#(not putting a lot of tags because i don't want to inflict this onto too many people lol)

[shadow-the-crow]

I'm literally crying. The Distortion's wiki article is killing me. And i don't mean that in the "that's so funny" way.

This is how the part about Michael starts!! They're saying this is his defining trait!

Yes, i know, i'm probably the only person in the world whose favorite character type is "non-human trickster figure who likes to act superior but actually hates themself". So i'm the only one going crazy over this. But... i can't.

A manifestation of failure. Of the failure of the thing that's basically the purpose of its existence.

I can't do this anymore. He's so tragic. I love him.

[eisforeidolon]

I feel fans should be able to interpret shows and characters any way they want but it really bothers me that shippers die on the hill of Dean is such a closeted bi sexual and Sam is the biggest heterosexual out there. I love these characters because they are extremely toxic and codependent on each other. The story would not be the same with out that. Why would anyone look to Supernatural to be their all time gay representation love story when it most obviously is not. it just blows my mind how out there Destiel shippers are and how much they truly hate this show and hate Dean without even realizing it. I need someone to figure out how we can get rid of them from this fandom...LOL

Yeah, IDGI either. Fandom is supposed to be about just having fun however you want with the building blocks from the canon + your imagination. It's not even the main point that they're hilariously bad at interpretation, project too hard onto the characters to even see them, can't understand context to save their lives, pointedly ignore a million things that directly contradict their agenda, and too much of their so-called proof is actually gross backwards stereotypes about sexuality and masculinity (neither of which they seem to understand very well at all). If they were just having fun with it, who the fuck cares? Sure, it's annoying, but a lot of fandom is annoying because it is so specifically tailored to things not everyone is gonna like. There are other canons with fans who are fine admitting they just like playing in the canon world but not the canon itself that much.

No, the problem is hellers are not content to just enjoy their non-canon interpretations in fandom. They feel entitled to flood any and every tag associated with the show, trying to demand their interpretations be considered indisputably canon fact because ... reasons ... and anyone who doesn't agree with them is A Bad Person because ... they say so. Their ship is the greatest love story (n)ever told, the best representation evar in media! It's the only important thing about SPN - and if they couldn't change the canon, they can change the fandom narrative! The fact there's actually no there there under their overblown thousands upon thousands of words of inept meta is why the very suggestion it's not canon, that someone doesn't see it as the greatest thing ever, that maybe Dean is actually just a heterosexual instead of putting on an elaborate performance of one or even that Sam might not be the straightest character ever written? Is taken as an attack upon their self-declared status as the real main audience. Which makes sense, because they never were. SPN was anything but subtle as to what its actual focal relationship was.

To some extent I get how they echo-chambered each other into believing their ship was/would be a thing in canon. If you just look at the size of the piles on piles of cherry-picked nonsense they accumulated over the years without actually engaging your brain to see how variously flimsy, out of context, or how many other more sensible interpretations there were for any of them? If you wanted to believe and surrounded yourself with others who did, too, and kept talking each other up, spending way more time doing that than watching the show? It's no wonder some of them ended up with really skewed expectations.

What I don't get is how they're still going this long after the show ended. SPN is over and there's no more 'Well, next season for sure!' to promise themselves. There are increasingly more stories out there now in a variety of media which are centering deliberately, openly LGBT+ characters and relationships they could invest in championing! Hell, just saying screw canon and burying themselves in writing their idea of "better" fanfic is a perfectly reasonable way to deal with disappointment, no matter how self-inflicted. Instead, they're still here making up elaborate conspiracies about how SPN was something other than what it blatantly obviously always was - because admitting they were wrong and the only thing they ever liked about it was their own OOC fanfic very, very loosely based off of it? Well, that's more than a bit embarrassing in light of how long they spent campaigning and how vehement they were about it totally being not just A Thing but The Most Important Thing Ever. So I don't know what would actually get them to move on, they clearly love being miserable and wrong and pretending to be martyrs over it far too much for me to comprehend.

[quiet-longing]

with apologies

i figure I've now posted enough unhinged shit for people to no longer wonder about my humanity. my sanity, on the other hand...

anyway, this is my vampire blog. for amc's adaption of interview with the vampire, specifically. i will refer to it as iwtv from here on out because i'm too lazy to type all that out. but that's what i'm here for.

to cry about and post increasingly deranged iwtv stuff.

notes: i am ride or die for devil's minion, armandaniel, armand x daniel, etc. i will always tag it with some variation of that. they're my heart and the amc version with old maniel and assad!armand is especially precious to me. like, i will fight you in the walmart parking lot about them. i just love them a lot, okay?

i also love - LOVE - the other characters. all of them. every. single. one. they are all (including all versions of daniel and armand) fucked up, toxic monsters capable of great love and pain (both feeling it and inflicting it). they're petty, they're romantic, they're mean, they're sweet, and despite what they would have you believe, they are incredibly human. i think of them as humans turned up to eleven. sometimes twelve. frequently fifteen. way past what that 1-10 dial was ever meant to handle. they began life as humans and no matter how alien(ated) they become with age, they will never completely lose that part of themselves whether they believe it or not.

that means i will cry over all of them and insist they've done nothing wrong ever while still yelling at them for being the cruelest monsters, the very worst of assholes in the same post. i'll love them and i'll hate them, but i'll always love them more than i could ever hate them. and that's as it should be with characters as complex as these.

other stuff:

have read the books. have blocked out some of them because i won't have it. i just won't have it. not in my vampire books. have pitched some of them across my room. frequently ignore later canon. my canon is pretty solidly based in the original trilogy and parts of totbt. the rest, i cherry-pick from to suit my purposes. canon and i have a combative relationship.

in this house, we multi-ship and we don't get mad at other people for preferring different ships or liking different characters than we do or interpreting things differently than we do. these are complicated characters and you won't find a singular villain; likewise, you won't find a singular interpretation that lines up perfectly with your own.

some things i always try to keep in mind when i analyse any piece of media or text (and things i just think are generally helpful for anyone to keep in mind) is that everyone is the hero of their own story and that an explanation is not an excuse.

an explanation is not an excuse.

that's for the people in the back who conflate the two.

that's pretty much it, i think. old maniel 4eva, devil's minion, assad!armand also 4eva, we love all the characters, we hate all the characters, they are all monsters and victims, no ship is better than another (except devil's minion ;) ), all the characters are rendered in shades of grey, you can have more than one interpretation; they can even be conflicting, no one's the villain, explaining why a character does something is not an excuse for whatever bad thing they've done, but understanding motivation is critical if you want to interrogate the text honestly and anchor your interpretation in something solid. of course, that's just my opinion and you don't have to like or listen to that, either. (i majored in lit and philosophy with a minor in psychology. you can imagine the intensity i approach this with; i think it's probably off-putting to some people, but i can't help it. this is literally how i learned to think about things. honestly, i am mostly just here to post goofy shit and have fun, but when i accidentally latch onto a thing, i get really into it is what i'm saying.)

anyway, welcome to my disaster blog, everyone. i'm sorry for everything.

[skygodtraumabond]

[A thudding on the roof of the scam van can be heard, and upon opening the back of the van a Dustox with a scarred wing flutters in, settling down on the mattress and allowing two (2) packages to be retrieved, one addressed to Marny and the other to Ray.

The package addressed to Ray is wrapped in a brown paper and string, but has had yellow markings that are vaguely reminiscent of their tattoos doodled on it in what looks like yellow marker. Inside there are a variety of fruits and berries, a chocolate bar, a tin of what look like homemade gummies that have a sweet-peppery scent, a bundle of lavender colored incense and a completely unsuspicious jar of pecha flavored poffins. There is a note attached.]

Ray,

I was out at the market district this morning and I thought I might put together a bit of a care package for the two of you, since I've been wanting to mail something anyways. Just my way of saying I've been thinking of you I suppose.

I have finally finished a bit of a project I've been working on ever since that first time I saw you in the scam van. I see how much stress that motion sickness puts you through and I though maybe I could find some way to help with that. the gummies are made with that meganium tea, and I've been doing a lot of testing to try to find the right dose to calm the nerves and effects without adding too much in the way of drowsiness. Well, unless that's what you need. It's one for the nausea, two for sleep. I was hoping perhaps this might help with the nightmares too, as it does for me, but you'll have to get back to me on that.

It's also much easier to get a wide variety of fruits and such here, it's been a very interesting experience, so I picked up a few more unusual ones for you. And of course everyone deserves a treat now and then, yeah? I heard the poffins were good as well, so I thought I would send some too, do let me know how you like them.

Yours,

Amy.

P.s. The incense is for Nerve. I thought you might be running low, so i picked some up. I hope it's the right kind.

[A letter is sent back in return. It is sent on harbor mail—likely left over from when they were spending time in Slateport. Inside the envelope with the letter itself are a few pressed Kalosian flowers and small clippings from old local newspapers. They're mostly cutouts of the pokemon photos and drawings within.

The letter itself has a few tear stains on it. Seems someone got a little emotional.

The letter reads as follows:

"Amy,

Thank you. Thank you so much. I was running out of incense to burn, and this will definitely soothe things until I can find the herbs needed to make my own again. I'm sure she would love it. If her spirit still carries on these winds, I hope she can feel it. It seems to help quite a bit with the shadow effects too. Funny how, even in passing, she still helps me breathe.

I'm a bit nervous about these gummies. Not just because of your cooking skills, but because I don't know how I'll do with them. I remember I had a much stronger reaction than either of us expected the first time you gave me Meganium tea, and though I don't remember much after that, I at least had your arms to wake up in. Still, I suppose medicated gummies are more of a science thing than a cooking thing, so I guess I'm going to have to trust that it'll be okay. Because you're the scientist. Maybe I can get Marny to supervise whatever happens. She could be your long-distance lab assistant. :)

I think all of us deserve a treat here. Things just keep happening all the time. Poffins are an odd find in Hoenn, but I'll be sure to get back to you on those. I'm holding onto Marny's package right now for when she gets back. She said she was going to visit her parents, insisted I should stay here so her and her new Honedge could bond more. It makes sense, I guess. It's incredibly protective of her, and having me tag along to her family's house could cause it more stress than I care to inflict. I'm still worried about her, though. I trust the Honedge to fight for her, but I'm worried that it might not be experienced enough to defend her in case something goes wrong.

I'm going to go out for a walk. I need to distract myself, and besides, I'd feel bad about spending all this time in Kalos without sending something good back. Maybe I could battle out the funds for some treats. You deserve those too :)

Clear skies be with you,

Ray

P.S: Please give Jester the biggest hug for me. She deserves it.]

[shinakazami1]

• previous ask anon here! I saw the positive response on my last ask so might as well say some more (imagine getting happy from being praised on your own praise, can't be me/j)

• you may feel like Dear Stanley doesn't get many reads but I assure you, if the fic was a youtube video I would put it on loop (they are so silly and the metaphors and the way he cared so much about those little details?? same fr)

• Tomato getting more content. oh no. my heart. you better prepare to pay for the damages that will be inflicted on my soul.

• I decided to tour your ao3 works and read Bad Luck! …I checked all the tags, no worries. (Love, Falling and All Things did came up first but it's in a series so I put it for later)

• 27k. That one hour of reading was quite something. It's so wrong but it's so good?? keyboard smashes I won't dive into details here, but the words hold so much feelings. They are so,,,a (Fanfic writers my beloved good job you two) Question: how are their lives after that. are they happy like really truly happy. it's an au but i need to know if my blorbos are ok.

• I'm probably going to read the soulmate bodyswap series next, and I'm really excited since 1. omg tooth-rotting fluffy gay men, I need this and 2. planetariums, aquariums and animal facts are my absolute favourites stop hitting my soft spots (once again thank goodness for fanfic writers amen)

• sorry if this is too long and possibly confusing! I'm not the best at writing anything out...maybe retreating to ao3 comment sections now that I know anonymous/no account commenting exists (because of you, I finally found out about it after all these years, thanks). Have a nice 365 days!

Anon please my gosh I just opened tumblr and I saw I had a message and just to hear my reaction for your comment meant a lot means a lot to me ofahioasi we are rn in a very silly loop and just please know I told my close buds about you writing these asks and just it means so much to me, and to see you wrote such a long comment (I checked, wow, 307 words, dude I appreciate you sm if you would ever want to reveal yourself be my guest IOHFSOIFSAO I just, I truly appreciate you)

Now lemme just respond to each point under the cut but PLEASE THIS IS NOT CONFUSING NOR TOO LONG THIS IS JUST SO PRECIOUS

Dude I am so glad you liked the metaphors!! I really wanted to make him project onto different things and just, Narrator feels like a man who would care so much about details that others wouldn't

If I ever get back to writing haha, but the prequel is gonna be a cute slowburn of how they got together (no angst tho haha noooo sir don't look how I mostly write angst hahahaah h a ) ; while sequel is their trip to the mountains which would have similar tone to the original!! But gosh thank you you really make me want to write it hehe

Bad Luck is one of my collabs with a user who left TSP community so now I am left as the only creator listen but they were the ones who came up with the idea for that and Good Luck Charm, which is the fic this one kinda comes from !! We were a bit scared if people would think we agree with Stanley's actions (esp since I was the one who wrote them fihfsoiafsih) but I am glad you like it! And well - we actually discussed it and haha no they are not good they are far from good in that au, what we intended to do was (SPOILER: DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW IF I EVER WRITE IT) that Stanley would confess to Narrator that he drugged him and Narrator would be very mad but since he got bitten and it was found out that he was omega, he would lose his job since the world is omegaphobic and Stanley would only later learn just of how much he fucked up. But since the damage is done and Leo would not want him to have easy way out, they kinda stay together and Stanley develops and anxiety disorder. They kinda make it all work and let themselves explore the feelings but Leo never forgives and good for him, good for that man

Gosh to hear you want to keep on reading my work???? That just means so much to me??? I wrote this one with Surf and the amount of silliness that series has just still makes me giddy with how I pulled some of my fav moments in my TSP fanfics so I hope you will not only have a nice read but if you do write, you will share your opinion if you will want to!!

You reminded me I have to check ao3 iohfashiosafois I haven't really been logging in so I prob been slacking off with responses but please, wherever you choose to write, it will always mean so much to me. You already spending time writing the first thing meant for me a ton, esp since this semester has been hard and I've been in art block overall but please anon, know that your words truly make me feel not only good but just grateful to you. Know that your words mean more than you can imagine and they can affect people in a good way. Thank you <3 Have lovely 365 days! (or 365/2 days, if you are a Kingdom Hearts fan)

[gracegrove]

Nobody said you had to like him, Kiddo. Absolutely no one is asking you to like him. You can leave this tag at literally any second and not waste another thought or breath on this matter.

Nobody is speaking for how or why you don't like him. But y'all sure do love to speculate and put words in the mouths of users who do like Billy.

When users make posts about him and his behavior they are very very rarely coming after you because the issue is that you don't like Billy and they want you to like him too.

If you truly empathized with Billy, you would recognize that Billy made the choices he did, said the things he did, and committed the actions he did all within the confines of being actively abused.

And fyi, you don't need to like someone to empathize with them. You just make some space for that knowledge of why they did what they did and you keep trucking.

You call things an excuse because you feel that the people he harmed did not receive fair justice. That Billy got to inflict moments of harm, be elevated, scary, and at times violent. And that in the show there was no accountability for it. He simply died, only telling Max sorry but not "paying up" for anything else. No good deeds. No apologies. No changed behaviors.

So even if his abuse, and his projection onto others, and his poor judgment, and his lack of emotion regulation, and any other item... can be readily explained as a direct product of having to survive in an abusive household. None of you care, because it's an excuse never an explanation.

Nobody gives Billy a pass, there's wide recognition that he's done shit he should not have done. That he has fences to mend and apologies to give. However, Billy cannot readily make repairs to the interpersonal relationships in his life until he works on himself first. A lot of users, myself included readily recognize that Billy needs and would benefit from mental health interventions. Therapy would be the first step towards such things as: making amends with others, seeing how one's previous and even present behavior can be harmful not just to oneself but also to others, learning how to detect and prevent behaviors that can be harmful, and how to work to better oneself by building new skills, new relationships, and new strategies of coping managing stress, and managing and recognizing one's emotions.

It looks like a pass to you, because again you didn't like the canon outcome. You think bad things need to happen to Billy. That because he harmed others that he should be harmed, yes? Bad things happen to bad people. An eye for an eye.

The reason people who like Billy find your the 'stuck in the mud' attitude so problematic is precisely for this reason. You call Billy out for being cruel, for being racist, for being abusive, for being a whole host of things. Some of you are even willing to acknowledge that his actions are informed by his surviving abuse and trauma history. But when you see or speak with any Billy-related users you then get angry that we want him to better himself. That we want him to continue to do better and grow and change. Because we can recognize that all people are capable of change and growth, especially teenagers.

You condemn Billy and say he is so many things that are incapable of change, rehabilitation, or growth. That he's a bad person. And then you whine, belittle, and rant about Billy-related users when they write, support, and continue to back him because they know he has the potential for change.

You say Billy users are only in support of him because he's attractive and white. So what if some of them are? Is that gonna end your world?

You try to belittle fellow BIPOC users who like Billy, again, because "they only think he's hot". Yeah so what?

How many characters could I dig off your profile that you make wide allowances for because you think they're eye candy? So what?

We defend Billy because you keep poking the beehive (bc it's apparently something fun to do), and then you complain that the bees are buzzing...

So stop poking the hive before you get stung.

It’s so silly when I see people try to defend Billy Hargrove. Bc they always act like you’re the problem for not liking him 🤭

“You don’t understand his…”

“I like to believe he can unlearn…”

“I’ve dealt with people like him and…”

Like I watched the show, understood why he acted the way he acted, and still didn’t like him. And that’s okay. I empathized with him in the end, but that’s all.

Yk why? Because his actions aren’t excused.

You can use the excuse that someone’s had a bad life on ANYONE, but they give Billy a pass bc he’s a hot white man.

Especially when a black person does it and then tries to make it seem like they’re more woke 😭

Just say you’ll do anything to ignore the racism and issues in that man and move on. Life would be easier if they just said they liked a character bc he was hot. Not everything needs to be defended. It’s fiction nd you can like his character, but trying to make it seem like you understand a character more when we watched the same thing is BATSHIT crazy.

(Before someone gets mad, I do not hate Billy, I just see shit for how it is and not through a rose tinted lens. You can write fanfic for him all you want bc you can decide how he acts and his character, but don’t ever act like you can’t understand the reason ppl don’t like him)

[mariinara]

FOR GOD, LIBERTY, AND LOVE. (Sam Drake x Reader) ANGST |PART 1|

A/N: Well, this one-shot is late. BUT HERE IT IS, FINALLY. I hated writing this :,) I feel awful.

Request for: @samdrakeftw (ENJOY!)

Tags: @missdictatorme , @the-drakeboys , @the-winchesterboys , @hrgnm , @purplezebra68

Prompts: "Don't die on me." + "Don't make this harder than it is."

Warnings: Angst, death.

Word count: 2,416

(Part 2 here!)

"There she is!"

You quickly whipped your head towards the source of the voice and the sounds of multiple, heavy footsteps, startled, "Oh, shit.."

You glanced down at the Shoreline soldier, whom you stabbed to death and, quickly, you ripped a part of his t-shirt away, took his Para .45 gun, and sprung back on your feet, starting to bolt towards a plausible refuge. 

'This was a bad idea..'

You thought to yourself just when bullets of different calibers started to rain behind you, causing you to flinch and duck away as you ran, losing balance a little and stumbling onto your feet but, luckily, your strong desire to survive carried you and you continued your sprint through the ship graveyard. Your feet were sore and the gushing bullet wound through your hand was not helping you. 

As much as you attempted to maintain a tough facade, you felt terrified. There you were, running away from an entire army of soldiers, who seeked you to avenge their fallen comrades. 

It was because of you that so many Shoreline soldiers were taken down, and you reckoned that Nate and Elena took down their own, generous share of them, which was why Rafe was pissed and sending more guns behind you.

But you were on your own.

You'd parted ways with them to cover more ground to find Sam and, after a long argument with Nathan, you were able to bolt away, with only a switch-blade, a revolver, and your will to both save Sam and punch him into oblivion.

And there you were, teasing death with your absolute perseverance, your feet padding strongly on the ground as you rippled through shipwrecks. You were thinking about nothing else but your own survival. 

'You're gonna be okay..'

You assured yourself, heavy breaths escaping your parted, cut lips as you vaulted over a stack of piled wood, barely avoiding the bullets that ostensibly came at you from every direction. 

Your eyes scanned the environment and, when you saw a coming turn, you decided to take it, slipping a bit when you made the sudden shift. But in no time, you were on your feet again.

"Here!" 

You quickly whipped out your gun just when the sniper aimed right at you and took your shot, clean through his forehead. For a second he looked stunned and he fell over, and when you wanted to take a large step forward to take the sniper gun, more men appeared in front of you, stopping you in your tracks.

Your eyes flickered in both directions, back and forth, and it seemed like you were trapped for a good couple of seconds. There was no way through the ship next to you, but there was a small opening that you could squeeze through.

Without wasting another second, you inhaled deeply and squeezed yourself through, breathing heavily and wincing when your wounded hand made contact with the splintered wood and gunshots fired incessantly, putting holes in the ship, but you ran through it, ducking your head away. 

'Just breathe.'

You reminded yourself. God, why were you doing that in the first place? Why did you think, for a second, that this was a good idea? You were mad at Samuel for lying and putting your lives at risk, yet there you were, throwing yourself in the face of danger for the same man who'd broken your heart.

But you couldn't bear to lose him again. 

Not after you'd just gotten him back.

And that was your only drive. The incentive that was so strong that it controlled your body for you. You'd stabbed and dodged and parkoured your way through Avery's bullshit, and sometimes, you'd be so stunned at your own actions that you'd ask yourself: "How the hell did I do that?" 

You had no clue that you were capable of inciting such chaos– to elicit such rage, frustration, and desperation from Nadine and Rafe to the extent that they'd be so threatened so as to send a whole battalion after you.

And as much as that brought you satisfaction, you'd wished that it was all over. You just wanted any sign that Sam was safe and sound, and once you heard guns blazing from a distance and saw that he was there, alive and well and making a beeline from Shoreline, you were instantly back on your feet to retrieve him.

But, oh, how could that ever go according to plan with military men being at every corner?

A loud groan came from you when you jumped on a lower cliff, right below the shipwreck you were running through. 

Ahead of you, a battle cry could be heard just as a soldier rounded a corner to surprise you and swing the back of his shotgun to knock you out but you quickly dodged him and ducked, pulling out your switchblade and plunging it into his jugular. 

He stopped struggling and fell to the floor, allowing you to take over his weapon. After strapping it to your back, you continued your sprint and, you couldn't deny it, you were pretty sick of yourself.

You'd left this career for a reason.

Inflicting harm upon others had become more of a nightmare to you. For days, you wouldn't sleep properly when you'd remember how you so effortlessly slashed someone's neck or riddled their body with bullets.

You loved treasure hunting but everything came with a price and this was one you were no longer willing to pay.

With a loud grunt, you slammed your entire weight against yet another wrecked ship, getting your body through the moldy wood easily. You caught yourself when you nearly fell over and your eyes skimmed your surroundings. 

'There. I can take cover there.'

You quickly jumped behind a pile of excavation boxes and sat down, your back propped against them. You tried to stop shaking and quickly pulled out the cloth you'd ripped from the soldier earlier, tying your hand with the flimsy fabric.

You let out a soft whimper as you applied pressure to your wound, clenching your fist when the cloth was secured around your palm, "Ah, fuck.." You whispered to yourself, resting your head back and trying to catch your breath, swallowing to dampen your dry throat.

"Careful. Lots of hiding places out here."

They were coming closer. And if you didn't get yourself together in the matter of less than a minute, you were going to be a goner. 

'God– What was I thinking!?'

You mentally scolded yourself whilst reaching for your thigh holster for your gun, which you pulled out and checked for ammo. 

'One bullet. Perfect. Might as well put it in my own head.' 

You quickly pushed the magazine back into the handgun and unwrapped your shotgun, adjusted the safety, and clung to the weapon with tight, shaking hands and closed eyes.

"You check over there. I'll stay here to lookout. She can't have gone too far."

"Roger that."

Your eyes snapped open again as the men separated to cover more ground and your guard was up again. You sat in a crouching position so you'd be able to bolt away if you wanted to easily.

You held your breath as you heard footsteps approaching the boxes you were behind. Slow, careful ones, as if the soldier just knew you were there. As if he knew that just the slightest, wrong move from him could trigger a reaction from you that he might not like.

Suddenly, and out of nowhere, gunshots could be heard, and the men's attentions were diverted elsewhere, but you flinched at the flying bullets, ducking your head behind the boxes and holding your head in your hands, not daring to peek lest you lose your head.

You'd had enough. Your lungs were filled with the suffocating humidity and you were trying so hard to keep it together but you were sure you were about to lose your mind. You've been fighting your way through Libertalia on your own for a long while and all the assaults, the attacks, the bullets, the punches, they all left both physical and mental scars in you.

There. Was. A. Reason. You. Quit.

But, for Sam, you were prepared to go through just about anything and you'd often wondered if he'd do the same. If he even felt the same. 

You were such a coward. 

You could handle yourself, hold a gun, shoot people and impale them with ease, but you could never bring yourself to look him in the eyes and tell him what you've wanted to all those years back. 

That you loved him. That you always have and probably always will. He died and left you to wallow in your misery for fifteen years and now that he was back, it was your chance for a redo. 

But, once again, you couldn't do it and you just didn't know what it was about him. His intense, yet warm gaze was probably it. It made you shake with fear. The fear of not being adequate enough for him. You've seen what type of women he hooked up with and you were nothing like them. A voice would tell you that it was probably a good thing. That Sam was actually waiting for someone like you to impact his life. To cause that dramatic shift within him. To make him wonder what life would taste like with you, tucked in his arms.

But another voice told you "Don't. He's not looking for anything." 

And you'd changed your mind. You'd shaken your head with a thin smile and a soft 'nothing..' before turning away from him, leaving him confused yet intrigued. And that was the last time you had any interaction. After that, his lie was exposed, and you didn't know why, but as much as your heart broke because of it, you couldn't find it in you to be mad at him. 

Sure, punching the daylights out of him was a priority, but at that moment, you just wanted to find him and never let him go. 

Startled, you let out a loud scream after being taken into a pair of strong arms. You struggled, feeling the person turn you, saying things that you couldn't quite hear over your low growls of resistance.

"Let me go!" You yelled, trying to push them away. You couldn't see anything except the blur of your own tears. You didn't even know why you were crying.

"Hey!" The person's sharp voice came and something in your brain clicked. That voice. It was so familiar and it slowly brought you out or your trance. You were breathing heavily, your stamina suddenly feeling low, "It's me.. It's just me.." He comforted, cupping your cheeks in his hands and tilting your head up, wanting to look at you.

You stared at him for a couple of seconds, studying his deeply concerned expression. You were overjoyed. He was right there, holding you. And it'd dawned on you that the bullet sounds ceased completely. That you could only hear the heavy winds and you and Sam's erratic breathing.

When he realized that you were back to him, he let out a sigh of relief and smiled, making something burst inside of you and you felt the tears rushing to your eyes. The contortions your face suddenly made hurt every deep cut in your skin and you couldn't help but wince before letting out a sob.

Sam knew that reaction was coming and he knew you. He knew that you were relieved to have him right there in front of him. He knew that you came after him alone and as much as that worried him sick, he was sort of glad he had you there. And yet he had no idea what he'd done to deserve that. 

Gratefulness suddenly overcame him and he took you into an embrace as you cried and all you could do was surrender and close your eyes as your face pressed into his chest. One of his hands was holding the back of your head, his fingers deep into your hair. His other arm was around you, and he let out a soft sigh of comfort, just basking in your presence.

"It's just me.." He repeated, his voice barely above a tired whisper, "It's okay.."

Slowly, you started to calm down. Your sobs were no more and you only started to sniff and hiccup lightly and Sam pulled away, only to look at you. Your beautiful face. The face that he so dearly loved. You had the ability to make him feel warm and it was almost embarrassing how many times he'd catch himself staring into your observant, curious, lively eyes. 

And your smile.

Oh, what he wouldn't give to see you give him a smile and one of your coy laughs. You were such a blessing.

But, much like you, he was a coward. He couldn't bring himself to look you in the eyes and tell you how you made him feel. He wanted to tell you that he's imagined you jumping into his arms and kissing him on more than one occasion but he just couldn't and he too had no clue as to why he felt so timid around you– it was extremely out of character for him.

"You okay?" He asked you gently while wiping away your tears with his thumbs, staring into your lost eyes.

You nodded with a small hum, feeling yourself unable to form the words just yet, like you were brain-dead. If you'd even opened your mouth, nothing articulate would come out.

"We gotta go, alright?" He spoke gently, tucking stray strands of your hair behind your ears, his hazel eyes warm, assuring safety. Quickly, you nodded. After that, his hands left your cheeks so he could reload his gun, "Stay close." He instructed, jogging ahead already. 

You stared at him as he did, your shoulders sagged in defeat and your eyes still welled up with tears. You wondered just how much you truly loved him. You let out a shaky breath when you realized that it hurt when he wasn't cupping your cheeks anymore or playfully quipping. 

You remembered how hard it was to live for such a long time without him. 

And you knew that, as long as he was next to you, there was nothing you couldn't do. That thought alone pushed you to jog and catch up to him, feeling your stamina get back to you.

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