#(i must've elaborated or said something else too it's whatever). but i should've said substances! i should've said hysterectomy hell i
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doinggg bad
#</3#i don't know how to feel about therapy. maybe it was a bad idea#and maybe i have always been resistant to treatment! so how do you fix the resistance itself if the treatment can't get in#sick of it all. i guess i felt like it was supposed to make me feel better but i just feel worse#it feels like we're doing the “just don't be a stupid baby idiot who believes things that aren't true”#[[← this phrased psychologically]] song and dance again. yk?#so i guess i just feel attacked. don't tell me i'm an idiot that's what i'm trying to move on from + live a normal life despite it🙄#also i keep thinking about this exchange that boiled down to me saying i don't think more thinking and more cognitive restructuring and mor#willpower will help because it hasn't helped all this time and basically saying i have a hard time believing i can just choose to change ho#i feel. and her asking then what do i think would change how i feel‚ if not my thoughts. and i said i don't know etc. that's why i'm here#(i must've elaborated or said something else too it's whatever). but i should've said substances! i should've said hysterectomy hell i#could've said lobotomy. i wish i had said substances so she would know where i stand#it's whatever. it's fine i can just stop going a few months from now if it seems like we're getting nowhere#bit expensive for even that but i'll just‚ i don't know‚ budget. or not move out for a while#kata.txt
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