#(bttws is a song i have thoughts on but not thoughts about its origin so much as its *metaphorical* (? idk) or perhaps narrative importance

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I have thoughts about the TTPD speculation/two years/loneliness/sharing feelings through songs train but I'm putting them under a cut because. Yeah.

OK, so I'm giving a warning:

I'm talking about BTTWS, but NOT about the speculation/inspiration behind it. Just about the feelings in it and the Midnights of it all/the idea that sharing the difficult things brings comfort/companionship. So getting that out of the way so we can remove that part of the discourse out of it.

Regardless of whatever the inspiration/event behind BTTWS may be, whether it's about a loved one or personal, I've long felt that its inclusion on Midnights, an album about things that have kept her up at night, is significant in the feelings it portrays.

For instance, we can be fairly certain that Taylor wasn't actually turning in Scooter B. to the FBI and conspiring with his ex-wife to bring him down (or was she?) in Vigilante Shit, just as we can safely guess that she probably did actually pick up that pebble in Wicklow that reminded her of a peaceful time in Sweet Nothing. The line between fiction/reality, personal vs. narrative matters less on Midnights in this case than the feelings she was expressing in the songs, which are very personal and truthful. The revenge fantasy in Vigilante Shit is her working through her anger over having her masters sold and how she's fought hard to have the last laugh over someone who is a sworn enemy. Sweet Nothing is her reflecting on the dichotomy of her (presumed) quiet home life she felt was safe and the noise of the outside world. (Now, we might speculate on why she was ruminating on this, but that's another story.)

So with that preamble out of the way, BTTWS's inclusion in the tracklist I feel is just as important, again regardless of the inspiration behind it or her personal connection to it. Even if it is a song about someone other than herself, including it as the only "not personal/not diaristic" song on an album as ostensibly self-reflective as Midnights would stick out if that were thecase, though obviously it's her album so she can do whatever she wants and could have her own reasons. (Just like she included Ronan on Red and Soon You'll Get Better on Lover about similar themes, it could just be a tribute to a loved one.) But given all the thematic arcs and parallels on Midnights, I do feel like it's there to include a specific set of feelings being processed, even if the origin on the feelings may or may not be her own. (I'm trying to be really sensitive in my word choices here, hope they make sense.)

BTTWS is a song about loss and grief, and specifically the fallout of an event outside of her/the narrator's control. The person in the song has nothing to turn to to deal with their pain: no faith to guide them, no wisdom to tell them everything will be alright. Throughout the song there is a pervasive sense of isolation: everything is over, they're living without something that was once theirs but suddenly was not. It captures the fog and confusion of living through a painful event without having any way to process. She even says from the start that, "no words appear before me in the aftermath," which for someone like Taylor who has stated over and over how writing is literally how she processes her life would be the ultimate reflection of the depths of her hurt.

(To be clear I do not think this is a song about a breakup whatsoever: IMO it clearly is not about a relationship dissolution of any kind. I just think that the feelings of grief and loneliness in the song may have felt relevant to whatever she was going through during the time the album was coalescing in 2021-22.)

Knowing what we know now about at the very least the period between 2021-2023, Taylor was going through a time of significant difficulty in her life behind the scenes, which is how The Tortured Poets Department came to be, right on the heels of her completing Midnights sometime in early 2022. She has said herself that making TTPD was a lifeline, that she had to keep writing to deal with whatever it was that she was experiencing and going through. And as I posted about earlier today, she's also said repeatedly on tour that not only is writing about her feelings how she processes her pain and loneliness, but that then sharing that music with fans brings her great comfort because it makes her feel less lonely to know people understand and relate to what she's going through.

And we know that she has self-edited her albums over the years (including Midnights) to protect herself and perhaps even the subjects of her songs, which we have seen with the inclusion of the vault/bonus tracks in the re-records and on Midnights. Obviously some of these reasons are logistical -- album was too long, cut songs sounded too much like others, maybe she or her producers felt the ones that were originally chosen were stronger, narrative or sonic cohesion, etc. -- but with what we've seen over the last few years, these songs also filled in the lines of the stories being told and reframed the narrative being told.

Nowhere is that clearer than with You're Losing Me, for example. It's pretty obvious why it was held back: presumably she wouldn't want to release a song about a relationship at its breaking point when she was still actively in the relationship. Yet as soon as the relationship ended, she released it, we can only assume because of her realization that sharing the music and having people respond to it validates her feelings and makes her feel embraced, as it were. Then with the announcement of TTPD and how it's been brewing for essentially the intervening period between when YLM was written and now, we can also surmise that these songs will be dealing with feelings she also felt the need to hold back for whatever reason at the time, but has now decided should be out there so she can feel more whole.

So coming back to BTTWS, it being included on Midnights the way that it was strikes me as a form of sharing feelings that may have been too difficult to process. Again, not implying I have any insight into what the origin of the song is about, or imposing my own beliefs onto her, or that she was sending some sort of secret message with its inclusion! But thematically, BTTWS deals with an intense loss and feeling completely unmoored and alone as a result, which is present in her other work. And that the dreams the narrator once held have gone up in smoke, leaving her reeling about what's to come next. She's cut off from the world because of the event, unable to speak about or grasp what has happened. Similar feelings are also explored in You're Losing Me for instance, and even Dear Reader (not to mention on past albums like evermore, this is me trying, arguably hoax, etc.). Just reading context clues from TTPD and her surprise song choices of late, I don't think it's outrageous to presume some of those emotions are going to be present on the new album as well.

So this is just a long-winded way of saying, I feel like the sense of loss, confusion and uncertainty about the future likely resonated with both what she had gone through in the past, and the story as a whole she was trying to tell on Midnights. And while the origin may or may not be personal or relevant to the new story she's going to tell, I also feel like these same kinds of themes are going to be present on TTPD because they're so important for her to share. (I could even mention that the response to BTTWS may even provide evidence that people sharing their experiences in general brings comfort to those going through it, but that may be veering too far into parasocial "why did Taylor do X" speculative territory.) She sings about these kinds of all-consuming losses so eloquently and mindfully that I know the new album is going to be an absolute gut punch.

(not being self-promotional but I delved a little deeper into the Midnights 3am tracks including this one a few months ago so it's why it's top of mind and why the connections and thematic parallels are so resonant to me lately.)

[coxinhadoce47-ocs]

Acronyms/Abbreviations

Explaining what each story/universe name abbreviation/acronym means, and the explanation behind the names

SW- Shockwave (I don’t usually call it SW but sometimes I do so it’s good to write about it here). It’s Alan’s superhero name. It used to be A&A, Alan & Aiden

EAD- Entre Anjos e Demônios (Between Angels and Demons in portuguese). Provisory name since 2014 and I’ve grown too attached to the acronym to change it, even though there’s a thousand stories and fanfic with this name to the point that I got accused of stealing the title from someone else’s story on a fanfic site

BRY- Blue, Red, Yellow. Just that, it’s RYB but I arranged it in away that sounds fun! and it’s also the order that i usually use when talking about Douglas (blue), Robin (red) and Flavian (yellow).

WTML- Where The Monsters Live. Also a provisory name that I got too attached to it, even though there is quite some other contents with this name. Also I don’t call the characters monsters, and the monsters in the title is more like how it’s used in Undertale, it means just magical/supernatural beings

HCWT- Hot Coffee, Warm Tea. @bernardo-draws-and-cries gave the AU this name, since Asgore drinks tea and we headcanon Gaster as loving coffee. It’s cute, I like this name :3

VM- It doesn’t mean anything anymore. It came from my old discarted minecraft au MVM (Minecraft Viver ou Morrer aka Minecraft Live or Die) which was then turned into a dystopia/revolution thing so it just became Viver ou Morrer/Live or Die but now I don’t like this name but I like the acronym so idk, maybe I’ll find something that fits the acronym

BTTW- Blood is Thicker Than Water. Not in the sense of “family is more important than friends and stuff”, it’s just that they’re vampires and there’s blood on this saying fjsjsfjk. And I like how the acronym sounds.

LZZ- It used to mean Linth, Zack, Zee, the name of the first characters when I first made this story. But y’know, Zee doesn’t exist anymore, but I like the ring that LZZ has so I kept it even if Zee doesn’t exist anymore.

BP- Blue Peppermints. I almost never call it BP except if its for the sake of not having something be too long. I called the story that because both Sam and Antony have a lot of blue in their color schemes and also that I like peppermints and I wanted to put it in the name of one of my stories

Pluto- Doesn’t have an acronym/abbreviation because it’s very short. I just like that Pluto’s name is the name of the story, even if it made tagging kinda weird until I figured out a last name for her

F&P- Fangs & Paws. Fun fact! It used to be WTML’s old story name but I discarted it and I then reused on this story, which takes place on the same universe. F&P came about because in the early WTML there was just Hunter and Annie, a vampire and a werewolf, so, fangs and paws. And this continues on F&P, since Ester is a vampire and Matthew is a werewolf.

OOE- Othelo, Orian, Elias BUT now it also means Onto the Ocean’s Edge. Yes I am very smart/j (but honestly it does sound good and fits OOE). It’s fun and chalenging to figure out a name based on an acronym which is the initials of your ocs.

SC- Starchildren. I don’t usually call it SC, but very few times I do. Starchildren came out because most of the characters are kids/tweens/teens that came from stars. Maybe I saw this term somehwere and really liked it, I still do like it a lot.

WS- Witchery Shenanigans. Because they’re witches and have shenanigans. I really like this name, it’s funny fdnndsn

C&B- Cats and Butterflies. Max is an entomologist and likes butterflies and both (but it’s more meant for Clover in this title) like cats a lot. It’s a very nice name

R&P/BirbLove- R&P is just Raven & Paloma and BirbLove is the affectionate nickname bê came with becaue both Raven and Paloma have their names based on birds

P&D- Phoenix & Dominic. Just that. I don’t have a name for this one yet.

DH- Dead Hearts, it came from the song by the same name because I really love that song and I feel like it fits this world! Also it’s old name was soft apocalypse because it was a not-that-extreme-apocalypse concept (still is)

Leo doesn’t have a story/universe name because he’s just a fansoul and there’s only him so I just use his name because there’s only him fsnsfdn

WTAE- Wasn’t The Apocalypse Enough?. I really like this title, it wasn’t based on anything, I just thought of this phrase and loved it. Before it was just GPA which stands for Gabriel, Pedro, Apolo.

FND- Friends Not Dates. This title is fun, and I was firstly thinking about doing Mates Not Friends or something like that but it didn’t sound as good as FND

CS- Not my story, sonnilione here on tumblr created the name, ConnectedSim. I just have my ocs on this universe because it’s an open universe where anyone can makes ocs there

AGG- Ariest, Garcodeu, Ghaterieu, BUT a few days ago I came up with the name A God’s Grief which fits really well with the story and original acronym and it’s also kinda of a pun which is fun (good grief -> god grief)

BD- Blessed Damnation. I used to share this story with an old friend but not anymore. I cam up with the name because Leslie is dealing with a deal he made with Arkak but it ends up really helping his life all that happens after he makes the deal, so his soul is damned, but it was a blessing on his life, so, blessed damnation. And also because Sarandiel and Arkak are respectively an angel and a demon so having a heaven associated word and a hell related one really works

CB- Catboys, This is a provisory name for the universe of two of my catboys ocs, Kevin and Sammy

FF- Flower Fairy. I barely use the acronym

Eddie also doesn’t have a story/universe acronym/abbreviation because Eddie is a stand alone oc, there’s only him

SWAN- Story Without A Name. It’s Bruno’s 2 story and I don’t reference the story as SWAN if it’s not like when i described it on my carrd or if it’s on a story introduction, I usually just call it Bruno and Vitor’s story. This needs a name

MCOCs- Minecraft OCs. Just that

SWAN2- Story Without A Name 2. It’s Jasper and Isaac’s story, which really needs a name too

Leaf is another instance of only one characters for this category (vessek oc hollow knight) and Edrian is the same (D&D)

VH- Valiant Heart, again I barely use the acronym. It came from Val’s name, and again I didn’t realize there’s a lot of Valiant Heart/Hearts stuff out there

TDS- The Demon’s Shadow. It’s just how it happened that Zagan dissapearing left a (metaphorical) shadow on Elijah’s life. Or something like that. Idk how to explain, I just like the name, doesn’t need to make sense

Hyacinth doesn’t have a story name because I made them as a blog mascot so I just refer to his universe and stuff with mlm/nblm blog. And soon he’ll get a partner which I’m still developing

RD- Royal Demon. Bê also came with this name here. It’s pretty simple the origin. Jed is a demon and Sammy and Tadeu are royalty so, Jed is kinda of a royal demon fnnsnsd

Changeling- Charlie is a changeling, that’s it.