#(jk jk no really i'm writing just.....bouncing around *sobs*)

[swiftsaltsweet]

Holy shit....I added up my word count (of what's published) and I've written more than 136,305 words since April?????? TT0TT

[getitinbusan]

When your cheating ex calls months later will you answer?

Jungkook

Cheating, Heartbreak, Angst and Sex

You were just about to fall asleep when your phone went off.  With an exasperated sigh you rolled over wondering which of your friends was in need. You moved for the device a little annoyed but felt obligated to answer, after all,  they'd been there for you no questions asked during the break up. 

The screen lit up "DO NOT ANSWER" and your heart dropped. You'd once read that it was a good idea to rename your ex in your phone so you wouldn't feel temptation to communicate but that was months ago. You made the fatal mistake of not deleting his contact picture and now here he was showing up on your screen. He never did try and call, this was the first time you were faced with the decision of answering.  

Setting your phone down you pulled the covers over your head and tried to block it out of your mind.  A single notification pinged through your duvet and bounced around your head before you surrendered. With a mind of its own your hand snuck out of your blanket fort and picked up the cold device 

JK: Please Y/N, I really need you right now.  

Y/N: Why are you doing this to me Jungkook? I'm finally getting over you.  

JK: I'm selfish and I'm stupid but I'm also the loneliest I've ever been in my life. Our apartment is so empty, I haven't been able to sleep in our bed since you left. 

Y/N: I'm not the one who left Jungkook. You seem to forget that you checked out of this relationship before I packed my boxes.  

JK: Can I please just see you? 

JK: Please 

JK: 

Y/N: Are you really crying right now?  

JK: I haven't stopped since…. Fuck, I know you hate me, its killing me. Please just let me apologize in person 

You knew it was the wrong choice, seeing him was just going to rip your heart in two again.  

Y/N: Send a fucking car

The door man greeted you with a closed mouth smile and a nod. Embarrassment creeped through your being whenever people looked at you with pity, "I'll let Mr. Jeon know you're here."

Meeting you at the elevator he looked a mess. He'd lost some muscle and his skin was pale, his sunken eyes were red and tired. Reaching out to hug you, he thought better and instead jammed his firsts into the pockets of his worn grey track pants.  He was wearing a T-shirt and you were forced to observe his tattoos like a fucking train wreck. They were like a banner, there written across the body you once worshiped, saying, "I fucked someone else."

He noticed you looking at his arm and ran his hand over it, "I guess you haven't seen them yet." He proudly held it out for you. You felt sick to your stomach, "Yeah, I don't really want to look at them Jungkook. You could at least have the decency to put on a fucking sweater or something."

He was puzzled by your reaction but reached for his flannel button down hanging off the back of the couch anyway. The tears came immediately, you needed to make him understand what he'd done. You sobbed his name, "Jungkook, how am I supposed to look at you when her writing is all over you in permanent ink?" 

He dropped to his knees looking up at you pleading, "But you have to, look at me Y/N, I never meant to hurt you. What can I do? I'll do anything to fix this."

The ache that had tormented your heart returned stronger than ever. "How am I supposed to trust you? You told me you were going to Geoje Island to hike Gyeryongsan Park. I didn't question you, I didn't ask you not to go, I wasn't a bad girlfriend Jungkook, I just fucking loved you. All I've been able to do for months is try to figure out how I screwed up… but I didn't, you did.  Now you have the nerve to ask ME how to fix it?"

You crumpled to the floor beside him crying uncontrollably, he was devastated finally seeing the effect his actions had on you. 

"I'm going to fix this, I'm going to put us back together," picking you up he carried you over to the couch and held you against his chest. You were both crying but the comfort of his heartbeat thrumming through you brought you a peace you'd missed so much. 

"All my life I've trained hard, I've done what I was told, I followed the rules and I've had to act as "Jungkook" the idol. The truth is, I don't know who Jeong-guk is. During the break I wasn't under the microscope, I just got to do what I felt like doing, and honestly, it felt really good. I hiked Gyeryongsan with my brother and we met a group of people, they were from the tattoo shop. I decided to just do it… because I wanted to. It took a few days so we got to know them, drank with them, ate with them, they just felt like friends." He paused his story sensing your agitation. 

 "Did you think of me at all Guk?" Your heart was racing, anger creeping back in as you remembered seeing the pictures online.  "We don't get to be seen in public, we don't get to hold hands, we don't get to go out to eat. Why was it okay with her?"

He took a deep breath, "I could because she wasn't you… because I didn't care,  because I wanted to see what would happen" He put his fingers in your hair and brushed it out of your face, "I can't with you, I need to protect you, I need to keep you safe and out of the spotlight so you don't get hurt. The fans can be really mean, I honestly don't know what I'd do if the people I am so grateful for turned on the person I love the most."  

You let your fingers fan out over his chest, just getting to touch him again made your heart race. You didn't want to get sucked back in but here you were, his words were believable and you even felt a little bad for him. He placed his hand on top of yours, his tattoos demanding your attention  "Why didn't you talk to me? You just let me go, let me believe what I saw." 

You traced the outline of the heart with your fingertip and you felt a tear land on your face as he leaned over you. "I was just trying to figure out who I was, I didn't think you'd love ME, especially after what you saw and heard. When we were in New Zealand I did a lot of reflecting, even though I'm struggling to know who I am, I'm less of that person without you. You not only make me more of the man I want to be, you put up with who I have to be." He kissed your forehead and you understood.  

"Guk…I'm so tired, take me to bed." He let out an audible sigh of relief knowing that you were willing to move forward with him.  

Raising your arms over your head he pulled your shirt off your body and replaced it gently with one of his oversized T-shirts. Turning down the sheets you crawled in, it felt like your mind could finally have a rest. Sure that your doubts and sadness would come back, at least for tonight, they had been defeated. He wrapped his arms around you as you both gave in to months of mental exhaustion, sleep conquering sadness, hope turning into dreams that once again dared to reveal themselves.  

The sunlight danced on your eyelids, the scent of Jungkook heavy in the air, you must be dreaming. Afraid to open your eyes, afraid it wouldn't be real you felt his hand on your waist and you couldn't help but smile.  He knew you were awake, nuzzling into your neck he whispered, "It feels like heaven having you back." 

Turning to him you placed your hand on his cheek, "My head is telling me to go but I really want to be here, please make me stay." 

Leaning in he kissed you, god it felt good. You'd blocked out every memory of the pleasure you'd once shared but with one kiss they came flooding back and you wanted him so badly inside of you.  

Roughly you kissed him and began tugging off his clothes. Pulling his shirt over his head the sight of his tattoos fueled an aggression in you to take back what was yours. "Tell me you love me Jungkook," you growled as his cock hardened in your hand.  

"I love you," he panted back, "I fucking love you more than anything."

He sucked your nipple into his mouth as you straddled him sinking down onto his eager dick. Both of you moaning you continued your assault, maybe you could fuck the pain away, "Did she make you feel this fucking good?" 

Like you weighed nothing he immediately flipped you onto your back, laying over top of you he stared frozen. 

"Stop,  just…stop….I didn't fuck her, I didn't do anything with her… I need you to believe that." He was crying, "please believe me"

You did, maybe it was naive but in that moment you really did.  Holding his face you let your lips ghost over his, "I believe you."

Taking control he moved slowly, deliberately, entering you while not breaking his lips away from yours. He rolled his hips deep into a rhythm that rubbed perfectly inside of you and you were lost.  The pleasure elevated by his admissions of love and desire for you as he called your name and moaned in time with his motions.

The raw feelings like electricity heightened your desire, as you let go you cried aloud clenching around him as you both came. "You're so beautiful giving yourself to me, I don't deserve you," he was so emotional, you'd never seen him like this. 

Laying together coming down from the high of passion, life did what it always does, the adrenaline had worn off and the truth came creeping back in. Unsure of what may or may not have happened it was a betrayal nonetheless. Trust had been lost, lies told and promises were broken.  Where did you go from here? 

He lay beside you stroking your hair with a small content grin on his face and you ran you hand over his chest, fingertips across his collar bone and skimming down his arm. The words on his skin screamed at you and sadness draped over you like a blanket of darkness. Noticing the wetness gathering on his chest,  he sat up to see the tears quietly fall down your cheeks. Leaning over he retrieved his long sleeve shirt off the floor and pulled it over his head. "I hope one day you can look at me and it won't hurt. My arms are supposed to protect you and comfort you not make you sad."

You rolled over to face him, " I hope so too."