#(couldn't at this point; 50 fucking miles; but even when I could... it's a lot of energy)

[medicinemane]

Like here's the thing, I'm never gonna tell you how to vote

Two reasons, one is it's not really my business other than maybe some general advice (like I think voting for cruel people is a bad idea), but two and kinda more importantly is you aren't gonna listen unless you already agree and I'll probably just piss you off and if anything vote to spite me

Nah, better to leave you to make your own choices

But you'll forgive me for continuing to try to nudge people to vote. In part, it's cause I see people pushing not voting and it's like... to me that feels like an attempt to get people to drop out so they can have a bigger sway, it doesn't feel good faith

But also it's just like... shit's fucking bad everywhere right now, and I really don't have a whole lotta faith in voting but we might as well exhaust the options we have just in case

And like... when I say I don't have a lot of faith, if you pull back a bit what I really mean is I don't have faith in countries as a whole to do stuff like voting in primaries and not just going for whoever they think'll win... like... there's no downside to voting for who you like in a primary, unless there's another dark horse candidate you think has a better chance of unseating whatever asshole you don't want... but like never bother voting for the person that's probably gonna win unless you actually want them

So that's why I say I specifically have little faith in primaries even more than other elections

Anyway though... you might as well get to vote on amendments and shit, and if you're doing that you might as well pick whoever makes you want to blow your brains out the least (dear god they're coming up and even gone in some place but vote in the primaries to maybe get at least one good candidate on some ballot somewhere)

But yeah, not gonna ever tell you how to vote other than broadstrokes, but I will just keep saying I think it's good to vote

I also very much will keep suggesting you do mail in voting if you can, and that one's legit me just looking out for you, cause going places and standing in line sucks a lot more than checking the mail, filling something out at home, and dropping it off

[appleblueberry-pie]

What if reader goes to Miles house for the first time or meeting his mother ?

miles was extremely anxious. he's never been this nervous since a few years ago. you finally decided to come over to his house on some random after school day. thank fuck he cleaned up, but even then, he doesn't think it would be good enough. it could never be good enough for you. he just wants to impress you as much as possible.

that sounds so dumb coming from his head, but no matter what you do, he can't help but feel like a little kid again. his mom was out and the place was silent. it smelled like the incense his mom lit up earlier. the hallways were clear and empty. but his hands were still damp with sweat and he couldn't keep wiping his hands on the uniform or else there would be visible stains.

you kept complimenting the place. it just made him think there would be a for real moment where you'd just cringe at a mess or you'd find something he doesn't want you to find. just thinking of the possibilities makes his stomach hurt. his internal anxiety takes over and he steps in front of where you're walking to instead lead you to his room instead of you finding it on your own.

"my room's in here. but if you gotta use the bathroom or anything, it's around the corner." he points to the door and you politely decline, much to his annoyance. now he can't check for any of your 50 million drawings he has lying around. he averts his gaze for a second before nodding, a small 'ight' leaving his lips.

he almost hesitates opening the door before secretly peeking in before fully opening it. you both walk in, dropping your bags at the corner of the room. and once you begin looking around one side of a room, he takes the half second to swipe 6 actual detailed and finished drawings of your side profile underneath his blankets.

you like how much it smells like him in here. everything is so messy, yet neat. just like him. it compliments him greatly. you look at his work desk and see a lot of sketches of random things. and on his desk are a lot of cool looking trinkets that catch your eye. you smile to yourself before sitting on the bed.

miles cringes a little when you sit and he hears paper crinkle underneath the blanket. "i like it in here. you're way neater than other guy's room that i've seen." he raises an eyebrow at that and moves to sit next to you, ignoring the crinkling again. "you've been in other nigga's room before?"

you roll your eyes. "not for anything crazy. just projects or to meet family or friends." miles nods and tries not to be too distracted by the smell of your perfume. you smell so good. and you're sitting next to him. in his room. alone.

should he confess?

it's way too early to confess. you kick your feet, not knowing how to fill the silence. "soooo...should we start on the project." Miles stares at you for a little bit before nodding. "yeah." he moves to get his school computer in his bag.

[harmonyckrs]

DAY 5 in Twisted Strangetown: The One in Control

THE PREVIOUS DAY

Today marks the second day of staying with the Curious brothers in order to ease Pascal's worries. Due to this, we've had limited contact with the General, but I will assume that Boss has been able to resume communication with him.

My observations of the Smiths is that they are just normal (bruh). Further observation is needed. There's nothing particularly off putting about them that isn't any more off-putting about everyone else (you spent a whole day observing them with and your conclusion was this? This is why Ajay likes me more LOL). I admit it was nice to see other people with alien descent, though I wasn't a huge fan of the General talking about how all aliens were evil before proceeding to call Chloe and I "the exception." He was quite apologetic when he realized it offended me, however. I suppose he still has a lot to unlearn in regards to his alien biases.

I also overheard Pascal and Lazlo discussing a conversation they over heard Chloe having with Vidcund's kidnapper and her fuming over the riddle that he gave her in order to meet up with him in person. We've come to the conclusion that it might be an art museum, but it'll take some time to figure out which one. Either way, Chloe's recklessness may cause some hardships later (seriously? It ain't that big of a deal). We'll have to claim that the kidnapper was simply just trying to reach out to whichever family member will listen. Hopefully they will buy it.

C: So how's the subject doing, Aktu?

A: His name is Vidcund, and he's doing fine. I explained everything to him, and I think he's starting to cooperate. How are you feeling?

C: Really tired. And my head still hurts, but I'm sure it'll be gone in some time. What happened to the hat you always wore with that suit?

A: Dropped it by accident.

C: You realize that they could track you with that, right?

A: They couldn't even figure out my riddle! I don't think they're smart enough to use my hat to trace me here.

C: Figuring out who a hat belongs to through collecting DNA from it and solving a riddle require two different skills. They probably have your name already.

A: Well, I...fuck.

C: Just lay low for a while, and don't do anything stupid. If he's calm enough, you can probably just let him go and give him one of the rings we have that'll keep him immune to mind control.

A: Are you sure? We only have so many of those.

C: Yeah. I'm sure he cares about his family, right? We can use him as our mole with the promise of helping the rest of his family.

A: Good point! I'll give that to him as soon as I can.

C: Good. I don't want to use up too much battery on this hologram machine, so I'm going to end our call here. Just remember what I said...

THE NEXT DAY

---

BONUS:

ENERGY: 25%

I don't remember feeling this awful since having to leave Strangetown 20 years ago.

I was just a teenager! What was I thinking, going up against one of the most powerful people in all of Strangetown? And what was [REDACTED] thinking, fighting a fourteen year old for power? For the sake of the Watcher, I'm just a colony drone! I'm not powerful like the Birth Queens or Pollination Technicians!

And that's why I need to keep training. If I won that fight, then everyone would've been safe from [REDACTED]. And maybe I wouldn't feel as though they're always watching, even when we're miles away.

ENERGY: 50%

A: The weather is pretty nice today. Do you want to go outside?

V: Aren't I a hostage?

A: You're a test subject, not a hostage. Plus, you're really far from Strangetown, and Cyd and I have connections in all of Bluewater village from getting rid of the other guy who used to live here.

V: Makes sense. Who was the other guy?

A: Oh, nobody important. Think his name was, like, Malcolm Lemongrab or something. I forgot.

V: Malcolm LANDGRAAB? The heir to the richest family in the world?

A: Oh, shoot! You know him? That explains why the police came by with all those annoying questions. Cyd had to pretend to be Malcolm over the phone and act like he got abducted by aliens in order to get them to go away!

V: ...You're the worst criminal ever.

A: Well, it's my first time. So is that a yes or a no on the outing?

V: Eh, sure. Why not?

ENERGY: 75%

As I'm forced to remain in bed to recharge, I think about [REDACTED] and what they did. A part of me wonders what they have to gain from altering everyone's personalities. Power? Some sense of superiority that they have the ability to control everyone there? Fear of being discriminated against?

No matter. Once Aktu and I are done with this experiment, we'll be able to find a way to release Strangetown from the control of [REDACTED]. Peace will be restored, and Porthos and I can finally rest knowing that we've completed our mission.

ENERGY CHARGED: 100%

I think I'm ready to meet that subject now! What was his name again...Vincent or something? Ah, I'll figure it out.

Either way, it's a step closer to freeing Strangetown from [REDACTED]'s control.

[pastelraes-blog]

Bitch Why Are You Like This: meeting Miss & Daddy (Jan 22)

A picture of me looking at me during the entire evening.

Starring: Daddy, Miss and a bitch (that's me!)

i've been thinking about my meeting with Miss and Daddy. Before that very moment, i have never felt young. Truly young - innocent, energetic, inexperienced, requiring guidance, in-over-my-head. Ever. Welcome to childhood, bitch.

Miss is fucking amazing. Although intense, she embodies the person i want to be. There's a quiet strength about her, a self-assurance, and she's beautiful. When the hostess pointed her out, i was quite sure i'd die before ever reaching the table. But here i am. Still living. While sitting at the table i marveled at how blessed i felt. Do i know what the fuck i'm doing? No. Do i know what i'm getting myself into? Hell no. But i trust in the experience Miss has, her thorough questioning, and deliberate actions.

For a moment, i wondered about sex trafficking. Atlanta is the sex trafficking hub of the nation, and to get women, sex traffickers often recruit other women. Because girls/women feel safer with and trust women more than men. With reason. But i requested to see and talk to her and Daddy was kind enough to let that happen.

And then in comes Daddy. i doubted He was real but He sure as fuck is, and boy do i feel little. It's not something i've ever experienced in my life. And i like it a lot (question mark?). i was pretty sure i was going to fuck some shit up and fuck some shit up i did. He told me to ask Him a question. i didn't feel i deserved to ask a question and quite frankly i was suffering from slight sensory overload and i didn't have a question to ask. Every question i had left my mind the moment He asked. Somehow, i found one - something about my age. i don't remember what i asked or His answer. i do remember getting comfortable and asking another question. He leans forward and says, "What part of one question do you not understand?" and i respond, "the one part." 🤦🏽‍♂️ Internally, i was yelling at myself to shut the fuck up.

And then He looked at me.

He looked *into* me

and i fell

When i was 4 or 5 or 6 (who the fuck knows honestly) my mother took me and my sister (who was 2 or 3 or 4) to a pool. i could somewhat swim but knew i should never cross 4 feet deep. Keeping this in mind, i jumped in the pool. And then i started drowning; the '4 feet' pool marker was missing and i thought i was jumping into 3 feet water. As i drowned, there was no panic. i felt no discomfort. i remember being surrounded by light blue waves. Looking up to see the sun shining through the water. i was at peace. There was no sound, there was no disturbance. And then i closed my eyes.

And when i opened them i was staring into Daddy's.

*still*

There's a common descriptor phrase - looking like a deer in headlights - and i have had the terribly unfortunate opportunity to witness this in reality in the passenger seat of my grandfather's jeep speeding toward a deer at 50 miles per hour.

and i am the deer

and the deer is me

drowning in water

over four feet deep

with eyes staring into Daddy's

Eventually i look away. And to mask my terror - that i could feel the depth of those experiences, i do the worst possible thing i could do in the moment: i look back at him defiantly & *i get smug*. And when i return my attention to Miss, i am smiling. Daddy asks Miss if i have signed the waiver yet and he says to get that done *as soon as possible*

A bitch is in trouble .

Should i be terrified for my life? Should i try to suck His ****? Who knows 🤷🏾‍♂️ (lxlzkzkzjkzjzb why am i like this! 😳🤣). Fuck Twilight AND ESPECIALLY fuck its fanfic 50 Shades, but Bella. Sweetie. If this is how you felt when Eddy-boy stared at you, i understand and im sorry for ever doubting you.

The night goes on. Daddy pours his coffee in a very particular manner. i am very thankful for Miss. They work well together. A perfect balance. She asks about me staring down Daddy and asks if i wanted to or felt like i should look away. Hell yeah i wanted to look away. i felt like i should look away. i wanted desperately to look away. i couldn't. And then it felt like maybe i shouldn't look away? Like what was this Man thinking i wondered. And when i caught myself looking i realized i kinda didn't want to stop? A bitch is a brat. Why do i poke the Lion? i don't knoooww 😭. Miss says she can't imagine me being submissive and that hurts a lot.

And of course in typical fashion of one who emotes (?) dramatically, i begin to cry. Because being smug is a defense mechanism. Bucking authority is another. i have had to puff myself up and build up walls and be hard for so long to *survive* and i don't want to be like that anymore. It's not me. i didn't have a childhood. i've always felt impossibly old. At 10, i raised my siblings for four years while momma went to college. because making 6k a year aint shit with 4 kids. At 14 when she finished, she wanted her role and her power back, but the children didn't recognize her as momma. And she hated it. It was a constant power struggle. To me she was irrational, led by the heart and prone to overreaction. Her favorite punishment aside from capital punishment was to take away everything i cared about at any moment *because she could*. So i became smug. *Because fuck you.*

Fast forward 4 years when i finally get to college and shit aint much better. i'm in an environment i wasn't ready for academically. The learning curve was exponential with a slope asymptote to infinity (undefined). That joint is a straight line lol. People are mad racist, dudes are mad sexist, the black people super rich and i'm slipping into depression. When i took a break from school last semester, i learned the traits i picked up - the way i operate in groups/the constant fight - don't work in other environments. It's dangerous to myself and it hurts others. And i don't want to be like that anymore. this is what i've had to do to survive all my life and it's ugly and it's not me.

i'm done with surviving. i want to thrive. i want to *live*. i want to submit desperately, i just don't know how. i'm tired of being defiant and smug and provoking because it's not me. i care so deeply for people, and i struggle because my face, my words, and my attitude are incongruent. When shit is bad, and i mean real bad, i smile and laugh. Not because something is funny or amusing - i smile because it isn't. i guess i started smiling cuz that's much simpler than bursting into tears. And these behaviors are habits i desperately want to break. my life has been fight after fight and resistance and war. i've made it so i would not submit to the negative forces in my life, but now i don't know how to accept the good. and that's why it hurts me so much when i smile at Miss or stare down Daddy when i would truly love not to be.

i was sure after that fiasco i'd never hear from them again. i failed so epically at something i know myself to be. regardless of the tears (because i definitely cried more last night), i am so thankful for that one opportunity to be in the presence of Miss and Daddy. The experience allowed me to gaze intently at those very ugly behaviors that i didnt truly recognize until last night. i left feeling like i failed a lot. But that failure was good because it was necessary. i'm now one step closer to knowing the person i am and transforming into the person i want to be.

Miss told me to look up what submission means and give ten examples of when i have ever done that in my life. For a moment i was quite terrified because i don't think i have ever submitted to someone or something without resistance first.

Submission - the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person; an act of surrendering to a hold by one's opponent; humility; meekness

Okay the '10 examples' activity is super hard because i see now i've been the bitch reluctant to listen and follow. people must loved me to put up with this shit. Jesus take the wheel.

i still don't think i'm off the hook. i live on the hook. i am the worm 😂. i'm super disappointed in myself, but my love for myself has not changed. i'm really proud of myself for taking the chance and putting myself out there and meeting people who i fantasize about binding me, dragging keys down my back until i bleed, whipping my *****, leaving marks/bruises and other normal shit like calling me hideous degrading names and looking at me in ways that make my entire being quiver. If we're being 300,000% truthful, though i didn't intend to fuck up, the intensity of those moments, the acute embarrassment i felt, the topic of conversation in that public environment is something i truly enjoyed and if given the chance to experience it again i definitely would. ☺️

Eventually i'll ask Miss about her role because she's Daddy's sub but i have to pass her first to get to Daddy. Does that mean one day she's going to hand me off and i don't get to have her as Miss anymore 😢? i'm going to enjoy things as they are and take them as they come. Because i like Daddy & Miss a lot 🤷🏾‍♂️