#(despite the fact that he literally enlarges his face in his first fight and it's the same as in his shop)

[hazmatmaid]

Spamtober 16 - MOST ACCURATE

Not that different from how I usually draw him, so I guess it's more a demonstration that I take the visual average of all his official/canonical depictions and draw him that way.

[midoriyashotos]

Unbreakable

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Relationships: Kirishima Eijiro/Midoriya Izuku

Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Kirishima Eijiro, Bakugo Katsuki; MINOR ROLES - 1-A students

Summary: “Get out of the way, Kirishima,” Katsuki warns him. “I won’t hesitate to break your face in fucking pieces!”

“Then DO IT! I DON’T CARE!” Kirishima roars. He’s never sounded this angry. “I won’t let you break Midoriya EVER AGAIN!”

--

In which someone finally stands up for Izuku.

AO3 / Fanfiction

A/N: basically I wrote Kirishima being protective of Izuku, because it’s interesting how he hates bullies but never stands up to Bakugo...

I hope this isn’t too OOC. Enjoy!

TRIGGER WARNINGS - minor violence, bullying/abuse and injury.

*NOT BAKUGO/KIRIBAKU/BAKUDEKU FRIENDLY!

--

Izuku is happy, really.

Sure, it can be exhausting. It can be aggravating to live up to what comes with being the Symbol of Peace. And it’s also terrifying the reminder that Katsuki knows about his secret and has a lot more reason to hate him.

Not that Katsuki would ever quit hating Izuku, but still.

In the very least, the explosive boy doesn’t hit Izuku regularly anymore. People in their school don’t take Katsuki seriously like it happened in Middle School, so it’s a relief.

(They constantly call Katsuki and Izuku childhood friends, though.)

(Or rivals. Are they really rivals?)

Regardless, as long as Izuku stays away from Katsuki, he’ll be fine.

So, he’s happy.

--

When they can, 1-A has fun nights that may include eating cake and candies, playing games and watching movies – sometimes all in the same night. His classmates are very united in that sense.

Tonight, they’re sharing a big cake everyone helped Sato with; the teenagers are all separated in groups that fill the common room with life.

Izuku might subconsciously flinch every time a certain voice raises near him. Thankfully, it’s not directed at him – once he looks, he finds Katsuki and his friends messing with him. The greenette sighs in relief.

The boy spends most of the night alongside Uraraka, Iida, Tsuyu and Todoroki. At one point, though, Izuku rests alone on the green couch, honestly a little drained by all the energy today, given the yelling and cursing that persists in what should’ve been a good time.

As his head is stuck in his thoughts, Izuku jolts when someone reaches him in the almost untouched spot.

“Hey, Midoriya! What’s up, man?”

Kirishima grins at him. His usually spiky hair is down today (a detail Izuku strives not to stare at for too long, because that’s creepy).

“K-Kirishima-kun! Hi!” Izuku stammers.

“You partied a lot?”

Izuku laughs shyly, “Yeah, had plenty of cake.”

“That’s the spirit,” Kirishima smiles. “Mind if I take a break with you?”

“A-Ah, sure. I mean, you can sit! Feel free to!”

His red-haired friend sits close to him, maybe… a little too close, the other notes. Izuku holds his cup of now-warm soda, playing with it nervously. Kirishima’s enthusiasm and passion honestly still catch him off guard. At first, Izuku thought he’d be… different. Spiky hair, red eyes, sharp teeth…

Instead, Kirishima turned out to be one of the sweetest and brightest people Izuku has ever known. He brings a lot of spirit to their class.

(And now that Izuku knows, Kirishima does look a lot more friendly and… cute.)

“… Midoriya, you’re looking kind of red…”

Izuku’s green eyes enlarge comically, cheeks burning.

“GAH! I-It’s nothing, Kirishima-kun! It’s just- h-hot in here, isn’t it?” Izuku ignores the fact they’re all wearing sweaters in this chilly night; but he supposes Kirishima does it as well, since he doesn’t touch on it.

If anything, the redhead smiles at him fondly.

(For the love of All Might, it’s too breathtaking.)

Izuku finds some ease, though, in his friend’s heat next to him. Kirishima’s presence is solid and stable like his quirk, but soft and gentle all at same. It perfectly encapsulates who Kirishima is, as a hero and a person.

Still, the freckled boy can’t help but wonder why Kirishima has decided to join him. Izuku is not doing anything particularly interesting. They’re not talking… but it’s not awkward, either.

Regardless, Izuku’s peace is disturbed yet again by Katsuki’s yelling bursts, his steaming hands felt from far away. As always, it’s just Sero, Kaminari and Ashido having fun with him.

Before Izuku can dive in his terrified relief, he’s reminded of the fact Kirishima is next to him, and maybe watching him as well.

“You okay?”

“Y-Yeah! Yeah… Kacchan’s enthusiasm is…” Izuku gulps, “a little too much sometimes.”

“Oh.” Kirishima sounds a little suspicious, but he quickly resumes his smiley nature. “Man, tell me about it,” he jokes.

Izuku holds his plastic cup tighter, refraining himself from tearing it apart and spilling all the soda on the floor.

“I can tell he’s having fun, at least,” Izuku analyzes. “He really likes you guys.”

“Yeah…” Kirishima pauses, only to laugh nervously, “he doesn’t really know how to show that, though.”

(Izuku recalls all the punches to Kirishima’s stony hair, and the insults Katsuki throws at him on a daily basis.)

“At least he likes you, Kirishima-kun,” Izuku reassures him in a lighthearted tone. “Kacchan was never happy with me.”

Admittedly, he hasn’t quite thought over these words – nor was he expecting Kirishima’s concerned gaze, his fondness of Katsuki gone.

“What do you mean?” The red-haired boy inquires.

“Ah, you know…” Izuku clears his throat, as his other classmates party and pay them no mind. “Kacchan’s called me weak since we were kids. He’s always been competitive, and- since my quirk took a while to show up”— he gulps due to the weight of the lie —“we were never…” he trails off, really not wanting to give more details.

“… you were never friends?” Kirishima completes.

Izuku swallows the bitter taste in his mouth and silently shakes his head.

“B-But it’s okay, though! We’re good now,” he tries to convince his friend (… and himself). “I just have to stay away from him because- you know how he is. But he’s got you guys as friends, so I know he’s happy.”

Kirishima looks away, thoughtful. He doesn’t seem entirely relieved by his words. Izuku suddenly feels the need to escape – what has he done?

“I- I need to go to the restroom!” He jumps from the sofa before Kirishima stops him.

Izuku is in such a rush that he doesn’t realize Katsuki is in his way.

“Oi!” Katsuki snaps. His eyes are immediately spiteful. “Deku…”

“K-KACCHAN! SORRY!!” Izuku runs even faster – how embarrassing.

“Get in my way again and I’ll fucking kill you!”

“Bakugo, chill,” Izuku hears Kaminari say nonchalantly.

This is his reality.

He’s happy with it. He is.

--

Everything was fine. Truly. Izuku has no idea what he did wrong.

(He’s never known, beside having no quirk in the past.)

They were training at the gym, outside of class time. Izuku tends to train on his own, but lately he’s been sparring with Kirishima, whose quirk helps with more physical attacks. It also helps Kirishima’s special technique in return.

Basically, Izuku and some of his classmates were going for a break, to drink water and eat whatever strengthens their quirks (like Sato having to eat more sugar). On his way, Izuku passed by Katsuki, who’s literally never in a good mood.

“Deku.”

“S-Sorry, Kacchan! You can go ahead!”

“As if I’ll fucking do what you say,” Katsuki bumps his arm into Izuku, hard, as he mutters in his breath, “shitty nerd.”

Izuku gulped and said nothing else.

(The freckled teen strived to not let One for All concentrate in his clenched fists.)

So, when everyone is gathered, chatting with one another, Izuku is admittedly distant from them. Katsuki would glare at him every now and then just for existing, no matter how far he was.

That’s the reason Izuku refuses to train with all of them when Kirishima suggests. Izuku tells them he’d be on his own again – his tone maybe too tight and serious. His classmates don’t question it, despite their concerned looks. Izuku tries to avoid Kirishima’s in particular – because he loves spending time with them, with him, he really does but…

“Yeah, leave Deku,” Katsuki voices in opposition, “it’s better than dealing with a dead weight.”

“Yikes, Bakugo! That’s really uncalled for!” Kaminari protests.

“I know you guys are rivals, but that’s too much, don’t you think?” Sero scolds.

Izuku stares at Katsuki, ignoring his classmates’ statements. Izuku stares deep into his red eyes: unlike Kirishima’s, they’re dreadful, have been since they were only five. He has the same superior stance and tone. Katsuki is the exact same person as the senseless bully that told Izuku to kill himself not too long ago.

The green-haired teenager’s look becomes intense. Furious. The kind of fury that doesn’t always show, because everything is bound to fall apart.

Even when his eyes avert from Katsuki, that’s what ultimately happens.

“Oi, fucking look at me!”

Despite Katsuki’s terrifying rage, Izuku defies.

“Why should I?” He mumbles, his voice gradually raising and deepening, “I can’t even exist near you.”

“What did you fucking say?”

Izuku’s hands clench into tight fists, glowing with One for All. His green eyes sparkle with intensity and ferocity.

“You heard me, Katsuki.”

The atmosphere is instantly changed.

“H-Hey guys, come on, don’t fight!...” Sero chuckles nervously, only to be pushed away by powerful hands.

Katsuki rages and advances, raising his arm.

Although he can defend himself, Izuku can only brace for the impact.

(It’s what he can do. The anticipation. The acceptance. He’s always expecting a blast to his face, and the reminder that he’ll never be good enough. No matter how hard he tries, whether or not he has a quirk; nothing matters to Katsuki, as long as Izuku stops existing.)

Izuku waits.

But it never comes.

No. He hears the explosion blocked by something hard – hard like a rock. And once Izuku looks up, he covers his mouth to contain a gasp.

“What the hell is your problem?!” Kirishima screams, arms together like a shield, the sharp skin scratched by the burnings of Katsuki’s hands.

Katsuki himself is also shocked for a moment. For one, nobody else has ever dared to get in the way of his attacks, either because they’re too scared of him… or they don’t fear him enough to stop him. But most importantly, Kirishima has never stood up to Katsuki. Kirishima has endured his insults, sure, but he’s never defied him in an actual fight.

“Get out of the way, Kirishima,” Katsuki warns him. “I won’t hesitate to break your face in fucking pieces!”

“Then DO IT! I DON’T CARE!” Kirishima roars. He’s never sounded this angry. “I won’t let you break Midoriya EVER AGAIN!”

Izuku can’t move. He can’t say a word.

Katsuki is about to hit Kirishima again without any remorse, only for Sero to hold him back with as many tapes as he can make. Sato, Shoji and Koda help, while Kaminari tries to calm Kirishima down, which has zero effect.

“You’re not a man, Bakugo! You’re a goddamn abuser!” Kirishima points at him. “And abusers ARE NOT MY FRIENDS!”

“Dude, stop! You’re going to make it worse!” Kaminari scolds him, whereas Katsuki has already reduced himself to incomprehensible, enraged noises. Jiro might even rush to call Aizawa-sensei to hold both Katsuki and Kirishima back.

In spite of all the rage he must be feeling, Kirishima still stands protectively in front of Izuku, instinctively approaching him every time Katsuki threatens to break free and come after them.

Regardless, Izuku can still do nothing.

Nothing at all.

--

As expected, Katsuki and Kirishima are suspended for days – similar to when Izuku was forced to fight his classmate a few months ago.

Uraraka and Todoroki stay with Izuku as they wait. Only Kirishima returns to the dorms for now. His friends initially don’t understand why he fought Katsuki, assuming he’d lost his calm for nothing.

Yet Kirishima answers to none of these questionings. The moment he finds Izuku, his look softens, and he rushes to check over him.

“Midoriya,” he whispers in concern, “are you okay?”

Izuku dumbly gazes at him in response, swallowing a gasp when he notices the damage that Katsuki’s explosion did to Kirishima’s face; even with Recovery Girl’s help, the painful scratches can still be seen.

“K-Kirishima-kun…” Izuku chokes with tears welling up in his eyes, and the many feelings and words he’s struggling to understand.

The boy isn’t sure how he should feel. He’s guilty for putting Kirishima in danger, and for ruining his friendship with Katsuki. But Izuku is also angry at Katsuki for not hesitating to hurt someone that cares so much for him. Izuku is furious that Katsuki hasn’t changed at all.

Even so, the freckled teen feels relief. That someone was there, that someone actually stepped up and defended him.

(That someone was his hero, differently from when All Might saved him from the slime monster.)

Izuku launches himself towards Kirishima, wrapping his shaking arms around him. He wants to say all of those things so badly, but he fails. Kirishima’s soft arms hold him back and caress him, fingers running through his messy green hair.

“It’s okay,” Kirishima whispers to him, and says those same words countless times. Izuku’s cries are muffled by his shirt.

It’s like everything else disappears, and it’s only Kirishima and Izuku in this world. Kirishima shields him from every insult, every kick, every punch and slap across his face and his ruptured heart. Kirishima embraces his scars and making sure to be there to tend to them.

Izuku can only cry.

--

Later that night, Kirishima stays with Izuku in his dorm. It’s not like he can sleep with Katsuki’s room right next to his.

Izuku has already dried his eyes out of tears, and flooded Kirishima’s shirt as a result. Regardless, the two boys are glued to one another in Izuku’s bed, Kirishima rubbing his shoulders and the back of his neck. Izuku can’t help melting and clinging to him.

Even so, Izuku only has one question in mind.

“… Why did you do it?”

“He hurts you,” Kirishima answers simply.

Izuku gulps. “But he’s your friend…”

“I don’t think he was ever really my friend, Midoriya.”

Izuku pulls away to face him, the scratches in Kirishima’s face clearer than ever.

“I remember our first class with All Might. Bakugo wanted to kill you,” Kirishima harshly reminds, hands tighter on Izuku. “I knew there was something wrong with him, and yet I still went on to hang out with him. I admired his skills, I called him a man, I sacrificed everything to save his goddamn life because I cared about him. I… thought he was my friend.” He pauses. “Even when he called me Shitty Hair or hit me… I thought I could endure him – and maybe I did. But in the end, I ignored who he really was, and I let him hurt someone I care about for way too long.”

“No…” Izuku protests, “please don’t blame yourself! I was the one who—”

“Midoriya, you’re my friend. I knew Bakugo sucked, and even if he was my friend, I never did anything! And I’m really, really sorry.” Kirishima cups Izuku’s cheek with one of his hands. “I’m so sorry I ignored you. I promise you, I’m not enduring any of his shit anymore.”

Izuku gapes at him. “Kirishima-kun…”

“If he ‘cares’ about me, I don’t give a crap,” the red-eyed boy says firmly. “He sure as hell doesn’t respect me, only when I behave the way he wants. I don’t owe him anything, and I’m not standing around and letting him hurt me or my friends ever again.”

Maybe he should insist. Tell Kirishima that, if it weren’t for Izuku’s pathetic existence, his friendship with Katsuki wouldn’t have ended.

But Izuku doesn’t.

Because Kirishima is right.

Izuku’s hand touches his face, internally flinching when he feels the wounds caused by Katsuki.

“I just don’t want you to hurt because of me,” Izuku admits.

“Midoriya… nothing Bakugo does to me could ever hurt more than knowing he’s abused you for your whole life.”

Abuse. The same word he used for Katsuki earlier today.

“I’ll make sure he never hurts you again, okay?” Kirishima squeezes him. “I promise.”

Although he doesn’t literally say it, it’s clear to Izuku the love in his friend’s words.

The love in Kirishima’s smile whenever Izuku stutters and says a jumbled mess. The love in Kirishima’s concerned eyes when Izuku insists he’s okay when he isn’t. The love in his red eyes and words when Katsuki hurt him. The love in his touches, his soft hands protecting Izuku, understanding his scars.

Kirishima loves him. He really does.

Izuku bursts in tears again and Kirishima lets him, soothing him until the end.

[char10]

Of Cake Wars and Firewhisky

Read on AO3

From my ao3, many days after it was posted (for James Potter’s birthday) because I am not on top of things and I forgot :)

It's James' eighteenth birthday, the last one of his Hogwarts years, and he knows immediately that he needs to make the most of it. Various Marauders antics ensue, among them a food fight. Also, Jily.

“Is he awake?”

“Shut up, Peter, you’ll ruin the surprise. You whisper about as quiet as a bloody lion.”

James smiled to himself, listening to his friends’ bickering. “You’re not so quiet yourself, Pads,” he said.

Sirius yelped in surprise as James sat up, rubbing his eyes and fumbling on his bedside table for his glasses so that he could see the look of shock on his friend’s face. When he had managed to get them on, Sirius looked like a deer -- ha -- caught in headlights. Was he using that right? Lily had taught him Muggle idioms, but he couldn’t remember what exactly headlights were. Were those the ones Muggles wore on their heads to see at night? Really, he couldn’t imagine life without magic. How could he possibly sneak up on Snivellus without his Invisibility Cloak? And what if he’d have to make his bed by hand? James shuddered. Best not to think about it.

Remus was eyeing Sirius with an odd mixture of disdain, amusement, and that lovey-dovey feeling that James was seeing far too frequently on the faces of his two closest friends (really, he was happy for them, but he didn’t think it was too much to ask for one Transfiguration class without them eye-fucking the whole damn time, thanks).

“Surprise?” Peter squeaked out, glancing nervously between James and Sirius, who quickly recovered from his surprise and was grinning his trademark grin (which James had heard far too much about from Remus).

“Happy birthday, mate!” Sirius exclaimed, pouncing on James’ bed with his surprisingly -- and quite painfully -- sharp knees directly digging into James’ thighs.

“Oi!” he said, moving himself out of the way of what he could only assume were actual rocks in Sirius’ legs -- he couldn’t be missing out on his final Quidditch season because someone had snapped his femurs -- but grinned at his best mate and let himself be wrapped in a hug.

Remus and Peter, more peacefully, sat down on James’ bed without crushing him -- for which he was grateful -- and, somewhat awkwardly, joined in on the hug from either side.

“Alright,” James said after a moment, having been thoroughly convinced that at least four of his ribs were broken -- was this why Lily claimed he was dramatic? Probably. But really she was just as bad, and far more devious -- and he wasn’t sure of the last time Peter brushed his teeth, but judging from the smell it had not been recently.

Slowly, they let go of him and James pushed himself out of bed. It was just his luck that his birthday fell on a Monday of all days, but he intended to enjoy his morning before Potions began. Then again, he was eighteen now, and eighteen-year-olds really didn’t have to go to little things like Potions lessons, right? Right. It wasn’t as if he was pursuing a career in anything remotely related to Potions in any case, so it really didn’t matter. And besides, he’d never exactly needed an excuse to skip a class before -- especially if that class was Potions -- and he didn’t fancy starting now.

“We’ve got cake in your Common Room,” Remus said, once they had all disentangled themselves and were standing upright. James was wearing some stupid deer pyjamas that Sirius had got him as a joke at Christmas, but that were quite possibly the most comfortable thing he’d ever worn, so despite the embarrassment that came with the knowledge that he was fairly certain Sirius had bought them from a Muggle store for a six-year-old and enlarged them, it was entirely worth it. Besides, Sirius probably wouldn’t mention it today. It was his birthday.

Sirius raised his eyebrows, scanning James’ body. “I didn’t think you actually wore those bloody things, mate. They’re for little kids, you know. You look like a seven-year-old.”

Well. He probably should have seen that coming. James shoved Sirius’ shoulder. “They’re really bloody comfy,” he mumbled, feeling his face go red.

Sirius chuckled. “Alright, Prongs. Alright.”

Remus cleared his throat. “Cake,” he repeated. “In your Common Room.”

Oh, how James enjoyed having his own Common Room. Well, it wasn’t technically his own. But he shared it with Lily Evans, of all people, and he would never, ever, in a million billion trillion years, complain about that particular fact. It was, without a doubt, the best part of being Head Boy. When he’d gotten that shocking piece of parchment along with his list of school supplies he’d been…well, shocked . As had his parents -- that one had hurt a little, though he’d never admit it, and really they had every reason to, so he didn’t know exactly why it had hurt, but it had. As had Sirius. Oh boy. Sirius had howled , literally howled, with laughter for pretty much the entire day, once he’d gotten past his shock, and confirmed that it was not, in fact, all an elaborate prank set up by Dumbledore to...do something that Sirius had never gotten around to deciding on. Did Dumbledore even play pranks? Probably not. James laughed at the mental image.

Remus narrowed his eyes. “What are you laughing at?”

James shook his head. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

That stopped Remus in his tracks, where he’d been walking to the door of James’ dormitory. “James,” he said. “What are you laughing at?”

James sighed. “Well,” he said. “It’s just…I mean, Dumbledore was our age once, right?”

“Yes,” Remus said slowly, “That’s generally the way aging works.”

James rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Moony. What I meant was…well, what d’you think Dumbledore was like when he was at Hogwarts? Like, did Headmaster Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore ever play a prank? Did he have a girlfriend? Or a Snivellus?”

“You-Know-Who was his Snivellus,” Peter piped up.

Sirius sighed, exasperated. “Dumbledore and You-Know-Who didn’t go to Hogwarts at the same time, Wormy. They’re like, fifty years apart or something. I dunno. But Dumbledore’s way older.”

“ Anyway ,” Remus put in. “School-aged Dumbledore aside, there is, for the last time , cake waiting in the Common Room.”

James grinned. “Right,” he said, stepping past Remus and opening the door to the staircase that led down to the Common Room that he shared with the most beautiful, smart, perfect, wonderful, brilliant, impressive person in the entire world: Lily Evans.

“Never thought I’d practically have to drag James bloody Potter of all people down the stairs to birthday cake,” Remus muttered behind him.

Sirius snorted. “It’s actually James Fleamont Potter.”

“Oi!” James shouted, a retort on the tip of his tongue, but he’d gotten to the bottom of the staircase, and Lily was sitting on the couch, holding a cake in the shape of a snitch, and he felt his face split into what was probably the largest, most genuine grin in the history of the world.

“Happy birthday,” Lily said, grinning to match his own. She set the cake down on the coffee table and made her way over to where he was standing, planting a kiss on his lips.

Lily tasted like strawberries and sugar and goodness, and he found himself inexplicably grateful that she, unlike Peter, had recently brushed her teeth. He deepened the kiss, wrapping a hand around her waist as she wrapped hers around his neck, pulling him closer and James felt himself smiling against her lips and --

“Hey! We’re trying to get through here!”

James groaned. The perfect human that was Lily Evans had caused him to forget about the far more imperfect humans that were his best mates, lined up in the stairwell behind him. “Like you and Remus aren’t like this practically every day,” he retorted, because it was true, and, as happy as he was for his friends, it was sort of getting in the way of things like, you know, walking down what was apparently their favourite snogging corridor: the one directly in front of the Great Hall. The one that he, and every other bloody student at Hogwarts, walked though at least three times a day.

“If you two are all done,” Lily began, looking between James and Sirius, amused, “Then --”

“We’re not,” Sirius interrupted.

Lily glared at him. “It was rhetorical , Black.”

“Well, you asked!” Sirius exclaimed, at the same time James said:

“Bold of you to assume Sirius knows what ‘rhetorical’ means.”

Sirius glared at him, shoving his shoulder, but there was no real mirth in his face.

Lily rolled her eyes. “ Anyway ,” she said. “James --” she gestured to the cake on the table “-- cake? Your idiot friends have bribed the house elves into bringing you a feast, so you’ve probably got an incredibly unhealthy amount of biscuits on their way up here.”

James grinned. He certainly enjoyed unhealthy amounts of biscuits. His mum had learnt in his first year that sending James biscuits was not a motivation to get him to write home more often, and in fact only served to cause further detentions as a result of increased sugar in his already far too energetic eleven-year-old self. Needless to say, the biscuits had stopped coming. So naturally, he’d gotten very familiar with the fine art of bribery, especially in regard to house elves and their ability to procure biscuits for him and his friends.

As long as his mother never -- never -- found out that he was eating birthday cake and biscuits for breakfast, everything would be fine. With his luck, she probably would. Somehow. But he’d just cross that bridge when, and if, he came to it.

And in the meantime, he very much intended on enjoying said birthday cake, biscuits, the company of his wonderful, perfect girlfriend who he still couldn’t really believe was his girlfriend, and the company of his less wonderful, very imperfect mates (but really, James loved them more than he could possibly hope to express).

Lily had the now sliced cake floating around the room (“like the Snitch!” she’d said, which James found endearing, as it was quite obvious), which James had enjoyed until one piece had smacked directly into the back of his head, which had him sputtering and coughing on his piece of cake, while the rest of his so-called friends laughing uproariously like the traitors they all were.

James had, naturally, plucked a piece of cake out of the air and smashed it into Sirius’ face in response.

“Oi!” Sirius said, spitting golden frosting out of his mouth and pointing at James. “I’ll get you for that! I, unlike somebody , actually put very hard work into my hair; I can’t have bloody Quidditch-themed birthday cake messing it up!”

“Lily likes my hair!” James said, looking to his girlfriend, who had , on numerous occasions (some of the more…intimate occasions Sirius had, unfortunately and, James hoped, by accident, been present for) voiced her appreciation for the hair that was unnervingly impossible to tame.

Lily shrugged. “It’s alright, I suppose,” she said.

James gasped dramatically in mock betrayal, while Sirius cackled and grinned triumphantly.

“Oh, you’ll pay for this, Potter,” Sirius said, reaching for his wand off the coffee table and accio-ing a piece of cake before shoving it at James’ face.

James, thanking his brilliant Chaser reflexes for what was probably the millionth time, ducked and yelped, tumbling over the back of the couch. “It’s my bloody birthday , you prat!” he yelled, as the piece of cake Sirius had thrown at him hit the wall behind the couch.

Despite his protests, though, James had never been one to turn down a fight of any kind, especially if it was a fight involving food. Extra especially if said food was cake. So he summoned a piece of cake and threw it over the couch. Without looking. Which…turned out to be a mistake.

There was the distinct smack of cake hitting a face. Followed by…silence. And then:

“James,” Remus said.

James cringed.

“Do you maybe want to…look at where you’re throwing your cake next time?”

Well shit. “Did I…hit you?” James asked.

“No,” Remus said. Very sarcastically. “You didn’t.”

“Sorry?” James poked his head above the top of the couch.

Which was another mistake.

A piece of cake that James could only assume was from Remus -- based on the flash that he took the signify magical involvement that would never have come from Sirius, who preferred brute physical force -- filled his field of vision, and he was knocked back, thanking Merlin for his glasses which had at least somewhat protected his eyes.

But also, he could no longer see. There was cake and frosting coating his specs, but he could hear Lily’s beautiful, ringing laughter from where she was sitting, untouched by their cake war, and despite the mess that was his face, he smiled.

And readily summoned more cake to throw at his friends.

Thirty minutes, and a lot more splattered cake later, Lily stood up.

“Protego!” she yelled, throwing up a shield just as a piece of cake Sirius had sent at James nearly collided with her. She had joined in their fight after Remus -- Remus of all people -- had hit her with a large chunk of what had been part of the wing of the Snitch. Their Common Room was a mess.

The poor house elves had appeared a few minutes into The Great Cake War of 1978 (as it was later to be deemed), and there had been a momentary pause in the battle while they had each grabbed as many biscuits as they could carry before returning to their various positions and resuming their food fight.

All flinging of cake stopped at Lily’s shield charm, and the attention of the room turned to her.

She grinned at each of them, eyes lingering on James. “I declare myself the victor,” she said. “And none of you are to argue, seeing as I made that cake, which I’m only now realising, we unfortunately have thrown all over our Common Room, and eaten almost none of.”

“That’s not a reason for victory, Evans,” Sirius pointed out. “I reckon I won, because I’ve kept track --” James found this doubtful, given Sirius’ track record with “keeping track” of things “-- and I do believe I’ve dealt the most damage.”

“If anyone’s won,” James cut in, “it’s me. I’m the birthday boy, in case you’ve forgotten?”

There was a minute of silence, before shrugs and a smattering of begrudging acquiescence. James grinned triumphantly. He’d bathe in cake batter if it meant winning something. There was also a possibility that he’d bathe in cake batter just for the fun of it because now that he thought about it, that did sound pretty cool.

“Scourgify,” Remus -- ever practical -- muttered, pointing his wand at himself, then repeating the charm on Peter, Lily, James -- notably not Sirius, who glared at him and performed the charm himself -- and the more batter-covered surfaces in their Common Room before tucking his wand into his robes and clearing his throat. “Well,” he said, glancing at his watch, “as enjoyable as that was, we’ve all got a Potions lesson to be off to, so…”

He made for the door, but paused upon realising that no one had followed him. “Or…” he began, raising an eyebrow, “do we not?”

James grinned. “It’s our final year, Moony! Lighten up a bit, let’s have some fun. It’s been ages since we’ve missed Potions, and frankly, I can’t be held responsible for my actions if I’m forced to listen to Slughorn drone on about the bloody healing properties of Asphodel for an hour.”

“As if you’re ever held responsible for your actions,” Remus muttered.

Which, true, but James didn’t need it pointed out. “Oi!” he said. “I am! All those detentions, remember? School records and what not?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “ Anyways , if we’re not going to Potions -- which I maintain is especially irresponsible given that our NEWTs, you know, the most important exams we will ever take are coming up -- then what exactly are we doing?”

James shrugged. “I was thinking Hogsmeade, I’ve been meaning to go to Zonko’s, we need more Dungbombs --”

“ Need is a strong word,” Lily cut in.

“We need more Dungbombs,” James continued, “and to your point, Remus, it’s not really as if our NEWTs matter much at this point, do they?”

They were all going to be working with Dumbledore and whatever organisation he was putting together to fight Voldemort after Hogwarts. James’ parents had given him a Look when he’d come home at Christmas break announcing his plans for his future. He’d come prepared with a long list of arguments as to why they should support his decision, expecting them to put up a fight and convince him and Sirius to pursue a less dangerous option.

Looking back on it, he should have known better. His parents had looked at him with an odd mixture of pride and fear and sadness, but they’d just hugged him tightly and told him how proud they were; that they loved him and they were so so scared for him. And of course they were. He’d been stupid to think his parents would do or say anything else.

He felt both terrified and excited for what came after graduation. As soon as Dumbledore had told them about his organisation his mind had been made. There was no other option for him after that, and he’d spent every second since wanting to fight, wanting to do something, more than what he could do within the walls of Hogwarts. His school had never felt so suffocating.

But on the plus side, NEWTs were pretty irrelevant for him. Remus and Lily, the nerds, still insisted on actually studying for the bloody things, which James would never understand.

“James,” Lily said, in that annoying condescendingly patient tone of hers that James had a very conflicting love/hate relationship with, “we’ve been over this. Just because we’re not going to be needing our NEWTs immediately after Hogwarts does not mean that they’re not important.”

He stuck out his tongue because, as Lily often reminded him, he was an actual five-year-old. Then he frowned. “You’re not going to Potions, though, right?”

His trip to Hogsmeade would be significantly less enjoyable if Lily wasn’t accompanying them.

Her face softened. “It’s your birthday, James. Of course I’ll skip Potions for you. And besides,” she grinned, “I’d very much like to see this ‘Marauder’s Map’ that’s caused such an inordinate amount of trouble for me over the years.”

James felt a smile return to his face. “That…can be arranged.”

Lily came over from where she was standing a few paces away to wrap her arms around his head. “Good,” she whispered. “We’ll need it for some alone time later, yeah?”

Aaaaand he couldn’t breathe. Merlin, she was incredible. Somehow, he nodded weakly. “Yup. Yes. Definitely.”

Lily smiled and stood up on her toes to catch his lips in a kiss.

Behind them, Sirius gagged dramatically and Remus cleared his throat.

James flushed as Lily stepped back, winking at him, flipping his mates the bird.

“You’re intolerable, the both of you,” Sirius muttered once he had finished pretending to vomit.

Peter was looking anywhere but James and Lily, his face red, and Remus’ eyebrows were raised, exasperation clear on his face. James wasn’t sure if it was meant to be directed at him and Lily or at Sirius’ antics, but had a long-standing rule of when in doubt, blame Sirius. Well, technically, the rule was when in doubt, blame Snivellus, but somehow he was pretty sure the greasy git could escape blame for Remus’ exasperation this time. So Sirius it was.

“Honestly, Padfoot? As if you’re not twice as bad. So dramatic,” he said, shaking his head.

Sirius laughed. “ I’m the dramatic one?” he asked, looking around the room in disbelief.

“Hey!” James said. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that --”

“If we’re going to be skipping Potions could we at least get to it?” Remus interrupted, glaring at James and Sirius in turn. “I’d rather not miss Transfiguration as well.”

James straightened at that, a grin on his face. “D’you think Minnie will remember it’s my birthday?”

Remus fixed him with a stare. “No,” he said. “No, I don’t.”

James frowned. “And why not? I’m clearly her favourite student.”

“I don’t think Professor McGonagall is one to give out birthday wishes, James.”

“I’ll prove you wrong,” James said, “mark my words.”

Remus rolled his eyes and turned to his boyfriend. “Sirius, have you got the Map?”

“Always,” was Sirius’ immediate answer, and he reached into a pocket of his robes to procure the most genius awesome piece of parchment Hogwarts had ever seen. “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

Lily let out a snort. “That’s what you’ve chosen?” she asked. “ I solemnly swear that I am up to no good ? Really?”

James frowned. “What’s wrong with it?” He thought it was a rather clever name, himself. Maybe that was because he’d come up with it, maybe not. Regardless, there was absolutely nothing wrong with it, and he wasn’t entirely sure why Lily seemed to be insinuating that there was.

“It just sounds funny, is all,” she said, leaning over Sirius’ shoulder to look at the Map. Her eyebrows shot up. “It is…extensive, though. I can see how this might have been…useful in your trouble-making.”

James took a bow. “Thank you,” he said proudly. “It was entirely my idea.”

Lily pecked his cheek. “Of course it was,” she said sweetly.

James frowned, but didn’t have time to come up with a retort before Sirius had the Map on the table and was showing Lily its various functions.

“Here,” he said, pointing to a…familiar broom closet on the fifth floor. “Is where you and James go to snog every time one of you has rounds up there, but I suppose you knew that already.”

Lily flushed, as did James, and he reached over to point to a different spot on the Map, his favoured route to Hogsmeade, “and here ,” he said, “is how we’re getting to Hogsmeade.”

Lily’s brows furrowed as she looked it over in wonder. “How on Earth did you discover all of these?”

James shrugged nonchalantly, trying not to show just how proud he was of the Map (it had taken so much work). “We’re just clever like that.”

“Oh, are you now?” Lily teased.

“Well, maybe just Remus then.”

“That’s better,” Lily said, laughing. Remus blushed.

James tapped the Map with his wand. “Mischief managed,” he muttered, and it became an ordinary piece of parchment, which he tucked into his pocket. “I’ll be just a mo,” he said. “I’ve got to grab the Cloak.”

The others nodded, and James raced back up the stairs to his room, grabbing the Cloak from where it was strewn on the floor  -- one of the many joys of having his own dormitory was that there was no one to steal his things if he left them lying about -- before heading back down to where the others were waiting.

The Cloak, of course, was nowhere near large enough to fit all five of them under it, but Sirius, James, and Peter could squeeze under while Lily and Remus -- who they all figured would never be suspected of wrongdoing, being the perfect students that they were -- remained on the outside.

It was…uncomfortable to slide into the underground passageway with five people, and perhaps even more uncomfortable to walk through the cold, damp earth, but there was also the thrill that James still got from breaking the rules, and Lily -- despite begging him to obey the rules -- had a bit of a wicked streak, herself, and James could tell that she was enjoying it.

They walked together behind the rest of the group.

“Romantic, eh?” James said, leaning in to whisper in her ear.

Lily chuckled. “It’s not so bad.” She took his hand and squeezed it.

James smiled to himself and squeezed back, relishing her touch for the rest of their now less miserable hike.

Honeydukes was everything that the dark tunnel was not. James grinned, Invisibility Cloak in his extendable robe pocket, as they entered the store. There was no need for it, really, not when he was on the terms that he was with the Flumes.

James and the Flumes had a simple arrangement: he paid extra for excessive amounts of sweets which he frequently distributed at parties in Gryffindor Tower, and in return for his loyal business, the Flumes chose to look past his shopping in their store instead of attending, say, Potions classes.

So he simply waved at Ambrosius, who was re-stocking the Chocolate Frog cards.

“James, my boy!” he exclaimed, putting the box he’d been holding on a display table. “What can I do for you?” His eyes scanned over James’ companions, settling on Lily. “And who’s joining us today?”

The Marauders rarely did anything without their friends, so naturally James’ relationship with the Flumes extended to his friends as well.

Lily, who had unsurprisingly never skipped a Potions class to sneak into Hogsmeade for candy, did not.

“This is Lily,” James said, grinning. “My girlfriend.”

Ambrosius’ interest seemed to have peaked. “Not Lily Evans?”

James blushed. He’d never exactly hidden the fact that he massively fancied Lily Evans from anyone. Including Ambrosius, who’d asked if he had a ‘special someone’ after James had bought two dozen packages of Honeydukes Best Chocolate and Pumpkin Pasties the day before Valentines Day. James had not, at the time, had a special someone, as he informed Ambrosius, but he’d very confidently -- over confidently, as he’d later learn -- stated that he would the next day. The next day he’d come in and bought himself an absurd amount of pity chocolate, and Ambrosius had patted his shoulder lightly and told him that he’d get there one day.

Lily looked at James, a smile on her face. “That would be me,” she said.

Ambrosius smiled warmly, coming over to shake her hand. “I’ve heard so much about you, my dear. You’ve finally said yes, then?”

Lily laughed, nudging James in the side. “I have.”

James was fairly certain that there was a dragon in the room, because his face was quite possibly on fire. Sirius would never let him hear the end of this, if the gleeful look on his face was anything to go by, which, unfortunately for James’ dignity, it most definitely was.

“Right,” James said, scratching the back of his neck before the conversation could go any further. “I was thinking…Fizzing Whizbees?”

Ambrosius nodded eagerly. “We’ve just had a fresh batch.”

“And Exploding Bonbons?” Sirius asked.

“Chocoballs,” Remus added.

“Jelly slugs, too!” Peter squeaked. James would never understand his obsession with jelly slugs.

Ambrosius simply nodded, more than used to their lack of restraint when it came to sweets. “Anything for you, Lily dear?” he asked, smiling at her.

Lily, who looked amused and not the least bit surprised at the insane amount of candy they were purchasing, shook her head. “I think what these lads have gotten will be more than enough for us.”

James rolled his eyes. “Some treacle fudge, too, for her.”

Lily turned to him. “Should I be concerned about the amount of sugar we’re going to be consuming?”

James laughed. “Nah,” he said. “You’ll be fine. Maybe we can run from Filch to finish the adventure off, get some of our energy out like that, yeah?”

She shoved his shoulder. “I hope you’re joking.”

He wasn’t really, but it was fine. Running from Filch was a time-honoured Marauders tradition. No escapade was fully complete without the thrill of almost getting caught, and Filch wasn’t much of a real threat in any case.

Ambrosius, who’d left to find the massive amount of sweets they’d ordered, returned with Remus’ extendable bag, filled to its metaphorical brim. “What’s the occasion?” he asked as James fished around in his pockets for the galleons.

Lily grinned. “It’s James’ birthday!”

“Oh!” Ambrosius exclaimed excitedly. “Happy birthday, my boy! It’s eighteen now, right?”

James nodded.

“That’s a big one in the Muggle world, you know,” he said, leaning back with a wistful smile. “I remember my eighteenth birthday. Summer after I graduated Hogwarts, spent it right here in this store making Crystallised Pineapples. I was quite fond of them at the time. Here,” he said. “I’ll get you some. On the house, it’s your birthday, enjoy it.”

“There’s really no need --” James began, but both Ambrosius and Sirius shushed him, so he shrugged and accepted the bag the shop owner placed in his arms. “Well, thank you,” he said. “And we’ll be back soon. I’m planning on crushing Hufflepuff next week, so I’ll be stopping by for the party materials in a few days.” He grinned.

“So arrogant,” Sirius muttered as they walked out of the door into the chilly late March air.

James looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “You don’t think we’re going to lose to the Puffs, do you?” he asked, his voice full of mock concern.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Shall we sit over here?” he gestured towards a patch of grass just beyond the Hog’s Head.

Peter frowned. “On the grass there?”

“Well, I was going to conjure up a picnic blanket, but you’re welcome to sit on the grass if you’d like, Peter,” Sirius said.

Peter flushed. “Blanket’s good,” he muttered, following Sirius to the patch of grass.

The ground was cold and damp, even through the blanket, but with the absurd amount of candy that they’d purchased and were now eating, it was easy to forget about.

“Better than Potions?” James asked, looking pointedly at Remus, who was lying on his back enjoying his chocolate.

Remus sat up and smiled. “Maybe a little bit,” he said.

“Lily?”

She sighed. “It is a nice day,” she said. “And you know Professor Slughorn loves me too much to stay mad at me for much of anything.”

“Not after Francis,” James said, grinning at her. “I’m fairly sure Slughorn would retire if you asked him to after you got him Francis.”

“Sorry,” Sirius asked, brows furrowing. “Who exactly is Francis?”

Lily’s grin grew wider.

James laughed. “Oh boy,” he said.

“Francis,” Lily began, shushing James, “is a fish.”

“A fish?” Sirius asked, deadpan. “You bought Professor Slughorn a bloody fish ?”

“Let me finish ,” Lily said, “Francis is a fish whom I transfigured from the petal of a lily and gave to Professor Slughorn as a gift because I am his favourite, and best, student of all time.”

Sirius stared at her for a moment. “So you’re how that fish got to his classroom?”

“I am,” Lily confirmed, beaming with pride.

“Well,” Sirius said. “We got a Slughorn a different gift, and personally I think it’s much better than yours.”

Lily looked wary. “Do I want to hear this story?”

“Yes,” James said, smiling at the memory, just as Remus said:

“Probably not.”

“That’s a yes,” Sirius said, glaring pointedly at Remus, “so --” he turned to face Lily and set down his Exploding Bonbon “-- you know how Slughorn’s oddly obsessed with these?”

He held up a crystallised pineapple and Lily nodded.

“I’ve given him some,” she said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Sirius said, “he was being a right git to Peter one day, and naturally we all needed to get back at him for that, so we came down here, bought some crystallised pineapples and then went back up to the castle. Now he’d been awful to Peter, just for yawning in class -- absolutely ridiculous that man, we’re bloody students, we get tired sometimes, you know? -- so we coated them in a Sleeping Draught and then had Peter give them to him the next class as an ‘apology for being tired in class.’ Peter said he’d made them himself and wanted to know what Slughorn thought of them, so the stupid man tried some right then and there, which was of course all part of the plan, and he was out in, what, five minutes? Ten minutes? What was it, James?”

“I’d say ten,” James said, smiling broadly.

“He deserved it,” Remus said.

“Of course he deserved it,” James replied. “You’d never have let us prank a professor if they didn’t deserve it, Moony.”

Lily shook her head. “Would I be correct in assuming you wormed your way out of detention for that one?” she asked.

“We don’t worm our way out of anything,” Sirius said. “We’re just very strategic. After Slughorn was out, we switched the bag of drugged pineapples out for some normal ones. He cast all sorts of diagnostics on the bloody stuff to see if we’d done anything, but found nothing. We only get detention when we’re sloppy.” He paused, “Well, when we’re sloppy and before we had the Map.”

Lily sighed. “I do pity our professors for having to deal with you.”

“What about me?” James asked, mock hurt.

Lily leaned over and planted a kiss on his mouth, then pulled back to whisper, “Especially you.”

James blushed, Lily laughed, and they spent the remainder of the morning on the blanket eating a stupid amount of sweets and telling stories.

But, like all good things, it came to an end when Remus insisted they get back to the castle for their Transfiguration lesson.

“D’you think she’ll remember my birthday?” James asked for what was probably the hundredth time as they made their way to Transfiguration.

Remus, who had long since stopped responding, only sighed and exchanged an exasperated look with Lily.

The only thing Professor McGonagall said when they walked in, five minutes late was:

“You’re late.”

“Sorry, Professor,” James started. “We got stopped by some firsties, you see, who wanted to talk to me because today, as I’m sure you know, is…”

He waited for her to finish the sentence.

She raised an eyebrow. “Is what, Mr. Potter?”

“My birthday,” he mumbled dejectedly. “Today is my birthday.”

McGonagall sighed. “Take your seat, Potter,” she said, but James could’ve sworn he saw the slightest hint of a smile on her face, so he smiled and sat next to Lily.

“Did you see that?” he asked her. “She smiled at me! Professor McGonagall smiled at me .”

Lily pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’m sure she did.”

“She did!” James whispered furiously. “I swear it!”

Lily nodded. “Yes, love.”

James sat back in his chair and sighed. “You’re the worst.”

“But you love me.”

James froze. They…had not said that. It was true, of course, but they hadn’t said it. She knows, he thought. Sheknowssheknowssheknowssheknowssheknows.

“--ames? James?” Lily was whispering frantically. “James? I didn’t -- if you don’t --”

He shook his head. “Yeah,” he said, his throat suddenly dry. “Yeah I do.”

She stared at him. “You do?”

He forced himself to nod. “I love you.”

Lily’s face was about five centimetres away from his own, filled with wonder and awe and hope. He could smell the cake and frosting from the morning’s battle, the treacle fudge and chocolate from Honeydukes, even a trace of the sweet smell of her shampoo that he couldn’t quite place a finger on. “I love you too,” she murmured.

Now it was James’ turn to stare. He’d loved Lily for an embarrassingly long time. Or, it should have been embarrassing, but it truthfully wasn’t because nothing about loving her could ever, ever be even a little bit embarrassing. Loving her wasn’t something he did , exactly, it had just happened, not that he’d minded, because even though years of rejection had hurt, he’d do it all -- maybe less of the whole part where she’d called him an arrogant toe-rag and he’d deserved it, but the rest of it -- a thousand times over if it meant loving her. He’d loved Lily for so long, but he’d really never imagined her loving him. If fifteen-year-old James could hear her now…well James actually preferred not to think about what fifteen-year-old James would have done. Probably something that would make her take it back. But eighteen-year-old James was better than that. Eighteen-year-old James stared at her in disbelief and felt a bit like crying. “You do?”

“I do,” she said. “So much. I love you so much.”

He felt his face shifting from wonder and disbelief to a wide smile. “I love you so much, too,” he said and he wanted to kiss her so badly. So very badly. So he did his best to forget they were in the middle of a Transfiguration lesson -- and it looked like Lily was doing the same thing because how could they not kiss now? It was the perfect moment, if you took out McGonagall lecturing about the dangers of human transfiguration (disappearing limbs, misshapen bodies, and, in severe cases, death, James’ stupid transfiguration-oriented brain provided for him) -- and leaned forward, both of them smiling broadly as their lips met. It was everything James needed, and he felt a warmth spreading throughout his body and --

“Mr. Potter! Miss. Evans!” McGonagall’s voice cut through the moment and James and Lily snapped apart. “Absolutely unacceptable! From our Head Students! Wait outside, the both of you, I’ll deal with you in a minute.”

James and Lily happily -- and not very shame-faced -- stood up, holding hands and made for the door to the classroom. James could see Peter looking at the ceiling, Remus shaking his head, which was in his hands, and Sirius barely containing laughter.

McGonagall seemed to realise that, perhaps, sending the lovebirds to the corridor by themselves was not the best punishment. “Just a moment!” she called out. “I’ll actually be moving your seats. Potter, you’re next to Vance now; Evans next to Fletcher.”

And Transfiguration was thus ruined.

James spent the remainder of the lesson attempting to transfigure himself into Mundungus Fletcher so that he and Lily could sit together, but after he nearly cut his arm off -- they were learning about human transfiguration, so really, he felt like he was justified in his practising -- McGonagall saw what he was doing and confiscated his wand for the rest of the lesson. So he did the only thing left to do: sulk. But really, there wasn’t much to sulk about. Lily Evans loved him! She said she loved him! He had snorted with happy laughter at one point and Emma Vance had looked at him like he’d just proclaimed his love for Divination.

After he’d done it a second time, she put down the quill she’d been attempting to transfigure into a toad and looked at him. “What in the name of Merlin is so funny, Potter?”

“She loves me!” he’d said, practically whooping with joy. “She said she loves me!”

Vance had looked supremely unimpressed, and had only raised an eyebrow before turning back to her quill. James didn’t care. He didn’t care much about anything other than Lily’s voice, ringing in his ears: I love you. So much. I love you so much .

Those words were probably the only things that got him through the bloody Transfiguration lesson. All he’d wanted to do was kiss her, and hug her, and spin her around and never let go. Just live in that moment, where she’d said it forever.

When McGonagall finally released them, with a withering glance at James, who’d spent much of the lesson with a dopey grin on his face, James had made a beeline for Lily, bypassing his mates who wanted to know why exactly he and Lily had been going for a snog in the middle of Transfiguration.

“I love you,” he said, kissing her the very moment they were out of the classroom. “I love you, I love you.”

She pulled them off to the side, out of the doorway. “I love you too,” she said, kissing him again.

People were probably looking at them, snogging in the middle of the Transfiguration corridor did tend to draw attention, but neither of them cared.

“Alright,” Remus said after a few minutes.

James hadn’t known that his mates had stuck around, and whipped around. “Hi,” he said breathlessly, grinning.

“That’s enough,” Sirius said. “Now, do you two care to tell us exactly what happened in there?”

Lily and James looked at each other, wearing matching lovesick grins.

“We said it!” James said, practically squealed, really.

Sirius looked taken aback at James’... odd tone. “Said what ?”

“Love,” James said dramatically, waving a hand through around. “Is in the air.”

“Oh my God,” Remus muttered.

“It’s all around us,” James continued, “between us, within us. It’s --”

“Sweet Merlin,” Sirius said. “Enough of whatever in the everlasting bloody hell that was. Are we meant to guess that this means you two officially love each other now?”

Lily nodded. “We do,” she said sweetly, looking at James, who smiled back at her.

“We do,” he repeated. “Very much.”

“So I suppose you’ll be even more intolerable after this, won’t you?”

“We’re never intolerable,” Lily said.

James nodded. “We’re adorable, sure, but never intolerable.”

Sirius snorted, but then his face softened. “I’m happy for you, mate,” he said, walking over to James and wrapping his arms around him.

James hugged Sirius back. As much as they ragged each other, at the end of the day, they were brothers and there truly wasn’t a person in the world James was closer to than Sirius. His mum had told them that she worried they were too codependent, but James could never really see the issue with their codependency. There was no denying that it existed, but they never planned on spending much time apart, and as long as they didn’t, there was no problem. They enjoyed each other’s company, and worked well together. They were each other’s best friends, brothers, inseparable partners in crime, and James never wanted it to change.

“I’m happy for you, too,” James said.

Sirius frowned. “Why’re you happy for me?”

James shrugged. “You’re happy, yeah?”

Sirius smiled. “Yeah.”

“Then I’m happy.”

“James, quit stealing my boyfriend,” Remus said.

James gasped dramatically and Sirius shoved his shoulder, walking to Remus and pecking him on the cheek.

“Am I the only single person here?” Peter chirped.

“Reckon so, Pete,” Sirius said, wrapping an arm around him. “You’ll get there one day.”

“Hope so,” Peter said glumly.

James wrapped an arm around Lily, still feeling giddy, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He didn’t say anything, just enjoyed her steady touch at his side as he listened to his idiot mates bickering about anything and everything. He smiled.

*********

“Knock knock,” came a soft voice from the outside of James’ door.

They’d just gotten back from dinner, where he’d gleefully opened the presents his friends and parents had gotten him. Most of it, unsurprisingly, had been bought at Honeydukes and Zonko’s, but James would never complain about anything from a candy store or a joke shop. Lily had gotten him a personalised broom cleaning kit, along with a Muggle antler that he could put on his head. He’d liked it far too much. His parents had gotten him a new broom, which he was most definitely going to spend all of the next day flying around on (he’d read so much about it, and hadn’t exactly been surprised to unwrap it, but thrilled all the same). Now, he was sitting in his room writing a very nice letter to his parents to thank them for the broom and excitedly tell his mother about the important development in his and Lily’s relationship.

“Yeah?” he called back.

“Can I come in?”

James smiled. “Always.”

Lily entered and sat next to him on his bed. “Nice day, yeah?”

He leaned against her and smiled contentedly. “Perfect,” he hummed.

They were quiet for a few moments, simply sitting in silence, happy to enjoy each other’s company.

“Go for a walk?” Lily asked. “I want to see the stars.”

James stood up, offering a hand to Lily before picking up his Invisibility Cloak. “Have you ever known me to turn down a late night escapade, Lily Evans?”

She smiled at him. “No I have not, James Potter.”

“Well, come on then,” he said, holding the door open for her, then grabbing a bottle of Firewhisky -- yet another perk of being Head Boy: it was far easier to smuggle in substances otherwise not permitted. Breaking the rules was really much easier when he was the one meant to be enforcing them -- and following her down the stairs to the entrance of their Common Room. He slung the Cloak over the two of them, enjoying their close proximity. “Astronomy Tower?”

She nodded and James could smell the minty toothpaste on her breath under the enclosed space of the Cloak. “Best place to see the stars, don’t you think?”

He shrugged. “I’ve always liked the top of Gryffindor Tower, personally.”

Lily stared at him. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

James grinned. “Only sort of.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He shrugged. “Well, I’ve flown up there a few times at night, because it really is incredible, but then McGonagall confiscated my broom except for practices and games, and that was before we had the Map, so it was damn near impossible to get it.” He paused, frowning. “I guess I haven’t really thought of it since we made the Map. I’ve got my broom upstairs if you’re interested.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” James said. “Why not?”

Lily grinned at him. “Sounds like a pretty nice way to close out the evening.”

So, fifteen minutes later, they found themselves sitting on one of the edges of Gryffindor Tower, looking at the vast night sky above them.

It was clear, and the moon was a crescent -- which James had known even before he looked up and saw it, because what sort of friend would he be if he didn’t keep track of the lunar cycle with Remus? -- so it was the optimal time for looking at the stars.

“There’s Sirius,” James said, pointing to the brightest star in the sky.

“The dog star,” Lily said, chuckling a bit.

“The dog star,” James agreed, he opened the bottle of firewhisky with a hollow pop and took a drink before passing it to Lily.

It was cold out, being nearly midnight in the Scottish Highlands in late March, and the alcohol burned in the best way as it went down his throat.

“James,” Lily said, setting the bottle down between them.

“Hmm?”

“What do you think happens when we die?”

James startled, a bit surprised by the heavy question. “What do I think happens when we die?” he repeated dumbly.

“Yeah,” Lily said. “Like, I dunno, d’you think there’s an afterlife or something. Mum and Dad took me to church when I was a kid, but I haven’t really been since Hogwarts. I know religion in the wizarding world is…different. But…I dunno. Hard not to think about death these days.”

He silently squeezed her hand. “I don’t know what to think,” he said softly. “Mum and Dad…well, we’ve never really done…religion or whatever. I’d like to think that we all go live with all our departed loved ones in some utopia, but I really don’t know.” They were quiet for another few moments. “What do you think?”

Lily shrugged. “I don’t think I really know either. Logically, my brain would tell me we die and then there’s just --” she waved a hand vaguely through the air, taking another gulp of whisky, “-- nothing. But logically, my brain would tell me magic isn’t real, so I really don’t know.”

James hummed. “Are you scared to find out?”

She looked at him. “Is this you asking me if I’m afraid of dying?”

He shrugged.

Lily rolled her eyes. “Alright then.” She paused, considering. “I don’t think I’m scared of dying ,” she said slowly, “I’m scared of not living enough. I’m scared of not making whatever life I’ve got left count. I’m scared that when I do go, I won’t make it count. I suppose I’m scared of what comes after, too. But dying? I dunno. It’s pretty inevitable, right?”

“Fairly,” James said, his lips twitching up. “Fairly inevitable, yeah.”

“Right,” Lily said, managing a small smile. “If I…” she hesitated, “If I die, then I want it to mean something. My life, my death, I want it to do something. For someone. Something. I need it to have meaning, you know? I think that’s a lot of the reason why I want to fight. Obviously because it’s the right thing to do; something that affects me personally a great deal, too, but also because I’m so scared of not making it count; of dying, being killed, whatever, without making it count, make sense?”

James nodded, looking into her beautiful emerald eyes, shining in the dim light produced by the moon and stars. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Perfect sense.”

“Are you scared?” Lily asked. “Of dying?”

He shook his head. “You’ve said it perfectly,” he told her. “Far more eloquently than I would have, I’m sure,” he smiled at her, and she returned it. “We shouldn’t have to fight this war,” he said after another minute or so of comfortable silence, his voice barely a whisper. “But we do. And I want you to know that no matter where we are, no matter how far apart, I’m with you.” He took the hand that was holding hers and he put it over his chest. “We’re in this together, Evans. And I don’t bloody well intend on letting some blood supremacist arsehole rip us apart.”

She smiled at him, putting her head on his chest. “Neither do I, Potter.”

He smiled, looking at Sirius shining brightly above him. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too, toe rag,” she returned affectionately.

James had to laugh at that, running his fingers through her hair. He didn’t know how much longer they’d have together. Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Hours? The world was changing, and they along with it. And in that changing world, James knew nothing but her calm breathing on his chest, his heart beating against her head, their love, winding around them, above them, within them.

He didn’t know how long that love would have, but he’d take every second that this horrible, twisted universe would give them.

[entomycetic]

SU AU - The Space Between Us AU (Synopsis)

Figure I may as well post this au here-

ALSO I know this movie came out like. 2 years ago? But uh SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE ‘THE SPACE BETWEEN US’, this whole thing is just the plot of the movie but rewritten (it’s QPR rather than romantic); also SPOILERS FOR STEVEN UNIVERSE SEASON 1-5

For those that haven’t seen/don’t plan to see it, here’s the movie synopsis: “Gardner Elliot, the first human born on Mars, begins an online friendship with Tulsa, a teen in Colorado. On his maiden voyage to Earth, the 16-year-old finally gets to experience all the joys and wonders of a world he could only read about. Problems arise when scientists discover that Gardner's organs can't withstand the atmosphere. United with Tulsa and on the run, the interplanetary visitor races against time to unravel the mysteries of how he came to be, and where he belongs in the universe.“

LET’S GET STARTED SHALL WE; GRAB SOME POPCORN ‘CUZ THIS ACCIDENTALLY GOT LENGTHY(2k words) AND SAD HAHA (REMINDER THAT THIS IS QPR CONNVERSE, NOT ROMANTIC)

Introduction

Steven Universe is a hybrid son of human and gem, born on Earth- but living his life off planet, in the moon base, ever since that point. Normally, a gem’s lightform automatically adapts to it’s environments, and a Rose Quartz Pink Diamond is certainly a different shape from a newborn human. Steven’s body and his gem, new to this existence, were fighting for dominance in his form. To help alleviate this, the Crystal Gems took Steven and Greg to the moon base; the lack of gravity helped in Steven’s growth and help his gem adapt to the new form (or lack thereof).

The longer he stayed there though, the longer his human anatomy adapted too; his heart enlarged, his bones weak, until he was unable to stay on Earth comfortably for longer than a few days. For 13 years the moon base was his home, the Crystal Gems only taking him to isolated areas on Earth for practice missions, making him wear a face mask; they were afraid his immune system wouldn’t be able to handle being around other humans or animals.

Speaking of his home, the gems took on the task of adapting the moon base to look as much like a human home as they could; they felt guilty for inadvertently confining Steven to such a small space, it was the least they could do. With Greg’s (limited) knowledge, they covered the walls, murals, and floors with wood and plaster, warping in furniture and materials to build in proper electrical systems, water systems, etc. They even built extra floor(s); the base was built for someone the size of a diamond, but Steven didn’t need that as much as he needed floor space to run around. A floor for the living room, bathroom, and warp pad, a floor for the kitchen and garden, and the top conservatory re-purposed as his bedroom. 

Greg frequently visits Steven during the week, considering Beach City has few people needing car washes that often. He comes over slightly less now that Steven is mostly able to take care of himself, but still visits a lot more than canon. The gems’ temple is their base of operations, but they tend to hang out in the moon base if they aren’t off on a mission or doing who knows what in their rooms; it used to be weird for them, but by the time Steven was 10 it became instinct to them to warp there as ‘home’. Amethyst has taken to staying there the most, sometimes just staying there to sleep instead of going to her room; though she has to restrain herself from being the trash lord she is

Because of his lack of interaction, Steven makes many friends online; he’s even set up a curtain around his desk that he can pull behind him, so whenever someone video calls he doesn’t have to explain why it looks like he’s in space. On of these friends he’s made is Connie Maheswaran, a fellow nerd located surprisingly close to Beach City.

Interest Grows

Connie quickly becomes his best friend, hitting it off over their love of books. Steven - knowing very little about normal human life - constantly asks her about hers, living vicariously through her stories. Eventually he explains to her that he’s sick, too sick to leave his house; between the constant curiosity and how often he’s online, she had gotten curious herself. He’s never bonded with another human so well besides his dad, and the fact he can’t visit her severely dampens his mood.

The Gems quickly notice this, trying to help by offering more missions. He learns more about his past and about gemkind, including about his mom’s healing fountain. The Gems and Greg decided to tell Steven that his mom was half-gem, like him, so he wouldn’t feel so alone as a hybrid. He asks if maybe that’d ‘cure’ him, but they tell him there technically isn’t anything to cure; his body simply adapted to his environment, and they were afraid that if it did work, it’d change his anatomy too quickly and end up hurting him even more. Steven saw this as an excuse; he was growing desperate and impatient, and a plan formed in his mind. He became subtly more cold and serious towards the Gems, but joined them as often as he could on missions.

To Earth...

Finally, after months of pushing through the extra work, the Gems planned a mission to a gem site located somewhat near Connie’s city. He texted Connie that he’d see her soon, and taking his cheeseburger backpack, he warped with the Gems to their mission; though he had a different mission in mind. While they were busy fighting the corruption they had found, Steven booked it away from the gem site, running to the nearest bus stop and getting a ride to Connie’s city. She had told him which school she went to, so with the help of confused strangers, he found his way to her school. Finally, the two met in person; on the walk home from school, Steven told her the truth about him and his life; Connie partially believed him considering he had a giant gem embedded in his stomach, but his powers weren’t wanting to work. Steven asked for her help, he wanted to stay on Earth with her, and his best bet was his mom’s fountain. Despite how crazy he sounded, she agreed to help him; she’s been waiting for an excuse to rebel against her parent’s strict scheduling. Besides, how long would it take?

When the Gems finally poofed the corrupted monster and realized Steven was missing, they naturally panicked. Pearl called Greg who used his parental authority to locate Steven’s phone (which Steven kept on him, not realizing Greg could do that) and Garnet used her future vision; between the two, they all hurriedly rushed to the Maheswaran’s house. Turn’s out Steven was either smarter than they thought or just dropped his phone, as they found it sitting on the porch. The Maheswarans were quickly caught up in the situation, realizing their daughter missing at the same time was probably more than coincidence. Garnet’s vision told her that, because he was so curious about the healing fountain, he’d most likely head there. The Maheswarans joined Greg and the Gems in the van, and the party drove off with Pearl’s guidance.

The trip to the fountain took approximately a week, with Steven and Connie hitching rides and taking buses, living off the money Amethyst had given him (”Why do you need all this cash?” “...I wanted to buy stuff off Etsy? Where’d you get all this money anyways?” “Doesn’t matter, it wasn’t being used”) and the money Connie kept in her wallet (her parents insisted she kept ‘emergency cash’ on her, oh how that backfired). They grew closer as friends; Steven fell in love with the Earth and society, and Connie rethought her views on life in turn, her confidence and self-esteem blooming. As they traveled though, Steven could feel himself getting weaker and weaker; his body truly wasn’t able to support him on Earth, to his dismay. He hid it as long as he could, but Connie could tell he wasn’t feeling well as they approached their destination.

...And Back

Connie and Steven made it to the fountain just ahead of the van full of worried adults. The last part of their journey had to be on foot, as there were no roads leading to the small valley hiding their destination. Connie had to support Steven as they reached the overgrown brambles covering the site. Steven was getting desperate, both in wanting answers and needing help for his physical state. The brambles went after Connie; Steven finally proving he at least wasn’t entirely human as he used his shield to cut them off. He put up a bubble around them, collapsing in exhaustion as he protected them from the brambles trying to break through.

The van barely pulled to a stop before the Gems got out and fought off the brambles, Steven finally letting the bubble down. They quickly told the parents to watch the kids as they went to clear the brambles and fix the fountain, the Maheswarans too shocked by the scene to bother yelling at Connie yet, just following Greg in stunned silence. Greg barely registered Connie as he picked up his son and ran after the Gems; Garnet instructed him to place Steven in the empty fountain before running off to help Amethyst and Pearl.

Greg gently laid Steven on the ground with his head propped against his chest; Steven’s physical state was incredibly weak, but he still asked about his mom, trying to get answers while he was able. Greg tells him the truth- Rose was not only a full gem, but that she gave up her form so he could live. Steven thanks him for telling him before passing out, his heart literally being too big to support him. Greg and the Maheswarans were quietly crying as Connie tried to shake him awake, her face panicked (”I believe you now, Steven...you really are a moon boy...c’mon Steven, tell me you told me so”). Greg and Connie were too focused on the wounded boy to notice her parents jumping into the fountain, trying to avoid the brambles that were now coming after them.

Before Steven could take his last breath, the fountain finally flowed over them, the pink water soaking everyone. Greg helped his son float as the CG came running back; everyone waited with bated breath. Finally, Steven coughed and weakly tried sitting up; his body still wasn’t used to the atmosphere, though. The Gems were right about that, at least; his body didn’t seem to need a ‘cure’. He quickly passed out again, but with the reassurance that he was alive, the Gems took control of the situation. While the parents followed in Greg’s van, Amethyst shape shifted into a helicopter and flew Steven, Connie, Pearl, and Garnet to the closest warp pad (Greg took this time to further explain what exactly was happening to Connie’s parents.) 

The Gems reached the warp pad ahead of the van; Connie insisted she came with them, and so did Steven in one of his brief moments of consciousness ; they didn’t have time to argue, so all 5 of them warped to the moon base, to his house. 

Greg helped the Maheswarans follow using his warp flute about 30 minutes later, finding everyone upstairs huddled around Steven’s bed. He had recently woken up with his head in Connie’s lap, and upon seeing the Maheswarans immediately apologized for putting Connie in danger (he had to be told to at least lay back down as he kept talking.) He didn’t mean for her to be gone so long, for her to risk herself for his sake, he didn’t fully understand human society and the complexities of normal life. At his sincere words, the Maheswarans forgave him; Steven protected her, helped her grow, and gave her a friend; they couldn’t ask for a better person to ‘accidentally kidnap’ their daughter (though Connie was fairly grounded for a month; Steven and Connie agreed that seemed kinda fair.)

After a tearful reunion, they decided over dinner that the adults would help the two be able to interact more. Steven would go on more missions, hang out in the fountain, and have a heavier but more regulated integration with human life; Connie would be given her own warp flute and would be able to better adjust to no atmosphere- aka, hang out with Steven in zero gravity. Later this would turn into sword practice and gem adventures, but hey- baby steps, right?

HELLS YEA How’s that? That took- 1.5 hours longer than I thought it’d take to rewrite here lmao OOPS

Also one more reminder that this is QPR Connverse bc my AU my rules; I know the movie was romantic but I ain’t havin it >8)

Anyways ‘The Space Between Us AU’ is too long, I thought about shortening it to TSBU but why do that when it could be BUST AU (EARTH OR BUST, BABEY)-

[aftermathdb]

DEATH BATTLE Review: Wario vs. Dedede.

Two gluttons of greed battle it out in the ring! Time to see if Smash Tier Lists are lore consistent or not (They aren’t, if Kirby is at the bottom when he’s canonically the most powerful video game character).

Wario′s Preview.

We all know Mario. He’s a hero, a plumber, and many more things. He’s one of the seven star children of the Mushroom Kingdom. But one day, Mario returned home to find his castle under control of someone else. That person is Wario. WAH!

Wario is the opposite of Mario in pretty much every way. While Mario is kind and heroic, Wario is selfish and greedy. In fact, little Japanese lesson, Wario is derived from the Japanese word “Warui”, or “Bad.”

Subtlety is not Nintendo’s forte.

But, as it turns out, Wario wasn’t always bad. As young children, he and Mario played “Cops ‘n Robbers” 1256 times. And despite constantly asking otherwise, Wario only got to be the cop once.

… Y’know, between the “Mario is a war criminal” meme and this, the whole “Mario is a psycho” thing from GameTheory is starting to hold water, just not for the reasons that MatPat came up with. 

Anyways, in order to stack up to Mario, Wario needs to have plenty of abilities to counter with. He can even attack by farting. But it’s no ordinary fart, Wario uses The Waft. Which is basically the grossest thing that Nintendo has ever thought of.

But for a Flatulence Nuke, it’s not bad. At least in Smash, anyways. Otherwise, it’s just a stink nuke.

As it turns out, Boomstick has been working on a way to harness the power of farts in a device that he built in Wiz’s lab (Don’t ask how he got in, he’s not telling).

(Not pictured: The part where Wiz passes out because of the Wind Breaker).

Anyways, onto Wario’s arsenal.

Wario has plenty of things on him that can give him an edge up over his foes. Including bombs, transformative hats, and a slew of powers that he gets from his cartoon physics physique.

He can become bouncy by being squished, inflate himself to become big, use the Eagle Statue to achieve flight (Or he could just down some garlic to become Wario-Man, complete with pink tights and a cape), or even become metal. And remember that explosion Mario survived? Well, those bombs were Wario’s, and he was right in the middle of it. And if you recall, that blast came out to be about…

This isn’t even counting the time he defeated the Shake King, who exploded to blow up an island. Judging by the size of the Shake Dimension (By use of a map), and the size of the clouds that parted because of the explosion, the overall blast can come out to just short of 96 sextillion tons of TNT.

Despite his greed, disgusting body, and overall demeanor, Wario is a powerhouse. He’s defeated plenty of powerful foes and lived to tell the tale. Mario may beat him time and time again (primarily due to Wario’s intelligence (or lack thereof)), but that persistance is pretty admirable.

Dedede′s Preview.

The kingdom of Dreamland is filled with all sorts of creatures, big and small. Most of which are adorable as a baby seal.

But, this land is ruled by a self-appointed dictator named King Dedede. A tyrannical dictator who deliberately made a food shortage once.

However, Dedede would be stopped by a cute pink puffball of absolute destruction: Kirby. Everyone’s favorite lovable pink ball.

Although, the rivalry between Kirby and Dedede aren’t always with malicious intent.

The time Dedede stole the Star Rod, he was trying to stop the vile Nightmare from destroying everything.

Surprise plot twist: Dedede’s mean side comes from a jealousy of Kirby rather than any real evil place.

So, after seeing Kirby’s popularity surpass his own, Dedede made up his mind: He would surpass Kirby.

Dedede learned how to inhale objects and spit them out at incredible speeds. On top of his training to increase his speed, strength, and durability, Dedede learned how to fly.

By sucking a lot of air, Dedede can fly like Kirby. This is backed up by absolutely zero science and makes no logical sense. But who cares. Let’s let the penguin fly! They guy earned it through his intense training.

Dedede can even spit out air bullets that can destroy solid stone.

But even Dedede can’t get by just stolen techniques. Sure, the big guy has an army at his call, but he’s also got his signature hammer to take people down personally with.

This hammer can emit ice to ice up opponents, and even features a jet booster that is oh-so satisfying to land in Smash. Especially since it isn’t that good of a move.

But Dedede isn’t limited by just that single mallet. He’s got plenty on him that can give him extra abilities.

From the Star Hammer, to the Electric Hammer, the latter of which doubles as a multi-barrel rocket launcher, the King has it all. Screw Gun-Swords and Sniper-Scythes indeed. This is the weapon with firepower!

Dedede also has a lot of Gordos to command and throw at his foes. And when he wants to get rough (or rougher, in this case), Dedede busts out the aforementioned electric hammer and a mask to become… The Mysterious Masked Dedede!

The Penguin King has also spit Kirby to break Pop Star’s atmosphere. Which puts his spitting speed at over mach 30. Good thing that he’s become more of a good guy over the years, because it’s not healthy to be jealous of Kirby.

But since Dedede regularly goes up against and keeps up with Kirby, that means that his power has to rival the Pink Marshmallow. Kirby once broke the planet in a single chop. So, let’s get some calcs for that.

So, Dedede is definitely hitting above his pay grade. Even if Kirby isn’t hitting him with this amount of force with every punch, Dedede fights on equal footing with him. Meaning that it’s reasonable that he scales to the Pink Puffball in some way.

Also, Dedede has also gone toe-to-toe with the likes of Meta Knight.

For reference, Meta Knight once made a casual flight from one end of the galaxy to the other in seconds. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that Dedede can do that, but between that and the time he dodged a meteor

(this one)

That was moving 160,000 mph proves that Dedede is a lot faster than you might think.

The guy also helped fight Magalor, who made a Black Hole in another dimension that Dedede survived. Which proves that he don’t need a monster to “Clobbah dat dere Kirby!”

While Dedede’s grudge is still held, he’s always come through for the Kingdom of Dreamland more times than he’s been against it. Proving that he just might have earned his title in some way.

Because there is only one bonafide ruler of that kingdom. King Dedede!

The Battle Itself.

Kiid Zack  are animating, Appetite For Greed by Brandon Yates, Jerky as the  sprite artist, and Chris Kokkinos lead on audio.

Okay, before we start, these guys need to stop giving us instances where the “FIGHT” clip would be appropriate. First the Widow-Widow bullet clash, now this. Regardless, the two are clashing in an arena.

(Look at Waddle Dee! He’s so adorable!)

The Mysterious Masked Dedede takes the first attack, after a quick scuffle, he launches his Magnhild-style weapon, but it looks like Wario-Man is too fast for them, so the fight gets Physical.

But The Mysterious Masked Dedede manages to get some distance so that he can fire some… fire…

So, after Wario-Man takes some damage, he also runs into The Mysterious Masked Dedede. So, Wario-Man’s outfit gets burned and The Mysterious Masked Dedede’s mask gets shattered. Revealing…

It was Wario and Dedede the whole time! That’s good. I was starting to think that these were the wrong combatants.

But it looks like Dedede kinda… Recognizes Wario.

As it turns out, this battle is a bit more personal.

See, Wario stole Dedede’s hot dog and then farted in his face. Which doesn’t sit well with the Triple D. But, as it turns out, Dedede isn’t so innocent either…

See, Dedede stole the front wheel of Wario’s bike to fit with one of his subjects. So needless to say, Wario is also pretty miffed.

But this shocking reveal has blown more than just many audience member’s minds. It has also blown the minds of Waddle Dee and a Goomba…

… Literally.

So the battle rages on. Leaving Dedede to use his multiplication powers to pin Wario down (After the big W used his dragon hat to use fire attacks) to pin him down and smash him over the head. This is after Wario ate Dedede’s electric hammer, by the way.

Which results in…

… This…

Wario pulls out some bombs, and launches them.

So what’s Dedede’s solution?- Inhale them of course.

Which also results in Wario being caught in the vacuum.

Y’know, I really don’t like how Nintendo made Wario’s defining character trait “Disgustingness.”

So, with the arena destroyed and the building they’re fighting in gone, the fight’s now in an open field.

So Dedede and Wario both use their respective abilities to enlarge themselves for a big fight.

Not necessarily a beam  struggle, but it’ll do.

But given who these two are, it’s inevitable that they’ll tire out.

So they make some distance. Where Wario prepares his atomic Waft to blow Dedede to oblivion.

But Dedede has a trick in his… Belt?- What even is that thing around his waist?

Y’know, Boomstick said that the Gordo was a “Pain in the ass” in Dedede’s rundown, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t what he meant.

So, uh…

Ackwaaaarrrrd.

Finishing blow in

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

SUCK IT, SMASH TIER LISTS!

Verdict + Explanation.

So, right off the bat, Wario had the edge in versatility and arsenal. Especially with his reactionary powers. But it’s not like Dedede was helpless in this regard. For example, his hammer’s ice properties could cancel out Wario’s fire.

And it’s not like Wario is at all predictable. Like, who brings flatulence to a fist fight? It’s like butt guns. Nobody expects it.

But Dedede doesn’t need power-ups to do the things Wario does. Like flight, for example.

But between Wario’s toon-physics body and Dedede’s… presence and prevalence in the Kirby series, the durability was up in the air. As was a lot of their best feats, since they could only reasonably be scaled. But it’s easy to make the reasonable assumption that Dedede takes speed due to scaling to Meta Knight, while Wario scales to Mario. But as for how fast he really is, it’s hard to say.

But speed wasn’t even that big of a factor. Especially since durability is really up in the air…

Almost.

See, while Wario surviving the Shake King’s explosion is impressive, Dedede has survived a black hole.

Comparing the size of the black hole to Kirby, there’s a general estimate that can be made about it’s stats.

With the stats of the black hole established, the overall force exerted by the singularity comes about to…

… That. Five times greater than Wario’s best durability feat. And keep in mind that this is comparing it to Kirby’s size. That’s right. This is a lowballed stat.

And yeah, sure. Wario’s survived a lot. But Dedede’s not only survived far greater attacks, but he’s also fought much stronger foes.

In the end, Wario was Dede Done. And the king took the Peng-Win.

Overall impression.

Not a fan of Wario, mostly because the guy is disgusting. But it’s an interesting battle to say the least, and the fight is really fun. Sure, it has it’s cheap moments of humor, what with fart jokes, but that primarily comes from Wario, not Dedede.

This battle also had really great and fitting music. Being a much less serious fight made it feel more cartoon-y than serious, and it’s a great return to form. It feels like an early season one battle with the intense research of the later seasons mixed in. It has fun, and it’s not afraid to have fun. It’s just a great fight.

7.1/10. I would rate it higher, but the fart jokes were really low-brow.

Next Time…

So, alien devices do what they do and attach themselves to humans that prove to be the universe’s savior?

Then let’s go green. In brightest day, in blackest night, it’s gonna be hero time!

Is there a fight that you want me to review? - Send an ask/request, and I’ll look into it!

Do you want to read my fanfic based around DEATH BATTLE itself? click here!

Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you next time for…

Proof that Humans are special.