#(i wouldn't *prefer* to deal with wars - death of everyone you've known - unbreakable badly worded vows or whatever.
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#Went to Confession (again)#am still at my most miserable and confused#look I am aware I cannot ask of the priest to tell me <<oh that was only a venial sin you needn't mind>>#but it's also just really freaking hard when you just cannot tell a venial sin from a mortal one#and I know - I know - if you looked at it my attitude towards life is pretty dumb#to write a scathing report: i view life as a path of least resistance. I'm governed either by whims or by fear#which means I have no middle perspective. It's either what's easier now or being afraid of hell#I hardly pay any attention to matters like health or whatever. if I wasn't afraid of sin I wouldn't care about how things impact my mind#If I wasn't afraid of sin I'd have read Game of Thrones or whatever. and of course I would feel unimaginably dirty afterwards. but at least#I'd have read something interesting right? /s#oh and also I'm literally Emma Bovary minus the adultery but that's a different issue#mostly. some of it is probably more connected than obvious at first glance#I'm miserable and it's not even the sort of misery you can make poetry about.#only scathing character portraits. if i was a character from a novel you would hate me#(i would find the novel boring. mundane. there's nothing romantic in this)#(i wouldn't *prefer* to deal with wars - death of everyone you've known - unbreakable badly worded vows or whatever.#but it makes for better stories)#but again you would hate me in mine#//#therese rambles#therese is in an emotional hole#possibly more than emotional but that's the tag
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