#(me: i'm not that adhd / also me: writes an entire novel in the tags of this post)

[morb-untamed]

Writer Interview Tag

I was tagged by @tavyliasin a pretty long time ago to do this, but I figured I'd finally get to it. Thank you so much for tagging me Lia, I'll try to answer these questions to the best of my abilities! Your interview was as delightful as it was insighting to read. I tag @miradelletarot and @likethelightfromorionabove. But no pressure to fill this at all! This text contains some descriptions of mental illness, and some pretty personal stuff. I don't get into the nitty-gritty of these subjects, but I still wanted to give a heads-up.

When did you start writing?

I cannot really put an exact date to when I started to write to be exact - as I have been imagining and writing stories for as long as I can remember. I know when I was a little child I was writing down stories even though I could barely make an interesting string of words. Unsurprisingly enough, they were about horror and fantastical creatures. So not much has changed in that regard.

Although writing has never been my #1 passion, that goes to drawing. But it has been a constant in my entire life with intervals. Before I actively started writing fanfiction I hadn't written anything creatively for over 6 years I believe! Before that I always tried to create original stories with original characters.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

This is a hard question to answer, as I have such a hard time reading in comparison to writing. I have ADHD, and either have to struggle to even attempt to finish a page in a book, or read a 500 page novel in one go. There's no in between! Although I have noticed I like to read the same themes and genres as I write about, even if it is to learn about said themes and genres and how to write them. I do have a whole collection of books, but they're mostly about art, art history, plants, nature, flowers, and some comics. Other than that I really like to get more into Warhammer 40k novels, mostly because I really like dark fantasy/sci-fi. I also really want to read more fantasy erotica books, horror (gore, paranormal, and anything that sends chills down my spine), and anything about real life mysteries!

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Sometimes I say that the things I want to write about are far above my actual writing skills. This rings true for this question as well - as many of my writing friends know, English isn't my native language even though that's the language I write my stories in. I feel like I am far better at conveying my thoughts and emotions into writing in the English language rather than Dutch (and I think it's kinda cringy to write fanfiction in my native tongue to be honest). But this does mean my vocabulary can be lacking any diverse words at times, and grammar can be confusing at times. Thankfully I have a space where people want to help me out, and that thesaurus.com is free.

With that being said, I don't really aim to emulate any other writers. I have come across some amazing writers who post on AO3 who inspire me, but for now I'd like to hone my writing skills and see where my style takes me.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I have my own 'work' room in my home I used to write from, but ever since busting my knee even further last May I have found myself to be far more comfortable on the couch so I can keep my leg straight. It also happens to be the calmest place during the times I tend to write the most - which ranges from 8 pm to the early morning hours. But for my own sake I try to not keep it as late as I used to the past few months. Mainly because I don't want to mess up my biological clock too much while I'm stuck at home healing from surgery as of right now.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

It really depends on my mood, what's happening in my personal life, and how inspired I feel at the same time. I always try to make myself as comfortable as I can, and tend to my needs first; am I too hot? Too cold? Do I have coffee, am I hydrated enough, and aren't there too many distractions around me? Sometimes, when I really want to write but feel like I can't I sometimes take my ADHD medication which does the trick. But I only take it if I am sure I feel good both mentally and physically as it can have averse effects if I don't.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Trauma, angst, inner conflict, and even more trauma! Trauma comes in many forms, expressions, and manifestations. And I am not surprised at all I am writing about it. I am surprised about how much catharsis I experience from writing it, and how often I ended up writing about these themes. You might not be shocked to read that I suffer from C-PTSD and anxiety with some depression on the side. I have dealt with mental illness and traumatic events for most of my life, and it feels like I have some form of control and acceptance if I write about them in my own writing, especially in my fanfiction. With that being said, I have never really written my own specific traumatic events into my writing as that's a bit too much. But they often fall in the same themes, like SA, physical and emotional abuse from family, witnessing horrible events, self-destruction, manipulation, and having to make awful decisions in order to protect yourself. I relate heavily to them, and in some ways it gives me some closure.

What is your reason for writing?

The biggest reason is that I felt this growing need and compulsion to write something specifically I wanted to read about. I have always written for myself, and will continue to do so. This rings especially true for fanfiction, which is also a reclamation for my own wants and needs. I have always wanted to write fanfiction, but for the longest time it was labeled as cringe and stupid in the circles I found myself in. I was so shy and embarrassed of what I wanted to write (and draw) about, so I have never truly been active in a fandom. I was a lurker at most, too scared to show where my imagination and creativity takes me about certain characters - let alone about my own OC's. But thankfully I grew far more comfortable in that ever since stepping foot in the BG3 community, where your OC is literally a part of the story if you want them to be! I remember @tavyliasin and some others literally had to beg me to link them to Weeping Willow as I was so scared of judgement even though I very well know they wouldn't ever make fun of me. Ever since then I have become what one might describe as unhinged in a sense. I have reclaimed being cringe, and happily yap about my oc's, canon characters, in any smutty, angsty and dumb scenario I can come up with. I am not hurting anyone, and I am having fun. And that's what's most important.

But I do admit I still sometimes struggle with the embarrassment of writing fanfiction. I still sometimes get laughed at by friends outside of the internet when I tell them about it, along with being made fun of because of it. But I try to stand my ground, always saying that they can laugh what they want, and rather make them feel weird for making fun of me having fun. It is still a process, but it is a part of reclaiming my love for myself and thus claiming space for myself.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Honestly? My work doesn't get that much attention at all, so when it does I am beyond elated and often screenshot and save any comments I get on AO3, discord, or tumblr to look back on. But I especially love any comments from readers who are as unhinged about my writing as I am - give me all the caps lock and keysmashing!!

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Like I said before, I don't have a lot of readers. But I do hope that those who do actively read my work think "Wow, this person really cares about the characters they write about.". I want them to remember me by my passion, weather that's from a heartbreaking scenario, an insanely detailed smut chapter, or something that sparks fire of anger within them as they read about it. That despite my shortcomings in language and ability to describe what I see in my head, they see the love and effort I put into it.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Like I mentioned in the previous question, I truly believe my passion for wanting to put the images I have floating in my head into words to share it with others is what I think is my greatest strength. I never really try to leave anything for the imagination. Aside from that, I think my other strength is that I try no matter my shortcomings. I have heard before that I am very much persevering when it comes to my goals.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

While I always try to keep in mind what a potential reader might like to read, I usually stick to what I want to read about. As I mentioned before, I started writing again for me, and to reclaim it as a form of self-love.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Honestly? I often feel like I suck at writing, no matter the love I put into it. Even though I know I have improved massively (sometimes I reread the very first chapter of Weeping Willow to see how far I've come), I never feel good enough. I am aware that that's because I'm insanely critical of myself to a torturous degree - something I have to overcome as well. I often feel like I "might as well not do it if I am not the best at something" knowing very well I am never going to be the best at anything as that's not how the world works. But that takes me back that I'm doing this for myself, not for a prestigious title, an award, or recognition from those at the top in this field of writing. Although I do admit I love any validation I get. But reminding myself that I'm doing this for myself, that there is no repercussions if I quit except for regret and that same need to realise my stories into actualisation that made me write in the first place. So I have to keep going, so I won't drive myself crazy with the sense of unfulfilment.

Thank you so much for reading if you've come this far, I feel like these questions were very much needed to remind myself why I'm writing and received motivation to get over any blockades I have as of now. So sad I'm too tired to write right now though :')

[mythronic]

Mythronic

Intro and Breakdown

Greetings! I'm Cameryn, I write and draw random-ass shit I think about on the daily.

This particular blog is largely for my writing drabbles, fandom ideas and AUs, stuff about my concept novels, or even writing prompts that I may come up with every now and again to share.

Fandom Tags will be fandom tagged

Mythronic Multiverse will be tagged with #Mythronic Multiverse

Writing prompts in writing prompts

And I'll figure everything else out in between.

Fun Stuff about me

All my art is on my Instagram, at @.camafynn

Uhh,,I guess I read a lot? Lol,, favourite books so far are Six of Crows, Ace of Spades, Inheritance Games, PCJ, and others.

Fandoms! (Dear gods):

BNHA (Tsuyu & Kyoka on top)

Sanders Sides (Big Virgil & Janus person)

Arcane (LOVE Mel, Ekko, and Jinx)

Percy Jackson (Biased against Nico)

Six of Crows (WYLAN!!!!!!)

Hermitcraft (I watch Grian and Tango the most)

DC (Specifically Tim Drake/Batfam)

Hollow Knight (Go to hell Trial of Fools)

Hades (Maxed out Artemis first LMAO)

Shadows House (Kate!!!!)

Coffee Talk (Gala, Hyde, & Rachel triumph all)

Hacknet (It's REALLY fun)

The Owl House (RAINE WHISPERS MY BELOVED)

Dead by Daylight (I main Zarina/Mikaela/Kate/Gabriel as survivor and Plague/Trickster/Spirit/Artist as killer)

Ever After High (Cerise Hood <3333)

Harry Potter (Luna Lovegood! I’m also VERY biased towards Slytherin Harry)

I can't think of others right now, but yeah.

Communities:

I'm agender, have ADHD, MDD, and identify as lesbian.

I'm a Hellenist! I worship Apollo and Artemis as my main patrons

I play D&D and I GM

And also can't think of other communities, so.

My Masterpost for all my tumblr stuff

Yeah, that's about it. Thanks for reading. Here's my carrd for more general information: (Flags are not entirely updated!! Neptunic is the most accurate, but I mostly identify as a Lesbian and I'm in the asexual umbrella, but idk where in yet.)

Commissions Page:

[yarrayora]

end of the year book stuff tagged by @carriagelamp

How many books did you read this year?

does comic books count? if yes then i didn't count, if no then i'm pretty sure just two (but comics should absolutely count btw)

Did you reread anything? What?

i always reread servamp all the time so i can write Essays. also i reread katekyo hitman reborn for nostalgia and crossover reasons. TECHNICALLY i reread dante's inferno even though i never finished it because i'm not used to classic so i have to repeat the paragraphs before Getting it

What were your top five books of the year?

GIDEON THE NINTH!!! also Superman Smashes the Klan. the rest of the top 5 is servamp, unfortunately

Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

if i have never read tamsyn muir's homestuck fic before then it would have been her, but because i have that means she's an old fave-- oH i guess ryohgo narita counts? i knew he wrote durarara but i never truly managed to appreciate his writing until i read dead mount deathplay

What genre did you read the most of?

fantasy, duh

Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

too like a lightning by ada palmer. i keep forgetting i already have an e-book of it

What was your average Goodreads rating? Does it seem accurate?

i dont use goodreads thumbs up emoji

Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

yeah, finally reading original novels again. im trying to beat my ADHD so i can devour books the way i did during childhood

Did you get into any new genres?

new genre huh uhhhh... no. i know what i like

What was your favorite new release of the year?

i don't follow new release i just browse the bookstores and hope something speaks to me

What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

gideon the ninth

Any books that disappointed you?

i dropped a lot of books and nothing this year has disappointed me enough for me to remember their titles

What were your least favorite books of the year?

bungou stray dogs look the light novels are still REALLY well written. i also appreciate how beautiful the translation can be. but the canon storyline fucking sucks. it betrays its theme when it comes to handling abusers by making this little girl who gets physically abused by her dad as a form of discipline to look up to him as a hero because dad's a cop

What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

i don't care about something like that

Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year (Booker, Women’s Prize, National Book Award, Pulitzer, Hugo, etc.)? What did you think of them?

i don't follow book awards either

What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

i tried reading blue lock and it's the worst sports manga i have ever read. i can't get over how stupid the premise is. soccer is a team sport you idiot (note that this book didnt disappoint me because i never had any expectations for it in the first place)

Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

oh yeah JK Haru is a Sex Worker in Another World. I went into it expecting a cheap smutty story but turns out it's a pretty feminist narrative about sex workers and how no matter talented a woman is as long as the environment around her is aggressively and violently patriarchal those talents that would make men a hero would make women accused as demons-- but that's okay because you don't need the power to slay an entire army to change the world. sometimes, eating at a cafe in a world where women arent allowed to go outside without a chaperone is more revolutionary than magic that can burn a horde of monsters into cinders

How many books did you buy?

more than five

Did you use your library?

there is no usable library around me

What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

i dont follow new release remember

Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

oh yeh i watch them from the sideline with popcorn and all, thats crazy

What’s the longest book you read?

dante's inferno

What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book?

back when i was a kid i read three pjo books in one day. i don't do that anymore

Did you DNF anything? Why?

i read reeeeeeally slow now so it's less not finishing and more like taking long breaks inbetween

What reading goals do you have for next year?

finish gideon the ninth so i can read the next one

[mmaurysiek]

ohh, this is an interesting conversation 👀. ( also, you two write faster than I can write :3 — so I'm pasting the beginning of my response to the newest message; thank you @grownupchangeling for tagging me)

for one, holy fuck, an "improper response to punishment" is an ASPD thing? does that mean that there is some mysterious "proper" response to punishment?

for some context: I'm ADHD, and the vast majority of my extended family is most likely autistic (only the youngest can get checked) — and apparently punishment doesn't work as intended on ADHD children either, because the child doesn't make the intended cause-outcome association or something?

I don't really comprehend how a punishment is supposed to work, I only have a vague guess that it's supposed to discourage an emotional state that led a child to an unapproved behaviour in the first place, like a purposefully crafted trauma association.

two, thank you for clarifying what agoraphobia is — I appreciate having a better vocabulary than "conditionally claustrophobic - only when there is no viable (emergency) exit" for describing this phenomenon 💚

three, I enjoy the idea of Jax and Pomni both fitting a criteria while at the opposite ends of the social acceptability spectrum 👀

I'm generally excited for these character readings, they're novel and interesting 👀🫀💚

about Jax, my impression of him was that he approached the entire situation like a game — a game where he's playing a so-called "chaotic stupid" character. like the way he's having fun depends on an assumption that nothing there is real.

about the perception of Jax and Gangle — both as perceived by the other characters and by the audience — there is a vulnerability bias at play. (vulnerability like being perceived as ashamed & giving the other(s) power to fix or not fix that emotion, as far as I can tell 🤔) — it's some sort of social instinct, I think?

Gangle had been seen as vulnerable, and that makes her some sort of an in-group — (the way that vulnerability situations are resolved has something to do with establishing social hierarchy, but I haven't yet worked out the details of how that part works) — as a vulnerability-initiated in-group, Gangle is granted a positive bias (the so called "benefit of the doubt").

Jax isn't given that bias; eu contraire — both the other characters and much of the audience instinctively crave to see him vulnerable at least once (so that that social hierarchisation can happen, I think) — and as an informal group, the circus doesn't have any sort of established somewhat humiliating initiation ritual to get it done and over with, and Jax sure ain't putting himself in that sort of situation willingly; —

— now, the ep.4 incident may have been enough for part of the audience - tho probably ambiguous enough to also not do it for part of the audience —

— at the same time, most of the characters haven't been there for the incident, so to them Jax is still a sus out-group, I'd expect. it shows when Pomni answers a question in a more dismissive way as soon as she notices that it's Jax asking that question.

now, abuse requires a power differential. it requires two parties: one who has the power to enact harm onto another, and another who has no power to proportionately retaliate. it requires that the one who has that power uses it to harm the one who doesn't.

a power differential setup can be made either via formal hierarchy, like putting someone in charge 🎭 — or via a technical equal utilising the paralysing effect of emotions such as sadness & guilt & shame to keep another in a constant state of limited ability to act 🐰 — or via physical violence 🐰. — the question is: did anyone get harmed? the entirely digital setting makes the answer to that more subjective than it's the case in real life — since there are no lasting physiological (brain or body) changes, all we've got left is whether a character feels harmed by a given thing.

and here it gets funky, because it appears that Ragatha finds being disliked more subjectively harmful to her than being dipped in hot oil.

and since it's generally expected of people to tolerate being disliked — that puts Ragatha in a situation where her emotional experience is uncomfortably likely be invalidated by the other characters (and the audience as well). (and yeah, a very NPD situation there)

(I don't actually have any conclusion here, I'm just curious what you two are gonna do with this, because I'm having a blast reading your thoughts 🫀💚)

also, the theoretical concept of dipping someone in a frier ain't shocking to me, because sometimes a working crew needs to subtly remind a power-tripping manager that the workers' rights were a compromise — and a loud discussion on technicalities of various methods of kitchen murder is an effective reminder that there's like a dozen of us and just one manager.

about a bad fit psychiatric medication incident parallel to the Gangle's new mask incident — a lot of people use their feelings as the one and only clue on how to behave, and also identify with their emotions on top of that. (it's kind of terrifying to witness because it's a trait that makes people incredibly susceptible to manipulation.) — if Gangle is like that, and i think it's statistically very likely, then any medication that removes her emotional cue to not do something — would remove the only cue she knows and trusts to tell her to stop doing something. — and without anything that'd effectively tell her to stop? it's called a manic episode and you get three more seasons, indeed. like, therapists have to teach people to use logic-based cues as well. 🤔

that doesn't absolve anyone of the consequences, but it does mean that there may be people around (characters or audience) who may try to soften the blow, claiming that she had good intentions.

I'm really curious what you two think of that 👀

Lets look at aspd from a neurodivergence sense for the amazing digitial circus as well as some other disorders (all for fun) And which personality disorders fit some of the cast

Aspd got that

Not valueing social or legal norms or morality for their own right (not necessarily against). Can have own morality.

Boredom is severely painful as well as situations where you feel trapped and can't escape easily (aspd has a high comorbidity with agoraphobia according to studies) which leads to urges (not necessarily actions) of harm to self andor others. Hence it having high self harm and suicide attempt rates, impulsivity, anger including lashing out with words or actions, addiction. All for relief.

And "improper response to punishment" meaning doesn't lower behavior but rather causes anger at punisher, doing it behind back, or no change

On average lower or missing or selective with who towards for specific emotions or reactions in regard to affective empathy, care, sompassion, guilt, shame. (Doesn't determine actions)

Now which characters fit that well enough...

JAX AND POMNI

Others fit things too. Ragatha fits the ego seeking and wanting praise and to be looked good of npd.

Gangle fits more the attention seeking of histrionic. With dysthymia's depressive mood typically

Zooble fits more of the not wanting any of it of schizoid

Kinger...like there is some things i could say but so much uncertainty other then autistic.

Also, slight spoiler for ep 4 but gangle was outright extremely abusive in episode 4, I said what I said. Way worse then what Jax had done for all of the episodes total. And no, none of it was deserved, people don't deserve to be abused. I can't believe I have to say that to this fandom.

No disorder makes you bad or abusive, your actions do

Ragatha tieing someone up and making it so they were unable to speak for an entire adventure when the person tied up likely has fear of situations difficult to escape from? Extremely bad. Because of actions. Doesn't matter if she did it for "good emotions"

[wickedhawtwexler]

y'all i am STUPID levels of excited about nanowrimo this year. like i'm actually thinking about setting some really high word count goal for myself, like 100k or something, that is how fucking excited i am.