#(i.e. 'you cant leave your toothbrush in the shower its gonna build bacteria' or 'you cant wash yourself in the bath thats not good youre
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unstoppable force (need to have people pay attention to me when i vent) vs immovable object (nobody follows my vent acc and i feel bad venting on main)
#anyways#vent#///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#/////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#istg i need to just ban myself from being open w my irl friends#theyre not BAD its just#any time the topic of hygiene comes up#i get fucking ridiculed. on the spot#and i know its coming from a good place and i know im exaggerating but#when i tell you that im finally trying to get better at hygiene and your first response is that my efforts arent Good Enough#(i.e. 'you cant leave your toothbrush in the shower its gonna build bacteria' or 'you cant wash yourself in the bath thats not good youre#sitting in your own filth')#thats. not the best look for you hun!#im fucking trying dude. im trying my hardest#and nobody understands bc its IMPOSSIBLE to understand i cant explain it#nobody will know what i mean when i say its Wrong to shower at my dads#nobody will know how taxing actually showering is#nobody will know that if i dont leave my toothbrush in the shower i will justify not getting it to myself no matter how much i know i need#to brush my teeth#NOBODY will understand#and god i fucking wish they did#im trying my best to get better but whats the point if my best isnt good enough#when i say that im finally enjoying bathing myself when i start taking baths instead of showers#and you say that its still unhygenic?#when i finally force myself to clean my clothes#but the people around me have conditioned my brain into thinking that it 'doesnt count' because my sister helped me#sometimes i feel like the people around me dont want me to get better. they want me to miraculously be normal
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