#(looking at you mr Face and mr Fonzie)

[chiosblog]

Love when a show from the 70s and 80s is notorious to be very conservative in its core/intent but do it so hilariously bad that it become one of the most queer things you'll ever see on tv.

"This manly men doing very macho men things? Well they actually like to cuddle at night with their special male friend/family, they spend every waking hour together and cannot maintain a hetero relationship for shit."

[abbatoirablaze]

Heaven's Demons, Chapter 33

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings:  MAJOR TW:  death of children, car crash, blaming/anger, violence, death of character, manipulation, choking/depiction of someone’s neck being snapped

Fonzie looked up, tears staining his cheeks as he sat in the same hospital waiting room that the men had been in not even a month ago.  His jaw was tight, and he was praying into his hands to a god that he didn’t believe in.

“Get up, brother.”

“Docs won’t tell me shit,” he grumbled, sniffling heavily as he looked at a stoic Barber, “won’t even tell me if they’re alright.”

“They’ll be okay,” he replied, his voice a deadly calm, “Pix is strong.  The boys are st-“

“Mr. Lee?”

Lucas looked up, his blotchy, tear-stained cheeks matching the puffiness of his red eyes.  He stood, coming face to face with the doctor who was pulling a mask off of his face, “I’m Lucas Lee…do you have any news about my girlfriend?  H-how about my boys?”

“Do you know if there was anyone trying to hurt you, Mr. Lee?”

Lucas’ brows furrowed.  That’s when he noticed Lee’s two deputies standing down the hall, Lee coming out of a room, shaking his head.  His heart raced as he thought about all of the enemies of the club, “wh-what does this have to do with anything?  What’s going on?  Lee!  LEE!  BODECKER!  YOU TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AND NOW!”

“Sir I’m going to ask that you calm down,” the doctor said calmly, placing a hand on Lucas’ shoulder, only to be harshly shrugged off a second later, “I’m asking because the police will be speaking with you shortly.”

“What the hell happened?” Lucas growled, gripping the doctor by his scrubs, “my old lady was in a car accident, t-boned by some drunk son of a bitch.  Why the hell are you asking me if someone was trying to hurt me or my family…what do you know?”

“Fonz-FONZ!” Lee growled, grabbing his brother and pulling him from the doctor.  Lucas looked at his club mate, surprised that he had run down the hall and was in front of him, “leave the doc alone.  He’s asking questions because he has to.”

“What the hell happened, sheriff?”

Lee frowned, “Pixie’s brake lines were cut, Fonz…that’s why she got hit.  She couldn’t stop at the red light, and she crossed the freeway…the driver that hit her was drunk, but she ran the red light.”

Lucas stutter stepped away from Lee and he looked at Andy.  Andy looked around at the other members who were standing in the waiting room.  Pretty boy was clinging to Hellcat and had been since the start of the lockdown.  She was crying against his chest. 

Sam had been glaring at Jefferson, making snide comments that ‘maybe it was him,’ while fighting back the urge to kill him on sight.  Levi was looking straight at Barber.

“What is it, Levi?”

“Junkyard dogs,” he said quickly, folding his arms across his chest, “it’s their MO.  They cut brake lines to send messages…hear anything from him lately?”

“Asking about Cherry…but I told him she ran off with Sweetie and Gearz…” Barber shrugged, “haven’t heard anything in about a day or so.”

“Well now you’re hearing from him,” Fonzie growled, glaring between the men, “why would you let me allow Pix and the boys out of my sight when shit is still tight, huh?  When it’s this fucking dangerous…”

“About that Fonz,” Lee sighed sadly.  Fonzie’s eyes shot to Lee’s and it was like he could hear the words before he said them, “you might wanna sit down for this…”

“Wh-what’s going on?” Lucas asked nervously, “something happen to Pix?  Wha-“

“It’s the boys,” Lee frowned, putting a hand on his friend’s shoulder.  Him and Barber shared a look and Lee looked at Lucas, his hand pressing firm enough to push him into the chair, “Sit down, brother.”

“What happened to them, Lee?” Lucas asked nervously, “a-are they in surgery or something?  Did they-“

“Pix didn’t have them in car-seats,” Lee admitted to his friend, “They weren’t even wearing seatbelts when the car was hit…Cairo and Lucas were thrown from the vehicle when it flipped brother…”

Lucas’ heart wrenched in his chest as he looked from his friend to the doctor, tears already starting to fall down his cheeks again, “wh-what are you saying brother?  Wha-what happe-“

“They didn’t make it Fonz,” Lee said with finality, apologizing to him, “I’m sorry brother…the boys are gone.”

Fonz hadn’t been able to look at Pixie since that day. 

He’d lost his two five-year-old sons, and his other set of twins was off in the wind, having run away when they had the chance.  He’d met with Sweetie when Charles never came back to the club, it having been part of their contingency plan. 

“Love you daddy…”

“Daddy come with?”

“Luca and Ro-ro.”

“Daddy can’t go with you…you’re big brothers  are gonna stay with me and Pix,” Lucas frowned, petting his son’s heads, smoothing down their hair, “but you’ll be good for mommy and Jake…right?”

“You our daddy.”

“I know buddy,” he replied, picking up Mikey.  Mikey lovingly wrapped his arms around his father’s neck, while his twin remained a little more reserved, clinging to Sweetie’s leg, “y-you’ll take good care of em…right?”

“Is that really a doubt in your mind, Lucas?” Sweetie asked softly.  He bit his lip and shook his head.  She frowned, “you could come with us, you know…you, Pix, and the boys?”

“I can’t leave, and we both know that, Sweetie…”

“Lucas…”

He shuddered, leaning into her hand when she held it against his cheek.

“I’ll be okay, Ellianna,” he promised, kissing her palm, “just take good care of our boys…and don’t let them forget me.”

“They won’t, Lucas…”

“I love you Elli…”

“I love you too, Lucas.”

“We should have left just like Sweetie and Gearz,” she growled, glaring at her boyfriend.  Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes as she looked away from him, “i-I lost my boys because of your fucking club.”

“This is not my fault,” he said quickly, shooting a murderous glare at her, “you didn’t even put them in their car-seats.  You didn’t even put a seat belt on them for christ sakes.  If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s yours, Pixie!  Sweetie wouldn’t have ever put the boys in that kind of danger!”

“Sweetie this…Sweetie that!” she seethed, glaring at him, “if you fucking love Sweetie so much maybe you should have gone chasing after her instead of letting her run off with Mikey, Dylan, and Gearz.  Bet he loves playing daddy to them.”

“YOU DON’T GET TO SPEAK ABOUT MY OTHER BOYS!” he roared, throwing his beer against the wall, “YOU DON’T GET TO TALK ABOUT HOW THEY’RE BEING RAISED.  BECAUSE LOVE OR HATE HER, SWEETIE IS DOING WHAT SHE NEEDS TO, TO KEEP MY FUCKING SONS ALIVE!”

She glared at him, breathing heavily, “I hate you.”

“Well join the god damn club, Pix,” he growled in response, sniffling back his own tears, “and get me another fucking beer.”

She reached down into the speed well and pulled a chilled beer from the cooler.  Uncapping it, she slid it back across the bar top.  She waited for a few minutes before speaking again.

“We could leave like they did, you know…”

Fonz glared at her, “I’m not fucking leaving, Pix.”

“We could press restart on us…like Sweetie probably did with Gearz…Fonz, we could leave…don’t take a thing…leave right now and they wouldn’t even realize it til morning…but by then we’d be long gone.”

“No one’s going anywhere.”

Pixie froze.  The angry, hard tone was coming from none other than Andy Barber himself.  She looked away from Fonz and swallowed hard. 

“A-Andy…wh-what are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” he said in a cold tone, “and I’m glad I couldn’t…if you’re trying to talk Fonz into running off with you into the sunset.”

“I didn’t-I-I wouldn’-“

Andy held up his hand, stopping Pixie from speaking.  Taking a few steps towards her, he stopped at the edge of the bar, looking over to Fonz, “you wouldn’t leave…would you, brother?”

Fonzie looked away, and Andy grunted to himself and shook his head, “Looks like you’ve got him re-thinking things…”

“Andy-“ she stuttered, stepping backwards until the small of her back hit the edge of the bar top, “Andy, I was just talking.”

“Talking can be dangerous when you’re filling people’s heads with ideas they don’t need.  He just lost his boys, Pix…and you’re filling his head with all this shit,” Andy said simply.  He reached forward and grabbed Pixie by her throat.  She shrieked before her air supply began to be cut off, her hands fumbling to scratch at Andy’s hand, clawing into the flesh.  But Andy barely paid her any attention.  He turned his gaze to Fonzie, “you thinking about leaving, brother?”

“I wa-wasn’t…”

“Don’t lie to me,” Andy said simply, his grip tightening around her throat.  Fonzie felt like he couldn’t move as he watched his president choking the life out of his old lady.  Pixie’s arms began flailing and she tried to grab something, anything that could help her, “you tell me the truth right now or I’ll kill the little fucking cunt.”

“Andy, I-“

“Were you thinking about leaving?” he growled.

Fonzie didn’t answer and Andy’s other hand joined his first at her throat. 

“Barber, please.”

“Tell me, Fonz…”

“Yes…okay…yes!” he said quickly, “just please…let her go.   She didn’-“

But Fonz stopped speaking when he heard a sickening crack.  Andy’s hands looked awkward over Pixie’s neck as it bent at a weird angle.  Andy’s gaze returned towards Fonzie’s as he dropped Pixie’s corpse to the floor. 

He picked up a bar rag and began to clean his hands off before tossing it on top of the counter, “there’s only one way you’re getting out, Fonz…and that’s it…now clean up your old lady before the others come in and see her.  Last thing I need is the corpse of your little whore rotting up the bar and scaring people.”

Chapter 34

Tag list:  @lohnes16, @elbell20-blog, @stockholmdolly, @terrormonster55, @dontbescaredtosingalong, @tenaciousperfectionunknown

[themissinghippogriff]

| not my fault | drabble

Charlie x Reader

Description: You and Charlie are found in a broom closet by a prefect and await your howlers the next day. 

W.C: 800

requested: No smut just a little steam

0000

    “ C’mon, (y/n)!” whispered Charlie as he pulled you by your hand down another dark corridor. You grinned wickedly as you suppressed your laugh, “ Slow down!” you whispered back. 

He didn’t listen but only went faster, “ We need to hurry before, Filch catches us,” he said as he pulled you into a broom closet, “ I think Ms. Norris is around here somewhere, and if we get caught again we’re dead,” 

You giggled and took his face and your hands before kissing him on the nose, “ At least we’ll both be dead, huh?” you joked. 

He grinned before peppering your face with kisses, causing you to laugh at the tickling sensation, but then he moved down. The kisses became less frequent and lingered longer and as he would pull away he would make sure to suck your neck the smallest bit, making you shudder. 

Your fingers moved through his red hair and you let out a contented sigh, “ I thought we had to hurry,” you hummed as he began to unbutton your shirt. He huffed a laugh onto your (y/s/t) skin, “ The astronomy tower can wait,” he mumbled, sliding your shirt off of your arms. 

You grinned, about to tell him you couldn’t stay in one spot for too long when the door swung open to reveal a prefect. She yelped at the sight of you two and her hand flew to her blue eyes, her pale face beet red, “ G-Get out!” she stuttered.

Great. 

-

The next morning you and Charlie were nervous wrecks. Your knees bounced up and down as you both waited for the owl posts to come, you both already knowing your parents were pissed. 

“ Why look so nervous, Charlie?” quipped a twelve-year-old Fred Weasley.

George nodded, looking between the two teens, “ Yeah! I mean you're going to be outta of the house anyway when you graduate, who cares if it’s just a tad early!” 

Charlie flashed the two innocent looking second years a glare before turning back to you, “ It’s going to be two howlers for us, I know it- Oh Merlin, your parents are going to hate me…” he said miserably, resisting the urge to bang his head on the table. 

You shrugged, “ Like Dumb and Dumber said,” you sighed pointing to the twins who practically glowed at the nicknames, “ We’re already moving out, but this is just going to speed up the process,” 

He scoffed, “ Real optimist are you hm?” 

You smiled before biting into a piece of toast, “ Well I blame you for this whole mess, you should be able to keep your hands off me!” you quipped. 

Charlie’s jaw dropped, “ Me?! What about you?!” 

You shook your head, “ No, you see, it’s not my fault I find you irresistibly attractive, it’s quidditches fault!” you said defensively poking his muscular bicep. 

He covered his chest with his arms and feigned a hurt look, “ I can’t believe it! I feel used!” 

You felt your self smirk, “ Well get used to it, babe,” you jibed but stopped laughing when you saw Errol and your own family’s owl, Fonzy. 

 Errol landed first and everyone gasped at the sight of two howlers. The hall grew quiet and you and Charlie braced yourself for the explosion of noise.

Mrs. Weasley’s voice echoed throughout the hall first, “ AGAIN?! AGAIN?! ,” the howler said in disbelief, and then of course yours busted open at that time.

“ YOU TOO! STOP ACTING LIKE SOME CORNER WHORE!” screamed your mother, your mouth dropped and you fought the urge to laugh at her choice of words, “ But it’s just too easy!” you said to the letter. 

Before your mother could say another word Mrs. Weasley rounded in again on Charlie, “ STOP RUNNING AROUND THE SCHOOL LIKE SOME SILLY TEENAGER, YOU’RE TO GRADUATE IN ONLY A FEW MONTHS-!”

“ EXACTLY!” cut in your mother, “ IF I GET ONE MORE LETTER YOU’VE RUN OFF WITH CHARLIE I’M GOING TO HAVE PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL HAVE YOU CLEAN THE QUIDDITCH LOCKER ROOMS WITH NO MAGIC-!”

“- AND I’LL HAVE YOU, CHARLIE WEASLEY, FEEDING THE GIANT SQUID PUDDING WITH A SPOON!” 

The letters blew up in your faces and then the twins burst into maniacal laughter while a girl who you knew had a crush on Charlie looked crestfallen, it helped that you didn’t like her.

The two of you hadn’t really cared to share your relationship with others but now that your parents outed the two of you it was hard to escape the bewildered glances the two of you got from your peers.

 You allowed your head to thump onto the table while Charlie buried his red face into his hands. You peaked up at him and smiled, “ Well we just have to make sure we don’t get caught for now on,” 

Charlie smirked, “ I like the way you think, love,”

-

[derivativealigner]

I rewatched the second season of South Park and took so many notes that I had to split them into two parts. Like seriously, I took so. many. notes. And pictures this time. I started rewatching just in case I’d find some cool little facts to sprinkle into my fanfic but I went way too far and now there’s a million facts under this cut (including gay stan, a domestic violence psa, and craig fucking dying)

Stan doesn’t like hospitals, he finds them gross and he gets sick 🤮. Also the hospital in South Park is called Hell’s Pass hospital. Early seasons have the name as Hells Pass but it gets fixed later

Cartman has to sing all of Come Sailing Away by Styx if he hears a part of it. After he says this, Kyle sings the first part and Cartman has to sing the rest. Kyle does it again later, which is kinda mean

Cartman’s mom tries to abort Cartman, who is an eight-year-old child and thus cannot be legally aborted. Later, after she slept with Bill Clinton to change the law and make 40th trimester abortions legal, it turns out she meant adoption

Kenny sacrifices himself to turn on the generator to the hospital and save Dr. Mephesto’s life along with others. He says “I’ll fucking do it” then does it and dies, absolute legend

Cartman gets way too into his deputy role. He goes undercover, pretends to be a prostitute, says “Respect my authoritah!” a lot and beats people up with his police stick

Kenny’s brother first appears when Cartman responds to a call about a disturbance at Kenny’s house. Apparently there are like 10 adult family members in the house at that time. Kenny’s dad has a black eye because Kenny’s mom punched him. She says he can’t hold a job

Token sits in the classroom in season 2

Cartman starts hating hippies in this season, like a lot

Chef tells the boys that the right time to do drugs is in college

Ike’s name is Ike Moisha Broflovski and he was born in 1996, making him 2 years old in 1998 when this season aired

This is probably obvious but yeah Kyle and Ike are circumcised

Kyle says family isn’t just blood, it’s who you care about, and he says “That’s why you guys are more than just friends, you’re my family. Except for Cartman.”

Craig’s finally sitting in the classroom in S02E04

None of the boys like dodgeball

Clyde gets a dodgeball to the face and he cries :( and he’s the only one who cries by the way

Pip throws a dodgeball in Kyle’s face and breaks Kyle’s nose

When Kyle’s mom tells the boys about conjoined twin myslexia (which isn’t a real term) and says anyone might’ve absorbed their dead twin in the womb, Stan and Cartman run away screaming but Kenny and Kyle stay to listen. Kenny even leans in to look at the book “Freaks A-Z!” that Mrs. Broflovski is reading from, and when she leaves, Kyle grimaces and Kenny laughs

Stan’s mom (Sharon) calls Kyle’s mom (Sheila) when Stan is all freaked out and trying to put an icepick through his brain, and Sharon tells Sheila to get run over by a truck. Sharon is pretty mean in these early episodes

Mr. Broflovski doesn’t really listen to what Mrs. Broflovski is saying, bad husband >:(

South Park’s team is always called South Park Cows no matter the sport

The school nurse, Nurse Gollum, went to Colorado State University

I just realized Butters exists. I think he appeared before S02E05 but I didn’t notice but yeah he’s there with the dodgeball team, injured

Here’s a picture to make up for my disgusting anti-Butters bias

Kenny’s dodgeball uniform number is 69 obviously. Kyle is 7, Stan is 4, Cartman is 325

Sheila smacks Gerald in the face so hard he falls off his chair, lots of violence perpetrated by women in this show. Remember, don’t do domestic violence no matter your gender, it’s not cool

I realized after this whole Butters thing that I should’ve made more notes about Pip, so I’ll make a note about his anger issues now. When people call him French, he gets angry and throws dodgeballs at them

The boys launch a jelly roll at Ms. Crabtree and make her crash the bus. They do it just for fun

The kids somehow go to China in the school bus

Cartman references Moby Dick, but he probably doesn’t know what he’s talking about

Kevin Stoley gets named in S02E05 and has his first speaking role when he says he has Chinese parents and after Cartman hears it he immediately says something racist. smh cartman, what a problematic fave

Cartman says “I love you guys 😊” but Stan and Kyle just stare at him and he goes 😐 “Eh, screw you guys 😠”

If Jimbo and Ned really fought in Vietnam, they youngest they could’ve been in 1998 is early forties, which means in the latest seasons they would be early sixties. Btw they met in Vietman

Jesus and Pals is a recurring TV show in seasons 1 and 2. Jesus just kind of lives in South Park

I just remembered that Terrance and Phillip are really old in canon, it’s so weird, like how can South Park canon still be changing, it’s been 20 years

Also the early seasons are casually racist who knew

Kenny flashes his ass on a tape the boys send to Jimbo and Ned’s TV show, which airs and at least 12 people see Kenny’s bare naked ass

Cartman really doesn’t like hippies in these early seasons. He throws a chair at Ned and yells, “Take that, hippie!” (Ned is in a catatonic state and did nothing to provoke this)

Jimbo and Ned live together I guess. Jimbo’s gonna take Ned home and show him some hardcore porn to snap him out of his catatonic state, good husband unlike Gerald Broflovski

Saddam Hussein is in hell and has a Canadian accent and is Satan’s lover in S02E06, I guess he died in Canada in the first episode this season but I wasn’t paying much attention since that’s the Terrance and Phillip episode that pissed a bunch of people off in 1998 because the audience wanted to know who Cartman’s dad is instead. It was kind of a boring episode so I understand why everyone was pissed, but it is funny that Matt and Trey did that so I’m not mad about it

Aww look at them!!! We’ve got background Style, the vaguest inkling of Crenny, and Cartman/Cake

I’d take more screenshots but it’s a pain since I’m watching legally and stupid legal websites block screenshots so I have to find youtube videos instead ughhhh piracy is the answer kids

Apparently there’s a huge waterfall and canyon somewhere close to South Park, maybe? At least in Stan’s dream

Mary Kay Bergman was an incredible voice actor. How the hell did she voice all the moms, Wendy, Shelly, principle Victoria, the mayor, Nurse Gollum, and fucking Ms. Crabtree??? Holy shit what a queen

Kenny has some feelings about death. He reimagines the episode where death boops him to death and in his version, he beats death the fuck up, then has ice cream and is happy 😊 But again, this is in Stan’s dream

S02E07 kind of establishes that nobody remembers Kenny dying because when Cartman tells a story where Kenny dies, Kyle questions how Kenny could’ve died then when he also died just a few hours ago when a giant monster took him

rip craig, he falls out the bus and into a canyon

But it’s okay because it was all Stan’s dream so everything in the episode is questionable. Everything after this is no longer a dream

Pip’s parents are dead and he has to go to summer school while everyone else is having a nice summer break

Officer Barbrady and the mayor are having sexual relations, I’m sure this is the most interesting note I’ve made so far. Idk I’m just writing everything down, this is how I enjoy things, I have no off switch

Ew summer bus stop, cursed

Kyle casually sings little tunes every once in a while, how cute

This is pretty obvious but Kenny likes dirty jokes, he laughs when Cartman innocently says he loves Chef’s salty chocolate balls (which are chocolate candy). Nobody else laughs

Cartman says “Screw you guys, I’m going home” or variations of it a lot in this season

So Stan throws up when he likes someone, right? Well, he’s watching an indie movie about two gay cowboys who start making out and he throws up, which is either a terrible homophobic joke or confirmation that Stan’s a little gay. I know which one I prefer

Kyle says Mr. Hankey is his best friend after Stan. Like I know it’s definitely canon that Stan and Kyle are best friends but it’s still nice to see confirmation, it’s very precious. Also Kyle is best friends with literal shit, so cute 😊

Kenny deaths:

S02E02 Kenny sacrifices himself by connecting a generator wire, which electrocutes him but brings power back to a hospital

S02E03 A tree falls on Kenny and crushes him

S02E04 Kenny falls in a grave and the gravestone falls on him

S02E05 The Chinese dodgeball team throws a ball at Kenny and he gets splattered against a wall

S02E06 Two guys pull on Kenny and tear him in half, as in one has the head and one has the legs

S02E07 A big scary monster plucks Kenny out of the school bus and carries him away. Also in Cartman’s fake memory of Fonzi jumping over cars, the motorcycle hits Kenny and crushes him against a brick wall. Kenny gets smashed against walls a lot, doesn’t he?

S02E08 Flashback: Baby Kenny has a firecracker and it explodes, sprinkling little baby Kenny parts everywhere. Later in the episode, current day Kenny dies when a giant firework snake bumps him off a stage and under a fence, which then crushes him.

S02E09 Kenny is playing with a yoyo outside a movie theatre when a bunch of people come outside and trample him to death. They say “Oh my God, I found a penny!” and “You bastard!”

I’ll post part 2 of season 2 in a couple days. I’m having way more fun writing these stupid notes than I thought I would (also gnomes is coming up soon and i am fucking ready for tweek)

[wedreamerz]

The Island of Maravu - Chapter 2

The Island of Maravu

Chapter 2 - The Bunker

Pairing: Starker AU (Peter is 22)

Rated: Overall: E / Chapter: T

Status: WIP

Summary: The Avengers are in shambles and Tony Stark just needs to get out from under the fallout. So, he does what every genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist does - he buys an island. Maravu is just the escape Tony is looking for until one morning a beautiful young man arrives with secrets and a smile that makes Tony’s broken heart beat again.

Some Tags: AU, A little angst, Smut and Fluff is the goal here people but I can’t just do that apparently without backstory and plot. No real trigger warnings that I can think of unless water or storms are an issue for you. If you run into something I didn’t think of, let me know.

Chapter 1

~~~~~~~~~~

The birds hated him. They were in cahoots. Thirty-three days on Maravu and the birds woke him up before the sun every freaking morning. Tony stirred, rolled over and scowled at the open window. They were at it again.

He groaned and put a pillow over his head.

"Friday, play something loud."

"Playing your Something Loud playlist," Friday said. Tony rolled his eyes, noting the amusement in her voice before the opening guitar riff of Def Leppard's Photograph blasted through the speakers.

The cabin, a simple, but cozy one-room affair with a fireplace, sofa, kitchenette and dining room table, suited him perfectly. One of the two luxury items he'd insisted upon, besides Friday and the technical upgrades he'd made, was the queen-sized bed that dominated the bedroom area of the cabin. He'd have flown in a king if it would have fit. But even the queen was pushing it.

The cabin came equipped with an attached bathroom and shower. But Tony had grown accustomed to showering in the original, outdoor shower that ran using accumulated rainwater. Something about showering outside in the sun brought out the hedonist in him.

During his first week on Maravu, Tony installed a self-sustained arc reactor to solve the electricity problem and ensured they’d had fast reliable wi-fi. The plantation resumed operation the following week with Mr. Umbari as manager. Tony liked the huge mountain of a man. They worked well together and at the end of a long day, he often sought out his calming presence at the community fire that burned in the village's center courtyard most evenings.

They would talk about the day and share a drink before retiring. Tony liked to watch him talk, his expressive, deeply lined face and white, wiry hair and beard that stood up as though it had a mind of its own. Mr. Umbari had learned to speak English by watching episodes of old American shows like MASH and Happy Days and Tony found himself smiling when now and then he recognized a familiar phrase. When the reactor went live, Mr. Umbari had celebrated by giving Tony the double Fonzie thumbs before dragging him into a chest busting hug.

For the most part, the islanders didn't intrude on Tony’s solitude. Mr. Umbari was a fair and able leader, so Tony didn't get involved in the day to day operations unless they needed him. But periodically he'd be working in the lab he’d set up near his cabin and hear someone call out "Turaga Ni Kaukamea!" Tony would look outside to see someone emerge from the trees and request his assistance at the plantation.

Mr. Umbari addressed him as Mr. Stark even after Tony had invited him to call him by his first name. But the rest of the islanders called him Turaga Ni Kaukamea or sometimes just Kaukamea. Friday had translated it as basically Man of Iron.

So, they were aware of who he was. But no one ever asked to see the suit or wondered why he'd chosen to live on the island when it was clear his own house was in such disarray. They didn't bring it up at all. They expressed their gratitude in humble ways and treated him like anyone else on the island, which was perfect with Tony.

He peeked out from under his pillow to find that the sky has lightened into a midnight blue with the faint orange glow of dawn creeping up behind the windowsill.

"Okay, okay. Stop the music and start the coffee," he said, giving in. "And play me something tropical.”

"You do realize that the current temperature is 76 degrees with a humidity of 94%?" Friday asked as the sound of steel drums and ukulele began.

"My body still thinks it's December in New York, don't judge me," Tony snarked back, smiling when the coffee pot came to life. The rich aroma of the local blend infused his little cabin as the sun crested the horizon.

Tony threw back the sheet and stretched. He drew a deep breath and padded naked across the wood floor to the little kitchenette that consisted of the smallest stove he'd ever seen, a microwave, and a refrigerator that was straight out of the '70s in avocado green. The fanciest thing in the kitchen was his second luxury item – his beloved Concordia espresso machine.

He poured a cup into one of the chipped mugs that had come with the place and took it outside to the fire pit he'd built in the dooryard. His cabin was far enough away from the beach to be safe from the tide but close enough that his view from the fire was the perfect place to watch the sun come up. Tony lit the fire and settled into his camp chair with his coffee to do just that.

Although he tried to focus on his plans for the day, his mind wandered down paths he preferred to avoid. He tried not to spend his time worrying about the wayward Avengers, Rhodey, and the countless ways he had and continued to fail Pepper. But in those quiet moments when it was just him and the traitorous birds, Tony let it in.

He rubbed his chest. Like a phantom limb, it ached as it had for months after his last meeting with Steve.

And Barnes.

Tony sighed. Pepper had insisted he see a shrink after everything went down. He'd gone - a couple of times. But he still couldn't talk about it. Hell, he couldn't even think about it without igniting the flame of resentment and hatred. Logically he understood that Barnes had been brainwashed by Hydra. He was no more responsible for his actions than Clint had been for what he'd done when under the power of Loki's scepter.

Nevertheless, here Tony was. If Barnes were to materialize before him, Tony would probably try to bash his head in with a coconut.

Probably. Maybe.

Barnes may have the benefit of Tony’s doubt, the mind-controlled pass. But Steve...Cap…he’d made his choices all on his own. Tony oscillated between hope and fear that the big, stubborn man would get caught. He had no idea what he would say to the man if he ever saw him again. But he had the little burner phone Steve had mailed to Tony Stank tucked into his sock drawer nonetheless.

The temperature had risen just a little. On the horizon, Tony spied a rain cloud, one of those slow-moving clouds you could watch approach with its sheets of rain that blanketed the island at least once a day.

He frowned.

"Friday, what's the weather supposed to be like today?"

"Fair in the morning with severe thunderstorms rolling in at approximately 1:34 P.M."

"I suppose I should get started then," he said, gulping down the rest of his coffee. He put the mug in the sink and fished a fresh pair of shorts and a t-shirt from his dresser. It was time to check on the arc reactor.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Boss, the Fiji Meteorological Society has issued a tropical storm warning with potential for rotation in this area and is expected it hit earlier than expected," Friday warned.

Tony crawled out from under the arc reactor's electronics panel and adjusted his glasses.

"How bad?" he asked, wiping his hands on a towel. He peered up at the doughnut-shaped reactor housing. The walls of the cave in which he'd built it flickered blue and purple as it purred softly.

There was a certain amount of poetic justice in this, he thought. He'd started this in a cave. And now here he was again, minus the car battery and armed guards. And this arc reactor was designed only to help.

Tony climbed a small set of metal stairs, freshly painted safety yellow, which led to the ground floor. He opened a set of doors and entered the circular antechamber where islanders could look through the reinforced glass at the arc reactor below. They'd installed bunker doors at the mouth of the cave for emergencies. But they were usually left open to the public. The reactor itself was locked and protected by Friday. No one entered without Tony's knowledge.

Outside, the palm trees swayed and here and there little puffs of dirt from the path twisted into the air with leaves and rocks. Tony had been in the reactor bunker for a few hours and the wind had picked up considerably.

"Radar indicates wind speed of approximately 22 miles per hour. No active rotation," Friday said.

Tony chewed his lip and considered the news. When he'd moved in, Mr. Umbari had gone over their storm preparedness plan. The island had a storm bunker for its inhabitants. As though he'd summoned the man, Mr. Umbari and his orange menace of a golf cart sped around the corner. He slid in next to Tony's red cart, barely missing the tail end as he turned the sharp corner. Tony chuckled and shook his head as Mr. Umbari unfolded his long legs and climbed out from under the orange and white striped canopy.  He hurried toward the bunker as the first drops of rain plip-plopped against his yellow rain slicker. As soon as he saw Tony Mr. Umbari grinned and waved. Tony ushered him inside and hit the button to close the bunker doors.

"Mr. Stark. The boys said you were here," Mr. Umbari said, entering through the single door.

"Yeah, I was just checking on the reactor, giving her a tune-up. Friday says we've got a storm on the way?"

Mr. Umbari had been introduced to the AI and he seemed completely charmed by her.

He smiled at the ceiling. "Hello, Ms. Friday. Thank you for keeping Mr. Stark so informed."

"It's my pleasure, Sir," she answered in her pleasant Irish lilt earning a grin from Mr. Umbari.

"Unfortunately, Ms. Friday is correct, Sir. Since this is your first storm on the island, I wanted to make sure that you were safe."

"Thanks for your concern. I'll finish up here and go down to the cabin, batten down the hatches and be in the bunker in time for dinner, Dad." Tony smiled at the large man as he put away his tools."

Mr. Umbari laughed, deep and genuine. "Good, good. I'm glad to hear it. I hear that Skillet has already begun a pot of lamb stew for the occasion."

Tony's stomach growled at the thought of food and he realized he hadn't eaten yet today.

"Skillet's cooking?" Tony asked and Mr. Umbari grinned.

"If Skillet's in the kitchen I'm not gonna miss it," Tony said.

Kitchen wizard and culinary school dropout, Skillet worked the plantation to help pay off his student loans. But one meal at Skillet's table told Tony that the young Fijian was wasting his talents.

Tall, whip-thin, with long black curls he kept up in a messy bun most days, the kid could cook rings around the overpriced chefs at any of the five-star Manhattan restaurants. Tony had offered to pay his debt and set him up in a spot of his own, wherever he wanted. But Skillet turned him down every time.

Tony, being Tony, had been trying to come up with a loophole that kid would accept to no avail. But he had one final trick up his sleeve he planned to save until the right moment. As Tony's chef, Skillet would both pay down his debt and have his talents recognized by the top critics around the world at the events Tony threw. It was a win-win for both of them.

Mr. Umbari nodded, evidently pleased with Tony's response.

"Good. Good. I should go to make sure the animals are safe. I will see you there, my friend! Goodbye, Ms. Friday," he said.

Tony smiled, amused at the way the islanders treated everything with a relaxed acceptance. Even in the face of a potentially damaging storm, they prepared for a gathering of families.

"See you there."

~~~~~~~~~~

Tony stepped into the storm bunker and was immediately enveloped in the delicious aroma of stew and fresh bread. He breathed in deeply and looked around the room, impressed by the setup. The bunker looked like a basement with concrete walls and floors. A bar and small kitchen stood on the right side of the room where Skillet was working his magic. The left side was lined with padded seats. They'd made the cold, grey room into a warm and comfortable place to gather with tapestries on the walls, and woven rugs and pillows on the floors.

"Turaga ni kaukamea!" several children called and swarmed, reaching up to be held and tugging him toward the group of adults who sat at the tables lined up end to end in the center of the room.

"Oh hey!" he exclaimed when a little girl who couldn't be more than four climbed him like a palm tree. The adults laughed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He sat down in one of the folding chairs and held her on his lap.

"Kaukamea, what are you building in your lab? Filipe says you have a ghost and you talk to it. Does it help you build things?" she asked.

"Who told you that?"

The little girl pointed to a boy with bronze skin and wide, curious eyes. He looked up at Tony in fascination from the safety of his mother's arms.

"Filipe?" Tony asked with a raised eyebrow. The boy nodded dramatically.

"And what's your name?" Tony asked the girl.

"Sara," she said.

"Nice to meet you, Sara and Filipe. It just so happens that I am currently working on some upgrades to the arc reactor technology that runs the island. Have you seen the new bunker?"

All the children nodded in unison.

"So, if...and Filipe, I'm looking at you here… IF someone were sneaking around my lab, they may have heard me talking to Friday, who is not a ghost. She's more like a really, really smart computer who can talk."

"Is she smarter than you?" Sara asked, wide-eyed.

"Well...technically, yes. I built her. But I taught her to learn. She has access to all the information on the internet. So, she knows like...everything."

"Woooow," the children chorused.

"Right? She’s crazy smart.”

"Kaukamea, can we meet Friday?” Sara asked. "I have a computer at home. But it's never spoken to me before. Do you think if I brought it over, Friday could teach it how to talk?"

The children murmured their agreement, each of them wanting Friday to teach their computers to talk too. Tony noticed that the adults had stopped what they were doing to listen to the conversation.

Tong chuckled. "Unfortunately, your home computers aren't quite as smart as Friday. But if it's okay with your parents, you can come by the lab to meet Friday. But listen, it's super important that if you come to visit me that you don't go into the lab by yourself. You never know what I'm working on. And it could be dangerous. Do you all understand?"

The children agreed and ran off to play. The adults chuckled and resumed their conversations. Sara wiggled down from his lap and grabbed Filipe's hand.

"I told you there wasn't a ghost," she said.

"Well, it sounded like a ghost," he said.

"Sorry about that," one of the women said, taking a seat next to Tony. "The children are so curious about you. I'm Delana, Sara's mother." She held out her hand and Tony shook it with a smile. Delana was a little younger than Tony with caramel skin and sleek black hair she wore swept up in a ponytail.

"It's okay. I'm used to it. I just wanted to make sure they don't get hurt."

"Thank you for looking out for them. And for everything you've done for the island. When Mr. Umbari was forced to sell, we thought that everyone here would be forced off the island. But you swooped in and allowed us to keep our homes, brought reliable electricity and Wi-Fi, and helped us keep our jobs. You have truly been a blessing."

Tony nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I'm glad I could do some good," he said.

Delana tilted her head; she studied him a moment before smiling and patting his hand. "Let me get you some stew," she said finally before getting up and heading to the kitchen where people had begun to get in line.

Tony tuned in to the conversations around him. The people spoke in a mix of English and Fijian. Friday helped by providing translation on the lenses of his glasses and he followed the conversations. Delana returned with a big bowl of stew and a plate piled with roti, a flatbread the islanders seemed to have at almost every meal.

The storm hit late in the evening with everyone gathered around a large pot-bellied stove as Mr. Umbari told stories to the nervous children. They invited Tony into one of the wooden rocking chairs by the fire. He'd refused several times because although he owned the island and everyone had been more than welcoming, Tony couldn't shake the sense that he was still an outsider, merely a means to an end for these people. But eventually, he accepted and as the wind howled outside and Friday fed him updates about the storm, Tony drifted off to sleep in the warmth of the fire.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List: Let me know if you’d like to be added/removed

@caseyhasissues @iroironfestivalgoopmaker @unicornpower5301

[layesica]

2019: It was a year that ends tonight.

2018 was rough, right? Well, so was 2019!

I did not feel like writing this, but it’s a tradition now, so for the fifth year in a row, here’s what I did all year with some of the crappy crap that made it not the greatest. I can’t promise an unwavering sense of optimism, but it’s okay. I’m okay. Here we go!

JANUARY Went to The Not Inappropriate Show at UCB curated by the Odenkirks, then Spent New Years Eve at Dynasty Typewriter with Ian & Emily. It was fun, but... eh. Home is better, y’all. Home is always better. Did a couple performances of a show at Second City – A Fonzie Scheme. It was fun. I was in an improv class at The Pack. I think it was Improv 4. The last weekend of January, Very Famous went to Sketchfest, which was super amazing. That’s, like, a goal. And even though it had pretty much nothing to do with anything I did, it was cool. And it was fun. And I was at a party with Neil Patrick Harris and I was SUPER cool about it.

Went to stuff: LA Times screening of Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse. It was free, and I would have never seen it otherwise. I enjoyed it. It was good.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Toasted Coconut Milk & Cookies (V)

FEBRUARY Made a return trip with Ian & Emily to San Francisco. Well, Oakland with an SF jaunt. I don’t have any cool stories, but Emily fought a seagull for her cookie and won, and that was pretty badass. On the drive back, there was a ton of snow just on the other side of the Angeles National Forest. I wasn’t excited enough to get out of the car, but snow is nice to look at. Oh, I had lunch with one of the head writers on my dream show that my old roommate met at the gym. I am terrible at networking.

Went to stuff: LA Times screening of VICE. It was free, and I would have seen it... eventually. It was... a bit... self-indulgent.

Salt & Straw Flavor: “The Chocolatier Series” = Jeni’s Coffee & Sweet Cream

MARCH Auditioned for a house improv team at The Pack. I didn’t mention working with a practice group all of February & March to prep for that. The biggest bummer about not getting on a team may have been the loss of that practice group. It was fun while it lasted.

Went to stuff: Saw comedy dads, Bob & David, at Largo. They asked for volunteers, and I almost passed just thinking about it. Ian & Emily jumped up there. Good for them!

Salt & Straw Flavor: Smoked Sea Salt & Chocolate Crack

APRIL Interviewed for a new job at one of the guilds. HEY! I owe the government $3700. That’s fun! I went ahead and added a good purse to my new 0 APR card.

Went to stuff: Dana Gould Podcast at Dynasty Typewriter. Panel with Conan Writers at Lyric Hyperion. For some reason, I saw Avengers: Endgame. I dunno. I feel like I should see it through for some reason. Deadline did their day-long FYC event, The Contenders, at Paramount, so I spent all day seeing so many people from TV and eating so much yummy food in between. Amazon FYC at Hollywood Athletic Club – went mostly for the building. Prime seat at Conan taping.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Wildflower Honey with Ricotta Walnut Lace Cookies – I wait all year for this to roll around again!

MAY We were supposed to have a call for a travel show on Buzzfeed, but they ghosted us. I went camping with a huge group at Idyllwild, which would have been fun, but it was FREEZING and I got SUPER sick on the second day. After a few days, I got better and got the guild job. Free insurance, baby! (More on that later.) Bought a Universal pass.

Went to stuff: A UCB show with people from Chicago. Free Booksmart screening with Q&A. Such a good movie! LA Times panel for Broad City. I never really watched it, but I would love to have a partnership like that! Netflix FYSee for Nanette. Guys, people are like vultures for the passed trays. Adam Sandler at Dynasty Typewriter. Attended the actual red carpet, fancy-pants premiere of Amazon’s Late Night. It was enjoyable and not at all realistic, and I could not stop staring at John Early in the theater. He glows!

Salt & Straw Flavor: Pear & Blue Cheese

JUNE Went to stuff: FYSee for Dead To Me. I had not seen it yet, but then I watched it and it’s good. JV show at UCB with Paul F Tompkins. Did a lap at the AT&T Shape event that is always free. I only go to be on the WB lot where I would like to be more often. Like, 40+ hours a week more often. That’s it. I just went to stuff.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Campfire S’mores (with Brian)

JULY SO. MANY. EARTHQUAKES. After the third one, it stopped being cute. Went for a drive to the Angeles Forest and hiked to a waterfall. Did a sketch with Very Famous at Packcon. It was a small group, so I got a part! Huzzah!

Went to stuff: Saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood at the Cinerama dome. (First visit!) Not a great idea because I kept trying to pick out the scenery and got a bit of motion sickness. Shirtless Brad Pitt on a roof in the ‘70s is nice.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Goat Cheese Marionberry Habanero (2x)

AUGUST Went on a random overnight to San Jose. Time to get panicky about Pack Sketch Teams! I did what I should have done last year and requested to be moved. I loved the people on my team, but I wasn’t getting a return on investment for myself. And that’s no fun. Did a show called Gibberish with Duckboi as Sharon Osborne and wore a great wig. Sketch is fun. Fell off my bike & got bruised legs.

Went to stuff: Mike O’Brien & Friends at Lyric Hyperion. Saw some Pack shows to be a supportive. Put up a sketch at GSY.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Green Fennel & Maple

SEPTEMBER Started working tech at UCB. It’s pretty easy. I get to see new faces... and old faces, too. I have no more comedy theaters to work at. Well, unless someone is going to pay me real money. My vision has been getting blurrier, so I went to the eye doctor to get new glasses. Ended up getting referred to a specialist for a “freckle” in my eyeball, but had to wait a month to go. Submitted a character video for Pack Sketch performer auditions. Got a callback! That’s one step further than last years attempt, and I actually came up with characters and I was pretty proud of it. Came up with more characters, then faced the fear of being on a stage all by myself while trying to be funny. I felt good about it. It used to take a day to find out, but not this time...

Link to Character Audition Video

Went to stuff: Got an AMAZING ticket (location & price) to see Skintight at the Geffen with friggin’ Idina Menzel. She is a queen! It’s a cute theater I should go to more stuff at. Saw Scott Thompson as Buddy Cole at the Lyric Hyperion. So good! I think I’ve seen the evolving show every year I’ve lived here. My face hurts for several days after. Lyndsey got a fancy job and invited me to the Dreamworks Friends & Family screening of Abominable. Would not have seen it. It was cute. Thanks, Lyndsey!

Salt & Straw Flavor: Forgettable

OCTOBER Flew to Denver for my cousin’s wedding. I almost typed, “weeding.” That’s Colorado for you. It was my first time to see my family all year. The time just got away from me. I got a late flight out and spent the day walking around Denver on my own. Went to a good bookstore. Ate some Giordano’s. Left my luggage in a van. Found out I got cut from Very Famous – also, Very Famous got cut from sketch night – and I didn’t make a new team. Started watching new season of Mr. Robot and felt so lost, so started it from the beginning. The new Almodóvar came out, so I bought one of those expensive Arclight tickets. It was very, very good. Maybe my favorite Almodóvar film. Worth it! Saw the specialist about my eye. They dilated it, took a bunch of pictures, did a closed-eye ultrasound (Yeah, they use jelly for that!), and refereed me to another specialist. Hunter picked me up, and I ate at Canter’s for the first time. The specialist’s office made the appointment for me at an oncologist. Guys, I just wanted new glasses and now can’t stop Googling some pretty scary stuff! Lyndsey took me to USC & hung out with me for a while. They dilated my eye, took a bunch of pictures of it with a bunch of different machines, performed an OPEN EYE ultrasound, saw two trainees and then the doctor. She said she is not diagnosing me with melanoma. BUT it has the orange color and a sliver of the fluid that are “concerning.” The pictures of the tumor weren’t as large at the ophthalmologist’s pictures made it look. So... bright side, I guess. I go back in January to check for changes. Margot scooped me up and brought me home. Baby’s first root canal! 

For our very last Very Famous show, everyone got to put up a sketch they wrote. My favorite had too much production, so I did a black out. It turned out great, and I felt loved. It was a very nice way to go out.

Went to stuff: Two weeks after the Arclight screening, the LA Times invited me to see Pain & Glory with a Q&A, so I finally got to be in a room with my favorite director. I may have cried... slightly more than I did just seeing the film.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Black Cat Licorice & Lavender (2 cones, 1 pint)

NOVEMBER It was time for Penelope’s annual visit to the vet, so I rented a car for the weekend and took her. She had lost quite a bit of weight. I sprung for all the tests, and she has kidney disease. Her numbers aren’t terrible, but there’s not really treatment for it. We switched to a new kind of prescription food. All I can do is be good to her and try to keep her hydrated & happy. So... yeah... September – November have been... uh... not so great. On the bright side, I got invited to be in the Night Cap with Stacy Rumaker show as a character! I love this show so much - and when you read a thing in December, this show is the exception to that. I was so nervous, but I pulled it together and think it went very well. It felt good! Also, I am so emotionally invested in Mr. Robot! Mom & Dad came to visit for Thanksgiving and that was a nice relief. It rained most of the time, but we got out at about a bit.

Went to stuff: Vulture Fest screening of MacGruber with Will Forte & John Solomon.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Spiced Goat Cheese & Pumpkin Pie (with Mom & Dad)

DECEMBER Fell off my bike, bruised my legs, and scraped a chunk of skin off my hand. Finally: I left my mark on this town! I was not in the mood to plan a birthday thing, but rented a car to take Penelope for her health certificate she might need to fly home with me, then went on a showtune-belting drive on my birthday. Not the best drive ever, but it was nice to just drive aimlessly. Margot went with me to dinner at an Italian place in Los Feliz. In other news, Penelope gained some weight. Then I flew home for Christmas. I’ve just been sitting around with Mom & Dad, and it has been great. I had lunch with Justin & traditional margaritas & Tex-Mex with Lindsey. I finally did an entire month of morning pages after 4 years, so I may be done with that. Oh, and I (temporarily) quit comedy.

Went to stuff: Saw CATS (can’t hate on a bad movie with bad source material) & Little Women (I cried so much!)

Salt & Straw Flavor: Apple Brandy & Pecan Pie (with Brian), but I’m in Texas now, so I’m ending the year with some Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla. Do better, Tyler!

So, that’s it. I was not looking forward to this, but it did make me feel a little better since the crap at the end has just felt like it has beaten me down. I’m not a quitter, but a breaker is maybe a good idea for a bit. I don’t have any resolutions for 2020.

If you’re still here, THANK YOU for reading my yearly download. I hope that you are doing well.

You’re great!

I love you!

Have a great 2020!

[areyounxsty]

Soth: Collect the final piece.

You slowly creep through one of the slummier inner-city areas of Oshkhosh, eyes scanning the sidewalk as you roll along in a rented black Corvette scuttlebuggy. At last, you spot something promising, and smoothly park along the sidewalk to climb out of the driver's seat, smoothing down your skirt and the long trenchcoat you wear over your pressed suit. At last, heels clicking against the pavement, you approach the figure, huddled up next to a row of power boxes.

"Excuse me." The shabby-looking yellowblood looks up. You can't see his eyes through his tinted aviators, and he flicks away the butt of a spent cigarette. "If I could have a moment of your time...?"

"I got nowhere to be," he answers gruffly, blindly patting the front of his ratty coat before finding the pocket he's searching for and fishing out a crumpled pack of smokes. "Whatcha need, toots?"

Well, all the boxes have been checked so far. You pull out a simple wallet and flick it open, flashing a badge and the forged ID Fonzie's acquaintance had crafted for you. "Sothya Jeferson, CIA. Am I correct in assuming you have voidrot?"

He huffs a laugh, searching again for something--you assume a light--and as he tips his head down you can see the empty sockets behind his glasses. "What was your first clue?"

"Let us call it a lucky guess." You draw a lighter from your pocket and crouch, flicking it to life. He grunts in thanks and leans forward to ignite it, and you stifle a grimace at the reek as he incidentally blows smoke in your face. "I may have an opportunity for you, if you're willing to take it. I can assure you the pay will be quite handsome."

His ears perk up under the shaggy, oily mess of hair, and he tips his head up a bit. "...What kinda opportunity?"

"Top-secret. Government business," you lie smoothly. "However, the mission I've been assigned to has need for someone of your abilities. You can siphon excess psionic power from other yellowbloods, correct?"

"Yeah, but it's slim pickings right now." He jerks his head backwards, gesturing to the row of electric devices behind him. "Ya learn to make do."

"Resourceful. However, that's precisely what I need you for. I can divulge more in the car, and we can discuss payment on the way."

He grunts, moving to stand, and there's a muffled *mrrp* of protest from the heap he's leaning against. Your gaze snaps to it and a cat--which you had initially assumed was part of a fur-trimmed coat--lifts its head, blinking up at you with its one eye, flicking its damaged ears. The troll looks at you. "Mind if I bring Lucky?"

You better let him bring the cat, you hear Skylar say in your shared mindspace, scolding before you can even formulate a response. "Of course," you answer bluntly, and you offer your hand. "Right this way, Mister...?"

"Walbrect. Buddies call me Gus." He doesn't react when you rest a hand on his arm to guide him.

"Of course, Mr. Walbrect." You help him and his three-legged cat into the backseat of the car, look around, and flip your collar up to shield your shapeshifted earfins against the chill as a wind kicks up, and you circle back around to the driver's side.

You have a feeling it's going to be a long day.

[mayhemproduces]

MPW World Championship: Lilith Brookes (c) vs Syn - No Rope Barbed Wire

As we get back from our brief intermission that let our ring crew set the ring up for our main event, Steve Guy didn’t even dare get in the ring, instead electing to stand on the outside and not risk crossing the barbed wire that now replaced our ring ropes for this evening's main event match. 

“If everybody could find their way back to their seats, we’re gonna get started again.” 

A casual, soft reminder, contrasting what was about to come… 

“Guys, gals, and non-binary pals… It is now time for your Main Event of the evening! People of the Marion County Fairgrounds, and all those watching around the world on IWTV, Are you ready for a fight?!” The crowd’s massive reaction told us that in fact, they were. 

“Our main event this evening is a singles competition, scheduled for one fall, for the MPW World Championship…. And it is a No Rope, Barbed Wire Match!”

Steve Guy’s voice echoed throughout the building, and was quickly replaced by the opening rif of Walk by Pantera, and a sharp, piercing whistle blowing, cutting through the music, as Fonzie, Bill Alphonso, was the first to make his was through the curtain here, marching out, blowing his whistle, and looking dead into the camera, before turning his hat backwards, indicating Fonzie was ready for action tonight, Daddy.

“This is one about bein’ in it for life… No stupid fucking trends. This song is called Lifer and Pepper starts it…” The opening rif of Lifer already had the fans banging their heads, and this sold out capacity crowd over over one thousand strong was in an uproar as Syn ran through the curtain, and immediately ran up one of the sets of bleachers, right into the waiting fans, most of whom practically jumping on him, as Syn welcomed the reaction with open arms. Syn ran back down out of the fans, and tossed his entrance vest off, before charging right for the ring, sliding underneath the barbed wire as Fonzie ran around outside of the ring, both men clearly fired up and ready for what might be one of the most violent matches in MPW history. 

The music changed to Ghostemane's Sacrilege, and with it, the crowd’s reaction quickly soured, as an almost deafening roar of boos greeted Lilith Brookes, Eddy Only, and Eric Ryan as they made their way through the curtain, Lilith not sparing the crowd a look as she lifted the belt off her shoulder and held it up high, staring Syn down on her entire walk to the ring. She looked up at Referee Tom Dunn expectantly as she stood at the apron, and he, wearing thick protective gloves, pulled up on the barbed wire, allowing Lilith to slide into the ring, where she handed the belt over to Tom Dunn and tossed her entrance jacket down to Eddy and Eric. The entire arena was shaking, with chants that the members of the 44OH! Were all too familiar with at this point: 

“FUCK O-HI-O! *clap clap clapclapclap* FUCK O-HI-O! *clap clap clapclapclap*” 

Lilith looked out around at the crowd, her face breaking from the stone cold look she’d worn out here, twisting into a smirk for the first time. 

“Introducing first, the challenger… Fighting out of Venice Beach, California, and being accompanied to the ring by the Manager of Champions, Bill Alphonso, representing The Second Gear Crew, He is the One Man Militia, and Mr. Second Gear Himself, Syn!” 

The crowd was on their feet, already starting the chants of “New Champ!” as soon as Steve Guy finished his announcement, and moved onto the next. 

“And his opponent…”

Once again, the crowd quickly shifted over to a chorus of boos. 

“Fighting out of Cincinnati, Ohio, and being accompanied to the ring by Eric Ryan, and Eddy Only, representing the 44OH, she is the MPW World Champion, The Ace, Lilith Bro-..” 

Steve Guy is cut off as Fonzie on the outside tosses a chair into the ring to Syn, who catches it, before whipping it right at Lilith’s face, connecting with her skull, and knocking the champion out, to a massive pop! Syn wasn’t gonna waste anymore time, Referee Tom Dunn calls for the bell and we’re underway! 

Syn grabs the chair and sets it up in the middle of the ring, before scooping Lilith up onto his shoulders, and charging at the chair, before tossing Lilith and depositing her right down onto the steel chair with a Death Valley Driver! Lilith’s spine collides with the point of the chair, causing her a great deal of agony right off the bat! Lilith struggled back to her feet, clutching at her back, only to turn right into a massive spear from Syn! Usually Syn would go for a cover after such a move, but not tonight. Syn is on a mission. This isn’t just about the title, this is about extracting just as much pain and suffering out of Lilith as he can. Syn drags Lilith up by her hair, before whipping her towards the “ropes”, and sending Lilith crashing right into the barbed wire! Lilith’s face told the whole store, as the barbes dug into her skin, all over her arms, torso, and thighs, just because Lilith wore long pants tonight didn’t mean she was protected, her pants and t-shirt just leaving more things to get stuck into the barbs and tangled up, leaving more potential to get stuck. And stuck she was, as Lilith pulled herself out of the barbed wire, she had to pull some of the barbs out of her skin, already leaving wounds, as the barbed wire claims it’s first victim tonight. 

Eric Ryan and Eddy Only already look like they wanna get into the ring and help, but the barbed wire hanging so low acted as a deterrent, just as effective at keeping people out of the ring as it was dealing damage to the participants of this match. Lilith got herself free, lost her shirt in the process, and now just had her wrestling top, which provided much less protection, especially as Syn lifts her back up and blasts Lilith with a brutal chop to the chest, the sound echoing like a shotgun blast throughout the Marion County Fairgrounds. Lilith stumbled into the corner, clutching at her chest, a far away look already in her eyes, as she was perhaps wondering just what the hell she had gotten herself into. Syn blasted her with another chop to the chest, keeping Lilith trapped in the corner while he grabbed the chair again, setting it up in front of Lilith, before taking a couple steps back, charging, before using the chair as a launching pad, crashing down onto Lilith with an elevated Stinger Splash! 

Lilith crumpled to her knees as Syn made impact, and dropped to the mat, as Syn rolled her over for the first cover of the match. 

1….2… Kickout!

It would take a lot more than that to put Lilith away, but she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about just letting the ref’s hand hit three there, at least for a split second. Syn got up and brushed his hair out of his eyes, a wide grin on his face. This psychopath was having fun, completely at home inside No Rope Barbed Wire, and these fans love it. Syn gets up and takes another lap around the ring, waiting for Lilith to get back up, before charging her again, going for another spear, but this time Lilith, out of self preservation and instinct, catches him with a drop toe hold, sending Syn right into the barbed wire! Syn’s midsection was dropped right into the barbed wire, and to make it even worse he sunk into it, pressing the barbs into his bare skin even further! Syn quickly pulled himself out of it, but was caught with a steel chair to the back as he did, Lilith cracking the weapon right over Syn’s spine! Syn dropped to his knees, as Lilith swung the chair again, cracking it over Syn’s head, and dropping him to the mat. Lilith looked down at her adversary, her former friend, and huffed, a look of anger coming over her. 

“You will never steal my spotlight, ever again…” 

Lilith opened the chair up and grabbed Syn, lifting him up and wrapping the chair around his head, before whipping him into the corner, driving him right into the turnbuckles, and causing the chair around his head to be driven right into his Windpipe! Syn dropped to the mat, tossing the chair off his head, clutching his throat, as his windpipe might have just been crushed! Lilith forced his shoulders to the mat, as she made the cover, trying to retain her championship.

1….2… Kickout!

Syn stays alive, much to Lilith’s frustration. Lilith gets back to her feet, and in a fit of rage, begins to stomp away at Syn, before turning over to Eddy and Eric. “Get in here, I’m done fucking around with him…” Eric and Eddy both walk around the ring, looking for ways under the barbed wire, much to Lilith’s frustration. “Figure something out! Quickly!” Lilith shouted, as the two began to dig under the ring, looking for something to get them over the barbed wire. Eventually, the two found a ladder, pulling it out from under the ring, and setting it up on the outside. Eddy Only began to climb up the ladder, apparently with the intention of climbing right over the barbed wire, but as Eric waited his turn, he was suddenly blasted in the face with a chair from Fonzie! Eric collapses to the floor, and as Eddie climbs about halfway up the ladder, Lilith holds Syn up, telling Eddy to jump on him. Eddy leaps, but instead Syn pulls Lilith in the way, and Eddy Only crashes into Lilith with a cross body! Eddy quickly gets up, looking extremely apologetic and worried, putting his hands on his head. Syn scooped Eddy up, and charged into the barbed wire, slamming Eddy Only into the barbed wire with a Death Valley Driver, with so much force that the barbed wire gives way! Eddy Only spills right through the barbed wire, and down to the floor with Syn!

Fonzie runs over to check on Syn after the spill, but after Syn confirms he’s okay, Fonzie gets to doing what he does best, and moving furniture around. Fonzie digs around under the ring, until he pulls out a table, and starts setting it up outside the ring, as Syn manages to get up and get himself back up onto the ring. What Syn doesn’t seem to see though is Lilith is up and perched, waiting for him to turn around, and as he does, Lilith scoops Syn up, looking for a Death Valley Driver, but Syn slides off Lilith’s shoulders, and as Lilith turns around, Syn charges, and spears Lilith out of the ring and through the table on the outside! Syn and Lilith crash through the table, and down to the concrete floor! Syn lands on top of Lilith, and if this match was Falls Count Anywhere, it’s probably over right now. On they fight, however. 

Syn manages to drag himself back to his feet, and is practically in the laps of our fans as he does his best to try and recover. Syn gets himself back up, and looks over at Fonzie. “‘Nother table..” He says, and Fonzie goes to retrieve it. Syn grabs Lilith and pushes his way through the MPW fans on the floor, dragging her along with him, as Fonzie follows with the table. Syn drags Lilith over to the entrance way of the arena, where Fonzie sets up the table, and Syn catches Lilith with a chop to the chest, and a forearm to the head, laying Lilith down across the table. Syn then looks directly above them, to where the commentary team is seated on the balcony above, accessible through the bleachers. The fans already seem to know where Syn is going with this, and are all on there feet, some of whom actively begging Syn not to do this. Syn heads up through the bleachers, before climbing up onto the balcony, and onto the announce table that Lenny Lenord and Excalibur were seated at. 

“Syn, Syn, think about this…” Excalibur pleaded with the One Man Militia, who didn’t even turn around to acknowledge the masked commentator, as he put one foot up on the railing, and looked down at Lilith, a wide, evil grin permeating his features.

“For the fuckin’ brand, baby! You know what it is, motherfucker!” Were Syn’s last words before jumping off the balcony, falling 20 feet down, and crashing down onto Lilith, putting both her and himself through the table! The table exploding under the two competitors, as security and MPW medical staff quickly rushed to the two competitors, neither of whom were moving after that! Our fans are in disbelief, with chants of “HOLY SHIT!” ringing out throughout the entire arena! Both champion and challenger are down, as the venue walls continue to raddle, but Syn's the first to move, and gets to his feet rather easily. He staggers around, wiping some of the blood off of his forehead, before grabbing a fistful of Lilith’s tights and hair, dragging her up to her feet. With Lilith in tow, Syn makes it back into the ring, and drops down for the cover!

1… 2… Kickout!

If Syn had been able to make the cover sooner, this match would’ve been over and Syn would be a two time MPW World Champion, but Lilith had just as much time to recover. As despicable as this new version of the once beloved Ace may be, she’s still the same wrestler she’s always been, and it would take much more than that to put her down for the three count. Having similar thoughts, Syn slides out of the ring on the opened end, pulling up the ring curtain as he digs around underneath, looking for new weapons to torture Lilith with. After searching on all sides, he finally produces a second barbed wire board! As if the one wasn’t enough, as if the barbed wire encasing three sides of the ring wasn’t enough. Syn wants to leave Lilith with a lasting scar, a painful memory she’ll never be able to wipe away, and looks to do just that as he slides the board into the ring. He slides in as well, unaffected by the barbed wire he crosses under. He drags Lilith up and across his shoulders, and plants her right across the second barbed wire board with a Death Valley Driver! Lilith’s stuck in the board, the wire embedded into her skin, and completely at Syn’s mercy as he drags over the first board, and lays it on top of her! He’s made a Lilith sandwich, with barbed wire boards for bread! Innovative, and somewhat terrifying to look at, but this is just the beginning of whatever diabolical thing Syn’s planning here. He shouts out for the stage hands to bring the ladder into the ring, two working together to lift it over the top rope of barbed wire, where it’s passed to Syn. He sets it up in the corner, and Dunn comes over to hold it steady for him - with the amount of fuckery in the ring, and surrounding it, the last thing Tom wanted was for anyone to slip and get hurt - before beginning to climb. He gets halfway up before turning around on the ladder’s step, looking out at the crowd one more time, before down at Lilith, sandwiched between two barbed wire boards, with all the hate and disdain in his heart, before leaping off… Syn lands right across the boards! He squashes Lilith between a rock and a hard place, and bangs his chin off the back of the board in the process, but he shrugs it off as he moves the top board away, and makes the cover! There’s no way Lilith kicks out of this!

1….

2…

ERIC RYAN PULLS DUNN OUT OF THE RING!

Eric stops the ref from counting to three, and saves Lilith’s title reign! To say Syn is livid is a VAST understatement, and the look on Eric’s face tells the story, as Syn grabs a steel chair and heads out after him! With nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, Eric tries to deflect the shot, but ultimately ends up eating a chair shot to the spine! He drops to his knees, holding his lower back, as Syn brings the chair down across his skull! Eric may be out cold! With him down and out, Eddy nowhere to be found, Syn may have just neutralized the 44OH! Finally, this could be the one on one battle that Syn’s been itching for, and he knows just the way to celebrate. The chair discarded, Syn peers around under the ring, looking for anything he can find, and eventually produces a table. Moving back to the open side of the ring, Syn unfolds the legs and sets up the table right up against the apron, making sure it's set up good before rolling back inside. Before he can grab Lilith and enact his plan, Lilith suddenly springs up, and catches him with a chair shot! She hits Syn right in the temple! He’s doubled over, possibly seeing stars, but Syn isn’t down! Looking at him, and the table Syn just set up, an evil plan pops into Lilith’s head.

She hooks both of his arms, bringing him over to the apron. Slowly, she’s able to bring Syn up, before taking a step off the apron - CINCI DRIVER THROUGH THE TABLE! It explodes beneath them, and Syn’s dropped on the crown of his skull, through the table and onto the concrete floor! Syn might be out cold! Lilith took the least damage in the fall, and manages to lift herself right up, dragging Syn up to his feet as well. She shoves him into the ring and follows right behind, where she lifts Syn up across her shoulders, and connects with the Killing Spree! Lilith drops into the cover…

1 - KICKOUT!

The very second Tom’s hand hits the mat, Syn throws his shoulder up, propelling himself right to his feet! Lilith’s shocked! Eyes wide, mouth agape, as she stares down her fired up challenger, who may not know where he is, but he DOES know what he’s here to do! Lilith scrambles to her feet, steel chair in hand, and cracks it over his head! But it’s STILL not enough to put down Syn! He’s begging for more, asking for Lilith to stop being a pussy for once in her life, and to give it to him. Everything she has! And Lilith doesn’t back down from the challenge - she jumps up onto the ladder, quickly climbing up halfway. She jumps up, steel chair raised up, and cracks Syn’s skull wide open! Unprotected chair shot to the head, off the ladder, and not even Syn can continue his fight. He drops, falling to his side, and Lilith rolls him over, making the deep cover!

1… 2… 3!

“Here is your winner, and still MPW World Champion, Lilith Brookes.”

Lilith survives No Rope Barbed Wire, with the help of the 44OH, unsurprisingly. Syn’s desire to end Lilith’s very life tonight may have cost him the win here, and there won’t be any second chances for the One Man Militia.

Sami Callihan and Jake Crist are by Lilith’s side as she struggles to sit up, gradually helping her to her feet after the war she just endured. Eddy helps Eric into the ring as well, as RSP and Atticus Cogar come down as well. Another celebration is in store for the 44OH tonight, as they’ve secured another win. But the looks on their faces suggests that their celebration won’t include some bubbly and good music. Oh, no, no, they’ve got something more sinister in mind.

Sami and Jake let Lilith stand on her own now, before going to grab Syn. Of course, they couldn’t just be happy with their victory! They won, but it’s not enough for them. They want to punish Syn, hurt Syn, and put him into an early retirement.

But it looks like they won’t get the chance to…

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #223 - Muppet Treasure Island

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: DVD

1) “Shiver My Timbers”

This is quite possible the strongest song in the entire film. The song written by Brian Mann and Cynthia Weil, combined with an arrangement by Hans Zimmer manes it fittingly epic. It creates an immediate sense of danger which is unique in a Muppet film, but it doesn’t go too far. It’s fun, filled with adventure & helps set up the stakes and tension of the film. I freaking love it.

2) Billy Connolly as Billy Bones.

Connolly’s role is brief yet important/memorable. He is able to blend Bones’ drunkenness and occasional frightfulness well with the Muppety fun which defines the film. A veteran comedian, Connolly fits the role like a glove.

3) Kevin Bishop as Jim Hawkins.

Bishop isn’t exactly groundbreaking in the role of Hawkins, but he isn’t bad by any means. His longing and sense of adventure are represented well by the child actor who fits almost as well with the Muppet characters as Tim Curry does (no one can match Tim Curry though). He’s a solid foundation the film is built off of.

4) “Something Better”

I don’t particularly LOVE this song, in fact I think it’s the weakest in the film. It’s not bad, I just find it incredibly cheesy. It tries a little too hard to be cute, acting as Jim’s “I Want” song. It does well to establish the different attitudes Jim, Gonzo, and Rizzo have towards the idea of adventure (as well as their brotherly relationship), but some of the moments just feel like they’re trying too hard to me. That may just be a personal thing though.

5) One of the most interesting things in this film is the brotherly dynamic Jim, Gonzo and Rizzo have with each other. Specifically: juxtaposing Gonzo’s enthusiasm against Rizzo’s fear leads to a lot of fun character interaction. Unfortunately it doesn’t get the focus I wish it did around the halfway point of the movie, but it provides for an interesting hook which explains a lot of the motivation for these characters. They’re looking out for each other.

6) I don’t know why I find this line so funny.

Blind Pew [stroking Jim's hair]: “Oh a pretty little girl is it? Yes, take me to Billy Bones, ma pet!”

Jim: “You've got it all wrong, there's no Billy Bones here, and I'm not a girl!”

7) I’m a sucker for fourth wall breaks and self aware humor.

Bill Connolly was actually the first actor to die in a Muppet movie (or play a character who did). He’s proud of this.

8) The pirate raid on the inn is fine. It’s a tad scatted and there’s better action later in the film, but it’s an important part of the story that gets in a few solid laughs through Gonzo & Rizzo antics.

9) Mr. Bimbo, the man that lives in Young Trelawney’s Finger, is a running gag in this film Frank Oz (the actor behind Fonzie Bear) initially hated. However, as filming went on it reportedly grew on him so much that it was one of his favorite jokes by production’s end.

10) Tim Curry as Long John Silver.

Without a doubt, Curry is the best part of this film. A Muppet fan for years, this is one of Curry’s favorite performances of his and it shows. The actor is just so totally committed to the part that he steals every scene he’s in. Wickedly charming and charmingly wicked, the actor is clearly having a ton of fun in the film which means we have a lot of fun watching him. Even if you catch him in the background of some scenes, he’s so freaking into it the entire movie is just elevated by his performance.

11)

Sam Eagle as Mr. Arrow [about the captain]: “Is he bad tempered!? The man is a raging volcano! Tormented by demons the likes of which mere mortals cannot fathom!”

This play with expectations versus reality, even if you know Kermit the Frog is coming, is actually remarkably funny and one of the best gags in the film.

12) Kermit as Captain Smollet is actually kind of interesting. From his initial introduction you get a sense that Mr. Arrow’s description of him may be a TAD more accurate than one might think considering he’s, you know, Kermit the Frog. This primarily comes through via his initial inspection of the ship and a seriousness he largely carries himself with until on the island. It’s kinda interesting.

13) “Sailing for Adventure”

This song is remarkably fun, even if it is no “Shiver My Timbers”. It captures the titular sense of adventure well in a charming way, giving each member of the crew a chance to shine and for Tim Curry to show off some of his vocal chops (more on that later). It’s a strong call to adventure which a film based on Treasure Island needs. I dig it.

14) Roll call.

This is a fun extended sequence that delights in playing with audience expectations (primarily with Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Face-Baby-Eating O’Brien and then Angel Marie). You kinda just have to watch it to understand.

15) The distance that grows between Jim and his brothers Gonzo/Rizzo is never really explored in the film, it just kinda happens. I wish we’d developed that more.

16) While no Treasure Planet (man, I love that movie), there are a number of nice moments of sympathy and compassion between Long John and Jim. You understand they’re almost always supported by ulterior motives, but the more invested you are in their relationship the harder Silver’s betrayal hurts.

17) I always found the scene where Gonzo ENJOYS his torture really funny. Not sure why.

Polly: “This won’t work, he likes it!”

18) “Cabin Fever”

Without a doubt the most pointless song in the entire film. “Cabin Fever” does nothing to serve the story but instead fulfills the movie’s 99 minute run time. Having said that, its randomness and fun energy mean the number is actually incredibly enjoyable. It’s really weird but simultaneously really entertaining.

19) Remember how I said I love fourth wall breaks?

Clueless [from the brig]: “Hey Polly? What was that song that just happened?…You know, ‘Cabin fever! Ah!’ That.”

20) Gonzo is so freaking weird I love it.

Gonzo: “And my pants are filled with starfish.”

Rizzo: “You and your hobbies.”

21) This is me whenever I like the villain of a movie.

Floyd Pepper: “Hey man, I can’t figure out what side we’re on.”

22) “Professional Pirate”

As observed by Long John himself, this is Tim Curry’s main song in the film. His performance propels the piece from incredibly entertaining to rip-roaring fun. Again supported by the original composition by Brian Mann and Cynthia Weil, along with Zimmer’s arrangement of the pice, the number is one of the most surprising treats of the film. It just pulls you in for a great ride.

23) Long John taking Jim’s compass, knowing how much it means to him (since it’s all Jim has of his late father), shows how his greed outranks anything else. He loves the treasure more than he loves Jim, which is what drives their relationship apart.

24) According to IMDb:

Hormel Foods Corporation, makers of Spam, sued the film production company for making the name of a warthog character "Spa'am". Their suit was defeated on September 22, 1995. The judge noted that "one might think Hormel would welcome the association with a genuine source of pork."

25) Guys, it takes Miss Piggy 66 minutes to show up in this movie. It’s 99 minutes WITH credits. She’s in less than 2/3s of the movie!

(GIF originally posted by @marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer)

26) Long John going off on the pirates about using a page of the bible for the black spot is actually an incredible showcase for Curry’s talents. He’s so over the top and fun it’s just…man, I love Tim Curry.

27) Ah, Piggy/Benjamina.

Miss Piggy as Benjamina: “You know, I’m starting to see a pattern in the men I date.”

28) “Love Led Us Here”

While a poignant and well composed number, it doesn’t really feel earned by the film. Piggy’s been in what, 15 minutes of the movie so far? And we’re getting a grand love song for her and Kermit’s character? And then it plays as the backdrop of the pirate finding the treasure? That doesn’t really fit. I don’t know. I like it on its own I just feel it doesn’t fit with where we are in the movie.

29) Kermit’s face here gets me every time.

30) The final fight is pretty solid. Muppets aren’t exactly designed for action scenes. But even though it’s not a moment of greatest tension, there is an incredible sense of fun to it along with nice gags and surprises. Especially Tim Curry’s fight with Kermit the Frog is a standout moment in the entire movie because, again, Curry is just SO into it it’s hard not to have fun!

31) The final goodbye between Jim and Silver actually has a nice amount of poignancy to it, especially when Silver can’t shoot Jim and then Jim can’t turn in Silver.

While not the strongest theatrical Muppet film, it’s hard to go wrong with the franchise. Muppet Treasure Island brings the series’ trademark fun & whimsy to the classic story, with good songs and an incredible performance by Tim Curry. It’s just a genuinely fun watch.

[wanderingcarver]

Free from yet another date, and eager to get your mind off of things out of your control, You decide to stop by Mr.C’s shop, Eager to see what goes into a commercial. You confidently push into the store, grinning as you spot the elder troll and clapping your hands excitedly at the other strange equipment you assumed were cameras before reigning it in and walking towards him “Eyy Mr.C, I tell you something its very exciting, huh? All these cameras and everything” as you walk in front of the camera, you dip slightly and give a lil greeting to anyone that might be watching, but its not long before Mr.C interrupts you with a pointed ‘just the guy I was looking for’ type voice “Fonzie, You’re just in time to watch the dress rehersal.”

By the way he spoke he seemed excited to have someone here other than him, and with observation you see no one else you know very well here, so you figure you go looking elsewhere “oh listen, I’ll get out of your way. I was just wondering, when you get a moment, will you sign my helmet right next to Annete Foncello?” You had heard something about people on TV’s signature’s being worth lots years down the road, and you hoped to the lords you had read that one signature right. Right as Mr. C was brushing it off, he turned back to you, stunned, asking in disbelief if it were true. Hoping you know Fonz well enough, you say smoothly “yeah, she gave me hers, I gave her mine”

As you said that a large troll squeezed his way between you and Mr.C. He seemed to be ceuralon, and for a second when he said “Do you belong here” you assumed it was cause you weren’t part of the cast, but then your second realization was because you were a yellowblood, a ‘hood’. So, taking offence and challenging the hemospectrum, you look the manup and down his pale blue suit and say pointedly, with the coolest of cool radiating from your voice, “I belong Everywhere.”

For a second he looked threatened, looking back to Mr. C, so you continue, “I’ll let you get on with your little work here, Aigh’?” You back off and go off to go lean on a shelf, eying the hemotist man up and down. You didn’t like him, not one bit. You stick around only to spite the man in the blue suit, that’s something both you and Fonz Have in common. Doing things out of spite of bigotry.

Mr.C moves over by you as the other troll directs the rehersal to start. When an unfamiliar troll introduces himself as “Howard Cuningham” You look over at Mr.C, checking if this was right. This didn’t feel right, and it seemed that it didn’t sit well with him either. You turn back to the scene as the actor calls out “Marionn” and “Joanie” who turns out to be an actress and a WOOFBEAST. You look in indignation at Mr.C and he looks helplessly back.the scene continues, and the roll that Mr.C plays is reveiled. The stockboy, Iiggie. You fix him with a look but stay quiet as the scene ends with the introduction of some celebrity. “Henrey Aaronn” Mr.C, eager to meet him, stunned, repeats his name to the camera. Honestly you feel embarrassed for the guy. You would hate to have to deal with that all the time.

As Mr.C swoops you up in excitement of the Celebrity, you reply in agreement to ground him. “Oh yeah, its exciting IGGY” Deadpan. Something was up and you smelled something rotten. When the excuse was put up that the blue suited asshat was the one who “knows what hes doing” you point out the obvious “hes calling all these strangers the cunninghams.”

“Oh yeah that’s called ‘improved personality image’” Mr.C repeats, something probably implanted in his pan by the blue egg, so you counter “Oh yeah, I thought that was called Lying.” When he counters with some other actors and people you don’t know, you wave it off, stating that was fiction and this is real life, and he was the real owner. A darker thought came upon you and you quiet your voice “Mr.C is this Leagal?” You hated legal stuff, it was best to just stay away from anything stinking of corruption. “Oh you’re kidding”

“No im not”

You see the puzzlement on his face as he goes to ask the man, bringing him over to Fonz to hear straight from it, when he says “Define legal” you practically stop listening, rolling your eyes as he says “if there were charges, we wouldn’t come out clean” that was enough for you You deadpan look him in the face, body cagey as you watch him come over. You feel shame for him and tell him just that, walking away to let him stew. As you eat some of the behind the set food.

The commercial goes live, and you stand by, smiling as you see Mr.C take over. He tells the camera to follow him, and the blue suit guy denys it. So you step up beside him and say, bluntly “How would you like to be Dead on live TV.” The coward takes your threat and turns the camera, so the commercial can be finished. As they invite the celebreity out, they realize they’re running out of time, and so you step in and sum it up for them, adding a woah to flourish the end with a ‘cherry’ on top. You take Richie aside to chill him out from shaking the guy’s hand off.

You needed a break, so you go to your own place as soon as the socialization needs were met.

you were ready to be done.

[dreamthinkimagine]

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

@thatkourtnichik

It was a complete and utter secret to anyone outside of the Enterprise, but once every year, there was a Spirit Week...and it was this week.

Sunday was Supehero Sunday and everyone dressed as their favorite superhero (they dressed up as each other.) Monday was Mischeif Monday and everyone ended up getting pranked (it was much to Bones’ chagrin when he screamed after finding what he thought was a real spider on top of his hand- held scanner .) Tuesday was Tacky Tuesday; where everyone showed up to work in the tackiest of outfits (Scotty wore his uniform and just rubbed oil and black powder on himself and said that he was, “the tackiest thing in the world-an engineer who doesn’t know what he’s doing.”) Wednesday was Whimsical Wednesday; everyone was very playful (Kirk enjoyed the amusing scene of people trying to be playful with Spock and him not knowing how to respond.) Thursday was Thumb Appreciation Thursday (Chekov even went so far as to walk around sporting a huge thumb costume and no one knew how or where he got it and yes Thumb Appreciation Day is a real thing thank you very much.) Friday was Fishy Friday; the food synthesizer was rigged to only bring up seafood or fish-themed candy for those who couldn’t have seafood (Uhura and Sulu just feasted on candy that day, even though they could both have seafood.) 

Now it was Century Saturday (Jim knew that that wasn’t an alliteration, but by the time he thought of what to do for Saturday, he was too tired to think straight. The idea was to dress in a style that reflected any part of any past century, not the twenty-third.  However, no one was prepared for both Spock and McCoy to both dress up as someone from the 1980′s.

“I can!”

“Doctor, I can assure you, it cannot be done.”

“He’s got a point, Bones.”

“Shut up! I can!”

“Doctor, the odds are astronomical. No human can finish a Rubik’s Cube before a Vulcan.” Bones clutched the cube-shaped puzzle in his hand.

“Let’s draw,” he challenged. This time, Spock clutched his own cube. Jim, who was dressed as Fonzie, got out his PADD and set the timer. 

“GO!” Jim shouted and they were off. All Jim could see were his two best friends, with two colorful blurs which used to be their mathematical toys, in an all out Rubik’s Cube Battle. He knew Spock would win. Who would ever dare to challenge a Vulcan to a battle of wits? McCoy would. Only McCoy.

Spock placed his cube down on the table completely solved. Jim stopped the timer. Eleven seconds. McCoy had the orange side solved...

“Astronomical, Doctor,” Spock repeated. McCoy stared in amazement at the solved puzzle.

“You green-blooded...”

“You can’t beat a Vulcan, Bones. ” Jim said smugly. 

“And why are you takin’ the hobgoblin’s side.”

“I’m not, “Jim said. “It’s just that Vulcan intelligence is superior to mans’. Well, at least Spock’s is. Statistically, there was a big chance of you losing.”

“Correct, Captain.”

“You’ve been hangin’ out with that Vulcan for too long and far too often,” McCoy said shocked at how much Jim sounded like Spock right now.

“Now, Bones,” Jim said. “Mr. Spock is my First Officer. It’s only logical that-”

“I can’t believe this,” Bones interrupted. “You’re becoming Vulcan!”

“I’m not becoming Vulcan. Do you see my ears? Their normal. So are my eyebrows and haircut. No offense Spock.” Spock did not seem offended at all. What Jim had said was true. His eyebrows, haircut and ears were in fact different than the rest of the crews’.

“You’re becoming Vulcan on the inside, Jim.” 

“A most fortunate thing, Doctor,” Spock said.

“I’m fixing our Captain.” Bones said.

“And how will you be ‘fixing’ me from ‘becoming a Vulcan’, Bones?”

“The only way I know how.” Jim’s eyes widened; he knew what was coming. He began to back up.

“Now, now, Jim,” Bones slowly crept toward him. “Why are you trying to get away?” He tackled Jim to the ground and pinned his hands below his knees. “You know what they say...laughter is the best medicine.” He dug into his tummy and Jim bolted up with a wide smile on his face as he laughed. “Feelin’ any less Vulcan yet?” Bones asked as he pinched the sides of his Captain’s belly which caused Jim to fall back down onto the floor.

“B-Bones! Stohohop!” Bones ignored Jim and moved up to his neck. Since Jim’s hands were pinned, he couldn’t use his shoulders to try to block’s Bones from his sensitive neck, so instead, he shook his head back and forth as giggles flew out of his mouth. His giggles became louder as Bones gently poked at his collar bones. “Dohohohohon’t!” 

“Care to help, Mr. Spock?” Bones happily asked. “Might as well, he’s already laughin’.” Jim didn’t know what Bones meant by that, but he couldn’t focus on it because Spock started to make his way over to “help out.”

Bones used his hands to keep Jim pinned as he got off his hands to give them to Spock who took them and pinned them above his head. 

“Noho,” Jim whined when the tickling stopped temporarily. “Spock.” Spock began to gently skate his fingertips in the hallows of Jim’s armpits. Jim howled and occasionally snorted, which made Bones laugh. 

As if things weren’t bad, and by “bad” Jim meant “good”, enough Bones attacked his knees. He scratched the backs, the caps, the sides and right above the knees on both knees. At the same time. 

Bones could tell that Jim was close to going insane, so he thought that he would finish up.

“Almost done, Jim. Just one more thing.” Spock stopped his movements and watched Bones. It took everything in Spock to not grin as the Doctor moved to Jim’s hips. 

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” Jim screamed as Bones scratched his fingers against the skin that covered his hipbones. “NOHOHO! DOHOHOHON’T!!” Jim cried out when Bones began to drill his fingers. He bucked and twisted and did everything in his power to get away; but his arms were pinned by a Vulcan and Vulcans were three times stronger than humans. Jim wasn’t going anywhere. 

Spock looked down at Jim laughing and knew that Jim was truly, purely happy. He wiggled his fingers against Jim’s ears, and once again, Jim tossed his head back and forth.

Spock stopped at the same time Bones did. Jim laid on the ground and breathed heavily to catch his breath with a smile still glued onto his face.

“The procedure was successful,” Bones announced. Jim looked up at him. “Mr. Spock and I have literally tickled the Vulcan out of you.” 

“Thanks,” Jim said as he stood up. “Good night.” As Jim left for bed, he was happy. The happiest he’d been in a week. 

“Well, Mr. Spock, I win.” Jim did not know this, but Spock and Bones had seen the exhaustion in the Captain that no one else could. Jim was responsible for everything in Spirit Week. The creation, the organization, the themes, even the food synthesizer. They knew they had to do something about it to help their friend, so they made a bet - who could make Jim laugh first? Since Bones won, Spock now had to wear Chekov’s thumb costume all day tomorrow; Jim would laugh with them again. And Spock was OK with that.

[cheerysociopath-blog]

Drabble#5

Shellie was three years my junior, three times the person I could ever be, and thrice ‘betrayed’ by me: or at least that was the word she was putting on the situation, though I beg to differ. I always did when it came to her arguments, but that’s because she had a way of always making me out to be Public Enemy #1.

Guess that’s all part of the age thing though, right? Obviously being younger, she knows better, but she sure did have the intelligence to maybe be right at least half the time... it was just how she went about it. I didn’t appreciate her blowing things out of proportion, a nasty habit she had concerning me. That time was no different.

Smoking in her kitchen, her back against the sink, and her brown hair tied tightly atop her head as usual. Her hairline was growing patchy at that stage from the style, because she hated having her hair down. Complained it made her face greasy and so ruined her make-up.

“I shoulda known better than to fuckin’ trust you; what the fuck is wrong with me? Why the fuck would you ever keep your promises?”

“I never promised anythin’. If I did, we wouldn’t be here... I don’t break my promises,” I said quietly, spreading jam over my toast. It was near enough dinner-time but I’d only been awake about four hours so technically it was breakfast-time for me. My stomach was about ready to eat after a sinister hang-over had moved on.

When I looked up, she was regarding me coolly. She can’t argue with me on that one, and she can’t argue that she really should have forced me to promise her. “You told me you wouldn’t do this shit to me again.”

“It’s HARDLY anythin’ to do with you, now is it?”

Another puff of her fag, preparing herself, and she glares at me. “Oh, isn’t it?” she asked sarcastically.

I sighed, sitting back in the stool. “Alright then; let’s hear it. I know you have a speech lined up and I bet it’s a real good’un.” I ran my hands through my hair and pretended this was all white noise, which it kinda was really. All things considered, I hadn't murdered anyone. This was all drama and I hadn’t any need nor desire for it.

“What’s the point?” She surprised me, stubbing her fag out angrily so it’s mashed in the ashtray between us on the island counter. “What is the fuckin’ point with you, Fonzie, eh? Tell me.”

“Beck,” I corrected. She only ever called me that when she wanted to get under my skin in petty revenge.

“DICK,” she fired back venomously. Unable to help herself, she takes a deep breath, folding her arms at me. “I am SICK TO DEATH of playin’ piggy-in-the-middle between you and my mates. I’m SICK of you sleezin’ all over ‘em and just breakin’ their hearts! You think I LIKE that you treat all my mates like your own personal wank-bank?”

“Please,” I nearly gag. “I never promised you OR them anythin’! They’re your mates, why don’tcha warn ‘em if it’s such a big issue?”

“You think I don’t? Pfft! Like they LISTEN. Noooooo, there’s no makin’ ‘em see through MR PERFECT.” She pauses. “EVERY time you say you’ll leave me and MY mates alone, and EVERY time you don’t! I’m tired of bein’ your fuckin’ secretary! It’s always ME that has to pick up the pieces!”

“So don’t answer their calls or whatever,” I shrug.

“Oh, like you do, you mean?” She huffs. “You know, FOR ONCE I just wish you were... I dunno, NORMAL? TRUSTWORTHY? Nearly all my fuckin’ life, I’ve been pickin’ up pieces after you and shit. What thanks do I get? That time you pressured me in to hidin’ weed for you, and when the pigs came sniffin’, I had to fuckin’ go down to the STATION and only for my age, I was let off with a fine! Did YOU help me pay it? Noooooo, of course not.”

I was turned off eating at that stage so I got up, grabbing my coat and ignoring her. We didn’t need to re-hash the past, again, the same way we always do when she gets going. “I’d really love to stay and explore your feelin’s, buuuut... at the same time, I don’t. So can we just pretend I’m sorry, you’re sorry, and we’re okay? Okay.”

“Ever since Mum went, I just feel like I’m the mother. I feel like you give me shit and don’t care,” she shouted as she watched me and that... that was uncalled for.

I kicked the stool so it thumped across the floor and I help up a hand in warning for her to shut the fuck up. “DO. NOT. Yeah, Mum was a Saint, and yeah, I’m no angel. But DO NOT fuckin’ bring her in to this. Not after the last time, alright, because... just don’t. Because Mum wouldn’t get all in a tizzy over this, so don’t play the victim with me.”

Shellie took a deep breath. “I’m done. I just... I can’t do this anymore. I’ve had it.” She began marching across the room for her bedroom, but she stopped herself, whirling to glare at me with tears in her eyes. “No, yanno what? I’m not walkin’ away. I mean it this time,” she said decisively in a voice barely held together. Staring coldly up at me, she gave a shrug. “That’s it. I can't handle this anymore and yanno what? I shouldn’t have to. So I’m finished with you.” A harsh gesture of her hands as her jaw tightened. “Either you learn to fuckin’ respect me or you don’t ever come back here. No calls, no letters when you’re away. Nothin’. I wash my hands.”

I’m speechless and I can’t move. All I can do is stare at her in stunned silence. Strangely I don’t feel sorry or regret. All I feel is bitterness that after the more traumatic things in the past, she’s casting me off just because a couple of girls got an idea in their heads about some happy ending. And all because things didn’t work out, the way things sometimes go, I’m suddenly the bad guy. Huh.

Shellie stands aside and gestures to the door. “Leave, please.”

I scoff but one look tells me she really, really means it this time. I roll my eyes, grinding my teeth as I feel like screaming at her that she’s just being a drama-queen and basically picking her mates’ over me. I feel angry, unfairly punished, and basically like I want to punch her and straighten her nose for her. But I don’t. I’d never do that. I shove past her, slamming the door behind me as I leave, and tell myself this isn’t for real. That in a couple of days she’ll calm down and get in touch.

But that was the last time I saw her. Once I realized she meant it, I couldn’t get over my pride and contact her myself, so that was it. My half-sister from another mister exited my life. And yeah, maybe now I can see the error of my ways and maybe admit that while a part of me was just horny, a bigger part of me was just messing with her mates in order to piss her off. As big brothers do I suppose; only I was a horrible brother, and now I ain’t her brother at all. Officially. I was more like a bully... but that’s what big brothers do, right? Not that I ever held any real affection for her... nor her with me actually; both of us never really let each other forget that we were half-siblings, that my dad was some deadbeat and her dad was some hero for taking me and Mum in, and blessing Mum with his seed to produce this so-called paragon of humanity.

Last I heard she was married with a sprog on the way. Hope the guy’s good to her. Hope they’re still together and got a shit-ton of kids. Hope when she talks about me, if she talks about me, that she doesn’t fucking call me Fonzie.