#(farlan isn't someone who gets himself. in a state of denial. he just believes so strongly in levi- but also)

[worldhell]

[ death ] sender just died is considered dead, receiver finds out @naitfall / x.

IT'S THE FEELING OF THE WORLD FALLING SILENT AROUND HIM (...) the tumultuous aftermath of a single battle in the mountainous war all but stands still. A ringing in his ears that drowns out occupying noise, people untroubled by the news carry on in a blur, forgotten, unimportant - words the girl, Ackerman, speaks are no longer audible / can't tell if she still was, barely assess Kirschtein's subdued bearings as the boys own thoughts are clouded, he's somewhere else entirely. Her words are foreign in sound, as if such a term didn't exist. Because for Farlan they didn't.

'Commander Hange and Captain Levi ...' DEAD.

The ground falls from his feet but still he stands, unmovable. “ What did you ... just say? ” Did those words ever leave his lips? Did the girl, who's eyes remained voided and shattered, ever response? In this moment of their lives, perhaps they were the same. Both losing everything to them.

Levi. It's sickening the way his body reacts. Frozen in place as pieces within shattered all at once. Questions raced in the back of his mind, but none ever made it through. The why, how, who (...) the speculations ran wild, but he couldn't focus on that. Levi. Why was it that of all times, he thought back to the underground. Why was it that memories began to take over and spiral with his distress. Why did his mind go back to that first meeting, one that used to humiliate and embarrass him when he spoke of it. When they first made contact, when their eyes had first met - why was it that image that stuck in his mind.

The days he spent in the underground were vile, full of torment, he only wished to leave that hellhole and never look back. It was cruel, and ironic, how those years in that house of theirs together (...) became fond memories at the end. Before reality sets back in. The world continues. Now, he feels the pain. The grip it has on him is a familiar agony, and yet, so new. The way his expression trembles, tensing, jaw tightening as anger, grief, sadness, all come crashing ahead. He was never ready for this. He couldn't be. He knows what happened (...) he knows.

He shouldn't have entertained the idea / there's an obsession in that final promise (...) Farlan should of just killed the Beast Titan while he was sleeping. That's what his gut had told him, that's what his intuition advised. He knows Levi, that loyalty and anger, the need to be the one to kill Zeke himself, even to the detriment of himself, as if that was his only worth. That damn Commander. Even dead, he was still causing Farlan trouble.

╼╼╼ HE NEVER CARED ABOUT THE OUTSIDE. All he had wanted to do was get out of the underground. Live above the rundown city. Venturing outside the walls (...) he never imagined of it. Levi. He might have been the one to express those desires of leaving that horrible place, to give them a dream to live off, but it was Levi who took them further. Those wings on his back couldn't be caged. After that first expedition, Farlan came to understand that. He saw the sight for what it was. Honestly, he was mesmerised by it. That dream of his grew, changed, and he wanted to understand what that entailed for him. After all , together, they saw the sea. The world outside was vast. But, Farlan knew he never cared about the world. All he wanted to do, he realised, was be at his side. He wanted to make sure those wings of his were never cut or broken from the weight of it all.

Before they met, Farlan had given up on people. Didn't trust them as much as they could trust him. Relationships with people were there to be exploited - in the end, they'd all betray each other one way or another. He wonders if Levi ever knew that. How much of his life he changed.

Brows furrow, his eyes SHARP, as he turns on his heel. Where was he going? As the walls fell around them, as the internal struggle of allies and enemies erupted, of what was right and wrong plagued the minds of those who still wore the symbol of freedom (...) he had his own determination.

“ No, you're wrong. There's no chance (...) that stubborn idiot won't allow himself to die. ” FARLAN WON'T ENTERTAIN THE IDEA. He knew the cruelty that was this world well, understood that no one was safe from it's wicked clutches - he wasn't naïve enough to believe in miracles. But putting Levi next to those very ideals was impossible. There was one thing in this world he did believe in. He'd wager it all on that fact. If there was anyone that could survive what this shitty world would throw at them, over and over again, no matter the stakes, no matter how treacherous a climb; clenched fists shake at his side, nails digging so deep the cut into his skin. He's going to find him.