#(except sarah because she's 'respectful' (never tries to change the subject))

[redladydeath]

Vox’s section in the Hazbin Playbill makes me think that even when he was alive, he was the type of person to force his family to watch his show every week over dinner

[jj-babebank]

Room 107 // chapter III // JJ Maybank (smut)

This story picks up where season 2 leaves us.

TW: May contain mentions of drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex and violence.

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS CAN BE FOUND HERE: one ; two

Chapter 3 - La Ganga

Samara’s hand was still resting on JJ’s knee as her eyes sultrily bored into his, waiting for his response. JJ’s head was spinning in a thousand different directions, trying to assess what exactly was going on. The main issue he had with this whole ordeal was that she didn’t in fact invite him over because she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. The sad truth, as JJ came to realise, was that this annoyingly attractive girl had simply overheard him boasting to his friends about the gold that they had found, and respectively lost, and now she wanted a piece of that instead. JJ sighed loudly. As much as he hated to admit that this was a bad idea, he pushed that thought very far to the side and tried to negotiate with the part of his brain that didn’t think logically, which in his case was the dominating one. What exactly could he lose here? The chances of them finding the Royal Merchant gold were extremely low, to the point where they were almost non-existent. This girl was voluntarily offering to help them find it, and she was also willingly to let them stay in her family’s hotel for free until further notice. How JJ saw this was extremely straight-forward and simple - Samara asks for part of the gold, Samara offers her help in return for the gold, JJ accepts said offer and lets her help, growing closer to her in the meantime, seducing her and eventually winning her over, so that even they don’t find the actual treasure, she realises that the real treasure was right there with her all along, at it wore worn down biker boots and went by the name of JJ Maybank. Yep, that sounded like a great plan, one of his best plans yet, if he did say so himself. He looked down at Samara’s hand still on his knee, a ball of excitement growing in his stomach just at the sight of it being there, then he looked up at her face, twisting the corners of his thin lips into a smirk. “You have yourself a deal, gorgeous,” he said, his confidence suddenly returning to his body. The old JJ senses were coming back headfirst and he was feeling great about it. Samara smiled in return, raising her glass for a toast, “To working together,” JJ clinked his glass with hers, sending her a wink, “To working with each other,” The pair sat in silence for a moment, JJ mostly admiring the girl sitting next to him, before she broke the silence, “Where did you say you were from, JJ?” “We never got to that part, actually,” he answered, glad that Samara was taking interest in him, “I’m from a place called the Outer Banks, more specifically Kildare. It’s in North Carolina, right by the coast.” He explained, painting an imaginary picture of what he was saying with his hands, "You know, prior to ending up here, which was a total coincidence by the way, the furthest I’d been from Kildare was Charleston. I, uh, I haven’t really been anywhere.” Samara was studying his face while he was talking. She had asked him a simple question and was expecting a simple answer, yet this boy could just seemingly not stop talking. She couldn’t decide whether it was annoying, or strangely endearing. She almost felt bad for having to shut him up to change the topic to what she had actually called him over for, “So tell me about this gold,” Lucky for her, JJ didn’t seem to mind her direct approach to the change of subject, instantly going into another story - the one that interested her the most. “Funny you ask,” he said enthusiastically, taking a rather big sip of his wine, “So as I said, I’m from the Outer Banks. Let me describe the OBX to you - it’s an odd place, you see, a place much like any other in the sense that it’s divided into rich and poor, however that divide is a suuuuper big deal to us. You’ve got the rich and elite bastards called the Kooks, and you’ve also got the not so lucky ones who work for them - the Pogues. Me and those guys you so kindly invited into your home, are, well, were Pogues. Except for Sarah, she was rich-rich.” There it was again - JJ getting completely side-tracked in his own thoughts, talking about irrelevant to the topic of conversation things.

Samara somehow found it entertaining and she wasn’t particularly bothered by it so she just let him speak, hoping that he’d eventually get to the point. “- so one day, it turned out that John B’s old man was dead, although he’d left behind all these clues and well, one thing lead to another, we found the gold, except we weren’t the only people looking for it, obviously,” Bingo, there it was - the gold. Samara knew this was her cue to focus, “- so when we were finally within touching distance of the gold and the cross - boom - we threw ourselves of the ship to dodge getting totally killed, and, well, here we are.” JJ wrapped up his story, leaning back into the couch and sighing contently with what he believed to be a great short summary of what had happened to him and his friends, finishing the rest of his wine. Samara frowned as she did the same, “Hold that thought,” she said, standing up and disappearing into the diner for a brief moment, before coming back with a bottle of the infamous whiskey from earlier, it had just enough contents to fill up one more glass each. JJ smirked at the sight of her when she sat back down next to him and she frowned dramatically, “What? I thought this called for something a bit stronger.” JJ didn’t protest as the pretty brunette refilled their wine glasses with the harder liquor, “I have a cousin up in Daytona,” she said as matter-of-factly, “He owns a motel in the Holly Hill area. We can crash up there while we head up north. We’ll leave first thing Thursday morning, before my aunt and cousin come back. I’ll make sure we have everything we need by then, we have just enough time.” “Why are we heading up north?” JJ looked puzzled, “And how many cousins with hotels do you have?” “Seeing as we know virtually nothing about where these people were heading, the most logical thing that we can do is go back to the Outer Banks and try finding out as much as we can from there. There must be someone who knows.” The more she spoke, the more it made sense to JJ. Ward would have made sure to erase all of his traces by now, Rafe would have tried his best to follow in his father’s footsteps, however there was one member of the Cameron family who was, for the lack of a better word, messy. And that was Wheezie Cameron, Sarah’s younger sister. JJ was sure that Ward would have changed all of their phone numbers, if they were even still allowed to have a phone, however the thought of Wheezie Cameron totally removing herself from social media was by far absurd to JJ. He was sure that they would be able to somehow trace her even without having to go all the way back to the OBX, but before they could do that, this was their only option. Samara had turned out smarter than he had made her out to be initially. She was cunning, generous and helpful, all traits that JJ never thought he’d find this attractive in a woman. Hell, up until now he’d never even looked for any traits in women beyond their physical appearance, yet here he was - a changed man. “You, miss,” he pointed at her with the hand he held his wine glass in, “Are a genius. Has anyone ever told you that?” Samara snickered, although she couldn’t help the slight blush that was painting itself across her tanned cheeks, “Don’t push your luck too much, JJ, we’ve only just met,” she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, almost appearing shy for a split second. This didn’t go unnoticed by JJ and he took it as a green light to scoot a bit closer to her, to the point where their faces were inches apart. He couldn’t help but breathe her scent in, and boy did she smell alluring, her perfume heavy and somewhat oriental, at least that’s how JJ would describe it. It reminded him of all the times he’d served tables down on Figure Eight and rich Kook girls would walk past him, leaving behind a scent of expensive designer perfume. Samara almost reminded him of a rich Kook girl, she looked so well put together and so on top of her shit. Good thing they weren’t in the OBX anymore, otherwise his friends would grill him for breaking the one promise he had made to himself

long, long ago - never getting with a Kook. Except she wasn’t a Kook, they weren’t in the OBX and much to his dismay - him and her were hardly getting with each other. He realised that winning Samara over would take time, and lucky for him, he had all the time in the world. Finding Ward and the gold would take a while and he was up for an adventure, especially since it included this gorgeous young lady. He studied her some more. Her skin looked so soft, and so did her lips - so soft, so inviting. Her eyes were dark and mysterious, shaped like almonds, and the way she batted her luscious lashes almost made her seem like she was keeping a number of dark and dangerous secrets. JJ knew that deep down she saw something in him, too. She just needed the right push to admit it. A stray strand of her hair fell in her face and before she could react, JJ gently tucked it away behind her ear, taking his time when his fingers met her face. He let them linger there for a second before pulling his hand away. “Thanks,” was all that she could say. “Don’t mention it,” he said gently, “We’re gonna be partners after all, we’ve gotta help each other out, right?” Samara almost rolled her eyes at the sound of JJ referring to them as ‘partners’, but she withheld from it. Something about this boy was very endearing to her, in a lost puppy type of way, and she didn’t want to admit it, but she didn’t entirely dislike his company. Au contraire, it had been a while since she had had someone around. This didn’t seem all bad to her - she would go for a little adventure, make some friends, and if all goes to plan, she’ll come home with a bag full of gold. Hell, if she felt frisky enough she could even JJ the time of day once or twice - no strings attached, of course. He seemed keen enough, that much she knew. And she had never been with anyone in that way before, much to everyone’s disbelief. She wasn’t going to tell him that, of course, especially not now. Perhaps it was the alcohol speaking, but she suddenly found him so attractive. He was her usual type - seemed like the local bad boy back home, the one who didn’t abide by the rules and got himself in trouble more often than not - and only God knew just how much Samara liked the bad boys. His fingers, although rough and calloused, left the softest touch, and she was ashamed to admit she wished he’d left them there for a moment longer. She crossed her legs and sat up straighter, trying to regain her composure. She knew she’d had enough to drink. She couldn’t do this here, especially not tonight, not in her aunt’s hotel. She knew that if she didn’t call quits to the night now, things might get ugly and she didn’t want to lose her composure with JJ yet. “Shall we?” She said, trying her hardest to sound as confident and unfazed as she could, “Head to bed I mean,” She quickly added, mentally kicking herself for not clearing it up and potentially giving JJ the wrong idea. Judging by the growing smirk on the boy’s face she realised she’d just dug herself a hole. “I thought we’d only just met, Miss La Guardiana,” he winked, standing up and offering his hand to help her up. She accepted it and turned on her heel towards the stairs as soon as she was on her feet, sassily flipping her hair as she did so. JJ followed after her, smirk only growing as they walked up the stairs and into the hallway to their respective rooms. When they reached JJ’s room, they both stopped, Samara leaning against the wall. “Fill your friends in on our plan so far,” she said, “About heading up to Daytona, I mean. I’ll take care of everything else until then.” JJ raised an eyebrow, not entirely sure what she meant by ‘everything else’. She noticed his confusion and decided to clear it up, “I’ll sort out some clothes for all of you, food is on the house, we’ll also need some cash so…” she eyed JJ up and down, an idea forming in her head, “Perhaps you could be useful while we’re still here and work for it, I’m thinking… waiter?” JJ almost laughed, “Baby girl, you name it - I’ve probably done it. Back home, there isn’t a job I

haven’t worked, just to make enough to put food on the table. Besides, serving food and drinks is the least I could do to repay your kindness,” his eyes darkened as he took a step closer to Samara. His face was getting dangerously close to hers, never breaking eye contact, “It’ll be my pleasure to work for you, miss La Guardiana,” Samara held her ground, trying to keep her cool as much as she physically could. On the inside, she was on fire. “Likewise, mister Kildare,” she whispered, inching her body closer to JJ’s; she wanted to push his buttons as far as she could in the moment. They stood there in silence for a moment; they didn’t need to say anything - their eyes were doing all the talking. JJ couldn’t keep his eyes off Samara’s lips, though when he finally gave in and leaned forward, the girl took a sudden step backwards towards her room, leaving him breathless. “Make sure you wake all of your friends up early tomorrow,” she simply said, “You didn’t think you’d be the only one who’d have to work for a living around here did you? “ she faked a grimace, still stepping backwards towards her room, “Meet me tomorrow in the lobby at 8. We’ve got work to do,” she stopped in front of her door, pressing her key into the lock, “Oh, and JJ?” Her door clicked open, “I really enjoyed tonight. Looking forward to our next date. Goodnight,” with that, she was gone. Did she say date? JJ stood in the hallway for a moment before going into his room. He couldn’t hide the grin on his face even if he wanted to. Samara totally had a thing for him and he couldn’t wait to dive into this new adventure - the gold being the last thing on his mind, because maybe, just maybe, Samara wanted him just as much as he wanted her.

[tomeandflickcorner]

Falcon And Winter Soldier Episode 5- My Thoughts

Oh boy,  this one might be a bit longer than usual.  There’s a lot to go through in this episode. As always, spoilers under the cut.

It immediately picks up after Walker brutally murdered Nico in that crowded square. We see he’s taken off running, and ends up in some deserted warehouse of some kind.  For a moment, you almost think he’s starting to grasp the gravity of what he’s done, but he’s then plagued by memories of his time with Hoskins, which only leads to him further slipping into insanity and convincing himself that he did what was necessary. That’s when Bucky and Sam enter the scene.  They quickly figure out that Walker’s off his rocker.  Particularly when Walker tries to justify his actions by claiming that Nico was the one who killed Hoskins, even though it was clear that Karli was the one who killed him. They do their best to try and help him realize that revenge is not the same as justice, but Walker isn’t willing to listen.  Sam, slipping into councilor mode, attempts to calm him down. Unfortunately, if his words were having any affect on Walker, it all went downhill fast when Sam told Walker to hand the Shield over to them. Because Walker firmly believed the Shield was his rightful property, so he was not about to willingly give it up.  So Bucky and Sam have no choice but to take the Shield back by force.  At one point during this fight, Bucky gets momentarily dazed upon getting thrown into some sort of circuit breaker box, which also seems to briefly cause his vibranium arm to short-circuit.  Of course, Sam can’t really hold his own against a crazed Super Soldier one-on-one for long, and Walker eventually has him pinned to the ground.  He even destroys Sam’s Falcon wings.  But just before Walker could actually kill Sam- yeah, he was actually about to kill Sam there!- Bucky recovers and rejoins the fight.  Together, Sam and Bucky manage to pry the Shield away from Walker’s tight grip.  Though they have to break his arm in the process. But even then, Walker isn’t backing down.  Because he still firmly believes HE is Captain America.  It takes a pretty awesome combo move from Bucky and Sam to take Walker down. Because not even a Super Soldier can withstand getting swung into a jet-packed fueled blow from the Shield.  With Walker defeated, Bucky pretty much places the Shield at Sam’s feet, effectivly giving it to him once again, before walking off without a word.

So, after that pretty epic battle, the episode allows the characters, and the viewing audience, a chance to catch their breaths. Karli and the Flag Smashers have pretty much gone underground, making it impossible for anyone to locate them. Not that the government doesn’t try, as they conduct raids to all the GRC facilities that housed them, and even arrest the people that offered them shelter.  But still, no sign of Karli anywhere.  So Bucky and Sam decide there’s not much more they can do, particularly since they’ve been benched by the government officials.  Even so, Sam still wants to do what he can in seeing this whole thing to the end. So he asks his friend and associate, Joaquín Torres (who we haven’t seen since Episode 2), to keep him posted. Although, Sam also leaves his broken wingsuit with Joaquín. Which is probably a reference to the fact that Joaquín took up the mantle of Falcon after Sam in the comics.

Of course, there’s still the loose end of Zemo.  Bucky manages to track him down in Sokovia, at the memorial that was put up in honor of everyone who died there during the events of Age of Ultron.  Which does make sense, since Zemo’s wife and children were among the casualties.

Now, I gotta pause for a moment to talk about something here.  During the Previously On segment for this episode, we got reminded of a scene from a previous episode, in which Zemo seemed to be trying to shame Sam and Bucky for not ever visiting the memorial themselves.  Maybe it’s me, but that seems kinda unfair.  For starters, Bucky and Sam weren’t even involved during the events of Age Of Ultron.  With Sam, I don’t think he was officially an Avenger at that point.  He was part of the reserve team, if anything.  And Bucky was in Romania, trying to reacquaint himself with his true identity while hiding from both the CIA and what was left of Hydra. Even if that wasn’t the case, when exactly were they supposed to visit the memorial?  As of the events of Civil War, Sam was on the run as a fugitive alongside Steve and Natasha.  And Bucky was in Wakanda, either in cryofreeze or going through mental rehabilitation.  And then they both got dusted at the end of Infinity War, meaning they were erased from existence for the next five years.  So when exactly could they have visited the Sokovia Memorial to pay their respects? Of course, I do get what the episode was trying to say, since the Avengers didn’t really do much in offering Sokovia any sort of relief efforts.  (Though you could also argue that Tony should have been the one to handle that, considering the whole situation with Ultron was his own fault.  And goodness knows he had the monetary means to do something, with him being the billionaire and all. But I guess that’s all semantics.)

Anyway, Zemo tells Bucky that the only way they can hope to stop Karli now is by killing her, but Bucky tells him they’re going to try to do things their own way.  At this point, Bucky aims a gun at Zemo’s head.  But it’s soon revealed that Bucky had previously made sure the gun was already empty when he shows that he’d removed the bullets beforehand. Which I guess was his way of showing Zemo that he was wrong about him.  And that Bucky, despite being an enhanced individual (something that Zemo clearly hates), still chose to spare his life.  At this point, the Dora Milaje show up, with the intention of bringing Zemo to the Raft, that prison we last saw in Civil War.  Before Zemo is escorted off, he tells Bucky he took the liberty of crossing his name out of Bucky’s book, and that he doesn’t blame Bucky for doing what he thought was right.  Wow, how magnanimous of him, right?  Shame he couldn’t have extended this same level of courtesy towards the rest of the Avengers.

Still, I guess this means we’ve seen the last of Zemo.  At least for now.  Eh, good riddance, I say.  I personally hope we never see him again,  While I do sympathize that he lost his family, I still don’t like him in the slightest.  On the other hand, I did like that Ayo indicated that Bucky is at least partially forgiven for helping break Zemo out of jail.  Sure, she does tell him that he should still stay away from Wakanda for the time being, but she is calling him White Wolf again. Which indicates that their friendship wasn’t broken beyond repair.  Before they part ways, however, Bucky tells Ayo that he has one more favor to ask of her.

Here, the episode begins to focus on Sam as he begins to head back home to Louisiana.  But first, he makes a detour back to Baltimore, in order to sit down and really talk with Isaiah. Which enables us to really learn exactly what happened with him in the 1950s.  Turns out, he didn’t get injected with the Super Serum knowingly  He and a few other Black men were essentially used as guinea pigs, in which they were told they were being given tuberculosis shots or something when it was actually an experimental recreation of the Super Serum.  But it seems that, for some reason, the other Black test subjects begin displaying some manner of unfortunate side effects to the Serum, which suggested it wasn’t stabilizing with them.  Only Isaiah was able to successfully transition into a true Super Soldier like Steve Rogers.  So when the other Black test subjects were captured behind enemy lines (because this was the time of the Korean War), the US government were simply planning to drop bombs on the POW camps, in order to prevent word of their little experiment from getting out.  When Isaiah found out what they were planning, he took it upon himself to get those men out of there, in a similar manner to what Steve did in the first Captain America movie.  Except he was rewarded for his bravery by being locked up like a criminal, with the US government conducting experiments on him to try and figure out why the Super Serum worked with him and not the other test subjects.  They even told Isaiah’s wife that he was dead while making sure he never received any of the letters she’s sent him.  In the end, Isaiah only escaped because this nameless nurse took pity on him and helped him escape by essentially faking his death.  This backstory really is sad and tragic, especially when you realize it’s partially based on an actual historical event.  Just try looking up the Tuskegee Experiment sometime.  It’s really messed up.  Anyway, Isaiah finishes his sad story by telling Sam that, regardless of what he might believe, the world hasn’t changed that much.  And that not only will the world never accept a Black man as Captain America, no self-respecting Black man would even attempt to take up the mantle because of how America has always treated men like them.

With that advice still weighing on his mind, Sam returns home to rejoin his sister, Sarah, and his two nephews, AJ and Cass.  So now we’re getting back to the subplot from the first episode, involving the failing family-run fishing business.  It seems Sarah is still thinking it’s time to throw in the towel and simply sell their family’s fishing boat.  The main issue with that is, because it’s all run down and in need of serious repair, nobody would even consider buying it.  Fortunately, Sam has an idea.  Remembering how their parents, who apparently died some time ago, had been long-standing pillars in the community and had often offered aid to their neighbors, Sam makes a few phone calls and gets the whole community to come pitch in and help repair the old fishing boat, thereby repaying the previous kindness of Sam and Sarah’s late parents.  One of the neighbors even comes by with a brand new engine for the fishing boat. But then, just as Sam is wondering how they’re going to manage getting the heavy-looking boat engine off the back of the truck, Bucky appears out of nowhere, using his Super Soldier strength to effortlessly lift the motor up over his shoulders.

Bucky explains his presence away, stating he’s only there to drop off a crate for Sam, which clearly came from the Wakandans.  It’s implied the contents of the crate have something to do with the favor he asked of Ayo.  But then, Bucky ends up sticking around to help Sam fix up the fishing boat.  Cue a boat repairing montage, complete with a song playing over the whole sequence.  Bit bizarre we’re getting something like this in the penultimate episode, but it’s still pretty enjoyable.  Particularly since we get to see Bucky and Sam actually bonding as themselves.  And yes, there does seem to be vague implications that there might eventually be something between Bucky and Sarah.  Although, I don’t know if I necessarily ship it.  At least not yet.  I’d need to see more of them interacting with each other besides just seeing Bucky saying ‘hi’ to her a few times before I make up my mind.  Granted it would be an interesting thing to explore of course.  Particularly since, to my knowledge, it would be the first biracial couple featured in the MCU.  Unless you count Peter Quill and Gamora, of course.  (And that brief thing that was going on between Peggy and Jason Wilkes in the woefully short-lived Agent Carter series.)  At present, though, I think Bucky’s obvious affection towards Sam’s family seems more tied to his own memories of his life before WW2.  When he wakes up the next morning on the couch (because Sam invited him to crash at the house instead of finding a hotel room somewhere), a genuine smile appears on his face when he catches AJ and Cass playing around with the Shield in the living room.  Those of you who have read Bucky’s bio in the MCU wiki might remember that Bucky was the oldest child of four, so seeing AJ and Cass might be reminding him of how he used to play with his younger sisters.  And interestingly enough, Sam’s sister’s name is Sarah.  Which was also the name of Steve Roger’s mother, which is probably making Bucky feel even more nostalgia.  (Side note- Bucky was actually sleeping on the couch.  Which is a step up from where we first saw him in the first episode, where he was sleeping on the cold, hard floor.  This is probably an indication that Bucky is starting to heal.)

Anyway, we then see Bucky helping train Sam in throwing the Shield around.  They even set up an obstacle course of sorts, with mats being tied to a few of the surrounding trees.  They briefly discuss the lingering issue of the Flag Smashers.  There’s still no sign of Karli, but Sam promises to give Bucky a call when he gets a new lead, and Bucky promises that he’ll come back to assist Sam at that time.  However, the main focus of the scene involves Bucky finally apologizing to Sam for giving him a hard time over the Shield in the first place, with him acknowledging how he and Steve didn’t really grasp what it might feel like to a Black man to be given the Shield.  We also get an indication that Steve and Bucky did discuss Steve’s plans of retiring by staying in the past to live a life with Peggy after returning the Infinity Stones ahead of time. It was vaguely suggested in a read-between-the-lines sort of way at the end of Endgame, but it’s nice they confirmed that Steve didn’t just up and decide to do that on the fly.  Bucky then starts opening up to Sam, admitting to him that the reason why he was so angry about the Shield in the first place was that, to him, the Shield felt like his last connection he had to Steve, who was the closest thing he had to a family.  And that feeling has intensified now that Steve is gone.  (Can we please get some clarification on what they mean by ‘gone,’ by the way?  Did Steve actually pass away from old age offscreen?  Up until now, it’s something they’ve only vaguely inferred to.  Like maybe, maybe, maybe.  But if that’s what happened, I wish they’d quit tiptoeing around the issue and just tell us straight out.)  Anyway, it’s really cool that Bucky is talking to Sam about all of this.  It does show that he truly does trust Sam.  Especially more than he does that crappy therapist they forced on him. Just saying, Bucky was still denying to her that he was having nightmares, despite apparently having sessions with her for six months.  But he freely admits to Sam that he is still having nightmares after only a week or so of them working together.  If that doesn’t illustrate how poorly Bucky’s relationship with his government issued therapist was going, I don’t know what does.  

As if getting how big a deal this is, for Bucky to open up to him like this, Sam once again slips into counselor mode.  He tells Bucky that he shouldn’t put so much concern onto what Steve thought of him, because Bucky can’t let what others think of him determine his own self-value. Or something to that effect.  He also advises Bucky to stop taking the easy way out in regards of alleviating his guilt over what he did as the Winter Soldier. Up until now, Bucky was only going after past Hydra agents to bring them to justice in an effort to make himself feel better.  But if Bucky really wants to gain peace of mind, he should instead focus on helping the victims feel better.  Which probably means that Bucky is going to go back and see that old man, Yori, from Episode 1 again and help him find closure by telling him the truth about what happened to his dead son. I admit, I’m really nervous about watching that scene unfold.  Yeah, Yori does deserve the truth, but I’m scared about how he might take it.  It would be understandable if he ends up blaming Bucky, sure.  But at the same time, it’s kinda been rubbing me the wrong way how this show seems to be acting like Bucky is a reformed assassin who has to atone for what he’s done.  No, that was what Natasha was.  Bucky, on the other hand, was the world’s longest serving POW. Someone who was tortured and brainwashed by evil Nazi scientists who stripped him of his free will and autonomy.  (And, if we consider the implications that Episode 3 gave us, we can also add sexual abuse to the list of things Hydra did to him.)  Yeah, it’s only natural Bucky feels bad for what Hydra made him do.  But that just indicates he’s naturally a good man with a good heart.  I’m not exactly a fan of the idea that he should be made to feel like he should atone for anything he did.  Because he was as much of a victim in all of that as the people Hydra sent him after.  Still, if trying to make up for what Hydra forced him to do is what Bucky needs to do in order to forgive himself, then I guess I can support that.  Do what you have to do to find closure for yourself, buddy.

Anyway, after Bucky leaves, Sam and Sarah continue to finish repairs on the fishing boat in preparation for selling it.  But just before Sam is going to paint over the names of their parents, which is printed on the side of the boat, Sarah stops him. It seems she’s changed her mind about selling the boat, considering the boat is part of their family legacy. Which is something that Sam is relieved to hear, as he didn’t want to see the boat getting sold off, either.  The siblings begin having a heart-to-heart, with Sarah telling Sam that, even though she’s always given him a hard time about the matter, she’d never thought he was running away from things whenever he went off to save the world and whatnot.  She also tells him that she knows he’s been dwelling on what Isaiah said to him, but helps Sam make a decision involving the Shield.  While Isaiah had good reasons for believing the way he did, Sam ultimately decides that the pain Isaiah went through would be in vain if nobody continued to fight for the future.  And so, Sam decides that he’s now willing to accept the mantle of Captain America.  Which leads to another montage.  This time of Sam going through a self-training session with the Shied, with his nephews, AJ and Cass, helping out.  The training montage ends with us seeing that Sam has become a pro at throwing and catching the Shield.

Of course, just when you start to think this episode is feeling like the series finale, with everything wrapping up and setting the stage for a future adventure, we get the reminder that there is still one more episode to go.  It seems that Karli has been pushed over the edge after the death of Nico, as well as seeing all the GRC facilities raided and cleared out of refugees.  And she is now out for revenge.  Specifically, she plans to rally up what remains of her followers and attack the GRC headquarters, as they plan to vote on the Patch Act, which would force millions of people to relocate to their home states. To achieve this goal, Karli manage to join forces with Batroc, who had previously appeared at the beginning of Episode 1.  Strangely enough, an earlier scene does suggest Batroc was actually hired to team up with Karli and the Flag Smashers by Sharon Carter, which only further indicates that Sharon is a bit shady.  What exactly is Sharon up to?  Is she a bad guy now?  That would kinda stink, since she is Peggy Carter’s great niece or something.  Talk about besmirching your family name.  

Anyway, right when the Flag Smasher’s attack on GRC headquarters is about to begin, Sam gets a tip off from Joaquín, who had been keeping his ear to the grapevine in terms of the Flag Smasher’s movements. Apparently, the Flag Smashers coordinate their attacks via this coded cellphone signal, which  Joaquín had figured out how to hack into.  And he notifies Sam that the coded cellphone signal is now showing up in New York City.  Sam seems to figure out what the Flag Smashers are about to do when he sees a news report on the TV about the GRC voting on the Patch Act that evening.  Deciding to go and do something about it, he opens up that Wakandan crate Bucky had dropped off.  The episode ends before we can see what exactly was inside the crate, though.  They’re clearly saving that reveal for the final episode.  Although, my boyfriend, who is also my viewing partner for this show, is a bit of an expert on what went on in the Marvel comics.  (He even worked in a comic book/gaming store before we met.)  It seems that, in the comics, Sam Wilson did end up getting a pair of Falcon wings that utilized hologram technology of some kind.  So he’s theorizing that’s what it is.  Still, we have to wait until next Friday to know for sure.  Either way, it looks like this next episode will decide what happens with Karli and the Flag Smashers.  I honestly don’t see how it’s possible to resolve things with Karli peacefully, though.  She seems too far gone at this point.  But I’m sure Sam will still try to talk her down, which only deepens my respect for him.  And who knows?  Maybe Sam will succeed, with Karli going the Coalhouse Walker route- agreeing to stand down in exchange for the promise of a fair trial, which would allow her to state her case.  (Of course, I hope they don’t do things exactly how it went down in Ragtime.  Because in that story, they pretty much promise Coalhouse that he’ll receive a fair trial, but the moment he surrenders himself, the police immediately open fire and shoot him dead.  Which is not even remotely cool.)

Oh, and then there’s still the matter of Walker.  Unfortunately, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of him.  Because even though Sam and Bucky effectivly took him down AND he received a dishonorable discharge by the US government, he still refuses to believe he did anything wrong.  He’s convinced that he still deserves to be Captain America.  While a small part of me does pity him, he really is displaying what appears to be a fragile White male ego.  He even goes up to Hoskin’s grieving parents and sister and lies to them about how Nico was the one who killed their son, and that they should take comfort in the fact that justice was served.  There’s also a mid-credits scene where we see he’s trying to make his own version of the Shield.  Doubt its made of vibranium, of course.  I Gotta say, I’m seeing a lot of parallels between Walker and Karli right now.  Both of them have convinced themselves that they are 100% in the right, and everything they do is completely justified.  Which naturally makes them both very dangerous. However, I’m mostly concerned by this mysterious woman.  Contessa, or whatever it was she called herself.  She approached Walker after his trial to tell him that he didn’t do anything wrong before giving him what appears to be a blank business card.  (I’m guessing there’s some sort of secret decoded message on this business card that Walker will decipher later on.)  I have no idea who this woman is supposed to be or what her goal is.  I’m guessing she’s someone comic book experts would recognize, but my boyfriend/viewing partner, who is familiar with the comics, didn’t seem to recognize her name, either.  So it’s a big mystery at this point.

Before I wrap up my thoughts for this week’s episode, there is something partially unrelated I should mention.  For those of you who haven’t heard, Sebastian Stan’s latest movie, Monday, recently came out.  And it seems that this movie includes Sebastian and his female co-star in a full-frontal nudity scene.  From what I’ve heard, there have been some select individuals who have seen fit to criticize Sebastian’s appearance in this scene, because he wasn’t in perfect shape or something like that.  If you were one of those select individuals who decided to body shame Sebastian after watching this movie?  Grow up!  Bodies come in all shapes and sizes.  And to expect a male actor to have a completely chiseled physique at all times is extremely unrealistic, particularly when they’re portraying an ordinary person.  The fact that people were acting like this is even more disgusting when you consider the fact that Sebastian Stan apparently already has some body issues.  The fact that he was still willing to film this full-frontal scene despite those issues just illustrates his passion and dedication to his skill as an actor and the message this movie was meant to convey.  He did not deserve to have his body objectified the way it was. Nobody does.  So once again, this is me condemning the behavior of those select ‘fans.’ 

[namjoon-koya]

Battlefield.

(A/N: BIG THANK YOU TO @justmewoo for giving me this idea!! I really liked and enjoyed writing it considering I’ve never done a request like this before.)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x brother male reader

Warning ⚠️: lots of angst tbh:,)

You were born in a time that was old and ancient or more like the 40s your family was pretty ordinary you were the oldest from your siblings your younger brother Steve Rogers unlike him, you were muscular had broad shoulders and had a sharp jaw line, but him? he was born sensitive he had asthma, he was skinny and scrawny but heck did he have a full attitude that would get him into trouble.

Kids would always pick fights with him, making you rush to his defense and if you weren’t there his best friend Bucky was which made you happy they were truly inseparable.

For a living you’d work in a factory, times were getting tougher and harder considering the war going on your parents didn’t have enough money to pay for things so you decided to drop out of school and work your parents weren’t too happy about it but you told them it didn’t matter to you.

But things changed, your father passed away leaving your family heartbroken your mother cried days and nights for him and you could only listen as you stared up at the ceiling, and then.. she passed away leaving you and Steve alone together during work you saw that the military was enlisting you didn’t hesitate to join but when Steve found out man did you guys argue on out.

“How can you do that?! To me!” Steve yelled at you “Steve.. please listen to me.” You tried comforting your little brother but he kept pushing you away “no! Don’t you understand! Your the only one left! Mom and dad are gone why don’t you get that I don’t want to be alone!” Steve was yelling at you at the top of his lungs his throat burned.

Whatever Steve said didn’t change your mind you left with Bucky to the war, Steve waited day and night for your safe return but the only one who came back to his doorsteps was Bucky.

You got lost did anyone know you were alive? No so everyone assumed you were dead Steve cried. He cried for his only family he cried for his big brother but he cried knowing the last conversation you both had was an argument he didn’t get to apologize or say he loves you now you were gone.

After that Steve enlisted in the military multiple times using fake names anything just to get enlisted but a certain doctor noticed the potential he had in him that only his brother and Bucky saw but people judged him for being too slow, for being too weak.. for being just too scrawny but that didn’t stop him expect there was also someone who saw something special in him.

Her name was Pegyy Carter she wasn’t any other girls he meet back at home she was unique.. independent and daring no one dared to speak down on her not even a man you could say that’s why Peggy fell for him, he wasn’t like anyone else she’s met before he respected her space never judging what she did.

That’s why he was perfect, he was perfect subject for the super solider serum and that’s when captain America was born.

Steve was our fighting in the war everyone relied on him, trusted him, had faith IN him but unfortunately he “passed” away when he was retrieving the sector from red skull and went under the ice while doing so. Peggy was left heartbroken for her first love, months pass by when there was a man in her office he was facing away from her so she couldn’t tell who it was.

But when she turned around to sit at her desk she felt her heart stop “Y/N.. Rogers?” She couldn’t believe her eyes you were alive! Everyone knew you got lost in the war but they all assumed you were dead after not coming back but here you are facing her it’s almost like she was seeing a ghost of you.. but also Steve.

“Miss. Carter.. I’ve heard that you were close to my brother.. Steve Rogers do you know where I can find him?” She swallowed hard when you asked her what was she suppose to tell you? Hey your baby brother became captain America and fought in the war now he’s gone?

“Mr.. Rogers please sit down we must discuss something.” I took 1 hour to tell you every small detail about what happened but when she told you Steve passed away you felt your heartbreak now you understood why Steve didn’t want you to go to the war, maybe it was karma for not listening to him you didn’t realize that you cried onto Peggy’s shoulder letting out sobs and cries for Steve.

The only thing she could do to comfort you was to let you cry and cry until you couldn’t cry anymore.

——————————————————

66 years had passed it was no longer 1945 but 2011 Steve was alive and well trying to adjust to his now normal life he lost everything.

His love, his friends, his brother there was nothing that could connect him to his previous life that was until he found out Peggy was still alive but she lived now in a retirement home.

He would visit her telling her about his old life back then telling her about how he was trying to adjust to his new life, one day he came to visit Peggy to see her looking at a photo “hey.. what are you looking at?” She gave him a sad smile sighing “Steve.. there is something I need to tell you.”

He nods “... after you went down with the plane.. I saw someone that you wouldn’t believe was alive..” his eyes widen could she mean Bucky? “I-it was Y/N.” His stomach dropped “w-what? I thought he was-“ she shook her head “but he wasn’t, he came back looking for you.. but I had to tell him that you were gone.. he cried for you so many days.”

Steve felt his eye’s water his brother was never known to cry he rarely saw him cry Peggy gave him the photograph she was looking at his eyes soften now he knew who she married. It was his brother he had brown locks of hair that he got from his mother and bright blue eyes from his father, Peggy was right next to him holding a small child in her hands as Y/N held another in his arms he let out a small sigh “Where is he now?” He questioned.

“He passed away.. from an illness I’m sorry Steve.” He nodded sadly his eyes drifted to her finger noticed a small diamond ring on her right hand “what’d.. you name your kids?” He asked sudden she smiled leaning against her pillow “Steven Jospeh Rogers and Sarah Carter Rogers.” Steve let out a small chuckle before smiling at Peggy.

“Was he a good father?” She smiles back “the best always strict on them except for Sarah.”

“Steve!” He heard his brother call out to him he turned around with bruises on his face he cups his face gently “what happened?!” Steve rubs his nose with his sleeve “I just got into a fight no biggie.” Y/N let out a sigh as he lead Steve back home he made sure their parents were out so Steve wouldn’t get into trouble.

“Here sit on the chair.” Steve did as he said Y/N took out a first aid kit he took out a soft cotton ball and rubbing alcohol he dipped some on the cotton ball “it might sting a bit.” He gently applies it on Steve’s cut making him flinch a bit “so why did you get into a fight this time hm?” You asked Steve chuckled nervously before you gave him a serious looking making him stop.

“People treat me differently.. so many kids pick on me just because I’m small..” he sighing “people look at you and think “wow! Look how muscular he is!” But when they see me.. they don’t think I’m anything.” Y/N’s face softens as he stares at his brother “well they’re wrong y’know.” You open a box of bandages before putting it on his cheek.

“How?” Steve questioned as he lowered his head “because you made me brave Steve.. I’ve never told anyone this but the only reason I’m brave is because when I see you be so brave and stand up for yourself it just gives me encouragement.” Steve looked up at his brother “I’ve usually been the quiet type.. but ever since I saw you stand up for yourself and be brave.. I knew that’s how I wanted to be as well Steve.. that’s why I’m me.. because of you.”

Steve eyes sparkle as he looks at him “but.” Y/N says as he closes the first aid kit “do that again and I’m telling mom and dad.” He said smiling “hey that’s not fair!” Steve yelled as he chased Y/N around the house.

“That’s him alright..” the following day Steve visited your grave he laid down a bouquet of flowers “I don’t know if you can hear me.. but thank you for taking care of Peggy.. and I’m sorry.. I never got to apologize for the argument that day but I’m truly sorry.” He scratched the back of his neck ready to leave but when something caught his eye a small blue jay landed on your grave looking at him.

His lower lip tremble the bird looked at him one last time before flying away “goodbye.”

[alarawriting]

Inktober (NBC Rules) #30: Catch

NBC (Nightmare Before Christmas) Rules: anything you do in October that’s Halloween-related or October-specific can be extended until Christmas. 

After this one, I have 8 more Inktober prompts, and coincidentally, 8 Mondays until Christmas. So my plan is to reduce the frequency of the prompt fills to once a week, because goddamn it I’m inflicting Nano on myself.

The image at the end of the ficlet was something I commissioned from @sollidnitrogen​ last year because his goddamn stupid school lost the art he’d done on the same subject for an exhibition the entire middle school contributed to.

Mom stirred slightly, moaning. “Come on,” Norris said, shaking her. “Come on, Mom, get up! There’s deaders on their way over here! You gotta get up!”

“Go,” Mom slurred. “Norris… run…”

“No, Mom! You gotta get up!”

Some part of Norris’ mind knew that what he was doing wasn’t going to work, and was incredibly dangerous besides. Mom had gotten bit by a deader last night. They’d cauterized the wound as soon as Norris had blown its head off with the shotgun, but cauterizing deader bites only worked half the time. Mom was cold, and clammy, and speaking slowly, and she wouldn’t get up. He knew, deep down, that she was changing, and therefore she was lost.

But he wouldn’t let himself recognize that part. Mom was all he had. “Mom, come on, let’s get you somewhere safe where you can get better,” he said. “We got some orange juice, we got some vitamins. I think we still got some canned chicken soup, I can heat it up for you.” Deaders didn’t like fire. It was dangerous to overuse fire because it told the deaders where you were, and the moment the fire went out, they’d move in, but if he could just get Mom to a place where they had a lockable door they could put at their back and a position to shoot from, he could start a fire and cook something for her. Campbell’s condensed soup wasn’t the best, you needed to add water to it, but he still had a few water bottles, and high salt diets were supposed to retard the spread of the zombie germs.

“Can’t. You… you… gotta… go.”

He tried to lift her, but he was an undernourished 10 year old and she was a full-grown woman. He couldn’t get her up, and she wasn’t helping. “Mom! Come on, we gotta get out of here! Wake up!”

The deaders down the street were the slow-moving kind, not zoomers, but if Mom wouldn’t get up and move, that wouldn’t make a difference. He could smell their rot on the slight breeze, could hear their groans and grunts. “Mom!”

A black van – full-size, cargo van, not a minivan like the kind Mom used to drive – came down the alley between Norris and his mom’s hiding place, and the deaders. The passenger side window in the front seat rolled down, and Norris saw a black-gloved hand throw something round toward the deaders. Three seconds later there was an explosion. Most of the group of deaders were ripped into pieces. The remaining ones kept shuffling toward the van. Another two grenades later, and they were all gone.

On the other side of the van, the side door slid open and out jumped two… people? Norris wasn’t sure. They had bizarre masks that looked like a cross between a gas mask and a bird’s face, white with goggles and extremely long beak-like protrusions that covered their nose and mouth. They wore broad-brimmed black hats, and black robes that covered their bodies, and black gloves, and both of them carried long poles with pincers at the end.

“Looks like we’ve got a live one over here,” one of them said to the other in a distorted voice that sounded almost like a staticky radio.

“Yeah.” They approached Norris. “Move aside, kid.”

Norris tried to grab the shotgun, but before he could get it into position, one of the two weird people swung the pole at him, grabbed the shotgun with the pincers, and tossed it down the street.

“What are you doing?” Norris yelled. “Get away from my mom!” The other one had used their pole to grab Mom by the upper arm.

“She’s not your mom anymore, kid. She’s a zombie. She just hasn’t turned all the way yet.”

The one who’d thrown his gun swung their pole back around to take Mom’s other arm, and the two of them together pulled Mom to her feet. Her head lolled, her brown skin sheened with sweat and grayish.

Norris knew that no one who looked like that ever got better, but he charged at one of the two weird people anyway. “Let my mom go!”

“Kid. She’s dead. There’s nothing you can do for her.”

“No! She can get better! We cauterized the wound! She’s just in shock because we had to burn it, that’s all! She’ll be fine!”

The other one, the one who hadn’t spoken to him, said gently, “We’re doctors, young man. We’re going to study your mom to try to find a way to help her, and all the zombies. We can keep her alive, without turning, but we have to get her to our facility now.”

“Then take me with you!” Norris shouted. “Mom and I, we’re the only things we each have in the world. Mom would never want to be separated from me.”

“Can’t do, kid,” the first one said. “No outsiders at the facility, only patients and doctors.”

“Look, you want your mom to get treatment, right? We’ll take care of her, but if you keep getting in the way, she’ll turn, and then there’ll be no saving her.”

“Norris…” Mom mumbled. “Go…”

“Is that your name? Norris?” the kinder one said.

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, Norris, we don’t have anyone at our facilities who can take care of children, or anywhere for a kid to go, so I’m afraid you can’t come with us. I’m sure that if we’re able to cure your mom, she’ll come back and find you, but you’ve got to be a big boy and take care of yourself. I can see that you’re very capable.”

Fuck that patronizing crap. Norris glared at the weird doctors, knowing he couldn’t do anything to stop them from taking his mom – short of running over and getting the shotgun and shooting them, and if they really were doctors who could cure the zombie plague, and save Mom, that was the last thing he’d want to do. But fuck them.

He stood out of their way, letting them drag Mom to their van with the poles around her arms. It looked cruel and demeaning, like the way you’d treat a wild animal, but he had to admit, deaders were dangerous enough that you’d have to treat someone who was turning like that if you didn’t know them well enough to know how strong they were. Mom wouldn’t bite anyone. Mom was tough. She could keep herself under control.

The fact that no other deaders could and that Mom herself had warned Norris that anyone who turned would definitely be a threat and there were no exceptions was another thing Norris knew but was deliberately pretending he didn’t.

He waited until the doctors got Mom up toward the van, and they were pulling her in. Then he bolted toward them, and jumped over Mom, squeezing past the one who was up in the van already.

“Shit!” the one he’d squeezed past yelled, but it was too late. He was in.

Inside it was like an ambulance, except that the bed was absolutely covered with straps, including ones that were obviously positioned to hold down a person’s wrists, ankles and neck, not just the kind that kept a person from falling out of the ambulance bed. Norris clambered over the bed and sat down on the bench seat on the other side. It seemed to be designed to fold up so that the door it was attached to could slide open, but it couldn’t fold up if he was sitting in it, now could it?

“Norris!” the second one, the one who was kinder but also really patronizing, shouted. “You can’t be in here!”

“Like hell I can’t,” Norris said.

If language like that from a 10-year-old shocked them, he couldn’t tell through their masks.

“I’ve already said—”

“Yeah, you said that I’m a stupid kid who’d be a big burden at your secret hospital or whatever, but I can help. My mom was a real doctor once—” not like you weirdos, he thought, but decided it was impolitic to say so—“and she taught me some stuff. I can maybe help bring you instruments. Or clean stuff! I can keep things really clean! My mom taught me all about keeping a sterile environment—”

“There is absolutely no place for you at our base—”

“She’s my goddamn Mom!” Norris shouted, terrifyingly aware of how close he was to tears. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Only babies cry. They won’t take you seriously if you cry. “First off she’s the only person I have left in the whole world and I’m the only person she has, and if you cure her but you lose me she will be major league pissed at you, and second off, you know you’re leaving me to die if you leave me here, right? You think I’m big and strong enough to fight off deaders? I don’t know anyone in this city who’ll help me out. If you’re doctors and you wanna help people, why you wanna get a kid killed?”

“He has a point,” the second doctor said.

“No, he – what the hell, Sarah? We can’t take him with us!”

They hadn’t stopped pulling Mom in and getting her strapped down to the bed. Mom moaned again. “Norris…”

“Yeah, mom, I’m here.”

She looked up at the doctors. “Heard… you think… cure?”

“Maybe,” the guy in the front passenger seat, who had turned around to watch the whole thing, said. He was wearing the same weird costume as the others. (Or she. None of their voices sounded like normal human voices, all like scratchy distorted robots, and with the masks and cloaks it wasn’t possible to tell what gender they were, but if one of them was named Sarah then probably some were girls.) “Purely experimental stages. We can put you under and retard the spread of the infection, but we can’t guarantee that we can reverse it or undo any brain damage it causes.”

“So the sooner we can get you under, the better your odds are, doctor,” the first one, the one who kept calling Norris “kid”, said. They were calling her “doctor.” Good. Doctors respected other doctors. They wouldn’t just treat her like a piece of meat turning into a deader. “Your kid needs to stop interfering.”

“Just… take him. He’s… too stubborn… own… goo….” Mom trailed off, staring at nothing.

“She’s going further into shock. We need to get her under now,” the first one said.

The second one – Sarah – said, “Ignore the kid. If he wants to ride along with his mother, let him. It’s not going to hurt anything.”

“Secrecy—”

“He’s a kid. He can’t even see out the windows from that position. He hasn’t got a GPS in his head to figure out where the base is even if he rides with us the whole way.”

“What if she turns and bites him?”

“Then we’ll have a fresh specimen of a healthy child who’s just been infected, without any ethical issues,” Sarah snapped. “And infected mothers who turn will generally go for any available prey who isn’t their child first before going after their kids.”

“Only in 63% of observed cases.”

As they argued, they finished strapping Mom down. She was lying on a metal pan that was about six feet long and wide enough for the average person, and most of the straps fastened her to the pan, while other straps held the pan down on the bed. They put a tube in her mouth where the back part was plastic, flexible and narrow, and the front part was wide and made of metal, and then strapping it to the back of her head so she couldn’t shake it loose. Sarah removed the lid of a small brown medication bottle and poured the entire contents into the tube.

“What’s that do?” Norris asked.

“Kid, quit pushing your luck,” the gruff one said.

“It’s a sedative,” Sarah answered.

“How come you’re giving it to her by mouth and not as a shot?”

“Because deaders have really, really bad circulation if they have it at all, but their digestive system works and things introduced by mouth spread faster to the rest of the body than if introduced intravenously or through injection into the muscle, and Raoul is correct that you need to keep quiet or our colleagues in the front may just decide to stop the van and throw you out.”

After that Norris was quiet.

Mom’s eyes closed and her head lolled, though not very far since it was strapped in place. The doctors wrapped her in something bandage-like, as if she was a mummy, freeing each limb one at a time so they could wrap it and then strapping it down again, and then sprayed some sort of aerosol onto the bandages, the same way. Finally they slid a tub of icy liquid out from under the bed, unstrapped the pan Mom was laying on, and laid the pan down in the icy water. The tube in Mom’s mouth was covered with a plastic lid with a hose attached to the top, and they hooked the hose to a loud machine.

Norris wanted so badly to ask what they were doing, but they’d warned him and he knew that only one of the weird doctors was willing to let him stay; if he bothered them, they’d overrule her and throw him out. He’d ask when they got to their base. He was sure they’d try to kick him out again before they went into it, but he wasn’t going to let them. As long as they had his mom, he was sticking to them like glue.

[sheepsandcattle]

Chapter 10

Beverly’s is an Irish gastropub about twenty minutes from his apartment and is decorated with flags, posters and paraphernalia from his homeland. One of the two owners is an English bloke called Dave and after he catches Curly’s accent, he and Jordan get a free drink each whilst they wait for their food in a booth.

Jordan’s watching him across the table, slouched back as he inspects him. He’s shrugged his jacket off and Curly’s not used to seeing him without it, but he looks good in his black hoody; a little oversized but entirely intentional, Curly guesses.

“I should probably know your name.”

He’s always been more unnerved by the question than the answer. In England, he’d have friends that still called him by his real name; the people he’d hang out with at lunchtime; the ones he’d walk home with or see outside school at birthday parties, at shit venues where booze wasn’t allowed and the DJ played Will Young and Blue. They called him by his real name because they heard him respond in registration, saw him with a hand-written name tag during the first week of year seven, heard teachers shout him in the corridor before he ever properly introduced himself. Those friends are secondary.

Sometimes, when these friends became closer, they’d slip the nickname into a conversation, say it with parentheses like they were feeling it out until it became natural. This usually didn’t happen until they spent time with him out of school, where he and Brandon would meet up with other friends. These friends took to ‘Curly’ instantly because he was able to introduce himself and they never knew any better.

Of course, Brandon fit into every category, the two having met at the ripe age of four years old before the nickname even came to be. In fact, Brandon thought of the nickname himself, said, “your hair is like a Curly Wurly," and decided it there and then.

Here though, almost nobody knows his real name (unless he told them, in which case they’d forget before it caught on anyway) and Curly likes to cling to that, rarely even humours people when they ask these days because, frankly, they don’t need to know. He likes to leave Elliot from Essex behind because he feels both sacred and unworthy at the same time. It feels like speaking his name exposes every inch of who he used to be and how much better and worse he was back then.

When people ask for his real name, he has to decide if Elliot is safe with them. More often than not, he isn’t.

After a pause, he says, “my name?” Because that’s all he can come up with, apparently.

The man hums.

“Curly.”

Jordan laughs, just once, but the smile lingers as he leans forward in his seat, invested now. “Your mom called you Curly? I don’t buy it.”

“No, my mates call me Curly. My mum mostly calls me daft.”

“So your birth name is ‘daft’.”

“Sounds shit in your accent,” he notes. “Curly’ll do.”

Jordan seems to stand down, leaning back again, but there’s still a saturated smirk on his lips. They’d been talking about where they came from (Curly, Essex and Jordan, New York - and of course it’s New York. He hears the accent loud and clear now. Wants to make a F.R.I.E.N.D.S joke but doesn’t want to be a cliche because he’s surely heard it before) and how they ended up where they are now.

Jordan was eerily passive when he’d said, “well, my mom’s a junkie,” while on the subject of why “New York’s not all it’s cracked up to be;

“The city wasn’t doin’ her any favours. She thought things would change here, but—” He’d shrugged. “—that was six years ago.”

The ‘but’ in the statement was potent. ‘But I knew better’, ‘but she was wrong’, ‘but I’m still waiting.’

Then he asked his own questions and it was clear that he was done talking about his past for the time being.

Curly thinks it’s only fair to share some of himself, too. Even if it’s just a stupidly tiny part of him that shouldn’t mean as much as it does these days.

“Elliot.” He clears his throat, his own name feeling alien. “Elliot Michael Clarke... I know it’s… Poncey.”

“Elliot Michael Clarke,” Jordan echoes almost instantly, a smile returning as he folds his arms over his chest, looking chuffed with himself. “No, I like it. It’s a good name.”

Curly never really had to think about whether or not he liked his name, because all the people that mattered never used it anyway.

Now though, he takes a long sip of ice water as he attempts to stay cool, nervous heat rising over his cheeks. Jordan clears his throat like he realises he’s embarrassed him and is searching for something else to say.

Before Jordan can muster up a transition, Curly asks, “how did I not know about this place?” He’s speaking around a chip now, his glass back on the table as he tries to act casual.

“You do now.” Jordan looks smug as ever, arms still crossed over his chest as if to say ‘it’s no big deal.’ “You like it? You just didn’t strike me as the ‘spaghetti and wine’ kinda guy, y’know?”

“Hey, I’m an all-alcohol kinda guy,” Curly defies as the two of them both reach for their respective drinks. “But yeah. You smashed it.”

“I smashed it,” Jordan nods, amused as he smiles against the rim of his glass. “Nice.”

Curls adds, “it actually feels like England, it’s mental,” as he looks around the room and tries to forget that the people around them are American, but there’s something about them that gives it away and he’s not quite sure what. He looks back to Jordan because it’s easier to pretend when it’s just the two of them. “It’s just a bit quiet, but I suppose my mates were the loudest part of any English pub anyway.”

“Yeah? You don’t seem like the type to be…”

“Rowdy? It’s in here somewhere,” he says. Curls supposes he’s teetered more towards reckless than rowdy now, but it doesn’t help that the drugs and the alcohol are suddenly a requirement for his sociability these days. His don’t alright now though, isn’t he?

Jordan chuckles. “You gotta tell me more about that.”

So he tells him about some of the daft shit he’d done back at home, including that one time Curly and Brandon had to get an eleven o’clock coach from Reading to Essex because they got kicked out of a festival for nicking two girls’ deck chairs to get comfy in the middle of The Pixies’ mosh pit. In turn, Jordan admits that “I always used to steal condiments from places like this. I’m not talking ketchup sachets, everyone does that, I’m talking salt and pepper shakers - ashtrays, too,” which Curly finds hilarious.

When Jordan goes to the bathroom, Curly’s sure to sneak a gift from the table into man’s jacket pocket.

“Tell me more dumb shit,” Jordan says when he returns, sliding back into the booth and leaning his arms on the table.

“Neh.” Curls chuckles, shakes his head. “Your turn. I want to know about the dumb shit you’ve done. You seem… Untouchable. It’s very obnoxious.”

They both laugh and Curly’s endlessly grateful for the fact that Jordan can read his wit. He’s not sure what it is about the people around here that makes them entirely oblivious to any jest he has in him. Saying that though, he’s not sure Jordan knows how to take things seriously even when they are, so, it makes sense.

Except then he says, “my dumb shit isn’t like your dumb shit. Your dumb shit is hallucinating and bad dancing; my dumb shit is gangs and knife fights. S’not really got the same charm.” And Curly laughs because he thinks Jordan’s just being dry, but he learned early on that when he’s got that subtle kind of smile on his face, it’s not an ‘I’m kidding’ thing, it’s an ‘I’m dead serious but I’m not that bothered’ thing.

“I can’t see you in a knife fight.” At least he doesn’t think he can.

“Good. Y’never will. That was before - a long time ago.”

Curls hums. “How long?”

“New York or the gang shit?” Jordan must see the second of confusion on Curly’s face because before he can answer, he goes on; “‘cause New York was… Forever ago. We left when I was… Sixteen, Maybe seventeen. The gang stuff is complicated. Not as serious as it sounds.” He shrugs. “I guess I figured Jeff and Dean ran their mouths already.”

“Nope.” He mirrors Jordan’s shrug. “Is complicated another word for indefinite?” It probably sounded accusing, but Jordan doesn’t falter.

He hums in thought - less about what to tell him and more about how to say it, Curls would bet by the way he pouts as he considers it with no effort to hide the fact. "It ain’t like it used to be. I mean— I’m not in a gang I just… I knew a guy who knew a guy -you know how it is- and they helped us out a lot when we moved out here. I felt like I owed a few favours, so I broke even and left, but—” a third shrug in the past thirty seconds— “shit gets personal. Brockton’s a small town.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“Seems to me like you're in a similar situation,” Jordan says, and it should feel pressing but It doesn’t. Just casual and curious. “What’s his name again?”

Curly chuckles, fingertips wiping the condensation off the outside of his glass. “I don’t think so.” For some reason, he feels the urge to keep his eyes down on the glass. “We broke even a while ago.”

Jordan hums; doesn’t seem to feel the need to keep the conversation going as he sits on his response again. Curls braves a glance, but the guy’s stony expression is back and he can’t quite hold it.

Finally, Jordan says, “so why was it that you chose the centre of a mosh pit to make yourself at home?”

***

At some point along the line, Curly thinks he’d programmed himself to find parts of old friends in new encounters. He supposes that’s what got him through the transition in the end; seeing Brandon’s recklessness in Oscar and his brutality in Jules, or his rawness in the likes of Jeff where Dean showed his compassion. It wasn’t just Brandon; he saw his aunt in Emily when he worked at the shop, and saw the Mill girls in Lola’s friends (but not Lola; in her, he saw his sister’s curiosity and Sarah-from-Costa’s mousy features and humour) to list just a few more.

He’s not put his finger on Jordan just yet - hasn’t quite dug anyone out of him.

The way they talk is like no connection Curly’s ever had, and it’s not particularly romantic and he wouldn’t say it’s like they’ve always known each other or any of that shite (it’s not even stronger than some he had at home) but there’s something specific that he can’t place.

They finish up their meal and are back in Jordan’s car (which isn’t actually his car, but a friend’s) by half-past-nine, and have parked somewhere between the pub and Curly’s apartment. It’s an empty carpark of an old abandoned shop. Jordan stopped without even explaining it, but they’ve been talking for almost an hour and Curly’s not ready to finish, so he supposes the other man feels the same.

“It’s just like… Some people just grow up on a certain type of music and that’s it — in fact, I was like that for ages — but how shit is that?” Curly huffs before he answers his own question; “dead shit. So I started making these CDs in high school right? Sold them for a fiver each and got through about… fifty disks by the end of my last year and now I can’t stop.”

“So you’re hoarding mixtapes?” Jordan laughs.

He nods, can’t quite find it in him to feel embarrassed. “Got a playlist for every occasion, I have. People n’all”

“You’re funny,” he leans his temple against the headrest, sat sideways in the driver's seat where he’s been for the past sixty minutes - the last ten of which he’s spent mostly listening to Curly ramble on.

“Yeah? You can tell me to pipe down.”

“No, I like it. I’ve never met anybody that listened to both The Cure and Coldplay,” the man tells him. “But I guess I’ve never met a guy that wears black trench coats and orange nail polish, either.”

“You should try it. Might suit you.”

Jordan chuckles again. “I’m not sure I could pull it off quite like you. Jeff forced me into a pink shirt once and Dean barely recognised me; said I’d been black-and-white since high school; ‘forgot I came in colour,’ and didn’t let it slide for weeks. Never again.”

The thought warms him. To know Jordan so intricately must be fascinating, he thinks - reckons he’d be a bit jealous if not for the fact that it’d be the daftest thing to be jealous of; his mates getting to see Jordan wearing salmon and him not. Does seem a shame, though.

“… Besides, I wouldn’t want to look approachable now, would I?”

He sort of laughs in the back on his throat (he does not giggle) because Jordan really does come across as so angsty but his self-awareness is commendable. “God forbid.”

They share a laugh, and then Jordan does that thing again where he doesn’t try to muster up a reply just yet, but he keeps eye contact like he wants Curly to know that his next response is brewing. Jordan is very shameless in the way that he reflects on what’s been said and sometimes, like now, thinks about what he wants to say next.

Curly wants to know (is about to ask) ‘what are you thinking,’ but then Jordan finally shakes his head, says, “it’s weird; I thought I’d gotten to this unspoken point in life where everybody I meet reminds me of somebody else.”

He says it so confidently, like he just knows that Curly get’s it, and Curls finds himself saying, “yeah. Yeah, me too.” He nods so fast he has to tuck disgruntled ringlets back behind his ears. It was like he was plucking thoughts and feelings from Curly’s daft head and putting them into actual, tangible words.

“You’re unlike anyone I’ve met,” Jordan then adds like it’s nothing extraordinary. “I feel like there’s more to you than I’ll ever know.”

The Jordan he met at that party was all cool, dark features, stone expressions and sharp angles; thick, worn denim and heavy boots. Completely intimidating. The kind of intimidating that you desperately want to overcome just to overstep the obstruction. To get closer.

Tonight he is warm details, light touches and lingering smiles; his white hair against pale skin seems soft and unattainable. Turned to his side in the driver's seat, he has one knee pulled up to his chest as he talks. He’s been playing with one of his trainers for ages without really realising until they fall into silence and both of their eyes wander to watch his fingers pull at the laces absently.

Curly wonders which side of him is the one that comes naturally.

“Have you ever just met someone and decided you want to know them more than anyone else does?”

Jordan doesn’t respond. He lets something between a hum and a laugh escape him as he ties his lace again and lets his eyes return to Curly’s. He looks like he’s thinking, only for a second, before he leans across the console between them and cups Curly’s jaw in his hand. Jordan pauses, searching for something before he leans forward. Everything is telling Curly to just close his eyes and go for it, but his body betrays him and instead he ducks when he’s so close to kissing him, and Jordan stills.

They’re silent for a while. Curly tries to think of a way to explain himself without saying ‘I’m nervous,’ or, ‘it doesn’t feel like the right time,’ or, ‘I’ve been thinking about kissing you for days but I’m only just realising it and now we’re here it’s all just a bit confusing.’

They both say, “I’m sorry,” at the same time.

“It’s just… I have this thing,” Curly says, then winces at his choice of words. “I really like you.”

“Right, but…”

“No, I do! They’re something wrong with me. I’m just… Weird like this.” He buries his face in his hands as he swears under his breath. “You said you didn’t think I did this often. You weren’t bloody wrong.”

He curses himself even as he justifies his action; for not allowing himself something that could be a massive deal or absolutely nothing at all, and kicking himself for not being able to find the words to explain it.

“I just need a bit of time, a’right?”

Jordan doesn’t falter. He says, “yeah, cool. No pressure, Curls,” and his heart is in his throat again, but then the man adds, “so, your tattoo’s weird. I wanna know what it means,” as he points to his own forearm in the same place that Curly has a lamp depicted on his, and the air fills out again.

Curly begins with, “well my sister’s name is Genie…”

And they fall right back into a conversation that brings them past midnight.

He drags himself up the steps and opens his apartment door to a room full of people he doesn’t know. He’s in too much of a good mood to go to bed anyway, so he stays up a few extra hours and drinks a few beers and, before he realises what’s happening, he’s done two lines with Oscar and is telling a girl that he doesn’t know how much she reminds him of somebody from England. She says it’s sweet and he says, “is it?”

Jordan would get it.

[its-btrz-blog]

Throne of Glass (by Sarah J. Maas) Series Review

Throne of Glass is an on-going fantasy YA series, with currently 7 books (Throne of Glass, Crown of Midnight, Heir of Fire, Queen of Shadows, Empire of Storms, Tower of Dawn, Book #7) on the main series (5 have already been published, there's one being published this year and another next year), published by Bloomsbury since 2012. The author, Sarah J. Maas, has another on-going series on the same genre, A Court of Thorns and Roses.

What made me want to read it:

Since, well, fantasy is my favorite genre, Goodreads has been recommending me this since I created an account (almost 4 years now). It has a really, and I mean really, high rating on every book, lots of 5-star reviews and it seemed like I was missing out on such an AMAZING series. Its books have been nominated for the Goodreads Choice Awards since 2012. Also, the premise is really just that: amazing.

What is it about (no spoilers):

Celaena Sardothien (she'll be C. from now on, I can't write this name) is, at 18, the best assassin in her land. However, she has been captured and spent the last year of her life as a slave in the salt mines. Now, to win her freedom, she has to win a competition to become the King's Champion. For that, she is supported by the Crown Prince and trained by the captain of the guard. As the competition begins, the other candidates start dying, and it seems like C. will end up as another victim if she can't figure out who is killing them.

What I thought about it (spoilers after marked as such):

I'm going to start with the most important thing. The whole premise of this is that C.'s like the greatest assassin ever (she says it multiple times in every book, everyone else keeps saying it, also multiple times, it's really shoved down your throat). Great. Except, that's the biggest lie ever told. The whole premise of this character is false, as soon as you start reading. She doesn't act like an assassin. She's not smart, she's not strong, all we have to rely on is what she keeps telling us (which is, that she is the best). And it doesn't get better as the series progresses. She's described as knowing how to use all these weapons, she goes out full of hidden weapons on herself and super cool armor but then… that's about it? We barely see her acting as an assassin. Also, for someone who kills people for a living, she sure objects to it a lot. And it's not a great moral objection. She just wants to kill people she doesn't like (rich and powerful and evil people, really).

Then, of course, she's also the most beautiful woman ever (and best at everything else she does), and EVERYONE keeps remarking on that. I lost count of how many times we are told about her golden hair, her weird colored eyes, her slim body full of womanly curves with her perfect breasts that hang beneath her tunic. Of course, every time she changes clothes, we also get at least a paragraph describing color, cut, fabric, accessories and hair style. We spend more time hearing about her, how amazing she is, how pretty she is, how pretty her clothes are, that actually seeing her do something. Also, every other time she eats, we need a full description of how hungry she is and of what she's eating.

To make matters better, she's not even likable. She loves books, she loves reading, she loves candy. OK. She also loves boasting and making (empty) threats. And throwing temper tantrums. And thinking about how handsome her love interests are. She is a huge hypocrite, too. (Oh, how awful these wealthy people are living in luxury while people are being made slaves! Oh, let me buy the finest clothes I can and then burn them in rage.) That's a consistent trait she has throughout the whole series. And vain. (I’ve been imprisoned one year but my boobs aren’t big anymore! It’s not like I’m out of shape for this tournament thing or anything) Great personality there.

As for the story. It's fairly generic, I think. It doesn't get better than that. There's only a small percentage of each book actually dedicated to some sort of plot. The rest is padding. I'm serious, the books are huge, but if we're talking about the substance in each one, you could probably stuff it in half the books with half the length. At some point (after the second book I think), the direction of the series changes completely. Of course, the world building is mostly made up along the way. I never got a sense of what kind of world they were in to start with. The mythology and magic stuff is just kind of there, but never expanded upon. When it's necessary, something really convenient and never mentioned thing was already there all along. There's some gods, some named whenever it comes up, I don't know what the belief system is, there's some Christmas holiday that isn't really explained, I don't know how they worship, (aside from a vague ceremony in which she’s half asleep) there's some ancient runes, and there was magic once and magic creatures but they aren't talked about until halfway through the first book, and even then, it's like the bare minimum. So, confusing. Also, I was never really sure where they stand in terms of technological and scientific development. There's a coexistence of really medieval things with more advanced stuff and it's not addressed and I don't know what is supposed to be available.

The construction of the society is also somewhere along these lines. There's a king, he's evil, he's a conqueror, he rules all. Great. And there's a foreign princess from a country that has a name and that's barely it. There was a map, but I felt it was useless, mostly.

As for narration, these random in-chapter point of view changes are so annoying. They hinder the reading, they make me get lost. Either stick to one character per chapter, or mark the changes properly. And the writing… What is this? It's so flowery, it tries so hard! Every other sentence is written like there's some deep meaning in everything. So many trying-to-be-badass quotes. It's so tiresome, I can't even keep track of what's happening. Of course, to remedy that, the narration keeps telling me very important stuff, like how awesome C. is.

Lastly, there's the love triangle. You can spot it instantly. Two very handsome teenagers are presented. Wow. What could this mean? Also, a person cannot possibly be in love, if they don't mention at least twice per chapter how beautiful and amazing their love interest is, and how much they are attracted to them. It gets old. It doesn't make a well developed romance. Both Chaol and Dorian (captain of the guard and prince, respectively, and the first two love intererests) are also very incompetent at their posts. Maybe because they spend so much time thinking about C.? This sort of applies to other characters too, since everyone who doesn't think C. is the greatest person to walk the earth is shown as a bad person.

[SPOILERS AFTERWARDS]

About plot. There's this huge feat of writing that features in these books. It's called: you're in the protagonist's head half of the time but she has this huge secret/secret plan that she somehow never talks about until it is revealed for the other characters! Seriously? Lost princess fae never thinks about it? Ever? Those secret allies you have about whom you've never talked about that will save the day?

You know, part of the enjoyment of reading is seeing the characters planning and doing the small things and seeing how it plays out in the end. None of this here.

Then we have the huge shift that happens between books 2 and 3. We were following the story of a supposed assassin who wants to overthrow the evil king and suddenly we are following the story of a lost Fae princess (even though we are told almost nothing about Fae before this) who wants to take her kingdom back and improve other kingdoms by conquering them and killing the evil entities and her evil relative. And those two protagonists are the same person, but are written as if they were two separate persons. They're not. She's still selfish and a hypocrite. (She's also given a new magical love interest to match her new persona. Of course.)

Continuing with C./A./her 100 out-of-nowhere titles, apparently being born a princess and being raised as a spoiled “assassin” gives her all the qualification she needs to rule a kingdom she has never cared for. And of course, to start colonizing other countries once she's queen. You know, the same thing the EVIL VILLAIN does? And anyone who questions her right to rule is immediately painted in a bad light, and threatened by good queen A. and her “court”. Great way to show the rise of a dictator.  

[END OF SPOILERS]

The supporting characters, of course, all adore C./A and see no faults in her. Conveniently, they are all being paired up with each other, so we'll have a nice group of couples by the end. We don't see these romances develop, they just happen. As with the main romance, only with less endless paragraphs of love and lust declarations.

I'm really not liking the direction these books are going.

Conclusion:

I have rated every book in this series with 1-star. This has been my greatest disappointment lately, since I've been exposed to its good publicity for years. So, no, I don't recommend it. In fact, even though opinions are always subjective, these books get a lot of compliments and attention I feel they don't really deserve. I didn't get what I was promised. I've only kept reading because I'm incapable of leaving series unfinished.

[My individual reviews for each book are here, here, here, here, and here.]

The short stories:

They exist to, you know, reassure us of how amazing C. is, like we need it. And to show is this “epic” romance between C. and her previous boyfriend that she keeps mentioning was the love of her life until the REAL one appears. Oh, and some character is introduced, that then appears out of nowhere in a later book to simply save the day. I don't think they had anything important to add, really.

[pokeallthelawyers]

Outlines for the olwy spinoffs

Lydia and Sarah present: What Could Have Been

[or: our more or less verbatim notes on the stories for olwyverse we were planning, listed more or less in the order we were going to write them]

Our doubts are traitors - Peter’s tumblr

Chapter 5: 9 - 14

Balth and peter ignoring ea/o, repairing relationship, all those cute moments where peter is freaking out internally but just Really Really cares about balth

Co Drunk AMA with Jaquie

Missing moment = Jaquie and Peter getting drunk together

Post movie night -- talk about how ridiculous flatmates are--Talk about magic?

“Denying something isn’t going to magically make the problem go away” - “stfu i don’t want to talk about this” - change of subject but elephant in room, setting up for faustus character development

Chapter 6: Faustus

Talking about play, hyping up play

Missing moment = after party with Jaquie and Costa

Chapter 7: Faustus - 15 (clusterfuck around magic thing)

Missing moment = conversation with Rosa

Trying to get him to understand balth’s situation

Coming to terms with the whole magic thing

Chapter 8: 15 - end of the fic

Peter missing balth

Missing moment = when Balthazar gets back from Auckland, conversation, fluff

Can’t be sure it’s going to work out but it’s worth trying anyway

Talking about rosa leaving: “i’m sorry you had to leave her but i’m glad you could stay”, dealing with the grief of losing his entire people

Talk about the whole elf thing, peter’s opinions about magic (has a lot of work to do, needs to come to terms with accidentally hurting balth/dealing with that)

Relationship, if they want to try a long term relationship, not sure if it’s the best/smartest thing but they want to try anyway (addressing insecurities?)

Not with the eyes but with the mind - Chelsaige

Both povs

When they met + the beginnings of their relationship

Lock eyes across the crowd at one of the gatherings

C: “can i buy you a drink?” P: “i don’t drink” C: “great, me neither!”

Chelsey shows paige her tree, first time paige shows chelsey her music

Melancholy convo about lifespans, “i want a future with you, no matter how long that’s going to be”

Talking about having their own place and starting a garden together one day

Flower imagery

Sweet are the uses of adversity - Manderking

Text fic! + six irl scenes where they meet (Jaquie POV)

Jaquie slips number into freddie’s purse at faustus, freddie almost doesn’t text her but then decides to on a whim (like how often is she spontaneous and just does things because they fall into her lap?? Like why the fuck not, let’s do something for HER for a change)

Neither of them really expect it to go anywhere except when it does start jaquie is charmed by how easily flustered Freddie gets [honestly how can she not, it’s kind of adorable] and Freddie thinks jaquie is… one of the funniest people she’s ever talked to?

Plus their differing views on magic result in some interesting debates. Mostly it ends up in jaquie gently pushing her toward her side though because jaquie is very persuasive when she wants to be

Both of them find this new acquaintanceship… refreshing

They start texting hardcore, as in, like, every single day

Jaquie flirts bc jaquie has no chill; Freddie tries to be chill that cute girl is flirting with her but very clearly isn’t

1st IRL scene - Jaquie hangs with peter at the flat, freddie runs into them by accident

Freddie lowkey pretends she hasn’t been texting her nonstop for a week but jaquie ruins that by making eyes at her

Afterward Peter is like “doth mine eyes deceive me?? Does Jaquie have a crush on one of my flatmates????”

“Oh my fucking god shut up”

Pete is just delighted that he finally has ammunition against Jaquie for teasing him about Balth

2nd IRL scene - study date

Set up - j texting about being bored, f is studying, jaquie’s like “ooh that’s better than nothing i can totally help you study” and fred’s like “I really doubt you’d be of much help” but she also tells her she’s at the library so jaquie just takes it as confirmation that she can come

Freddie’s freaking out over an exam or essay or something and jaquie actually does help her calm down

Maybe there’s some very platonic and soothing hand holding i dunno. At some point jaquie says, quietly, “you’ve got this,” and Freddie nods and steels herself and crushes this thing she has to work on

Jaquie is absolutely not a proud girlfriend. She is a proud platonic friend at best

3rd IRL scene - Jaquie complains about work, freddie decides to surprise visit her at the bar to cheer her up

“How do you know where I work???” “Um you work with Peter right? I just asked him”

Jaquie is, like, knocked on her ass

Cute girl asked about her workplace and came all this way just to cheer her up? Fuuuuuuuck

The moment where Jaquie is like “holy shit i like her”

4th IRL scene - watching/shit-talking shitty movies together

Basically their first hang out that is planned and not spontaneous

Their one scene in the show is watching a movie; freddie’s thing is shitty movies; jaquie’s thing is shit-talking; could we make it more obvious

It’s in Freddie’s room and it’s TOTALLY NOT A DATE

But it’s dark and jaquie is sitting really close to Freddie and at some point she puts her arm around Freddie and Freddie doesn’t push it off and then they’re kind of cuddling and jaquie is slowly dying a little

Probably at some point the movie ends and they lock eyes and just kind of stare at each other for a while in the dark silence and they can kind of tell that there’s something there but neither of them are brave enough to make that next step so jaquie’s like “... i should go home” and Freddie just says “okay” and… that’s that

Freddie fucks up [chapter 15], doesn’t text jaquie for like a day after which really worries Jaquie because they’ve been texting constantly every day for the last like month

Finally Freddie texts her like “I fucked up”

5th IRL scene - jaquie comes over and comforts her

Afterward, texting w increasing romantic tension that both of them can feel but neither of them really call out [especially since neither of them are really talking about the Clusterfuck] so they’re both just like Hardcore Suffering

Finally freddie is about leave for her parents house, doesn’t know if she’ll return to Wellington, texts jaquie her good byes but jaquie doesn’t reply bc she is hauling ass to freddie’s house

Fred is all busy being sad that jaquie won’t answer and then she opens the door and is totally rendered speechless because cute girl on doorstep?

Breathlessly, jaquie says “i think we should date!”

Freddie: “?!?!?!?!?!?!” Still incapable of human speech

Jaquie says in a rush something to the effect of “listen like i know i’m sort of an asshole sometimes and i know you get easily freaked out but you’re really sweet and funny and beautiful and we work really well together and i wasn’t going to say anything because i want to respect your boundaries but you’re going and i don’t know when the next time i’ll get to see you is and i don’t want you to leave without knowing that I - “

Freddie still can’t speak lol she just repeats kind of dumbly “knowing that you what?” Her heart is beating so fucking fast

Jaquie’s like “can i - can i kiss you?”

Commence literally the gayest kiss the world has ever seen

And jaquie whispers, “Will you be my girlfriend?” And Freddie just smiles and says, “I thought you’d never ask” or something equally sappy and terrible and it’s super gay and then they ride off into a gay sunset

What fools these mortals be - Kit (aka the loss highlights reel)

Significant years in his life

Bad experience with a family--warded against fae w/o knowing he was one

Confirmation of being aroace

Exploration of beginnings and being banished from the fae

Background to kit’s motivation in ch15

“Oh brother” background

Background to convo with balth in ch14

“In my vast experience,” Kit adds, “it doesn’t always matter when you leave. Sometimes, it feels like seeing them die kills you, too. Sometimes every last moment you have with them is worth all the ones you don’t. Sometimes it takes a year to smile again. Sometimes it takes three hundred. But if you leave now, or if you stay watch them fade over the course of the century, it doesn’t matter. It hurts, you cry, you mend, you smile. That’s just the way it is, man.”

All of our secrets are out now oops. If there’s anything about this verse that you’re curious about, feel free to send us an ask. -L+S

[her-culture]

Three Shows Worth Watching, If You Haven’t Already

Season after season, networks introduce us to new characters and plots, gripping us to our screens with no point of return because we crave drama. Netflix and Amazon Studios have taken notice, and now they too, are getting in on the action!

Gone are the days when we passively sat in front of our television sets watching sports and soap operas. Now, we watch them on the go and with this new era of fictitious non-fiction dramas, we are engaged and active in our watching. Thanks to Netflix and Amazon, we no longer need to bury ourselves in cable contracts in order to properly entertain our families, instead, we hook up our internet, plug in our fire sticks and behold, a new luxurious watching experience awaits. Although I'm not a big fan of watching television, I do have a select number of shows I occasionally binge watch and I think you should too! We've all heard of Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Dexter and a host of other critically acclaimed dramas, and sadly all have since been canceled, however, with Netflix and Amazon you can continue reliving the experience, and it’s a wonderful one. Though these incredible shows are no longer on television, there are a wide variety of new shows that will quickly occupy your free time, as well as your heart. There's a show for everyone and for every mood, so tread lightly if you still hate your ex and his or her new partner. Now that we've established boundaries, let's take a look at the shows you should be watching right now.

Better Call Saul, AMC, Mondays @ 9 PM (Season 3 premiered April 10)

A spin-off prequel to Breaking Bad, created by Vince Gilligan and starring Bob Odenkirk as Jimmy McGill, America's favorite criminal lawyer. This show is brilliant because it takes you on a journey through Jimmy's life before he became Saul Goodman on Breaking Bad. It focuses mainly on his struggles to become a successful lawyer and his relationship with his brother, Chuck McGill (Michael McKean). We all saw Saul become Walter White’s accomplice in his drug empire, but to get to that level, he went through many trials and tribulations. You see, Saul have always had a way with words and he wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty, so because of that his brother never trusted him. However, Saul was very motivated to get into law just like Chuck, except Chuck wasn’t flattered, instead, he became bitter and jealous. Throughout the first two seasons, Jimmy (Saul) tried mercilessly to make partner at Hamlin Hamlin and McGill (HHM), but with each attempt, Chuck found a way to sabotage his efforts. The show is incredibly well written and exquisitely performed, and I love the twists and turns that make up Jimmy’s life. Although he is a complicated man, he possesses a great deal of passion and drive to rise above his failures, and I think this is what makes Better Call Saul so engaging.

Bloodline, Netflix (Season 3 premiered in May)

Bloodline takes you on an emotional thrill ride because it's so good, you'll easily forget that these characters are related. The show is set in the Florida Keys with the Rayburns, a prominent family of six, who owns a beachfront resort and is very respected in the community. Now, success doesn't always come without problems and indeed this family has a lot to go around. As with most families, there's a black sheep, but he quickly gets used to the notion that he'll always be the outsider. The show is riveting and loaded with drama! Ben Mendelsohn’s character, Danny was severely beaten by his father as a boy because he was believed to have caused the death of his younger sister, Sarah, so he grew up being the designated black sheep. Kyle Chandler plays John, a detective with the local Sheriff's office; he struggles with accepting Danny as part of the family. Kevin (Norbert Leo Butz) owns a marina, also struggles with forgiving big brother Danny for causing Sarah's death, quick-tempered and impulsive, he gives in to his vices. Meg, played by Linda Cardellini, is an attorney who uses her power for the greater good of the family, also dislikes her brother Danny. Their parents, played by Sissy Spacek and Sam Shepard just want to forget about Danny and his drama because they’ve lost hope that he’ll change his self-destructive ways. Although they’ve taken some responsibility for the way he’s turned out, there’s still a part of them that think Danny just uses his sister’s death as a way to guilt them into fulfilling his wishes. The story gets even more intense when a death occurs and then Danny goes missing...It’s very entertaining and keeps you on the edge of your seat.

Stranger Things, Netflix (Season 2 premieres October 31)

Set in the 1980’s in fictional Hawkins, Indiana, a young boy goes missing and the investigation is not only conducted by the local police, but also by the boy’s friends and family. Winona Ryder plays the young boy’s mother (Joyce Byers), and she’s every kind of mother combined. It’s easy to see her pain when she realizes that her boy is gone, but it’s also incredible watching her keep the faith that he is still alive. She utilizes every angle and outlet to prove to the police that her son is somewhere close, but not easily seen with the naked eye. The supernatural theme of the show leads you to believe in the impossible and I think this is why it’s such a hit. Stranger Things tell the story of how the U.S. Department of Energy conducted experiments using human subjects, which ultimately went awry after they decided to delve into paranormal and supernatural activities. Will Byers’ (Noah Schnapp) friends really came through for him, especially when they came across a psychokinetic girl, who takes them on the journey of their lives in an effort to find him. Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown) escaped the Hawkins National Laboratory, where she was born and experimented on after her mother became a test subject and due to the experimentation, she developed these psychokinetic abilities. She ultimately becomes a very friendly foe in the search for Mike. The excitement and fear from these characters make you want to continue watching, so give it a try.