#(of course then they also. said some rly nasty things abt me after that so. maybe that was a break for the better anyway

[antoncore]

no cuz same i’m at work but so bored sometimes so i just think up headcanons and scenarios and bother ppl on here😓😓

i’ve been convinced to read romance books recently?? i’m not rly one for it but from like.. a nerdy🤓 perspective i like learning about all the different tropes and cliches (even if some of them are cringey asf??) and i was wondering if u had an opinion on which riize members fit different tropes best?? like.. i’ll try to remember 7…

grumpy x sunshine

friends to lovers

enemies to lovers

fake dating

arranged marriage/dating

billionaire romance🤭🤭

second chance

idk if you’ll think this is fun or not but i thought i’d pitch it to you!! lol

- 🧸 anon

you don’t bother me at all!! you’re rlly cool and u give me rlly good ideas!! this took me abt 3 hours in total i think and i loved writing these so enjoy :D

friends to lovers is so anton coded!!! he would fall in love you over the years, from a little crush when you were kids to being teenagers and being absolutely enamoured with you. he just wanted to show his love to you so badly, throwing subtle hints e.g buying your favourite snacks for you and bringing up things he knew you liked. he would be so happy when you finally told him you liked him :( i was actually going to write a little something about this but i have so many others in my list of things to write that idk when it’ll happen (inspired by this song)

billionaire romance instantly made me think of eunseok who would always take you out for shopping sprees, buying you multiple designer items in one sitting. he would also take you to the fanciest restaurants, insisting that you order anything you want. would also take you anywhere in the world you wanted, ticking off many places on your bucket list that you had since you were young. anything you could ever ask for, you would have it as soon as possible.

grumpy x sunshine reminds me of sohee!!! when you first met, he was so intimidated by your cold persona and had no idea how to approach you. eventually, he got the courage to do so by asking you to go on a walk with him. you’d come to learn that you actually had a lot in common despite the contrast in your personalities. as you started to date, you began to see that opposites do attract as his warmth and optimism complemented your coldness and bluntness.

enemies to lovers with shotaro where you were part of rivalling dance teams in the same area. it was so extremely childish how the tension between your groups has escalated this far over the years. at school, you had been paired for the end of year showcase. this forced you to spend hours together in the school’s dance studio, figuring out the choreography and practicing. you began to see that shotaro was driven, not just by competition, but by a genuine love for dance which you shared. after you’d finished your performance, he complimented you on your skills and offered to take you for some boba (on him of course). and it was that moment that you’d finally realised that you were both falling for each other.

seunghan and fake dating goes perfectly to me. he needed to make his ex-girlfriend jealous so he asked you and of course you accepted, anything for a friend. as you did romantic things together such as holding hands and going on cute ice cream dates, he felt himself loving you more and more with each passing second. you were shocked to hear the words “i love you” as you walked home with him after classes. you said it back, wanting to say the words ever since you initially agreed to this fake dating situation. and with that, it wasn’t fake anymore; you were really together and in love, something his ex didn’t have.

i see sungchan as second chance. the breakup was nasty, both of you saying hurtful things that made each other’s heart shatter into a million pieces. sungchan would do anything to have you back, delivering flowers with handwritten messages to your doorstep every week telling you how much he loved and missed you. with time, you realised just how much you couldn’t live without him and his contagious smile. you’d walk to his house with a box of homemade cookies that you used to bake together with the words “i love you.” he swore he could’ve cried when he opened the door to see you there, instantly hugging you. he let you in and you talked for hours, finally agreeing to get back together before having makeup sex, the room filled with i love you’s as he fucked you so well.

an arranged marriage situation made me think of wonbin. it had happened because you both hadn’t found someone yet, too quiet and reserved for the chaos of the dating world. your families were desperate to see you settled so they took it upon themselves to find a match; each other. you surprisingly found peace in each other, enjoying quiet evenings in together. you found yourself slowly falling in love with him, drawn to his calm demeanour that was similar to yours. life with him was so easy and you wouldn’t want it any other way.

[scourgefrontiers]

havin thots. if this makes u uncomfy i understand and u have the freedom to unfollow or block, curate ya own experience i wont be mad

prefacing this by saying i still have my own standards and havent flipped to Supporting certain things, my opinions on the way i view things have just kind of shifted

so theres a convo going on on a post ive reblogged elsewhere abt the morality of portraying certain things in fiction and how it may or may not reflect on the creator irl and it rly made me think abt stuff

ive always been a believer in the idea of fiction 100% affecting reality and that if u write smth nasty theres gotta b a reason for that somehow. but after reading some pieces im kinda thinkin like. idk. i do agree that fiction can affect reality still, i think thats undeniable, and sometimes ppl who write certain things in fiction CAN and ARE actually into those things irl. but now im also of the opinion that not everyone is in that category and some ppl just want to explore things in fiction that they would never ever support or do irl for one reason or another. fiction can affect or reflect reality but in the end fiction is not reality. i think both can be true. just...make sure things are tagged bc a lot of ppl Including Me dont want to see certain shit in their fandom tags.

like idk. i hate certain subjects in fiction like of course pedophilia and underage torture porn and incest and i will never ever support or tolerate those things. but at this point ppl have the right to write about them themselves if it stays in fiction. fiction has always been a place to explore shit without it being done in the real world (even tho again i do know some ppl Do like these things irl. just not everybody). i feel like i would be a hyprocrite if i condemned everyone who writes content like that and then turned around and continued indulging in my own interests like at the very least the violence and murder in dragon ball and the other evil/problematic characters im interested in. ive literally written some brutal murder shit and...well. zamasu and goku black. thats all i rly need to say abt that lol.

that being said the anti/proship shit is still stupid as hell to me. i dont condone attacking ppl and dogpiling and witch hunting for writing nasty shit even if it grosses me out personally, but i also cant stand ppl who make being into fictional gross shit Their Entire Personality and act like theyre doing something by flaunting it. yknow. both extremes are stupid and i wish it would die already

so ya. i most likely wont b making any posts abt that shit in the future, im getting too old to be stressing abt shit like that. if someone squicks me out im going to block. thats it. and if you dont tag your shit im also blocking and then strangling you on top of it. thats all

[cattles-bians]

damie vibecca exes au part 8

post directory

obsetress: now i just want fanart of damvibecca at the gym

em: well. pitch it to me comrade ghostfucker

obsetress: idk that's about as far as i got i just reread that bit about vibecca in their matching gym outfits and my brain got stuck

em: hypothetically do u have a colour palette in mind bc i associate gym outfits w like. bright loud colours and

em: idk if it works w our earth sign queens

[em note: emily is a liar and did NOT draw fanart of damvibecca at the gym]

[em note 2: we have the gym art now [x] [x]]

obsetress: i was imagining like charcoals tbh, or jewel tones

obsetress: i could see them in like jewel tone purples or that jewel tone blue green color

obsetress: yeah viola jewel tones or blacks n charcoals

obsetress: becs pastels and camels but jewel tones at the gym

em: it’s about Matching

em: And Destroying Ur Ex (platonically)

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: viola's feeling particularly smug about it but then

obsetress: dani's in an old school tshirt and shorts and jamie's in............ one of dani's old school tshirts and shorts

em: YES

obsetress: not intentionally, she just grabbed whatever was there

obsetress: dani chirps "oh you two look so cute! baby look, they have a matched set"

obsetress: viola arches an eyebrow "and so do you, it seems" and dani laughs "not on purpose, jamie just grabbed whatever was on top in the drawer"

viola: you two... share... a wardrobe?

dani: yeah?

em: god cute

obsetress: cute n dumb

em: they can share nearly everything except pants

em: well. pants as a treat

em: haha pants

em: trousers

obsetress: also rly nice rly clean smooth funny juxtaposition in my brain of vibecca being the ones who intentionally match and damie the ones for whom it just accidentally happens

obsetress: hahahah pants

obsetress: they can share pants but................ should they

em: idk miss chapter 12 danis thighs jamies pyjamas

em: should they

obsetress: PLEASE

obsetress: that's exactly what i was referring to THANKS

obsetress: anyway

obsetress: rebecca just laughs

obsetress: viola huffs and bex is like "sorry, babe, but it is kind of funny"

em: dani jamie wearing like

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

em: poor viola

obsetress: thinking about dani's ass in those

em: yeah....

em: violas huffing until jamies exercise flush lasts a little Too Long

obsetress: big blush jamie taylor

em: she’s still like ‘oi dani close ur mouth’ but then she

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: just ogling each other

obsetress: (they briefly pause to ogle vi and rebecca passing a medicine ball back and forth as they do squats and have to acknowledge that, yeah, they've all done alright by themselves)

em: funny montage of the gang doing exercise while surreptitiously taking Peaks

obsetress: omg all i want

obsetress:sometimes having friends as a lesbian means they're all your exes except one, who's your gf, and you're all checking each other out always anyway

em

And That’s Beautiful

obsetress

obsetress: dani: checking out viola's biceps, rebecca's abs

viola: checking out dani's thighs n ass

rebecca: minding her business

jamie: scowling n scrawny

obsetress:(n also checking out dani's thighs n ass, viola's biceps, and begrudgingly peeking at rebecca's abs)

obsetress: every other woman at the gym: checking out jamie, trying to figure out the entire dynamic here

are they a polycule? what

em: jamie probably like

em: maybe she gets really into running bc she just checks out and listens to her audiobooks but like

em: slow twitch vs fast twitch fibers so stays scrawny

obsetress: i can see that

obsetress: just gets on the treadmill and zones tf out

em: jamie ‘why don’t i have biceps’ taylor vs jamie ‘no u gotta lift w ur hips’ taylor

obsetress: she hates it but her psych told her it'll be good for her routine so you know she was like yes ma'am every day ma'am

em: cant believe safe lifting procedures screwed her over

em: ‘yes ma’am every day ma’am’ ur just Going for it arent ya anshdjdh

obsetress: sorry but don't tell me you can't hear it

obsetress: jamie's the person who takes notes in therapy

obsetress: jamie, in the locker room after their workout: do my biceps look bigger?

dani, patiently, already knowing where this is going: bigger than what, baby?

jamie: than yesterday

dani: mm, rome wasn't built in a day, you know

jamie: do they look bigger at all?

dani: well

em: i mean not to perceive her too much but mattresses scene indicates AE/jamie like. at least some muscle in the leg area

em: poor jamie

em: not playing to her strengths

obsetress: yeah she does

obsetress: i mean ae has toned af arms

obsetress: she's just wiry

em: how could i forget the benchpressing dog gif

obsetress: dani's like "jamie, baby, come do squats with me and vi" "m'good" "baby, c'mon, you'll like it" "don't wanna do squats" "it could be good for you" "don't wanna do squats with you two"

em: dani: you gotta like. eat more

jamie: i eat plenty

dani: no u graze all day and then u don’t eat dinner

obsetress: dani: five biscuits spread out across a day doesn't count as eating more

em: dani: protein jamie it’s abt protein

obsetress: dani: you need more protein, which is why i think some lentils would really––

em: jamie thinks protein shakes are Nasty

obsetress: jamie does think protein shakes are nasty but dani will make her a smoothie and sneak it in like she's a child

obsetress: viola and rebecca, with their matching monogrammed blender bottles, just staring

obsetress: becca's like "jamie, just drink it, really, it's fine"

obsetress: viola just does this haughty sniff at her and that's what finally gets jamie to start

em: jamie can deal w being a brat but the idea of viola having Anything over her drives her Insane

em: Drives Her Fuckign Nuts

obsetress: she hates it

obsetress: just the absolute fuckin worst

em: do u think dani ever like

em: like they REALLY need to clear out storage but it’s a boiling frog situation where it’s increased so gradually that

em: like jamie thinks it’s Fine storage is Clear Enough

em: it’s Not

em: danis like. should we invite rebecca and vi over

em: just be Idea of A Snide Viola Comment fills jamie w a burning rage

obsetress: oh my god

obsetress: i'm obsessed with this

obsetress: i would read a whole oneshot about this

em: eventually dani comes clean abt it n jamie thinks it’s v funny bc yknow; open and honest communication is a v important part of their dynamic

em: jamie: next time just tell me my storage looks like shite dani or i will be grumbling abt viola for a Week

obsetress: inevitably

obsetress: when they do have to come over to clean

obsetress: dani offers them takeout and wine ("step up from pizza and beer at least," jamie grumbles) and viola's like "jesus, dani, let's just go out to dinner. my treat"

obsetress: at dinner, viola's like "if you want more storage, i have some wonderful properties––"

obsetress: rebecca's mouthing "sorry" from next to her across the table

em: every time they go out rebecca takes vi aside n is like ok sweetheart so you promise you’re not gonna try convince them to sell the apartment again

em: and violas like (mock horror) of course i won’t. ye of little faith

em: and every time

em: every time she does

em: she’s tryna HELP

obsetress: she would too she'd be like

obsetress: "i'm just trying to HELP"

obsetress: "they're our FRIENDS"

em: i’m on a mission to figure out like

em: this is way way down the line

em: but i wanna believe eventually viola and jamie start to, at the v least, Tolerate each other

em: jamie might even be fond of the crazy bird but she’ll NEVER admit it

obsetress: god like vi's on business or some shit in like

obsetress: the UAE

obsetress: negotiating some Deal

obsetress: and so dani and jamie get dinner with just bex and they're driving home after and having a perfectly mundane conversation and then jamie's just blurting like

obsetress: "i think i miss vi"

em: she’s HORRIFIED

em: she tries to play it off as like um

em: she’s Too Comfortable

em: things are Too Boring

em: which is weird knowing everything we know abt jamie

em: but actually she just... maybe misses viola

em: danis like god i wish i was recording this

obsetress: jamie's passed out next to her at home later (it's ten pm) and dani's chattering happily away on the phone with vi (drinking a martini in her dubai hotel room at one am since, y'know, no bars) in bed right next to her

obsetress: "jamie, uh, said she misses you. i know. no, i KNOW. don't tell her i told you. yeah, yeah, you win, vi, we know. uh-huh. uh-huh. i'm gonna pretend you didn't just ask me that"

em: CUTE

em: u can’t lord it over her vi it’s a little secret

em: vi's like when have i EVER

em: she does

obsetress: once they're good again, dani and vi absolutely just. lose time (there's a metaphor in there) talking to each other still

em: this is wholesome tbh

em: i really like the damie stories where like

em: look it’s nice when damie have each other but it’s also nice when they have their own friends and stuff

em: dunno how to articulate that well

em: it’s a balance! it’s a balance

obsetress: yeah! exactly

obsetress: because that's part of the love n possession thing too yk

obsetress: not to say either of them would ever be like "no friends for you" but

obsetress: wanting to have a life outside of your partner yk

obsetress: they're meeting vi and rebecca for dinner after vi gets back and vi's just grinning and sweeping jamie into a hug "i heard you missed me"

em: she gets jamie a souvenir t-shirt

em: it’s too big

em: OR

em: child’s t-shirt

obsetress: (jamie sleeps in it that night)

obsetress: oh childs might be better

obsetress: she's like "you're a little scrawny, so..."

em: jamie sleeps in it.... soft bitch

em: she feels too much

obsetress: jamie taylor softest bitch

obsetress: dani watches her pull it on and raises an eyebrow and jamie's just like "wot"

em: jamies like (grumbles) i knew she was comin back i’m just

em: shouldn’t you be HAPPY about this development dani

em: ‘s’a gift... s’rude not t’....’

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: dani just grins "mmhm"

em: it accidentally makes its way into jamies workout clothes pile

obsetress: oh my GOD oh my god

obsetress: viola's shit eating GRIN when jamie shows up at the gym in it

em: jamies like fok

em: mental maths tryna figure if she wants to just. work out in a sports bra

em: she Doesn’t

obsetress: she Doesn't!

obsetress: (she's shy)

em: god it’s one of those shirts that’s like

em: someone who loves me went to UAE and got me this t-shirt or something

obsetress: dani corners her in their empty row in the locker room "you could've just taken it off, you know" "dunno, not everyone needs to... see that, you know?" "i'd certainly like to see it" jamie rolls her eyes but she's grinning "you can see that any time" "well maybe i wanted to see it during my workout" "dani......."

em: jamies embarrassed bc of her gnarly farmers tan means her tummy is at least five shades lighter than the rest of her

em: crisp tan lines

obsetress: god jamie's farmers tan

em: once again i am bringing my tan lines jamie agenda

obsetress: dani loves jamies dumb farmers tan so much

obsetress: she giggles

obsetress: but it's the most loving giggle possible

em: and then when she gets into running...

em: god when i was rowing there were a couple ppl w like what i called a neapolitan icecream tan which is

em: gimme a second

obsetress: jamie gets all huffy when dani giggles at her tan but then dani's like "baby, no, i think it's cute" and jamie gives her a look and dani grins mischievously and ducks her head

obsetress: and then she's licking and kissing and nipping her way along jamie's dumb tan lines

em: there it is

obsetress: it was inevitable

em: so caught up in the joy of jamies dumb farmer tans i forgot abt her gnarly scar she keeps under wraps

em: baby

em: the most baby

obsetress: baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

em: jamie decides the only way to claim the stupid t-shirt as hers is to cut off the sleeves

em: it’s abt the ritual of the thing

obsetress: she shows up at the gym wearing it and

obsetress: that's viola's "oh no she's hot" moment

em: YEAH BABY

obsetress: literally just like

obsetress: world stops

obsetress: viola stares

em: jamie finally gets to do an exercise that shows off her sinewy manual labor grip forearms

em: viola’s probably just as horrified to find jamie hot as every time jamies like oh no

em: violas hot

em: and once again jamie CANNOT know she’s hot bc she will be insufferable

em: she will be the Worst

obsetress: viola's tugging rebecca aside "why didn't you tell me jamie was hot" "what?" viola waves a hand and rebecca just furrows her brow a little and is like "that's just... what she looks like, vi"

obsetress: viola corners dani next "why didn't you tell me jamie was hot" "i did" "oh. right" viola pauses, then "why didn't you make sure i was listening?" dani just gives her a look and walks away

obsetress: dflksdjfldaj god the way jamie and viola are. the same

obsetress: kind of incredibly, in the same ways dani and rebecca are the same

em: “hey baby, did viola seem different today? seemed off”

em: jamies like. is she mad at me. did i break another social taboo.

em: rebecca ‘jamie looks like jamie’ jessel vs dani ‘my gf is so hot i can’t stand it’ clayton

obsetress: "i tell you how hot she is at least three times a week, vi"

em: danis tryna goad her into making the damn shirt a crop top

em: jamies like yeah but isn’t that a step too far. i feel like i am destroying this shirt too much

em: she does it anyway

em: so jamies workout clothes are danis endless grey baggy school t-shirts and this one ugly souvenir shirt that like

em: psychological warfare and she doesn’t even know it

obsetress: i would........ like to see it

obsetress: also crop top jamie is one of my favorite jamies

obsetress: she is severely underrated

em: crop top jamie is

obsetress: and we do not talk about her enough

em: jamie wear More crop tops

obsetress: viola and rebecca in bed, in matching facemasks, after going to the gym post-epiphany that Jamie Is Hot

obsetress: viola: are dani and jamie hotter than us?

rebecca: what?

obsetress: and like

obsetress: viola is NOT insecure

obsetress: she is constantly confident that she's the most attractive woman in the room at any given moment, but

obsetress: she's just so staggered by this realization

em: some neutral third party (ms grose and mr sharma probably) are like well. u guys definitely have a little more of a scary thing going on

em: i’m imagining rebecca and viola at brunch w hannah and owen v seriously discussing this

em: viola brings it up and rebecca GROANS but then she gets invested in the convo

obsetress: GOD yeah

obsetress: she's leaning forward and gesturing with her fork "when you say 'scary'..........."

em: owens like scary is a compliment

em: hannah grose sips her tea knowingly

obsetress: rebecca just narrows her eyes at hannah grose and hannah raises her eyebrows and shrugs

em: after a week or so viola bursts into a room w stupid big sunglasses and a tray of take out coffees and she’s like Don’t You Worry Jamie I Have Concluded You’re Hot But I’m Not Threatened By It

em: jamies like sorry WHAT

em: you’ve been thinking about WHAT

em: viola leaves without ever following it up

obsetress: dani is entirely unfazed

obsetress: doesn't even blink

em: danis like neat she remembered the oat milk

em: everyone in this au is insane

obsetress: any lesbian in 2021 is insane

obsetress: par for the course

em: was gonna protest but

em: Yeah

obsetress: this lesbian meme account i follow on insta is doing “stop asking who’s the top and who’s the bottom. start asking...” posts

obsetress: and one of them is “start asking who’s baby and who’s fuck around and find out” and it just makes me chuckle

obsetress: jamie taylor baby

obsetress: viola lloyd also baby

em: dani is baby passing and jamie is fuck around faking

obsetress: oh my god that’s why that’s why i think we cracked it

obsetress: dani (fuck around) dated jamie (baby) and vi (baby)

obsetress: rebecca (fuck around) dated jamie (baby) and vi (baby)

obsetress: the reason they could never cross further even tho per the transitive property dani (so similar to vi) should be able to date beccs and jamie (so similar to beccs) should be able to date vi is because

obsetress: you can’t have two babies and two fuck arounds in a relationship together

em: oh of course. i see. i see

em: however in the rare rare crack ship of the ‘jamie viola hatefuck’ a similar phenomenon to ‘social anxiety mum friend ordering food’ instinct takes over and someone fucks around and finds out

em: this is just my unhinged jamie viola hatefuck bulkshit which is. it’s ironic ok it’s ironic it’s ironic it’s

em: ok one last thought bc i know it’s super late for u but

obsetress: omg i also have a last thought let’s trade

em: what if mikey is about isabels age n jamie ends up looking after him for one reason or another for a bit

em: and viola absolutely Dotes on him

obsetress: omg

obsetress: that’s what does it. jamie seeing viola w mikey

em: grumble grumble i guess she’s not that bad

em: except then she’s like god what if mikey likes her MORE than me

obsetress: “dani what if mikey gets one of those weird first crushes on vi”

obsetress: dani doesn’t even look up from the laundry “who hasn’t had a crush on vi”

obsetress: jamie’s like “mE” and dani just gives her the most withering look

em: danis like It’s Par For The Course Jamie

em: danis a teacher she’s like it happens don’t sweat it

em: anyway

em: what was. what was ur last little thought

obsetress: i was just thinking more about viola also baby and how also she’s been so privileged her whole life that sometimes there are just some things she can’t do for herself because she just doesn’t know how

obsetress: like she’s never had to learn

em: rebecca gets um

em: freeze dried coffee

em: nescafé

obsetress: but like

obsetress: rebecca genuinely loves taking care of vi for whatever reason (it’s because she loves her) when she really needs it but

obsetress: rebecca also takes no shit and is like “i’m not making the nescafé for you. you’re 36 years old, vi, you need to learn to do it for yourself”

obsetress: and she’ll stand there and watch her do it and then she makes vi do it at least three more times for posterity

obsetress: “i’ll make a plebeian of you yet, viola lloyd”

obsetress: (god only the two of them would think a line like that is funny)

[lookwhatilost]

lmao Christ I found the peach post abt my first date w andrew and it’s such a doozy

why did I even keep talking to him after this

this is long as fuck and also super nsfw but my fucking GODDD is it a ride

okay so I met andrew when he was bartending at social still a while back. hes p much worked in every bar in downtown Bethlehem – like, the tapas bar where I used to go w ian all the time, “nothing good ever happens at” rippers, he used to barback alongside w jus at steelgaarden, slung margaritas at urbano, and plied me w spiked shamrock shakes at mccarthys – so we’ve run into one another multiple times as he’s bounced around the north side. I made a joke once abt how he spawns in every bar and he thought it was funny

so he randomly asks me on a date over messenger and i accept. like, I’m still in contact w Justin but whatever undiagnosed mental illness he has is becoming more apparent and distressing w each passing day and it’s becoming more obvious that he intends to do nothing abt it. so I’m not rly sure abt what to do w that and those feelings and everything but it’s definitely time to start exploring other avenues even if it’s jst for the sake of palette cleansing.

he wants to go see this all female performative of waiting for godot at the community college and I think that sounds cool. it’s creative, it’s different, we can go out after it. I get home a little early and tell him we can hang out my place for a little beforehand and get the “getting to know u better” awkward talk out of the way before we go over. and he’s obviously very nervous but he’s sweet, yknow

we go over to the community college and the play is weird and long. the intermission is at 9 and we leave during that bc we dnt wanna be stuck there until almost midnight. so we go to TR (while tommy is working bc I’m Bitch) and chat and drink and we’re hitting it off very well. he’s cool! he’s smart! he’s funny! he’s weird as hell but in a good way! it’s not jus lvl Fireworks but I’m happy and I’m distracted. We hop to stoke and stick around until last call and grab a 6 pack to take back to my apartment

I literally never do shit like this but I have no problem w him coming over there and sleeping over bc, hey, I’m Definitely Going To Have A Second Date W Him. it rly seemed like this could’ve gone somewhere. so I thought

and what follows is nsfw bc I cant stress enough that this is basically my version of cat person

like listen. intimacy w justin was very hit or miss in terms of him being too rough or something awkward happening outside of that. and it was disappointing sometimes but it was something I could overlook bc it was someone I was fucking over the moon for. and those awkward moments were basically my benchmark for what bad sex looked like

I dnt think ive ever been more incorrect abt anything in my life

this guy is jst. the absolute worst. like first of all I take his shirt off and he has fucking dermal piercings on his hips and I’m immediately rly turned off by it but it’s like. ok. if I can overlook the stupid “please kill me” bullseye on justins chest I can overlook this. but he’s jst. so. so. LOUD. he won’t stop moaning like some girl in a porno. and dirty talk. so much. i HATE that shit so much it’s so stupid. like SHUT UP. i wanted to get a scarf out of my closet and gag him not even bc I was trying to be kinky or whatever like I jst wanted the fucking NOISE to end

he won’t stop yanking at my hair which i also hate. and he’s saying weird shit abt how he wants me to dominate him (literally went into my nightstand, took out my vibrator and told me to use it on him and I was like BITCH NO THIS IS SO WEIRD) and jst. I’m in this situation and actively hating every minute of this but I feel like it’s gone too far for me to back out.

but this jst keeps going. for literal hours and I’m so fucking tired at this point but he’s jst. not finishing or anything. i dnt even know how. so I’m basically jst going along w it waiting for it to fucking end and in the middle of this shitshow he blurts out “i love you” which was such a... bad moment for obvious rzns but that’s the only time someone has ever said that to me out loud. and I was like “shhh dnt say that” and he repeated it and jst kept repeating it throughout the hellish course of the night. and I’m jst sitting here wondering how this went from amazing date to the honest to god worst mistake of my life. thinking abt why I’m so concerned w being nice to this guy and not hurting his feelings when I’m jst in literal hell

it’s finally fucking over and I fall asleep. my alarm wakes me up at 7:30 bc I have to work but he’s not in my bed anymore and I hear someone fussing in the kitchen & what I think is a cork popping but I dnt rly know. and he comes back into my room and says that he went to do me a favor and cleaned my kitchen up a little. but the place is messier than it was last night which is?¿

at this point evan comes out of his bedroom and complains to us abt the horrible day he had at work and Andrew says to him “you sound like you could use a drink!” But ev recoils bc it’s so early and he asks Andrew if he’s drunk & leaves to run errands. his reaction was a nervous “no” but he mixes something anyway and he’s like “this is for you babe” and it’s like. disgusting. it’s gin, razzmatazz, triple sec, rumchata, and coconut water. stronger than rocket fuel and not at all pleasant tasting. I reject the nasty cocktail and he slams it down. I tell him I have to work and he needs to leave. But he’s like “I wanna keep hanging out!” And he will jst. Not leave.

he makes another drink for himself and I see the gin is empty which is weird bc it was half full? and then it clicked that he was probably in my kitchen drinking all my gin while I was asleep. and it’s Hendricks. It’s expensive as hell and it’s also almost 90 proof. so he’s wasted to the point of delirium and I have to call into work to babysit him until he’s sober enough to go home

so I’m waiting for him to sober up and he keeps trying to initiate more sex and I keep rebuffing it and he takes his pants off anyway and jst. passes out w his entire naked ass out on the couch

so im jst sitting there for a little while questioning my life choices when ev comes back around 2:45 and is like. what in the fuck is going on and I tell him that Andrew decided to get morning drunk and things got weird. and he’s like “there is a half naked man on the couch and I’m going to do something abt it if you’re not” so ev yells “are your pants off?” and wakes him up and i tell him that I need to start my day and it’s probably time for him to go. he refuses, say he wants to hand out more. evan gets our swifter out of the closet and starts jabbing him w it, saying “GET OUT” so he finally does

he came over at 5. he left at 3 the nxt afternoon. he left his underwear on my coffee table and his flannel in my room (which I am stealing, not the underwear tho) and the second he left ev sprayed our couch down w Lysol and was jst losing his shit laughing at me

but all and all. turns out you can have a tinder horror story without tinder as well! who’d have known!