#(in case anyone's worried about the burnout thing: i've been just fine. just a bit more tired and uncreative.)

[crowfromfoggyforest]

tfw you literally just got out of a burnout-like state, but it's the end of the semester so you know the next few weeks will be really stressful and taxing again

[gourmetmilkshake]

Fam I have a question. I’ve a long-distance friend whom I regularly text and she’s super nice and supportive. Constantly validating and assuring, notes my boundaries, my likes and dislikes and remembers things about me.. But sometimes her texts tend to assume that I’m always going thru a tough time? Like she kinda inflates what I’m going through, with my family and work situation. for example, she said smth like “I know your birthday must be a struggle, it can even be difficult” because i said that I wasn’t sure if my family was planning anything for me. But truth be told I had a relatively pleasant birthday, and I wanted to be positive about my birthday. And my family are not monsters, they just don’t really support me in the ways I need as an adult. They got me cake and drinks and gifts. It was fined So reading that message at 12 midnight kinda made me anxious, like was I supposed to not have a good day? She doesn’t make a big deal out of her birthdays. But I’m not sure why she thinks that I must be constantly struggling and going through pain? Like I’ve actually been better, mood/depression wise lately and I do mention that. I didn’t say anything too negative about my work burnout and she assumed again, that i found it tiring. I’m ??? She usually doesn’t talk about her problems to me and actually diverts the question to me. I don’t think anyone likes feeling like a charity case because as much as I need friends’ support, i want to feel like I’m supporting my friends too. And being assumed that I’m always struggling...idk if she thinks having someone to “care” or “support” determines her worth? Like I’m some sort of project to make her feel better about herself? I don’t know how to even get the truth out of her or to go about navigating this without feeling like some sort of imposter . Because even if I am fine and I tell her that, why does it feel like I’m not supposed to say that to her?? Does this make sense? What do I do?

firstly is this person a cancer or pisces? because she might like being needed in that case. outside of astrology, this is very complicated because i know that a friend deflecting questions back to you and not sharing much about their own life definitely means they don't think you two are on an equal playing field (i've been the friend who doesn't share much) and if you're feeling like you're doing better, and you two don't have a connection outside of this stuff, you may have evolved out of being friends.

it seems like for her, communication has become a habit, something she thinks she needs to keep afloat for your sake, but if you're not in need then her poorly targeted charity has nowhere to go. this could go sour very fast, as she might snap one day and feel like "she's supporting too many people" (even though you technically didn't ask for it) and grow to resent you for the emotional labor she's expended. i think this can be salvaged if you honestly write her and frankly explain that you feel like there's been a disconnect (approach it like 'i miss hearing about your life and you never tell me about you,') and if she feels like she can open up and share why she's been reclusive, then you guys can have a discussion about how you feel like she worries a bit too much about you. she might also not want to have this conversation, which may end up fizzling the friendship entirely. that's okay too. good luck!