#(or even like “i am judging you but only for your subjective taste and you don't deserve harassment”)

[anistarrose]

what I mean when I say I'm tired of people making found families into nuclear families:

among other things, it's kind of annoying when people act like the romantic couple are automatically the "most obvious" candidates to adopt a kid; or act like a pair of people in a romantic relationship can't happily co-parent a kid with people outside of that romance

what I don't mean when I say I'm tired of people making found families into nuclear families:

people using "siblings" or "parent and child" as a shorthand (or even non-shorthand) for characters' relationships sometimes

[p0orbaby]

For a Good Time, Call… (3)

summary: confessions of an Arsenal Vice Captain

warnings: SMUT 18+, (r receiving) sex with a strap, brief mentions of oral and fingering, alcohol consumption

a/n: am I updating this monthly? im afraid so

word count: 2.9k

part 1 | part 2 | part 4 | epilogue

-

You have no idea how you got here.

Well, you do, obviously, but you’re surprised you actually had the balls to go through with it.

‘Dinner tomorrow. Goodman’s. 19:45’

It was simple. Succinct. Completely out of character.

You almost passed out when your sweaty, nervous hands typed it and pressed send. In some ways you did. You don’t deal well with stress, at all, choosing to sleep most of your problems away. It worked this time for the most part. Until you were rudely awakened by your phone and its obnoxious ding.

‘Only if you pay’

So, here you were. Sitting at a table with a lit candle and at least 16 pieces of cutlery, wondering if you have to get a mortgage for a flat you don’t even own to cover the cost of this meal.

You’d arrived early because you needed a stiff drink to calm your nerves and you weren’t having Leah judge you for it. And the equally judgemental looks you're getting from the wait staff as you sat alone not so subtly gulping down your double vodka soda don’t go unnoticed.

So you ordered another one. Along with a bottle of white wine.

“I hope you got that for us to share”

You almost yelp into your glass as you hear a voice beside you. Your eyes flit up quickly to find Leah clad in an all black get up. A suit. Tailored too, by the looks of it. Your heart rate increases exponentially as she stands over you.

“What are you doing here?” You blurt at her.

She smirks as you as she pulls a chair out for herself. “You invited me”

“No. I mean,” you start as you look at your watch, “you’re early”

“So are you”

Touché.

“The wine is for both of us, yes” you confirm, changing the subject. You’re not having her intimidate you. You were the one who asked her here, after all.

“Have you ordered food yet?”

Shaking your head, you open the food menu. She follows suit and you're left to sit in silence as you pretend to read what the restaurant has to offer. Like any sane person, you chose what you were having hours ago so you didn’t have to worry. And it gave you more time to drink your nerves away.

Though by the looks of it, it didn’t work. Your hands still shake when they go to pick up the bottle of wine. Leah must notice, because she’s smirking again and reaching for it herself not a second later.

“I’ve got it”

Get a fucking grip.

Leah’s smirk only adds to your internal turmoil, but you manage a tight-lipped smile in return. “Thanks,” you mutter, grateful for the distraction as she pours the wine into your glasses. The tension between you almost tangible, a thick fog that seems to settle itself over the table.

Taking a sip of wine, you try to gather your thoughts, driving yourself to act like a person with at least half a brain. “So, what made you agree to dinner with me?” you finally ask, trying to keep your tone casual despite the racing of your heart.

Leah leans back in her chair, her gaze lingering on you as she considers her response. “Curiosity, I suppose,” she replies cryptically, a hint of amusement dancing in her eyes. “And maybe a touch of boredom”

You can’t help but scoff at her honesty. “Well, I’ll try to make it worth your while,” you quip, raising your glass in a mock toast.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to entertain me. You always do,” she says, her tone so casual you almost missed it. And you’re not about to admit your lack of attention is from staring at the way her fingers play with the stem of her glass.

Trying to regain your composure, you take a sip of wine, the taste now bitter on your tongue as you struggle to find the words. “So, what’s new with you?” you ask, opting for a safe topic of conversation.

Leah’s lips quirk into a smirk as she leans forward. “Why? Feeling the need to pry into my personal life?” she teases, her voice low.

You roll your eyes, a ghost of a smirk tugging at the corners of your lips. “Just making conversation,” you reply, your tone light despite the flutter of, something, in your stomach.

Leah leans back in her chair, her eyes never leaving yours. “Well, if you must know, I’ve started seeing someone”

This catches your attention in a way you don’t expect. You try to maintain your composure, but the news hits you like a punch to the gut. “Oh,” is all you manage to say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Leah watches you closely, her expression unreadable. “Is that a problem?” she asks, her tone cautious.

You shake your head quickly, trying to mask the hurt that’s threatening to bubble to the surface. “No, of course not,” you reply, forcing a smile onto your lips. “I’m happy for you”

But even as you say the words, you can’t ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, the ache of disappointment that lingers beneath the surface. You had hoped that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something more between you and Leah.

“She’s incredibly intelligent, with a sharp wit and a quick tongue,” she says, her voice laced with what you instantly recognise as admiration. “She’s kind-hearted and fiercely loyal, always willing to lend a helping hand to those in need”

You listen reluctantly. Why is she telling you this? To rub it in? To embarrass you that she’s strung you along? “She sounds amazing,” you say, unable to keep the hurt out of your voice.

Leah nods, a smile starting to form as she speaks. “Oh, she is,” she replies, her gaze lingering on you. “She’s someone really special. Even if she is really bad with technology”

What?

Why is that relevant? Have you zoned out again as she’s been talking? When on Earth did she take off her blazer? Were her sleeves always rolled up?Jesus Christ, don’t look at her forearms.

She must catch your frown because proceeds to explain the bizarre nugget of information she’s presented to you.

“Sometimes she takes all day to reply to a text, probably because her phone is dead. Or how she constantly has to get her screen replaced because it’s cracked. Oh, and this one time she sent me a naked picture by accident”

Your heart practically falls out your ass at that. The wind being knocked out of you when your heavy, almost wine drunk brain catches up.

And like a bolt of lightning, it hits you. Clarity emerging from the fog.

She’s talking about you.

Your heart pounds in your chest as the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. It’s as if everything suddenly makes sense, and you can’t believe you didn’t see it sooner.

In the days and weeks that have passed with you and her and this little game, you’ve been an idiot not to notice.

Despite her constant need to rile you up, she’s taken on a very unique trait of checking up on you. Nights out with your friends? A text to make sure you get home safe. In training when you’re completing your individual recovery? Asking if you’ve got everything you need before you head home.

You’ve actually found it pretty fucking annoying. Condescending even. How dare she treat you like a child who needs looking after. So you snapped and snarled at her and she smirked as you retaliated. That just added to the many reasons you thought she was doing it to piss you off. No one else seemed to get Leah’s special treatment. No one else seemed to warrant her attention in quite the same way.

Though you realise now that those weren’t just ways to get under your skin. They were expressions of genuine care and affection, subtle hints of whatever feelings she had for you that you had stupidly failed to recognise.

What do you do now? How do you respond to something like this?

You glance at Leah, your mind racing with a million thoughts and feelings. And then, without a word, you excuse yourself from the table, needing a moment to collect your thoughts.

As you step outside, the cool night air offers a brief respite from the clisterfuck inside your mind. You lean against a wall, trying to steady your racing heart and gather yourself.

This is good, right? This is what you want, isn’t it?

Leah is undeniably your type – intelligent, witty, and captivating in every way. She’s the kind of person anyone would be lucky to have in their life. But she’s also more than that. She’s your teammate, your captain – someone you’ve looked up to and admired from afar.

On one hand, the idea of being with her, of exploring the possibility of something more with her, isn’t an unappealing idea. But on the other hand, there’s a nagging voice in the back of your mind warning you of the potential risks and complications that come with mixing business with pleasure.

This is a decision you can’t make lightly. It’s not just about what you want, but also about what’s best for both of you, for your team, and for your friendship.

As you continue to wrestle with your thoughts, the door of the restaurant swings open, and Leah steps out into the night air. Her presence startles you, and you look up to see her approaching with her forearms covered once again.

Thank god.

“Hey,” she says softly, her eyes searching yours. “Can we talk?”

You nod, because that’s the only thing you can do. Your voice is caught in your throat and you fear if you try to talk you’ll just squeak at her and scare her off.

Leah takes a deep breath, steeling herself for what she’s about to say. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” she begins, her words measured. “I know I caught you off guard back there, and I shouldn’t have put you in that position”

You feel a pang of guilt at the concern in her eyes, knowing that she’s trying to do what’s best for both of you. “Leah, that’s not-,” you start to say, but she holds up a hand to stop you.

“I just want you to know that whatever happens, I value our friendship above all else,” she continues, her voice tinged with emotion you don’t see from her often. “And if you don’t feel the same way, I’ll understand if you want to just forget any of this ever happened and go back to how things were before. I don’t want to make things awkward between us”

Before you can respond, Leah reaches out to touch your arm, her eyes looking at yours for any sign of understanding. But instead of words, all you can offer is a sudden, impulsive action.

Then without even thinking, you lean forward and press your lips to hers in a tender, unexpected kiss. It’s a brief moment of connection, a silent declaration of the feelings you’ve both been dancing around for so long.

-

You have no idea how you got here.

Well, you do, obviously, you’re not that drunk. But you’re surprised you actually had the balls to go through with it.

You’re surprised you had the balls to make out with someone in the back of a cab. And then on the doorstep as they tried to unlock the door.

Yet here you are, the sound of skin on skin filling a room that is half lit by a lamp on a bedside table. Your shadows are blurred around the edges. The doing of vodka sodas and desire and the way your face is pressed firmly into the mattress.

You’re not sure how long it’s been. Half an hour maybe? An hour? Long enough that your body has gone slack underneath hers, taking what she gave as she rutted into you.

She was almost too big. The feathered light made it difficult to judge the size of the strap when it was pulled from a drawer. But she’d touched you soft and sweet to get you ready. Then hard and mean when you were slick against her mouth and fingers as you begged her for more.

“Keep your hips up,” she demands as she grabs at them and pulls them backwards. “Yeah, just like that”

They’d be marks from where her fingers gripped at the flesh there, but you didn’t mind. You don’t care, as long as she keeps fucking you.

“Leah” you moaned. Her name sticky and wet in your mouth. “Harder, please”

She stills momentarily. A little taken aback at your sudden confidence. She sucks in a breath when you groan and push yourself further onto the strap unprompted.

“Jesus, Y/N” she gritted out through clenched teeth as you pulled an arm from underneath you to loop it backwards. Pulling at her, bringing her closer. Deeper.

She went, of course, wrapping her body around yours, humming against the back of your neck and stretching a hand over your stomach for purchase. Your skin hot against her palm. The scent of your perfume surrounding her as she kissed between your shoulders.

Again, her fingers squeezed where they were holding the meat of your hips. Pinning you firmly in place as she straightened and rocked into you again.

The noises were obscene. Skin slapping skin and your mangled cries echoing around the room when Leah found your clit and tapped at it rhymically.

You didn’t realise you were crying until salty tears ran into your mouth.

Your orgasm took you by surprise and you sobbed out her name when you started shaking. She eases you through it, removing her hand from between your legs and fucking you hard.

That's better.

“That’s it, good girl” Leah says from behind you, breathless. It reminds you of half time chats and tactics. When she comes off the pitch running her mouth about what’s good and what needs to be better. “Almost there sweetheart”

She pulls out of you suddenly and you clench around nothing as she flips you over. One smooth move and you're facing her.

She’s gorgeous. From what you can see through your tear soaked lashes. Red faced and beautiful. Her chest heaving with her efforts and you realise now why you sit rubbing your legs together from the subs bench.

Sweaty work really is sexy work.

You’ve barely even taken a breath before she’s inside you again. Pinning your hands above your head as her lips attach themselves to yours. The feel of her body pressed against your own is something you didn’t know you’d crave. But now you’ve succumbed to the feelings bubbling deep inside for so long.

“One more. Just one more for me”

“I can't,” you whimper. The words rough and stuttered as your body shifts with each thrust.

“You can, I promise”

Her mouth closed over your nipple. Sucking and licking and pulling noises out of you you didn’t think possible.

“I’m gonna cum” you announce, and she released your breast, your nipple pebbling with the cold air hitting wet skin.

You feel for her neighbours. You really do. It’s not late, but no one wants to hear banging on their walls no matter what time of day it is. Maybe she should get some stoppers to dull the sound a little.

Is that presumptuous? To think this will happen enough times that Leah will need to make changes to mitigate noise pollution? Maybe so, but you hope and pray this isnt the last time this happens.

Your orgasm rips through you, and unsurprisingly stops your virtual Amazon shop abruptly in its tracks. And my god, never have you climaxed this hard in your life.

Legs shaking. Eyes rolling back into your head. Back arching almost unnaturally as pleasure rips through you and touches every damn nerve in your body. It was fireworks on the Fourth of July. Colliding atoms. A demolition of everything you ever thought you knew about your relationship with Leah.

But what you now know, is that she is a woman that knows how to fuck.

You can’t breathe in the best way. Partly because you’d just had the horny pounded out of you. Partly because Leah was now settled on top of you, a firm presence as she too fights for air.

“You okay?” She asks after a second. And you almost laugh because you’re the one that should be asking that. She was the one that did all the hard work.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt better” you manage once your heartbeat has slowed down and the throb between your thighs has dulled to a pleasant hum.

She laughs and you feel warm all over again.

What was wrong with you? Don't say you’re in love with her already? Because that would be really bloody stupid.

“Don’t, you’ll inflate my ego”

“Like you need help with that”

It’s weird to be having a conversation like this with someone still inside you. But you don’t feel uncomfortable about it. Not with her. Never with her.

You think she must feel the same because when she lifts herself onto her elbows, she doesn’t work to remove herself. No, instead she looks down at you with those blue eyes and that smile and she pushes loose hairs away from your face.

“All you have to do is look at me and my head barely fits through the door” she admits.

“Well, I’ll just have to stop looking at you then. Can’t have you stuck in this room when we need you on the field, can we?”

[weirdmorefics]

bridgerton sister ran away just before the beginning of her season and discovered by Colin in St Petersburg under a fake identity and bought back home

The Familiar Barmaid

x bridgerton!sister

Pronouns- She/her

Warning- Mother issues

Word Count- 933

Summary- The reader wants to be an author, but unfortunately, she has a season to get back to.

Y/n Bridgerton had never dreamed of being married like her other sisters (Eloise excluded). Y/n loved reading, she imagined her own stories and stashed her written stories under her bed. She craved to be an author like the ones who made the books she admired. Her mother however had other plans for her since day one; come out, become the diamond of the season, and be courted by a handsome gentleman I loved who hopefully had an amazing title. I never craved that life I much preferred to live in the fantasy worlds I created in my head. This leads us to my escape from the Bridgerton household the night before my season.

I had packed the most important things to me; my writings, my favorite books, and the leftover money I had been saving from my gown fittings. I quietly took my horse out of the stable at night and rode the horse to a place no one would know Y/n Bridgerton.

I rode my horse for as far as she could go taking breaks in dingy inns that my Mother wouldn't dare to step foot in. By the time I was in St Petersburg, I was already short on funds. It was a better place to settle than most it had gorgeous views and so many new things to write about. As luck would have it the bar in town was looking for a barmaid. Unfortunately, the bar owner could tell very easily that I had no experience. Shockingly he gave me a chance! He said I reminded him of his daughter who recently married so her room above the bar was also available. It felt like fate like I had been sucked into my very own fantasy book.

I spent my days writing in the nearby park and the nights dealing with town drunks. Honestly, they weren't too bad just demanding their drinks. I learned quickly and I became their favorite barmaid only because I made the drinks the fastest but it still made me feel accomplished. It was a bittersweet feeling to have the town drunks appreciate me more than my mother but at least I was appreciated.

I felt true relief once the season was over no longer worried they would find me and make me a last-minute entry. The bar was just closing and I was washing the grimy tables when the chime of the door startled me. The man was bundled his scarf nearly covering his whole face.

I turned to him and frowned politely "I am so sorry sir we are just closing."

The man gasps once he hears me speak "Y/N?"

I quickly back up accidentally sending a chair to the ground with a loud thud, "I think you have the wrong woman sir."

My boss exits the backroom at the commotion, "This fella bothering you Rose?"

"Are you serious Y/n? Rose? Be a little more original," the man unwraps his scarf and my fists immediately tighten.

"Colin, what are you doing here?" I practically growl.

"You know this man Rose? Seems a little too uptight for you, but I am not here to judge your taste in suitors." My boss chuckles finding his comment hilarious.

Colin gags, "That is my little sister I'll have you know! And I am bringing you right home Mother has been worried sick about you!"

I roll my eyes "She probably did not even know about my absence until Lady Whistledown announced it. How did she cover it up? Am I in the States visiting my cousins?"Colin's face turns beat red which tells me I am right.

Colin tries to change the subject, "Your sisters miss you dearly, Daphne was devasted you were not there for her wedding."

I gasped, "Daphne is already married! The season just ended!"

Colin rubbed his arm, "There were a lot of issues with this season Y/n… honestly we all could have used some of that Y/n wisdom. I especially could have used some of that wisdom." He mumbled the last part seeming very embarrassed to admit it.

"Oh, Colin… I am so sorry. I miss my siblings all dearly but I am not meant for the home carer life. I am meant to be out there writing about anything I can get my hands on." I gesture to the world around me.

"That is one good thing about your departure, no one thinks you are Lady WhistleDown anymore," He smirks.

"Oh what a pity I did like causing fear and scaring the men off with the promise to write about them," I smile.

Colin sighs, "I will make you a deal Y/n, travel with me during my studies. You can explore the world that way, but you must write to Mother and the rest of your siblings and let them know you are safe."

"You know she or Anthony will just drag me back home," I frown.

"Not with me by your side, I am sure I can convince Anthony and she can convince Mama." He smiles as the plan begins to form in his head.

I smiley widely, "You have yourself a deal Colin Bridgerton."

He smiles back as my boss lets out a few stray tears, "You truly are just like my daughter, just as stubborn and hot-headed. Be sure to visit your welcome back anytime."

I gave him a side hug, "Oh boss you big old softie."

Colin laughs, "Y/n you are truly something."

"Why thank you," I take a bow. "Shall we take our leave?"

"We shall," Colin smiles.

[mslanna]

Raphael reacting to his little mouse asking to meet with him privately; when he agrees, Tav makes a thorough check of the room (to ensure nothing and nobody is eavesdropping) before explaining. Tav informs the cambion that another fiend appeared before them and attempted to get the adventurer to agree to sellout Raphael by essentially acting as a mole, so now Tav is here to warn him while also trying to figure out some things, "Any idea why that other devil thought that I'd be a good choice for this? They claimed you were enamored with me, but I stopped paying attention when they persisted with flattery rather than give me their actual reasoning." Meanwhile, Raphael is sat there knowing all that "flattery" is true.

Well, that took an unexpected turn at the end. 🤭 nby Tav without body configuration unwise application of whisky Read it on AO3

Double-Dealing Devils

Everything had to be perfect. Raphael made another round through his suite in Sharess' Caress. His favourite future client, his little mouse had asked – asked – to meet him. This could only mean one thing, and he was ready.

The wine was ready. Refreshments were ready. The special occasion outfit in black and red was tailored to perfection and fitting impeccably. Scented soaps and lotions awaited in case the meeting turned a little more – satisfactory than Tav anticipated. The rose petals might clue them in.

On the other hand, they might not. Tav could be deliciously oblivious for all their street smarts and battle prowess. Raphael tugged at his sash and ran a hand through his perfect hair. Archdevil Raphael. Ruler of the nine hells.

Soon.

The door opened and his future swept in, disregarding him completely. Raphael frowned as Tav began a thorough search of his suite – not just with hands and eyes, he felt the distinctive tingle of magic.

"Pray what-"

"Sh!" Tav hissed. Their tone was so urgent, that Raphael obeyed.

Such power in such a small package. He watched Tav doing a full circuit, thinking of all the wonderful ways he could harness their energy. Free it. Shape it to his will. Leaning back against his desk, Raphael let his thoughts roam freely over the subject.

"Happy?" He crossed his arms and tilted his head when Tav finally deigned to approach him.

"You know you are rather unpopular already?" Tav mirrored his pose.

"I'm a devil, my dear. I am popular only with those who are worth the time and effort."

"Maybe you should reconsider who that is, because I got a really interesting offer."

"Is that so." Raphael refused to be fazed. "I am curious why you did not take it."

"Who says I didn't?"

"Would you be here if you did?" Raphael straightened. "If you have found another way to solve your little tadpole problem, I am all agog to hear about it."

"It's not about that," Tav conceded. "Or maybe a little."

"Come, sit." Raphael gestured to the comfortable couch at the pool. "Tell me everything. Have a drink. Refreshments?"

Tav blinked as if they had run into a brick wall. Raphael exploited their surprise by pressing a wine goblet into their hand and guiding them into the desired direction.

They flopped down with their wine sloshing dangerously high in the goblet. It didn't spill though. A pity, but something akin might be happening later. Raphael licked his lips.

Once sitting, Tav gulped down half of the wine in one go. A waste considering the quality of it but the mortal didn't even notice the taste. "I don't even know who that devil was. I don't deal with devils on a regular basis, you know?"

"And you didn't think to ask their name?"

"I don't believe a word they said. Why would I believe the name they gave? Also, they wore a glamour. Four meter devilshape is drawing attention. So they glamoured themselves to look like-" Tav hesitated.

Raphael moved closer and swirled his wine. "To look like who?"

"Um." Tav blushed. "The type of woman I prefer."

"A successful ploy judging by your reaction." A wrench in the works, maybe. Korrilla reported a certain interest in the druid elf travelling with the group.

"The only success." Tav snorted and slurped up the rest of their wine. "Anyway, they wanted me to spy for them. On you," Tav added seeing the incomprehension on Raphael's face. "They want me to sell you out. Your secrets and stuff. Whatever gave them the impression I am a good choice for that."

Tav shook their head and stared into the empty goblet. Oblivious. Raphael suppressed a sigh. Maybe it would be wise to keep it that way. They would certainly be a liability. He was far from admitting that it was part of their charm. So easily fooled and yet so firm in their beliefs.

"They must have given reasons," he prompted.

Another snort from Tav. "They said you have a soft spot for me. Said, you were, can you believe it, enamoured with me." Tav looked up to find Raphael's brown eyes reasting heavily on them. They swallowed. "Anyway, I stopped listening when they kept repeating that instead of giving their actual reasoning."

"Ah." Raphel picked the empty goblet from their unresisting hand. "I see."

It was unfortunate that his – lenience towards his little mouse should be known in infernal circles. That offer would not be the last of them. This time, Tav decided to come to him. But who knew how their decision would fall in the future? Once his deal was concluded and other devils found tempting prizes for Tav. He needed a solution.

"I know. It's ridiculous." Tav leant back and spread their arms over the backrest.

Raphael turned away to refill their cup. Tav sitting like an open invitation was a little too on the nose. Did they really not know? Or were they stringing him along, trying to weasel some kind of confession out of him? And if he did, would it be worth it? Raphael scrounged his nose in thought as he poured them more wine.

"I mean, it's all very professional, is it not? You give me a hammer with which I can free Orpheus who will solve all my problems. I give you a crown that will solve all of yours." Tav shook their head. "You're not even coming for my soul."

"As yet." Raphael smiled like a promise and a threat. "Who knows what will happen once you sign my deal and we conclude it successfully?"

"So you have further plans with me?" Tav frowned.

"Perhaps." He took a step towards them. "It depends entirely on whether you are willing."

Tav narrowed their eyes. Willing to do what? Was – was his top button undone? That sure hadn't been the case when they arrived. The words of the other devil echoed through heir head. Soft spot. Enamoured even. Balderdash. Wasn't it? Admittedly, Gale had said something about roses and serenades as well. But Gale was a hopeless romantic.

Tav stopped to look around. A suite, tiles covered in rose petals. Wine. Refreshments. A pool inviting with soaps, oils and lotions. A bed, not even hidden from view with plush pillows and ample space. Raphael, in the middle of the room a goblet of wine in one hand.

Tav reached out. When Raphael handed them the goblet, they emptied it in one go. Shaking their head, Tav grunted. "I need something stronger than that, I think."

"That can be arranged," Raphael purred, pleased that realisation finally set in.

Glancing to the door Tav wondered if they'd make it while the devil was distracted. But Raphael cheated, by simply appearing a bottle of whisky and a filled tumbler in his hands.

"Anything else?"

"How about some privacy?"

"As you wish." With a flick of his hand, the lock of the door clicked audibly.

Tav swallowed. Doomed. They picked the whisky from the devil's hand who made sure their fingers touched more than necessary. Maybe if they got drink fast enough – But who were they kidding? He was a devil and one that looked at them like a cat that found a cream-covered mouse to play with. Detected.

The unveil hunger emanating from Raphael burnt in Tav's stomach even without a single drop of whisky. Words from another place wormed their way back into Tav's wavering conscience. Swallowing once more, they pulled up their tunic slowly and poured some of their drink into their belly button. It ran over because they didn't look away from the devil's intense gaze.

Raphael smiled greedily. He opened another button on his doublet and knelt before them.

Caught. Tav closed their eyes as hot lips closed in on their skin.

[kryptonbabe]

to a degree, if taste in art did not reflect a personality it would render the art meaningless. it's supposed to evoke a feeling. if there is nothing inside you that speaks to the art, it truly is just pure consumption and nothing beyond that.

Here are the posts about this for context. Yeah, of course one's taste in art might reflect aspects of their personality. That being said what we consider a personality is vast and multifaceted, your taste in art can reflect your fears, your desires, your past experiences (positive and negative), your views of the world - these can be intimate, or surface level. However I should say it at once: our actions and how we affect each other in real life are the only mesures by which we should be judged. To ponder over a disturbing theme is not the same as commiting a disturbing act. As Susan Sontag says in Regarding the Pain of Others: “Nobody can think and hit someone at the same time.”

Art can speak to facets of our psyches that are surface level, based on a recent experience in school you might look for a book on fishing, you never fished, you don't even intend, but your teacher talked about it in such a vivid way it spoke to you, so you borrowed a book, read it and never thought about it again. What motivated you then? Empathy for the dear teacher, a fleeting desire to experience that, a sudden curiosity?

On the other hand, art can speak deeply to us, as I felt when I first read Light in August by William Faulkner, a book dealing with parental abuse and race prejudice to a mixed race person, who was not a "good" person by the way. Still, my own past, as a mixed race person with some traumatic experiences made me really connect to the character, the book is also beautifully written despite its violence. Books like the Xenogenesis series by Octavia Butler also explore disturbing themes of violence and abuse in a graphic manner, and still, they can speak of a message that does not endorse these subjects. And I am fond of that kind of fiction, they open paths for me to understand my own traumas, intrusive thoughts and other undesirable feelings that have been part of my life for a long time. I developed coping mechanisms that take advantage of the fact that we are imperfect beings and there's acceptance in that. This is my experience however, there are no wrong ways to enjoy or appreciate art, even if those reasons are aspects of yourself that you're not proud of, a bad memory, a bad thought. According to E. H. Gombrich in his book The Story of Art:

“I do not think that there are any wrong reasons for liking a statue or a picture. Someone may like a landscape painting because it reminds him of home, or a portrait because it reminds him of a friend. There is nothing wrong with that. As long as these memories help us to enjoy what we see, we need not worry. It is only when some irrelevant memory makes us prejudiced, when we instinctively turn away from a magnificent picture of an alpine scene because we dislike climbing, that we should search our mind for the reason for the aversion which spoils a pleasure we might otherwise have had. There are wrong reasons for disliking a work of art.” The art objects he's talking about of course are not relevant, the focus is on our approach to a piece of art and how our prejudices can alter our perceptions of a given work.

I have't even touched on the matter of curiosity, the unconscious and the historical context of transgression in art - which is so interesting. We could talk about for instance if the philosophers and writers (Epicurus, Hume, Dostoievsky) who pondered about the problem of evil and wrote about it were all deranged human beings, if the researchers / teachers of literary studies who dedicated their lives to understand works of Marquis de Sade are all perverts. Why were they thinking about these things? Why would they dedicate so much time to make sense of those awful works of art. But then, why shouldn't we think about these things? They might be frightening, painful, uncomfortable aspects of life, but they are not going away any time soon. We do live in a society after all... and in that way we feel like part of its mess. We are not evil by nature like that silly Thomas Hobbes used to think, but we do have the potential for it and we often act on it, why? That is the place of science, philosophy and yes... art to answer. Until we find out, we keep trying.

So yeah, art can and will reflect characteristics of our existence, collectively and individually (as in what we can call personality), on the surface level as momentary interest or deep and emotionally, or yet as curiosity, intellectual concern, it might be instead an unconscious parts of our being (the Jungian shadow-self), who am I to pick and choose what moves others, people I don't even know and never met, towards any given art work? I don't even fully know my own self.

Sorry for the long ass answer, now let me just finish with another Susan Sontag thought, also from her book Regarding the Pain of Others: “Someone who is permanently surprised that depravity exists, who continues to feel disillusioned (even incredulous) when confronted with evidence of what humans are capable of inflicting in the way of gruesome, hands-on cruelties upon other humans, has not reached moral or psychological adulthood.”

[the1975attheirverybest]

Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited, but I’m getting a bit nervous about going to see The 1975. I’m a pretty new fan, as I only started to listen to them last January. I’m worried about being judged for not knowing the lyrics to all of the songs, cos I do struggle with learning lyrics, and I’ve seen so many TikTok’s slagging off “fake fans” who don’t know the words. I’m also worried about being judged for not being a fan of certain songs that others go crazy for. (I’m not a big fan of People, for example. It’s okay, but I tend to skip it as it’s not really my vibe).

I know it seems stupid that a woman in her 30’s is genuinely anxious about this, but I’m also Autistic, so I struggle with shit like this. It’s gonna be a big thing for me, as this is the first gig I’ll have gone to completely on my own.

Any advice?

oh my goodness I’m so excited for youuuu. 💗💗💗

babe, first off, let me apologize on behalf of the entire fandom. Old fans and new fans. For making your experience anything less than perfect. Fandom politics are fuckin insane and we need to just stop with that shit. I’m not sure if any of this counts as helpful advice but I think, while it is okay for some songs to gain iconic status, generally speaking, everyone related to and experiences music differently. Like, I think Robbers, Somebody Else, About You, etc will always be special songs no matter what because they’ve come to symbolize huge milestone moments in the boys career. But other than that it’s not fair for anyone to decide that if you don’t like a certain song then that makes you less of a fan because we all engage with the art that we like differently and for different reasons. Our subjective tastes are informed by our personalities and experiences and things we enjoy. How boring would it be if everyone liked the exact same stuff and expressed their enthusiasm of it in the exact same way all the fuckin time????

Plus, this is not Harry Styles or Taylor Swift or whatever. The boys make the kinds of music that they do because they know there’s not one right way to be a fan. They’re fans of a bunch of different stuff. What was it that the ad that mads received after her show described them as? 😂 @toomuchracket was it “genre-hopping”?? Lmao. They’re genre hopping!!! So if you don’t like People then you’ll POTB or LIIWMI or Playing On My Mind or Sex or Fallingforyou. Because the boys themselves love emo and punk but they also love country and pop and house music and 70s rock and soul etc etc etc. the idea that you must like certain things to be a fan is dumb and counterproductive. And if I could line these people up against a wall to smack them one by one I would. Cuz all that does is make the fandom toxic and makes newer fans uncomfortable.

actually I highly recommend songs you don’t necessarily like. Before my show, I was okay with Heart Out but it wasn’t like my favorite thing ever. It’s not like the first thing that pops into my head when I think of the 1975 and their artistry. But then they played it at my show and OH. MY. GOD. I am a changed woman now. The drums!!!! George made the floor underneath my feet vibrate. I felt it in the ground first then it went up to MY FUCKIN RIBCAGE. And the guitar??!! Jesus fuckin Christ. I mean I’m sure it’s just that they tune it differently for live shows but it sounded so much fuller and multi dimensional and stronger. Blew my mind. Now I LOVE heart out. Hahaha.

I also just think we need to be better at approaching newer fans because if nothing else they’re proof that the band is still connecting with more and more people and reaching places it hasn’t before and more people joining the fandom means they’re successful!! there’s only one wrong way to be a fan and that’s to disrespect their boundaries like fuckin morons on TikTok and Twitter stalking Matty’s hotel and his house. Or talking about house ATVB used to be fun when he used to be problematic even though that obviously hurt him mentally and emotionally and affected his career. Or like acting as if the 1975 is just matty. That’s the wrong way to be a fan. Other than that you’re literally doing what music was meant for and enjoying what you like nobody has any right to judge you for it and if they wanna be asshole they can get fucked. IM SO SO EXCITED FOR YOU. YOURE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN!!! The fans are generally kind and sweet for the most part I made so many new friends in the queue and in the pit I promise it’s gonna be amazing. please come back and tell me how it all went 💖💖

[randomidiocyncrazies]

apparently some people seem to take pride in not watching the voice dramas (which gives context clues to the characters' mindset and background) before voting in milgram? i must confess i don't get it

i mean, vote however you want, and these aren't real people so it's not like we're actually harming anyone, but it's so fascinating to see the different levels of investment in the... duty? responsibility? of passing judgement on a bunch of fictional anime-esque characters: you get people who judge purely by the MVs (with some of them seeming to consider anything outside of the MVs as unnecessary/impure influences); people who watch the MVs and voice dramas (maybe even keep up with the interrogation Q&As) for context before voting; people who watch all the previous info AND the cover songs; people who aren't involved in the franchise at all and only vote because they've been bribed; people who set up the voter fraud in the first place and bribed unrelated parties into voting certain ways; people who choose not to vote...

oh, and we don't actually know how the overall results are tallied up—is the character's over all verdict based on which verdict they got more? are they fucked as soon as they get a single unforgiven verdict (Kotoko's concept of "once a beast tastes flesh, there's no going back for them" in her T2 interrogation) and the 3 trial system is just to see how fucked they are? does only the final T3 verdict count, and it doesn't matter what verdicts they've received previously? NOR do we know what actually happens to the characters who get an overall unforgiven/guilty verdict (where death penalty and/or torture are plausible options). We're explicitly told not to worry our pretty little heads about it by our only source of authority, who enjoys controlling the information we have access to.

(also as a general comment on the voting: i am uneasy about voting bc i have hangups about how little we actually know about what we're ultimately subjecting these characters to, BUT not voting is wasting your vote—you cannot stop others from voting in a court of opinion. even if YOU don't participate, others will happily do so, even those without any love or attachment to the franchise. so, will you abstain from voting bc of your ethics and values? or will you vote to try to lessen the damage?

how fortunate that this particular scenario is fictional, involving fictional characters.)

[thecluelessdoctor]

i swear I don't mean to cause arguments, or anything of the sort in the FNAF community but I really need to get this off my chest about a certain ship popular in the fandom.

Now, the fnaf fandom has always had its hand full of immoral, strange, and toxic ships like most fandoms do. But I'm here to talk about William x Henry.

Please note I will be using facts I know, this isn't just opinion. I will also only be stating the vital events that help my point, because the rest is extras There also might be some events mixed up here, please just correct me on that *nicely*

Also if ur gonna say something, please don't be hating. Because you will be blocked, I don't care if you are a mutual or friend or not, you will be blocked if you try picking a fight.

ANYWAY.

So here is my thing with William x henry. I personally don't mind it too much but sometimes it bothers the hell out of me.

Let's talk about what we know about William and Henry's relationship. We know they were best friends and founded Fredbear's together, and then it is believed 83 happens, where even/chris/ what ever you call him, dies. So that'll fuck up any person so. Yk. ANYWAY, then William kills Charlie. So that's strike one right there, ofc Henry doesn't find out till later I believe but yk.

Now I thInk- when ever Fredbear's got shut down and the open Freddy fazebears is where Henry finds out anyway

Honestly Henry is stupid for not calling the cops like. Fucker you had the proof William murdered your daughter- AH YES LETS GO TO THE NEXT TOPIC- Henry here let's William go. Stupid ass- anyway, so what does William do? Change his name and decide in a British voice "I am going to become Henry's biggest problem."

I don't remember what happens but I am PRETTY SURE William does this in the toy animatronics pizzeria. Then the bite of 87 happens and it's like oh shit.

Now during this time, William finds out about reminant , which I find SO STUPID AND FORCED LIKE- HE CANT JUST BE A MAD MAN?? HE NEEDS TO HAVE A REASON FOR HIS KILLING?? anyway. Willie finds out about reminant and is like 'oo lemme go kill five more kids and watch what happens'

So yeah.

Oh and the fact William *according to what I have read* made Mike be a test subject. If that's not toxic and bad idk what is.

Anyway.

Stupid ass part one over here goes back to fazbears to harvest the remnant from the animatronics only to get himself killed YAY!

Anyway lets skip to FNaF... 6 I think. Henry/stupid ass part two quite literally trys to kill William again so like. These two are at each other's throats.

That's all I got for now- mostly because that's all I remember rn :') (jeez the FNAf lore is confusing)

I also have personal reasons on why the ship has a bad taste in my mouth but that's a different story.

Also, please note I AM NOT HATING ON YOU FOR ENJOYING THE SHIP. I just needed to get these thoughts out.

Also please, if you enjoy the ship and want to interact with me, try to refrain from bringing it up. Due to bad memories I will likely start unintentionally judging or disliking you and I don't want that

[soft-pine]

You asked people to point out where your data was wrong and you would fix it. But instead you're blocking people who.... pointed out where you were wrong?? Sounds like you don't actually want to know where you're wrong, you just want people to tell you you're right.

i am blocking w*inc*st accounts as is my damn right. and i've added a few things which people pointed out i missed. but claims like "oh you've got this all wrong see dean is just constantly making comments about how sam's gay and sam only says a few things" just aren't true. that's not something i can fix. i am just keeping track of events as they happen as best i can. the most i can offer is if you think i missed times when dean judged sam's likes or dislikes or something but like i can't take away times sam said something about dean's music taste or something just cause someone has decided that's not gender policing or w/e? The best i can do is try to apply the logic consistently for both of them and people are welcome to help hold me accountable to that. but like that tab literally has a question mark in the title and in my notes I'm really clear that like sometimes things are subjective or harder to categorize but i still wanted to keep track. like people are out here acting like this is me trying to bash sam or like trying to use this data to say he sucks. but i'm literally not. i'm entirely open to people genuinely pointing out "hey you missed X event" but just claiming that i'm doing the whole thing wrong because i don't understand that only dean is actually a homophobic jerk all the time to sam is Literally The Reason I Made This Document because That Is Not The Case. Although of course you're free to feel that way and interpret the show that way and live your entire life. I'm just not going to be bullied into joining that mentality.

also look wow you can still get in touch with me even though i've been blocking people! maybe i just got sick of opening my notifications to accounts shitting on me and crossing my very clearly established boundaries every time i opened tumblr.

[dashielldeveron]

anon from mid december here! god i love winning. ANYWAY much to observe. i love the through lines of government assigned chapstick flavours and the defining moment that makes the soulmate connection work in every chapter. i love that immediately after posting you cited your sources on tenkos characterisation. very funny very charming and you are very right. i adore the mcs vibes she knows so much about so many things with a 50/50 chance of it being useful and she’s MESSY and she’s FIGURING IT OUT and her relationship with tenko teaches her to give herself grace. they’re just so sweet on each other it brings me endless delight as does touyas lil cameos. he’s a dirtbag and he’s a comedian and hes warmed up to the ducks and i want to put him and his fucking HOOVES in my pocket. i’m sure i will return with more thoughts at some point but for now. very delicious to me. WAIT NEW THOUGHT THE FUCKING INVENTORY KEY THING WAS AN EXAMPLE OF THE SOULMATE CONNECTION GOD YOURE GOOD. AND THE GOGGLES sorry i’m re reading the chapter as i type this

ASLDKJFA;SDFJKL;A YOU GET IT!!!!!

oh my god the DUCKS. i needed someone to notice the ducks oh my GOD. he BUILT them a HOUSE in his little art project garden he has a duck for SOME reason in dnd what a LOSER. like he's bonded so hard with them he wanted a fictional one, too!!! like. imagine touya just carrying a duck around in a purse like a small dog. both of them v v v judgy. enemies to lovers duck edition

lololololol "government assigned chapstick flavours" you canNOT tell me that these very kissable boys are only using, if any at all, generic unflavoured chapstick lol. it is STUPID how long i've had "post-canon tomura wears burt's bees tropical pineapple chapstick bc he specifically wants something that Tastes Good" stuck in my head; i'm so glad it's finally in fic and that you've been keeping track asdjfkl;

and yeah i wanted to reblog the shigaraki meta that i'd been considering!!!! bc while i was rereading the manga for this route, i realised that everyone, from police to heroes to villains to students, just make Large Assumptions about shigaraki, and they just Say Things about him. and everyone around them just takes it as fact??? it's like. we the audience are being told things about shigaraki, but they don't match up at all with how we see him act. i am hoping that this is intentional on hori's part, esp. with how heavy-handed shig commentary has been by other characters in the last few chapters, to make the point of "midoriya is the only one who's ever Looked and shigaraki and Perceived." bc, like, AFO and the pro heroes objectify/dehumanise tomura but in different ways. i worry. but so much of what we're shown of shig just doesn't match up with what characters say about him!!! it's odd. i really like him, despite being Told That He Is an Object, specifically one of destruction.

goddddd reader in this route is messy and i have a lot of compassion for her. i think she should allow herself to get angry more often. but i think that gifted kid burnout and basically moving back into your parents' house and people judging your "bad" life decisions even though they can't Know what you're going through--it's a touchy subject, tinged with shame and confusion and insecurity of identity, and tomura, i think, is experiencing his own flavour of that, since he doesn't get to be the Greatest Evil VIllain version of himself that he had in his head for so long and now is Just Some Guy. i didn't want reader to have a saviour complex but i wanted her to Care So Hard, and i hope that came across, esp. since her caring so hard also works with her own insecurities.

also yessssssssss YESSSSSS the KEY the GOGGLES it was there in front of them the whole time!!!!! but they weren't looking for it!!!! bc when soulmate bonds are words and marks, who the fuck is gonna be looking for a soulmate bond in just some weird triviality????? lolololol i talk about wanting to handle tomura with care but gave him the silliest soulmate bond thing. i like how useless it is, because it's, like, tomura doesn't need to be useful rn, either.

godddddd i'm so glad you sent me an ask so i could talk about thissssssss. i'm SO fucking glad that you're noticing details like this and having fun with them!!!!! i am, too!!!!! i love tomura and you and i hope you are having a good 2024 so far!!!! xx.

[mysaldate]

i tried to take your vil analysis post seriously when i saw it in the tags because i enjoy his character as well, but the way you described the other overblots made me wonder if i went crazy. why was it necessary for you to misinterpret the other dorm head's + jamil's trauma to justify your favorite's? ALL of your summaries were incorrect. most significantly painting jamil as hypnotizing kalim for the dorms good. you can not convince me jamil living involuntarily as a servant for his entire life is a better fate than being typecasted in school plays. and then the way it devolves more in the end into a rook hate post? i don't like the guy either, but the only thing he did at the end of the chapter was judge his team (that was just put through the gutter) from an objective standpoint. furthermore, you can say that rook is a gaslighter for calling vil overweight and whatnot, but that is at best just plain rude. rook doesn't have nearly as much power over vil as you think he does. i'm sorry, i'm not saying that your entire point of vil being misrepresented should be overlooked, but you have to get your facts straight before you make large claims.

Wow, you just missed the entire point of the post.

And you missed what Vil's trauma really is too.

And you're calling an abuse survivor's testimony an overreaction.

I'll wager a wild guess and say you're an EN only player because the things you claim are incorrect are very explicit in the JP version of the game. The reasons I gave are reasons the overblotees used THEMSELVES to justify their behavior. Vil doesn't do this, he doesn't justify, he accepts he was wrong and that's what breaks him. Jamil used the "It's for the dorm's good" defense before he was ever ready to admit it was personal. Yes, it was. Nobody's saying Jamil didn't have a reason, and I am not claiming Vil's trauma is worse than Jamil's. In the first place, comparing trauma is stupid and damaging to both sides. Vil's trauma isn't being typecasted in school plays and if you think it is, you have either not read his story or you skimmed it as briefly as you have skimmed my analysis of it.

But sure, let's compare here. Both Jamil and Vil were systematically dehumanized since a very young age, just for different reasons. Jamil because of classism and Vil because of the way he looked. Both things they can hardly do anything about. This led to them both having deep-rooted insecurities about themselves while outwardly presenting as confident. Vil got physically abused because of this while Jamil was forced to taste-test for poison which landed him in a coma at one point. Is Jamil's situation more difficult to get out of? On paper, yes. However if you actually play the game, you will see that Kalim is taking active steps to improve Jamil's situation as much as he can already, and will probably take more in the future. In Jamil's case, having one person in his corner is enough because once Kalim takes over the family, he will have the ultimate sway over everyone's freedom. Vil's situation is a lot more complicated because it doesn't lie in the hands of a single person but rather a whole industry which is honestly unlikely to change.

As for your issues with me providing proof Rook is a gaslighter, it's not about calling Vil fat, which you would've known if you'd actually read the post. It's about purposely making Vil doubt his own senses (I look at you more than you do so I know you better), making him "choose" (Would you rather trust me or everyone else?), and saying that Vil will be isolated and forgotten if he doesn't do as Rook tells him (By the time they notice, it will already be too late). Same for Book 5's ending. If Rook was being "objective," he wouldn't have voted for a nursery rhyme remix where the dancers bumped into each other constantly because they couldn't have even been bothered to learn the choreography properly. He should've just said that he picked Neige because he likes him better. Not blame his very subjective choice on Vil's trauma response. Rook's gaslighting becomes clear once again in Vil's dorm uniform story where he lies to Vil and pushes him into not telling the Pomefiore students what he's doing for them because "Nobody but me would appreciate you anyway."

And, again, you are telling a real abuse victim that they are overreacting when pointing out the most blatant textbook definition example of the type of abuse they went through (among others, mind you) in recent media.

But what do I know, twstEN deletes most of this anyway so maybe that's why you're confused. At least, I want to assume that's what it is and that this ask isn't malicious. If you do play twstEN, I have a wonderful post compiling many of the differences between versions because BOY are there a lot and none of them good.

Next time, you can come off anon. I don't bite, nor will I harass you. I'm a working adult (you know, the ORIGINAL target group for the game) with better things to do with my time than to bother someone who can't even read what they're criticizing me for.

[diaryofellen]

Do you feel comfortable mentioning/listing the other creators youd exclude? Trying to be more critical of the games I play, but sometimes its hard to find these things out with the language barrier and the small fandom spaces.

oh hmm. well, as much as id like to pretend i am, im not quite the all-knowing rpg maker god, so while dsp is the obvious one, i was going to research any other games im unfamiliar with that have been submitted to me and make sure theres nothing extremely bad in them. honestly, i have quite a few problems with several creators, even ones im a fan of. i take issue with quite a few things miwashiba and nankidai have done, for example, though i like their work alot. its always good to be critical and examine the issues in things you like!

the only other creator i can think of, just off the top of my head, who i would say is kind of similar to dsp (in the sense that i do not think there is much to be salvaged since the problems outweigh the good aspects), is charon. yanderella is their most popular game, as well as the dark side of red riding hood. like dsp, charon's constant use of sexual violence for shock value combined with poor taste fanservice permeates all their work. actually, not too long ago, i played some of their more recent games to see if they had changed and improved since their early popular games. i can confirm they had not improved on the aspects of horribly, horribly handling sexual violence as a theme. (one of their games is also.... weirdly transphobic....?) and spacelight studio is the company behind kio's adventure, which is a game ive not touched personally, but based on what ive heard about it....its an awful game that follows the sort of jumpscare/trap rpg maker horror stuff, but uses the horror to sexualize the underage main character. ive heard it described as little more than an excuse for tortureporn. i believe kio's adventure is the only rpg maker game by spacelight studio.

...sorry for the long-ish reply. im not good at writing short answers when i have something to say. but. um! while these are creators i would personally say cross the line, im not a judge or anything. i think the works ive mentioned are all very harmful and contain much more horribly handled, problematic content than anything meaningful and worthwhile. some people will disagree and think im being too harsh. other people would probably be even harsher with regards to games i enjoy as well. i think generally the idea of 'irredeemable media' is quite a...dumb and meaninless phrase, really, since its so subjective. some people might consider games i enjoy, like your turn to die or angels of death, to be "too problematic" and irredeemable. - so i try to keep that in mind. the games and creators mentioned here isnt like a definitive list of games to avoid, nor is it complete by my standards, but.... they're just creators, and games, which i believe don't have nearly enough good qualities to outweigh the extreme problems. people can disagree if they want, but i do feel like i'm being quite fair in my statements.

[twst-drabbles]

Honestly I would get along best with Ace and Deuce.Definely reminds me of past friends I had.Trey because he will feed me and like the stray cat I am.

Sebek or Vil.Depend on the day.I'm a quiet person pretty meek and mellow.But Sebek could press the button.I can act a bit like Leona mostly a bit messy.And Vil needs to mind his business and to snarky for my taste.

I'm just analyzing characters at this point. And giving my little headcanons that explain their actions and habits.

Ain't that interesting? Sure I get along well with Deuce but I'd unfortunately would avoid him since he hangs around Ace. Ace's first impression doesn't not bode well with me since he stiiiinks of bully vibes and I'm not about to make myself a bigger target than I already am. I mean, you're in a college, where nearly everyone is arrogant and is full of magic, and the mirror just outed you as having none! There has to be at least one person in that college that wants to make you a subject of their fun, via messing you, malign your food float over your head cause haha you can't get iiiiit.

Yeah no, Ace I would avoid like the plague because of that shit first impression. Being that as it may, I'm sure he apologizes but that kind of shit doesn't just go away, that's something you can tell Ace must have been doing for years so he's got a lot of unlearning to do. But it also becomes obvious that Ace never had close friends, that behavior he has is the kind that comes from a person who wants to be cool, believes himself to be cool, but is actually probably a fourth or fifth wheel. Hopping around from friend group to friend group but never let's himself be bothered by it cause he's cool. In denial basically. So when he actually got put into his place, his loyalty becomes something fierce cause he's confident in the fact you're willing to be loyal back. First time he ever had a friend like that.

Ah yes, Treeeey. Loves baking, love feeding folks. Food is certainly a good way to make a good impression. Friendship through foooooood. Honestly, Trey would probably take one look at how much I eat(literally not even a bowl, like, half a bowl of soup or something) and go out of his way to "make too much" and give it to me. He's chill for the most part but does have his uh... Mischief side.

Loud man that Sebek, very loud. I bet he used to be ignored in group conversations when he was smaller. He'd start to say something but then someone would talk over him so then the conversation would turn to them, doesn't help that person is probably a full fae so they're more willing to listen to them. Hence why he adopted that loudness of his. You can't talk over him if he's too loud to be talked over. Still, doesn't take away the fact he's someone who's very hard to get along with cause he's waaaaay too much. And doesn't call human by name in the first impression.

Vil is strict upon himself and upon others. Now if only he would keep those strict standards to himself cause what's he gonna do if you legit just don't care? You don't need to be more beautiful when you're already as happy as can be. The beauty standards in the acting world are horrible as is and Vil is visibly trying to bend them, but he's still someone that conforms to a specific standard. Vil doesn't judge Jack for the way he looks because his body fits the build. However, when it comes to Epel, he will not tolerate Epel trying to get overly muscular because that wouldn't fit his small build. Still, that's Vil's standard, he judges what fits and doesn't fit. Let Epel be a muscular tinker bell! If he wants to get buff, Vil should be looking into how he can make that work, not automatically reject the premise.

[professionalwhining]

On Yoga

Struggling with chronic back pain, almost a year ago, I signed up for a yoga class in the canal. 

For the past year, I’ve lived (more like survived) all different kinds of physical afflictions. all the way from my feet to my neck, I was in constant pain. In June last year, I went to 4 different specialists (several times) to figure out what was wrong with me (plot twist: the problem was not what seem to be the problem. It never is). So, after months of taking pills, seeing different doctors, and going weekly to the chiropractor, I finally decided to, as the receptionist put it, “try this yoga thing”. You know I’ve never been much of a joiner, or a group player (joined only once a gym under strict recommendation from my parents when I was young) so “exercising” with a lot of people in a closed room was already set up to be one of a kind experience for me. I was a runner (and you will always be a runner,  even after you stop running; if you are not sure, ask your knees). 

So I joined a class on a random day in the summer of last year. I spare you the physical inconveniences, alien language, chanting, and confusion between left and right. I will tell you though, that it was not unlike running… except for everything. 

First of all, there was something so soothing about the place. The dim lights, and the soft music playing in the background. For me though, it was the walking barefoot that did it. The clear instructions (I guess like that scene from Fleabag and the Father, I just wanted someone to tell me what to do), the promise that everything will be all right if you just breathe. One breath at a time. It was the definition of longing in a place. There was also the fact that despite the clumsiness of your movements there was so much dignity to be felt on top of that (sweaty) mat. 

Even in that first class, I knew that what was happening in that room was definitely something I have only experienced in solitude. 

And you know, ever from that first practice, I’ve tried to tell people what I’ve felt: the connection, with myself and all these random strangers breathing loudly and sweating profoundly, the joy, the frustration, the peace. But, almost like poetry, the whole experience seemed to have a divine quality. There was something that rendered it almost sublime. Impossible to talk about. 

I’m a romantic we both know that. But I’m also a social science bitch. 

Cause, listen, the clothes these girls were wearing (I obviously also got my Lulus on sale because have you felt the fabric on them leggings??? They also fit like a glove, so don’t judge me… even though I am judging them), the price of the classes, the teachers, the whiteness and the maleness in yoga, was something I could definitely talk about. 

So what did I do? I went and did a little research on the topic (instead of researching for my thesis naturally). And what I found was as beautiful and raw as well as synthetic and disappointing. And that’s fucking normal I guess. 

The thing is that

As much as I was practicing (six times a week until this morning. Excuse me for being better than you). I was reading on the subject. I was (am) drunk on the experience. The sense of belonging, of community, the strength I felt (and feel) I was gaining. It felt life-changing, and it is. But it felt… how could I put it… problematic?

And it is. It turns out yoga is kind of a cult. I mean, a lot like a cult. cultish even. which is why you need to read “Cultish” by the genius Amanda Montell (more on that later). 

So reading “The Politics of Yoga” by Farah Godrej, as you do, I worried I was becoming a Neoliberal yogi. The article, which I found a bit rad for my taste was as subtle as a gun (like Margaret):  

“Contemporary postural yoga offers the modern consumer a dizzying variety of choice in terms of the possibilities for practice, while allowing her to construct her own identity in keeping with market logic and consumer culture (…) Like diet and exercise, postural practice becomes one more way in which neoliberal subjects can become governors of their own selves (…) More insidiously, yoga can function as a complete preoccupation, a choice which perpetuates the fallacy that one is doing something meaningful.  In pursuing yoga, many may see themselves as making a lifestyle “choice” which seems to supply a seemingly benevolent ethical content. Practicioners of yoga may imagine that they have discovered a broadly palatable ethics that feels exotic and countercultural.  But in actuality, this choice may function to displace politics, by pacifying the subject in a measure proportional to the extent of her preoccupation with deviating from the apparent default lifestyle choice.  The larger the lifestyle “choice” looks, the more it may preclude her from having the energy to explore more radically democratic solutions.  Yoga can become a visible outlet to soak up resources in a way that will not truly destabilize the dominant system, an elaborate preoccupation that absorbs the time and money which could be directed toward challenging political structures.  It may provide the illusion that one is taking a drastic step away from the dominant system, while simultaneously consuming the resources and effort required to explore truly radical alternatives“

Ehm. 

Harsh. 

But, I mean, she does have a point. 

And this bitch doesn’t even rant about cultural appropriation, colonization, and capitalism. 

Yoga (or the one I used to practice) felt like an escape. An escape from myself, from the outside world, almost like books (and it is, don’t get me wrong) but it could be so easy to get lost in someone else’s world. And very hard to find a way out. As long as cult goes, it is not a shitty one. Still. it’s cultish. 

And it is not yoga. At least not the one I want to practice. 

As Susanna Barkataki, eloquently wrote in her book “Embrace Yoga’s Roots” what yoga offers us “is a pathway to know within ourselves the root cause of so many of these harms: separation. (…) when we mistake yoga for a workout routine, reduce it to physical fitness or even practice some of the deeper practices without an eye to the whole system of liberation it offers, we rob ourselves and each other of the potential of this practice���.”

“In yoga there is no separation only connectedness” 

And I believe that shit.  

I recommend that you do not do like me, go read the Yoga Sutras and the Bhagavad Gita before buying 120 euros leggings (they’re expensive even on sale). There is more value in the books. And they’re cheaper and longer lasting. 

These days I’m practicing Ashtanga. In Ashtanga, I found everything I’ve always identified with: order, discipline, repetition, effort, control and pain. And you know, as a virgo, its the only thing that gets me going. I told you I was better than you. Jk.

Ps. I found this totally random but very interesting article on “Plato and Yoga” by John Bussanich if you were thinking like me: in what do the Platonic dialogues resemble South Asian texts. You can find that in the book : “Universe and Inner Self in Early Indian and Early Greek Thought” or the article directly in Jstor. 

Xoxo 

Lena. 

[riddleredcoats]

Do you think it's okay to return to Harry Potter once JK Rowling is (hopefully soon) dead? I've distanced myself from the series because of her but unfortunately I've attachment issues and keep hoping that at least I can return when she's no longer harming actual people. Btw I adore your Dragon Age fics.

First of all, thank you for reading my fics! It's such a niche subject in DA that I didn't think I'd get any readers much less the amount it seems to generate. I am glad you like them! 😊

Second of all, and I say this with all the love I have for a stranger on the internet, which is not insignificant, don't let people on the internet tell you what to do; not me, not anyone else, though I am somewhat strangely flattered that you thought to ask, lmao.

Seriously now, inform yourself, absolutely, but ultimately it is up to you to judge what you want to do and if any potential harm that it will cause is worth it. 

If you are asking me personally what I am going to do? I won't deny that every time that HP is mentioned it hurts me a lil bit - I mean, I wrote fanfic for this series, ones that I am slightly embarrassed about if only because I was such a new writer, but I did - and it had an impact in my life beyond just fandom as it helped me connect with people even when I was awkwardly shy. So, yeah, I get it. 

But, personally, I will not be buying and/or reading anything wrt Harry Potter again. The whole thing left a bitter taste in my mouth that has tainted the whole series for me, even looking at the books on my bookshelf makes me wince now; maybe if that didn't happen, when she died I would return to the books, but as it is, I doubt it. I admit to a morbid curiosity as to what the plot of the game is, as I cannot believe that the writers of the game would be unaware of all the controversy (even back when they started production of the game) surrounding goblins and would make a game revolving around that... So, I will probably read a review or two, just to see what it is all about, but I will promptly (try to) forget about it. I admit that I considered getting the game through... uh, some other means, but it would just hurt me more, so I decided against it in the end.

Ultimately, do I believe that the most she can do is while she is alive? Yes. Do I think that when she eventually fades away (either by death, by letting go of the rights (which is never going to happen, lmao) or some other way) there is an argument to go back to HP? Perhaps, I am not exactly fluent in these types of things, so I would recommend someone with a better insight of 1. The Industry and 2. The Major Issues At Large (transphobia and antisemitism) and 3. What is left of her Estate when she dies and what it will do, if you want an informed opinion.

Anyway, anon, most of all I am sorry that JKR  is a horrible TERF who appears to be revelling in the hate she gets and the harm she does, and I am sorry that you feel comforted by something you cannot really enjoy anymore. 

[kuunibal]

"would" you "ever" purposely "try" to isolate "your" darlin, "even" if it "hurt" them? "would" you be a "bad" person "if" you "did" such? "or" is it "simply" rightfully "takin" what is "yours"? I "do" not view "myself" as "evil" but "others" would disagree "sometimes". my "darling" only "caused" others pain "and" nothin "ever" came any "good" of them "interactin" with others. I "don't" know. "in" a way, "I" was "simply" doin a "service" to the "world" by "effectively" removin a "massive" threat to "others" by "isolatin" them... "I" just "happened" to "also" get a "good" end of "the" deal, "too". I "don't" really "have" friends and "rarely" show my "face" anywhere, I "just" sit "with" them when "I" can "apart" from "my" other "duties". "they're" in a "lot" of pain "all" the time, "but" they always "seemed" to hurt "more" when "vyin" for others, "not" to mention "hurting" others "as" well. "I" don't think "they're" too "fond" of me "though". oh well. is "it" evil? I "also" do "not" know if "I" can care.... I "have" them. "kind" of miss "when" they'd "look" to me "for" comfort with "their" issues. "now" I'm "just" a "background" to their "pain" and "isolation". would "they" ever "look" at "me" again....?

Here is the thing, "hurt" and "evil" are subjective concepts. Morality is not something clear-cut, even though dichotomous thinking is human nature. That is not to justify or condemn your actions or judge your darling's past ones, but I am just acknowledging that I am limited to a vague description of your point of view and your feelings on the matter.

Is your darling aware of how you feel, especially in regards to how they treat others and why you took the actions you did? It is not your job to be responsible for your darling's actions. They are their own person and should take responsibility for the people they hurt, and it would be unfair to have to play the role of savior for those people and your darling preemptively.

To answer your beginning questions, yes, I would try to isolate my darling even if it hurt her. I have before. My beloved has an objectively horrible taste in men, and by that I mean online pedos and borderline sexual assaulters. As her friend, I got absolutely livid at those fuckers and that she repeatedly kept herself in danger just because she "liked" them. I rarely show emotional extremes or get angry, but there were times that I made her cry because of how frustrated and disappointed I sounded. There were other things, and it hurt her, but it made her stop looking for dates and hookups as much, essentially isolating her to some degree (and keeping her closer to me). I told her "you deserve better", but perhaps I was also being selfish by implying "I can give you better". I don't think I was a bad person by wanting her to be safe even though my methodology was not ideal, but I also don't delude myself (or try not to anyway) by thinking she is mine to take and own even though I want her to be.

I believe that you are not wholly "evil" as people say, as you did not isolate your darling with the intention of causing them pain and appear to still care about their wellbeing if you are questioning the morality of your actions. "Good" people do "bad" things, sometimes for the "right" reasons. Your situation sounds incredibly complicated and probably requires many, many difficult conversations with your darling.