#(related to the event but not explicitly part of it so I won't tag it for now.)

[just-wishes-and-faeries]

K.R would look at Boat for a bit and shurgged," well it would not hurt to ask I suppose." as he would get up with his tea in hand. slowly heading for cube. with a smile on his face*

Cube is with Lycan at the counter, picking out some sugary treats with him. They see you coming over, and wave. "Oh, hey K. R! I wasn't sure if you were going to join us. We had a poll a little earlier on what game to play." Lycan turns around, carrying a few long boxes of cookies. "I've got some!" they yell as they run back to the table with them. Cube watches Lycan as the short shape begins stuffing his mouth with various baked goods from the boxes. "...We're playing Truth or Dare. Feel free to come over to the table and join in, if you want. Maybe you could learn something about everyone? Although, you don't have to participate if you don't want to."

[shyvioletcat]

Set Up - Part 6

A/N: Well, well, well... here we are again. I won't ramble, but let's thank Rowaelin Month and @rowaelinscourt for prompting the completion of this chapter. BUT PLEASE NOTE TAGS ARE NOT WORKING

CW: Mild swearing and smut, of course

~ Set Up Masterlist ~

~~~~~

This time being apart felt different. Maybe seeing so much of each other had ruined what had been enjoying in such a carefree way for so long. Now, whenever Aelin thought of Rowan something twisted in her chest. That week brought them closer than they’d been in a long time and highlighted some things Aelin was missing in her life. 

A boyfriend was the simplest way to put it, delving further would only lead to questions Aelin did not want to answer. She was being dramatic, due to her recent bout of being alone no doubt. Spending all that time together had left her spoiled and craving more. Rowan wasn’t the answer and not a consolation for her loneliness. He deserved better than that, better than her. He’d always talked about wanting a perfect little life, with a family and white picket fence to boot. Aelin couldn’t give him that. Their lives had split down two different paths that only crossed whenever fate was kind. For all parties involved it was the best way to leave. It was just fortunate that they had been found out. 

Aelin had spent nearly a month screening her calls and messages from nearly everyone outside of work. Even though she had explicitly told her mother she didn’t want to talk about the situation between her and Rowan, Evalin Ashryver Galathynius was never one to give up. The innocent calls and texts that asked about work and how Aelin was doing always seemed to take a turn in his direction. It had got to the point that she just completely ignored any mention of relationship related things. Even her dad who tended to keep neutral ground had dropped a few hints here and there. 

By far Aedion was the worst, mainly because he had gone and opened his fat mouth and blabbed to Lysandra about what he had seen. Her best friend turned cousin’s girlfriend had been begging for details, some of the obscene kind. Aelin had given over a few, just to placate her but then refused anymore. The more information she gave, the more likely it was to be used against her. 

The hardest contact to filter through had been Rowan’s. There had been an obvious shift when it came to him and it was confusing to say the least. Aelin didn’t know if it was because they had been found out or if there had been a change in their dynamic, or if it was as simple as her missing him. Whatever it was, Aelin found herself pulling away. Rowan’s texts weren’t anything out of the ordinary. He sent through casual enquiries about how she was doing, frustrations about work and funny pictures to make her laugh. Aelin wasn’t replying as much as she usually did, but hopefully Rowan didn’t notice. He didn’t deserve to suffer for whatever was going on in Aelin’s head. 

What had heightened every uncomfortable aspect was that work had been godsdamned awful. They had launched into planning the peak event season and everyone was working their asses off trying to come up with fresh ideas for the companies who employed them. Aelin was exhausted and left with very little brain power once she left work. She was drained and didn’t need work fraying the remaining threads of her personal life. 

Aelin was in the middle of decompressing, sprawled out on her bed and eating an unhealthy amount of chocolate. Since arriving home maybe half an hour ago she had steadily paced herself and only eaten half a block while she mindlessly scrolled through videos on social media. If cute animals and spicy book snippets hadn’t been there to distract her she might have downed the entire thing by now and felt sick for her reckless efforts. When a call for a video chat flashed up on her screen Aelin nearly dropped her phone right on her face. 

Once the risk of injury was removed Aelin registered who was calling. It was Elide, someone who wouldn’t be full of prying questions which was a welcome relief. Aelin hit the accept button before it rang out.

“Hello, hello,” Aelin said, trying to sound cheerful but it didn’t quite get there. 

“Good evening, I need your help.” Trust Elide to cut straight to the point. 

“With what?” With her interest piqued, Aelin sat up.

“I have a date and I don’t know what to wear,” Elide said. 

“Ah, okay. Show me your options.”

This was a common occurrence and Aelin waited as Elide set her phone up to get a full body angle. She disappeared from the frame for a moment before returning, dressed in a fluffy robe and holding three outfits on coat hangers. 

“Option one,” Elide held up a knee length, dark purple dress to her body. “Two.” The second dress was all black and form fitting. It was one of Elide’s riskier outfits and she almost hadn’t bought it, and it took both Aelin and Lysandra insisting she looked drop dead gorgeous in it for her to buy it. “And three.” Dress three was in light blue with a fitted bodice and puffy sleeves.

“Okay, these are three completely different vibes. What are we actually going for?” Aelin asked.

With a heavy sigh, Elide sank onto her bed. “I don’t know.”

She tried the pragmatic approach. “Well, what are you doing?”

“Dinner first, and then we’re going to the movies. But the fancy ones with the recliners,” Elide explained. 

“Option two is out because half the night he won’t even be able to see it and it’s a waste of an outfit,” Aelin said.

“But I look so good in it,” Elide protested.

“Yes, that’s why it’s worth saving,” Aelin rebutted. 

“Okay, you’re right. So, purple or blue?” Elide held up the remaining options. 

Aelin thought for a moment, eyes darting between the two dresses. “Purple. The blue is a little short and you don't want that scratchy fabric on your thighs.”

“Gods, you’re right,” Elide said. “This is why we’re friends.”

Aelin laughed. “The only reason. So, who is this hot date?”

At this distance from the camera it was hard to tell but Aelin could have sworn Elide blushed. “We’ll see how this date goes and then I’ll tell you.”

“Elide Lochan, a woman of mystery,” Aelin teased. 

“Stay on while I get dressed,” Elide said, disappearing from view. “We haven’t caught up in a hot minute.”

“We haven’t.” The air left Aelin’s lungs as she heavily flopped down on the bed. “I’ve been so busy with work and stuff I just feel like I have no time.”

“Aw, sweetie. That sounds like no fun at all,” Elide’s voice was full of sympathy. 

Aelin left out the constant badgering of her family and the extra weight that was adding to everything, and also the weird sense of loneliness she hadn’t felt since she had first moved to Rifthold. Those were things she didn’t want her overly perceptive friend’s commentary on. 

“You’ll have to have enough fun for the two of us,” Aelin said. She was about to complain about work some more when a message popped up at the top of her screen. Her heart skipped, or maybe it was her stomach, it happened so suddenly Aelin couldn’t determine which part of her body was doing summersaults. The text was short and succinct, and so perfectly Rowan. 

>> I’m coming to Rifthold this weekend. See you then. 

He would be in her city, in less than 48 hours. Like always, there was no question of whether or not they would see each other. They had been at this for so long it was presumed without question for them to meet up and do what they did best. A text like this usually led to excitement and thrilling anticipation, and that was there. Except this time there was a little bit of trepidation sneaking in as well. 

“What’s that face?” Elide’s question cut through Aelin’s thoughts. 

“Huh?” 

Elide’s face took up the screen, a dark brow raised in question. “The face you’re making right now. What’s that about?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Aelin tried to assure her.

“Spill, Aelin,” Eldie demanded. 

Aelin considered the benefits of divulging just a little bit to Elide. It might just relieve a little bit of pressure that keeping all this to herself was building up. She didn’t have to admit to what she and Rowan got up to, maybe she could just circle around the set up they’d been subjected to. 

“I just got a message from Rowan,” Aelin said. “He’s coming this weekend.”

“Oh, good,” Elide sounded downright gleeful. “Maybe getting laid will help with some stress relief.”

Aelin laughed until she realised what her friend had said. “What?”

“Work won’t seem like the worst thing in the world while Rowan is blowing—’’

Aelin shot straight up. “Wait, you know? How? Who told you?” 

Dark eyes stared through the screen. “You’re not as subtle as you think you are. No one told, I just found it really weird that at the bar Rowan came back from the bathrooms with a massive hard-on and you followed after him two seconds later.”

“I…” for a moment Aelin was at a loss for words. “You couldn’t have seen that.”

“True,” Elide said with a shrug. “But his face certainly looked like he had one.”

Aelin wanted to bury her face in her pillow. “Who else noticed?”

“Our friends, bar myself, are not as observant as you’re giving them credit for,” Elide assured her. “I was going to wait for you to tell me, but I jumped the gun because that look on your face doesn’t look like pure excitement.”

“It’s complicated,” Aelin admitted.  

Elide scoffed. “Yeah, banging your best friend usually is.”

“It was all fine and dandy until this last trip, we saw each other way more than we usually do and our mothers very insistently tried to set us up on more than one occasion. So things were different, and I don’t know… I think I miss him. More than any other time before.”

That was it, she missed him, that’s all there was to it. Saying it aloud solidified the thought in her mind. The hesitation came from the fact this visit was happening so soon. Usually it was months before they saw each other, their travelling for work between cities wasn't frequent. Too much time together on this last trip was to blame for everything. There were too many heightened emotions and now they were lingering and causing trouble. Why couldn’t they just keep things as they were? Simple, easy, no pesky strings attached. 

“So…” Elide hedged, “you’ll be telling him no this time?”

Aelin considered it for a moment. She could just say she already had plans because it was so last minute. That would give her the distance that she probably needed to start thinking clearly again. But with Rowan in the same city, could she really bring herself to stay away?

“No, I’ll see him,” Aelin decided. “It would be weird if I didn’t. And you’re right, maybe a little bit of recreational sexual activities will help with the stress.”

“And you’ll stop missing him,” Elide added. “For the time being, at least.”

Aelin nodded. “True. Well, I won’t keep you from your date any longer, but I want you to know I’m slightly insulted that you won’t tell me who it is.”

“You’ll get over it. I love you,” Elide said in that brutally succinct way of hers.

“I love you too,” Aelin said through her laughter. “Have fun.”

They both said a final goodbye and Aelin hung up. A new feeling of clarity settled over her. All this turmoil over Rowan was pointless. All it really came down to was that during their last set of rendezvous Aelin had been spoiled for company and now she was just dealing with going without. She was overreacting and she blamed work and meddlesome relatives not giving her a moment’s peace. Work she couldn’t do much about besides just getting it done. But she’d be having words with her mother about how butting into her love life was well and truly off the table. Especially if it was going to do a number on brain like this, not if it was going to ruin the friendship she valued most. What she and Rowan had was perfect the way it was—it was exactly what the two of them needed. It was up to Aelin to ignore everything else to keep it that way. 

~~~~~

Rowan was a desperate man. He had hounded his boss from the moment Aelin left for some opportunity to be sent to Rifthold. He was knocked back so many times that he’d been trawling through commissions himself to find just the slightest excuse. When he got the call that one of the museums in Rifthold they worked with needed a consult Rowan was thrown the job out of pity. Or maybe it was to get him to shut up.

In the end, Rowan couldn’t care less. He was going Orynth, and he was so caught up on the fact that he would be seeing Aelin again that work hardly mattered to him. Aelin was all he cared about. Telling her how he felt was more important than an upgrade to the mediaeval wing of the museum. 

Nearly every night since she’d left he had to talk himself down from booking his own ticket and flying out. That wasn’t the way they did things and Rowan had no idea what Aelin felt. if he showed up out of the blue there was a decent chance he would scare her or himself off. As tempted as he was to make some big grand gesture, there was too much history between them for that kind of action. There were obstacles and things they would need to sort out before they moved forward, none of which would be easily overcome. Their situation was complicated, and complicated required caution. Rowan had to convince himself more than once that keeping it business as usual was the best choice.

All those semi sleepless nights didn’t matter now, because at this very moment he was checking into his hotel room. It was late Friday evening, the trip was so sudden that he had to leave after work. Rowan would spend Saturday meeting with whoever it was at the museum he needed and then he would be able to see Aelin. His lack of focus was a serious indicator for how flippant he’d become over this particular job. Any other time he’d have the client’s names memorised, would have gone over his notes and designs a hundred times. Instead he’d spent most of his time looking at his phone waiting to see what Aelin had to say. 

She’d agreed to meet up but had let him know that work had been insane and things might be a little up in the air. Rowan didn’t mind in the slightest. All that mattered was talking to Aelin and he was determined that this would be the trip to do it. There was no more wasted time, he was in love with her and it was as simple as that.  

The daylight hours of Saturday were all but meaningless. Rowan managed to keep himself professional for when he needed to and presented his plans without flourish. After that he returned to his room and became no better than a teenager—phone in hand and eyes glued to it. He tried not to get too disappointed every time that Aelin pushed back their meet up time to a little later. At first they were meant to meet before dinner, and then it was for dinner. Rowan was about to leave for the restaurant when a text came in with a heartfelt apology from Aelin saying that she wouldn’t make it. His heart had stopped in his chest because he thought she was cancelling altogether, but she finished off with a promise she’d come to him and to just send her the address. 

Rowan had done exactly that and ordered in. He tried to watch TV while he waited. The channels were limited and he couldn’t be bothered to go through the whole process of logging into a streaming service, so he just let a renovation show play while he ran through everything he needed to say to Aelin. He debated back and forth over the merits of starting with I love you and going from there. This current round he was against it, a case of too much too soon. There was still the unanswered question of how Aelin felt and that was what the axis of his entire future existence spun on. 

And then finally there was a knock on his door.

Launching would be the best way to describe Rowan’s departure from the bed. It was a single room accommodation, with a bed, desk and small attached bathroom, so it was only a matter of seconds until he had his hand on the door handle. Rowan took in one deep breath to ready himself, swinging the door open and he found her.

Aelin stood there, a tired smile on her face and still dressed in her work clothes. She had a large bag over her shoulder that most likely contained clothes for the night. As Rowan looked at her now, taking in every inch of her, he wondered how he had been able to suppress his feelings for so long.

“You gonna let me in, hotshot?” Aelin asked, a hand rising to her hip. “Or am I booking my own room?”

“Yeah, sorry.” Rowan stepped aside, hoping he didn’t come across as awkward as he suddenly felt.

Aelin gave him a look like she might be questioning his sanity before walking into his room. Rowan shut the door behind her and withheld the need to hold her—to kiss her senseless and confess every little thing that had built up over these weeks apart. She stopped by the little table, picking at his leftover pizza. 

“Do you mind if I use your shower? I feel a little gross after such a long day,” Aelin said, chewing over a piece of pepperoni.

“Of course,” Rowan said, gesturing at the bathroom door. 

Aelin disappeared a moment later and once again Rowan had to wait. The buzz of the shower added to the sounds of the TV, and he didn’t bother to change the volume. He didn’t care about the clashing wallpaper or bedding choices. Rowan just lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling fan. Last time he’d seen one of these in a hotel room his pants had ended hanging over it. He didn’t know whether he should be hoping for a repeat performance or not. 

The shower shut off and Rowan’s body thrummed with anticipation. Soon enough Aelin would be here, in his arms, and he could admit to how he felt. They could talk and they would figure out some way to make their situation work. The door creaked open after what seemed like a lifetime and Rowan sat up. Aelin stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in an oversized t-shirt with her damp hair loose around her shoulders. She’d washed off all her make-up, but she wasn’t any less beautiful.

“Work has been the worst,” Aelin nearly groaned, heading to the minibar and pulling out a bottle of beer. “I know this will cost you like $50 so I’ll pay you back.”

“It’s fine,” Rowan said, he’d give her just about anything right now if she asked for it. 

Aelin took a few decent mouthfuls then left it on the table along with the pizza. Then she stalked over to him, stopping right in between his knees. Her hands rested on his shoulders, fingers playing with the ends of his hair. 

“Aelin,” it felt so good to just say her name, to see her face soften just the slightest when he did. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Rowan’s breath caught as Aelin brought her body flush against his. The fingers in his hair tightened, angling his face upwards so he could watch her whisper, “I don’t want to talk.”

She kissed him and Rowan could never deny her. After what must have been a hellish day this is what Aelin needed from him. To be touched and made to forget about the world outside this hotel room. Rowan could give her that—gladly. And he just told himself the same thing he’d been repeating over the last few weeks. He could wait a little longer. 

~~~~

Rowan’s lips were soft as they met her��s, and Aelin sighed at the feeling that swept through her body. His hands were a steadying and familiar weight on her waist. Sometimes it was a shock as to how big they were, it took her a moment to remember just how much of her they could touch at once. Those hands that were always gentle, always making her feel cherished in every caress, that was no different as he pulled her down into his lap. Aelin straddled his hips, thighs tightening as she felt him through his sweatpants. It was flattering that only a few kisses and fleeting touches were all it took for him to be so hard and ready for her. She was almost impatient enough to tug his sweatpants down to free his cock, riding him hard and fast. But then it would be over too soon and Aelin might just be too tired for another round. So, instead she’d let him draw this out like he’d like to do to make every moment count. 

This was exactly what she needed, a wonderful, all consuming distraction.

She whimpered as Rowan’s grip flexed on her waist, and then again when his hands travelled lower. In her overnight bag in the bathroom there was a nice little set she had planned on wearing but after a long soothing shower the idea was just too uncomfortable. So she’d gone without and as Rowan’s fingers dipped under the hem of her t-shirt he was about to discover how little she actually wore.

“Aelin,” he groaned as the pass over her hips revealed no trace of underwear. “You’re… I’ll never be able to explain it.”

He was rambling, and that was sweet, flattering even. But it wasn't nearly enough by a long shot. Aelin ground down on the hard length of him, using actions rather than words to beg for what she needed. Rowan got the hint. Holding her thighs he changed their positions, laying her softly down on the bed. They worked in sync, taking turns to remove each other’s clothes. Aelin ran her hands over exposed and heated skin, tracing over dips and curves she had memorised so many times before. 

“Touch me, Rowan,” Aelin said in between kisses.

Rowan didn’t answer, he only pushed up enough so that he could run a hand down her body right to the middle of her thighs. Aelin gasped as he teased her with sweeping passes of a knuckle over her centre, making her buck and writhe until his thumb pressed down on her clit. Her moan was next to nothing with Rowan’s mouth on her’s, only muffled and needy sounds escaped as they were smothered by kisses.  

Their first round after being apart was always frenzied, desperation dictating their actions. Aelin expected the same, but this wasn’t. Rowan was slow and thorough, with his lips and his fingers—it was a delicious kind of torture. One finger, and then a second, slipped into her while his thumb drew unhurried circles around her clit. Heat flooded Aelin’s cheeks as her body reacted to the touches that were both too much and not enough. He was keeping her right on the edge, waves of pleasure cresting but never breaking. 

When he did it again, her body tensed as it prepared to let go and Rowan stole it away, had Aelin nearly sobbed out of frustration. “Please, Rowan.”

Rowan kissed her lips, tongue sweeping into her mouth for a dirty kiss. “Please what, Aelin?”

There was a hint of sass to his voice, and by the gods did Aelin rise to the challenge. She hooked a knee over his hip, urging him down so their bodies were flush. When she returned the favour of a kiss she made sure to bite at his bottom lip. “Fuck me, Rowan.”

He didn’t need much more convincing than that. Moving his hand and with a subtle shift of his hips Rowan pushed in, taking his time. Aelin’s hips rolled, coaxing him deeper.

“You feel so perfect.” Rowan sounded relieved and a little overwhelmed. “Every time.”

He cursed colourfully as he pressed his face into the crook of her neck. Aelin couldn’t help it, she laughed, her reward was a bite—right where the juncture of her shoulder and neck. It had her moaning and arching into him. Rowan knew exactly where her buttons were and now she was panting with desperation for him to do something. Anything. 

Rowan didn’t make her wait, a hand high on her thigh kept her in place as he began thrusting. The angle of his cock was perfect, as it always was, and it led Aelin right into her greatest wish of the night. A beautiful distraction. Everything was Rowan, she was consumed by him. Their bodies moved synchronically, both wanting to give as much as the other. A hand that was not her own found Aelin’s breast, fingers rolling the hardened peak. 

“That’s it,” Rowan whispered into her ear, the softness of his voice raising goosebumps over her skin and heightening every sensation. “You want to come. You deserve it.”

That little bit of encouragement was all she needed. Aelin broke, pleasure overtaking every sense in her body. Rowan pressed soft kisses to the length on her neck and face. His hips kept moving, drawing out her orgasm as long as he could. After a few long, bliss filled moments Aelin’s awareness returned to her. 

“So beautiful,” Rowan all but hummed as his gaze swept over her, his next thrust sharper. 

She could feel that Rowan was close, so she guided his face back to her and kissed him. Rowan groaned, losing his rhythm but it still felt just as good, so much so Aelin could feel herself building up again. He pulled back enough to look at her face. Their eyes connected, Rowan’s green gaze holding an intensity that had Aelin flushing with something closer to embarrassment than desire. The eye contact—it was too much. There was something there she hadn’t seen before. Her brain was far too distracted to decipher it so she went with the easiest option to cope. 

“Gods, Rowan,” Aelin breathed, eyes fluttering shut, refocusing on how he felt on every inch of her skin.

“Open your eyes, love,” Rowan urged. He gave her a sweet kiss for extra encouragement. 

So caught up in him, Aelin couldn’t help but do as he asked. What she saw when she looked up at him had her heart pounding in her chest, a new wave of need crashing over her. It tipped her over the edge again, her body tightening before her core pulsed, bringing Rowan right along with her. He moaned deeply, the vibrations of it thrumming over her sensitive skin. Aelin clung to Rowan, waiting for her breathing to even out and sense to settle in her brain. She didn’t think she’d ever tire of sex with Rowan, nothing else even came close.

He had his forehead resting on her collarbone, just as wrecked as she was. Lips dragged over her skin and his next words were whispered right over her heart. “I love you,”

Aelin’s breath caught and those words registered in her blissed out brain, sobering her instantly. But it seemed Rowan hadn’t even noticed what he said, he just rolled to the side, letting Aelin escape to the bathroom. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest that she felt it in her throat, making her want to vomit. Aelin held back the impulse and cleaned up as quickly as she could. Diving into the overnight bag she had conveniently left in here after the shower Aelin pulled out clothes to put on. It was just an oversized sweater and leggings, but it would be enough to get her to her car.

Because she couldn’t stay here, not now that Rowan had gone and ruined everything. The easiest option was for her to leave, and quickly. If she stayed there might not be anything left of their relationship to salvage. Missing him was one thing, and then there was this. 

This was not what they were, they couldn’t be. It didn’t make sense. Why did Rowan have to go and ruin a perfectly good thing?

I love you.

Those three words echoed in her brain and did nothing to console her. Rowan couldn’t love her, she wasn’t what he needed or wanted. Not really. If he had the sense to really consider it he would know this wasn’t the right course for them. Aelin would give him the opportunity to do just that. She packed up the rest of her bag, so all she had to do was grab her purse and shoes and leave. 

Swallowing down against the tightness in her throat, Aelin opened the door and swept out with the shortest of glances in Rowan’s direction. He was splayed out on the bed looking like he was still recovering after the mind blowing sex. Aelin’s stomach gave a pang of regret when she realised this would be the last time. It would be cruel to put Rowan through any more of this when she didn’t feel the same. 

Aelin gathering up her things seemed to shake him from his daze and he raised himself up on his elbow. “What are you doing?”

She snatched up her purse and stepped around the table. “Leaving.”

“Why…” Rowan trailed off, then realisation dawned on him. “Aelin, wait. Don’t go, let me explain.”

“There’s no need,” Aelin said, slipping a foot into her kitten heel. Rowan went to get out of bed but she stopped him with a raised hand. “Don’t. Just stay there.”

Gods bless him, he did. She could always count on Rowan to respect boundaries.

“Stay, and we’ll talk,” Rowan nearly pleaded. 

“We’re friends, Rowan,” Aelin said, forcing every ounce of bravado into as she could. She even added a strained note of laughter. “That’s all we are and can be.”

“Friends don’t do this.”

Aelin’s head snapped up, it was all too easy to read the look of hurt and disappointment on his face. It wasn’t clear if he was talking about her behaviour in this moment or the casual fucking that they’d indulged in over the years, ending in the subsequent drama that had entangled them. Any way they looked at it, Aelin wasn’t staying for the clarification. She just slipped on the other shoe. 

“I’m going,” she said, rushing for the door. 

“Aelin—”

A glance over her shoulder told her he was making his move to get out of bed, denying her order to stay where he was. But it was too late—her hand was on the door knob. 

“Goodbye, Rowan.” 

Aelin twisted the handle, ignoring the rush of movement behind her and stepped out in the hallway. She thought it would be harder to not look back, but with every step he took away from that hotel room it only bolstered her resolve. They were better off like this, it was now up to Rowan to realise it. 

~~~~~

*smiling in delight but also I'm sorry*

[hyunsuks-beanie]

Someone Like You

Pairing: Hyunjin × gn. reader

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Content Warnings: Jealousy; possessiveness; insecurity; potential hints towards reader being bisexual, but nothing stated explicitly

Part of: Mellow's You've Got A Letter Event 

Mellow speaks: Happy pride🏳️‍🌈 to the anon d requested this!! Thank you for the lovely request, but I just wanna let you know that I decided to keep things not too explicit, to make the reading relatable for all my readers. Hope you don't mind haha, especially since June is the month of celebrating equality among everyone!

Tagging: @sweethyuka @yedammi @enhacolor @yunhorights @axartia @yogurteume 

Hey Y/N? 

I know you're probably confused about finding a note sticking out from under your pillow, right? But uhmm........I just wanted to ask you if you're still up for our paintball date later? I mean, you can totally tell me if you don't want to, or if there's something else you'd rather be doing, or even someone else you'd rather be doing that with. 

Ugh, this is going nowhere. But now I don't have time to restart this letter, because I need to be at the pre-recording session in 30 minutes. And I'm sure you're even more confused by now, so I guess I'm just gonna come clean. When you came to the music show to support us, I saw you talking to a few of the makeup artists. You looked so adorable smiling like that and it really seemed like you were enjoying getting to know someone new.

It's been a while since you got to do that, isn't it? You've just been so busy, and at first, it made me smile seeing you spending time with someone that's not me, and I was happy because I'm not able to always give you as much time as I'd like to. But then, that smile slowly started to fade when I realized you were spending a bit too much time with them. It soon got annoying, and I wanted you to be done and come over to me already. It started to get on my nerves and I found myself wanting to pull you away from them and just hug you tight. 

You guessed it right, I was just being a jealous idiot. But that uncalled for, and I know you're definitely not in the wrong for trying to befriend them. It's just.....we both know you and I are so different from each other. You're literally a ball of sunshine and all I am is a shy, dorky, lanky guy. I sometimes feel I'm holding you back from living life, always wanting to stay indoors and not being too quiet half the time.

And even when I try to be more open to new things and plan dates like the one today, I end up being nervous that I won't be able to make things fun for you and things just spiral downwards. So when I saw you finally find someone who is as into "late-night drives with the windows down" as you are, I guess I just got a little possessive and insecure. I almost did reach out to grab you by the arm and pull you to myself, but in the end, I couldn't bring myself to. 

Why? Because in that moment, I felt guilty. Guilty for not being good enough, and guilty for still having the audacity to think this way. I know it's my fault that I was jealous, and after having stayed awake last night thinking about the way I acted, I also know that you deserve to be free to meet and spend time with people who aren't me, or even like me. And that needs to be the case whether it's you befriending a guy, or a girl, or someone else. 

I'm sorry for feeling this way, baby. I'm not the best with words, but right now, all I'm hoping for is that you realize that I do care. 

I love you, and I'm sorry.

Hyunjin 

[allsassnoclass]

5, 9, 14, 20, 30, 39, & 44 for the writing asks? -megs 💙

@igarbagecannoteven hi megs! thanks for stopping by!

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something? I don't like first person pov for fic, and i think it's because when i already have such a clear view of who the characters are in my head, having an intimate viewpoint like that makes it a lot more apparent when the writer and i have different characterizations, so i'm not likely to read a fic in first person pov. in this fandom specifically i have strong opinions about characterizations of luke (don't like when he's written as overly ditsy or like a baby who can't take care of himself) and if the rest of the fic is great and luke is a background character i can handle it, but otherwise i'll click out of fics like that. there's too much other fic in this fandom for me to read two-dimensional characters and unfortunately he's the one that i disagree with characterizations of the most. also, at this point i need the spaces between the paragraphs on ao3. i know that normal books are not published like that but for some reason on my computer it's a lot more overwhelming if the spacing between paragraphs is the same as the spacing between lines and i'll click out of a fic over that

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community. ahhhh i was kind of hoping no one would ask this one just because i don't think i read the underrated/unknown fic writers! the vast majority of the fics i read are by people i follow on tumblr or other pretty well-known names (although i have been looking at the 5sos tag on ao3 a lot more recently!) but! here are a few newer fandom writers who i've read!

@4thbrighteststar has a wonderful luke character study

@babush-cat has such fun ideas and dynamics!

i'll be honest i haven't read anything by @bandsanitizer yet but i'm so enthusiastic about her fic exchange fic that on premise alone i'm saying she's underrated as a writer

14. Do you have a personal word minimum that you hold yourself too? Why or why not? I do! for ask box prompts it's 750, for ao3 fics it's 1k. i am not the kind of person who can tell a good story in less words than that. some people can (you're actually the person who comes to mind first) but i simply can't. it usually takes around 1k for me at the bare minimum, but if i'm writing an ask box prompt i won't push it just because for me prompts are less pressure and have lower standards

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process? probably moments when things come together! whether it's coming up with a really satisfying detail in an idea, finally writing a scene i've been looking forward to, or writing the last sentence of a wip and feeling good and final about it, i really like moments where it feels like i'm doing something right.

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

some words that i wrote while answering these!

“Got a hot date?” she asks when he lets her in, gently removing her shoes.

“Ah, no,” he says, bringing a hand up to adjust his hair again. “Just a friend’s night. Well, Luke and Ashton are dating, but It’s not a double date, or anything.”

Oh no, is this supposed to be a double date? No, it’s not. Surely that would’ve been mentioned explicitly if it was, right? Calum’s not going into this expecting a double date, is he?

No, of course not. He’s massively overthinking this and he hasn’t even left the house yet.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on? that it makes sense! i feel like the choices that characters make and the way that events unfold makes sense in my stories rather than coming from out of the blue or having a bunch of loose ends that don't do anything, and I like that

44. Rant about something writing related. oh hm. well. geez i'm struggling with a topic lol let's see. i think i am frustrated with the amount of words that some stories take! i'm very bad at judging how many words a fic will be but i think it's stupid that a lot of my ideas take over 20k of words in order for me to properly execute them! i don't have time to write that many words! i don't have the focus for it! some people don't have the focus to read it! i also hate when i'm writing something and i'm like "oh i'm going to do this in 6k it'll be fine" and it's at least 10k, or it's a 15k fic that i thought was going to be 10k, or (the worst offender) when it's a fic that should've been no more than 3k and is instead 6k!!!! the differences in words there may not seem like much to some people but with the rate that i write and the fact that i rarely can stick to one wip for more than a few days in a row means that every word over what i anticipate is a decent amount of time until the fic gets finished. if fics were the number of words i initially predicted they'd be i'd have 3 more fics published by now, and those are just the ones i'm thinking of off the top of my head. idk maybe i also want some ideas that take less words lol i would love to write more fics in the 4k-12k range because those wordcounts are the ones i typically enjoy reading most but i simply seem incapable of not adding other words and descriptions and building the relationship more which takes more scenes and. you get the idea. etc etc etc.