#(most pictures I have from this point onward are selfies which is not always convenient :'D)

[mosraev]

Lyrics through the decade 9/11

I've decided to collect all the songs I've made through the last decade and share my favourite snippets with you guys. The pictures for the backgrounds will (as much as possible) be pictures I've taken the same year as the lyrics were written. The full lyrics may or may not be made official someday.

Part 9; 2021

Now we've arrived at what I can call the personal era which started with me coming out to myself as nonbinary within the first three months of the year. After that a lot of the songs I started to make became a therapeutic tool getting to reflect over my thoughts and feelings about different topics.

More info under the line

Stay creative, my fellow foxes 🦊💚

Song 1 (pic1); Marco

This is not as much a song as it is 2-3 pages of me in lyrical form thinking through my newly out feelings as a nonbinary person. The 'song' is named after my middlename that on this time I believed would be my new name. Also, to fit with the very personal meaning of this song this is indeed a picture of me having gender euphoria looking in the mirror (although 9 months after the song was written)

Featured lyric:

Starring at the mirror softly repeating the name.

Trying to repeat the rush of joy hearing it for the first time.

Song2 (pic2); Aromantica

A song where I tried to reflect over my feelings as being an aromantic person since I also around this time has been coming to terms with being aro more and more (although I had come out to myself as aro one or two years prior).

Featured lyric:

((Extendend)) I held you and I kissed you

Because I thought that was what I had to.

And it’s funny how pathetic I was playing the part.

I’m not lovedrunk, I’m sober.

I realise that, now it’s over.

This is not who I am.

Song3 (pic 3+4); Altid Nat

This song is the exception to the rule I guess since it is less about my own personal identity explorations but again it is still about me and my feelings getting to be close to people with the loser covid-19 restrictions. You can hear the song here btw.

Featured lyric:

Original (pic3); Jordens trolde, de danser foxtrot over Danmarks bøgetage

((Extended)) så er det nu, vi sprinder guld af alt det som der kan ske i drømmeland.

For det er altid nat et sted på verdensplan.

Translated to English (pic4):

the trolls of the earth dance foxtrot in Denmark's treetops.

((Extended)) It is now we weave gold of all

that can happen in dreamland

cause it's always night somewhere in the world.

Song4 (pic5+6); Forstadsfabeldyr

This is an interesting one since I had less than a week to write and produce it on summer camp where I wasn't out yet so I wanted to make it somewhat mystical about what in the world I was referring to (thereby not outing myself before time) but also I really felt like getting out my hurt feelings about becoming the represent queer whenever people learned about my identity. (hint the swearing is back)

Featured lyric:

Original (pic6); Verden er så satans monokrom

for alle farverne er vasket ud med hvidt.

Translated to English (pic5); The world is fucking monochrome.

All the colours has been washed out.

Song5 (pic6+7); Glas v.2

Quite an interesting one that shows how my way of making songs has shifted since I originally made myself the challenge to make a song inspired by a poem on a playing card about rocks wanting to be glass and then the first version was meant to be about eating disorders (not told from my own pov) but that didn't connect with me so instead I told about nonbinary gender dysphoria (that is way more my own pov and so a therapeutic song instead)

Featured lyric:

Original (pic7): Når svaret for dem er hverken "han" eller "hende"

kommer de nemt til kort.

De ville så gerne kunne passe ind,

men kabalen går ikke op.

Translated to English (pic8): When their answer is not "he" or "she",

they'll easily come up short.

they'd love to fit in, but

the patience doesn't come up.

[ectheatrelife-blog]

KCATCF

bySaskia Brisa Bailey-deBruijn

Tuesday, January 10th, DAY 1

11 people piled into the shiny new Earlham van – which I had gotten certified to drive the previous day – anxious with anticipation.  Or maybe I was just nervous about driving in an unfamiliar city.  In any case, after a relatively pain-free hour and a half – some slept, some listened to music, some happened to catch my eye every single time I looked in the rearview mirror – we arrived at the Sheraton in downtown Indianapolis.  A fancy hotel, a fantastic location, and a quite frantic staff. Can you imagine being one of three hotels trying to accommodate 1300 college students (theatre students at that) as well as their professors, their personalities, and their belongings?  

The van plus two car’s worth of people pulled up to the lobby, ready to rumble.  While most of our troop could go immediately into the rooms, room 1907, the room Sarah and I were destined for, just happened to not be ready for new inhabitants yet and the room for Kharis was forgotten all together. Parking the too-tall-for-the-garage van thus became the priority; finding a nearby parking lot and understanding how to pay for it became the challenge.  Satisfied with the outcome, we trekked onward, this time in search of food. We settled for the Circle Centre Mall food court, where I enjoyed some surprisingly good sushi and fried rice.  I was taking a risk with the sushi, I know. Especially the day before my big audition…but I ran with it.  

We’d noticed the wind on the drive down (tall vans become literal sails in blustery weather), but it was really rainy and really windy and my feet were getting really cold.  Back at the hotel, our room STILL wasn’t ready.  Sarah and I killed some more time with a trip to CVS.  I was on the prowl for off-brand Dayquil and cough drops, having been infected with a phlegm-heavy head cold right at the end of winter break.  Sarah got bottled water and an umbrella.  While we waited (and waited, and waited) for the call from the front desk, Caitlin and Sage, our gracious intermediary hosts, opened their hotel room door to the poor lost ducklings. 

At around 8 pm, we FINALLY settled into our nook on the 19th floor.  Admittedly, despite the struggle to get that far, we had it pretty good (or so I thought – this is foreshadowing…ominous, ominous foreshadowing…): the view from our window looked out across Monument Circle, the beds were more comfortable than I could imagine, the lighting in the bathrooms made for perfect selfies, and the free Wi-Fi kind of worked.  

The Earlhamites gathered in the hall to briefly debrief and receive our festival passes.  Many of us realized that we wanted ice cream.  I realized I needed to know the license plate number in order to do online parking payments.  A perfect excuse to get out of the hotel, feed our stomachs AND feed the meter.  What could go wrong?  (Again, this is called foreshadowing.)  

At 10:16 pm we arrived at steak and shake, ordered our fries and shakes and played with our straws while we waited.  As 11 o’clock creeper closer and closer, Kharis and I paid for our portion and headed to the parking lot.  I was now beginning to almost recognize streets names – wow!  

Armed with the license plate, we headed back to the hotel to input the info onto the website and get a good long restful night of sleep before Irene Ryan auditions (among other things) the next day.  I soon realized that a “zone number” was needed, so back we went again.  Turns out, that wasn’t quite good enough yet. This became a frantic back and forth bonanza.  I felt like a less glamourous Cinderella – our parking expired at midnight – and yet somehow every trip we made to that parking lot ended in more mayhem.  How many trips did it turn out to be, Kharis? 4?  5?  At one point, we were running around the parking lot on the phone with Sarah who was sitting in the hotel with my laptop trying to guide us through what the website needed from us.  It was messy. It didn’t work.  Kharis and I joked that we now knew every route to that dang parking lot and back again.  

A bit after midnight, after texting Mia out of desperation and despair, I was told to forget about it and just go to bed.  I did not forget about it, but I managed to fall asleep eventually.

Wednesday, January 11th, DAY 2

At 8 am, I continued to fulfil my duty as van driver, and happily discovered we did not get towed or receive a ticket.  We transported the puppet and giant head from Facing Our Truth to the UIndy campus in order for Sage to set up her Allied Design project station.  Sage and Walter both entered their projects into the Allied competition.  

The three Irene Ryan nominees from Earlham – myself, Elijah, and Fawzia – had their time to shine Wednesday too.  Each of us had been nominated for our work in an Earlham production and had been preparing in the Fall semester for this day.  The Omni Hotel in downtown was hosting the event, with hour-long slots to perform a prepared monologue and scene with a partner and then a lot of waiting around to hear feedback.  Pro-tip: The shuttle goes all the way to UIndy first and then comes back to downtown, wasting 40 minutes of your time and resulting in the inability to watch any auditions before yours (which is the piece of advice everyone gave me). Just walk the 10-minute walk.  Do it.

Theo and I arrived at the Omni a bit after noon, and we were set to go second in the 2 pm session. Zia and Cameron were still sitting around waiting to get feedback, so we sat with them for a bit.  We got to practice for 5 minutes in a room with big windows.  There was water and candy.  We could peek into the space where the audition would be.  

And guess what?  I was a lot more nervous than I was expecting. SO many nerves.  I kept telling Theo “These people are so much more social and friendly than I am.  I don’t have the desire to interact with anyone except Earlham people.”  

As the clock dragged its hands through the mud of time, I found a smattering of songs that helped me feel better.  If you’re ever freaked out by an audition or anything that might make you nervous, and ALSO happen to share my exact same taste in music, consider listening to the following:

Any Road by George Harrison Smoke & Retribution by Flume A Little Party Never Killed Nobody by Fergie Golden Hind by Dr. Dog Come Together by The Beatles

All of a sudden, we were lining up and having our picture taken and being told where to go and when and it was too real and what if I forgot all my lines? and does my hair look okay? and do I have to pee or am I just nervous?  

Then, it was over.  Just like that.  I didn’t go over the two-minute time limit, I didn’t forget anything, and they even LAUGHED at the funny parts.  The minute it was done, I was bubbly and outgoing and happy to interact with those around me.  It was incredible.  Turns out I’m not antisocial, just really prone to self-secluding habits when nervous.

We received some reassuring and exciting feedback from the respondents, and left smiling.  With some down-time before our daily group check-in scheduled for 5, I headed back to the hotel to change and then catch a shuttle. Remember that foreshadowing? Yeah, that wasn’t just about the parking from the first night.  The drama has only just begun!

Shuttles (reportedly) ran from 8 in the morning until 5 pm every day of the festival.  At 4:27 I headed down to the lobby with seemingly perfect timing – a bus had just pulled up.  Apparently, he told aspiring bus boarders to take the next one.  So, I waited along with other festival-members. The next one comes and tells us his shift is over after this run, to get the next one.  The next one says the same, and by now it’s at least 4:50.  I text Mia, apologetic and unsure of my options.  I’m advised to take a taxi or an Uber.  Fine, cool, I’ve totally done this before and know what I’m doing.  That’s all lies.  I ask the front desk hotel staff how to call a taxi and they say there are always two sitting out front.  Perfect. Convenient.  (Maybe.)  I figured much of my discomfort was coming from having only eaten an orange all day. I get in with what I hope is enough cash to get me 6 miles out of the city during rush hour.  We’ve made it less than two blocks and we’re at $6 and it’s way past 5 pm.  I don’t know exactly where I’m going and I assume the driver and I are both thinking “I hope we end up in the right place”.  Eventually, I start to recognize where we are and I feel good.  I desperately google “Should I tip my taxi driver?” as we pull into the parking lot, pull out the $20, stuffing the loose $1 bills into my pocket and gathering my things.  I text Mia that I’m here and that I have a written receipt and where are you?  They wave and I am welcomed with an enthusiastic chorus of “You made it!” and “Kiaaa!” and “Let’s go get dinner!”.  I head to the van with Kharis – definitely my new best friend – glad to have survived my first solo taxi ride and excited to fill my belly with food.  The excitement soon disappeared as I struggled to locate my wallet.  I just had it, I just paid the taxi driver.  I just must have left it in that dumb cab.  We pick up the rest of the group and I voice my concern to Mia.  People begin to shuffle through the van and my belongings as others try to discern where we are getting food and consequently, where I am driving.  Mia desperately searches for a website and a phone number for the taxi company and I desperately search for a parking lot close to Subway but also not too far from the noodle place.  Mia finds a disconnected phone number and I find an empty lot situated pretty perfectly. Small victories, right?  I realize I’m crying a decent amount when Sage WS comforts me in silence.  The noodles are yummy, at least.  And the portion was so big I couldn’t even finish it.  Back at UIndy’s campus, we file into the auditorium to hear the keynote speaker say inspiring or important things, as those folks tend to do. Before I find my seat, I call home to sobbingly inform my parents that my debit card needs cancelling.  They remind me that it’s not my fault and to enjoy the rest of my time here.  Parents are so smart.

The keynote speaker was sick and couldn’t be at the festival, but we heard a British Broadway actor speak of his struggles and successes instead.  Mia, Kharis, Bria and I snuck downstairs to prepare for the costume parade partway through.  We got on our black pants and black hoodies and practiced maneuvering the puppet all while witnessing and admiring the elaborate and gorgeous costumes from productions including Singing in the Rain and Parade.  

The “party” back at the hotel was a place for some pretty funky and mindless dancing with good company while we awaited the announcements about Irene Ryan semi-finalists.  While no Earlhamites got through the preliminary round, I still felt proud about my audition and the work that went into it, and am happy that a group of us were able to experience the process together.  With that, it was bedtime for me.  Others were less ready for sleep, so either stayed and danced more or found somewhere in the city to enjoy the night.  

These ramblings have all been to say that my first two days at the KCACTF region three events were just that: eventful.  And emotional.  And stressful.  But I was determined to not let my desire to curl up and die and/or return to Earlham ruin the potential for networking and the fantastic opportunities I’d already paid the registration fee for.  

Thursday, January 12th, DAY 3

The following day, food trucks awaited us at the main center where workshops were held, providing a group of us with varying treasures:  a burger for Mia, green curry (that was too spicy) for Kharis, Pad Thai for me, and some Bistro food for Walter and Katlin.  Sage HW and Bria and I headed across the street to attend the Acting for the Camera workshop with James Leagre.  Bria had to leave early for her MTI intensive dance rehearsal (because Bria is bad ass), but Sage and I got to explore some techniques for being successful on camera.  I also got to hold the boom mic for some other participants running through scenes.

Friday, January 13th, DAY 4

On Friday, my new best friend and circumstantial bedmate, Kharis and I departed early in the morning the attend the “Create the Change” workshop with a woman from the Broadway Cares association.  I then went to a Thermoplastics/mask making workshop, and met up again with my BFF for a “Behind the Bard-Wire” (Shakespeare in Prisons) discussion with a pretty cool fella named Curt Tofteland.  We then decided to call it a day, and enjoyed an early dinner at the Rock Bottom tavern.  Dinner hack: eat at 4 in the afternoon to avoid disgustingly long lines and/or waits while eating delicious food.  

The festival production for the evening was Breath of Stars, an adaptation of Shakespeare’s Tempest, which a good chunk of us decided to see during our 5 pm debrief.  

The shuttles worked in our favor this time around, bringing us to the gigantic theater at Butler University.  What a strange play.  Very beautifully staged and crafted, but hard to follow and a little exhausting.  

To recuperate from the mind-boggling performance, a quintet of us explored the treasures to be found in the Chocolate Café right on monument circle.  Marvelous hot chocolate, rich caramels, and delectable toffee satiated our needs and brought some peace to our evening.

Saturday, January 14th, DAY 5

Saturday morning started early for Sage HW and Bria.  A bit after 9, Sage had her presentation.  At 10 was Bria’s showcase for the dance performance she’d been

rehearsing for.  She had quite the pep squad cheering her on (as well as the other singers and dancers) in the first and second rows of the auditorium.

A collective meal in the UIndy dining hall filled our bellies nicely.  Bria and I cheered on Sage WS and Sarah at the Tech Olympics while others went to see the Devised Theatre project and 10-minute play showcase.

Packing the van, arranging rides back to campus, and filling gas tanks was the bulk of the afternoon. The crew that could be joining me in the van back to Earlham after seeing a play decided to go to Butler’s campus to find dinner.  Pita Pit fulfilled our needs and gave us a chance to meet Sarah’s sister who is a freshman at Butler (also heavily involved in the arts!).  Mr. Burns (yes, very much named after the Simpson’s character) went up at 7:30, proving once again that theatre is a great way to tell a story, and witnessing theatre is a great way to see some pretty wacky stories. Deciding not to stay for the awards ceremony, the van scooted on down the highway for a return to Earlham promptly at midnight.  Less-glamourous Cinderella, yet again.  Exhausted, but excited to see friends again, we all headed our separate ways, trying not to think about the work we had missed and would have to make up the next day.

My unfortunate stressors may have blinded me from enjoying the first portion of the festival, but the more-than-dozen of us there explored and learned, collectively, a whole lot. Multiple Shakespeare and stage combat workshops were attended, while others went to a panel to learn about actor’s unions and getting hired for summer theatre.  Many of us saw the productions “26 pebbles” and “Rabbit Hole” and acted as encouraging audience members for Elijah and Bria’s contribution to the “Evening of Scenes”.  

The most important thing I learned is that losing your wallet is not the end of the world, even if it has your house key and driver’s license in it.  Also, Kharis Murphy is best friend material.

Thanks for reading this whole mess.  ‘Till next time, Kia Bailey-de Bruijn, ‘19