#(i'm typing all these tags out while high and i'm like hmmm. excessive)

[luck-and-larceny]

Tagged by: @carnivalis

Thanks so much for the tag!

Tagging: @thefreelanceangel , @kestrelvylbrand , @charm-in-spades , @dumb-hat, @tough-bit-of-fluff ... Really anyone with multiple OCs who thinks this would be fun!

Favorite OC: Oh, come on now, I love all my children equally.

That's a lie. Sometimes I struggle with OCs and can't quite connect with them. Sometimes when I write or play them it feels like I've known them forever.

Still, I can't really settle on a favorite. I like so many of them! It might be Xifang, my red-headed, over-the-top, manic, thiefy character over on Gilgamesh. If you follow my OOC blog, crimson-thorns, the profile picture is of her.

Oldest OC: That's also Xifang. She started as an Exalted character.

>.> Do I gravitate towards certain character types? -hides every over-the-top, manic, thiefy character she's ever made behind her back- Certainly not.

Newest OC: Aurora Carries the Sky. Or just Aurora. Another Exalted character. She is NOT a thiefy character. Ha! She might be the other things though…

Meanest OC: Hmmm… Malika is maybe the meanest. She's certainly the most spiteful. And one of the most selfish. That makes her sound like she's not much fun to be around, but she can be! At least I think so. I hope so!

Softest OC: Oh, probably Saachi. She's a bit of a contradiction when she's at her best: strong, capable, and stubborn while simultaneously soft, vulnerable, and riddled with crushing uncertainty.

Most Aloof/Standoffish OC: Willow, my Reborn D&D Warlock. She's been given a second chance at life after making some huge mistakes with her first chance and she's still trying to figure out how to be less aloof.

Or Adelaide in FFXIV. She's the oldest daughter of a remarkably shitty noble house in Ishgard. On first brush she might come across as haughty and aloof.

Dumbest (Affectionate) OC: Long ago I had a character in Aion named Mistlethrush. She was exceedingly dumb and fun to play.

Liv, a character I've brought to FFXIV in a far less dumb capacity, was originally a low Intelligence character from a D&D game. I like to think her dumbness was a bit sweet and charming.

Dumbest (Derogatory) OC: Oh, I don't know. NPCs in games I ran don't count do they? If they do it's Jeryk from my Shattered Star campaign. He was the woooorst.

In FFXIV, maybe Xifang. I play her almost like an NPC. She's dumb if the scene/another player needs a character to be dumb at that moment. Usually it's at her own expense for humor. She usually deserves whatever consequences she experiences for her stupid schemes and poorly thought out plans.

Smartest OC: Willow. No doubt. The problem with playing high int D&D characters is that I, myself, am just average in intelligence. @_@

In FFXIV I think my most knowledgeable character is… hmmm. Maybe Adelaide? Or Liv (she's not low int in FFXIV). Malika isn't especially book smart, but she's got social/street smarts. She knows enough to be a problem… and frequently is!

Horniest OC: Yeah yeah yeah. It's Malika. She's a hedonistic character who believes that everyone should do whatever they want, whenever they want, to the extreme as long as it isn't hurting anyone else. She's excessive and exhausting.

OC you'd bang: Probably Malika. And I'd feel real weird, uncomfortable, and awkward afterwards. And probably she'd steal things from me that are super important to me and I'd think "Wow. I made a mistake." I think most people come away thinking that about her. I think she doesn't disagree with that assessment.

OC you'd be best friends with IRL: Saachi probably! But she'd accidentally make me feel like an insecure underachiever because she's so driven and ambitious and I'm, you know, often trying to figure out how to just stay home, eat a bunch of snacks, and play video games all day.

[mrsmarlasinger]

[Sober edit: I wrote this whole thing on Thursday night but forgot to post it lmao]

Split half a Keef root beer with my QPP about 15-20 minutes ago, so I'm on 5mg THC, and uhhhh I think I'm getting OEVs?? Because when I look at their giant wall hanging (which is a black-and-white line drawing forming super intricate and tightly woven floral patterns, with a huge yellow sunflower in the middle), I see it ripple and shimmer like heat coming off asphalt in the summer, or a flag waving in the breeze.

Also, that visual started happening FAST, like within 10 minutes of drinking the soda. But at the same time, I have a personal theory that there is a hallucination equivalent of the seizure threshold (which basically describes your personal susceptibility to having a seizure, because everyone can have one given the right factors, but some people have lower thresholds than others, which is why cutting a finger wouldn't give most people a seizure, but for me it might trigger my reflex anoxic seizures). And earlier today, while my QPP and I were sitting in the parking lot in their car, I did see some flurries of snow swirling outside and had to ask if it was real (it wasn't), even though I was 98% sure it wasn't because I'd just been outside. So maybe my hallucination threshold is just low right now.

Oh yeah, and a few minutes ago I was staring at the wall because I was seeing some little streaks of light or something, and I was like, "Whoah, so cool," and then I laughed because I realized what a fuckin' stoner move it is to stare at a wall and gush about how cool it is. Then my QPP started talking about how they feel like they're a monkey with a tail, so, you know.

It's now been about 45-50 minutes, so we each just took a dropper of that THC tincture that also gave me open-eye visuals. Well, I did do that tincture 3 out of the first 4 days of this trip, so I guess my tolerance instantly shot up because I got less high each time, and the tincture didn't do jackshit the third time even though I'd also had some gin and alcohol potentiates weed. Oh, I forgot that at Red Lobster like 2-4 hours ago, I did have three mojitos. I'd never had a mojito before (only a yummy lilikoi fauxjito) and I LOVED it! I think it's my favorite alcohol I've ever had. And I HAD to order it because in the car on the way there, I'd been writing about my MC drinking white rum in my WIP. My writing controls my life. Anyway.

I keep accidentally resting my toes against the heater and burning myself. Uhhhhh I can definitely tell I'm high, because what was I gonna say. Oh yeah! The second night we got high, the tincture was still giving me OEVs, so my perspective of the crossbeams and pipes above the beam overhead shifted so that it looked as though I was looking down at the front of a colosseum (except I think the columns were still wooden beams, and there were Egyptian pyramid vibes because it was hot and sandy). And I saw cute tan lizards crawling across the columns.

Uhh, yeah, it's been an hour and I'm deffo high. Time is becoming dilated. Things that are close to my face are becoming huge in my perception of them. My QPP gave me a Tum even though they're the one who's nauseous, not me, and I had to consider for a long moment whether how it was gonna interact with my high and if it was gonna fuck up my vibes until I finally realized it's just calcium and nothing would happen. Annnnnd I just realized I'm burning my foot on the heater.

OH FUCK I HAVE MY WRITING GROUP WITH MIDDLE-AGED MORMON WOMEN IN AN HOUR. Shit shit shit. Well, I'm definitely not showing up to that one. God fucking dammit.

Well, we are sitting in the dim light of the desk lamp and listening to Steven Universe music and it's warm and REALLY really nice. I feel great. I'm having trouble keeping hold of my thoughts, but do you think I could still do my critiques for my writing group? Maybe?? And then it wouldn't be as shitty if I don't show up because I got hella high instead?

I just called my QPP kinky because they said they wanted to touch my hand, and they thought I called them "Kinkley." Can you fucking imagine a child named Kinkley???? Fucking Utah baby name shit.

Weed has the power to make a bedroom you know like the back of your hand into the warmest, coziest place you could possibly imagine.

My QPP just said they're also getting OEVs of the wall breathing, which is similar to my visual! Isn't that the kind of visuals you're supposed to get on LSD??? I told them about mine earlier tonight, so I probably implanted the idea of that visual in their brain and caused it to happen for them too. GodDAMMIT I just burned my foot again.

Oh my fucking god, I just did my critiques and showed up to my writing group Zoom meeting high as shit. The meeting was forty minutes but felt like hours. Also, in one of the ladies' chapters, I read "get out here," which is a fine and normal phrase and made perfect sense in context, as "get out of here" minus the "of," so I commented "Typo or intentional?" because I couldn't tell if the "of" was dropped as a typo or to sound kind of AAVE. And then during the meeting she was like, "Why would this be a typo?" and I realized my mistake and was like, "Oh, I read it wrong. Uhh, I'm super tired, sorry, you can ignore that." God FUCKING dammit.

So then at the end of the meeting when they asked me if they get to read the party scene in BAIT. when I submit next time, I was like, "I think so but I don't remember because I haven't slept in two days" to push the "I fucked up because I'm tired and definitely not high!" narrative, and also because my voice was super low and slow and raspy the way it gets sometimes when I'm high. Earlier in the meeting I was keeping myself muted because I'd said I was at my best friend's house and they were sleeping, but then I did talk once because my QPP was clearly awake and talking to me and touching me, and also I might've talked to my QPP first because I kind of forgot about my muting excuse; anyway, another reason I said the "I haven't slept in two days" thing is because they'd already heard my high voice.

And honestly, I do feel very similarly to the way I did when I stayed awake for 50 hours straight, so it's not even THAT much of a lie. Regardless, I truly don't think they had any idea I was high, so thank god. The staying-awake-for-two-days thing was a fantastic excuse. I was also in the dim with my face all shadowy, so they couldn't see my eyes (which are probably red and squinty 'cause, well, you know) very well.

I'm so fucking tired. My eyes hurt. It's been like four hours since we originally dosed and like 10-15 minutes since I took another dropper of tincture after my Zoom meeting. I am now on like about 11mg of THC. I can't remember if I've ever taken more than 10mg in a single night.

We went to the mall today. We looked at beautiful formal dresses and got pretzels and Mexican candy and went to Bath & Body Works and I got two full-size candles on clearance (Watermelon Lemonade and Caramel Pumpkin Swirl) plus a Champagne Toast hand lotion (because my hands are SO DAMN DRY) for like $21 total. My QPP bought a mini Bourbon cologne and an Ocean body spray and they put on some Bourbon and I put on some Ocean before we went to dinner (and ate crab legs!) and it was soooo gender.

Oh my god, tangled earbuds when you're high are a Sisyphean knot. Hmm. I don't think "Sisyphean knot" is a thing.

Also, did I mention I went to my writing group super drunk one time? I'd thought I'd be sober by the time it started and I VERY MUCH WAS NOT, but I had to go because I was one of the submitters that week. So I tried to be super perky and alert and ✨normal✨ and yeahhh, I'm a million percent sure at least one of the five, but probably more like all five of them, realized I was not sober.

Oh yeah, I tried 2 grams of kratom yesterday. I'd only ever tried one 500mg capsule in a night before because that's what it says on the bag. I didn't really notice much, but it did make me so damn tired it was almost agonizing, like when I take a full 5mg melatonin tablet instead of a half or quarter (my favorite psych professor once said melatonin is a placebo, but I'm starting to think he's a dirty liar) and in the extremely brief period before I fall asleep I'm just miserably, unbearably, painfully exhausted.

Also? We found a smoke shop that sells psilocybin spores, since they're legal because the fruits contain psilocybin but the spores don't. Fuck yeah. And because I know you're gonna be anxious while reading this, Katie: ✨ I swear I will never cultivate shrooms, NSA ✨

[And then I just listened to music until I fell asleep]