#(i say ‘we’ bc i need a car for work but have literally no money rn so my dad bought it but i will be paying him back just to clarify)

[kath-artic]

today has instilled a new zest for life in me. oh god things could be so so much worse!

[pepprs]

mission failed we’ll get em next time 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[steviescrystals]

my dad confuses me on the daily

[h0ttestgrlinm0urgu3]

PORN ☆

Dominic Fike x Reader

porn star reader!

[warnings: smut, p in v, drug usage(both), reader might be a lil brat, like one use of (y/n), 'recording' sex, dom Dominic, degrading but with love, daddy kink]

[modern day Dominic I just want yall to know that.... bc he is so fine 😋]

[not proof read sorry in advance for any mistakes]

-----

To say you were proud of yourself would be an understatement.

you've always known you wanted to be in the entertainment industry, so as soon as you turned eighteen, you started stripping. you worked all the time, never spending the money you made because you lived at home with your mom. you focused on learning, if anything.

learning what men liked to hear so they'll spend money, but mostly learning about yourself. and what did you learn? that you were in love with entertaining, you loved shaking your ass and having people throw money on you, being the center of attention. having eyes on you.

When you turned nineteen, you took all the money you saved up and moved out. still dancing you started exploring more, finally losing your virginity and finding out you loved sex. cumming was literally the best thing you ever experienced.

you decided to start a twitter for fun, just posting videos of you shacking your ass at first.

you built a following over the year when you decided to move to California. you weren't really in the middle of the city, but you were close enough to still get action. you made some friends and on your 20th birthday they took you out to a club, were you had the best idea to start an only fans.

that night when you got home you ran to your bed and opened your laptop made an account and uploaded a video by the next morning. cumming at least three times before you tapped out.

this lead you to where you are now.

you've made a name for yourself in the porn industry while mostly making solo content. sometimes you'll connect with other porn stars and make videos, but you tend to stick to making videos by yourself.

you've completely stopped dancing and live as a full time porn star, even moving to other platforms. you love it.

it wasn't even about the money, honesty you were just a slut. you fucking loved cummming all the time. you loved it even more when you knew people were paying just to get off to you cumming. you especially loved the way people fucked you when the cameras where on.

you just haven't found the person to fuck you the way you needed when they were off, which is why you tend to stick to solo content.

but enough about that lets talk about where you are now.

☆

which is running late as you scramble to get your heels on before searching for the bag you took out for this outfit.

finally done running to grab your keys off of the hook as you walk out the door. as you lock it your phone rings making you groan. 'hello' you breath out walking to your car. 'don't hello me where are you' your friend Dominic asks.

you and Dominic's relationship was special to say the least. you guys meet through Instagram about a year ago. he was heavily active in your comment section before moving to your dm's. he was cute so you entertained it. you guys hit it off quite well and became friends quickly moving to irl .

you've been cool ever since and your currently heading to one of his shows as we speak.

'im heading out the door right now' you answer locking your front door. 'you gonna be here in time?' he questions making you chuckle as you sit, getting comfortable and buckling, letting your phone connect to your car. 'yes I am, I'll be speeding so you'll see me earlier.' you reply as you back out of your driveway.

☆

speed walking to his dressing room not knocking as usual you see Dominic at his mirror smoking a blunt, he looks over to you. 'so I wasn't here earlier' you laugh as you put your bag down giving him a hug while he sat. 'at least you haven't gone on yet' you say giving him a kiss on the cheek taking the blunt from his hand before going to sit on his couch 'you good baby' he said.

re lighting his blunt, takin a pull 'stop calling me baby Dominic' you tell him. tilting his head as he smiled 'you really gon keep playing wit me-' he questioned just before someone knocked on the door, letting him know he needed to go on.

letting out a laugh before telling you ''you better pay attention to his performance'' before he left.

☆

after his concert yall went back to your place to roll up and chill. your in your pajamas sitting on the love seat that's on your porch. taking the blunt from his fingers as he handed it to you. 'when you think you making another video wit someone?' he asked sitting across from you. taking a hit of the blunt and inhaling before answering 'I don't know I gotta find someone to film with' talking another hit of the blunt before handing it back.

watching his lips as he inhales the smoke, licking his lips after exhales. letting your eye drop to his adams apple as he speaks 'why you keep doing this?' he aks with a smile, bringing your eyes back to his face 'doing what?' you question licking your lips. rising from his chair taking another hit as he walks to stand infront of you.

blowing the smoke into your face before asking 'why won't you fuck me' taking his free hand and tucking your hair behind your ear before gripping your chin and titling your head up. bringing the blunt to your lips as you inhale. you bring your legs down and squeeze your thighs together as you feel your pussy getting wet. 'keep going' he speaks encouraging you to take a big hit before stepping back and putting the blunt out in the ashtray.

your eyes low and slightly teary from the hit you just took you watch him as him moves. following him like a lost puppy as he walks into your house on a mission. 'what are you doing?'you question your a little dazed trying not to focus on your need to cum. like the strongest need youve ever felt, all from a touch and some words.

he walks into your room as you sit on the couch. you can hear him moving around, but you stay put until there's silence. he finally exits your room before speaking 'can I fuck you?' he bluntly asks making your jaw drop. standing in front of you '(y/n) I'm so serious I've wanted to fuck you since I se-' he starts before you cut him off 'yes'.

a beat of silence passes before your in his arms lips on his. one of his hands hosting you up while the other grips your hair. one of yours rests on the back of his neck while the other cupped his face.

grinding your pussy into him to get and friction he makes his way to your bed room.

tossing you onto the bed making you whine at the loss of contact he turns his back to you grabbing something.

'Dominic what ar-' you get cut of by him shushing you as he turned around revealing your camera. 'smile baby' he says. to which you happily comply. you absolutely adored being on camera whether it was posted or not. 'aw look at that the cameras on and the slut is comming out' he says laughing.

'get undressed for the camera' he tells you getting closer as you pull your tank top over your head letting your tits out. squeezing them as you made eye contact with Dominic 'aw that's so pretty baby'. you can feel your pussy dripping as you let go of your tits and sit on your knees pulling your shorts down and off leaving you in your underwear.

Dominic's finally infront lf you getting a good shot of your boobs as he gropes them with his free hand. 'fuck baby you make me so hard' he says moving the camera up to your face. you haven't even been fucked yet and you look like your sex drunk already 'fuck me daddy' you say as you take his hand off your boob and pulling it down to underwear letting him feel just got wet you are.

Dominic lets out a groan and a 'fuck' before taking his hand out and walking into your closet.

he comes back with the tripod and sets up the camera facing your bed.

coming over to you he takes his shirt off throwing it somewhere before stepping out of his jeans you lay on your back raising your legs to take off your underwear Dominic following suit.

he was hard as fuck and he has such a pretty cock. gripping the base as he lazyly strocked his cock looking into your eyes 'how you want me to fuck your first baby?' he asked grinning widely as you let out a whimper.

flipping yourself over to lay on your stomach and pushing your ass up and towards him before looking back 'is this okay?' you questioned...

gripping your ass with one hand looking down at you. he thought you looked so beautiful ass up, one arm stretched gripping the sheet your other lazyly played with your clit as he rand the tip or his dick between your folds.

tapping your hand on your clit with the tip of his dick. 'ask me to fuck you' he demanded.

'fuck me Dominic' you moan out.

stepping back, grabbing the camera. recording you laid out for him before re taking his position.

getting shots of him dragging his fingers through your pussy collecting your juices before turning the camera to face him and sucking you off of his fingers.

facing the camera back to you before he spoke 'put me in you baby' he said making you whimper grasping his cock from under you and guiding him to your entrance desperatly trying you put him in 'so big daddy' you whine.

Dominic puts the camera on his shoulder and pushs your hand out the way. your about to say something he grips the base of his cock and rams into you.

'FUCKKK' you moan out. feeling him so deep in you as you grind your hips back. 'God baby' tossing the camera onto the bed Dominic grabs your arms bring your back to his cheast.

slowly grinding into you 'dom the.. camera' you breath out as he slowly fucks into you. 'what about it?' he questions bringing one hand to your neck. 'it..fuck.' you moan out as he brings his other hand to your clit. 'i-it cant-t see us' you barley get out as he speeds up his thrusting.

'it was never recording' he says before heavily picking up his pace fucking deep into you. reaching places you've never been touched before.

you can hear Dominic's moans and even him whimpering behind you.

'fuckkkkkk' you moan out.

feeling the pressure building in you about to snap 'dom- fuck.. im gonna cum' you manage to whisper as he pounds into you from behind.

ypu doubt he heard you. with how loud the sounds from how hard he's thrusting combined woth the sloshing sound from how wet ypur pussy is. not even to mention Dominic's moaning.

'can I cum in you baby?'he questions picking up his pace. 'yes daddy please' you scream feeling the cord in you snap.

vision going white you come to, hearing Dominic talk.

opening up your eyes you see the camera in his hands.

'we gotta film the next one baby'

[itsrlymine]

Heyyyy I've been following you for a while and I love your page and that fact that you're Nigerian too is saur cool!!

Anyways, I just wanted to share a few recent success stories with you because you really helped me understand how easy it is to manifest anything and how powerful and limitless I am 🫶🏼🫶🏼

#1. My parents forgetting that I dropped a class in uni (that I didn't even need but they still wanted me to do all that work 😒) they told me not to drop it but I dropped it anyway lolll. Me and my dad even had a whole hour long argument about it, but I just said that they don't even remember that it happened and we never even had that conversation. It was never brought up again 😌

#2. My mom not bothering me because I wanted to sleep 😭 I said she literally wouldn't talk to me until after a certain time and she literally did exactly that lmaoooo

#3. Manifesting seeing a certain snack in an international food store that they usually never have by the time I got to the store I didn't even want it anymore lmaoooo but it was there tho!

#4. Manifesting Toyota Rav 4s everywhere lmaoooo this wasn't even on purpose but everytime I would see one I would be like "whoa I see these literally everywhere" and now they're everywhere in my area when I never used to see them ever (this also might be because it's the car I want (have 🤭) so I'd be like "omg now that I have my car everyone wants to be a copycat omggg 🙄" and i think that alo had something to do with it)

#5. Being cool in a hot ass room cause I was too lazy to get up and turn off the heater. Like randomly from somewhere I just started feeling cold air and it was in like under a minute like I'm so powerful omg

I know these aren't a lot but these are the main ones that I really remember. I've been manifesting so much but those other ones are more like spur of the moment and not memorable.

But yeah so now I'm manifesting a whole list of things (cause I'm literally god and what I say goes). One of them being going back to 2023 cause I want to redo my freshman year of uni cause I'm also manifesting other things that would actually help me enjoy college fr (an apartment, car, friend grp, full ride, hella money, etc. Cause the whole thing is like 122 bullets 😋) and I'm manifesting it all at one time which lowkey sounds like what shifting is so that's what I've been calling it but yeah. And now that I know that I want it, I have it already!

I'm sorry if this is really long but I have a tendency to yap about stuff but yeah I'm just really excited to share this with you cause you helped me a lot and now I just effortlessly manifest when I've been so unsure of my ability to shift/manifest for like 4yrs now lmaooo I've been suffering 😭 but now I'm locked in and I'm getting whatever the fuck I want 🤭

Also I read your previous post about getting your visa approved for your trip. I hope you have fun!! 🩷🩷🩷

Omg hello my fellow Naija babe!!! I'm so happy you like my page, thank you so much for being here!

First of all, you absolutely ate down with these manifestations you now that right??! I'm excited asf bc these are so great and i can't wait to hear the ones you come back and share babe omggg! You can definitely just make a list and decide it's all done bc it's all done now anyways soooo!

You are getting whatever the fuck you want bc that's what's supposed to happen!!!! Awe babe I'm glad my page has helped in some way but you are the real superstar!!!

Thank you I am so excited for my trip!!! Thank you so much for sharing my love!

[wonwooslibrary]

svt as boyfriends ♡ joshua edition

member: joshua x reader genre: established relationship, bullet points word count: 738 summary: joshua's boyfriend things ;) warnings: mentions of food and i think that's it! let me know if i missed anything! author's note: y'all i am almost two whole days late with this oh god it keeps getting worse. i am...very tired haha i've been working a lot to build up some money while i'm not in school so yeah. i lowkey forgot about joshua/taehyung day until i opened twitter and saw people talking abt shua and i was like WAIT THAT IS TODAY anyway moral of the story i'm tired and need a break but here is the joshua fic we've all been waiting for! ily all and enjoy <3

He lowkey gives the vibes of like. The foreign exchange student bf with a relationship with a deadline 

He’s the silly bf!!! 

He’s also one of the members I see the least as a boyfriend so this is going to be interesting to write…

Quality Time 

Mans is a fan of everything fr !!! He absolutely loves spending time with you and your shared group of friends 

Loves doing silly little activities with you like making bracelets and painting 

He might just be the artsy bf we all want 

Joshua loves to go to different places with you like thrift stores, arcades, cafes, literally anything as long as he is with you <3

Loves the feeling of mixing his friend groups - the day you meet his friends aka his brothers he will be imploding with love for everyone 

Is the “i get bored easily” bf so y’all gotta be doing like ten different things at once 

Will totally ask you to dance or just close your eyes and be with him when a slow song comes on at a party / get together / playing music at home 

Words of Affirmation

You totally call him Joshy or Shua and he loves every minute of it bc he thinks it’s cute 

“Darling, would you like to get coffee with me tomorrow morning?” SCREECHING 

Believes the relationship revolves around pet names (ie. baby, sweetie, darling) he's adorable 

Is always proud of you and encouraging!!! 

Likes to leave little notes for you around the house. Maybe by your favorite drink in the fridge that reads, “I got these for you. stay hydrated, love” 

At the beginning of the relationship he was so formal with you, that it took him saying “I love you” for the first time to relax for five seconds LOL 

Physical Touch

Joshua loves handholding ‼️

This man always wants to have some sort of contact with you, whether that be holding hands, linking fingers or rubbing your back

Loves having you sit on his lap or lay your legs across his 

His go-to move when you are in public is linking your pinkies together (how cute :3) 

Leans on you when he laughs because he cannot sit still 

I feel like Joshua would like. move his fingers on your leg in the way of playing piano keys but with guitar if that makes sense? Like where the frets are? Idk

Is also the type to be scared of touching you in front of others until you explicitly tell him that it's okay

Acts of Service 

Loves doing the chores for you

“Hey, baby, I'm gonna fill my water bottle. Do you need me to fill yours?” 

Or even a, “hey i borrowed your car, but i filled the tank before bringing it back” we love a man who can afford to fill a vehicle’s tank at this point in time

Likes to bring you lunch once or twice a week --- he’ll make it himself and pack it in a cute little bag and everything 

Helps you in little ways like folding the laundry or helping you pick out outfits on those days that you struggle to do anything 

Is always there for you when literally anything happens. You need someone to help fix your car? He’s on the phone finding a shop. You can’t reach a high shelf or your back hurts too much to bend down to get something from a low cupboard? He’s right there ready to help

Gift Giving 

I touched on this a tiny bit earlier but !! handmade jewelry omg he would make matching bracelets for y’all or even a necklace or earrings for you if bracelets interfere with your job

Always buys little trinkets that remind him of you or your relationship 

“Hey I found this little glass rose decoration and it reminded me of the time i got you flowers when i asked you out the first time” 

HE WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE CUTE SHY SMILE WHEN HE GIVES YOU SOMETHING TOO as if you’ll ever tell him that you dislike something he got for you 

He would also love if you gave him gifts too like, “hey joshy I got this little container that can help you keep your beads organized” and he’s melt into a puddle of goo onto your living room floor 

Also gets something for you (usually your favorite snack or drink) when you’re especially sad or stressed out - like a super gift instead of his regular daily gifts or something 

Idk just know he’s really sweet and enjoys crafting

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for sending a vaguely passive aggressive card?

i (25M) bought a card that says "i will always value our friendship" and inside i handwrote "you dont get to take this decision back, it is unfair to me too. i wish you the best." and gave it to my ex (27F) the day after she cut me off.

we met 2 years ago when we started working at the same job. we instantly hit it off and became close friends, and pretty soon after mutually crushing on each other.

however i had JUST left a super toxic relationship literally the month before and was in no way ready for a new relationship, and i made this clear to her. despite this she still asked to start dating almost every month for the better half of a year. i finally gave in and said yes, but she has to be super ptient as i still dont really feel ready for a relationship and am not over my ex, and havent even gone back to therapy yet to process the trauma of said previous relationship. she said she doesnt mind and even wants to help me process it herself. (key note: she is in college to become a trauma-specialized therapist.) i initially refused but upon her repetitive insistance gave in and let her give me "therapy talks" and whatnot. i dont exactly think i needed traditional talk therapy bc it hasnt benefitted me in the past and instead mostly benefit from EMDR and hypnosis. thats neither here nor there i guess lol.

fast forward a couple months and her car breaks down. she doesnt have any local friends or family so i ended up being her main ride to and from our job even though it was super inconvenient for me. we live in opposite directions on our job, each of us ~30 min drive away from work. so i would have to drive 45 min to her apartment to pick her up, then drive 30 min to work. after work i drive the 30 min back to her apartment, then the 45 min home. for unrelated reasons i end up leaving our mutual job and get a different job, closer to her apartment. ...but i am still her only ride. so now i am driving 45 min to her place, 30 min to HER job, 30 min BACK to her town where i work. now i drive 30 min to pick her up from work, 30 min to drop her off, and 45 min home. (that over three and a half hours of driving a day. she does not contribute to gas money.)

i am admittedly probably the asshole for this but i grow a little resentful of her lack of contribution and her expectation of me to be her ride despite the fact that she does not save money to fix her car or get a new one (she has a shopping addiction and spends a lot of money on knick knacks at antique/thrift stores). so we hardly spend time as a couple since i am always exhausted from work and driving her around. i tell her i dont Want to driver her everywhere and its putting a lot of tension and strain on the relationship bc of it and she is kind of like "well what am i supposed to do, lose my job and get evicted?" and so out of guilt i continue to be her ride.

she decided that me not spending enough time with her outside of driving is unfair and she wants to end the relationship. i agree this is for the best but because we used to be such good friends before, i want to try to be friends still. she agrees. i lay down a hard boundary now though: i will no longer be her ride. she does in fact lose her job and gets evicted from her apartment. by this point she has become friends with one of our old coworkers and ends up moving in to their house with their family, i end up helping her move.

we try to be friends, but she never texts first or asks to hang out or invites me anywhere, and on the rare occassion she agrees to my hangouts, shes extremely snappy and passive aggressive with me and is quick to remind me of what an "absent" boyfriend i was. i get fed up with this after a couple months and tell her i cant be friends with her is shes going to be so mean to me all the time, even if i WAS a bad boyfriend the relationship is over now and it isnt fair to keep holding it over my head. she agrees to try and be nicer to me. we slowly start becoming really good friends again and eventually start regularly hanging out again for a couple months.

my dad fucking dies. i take a month off work and have weekly grief counselling appointments. i kind of ghost everybody i know, not just including my ex/friend, but also my best friend, my cousin, and even my step sister. after a couple months back to work (sleep, go to work, come home, sleep. i didnt do Anything. i barely ate.) i finally start to get out of my depressive funk. i start reaching out to people again. most are super understanding and some are kinda weird about it. when i reach out to my ex and say i finally am starting to feel like a person again and we should hang out, she tells me that i broke her heart again by ignoring her and that i dont get a third chance, and shes cutting me off. she requests i drop off anything i still have of hers (she had some clothes and other stuff at my house) and so i decide to, kind of half genuinely and kind of half sarcastically, buy a "friendship" card.

...so, am i the asshole for buying a card that says "i will always value our friendship" and writing "you dont get to take this decision back, it is unfair to me too. i wish you the best." on the inside, and giving it to my ex the day after she cut me off?

[oflorelei]

One thing that annoys me so hard is whenever i see people boil down grrms writing to be the most bland, MEDIOCRE, boring ass take ever 😭 guy LOVES fantasy, he LOVES to worldbuild with mythology in mind, he LOVES prophecies- characters like Dany are literally the walking embodiment of his love for fantasy and the fantastical. YET I have to keep seeing the most braindead, tumblresque, BLANDEST takes ever. "hOTD IiS aBOuT tWO sPoIlED dAdDy iSsUED bRaTS", first of all we all know grrm sold his soul to hbo like faust sold his to the devil- but he literally DENOUNCED the show 😭 to think this everburning car accident that plagues the screens of the times square in nyc is an ACCURATE depiction of georges work is laughable. Im not gonna tell you what the dance is about, BESIDES that with removing the fantastical aspect (literally blood betrayal, dying of the dragons, the long night coming again), also removing the obvious aspect of womanhood in westeroa something that is DRIVING FORCE ON WHY THIS CONFLICT EXISTS, is fucking laughable. Especially because George DOES write about this misogyny, internalized or not so much, to completely ignore that point to push the fucking stupid "holier then thou because i hate the targaryens BC they are conquerers despite the people they conquered literally comitting two mass genocides together with forced conversion" (on that point who tf of yall think u can seperate the hightowers from the faith pre-dance?), is literally my achilles heel. I need some of you all to use your brain and THINK, very hard and long, and READ thru awoiaf or one of the DOZEN OTHER NOVELLAS we have on the dance, the blood betrayal, the long night.

Also another quick rant: this wannabe 'historian' pov of "im just boiling it down to the most blandest, white toast bread, ignoring and misinterpreting the lore the the extent that it would make the dumb and dumber PROUD" is so annoying- coming from someone who is studying history with a focus on pre-modern era (aka middle ages) atm. This doesnt work for a world in which *dragons* and *magic* not only EXISTS but also indirectly or even directly influences the fade of the world.

My take? The blood betrayal definitively definitively is there, was written to resemble the dance of dragons (or the other way around). Yeah ignore a younger brother betraying his older sister who was the rightful heir to the throne of an empire only ruled by men till then. Yeah ignore how that sister is called amethyst empress (in a line of a thousand different gems names there could be), while her brother is called the bloodstone emperor (which is btw a GREEN STONE WITH RED FLECKS). Yeah ignore that this betrayal is what caused the Maiden-made-of-LIGHT to turn her back on the world meanwhile the Lion of the NIGHT came forth with demons (with what the others are compared to btw) to the realm of MEN. Yeah ignore that Dany is also suppose to mirror/parallel the amethyst empress and that fixing the wrongs of her ancestors is also her whole thing. Yeah ignore that the breaker of chains, the Prince that was promised, the one who has an dynasty resting on her back, whose downfall started with the dying of dragons in a war fought over the heir not having a dick, is also a (very) young woman, her womanhood also playing a part in her whole Story. Am i saying Rhaenyra or Dany are the AE reborn? Hell No, and if id bet my money on Dany. But both of them and their conflicts get so extremely paralleled with the Amethyst Empress History that you have to be literacy blind to not see that.

But thats my opinion, you can believe what you want as long as you dont boil hotd down to being the "truth" and ignoring the existing fantasy/magic as well as the world building relevant extreme misogyny.

[misterbitches]

joke knew from the beginning what he had and other people didn’t. me personally i’d keep my contacts with the pawn dealers because those aren’t the real enemies tho they’re acting like the petty managerial class i guess. fun (not) fact poor ppl have their shit pawned the most so i’ll allow it.

the show is very literal and there’s that fantastical element. obviously a single ring doesn’t give you power. i think the ring thing was to symbolize shifting money around? not sure and you know i kinda tune out when it comes to that plus it’s ugly but more people can explain the tightrope between the exaggerated and melodramatic and the realism whatever.

anyway his nice house, his dad’s nice job, his education, their cars. even the option to go to jail is so funny bc he could have just. not. gotten a lawyer. whatever. instead he spent his time being dyslexic and wanting to expropriate from the real thieves which are bosses and traitors (capitalism). i wish i knew more about thai movements to be able to tie it into a broader point but i know enough about what capitalism does. imagine this: there is no work in your home town so you must go elsewhere to do manual labor, leaving your family behind. that’s what extraction does but not purely internal—though “never colonized”, to say thailand has been untouched by western power would be silly and untrue by fact of being where they were. and obviously imperialism and monarchy and honestly what seems to be actually semicolonialism which seems a ridiculous marker but alright. the point is the british the french and eventually america all had their grubby little hands there and the monarchy supported it tho the monarchy is not their main enemy today—it is the military (imperialism lmao). (which now that i think about the parallels i guess the show is trying to say that which obviously with the bird flying close to the sun…to which i say no but it tried at least. that system doesn’t function the way the military does…get rid of hierarchy…)

this is the nature of exploitation. toi ting is dark, her dad is dark and an alcoholic; jenny is trans—none of these are central to who they are in the story but a part of them. Why would more poor people skew this way; what system of domination necessitates the darker and “deviant” seen as unproductive and unable to assimilate? what influences and exacerbates these ideas?

and even them talking about english. surprisingly jack knows and joke doesn’t. was joke a poor student or did he just not feel like trying? (obviously he struggles w school but my pt is…he also could not put in effort bc he struggles and is young and has money and will be fine) why was jack such a good student? just asking myself stuff like that.

I fundamentally clash with the idea that we owe anything to these evil people i really do. You see people trying to survive and struggling and grappling with their morality and these sick fucks STILL wont let go. They expect us to just lay down and die? To not fight? And that we are the same as them? Once we get free that we’ll do what they do? And this is where jack is wrong and where joke’s self loathing could be so transformed but i don’t know if the show can see that bc that is not the world we live in and the art that is accepted unless we make it so and usually thats thru other channels.

Just once i’d like us to be able to see that actually yes shit like this, who joke is, is righteous, moral, and good. it’s everyone else that has to understand that! he shouldn’t have to change, the world should and do something along with him about it! Like those angry townspeople are! even the way rosé placated them with bullshit indicates an INABILITY to get out of it without forcing them. They could simply solve the problem and they won’t. So we will make them. That’s it! And all labor fighters everywhere have turned violent and resistance and human flourishing go hand in hand. the need for that resistance, what binds us, that all comes from our labor, our work, being exploited and that’s what the contradiction cannot abide by

and if Jack is out for revenge are we going to acknowledge revenge as a motivator for freedom? morality of oppressors is not real morality. the morality of the resistance is one; it’s complex, dark, and nasty but also full of anger and with that love. it wrestles with the tradeoffs and discomfort but it tries to correct course. the difference between these two groups could not be wider so why pretend like the intent, method, and outcome are the same? What the fuck does it mean to come by anything honestly? joke is to me very deeply not wrong and for as long as we have it it’s refreshing to see a character who needs to do something that is integral to his way of life. that is an alienating dangerous thing

so that’s my real issue with the show: so much of joke growing is about leaving liberation in the past and growing up as if it’s a fantasy. like he was ever not putting himself in danger. but what’s interesting is how unsure i am that they are going to to reject the premise of violence and crime necessary to resistance/liberation entirely. It’s SO WEIRD bc it’s like ok is this jack’s rollercoaster? I hope so? Or am i so stung by the norm that i see this pattern and it isnt coming out? Maksksjuurhrhhebebwjqoeofidgeheb

[fuck-customers]

Pls tell me someone else has been through something similar.

TL;DR: Paid for a strangers groceries. Got asked out by him through his friend. Denied coz Idk why he did that & uh... he was deff not femme presenting so not my preference (& I still feel bad about it lmao). 🥲 #rip

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

I don't hate this customer, but I constantly wonder if anyone has had a shared experience like this so if you have, PLEASE leave it in the comments (or reblogs).

(*Shared experience as in... a stranger/customer asking you out for something you did for them while on the clock or something you showed them at work that's a work perk.)

When I was a cashier at the american grocery store "English en Español", I was in a low income area. I constantly had cis men hitting on me for no valid reason, as I'm not the socially accepted aesthetic for "attractive" (probably because it was a small town so there wasn't much selection & I live in cities so I dressed/acted differently than most? Idk. I'm a transman, pre-t & pre-surgery, but present as femme for safety reasons, espec in small towns). I often didn't notice until coworkers told me after they had left or until the man, himself, told me straight up. It was common enough that we had a signal bc apparently I suck at picking up on people hitting on me. NO ONE working that night signaled for this one, despite several of my coworkers seeing this.

So needless to say, I did NOT see this coming.

There was a guy with two girls checking out their groceries at my register. It was late at night, close to closing. When it came to the guys portion of the groceries, he split things up to afford everything. (I feel that lol.) His card declined on the last part. He was maybe $25ish(?) short (idr exact amount). He asked to take off a few things & I was like "Wait, wait." & jumped around & slid my own card & paid for his stuff. At that time (about a decade ago) my finances were mostly stable. I was doing what I could for anyone who needed it. It wasn't abnormal for me to pay for people whose groceries got declined by under $50 if I had it that month. I was stuck at a grocery store all day & people quite literally need food. It's the *least* I could do while financially stable, yknow? He wasn't someone I singled out... just someone else I managed to have the privilege of helping.

But this guy looked like he was both a) about to cry & b) incredibly embarrassed. He barely whispered thank you to me before grabbing everything & RUNNING out the door. His two friends thanked me profusely & followed him out *normally*. Lol.

I didn't have anyone else to check out coz it was almost 10pm at that point, so I was just vibing at my register. Maybe 5 whole minutes later (yes, THAT LONG) one of the girls the guy was with comes back in & runs up to my register.

I didn't say anything coz I was confused. Why is everyone running? Why does everyone have so much energy? Jeeze. 💀

She said, quickly & excitedly, "Remember the guy you just saw that you paid for his groceries?"

Me: "👁👄👁... yeah?"

Her: "Well, he wanted to know if you wanted to go out with him. Like, on a date."

Me, confused, not knowing what to say, stalling: "Uhhhhhhm."

In my mind, I'm thinking: 'Why would he want that? Because I paid for his groceries? Does he think I'm one of those dommes that gives money to their subs? Oh no. I'm a sub, not a dom! Maybe he just thinks I'm nice? Oh god, he's gonna find out I'm NOT nice if we date... but I really only like femme presenting people. How tf do I say that in a small town where I don't want that to get out? I don't know what's happening here, but-"

Me, without hesitation: "Sorry, but ...I like women?"

Her: "👁👄👁... Was that a question?"

Me: "...No?"

Her: "... 👁👄👁 ...Okay, I'll tell him. Thanks!"

Again, with the running. Running out the door. To the car. They looked about the same age as me. Early 20s. Like... where are they getting this ENERGY??? 😭

He NEVER came into the location I worked at again while I was there for 3 years lmao. The two girls did. Ik he lived in the area. This was before the time of grocery delivery. So uh... I feel awful lol.

I also feel awful because I never really say no to anyone in that context or break up with anyone. I always force *them* to say no or break up with me so that I don't have to do it. 😅 I'd never in a million years lead anyone on coz that's completely unfair, but I really just need the other person to do it & I couldn't in that situation so it still sits in the back of my mind like, "oh my god what have I done" kind of catastrophic thoughts spiraling from there. Meanwhile, he probably doesn't even remember I exist. 💀

So rip to me, I guess.

Please tell me someone else has had some kind of interaction where a stranger/customer has asked you out or tried to get with you based on something you did (or did for them) on the clock or a work perk you showed them/they saw. 😭 Pls make me feel less alone in this lmao.

Also make sure to give the follow up tea! Did you go out? Did it work? Are you married? ☕️ 🦊

When I was 19 I gave a lady a coupon for money off (I'm 50 I forget how much it was for.) and this lady tried to hook me up with her 13yo daughter. I dunno if that counts.

-Rodney

[youremyheaven]

we’ve touched on wealth indicators in the chart before but i was wondering if you had any thoughts on indicators for financially struggling in life? personally i’ve observed ketu in the 2nd house of the d1 of ppl with these circumstances but of course i don’t want to fear monger and say you’re doomed for certain if you have this but this is personally what i’ve seen reoccurring. do you have any observations on this?

this may be a bit obvious or ridiculous but Claire mentioned how naks like Jyeshta, Mula (or Ketu naks in general) are internally scarce and come from a place of lack so they work reallyyyy hard to accumulate wealth and I can see the logic in it but I also feel like sometimes the themes of naks manifest very literally and many of these individuals struggle with their finances a lot.

All of the Jyeshtas I know irl have had a really broke phase or have struggled with money their whole life.

I don't think the presence of one nak alone can impact whether or not you'll be rich or poor bc your whole chart has to be balanced to accumulate wealth but I feel like Lunar individuals also struggle with money, work, motivation etc because they lack that internal hunger/fire to make shit happen.

Also its imp to understand that "wealth" is a relative concept. I guess we can technically say that if someone's a millionaire, then they're wealthy but I have a Jyeshta uncle who never finished his education, never had a real job and still lives comfortably. He is by no means RICH but he has most of what he needs (from his generational inheritance).

Before you say that "okay anyone can live off of their family's money" I promise you, thats not true. You have to have a really strong chart to "enjoy" wealth, whether its inherited or accumulated. The people who make $10 million a year but work 100+ hours a week aren't "enjoying" their wealth,, many children born into wealthy families often end up not finishing their education, addicted to substances, going broke, not having a good relationship with their family etc,, not everybody who is born into money can or will benefit from it.

So making money/coming from money ≠ to "enjoying" the benefits and privileges of it.

I have some relatives who are immensely rich, they own commercial properties that are leased to 5 star hotels all over India, they own residential buildings, they make more money than some small countries lol but of their 3 children, one of them died of an overdose in college, their only daughter is a manglik whose fiancee and brother died in a car crash and she's now in her late 40s and has no contact with the outside world and has completely devoted herself to religion, and their last son is a flop actor who starred in some D list films.

Karma and destiny etc are very interesting. What guarantees wealth does not guarantee its enjoyment or a good quality of life. Blessed are those who live with contentment and have all their needs and indulgences met and have peace of mind.

[sugar-omi]

Incoming ramble I wanna hear you’re thoughts on this cause it’s been on my brain for a little bit and it’s got me in my feels

K so I forget if it’s in the step 3 prologue or in the Drive moment but either way when on the topic of Cove leaving for Nevada every now and again and choosing how your MC feels about it there’s the option to choose that it makes you sad and nervous specifically because the little 8 year old in you (who remember was probably HORRENDOUSLY lonely) was scared that Cove was gonna leave and never come back

Now that option alone already gets to me (cause I relate to it hard cough cough) but just imagine the MC actually confessing to Cove about that fear!! Obviously the MC doesn’t want to make Cove stop going cause yknow he’s literally going to see his own mom but MC also can’t deny that there’s that sad lonely little kid inside their head who just doesn’t want to be left alone again so they’re kinda just stuck in the dilemma. But soon enough after feeling well enough to admit it they finally tell Cove about it and get to actually work it out!!!

It just- AUGH ITS GOT ME EMOTIONAL MAN I CANT-

cove would actually feel so relieved omg bc it makes him sad too and he misses you, ofc ik he says that no matter what but I think he also worries abt leaving n nevering coming back

very traumatized from the move after his mom n dad divorced n he tried to run away bc he missed krya, yk 😟

reassures you that he'll always come back, and that if that did happen he'd prbly try to run away to see you LOL

would offer to take you with him!!! if you're dating ofc you need to work it out w his mom a bit more than necessary but she wouldn't mind if you stayed over or came to hang out w them

I imagine krya spends a Lotta time at work anyway since she can't be on leave the entire time he visits, so she'd be relieved that he has someone to keep him conpany

he talks abt you so much anyway, it's like you're basically there w them already

if you can't or don't want to go with him, he'd video call you sm more

sends lots of pictures n texts and voice messages

tells you basically everything abt his day and sends gm and gn texts

NO VOICE MESSAGES

omg...

coves sleepy, raspy voice saying "good morning" (

sounds like this, would even call you sunshine like sonny did!!!😭😭

I'm falling apart

mmm if he's gone a long time he'd prbly even come see you, or meet you half way

which is stressful bc he has a long drive but he would bc he's crazy abt you

omg gives you a shirt of his.

BUYS MATCHING SHIRTS

omg and asks you what you're wearing every day until you say that shirt n he wears it like "omg!!! what a coincidence!!!!" babe we know u did it on purpose PLEASE

sends you flowers

n by send you flowers I mean asks his dad to pick up some flowers and deliver them to you

sends his dad money too but cliff would prbly pay for them once or twice bc he thinks this is so chge n send the money back to cove so cove is like "dad!!!" n just makes an order on his card bc his dad is so stubborn😭😭

cliff is actually in love w your guys relationship he's so happy,,, pls

I should write some hc's on how cliff feels abt you guys dating bc my man's is so happy!!!! pls. OK anyway

OMG YOU VIDEO CALL N EAT TOGETHER

will ask what you're eating n have the same thing if he can

OMG HE PICKS UP ONE TIME AND HE'S RUNNING ACROSS THE STREET N HES LIKE "WAIT DONT EAT YET I GOTTA PICK UP THE FOOD"

n you can just see his chin, the sky and then it's like kinda black n then for some reason u can see the floor and then he's like "sorry" and he starts running back to his car AGAIN

and so he delicately places the phone down n is panting n just goes, "sorry. I'm ready now" *throws his head back* "omg gimme a minute... man. climbing thru your window really came in handy"

KISSES THE SCREEN

big "mmmmwaahhh!!!"

or tiny "mweh", no in between

falling asleep on the phone too

WOULD TUCK THE PHONE IN.. OMG STOP IT

he's totally normal abt you I swear

[rustedhearts]

since it’s pretty much officially autumn, i’d like to recap the worst summer of my life so that if anyone tries to say something stupid to me, you’ll understand why i’m hanging on by the thinnest thread

to begin:

may

• ooh yay i graduated college! after 4 years of hard work i finally obtained my degree! woo!

i have all this free time and nothing to do, it’s so fun! i’m going to garden and make the house cute and relax.

• my fucking car brakes shit out on me in the middle of traffic. my foot is all the way to the floor at a red light so i can stop the car and not plow into the car in front of me. (the car is 15 years old and basically everything needs replaced)

• my money is also starting to run out bc i got my last paycheck from work (i worked at my university) and i don’t have another job.

• my basement floods because my sister’s an idiot. it takes 3 giant fans and 2 weeks of cleaning to get the wet litter smell out because that’s where we keep one of the litter boxes….which got wet

june

• basement floods again. this time it’s a sewer floor. i spend a whole day cleaning up literal shit in the laundry room. it went UNDER the washer and all the way to the other side of the room + under the stairs. i had to clean this all up myself.

city had to come out and snake the sewer pipe in our front yard.

• i have my first date in forever. woo!

he ghosts me (after turning around on the road to come back and kiss me and telling me he’d love to see me again)

• i’m going to job interviews that don’t call me back.

• my ethel cain concert in pittsburgh, which was my college graduation present and the first time my sister and i were going to see ethel cain in person after waiting for 2 years, is canceled.

july

• my laptop breaks. the book i worked on for 2 years (which has a very particular formatting) is now sitting untouched. i planned to send it to publishers this summer but cannot.

• i have literally no money.

• random gluten allergy pops up. i can’t eat gluten without experiencing symptoms so painful that i literally considered calling an ambulance one night.

august

• jobs continue to ghost me. i’m applying to dozens every day.

• i haven’t purchased anything by myself since may.

• i haven’t had my own way around since may and have been virtually stuck in my house unless i can get a ride from someone else.

• i get a small, red dry spot on my forehead.

• by the end of the month the small red spot is spreading across my forehead.

september

• the small red spot has spread all over my face and now i have extremely dry, painful, blistery skin after crystal clear skin since april. i still have no fucking clue what this is and i still have it right now.

• i interview for an art school that i really wanted to work with. spent hours researching and reading the entire student handbook to familiarize myself with the curriculum. the interview is with 6 different people and takes almost 2 hours.

• art school is ghosting me. still have not heard from them. (sent 2 follow-ups)

• i have to go back to retail, and the only retail place that i could get an interview at is 25 minutes away. ubers are $20 each way. i requested up to 30 hours, and if i work 5 days a week, that’s $200 in uber charges.

no i can’t fucking walk, no i can’t bike or scooter. i live in an area that isn’t really accessible unless you have all the time in the world to wait for bus routes and walk between stops, or you have a car. my area frequently reports shootings, robberies, and jumpings. as a young girl, i don’t feel safe out at night in these areas by myself on foot.

so, i’ll essentially be going to work to pay to go to work unless i can get a car somehow. i have -$8.63, my credit card is now overdrafted and late.

so. that’s where i’m at right now. i’m finding it difficult to wake up these days, don’t feel productive. i have nothing joyful in my life and i’m extremely depressed. the stress has also triggered my ocd a lot and i’ve been struggling with very intense obsessive thoughts.

ta-da. my wonderful summer.

[tiamathh]

https://www.tumblr.com/tiamathh/759440171249876992/httpswwwtumblrcomtiamathh759364640845250560

OKAY so basically f1 is a type of motorsport, it’s more about the engineering behind the cars that are highlighted and it’s basically a sport for needs bc of the very technical terms that are used!

so basically, there are 10 teams (mercedes, mclaren, ferrari, aston martin etc) who each have 2 drivers that drive for them for points. points are only rewarded to the first 10 ppl who finish! you may notice the “p1” “p7” thing, the P means position and the number is what they finish on the grid. top 3 get to stand on the podium and do the champagne celebrations!

so before i mentioned that the engineering is very important in the sport (and they elevate the car based on new regulations so they can make it faster and lighter), there’s TWO things a f1 team can win. one is the obvious, the world driver championship where the driver wins BUT there’s also a another one which is for the constructors championship, which is usually for the TEAM who wins (they also get money and facilities they can use to make their next years car better)

so driver championship can be decided by u know who wins the most and all but the constructors one can usually bring some competition bc if one driver is leading: for ex: redbull driver max is leading, it’s not necessary that he’s leading the constructors one (bc he or his co-driver may not finish a few races which cost them points) it could be a diff team leading it by a point or a few!

now, here are some absolute GOATS you must know about:

- michael schumacher, the ultimate ferrari man. won the world championship 7 times with ferrari, (this is impossible w ferrari today) absolutely crazy man (unfortunately he had a life altering accident in the alps that has left him in a vegetative state, his family’s very priv about it but his son mick is in f1) ;; he’s the first to win the world championship’s 7 times

- senna, just a BEAST. fastest man to literally ever hit f1 (unfortunately passed away in a accident on track, he was gonna join ferrari the very next season)

- LEWIS hamilton, second man in f1 to win 7 world championships & first to ever win 8

this man is insane when he drives the mercedes car, the precision, the absolute craziness is shown. also u must have noticed me writing 8, yes well, he did win 8 but it was taken away from him ON THE VERY LAST LAP it was extremely unfair and heart dropping moment on the night of abu dhabi 2021…last lap between lewis and max,,,,just pin drop silence when shit happened…u can look up the highlights and u can find out exactly what it was…

- KIMI, ice man, also named as schumacher’s trauma bc he replaced schumacher and was also the last ferrari champion…it’s been 15 years..

here’s a few team jokes that u need to know :

ferrari ; i don’t even know what to say except that this team takes years off of my life, the way they fuck with their drivers mental healths 😭😭😭 they always have the best engine but it the TEAM who’s always fucking up race strategies which makes them lose EVERY SINGLE TIME ITS TIRING ITALIANS ARE TIRED WE JUST WANNA WIN, also ferrari’s the team that has won the most so it’s always a glory and a very big thing to even driver for ferrari bc everyone’s a ferrari fan. (this team’s internal politics is its downside, it’s not a f1 team, it’s a national team) also winning monaco (crown jewel of f1) with ferrari is like winning f1

- mclaren, they used to be good ARE good this season but their driver (norris) bottles everything, they can have a POLE position for the race, and lap one finishes their car is in the middle of the track, it’s frustrating bc he’s got what it takes but he crumbles

- red bull, reigning champions, very toxic work environment, just lost the man who created their car into a beast

- mercedes : was great until 2021 and we’ll lewis is moving to ferrari now that’s all u gotta know abt this team

- aston martin : washed f1 driver from the 2000’s and a nepo baby who’s dad owns the team, jk on the first part, alonso’s good but he’s just not it anymore 😭😭

- alpine ; two French drivers, it’s a civil war on track

- sauber : just never making it

- haas : 2 dilfs on track, one of them is out for blood

- williams : used to be very good, won championships but recent years since 2000’s just pure shit

technical terms :

DRS : drag reduction system (this basically makes the cars go really fast on straights and they can used it to over take others), it’s like a little flap that opens for air to go thru and the cards to go faster

tracks : so many races each year, hot to cold, tired have to be equipped to the track conditions

there’s practice days where the teams test what tires would best suit this track, 3 types of tires (soft, medium and hards)

u may notice f1 drivers have thick necks it’s bc they have to exercise their necks to keep up with the G forces, bc they go at such high speeds their neck needs to be in tact & that required a lot of pulling and effort

also f1 drivers don’t build a lot of muscles bc the car has to be very light so they can be fast, so the driver has to be at a certain weight so that after everything in the car they are also lighter

qualification is in 3 parts Q1,2,3 where last 5 are eliminated after each round if they don’t make it through which decides their order on the races!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SSdsncLXLYs&pp=ygULSW50cm8gdG8gZjE%3D

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=s8WHY3Gusx0&pp=ygULSW50cm8gdG8gZjE%3D

here’s a few videos to help u! anything else, pls don’t hesitate to ask!!!

...oh my fucking god I LITERALLY LOVE YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOH SO MUCH FOR THIS IM GOING TO ETA UP AS MUCH F1 CONTENT AS I POSSIBLY CAN IM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY I WAS CAUGHT UP W A LOT OF STUFF 😭😭😭 BUT IM SO GRATEFUL FOR THIS THANK YOU SO MUCH ILY I WILL DEF BE ASKING MORE Qs 😭😭💓💓 also I had only heard of like Ferrari and redbull I didn't even know Williams was a thing and I did hear that one team is just a nepo baby team but skdoeof I was like OOp? THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ONCE AGAIN I'm gonna be deep in the asshole of F1 now 😋💪🏾

[justmy-account]

Suspicious Minds thoughts

I finally got to read one of the Stranger Things books!

Suspicious Minds is a book written by Gwenda Bond and its Stranger Things prequel. It takes place in June 1969-September 1970 and it’s mostly about Dr. Martin Brenner and Terry Ives. We see how Terry started with this project and her experience with it. Don’t forget that everything thats in this book is secondary canon, that means that it may or may not be truth, or that if the show says something otherwise, it doesn't mean the book is complete nonsense.

I just wrote down some important information from the story, or some interesting facts. There’s a lot of them, so I color-coded them, bc why not, it’ll be better ig.

Terry’s personal life, her friends etc.

Brenner’s personal stuff

Kali’s personal stuff

how the experiment worked

terry trying to figure out whats the experiment abt

abt El

Brenner sorts out people into categories immediatly as he sees them(gender, hight, weight, race, intelligence estimate, potencial estimate)

Kali was 5 in 1969, so she was born in 1964, therefore was 20 in s2

b4 kali came to the lab, “the powers of other subjects we’re unsatisfying”

kali insisted on the name kali, didnt like when people called her “eight”

in 1969 terry had a boyfriend named Andrew, they and their friends used to smoke together(tho terry rather just drink, bc when she smoked she literally felt like seeing ghost)

terry worked as waitress

her roomate stacey told her abt some study where she participated. stacey said it was very weird and it wasnt worth the money(15$). terry didnt have that much money, so she tried it

becky was very protective over terry, but she approved bc they needed the money

becky lived in their parents house while terry lived in collage. it’s the same house as the one where they live now/in the show

terry was known as person who asks million questions

she pretended to be stacey at the experiment(it took place in psychology hall at their campus) bc she didnt sign in or sth and stacey was already signed up

terry wanted to change the world, she wrote letters to the congresmans etc., so she participated in the study bc she wanted to be “part of something big”

she was studying in bloomington, the following experiments took place in hawkins, where they(terry+other ppl that participated in the experiment)drove once a week

brenner was impressed by terry from the very start

in the first sitting they gave terry drugs and brenner asked her abt the worst day of her life(the day of her parents’ funeral-they both died in car crash) and tried some psychological stuff like “put all that pain and grief to a box and then throw the box away”

next time she went to the sensory deprivation tank

becky is four years older than terry

terry had the talent to leave good first impression

later terry didnt have to go to school thursdays bc the lab freed her and she got credit for the study(therefore she couldnt just leave the study cuz her grades depended on it)

terry participated in the study with three different people from her school;

Ken: even when they were looking for women to participate in the experiment, he said that his psychic abilities told him to participate

Alice: she wasnt studying, but she worked with her uncle in his auto-mechanic shop(idk hows it called), she tried to look as dirty as possible, so people would trust her with fixing their car

Gloria: was from a pretty rich family, studies biology and participated in the study bc she wanted to see how it works in labs. later she realized that the hnl may not be doing stuff as they should be

they didn’t know what’s the experiment for, but their theory was that maybe they’re trying to find some usage for LSD-that would explain why they gave them the drugs and did some like “excersises” with them

Alice was getting electro-shocks, once she saw “a monster with too long arms and flower-like head” in her mind, which could be demogorgon

once terry went to the wrong door in the hospital and met kali

kali said she likes secrets

terry thought kali might be brenners daughter(she called him papa), and maybe the experiment is for her, that shes sick and theyre looking for medicine for her

terry went to library and found mentions of three brenners but none of them was martin. got me thinking abt richard brenner theory

brenner thought he hypnotised terry and told her to bug phone at gloria’s parents’ store

terry wasnt hypnotised, so she remember it, and told gloria abt it. gloria was okay with putting it to the phone, cuz it wasnt their home phone, and didnt want terry to have a problem

kali eventually told brenner that “a nice pretty lady visited her and promised she’ll come back”

brenner didn’t want kali to meet other people except doctors, so she doesn’t lose her powers or sth

after she tried sensory deprivation tank, she got angry and didnt like it there, and that made her powers work

terry and her lab friends(+andrew) started to doubt abt the experiment and wanted to take some of the drugs they use at them to analyse them, go to brenners office and stuff like that

terry managed to get to brenners office(ken was pretending that he’s choking so everyone was distracted with him), she found files named “secret”, “mk ultra” and “indigo”.

she also found files named “001”,”002”,003”,…,”010”. after them she found file “project indigo”, so i assume that el, kali, henry etc. were all part of project indigo.

brenner later found out through camera footage where terry went

andrew dropped out of school bc he publicly stood up against Nixon during his speech abt the war in vietnam

since he wasnt in school anymore, he couldve been chosen to go to war

brenner wanted to “punish” terry for going around the hospitala nd stuff, so he called his friend in washington dc so they pick adrew to the war

during one trip, alice seen to the future and she saw El. she saw how she refused to do some experiment and then killed the guards(we saw this scene in the show in s1)

when kali was using her powers, she didnt struggle with starting, but it was hard for her to stop

brenner doesnt understand children(his words), but he considers himself to be “dad type”

six months after the start of the experiment(july-december 69) brenner noticed terry is pregnant(they were doing some tests on her and noticed it)

brenner didnt want terry to know that she pregnant(father is andrew btw), he told her that if she gets stomach pain, she shouldnt go to the doctor, bc they wouldnt know what to do with it, bc he said its bc of the drugs and gave her some medicine for it

terry was using “the void”

they thought the girl that alice saw(el) was in the hospital as some other children(we know it was in the future), so they decided to look for her(in alices mind)

they later figured out that alice saw the future, bc brenner was older, she saw cars she didnt recognize, machines that didnt exist yet…

in february terry was eating a lot bc of all the stress, so she thought shes gaining weight bc of that(but she was pregnant)

it kinda doesnt make sense that she didnt notice that she didnt have her period for like three months but idk

terry tells brenner to leave her alone, and thats exactly what he wants(he wants to make her angry, have emotions)

she talks to kali often in the void, they’re pretty good friends

kali used her powers to visit alice once(terry told kali abt her friends)

brenner was worried shell use her powers to escape

b4 andrew left for vietnam he broke up with terry(or they went on a break idk how to call it)(but andrew was very great boyfriend dw)

ken has some issues with his family, they never minded “weird” till he started dating a boy

terry asked kali to distract brenner

she went to brenners office again, she took pictures of the files, in the mk ultra file there were their files

kali told papa that she was talking to terry and he found the pictures she took(wasnt really mad tho)

he just gave her another manipulatational speech abt theyre the good guys

also the things with terrys period was solved that she still has her period, so ig the drugs messed sth up, but i dont think its biologicaly possible, but what do i know, ill just go with it

terry called some reporters from hawkins to come to hnl and werie artcile abt it

brenner said hes busy so they were with another doctor

the photograph suggested taking picture of him with the subjects and thats when the infamous photo was taken

at some point terry connected the dots and realized she’s pregnant

ken predicted that it’s girl

andrew died(i fucking cried)(terry found out by calling his parents)

terry didnt go to the lab bc of it

she wants to start a new life and disappear

ken named her baby jane(bc of jane goodall)

kali told brenner that alice sees in the future so he managed to get some form to permanently move alice to the lab

rest of them had a plan; glroia turned on the fire alarm, kali used her powers to make alice look dead, and terry went to alices room and started blaming brenner for her death(she knew that shes not dead btw). ken waited outside with a car. gloria pretended to be a doctor that took alices body to autopsy(brenner and his team probably never found out that alice actually didnt die). alice went to canada where part of her family lived and she stayed there. the rest of the gang went back home.

earlier that day brenner gave terry some drug or medicine and that made her water broke

i like it was “show-accurate” that her water broke in the kitchen, same as in the show, even the dialouge was the same

brenner was one of the doctors that were there and he just took el

thatd mean that els birth day is somwhere in june 1970 btw

terrys friends believed her that el/jane is alive

ken’s new boyfriend was a soldier and he worked for the hnl(what a coincidence) and he got a photo of El from somwhere(btw, ken said that he thinks/predicts that he’ll find love in hawkins so ig he was right)

that’s pretty much it

i really really liked this book, id love to read other stranger things books, but i dont think ill be able to do that cuz i cannot get any where i live. id recommend this book to everyone interested in stranger things, there’s no like mind blowing new facts abt the experiments, but it definitely gives you interesting information on how it actually might be. im the kind of person thatd like to know everything abt everything, so reading this book made me gain some new information abt my fav show, so it was really worth it. it was a very quick read, the book has like 317 pages, i managed to read it in like two days, so it was really anyway thats it ig yeah

[horrorfolk]

blah blah journaling here bc my laptop still don't work

this week has been super stressful but my car is finally working again and it didn't cost as much as I thought. Chris and I had a little trial run of us living together bc he had to stay for a week to drive me around everywhere (bless him). praying he gets this job he just interviewed for so he can move in asap. and yes I have hangups about moving in with yet another partner after not dating for a total year but like 😭 dude idk how anybody can afford to live on their own. me and Tara can't make rent with just the 2 of us and it'd be really nice to be able to save some money. and after my car broke down I for sure couldn't afford to split the house bills 50/50. it was Tara's idea to invite Chris otherwise I never would have suggested it. and we both have our weird feelings and fears about it, to a healthy degree I'd say. I mean idk. my attitude rn is kinda like, I think I've already been through the worst it could possibly get with moving in with a partner? like there's no way it could be worse than That, even if we do break up. we have our own separate spaces also which was the only saving grace me and my ex had after we broke up so that's good. but I also just don't rly see things going so poorly. I mean idk. u never rly know somebody. but Chris just SEEMS different and has actually told me he wants to marry me and be with me forever etc. he is a more open and honest communicator than anyone else I've ever dated. won't be like my ex where he went off and binged a bunch of drugs then lied to me about it, bought a gun and brought it into our house, cheated on me, broke up w me then threatened me with suicide when I decided to move on. like actually fucking crazy person type shit. I can't believe I put up with so much in my last relationship. literally a nightmare. and I can't believe ppl were blaming ME for all that shit 😭 idfk dude. I'm so glad to be out of that situation and living my life now. as stressful as it is rn with school and work I'm still so much better off than I was. Chris is actually a huge sweetheart and shows me affection and loves me in the ways I need to be. and spends time with me. and talks to me lol. like I'm Sorry but after talking over all this with my therapist for so long I've kinda come to the conclusion that none of that shit was my fault. it sucks that some ppl got caught in the crossfire but again it wasn't my fault. I'll take ownership of going back on my word by sleeping w somebody at the house. that was shitty but also? maybe don't cheat on me and lie to me the entire relationship and I'd actually gaf 😭 he got his stupid little "revenge" for that anyway lmfao. I just fr cannot believe the shit I've been through with the awful awful people I've dated.

in an ideal world Chris and I could live on our own for a bit before we move in together but the job market is fucked, the housing market is fucked, and neither of us could rly afford to do that. sooo we just gunna have to move in together. and I was rly reluctant at first but everyone I've talked to has been super in support of it bc he's just such a good guy. plus we've been friends for a few years anyway so it's not like I started dating this stranger then he moved in. we used to talk semi regularly in college. would have hung out if I ever had time.

for a second I was worried I'm like, a bad person who does horrible things and I Have made bad choices don't get me wrong but like. I'm not evil or irredeemable. I have all these friends now who actually love me?? and I made them myself? wild. also quite literally everyone I've talked to about the past events have been like ya dude ur a victim 😭 I feel more guilty about the shit that happened w Friday than I do w my recent ex. bc some of that was objectively my fault bc I was in such a horrible manic episode I was acting crazy. they did kinda SA me but like. idk man. I'm insane sometimes.

the whole thing with that friend saying that "my stress is not their problem" kinda just. idk. idk if we will ever rly be close again. they kind of refused to apologize for anything they said to me or for screwing me over in housing. plus all the shitty posts they made about me. like idk. we talked it over irl and like kinda made up? but I still don't think she ever even said she's sorry lol. and for months I blamed myself for my ex being suicidal bc of all that. until my therapist and I went over it again and again and I've kinda just realized none of that was rly my fault. if anything staying with my ex after the first incident was my mistake. but I felt rly trapped bc we lived together. that's what is so hard about living with a partner especially when you haven't been with them super long. like idk. I have a good feeling abt Chris. I genuinely do want to spend my life with him. I never rly felt that way abt my ex. even when they were moving in I was like ya this is fine/fun for now. but I never felt like my ex was my soulmate or anything. not that I rly believe in that shit. but Chris and I just connect and get each other on a different level. it's the first time I've ever rly felt truly understood by someone.

the things I feel guilty for are more like, I feel guilty for staying with the people who hurt me even after I've already accepted in my mind that they aren't the one. and I do that bc I'm scared of being alone and scared of confronting myself and the reality that it's not a perfect love story or whatever. and my ex did try to fucking. reel me back in after we broke up and keep me there but not fully there. but I removed him from my life after I had had enough and I am proud of myself for that. I don't need someone like that in my life, even as a friend. wishing the best for u but I don't want to be there to see it. after Friday SAd me I should have just ended it but again I stayed bc I was scared. and what I feel most shame for is manically scrounging up a plan to break up without actually breaking up and then making a fool of myself by "proposing" like God that's just so embarrassing lol. but idk like my therapist said I can't fully blame myself for the decisions I make when I'm in a manic episode bc that's just straight up Not Me. like part of the diagnostic criteria for a manic episode is making choices you would not otherwise make. I'm not crazy. I was just deeply traumatized and triggered and couldn't find a way out of it. then ofc they tried to screw me over in every way possible. I make bad choices in people I date. and I look back and I'm like, but if I'm the common denominator of all these people I dated, aren't I the shitty one?? like surely I pushed these people to madness right lol like they weren't bad people they just became corrupted bc I forced them into craziness. idkkkk my therapist also says I can't look at it like that. and that people with lifelong CPTSD often end up in abusive relationships bc of trauma and patterns and shit. so. there's that

while I am wary of possibly repeating my shitty patterns I also just have a good feeling about Chris. I'm at a point in my life where I'm done dating "for fun" like I actually want to find someone to spend my life with now. and I think he could be it. like idk people are like "when u know u know" and I just Know with him. he's such a good person, basically everything I've ever wanted out of a partner. he's smart as fuck and creative and interesting and sweet and loves my friends and has a lot of his own friends and we have similar ways of thinking and want the same things out of life. same lifestyles and same plans for our futures. he's highly emotionally intelligent and I feel like he'd never lie to me. I can trust him. he's always there for me. he's very helpful and never complains about helping me. he helps without even being asked. like mans fr just did our dishes. and I KNOW THE BAR IS IN HELL but fr lmao. I was a little apprehensive at first about dating, and I'm a little apprehensive about moving in together, but my gut says this is right and will help us both out a lot financially. and emotionally tbh.

so yea those are my updates. hopefully he gets this job and then can move in in September. and then I just have 6 months of school left. it feels like I have to grind forever for the rest of my life but it won't be forever. I just gotta get through this and it'll all be worth it. blaaaghdjdnns