#(obviously. you don't lie down on the road in the middle of the night thinking 'I can't wait to suddenly remember this moment

[ehlnofay]

in the midst of a little depressive episode at the moment I fear and it's causing me to Ponder... in a weird way I'm almost grateful. like this is UNBELIEVABLY better than it used to be, even as much as it sucks in the moment. I wish I could go back to find myself at twelve years old hiding out in the school toilets and tell them that as long as we stick it out for long enough then one day the outsize bad emotions will be triggered by actual definable events and they'll be a noticeable change from our baseline. I'm not ✨recovered✨ and I don't know if I ever will be - I think I might have spent too many developmental years creating terrible patterns and associations to be able to straighten it all out - but it's Better and I'm able to know that it can continue to get better, too. and that's fucking huge.

[forthedancingandthethriving]

Part 1

Writing practice for the most part

tw: manipulation

○●○

The fox mother let out a few soft yaps, grabbing her cub by his scruff and back into the secure, hollow tree trunk. The cub protested, squeaking and yapping, but wasn't able to get away.

The skies above the land of Luminos were dark and cloudy. Dark as the night sky, yet no stars or moon provided light, the clouds preventing them from seeing the kingdom below.

Rain poured down, as it had been for a week now. The land was flooded with rainwater, lakes, rivers, and oceans rising. Countless habitats ruined the water drowning vegetation.

Animals of any species had taken refuge in places that were high above ground, knowing that dangers that lie below. Predator and prey put aside their differences, solely due to the fact that it would scarcely matter.

Places farther from the kingdom had locked down, doing their best to work amidst the rain that never ceased. All seemed to realize it had something to do with the kingdom of Luminos going silent, but no one dared venture out and see what happened.

Roads and pathways were flooded, turned to mud that dared to sink anyone who stepped on it. Not even the most trained of horses dared.

Luminos was no better. Unknown to all outside, the bubble around the kingdom stayed up. Its code working well to keep all the residents alive while in the perfect world Nimbus had crafted for her. Working effortlessly and feeding the Program that made it.

In the solarium, the second largest room in the kingdom, five bubbles were in it, with five beings inside. Queen Melody, Ambrosia, Lumiere, SMG8, and SMG9.

The stained glass windows didn't shine. Their colors that normally brought warmth and comfort to the room were cold. The depictions of music, dancing, and harmony on the windows still seemed true, but not in this world.

Nimbus found herself kneeling in the middle of the solarium, holding the conch shell in her paws, gazing at it silently. The rain pounded against the roof of the castle, reminding her of her choice a week ago.

She clutches it, form shaking. Was this right? Did she do the right thing?

Isn't this what you wanted? the words of the water construct ring in her mind again. I'm giving you the perfect life again. No Avatar code to worry about. No stress of having to mask.

Nimbus shudders, her eyes squeezing shut. Had she gone about this the wrong way?

She exhales before jolting, remembering something.

"Oh god, the meetups.." she whispers, tail puffing up. What was she going to do?!

She jolts again, hearing two knocks. Her eyes open as she gazes at the door. "Who..?"

It opens, and there slithers in the water construct. "Having fun?" it asks.

"I.. yeah.." Nimbus looks away. "But I.. I just realized something. I.. I have meetups with.. friends, outside of my universe from time to time. And.. the latest one is coming up soon."

"If you leave with the conch shell, the dream will stop." the construct informs her.

"Well that's.. that's not so bad-"

"Not so bad?" it cuts her off. "It is bad. Your perfect life will be gone forever, Nimbus. Making a conch shell like that takes time and effort. Time neither of us have."

"Well.. I just.." the Songbird looks at the floor. The water construct slithers over to her and wraps around her.

"Dear, think about it, really. You've obviously wanted this for so long. To have your friends, and no worry about your code!" it pats her cheek. "So, really, it'd be horrible if you left, and this ended. Don't even think about it, little one."

Nimbus hesitates. "Well, what about.."

"I'll go in your stead."

It slithers off of her, and it's both changes, taking shape of her. Nimbus watches, amazed, as color comes to its body, mimicking hers perfectly. It's eyes were cloeer, but she assumed that they were the same color as hers.

"And I'll make little constructs of your friends so that they can tag along." the water construct walks over to the bubble of SMG8 and slips its paw into the bubble, gripping the Guardian's arm, and accesses the memory banks.

It suppresses a flinch, feeling some demand it back off and to go away. It doesn't yield, though, and it copies the memory banks. It pulls its paw away and walks over to SMG9's bubble, repeating the same action.

With ease, it makes two constructs of the Guardians, inserting the memories, but keeps the constructs dormant.

It looks at Nimbus, who was watching, amazed.

"Go back to your little dream." it smiles. "I'll handle everything from now on."

Nimbus hesitates before nodding. She walks to the middle of the solarium and jumps, curling around the conch as she does. A bubble forms around her, and she falls asleep.

○●○

Leto hums, satisfied, before opening its eyes and looking in the reflection. It immediately falters, seeing green eyes staring back. "That isn't her eye color!" it gasps, looking back towards the bubble.

It pauses before sighing. "Oh, whatever. It's not like anyone will notice. She keeps her eyes closed most of the time anyway!"

A flick of its paw had the two constructs of the Guardians turn to small water orbs. It tucks them into a pocket before walking out of the solarium.

It glances back, eyes narrowing.

It didn't remember Guardians having that secure of defenses. Something noticed it immediately. But, just like before, if those Admins knew what was good for them, they'd stayed out of Leto's business.

It makes its way into Nimbus's chambers and spots a calendar. It picks it up and smirks. Just a few days from now, the meetup was set to take place.

What fun.

Leto always wanted to see what it was like having so many Avatar in one place.

It flips back a few times and spots the location. SM64 universe.

It makes sure to remember that before turning and leaving.

Leto just couldn't wait to put on a show soon. It really wanted to see just how well it could fool others.

[mayansmcsblog]

Her world or mine

I have no idea when i wrote this but i found it in my drafts half done so i finished it and- yh that's about it😅

This was meant to be based upon the song her world or mine but i got off track so its only loosely based upon it.

word count: 3640

Enjoy!

He hasn't used the truck for weeks, he had no reason to anymore, being in it only brought back memories of you. The long drives, the short drives too. The way you would hold his hand while he was driving or how you would remind him to pay attention to the road when he looked in your direction for too long. All the memories were fresh within his mind- almost as if it was yesterday. 

Even now, he was only sitting in it, he had to do the beer run and obviously that couldn't be done on a bike, he had to take the truck, but all he could think about was how you used to sit in the passenger seat beside him. He could see it in his mind so vividly, if he didn’t know you had moved on he would swear you were sitting with him. 

Looking at the dash his gaze caught the Polaroid photo that was still in its place next to the radio. Your face accompanied a smile whilst his had his usual ‘tough’ man expression, but if you looked close enough, you would be able to see a small smile placed upon his lips. You took it at one of the infamous Mayans parties, he remembered how it took you around 10 minutes to ‘convince’ him to take it, he wanted to take it from the moment you suggested it but he wondered how far you would go to get him to do it

-

“Please” you had been begging him for the last 5 minutes in attempt to get him to take a photo with you but to no avail

“No” you two were sitting on the bench outside the clubhouse, people surrounding the both of you, everyone was involved on their own conversations so neither of you paid any mind to them. Of course he was still aware of his surroundings but was more relaxed than usual

“But come on” you begged

“No y/n” he kept his face as straight as he could but you could slowly see a shadow of a smirk forming upon his lips

“Why?”

“No face no case” he shrugged with a slight smirk on his face, clearly that was a lie. Not even 20 minus prior you had taken a photo of all of the club members standing outside of the clubhouse per bishop’s request so he could frame it and hang it somewhere within the clubhouse to show off the members.

“Why are you so stubborn?”

“Why are you so adamant? “He questioned

“Because” 

“Because what?” standing up he motioned for you to do so as well,

“Just because”

“Come on follow me”

Standing up you took this hand as led you away from the party,

“Where are we going?”

“To take this god damn photo”

-

Recalling that night he felt a pain inevitably run across his chest, sure you two were only friends when it was taken but that night was the foundation for building the relationship you two once shared. 

Why had he been so stupid to let you go?

He knew he would have to drive past your place to get to the brewery, it was inevitable really. There was no other way unless he was going to drive an extra 30 minutes, which he didn't have time for.

when he reached the turn in to your street he slowed down a little, looking at your house from a distance he could see a car he didn’t recognize in the driveway. As he got closer he could see two people on the porch, he immediately recognized you accompanied by some guy. 

Of course you had someone else.

-----

Sitting on the couch you couldn't help but let your mind drift back to him, you missed his smile, you missed the way he would have a running commentary while watching anything on the TV, you missed how he would hold you after a long day, you missed everything about him.

“You’re thinking about him again, aren't you?” 

You did nothing but hum in response

Your brother had elected to stay with you for a few weeks while he was on a business trip for some type of expansion for the company he worked for. Originally it was a good idea, it kept you mind off Ez, but the more time your brother was here, the more he talked about his wife back home and how he couldn't wait to get back to her just made you think about how you don't have someone in your life to look forward to anymore, you no longer had someone you could tell everything to, someone who would stay by your side, someone you knew would be waiting for you when you were away from home. As much as you loved your brother, you were thankful he was leaving tomorrow

“Im gonna go get a drink” standing up you heard your brother mumble something in response but you elected ignored him and heading to the kitchen.

As you approached the fridge you spotted the picture of you and Ezekiel stuck on the door. You were pretty sure it was Coco who had taken when him, you, Ez and Angel went over the border for a day because none of you had anything to do and for some reason Mexico was the first thing that was suggested. You had been meaning to get rid of it but couldn't bring yourself to. Alot of memories were collected between the four of you, some of them you were just not ready to let go of yet.

By now he was probably already in another relationship so why were you still holding on?

Grabbing a bottle of water you headed outside and sat on the porch steps. You knew there was a party at the clubhouse tonight, Angel had invited you to come, but you knew Ez would be there. 

Did you really want to see a girl all over him while you're still here alone? Because that would definitely happen

Maybe he wouldn't be there? Or maybe he would be too busy doing stuff to even realize you were there 

You were too wrapped up in your own mind to even realize your brother had stepped outside till you heard a creak from the wood behind you 

“Y/n?”

“Yeah” 

“you okay?" He asked sitting beside you

 “yep"

You two sat in silence for a few moments before he started talking once again

“I love you ye? Don’t let that boy ruin you. He lost you by his own fault. You did nothing” he rambled on about how you should have been treated better and how Ez lost the best thing he could ever have. But you knew he was wrong.

Ezekiel always treated you like a queen, your brother met him one time and barely spoke to him for longer than five minutes. As far as you were concerned you brother didn't know anything about him

While he was rambling you were looking into the distance, mainly just looking at the sky but you could have sworn you saw his truck drive past, but maybe you were just seeing things right? His truck wasn't the only one, there were probably millions of them.

-

The party was in full swing, people were everywhere, the room full of patches from all over. mass amounts of people from charters were visiting in celebration of a new deal with the sons, leaving Ez to tend the bar along with some hang rounds.

Wiping down the bar he couldn't help but think about you for the billionth time today. He knew you two broke things off but it didn't mean you had to leave everyone from the club behind as well as him.

"Bro what the hell is wrong with you?" Angel questioned

"Nothing" shrugging his shoulders he dropped the bar rag and turned to get angel a beer from the fridge behind him

"Stop lyin man, what's going on in that head?" Angel knew his own brother better then to believe 'nothing' was going on with him, something was always going on up in Ez's brain, even if he didn't admit it

"I dunno man, I just think it's weird how y/n left us you know?" Ez shrugged again, handing angel a beer

"She didn't leave us. She’s distancing herself. Got a lot of family shit going on right now" he explained, you kept Angel in the loop with everything, after all he was your best friend even before Ez and you got together, if Ez wouldn't tell you something- Angel would.

"Just think it’s weird" Ez repeated, messing with the bar rag once again

"Ya well she’s coming tonight”

Before Ez could respond coco stood next to Angel 

"Who’s comin?"

The brothers looked at each other for a moment before angel came up with an idea 

"Just some random bird for our boy scout to bed"

"My man," Coco chuckled "finally gonna get your dick wet huh?"

----

You knew this was a bad idea, you knew he would be here. 

Was he going to be with another girl? Actually stupid question, of course he would be

Opening your phone you sent angel a text

‘I'm like five minutes out but i swear to God if you abandon me tonight i will hit you so hard that you can't remember anything for a week’

At least he would walk in with you so you weren’t alone right?

---

Angel stood up abruptly in the middle of a conversation he was having

"Where the fuck you going?" Coco questioned, lighting a cigarette from the chair he was sitting in

"Meet a friend"

"A friend huh?"

"Yeah...maybe you'll like her" Angel replied before grabbing his beer and retreating towards the door.

---

Walking through the gate you saw the front of the club littered with patches. Some of them were from different charters. Weird, angel never mentioned other charters visiting, by the look of the outside, you could only imagine the clubhouse itself is packed with people.

Scanning the crowd you spotted the person in question walking towards you

“Hey stupid face”

“good evening stupid head”

“that's basically the same thing i just said” 

"oh shut up i couldn't think of insult fast enough”

Pulling you into a hug you couldn't help but feel a little more relaxed. Angel was always like an older brother to you, an annoying one at that but still a brother.

It had been weeks since you saw him, being back in his company made you feel safe again, almost like a sense of home

He placed a kiss on your temple “We missed you here”

“Yeah, I know” letting him go you looked around, mainly to see if any of the other guys were in sight but also to see if coco was around, expecting to be attacked as per usual. 

Angel took notice of you scanning the crowd “He's inside”

“Hmm? Sorry I got no idea what you're on about”

Pulling you into his side he wrapped an arm around your shoulders “sure ya don't”

Walking inside you scanned the crowd once again, thankfully coco was nowhere to be seen for the moment and most of the guys were spread out around the room. Bishop and Taza were playing pool, Gilly and Creeper were sitting at the table in a conversation whilst hank sat opposite them looking at something on his phone, Ez was tending the bar like usual but this time he was accompanied by some hang rounds.

At least there isn't girls hanging off him yet 

“C'mon let’s get a drink huh” angel lightly shoved you towards the bar playfully.

“No”

“No?” his eyebrows raised playfully

“No and if you try to make me go over there with you i promise i will embarrass you” you laughed 

“Fine”

After he got the drinks you both sat at a table in the corner for a while talking, the majority of the topics were about what had been happening while you were distanced from everyone.

Eventually Coco spotted you two and joined in the conversation. you sat talking to the two of them while everyone else was up to their own things, you didn't mind, the both of them combined made for some very interesting storys, the conversation could never die. After around 10 minutes, Angel had left you two alone saying he “wasn't bout to listen to this shit ''- which was super ironic considering the topic of conversation was about modifications for a new bike coco had brought a few days ago

“How does your bike handle anyway? I heard they are bottom heavy and hard to manoeuvre sometimes” you questioned. overtime Ez had taught you some things about bikes, mainly when he was just rambling about random things not thinking you were really paying attention to what he was saying

“It’s alright i guess, sometimes it slips when I lean too far on corners, other times it tends to not wanna go the way I need to but other than that it handles pretty well, arms hurt like a bitch after long ride though” he explained

Nodding your head you understood where he was coming from, having your arms at that angle for hours must have taken its toll

“Ay '' he nodded his head towards someone behind you, Turning your head you saw it was Ez walking through the door with Angel, seemingly engrossed in some type of conversation they were having.

Despite spotting him earlier you only scanned over his appearance but now you actually took a good look at him, he looked different, not much but still different from before. His hair was in the same style but it little more grown out then usual, his facial hair had grown out a little too. His eyes had bangs underneath them and his face looked drained.

All in all he looked like shit.

“You know he’s not the same without you right?” bringing your attention back to coco you couldn't help but feel like you were to blame, maybe if you fought harder of him you two would have never split.

“You two spoke since?” he questioned

“Nope...I got a few drunk calls saying he was sorry but other than that. No” you shook your head. 

After you two first broke up he called you around a week later rambling about something but since he was slurring his words- you could barely understand anything he was saying. You got about 2 voicemails of him saying he was sorry and how he fucked up but- you never spoke to him, never texted him back when he would ask you if you were coming to one of the parties.

“The amount of times we've had to stop him from drunk calling you is unreal”

Playing with the label on the beer bottle in front of you, you thought about what coco said- clearly Ez had attempted to talk to you at some point, but why? The whole breakup was because he needed “space” to deal with some things so why was he trying to talk to you?

“He wanted space, I gave it to him” you shrugged, slowly peeling off the label

“Didn’t mean you had to leave us too” looking up from the bottle you saw coco was now avoiding your gaze

“Yeah...I know” maybe it was wrong of you to drop everyone, but being around them would have only brought back memories of you and Ez. At the time it seemed like a good idea to distance yourself from all of the guys, but now, despite only being here for a hour, you could tell how much you really missed being around them.

“You know he’s walking over here right?” Dropping your head onto the table you let out a sigh causing coco to laugh “I’ll leave you two alone huh?” lifting your head up you looked at him with a facial expression as if to say ‘don’t leave me’ but he did anyway

“Y/n” his voice was low, almost as if he didn’t believe he was saying your name again

“Ezekiel”

“Can we talk?”

“We are talking” sitting up straight you turned in your seat to look at him. He looked even worse up close- the bags under his eyes were alot darker then they seemed from a distance, they made it appear like he hadn’t slept for days, you couldn’t help but notice he had a bruise slowly forming on top of his right eyebrow.

“What happened there?”

He looked confused for a moment till you pointed to his eyebrow

“Oh I erm…got into a fight.....with a wall” his eyes were trained onto the floor, almost like he was ashamed.

You hummed in response not sure how to respond without laughing 

“So how have you been?” he questions

“Good i guess..how about you?”

“Alright I suppose”

What followed was nothing but silence between the both of you, neither of you knowing what to say. The sounds of other people talking and rock music became almost deafening as the two of you stayed silent

“Well this got really awkward fast” you spoke up causing Ez to laugh a little

“Yeah..yeah it did” he nodded

After a few more moments you stood from your chair “I'm just gonna-”

“Yeah go, i get it go ahead” he finished your sentence for you.

Nodding you quickly made your way outside, the yard was almost empty by now, people had either left for the night or had moved inside.

You spotted Angel sitting on the front steps fiddling with one of the rings on his hand while looking at something in the distance. You sat beside him in silence, neither of you even attempting to make conversation but simply just being trapped within your own minds.

When you and Ez broke up you knew things would change, you knew the two of you probably wouldn't be able to have the same conversations you would before, but you never expected them being so awkward.

Maybe it was just because the wound was still pretty fresh, after all it had only been just over a month

After a few minutes you heard the door behind you open as someone stepped out, seconds later a figure sat next to you, looking over you saw it was coco

“What we doin? havin a lil moment to yourselves” he asked lighting up a cigarette and offering the both of you one

“Yep” Angel responded, taking one and lighting it before looking somewhere in the distance once again. All three of you sat for a few minutes just looking at seemingly nothing in particular.

Maybe it won't be like this forever? At some point there has got to be a time where you can come to the club without feeling awkward because ez’s here.

You heard the clubhouse door open once more behind you and once again, you didn't turn around, but coco did

"Ay man sit" you heard him say as he snapped his fingers at space left beside him to whoever stepped out from the door. It didn't take long for whoever it was to sit down.

Much like he did with you and Angel, Coco offered the person a cigarette which they must of silently declined from the lack of verbal exchange.

There has to be a point when you and the club can all hang out together like before....there has to be a stage where you and Ez can talk like normal people without it being awkward….right?

Seemingly out of no were Coco spoke up, nodding his head towards two stacked benches on the opposite side of the yard "You think i could clear those in one attempt?"

Angel was the first to respond "Absolutely fucking not" he paused for a moment- looking where the benches were stacked "but I'd love to see you try"

"I bet $50 you fail and fall face first" someone spoke up, looking to your left you finally realized who stepped out earlier ..Ezekiel

"Bet, ill prove you wrong" coco stood, taking off his kutte and placing it on the stair rail "you two wanna place any bets?" Coco looked at you and Angel

"Nope, I'm good" you shook your head

"I bet $50 that you don't clear it" Angel responded

"You have no faith pretty boy" coco responded, shaking his head  as he started to walk over to the benches

"This is going to end in a hospital trip" you stated making both Angel and Ez laugh

All three of you watched as coco seemed to examine the height of the two benches, planning the distance he would have to run to gain enough speed to propel himself over them and how he would land the jump

"You think he's gonna snap his nose again?" Ezekiel questioned

"Definitely" both you and Angel replied

All three of you watched as coco began to run towards the benches, from your angle it looked as if he could clear it....you were wrong. 

Seconds later coco was laying face first in the dirt, one leg was on the floor while the other was stuck in a piece of wood on the bench that had broke underneath his weight

"I think i broke my nose" you heard coco exclaimed causing all three of you to laugh. The few people who were still outside drew their attention to the scene and started laughing too when they realized what happened.

"Ill go get some paper towels" you said, still laughing.

Maybe this was a sign nothing had changed between the four of you, that you could all still hang out and do stupid stuff like before

Maybe nothing has to change

-------------

An| hope you enjoyed this fic. Honestly have no idea why or when i started writing this but 🤷🏼‍♀️ . *sorry for any spelling or grammar errors or any parts that don't make sense. only scanned it before posting it*

ALSO- i swear part two to the prank war is coming! Its just talking awhile for me to find a way to describe to things going on as well as being busy with other stuff.

[writertothemaximum]

Summary: Fem!Niki fucks the shit out of Rinne at the beach.

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings/Content: nsfw/18+, Niki x Rinne, Female Niki, Face-Sitting, Cunnilingus, Anal fingering, femdom

Notes: Normally I don't post character x character stuff on this blog, but as this is femdom, this is the one exception. I hope you guys enjoy!

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33432565

Inspired by this pic [Please click!]

With a groan, Rinne drove the van down the sandy road, trying his best not to hit the small child that decided to walk in the middle of the road last second. It was going to be one of these days, wasn’t it?

First, Niki begs him to lunch, it’s the middle of summer and 400 degrees outside, and now she’s proceeded to drag him to the beach so she can ‘eat ice cream on the sand’ or whatever. And here Rinne thought he was the annoying one. She should get her license, it’s bad enough she didn’t graduate high school.

Well, at least she made sure he was well fed and…Well, well-fed.

In the other way.

She was always really forward about that. Or maybe it was him and his sluttiness spilled off onto her.

Yeah, it was probably his fault. He should stop getting stoned with strangers in the living room.

Although Rinne wasn’t like that. Like, aggressive like that.

Neither were any of the men he slept with.

It was scary, almost.

No, it was just scary. She was scary when she got horny.

She always got him so embarrassed, why did she have to take her sweet time with him? Well, it’s not like she could just fuck-and-dump, but still. He always busted it too quickly, far too fast for his liking. Maybe he should go back to just being gay.

Niki thought Rinne looked super sexy today. She supposed he always did, almost to an annoying degree. To the point where men would hit on him in the street and he’d take them home and Niki would be witness to some random dude fucking him on the couch. It was almost never girls for some reason.

Was he gay?

No, she and him fucked all the time, Niki was a girl, that wouldn’t make sense. Rinne was definitely bi, like 100% bisexual.

Ah, he was 100% a bottom, that was all.

Can’t get off without his ass—The absolute whore.

He liked getting called a whore, too, maybe he was also 100% masochist, too. That would make a lot of sense, actually, now that she thought about it some. The way he groaned when she slapped his ass, when she bit his nipple, when she chomped on his neck, nibbled on the tip of his dick—yeah she liked biting him a bit too much.

Well, it was a hot day and it was time for ice cream and sausages on the beach. A nice tan would be cool, too, she was getting a little too pale for her tastes.

He didn’t really ever hit on her, he just kinda let her fuck him. He never got that embarrassed when he was with his male partners. It was like Niki was different to him, somehow. Like he wanted to get teased. Like he was annoyed by it, but secretly, he begged for it.

He always ended up begging for it.

Parking in a non-parking spot, Rinne popped out of the van and opened the side door in the back, grabbing a yellow floatie, a big towel to lie down on, and some sunscreen for good measure.

“Rinne-kun! Did you get the picnic box?” she shouted, running to the back.

“No, because you’d fucking grab it out of my hands, anyways, dick,” he said, sniping back.

Niki held her hand up to punch him in the gut, when she realized.

“Yeah, I would do that,” she said, chuckling out a snort.

Niki climbed around the back of the van, not really caring that her ass was in view for everyone who walked by. Rinne, feeling slightly embarrassed for her, walked in front of the door to block the view.

“What?” she asked.

“I well your, uh,” he said, stumbling. “Your fat ass was falling out of the fucking car!”

She poked a finger out, booping him right in the nose.

“Lmao someone’s embarrassed,” she said, chuckling.

“Oh god, stop using texting lingo in public again,” Rinne said, walking off to the shore, giving up.

“Wait, wait, I know a good spot!” she said, shouting at him.

Niki’s ‘good spot’ was actually a very nice, secluded section of the beach. It took them about ten minutes to find, and they had to climb over a dozen or so rocks, but it ended up giving them some nice shade, and Rinne was never opposed to a good workout.

Rinne spread his arms out to the nice summer wind and took in the world around him, finally allowing the toxic fumes of arrogance and annoyance to leave his body, and breathe in the fresh air of confidence and being a massive dick again.

Niki poked him in the ass.

“Bitch!?” he shouted.

“Are you going to set up the towel or what?” she asked. “I have lunch to eat.”

That’s right, she had carried four lunchboxes over the rocks.

Four. Plus a full tub of Ben and Jerry’s.

“Do I get any this time?” Rinne asked, leaning in. He was a bit hungry, now that he mentioned it.

Niki put a finger to her mouth, the fabric handles of the bags falling down to her elbows.

“Hm,” she said, earnestly considering it. “Maybe if you suck me off.”

“Jesus fuck Niki. You’re horny too?” he said.

She pointed at him, accusatory.

“And you’re not? Who the fuck isn’t horny!?” she shouted.

Rinne sighed and rolled the towel out. He sat down, crossing his legs. He should have invited HiMERU or Eichi or Ibara, or really anyone he could irritate into fucking him. This was wrong, Rinne was supposed to be the tyrannical crazy one, why was Niki walking all over him? It was unacceptable, absolutely unacceptable.

The crashing waves really were relaxing. It was a good thing he had come in his bathing suit.

“Fine,” he said, crawling down on his hands and knees. Niki didn’t seem to hear him, taking a big scoop of sweet chocolate ice cream and dumping the thing directly into her mouth.

His nose pushed into the bottoms of her swimsuit, far too skimpy for any good-natured girl to wear. Tufts of her hair pushed against him, and Rinne wondered why she didn’t shave down there. Whatever, it was just a little hairy and it was about to get a lot wetter.

Niki recoiled in the softness of the towel when she felt shivers ride down her thighs. Rinne flicked his tongue across her clit, stirring up a small sound of approval. He had always been so good at this. Niki wondered if he was just as good at sucking cock. The whole thing felt so relaxing under the heat of the summer sun, she was melting, just absolutely melting.

“Fuck, Niki!” Rinne shouted, jumping up and wiping the glob of ice cream off his back. “Why’d you spill the shit on me?”

“Dunno,” she said, the spoon sticking out of her mouth. She grabbed his head by the puff of his hair and shoved him back into her crotch. “I didn’t tell you to stop. Don’t you want some ice cream?”

“Hanernangh,” was Rinne’s response, his nose suffocating in vaginal secretions.

Leaning back, she squashed Rinne’s head in her thighs, small tufts of red poking out from the little sandwich. Ooh, a sandwich, she should have taken one out of the picnic box, that would have tasted really good right about now.

The wet rubbing felt so good, so good to just squash him right there, struggle around for air, struggle around, knowing that he’d get something out of this, knowing that he’d get rewarded for all his hard work. It god Niki madly turned on knowing that Rinne was getting off to this. Knowing that he liked to get scrunched, to get manhandled.

Niki sat up.

“Hey, Rinne-kun, flip over,” she said.

“Hah? Do I get some now?” he said, snarling. “I wanna get some before you spill it all over me.”

“Turn the fuck over, idiot,” Niki snapped back.

“Fine,” Rinne sputtered out, flipping over to his back.

Niki immediately decided to sit down.

“Hanaefng!?” Rinne shouted, obviously surprised.

“Keep going and you’ll get some ice cream, sheesh,” she said.

Niki began to pat down Rinne’s body, feeling a bit of sand, and a really nice tan beginning to form. And wow, really nice abs, really nice, firm, strong abs. But that wasn’t what she was looking for.

“Aha!” she said, pulling the bottle out of his pocket and slightly raising her ass off his face. “So you did bring lube you fucking whore.”

Rinne took a huge gasp of air, finally able to breathe.

“Jesus fuck, and just what are you going to do with that? It’s not like I can suck you off and fuck you at the same time,” he said, crassly.

Niki, annoyed, sat back down.

“Who said you were going to be the one doing the fucking?” she said, irritated.

Rinne struggled a bit before shuffling his ass out for better access. She had fingered him before, maybe she should invest in a strap-on. Then he wouldn’t have any need to do all of those one-night stands. She could just fuck him on her cock.

“Ooh, someone’s hungry for fingers,” she said, mocking. “Wanna come here for a smoochy-smoochy? I think you deserve it, Rinne-kun!”

Rinne, not being able to speak due to still having pussy in his face, responded with a large groan.

“Or do you prefer these lips?” she asked, rubbing all of her secretions in his face. She wondered how it tasted. Salty, for sure.

Niki leaned forward, taking one last scoop of partially melted ice cream before setting it to the side on the towel. Wow, the heat felt great. The sun, the way the waves lined up, it all just filled her with elation.

So when she leaned her face down to his groin, it made her all the happier to see that Rinne was hard. He liked getting humiliated like this, didn’t he? Wow, what a masochist. When Niki tugged at the hem of his swim trunks, Rinne lifted his hips, allowing her to get them off quicker. Someone was excited. Well, a large glob of lube, a finger made its way to the entrance of his hole. She felt Rinne hesitate on her clit as she pushed in, a loud groan echoing through the rock cliffs.

He was so soft inside. He always was. It was like his ass was made for pleasure, made for this lovely squeeze, caressing her fingers in an absolutely perfect massage. He was always so loose, too, she supposed that’s what being a cock-whore did to someone.

Hm, well, speaking of cock, his dick was right there. He was pretty hard. Would be a shame if someone were to maybe…suck it?

In a moment, her lips were around the tip.

“Haarhrhah! Nik—Niki!” she heard, Rinne tilting his head off her ass.

Retaliating, she sat back down, crushing his head hard into the towel.

God, it was too much at once. With the two fingers pounding his ass, the suffocating aroma on his face, and now the condensing suction on his tip. He was going to cum, he was going to cum—

Niki gripped the bottom of his shaft hard, not letting a drop out.

“You’re supposed to get me off, first, asshole,” she said, her glare enough to kill a man.

Fuck, fuck, thoughts poured through Rinne’s mind as he licked her clit as fast as he could, desperately trying to get her off, trying to get himself off, he was too hard, too overwhelmed.

Rinne felt Niki convulse above him, her hole tightening up, clenching around pure nothing as she came on his face. Noises spewed out of her mouth as she couldn’t control herself, everything coming all at once.

And that’s when Niki finally let go of his dick.

Like the grossest milkshake in the world, Niki kept sucking.

Popping her head off in a moment, she gave off a sigh of relief, as if she had a nice big sip of coffee, drinking all the semen up like a fat noodle.

Niki unplugged her fingers from his ass and Rinne shoved her off, letting her laugh as she rolled off the towel and into the sand.

“That was fun,” she said, still unable to hold her laugh.

“Bitch! You got sand up my ass!” Rinne shouted, making a motion in the air to slap her, obviously missing.

“Your fault for being such an anal fiend,” she said, the heat of the sand proving to be very relaxing. Ooh, she was right next to the lunch box. Time for a sandwich.

“Can I get my ice cream now?” Rinne asked, like a petulant child.

“Yeah, go ahead,” she said, diving right into the lunch box.

Rinne picked up the abandoned tub of Ben & Jerry’s only to realize.

“It’s fucking melted!” Rinne shouted.

“Well, suck faster next time,” Niki said, taking a big bite of her sandwich.

“Well, maybe if someone ate better, her fucking cunt wouldn’t taste like that fucking sourdough starter you keep around the apartment,” Rinne said, snapping.

“Hey, you love my pussy, don’t joke with me,” she said, right back.

Rinne grimaced, embarrassed, knowing she was right.

Pouting, Rinne forced the spoon into the chocolate wonder, scooping it up and landing it right in his mouth. It wasn’t all melted.

Yup, ice cream was good. Ice cream was always good.

[pink-peony-princess]

A Late Night Call

-Katie-

"Shawn" I called into the darkness, wanting the comfort of my boyfriend. We lived together in a house, along with his friends,Brian, Connor and Dave -who also happened to be my older brother.

When no response came, I started to get worried, I had been feeling unwell for the last several days, running fevers and feeling generally blah, but I had just woken up to bad pain in my abdomen. I had always hated being sick- not only because it obviously wasn't fun, but because I had a fear of doctors and hospitals. Something which wasn't helped by the fact my brother, my boyfriend and their friends were all doctors of some description. As a result, I had tried to avoid medical intervention as much as possible for pretty much my entire life, so twenty years, which both Dave and Shawn as Emergency physicians were not happy about.

Swallowing the lump that was now forming in my throat I called out again, "Shawn!" I tried, louder this time, hoping he had just gotten up to use the bathroom.

"Katie?" I heard a sleepy voice ask, before someone switched the lamp on beside my bed, causing me to close my eyes immediately. "Katie, what wrong honey?" I recognised the voice now as my older brother, I could hear the concern in his tone. "The heat pack didn't help?" he asked, sitting beside me and sighing.

"I hurt D," I whimpered, trying to move closer to him to gain some comfort, while not causing myself anymore pain.

"What do you mean it hurts?" he asked, switching into 'doctor mode'. I hated it when he did this, but even I knew that I needed help. Something wasn't right, and my only hope to get it fixed was letting my brother do his job. "I thought you just felt sick?" he asked, taking my hand to check my pulse.

"I did," I started, "Well, I had an achy tummy, around here," I explained, pointing to around my belly button. "But now it's REALLY hurting," I cried, just wanting him to make it stop.

"It's okay, I'm going to call Shawn okay? Bri!" he called, getting up and grabbing my cell phone of my bedside table, speed dialling Shawn's number.

"What's wrong David?" Bri grumbled, "It's two in the morning for goodness sake. I need my sleep man!" Dave just pointed, directing Brian's attention to me silently, waiting for Shawn to pick-up.

"Oh Katie, what's wrong buddy?" he asked, grabbing a tissue from the side table, before sitting down and gently wiping away the moisture that had accumulated from my face.

"Just make it stop!" I begged, trying desperately to find a more comfortable way to lie, trying to ignore the sharp pain that was now my sole focus.

A few more minutes past in which Brian tried, with almost no luck to calm me, telling me that everything would be okay. Dave took the phone away from his ear. "He must be in the middle of a consult, I kept getting the dial tone, I'll try in a few more minutes," he spoke, coming to sit by my side again.

"Care to explain what's going on?" Brian asked, reaching for more tissues, the ones he had been using, now soaked and laying dis-guarded on the mattress.

My brother looked at me sympathetically, before turning his attention to his friend. "I'm not totally sure myself. I just got up to use the toilet and heard her crying and calling out to Shawn."

"What's up Missy?" Brian asked again, trying to get something useful out of me. When I didn't answer for fear of crying again, he sighed, and rested his hand again my forehead. It was calming, having physical contact, something to take my mind of my current state. "Dave, pass me the thermometer," he uttered. "She's got a fever, when was the last time her temperature was taken?" he asked, as he held it in my ear, waiting for it to beep.

"About- three hours ago," Daveresponded.

"Yep thirty-nine on the dot," Dave spoke moving the instrument away from me. "You have quite the fever Katie," he told me, moving to get the water bottle which Shawn had placed on the wardrobe, helping me to take small sips of the liquid.

"No wonder you're feeling so horrendous," Dave chimed as fixed my blanket up.

"Katie, where is the pain exactly?" Bri asked, sitting up, and moving the blanket aside.

"Here," I told him pointing once again to the spots I had shown D.

They shared a dark look between themselves, before Brian spoke up. "Katie, I need you to lie down again okay, I need to have a feel of your tummy." As he said this, Dave helped me to lay back, making sure that I was as comfortable as I could be, given the current situation. "Can I pull this up?" Brian asked, gesturing to my bed-shirt once I was situated the way they wanted me.

"He' will be as gentle as possible okay," Dave, tried to reassure me, taking my hand.

He felt around for a minute, before hitting the one spot on my right side. The pain was unbearable, and I nearly broke Dave's hand from holding it so tightly. "Please stop!" I begged, hot tears rolling down my face once again.

"I'm sorry Katie," Brian apologised, pulling my clothes back down.

"What's wrong with me D?" I asked, turning to my brother, who was now watching Brian very carefully.

"I can't be sure-" Brian started, "Dave, she hasn't had her appendix out has she?" he checked, watching me closely.

"No, she hasn't. Is that what you're thinking?" he asked, reaching for my phone that he had placed back only moments earlier.

"Well, I can't be sure until we run the usual tests, but when I just felt around that section of the abdomen was firm, and given the pain and fever, it wouldn't be surprising."

I couldn't work out if it made me anxious that Brian was talking like this. On the one hand, he was one of the best surgeons in the area, and the head of General Surgery at the hospital the guys worked at. On the flip side though, he was talking about my appendix, and running tests, and although I didn't understand exactly what this meant for me at that moment, I knew it probably wouldn't be good.

"I'm going to call Connor, let him know what's happening, try to get through to Luke again," he told Dave as he got up and left the room.

The room was quite for a few moments again, as Dave called Shawn again, this time though, it connected and I heard Shawn's muffled voice down the line.

"Shawn yeah it's me Dave, can you come home, it's urgent. Katie's woken in bad pain, we're thinking it could be her appendix, but she's been asking for you for the better part of twenty minutes now, and I doubt she'll let anyone else move her," he was quiet for a moment, before turning and handing the phone to me. "He wants to talk to you."

-Third Person-

"Shawn?" Katie whispered, down the line.

Hearing his love in so much pain broke the young doctor's heart. "I'm right here babe. I'm on my way," he spoke as he ran out the main doors and into the rain. Only stopping momentarily to let an emergency vehicle through.

"It hurts," Katie cried, and he could hear the desperation in her voice. She was usually strong, so for her to be in this emotional state, he knew the pain must be bad.

"Just hang tight for a few, I'll be there soon, Dave will look after you."

Dave and Brian, who had both heard the end of their conversation smiled.

The hospital was only five minutes from the house, but it took what felt like eternity for Shawn to come crashing through the door.

Katie could see from his attire that Shawn had been on-call, and immediately felt bad for pulling her boyfriend away from his responsibilities.

"Oh honey," he whispered, bending down to kneel beside the bed, kissing her forehead gently. "How long has she been like this?" he questioned, turning to his friends.

"I found her like this," Dave explained, pain clear on his face as he watched his little sister with sympathy.

"I'm sorry," Katie muttered, hiding her face in her boyfriend's shoulder, just wanting the world to melt away.

"For what?" Shawn asked, moving back to look at his girlfriend. "There is nothing more important than you," he declared, kissing her gently again.

"I think we need to get you to the hospital Katie-Kat," Dave announced, earning nods of agreement from the others.

"No please," she begged, fear consuming her, her chest tightening at the thought of being in one of the places she hated the most.

"But we'll be able to give you pain meds there, and besides we don't have the right equipment here to deal with this. If something goes wrong, it could be very dangerous babe," Shawn tried to reason, feeling horrible that they couldn't just keep her at home and sort it out there.

"Promise?" she whispered, feeling helpless as she looked between her boyfriend and brother.

"We promise," they responded immediately, before starting to gather the necessary items for the trip to the hospital.

Five minutes later, Katie was wrapped in a blanket, Dave and Shawn having worked together to shift her off the bed, without causing any more pain, something which Katie found miraculous.

"You ready Princess?" Shawn asked, bundling Katie up in his arms, and making his way down to the car. They had decided that it would be quicker to drive, than wait for an ambulance, especially given that they had direct access to the urgent care unit.

Brian had called Connor on the way there, informing him that they would be needing a bed, and possibly an O.R., which Connor had no trouble securing as not only was he Deputy Head of General Surgery at the hospital, and well- respected by his colleagues, but the patient in question was the girlfriend and sister of the two most highly qualified doctors in the area.

The ride to the hospital was not pleasant, every little bump in the road sending white-hot pain through the affected area, Katie, being completely worn out physically and emotionally, was nothing more than a weeping mess when they finally made it to the entrance. Shawn, who had been trying his hardest to keep his hysterical girlfriend calm, so as not to exacerbate her symptoms, let out an auditory sigh of relief when he spotted, his friend, waiting with a gurney, and several nurses.

"She'll be fine mate," Connor promised, just above a whisper so that only Shawn could hear. He nodded, silently thanking his friend for the words of encouragement. Normally he would have had no issue in a situation like this, in-fact, his job entailed this type of situation daily. However, what Shawn was now finding out, was that no-one had told him what it would be like to deal with a loved one in a situation such as this. And It was horrible.

His heart broke into what felt like a thousand tiny pieces, as Katie let out an agonising cry of pain, when she was placed, however gently onto the gurney, it being lead at a rate of knots down the hospital halls and into a free bay.

Stopping to re-gather himself for a moment, he saw Dave, somehow managing to hold himself together, as he held his sister's hand in a silent show of comfort. Shawn really didn't know how he was doing it, but if her own brother could do it, surely, he could too. Shaking the ever-growing dread that was forming at the pit of his stomach, he ran to start assisting in getting Katie into a semi-stable condition.

"I need a standard dosage of pain medication for an I.V." Dave called, going to stand by his sister's side. "I'm going to get some pain medicine in you okay poppet," he spoke, moving the blankets out the way, freeing Katie's hand.

She groaned, but made no effort to move, alarming the four doctors, who knew only too well, how much she would normally fight the idea of needles.

-Katie-

I was aware of everything going on around me, people rushing in an out of the crowded room, the boys ordering fellow doctors and nurses around, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't muster the strength to fight anymore.

Shawn sat by me, as Dave set me up with an I.V., administering a dose of pain medicine, which helped almost immediately.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked, resting his chin on top of my head.

"Hmm," I responded, finally feeling a little more content.

The response seemed to satisfy him, as he went quiet, allowing me to close my eyes momentarily.

I wasn't aware that I had drifted off, but I must have, because the next thing I was aware of, was someone calling my name. When I didn't' respond, they tried again.

"Katie, can you open your eyes for me honey?" This time, I did as asked, blinding light clouding my vision temporarily. "How are you feeling?" Brian asked, standing at the end of my bed, chart in hand.

The room was unfamiliar to me. He must have seen the confusion on my face as he chuckled lightly and came to stand by my side. "We just finished surgery," he spoke, making my eyes go wide.

"What happened?" I croaked, my throat feeling scratchy and dry.

"Connor performed an appendectomy," he responded, as he retrieved his stethoscope. "May I?" he asked. When I nodded, he placed the bell on my chest, listening to my heart.

"A what?" I asked, feeling no more informed. "You had your appendix out," he explained in layman's terms so that I could understand it.

"Oh," I was shocked, I knew that I was in pain, but I didn't realise it had been that bad.

"You're quite lucky actually, it ruptured, we caught it just in time, Shawn and Bri were beside themselves."

"Where?" I asked, wanting to know where they were, but not able to get anymore words out, over-whelming tiredness taking over.

"Cafeteria, they should be back in a minute," he reassured me with a smile.

Right on cue Connor, Shawn and Dave all walked through the door, food in hand. When they saw that I was awake, they all stopped running into one another like a set of dominoes.

Connor recovered the fastest, a smile lighting his face as he came over, "So the sleeping beauty has awoken I see."

Shawn looked as if he had been tasered, literally jumping back, forcing Dave to grab him to stop him hitting the ground. The shock only lasted a millisecond though, and before I could take another breath, he was wrapping me in his arms, pulling me tightly to his chest, as if his life depended on it.

"Shawn, gentle," Brian, warned, laughing at his eagerness, but making no move to stop his mate as he hopped onto the bed beside me, forcing our bodies against one another. Feeling his warmth sent a rush of security through me, and I just sat there in silence for a moment, trying to readjust.

Up close I could see the exhaustion, the toll that this had taken on him, his face looked sullen, his eyes puffy and red from crying. "I missed you so much!" he whispered, resting his head in the crook of my neck and breathing heavily. It was a few moments before I realised that he was crying.

"I'm okay," I spoke, smiling, trying my hardest to convince him.

"I thought I was going to lose you," he admitted, kissing me desperately. "We all did."

"How bad?" I asked, almost scared to know the answer. He just looked at me and shook his head. "How bad?" I asked again, this time turning to my brother.

When he saw that I was addressing him, he rushed over, taking me in his arms, and hugging me, though much more carefully then Shawn had. After a moment, he stepped back, resting his hand on my shoulder. I took hold of his hand with my free one, keeping a firm grip on Shawn

"You coded," he spoke as if the words physically pained him to say. I didn't say anything, in truth, I didn't know how to respond, what do you say when someone tells you that you almost died? Everyone was quiet for a moment, just sat taking everything in, me, tracing the tattoos on Shawn's arm absent-mindedly.

Again, Connor, was the one to break the silence. "Katie, I just need to do your vitals okay, and check your wound, and then we'll let you sleep," he bargained, when I grimaced at the idea of being poked and prodded once again. "Just follow the light," he instructed, having pulled a pen light from the pocket of his scrubs. I did as asked, and after a moment, he put it back, telling me there were no problems.

He was quick, Brian writing everything down on the chart, that he was still holding from when they came in.

"I'm just going to pull this up okay?" he checked that it was okay, before doing so. I winced slightly, earning an apologetic smile from Connor. "That's looking good," he spoke, re-dressing it, and re-situating the blankets so that I was kept warm.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Shawn whispered again, kissing my temple.

"I have to pee," I whispered against his cheek, making him laugh.

"Gee way to ruin a romantic moment," Dave snorted as he sat typing on his laptop, causing me to blush, and hide my face in Shawn's chest

"Nah, it's okay, do you want to use the bathroom?" Shawn queried, moving to get off the bed, before moving the pole which held the fluids out of the way.

"As apose to?" I questioned, feeling confused, as he helped me sit up.

"A bed pan," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I just stared at him for a moment, "Okay, so that's not going to happen, to the bathroom we go," he laughed, helping me manoeuvrer my way out of bed.

It was a slow process getting to the toilet, but he was patient, helping me to bare the weight where possible. Once I was situated, he turned, giving me privacy to do my business. Once I was done, and I had successfully been transferred back to my bed, I was able to relax a little more.

"Are you in pain?" Dave asked, watching as I shifted around, trying to find a comfortable spot on the hard bed.

I nodded,and within moments he was up and administering another dose of pain relievers in the tube sticking out of my arm.

"Thanks D," I mumbled, sleepily, bunking down, and snuggling into Shawn's side to try and stay warm.

"Here, this should help," I heard Dave say, before something extra soft and warm was placed over me. It felt like an electric blanket.

I hummed, finally content, letting myself drift off.

The next few days were okay, well, in between the hourly vitals checks done by the nurses and the daily dressing changes, and not to mention Dave and Connor forcing me to start walking around, something which I grumbled at them about for a solid half hour after the fact.

Finally, five full days after the operation Dave declared that I could go home on the condition that I promised to take it easy, and rest. After making me swear to it three times, he let Shawn remove my I.V. and help me into a wheelchair for the ride out to the car.

The drive home was quiet,Dave letting me rest my head on him as Shawn drove.

When we got home, they helped me up the stairs, all but ordering me to bed, persuading me by promising that we could eat pizza and watch crappy C grade chick-flicks all night.

As I fell asleep to the rise and fall of Shawn's chest, I found myself thinking just how lucky I really was. Lucky that I was alive, and lucky I had the guys to call family.

Reaching up, I pecked Shawn on the check, him leaning down and kissing back. "What was that for?" he asked, a soft smile gracing his face.

"Love you is all," I sighed, resting my head back on his chest, and letting the world fade out. 

[pinkpeonyprincessblog]

A Late Night Call

-Katie-

"Shawn" I called into the darkness, wanting the comfort of my boyfriend. We lived together in a house, along with his friends,Brian, Connor and Dave -who also happened to be my older brother.

When no response came, I started to get worried, I had been feeling unwell for the last several days, running fevers and feeling generally blah, but I had just woken up to bad pain in my abdomen. I had always hated being sick- not only because it obviously wasn't fun, but because I had a fear of doctors and hospitals. Something which wasn't helped by the fact my brother, my boyfriend and their friends were all doctors of some description. As a result, I had tried to avoid medical intervention as much as possible for pretty much my entire life, so twenty years, which both Dave and Shawn as Emergency physicians were not happy about.

Swallowing the lump that was now forming in my throat I called out again, "Shawn!" I tried, louder this time, hoping he had just gotten up to use the bathroom.

"Katie?" I heard a sleepy voice ask, before someone switched the lamp on beside my bed, causing me to close my eyes immediately. "Katie, what wrong honey?" I recognised the voice now as my older brother, I could hear the concern in his tone. "The heat pack didn't help?" he asked, sitting beside me and sighing.

"I hurt D," I whimpered, trying to move closer to him to gain some comfort, while not causing myself anymore pain.

"What do you mean it hurts?" he asked, switching into 'doctor mode'. I hated it when he did this, but even I knew that I needed help. Something wasn't right, and my only hope to get it fixed was letting my brother do his job. "I thought you just felt sick?" he asked, taking my hand to check my pulse.

"I did," I started, "Well, I had an achy tummy, around here," I explained, pointing to around my belly button. "But now it's REALLY hurting," I cried, just wanting him to make it stop.

"It's okay, I'm going to call Shawn okay? Bri!" he called, getting up and grabbing my cell phone of my bedside table, speed dialling Shawn's number.

"What's wrong David?" Bri grumbled, "It's two in the morning for goodness sake. I need my sleep man!" Dave just pointed, directing Brian's attention to me silently, waiting for Shawn to pick-up.

"Oh Katie, what's wrong buddy?" he asked, grabbing a tissue from the side table, before sitting down and gently wiping away the moisture that had accumulated from my face.

"Just make it stop!" I begged, trying desperately to find a more comfortable way to lie, trying to ignore the sharp pain that was now my sole focus.

A few more minutes past in which Brian tried, with almost no luck to calm me, telling me that everything would be okay. Dave took the phone away from his ear. "He must be in the middle of a consult, I kept getting the dial tone, I'll try in a few more minutes," he spoke, coming to sit by my side again.

"Care to explain what's going on?" Brian asked, reaching for more tissues, the ones he had been using, now soaked and laying dis-guarded on the mattress.

My brother looked at me sympathetically, before turning his attention to his friend. "I'm not totally sure myself. I just got up to use the toilet and heard her crying and calling out to Shawn."

"What's up Missy?" Brian asked again, trying to get something useful out of me. When I didn't answer for fear of crying again, he sighed, and rested his hand again my forehead. It was calming, having physical contact, something to take my mind of my current state. "Dave, pass me the thermometer," he uttered. "She's got a fever, when was the last time her temperature was taken?" he asked, as he held it in my ear, waiting for it to beep.

"About- three hours ago," Daveresponded.

"Yep thirty-nine on the dot," Dave spoke moving the instrument away from me. "You have quite the fever Katie," he told me, moving to get the water bottle which Shawn had placed on the wardrobe, helping me to take small sips of the liquid.

"No wonder you're feeling so horrendous," Dave chimed as fixed my blanket up.

"Katie, where is the pain exactly?" Bri asked, sitting up, and moving the blanket aside.

"Here," I told him pointing once again to the spots I had shown D.

They shared a dark look between themselves, before Brian spoke up. "Katie, I need you to lie down again okay, I need to have a feel of your tummy." As he said this, Dave helped me to lay back, making sure that I was as comfortable as I could be, given the current situation. "Can I pull this up?" Brian asked, gesturing to my bed-shirt once I was situated the way they wanted me.

"He' will be as gentle as possible okay," Dave, tried to reassure me, taking my hand.

He felt around for a minute, before hitting the one spot on my right side. The pain was unbearable, and I nearly broke Dave's hand from holding it so tightly. "Please stop!" I begged, hot tears rolling down my face once again.

"I'm sorry Katie," Brian apologised, pulling my clothes back down.

"What's wrong with me D?" I asked, turning to my brother, who was now watching Brian very carefully.

"I can't be sure-" Brian started, "Dave, she hasn't had her appendix out has she?" he checked, watching me closely.

"No, she hasn't. Is that what you're thinking?" he asked, reaching for my phone that he had placed back only moments earlier.

"Well, I can't be sure until we run the usual tests, but when I just felt around that section of the abdomen was firm, and given the pain and fever, it wouldn't be surprising."

I couldn't work out if it made me anxious that Brian was talking like this. On the one hand, he was one of the best surgeons in the area, and the head of General Surgery at the hospital the guys worked at. On the flip side though, he was talking about my appendix, and running tests, and although I didn't understand exactly what this meant for me at that moment, I knew it probably wouldn't be good.

"I'm going to call Connor, let him know what's happening, try to get through to Luke again," he told Dave as he got up and left the room.

The room was quite for a few moments again, as Dave called Shawn again, this time though, it connected and I heard Shawn's muffled voice down the line.

"Shawn yeah it's me Dave, can you come home, it's urgent. Katie's woken in bad pain, we're thinking it could be her appendix, but she's been asking for you for the better part of twenty minutes now, and I doubt she'll let anyone else move her," he was quiet for a moment, before turning and handing the phone to me. "He wants to talk to you."

-Third Person-

"Shawn?" Katie whispered, down the line.

Hearing his love in so much pain broke the young doctor's heart. "I'm right here babe. I'm on my way," he spoke as he ran out the main doors and into the rain. Only stopping momentarily to let an emergency vehicle through.

"It hurts," Katie cried, and he could hear the desperation in her voice. She was usually strong, so for her to be in this emotional state, he knew the pain must be bad.

"Just hang tight for a few, I'll be there soon, Dave will look after you."

Dave and Brian, who had both heard the end of their conversation smiled.

The hospital was only five minutes from the house, but it took what felt like eternity for Shawn to come crashing through the door.

Katie could see from his attire that Shawn had been on-call, and immediately felt bad for pulling her boyfriend away from his responsibilities.

"Oh honey," he whispered, bending down to kneel beside the bed, kissing her forehead gently. "How long has she been like this?" he questioned, turning to his friends.

"I found her like this," Dave explained, pain clear on his face as he watched his little sister with sympathy.

"I'm sorry," Katie muttered, hiding her face in her boyfriend's shoulder, just wanting the world to melt away.

"For what?" Shawn asked, moving back to look at his girlfriend. "There is nothing more important than you," he declared, kissing her gently again.

"I think we need to get you to the hospital Katie-Kat," Dave announced, earning nods of agreement from the others.

"No please," she begged, fear consuming her, her chest tightening at the thought of being in one of the places she hated the most.

"But we'll be able to give you pain meds there, and besides we don't have the right equipment here to deal with this. If something goes wrong, it could be very dangerous babe," Shawn tried to reason, feeling horrible that they couldn't just keep her at home and sort it out there.

"Promise?" she whispered, feeling helpless as she looked between her boyfriend and brother.

"We promise," they responded immediately, before starting to gather the necessary items for the trip to the hospital.

Five minutes later, Katie was wrapped in a blanket, Dave and Shawn having worked together to shift her off the bed, without causing any more pain, something which Katie found miraculous.

"You ready Princess?" Shawn asked, bundling Katie up in his arms, and making his way down to the car. They had decided that it would be quicker to drive, than wait for an ambulance, especially given that they had direct access to the urgent care unit.

Brian had called Connor on the way there, informing him that they would be needing a bed, and possibly an O.R., which Connor had no trouble securing as not only was he Deputy Head of General Surgery at the hospital, and well- respected by his colleagues, but the patient in question was the girlfriend and sister of the two most highly qualified doctors in the area.

The ride to the hospital was not pleasant, every little bump in the road sending white-hot pain through the affected area, Katie, being completely worn out physically and emotionally, was nothing more than a weeping mess when they finally made it to the entrance. Shawn, who had been trying his hardest to keep his hysterical girlfriend calm, so as not to exacerbate her symptoms, let out an auditory sigh of relief when he spotted, his friend, waiting with a gurney, and several nurses.

"She'll be fine mate," Connor promised, just above a whisper so that only Shawn could hear. He nodded, silently thanking his friend for the words of encouragement. Normally he would have had no issue in a situation like this, in-fact, his job entailed this type of situation daily. However, what Shawn was now finding out, was that no-one had told him what it would be like to deal with a loved one in a situation such as this. And It was horrible.

His heart broke into what felt like a thousand tiny pieces, as Katie let out an agonising cry of pain, when she was placed, however gently onto the gurney, it being lead at a rate of knots down the hospital halls and into a free bay.

Stopping to re-gather himself for a moment, he saw Dave, somehow managing to hold himself together, as he held his sister's hand in a silent show of comfort. Shawn really didn't know how he was doing it, but if her own brother could do it, surely, he could too. Shaking the ever-growing dread that was forming at the pit of his stomach, he ran to start assisting in getting Katie into a semi-stable condition.

"I need a standard dosage of pain medication for an I.V." Dave called, going to stand by his sister's side. "I'm going to get some pain medicine in you okay poppet," he spoke, moving the blankets out the way, freeing Katie's hand.

She groaned, but made no effort to move, alarming the four doctors, who knew only too well, how much she would normally fight the idea of needles.

-Katie-

I was aware of everything going on around me, people rushing in an out of the crowded room, the boys ordering fellow doctors and nurses around, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't muster the strength to fight anymore.

Shawn sat by me, as Dave set me up with an I.V., administering a dose of pain medicine, which helped almost immediately.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked, resting his chin on top of my head.

"Hmm," I responded, finally feeling a little more content.

The response seemed to satisfy him, as he went quiet, allowing me to close my eyes momentarily.

I wasn't aware that I had drifted off, but I must have, because the next thing I was aware of, was someone calling my name. When I didn't' respond, they tried again.

"Katie, can you open your eyes for me honey?" This time, I did as asked, blinding light clouding my vision temporarily. "How are you feeling?" Brian asked, standing at the end of my bed, chart in hand.

The room was unfamiliar to me. He must have seen the confusion on my face as he chuckled lightly and came to stand by my side. "We just finished surgery," he spoke, making my eyes go wide.

"What happened?" I croaked, my throat feeling scratchy and dry.

"Connor performed an appendectomy," he responded, as he retrieved his stethoscope. "May I?" he asked. When I nodded, he placed the bell on my chest, listening to my heart.

"A what?" I asked, feeling no more informed. "You had your appendix out," he explained in layman's terms so that I could understand it.

"Oh," I was shocked, I knew that I was in pain, but I didn't realise it had been that bad.

"You're quite lucky actually, it ruptured, we caught it just in time, Shawn and Bri were beside themselves."

"Where?" I asked, wanting to know where they were, but not able to get anymore words out, over-whelming tiredness taking over.

"Cafeteria, they should be back in a minute," he reassured me with a smile.

Right on cue Connor, Shawn and Dave all walked through the door, food in hand. When they saw that I was awake, they all stopped running into one another like a set of dominoes.

Connor recovered the fastest, a smile lighting his face as he came over, "So the sleeping beauty has awoken I see."

Shawn looked as if he had been tasered, literally jumping back, forcing Dave to grab him to stop him hitting the ground. The shock only lasted a millisecond though, and before I could take another breath, he was wrapping me in his arms, pulling me tightly to his chest, as if his life depended on it.

"Shawn, gentle," Brian, warned, laughing at his eagerness, but making no move to stop his mate as he hopped onto the bed beside me, forcing our bodies against one another. Feeling his warmth sent a rush of security through me, and I just sat there in silence for a moment, trying to readjust.

Up close I could see the exhaustion, the toll that this had taken on him, his face looked sullen, his eyes puffy and red from crying. "I missed you so much!" he whispered, resting his head in the crook of my neck and breathing heavily. It was a few moments before I realised that he was crying.

"I'm okay," I spoke, smiling, trying my hardest to convince him.

"I thought I was going to lose you," he admitted, kissing me desperately. "We all did."

"How bad?" I asked, almost scared to know the answer. He just looked at me and shook his head. "How bad?" I asked again, this time turning to my brother.

When he saw that I was addressing him, he rushed over, taking me in his arms, and hugging me, though much more carefully then Shawn had. After a moment, he stepped back, resting his hand on my shoulder. I took hold of his hand with my free one, keeping a firm grip on Shawn

"You coded," he spoke as if the words physically pained him to say. I didn't say anything, in truth, I didn't know how to respond, what do you say when someone tells you that you almost died? Everyone was quiet for a moment, just sat taking everything in, me, tracing the tattoos on Shawn's arm absent-mindedly.

Again, Connor, was the one to break the silence. "Katie, I just need to do your vitals okay, and check your wound, and then we'll let you sleep," he bargained, when I grimaced at the idea of being poked and prodded once again. "Just follow the light," he instructed, having pulled a pen light from the pocket of his scrubs. I did as asked, and after a moment, he put it back, telling me there were no problems.

He was quick, Brian writing everything down on the chart, that he was still holding from when they came in.

"I'm just going to pull this up okay?" he checked that it was okay, before doing so. I winced slightly, earning an apologetic smile from Connor. "That's looking good," he spoke, re-dressing it, and re-situating the blankets so that I was kept warm.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Shawn whispered again, kissing my temple.

"I have to pee," I whispered against his cheek, making him laugh.

"Gee way to ruin a romantic moment," Dave snorted as he sat typing on his laptop, causing me to blush, and hide my face in Shawn's chest

"Nah, it's okay, do you want to use the bathroom?" Shawn queried, moving to get off the bed, before moving the pole which held the fluids out of the way.

"As apose to?" I questioned, feeling confused, as he helped me sit up.

"A bed pan," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I just stared at him for a moment, "Okay, so that's not going to happen, to the bathroom we go," he laughed, helping me manoeuvrer my way out of bed.

It was a slow process getting to the toilet, but he was patient, helping me to bare the weight where possible. Once I was situated, he turned, giving me privacy to do my business. Once I was done, and I had successfully been transferred back to my bed, I was able to relax a little more.

"Are you in pain?" Dave asked, watching as I shifted around, trying to find a comfortable spot on the hard bed.

I nodded,and within moments he was up and administering another dose of pain relievers in the tube sticking out of my arm.

"Thanks D," I mumbled, sleepily, bunking down, and snuggling into Shawn's side to try and stay warm.

"Here, this should help," I heard Dave say, before something extra soft and warm was placed over me. It felt like an electric blanket.

I hummed, finally content, letting myself drift off.

The next few days were okay, well, in between the hourly vitals checks done by the nurses and the daily dressing changes, and not to mention Dave and Connor forcing me to start walking around, something which I grumbled at them about for a solid half hour after the fact.

Finally, five full days after the operation Dave declared that I could go home on the condition that I promised to take it easy, and rest. After making me swear to it three times, he let Shawn remove my I.V. and help me into a wheelchair for the ride out to the car.

The drive home was quiet,Dave letting me rest my head on him as Shawn drove.

When we got home, they helped me up the stairs, all but ordering me to bed, persuading me by promising that we could eat pizza and watch crappy C grade chick-flicks all night.

As I fell asleep to the rise and fall of Shawn's chest, I found myself thinking just how lucky I really was. Lucky that I was alive, and lucky I had the guys to call family.

Reaching up, I pecked Shawn on the check, him leaning down and kissing back. "What was that for?" he asked, a soft smile gracing his face.

"Love you is all," I sighed, resting my head back on his chest, and letting the world fade out. 

[allthetonyships]

Hi Liz! First off, I just wanted to thank you for making this blog and writing for us all! Secondly, may I request an IronFalcon road trip au? Like the two of them for some reason they don't get along and they were tricked into going on a road trip by the others because they were tired of all the fighting. Thus, getting some actual conversation btwn them and some bonding moments?

‘’This wasn’t my idea,’’ Sam says. Tonyignores him, as he steers the van in the dark of night. There’s no othervehicle to be seen anywhere on the road. They’re on their way back to New York,but they’re not nearly there yet, which would explain why it’s so silentoutside. When they’ll get close, Tony knows the roads will be full of traffic,no matter what hour it is.

‘’To be honest,’’ Sam continues, ‘’Idon’t know how you didn’t see this coming. Aren’t you some sort of genius?’’

‘’Sorry for believing Steve,’’ Tonysays. ‘’You’d be nagging at me too if I’d refused him.’’

They’re on their way back from a missionon the other side of the country. Their teammates – probably Natasha – havetaken their phones, and while they’d gotten into a jet to get back to theCompound, they’d left Sam and Tony in the van to ‘’kiss and make up’’. Tonycould figure out a dozen other ways to get home, but he knows Steve well enoughthat he would figure out an even worse way to make him get along with Sam, sohe’s going along with the forced road trip.

Besides, it’s sort of a vacation. Evenif it’s with a guy that loathes Tony.

Sam crosses his arms. ‘’You can’t tellme you don’t know another way to get home,’’ he says, echoing Tony’s exactthoughts.

Tony huffs, and takes a turn to theright. ‘’Right. And get Steve mad at us for not even trying this thing. Look,just sit there and listen to the music, and they will stop trying to force usto be friends once they see it’s not going to work.’’

‘’It’s not my fault you hold grudges,man,’’ Sam grumbles.

Tony looks at him for a second beforefocusing on the dark road again. A small red car passes them. Tony wonderswhere its passengers are going, and why they’re in the middle of nowhere atthis time of the day – well, night. ‘’My fault?’’ he repeats, but then sighs.‘’Sure. Whatever you say. Look, I’m getting tired. Do you want to take thewheel, or should we go take a nap?’’

‘’I can drive,’’ Sam says curtly.

Tony pulls over, and they wordlesslytake each other’s places. Tony can still feel the warmth of Sam lingering inthe car seat, his faint smell all over it. He closes his eyes as Sam starts upthe motor, and falls asleep.

~*~

The daylight is what wakes him. Tonyblinks against the sun, looking up at Sam, who’s still driving. There’s morecars on the road, now, as they’re out on the highway. ‘’Finished your beautysleep?’’ Sam says, without looking at him.

Tony sits up straighter. ‘’Where arewe?’’ he asks.

‘’Not anywhere close to New York yet,’’Sam answers, ‘’but we can look for breakfast in one of the cities we’re goingto pass soon. You hungry?’’

‘’I could eat,’’ he answers, curiouslylooking at their environment. A huge black car passes them. ‘’I can take overafter, if you want.’’

Sam looks over at him, and Tony has somedifficulty reading him. ‘’Yeah, great.’’

~*~

‘’Here, I got you something,’’ Sam says,throwing two sandwiches at him. They’d agreed previously that Tony can’t goshopping while they’re on the road, as he would get recognized too easily. Samis pretty well known too, as an Avenger, but he’s less likely to get overrun bystar-struck fans.

‘’Thanks,’’ Tony says, taking a bite ofthe first one. It’s pretty good.

They munch quietly on the sandwiches fora while. It’s comfortably warm in the van, as the sun shines on them, but Tonyitches to get going again. He’s never been very good with sitting still, and hedoesn’t have his phone anymore. He could get a new one, but he thinks Sam wouldoppose him.

‘’Look,’’ Sam says eventually, whenthey’re finished eating. Tony looks over at him, surprised. They haven’t talkeda lot since they got started. He knows Sam doesn’t like him, and he can’t forcehim to. He’s accepted that long ago. ‘’We’re obviously here because everyoneelse thinks we can’t get along. I’m not saying we have to be best friends, butmaybe they have a point. Maybe we should make an effort? It’s going to take usa few days to drive back, so we may as well give it a try.’’

Sam looks somewhat uncomfortable as he’ssaying it, and Tony looks out of the window. ‘’Don’t worry about it,’’ heanswers easily. ‘’No one’s going to hold it against you if you don’t like me,Sam.’’

‘’Well, why don’t you like me, then?’’Sam says. ‘’We can start there.’’

Tony raises his eyebrows, looking overat the other man. ‘’I like you just fine,’’ he shrugs. ‘’I’m just saying, don’tworry. You don’t have to like me in order for us to be a team. I know half ofthe team doesn’t like me, and the other half just ignores I’m there. They’llget it, it’s hard to be civil around me.’’

‘’Why?’’ Sam demands.

‘’Why what?’’ Tony returns. ‘’I know youthink I’m an annoying billionaire who thinks too highly of himself and doesn’tlike playing in a team. Look, I’m just saying, don’t get out of your way to dosomething barely anyone can do, which is being my friend. A lot of people havetried and failed.’’

‘’I don’t dislike you,’’ Sam counters.‘’I thought you hated me.’’

Tony laughs at that. ‘’What for?’’ hesays. ‘’Everyone on the team loves you, Sam.’’

‘’The Civil War,’’ Sam says softly.‘’Rhodey’s accident. I thought you were mad about that.’’

Tony is silent for a long while beforehe speaks again. ‘’If I held a grudge for everything that was said and doneduring that period, I wouldn’t be here right now,’’ he says eventually.‘’You’re pretty tight with Rhodey. I know he doesn’t hold it against you, soit’d be hypocritical if I did.’’

‘’Well, you’re his best friend,’’ Samshrugs.

Tony looks at him. ‘’Sam, I don’t have aproblem with you,’’ he says earnestly. ‘’Honestly? I think it’s a great thingyou joined the team. You’re fun to be around and you’re a good addition to anymission we’ve been on. All of us value you.’’

‘’But you don’t like me.’’

Tony leans back in his chair. ‘’That’snot true,’’ he says carefully. ‘’Look, I’ve been here since the Battle of NewYork. I was here at the start of the team, but sooner or later, there’s goingto be enough members for me to step out. I’m just trying to – not get attached.I’ve done it my whole life, so don’t take it so personal. You’re a great guy,and I know I’m not.’’

Sam stares at him. It feels personal,the two of them sitting there in the small space of the van, in the middle of avillage they’ve never been in. Tony sighs. He knows his worth, but it seems Samhas never seen it like this.

‘’Tony –‘’ Sam starts, but Tonyinterrupts.

‘’We should get driving,’’ he says,opting for a cheerful voice. ‘’It’s still a long way out to New York. I’ll takethe wheel, you can take a nap.’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Sam says, and they switchagain. Tony purposefully ignores the looks his teammate sends him as they startdriving again.

~*~

The day is very uneventful. They switchdrivers a few times, and stop to get gas, but they don’t say a lot except toverify the direction they’re going. Sam buys two pizzas from a shady pizzeria,and they eat the greasy food in the van at the side of the road while the sunsets.

‘’Maybe it’s a good idea to just sleepin the van tonight,’’ Sam says, as he’s on his third slice. ‘’Get rested reallywell. The napping works, but I’d prefer a good night’s sleep for a change.’’

‘’Sure,’’ Tony says. He’s used to onlynapping, because he doesn’t think he’s had a full night’s sleep since he wastwenty, but it may be nice to lie down in the van instead of sleeping in aseating position. He’s not as young anymore, and it really is uncomfortable forhis back and neck.

‘’What do you think Steve would say ifhe saw us like this?’’ Sam says unexpectedly. ‘’Would he make a snobbish remarkabout how bad pizza is for your health?’’

Tony laughs. ‘’It’s his fault we’re hereanyway,’’ he remarks. ‘’Steve isn’t that bad. I’ve seen him eat three pizzas ina row.’’

‘’Yeah, but he can take it. He’d make usrun three laps to make up for it,’’ Sam says. ‘’We’re just regular humans whowill get fat eventually, after all. Well, I am, at least.’’

‘’Steve’s given up the hope I ever willrun laps,’’ Tony says. ‘’But hey, I’m just a regular human, too. Nothingsuperhuman going on here.’’

Sam smiles at him, and Tony looks away.‘’I do like you, you know?’’ Sam says. ‘’I don’t think you’re an annoyingbillionaire. I think you’re smarter than I even can imagine, and that you’rewitty, and I like that you can be so passionate about things. You’re generousand kind, but you don’t want people to see, so you’re sarcastic to hide it.You’ve been through a lot, and you’re still here fighting the fight. That makesyou a really strong person, Tony.’’

Tony doesn’t say anything, mainlybecause he doesn’t know what to say. Sam puts down his pizza, standing in frontof him.

‘’I’m not,’’ Tony just says. ‘’I’m justme.’’

Sam tilts his head, slightly. Tony hasto look up a bit to meet his eyes, so he stands up straighter, even if Sam getscloser. ‘’You deserve to be liked,’’ Sam says. ‘’I’ve seen other people, whowere so convinced that they weren’t. But you really are. More than anyone elseI know.’’

‘’If I’m so likeable, why was everyoneso convinced we needed to go on a road trip to be able to like each other?’’Tony says, heart beating loudly in his chest.

Sam’s face is so close that he can counthis eyelashes. Tony pretends not to notice. ‘’Maybe because they don’t see whatI see,’’ he says softly. ‘’But that’s on them. Maybe they did see, and wantedme to. You’re great, Tony. Anyone would be lucky to befriend you.’’

‘’I think you’re pretty great too,’’Tony says, trying not to take a step back. ‘’Sam?’’

‘’Yeah?’’ Sam answers.

Tony kisses him, and as Sam presses himcloser, he thinks the other man is pretty okay with that.

~*~

Tony listens to the sound of the carspassing by as he lies in the dark. Sam’s breathing pretty regularly beside him,but he can’t sleep. He keeps thinking about the odd turn this road trip hastaken, but honestly, it’s going unexpectedly well. He knows what kind of man Samis, and that kind is one of the best. They may not know each other very well,but they know enough.

Perhaps, he thinks, this is a goodthing. There’s plenty of time to get to know each other really well, on thisroad trip. Maybe they can even take a somewhat longer route. If Sam’s notopposed to that, of course.

Sam mumbles something, and then turns,encircling Tony in his arms. ‘’Stop thinking,’’ he murmurs, pressing a sloppykiss to Tony’s head. ‘’Sleep.’’

Tony smiles softly, and snuggles intoSam’s embrace.

He’ll have to thank Steve, when they gethome.

[kelandry5]

This started as something, then became me thinking out loud, then I got tired and I quit and I'm not sure I ever made my point but good night... from the person still awake at 6 am.....

Obviously, we know the lower class was uneducated for much of history. The lowest classes usually could not read or write, whether they were slaves, poor people, servants, orphans, etc. Since they couldn’t read or write, they had to depend on gossip and translation by those that could. Even the middle and upper classes were limited for much of history before the invention of the printing press. Travel of information was slow and unreliable. People lie. And yes, so do books and things, but access to books and the internet gives you access to more people. It gives you the chance to choose what to believe. Access to a couple nobles, merchants, and maybe a religious leader, gives you much fewer options, especially since those that disagreed with popular ideas were pushed to the side. Many people never read anything other than the bible or other religious text. Many couldn’t even read that and had to rely on the reading and comprehension skills, honesty, intelligence, knowledge, and other abilities of their religious leader or king or governor or whoever. For small, out of the way places, even travelers and merchants were rare.

My point is: For most of history, the majority of the population had very little access to information, and what they did have access to was very unreliable.

We know that humans have always used religion and beliefs to explain whatever they didn’t understand. We also know, even when science proves the religious explanation wrong, it can be years or centuries before people let go of the religious explanation.... We know that various cultures and religions taught fear regarding some topics. Earthquakes, twins, black cats, grave diggers, men who slept with men.... And it was based on nothing except guesses, rumors, and so on.

But, despite what many White Straight Cis Christian Male Historians might want to tell you; trans, gay, bi, and ace people have pretty much always existed. (Maybe not cavemen and sub-species of humans but maybe. Idk...) And there is a huge variety of ways they were perceived and treated, especially before the spread of Christianity.

We also know that history mostly tells us about the lives of the rich and educated. Poor, uneducated, members of society are poorly (no pun intended) under-represented in history because they couldn't write! Many of the customs and rules we know existed in history really only existed for the rich - maybe even just the rich in more densely populated areas. For a simple example, sometimes old shows or books talk about women showing their ankles as being this huge scandalous no-no. It's what you learn for that time period, but it only applied to the rich and maybe the middle class. Poor people couldn't afford to update their skirts with every growth spurt. They couldn't do some of the work they had to do in long skirts. And even the rich might hike up their skirt on the manure covered road. The rules of society never apply to anyone and poor (free) people generally don't have to conform to as many rules. We think of rich people as the ones having power enough to do as they please, but they were limited. It was the poor - the people that were barely considered people - who had the most freedom from societal standards in many cases.

Point: The rules of society for poor people were not the same as the rules of the rich and we don't know a whole lot about the rules for the poor because they couldn't write!!!

So, even if our written records say lgbtq people were pushed from society and looked down on, there may have been poor people, especially those in remote villages, who didn't experience this hate.

In some ways... more access to information from around the world can be blamed for the spread of hate. When people get access to the wrong information, or only bits and pieces, bad stuff happens. That and the rich, powerful, and "educated" men imposing their idea of history and

(Fun side fact... when women and people of color got more involved in the study of history, a lot of history had to be re-examined. For a long time ((relatively short compared to the span of history but still)), in the West, historians tended to be white, straight, cis, male, and Christian. Even if others were involved, they weren't listened to. Everything was examined through a male gaze or a Christian gaze or you get the idea. When people from other walks of life were given a voice, we learned that a lot of what we thought was true was only one possible version. In some cases, it was even the least likely, especially regarding people who were not white, straight, cis, Christian, "educated," men. We are still trying to filter out the excessive bias caused by having so little variety in the voices of history. That's not even considering the people writing books hundreds of years ago were just as capable of bias and lying as people now. History is all just a THEORY. History is not FACT.)

But, all that said, we know history tells us that lgbtq people faced a large variety of challenges and perceptions. Some good, some bad.

Most of it was based on.... well.... very little. Crops died after two young, unmarried men shared a house together. The preacher man says this. The idea that the main purpose of love and marriage was to continue the human race and blood line and two people of the same sex could not do that together so there is no reason for them to be together. Some guy on a wooden box in the market. The monarch dying after his son kissed a man. Rumors.

And much of the basis for poor treatment was misunderstandings and ignorance of the world. Such things cause fear and fear leads to hate. Hate leads to cruelty. Fear also leads to more ignorance which just goes back to.. you get the idea. But the crops died because it didn't rain because science. The preacher was repeating what he was told by someone repeating what he was told by someone who watched crops die after two men moved in together. That idea is based on survival and goes back to when the continuation of the human race or a group of people was far less guaranteed. We don't see marriage that way for straight people anymore. The guy on the wooden box also said he could speak rooster... and the monarch was poisoned because he pissed someone off with the knowledge and willingness to poison him.

And now to where I was going with all this... sort of....

Sometimes being lgbtq meant death. If not literal death, then the death of your reputation, the loss of your social or economic status, and the death of your life as you know it.

Our instinct is to keep ourselves and our "tribe" alive. Meaning it's very difficult for most people to take actions that will harm themselves or those close to them.

A mother of a gay son might do everything to keep the world from knowing, even harmful things, not because she believes there is anything wrong with being gay, but because she can't stand the thought of losing her purpose in life. (Bearing children to succeed the parents was often seen as a woman's purpose in parts of history). People might speak in whispers behind closed doors about how wrong it is that the gay son can't just be gay and happy, but speak openly about how awful gayness is for fear of being killed or harmed.

It reminds me of a poem by Silverstein (I think). The one about two people with blue skin searching for others that look like them. But they've both covered up their blue skin to look like everyone else, so when they walk past each other, they don't even realize they found someone like them.

It happens all the time. When we don't see parts of ourselves in those around us, or we don't see those parts being accepted, we try to hide those parts of ourselves. We search for people like us. It's in our nature... but that doesn't work when we're all doing the same thing. How can I know other people with green eyes exist if every green eyed person I see is secretly hiding their green eyes. I could be talking to someone with green eyes and we'd both walk away convinced we're the only person in the world with green eyes.

And why wouldn't I want to hide mine to if I've never seen a green eyed person accepted as they are? If I finally see someone with green eyes, but they're being made fun of for their eyes or everyone is avoiding them, that's not exactly incentive to take my color contacts out. It's also not an incentive to stand up for people with green eyes because I might get made fun of or ignored too.

Hec, I joined the lgbt club at my school (before I knew I was asexual or what that even was) and my mom was not happy. She wasn't against LGBT people, she was afraid for me. I'm disabled. I was bullied terribly in elementary school, even by teachers. I already had a target on my back, and she saw me openly stating my alliance with a targeted group as adding some flashing lights just in case someone didn't see the target already. She didn't want me to get hurt anymore than I already was because she loves me.

I didn't quit though. I stayed for the same reason she wanted me to quit. I knew what it was like to be targeted for something about yourself you couldn't change. And I knew how important support from others was - how important support from people without the same target on their back as you was.

But that's what it takes. It takes someone brave enough to take out their color contacts despite the risks. And it takes another brave person to say "I love your eyes. Want to be friends?" in a crowded despite the gaping mouths of everyone within hearing range. Only then will other people start taking out their contacts or removing their sunglasses. Only then will others express their acceptance and/or love of other people with green eyes.

It's not wrong to want to protect yourself or your child, but an outsider might not see this as an act of fear. They'll see it as a confirmation tha

The mother tries to hide or change her sons gayness because she loves him as he is. But those whispering in the markets don't see the reason, just the action, further confirming they shouldn't speak openly about accepting gay people or feeling bad for them. And so, they don't talk about it openly. When they talk to merchants, travelers, neighbors, etc, they treat gayness as taboo, bad, unspeakable, unnatural, etc. They continue being homophobic in public, and the person they are speaking to decides they should talk about gayness the same way to avoid conflict or danger, so they do, and they're careful about how they talk about gayness to new people from then on. They wait to see how the next person talks about gayness, but they're doing the same thing as the first. They talk to the mother who pretends to be homophobic out of fear of drawing attention and getting her son and herself killed and the other person talks the same way. All the while, none of these people are actually homophobic. None of them feel the way they pretend to. And none of them know that they're putting their conversation partner in the exact same position. Over and over, it's confirmed that being homophobic is the only option to live and live peacefully. The homophobia is reinforced time and time again.

Even if one person finally says something, others might try to hush them or assume it's a trap or assume it's a joke because it's become so reinforced that everyone is homophobic and it's better to pretend you are if you aren't.

But even if, late at night, they whisper "Do you really think gay people should be allowed to live?" and the person says they do... even then... they probably won't talk about it openly. And when their friend does, they'll just look away embarrassed, continuing to reinforce the idea that accepting gayness is bad to every onlooker.

And even if they don't- even if they start whispering about accepting gayness to more people, it doesn't help unless they support with their actions, too. If a friend comes out as gay, and they don't do anything to stop the officials from dragging their friend to prison, they're reinforcing the idea it's okay to whisper about accepting gayness in the dark, and some people might even agree with you, but it's only okay to whisper. Support only with your quiet words, nothing more. Gayness is bad and dangerous.

And everyone around thinks "no one else is trying to stop this, if I try, I'll be the only one and I'll get killed." So no one else does anything either because our natural instinct is to LIVE. They aren't bad people... they're just people, and they're terrified.

See, the peasants have the power to change the rules, but fear often prevents them from doing so.

So no one stands up and now every other gay person is convinced they should hide because everyone is homophobic. And no one from the next generation even understands their feelings because all the gays are hidden or in prison. They might think they're the only person who loves the same gender. And they pretend to be homophobic to protect themselves. And their friends pretend to be homophobic thinking they'll be alone if they don't. It continues.

Or maybe the person did speak up when the officials came for their friend. They tried to help and were punished, once again reinforcing the fear. Or maybe they weren't, but they were alone and unsuccessful, so no one else wants to risk it because there's no point.

And it continues. This is how you get a bunch of good people to participate in a really bad thing. (Also how a lot of genocides happen...just saying). They all did what they're brains are programmed to do to survive.

Sometimes, fake hate turns to real hate. Maybe not in the first generation, but the next. The children of the first witness the open homophobia but not the whispers. They're taught the law and to fear it. They learn gay is bad and scary. They learn the fear and hate and it's harder for them to accept when the adults tell them differently later on. Some might get lucky. They overhear their parents whispering or their parents talk openly at home and they learn to question the daily lessons while their minds are still more open. And some will just have really crappy survival instincts or emotions that cancel out their survival instincts. But even those kids might learn to pretend.

More and more, homophobia becomes the norm. It's taught and reinforced long after the law is gone. Long after that society/country crumbles.

With some luck, enough of the people with crappy survival instincts and the people with parents who talked openly will find each other and the gays. With some luck, they'll ban together and fight. It will mostly be slow and small changes. Big ones are hard. They won't all suddenly start trying to fight the officials taking their friends away. Officials have guns and swords and things. They have pitchforks and brooms... They'd just suffer losses. Changes often need to go undetected. It's true, if every single person put their foot down and said no, they would win. But that will never happen.

Even if an entire village knows the law is wrong, what can they realistically do? It's like a strike in America.

Some people won't strike or help the strikers because it's "not their problem." Others simply won't think there is a problem. Someone will be an illegal immigrant afraid of being reported if they cause trouble. Someone will have a sick child or spouse and not want to risk losing their job and not being able to take care of them. Someone will be in debt and not able to take the risk. Someone will be afraid that their race, disability, criminal record, or something else about them will make it too difficult to find a new job if things go bad.

Even if everyone walks out, strike funds only last so long. Someone will have a sick family member to support. Someone has to keep their job because they're on probation. Someone is in debt. Someone hears they'll lose their job and fears they can't get a new one. Someone is on the verge of losing their house. Someone is just tired of fighting what feels like a pointless battle.

And the sad thing is, it only takes one. It only takes one person quitting for the doubt to spread, for the others to feel hopeless and give up, or for more to give in to their struggles. If he went back to work, it's okay if I do. We need many people to justify doing what's hard. We only need one person to justify doing what's easy. Fighting isn't easy.

But even if no one goes back... the company can hire temporary replacements. As long as others are willing to take the job - and someone usually will be - the company can usually hold out.

Or the cause loses support. People become used to the new normal or desensitized to the issue after being exposed to it for too long.

Even if all the peasants stand up, the official probably only has to kill a few to convince the rest it's not worth it. They probably can't afford to kill everyone, but they know they won't have to. The remaining rebels will give up before then.

Or there's no killing. The people refuse to work? We'll work another group we have control over twice as hard and ignore the rebels. Let them starve.

The truth is, the peasants will likely be the reason they lose. They didn't take into account how to not starve while trying to starve the officials or how to block the officials from getting food elsewhere. They didn't trust that the officials couldn't actually kill all of them. And maybe they could. And maybe that would scare others or maybe it would enrage enough people to join the fight and win. But it rarely comes to that.

You know... I don't think any of us grasp how much fear controls our lives...

I had a point. I kind of forgot my point. But I guess it's good people cause bad things to happen because it's human nature and there's not a lot we can do about it. And that an entire town could behave homophobically without any of them being homophobic, and cause future generations to be homophobic. It's after 6 am. I don't know. I'm going to bed.

[renkocchi]

Don't let the secret be known

Part 1, maybe. I’m not sure if I’m going to continue this ahahah… With the help of @notkreti hehe :>

Natsume had just returned from school, on that windy summer day. He climbed up the stairs to his room and sat himself on the floor after cautiously placing the Book of Friends on his desk. He began eating the ice cream Touko  had bought for him while reading a book. The wind chime made a pleasant sound. Touko's  soft voice could be heard, ever so slightly. She must have been talking on the phone. Nyanko-sensei was nowhere to be found in the house -no wonder it was so quiet. Natsume lied down and closed his eyes. He let the breeze stroke his face.   “I have found you…” He heard a whisper and jumped up.   “Who’s there…?” He said in a low voice so as to not be heard by Touko.   “I have found you, loathed Reiko…” The same whisper was heard but nothing could be seen around him.   A youkai? Where is it… The wind chime stopped making any sound whatsoever, even though the wind was still blowing quite strongly outside the window. His eyes rushed to the chime but nothing was there. A foot with seven toes slade down from the roof, and the other one followed.   “Uwah…” He grabbed the Book of Friends and took some steps backwards. The Youkai was tall. It’s body was covered by a black kimono and it’s face, covered with a mask, was looking through Natsume’s window now. His room was on the second floor. A giant hand stretched towards him, too fast for him to dodge.   “I shall have my revenge…”   “Ugh!” His bones would be crushed at this rate, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t yell for help. His feet were not touching the floor. “Guh…”   “Takashi? Is there something wrong?” Touko was close to his room.   *no, no…*   “Let me go…”   “I shall have my revenge!” The Youkai yelled and Natsume let out a cry.   “Let go!!”   “Takashi?!” Touko rushed inside with a face full of worry, only to freeze at the sight of Natsume floating above almost half a meter the floor, talking to something that she could not see, obviously in pain. The Youkai disappeared right away, as soon as Touko entered the room. Natsume crushed on the floor, unable to move.   “Touko…” He whispered when he saw her expression. She had gone pale, and she was wearing a face Natsume had never seen on her before. Was it fear?   *no, it’s the same…* The same as everyone else. His heart was pounding so fast. It was as if it was trying to escape from his chest.   *I don’t want to leave this place…*   “Ta… Takashi…” she managed to say with a trembling voice. Natsume couldn’t look her in the eyes.   “Yes…” He murmured, failing an attempt to get up and pretend nothing happened.   “My God… are you okay? Wait a second, I… I’m going to get the first-aid kit.”   “Eh?” Touko rushed out of the room, leaving him dumbfounded. His eyelids felt heavy and he was in a daze. Nyanko-sensei snuck inside the room from the window.   “I’m ba– Fool, Natsume, did you return another name?”   “Sensei…” He muttered before his eyes closed.

  “Liar, liar…"  “why do you lie like that?"  "He’s creepy, he says he can see things… he messed up the room today again…”   “This is your home now, Takashi…”   *She found out… She looked at me like everyone else… ah, I can’t stay here anymore. I’ve caused trouble yet again… maybe it will be better if I just…*   “Takashi? Takashi?” A voice he knew was calling him. He opened his eyes.   “Touko…”   “Thank goodness, are you okay? You have a fever, drink your medicine.”   “Touko, I’m…” He tried to push his body up.   “You’re sick and you must rest.” She was wearing her usual, kind expression. Natsume looked over at Nyanko-sensei, who was signaling him that everything was under control. Even though his body hurt, he pulled his upper body up and drank the medicine. Touko flashed a smile and left the room. He fell back down on his futon.   “Hinoe was watching. She told me everything and erased Touko’s memories of the incident.”    “Thank goodness… I didn’t want her to know. I wouldn’t be able to stay here if she did…”    “Idiot.”

  Natsume closed his eyes once again, trying to remember what exactly had happened. The masked Youkai, a sharp pain, and Touko. At that time, she didn’t comment on anything. Not on the fact that he was floating before her eyes -since she couldn’t see the Youkai- and not to the fact that he was yelling at nothingness.

He felt so pressured. What if something had gone wrong, and Touko did know everything? She must have heard bad things about him from other relatives, she must have suspected things. But still, up until now, she kept looking at him with different eyes from everyone else. Up until now. He couldn’t shake off the memory of the look in her eyes. Pity and fear, all mixed with a great amount of disgust. He didn’t want to believe that Touko could put on a face like that.

That night, Natsume had a dream. The masked Youkai from earlier was walking around the woods aimlessly during a cold winter day. “I wonder, I wonder…” it kept mumbling “I wonder where I shall find a worthy opponent.” its smile was ominous. Soon enough, Reiko’s figure could be seen in the snow. The conversation between the two could not be heard, but the usual phrase reached Natsume’s ears. “…If you beat me, you can even eat me…” As expected, the winner was Reiko. And the Youkai didn’t like its loss. It began following Reiko around, causing trouble for her or her relatives and classmates. Reiko was annoyed, so annoyed that she was looking for ways to seal the Youkai. And she had succeed, but now the seal was broken. The mask viewed the monster’s emotions, and Natsume, through both his eyes and the memory, had seen hate, the desire to take its revenge, annoyance, fear and questioning, but never ease, or joy. And that scared him the most. He liked to believe that like in people, Youkai too can be either good or evil. But lately, he began thinking that nobody is necessarily representing only one of the two. Nobody reflects evil only, and nobody reflects goodness only. And it would be great if that was the case with the Youkai too. But this one seemed to have decided its path.

A sudden movement of something huge made him open his eyes. Nyanko-sensei, now transformed into the white beast, Madara, was moving his tale back and forth, while looking out of the window with an intimidating look. “Tch, that damned thing’s fast.” Natsume’s physical pain had not subdued, but he jerked his body up nonetheless, placing his hands on the beast’s fur. Madara could tell the human’s small palms were trembling, and he knew that the boy knew team Youkai’s past through the dream. “What… happened, Sensei? The question came out as a whisper, and Madara only let out sigh before a small sound and a gust of wind turn him into the round cat he usually went around as. "It tried to sneak into the house -but since I was here, it didn’t dare get close. You’d better buy me something as thanks.” The cat sneered, and the boy looked at it’s eyes kindly, before relief rushed through his body and he fell back down on the futon. The coming days were sure to be trouble.

Touko let Natsume go to school two days after the incident. Thankfully, that horrible, horrible look had never appeared in her eyes again. But even if it did, Natsume already knew from that one instant, that Touko too could think of him just like everyone else did, before her. “I’m going now.” With that phrase, he greeted the couple and went on his way, with his round bodyguard at his side. And that road to school was when it all began going downhill. “Natsume, good morning.” The boy patted his friend’s shoulder. “Good morning, Nishimura.” He felt a bit relieves to see his friend doing well, he’d made a lot of worst case scenarios in his head the past two days. “Are you okay now? Touko told me you were sick.” “Yeah, I’m fine now, thanks. Other than that, are you okay?” “Yeah, why?” As he said that, Nishimura felt pinned to the ground. He couldn’t take another step. And Natsume could see just what was pinning down his friend. And what was approaching them in the middle of the road was a vehicle. *I have to do something!*

The masked Youkai might as well have been laughing at the boy’s frustration, even if it thought he was Reiko. “Natsume, so something!” The van was rapidly approaching, and the only thing Natsume could do, seeing as he couldn’t push the Youkai away, was command Sensei to exorcise it. “Natsume!” And that’s what he did. The strong light flashed before his eyes, but the Youkai managed to get away safe. Natsume pushed Nishimura out of the road. He was scared stiff.

“Na… Natsume, what just happened…?” He whispered, trembling as he saw the van pass by them. The blond boy had teared up, but he didn’t want to let Nishimura see him like that. Well, at least not when he was already crying. He had priority, and he deserved an explanation. One that Natsume could not give him. So when he opened his mouth, nothing but one phrase came out.

“I’m sorry… Nishimura, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” that was what he had always feared. Getting someone involved, hurting someone he cared about only because he could see. Only because he happened to be Reiko’s relative. “It’s all my fault, I’m sorry…” “Can you tell me just what happened? There’s no need to apologise, you didn’t do anything…” Nishimura’s tears had stopped falling by now, but his trembling was still there, intense and probably unstoppable. Natsume couldn’t possibly explain what caused this near death experience to his friend. “I’ll take you home….” He muttered and helped him get up. “Thanks.” He too, decided not to question it. Natsume seemed even more scared than he was, so it was probably better to let it go and discuss it another time. Whatever it was, it seemed to be troubling Natsume quite a lot and Nishimura didn’t really like that.

Natsume went straight back to the Fujiwaras’ house after making sure Nishimura was home, safe and sound. He gave all kinds of explanations to Touko and finally went back to his room, ready to break down. And just as he had began crying, feeling regret with every bit of his soul, she walked inside. He didn’t even notice her wrapping her hands around him, not until he felt her warmth. And it felt, so, so comfortable in her arms. He had never known a mother’s warmth but he guessed that was it. “It will be okay.” Touko muttered kindly, and Natsume sunk inside an otherworldly warmth.