeks as he continues to do it. 

"That's it. Take that cock." He grunts, thrusting himself into your mouth over and over again. He pulls himself out of your mouth, laying down on the bed. "Ride my face and suck my cock." He grins. You straddle yourself on his face, his tongue already out to lick your pussy again. You bend down, sticking his cock back in your mouth as he sucks and slurps on your clit again. His tongue movements make you forget what you're supposed to be doing as you begin to hump his face. 

You swallow his cock again, deepthroating it as far as you can, until he thrusts up, sending it far down your throat again, making him groan onto your pussy. He quickened his pace, making you cum quickly, spilling your juices all over his face. He doesn't bother to clean himself up, instead pushes you off him after you cum, holding your legs up in the air as he lines himself up with your entrance. He grips tightly to your legs, pushing his cock inside you, stretching you out. He immediately begins to pound your pussy, desperately yearning for his own release. 

"Fuck." You scream. 

"Scream my name." He moans. 

"Minho.. oh fuck Minho." You scream, loudly. 

He pulls you in closer to him, his thrusts shorter and harder as he grunts loudly, sweat dripping from his forehead. He quickly pulls out of you, pulling you up to your knees, placing you flush against his. He bends down to insert his cock inside you again, pulling your back close to his chest. He thrusts violently as his hand wraps around your throat, squeezing tightly as he moans into your ear. 

"You're gonna make me cum." He grunts, squeezing tighter as he shoots his cum into your pussy, filling you up. He pulls out of you, his cock red and throbbing, your pussy dripping in cum. 

You both collapse on the bed, your bodies dripping in sweat as you both try to calm your breathing. 

"That." Breath. "Was." Breath. 

"Amazing." He finishes. You laugh, turning your head to look at him. 

"I think I'm going to get a noise complaint.. They're going to know your name now." You giggle. 

"You introduced me very well." Minho laughs, struggling to get out of your bed. "Do you mind if I shower?" He asks. "I need to go home, and as much as I love it, I don't want to show up smelling like pussy." 

Your face turns bright red as you hide your face under the covers. You wave your hand out, shooing him to go. All you can hear as he walks away is his laughs at your embarrassment. A few minutes later you join him, having some fun in your shower. 

** 

Minho doesn't lose his smile the entire drive home the next morning. He replays the sound of you moaning, the sound of you screaming his name as you came all over his cock and his face. Fuck, he was getting hard again just thinking about it. As he walks in the door of the dorm, he sees Changbin sitting on the couch, looking up at him. 

"Where were you?" Changbin asks. "You were gone all night." 

Minho rolls his eyes, going to walk past but Changbin stands up, blocking Minho's path, Minho takes a deep breath in to try and calm himself before looking Changbin in the eyes. Changbin stood close enough to Minho that he immediately recognized the scent radiating off his body. 

It was yours. It was your soap. 

The ocean smelling body wash he always loved to use when he showered at your place. He steps back, his face angry. "You were with Ayn?" 

"What do you think?" Minho asks, rolling his eyes. 

Changbin grips the collar of Minho's shirt, pulling him closer, exposing a few small hickies scattered near his collarbone. 

Changbin furrows his brows, asking Minho a question through gritted teeth."Did you fuck her?" 

Minho smiles, leaning in closer to Changbin. He whispers in his ear. "Take a guess." Minho laughs. "Of course I did. Do you wanna hear details? How many times she came from my tongue or my dick? Her voice might be a little hoarse when you call her." He smirks. "My name is a little rougher in the throat." He finishes with a wink as fury takes over Changbin. He pushes Minho back, raising his fist, and punching an unsuspecting Minho directly in the face. Minho stumbles back, his hand covering his mouth, shocked. Minho uses his finger to touch his lip, feeling the blood dripping down his face from his split lip. 

He laughs manically, as he stands up, looking at the furious Changbin who stands there huffing, his body physically shaking. He charges for Minho again, but this time Minho catches Changbin off guard, hitting him in the side of the face with his fist, causing him to lose his footing, almost falling back. 

Changbin stands up, looking at Minho with such disgust and hatred in the moment. 

"Maybe I deserved the first one." Minho yells. "But I don't deserve another one for treating her better than you ever have." He spits. A smile spreads across Minho's face as he looks Changbin in the eyes. "I treat her better, which means I probably fuck her better too?" 

Changbin charges for Minho again, tackling him to the ground, swinging at his face, trying to get as many punches in as he can. Minho blocks his face before the rest of the members rush into the living room, pulling Changbin off of Minho. Bang Chan holds onto Changbin as Han helps Minho up. Minho let's out a loud laugh. "Look at this. Look at how mad he got because he fucked up a good thing." 

"What the hell is going on between the two of you?" Bang Chan yells, looking between the two sweaty, disheveled men. 

"He fucked Ayn!" Changbin yells, pointing at Minho. "He knows I'm in love with her!" 

"He's pissed that he fucked up with her." Minho yells. "I'm just shooting my shot with a woman who I'm interested in. It's not my fault you don't have any balls to confess to her." 

"All this, over a fucking girl?" Bang Chan yells. "Give me your phones and get the fuck out of my sight." He yells. 

Changbin and Minho hand over their phones before walking away to their rooms, not saying a word to each other. 

Bangchan takes a deep breath, hiding both the boys phones before pulling out his own phone, dialing your number. He sits down on the couch, dreading the fact that he has to make this call to you but he doesn't have a choice. He can't continue to have his members fist fighting over a woman. 

You're sitting on the couch, eating snacks and watching a show when your phone rings. You look at the ID and instantly are nervous. Bangchan never calls you, and when he does it is usually with an issue. 

"Hello?" You answer, trying to not sound nervous. 

"Ayn." Bangchan sighs. "What the fuck are you doing?" He asks. 

"I'm sorry?" You say, feeling a little taken aback. You adjust your sitting position, as if that's going to help you hear better. 

"With Changbin and Minho. What the fuck are you doing?" He asks, his voice steadily rising. "I cannot have my members fucking fist fighting and attacking each other over some pussy." 

"What are you talking about?" You ask, genuinely confused. 

"Figure your shit out Ayn before you don't see either of them again." He spits, hanging up the call. 

You had absolutely no idea what was happening. Why were they fist fighting over you? What the hell was wrong with Changbin and Minho. You felt so overwhelmed with everything. You had no idea what to do with either situation. You felt like you wanted to disappear, start fresh. With tears brimming in your eyes, you tried to set your phone down, until it rang again. 

"Hello?" You whisper. 

"Ayn!" Your friend Jessi yells through the speaker. "Bitch! Beach vacation, two weeks. Come on, you gotta join us." 

A beach vacation? Away from everyone and everything for two weeks? 

"I'm in." You say, clearing your throat. "I'm coming right away. I'm going to pack quickly. Text me the address." You say, hanging up the phone. You jump off the couch, rushing around your room to pack everything you need. Bathing suits, shorts, tank tops, sun hats and you would most definitely make a stop for alcohol on your way out. 

As you finished packing, slid on your sandals and grabbed your car keys, your phone rang. Looking at the screen, you were confused about why Felix was calling you. He never called you? 

"Felix?" You answer. 

"Hey you. It's me." You hear through the speaker. "My phone was taken." Minho says. 

You don't say anything. 

"Can you come over?" He asks. "It's important. I really need to talk to you." He pleads. 

You let out a long breath. "Sure. I'll be there in twenty." You say, hanging up the phone. 

** 

Twenty minutes later you were standing inside the dorm with your arms crossed, with Minho standing in front of you, looking extremely nervous. You note the bust lip as you're staring at him. 

"I have to ask you something." He begins. 

"Minho, I shouldn't be here.. " you whisper. 

"Just give me a minute." He pleads. "I want to know if you would be my girlfriend?" He smiles. 

Your eyes widened at his question, it hadn't been something you were expecting him to say. 

"I don't.. I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.." you whisper. 

Minho looks offended at your answer. "After everything?" He scoffs. "You're still torn? It's an obvious choice."

"I need to figure out what I want. And I don't know who or what that is." 

"I want to be with you." He laughs. "I don't just want you as just some hole to fuck." 

"Wow." You scoff. 

"I'm leaving. Don't call me." You growl, turning away from him to storm out of the dorm. 

How fucking dare he? 

You're fighting off tears as you slam the front door, walking down the hall with your head down. You don't see the man walking towards you and he doesn't see you either. You both collide, with you hitting his chest, stumbling back. You look up to apologize, until you see it's Changbin. 

"Ayn.." he whispers. 

You don't say anything, only try to move past him but he stops you. "You don't have to say anything, just listen to me." He pleads. 

What the hell was with them today?  

You cross your arms and tap your foot as you wait for him to speak. He lowers his head, scratching the back of his neck before he begins to speak. "I'm in love with you." 

Your heart begins to race. 

"I acted the way I did because I was terrified of my feelings for you. I was scared that I would ruin things, that you wouldn't feel the same as me. I wasn't sure if I could take that kind of heartbreak.. so instead of hurt you and you will never know how much I regret the things I said and did to you. But I needed you to know, I love you." He breathes. 

"Why now? Why are you telling me this now? You've had months to tell me but instead you treated me like garbage. I just can't do this today. I'm sorry, I need to go." You whisper, holding back your tears as you brush by him, running out to your car. 

You cry the entire way to the beach house. As soon as you get inside, you collapse into your friends arms, spilling out everything to her. 

"Girl, you need a drink and some fresh dick." Jessi laughs. "Get changed and let's go to the beach and get drunk and forget those losers." He exclaims. 

"Yes, and yes." You laugh, taking your luggage upstairs to get changed. 

Once you were ready, you headed back downstairs, feeling slightly better but the words of both men swam through your head. Minho's asshole comments, Changbin's confession, you were so confused. 

"Go to the bar, I'll be right there." Jessi tells you, pointing to the hut on the beach. You make your way over there, grabbing a seat. You order yourself a drink and a few shots, ready to forget for the night. 

"This seat taken?" You hear from behind you. 

"No, it's free." You sigh, not looking at who you were talking to. You quickly down your drink and your shots, your cheek rest in your palm as you wait for the bartender to come back. 

"Hey." The man next to you says. You perk up, looking over there and your jaw almost drops at his smile. "Can I buy you a drink?" He wonders. 

You nod your head with a smile on your face as Jessi comes and sits beside you. 

She leans over to whisper in your ear. "What better way to get over a man, then to get under a new one." 

"Sure." You smile. "I'm Ayn." You say. 

"Nice to meet you, beautiful. My name is Wooyoung." 

[silver-wield]

Fan fiction dork is back again. This is long.

"No!"

The flat refusal made Aerith pull a face and roll her eyes. "Such a mood." She turned towards Tifa, stationed over by the grill and asked, "How do you put up with him?"

Tifa glanced up, a questioning look on her face. "Huh?" Her gaze went from Aerith to Cloud, who had his arms folded and was staring at her like he expected back up. She shrugged one shoulder and went back to staring at the burgers sizzling away. "He's got his charm," she replied in a light voice.

When Aerith glanced at Cloud she caught the tail end of a smug smile. "You're so easily pleased when you wanna be," she teased, poking his bicep.

Cloud leaned away and scowled. "Is there a reason you're here?"

Aerith's eyes widened. "Wow, rude." She looked around the new Seventh Heaven and smiled. The people of sector seven really loved Tifa. They rebuilt the whole bar by the time the group returned to Midgar. Even better, they added a daytime cafe where Aerith could help out and spend time with her bestie. "I'm here to collect on a date," she said with an evil grin.

Cloud choked and turned to look at Tifa. "What!?"

Aerith would've bet all the flowers in her garden that he was hoping she hadn't heard that. Letting him hang in suspense for a moment longer than she had to, she finally put Cloud out of his misery by saying, "Tifa and I have a date in sector eight later." She was evilly amused at the sigh of relief from him. Leaning closer and ignoring how he moved away, she added, "Did you forget I have a boyfriend? Zack doesn't like you enough to share." She giggled when she spotted Cloud's face turning red.

"Quit it!" He got up and went to sit at the counter.

He's such a kid. Aerith shook her head and smiled fondly at his back.

Tifa looked over her shoulder and smiled at him. "You okay?"

"I've been better," he replied, shooting Aerith a dirty look.

Tifa sighed. "Can I trust you two to play nice while I call everyone in?"

"Tifa--!" Cloud pouted.

"Sure thing!" Aerith waved Tifa's concerns away.

"Great. Be right back." With a friendly nod, Tifa swiftly plated the food, set it on the counter ready for pick up, and came through the swing door. On her way out, she paused beside Cloud and laid her hand on his back. "Be nice," she whispered in his ear in a teasing tone.

"I'm doing my best," he replied, a small smile appearing and disappearing like lightning. With Tifa so near, Cloud took the chance to sneak a swift kiss on her cheek, leaving her blushing and biting her lip.

"Be right back," she repeated in a soft voice, before jogging out of the bar.

Aerith clasped her hands together. "You two are so adorable!"

Cloud pulled a face and rolled his eyes.

"I told you she was someone special," she went on.

"You want a medal?" he asked, half joking.

"You got a medal?"

"Nope." He got up and started moving plates to a long table set up that morning.

Aerith watched him move with methodical precision. Even a casual black t-shirt and blue shorts couldn't hide his natural grace. Nothing Cloud did was without purpose. He used words sparingly before he was himself again, but Aerith half-expected him to become more chatty afterwards. She hadn't realised Cloud was Cloud, just a little less moody, more obviously kinder and even more stupidly in love with Tifa. She supposed that kindness was the reason she and Zack survived in the end, despite what she did to fate. She wanted him to live so badly, she defied the will of the planet. But, as she said to Cloud that night in her dream, everyone dies eventually. Whether she and Zack have years, months, weeks, days or less together before that happens, they still have so many moments more than what they did before. She was more happy now than she can remember being in her entire life. She has a life and can laugh with the people she loves. She has friends and Zack. She has Cloud and everyone else to thank for it. Tears gathered in her eyes and she swiftly brushed them away.

Not swiftly enough.

"You good?" Cloud paused between the bar and table.

Aerith gave him a bright smile. "Sure am!"

He raised a doubtful eyebrow, but didn't pry further.

Aerith ducked her head and laughed to herself. Cloud never cared enough about her to want to dig deeper. And she never trusted him enough to want to share. Not like Zack. That was who she'd been so desperate to see in him when they first met, but it was all too obvious she was deluding herself when the way he acted wasn't anything like Zack. Not deep down, anyway. A few similar poses, a uniform and mako infused eyes didn't turn Cloud into her one true love. She flushed with guilt and shame thinking about the way she acted. Did I ever apologise for that? "You know, Cloud," she began, finding she couldn't look at him.

"Yeah, I know Cloud," he said, stopping a foot away from her and crossing his arms.

When Aerith looked up she saw a friendly smile on his face. She laughed and shook her head. "I'm sorry."

Cloud frowned. "For what?"

"For not being all that nice to you when we first met." She pulled on her bangs, using the physical pain as a focus. "I was...trying to make you someone you weren't. Someone you could never be."

"S'alright," he replied, shrugging it off. "I was, too."

Aerith looked at him then and nodded. "Yeah, I guess you were." She laughed. They both missed Zack so much they fooled themselves. But now they didn't need to because he was here. Alive. With them.

Cloud nodded. "So, we good?" He turned to grab the last of the plates.

Aerith felt lighter. "Yeah. We're good."

"I spy an angel." Zack greeted Aerith with a broad smile as he entered the bar, using the shirt he held to wipe his sweaty face. "You should have joined us, Cloud. Barret kicked the ball at Red, so he burst it with his tail!" He laughed and shook his head.

"Maybe later," Cloud replied, shrugging. Exercising in hot weather reminded him of pointless drills Heidigger made the grunts do until they dropped.

"What? Not a fan of team sports?" Zack headed straight for Aerith and squatted a little. He tapped a finger to his cheek and said, "To the victor goes the spoils."

Aerith laughed and put her hands on her hips. "Oh, I'm a prize now, am I?"

He turned his head to meet her eyes. "Absolutely, yes."

Cloud snorted and turned his back on them, muttering, "Weirdos."

Aerith giggled and playfully pushed Zack. "Oh, you!" As Zack rocked backwards Aerith grabbed his hand and pulled him to her. She wrapped both arms around his waist and hugged him tight. "Ew, you're all sweaty."

"Ah, sorry," he said, stroking her hair. "It's really hot out today. You guys made the smart choice staying inside." He tried to untangle her from him, but she held on tighter.

"It's okay," she buried her face against his bare chest, "I don't mind."

Zack kissed the top of her head.

Tifa re-entered the bar, followed by Barret, who had Marlene on his shoulder, Red, Yuffie, Cid, Vincent, Biggs and Wedge, who carried Cait Sith. "Great, everyone's getting along," she said, smiling at Cloud.

"You were only gone five minutes," he replied, a smile tweaking one corner of his mouth up. "How much trouble do you think I can get into?"

She leaned forward and smiled. "Lots."

Barret let out a gut busting laugh. "She's gotcha there!" He jiggled Marlene until she giggled. "Right, baby?"

"Uh huh, yeah!" Marlene nodded and wagged a finger at Cloud. "You're trouble, so you gotta let Tifa look after you!"

Cloud nodded, a serious look on his face. "Yes, ma'am."

Marlene giggled and Tifa smiled.

"Why's this boy such a goddamn fool, would someone tell me that?" Cid barged past everyone and took a seat at the table. "Well, we eatin' or not?" He slapped a hand on the tabletop.

Tifa looked flustered for a moment, then saw the food laid out ready.

"Maybe if the rest of you losers get to the table!" Yuffie mocked from her seat.

Zack's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "When did she--?" He stepped back from Aerith and put his shirt on, much to her disappointment.

"Ninja!" Yuffie gave him a finger gun salute and winked.

"Okay, everyone, let's sit down and eat before the food gets cold." Tifa urged with a cheerful smile.

"You know I don't need to eat," Vincent muttered, though he sat anyway.

"I appreciate the adaptation," Red said, perching on a footstool.

"You guys are family, and family eats together," Marlene said, wagging a finger at them both.

"You heard her, and nobody argues with Marlene," Biggs said, taking a seat beside her.

"I'm starving! If Vinny doesn't wanna eat I'll have his!" Wedge gave Vincent a huge smile.

"That's not my--"

"He'll still do it," Cloud said, interrupting him.

"Aww, thanks for sticking up for me, bro." Wedge targeted Cloud with an even larger smile.

Cloud gestured at him and said, "See?"

Vincent snorted, but pushed his plate over to Wedge.

"Okay, who wants drinks?" Tifa moved to stand behind the bar and grabbed a cocktail shaker.

"Ooh, can you teach me how to make something?" Aerith bounced up from beside Zack and darted over to Tifa.

"Uh, sure, I guess." Tifa smiled and nodded. "What do you want to drink?"

"Can you make a pink one?" Zack asked, turning in his seat and resting his forearm on the back.

"Pink isn't a flavour," Cloud joked, also turning around. His gaze locked with Tifa's. "Something sweet?"

"Oh, how about grapefruit!?" Aerith bounced on her toes.

Tifa looked at Aerith and tipped her head to one side. "But...that's not sweet?"

"I didn't ask for sweet, he did." She grinned and jabbed a thumb over her shoulder towards Cloud.

"Aerith likes drinks with a kick." Zack frowned thoughtfully. "Pineapple?"

Aerith clapped her hands together. "Yes!" She half turned and blew Zack a kiss. "You know me so well."

Zack looked stupidly pleased at her praise.

"Can y'all hurry it up. Feels like you're taking forever for just one drink." Barret gestured as he spoke. "People dyin' of thirst over here."

"Ah, sorry!" Tifa ducked her head.

Cloud got up. "I'll give you a hand." As he walked towards the swing door separating the front of the bar from the back, he said over his shoulder, "Beer good for everybody?" It's what they'd get even if they said no. A round of murmurs had him nodding.

"And juice for the kids," Cid added. "Two cups."

"Hey! I'm not a kid!" Yuffie huffed and crossed her arms.

"You're pouting like one." Biggs reached across the table to poke her cheek. "You look twelve."

Yuffie leaned back and stuck her tongue out at him.

Biggs chuckled. "And now you look like a ten year old."

As those around the table laughed, bickered and joked, Cloud moved around them and placed drinks within reach. He then went back to the bar, where Tifa, Aerith and Zack were still discussing cocktail combinations that included a bunch of fruit he'd never heard of. He felt like he couldn't contribute, so sat and watched Tifa. A slap on the back jolted him from his thoughts and he automatically scowled at the culprit.

"Woah, what'd I ever do to you?" Zack acted hurt, then chuckled. "Looks like you had something important on your mind," he said in a low voice. "Wanna talk?"

Cloud grimaced and half-turned away from the girls, just in case Tifa overheard. "Not really."

Zack put his hands on his hips and laughed. "You know, for a minute there I thought you changed, but I guess you'll always be the same Cloud." He ruffled Cloud's hair until Cloud slapped his hand away.

"Cut it out. It's not like that," he said, glancing at Tifa again.

"What?" Zack laid a hand on Cloud's shoulder. "Trouble in paradise?" He put on his best confidant expression. "Need some dating advice?"

Cloud shook his head and replied in a low voice, "It's been three months since, you know..."

"Sephiroth found his promised land, Jenova dissolved and we won it all?" Zack said this in a light tone, but tears still gathered at the corner of his eyes. The Sephiroth he knew wasn't the one Cloud hated for so long. He couldn't feel victorious about losing a good friend. Though that friend seemed lost for a long time, at the very end Sephiroth smiled like the man Zack remembered. He found himself again, and peace. Angeal and Genesis better be looking out for you over there. He blinked away the tears and focused on Cloud. "Yeah, so...?"

Cloud drew in a deep breath and let it out. "So, how long is long enough?"

Zack frowned. "For what?" He tried not to think too far ahead. Aerith already explained the planet could take them both back at any time, so he lived from moment to moment, never taking anything for granted. He had a home in sector five with Aerith and Elmyra, friends, his life and the freedom to choose what he wanted to do with the time he had. He was overflowing with gratitude and good cheer. And he'd promised some of that time would be spent helping Cloud not be such an insecure dork around the love of his life. Three months of dating and he still thinks she isn't as crazy about him as he is her. Zack wished Cloud could see the look on Tifa's face whenever he wasn't paying attention to her, scant as those moments were. It made Zack feel like a voyeur, and Aerith laughed hysterically when he said it because she felt the same.

Cloud sighed again. "Forget it."

"Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?" He patted Cloud on the back.

"No, Aerith, wait, the lid isn't--!"

Too late. Aerith turned the blender on and pink liquid sprayed up in an impressive geiser, tossing lumps of fruit in its wake.

"Tifa!" Cloud vaulted the bar and tried to get her out of the way.

Tifa cringed and tried to duck, but somehow both ended up covered, despite Cloud blocking the worst of it.

"Oops!" Aerith put her hands up and shrugged. Despite being the one to turn the blender on, she didn't have a speck of drink on her pink top or white skirt. She shot Zack a split second wink and he smothered a laugh.

"That's one way to help," he said to her in a low voice.

Cloud scowled to himself, then looked at Tifa. "You okay?"

She tried not to smile at how the juice flattened his hair. Reaching slowly, she picked a piece of pineapple clinging to his cheek and put it on the side. "Yeah, thanks."

Cloud stared into her eyes until they were all he could see. "Tifa, I--"

"You guys okay?" Wedge half rose from his seat before Barret and Biggs shoved him back down.

"Dummy!" Cait Sith hopped onto the table and hit him with its megaphone.

"Ow! Hey, what did I do!?" The ow was for show, Wedge had an indestructible body thanks to Hojo's "helpful" interference after he fell from the Shinra building. He was lucky to be more than a splat on the sidewalk, but that didn't make him grateful to the monster who made him.

"Gonna need to go wash up," Barret said to Tifa and Cloud. "Don't worry about us, we'll be fine by ourselves for a bit."

"Yeah," Aerith added, circling around them both and pushing them towards the stairs. "Better get that out of your hair before you have to cut it off."

Tifa drew in a sharp breath. "Right." She stopped and looked at the mess behind them. "What about--?"

"Don't worry about the bar."

"We got this!"

Zack and Biggs gave her a thumbs up.

Tifa looked at Cloud, who looked bemused. "Uh, okay, I guess. We'll be right back."

"Take your time!" Yuffie and Aerith said in unison. They looked at each other and giggled.

"What are they laughing about?" Cloud crossed his arms and tried not to drip too much as he and Tifa stood in the hallway outside the bathroom. He tried not to assume it was him, but old habits died hard.

"Hmm? I'm not sure." Tifa shrugged. She knew exactly what they were laughing at, but she didn't want to say and risk her face looking like a tomato. "Do you want to go first or should I?"

"You go, I'll wait out here."

Though they'd spent the night together before the final battle, they hadn't actually repeated it since. Maybe neither of them expected to survive, so if one night was all they got they'd make the most of it. But, they had won. They saved the planet and everyone got to go home. Together. Cloud kept up his merc work alongside Zack. The pair were almost too popular, and Cloud regularly finished his day emptying his pockets of scrap paper that had hastily written phone numbers scrawled on them. He pushed the pile across the bar and Tifa had the bin already waiting on her side. He always finished up by asking her to go somewhere with him.

Dates were fun and had no theme. Just the two of them wandering Midgar or going out on his custom bike the seller named Fenrir and Cloud developed a habit of treating like a treasured pet. The guy got a lifetime supply of food and drink from Seventh Heaven in exchange when gil alone wouldn't persuade him to sell. Tifa couldn't refuse when she saw the look of longing on Cloud's face. He had so little joy in his life until recently, there was no way she'd be responsible for taking any of it away.

The first time Cloud took her out on Fenrir, showing off and doing insane moves, it made her heart race with excitement. She locked her arms around his waist and laid her cheek against his back. She trusted him to keep her safe. She whooped and laughed, which encouraged him to show off even more. It was fun. When he eventually pulled up on a ridge overlooking Midgar, Tifa swung herself round to sit facing him. The look of adorable, wide eyed surprise made her beam. This was the Cloud she remembered best. Her Cloud. She leaned forward the same moment he reached for her. Their kiss, sweet and electrifying, left them both breathless and resting their foreheads against each other.

Coming out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel after a hasty shower, Tifa smiled at the sight of Cloud leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He had his eyes closed, so she could look her fill, though she could still feel a blush heating her cheeks.

"You done?"

Tifa jumped. Does he know?

Cloud opened his eyes, glanced at her, then smiled and looked away. "Can I get in there now?"

"Uh, yeah." Tifa tucked a strand of wet hair behind her ear.

Cloud pushed away from the wall and she tried not to smile at the drink stain he left behind. He thinks he's so cool. But, she found her feet stuck to the floor as he moved closer. Her eyes lowered from his face, which didn't improve anything because it drew her attention to his loose limbed walked instead. She swallowed and glanced at him through her lashes.

Cloud stopped with an inch of space between them. "Can I...get by?"

Flustered, Tifa realised she was blocking the door. "Oh!" About to step away, she caught sight of a teasingly smug smile on Cloud's face. She stopped and smiled back. "I dunno, can you?"

This time, Cloud swallowed. A slow blush lit his cheeks before he looked away. "You're dripping on the floor," he mumbled, pointing to the small pool spreading around Tifa's feet.

"And you're all sticky," she replied, gesturing at the patch on the wall.

Cloud glanced at the wall, then her and back again. "Uhh..."

Tifa ducked her head and laughed. Cloud never could keep up the bravado for long. She preferred his sweetness, anyway.

Surprising her by clasping her upper arms, Cloud gently urged Tifa aside while holding her gaze. His head darted forward and he stole a swift kiss before releasing her and heading into the bathroom. "Be right back."

Tifa licked her lips and tasted something sweet. "Uh, sure," she replied in a faint voice.

Was three months a long time to date before taking the next step? Tifa hadn't thought about it. She'd never dated before. Not really. Cloud lived at Seventh Heaven with her, but they had separate rooms. After the first time, she hadn't wanted him to think she was easy, or she expected anything from him. She didn't want him to feel pressured to move faster than he was ready for. Or maybe she was just scared. She didn't want to push for more in case he suddenly left. What if he didn't really feel the same way?

"You're a coward." Tifa sighed and stared out of the window. She'd changed into an aqua coloured dress and left her hair loose so it could dry. Thanks to the heat it almost was. "Why can't you just ask him?" She glared accusingly at the washed out reflection of herself framed in the window pane.

"Ask who what?" Cloud appeared behind her, dressed in a white t-shirt and shorts and roughly drying his hair with a towel. The gravity defying spikes were already rearranging to stick up in his signature style. When she didn't answer, he stopped and stared, then swiped a finger along her upper arm.

Tifa turned, eyes widening as he put it to his lips.

"Punch," he said, referring to the sticky drink residue.

"Oh." Tifa laughed. "Guess I missed a spot." She tried to hold onto the playful mood, but worry made her frown. "So, I guess everyone's leaving soon." She crossed her arms under her breasts and tried to smile. "They couldn't stick around forever, right? Cid and Yuffie have homes that aren't here. Nanaki, too. Barret wants to rebuild Corel, so I guess he'll be gone for awhile. It'll be quiet."

"Hmm." Cloud tipped his head to the side. "Not that quiet. Marlene'll need looking after and there's still Biggs, Wedge and Vincent." He paused and added, "And did you forget about Zack and Aerith? You really think it'll be quiet with them around?"

Tifa shook her head and smiled. "Guess not." She looked up at him. "I guess...I just hate goodbyes."

"It won't be for good. They'll come back and visit."

She couldn't help but look at him with hopeful eyes. "You think?"

Cloud swallowed and nodded. "Yeah."

She nodded, but grew apprehensive as she asked, "And you?"

Cloud frowned. "What about me?" He took a step closer. "I live here. With you."

"Yeah, we're neighbours again," she joked, referring to their separate rooms. Though, right then, Cloud was in her room and came in as though it belonged to him. She hadn't noticed, but he did that a lot.

"Don't have to be." His eyes were earnest and hopeful. He took another step, then waited, leaving her to close the remaining distance between them. "Tifa...You don't have to be afraid. I'm not leaving." He smiled and added, "So, suck it up."

Tifa ducked her head and laughed. "Did I really say that?" She walked towards him and he was already opening his arms to draw her in.

"Yup." Pressing his face against her neck he mumbled, "Scared the shit out of me. Don't go places I can't follow, okay?"

Tifa got the sense he meant emotionally, since there wasn't any place he couldn't find her if he wanted to. Oh. She wrapped her arms around his neck, threading her fingers through his hair. "I won't," she promised. Feeling daring, she kissed his cheek, then whispered in his ear, "You wanna sleep in here tonight?"

For once, Cloud one-upped her into speechlessness when he replied, "Every night." Moving to press a kiss to her lips, he added in a murmur, "But, can we save the sleeping for later? There's something else I've been waiting for first..."

As night drew in and the guests of Seventh Heaven cleared out calling goodnight to each other and still passing jokes back and forth, Aerith slotted her arm through Zack's and snuggled into his side. "So?" She looked up at him, a huge smile on her face and her eyes shining like emeralds.

Zack chuckled and tapped her on the nose. "Good job today! Mission success!"

Aerith giggled. "Those two." She mock sighed and shook her head. She stopped suddenly and pulled a face. "I didn't get my date with Tifa!" She growled with disappointment, making her sound like Red. "Cloud better appreciate this!"

Zack laughed. "Oh, I guarantee he does."

Aerith shook her head. "You perv."

He pointed at himself, then her. "If I'm one, so are you. It wasn't me who said those two need to stop overthinking things and just do it."

Aerith squealed and laughed. "Don't say it like that! People will send us to jail!"

Zack wrapped both arms around her waist and picked her up. "Wherever we go, it'll be together, so that's fine by me!"

Linking her fingers behind his neck, Aerith urged Zack to lower her enough so she could kiss him. "Yeah," she agreed, coming up for air and trying not to blush. "We're together and that's all that matters." She hugged him tight. "Let's go home. Mom's probably waiting up to give you a lecture."

Zack chuckled. "I'll win her over some day."

Aerith nodded. "Yeah, you will."

[neo-culture-mafia]

IV. Sorry, My Dear

⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️⚠️

The following story contains themes of suicidal thoughts and addiction. Please do not read if you find these themes triggering in any way. Read this post before reading this piece of FICTION

Have you heard the story of the guy,

Who decided not to die?

"Another day at the office...another day in hell." Jae mumbled to himself. The black lettering seemed never ending as he moved page after page.

Everyone was long gone and he was left with his thoughts that reflected the current state of his desk: scattered and full on unwanted words.

"Come on, Jae. Let's go get drinks with Boss." Jae had mimicked the voices of the other associates that worked in the office today. "No. I'm good. Got to finish this work. Beep-boop-boop." He moved his arms in a robot-like fashion.

"Look at me. Working me life away. Jaehyun. That's my name." He moved the papers in random places. This would be Jae's 4th breakdown this week where he needed to tell himself to hold on until tomorrow.

Johnnny looked on in concern from behind the entrance wall. "No good, Jaehyun. Don't wear it out." Jae's hands waves over his head in a dramatic fashion as he pushed himself around in his wheeled office chair.

It wasn't until Johnny saw Jae's hands form into a gun shape that he intervened in the middle of his best friend's scary emotional outburst.

"Jae! There you are!" He rushed over and punched his friend's arm. The look in Jaehyun's eyes made Johnny uneasy. It looked like he had been caught which made him break more. "You almost finished? I wanted to catch a movie with you and maybe have a hangout night," Jae was taken aback by the energy outburst at 2 am.

He could only look at Johnny's excited face from where he sat in his chair, strands of hair obstructing only pieces of his vision. "I got the new Call of Duty and PubG for the console." Johnny's hands rummaged in his pockets till he pulled out his phone, his eyebrows wiggling fiercely. "It's only...2:17. We got all the time in the world."

Johnny picked up Jae's suit jacket that was thrown over the cubicle wall and the younger boy's heavy bag. "I'll drive." Johnny pulled Jae up and turned off his lamp.

They were in the darkness of the office and Jae was still shocked that he was caught before he got worse.

"What do you wanna eat? Steak? McDonald's? Junk food?" Johnny's rambling was tuned out of Jae's mind. He followed the taller man willingly down and out of the office building and to his familiar car.

"Uh...doesn't matter." Was the first thing that came out of Jaehyun's mouth. "Then we'll get everything." Johnny's laugh made Jae's heart swell with hope for the first time in weeks.

'Maybe next time,' he thought, 'I'll hang out with Johnny one last time.'

The car ride was filled with laughter and being in the cold air surrounding the both of them.

Johnny still wonders to this day what would've happened if he didn't walk in the time he did. He had been called to pick up the paperwork from Jae's desk but was met with a sad reality.

Jaehyun wanted to escape reality.

Just kill me in my sleep,

Smother me with pillows and kindness, in which I have never seen

This was it...this was the day. He's written the letters and found a place to go calmly. He was in a euphoric sense that nothing really mattered anymore.

He had been on cloud 9 all week as he's happily been overworked and no one ever asked how he had been doing.

Right now, he was just driving. Driving to take in his home city one last time.

The sun was setting when he came to Han River Park. The clusters of happy people congregated in small bursts of happiness and 'its okay' and 'everything will be alright's.

He parked and stood at the grass's edge. He took deep breaths as the air swept across his body calmly. "Everything is so beautiful." He whispered to himself as he watched the birds dance across the water with such grace.

The lump in his throat that made it home was beginning to ache. Yet, he swallowed his pride and continued looking over the people who would continue their own story's even after his had reached the end. The credits would roll and everyone would walk away from the theater without a second thought.

"I mean. I get that's it's pretty. But I haven't seen someone cry at the scenery since my last romance movie." He was snapped out of reality to see a girl standing next to him.

"Excuse me?" Was all he could manage to get out.

You chuckled, sticking your hand out. "Y/n." You introduced yourself and he was trying to not shake your hand, look the other way, and leave without another word being exchanged.

"Jaehyun." His actions spoke for him as he reached his hand out to meet yours. Your hand was soft and warm in his. A warmness and calm he hasn't felt in a while.

"I'm gonna go get some ice cream. Wanna come?" You barely knew him and we're asking him to accompany you to a sweet treat. "You don't know me." Jae got defensive, his arms crossing over his chest.

"I could be a murderer and you invited me for ice cream?" His questions had your face turn up. "Well I'm sure that murderers like ice cream too. So let's go." You grabbed his arm and pulled him down the long stretch of concrete. You walked and tried to match your steps with his long strides. Your arm cutely wrapped around his as you walked.

"So tell me about yourself, Mr. Jaehyun."

He figured living was just easier than falling really high

"We need to clean." You whined while rolling around in the vast bed full of messed up sheets and a relaxing Jaehyun. "Not now. I just wanna cuddle." He grabbed your body and held you close.

"No. We've been cuddling all day. We need to clean." You got up and pulling at his hands. "You can clean the closet and I can clean the rest of the room. Then cuddles." You reasoned and he groaned as he got up, giving into your wishes.

"Fine." He automatically sat on the ground and opened your shared closet doors.

"I'll be tidying up around here." You ruffled his hair and kissed the top of his head sweetly. "If you need anything just shout." He called as you exited the room to probably start on the kitchen.

Box after box of paperwork and more paperwork from the last 10 years of working in his like of work.

Your singing could be heard through your house as you comedically sang some of the greatest hits. His laughter broke through the apartment when your own voice shook with laughs.

He came upon some photo books with Polaroids of you and him. The last 2 years had been lived in a heaven like state. He hadn't touched alcohol and drugs like he was earlier in his life...before you changed him.

His physical and mental growth were apparent in the pictures as he flipped through the pages. Your hand drawn hearts and small journal entries under some photos had his heart beating rapidly with joy.

He put the book next to his side to look at later with you. His hand came across an unmarked cardboard photo box that had a thin layer of dust on it.

He jiggled the lid off and was met with envelopes. The letters. His notes to his bosses and his friends apologizing for what he was about to do.

Apologizing for the mess they were going to have to clean up in his apartment and in the office where his files would never be filed. Apologizing for giving up so easily and not serving out the rest of his life like he had sworn. Apologizing for not being strong enough to ask for help when he really tried to make it obvious. Apologizing to whoever had to find him after it was all said and done.

Apologizing for not saying goodbye.

"Hey. Do we have any tile cle- oooo letters. Who are they to?" Your voice had made Jae jump like when Johnny caught him that dark night in the office. Like he was caught doing and thinking stuff he shouldn't be.

"No one. Me. In 50 years. Y'know," he shrugged, tossing them back in the box and throwing them in the closet and standing up quickly, "time capsule thing me and the guys did." He shrugged it off and you could only nod.

"Well that's cool. Can't wait to see how you've grown." Your smile had his own lips mimicking in want. Wanting to have your blissful ignorance of what those letters really were.

"Oh yeah. Do we have any more tile cleaner?" You asked and he lead you out to the closet where he scowered the top shelves in search for the cleaning supply.

"You can have it. For a kiss." He held it above his head. You waste no time in kissing his cheek and pulling on his arm till you grabbed the cleaner and ran. His laughs chased your own as you both wrestled for a while.

Both of you laid on the living room carpet, just enjoying the close presence.

His heart was at peace.

I'm okay,

I'm okay,

I feel a little bit sick

You had began to notice how Jae had been getting more dull. A year had passed since the night you pointed out the letters. It began to go all down hill from there.

He gave you the same love and affection he usually did, but his eyes held no emotion to big events outside. Alcohol had started to replace meals and sleep.

"Jae you need to eat." You laid a hand on his shoulder softly. "I'm actually going to go grab a drink with some of the boys." And like that. He was out of the apartment. Yet, everytime he came stumbling in the front door with a stench that could repel nuclear waste, you nurses him into bed. Setting an aspirin and water next to his head. Most nights didn't wrap up until 4 am when you knew he was home safe.

You slept with your arms wrapped strongly around his body, afraid he would try to get up and leave to drink again without you noticing.

Mornings would be a rough time as you awoke to a sick Jaehyun who couldn't tell left from right. You were there were comforting words and endless services if bet only asked.

His guilt ate at his chest till there was a free falling feeling that would cease when he took his first shot.

He knew he was getting bad again. He knew he needed to get help but everytime he woke up to face an aspirin and a cool glass of water, the guilt made him drink even more the next night.

He sometimes wished you would leave him to make this easier on you. He wished you would fall out of love and go to bed before he got home.

He wished you didn't introduce yourself in the first place.

But have you heard,

The story of the guy who decided not to die?

Jaehyun got clean again. He started being more present in reality and eventually returned to normal. Sometimes he did get carried away with the alcohol but you were there to help him put down the bottle.

He started openly hanging out with his friends in large gatherings where he didn't mind starting the conversation. He got addicted on life again.

You were all out on a big dinner. You and the other women of the mafia men gathered in the social room while Jae and his closest friends talked and joked around in the parlor.

"Want another drink?" Mark asked as he nudged Jae's elbow. "No I'm okay. I hit my limit for the night."

His friends were the most supportive people that he originally thought wouldn't be. Once be reached his limit, they all switched to fruity drinks followed by water. "So I need your guys' help with something." Jae smiled, taking the blue chalk and rubbing it on the worn end of the billiard's stick.

"What's up, dude?" Johnny asked and all the boys tuned into Jaehyun and his request. "I want to propose to y/n." He said and the room automatically erupted in shouts and cheers. "Sssshhhh." He tried to shush everyone. They remembered the presence of the women in the building and quickly shut up.

"Y/n said she wanted a wedding in the flower fields about.." Jae recalled the previous conversation he had with you. "2 hours from here?" He said and Hyuck automatically knew which ones he was talking about. "It's going to have to be a spring wedding!" He said excitedly and grabbing a pad of paper and a pen from his pocket.

"Alright, lover boy, spill." He said knocking all of the pool balls out of the way, "hey we were playing!" Doyoung protested and Hyuck could only write down the location of the fields, "I'm helping our brother get a wife. Go play with your balls somewhere else." He back handed which caused the room to erupt in laughter.

"Okay. Now. I'm going to need time to get the catering. I'm thinking pork," Hyuck rambled writing down the possible ideas, "or is she more of a chicken person?" he continued which caused some of the boys to chuckle at the wedding-excited nature no one knew Hyuck possessed in himself.

"Also I need to find a cake. I would make it myself but we all know that these beautiful hands would be wrinkly by the time I'm done icing cake for 500 people-" "500?!" Jae said loudly which caused Johnny to slap a hand over his younger friends mouth. "Well duh. That's a minimum." Donghyuck shook his head, drawing a picture of what the cake needed to look like. "amateur."

"I need to get the ring first." Jae said quietly and Taeyong piped in. "Don't even worry about it. I'll take you in the morning to the jewler's to pick out the bands and diamonds. Maybe you could get an engagement ring with her birth stone then the real ring with yours and your wedding band could have hers." Taeyong started rambling ideas, Hyuck writing lightning speed on the pad of paper.

"I call doing the gifts!" Mark and Jungwoo said at the same time. "I'm nominating myself as the planner." Hyuck said writing the roles down. "I'll get the tuxes for us." Taeil nominated himself for the job with a smile. "We need to get Yuta and the rest of the boys up here!" Doyoung brought up a good point.

"Yuta will just bring baby supplies. We're not telling him until a day before the ceremony." Hyuck pointed at the boys but was met with a hit upside the head from Johnny.

"I have to find out the color palette. I'll go to Renjun and then I'll go to Jaemin for the fireworks- Jisung will be the flower girl." Donghyuck kept rattling off things he needed to get done.

"Thank you for giving me this job. I won't let you down." He finally said, laying a hand on Jaehyun's shoulder.

"Better not. It need to be perfect for her. Perfection deserves perfection." Jae said and some gagged while other coo'd at his unwithering love you for you.

The chatty hustle didn't cease as Johnny patted on Jaehyun's shoulder. "You okay?" Johnny asked with a smile on his face. Jaehyun couldn't keep the smile off of his own face. "Never better. On cloud 9." He said and Johnny's heart eased from the constant fear of Jae not being here the next day. But he didn't need to worry anymore.

"I actually need to ask you." Jae said finally putting the polished stick down on the table. "Will you be my best man?" Johnny's eyes lit up like fireworks as he brought Jae in for a manly yet friendly hug.

"I'm so proud of you, Jaehyun."

I'm enamored with the thought of seeing angels in the sky singing,

Singing, "Everything's alright."

Jaehyun proposed the next week. You both went out to an amazing and fancy moonlit dinner where you both danced and decided to start this new journey together.

Then two days after the proposal, he relapsed the worst he has ever had. Johnny found him in your guys' apartment and immediately called you and everyone who he thought he could help.

It's now present day and you can only look at Jaehyun with guilt in your eyes.

The funeral was held in the flower fields you both planned to get married in. The day was cold and dark but he had never looked so happy in his final resting place. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you the happiness you craved." You kissed his cheek before the lid was finally closed.

Now the marble had been set in place and you were alone again.

"I'm not mad. I'm jus-just so...so sorry." You wept, reaching out for him.

"I read the letter and can only ask. Why?"

The only things he had left was a damn note with the words, 'Sorry, My Dear' signing off the page as if he deemed it enough. As if his love had a capacity limit.

"I'm sorry you-you thought I was going to leave you if you told me you were so un-unhappy with life." Your stuttering didn't come to a stop as you could only imagine tears streaming down his own cheeks wherever he was in the universe. The feeling of being ashamed sent you reeling down where you had to support yourself on your knees.

The silent sobs hurt your chest as you had this free falling feeling in your chest getting more deeper. It was as if someone was pounding your chest with a drum mallot. Your heart was breaking as you felt a hand on your shoulder. Yet, you knew no one was there.

"You promised me forever." Your voice was shaky as you brushed the stray pieces of grass away from the marble in the ground.

'Jaehyun. Found happiness in where ours couldn't reach.'

"And I promise, Jae. I will love you...forever."

"And I'm so proud of you for making it this far." You whispered, fingers tracing his name on the polished marble for what felt like the millionth time.

You laid on the ground next to his resting place and looked into the vast blue sky where you imagined him reaching down to you; his soft voice that he used to sing you to sleep with carrying you with him to where you both could live happily ever after. You lifted your hands up as the tears came down.

"You did well."

[stoopsbookstore]

Physically Wounded and Mentally Drained

"Can you help?"

Johnny stood outside the window of the closest person he knew lived by, the spoiled good-two-shoes, Y/N. His face was bloodied and his shirt had been torn open.

"Why should I?"

Y/N stood at the window, her arms crossed, the TV illuminating her room. The sounnds of sirens startling Johnny until he noticed the movie Y/N had been watching is now on a chase scene.

Johnny flashed Y/N the blood spots in his shirt, his body ready to keel over on her balcony.

"Please, can you just let me in? I did nothing wrong, but I know it's going to be twis-" Johnny's ramblings were cut off by the unlatching of the window, a rush of cool air from the AC hitting him in the face as thunder starts in the distance.

"Hurry up. I'll grab the first aid kit," Y/N pulled on the tall boy's shirt, shutting the window as soon as Johnny got his body inside, "it looks bad, it may be a minute."

"It feels bad," Johnny joked, tapping his chest, the tension in his body still high.

Plopping on the couch, Johnny looked at Y/N's room. A four-poster queen-sized bed with a cream colored canopy. Her desk was neatly organized with her statistics textbook open, signifying that she had been studying before his interruption. Reaching over, he grabbed the textbook.

"That's right," Johnny flipped through a few pages, the highlighted text a slight blur to him, "Douglas's exam is Monday."

"I forgot you're in the same class as me," Y/N took the damp rag in her hand, wiping the dirt off of Johnny's face, taking the textbook from him and throwing it on her bed, "and I'm going to ignore how you know where I live."

"Sorry, I know it's creepy to know where your mortal enemy lives, you can blame that prick, Hendery."

Johnny tried to break the tension, taking his leather jacket and placing it on the window ledge next to the couch. Y/N kept wiping the dirt and blood off where she could find, a need to help someone as awful as Johnny coming over her.

"Can you not get blood on the couch please? My parents would kill me," Y/N gave a towel to Johnny, the tall boy throwing it over his shoulders.

Mortal enemies? Awful?

"We're not mortal enemies," Y/N took some antiseptic out of the box of medicine, smearing it on a gash on Johnny's knuckles, "I just find you extremely annoying and vulgar. You and your friends just run amok with no sense of conseq-"

"And you and your friends act like a bunch of prudes, acting like you're better than everyone else because you come from money," Johnny winces when Y/N wiped the clean wound, a sharp inhale as she pulled a sharp piece of gravel from his flesh.

"Did you just forget who's helping you from whatever the fuck happened to you?"

Y/N continued to clean the injuries Johnny had acquired, the silence deafening. Biting his lip, he continued to look around her room. A decently sized TV sat on a 5-drawer dresser, the walls looked like they were painted a similar color to her bed. It looked like a normal room, Johnny can't figure out why that surprises him so much.

"I have to grab some gauze, I'll be back," Y/N kept her head down, walking to the bathroom.

Johnny took the chance to explore, although his body felt like collapsing. Looking in a mirror, he saw that the blood, dirt and gravel had vanished from his skin, but his shirt was still covered.

Y/N did a good job of cleaning me up.

He noticed a picture frame next to her bed. Walking over to it, he picked it up for a closer inspection. His eyes scanned the photo, it had to be a few years old as it looks like it was taken on the last day of their high school career. Y/N's uniform jacket was off, another girl had taken it to the side and Taeyong andbJaehy-

Taeyong? Jaehyun?

"I know I keep saying this, but plesse don't get blood on anything," Y/N took the photo from Johnny, placing it back on her nightstand, "I grabbed some of my dad's clothes you can change into."

"How do you know Taeyong and Jaehyun?" Johnny questioned.

"The normal response to someone giving you clothes is thank you," Y/N took Johnny's hand, wrapping up his knuckles in gauze and taping it closed.

"How do you know them?" Johnny stared at Y/N, towering over her like he did everyone else.

"How do you know Hendery?"

"I'm trying to be nice here. Understand you," Johnny threw his hands up in the air, hitting his thigh and wincing.

"Take your shirt off so I can throw these in the wash," Y/N grabbed the towel from the couch, holding her hand and doing her best to dodge the question.

"Are you ashamed of them?" Johnny took his shirt off, what looked like a shoe print on his skin and a gash on his abs.

Abs?

"N-no," Y/N stammered, taking the shirt from Johnny, wrapping it up in the towel and grabbing the first-aid kit, "I just haven't talked to them in a while."

"I know, they hang around me," Johnny chuckled, a slight smile appearing on Y/N's face.

"I should go put these in the washer," Y/N walked to her door, Johnny following behind her, "what are you doing?"

"I've never been in a place like this, when will I get another chance?" Johnny reached for the doorknob, Y/N reaching for his wrist, "I won't get blood on anything."

"I hope so. The blood should be congealed by now," Y/N quietly opened the door, checking down the hallway like a little kid on Christmas night looking for Santa, "ok, let's go."

Y/N tiptoed down the hallway, every step carefully planned while Johnny basically stomped, his footsteps on the shiny wood vibrating throughout the dark corridor.

"Can you be quieter please?" Y/N quietly yelled at the tall boy, "I don't want to get in trou-"

"Y/N, is that you?" Y/N pushed Johnny into a closet, a grown man standing at the landing of the stairs, "what are you doing?"

"I started my period and accidentally bled on my blankets," Y/N kept her body on the closet door, the handle jiggling, "I was going to throw them in the washer."

"Alright," footsteps could be heard retreating, "get to bed soon though, you have a test and an exam tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you, too."

Y/N cautiously opened the door, Johnny pretended to struggle for air as he walked out. Seeing Y/N's face, Johnny put his head down.

Getting to the laundry room, Y/N drenched the shirt in stain remover, an awkward silence falling over to the two. After Y/N put the shirt in the washer, with the few towels and rags she had used, she tended to the gash on Johnny's chest.

"Arms up."

"I was jumped by those SVT guys," Johnny confessed while Y/N placed a patch and wrapped the large gauze around his chest, "3 of them. I'm surprised it wasn't more. That Mingyu dude has a good kick and Church dude has a punch like I've never seen."

Y/N stayed quiet.

"Are you okay?"

"You're the one wounded, I don't think you should be asking me that," Y/N taped the gauze, putting back the first-aid kid back together.

"I'm sorry for what I said earl-"

"Water under the bri-"

"Y/N, what's goin-"

"I'm fine, I promi-"

"Clearly no-" Johnny's voice grew louder in the small room.

"Will you please keep it down?"

"Will you tell me what's wrong? You've been quiet ever since your dad almost caught us," Y/N kept her mouth shut, cleaning up around the room to avoid the question, "Look. I'm trying to be nice here. Will you please tell what's going on?"

"You wouldn't understand, Mr. I do what I want. I had to stop being friends with Jaehyun and Taeyong because they were quote-unquote bad influences," Y/N finally snapped, throwing a shoe at Johnny, narrowly missing the newly dressed wound, "Mr. I get to do what I please and not have to worry about grades or jobs or maintaining relationships where your parents control every aspect of your life."

Johnny tried to talk, but the floodgates had opened, Y/N let everything out, her eyes watering with every syllable.

"You get to go and be free when I have to be like the perfect child for my parents. I can't even go to any functions on campus like the Spring Fling or the Fall Festival because my parents probably signed me up to watch a booth or volunteer at the snack tables. Do you realize how hard it is to be my age, in classes for a degree, and not have a job because my parents don't want me to get one because I'll just marry my dad's friend's son. I don't even like Minho like that and I'm excepted to just fall in love with someo-"

"Breathe. Ok, please just breathe," Johnny noticed Y/N had started shaking, her body trembling, "are you okay if I hug you?"

Y/N nodded. Johnny's long arms tugged her closer, her sobs muffled by his chest.

"Let's get you back to your room."

"But your shirt."

"I'll pick it up later."

Walking back to her room, Johnny helped Y/N to her couch, her head landing on his shoulder. The TV had begun playing infomercials, Johnny's hand rubbing Y/N's arm in an effort to calm her down.

"I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. I went through the same stuff when I was younger. Finally, Doyoung kicked me in the ass and told me to move in with him. I've been on my own since I was 16. My parents were pissed."

Tilting her chin up, Johnny reassured Y/N with a simple smile.

"You know, I've learned more about you in the hour or so you've been bandaging me up than I have in the years we've known each other."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, I think it gives me a new understanding about you. Hopefully it's the same vice versa."

"Yeah, you're physically wounded and I'm emotionally drained."

The pair laughed, rain tapping on the window.

"I guess I'm stuck here now."

"The couch folds ou-"

"I was joking. Your parents wouldn't be too happy if they discovered a rebel like me in the princess's room."

"They're out of the house by 7am and they don't check on me, just a call around 8 to make sure I'm up," Y/N unwrapped Johnny's arm from her shoulder, wobbly standing up to grab a blanket from her closet, "worse comes to worse, just run in the closet, it's big enough to hide in."

"Thanks, princess."

"Will you be okay?" Y/N flipped through the channels as Johnny got comfortable on the couch, his jacket acting as a pillow.

"Will you?"

[plantanarchy]

do you think you could talk a little about being autistic? im wondering if i might be autistic and im still not sure bc i like pass as neurotypical rlly well so far and i thought it would help to hear about actual people's experiences. you don't have to though and im sorry if this is weird!!

This has been in my inbox for a bit, I’m sorry! But yeah, I can talk about it. Keep in mind that everyone’s experience is different and its less of a “spectrum” from mild to severe/low to high functioning and more of a complex where different people have different experiences. A lot of people use functioning labels to dismiss the experience and opinions of “high functioning” folk when it comes to being autistic because tjey “don’t seem autistic” or “aren’t like those other low functioning autistic people”, but really “function” is relative and can even change day to day… on someone’s bad days they could be totally nonverbal rocking back and forth and on good days pass better at neurotypical than I do…

Ok so, I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was ~10. I was essentially non-verbal in school and other high stress social situations and had been since I was very very young. This was interpreted as “very shy!” despite me having severe difficulty from a young age in saying anything at all to teachers, doctors, church people, even many of my peers, etc and often feeling like i was physically unable to speak but you know… because I spoke at home and with my neighborhood friends, I wasn’t considered non-verbal at all. Or I guess selective mutism is the correct term which is something I definitely still struggle with. Like when I was in middle school, I spent a few years literally being known by my mom’s friends and by some people at school as “Meep” because thata fuckin all I could physically say when somebody tried to talk to me haha

BUT ok that got away from me, point being: i was diagnosed with Aspergers at a young age which is a diagnosis that no longer exists/has been absorbed into the greater Autism diagnosis. Aspergers was separate for a long time because it was basically used to say “these kids are high functioning and different than those low functioning non communicative kids!”. Basically because I had most of the “cool and good” autism traits, my “not as cool and kinda crippling” autism traits and needs got shoved aside and essentially ignored for a long, long time. Which I think happens to a lot of kids! Even to the point of not getting a diagnosis at all or getting a wrong diagnosis and only realizing later in life what may be going on and what was missed.

Whoops before this becomes a bitter tangent, back to my experience of autism I guess. Ok, so on top of still being selectively verbal/mute (some days are worse than others and sometimes it isn’t even directly anxiety related it’s just a mostly mute day), my other symptoms include 1) it’s almost physically painful to make eye contact with anyone 2) formal social situations are beyond me, I never know what is correct or what’s coming next and usually I survive informal social situations by cracking jokes and making weird references to shit or being obnoxious and just accepting the label of “weird ass obnoxious kid but that’s just bre” 3) usually feel like I’m just two steps away from understanding what’s going on in some social situations lol like sometimes i have good intuition, can read people, can guess at what they’re thinking and then something happens that makes me question my entire interpretation of the situation and I realize maybe I wasn’t reading them correctly the whole time!!!! It’s the social equivalent of being the only one to get a wrong answer on a math problem and frantically rechecking your work lol 4) sensory overload yayyyyy when too many things happen at once (which can be like… 2 thing), I zone out and feel like my environment is unreal or blurry (fun and cool dissociation) and I can never predict what will cause that overload or when but also a lot of people have the very dramatic “autistic child screaming from sensory overload” image in their brain and thats not always accurate… my overload results in shut down 5) also along with that, I have sensory issues such as texture, sounds, etc. Certain fabrics as a kid would legit make me cry if I touched them or if my mom made me wear them (WINDBREAKERS ARE SENSORY HELL) and that still happens lol also with stuff like… chewing sounds, shoes that touch my toes in any way, loud music/bass, etc 6) along with that and with sensory overload… stimming. Stimming is basically a self-regulatory response to overwhelming stimuli and plenty of non-autistic people also do similar things when faced with high anxiety situations. Like foot jiggling, pencil tapping, nail biting, pencil chewing, etc it’s basically a soothing compulsion and not always something many autistic people can control without great effort and that control comes at the cost of not regulating anxieties or sensory overload well. I’ve got and always have had a lot of verbal/language stims and am very reptitive in my speech and writing patterns (y'all and lad anyone???) which is kinda self soothing. I have literally always had catchphrases. When im on my own i also do rock baxk and forth and other repititive body motions, also fidgeting with objects, especially cool round objects 7) catalog all the useless info in my brain!!! I can memorize information very well (not numbers though) and when I was a kiddo that got me labelled as #gifted and I was “savant” level in reading and writing but that is less cool and fun to people than beinf a math or science savant or something. 8) anyway related to that, as evidenced by this blog, I get VERY INVESTED in certain topics/ “special interests” to the point that it eclipses all other thoughts in my brain yay!!! Which isn’t a bad thing, I mean it gets me through and also if you have “good” special interests, people think you’re smart and interesting and ask your advice about stuff lol

Symptoms I don’t have that a lot of people think of when they think of an autistic person 1) I am horrendous at math I fuckin hate it numbers are the devil!!!!!! 2) 99% of my humor is sarcasm and I can understand it and figures of speech lol though sometimes i do get it wrong if i can’t read you otherwise 3) I don’t have “zero empathy”, I can feel for the plights of others VERY strongly, and can usually see any (most) POVs if it’s explained to me

There are others probably and there are certainly autistic people who have thise traits and who have different traits than I have. There are LOADS of different ways to be autistic. But also, there’s a lot of overlap between autism and between other things like ADHD, anxiety disorders, etc! So keep that in mind. Some people are strongly anti-selfdiagnosis of autism but knowing how easy it can be for kids who don’t present 100% stereotypically to slip through the cracks, I am all for it. I pass a lot of the time as neurotypical and can do most society things ok, though I have a steep learning curve compared to others… and with passing as neurotypical comes the frequent dismissal of my opinion on autism related topics and the lack of acknowledgement that actually I often DON’T pass as neurotypical and at those times my lack of passing is interpreted as rudeness, deliberate lack of effort on my part, stubbornness, lack of intelligence, lack of professionalism, an assumption that I’m angry with someone or don’t like them, etc etc. It’s an endless, awful cycle!

And I don’t really have too much personal advice for figuring out if you’re autistic or not… I did go through a point in time where despite being diagnosed I strongly denied that I was autistic and kind of had to come back to that as a near adult and realize nope… definitely autistic. And then knowing what to do with that info once youve figured it out is just… I mean there’s not much. There are little to no resources for autistic adults, very few support groups made up of autistic people and led by autistic people, very little resources directed at autistic people themselves in general, usually the focus is on the parents or guardians and talk aboit autistic people as abstract concepts… whoops, can you tell I’m bitter haha gonna end this before I go full “mental health professionals failed me and I’m a mess” etc