#(if they made black less cruel and didn't have gram crush on eugene)

[dreamedofyou]

Before today I was fully on the gramblack train with my clown theories and headcanons and all. Despite the show clearly screaming "Gram likes Eugene" at us I really deluded myself into believing it was all just a misdirect and that it can all be explained away by Gram just projecting onto Eugene, but uh... I don't know what to tell you other than today's episode being pretty clear that Gram does indeed like Eugene, as simple as that. With how deranged I've been over the prospect of gramblack, I expected to feel really disappointed about the show ruining that potential (like I fully expected to be so annoyed by the wasted potential that I wouldn't even come on here to talk about it) but the opposite happened? I'm kind of... glad that gramblack won't be canon now??

And it's honestly because of the way they made me dislike Black this episode. I go into it more here but at this point I just struggle to see why anyone would fall for someone like Black (I mean, Eugene evidently did but I'm seriously going "girl, how??" at her tbh) and I think both Gram and Eugene deserve better, quite frankly. Maybe the series will show us a different side to Black in a future episode and I'll get it then but I'm not really holding my breath. Tbh as things in canon stand now I'd prefer for all 3 characters to stay single. I really liked Eugene rejecting Gram (and telling him she simply wants to be alone at the moment) because combined with her "I don't want to be just some chick chasing after a guy. It's pathetic" line, they're really portraying her as someone that knows her self-worth as an individual, not as "someone's girlfriend" and as a woman whose life doesn't revolve around constantly having a boyfriend (which is so often how female characters are portrayed on tv, especially in BLs). I love that Not Me is going against that (at least for now) and I feel like her getting with Gram would take away from that message. Though I do feel like they'll have her think things through and by the end of the series she'll decide to get together with Gram after all, but I hope not. Black as we know him now is just not capable of having a healthy relationship, period. We've heard from Eugene how he treated her at times. I think I've been guilty of ignoring the red flags whenever she talked about his negative traits because I interpreted them differently but like... there really were a lot of red flags with him.

That being said, there are still things that confuse the hell out of me when it comes to Gram and Black's relationship. For example, how everyone kept mentioning they were together literally "all the time," how touchy Gram was with "Black" from the get-go as if that was normal for them, how he told "Black" to just crash at his place as if that was normal for them too... All of those things just aren't clicking with the Black we got to meet in the flesh for the first time. I find it hard to imagine THIS Black would ever allow himself to get that close to another person. I imagine anyone would know getting too touchy-feely with him would get shoved away in annoyance. And yet Gram's first interaction with "Black" on the show was him draping his arm over "Black's" shoulders with a huge smile on his face. I imagine no one would dare ask Black to bandage his hand because they knew if they did so, they'd get a death stare and him telling them he can bandage it himself and that they should mind their own business. And yet Gram asked (and did it). So this must have been normal for them but it's so hard for me to imagine Black letting it happen, especially since rn he doesn't seem to give two shits about the gang, Gram included. Idk, it's all just a bit confusing to me?? Like I'm hoping we get an explanation but idk if we will and it'll keep bothering me for the rest of my existence (or at least until I move on).