#(not my chronically ill ass a little envious)

[dust2dust34]

Pieces of Always: March 2031 (FICoN ‘verse)

Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows.

by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34

Summary: Thea meets up with the Queen ladies for a shopping trip and has a difficult conversation with her sister-in-law about her health.

An ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens. (You do not need to have read FiCoN to enjoy this, but it will spoil the end. Please see the first installment for additional author notes. Thank you @jsevick and @alizziebyanyothername for the amazing beta!)

A/N: Please see the first chapter for an important Author’s Note, as well as under the cut for an additional one.

A/N: The effervescent @so-caffeinated is fully in the driver’s seat and she’s kicking all the ass, so please go send her your love!

A/N:  TW: Coping with chronic illness. (Please see additional notes under the cut.)

Excerpt:

‘Good days’ mean something very different now to Thea Harper than they had in years past. It’s an ever-evolving definition, really. What was good a year ago, five years ago, a decade ago is not the same as it is today. The girl she’d been before could never have understood the realities of her life today.

It feels so shallow, looking back, the way she’d defined a bad day as one with too much homework or a fight with a friend or even being arrested. Bad days now mean her sanity slips through her fingers and her body rebels against experimental treatments with violent, painful, damaging side-effects. Part of her is equally mad and envious at her younger self; she’d taken so much for granted. But she tries to clear her head of those thoughts, tries to remember that envy and anger get her nowhere, and that she was lucky to have no idea what a ‘bad day’ was really like for so long.

Looking at her nieces, she surely hopes it’s something they never have to discover for themselves.

(read on AO3)

Author’s Notes:

TW: Coping with chronic illness.

Like last week’s chapter, I did some research on this topic before writing it. Unlike last week’s chapter, I don’t have direct experience with it. When we gave Thea such a dire outcome in FiCoN, it was never going to be a temporary thing. In fact, at times, we had intended to kill her off during that story. There are a lot of reasons we didn’t (and I’m still glad we made that choice). It would have been remiss of me to avoid what she goes now, but I can admit I’m anxious about having done it justice. I understand that this is a heavy and serious topic (I promise next week’s will not have the same tone; I know this makes two weeks in a row with difficult-to-read health problems and I totally recommend the flashfic series if you need some fluff to balance out). I’ve done my best to treat it with respect and try to put myself in her shoes for a few pages. I hope it’s worked out. Until next week (which is mostly Ameliam)... enjoy. <3

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March 2031 - The Cost of Things

‘Good days’ mean something very different now to Thea Harper than they had in years past. It’s an ever-evolving definition, really. What was good a year ago, five years ago, a decade ago is not the same as it is today. The girl she’d been before could never have understood the realities of her life today.

It feels so shallow, looking back, the way she’d defined a bad day as one with too much homework or a fight with a friend or even being arrested. Bad days now mean her sanity slips through her fingers and her body rebels against experimental treatments with violent, painful, damaging side-effects. Part of her is equally mad and envious at her younger self; she’d taken so much for granted. But she tries to clear her head of those thoughts, tries to remember that envy and anger get her nowhere, and that she was lucky to have no idea what a ‘bad day’ was really like for so long.

Looking at her nieces, she surely hopes it’s something they never have to discover for themselves.

“Okay, but who actually buys these?” Jules asks, holding up a sky-high, clear stiletto with sparkles running through it from the display and wrinkling her nose in distaste. “I have incredible balance, but even I would probably faceplant in these things. They’re ridiculous.” She’s sixteen now - something that utterly blows Thea’s mind - and while she’s matured into a surprisingly balanced, sharply intelligent young woman, she also seems to have adopted a typical teenage view that the world is best interpreted through the lens of her own opinions.

“Cinderella would like it,” Ellie points out. The sunny twelve-year-old looks past her sister with an “ooooh” a moment later, though. Moving to grab a little ballet flat with a cat’s face on the toes and whiskers on its sides. “These are super cute!”

“Disney princesses are a pretty narrow target market, don’t you think?” Jules scoffs, putting the shoe down before looking at the flats in her sister’s hands. “Do you really want cats on your feet?”

“Sure,” Ellie replies brightly. “I can look down and smile at them and it’s like they’re smiling back up at me. They’re fun!”

“They remind me of my old panda flats,” Felicity tells her daughters. There’s a smile in her voice as she moves to Ellie’s side and looks over the shoe with a wistful fondness. Her eyes go wide when she looks at the bottom, though. “But they cost about as much as one of the whiskers on this thing does.”

“Well, those were from your pre-Queen days, weren’t they?” Thea asks with a smile. She leans heavily on her cane and eyes the seats around her. She’s okay for now, but she knows her own limitations and she’s not about to push them. This is the first time she’s been out for anything other than doctors’ appointments or therapy since the latest round of treatments. Roy and her mom were both worried about her going out today. She knows that, but she also knows to take advantage of the opportunity to actually live her life while she has the chance to do so.

Today’s a good day… relatively. And she’s missed spending time with her nieces and sister-in-law a lot these last two months. The well-meaning phone calls when she was in the hospital had been a far cry from what she’d needed from them. All of her loved ones’ worry and walking on eggshells around her had been understandable, but they’d also hurt. She wants normal. She needs it. Even if it’s under a new definition. And it’s so very exhausting knowing everyone looks at her and sees her limitations first. She refuses to be reduced to that. She might struggle with her illness, but she will not allow herself to be defined by it.

“I want something red,” Thea declares. “Bright, loud, stoplight red. I want something that makes a statement… with no heel and a sensible tread.” She looks at Jules and holds up a finger before adding, “But, I’ll have you know that once upon a time, I’d have rocked a stiletto that height without tripping once.”

The disbelieving noise Jules makes as she rolls her eyes is the sort of thing she’s gotten accustomed to hearing from the teen. It’s funny, because it reminds her so strongly of herself at that age. It’s all bravado and it makes Thea grin hugely at the thought of her brother raising a daughter that reminds her so sharply of herself. “Sure you would have,” Jules notes sarcastically.

“No, it’s true,” Felicity says, backing her sister-in-law up. “Your Aunt Thea could’ve probably walked on stilts and still had the fashion pages gushing over her trend-setting style, before you were born.”

“Bet I could have made Cinderella shoes popular, even,” Thea declares loftily.

“You still could,” Felicity assures her, taking hold of her free arm and hugging it close. Thea lets herself lean against her sister-in-law slightly. It’s nice. She’s missed this. They’ve had so much time robbed from them over the years, but she does her best not to dwell on that because right now is pretty great. Her mind is quiet. It’s her own. And while her bones ache and she knows she doesn’t have terribly long before she needs to take a seat and rest, she’s still better off than she has been most of these last few years and she’s grateful for that.

“I need a designer cane,” Thea snarks. It’s a little self-effacing, but then, so is she. “Maybe I could market my own line.”

“You can do anything you put your mind to,” Felicity assures her. It’s supportive, even if it’s not entirely true, but Thea takes it in the spirit it was meant and rests her cheek against her sister-in-law’s shoulder. The relief at leaning against her is more than Thea expected, though. Maybe she’s pushed herself more than she’d thought. “Know what, girls?” Felicity chimes in. “Why don’t we go grab some lunch? The shoes will be here later.”

It’s only eleven. Restaurants are barely even open, but Thea knows this is entirely for her benefit. Felicity’s hold on her is more purposeful than it had started out and she’s well aware that any desire for lunch is out of a crafty attempt to get them sitting and resting for a bit. Part of her wants to tell her sister-in-law that she knows what her body can and cannot do, that she’s okay for a bit more, but another part knows this is as much for the girls’ benefit as for hers. They’re aware of her illness, of course. It’s been a part of her life since before either of her nieces were born. But the details of it, the severity of it… that’s something Thea prefers not to broadcast too strongly. To the girls, she’s just Aunt Thea. She’s never wanted the intensity of her health problems to be terribly apparent to them. And, they have always absorbed her disability as a part of who she is - it’s all they’ve ever known. It’s harder with her mom, with Oliver, with Felicity, sometimes. They all remember before, still sometimes seem to look at her and see what was done to her, like a surface layer masking who she really is. But Thea knows better. She’s not the same person she used to be any more than they’re the same people they used to be. It’s just a starker contrast with her than with them.

“I could eat,” Thea agrees.

Jules abandons the Cinderella stilettos easily, putting the shoe down and turning her attention entirely to her mom and aunt, but Ellie takes a moment to put down the kitten flats. When she does, it’s with a longing little sigh and Thea has to chuckle because for all that Jules reminds her more of herself than Ellie does… the younger girl does have her moments.

“Buy them,” Thea advises. Ellie jolts and looks at her in surprise. “I’ll buy them for you. You clearly want them.”

“Yeah,” Ellie agrees, but her voice is sad. “But they’re not worth it. I can’t spend that much on a pair of shoes, even if they are cute. There are so many more important things that $800 could go toward. How many people could that feed? How many teachers could get classroom supplies?”

And, just like that, Thea sees a whole lot less of teenager-her in her younger niece.

“Let me see the shoe,” Jules insists, holding out her hand. Ellie passes the flat to her big sister and watches as the older girl looks it over. “I bet we could make a knock-off. It’s not that you love the brand or whatever, it’s the cats. I can paint some canvas ballet flats and we can glue some whiskers on them.”

“Really?” Ellie asks. And, oh, but her face lights up at that. It’s adorable, and the way she looks up to Jules clearly is a point of pride for the older girl. Jules loves being held in high esteem by her sister. And this… this is what Thea’s missed the most these last few months. Missing out on the way her nieces have grown and bonded more, on all these family moments, that’s been such a hard part of her latest treatment. The pain is bad. The fear is worse. And getting her hopes up for an actual route toward being solidly healthy only to have them dashed is worst of all. But missing out on life had been a close second. The kids have grown and changed so much, so quickly, and she doesn’t want it to all pass her by.

“Sure,” Jules shrugs, handing the shoe back. “I don’t see why not. Then you can make the cat whatever color you want. It’ll be fun.”

“How about I buy you the paint and the cheap shoes and donate the difference to whatever charity you want?” Thea suggests.

“That’d be awesome!” Ellie declares gleefully. She’s hopping on her toes with giddy excitement. “Oh, maybe the foundation can get a few new laptops or some tools for the training programs? Or we can expand outreach more. Dani said the career wardrobe closet is running low on basics, too, you know. I bet that much money could get a few nice-looking interview outfits. Nothing fancy, but enough to give a few people a chance. And things like socks or underwear! People never donate those, right?”

“Slow down!” Thea laughs, shaking her head. “Dani said? You’ve been hanging around the foundation?”

“Well… yeah,” Ellie shrugs. “I like helping and there’s always something that needs to be done.” That’s doubly true whenever Thea’s going through new treatments, she knows. The foundation is her baby, but Roy’s taken the helm as frequently as she has since they started it. Dani’s backed them both up in the main office, with Donna spearheading fundraising events, and Sin filling in at the garage with hands-on skill training any time her health has taken both her and Roy away. But she hadn’t realized her niece was all that involved, not beyond spending much of last summer doing odd jobs at her side. “I’ve been there a lot more since Christmas. Dani says she doesn’t know what she’d do without me,” Ellie declares proudly.

“And you’re okay with this?” Thea asks Felicity slowly. The foundation does good work - great work - but, by necessity, it’s in pretty much the worst part of the Glades.

“Of course I am,” Felicity answers. “It’s the Queen Family Foundation. It needs all the involvement from the Queen family we can get. It’s our responsibility. And it’s not like she goes down there alone.”

“Sara comes with me usually,” Ellie chimes in. “And you know Sin basically lives there, so she’s always around. Mom’s gone for a couple hours once a month to help with the computers since like forever. Lyla teaches that women’s self defense class, of course. Oh! And Will said he’s gonna bring some guys from the firehouse to talk about career opportunities in emergency response. Even Jules started coming sometimes to paint and stuff.”

Jules shrugs like it doesn’t matter, but she smiles a little and Thea knows that’s a sure sign that it does. “Ellie said there was a girl hanging around there who liked painting but didn’t have any supplies. I figured I’ve got plenty, so I brought her some,” Jules says. “She likes seeing my stuff. She’s kinda cool, I guess. I’ve gone down a few times to show her some things and loan her some books.”

“I bet she appreciates that,” Thea offers up. She says it in an offhanded way, because she knows her niece and she’s well aware that too big a spotlight will make her uneasy.

“We can talk about it more at lunch,” Felicity states. Her voice is firm and clear. She’s not willing to entertain standing here much longer and Thea’s both kind of grateful and a little annoyed by that. She knows her sister-in-law means well, that she cares, and she does need a break soon, but she can manage her own life. If she’d truly needed a rest, she’d have said so herself. She doesn’t want people walking on eggshells around her, waiting for her to break. She’s Thea Queen Harper and she is made of stronger stuff than that.

More and more lately, though, it’s been the treatments that have made her feel fragile, that have robbed her of time with her family and friends, time devoted to her work. It’s been nearly seventeen years that she’s been dealing with the realities of what was done to her, and the optimism she’d once had for a full recovery has faded away over the years. Her focus these days is on managing her condition, on living her life. Every experimental treatment they’ve run her through has brought with it brutal side effects - sometimes keeping her out of commission for months, sometimes robbing her of her sanity, often robbing her of her mobility. It’s led to long, long conversations with Roy lately, ones that reevaluate her goals for her life, for her health. It’s about balance now, more than anything else. She’s so very tired of slashing her quality of life in pursuit of more quantity of life. She’s missed out on so much, too much, and she’s fast-finding that there are limits to what she’ll endure in the quest for something better.

“Lunch,” Ellie agrees brightly, snapping Thea’s attention back to the moment. The not-quite-teenage girl breezes out the door, holding it open and smiling back at them with a grin. Damn, but she’s adorable. She’s grown so much in this last year, shedding the last of that ‘little girl’ look and fast-shifting into a strikingly pretty, confident young woman. And Thea had missed so much of it. She’d missed Jules’ sixteenth birthday, lost in a haze of superpowered bloodlust while locked up in a room at Star Labs in preparation for the new treatment. She hadn’t been there for eight-year-old Nate’s science fair or Ellie’s first middle school dance. And that hurts. It hurts in ways she couldn’t have anticipated when first taking stock of the cost of her injuries nearly two decades ago. But, then, life looks different now than it did then. She’s older - she’s been through so much - and the perspective she’s gained has changed things wildly for her over the years.

Jules lowers her sunglasses off the top of her head as she strides out the door and joins Ellie. Thea and Felicity follow suit. Thea knows she’s a bit on the slow side and that’s frustrating to her, but no one else seems bothered by it, even if Ellie does seem to keep having to force herself to pace her stride once the four of them make their way down the street.

“Can we do the bistro?” Ellie asks. “Aunt That would love their new seasonal menu. They’ve got this pizza with winter veggies and chevre and it’s so good. You’ll just love it, Aunt Thea.”

“Sure,” Felicity agrees. “As long as Jules doesn’t mind?”

“Nah,” Jules shrugs. “That’s fine with me. I like their fish and chips.” Ellie dances on her tiptoes and claps her hands delightedly before looping her arm through her sister’s. It’s silly how happy she looks at the idea, but that’s just Ellie. She’s such a bright, happy kid and even the smallest thing seems to make her face light up with joy.

The girls are a few steps ahead, but they’re clearly hanging back a touch, trying to keep pace with their mom and aunt.

“You know, I bet they’ll have a wait,” Thea tells the girls. “Why don’t you two do us a favor and hurry over there to get a table. That way we won’t have to stand around when we get there. I’d really appreciate it.”

In truth, none of the Queens have to wait long for service anywhere they go - Thea’s pretty sure the salesperson at the shoe store was sorely disappointed when they walked out without buying anything - but it lets the girls go at their own pace and doesn’t leave Thea feeling like she should push herself to hurry up.

“Oh, that’s a good idea!” Ellie replies. “Did you want a booth or a table, Aunt Thea?”

“Tables are easier. Thank you, Ellie,” Thea tells her. “If you could order me a water once you’re seated, I’d appreciate that.”

“Will do! See you soon,” Ellie declares and the two girls hurry down the street at a brisk pace without another word.

That kind of energy is the sort of thing that astounds Thea these days and the moment the girls round the corner, she finds herself slowing more, sagging a little bit. So, maybe she’d been pushing herself a little for their sake.

“Did you want to sit for a moment?” Felicity offers. She’s been paying close attention, very close attention. Thea wonders how long she’d chatted with Roy about what to watch for before this little trip.

“Maybe at the bench after next,” Thea allows. “I’m okay for now. I can take care of myself, you know.”

“I know,” Felicity agrees. “But don’t push yourself for my sake.”

“I’m not,” Thea counters. “I’m pushing myself for mine.”

The look Felicity gives her is a little disbelieving, but it’s true. Yes, today is pushing boundaries as it is, but Thea needs to find her new normal and she knows it. Every round of treatments, every stupid path they’ve gone down to fight this thing, has left her redefining her own limitations. She’s relearning her own body right now, what it can do, what it can’t. She’s figured out some of that over the past few weeks at home, but there’s no substitute for actually spending time out in the world. And if she wants to get back to work - and god she does… she does; her foundation needs her and she needs it - then she needs to sort this through. The sooner the better.

“Okay,” Felicity says easily. Thea doesn’t think she means it, but it ends the conversation anyhow and she’ll take that.

“So, what have I missed during my most recent convalescence?” Thea asks. If it sounds a little bitter, that’s something she feels is more than fair. She’s allowed to be frustrated at her own situation and sometimes she needs to let that out to someone other than Roy. He’s suffered the effects of her condition as surely as she has, just in a completely different way. Marrying him was the best and most selfish decision she ever made, she thinks. But it’s always been worth it. She absolutely cannot imagine her life without Roy at her side. It would have lost so much meaning. “Ellie grew up so much while I wasn’t looking.”

“I know,” Felicity agrees with a sigh. “I keep going to grab her hand and then I remember she’s almost thirteen, not five and it sort of blows my mind.”

“At least she’s not as tall as you yet,” Thea points out. Felicity groans at that. Jules is ever-so-barely taller than her and wow that has to be weird. They should’ve figured. It’s not like Oliver’s short, so it makes sense Jules would be taller than her mom, but Thea doubts her sister-in-law was ready for it, anyhow. Still, poking fun at her is incredibly enjoyable, especially given the last few months in near-isolation. “Wait ‘til it’s Nate,” Thea adds with a grin. “That boy is gonna leave you in the dust.”

“I’m actively choosing not to think about that!” Felicity informs her with a forced smile that makes Thea laugh.

“Really, Felicity… they’re beautiful,” Thea says a little more soberly. There’s a bench nearby and she finally admits to herself she needs to sit for a few minutes. The restaurant is really only a block and a half away. She should be able to walk there. It wouldn’t have been a problem last fall - and she hopes it won’t be a problem again soon - but right now… right now her body needs a break. She sighs in relief the moment she leans back on the park bench and rests her cane against the side, rubbing her sore thighs just above the knees for a moment. Her physical therapist is probably not going to be happy about how much she’s pushed herself today, but that’s too bad. Sometimes these things are worth it and - despite his training - she still knows her own body better than he does. “I’ve missed them. I’ve missed all of you so much.”

“We’ve missed you too,” Felicity tells her, taking a seat next to her and squeezing her shoulder lightly in affection.

“I bet it was hard on Ollie when he couldn’t visit me, huh?” Thea asks, looking to Felicity with slightly guilty eyes. It’s unfounded, that sense of responsibility over her brother’s undoubtedly hurt feelings, but that doesn’t mean she feels it any less. For safety’s sake, for the sake of her own health and the well-being of everyone around her, visitors had been extremely limited. She hadn’t even seen Roy for the first two weeks. She’d finally been able to have visitors a couple of weeks ago and Oliver had been the first one there, but it hadn’t been anywhere near the celebration they’d been hoping for. The latest round of treatment had been a total flop.

“He coped,” Felicity replies as she sits next to Thea. She busies herself with watching as she smooths her hand over her wrinkle-free jeans, though, and she won’t meet Thea’s eyes. So… it was bad. Ollie hadn’t handled it well. And Felicity would prefer she not know that. Great. “Are you and Roy coming to dinner on Sunday?”

It’s far from the subtle shift of conversation that Felicity seems to think it is, but Thea lets that slide for the moment. “I’d like to,” she says. “I want to see Will. But let’s wait and see how I am.”

“He’d love to see you, too,” Felicity replies. “He’s been very busy lately, between volunteering with the fire department and studying for the written exam. He’s taking it really seriously.”

“I’m proud of him,” Thea says with a light smile. “He’s got so much more direction than Ollie or I had at his age and he’s got such a good heart.”

“He could use to hear that from you,” Felicity notes. “Oliver and I tell him all the time, but Samantha is still trying to talk him out of it. It’s put a real strain on their relationship. I know she wants what’s best for him, but…”

“But sometimes you have to back off and let someone decide what’s best for themselves, even if it’s not what you’d choose for them,” Thea continues. The truth of that sinks heavily into her skin, echoes of frustrated conversations with her own mother in recent days. Moms will always want what’s best for their children, at any age, but they can’t always necessarily see what that is.

Thea sucks in a long, deep breath of crisp air, savoring it before exhaling sharply, letting it go as she looks to Felicity. “Roy and I talked about it,” she starts. “I’m done with the experimental treatments.”

Felicity jolts at the words, her eyes widening. Thea can practically see the tension settling in her muscles. “What are you talking about?” Felicity asks warily.

“I’m done,” Thea repeats, mustering up a half-smile. It’s rueful and sympathetic. If Felicity’s reaction tells her anything at all, it’s that she’s far more at peace with her decision than anyone else in her family will be.

Except Roy. God, she’s so thankful for Roy she could cry.

“But you’re not cured yet,” Felicity points out in astonishment. “You can’t just give up.”

“I can, actually,” Thea counters. “It’s been almost seventeen years, Felicity. I’m tired of being a guinea pig. I’m tired of sacrificing months and months of my mental and physical well-being every year in search of something better. Every time I have to go off meds entirely, I’m nothing more than a feral animal. I lose myself. Can you get how terrifying that is? To know you’re capable of anything? That you’re a threat to the people you love most? And for what? A chance at a cure that might not even exist? I don’t want to give up the quality of life I do have in search of more. I feel like I’m wasting my life away in labs and hospital beds.”

“But... “ Felicity says, swallowing and licking her lips. “The treatment that keeps you stable now… it’s not sustainable. It will eventually kill you.”

“Yeah,” Thea agrees. A light breeze drifts by, teasing at her skin and rustling her hair. She lets it wash over her, savors it for the fleeting experience it is. “You’re right. It will.”

Felicity is clearly stricken, flabbergasted. Maybe it was a mistake to have sprung this information on her quite so suddenly, but Thea thinks there’s really no good way to tell your loved ones that you’re dying. Then again, that’s not how she sees it. Not really. She sees it as choosing to live, to enjoy the days she has ahead of her, the moments she’s in, rather than grasping for the impossible and whittling away the days in the process.

“We’ve reached a place where I had to make a choice,” Thea says. She takes Felicity’s hand in hers, the other woman grips it harder than she was expecting and Thea feels a rush of love and affection surge through through her. She’s awfully lucky to have such a wonderful sister-in-law who cares so much about her. Given Ollie’s track record, she’s well aware that could have gone another way entirely. “Every single trial we’ve done has run the risk of me dying or, worse, not being able to reach the same level of stability I had before. So… yes, relying on the tried-and-true treatments they’ve developed so far will eventually kill me. But I’ll get to live first. And that’s worth it.”

Felicity’s eyebrows are knit together as she stares down at their hands. She’s not crying outright, but Thea can see how very upset she is. It’s not even a question.

“How long?” she asks after a moment.

“Four or five good years,” Thea tells her. “Six at the most. But I’ll get to devote my time to my foundation and to Roy instead of to doctor’s appointments and lab work. I might be well enough by the end of summer that he and I can travel for a bit. I think I’d like that. And I’ll get to be there for Jules’ high school graduation and maybe Ellie’s, if I’m lucky. I’ll get to see Nate grow to be taller than you,” she notes, bumping Felicity’s shoulder with her own. “I don’t want to miss that.”

Felicity nods, but she still doesn’t look up, instead shutting her eyes tightly and exhaling a long, steadying breath. It’s the sorrow in her profile, more than anything else, that prompts Thea to continue. “I know Ollie won’t get this, but-”

“Yes he will,” Felicity counters, looking up with a dry, humorless laugh. “If anyone knows what it’s like to go through hell for years on end and get to a place where it seems like it’ll never end, it’s your brother.”

That might be true, Thea realizes, but it doesn’t mean he’ll accept it. “Not all of us get miraculous rescues from purgatory.”

“No,” Felicity agrees. “I suppose most people don’t.”

“I’m done trying to be rescued,” Thea tells her. “I want to enjoy what I’ve already got. I know that’ll be hard on you and the kids, on Ollie, on my mom, on… on Roy.” Her voice breaks a bit on Roy’s name. The thought of him having to deal with her eventual death absolutely guts her. It’s why she didn’t make this decision years ago. “But this is my health and my life. I have to choose what’s best for me.”

“I understand,” Felicity tells her. She doesn’t, Thea thinks. Not really. She can’t, because she’s never had to make a choice like this. And Thea’s grateful for that, but it also leaves her feeling a bit lonely in her choice. Between her mom and Roy and now Felicity, there’s a fair bit of sympathy, some anger, a lot of sadness, but no one can relate, not in a way that truly gets it. “Please tell me you’re going to tell Oliver soon? I won’t keep this from him.”

“No,” Thea shakes her head. “I wouldn’t ask you to. That wouldn’t be fair. I’ll talk to him when we get back.”

“He’s in session right now,” Felicity says, checking the time on her phone. “He’ll be back late.”

“Excellent,” Thea smiles. “Then I’ll have a chance to take a nap and recharge before that lovely conversation. But that’s for later. Right now, I want to have lunch with my favorite sister-in-law and the two best nieces in the entire world.”

She lets go of Felicity’s hand and pushes herself up off the bench, feeling stronger either from the brief rest or from the weight of words previously unsaid slipping off her shoulders.

“It’s a beautiful day, Felicity,” Thea says, turning her face up into the sunshine and letting it wash over her. There’s a kind of peace in this, a sort of joy in relishing the small things of the day instead of succumbing to the anxieties of ‘what if.’ She’s missed that in recent years. She’s missed so many things. And she’s done letting them slip past unnoticed and unenjoyed. “Let’s make the most of it.”

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