#(not 2 like. frame a thing as hypothetical that i'm sure many people DO feel! but like. it's similarly fucked up)

[aeide-thea]

amazing how over and over and over again you can realize you're framing a situation in terms of 'i think they might be displeased with me :( what can i do to fix myself it :(' instead of 'actually this interaction is making me feel bad and i should probably just step away from it' and yet. you know you'll do it again! because the childhood conditioning lingers!

[mysticdragon3md3]

Stayed up all night and practically wrote several essays, trying to convince myself to not/buy KH3 Nendo Kairi. Sorry, Kairi. Maybe if you weren't $62. Maybe if you were KH2 version. But as it is, spending that much, after also preordering other things, including a more expensive Nendo Aqua,...I just can't spend that much on a KH3 Nendo Kairi without feeling guilty. Sorry, completionism. But $62 is too high.

12:23 AM 6/22/2021

Yknow what?

If I had the choice between only having money for a 2nd Nendo Joker or a 2nd Nendo England, I'd choose Joker in a heartbeat. So what am I trying so hard to decide here? Do not preorder Hetalia World Stars version Nendo UK! Even though he's blond, you haven't had need of that. And if you really needed him blond in a photo, you could Photoshop him! but let's be serious, people want to see authentic Nendos in photoshoots, and his non-blond hair will mark him as authentic. So you don't get called a bootleg buyer! But what do you care what others think? You care that Nendo England looks like the England from your nostalgia...and for that, you need blond. And I can do that through Photoshop. Because seriously, you've barely used or looked at your current Nendo UK, you haven't been compelled/obsessed with more USUK photoshoots, you haven't even been playing with Nendos US UK much. YOU WOULD NOT EVEN _NOTICE_ IF YOU HAD 2 NENDO UK. You only need one. Your Nendo US doesn't even have sandy blond hair like your anime nostalgia! So what does it matter if UK is off-color!?! ...It matters because you have a chance to get proper-color UK hair. But I don't want to spend all this money. When I first saw this figure announcement for Hetalia World Stars version Nendo UK, my immediate thought was that I don't feel the need to have 2 Nendo UK. I already barely play with the one I have. It wasn't until I realized this 2nd edition Nendo UK has blond hair, that I started thinking I had to have it. But if that's the only reason, then I don't really need to. I don't actually have such an intense need to have it. I've barely had an intense need (anymore) to have my current Nendo UK. So I definitely don't need a 2nd one. And if saving my money on this, will allow me to get possibly a better Nendoroid later, well then, this is an opportunity to revisit that "lost battle" where I wasted money on Bayonetta, 2B, etc---*This* time, I could win that "battle". And then maybe in the future, there'll be a 2nd Joker Nendo or Nendos for Claude and Dimitri! *o* In any case, so many figures end up in the Available Now section, that blond Nendo UK will probably end up there. Or, if you're worried to not have a blond UK ready if GSC later releases a properly sandy-blond Nendo US, then I'm sure if they ever announced a 2nd Nendo Amerrica, then they'd re-release the Nendo UKs. This is not even your last chance, you might have extra money to afford a 2nd Nendo UK in the future, but for sure you know, you don't have the money to waste on a 2nd Nendo UK _right now_. So don't. Save your money for that hypothetical 2nd Nendo Joker in his school uniform, or Nendo Dimitri and Claude, or whatever gets announced from the Nendoroid Select '21 survey results. Remember, that still needs to get announced. So, no on preordering Hetalia World Stars version Nendoroid UK.

As for Kairi...Let's be honest (again). I haven't been obsessed with Kingdom Hearts in years. And even when I was, Kairi was barely in them. I don't have that much of an attachment to Kairi. Even though Oathkeeper is my favorite Keyblade because it came from Kairi, sometimes I fear that emotional impact was more the effectiveness of that plot point in that moment of the first game, more than a reflection of my attachment to Kairi. I have attachments to Riku and Sora. When their Nendoroids were announced, I preordered ALL of them right away. Even though I didn't really like KH2 Sora's outfit. Even though it pained my wallet to buy 3 pairs of the same characters, back to back. Even after all these years, those 2 were the characters I was sure of feeling attachment towards. I can't keep judging whether to buy Kairi's KH3 Nendo, based on possible attachments I might feel towards Kairi in KH3. Because I've had that game for months and I still haven't even opened the case yet! O~o! That should be my strongest indicator of my attachments towards Kairi and willingness to buy Nendos for her, especially KH3 Nendos of her. Admit it: Your KH nostalgia is all wrapped up with KH2, Birth by Sleep, and earlier. I shouldn't be making $62 purchase decisions for Kairi, based on KH3---a game that I'm apparently no longer interested in enough to play immediately. Not getting KH3 Kairi's Nendo feels bad as a completionist and as someone who has real life personal attachments to sibling-like groups of 3 friends. But I knew when she was announced that I still preferred her KH2 look, because I've just always liked long(er) hair. And I love her dress in KH2. Yes, I have to gamble on GSC eventually announcing a KH2 Nendo Kairi, and then when I get her, all my "groups of 3 friends" figure photoshoots will be limited to Sora, Riku, and Kairi's KH2 depictions...even though I don't really like KH2 Sora's look...But am I even that compelled to take photos of Sora/Riku/Kairi in the first place? I barely take pics of my current, KH1 Sora/Riku Nendos right now. But if KH3 is my last Kingdom Hearts game (even if my status is still to "eventually" play it), wouldn't I want Sora/Riku/Kairi's last depiction in my memories to be what I own as Nendoroids? I mean, it would be the perfect end-cap image to the series for me. And Square said that KH3 is the end of the Xehanort Saga or something. It's the end cap. ---There I go, basing a Nendoroid purchase on a game I haven't even played yet, while I ALSO already know I prefer Kairi's KH2 look. Y'know what? What if they do eventually release a KH2 Kairi, a KH1 Kairi, even Terra and Ven as Nendoroids? They'll definitely choose some previous Nendos to re-release alongside them! And if they release another version of Kairi, then guess what? The re-release will be KH3 Kairi. And maybe by then, I'll have the money for this. Or at least, the results for the Nendoroids Select '21 survey would have been released by then, and then I can know whether my money can go towards a character I want more, or towards a KH3 Kairi re-release. I mean, it'd be different if Kairi played a bigger role in KH3, and though I've been staying away from most spoilers, I did hear that she got sidelined AGAIN. And sure, it seems she might be the protagonist of the upcoming rhythm game, but I may not get that. I'm stopping at KH3, remember? So if she's getting sidelined in KH3 again and in the rhythm game, she's like asleep or something, reminiscing, just being used as the overall story's framing device,...then that doesn't sound like a lot of screentime for me to get attached to her. I mean, when I was younger, I thought Kairi did a lot in KH2, but I didn't cry when she reunited with Sora, I cried when Sora and Riku reunited. (I don't even ship those babies! LOL) ---I feel really bad writing all this to convince myself that I don't like Kairi enough to spend $62 on her. It's not like I hate her. I don't even *dislike* her! I LIKE her!!!! It's just...I've been retroactively organizing my Nendoroid

inventory lately, and I've been seeing all the money I've wasted on figures that I only bought out of completionism, that made me cringe inside at the pain this would cause my wallet, because I didn't love the character enough to jump and thrash in my chair with excitement, when I saw their figure announcements and "DAMN THE COST!"... If KH3 Kairi Nendo can't make me feel that way, then I shouldn't be buying her.

There's a perfect counter example in this month's preorder interests!!! I wasn't expecting Pop Up Parade Kikyo! I don't even like static scale figures! I like articulated figures! And chibi too! Pop Up Parade isn't either of those things! And I haven't been a fan of Inuyasha in years! I haven't been obsessing over anything Rumiko Takahashi in years! But when I saw Kikyo's Pop Up Parade announced, I knew I had to buy her. I jumped up and thrashed in my chair. I gasped. I uttered "ohmygawd" over and over like I was losing my mind. Even now, I occasionally browse her announcement pics, just to admire my waifu some more. That's how ALL my figure preorders should make me feel.

And I don't feel that way about KH3 Nendo Kairi.

And I don't feel that way about Hetalia World Stars version Nendo UK/England.

I kind of want to be suspicious if Nendo Aqua makes me feel that way, but what's there to be suspicious about? I'm too attached to her. The majority of my favorite cosplay memories are attached through her. On top of that, her character design is so pretty! She qualifies as what I call in my figure collecting, a "beauty piece", a figure whose design or sculpt is so pretty, that whether I even know the character/series is negligible for me to enjoy owning that figure. Aqua's got that AND she's endeared herself to me. Plus, she's a nice character. I got invested in her BBS story, her 0.2 story, and curiosity about her in KH3 is a big part of why I never concede that I'll someday play that game. I like Aqua. And her character design is pretty. I shouldn't feel guilty about preordering her Nendoroid this month. Even if a future hypothetical Ky Kiske Nendoroid gets announced in the possible future, I would gladly spend money on both Aqua and Ky. I'd make my budget work.

So, sounds like I'm preordering:

Pop Up Parade Kikyo

Nendoroid Aqua

and that's it.

1:37 AM 6/22/2021

Y'know the funny thing is that I feel like if GSC did announce a KH2 Kairi, I'd want KH3 Kairi too. ...She is pretty cute... Damn it. This wouldn't be such a problem if she wasn't $62!!!!!

Looking back through my Nendoroid Inventory, most of my 2017 Nendoroids were under $40! That's because the currency exchange rate was to our advantage. Because the US$ was stronger vs the yen back then, we got everything pretty much at least $5 off! But now we buy from GSC Shop US, and their prices don't account for currency exchange rate changes. (But can I justify switching back to preordering from GSC's international shop, when they have $20 shipping vs GSC US's $3/figure shipping, and we're still in a pandemic so I should limit my purchases to as local as possible? I feel like especially in the pandemic, I have to stick to the GSC US shop.) A 4000yen Nendo isn't $35.30 like it was for me in 2017. Now a 4000yen Nendo is probably like $40 at GSC Shop US. Hold on...Browsing through the GSC international online shop...Even the simple Nendos, like this Nendoroid Steven A Starphase, just a guy in a suit, is already 6930yen! These Bofuri Nendo preorders right now? BOTH ARE 6600YEN EACH!!! In 2017, I got the freaking special edition harvest moon Kagamine Len and Rin Nendoroids for $35.30 each!. I thought that maybe Square was charging GSC extra licensing fees since they would prefer to make money off their own figure lines (Play Arts Kai, Bring Arts, Play Arts Mini, etc.). But it seems like Nendoroids are just more expensive in 2021. O______________O!!!!!!!!!!!! In 2017/2018, even the freaking Madoka Magica maiko version Nendoroids were only $42.36, $43.99, $39.71! And those had so many tiny printed floral details! And accessories! O~o! Same for my detailed Touken Ranbu and KanColle Nendoroids back then! O_O!?!?!???????!!!??????????? Nendoroids are just going to be more expense now. Wow.

I guess the important thing is that if I buy Nendo Kairi, that when it comes time to unbox her, I don't get that sickly unboxing feeling in my stomach, where I can't believe I spent money on this. Like, Kiso is cool, but I don't know her and I'm certainly not obsessed with her. I shouldn't have bought her, especially for over $50. Same with the Akizuki sisters. Probably same with Shoukaku, though she seemed nice in the anime. And certainly the lack of attachment applies to my Nendoroid Iowa. More than half my Touken Ranbu Nendoroids, I bought without really knowing their characters. Half of them, I bought just to prove to Good Smile Company, the demand for male figures. Soon after those first few TouRabu toudans, GSC announced their Orange Rouge line: "Good Smile Company and Max Factory's brand dedicated to male character figures and goods." And yeah, I'm super sentimental enough that even though I didn't really know these characters, now that they're in my collection, they're MINE, they're my precious little tsukumogami babies, whom I wouldn't trade away, no matter how much my finances complain. Plus, I have so much anxiety, that selling/trading is too much stress for me. If my reluctant and failed attempts to sell the lesser parts of my manga collection at swap meets have proven, is that even if I wasn't obsessed with the thing I collected, and even if I have an easy opportunity to get rid of them, WHILE making money in doing so,...I still just can't do it. That's why I threw away all my Nendoroids' packaging plastics when I ran out of storage room for them. I knew I was too chicken and too sentimental to ever sell any of my Nendoroids. Even the ones that gave me that sickly unboxing feeling in my stomach, thinking about the $50+ money I wasted.

---Even when I could have instead been spending it on Nendoroids of characters I actually love! What if a school uniform Nendo Joker gets announced? Or a Nendoroid Claude and Dimitri? What about Nendoroids for Ky, Sol, Lady, Lelouch, Rukia, etc.??? Sure, I can squeeze things into my budget right now. But if that time comes later, when I'll want a Nendo schoolboy Joker or a Nendo Rukia, and I don't have the money for them, will a Nendoroid KH3 Kairi have been worth it? I mean, I already prefer her KH2 look over her KH3 look. Why do I have to care if I don't have a matching Kairi to my Sora/Riku Nendos in my figure photos? Why do I have to be so completionist about this? People will understand that not everyone can afford matching Nendoroids. Hell, my Nendo America and Nendo England don't match! One is from Hetalia World Stars! The other is from Hetlaia The World Twinkle! No one cares! What's important is that I have the 2 characters from my ship in the same pic or the same shelf! No one cares if they match! If I prefer KH2 Kairi, then I should hold-out for her and then take goddamn pictures of her with KH3 Sora/Riku if I want! Hell, I prefer KH2 Riku's look too! I'll just swap out Sora and take pics of KH2 Riku with KH2 Kairi, and KH3 Sora! ...That is, if GSC eventually makes a KH2 Nendo Kairi.

omg I'm going in circles again. I need a snack break.

8:15 AM 6/22/2021

I'm too tired now to remember all the thoughts I wrote about and thought through. x~x;

8:43 AM 6/22/2021

If I skipped KH3 Nendoroid Kairi, would I even miss her? I mean, before, I was so hung up on my Nendo UK not being blond, but now I realize that I barely even think about that, nor even often think of that Nendoroid itself, very often. Hardly ever, actually. Will it be similar with Kairi? I mean,I don't look at my KH1 Sora/Riku Nendo and lament about how I don't have a KH1 Kairi Nendo to go with them. I actually don't really like Kairi's KH1 look. I guess I only really like her KH2 look. So why not hold out for KH2 Kairi Nendoroid possibly being announced in the future? But what if they never make a Nendo Kairi besides this KH3 Kairi, and I miss out on this one and only Kairi, while holding out for a Nendo of KH2Kairi? I hate gambling. But if I skipped KH3 Nendo Kairi now, would I even miss her?.......... She's $62 and I should save my money.

10:12 AM 6/22/2021

I think you should buy figures that you feel good about spending $62 on. Figures that you don't feel guilty about buying. If Nendoroid KH3 Kairi makes you feel guilty, like $62 is not worth it or too much, then don't buy her. Wait for a KH2 Nendo Kairi that will make you feel good to spend on.

But I feel so bad to pass her up! Ugh! This is so hard! ;o;

10:30 AM 6/22/2021

Funny the clarity you can have while brushing and flossing your teeth. If I feel bad spending $62 on Nendo KH3 Kairi, then she must not mean that much to me. She's not worth $62 to me.

I remember when I first saw her announced at WonHobby and I felt safe from needing to buy her. I even commented on GSC's Twitter, that my suddenly finding her cute, threatened my original security and certainty in knowing I didn't feel compelled to buy her.

Remember:

1) Don't buy based on predicted attachments to a character in a game you haven't played yet. I haven't played KH3 yet.

2) If Kairi changes my mind after I play KH3, then she'll probably get a re-release later anyway.

3) When you first saw KH3 Nendo Kairi, your first thought wasn't that I needed her. It was that I felt secure that I didn't need her.

4) You don't have money to spare for a Nendo you're unsure about liking to the worth of $62. Because you didn't expect a Pop Up Parade Kikyo nor her unexpected costs, even if it is relatively cheap. And you still need enough money for a $65 Nendo Aqua. You don't have enough money for any half-certain, hesitating likes towards KH3 Kairi Nendoroid.

5) Other people are skipping KH3 Nendo Kairi even though they also want to buy her.

(https://twitter.com/guttural/status/1406709434592735237) "I want her, but I'm so broke and already ordered the Axel and Roxas Nendos ;_;"

10:38 AM 6/22/2021

I'm going to tell Kuya, I don't need Nendo KH3 Kairi. And then I'm going to forget I was even considering buying her. KH2 and KH3 Sora/Riku Nendoroids are going to come in, and I won't even miss her. Just like I do now, with my KH1 Sora/Riku Nendoroids. And I will wait for a KH2 Nendo Kairi. And when she does get announced, I'll preorder her without regret, because I prefer that character design.

2:33 AM 6/28/2021

I really wanted to get Swacchao Nendoroid Hinata. I was originally just going to get the Swacchao parts since I already have the full Nendoroid Hinata Shoyo. I didn't need a seated Hinata, but as a completionist and Hinata fan, I thought I SHOULD get Swacchao Hinata, or at least the seated Swacchao parts.

But then I had this idea that when I return to an office job, it'd be so nice to have Nendoroid Swacchao Hinata at my desk with me. I had had ideas before about bringing a Nendoroid or 2 to my next office job. I even bought Nendoroid Aoba Suzukaze for that reason. (She's an "office lady" and her accessories include dialogue bubbles of her shouting about doing her best. I thought it'd be really encouraging to have at work.) But I was worried about leaving an actual Nendoroid at my desk, overnight. Would I pack up my desk's Nendoroid(s) each night before I clocked out? Impractical. Should I only use Nendoroids of characters I don't care too much about, to decorate my office desk? But if it's not a character I love, then how is their presence encouraging? And being encouragaing is the entire point of desk decor at a soul-killing job. But then here are these Nendoroid Swacchao Hinata Shoyo announcements! Less than $30! I could have a character I love, from an explicitly encouraging series, and being essentially a dupliate of a Nendoroid I already have, I shouldn't worry too much about him getting stolen from any desk of mine.

But I just can't justify buying a duplicate of a character I already have. I was already cutting out Kageyama and Yuuji from my preorder candidates. I'm in the middle of cataloging my Nendoroid inventory and fully realizing how much money I've wasted on Nendoroids of characters I didn't know, barely knew, liked but didn't love, duplicates of characters I already had, etc. It had to stop. So no Swacchao Kageyama for me. And if we're being honest about my terrible spending, then I really shouldn't be getting either type of Swacchao Hinata either. No more duplicates of characters. ;_; No matter how much I want them. ;_____;