#(anyway story skips are only useful for alts and that's it. thanks for coming to my ted talk)

[steelhazes]

i will never understand it when new players - and emphasis on new players - decide to story skip, and the further the story skip is, i firmly believe the worse it gets. it's not just shooting yourself in the foot lorewise. that doesn't really have an impact on gameplay, if at all. but when you decide to do combat content with other people, how tf do you parse all of the mechanics thrown at you when you skipped the entire learning process it takes to be able to get at the point when you can do so relatively easily??? how do you find fun when you die over and over to a boss and you have no clue as to what's going on or what killed you???

[pigeonwhumps]

Kidnapping

Kidnapped masterlist

Taglist: @extrabitterbrain @wolfeyedwitch @fuckcapitalismasshole @ghost-whump @whump-tr0pes

@rainbowsandwhumperflies @whumpinggrounds @actress4him @painful-pooch @i-eat-worlds

@a-funeral-romance @rainydaywhump

AI-less Whumptober alt 8: kidnapping

(I am absolutely not writing these in order lol, I needed to fit them into the story. Also this one is mostly background I think)

Phoenix discovers that Brynn has gone missing.

2k

CWs: hero whump, panic, uncontrolled transformation, assumed kidnapping, past abuse and whump, nightmare, asshole managers

“Phoenix.”

Phoenix looks around in their dream, very confused. That voice, coming from the roof of the shed, there shouldn’t be anyone there.

“Phoenix!”

Phoenix jolts upright with a gasp. It takes them a moment, but then they see the string of coloured lightbulbs, the light-up sign, the glow-in-the dark stars on the ceiling, feel the weighted blanket wrapped snugly around them. They're not in the shed. They're not in the shed.

“Phoenix! Get down here, we need to speak to you!”

Phoenix flinches, and then– oh. It's Wildfire. They throw a hoodie on and hurry downstairs.

The cell block is cold tonight, but they hover around the entrance anyway, red lantern shining off the brickwork. Wildfire looks agitated in it, tracking Phoenix urgently.

“What’s wrong?”

“Sovereign has escaped.”

Phoenix staggers back a few steps. Sovereign. Escaped. No.

“When? How? Brynn– I–”

“Three days ago. The guards were discussing it. I thought you should know.”

“Right. I, um, thank you, I– I should–”

“Go!”

And Phoenix bolts. Straight back up to their flat, flying into their room and ignoring any commotion, dialling the number because if Sovereign's out that means he'll be coming for them, he'll be coming for Brynn because she double-crossed him and nobody lives to tell that tale.

Brynn's phone goes straight to voicemail. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck no.

Gemma. They can try Gemma.

She picks up after a few rings.

“Hello?”

Her voice is groggy and Phoenix immediately feels guilty.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to, um, wake you up, but do you, um, is Brynn there? And can I, um, can I speak to her?”

“Phoenix?”

“Yes, sir?”

“It is you then. She left yesterday, to surprise you by coming back early. Did she not arrive?”

Phoenix's heart skips a beat. No. No. This can't be happening. They can't lose her.

“No. No, um, no, she didn't. And Sovereign's escaped and–”

“Sovereign's escaped?” Gemma sounds alarmed, and far more awake now. “When?”

“Three, um, three days ago. And they didn't tell us and Brynn–”

“I understand. They didn't say anything to us either. I'll keep my eyes peeled for Brynn, but your contacts will probably be more useful.”

Phoenix nods, then remembers Gemma's on the phone. “Right. Thanks. You, um, thank you.”

“Call me if there's any updates.”

“I, um, I will.”

They say their goodbyes and Phoenix dashes out and up the fire escape, heading for the roof. Because Gemma's right, their contacts are more useful.

They're just not sure exactly how to reach him.

It's crossed their mind before that he might have the place bugged. They've never been sure how to feel about it, but right now, they cross their fingers and pray to everything they no longer believe in that he does.

“Electrocus!”

They scream their call to the cloudless sky, a desperate plea for the only person who might be able to help. Because Brynn is missing, and Sovereign's out, and the only person who might have a clue where they are is another villain.

They watch the skyline, fists clenched. Come on, come on, please let him be spying.

They watch.

And watch.

He’s not coming. He’s not coming.

They look down, blinking hard. He didn't hear. He doesn't care. He's not coming.

There's a soft thump behind them.

Phoenix spins around, heart leaping to their throat. “Electrocus?”

And there the supervillain stands, arms crossed, weight shifted to one side. Silhouetted against the streetlights.

“Firebird. Who do I need to kill?”

Phoenix flinches slightly at the strong voice. They still haven't quite worked out whether he'd do that for them.

“Sovereign's out. I think he, um, he's kidnapped Green Raptor. Have you, um, have you heard anything?”

“No. But there have been… rustlings. Among the villain community.”

Phoenix swallows hard. They don't know what these rustlings could be, but if Electrocus hasn't heard anything… how are they supposed to find her?

Electrocus steps forward and squeezes their shoulder. “I'll keep my eyes and ears open. We might hear something.”

“Thank you,” they choke out. Not the answer they were looking for but… maybe. Maybe there's still time. Maybe Sovereign will do something stupidly obvious.

Yeah, that last isn't likely.

He steps back, nods, and they turn their back for him to disappear. They don't know how he arrives on or departs from HAL’s rooftop and out of respect for them both it's a secret that's kept.

Phoenix wipes their eyes as they descend the metal stairs and enter back through the broken door (thankfully, it hasn't locked automatically for as long as they've known it). They just want to curl up and cry, but they can't. They can't. If Sovereign has Brynn, their team is probably next, and they need to tell someone. The door slams shut behind them and they stand there, uncertain, all their brain on Brynn, Brynn, Brynn.

“Phoenix? Come in, Phoenix, what's wrong?”

Phoenix blinks. Warm, steadying hands on their forearms. Santhiya's face in front of theirs, brow pinched in concern.

They try to shape the words, to convey, somehow, the depth of what's happened.

“Brynn. Sovereign.”

_

“...and you didn't think to tel us that the supervillain who we helped capture, who Brynn defected from, has escaped? You didn't even think to tell Brynn?”

Phoenix huddles under the blanket against the sofa and watches as Kai paces, phone to his ear, looking increasingly frustrated.

“You thought– why would she do that? How would she do that, she betrayed him! He'd kill her! Just because you can't conceive that someone might have a change of heart– yes. Yes, she's disappeared.” Huh. Phoenix didn't know Kai could grow claws when not in wolf form. “Fuck you. Fuck you, if that's your assumption! She's a member of my team, she's a good person and has made amends, she's been a hero for years now and your takeaway is that maybe she’s joined Sovereign again just because she was once his sidekick? That she can't have changed her mind despite how she helped arrest him? Fuck you.” He pants. “Yes, sir, I apologise, but– I– yes. No, we're not just going to leave them! And–” Kai listens, and then growls, wolf-like. “No. No, if we need to go after them, when we do it, it won't be for an arrest, or questioning, because we don't operate on assumptions of guilt. She helped us arrest Sovereign, what more do you need? For her to not have been adopted and abused by him in the first place, since she was a small child? God. We're not arresting her.” Another, longer pause, in which Kai twitches violently, his nose seeming to start lengthening. “We're rescuing her. I won't leave a member of my team to be arrested over bullshit. You can always order us not to go, or put us on probation, but we can resign, sir, and I know that Phoenix Costello and Santhiya Choudhary, for two, are willing to if you keep trying to stop us from doing our jobs. Everyone is worth rescuing, they're worth second and third chances, and I'm not going to let you stop us rescuing Brynn.” His ears, changing shape and colour, twitch. “Yes. Thank you, sir. You'll inform us of any developments? Thank you.”

Kai drops the phone and growls.

“Management didn't tell Brynn because they thought she might see how powerful Sovereign is and decide to join him.”

“What? But that's, um, that's not– she wouldn't! And, um, and any of us could do that. Just because she used to be a villain?”

Kai nods. Phoenix pulls the blanket tighter around themself, hiding what they're sure must be messed up patterns on their arms by now. If anyone knew how close they'd been to joining Electrocus that one time… and not even because he was a villain, just because he cared. They'd deserve their punishment but even so, they don't want management ever finding out.

“Gemma had lots of shouting matches with management over me,” says Morfydd, dumping cinnamon into the hot chocolate pan and stirring. “They didn't like that I came from Razor originally.”

“Assholes,” grumbles Lian, setting the mugs down with more force than necessary. “As if you'd have been more loyal to someone who did experiments on you and tried to shoot you.”

More and more, Phoenix wonders why they don't just leave. Just get up and walk out of here. But they can't – people are relying on them. There's no point in them if they're not going to be a hero.

They hum in agreement. They hate this. And Kai is– Kai is–

Santhiya kisses them on the forehead. “What's on your mind?”

They nod at Kai, whose claws have definitely lengthened. “Wolf.”

“Oh yeah. He did that when your secondment got increased too. Er, Kai? Claws?”

Kai looks down at his hands with visible surprise. Clearly his senses haven't started changing yet then. Are physical changes first?

“Oh.” With what looks like enormous effort, the claws shrink back into his hands, and his nose and ears go back to normal. He blushes. “Sorry.”

Santhiya glances at Phoenix, squeezing them tight. “It's fine. We need to talk about Brynn, and not losing anyone else.”

Kai nods, pacing. Lian and Morfydd bring over hot chocolate, sitting down together. Phoenix curls their hands around their mug, taking a gulp. It's scalding. Good.

But Morfydd’s hot chocolate is definitely not something to punish themself with, so they try to just nurse it for a while. It feels nice.

“We need to pair up,” says Kai decisively, “like we’ve done before. One pair and one three now, I guess. We each have a specific person to look out for. And if we have to leave the flat we don’t do it alone.”

“We should, um, call Aaron too,” adds Phoenix quietly. “They're, um, part of the team and Sovereign probably, um, probably knows.”

He's very dear to Brynn. Phoenix knows he was the first person she trusted here, and if Sovereign finds out just how important he is to her…

Kai nods. “Good idea. You'll do that?” Phoenix nods, already pulling out their phone. “One more thing. The trackers, from the time with The Chosen Ones. Do you still have yours, Phoenix?”

Phoenix shudders, blinking hard to banish the memories. “No, sir. It um, I was, um, it got lost.”

They worry Kai will want to know more but he just nods again. “Right. We’ll figure something out. Everyone else, put yours on. I know Sovereign is likely to remove them straight away but… just in case.”

Just in case. Just in case Sovereign infiltrates, or blows up a wall, and kidnaps one of them.

Of course, being in pairs won’t help if both of them are kidnapped. Would that be better or worse?

Lian stands abruptly. “I'm going to cook. If I sit here doing nothing I'll go mad. I can't help being angry at Brynn but she wouldn't betray us again. That's a stupid excuse management are using because they don't like that she used to be a villain. And I can't just sit here while they try to do what they would've done to Morfydd if it hadn't been for Gemma. They take ex-villains because it looks good but they can't deal with fucking nuance. So I'm going to cook.”

“They’d’ve liked me to disappear,” explains Morfydd quietly. “I wasn't a hero or a civilian, so.”

Phoenix shivers. They're close enough to villains that if anyone found out…

If Gemma helped Morfydd, maybe there’s something they could do to help people more. Before they get to medbay. Maybe Aaron will know. Or Gemma, but they… she’s still a bit of an unknown.

Not now, though. Later. After Brynn is back home safe.

They clutch Santhiya tightly, watching as Morfydd disappears into the kitchen and Kai sinks down to the ground, running his hands over his face. They don't want to lose anyone else.

Please don't let them lose anyone else.

[rabdoidal]

tag game! 🎧🎶 tagged by @theocannibalism shuffle your music library and share the first 10 songs that come up.

Thanks bud! Shuffling my liked instead of my playlists for fairness ��️

Waiting For The Weekend by San Cisco: a decent song! I liked it more in uni but it's certainly still musically pretty - it's a little trite to write a love song about drugs being personified, but San Cisco can make anything a sexy indie jam (7/10) Favourite line: And when she's standing right next to me / She's never quite as close as I'd like her to be

Your Dog by Soccer Mommy: a STELLAR song by a band truly so close to my heart - my fav combination in music is a clean voice and dirty bass. also this song also has a fucked up relationship dynamic and its. very Izzy Hands to me sorry (10/10) Favourite line: Forehead kisses break my knees / And leave me crawling back to you

Pulaski at Night by Andrew Bird: another top tier banger but also (shout out to artificial ghost radio listeners) this is my NBC hannigram song its so. like the classical instruments and delusional sweetness makes it feel like a candlelit waltz in a blood splattered suit (10/10) Favourite line: I write you a story / But it loses its thread / And all of my witnesses / Keep turning up, turning up dead

Paint It, Black by The Rolling Stones: truly wild that this is in my likes because its a great song but its like. I don't think I've ever intentionally listened to the rolling stones apart from this? anyway bangers only I always love how dramatic and goth it is (8/10) Favourite line: No more will my green sea / Go turn a deeper blue

Androgynous by The Replacements: this song honestly makes me tear up sometimes, even tho its purely joyful, because it makes me think about how its a song from the 80s that has more kindness and love for genderqueer people than most people do 40 years later. It makes me love being t4t (9/10) Favourite line: Now, something meets boy, and something meets girl / They both look the same / They're overjoyed in this world

Cinnamon Spider by Jack Off Jill: nothing wrong with an alt/goth song about revenge and guilt with weird voice modulated screaming and creepy whispering (7/10) Favourite line: Consumed by hate and guilt, she'll never retire / Too old to fix, too dead to ever acquire

Human Fly by The Cramps: I've been listening to a lot of rockabilly/oldhead goth rock recently and I'm loving the cramps! I've only really heard the big hits until recently, but Human Fly is definitely my stand-out favourite, I love songs that are kinda nasty and maggoty or more conceptual or goofy! It makes it stand out to me (10/10) Favourite line: And baby I won't care / 'Cuz baby I don't scare / 'Cuz I'm a reborn maggot using germ warfare

The Price Is Right Theme Song by Antarctigo Vespucci: I'm a little over listening to indie emo at the moment so I do frequently skip this when it comes on shuffle, but the lyricism is honestly heartbreaking (5/10) Favourite line: Oh my lord, I wish that I didn't know they'll still make TV shows long after I go.

Big Bird by AJJ: I have thoughts feelings comments and critiques of AJJ, but I can't deny that if you want to be in a dangerously bad mood it hits. it completely hits. and I think its interesting that they make songs about taboo intrusive thoughts and criticisms they have of the world, even if i dont always love the song they make in the end (6/10) Favourite line: So I bought a knife / I am a knife / I am a Knife Man

Arty Boy by Flight Facilities ft. Emma Louise: a real vibey party song about being inexplicably into the guy taking photos and smoking at the function instead of dancing - to me it reads as a little comphet, or a little bit bisexual, because the way Emma Louise is singing about the ladies is a lil sus (7/10) Favourite line: And all the girls must be models here, sipping up on margaritas / Twist their bodies so beautiful, making shapes with the music

idk who to tag but if you want an excuse to do this, go with my blessing and pretend I tagged you

[ja0-s-blank-canvas-fic]

Part 4 - Chapter 1 - Alma Mater Takedown

Blank Canvas Part 4

AO3 - here

Fanfiction.net - here

Hi! Hello! How are you? It's been a hot minute, eh? Thank you for your patience with my hiatus. I have a more comfortable buffer of chapters so it's time to start posting again!

As said above, I'm going to aim for monthly updates starting with part 4. You can't rush creativity! And I think I have enough good fluff and angst to appease you as we go forward.

Part 3 ended with Izuku and Katsuki successfully rescued from the League of Villains. But Izuku learned more than he had bargained for during the kidnapping. All For One was his father and wanted him to become a Villain. A horrifying realization made incredibly awkward now that Izuku possesses One For All on top of his family drama. Despite all of that, he still aims to become a Hero who fights Quirkless.

On the fluff side of all the angst, Izuku and Shouto have finally kissed. Now I'm a sucker for mushy fluff so we have officially broken that barrier. I don't necessarily know how far I will go in regards to mature/explicit content. -i do read smut myself but i'm human so sue me- Whatever happens, for those who aren't here for that, I'll note when those moments are so you can skip them. Other than that, I'm just letting the story flow.

More serious stuff, DO NOT REPOST ANY part of BC. I post on fanfiction.net and ao3. The only ones with permission are on my linktree and any that aren't do not have my consent. That goes for other fanfiction websites and youtube and really any other site you can post fanfiction. If you find them, please let me know so I can report them. Please and thank you!

Now, let's get to it! :D

Linktree to all the things!

End notes for the chapter are under the line.

And that is my take down of Aldera! This is as much as I'm going into them facing consequences. Anything else regards to a trial and sentencing I'll let you guys fantasize on your own. There are more important plot points for me to focus on but hey! Aldera be facing consequences. You can see my post on the OC on the tumblr here.

Fun Facts About Japan:

Not sure if I covered this before or not, but putting it here anyway. The Japan school structure has them in a trimester time table instead of the two term semester system in the US.

First term - April to July Summer break - end of July to early September Second term - September to December Winter break - end of December to about mid January Third term - January to March Spring break - end of march to early April

Basically a lot more schooling that US kiddos go through. Even during the breaks. For summer break specifically, students still come to school despite it being a break. The reason why is club activities. Students still have club duties to complete and so will come to school to do them. From art club, chorus, and even sports clubs, they will come in the heat of summer to do those duties whatever they may be.

This is also the time with English contest applicants work with their teachers and ALTs to practice and help perfect their speeches. When I first arrived through the JET program, it was at the end of July and our first tasks was helping those students. A bit nerve-wracking when first starting out in a foreign country that was for sure. XD Yes, I am a native English speaker and therefore considered an 'expert' but that did not make me an expert at teaching English.

That came with experience and learning how Japanese people approached English as well. I met a wide range of students who either would work super hard to have a natural accent or they would rely on sounding it out in what I called Katakana English. Which is them using the sounds of the Japanese alphabet to form the words instead of the actual English pronunciation. That was a constant thing we had to work on. Either way, the students did always try their best and I'm proud of them all. ^____^

That's it for this chapter but not all I have for you! With this gift of angst I'm also giving you a gift of fluff with a double update for starting posting again! So sit back, relax, and chapter 2 will be coming your way soon! Ta! -runs off to edit

[cosmosrival]

Rico besides Kama what do you think about the other indian servants?????

AHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS GOING TO GET SOOOO LONG!!!! i have a different view of the indo fam as a whole. i call them the indo fam but i mean the found family trope!!!! theyre like a group of college students sharing a dorm if that makes sense, since their servant selves are obviously different from their initial myths/human vessels!!!

OK SO. RECENTLY, i have an oomf that found books about arjuna that summarize his exploits in the mahabharata(I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO READ IT ALL IM SO SORRY) and also talk about him in a more philosphical manner such as his states of mind during each event etc and i’ve been meaning to read said book because im genuinely interested in arjuna now!!! and i’d like to know more about this indo prince because from what i’ve seen, he is portrayed in a rather bad light(?) in FGO which i find extremely !!!!!!!!!!! and incrdibley !!!!!!! strange !!!!!!! the mahabharata’s conflicts can be put in a mostly grey area where there’s no good nor bad, its not black and white. so seeing arjuna get bashed because of the way his conflict with karna was written is... hm. let’s say that im REALLY starting to understand arjuna fans that dislike seeing him get mischaracterized so much. OTHER THAN THAT, his design is adorable, his travel outfit is my favourite because he deserves to relax and have some fun!!! fgo making him a chuuni is cute and his VAs little moans are cute cute cute!!!!!!!!!!! (mash grabs my shoulder and forces me to sit down) i think that arjuna deserves better and im really happy to see him have fun in his travel costume voicelines. i think we should take arjun on a date!!! he’s a great lover, we’d have the best time!! OH ALSO, kama seeing him as the student council president in their interlude makes me SOOOOOOO HAPPY its unreal, i think it fits him very very well, the seitokaichou who was elected because of everyone’s hopes and recommended by teachers because he’s suuuch a good student but because of that, the pressure to be good is constantly towering over his head and everytime he looks out the window he wishes he could ditch class and skip a day just because he felt like going to the arcade and be a bad student.......just this once........i think hes very very cute...... i want him to cook for me. HAVE YO U READ HIS BOND 4 VOICELINE ?mmmmmggg i want him to get embarrassed everytime i praise him for having such a muscular waistline. AUG

ANEWAYS i also have quite the thoughts about karna, his characterization in the game is linked to arjuna’s and thats fine but i think that forgetting how much of a little sassy bastard he can get was a mistake! did you know that in apocrypha’s german dub on netflix, when jeanne calls his name like “You’re Karna, aren’t you ? The son of the Indian Sun God !” HES LIKE “So ?” AND THAT WAS SOOOO BITCHY OF HIM, i think that karna is a good boy in fgo but the fact that he was such a fighty old man in the mahabharata shouldnt be forgotten and is a charm trait. I MEAN ???? HE THREW HANDS WITH AN 18 YEAR OLD(ARJUN) WHILE BEIN LIKE... THIRTY TWO. WHATS WITH THIS ANNOYING OLD MAN !!!!! knowing these little facts about him made me like him so much more actually !! i think karna being so nice is adorable!! but the little bitchy energy u can find in his voicelines is also very charming!! i think karna looking at me emotionless as i ask him to lend me his notes for the nth time that week and then saying “...Mn.” when i thank him is cute!!! his voiceline towards things he dislikes is interesting to me. karna seeming aloof and mean bc he doesnt know how to communicate but is actually nice underneath...... hey... thats a little delinquentcore........ i wouldnt say yankii but hes like... hes like... u know hes the handsome quiet one of the group of yankiis... u know the one...? hey where are you going

ganesha is also a character im deeply interested in but i havent played CCC so i dont know that many details about jinako herself !! my brain goes HMMMMMM it seems lord ganesha is trans in fgo ! (since kama used to be a male god originally as well!!) ganesha uses all pronouns!!! and ganesha is also special to me because they share similar traits with kama when it comes to their characterization AND mischaracterizations. ganesha isnt JUST jinako. theres a part of a god in the servant mix!!! and jinako HERSELF is actually a pretty sad character imo. the whole otaku/neet thing is obviously a facade and her true wish being that she wants to redo her whole life is also proof of how much she hates what shes become, yet at the same time, she doesnt know what else she could do. but anyways, i prefer looking at servants from a lore POV so i think that ganesha should still be considered a god and be adressed as such!! i like seeing people portray ganesha as jinako but i prefer it when a certain lavish more godly side of them is put forward. a side of jinako that managed to move on a little bit if that makes sense ? that got more serious. and became someone else entierly despite sharing similarities. needless to say their bond with karna makes me happy since he shows them respect as you should towards a god!! its a bit different from their bond in CCC... like they matured somewhat!! anyway ganesha is the one who taught everyone else in the indo fam about video games and technology and i will NEVER shut up.

ashwatthama..... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM %_’(’ç_”’è_ç(è_’”545656455456545453£¨¨µ¨µMµ¨++°=)=)°+ goodness. jesus christ on earth. my love story with him makes me so embarrassed. when he got revealed i instantly fell in love with him despite knowing JACK SHIT ABOUT HIM but since i was the only one in my friend group who was hardcore into fgo at the time, i kept my love for him to myself and just... (looks away)(i drop my wallet full of picturses of him) quietly adored his everything in silence. WELL, ree having an intense crush on yankii type characters isnt new, its been my favourite trope for ages (gyarus go in hand with them!!) and im still very attached to it so thats what made me love him in the first place!!!! BUT THEN. I GOT INTO HIS MAHABHARATAN LORE. And OHHHHHHHHH BABY.......... (im twirling my hair) so theres this 7ft tall war criminal..........<3<33<3(mash leans in and informs me that the convention of geneva didnt exist at the time) SO THERES THIS 7 FTTALL IMMORTALMAN.......<233 gOD he makes me absolutely CRAZY9909840385%£%%£%%µ%µ%µ the love i have for this character is immense and whenever im sad i remember that pako exists and has a tablet and can draw and i suddenly feel so much better. ok im gonna stop horny posting a little bit. but hes my wife. AND WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIS PORTRAYAL IN FGO IS THAT, they actually made him a good boy despite his initial roughness and misdeeds ???!!! HELLO?? ashwatthama wishing for a redemption ark is my favourite thing and his righteousness that was born because of his regrets is a very interesting drivepoint to me !!! hes a gorgeous character and im buying a ticket plane as we speak right now so i can go find him in northern india. i’ll find him. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME !!!!!GET OFF ME !!!

miss lakshimi makes me very sad! because every female servant in the indo fam is an already known face. (... would sita count.) and lakshi being a jeanneface is a waste. well, she’s still very pretty and her lore is also quite interesting!! i havent looked into it fully yet but i think she should be kissed on the mouth. her bad luck makes me slip on a banana peel whenevr i get close to her to kiss her and i hit my head on the pavement and pass away- 

parvati is on a tough spot for me atm. i genuinely love thinking of her as the way the indian goddess herself is portrayed because thats where the fun lies for me in her character. especially when shes involved with other indian servants, thats a given!! i would like to see parvati grow, suffer and heal. because branding her as an “all-knowing mom” is easy, but every single parent makes mistakes if you follow that logic. also, since shes the sakura servant “thats closest to her initial personality”, she’s got some of the most Repulsive fans ive Ever witnessed in fandom spaces and lets say that im trying to work my way out of this hellhole and find things to like about parvati without the fandom’s influence. needless to say, im going to keep looking into her mythos and her lore by myself at my own pace and keep doing my own thing in my little corner. 

rama shouldve been a jock. THE RAMAYANA IS OLDER THAN THE MAHABHARATA, WHY IS.....Hrm well him being summoned as his baby version gives me hope for a future rama alt perhaps??? but i think that he shouldve been a total jock and he shouldve been huge with a huge red lion-like mane for his hair and a teethy grin and big biceps and intense love for his wife. SPEAKING OF SITA, her charm point is her purity but i wish.... that their artist still hadnt drawn them like That, im not a fan of lily servants and i think purity = being young is a bit of an annoying excuse!!! rama and sita looking similar is because of their shared history which is fine but... rolls my eyes............. rama shouldve been 6ft tall and sita shouldve been a milf to match...... anyways i doubt ravana would be added as a servant but i’d love to have a ramayana centric event!! where all indo servants have their own lore centric role to play!!! oh thatd be a dream.... but i have learned to not expect much from a fanservice game so im jus gonna draw my own stuff! (strikes a pose!) (mashu claps!)

[retphienix]

It's been 6 years :)

On March 30th, 2015 I decided I wanted a gaming side blog. (so we're early, but shush, it's the month for me)

I didn't know what I'd use it for exactly, but I had ideas- something I always have even if most of them only get as far as daydreamin' or writing out before closing them :P

For proof on the lack of direction the blog initially had- the March 30th date is the anniversary of my first post, an in-depth and lengthy review of Dragon Warrior Monsters for the GBC.

If you know the blog then you know "Extremely long and in-depth reviews" aren't the norm around here. As a matter of fact, that first post is the ONLY one I've done!

The closest I've come to ever repeating that would be the (word of the day) Directionless video I put out on Hades to get a grip on the concept of making videos, but that wasn't nearly as much of a 'review' as that first post is.

Tangent, definitely planning on trying my hand at videos some more for the foreseeable future. Probably not gonna use the tagline Full Impressions that I tossed as a whim for the Hades video but yeah- I'm excited to try my hand at a few videos :) tangent over.

It didn't take me long to come up with what I'd like to do for the blog though :)

A few months later I liveblogged a challenge run of FFT where I used only Ramza- a solo run. - Which maybe only happened because I tried a nuzlocke run a year prior on my main account-

(Nuzlocke | FFT challenge run)

Thanks to that haphazard liveblog experiment I started to realize a couple things which became the primary motivators behind this blog.

1) I LOVE sharing experiences. No brainer, I'm sure, but being able to share my experiences, and compare them with others' experiences, and just that mutual sharing is uplifting and feels good to do.

2) Liveblogging is an EXCEPTIONAL motivator to buckle down and play all those games I said I'd play (cue everyone laughing because I'm still way behind and have an immeasurable backlog).

But I mean that, on both respects. I have plenty of motivators toward the blog today, but if I were to be concise it's pretty much "It's easier to beat games if I liveblog them- otherwise I get distracted and play other games" and "I love sharing experiences and thoughts with people about my favorite thing- games."

Since 2015 I've tackled around 70 games as full playthroughs, and an untold ton as one offs or just to ramble about for a bit.

I've had a lot of highlights over the years, and I don't talk much about it as an overall experience so I thought for the anniversary I'd try to do just that. Not everything- I can't say I have photographic memory that would bring all of it up without prompting after all :P But whatever comes to mind as I browse some of my old stuff- as well as some thoughts on what I'd like to see in the future.

It's gonna be a bit self-centric I assume as I type this preamble to it, so let me say outright that this blog wouldn't be half of what it is without all the people who've given it the time of day over the years.

From recommending games they love or appreciate, to comparing thoughts, to offering kind words for analysis I've done over the years, to pointing out when I'm dumb and misread a situation :P- to, yes, even the people who decided "Fuck this guy's ramble" and deleted my captions before reblogging my gifs way back during Hamtaro (Of COURSE I remember that! It's amusing lol).

This is better because of others, because of the interactions and the people I've gotten the chance to chat with or befriend. It's just a liveblog more or less, my own little bit of fun I toss out for myself if for anyone- so seeing others enjoy this or that from the work I put into sharing my experiences or thoughts is always a joy in itself :)

Anyway, onto selfishly rambling about some tidbits of the past :)

Also sorry but no, opted to not shove a ton of photos in, it does have a handful of links to old posts though :P

This'll be disorganized as heck as I'll add to it over time before I feel it's worth posting (or the tumblr post editor becomes a hassle and more or less forces me to).

First~

FFT Solo Ramza Challenge: Considering it was roughly the first thing this blog has done, it's also something that's stuck in my head a lot more clearly than most of the other stuff I've done to be honest lol.

In truth, this is partially because FFT is my favorite game, bar none. But it's also because the whole experience was pretty new to me. Prior to it I had really only done one self-imposed-challenge that wasn't requested by the game in some manner and that was a nuzlocke run of Blue version.

So adding a challenge to my favorite game was a fantastic experience!

Notes I just wanted to say today about that run: If anyone enjoys FFT I honestly recommend giving it a shot for the unique story it lends itself to. I do recommend skipping the rules until after the second battle but that's up to YOU to decide.

My first post on the subject is me complaining about spending 4 hours grinding out the second fight and, despite hyperbole being my natural state, that was NOT hyperbole.

It DID take 60~ restarts to beat. It DID take 4 hours. The reason is that that 2nd battle is RNG as HECK, you HAVE to have Delita do some meaningful actions, you HAVE to have the enemies miss and make poor plays, you damn near HAVE to crit a few instances to save yourself from taking too much damage.

It's a numbers game to the extreme, so I wouldn't fault anyone for 'cheating' and skipping the 2nd fight for the ruleset lol.

The memory that stands out the most for that run is actually isolated in a post in which Ramza (Purrick in this run) talks like a total badass as just ONE DUDE running into a room full of enemies. I just think on that as a great encapsulated view of what it was like. The run started off face grindingly difficult, but because FFT is a game that offers so much freedom to the player it was extremely easy to 'break' the game into making Purrick overpowered as hell.

That's something I love about some tactical RPGs, I love having the ability to play smart so that I can play stupid later on, and breaking the game into making him one shot god is certainly a good payoff for playing smart early on :P

RetQuick: I miss RetQuick, it was primarily a short experiment I did in 2015 where I'd play a game for a short span of time (REALLY short, like 10-20 minutes) and record that for the purpose of making gifs and saying a short piece on what I thought.

It's one of those formats where the purpose was pretty shallow- but had a reason. I wanted to try making some gifs with some tools that existed online, so I made an excuse to do just that.

I also wanted to play a TON of games, usually through emulation on my sister's PSP, and this let me do that.

These two minor goals came together and so I spent a while making RetQuicks which were honestly more fun to make than they had any right to be. I mean the gifs were tedious but the playing? The thought sharing? The end product ocassionally having more appeal than just a photoset? It was fun.

I'm thinking whenever I have trouble picking a game for the blog I'll revisit the format... sorta.

I already reused it for a short stint to show clips I had no plan on expanding into a playthrough, but that died as well as it was too similar to Tidbits posts (another tag I no longer really use).

My thought is to rebrand retquick as something of a tryout for what game comes next. Play a handful of my backlog games for an hour or so each and say some thoughts before saying which one I'll continue as the main game for that period of time.

Old Tag Stuff: One of those things that only sticks to me since I made the decisions but it's always funny for me to look back on my old posts because I was apprehensive as hell toward making my posts visible. The reason my early playthroughs on the My-Tags page are variants of Ret instead of just "The name of the game so people can find this post" is because I felt like a liveblog would just spam the tag to hell-

Something I don't remotely feel bad for doing anymore.

So I avoided getting any sort of spotlight for quite a while on the blog for little reason.

Why Retphienix?: This is just a dumb thought I wanted to share and I'm sure I've said before.

It stands for retro!

Yeah!

Ain't that dumb and also not a real shorthand? lol

I think I have some sort of deer in headlights anxiety towards naming things, I mean do you think I think Full Impressions is a good summation for a video? I don't. But perhaps that's overshadowed by the other inexperiences and anxiety driven decisions that had- doesn't matter.

Retphienix is Retphienix because I sat there in 2015 and thought "Well... what do I name an alt account?"

My main is Redphienix, which yes, is ALSO a terrible name AND is misspelled. But it's that because of sentimental reasons. As a kid I misspelled Redphoenix when making my gamertag (I knew how to spell Phoenix back then as well, I was too excited about xbox live and misspelled it) and it's become something of a sentimental misspelling.

So I wanted to make a mix on that for my game blog, but I had no idea what. In the end I thought "RetroPhienix? I don't know. Retphienix is closer to Redphienix. I'll do that" and so it was done.

And just like how Redphienix is both bad and misspelled but exists because of sentimental reasons- Retphienix has acquired the same 'flavor' in my eye lol.

Aspirations for the blog: I have no immediate ramp up plans or road map or whatever, and in truth I'll be happy if the blog stays just as it is forever- up until tumblr ends- I cry over lost posts- and I reopen it on another platform.

But I do have blurry half-considered daydreams that I'd like to see happen for the blog through some hard work or shifts on my part.

One is something I'm already doing kinda, hence my embarrassing means of bringing it up a lot lately. Videos- I want those. I wanna make some looks back on series people don't talk about that I enjoy, I want to make videos sharing my thoughts on games I beat for the blog (like what full impressions kinda was, but I don't think they'll have a unified name from here on out). Maybe retrospectives, but mostly when I think of making a video tied to retphienix or me in general it's me looking at a game that said something to me, and saying it louder with my own interpretations on it.

You know the kind, videos where they talk about a video game but not the whole thing- just a singular message they really heard loud and clear from it intentionally or not. I dig those and I know I end a lot of games having plenty to say that could be directed into such a format.

We'll see.

And I'm along for the ride on that one as well- currently I'm keeping my eyes on whatever is directly next, which happens to be "I plan on playing Omori, if it clicks as something to talk about I would like to take a shot at that in a video too!"

The other is that I'd like to build a small community. Wouldn't know the first thing on doing that in a modern sense, but just a little online friend group to chat with and play games together. Something that could open up multiplayer and coop experiences being better shared on the blog and would just in general expand my gaming to what it used to be back on the 360 when I had a large group to play with.

Since the 360 era ended I've pretty much closed off- stopped playing competitive games due to lack of interest- and slowed down to playing all games either solo, with randoms (and no mic usually), or with my cousin. It's a rare instance when I play with some good people like @gamesception or another friend of mine, John.

When I diverted from playing competitive games nonstop toward other genres I didn't intend to also cut out all my online gaming buds, it just kinda happened, and I never really put any effort into rectifying that.

So more or less I'd like to one day sit down and work on a discord server, and then buck up and put the leg work in to make some gamin' buds again, but that's such a vague concept anymore.

Sounds all sad and what not but it's more ambivalent, I made decisions that

changed how gaming worked for me after the 360 and this is just where it landed for better and worse- I'd just like to see if I can make it a little better :P

General things I think when I think retphienix: Honestly? I think of how much fun I've had over the years and how thankful I am to have had an outlet that encouraged me to explore more of the medium.

I REALLY love games. I went to college for games, I've written LEAGUES about games, I've played countless games, my childhood was games, my adult life is games- games games games yada yada yada.

So when I think of retphienix I think of how without it I probably wouldn't have explored a lot of the corners of gaming that I have.

I genuinely, and I mean this, might not have sat down and beaten FF7 for myself and would have considered the amount I played as a kid to be enough.

I might not have played Chrono Trigger yet, and I KNOW I wouldn't have played Chrono Cross, and I'm happy as hell to have played both of those. CT was a mind blowing moment for me that showed me just how good an RPG can be, and CC gave me miles to think of in terms of innovating an RPG and how beholden to the narrative a sequel should be (I don't feel CC should have been chrono at all lol).

I DEFINITELY wouldn't have given New Vegas another chance. And I know I'm a sourpuss on NV, I've been that way since I maxed my achievements on the 360 for it, but replaying it really did reveal to me how exceedingly negative I was being.

My memories had become "It's brown and a boring location >:(" and "The factions all suck and it doesn't do anything with the idea of bad factions >:(" and became "It's... a little brown guys, not a big fan of the area" and "They didn't do enough with exploring the gray factions" while adding "Wait. This is pretty damn fun. And 90% of the additions are stellar. And I forgot about Dead Money, my favorite dlc in any game ever with a story that tears at my heart every time I think of it, NV good actually?"

Faxanadu would have remained a cool game I saw on SSFF and not a game I played to the end and fell in love with the aesthetic feel it has!

Also that's a game I cheated like crazy on lol, I would do it again! Save state scumming games meant to be rudely difficult is only fair :P

I probably would have never sat down to play through Windwaker which was such a positive and uplifting experience that I now get the most relaxed and warm feeling in my heart when I see those blue waves.

There's so many experiences I would have left on the table in favor of like... putting more hours into a live service title or something.

Maybe, and no offense to my cousin or anyone else playing it, but maybe I'd be no-lifing World of Warcraft nonstop just stagnating my interest toward the skinner box mechanics of an MMO?

Some offense, actually but lightheartedly lol.

But beyond the entire games I've played for the blog, when I think retphienix I picture all the time making gifs, all those games I played on the PSP for short stints, buying a retron 5 to add to what I could explore and being stoked when they shipped a freebie box of old controllers to go with it, getting angry at the retron for being a Piece Of Shit lol, crying at the end of damn near every game with an emotional story because I'm a big emotional mess of a person who finds investing and crying at a story way too easy thanks to empathy pulls, oh!-

Getting excited whenever I found that I had a "*controversial*" opinion that no one would care about lol. Like the one that comes to mind is that I thoroughly believe that Dragon Ball Z II: Gekishin Freeza!! for the NES is WAY better than the fandom recognized and appreciated sequel/remake Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan!

How many people do you hear talking about either game, let alone saying the NES game that is roughly half of the SNES remake is the better one :P But I stand by that! The SNES one is a remake of DBZ1 and 2 for the NES but it loses all the charm and some of the fun of the NES ones by being a lackluster SNES game!

lol

I admitted wholeheartedly that this post would be a lit-

little directionless (gotta love the new tumblr poster making me break sentences like that), but to sum things up.

It's been 6 years. It's been an untold amount of work to be honest- liveblogging a game, at least for me, hasn't been the easiest thing. It's a lot of thinking out my thoughts (heh), it's a lot of learning tools to make the capturing process possible, it's a lot of experimenting, it's a lot of writing and editing, and, well, sometimes it's just tough.

I mean I went to school for coding, not video editing, not writing, not image processing, not this or that- but this hobby has introduced a lot of things even if only at a VERY base level (I admit fully to using online alternatives to make gifs for instance).

I learned a lot about, well, a lot of things in order to use this blog to learn more about games- and all that work has become part of why I've loved all 6 years of this blog.

6 years of gaming, work, and you all- and it's been worth the investment :) Here's to many more and all of you whether you stumble upon this post or not- literally anyone who's interacted in these 6 years, thank you, and anyone who hasn't I offer you well wishes as well.

<3

[fly-pow-bye]

DuckTales 2017 - “The Fight for Castle McDuck!”

Story by: Francisco Angones, Madison Bateman, Colleen Evanson, Christian Magalhaes, Ben Siemon, Bob Snow

Written by: Madison Bateman

Storyboard by: Stephanie Gonzaga, Krystal Ureta, Brandon Warren, Hayley Foster

Directed by: Matthew Humphreys

A family feud!

This episode begins with Scrooge, the nephews, and Webby making another trip to Castle McDuck to meet Scrooge's parents. How are they able to visit this castle with that mist that only disappears every five years, as explained in the last episode that featured Scrooge's parents? Apparently, there's a fritz in the castle's mist, and Fergus, Scrooge's father, immediately blames Scrooge for giving them a lemon. As Webby narrates this clenched-teeth meeting of father and son into her tape recorder, Downy, Scrooge's mother, goes up and hugs the two.

Downy McDuck: Oh, let's just be thankful for this unexpected family visit! Group hug! (hugs Scrooge and Fergus, not really accepting of this)

Just in time for Thanksgiving weekend! Okay, it's not really a Thanksgiving special and it may be just a coincidence as there's no proof of Disney swapping the intended order of episodes this time, but it is an episode where someone is thankful for a family gathering that will involve some food; I've seen flimsier excuses to air episodes at certain times. Webby isn't the only one happy to see Scrooge's family again, as Huey, Dewey, and Louie are after yet another artifact: the Blessed Bagpipes of Clan McDuck. Yes, it's not just one of Scrooge's catchphrases, it's also an ancient artifact that was foretold to Huey by a druid somewhere between Mount Neverrest and that place where the Terrafirmians went after that one episode.

No, just kidding, it's yet another artifact in that journal that seems to be used to make filler episodes to feel more important. This is not to say this episode isn't necessary. These Blessed Bagpipes have a bit more potential than, say, the Sword of Swanstentine: the bagpipes are told to be able to bring life to the lifeless. Louie doesn't interpret this as zombies, but instead just hears is that this is a rare and potentially expensive artifact, and since they already dealt with this castle's traps before, it should be easy to get! As for Dewey, he's going to be important later.

Scrooge isn't really here for Thanksgiving or the bagpipes, though, he's here essentially as a magic castle repairman. Using his cane, he pokes the druid stones that usually power that mist that keeps his parents out of his sight, and he comes to the conclusion that it seems like the magic was sucked out of it. Even if we didn't see the cause right before the opening, which we do, this is a good enough hint to what could have possibly happened. Fergus doesn't believe him, and Scrooge replies with him asking why he even asked him to do this instead of getting one of his other children to do the dirty work. Short answer: he tried.

Meet Matilda McDuck, the youngest sister of Scrooge, who likes to start random businesses like emu farms. The very sight of a new McDuck neither she nor the audience has seen regresses Webby back to her Season 1 "McDuck fangirl" persona. Why wouldn't she still have that? Most of all, to her, there's no such thing as sibling rivalry in Clan McDuck, as McDucks always stay together! I'm assuming the sibling fights Huey Dewey and Louie sometimes get in are because they're merely Ducks.

McDucks, on the other hand, don't really do fights, as exemplified by Scrooge handing his sister a whole bill to invest in this empire of giant emu eggs. Wow, Scrooge must have been impressed: usually it's just a coin that's worth less than even if it was just one dollar! She immediately rejects the bill because she doesn't do family investments, unlike Scrooge and his Number One Dime. She then puts him in a headlock. Webby pays this no mind and talks about this sibling friendship, while Dewey just sits in the background and sarcastically says, "yeah, sure." No, being the stand-in for the audience isn't his important bit.

Huey and Louie get into a sibling rivalry of their own, as Huey plans to do this epic adventure to get the bagpipes, with plenty of strategies that Louie calls, and trademarks after a long yawn, "boring nerd stuff". Louie, on the other hand, decides to do the "ask really loudly to the great-great grandma where the magic bagpipes are" approach, and Great Great Grandma Downy just tells them that bagpipe must be in the junk room, and she'll even show them where it is.

Louie's faces during these scenes are top-notch; there's a fine line between "off-model to the point where it's disturbing" and "off-model enough to be funny", and the scenes are more in the latter. We might even see it with Huey, who seems to be desperately trying to keep that inner Duke of Making A Mess in control.

If one hasn't guessed yet, our villain of the week is none other than the Phantom Blot. We saw the Phantom Blot earlier in the episode, sucking up some castle magic with his magic-sucking gauntlet. He's joined by one of the Eggheads, a charismatic, overly happy sidekick named Pepper. The first time I watched this episode, I thought this was Matilda in a disguise, but then I noticed she didn't have those circles under her eyes. This is a totally different duck.

Blot didn't want any duck to be his partner, or any partner at all, but F.O.W.L. won't allow Missing Mystery taking alone. The Blot has his own vested interest in destroying anything magical, especially something as dangerous as a bagpipe that can turn something that's lifeless into living things. This is the second episode in a row where someone wants to take an artifact they feel is too dangerous, though it's done in a different way.

Unknowing of any kind of evil, Webby, Scrooge, Dewey, and Webby are going on a tour through the castle. Webby stops at a room full of statues, including one statue of Danny McDuck that happens to be holding a bagpipe with symbols on it. Webby is completely enamored by all of this, but Dewey questions which one of their ancestors is invisible. Matilda explains that this space was left blank until a worthy McDuck can be immortalized in this room with a statue. Webby talks about an obvious candidate for such an immortalization: Scrooge McDuck!

Matilda laughs at this nomination, saying that it would be more fitting for someone who actually takes care of the castle, while Scrooge fights back by saying not only has be built this castle, but he built the castle that gave her and their parents immortality. This is where Webby's main conflict in the episode lies: she can't believe two McDucks can talk to each other like that, and, despite being told that sibling rivalry happens all the time by Dewey, she vows to fix this.

Her first attempt at doing this? Let Scrooge look at an old family diary. This appears to work pretty well, as Scrooge is reminded of his first brother-sister mud pie business. Unfortunately for Webby's plan to let this feud end so early, one of the photos happens to be Whiskers, Scrooge's pet hairball, being around his sister, going against the story he was told that Whiskers ran away. Not only is Whiskers still around...

...Whiskers had a new fur dying session, too! The emu eventually biting it ends up being the last straw, causing him and her to get into a sibling quibble. It's funny to see these people acting like children, even yelling out to their mom to tell on each other. It's not so funny to Webby, who thinks that she's going to break her beloved Clan McDuck, though Dewey insists this is normal. It's good that Webby isn't perfect, but one knows she's going the wrong way here.

Meanwhile, in the junk room their great great grandma led them to, they see a whole bunch of bagpipes stacked onto each other. Once again, we see Huey trying to think of a good strategy to find out which one is the real bagpipe, and Louie just runs up and jumps on the pile. This massive bagpipe blowing this not only causes does cause a mystical bow and arrow to break a canister of tiny green flying lightbug beings that exclaim their freedom, but it also proves that all of these bagpipes are just ordinary bagpipes. That mystical bow and arrow also causes Huey to drop the book near a cardboard box that Pepper and the Blot were hiding in. Must have learned that from some snake.

This scene with Pepper and the Phantom Blot does show us one thing: she may seem like an incompetent sidekick, and the Blot sure treats her like one as he didn't want a sidekick to begin with, but she knows a clue when she sees one. She takes a picture of it with her smartphone, and deduces that the symbols that were drawn on it represent different rooms of Castle McDuck. This begins a slow bit of character development for the Phantom Blot, who was merely just "I hate magic and everyone" before this.

Meanwhile, as Webby is watching the family aggressively eat their dinner, she comes up with a plan. She even ropes Dewey into this for his big, important moment. Dewey gets to show his best talent...

...pretend he accidentally died while trying to make everyone happy by making two statues! See, it's a win-win situation for everyone: Matilda and Scrooge would believe they're both deserving of statues, and Scrooge basically confirms what Dewey always knew: that he was the favorite. Honestly, I'd say he's only saying that because he's supposedly dead, but don't tell Dewey that. By the way, Scrooge falls for this even though Scrooge did fake his death before in this series. I should also talk about how Webby would have to find a way to show that Dewey didn't actually die for potential future adventures, but she won't need to even think about that.

Huey and Louie end up in this room, too, and Dewey just couldn't resist telling them that Scrooge said he's the favorite. This leads to even more bickering amongst Clan McDuck. This ends up being a perfect distraction for the Phantom Blot and Pepper to sneak around the room, too. Webby doesn't notice those two, but she finally decides enough is enough, and outright calls out the family for their bickering, saying that it just isn't the Clan McDuck way. Scrooge decides to agree, and says Matilda is worthy of being the next Clan McDuck statue...

...because he's no longer going to be a member of Clan McDuck! This part feels like it should be in the trailers as a misleading line, as anyone would guess this would eventually be reversed, but even I'm not so sure if it was in the end. It really goes to show that Webby pretty much did what she feared she was going to do. It's going to take a miracle to fix up this family, and it has to be something blessed.

Remember that Danny McDuck statue with the bagpipe? Turns out, that's where the bagpipe was hiding all this time. Unfortunately, it wasn't any of the Ducks or McDucks that figured this out first, but it was Pepper. Admittedly, she had to smash through the bagpipe of the statue to find it, and I'm sure even with their bickering, degrading one of the statues would be a huge faux pas. The good news is that, while she may be able to figure out a mystery, she's still somewhat of a klutz, as she drops the bagpipe. Not only does this finally reveal the sinister villains behind what caused that fritz in the mist, we get to see that ability to give life to the lifeless that was foretold by that book.

No, not zombies, but the bagpipes give life to the lifeless statues! It seems like this episode was going to go to a rather predictable ending, showing the now separated family that Webby was right all along, and that Clan McDuck is all about being together. Just let those statues show what being a family is all about. This could very well be, but the bagpipes gave them the vocal cords of the people they're based on, too.

They immediately start fighting, starting with who stole the bagpipe, and Webby lets out an "oh, come on!". Not only does this lead to a big statue fight, this leads to a bunch of other fights. The statues are fighting, Clan McDuck are fighting, and even Huey, Dewey, and Louie are fighting. The last one seems a little tacked on, but it does add a little more power to the scene where Webby talks into her tape recorder about how, in her quest to strengthen Clan McDuck, she managed to ruin it. Even if I wasn't as big of a fan of Webby's antics in this episode, as I think she should absolutely know what she was trying to fix in the beginning was normal, it's still a powerful scene.

There's also a scene where The Phantom Blot and Pepper, hide behind a pillar, and Blot uses this opportunity to scold Pepper on nearly ruining the entire mission. It's nice to see the Phantom Blot actually getting a little development here.

Of course, in the end, they do make up. A lot of this is due to the situation that surrounds them, and Scrooge even uses that to get those ancestor statues to finally stop fighting and get these F.O.W.L. agents out of their hair. Because, and I'm sure people will see this line coming a mile away...

Agnes McDuck (the one in the royal dress): Nobody fights our family but US!

Heh, get it, because all they've been doing before this is bicker. Nonetheless, it's still a good lesson, and it's good to see Webby still learn lessons from Clan McDuck that she wouldn't have learned anywhere else. In the end, the villains get defeated, and the family does find some way to get together and do something, even if it is as simple as cleaning up the mess everyone did. Happy Thanksgiving...kind of.

How does it stack up?

Matilda is entertaining, and while I feel Webby is the weak point of the episode, her actions do lead to a good lesson in the end. Four Scrooges.

Next, ho ho ho, oh no no no.

← The First Adventure! 🦆 How Santa Stole Christmas! →

[awaylaughing]

Pippa and Hamin for the ship meme!

let’s GOOOOO. Under a read more because I can talk about Ideas For Fucking Ever. The meme in question and if you read this and think “golly gee, I’d love to give you an opprotunity to chat more about othere people” I have a shiny new character page you could reference here.

who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter

This one I had to think about. Hamin probably makes a better werewolf, but Pippa makes a UNIQUELY terrible hunter so, pivoting ever so slightly maybe she’s more like a behind the scenes information broker type (Pippa, Collector and Keeper of Secrets is incredibly canon after all). She’d obviously have to start off allied with the hunters, to keep the tension with Hamin real and true. Hamin’s pack doesn’t have the WORST reputation possible, but they’re definitely not above suspicion. They retain their passion for ocean voyages, which strikes other people as odd because prejudice.

That said, you know who ALSO makes a great werewolf? Pippa’s mother and “aunt”, Roshan and Jessamine, so Pippa as part of a bamf all lady’s wolf pack who get tangled up with hunter shenanigans is also an excellent plot. Not least because Pippa would be a very pretty wolf, I dare say (maybe they’d actually be were-jackels, a la the Golden Jackel? A Consideration, given where I HC a modern AU Pippa would be from).

In this case I’d say the lady’s pack almost never maul people, except maybe domestic abusers and rapists, but who can blame them? So another pack moves in (it’s prob Jarrude’s lbr) and causes problems and Very Serious Hunter Hamin (ha) has to wade through the complicated world of lycanthrope politics to find The Truth. And of course falls in love with the nicest werewolf this side of whatever major geographical feature of your choice.

who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman

Mermaid Pippa and “fisherman” Hamin, natch. Pippa’s not very ruthless canonically, but I can apply liberal use of Alternate Cultural POVs On Ethics and say Pippa only leaves her goaded people on rocks, she never drowns them! That’s very nice of her! And sometimes she pulls an Ariel and helps a bro out, which is probably related to how her and Hamin meet. Some options:

1. Pippa had previously saved Hamin’s life, so in turn, something happens and she gets caught, and he saves her life as repayment. Similar to Bog Standard Plot Below, she’s obviously too injured to return to sea so they’re forced to cohabitate. High jinks and romance ensue.

2. Bog standard mermaid washed ashore plot. Bathtub high jinks ensue. There’s a scene where someone catches Hamin carrying a bucket of raw fish into his house and he has to explain it away. Leala catches on in the first 20 mins. At some point, they’re forced to bring Pippa to dinner with Hamin’s dad and there is much nerves, only for Pippa to reveal she’s stranded many a gentlemen adventurer in her time and she picked up some epic etiquette knowledge along the way.

3. Hamin gets stranded somewhere and Pippa’s the only person around who can come visit. It starts with her bringing him fish. Requisite Second Act Breakup is when Pippa, conscience having formed in the last hour of run time, reveals a way off his small deserted island. Obviously, he sails off in a huff and they meet up again in the next 35 minutes, have the big damn kiss and idk how you turn this one into a true happy ending and not a sort of esoteric one but Hollywood and or an Indie Darling Director will manage.

who’s the witch and who’s the familiar

Witch Pippa, hands down the answer. She gets it from her grandmother (er, step-grandmother?). Does Hamin have an animal form? If so, does it align to Pippa Aesthetic and is he a snakey boi or, does he get to pick? What would Hamin pick? Seagull - the goose of the sea?

Other option is he’s always human and either case I’m betting Hamin’s not a traditional familiar. Rather, he needed to get out Faerie/Familiarland STAT and filched Pippa’s contract off a Traditional And Proper Familiar and got himself a ticket to human land away from whoever he pissed off.

High jinks ensue.

who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict

I had to think about this one because I mean let’s be very real here - neither Pippa, Quintessential Nice But Still Privileged Rich Girl or Hamin “cause problems for the staff on purpose” are shoe ins for having worked for customer service. That said, Hamin’s more likely to piss off his dad and be forced to get a job and like, have a real person job in general. So, Hamin’s barista job is his in-world Summit equivelent and he planned to quit the moment he paid off whatever damages he’s definitely paying off.

Except, Pippa comes in and orders only moderately complicated coffee orders and this isn’t a place that does the name thing so Hamin knows Nothing except she’s friendly and pretty and omg this one is perfect to throw in the OT3 because clearly the only reason he doesn’t just immediately ask Pippa for her name and number and also the next 20 years of her life pls and thanks is her hot boyfriend.

(But it’s okay, Pippa has two hands and so does Zarad u_u)

Otherwise she’d have to be someone who just comes to drive through bc idk why he’d hold off on asking since this is HAMIN we’re talking about.

who’s the professor and who’s the TA

...either of these two in academia is an interesting prospect. Maybe he’s a kid who got into archeology because of Indiana Jones and, while there’s far fewer chase scenes and death traps, Hamin ended up with a PhD and a job and look, he’s as confused as you are about how this all happened. It’s alright though because the job does come with cute anthropology TAs who work in an allied and often cross referential field. Pippa’s less immediately enamoured with Hamin but warms up because he’s the only person who actually listens to her and doesn’t treat her like she’s a child just because she’s a short woman.

This one could be set in exciting locales for a bit of Indie Flavour but with more consent and less horrifying age gaps, and no breaking of international laws and if anyone gets squished by rocks it’s a horrifying rock slide scenario.

Alternatively, polisci professor Pippa is working alongside the marine biology department to work on smth enviro-politics and ocean protection. TA Hamin is Very Enthusiastic about helping her out. This one features a scene where people naturally assume Hamin’s the professor and he trolls the ever living shit out of them.

This one is set in conferences which is 10000% less sexy but also way more familiar.

Depends on the vibes u want. Either way, Lyon is there somewhere and he and Pippa are unlikely friends purely because 4′10″ Pippa and like, 6′5″ or whatever Lyon being friends is never not hilarious. He definitely disapproves of Hamin just in general but especially in a library setting.

who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

This is legit a Knight’s Tale AU, except instead of Jousting, we’ll say Hamin ends up taking Princess Pippa across the country as a sort of personal security situations and, as usual high jinks ensue. IDK who makes the best Chaucer stand in as a pal to help Hamin in his quest but he definitely needs the help. Pippa catches on like, super fast anyway because her interpersonal insight is boss af but she just goes with it because it’s amusing and he’s doing a fine job.

Another candidate for the OT3 bc Chaucer!Zarad is perfect, but so is the plot being that Hamin and Zarad had a thing aaages ago, now Pippa’s being carted off to marry prince Zarad and oh hey this is also nearly a Sinbad AU but with the proper Poly Ending in place

There is no AU where Pippa’s a the knight to Hamin’s prince, I’m sad to say. Her martial skills are about nil.

who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent

HMMM. I think Early Childhood Specialist Hamin and Parent Pippa shake out best, mostly because at the end of the day I don’t think Pippa like...likes kids that much. She doesn’t dislike them but she’d never want a life devoted to spending all her time with them. Her own kids though, different story.

Evil instinct says dad is Clarmont, because I feel like Clarmont is really easy to kill off in incredibly tragic but heroic circumstances and Modern AU Pippa would totally be down for a Clarmont romance. Anyway, Pippa has an adorable little girl who thinks Mr. Hamin is the BEST teacher, he helped her dig up worms for her show and tell at recess mama!

Pippa and Hamin in this set up don’t actually meet for like, a solid three months so they both form skew-whiff images of the other and so they get a CLASSIC “oh no (s)he’s hot / THIS IS MR. HAMIN / THIS IS MS. X” moment. Adorable Little Girl is captain of this ship despite being like, 4 and Pippa and Hamin are just along for the ride.

High jinks ensue.

(alt bc I’m never not on my bullshit dad is Zarad, and not dead and they just never married bc Family Drama and OT3 babey)

who’s the writer and who’s the editor

Absolutely writer Hamin and editor Pippa. She inherited from someone who quit and she really shakes things up by like, having Expectations and shit and Hamin, who’s been not in a good place following a personal trauma, finds himself annoyed for all of two seconds before she shows up on his doorstep on the day after a due date because if he wants to play Pippa will Play. And oh no, she’s cute. Hamin is enraptured, Pippa just wants him to work at first. Romance blossoms lopsidedly but he charms her after some sort of deal is struck that includes her dragging him out of the house to buy food or just go for a walk or whatever.

Shenanigan ensue.

This one is pure fluff about the power of human connection, there is no second act drama they get to skip ahead AND collect their 20 dollars it’s great.

[starlling-writes]

Bewitching Monsters: Hamadryad (Vérus) Part 3

Series Rating: 18+ Chapter Contains: swearing, slight non-con kissing* (immediately called out) *If you’d like to skip this chapter, click here for the next part, which will have a short synopsis of this chapter Pairing: f/m BeMo Masterlist   ☆  Writing Masterlist

  **Alt Pronouns are used in this chapter. Please refer to the following guide.

Every time I stepped into the archives, my heart danced. So much knowledge and insight and history. Wrenching myself out of these walls was always a chore; I could spend months in here, undisturbed, without noticing.

“Ah, Witch. Back again,” intoned Lybras, the head archivist. Ve was a dragon, who took a partial humanoid form while in vis archive—easier to move around with a smaller body. Though vis horns still proved cumbersome in certain areas. Vis scales were a brilliant turquoise, dabbled with navy and oceanic stripes, that stood out from the leather and paper books even in dimmest of candlelight. “What are we hunting today?”

“Garrán i bhfolach. Or as close to it as I can get.”

Ve stopped mid motion and dragged vis stony gaze to me. “That is no simple spell.”

“I have no simple client.”

Ve harrumphed and organized vis work before standing and jerking a claw for me to follow. Deeper and deeper into the sea we waltzed. How such a large being in a secondary form moved so adeptly amazed me. I stumbled on a few stairs, misjudged a corner and banged my shoulder, and almost ran into another guest. It felt like five minutes before we finally stopped in the most solitary nook possible in the archive.

Towering at the end of a narrow hallway was a grand, iron door with runic reliefs. It was spelled to repel magics. No wonder it was so far set from everything else.

“It has been some time since I could certainly say that spell resided here, but it would be in there.” Lybras gave me a sidelong stare. “Are you certain about this?”

Less so than I was when I first came in here. Why was it such a restricted spell? I already figured it was a complicated spell but I didn’t guess this. I was beginning to see why ichor was a reasonable payment. “Yeah,” I halfheartedly smiled. “Let’s do this.”

“One hour.” Ve opened a small cabinet mounted on the wall and retrieved the rope and harness it held. It was secured to the wall at one end, and was long enough to reach anywhere in the vault beyond. Since the room drained magic, it was a failsafe to prevent death. Being closer to the mundane human race, I could survive longer in there. Still, it was not going to be pleasant.

And so began my hunt.

 Nails hammered into my skull as my guts were pulled out through my throat. That’s what it felt like anyway. I was conscious of the pain wracking my body long before I regained any motor functions. Once I plied my eyes open, the world slowly pieced together. It was a fight to keep my eyes open for more than a second, but gradually I managed.

I was home. I didn’t recall how I got here. I was at the archive, searching for the hamadryad’s spell. My mind was too hazy to search for deeper answers.

“Mistress! You’re awake.” Caera’s energy flooded my body, making me shiver. She backed off but kept near. “A mielikki brought you home. And… you have a guest.” The sharpness of her final words made me concerned. Who was here, and why was Caera bothered by them?

“Who?” I managed to croak out. Damn talking hurt. I made a gesture and mouthed water. I felt her leave but before she came back—

“May I come up?” came the voice of the hamadryad. Ah. Now I empathized with Caera’s bitterness. It was his fault I was in this state. Partially anyways.

“Fine,” I rasped. He came up and perched on the foot of my bed just as Caera was returning with a glass of water. I struggled sitting up. He helped me. We locked eyes and it made me uncomfortable the amount of concern his face held. I mouthed thanks to him, then eagerly took the glass hovering beside me and greedily drank it all down.

A beat passed, neither of us having any words to say. Actually I had plenty of words I wanted to throw at him, but I worried I’d be unable to rein my emotions and further hurt my throat by yelling.

“I can help,” he quietly offered. “With your pain and magic depletion, I mean. Though I’m not sure you’d be happy with it right now.”

My brow furrowed. I assumed he meant giving me some ichor, but I couldn’t piece together why I might be against it. He already revealed that there were different types of ichor; did he mean I wouldn’t like the kind he’d give me? Or was it the method of giving it to me? Perhaps both. With my luck, likely both. Despite my reservations, I nodded. I felt like hell.

He moved closer and I tensed as he drew into kissing distance. He hesitated. Did he sense my feelings, or was he nervous as well? I nodded again; at this point, kissing him wasn’t a big deal. A simple price for what he offered.

“Part your lips.”

Once I did, his tongue—it felt more like a tentacle, or vine I guess with him—slipped into my mouth. I almost choked on the sudden syrup now filling my mouth. It quickly became too much. I swallowed awkwardly, not enjoying the coating it left in my throat. For a second my breathing strained as if the air was slowed by the syrup. Then I couldn’t breathe at all as his tongue slithered down my esophagus.

I pushed away from him to no avail; he grabbed me before I could get off the bed. I hit him and tried pushing him more but his restrictive grip prevented me from getting the power needed to fight him off. He didn’t budge or remove his tongue. Panic was setting in. What kind of healing method required suffocating the patient? Damn hamadryad. This is what happens when you blindly trust a fae this old.

Just as my lungs were starting to burn and ache from lack of air, a wave of cool, electric magic deluged me. And then I could breathe. I greedily inhaled as I cut a glare at the fae. After a minute of recuperating, I begrudgingly noted that I was indeed feeling perfectly fine, magic and all.

“Next time,” I groused, “give a girl some fucking warning and don’t suddenly suffocate her.”

“You agreed before asking the details of my method.”

“That’s not the point!” I knew he was right, but that didn’t mean he was in the right. “Just because fae-logic dictates you don’t have to explain yourself freely doesn’t mean you can’t show some common courtesy. Especially when dealing with a non-fae.”

He stood up and glowered down at me. His eyes were molten with ire but I didn’t shirk away. “I can kill you right now.”

“But you won’t,” I called his bluff—why was that always the go-to threat for old fae? He didn’t answer, didn’t move; acted like I was the one bluffing. But he undeniably needed me alive. “I found the spell, by the way.”

That got a reaction from him. The flinch was subtle, only noticeable if you were watching for it. His shoulders were no longer pushed back in threat; his eyes were now cold and stormy. It was hard to read much else with his bark-like skin and centuries honed poker face. But I knew he realized his position now. “And you’ll cast it as soon as you can?”

“No. I’m not casting it at all.”

  — — —

A/N: Also "mielikki" are magical bears; they're the most common paramedics/healers/doctors in this world. They're named after a Finnish goddess.

BeMo Masterlist   ☆  Writing Masterlist

Story:  Previous  —  Next

Character Arc:  Part 1   Part 2  [Here]  Part 4  Part 5 

[astroellipse]

guess :)

it’s ffxiv. of course it is. you can go now.

anyways. i created a new character and am waiting to queue for Castrum Meridianum and of course eventually Praetorium so I have plenty of time to write :)

I made an alt for a few reasons. First and foremost is trying to make better sense of ARR, since they were so so bad at explaining things. Also to try and figure out why people liked HW as much as they did. And just to replay SB and ShB because I Like Them :). Second reason is talking to all the side characters between quests, since I didn’t do that until... SB? ShB? Can’t remember. Third reason is because I wanted to make a short guy so I can play around with male armor and see what it feels like to not have some ridiculous scaling. He’s a midlander hyuy and originally he was made just to see if it was possible for there to be a hyur I don’t immediately hate, and it worked! Apparently the problem was it feels like every single person uses face option 1, including plenty of NPCs (Ardbert :/), which... it just looks weird now. To me that’s Ardbert’s face. idk man. Also he’s my height to give myself a better scale of how tall everyone’s supposed to be. AND. he fits into my little personal narrative I have with Secret, my main, but I will not explain that right now. he fits into my favorite archetype of “funny little man”. will kill you with a smile but not in an edgy kind of way. i adore the voice option i gave him the laugh is great.

I think the issue I have with Hyurs, midlanders specifically (though I have separate issues with highlanders) is that they look so inexpressive. Their eyes look glassy. It’s weird. My alt has this problem too a bit but I at least like the shape of his eyes, and having small pupils remedies it just a little bit. Maybe it’s that the glare is so apparent in their eyes specifically?

oh thank god it finally popped. granted. there are many cutscenes in this one too I think. I will be able to write again soon.

I will get a pic of him eventually. For posterity. Currently he’s wearing incredibly bargain bin glam (relatively speaking, the MSQ is flooding me with gil), but it’s at least better than... idk the artifact armor. Not that Secret has much of anything impressive either... I’m not very good at glam :(. Her DRK set is fine though. that’s just a mishmash of dungeon/tomestone armor :/

Anyhow. Particularly the speaking to characters between quests part really got me. The Waking Sands massacre hit a lot harder now that I know who the people were that died... the Baldesion duo, Arenvald’s friends the Miqo’te and Elezen, that supposed previous Scion and the masked man who I never actually learned the identity of. ALSO!!! I didn’t even REALIZE Arenvald was around from the very beginning!!! I love getting to see his own little personal story here!! And that he didn’t die with the rest!!!!! Seeing him fail Noraxia... I forget if we see more of him later here. Like in the beginning of the Rising Stones. I have no memory of him from before he became relevant to the plot.

There. that miserable nightmare’s done, now onto the second one! This one’s only a... 28 minute wait... even longer than the last one... huh

Back to what I was saying. I think that instead of all this stupid padding and filler some of the quests should have been dedicated to endearing us to the rest of the Scions. Including the main cast. Like, they had the material. Some of them have mini stories they go through even. But the first time I played this I just could not bring myself to care about any of them. It’s only now that I see what the kind of characters they’re setting up for that I care about them. It’s fun to see them talk about things that get echoed later, if not doing some actual foreshadowing.

Speaking of foreshadowing. “... Rush blindly forward without concern for your health, and you will one day pay the price.” Haurchefant said this. I’m going to reach through my screen and throttle him. I’ve made sure to give him a headpat upon every parting. Minfilia’s also said some stuff that made me squint my eyes, but they were more along the lines of ideas that would be echoed later, like everyone being of a single race and nation being Not Good Actually, but how they could transcend those things to come together for a common cause anyhow. I think this was more in reference to what the Garleans intend to do with Eorzea, but... it’s also of course very much in line with the Ascians. More so, I think.

I’m also still not so clear on the game’s lore concerning the Ascians. I could have sworn the Crystals of Darkness were supposed to be what allowed Ascian souls to return to the in-between dimension, but in ARR they’re described as being what allows an Ascian to posses people. Also I thought they were only used by lesser Ascians? Was it the other way around?? I mean. Breaking Lahabrea’s crystal would have the same effect of him being vanquished and removed from Thancred in either case. but I’m still confused. Guess I’ll just have to wait until it’s brought up again which... I think is in ShB. the next big explanation anyways. :l

27 minutes in... what else is there to say? I guess it’s been funny playing at a sprout level again. There’ve been a few people I’ve seen around that I recognize. The amount of ridiculously edgy names is funny. This character is on Adamantoise, and the difference from Faerie is fairly pronounced. Less scantily clad bara men running around. Nobody like Meat Sweats the cat man. I’ve noticed more shitty looking elf men but that might just be me and my growing hatred for them, or... no, actually it’s because I started in Gridania this time. Yeah, it was all the weird elf racism that was going on. Why’s every bit of media gotta make the elves racist?

Thank god it finally popped. Was in the middle of writing a incessant about how long it’s been, too. 31 minutes!

Man it’s weird how much of a focus ARR puts on Cid like 2/3 of the way through. It’s like they forgot they were supposed to have a plot or something. And then Cid is just sort of Around afterwards.

Actually scratch that thought. This Prae run is hilarious. There’s s chicken person who keeps making terrible jokes and a lesbian couple who got left behind and one of which subsequently became very lost. I think it was the cowboy roe woman. This is infinitely more entertaining that CidNero drama. They aren’t even new I don’t think either had sprouts and the roe’s armor is the peace lover’s which is very new and from the Firmament I think? Man I was writing about their antics but it was just too much.

It’s over now, at least. Well, there’s a cutscene going on but whoooo caaaaareeesssss. Well. i do since I haven’t skipped it yet. But still. Can’t believe Gaius didn’t die here. Completely unfair. My guy got blown up.

Aaanyways that’s enough for now. Time for post-ARR stuff. Eugh.

[keegames]

“It’s Not For You” - A Medium’s Breadth

With the recent release of Cuphead, an action-packed run-and-gun title with gorgeous art emulating the style of classic Fleischer Studios cartoons, a discussion on challenge in games has reared its ugly head once again. A few articles positing that the game needs to allow its challenges to be skipped have appeared on gaming websites, and responses declaring that the authors need to insert themselves inside themselves have sprung up in comments and on social media. Those who willingly align themselves with GamerGate and the modern, dangerous alt-right movement that it helped spawn are using this game as yet another way to spew their toxic sense of entitled superiority towards anybody who thinks differently from them. It’s a bit sad that a labor of love like Cuphead has brought out such anger in people, but like many controversies, there’s a real discussion to be had that’s being drowned out by frankly idiotic rhetoric.

I’ll keep things simple: no video game is for everyone who plays games.

The basic concept that everybody has unique tastes may sound so obvious that an article on the idea is unnecessary, but let’s explore it anyway. Most people purchase a game on the assumption that they’ll enjoy it; this is the core of entertainment in general. We make these assumptions based on information available to us about the game. This information can include video footage, screenshots, pre-release impressions, and more. However, if one makes an assumption of enjoyment based on one element of a game while not taking into account another that they end up disliking, then the consumer may end up feeling disappointed. Many times this isn’t the player’s fault; if a particularly frustrating segment of a game isn’t shown before a purchase is made, then a player feeling betrayed when they reach that section is understandable. However, sometimes a lack of research from a buyer leads them into being disappointed in a way that was easily avoidable. I think that frustrations that spawn from having to repeatedly play boss fights in Cuphead until you overcome them fall into the latter category.

Cuphead made a splash in the gaming community thanks to its wonderful visuals, to the point that I think that many people bought the game because of those without stopping to pay attention to what kind of game it really was. The information was readily available, however; Cuphead is a run-and-gun 2D action game, a decidedly old-school genre built on intense challenge. The cornerstones of the genre include series like Contra and Metal Slug, which are widely known to be difficult games, and the old-school challenge that permeates this style of game is present in Cuphead as well. I suspect that people frustrated with Cuphead’s difficulty wouldn’t normally play something like Contra or Metal Slug, but were entranced by the game’s amazing art and animation. If these people had put the gameplay style in their mind first, they probably would have skipped it entirely.

Now, here’s the catch: not wanting to play intense, challenging arcade games is PERFECTLY FINE.

What the screaming bozos latching onto the “journalists aren’t good at games” shit-flinging narrative are missing is that their constant put-downs of people who don’t like intense old-school challenge games come from the exact same place mentally. Just like those journalists who don’t think games should be exercises in repetition until success is reached, they think that games should ONLY be that. These self-proclaimed gamers use their narrow view of what video games are as a badge of superiority when the medium offers much more, and has for many years.

The idea of games as things other than hardcore challenges dates back many, many years, which throws a damper on the tendency of these gamers to look back on the late 80s and the 90s as a time of “pure” games. For example, The Secret of Monkey Island, a game about exploring a world and having humorous interactions with many characters, had no way to actually lose at all, and that came out in 1990! SimCity, the seminal city management simulator, was released a year earlier and had no singular full goal or win condition at all, though it had a number of scenarios that a player could challenge themselves to build a successful city through. The kind of player that would enjoy exploring and interacting in The Secret of Monkey Island might find themselves utterly annoyed with, say, Mega Man 3, a challenging NES platformer released in the same year, and vice-versa. And that’s the beauty of games, really. The basic concept of interactive computer entertainment can manifest in so many different ways that saying that a specific game should change to fit your tastes, or that people who don’t enjoy a specific game are worthy of scorn, is just doing a disservice to the medium.

Basically, what I want people to get from this article is that there are SO MANY different games that offer SO MANY different things. Games that you would never be interested in playing offer things to people very different from you. Not only that, no single developer is obligated to please you, specifically, with their game. They might not be making it for you or for people who like the things you do. And that’s perfectly fine. The only thing that’s not fine is talking down to developers OR players of games that aren’t your style.

P.S. For the record, my gaming tastes skew towards more linear/arcade-style action games with deep mechanics where mastery is expected for completion, higher scores/ranks, or both. This is not an absolute rule, however. Sometimes I do enjoy more story-based games that are less focused on mastery if the plot and aesthetics sweep me up.

P.P.S. If you’re wondering why I use some more heated language and style when talking about far right gamers, it’s because I think they’re fucking scum. Sorry if it seems unprofessional, but this blog is a hobby anyway.

[keldae]

Sorand with V. :P

Ooooh, I get to poke around in an alt’s headspace! Thanks for the prompt, Nonny! :D I don’t get to play with Sorand nearly often enough…

So I’m making up for it and giving him another giant-long drabble.

V: An abandoned or empty place.

“My lord, we truly are honoured by your presence to our humble world.” The mayor of Syward, an elderly rotund man, was a chatty sort of individual, and apparently quite keen on gaining the ear or the friendship of Lord Kallig. “If it would not be too bold of me to inquire- what brings you to Lavisar? We have not had a Sith Lord grace us since Lord Maglion departed several years ago.”

“My reasons for visiting are private,” Sorand answered, his gaze hidden behind the mask of his ancestor that he wore. It probably wouldn’t do for him to be recognized as Sorand Taerich here when he was supposed to be dead with the rest of his family. “And I would appreciate your discretion with my visit.”

“Of course, my lord. You need only ask.” The mayor bowed. “Shall I send for an escort to lead you to the city, or accompany you myself?”

“No, thank you. I do not require an escort.” And truthfully, Sorand was getting sick of the man’s pandering. “The only thing I require is privacy.”

“.. yes, my lord.” The mayor tried to hide his disappointment from his face, and failed miserably. If Sorand had been any other Sith, he likely wouldn’t have ignored it. “Your associate has my contact information, should you require my services during your stay here.”

“Thank you. That will be all.” Sorand dismissed the man with a wave of his hand, and as soon as the old man had finally disappeared, turned back to his ship. “Are you ready, Talos?”

“Of course, my lord!” The archaeologist had, surprisingly, found common ground with his new Sith employer in their love of history, and had quickly become someone Sorand could almost call a friend. “The speeders are ready to go. I’ll follow you.”

“Good. Try not to get lost- there’s not a straight road outside of the city anywhere.” Sorand mounted his speeder, waited for confirmation that Talos was right on his tail, and then took off, bypassing Syward entirely and heading for the outskirts. He hadn’t set foot on Lavisar in over half a decade, nor breathed the air, nor left his footprint in the reddish dust, but that didn’t stop this planet from being home in a happier time.

The road looked like nobody had traveled it in years and had fallen into disrepair. Sorand gritted his teeth as he finally rounded the corner and parked his speeder in front of the rusty gate. “I don’t remember the road being quite that bad,” he grumbled as he dismounted, sounding less like a menacing, powerful Sith and more like the grouchy young adult that he was- barely out of his teens.

“Hardly a problem at all, my lord,” Talos cheerfully said as he parked beside Sorand. He looked to be in pain, but still presented his lord with a happy demeanor. “You should have seen some of the trails on Hoth. Only a taun-taun could have managed those, and even then, not terribly well.”

Sorand tightly smiled behind the mask at Talos’ attempt to lighten the mood. “I can believe it.” He turned back to the gate and studied the lock, easily disabling it with the Force and pushing the rusted durasteel bars back. A soft breeze came floating down to dance against his face as he removed his mask, his jaw set tightly as he recalled the last time he’d seen this path and this view.

You killed my mum! Let me go! Mum!

“My lord?” Sorand started when he heard Talos beside him. “Is everything all right?”

“As much as it can be,” the young Sith finally said as he started up the path, his feet remembering every step needed. Korin and I used to race each other down this path, he remembered with a small, sad smile. And when we got the gizka he’d chase us around. Mum would sit back and laugh until we found the dustiest area of the yard to play in…

Then he saw the house and froze. His childhood memories had always painted the building as intact and beautiful, with the old antique speeder around the side that Dad had enjoyed tinkering with when he was home, or Mum’s flowers growing up the side of the house despite Lavisar’s finicky climate. Now the gardens were nothing more than weeds, and the old speeder was a rusty, burned-out shell on the ground. The house itself… the damage doesn’t look bad from here, Sorand mused. And it really didn’t, if one ignored the broken windows, the weathered carbon scoring on the walls, and the boarded-up door, and the general air of neglect around the place. He stepped forward, his feet feeling like weights on his legs, and gently pried the boards away with the Force. The front door was still the shattered wreck that he remembered from years ago.

Take the boy.

What about the other one they’re supposed to have?

Capture or kill him, it makes no difference to me. I want both of their brats dealt with.

He coughed as he entered the home’s gaping front entry, dust stirring with every step. Mum would have had an aneurysm if she’d seen how badly this place was kept, was the first absent thought to come to mind, and it almost made him laugh. The sitting room to the left looked nothing like normal- couches flipped, tables turned over, Mum’s decorations shattered on the floor. To the right, Dad’s study for when he had to be formal and official. Sorand and Korin had never been allowed to see Dad’s visitors for that, and even Mum had tried to keep a low profile.

Further down the hallway. The kitchen was surprisingly intact, if smelling of dust and mold and food long inedible. Across the hall, the guest ‘fresher, and then Mum and Dad’s room. The nights that the two brothers had curled up on the large bed beside their mother when their father was away for work…

Now was when the carbon scoring on the walls became more pronounced. Some of the gashes in the walls were not round holes, but straight cuts that burned through the materials. He paused at one area of particularly concentrated scoring on the walls, knowing that this was where his mother had made her final stand in a futile effort to give her younger son time to flee.

You’re not taking my son! Sorand, run!

You’re a disgrace to this world, Jedi. You and your spawn are a blight to our name.

NO! MUM!

Down the hall a bit more. On the right, the two rooms that Korin and Sorand had slept in, connected by a door in the dividing wall. The Sith gently pushed open the door that had been his and looked inside, remembering what a ten-year-old boy had considered to be important. Books and datapads scattered across the bed- I was home sick and Mum was making me catch up on studying. A crudely-made replica of something that looked suspiciously like a Jedi holocron. Buildings and ships constructed from building blocks. An old map, printed on a paper-like material, pinned to the wall. Sorand had spent hours as a child studying the map of the galaxy and asking one of his parents for stories about the different worlds.

Clenching his jaw against the sudden lump in his throat he could feel, Sorand stepped away from the door and looked into Korin’s room instead. That was the disaster zone that every mother of a twelve-year-old had dreaded- clothes scattered all over the place, a handheld gaming system abandoned on the bed, replica ships and starfighters on the floor. A similar map to Sorand’s had also hung in Korin’s room, but this one had marks on it- circles, exclamation points, and tiny notes of “I’m gonna see this!” and “I want to see here!” Korin had always had a wanderlust to match Sorand’s need for stories and lore. It was probably why he’d skipped school to go find some sort of mischief around the spaceport that day.

Sorand crumpled to his knees inside the door, fighting to keep his grief for his brother silent. Talos, wisely, had stayed several paces away and was pretending to be very intrigued by one of the damaged paintings on the wall. The Sith pressed his fist against his mouth to keep his cries silent, but couldn’t stop the tears no matter how strong in the Force he was. Korin had been his best friend, his playmate, his confidante. And the raiders and Maglion had torn them apart.

Where’s my brother? Let me go! Mum! Korin!

It took several long minutes for Sorand to finally regain his feet and step out of Korin’s room, keeping his back to Talos as he continued down the hallway so the archaeologist wouldn’t see the tear tracks left on the Sith’s pale face. Two rooms left- the family ‘fresher (mostly so the boys wouldn’t mess up the nice ‘fresher Mum and Dad kept clean for their guests), and Dad’s office. That had been one area of the house the boys had never been allowed into, and Korin had been grounded for two weeks the one time he’d snuck inside anyway and Dad had caught him. For a long second, Sorand hesitated, the childhood fear of a severe scolding or some other punishment staying his hand.

Who’s going to punish you now? Mum died here and Dad was killed trying to rescue you. With a bitter snort of laughter, Sorand pressed his hand against the door. It was still locked, but he managed to short out the electricity and pick open the physical lock with the Force. Korriban’s training, while brutal, had taught him a lot.

Inside was almost anticlimactically disappointing. There was less dust here, which Sorand supposed made sense for how tightly secure the room had been. Dad had a secure storage locker in here- when Sorand bypassed the lock and opened it, he saw a surprising number of weapons. Wasn’t Dad a diplomat? Why did he have several blaster rifles and sniper rifles? And a ton of knives and explosives? Something in the bottom of the locker made him frown and kneel to investigate; the locker had a false bottom, one that Sorand was able to lift. His jaw dropped when he saw the relics hidden underneath. These look like Jedi datacrons! Why would Dad have Jedi relics here? He hummed in thought- Mum had had access to the office too, and she’d unveiled herself as a Jedi in the last minutes of her life. Were these hers? He gently touched one of the datacrons, watching it glow as he pressed his fingers against its textured surface, before withdrawing. His parents might have been dead and their home long abandoned, but it still felt wrong to take his mother’s possessions with him from this locked place.

Besides, these were obviously not Sith relics. Like Thanaton needed more of a reason to try and kill Sorand- having Jedi artifacts would just seal his fate.

Leaving the locker behind, Sorand crossed over to his father’s desk. The computer was still functional and powered, and the controls lit up as Sorand touched them. How does it still have power after being abandoned for so long? “What do the records say happened with this property?” he asked out loud, his voice too loud in the tomb-like silence of the house.

“Your father made it back here the day after your family was attacked, my lord. By all accounts, he only lingered long enough to give your mother a pyre, and then he took off to find any news of you or your brother.” Talos stood at the door to the office, his voice quiet and sombre. He knew of Sorand’s backstory and birth name- everyone on the ship did, and had been sworn to utter silence. “He reportedly never returned after giving the orders for the house to be closed up.”

“Did he buy a home somewhere else?” Sorand asked as he idly tapped at the computer controls. ACCESS DENIED flashed across the screen. That was something that Sorand’s abilities with the Force couldn’t get him around.

“Not that was listed in Imperial records, my lord.” Talos hesitated. “Considering your belief that Lord Maglion ordered the attack, it’s not impossible that your father could have defected to the Republic and relocated there. Or he may simply have lived on his ship while he was looking for you.”

“Hmmm.” Sorand had never really considered the possibility that his father had become a traitor to the Empire. If he’d knowingly married a Jedi, it was definitely possible that his father could have had Republic sympathies for years. That was another piece of information Sorand would keep to himself.

“My lord, if I may…” Talos entered the room and stepped to a corner that Sorand hadn’t yet visited. “I believe the dust here has been disturbed recently, and not by us. There’s far less dust or decay here, compared to the rest of the house.”

“There was no combat damage in here. Dad always kept this place locked up.”

“But to have what little dust there is in here mussed? And that computer active?” Talos frowned. “I’m no detective and would never last a day with Imperial Intelligence, but… I believe someone has been here recently, before us.”

“That’s impossible.” Sorand frowned as he examined the dust Talos had mentioned. “It looks like… a secret entrance, perhaps?” He knocked on the wall, then started running his hands over the flat surface until his fingers found the hairline cracks, too uniform to be natural decay. “But who could be in here?”

“You said there were only two people who ever had access to this room, my lord. Your mother is confirmed to be deceased, and your father seemed to be the type of individual to take every precaution with security. I doubt any regular explorer could have found their way in here, not without causing damage elsewhere in the house. Someone would have had to know about a secret entrance to be able to use it.”

Sorand turned to stare at Talos. “Are you suggesting my father might be alive?”

Talos shrugged. “It’s possible that he survived being shot, my lord. Stranger things have happened before. And if he’s Force-blind, you might not have been able to sense his death or survival. You were likely a traumatized child at the time.”

“That’s not wrong,” Sorand muttered as he frowned at the computer in thought. Memories raced through his mind faster than he could track- his brother’s cheeky grin at the window only hours before hell had struck, his mother’s scream as she’d been killed by Maglion’s lightsaber and the raiders’ blaster fire, his father’s body falling in a heap with a blaster mark over his chest. If Dad was wearing armour under his jacket…

He straightened, new hope stirring within his chest and a glint to his eyes that hadn’t been there before. “Let’s return to the ship, Talos. I’ve made my peace with what used to be my home- and I don’t think I’ll find any information on my father’s current whereabouts here.”

“Of course, my lord.” Talos straightened his shoulders as he followed Sorand back out of the room, taking care to close the door behind him.

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 24

THE 04/02/17 UPDATE

Hey look at that, I’m bored and I can’t urge myself to close that act omega tab. You know what that means. I’m doing another part today, w o o o o o 

Alrighty, last time. Aranea showed up, and I reacted in a perfectly calm and orderly fashion. Let’s see where this goes!

Yup. Nobody’s happy. Put that grin away Aranea.

MEENAH: serket?? MEENAH: HOLD the GLUB up MEENAH: i thought you like MEENAH: got owned or w/e

She did indeed get owned or w/e. By you, in fact. You from another universe in which you became a giant hot troll wearing a goddamn skintight outfit.

Oh yeah, and she is currently destroying the hell out of the kiddo’s back at the lily pad.

ARANEA: ... Nice to see you too, Meenah.

Pssst.. it’s not nice to see you aranea...

ARANEA: Just as anxious to get to the point as ever. 8ut as per usual, I encourage you to exercise a 8it more p8tience. ARANEA: All your questions and concerns will be addressed eventually, I assure you. MEENAH: UUUGH MEENAH: i cannot B-ELI-EV-E this MEENAH: you go all crazy and try n pull off some ridiculous timeline divine intervention stunt MEENAH: prolly kelped actin like a hotshot all the way up to getting fuckin WAST-ED MEENAH: im out here thinkin i aint never gonna sea you again cause you got it in your head you had ta be the ultimate magnanimous blowhard just like your STUPID ALT S)(-ELLF MEENAH: AND T)(-EN MEENAH: you reappier outta NOW)(-ER-E MEENAH: lookin just as smug as you got no business bein MEENAH: and you tell me i gotta put up with whatever sanctimonious salmon youve prepared before i get any answers?!

LET ‘ER HAVE IT MEENAH. Can Aranea get the idea out of her head that SHE has got to be the one everybody looks up to? Because everytime she’s had an effect on this story, it’s made everything completely horrible. Honestly, she just tries too hard to be worthy of admiration. If she were like Vriska, she’d care more about doing what needs to be done instead of being admired by all. Merely because Vriska isn’t so dependent on the approval of others, and is happy with doing what needs to be done just so she can brag to herself and others. Alright, I kinda feel like getting deeper into this. How Vriska and Aranea differ and parallel eachother, because it’s a pretty thin line that doesn’t feel obvious. But here’s a very simple way of putting it:

Vriska wants to be the hero Aranea wants to be seen as the hero

Vriska wants to force dead weight to carry itself Aranea wants useful people to depend on her

I feel like that sums it up fairly well, really. Maybe I’ll start making sideposts of character analysis if I feel like getting deeper into these topics.

ARANEA: Sanctimonious what? MEENAH: OH MY COD I M-EANT S-ERMON

GET MAD MEENAH. IMPALE HER WITH YOUR POKEY FORK.

And here we find Porrim, in her natural state of “tired of everybodys shit”

PORRIM: Meenah. Yo+u might want to+ reel yo+urself in for a mo+ment.

S)(-ELL NO

MEENAH: >38( PORRIM: Maybe try to+ avo+id making the same mistakes as the yo+unger Serket.

DONT BRING VRISKA INTO THIS 

VRISKA: Excuse me???????? PORRIM: O+h, hush. Yo+u’ve spent far mo+re energy externalizing yo+ur frustratio+n than you+ have do+ing anything pro+ductive. PORRIM: We can o+nly take so+ much o+f this. We're here to+ try and do+ so+mething with o+ur afterlife o+ther than willfully subject o+urselves to+ its infinite echo+ chamber o+f teenage drama.

Porrim

porrim, baby

i love you, i do

but this is n o T JUST TEENAGE DRAMA? I mean, Aranea killed EVERYBODY.

PORRIM: I myself have had eno+ugh o+f that fo+r at least two+ lifetimes. PORRIM: So+ if either o+f yo+u are ultimately o+nly go+ing to co+ntribute to+ the endless caco+phany, rather than fo+cus o+n getting results, I suggest yo+u mo+ve it to+ so+me o+ther bubble. PORRIM: If no+t, then co+nsider jo+ining the rest o+f us in seeing what Aranea might have to+ o+ffer to+ o+ur cause. ARANEA: Why, thank you, Porrim. That was very eloquently put. I promise you won’t 8e disappointed. ::::)

Goddammit Porrim, you gave her a reason to be smug. Just because Porrim is tired of the arguing, doesn’t mean you’re somehow at all justified in anything you’ve ever done ever.

ok im salty

PORRIM: Hmmm. We’ll see. ARANEA: Really, I was well prepared for my reappearance to cause something of a stir. It’s completely understanda8le to want an explan8tion.

UUUUUGHHhfadjnkms SHuuut uppp

ARANEA: I’ve 8een lying low for quite a while now. Gathering inform8tion, drawing conclusions, revising and perfecting plans... All of which will certainly prove invalua8le for you all in your current predicament! ARANEA: It really is a shame you’ve landed yourselves in such a 8ind! It was ultim8ly inevita8le, 8ut unfortun8 all the same. ARANEA: Isn’t it lucky, then, that I’m here to put this tr8n 8ack on its tracks?

Im gonna die from salt poisoning help

PORRIM: SIGH...

SIGH...

PORRIM: If yo+u have any interest in keeping that pro+mise o+f yo+urs, I suggest yo+u skip the preamble.

Thank you Porrim. I’m trying to find somebody to latch onto here, but everybody is starting problem’s n s t uf f . 

Everybody looks so

VRISKA: Hold the fucking phone! Why should we listen to ANYTHING you have to say?

YOU sHOULDN’T

VRISKA: Your track record isn’t exactly stellar! And from what I’m seeing right now, you haven’t learned from your colossal fuckup one iota!

WOAH, VASKA... who the hell says iota????

VRISKA: I have a8solutely ZERO interest in letting the same washed up has-8een whose mess *I* had to clean up waltz up here and act like she’s my goddamn s8vior!!!!!!!

YEAH TELL HER VRISKA! EVEN THOUGH IM PREEETTY SURE YOU DID NOTHING AND TEREZI DID EVERYTHING...

And, oh god my memory of the timelines and stuff are getting me confused. I’m sure I’m probably wrong about this, but y’know what I’m gonna talk about it anyways. Would this Vriska really even know about Aranea? I mean, she didn’t die, so... maybe just in her dreams or something. or. gdi im confused.

ARANEA: Come now, Vriska. You of all people should know that there are 8etter times to choose for throwing hissyfits!

This isn’t a HISSYFITS. This is clear and rational thought. And I don’t get w hY NOBODY ELSE IS QUESTIONING THESE THINGS.

ARANEA: And 8esides, what a8out your little plan? We can all pl8nly see how well that turned out. You were smacked down just as unceremoniously as I was, so don’t act as if you’re suddenly the only person who can pull their own w8 around here.

Yeah, but you know what? Her plan didn’t revolve around dooming EVERYBODY. Her plan had essence of COMPETENCE.

ARANEA: You may 8e incredibly stu88orn, 8ut you can’t 8e so foolish as to dismiss common sense purely for the s8ke of your ego. I’m your 8est shot at m8king it out of this alive. While your army was 8eing eradic8ed, I was 8usy uncovering the truth. ARANEA: If you would just allow me to expl8n, perhaps you could finally reg8n your wits and 8e a8le to focus on what TRULY matters.

oh god i hate her h e l p.

pLEASE.. DOUBle DEATh HER.

VRISKA: I already HAVE my wits! And I was just a8out to use them to whip this 8unch of losers into sh8pe 8efore YOU and your 8loated delusions of grandeur showed up! ARANEA: Is that what you were a8out to do? I never would have guessed. Considering from my perspective, you were in the middle of some sort of mental 8reakdown 8rought on 8y 8eing utterly incapa8le of comprehending the magnitude of your own failure!

At least she DAMAGED HIM. SHE INFLICTED SOME FORM OF HARM TO THE UNKILLABLE GOD TRYING TO FUCK THEM OVER. You literally just got everybody killed with no positive result, you cannot claim that you are A N Y better than her.

ARANEA: If you had been p8ying attention, you might have t8ken note of when I mentioned that this outcome was inevita8le. There was hardly anything I could have done to prevent it. YOU, on the other hand... ARANEA: The mishap with your dice could easily have 8een avoided if you had simply realized how thoroughly outmatched you were. Did you actually try your little luck-stealing trick on LORD ENGLISH?

FIRST THE  F U C K OF ALL... If this outcome was inevitable, then that literally makes EVERYBODY IN PARADOX SPACE JUST AS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DISASTER. NNGH YOU CANNOT PIN THIS ON VRISKA JUST TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER

VRISKA: Yeah! I did!!!!!!!! That’s kind of what I DO? VRISKA: 8ut... it didn’t WORK. ARANEA: Tsk, tsk. Of course it didn’t. Lord English is hardly on the same level as the 8lack king, or the myriad low-level imps, hapless trolls, and pitiful ghosts from which you’d previously acquired your ill-gotten fortune. Your a8ilities aren’t even close to developed enough to stand a chance against such an opponent! ARANEA: 8ut say, I think that perhaps we can strike a deal. We all know that time has 8een kinder to me in that I’ve had enough of it to refine my powers considera8ly. 8etween the two of us, I am clearly the superior Hero of Light.

. . . . . . . . F U C K Y O U .

Can’t deal with this. Can’t TAKE this girl’s superiority complex.

God im turning into the human equivallent of a salt shaker.

VRISKA: Oh, yeah. Sure. 8ecause I’m totally interested in whatever 8ogus “deal” you have to offer. Especially when you phrase it like THAT! ARANEA: And yet you don’t deny truth of my words. A smart choice. VRISKA: Are you going to w8ste time gloating, or actually get to the point?! ARANEA: My point is that I would 8e more than happy to lend you my services. Allow you to maximize your potential in a more... expedient fashion, given the sizea8le constraints we are currently under. ARANEA: All you would have to do is ask nicely. May8e even apologize for raising your voice? A little more respect and deference would 8e appreci8ed as well. ARANEA: What do you say? A deal is a deal? ::::)

GOD. DAMN IT I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. I REALLY REALLY R E A L L Y HATE HER. NOBODY WANTS YOUR HELP. Oh god this is turning into the worst liveblog ever, B U T SERIOUSLY I HATE HER AND THAT IS LITERALLY ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT RIGHT NOW.

VRISKA: How a8out this: I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!!!

YEs. PRECISELY 

OHFUCKHIKANKRI

KANKRI: *PHWEEEEEEEET!!!*

...

O k you know what. For once, I’m actually happy about Kankri existing. That fuckfest needed to end.

And jesus. I need to calm myself down.

Oh god poor Mituna is freaking out.

KANKRI: I think that is QUITE en9ugh 9f that f9r n9w. While I n9rmally endeav9r t9 enc9urage c9nstructive de6ate in the interest 9f inf9rming the ign9rant masses, this argument has 6ec9me far t99 pr96lematic f9r me t9 all9w it t9 c9ntinue!

Gdi I haven’t even read it yet, but it already hurts to look at.

Alright. So yeah, this is getting out of hand and he’s putting a stop to it with his space jesus powers.

KANKRI: There isn’t nearly en9ugh time f9r me t9 g9 9ver all 9f the deeply distur6ing c9mments disparaging n9t 9nly the magically disadvantaged, 6ut the mentally challenged, which I have just 69re witness t9. S9 I will settle with 6riefly chastising y9u 69th f9r y9ur cavalier disregard 9f y9ur inherent privilege, and enc9urage y9u to 6e m9re aware 9f h9w the nature 9f y9ur w9rds might affect the very imp9rtant feelings 9f pe9ple that aren’t here.

And people that ARE here. Like, you know. The mentally challenged Mituna right behind you. Though I’m pretty sure you’re speech his having a worse affect on him than they are. Also, how the hell did they even offend any mentally challenged people??

LATULA: ummmmmm, l1k3, not to b3 UN-r4d or wh4t3v3r, b3c4us3 th4t 1s TOT3S not my styl3, LATULA: but m1tun4 1s l1k3, R1GHT h3r3??

Thank you Latula, the poor guy is dying at all these words.

KANKRI: He is?

Oh my god Kankri, seriously? Were you too busy ogling at Latula to realize that their were handicapped people who needed defending in the area?

MITUNA: 1 H4T3 Y0UR FUCK1NG W157L3 KANKRI: 9h. Right, 9f c9urse. My mistake. Ap9l9gies, Mituna. I h9pe y9u d9n’t mind that I have taken it up9n myself t9 help speak 9n y9ur behalf, c9nsidering y9ur vari9us issues with speaking at all.

kANKRI. that is not how you speak to handicapped people. Is he just salty that he’s dating Latula? Yeah. he’s totally salty about latula.

MITUNA: UM KANKRI: Exactly. Y9u’ve 6een rendered n9n-ver6al 6y the sens9ry 9verl9ad caused 6y all this unnecessary sh9uting. Which makes the wh9le thing w9rse, really. Right, Mituna? MITUNA: WHY 4R3 7HR33 S0 M4NY W0RD5 MITUNA: 175 4LL MITUNA: 8UZZ1NG LATULA: dont worry 4bout 1t b4b3! 1ts 4lmost ov3r. MITUNA: 5H0U71NG 4ND MITUNA: 5TUP1D 8ULG3 WH1FF1NG WH157L35 MITUNA: FUCK

Latula is literally the best supportive girlfriend. Is she gonna cover his ears for him next?

KANKRI: Even m9re sincere ap9l9gies, Mituna. Even if the use 9f the whistle was vital in the c9nstructi9n 9f y9ur safe space, I understand that it did upset y9u and that y9ur feelings 9n the matter are valid. KANKRI: 6ut thankfully, and despite the unf9rtunate side effects, it did its j96 9f helping 6ring every9ne t9 their senses. KANKRI: Really, this wh9le thing c9uld have 6een av9ided if y9u 69th had just listened t9 P9rrim's advice. PORRIM: O+h. PORRIM: Kanny, did yo+u just... AGREE with me fo+r o+nce? KANKRI: ... KANKRI: I 6elieve I have asked y9u several times n9w n9t t9 call me that!

what has this devolved into? What is this BICKERING. Can anybody remain on the same page for more than two sentences? Honestly, I’m surprised Lord English hasn’t just killed them all yet.

AND HERE THESE TWO ARE, indifferent as always.

SOLLUX: (well.) SOLLUX: (this is pr0bably the worst clusterfuck i have ever had the f0rtune 0f n0t seeing.) SOLLUX: (are y0u sure we can’t just leave?) SOLLUX: (as if whichever smug fuck that ends up running the idi0t brigade is g0ing to s0lve 0ur impending d00m. it’s alm0st starting t0 feel like the wh0le pirate crew bullshit all 0ver again.) SOLLUX: (except s0meh0w even m0re 0f a catastr0phe.)

Sollux, there’s one thing you’re forgetting. The pirate ship was a disaster, yes. but now you have one KEY FACTOR that will lead you all to victory. The power of F R I E N D S H I P. Can’t you just feel all the good vibes radiating off of these assholes?

ARADIA: (we cant go yet sollux!) ARADIA: (i have no intention of leaving) ARADIA: (and while i understand why you may want to this time it really is somewhat imperative that you stay) ARADIA: (we all have a part to play in the preservation of reality) ARADIA: (a mission which is even more critical now than it has ever been!)

Alright, so this team’s objective “SAVE REALITY” Team lilypad’s objective “DONT.. DIE” Team Lowas’s objective “THERAPIZE ERISOL”

SIMPLE ENOUGH.

oh god i just remembered Calliope already died and that’s s A  D ...

SOLLUX: (ugh. really?) ARADIA: (yes!) SOLLUX: (s0 i’m like. imp0rtant s0meh0w?) ARADIA: (does it help you feel better to think about it like that?) SOLLUX: (... kind 0f? bizarrely en0ugh.) SOLLUX: (where did that c0me fr0m all 0f a sudden?) ARADIA: (i couldnt possibly tell you) ARADIA: (but what i can tell you is that i think this brief setback will be over soon) SOLLUX: (fine, if y0u say s0.)

All setbacks can be overcome with enough  TIME. HAHA.... TIME JOKE. The hell am i doing with my life.

Oh shit is Davepeta here to drop some calm bombs on the group?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < man this is just getting sad DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but guess i oughta toss my two cents into this clusterfuck DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < beclaws honestly i KIND of agr33 with vwiskers a little? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my subconscious is clawing at me that we totally cant trust aranea at all ever

THANK, you. 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < cause shes seriously bad news DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dont have any real concrete memories or anything to support it but DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dunno! thats just how i f33l DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < meow on the other paw DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < we kind of are in some purrty hot water DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and i ALSO have the conflicting f33ling that whatever info she has fur us will be impurrtant DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so if anything we should just hear her out DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so long as you dont try to pull anything fishy!!

SIGH... I G U E S S. It still feels horrible to even let her get a word in, just because she’s literally gonna act like every useful information she gives is worth everything, and they have no right to blame her for anything.

ARANEA: Er... ARANEA: Thank you for the endorsement. And the warning, I suppose. ARANEA: If there won’t 8e any further interruptions? MEENAH: yeah sure fine whatever MEENAH: but u beta believe im gonna be gilling you later ARANEA: I look forward to it.

I’m gonna hope that was a fish pun, and what she meant was ‘killing’

TAVROS: i THINK VRISKA LOOKS LIKE, sHE IS READY TO STOP SHOUTING, TAVROS: sO WE CAN BEGIN LISTENING, TAVROS: wHICH IS GOOD, bECAUSE I AM VERY CURIOUS, TAVROS: eSPECIALLY SINCE, i SORT OF, aLWAYS LIKED YOUR STORIES, aRANEA, TAVROS: wHEN THEY DIDN’T RUN TOO LONG, aNYWAY,,,

N O B O D Y A S K E D Y O U  T A V R O S

putthatfuckingsmileaway

ARANEA: Don’t worry, Tavros. I will try and keep this as 8rief as possible. ARANEA: While also ensuring all vital inform8tion and context is provided, of course. ARANEA: Now, allow me to 8egin...

...gjdkgfignjfij

conflicting feelings about everything here. Alright. WELL, that is the end of this update. you can listen to my whine a bunch on the next part. SO. yeah.

[snarktheater]

The Chemist — Chapter 31

So, the resident pretty boy is dead. Well, one of them, anyway, since…you know, they're twins. But the one that mattered to our protagonist is dead, and so we should feel sad.

Or we can follow Alex as she angsts that he was in the position with the least risk and OMG, why did it have to be him? Which…is a way to handle grief, I guess, but it's still phrased in a pretty flabby way. Like, the one time you could go high with emotions, you just…have Alex think back to a gangster she couldn't save after he was shot in the same way. Because when you want to make us sad about a character's death, making it all about another character's sense of failure is totally the way to go, right?

Wrong. Duh. That sense of failure can add to the tragedy of the moment, sure. In this case, it falls pretty flat since Alex has spent the past few chapters telling us she expected them to get shot at, and Alex was in no position to defend Daniel, so there's no failure beyond…"bringing him here", I guess. And the book doesn't even use that point of pathos—no Alex questioning whether Carston really did need someone to watch over him, for instance. Meanwhile, the thing that should make us care about Daniel dying, such as their relationship…barely mentioned.

It's such a perfectly imperfect way to handle grief it can only mean one thing.

He was breathing.

Yep, turns out the bullet missed Daniel's heart, in spite of being "perfectly placed". Remember how Daniel told us he was a "mirror-image" twin? No? Well, me neither, but I guess it was setup. And because Meyer doesn't understand that a setup needs a reminder if the payoff is going to be so long afterwards…this is what we get. I gave credit where credit wasn't due. I should be angry, but frankly, I'm strangely comforted by the thought that Meyer really is as predictable a writer as I expected her to be. It's like the universe makes sense again.

I mean, seriously. Even Alex doesn't remember about the mirror-image twin thing; she just goes "okay, bullet missed, I guess" and starts making planning to extract him so she can patch him up. Admittedly the right reaction, but it just goes to show how botched the setup is if the character doesn't even go "oh!" right after it happens.

Meanwhile, Carston is dying. I'm going to believe that he's dying because Alex spent the past few minutes angsting over Daniel's "dead" body while he was still alive. Because he is still alive, just enough for Alex to reveal the obvious.

“Lowell, it’s okay. I never poisoned Livvy. Of course not.”

Well, gee, I'm shocked to know that. But from there to say that it's okay…you know, he's still dying. But no, apparently this is good enough for Carston.

“Proud of you, Jules,” Lowell Carston wheezed quietly. “You managed to hold on to your soul. Impressive…”

She still tortures people, so…that's a very relative notion of morality you've got there, Carston.

Also, yes, that ellipsis is an indication of this being his last word, because the rule of drama dictates that people only ever die after giving a powerful final line. Or…"powerful". You get the idea.

They start making their way out, which means moving the unconscious Daniel without reopening his wounds, and only then does Alex remember about the mirror-twin thing, because…I don't know, the book remembered it had to explain things all of a sudden, I guess.

And the way out is…completely clear all the way to the elevator. Which…what? What's the point of setting your climax underground if your characters have no issue getting to the elevator and exit it on the ground floor? And where is everyone?

everyone must have rushed to the observation room when the shooting started.

…Really? Everyone?

Anyway. Kevin confuses the one remaining guard by yelling for help before taking him out, because…everyone is stupid in this book…and Alex heads straight for the car, with Kevin asking her to "let him finish up here". Whatever that means (and I assume we're about to find out), I should point out that Kevin doesn't know where the car is. How's he going to find them? Just look around and hope for the best?

But Alex cares more about her pretty boy, so she goes for the car and patches up Daniel. And…suddenly she starts fearing that she won't be able to keep Daniel alive? I don't know where this comes from, honestly.

Kevin kills any dramatic tension the book might have built up as he comes back with all the security footage from the facility (because…when you run a covert, somewhat treasonous torture operation, you totally want to record the whole thing, right?), and they drive off. And then they start talking about what to do about Daniel. Alex insists he needs a hospital, which would mean handing him over to "the bad guys".

“Didn’t we just kill the bad guys?” “Pace is still in charge, Ollie, till he slaps the right patch on, and given the current stress level, he might just start smoking again.”

So…yeah, I guess Deavers died off-screen. What a satisfying ending to that story, right?

Kevin comes up with an alternative plan: give Alex access to surgical equipment, so she can perform the surgery Daniel needs. Which…sure, whatever, she's a Mary Sue, she can totally handle this fatal wound knowing just "the basics" of surgery (her words).

And…we just skip it all. Both the search for equipment and a place to operate, and the surgery. We get a scene break to Alex post-operation, exhausted by the surgery we didn't get to see. It went well, surprise surprise, and they got the help of a Dr Volkstaff whom I don't think we've been introduced to, but hey, why not introduce a last-minute doctor, right? It's just a giant Deus Ex Machina, who cares!

She thought about what they had accomplished tonight, what she had almost traded Daniel’s life for. Deavers and Carston were dead. There might not be another person alive – besides Wade Pace – who knew she existed. And his hours were numbered. Hopefully.

"Not another person alive"…except for the brothers, Val—who, shall I remind you, Kevin stated he only trusted as long as he paid her—and now this Dr Volkstaff whom we know literally nothing about.

We also get some hand-waving of consequences, for good measure. Because this whole chapter was Mary Sue-esque enough yet. So Olivia's kidnapping? Alex wrote a note claiming that she was just a mother who confused Olivia with her own child. And apparently she expects this to mean the police won't look any further because Olivia's home now. Yes, really.

Daniel wakes up, and he…recaps how he got shot, because that was apparently a major mystery since last chapter. The answer is…Deavers realized he was being double-crossed and ordered Carston shot along with his "aide". Wow, I never would have guessed, thanks for that. It's not like you're once again wasting all the potential emotional payoff of their reunion by focusing first on a completely unnecessary infodump.

He also assures Alex that he doesn't regret anything that happened between them. Yes, I guess that includes her torturing him for no valid reason. Although I'm not entirely sure the book still remembers that even happening, because the way it's phrased, it sounds like he's just talking about all the times Deavers's men targeted hem.

They get to exchange their "I love you", which is meaningful because it's the first time Alex says it, they banter some more, until Alex hears someone outside. Cue short, tense moment, until Alex realizes it's just Val and Einstein, and everything's still fine. Gee, what a shock, the book will commit to its lack of conflict until the bitter end.

Val and Alex fuss over the boys, who are apparently too stupid to realize that cut toes and near death means you shouldn't stand for a while, everyone gets their respective reunions, complete with this bit.

[Alex] found herself half on [Kevin's] lap, her arms pinned under his, and there was nothing she could do when he decided to kiss her full on the lips with a wet, resounding smack. “Hey!” Daniel protested. “Get your face off my poison woman!”

Assault is fun and worthy of banter, right?

And then we heap more praise on Mary Sue, for good measure.

“What a performance! I can’t believe you just walked in there and busted me out! Never tell me you aren’t black ops – honey, you’re what black ops dreams about being!”

Yes, she's better than black ops. Really.

There's also a weird moment where Kevin won't let Alex go until Einstein and Daniel both threaten him. I…think it's just supposed to be playful, but it's still making me uncomfortable. Why did you include this?

Want more stupidity? "Dr Volkstaff" is the Beaches' family veterinarian! And ignoring the issues of how that works into his ability to perform surgery on a human, I have to point out that if you want to be incognito/leave no trace that you're alive, going to someone connected to your family is probably not a good idea. But hey, everyone's dumb in this book, so…whatever.

Volkstaff does show a small hint of practicality, at least, by forcing Alex and Kevin to get some rest while Val watches over them all. Alex, of course, only does so with Daniel's blessing. Because agency is not a thing for women in Meyer's world.

“Be a good girl and get some sleep like my old family vet ordered you to.”

Like…I realize this is meant to be teasing, probably, but was it really necessary? No. No it wasn't.

And with that, we close the penultimate chapter in this book. Just one more and the epilogue to go. Honestly, I'm not sure they'll be very eventful, but hey, at least it's almost over!

[datingadviceonreddit]

Okay, so this is going to be long and complex, but I believe it is all necessary to get a complete picture. This post is part advice seeking and part I would just like someone to listen. I’ll try to get in as much as possible, but I’m sure I’ll inevitably miss something. I am using an alt account since several people know my main and I’m a little embarrassed of some things.Date #1: Ok, so to start, I am M/24, she is F/18. We met on Tinder, I asked her on a date immediately and she accepted. This happened about mid December, right before Christmas break (we are both college students at the same school... well technically, more on that in a minute). So, we go on this date and it’s great, similar interests, taste in food, travel, and humor. She is intelligent and beautiful. What more can you ask for? I’m immediately struck. I am a bit of a hopeless romantic/fall hard and fast type (INFP, lol), but this is something I have come to recognize and I try my best to keep it in check.The first date ends, as we are leaving, it came up in conversation that I am about to catch the bus (my vehicle was broken at the time and I live off campus), no big deal, I’m used to it. She offers to ride me home. Now, normally I wouldn’t accept this offer (I’ve declined similar ones before this) as, while I wasn’t ashamed of taking the bus or too masculine to be driven by a female, those thoughts, unfortunately, still persist (“would I be seen as a loser for relying on a girl for a ride?” etc.). However, with her, I didn’t care... I rather have the extra 10 mins with her even if it meant looking like a loser.So, we ride to my apt, as we pull up I ask if she wants to do another date... she is interested. I ask for the following day (it is the last day before Christmas break and we both had plans to go home for break), she says she can’t do that. Obviously, that stung a bit (I know it was truly that she just didn’t have time, but still, you know?). However, on the bright side she does give me her number. We begin texting, but something becomes immediately evident. She is very slow to respond. Again, my hyper-emotional self begins to worry (“is she not interested?” “did she not mean it when she said she had a good time?” “Is she going to ghost me?” etc.).Now, this is the part where I’ll enter that I have suffered from depression for a lot of my life (never been clinically diagnosed, but, I mean... let’s be real, I think I know my own personality enough... and I think about loneliness, death and depression a bit too much to not have some form of depression). Anyways, I recognize some of the thoughts have in these situations can be irrational and again, I’m working on that (which is why I have yet to have a gross overreaction in this situation and there were/are actually more dates and more to this story).We continue texting, very slow on her end, but it is there. I begin to realize, she isn’t looking to ghost me, she is just truly bad/slow at responding. A month passes, we get back from break. I start to build up the nerve to ask her out again (it takes some time, and it should also be noted I am SUPER busy with school myself, a lot of extracurriculars). But I finally work up to it and try to set something up, however when I do I went roughly a week without a response (I didn’t want to message again too soon to seem too desperate... which is related to one of my main questions which I’ll get to in a minute... oh, also, I should note there was no kiss on the first date, that’ll be important later too).Date #2: She finally responds and apologizes, which, of course, I tell her no problem and am just happy to hear from her. We finally get a date set up for roughly a month after getting back from break (better late than never!). Dinner and a movie (or rather, movie then dinner). We go out, I have a great time, she appears/says she did too. She picked me up (vehicle wasn’t fixed quite yet... it is fixed now though, Woohoo!), drove us and dropped me off again (I did pay for everything, as I have with all our dates, not bragging or asserting that means anything, just thought I’d add it in case it helps with any advice). We get to my apartment and I immediately tell her it can’t be so long between our next date and she happily agrees. I’m so ecstatic with the thought of another date, I cheerfully tell her goodnight and get out... not thinking to read the situation if I could have made a kiss happen. That’s okay though, I figure, third date, this is going to be it. I’m going to make it happen.Our plans? One week later. Rock climbing (indoor) and dinner. The week passes (I’m gleefully counting down the days), it gets to the day before, she tells me she is at home (like, parents home, about 1-2 hours away), for a “stupid” reason, but she will be back for our date and she will explain then (bonus points if you know where this is heading... I had an idea at the time, but I tried to remain positive). Anyways, next day comes, date day, and I am all ready for the date, about to leave and meet her, when she texts me and asks if we can skip the rock climbing and just do dinner. She says she was really tired and didn’t get much sleep. I, obviously, told her yes. I added that she didn’t have to feel obligated to do dinner, that if she needed sleep I’d understand. After a bit of texting, I convinced her I was truly okay with it, so we rescheduled for 2 days later.Date #3: Ok, so the real date #3 comes. I meet her at rock climbing and it goes great as usual, I love talking with her, and we got a bit competitive (in a good way) with the rock climbing (she kicked my butt for those keeping score). After that we headed to dinner, on the way there, we were discussing our competitiveness and how we admired it in each other. I also knew she has played a decent amount of board games, so naturally, I get a great idea for the next date, game night! I mention it to her, and again she is immediately on board... except... yep, you remember that pesky little issue from earlier. For reasons (I know some of it, not all of it, but obviously don’t want to share any of it out of respect for her and her privacy), she is returning home for the rest of the semester and won’t be back until Fall (for those who called it, well played). Clearly, this is a bit of a bummer. She said she was leaving in a week, but that we could still do the game night before she left. I obviously agreed (remember, any time with her is better than none). We continued with our date and on our way to dinner... on the way, I basically brought up the fact that I really, really liked her, (she expressed the same, thank God), and that, if she wanted, I had my vehicle back and she didn’t live THAT far... that we could still try to make it work, if she was even interested. She said she had a similar thought, but wasn’t sure if I would be interested (can you say, “uh, duh?”).We continued and finished the date, it was great. However, as I knew she was/is going through a lot... I didn’t go for a kiss. We already had plans for a 4th date (game night) before she went back though. But, right after the date ended, I texted her and asked if she had heard of/seen/wanted to see the movie Game Night, because it would make a great lead up for our own game night. She did/didn’t/did. So it was another date, back to back, 4 and 5. Originally it was for this past Th/F, however, she had to move them up a day though, because she had to leave a day earlier than she thought. This was a bit difficult as it meant I had to shift some things on my schedule around, but I made it work (again, if it is to spend time with her, the “duh?” still applies). The only problem, none of my friends who originally planned to attend game night could make it (which is fair, because it was a last minute change). I was worried she wouldn’t want to do it just me and her, but she still agreed.Date 4#: We go see the movie, again, good time (we laugh at all the same parts, make some witty banter during the movie... but not too much as to be annoying/disturbing, all around great). Movie ends, I ask if she is hungry and offer to buy her dinner (wasn’t originally on the agenda). She says she is but unfortunately she has to pack still and needs to get back to her dorm. I completely understand and wish her a goodnight. Again, no kiss (I read the situation and I could clearly tell she was a bit preoccupied, which is totally fair given her current situation, so rather than try and make it awkward or make her uncomfortable or more stressed, I simply wished her a goodnight and told her I was excited for tomorrow/game night).Date #5: Game Night! I had a meeting (on campus) right before our date and so I said we could ride together after the meeting (in case you aren’t notice the theme, any extra time together is a bonus, even a 10 minutes drive). I said I could drive or she could, she offered (she has driven every time we have been together, and if her driving makes her more comfortable, then that is a-okay with me). We get back to my place and we get right into the games... however, in order to make up for the lack of people, and in order to give her a really good time before she left, you know I had a few surprises in store. Firstly, while bragging rights were on the line... I also got some other little prizes for the winner, to make it more fun. The next surprise will come at the end. Oh, and also dinner (pizza, because... pizza). We begin playing the games, she beats me at some and I win some (never let her win, because she has made it very clear she does not like that)... I obviously try to find a way to slip her most of the prizes though, because, come on, we know the prizes were mostly for her. Another amazing date... we played and talked for hours. We finish our last game, before she leaves though, I ask her to wait a second. I run and get a little “going away” gift bag I made for her (it included several things she likes/things from our dates... she likes books and she also mentioned she hadn’t read Ready Player One yet, so I got her a copy of that; she also likes coffee so I got her a Starbucks card, plus a few other small things related to our dates; and, of course, a short note wishing her safe travels). I go downstairs and give it to her, but tell her she can’t open it til she leaves.So, moment of truth. I know what you are all thinking (the two of you that are still reading at this point), did I kiss her?! The short answer: no. As we moved towards the door, preparing for our goodbyes, I mentioned that we had now had 5 dates and that I had an amazing time on all of them (she says she did too) and asked if it was fair to say we were dating and if she still wanted to continue to, which she said she did (this is when I gave her the gift). However, she said something along the lines of “well, I’ll see you again sometime,” (don’t remember word for word, but along those lines) and she seemed a bit distant, she didn’t really come in for a kiss, much less even a hug goodbye (I know the onus is “typically” on the man, but usually there is that 80/20 or even 90/10 rule, there wasn’t even a 1% here). On top of this, it was really late, we were both super tired; I did recognize she was likely still somewhat occupied by the move; I also was kind of afraid of a kiss in a sense, because what if it was amazing but then we never did end up seeing each other again? (Silly I know, but this is the brain I am working with). All these things combined, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I opened the door for her and said my goodbyes (all and all, still a great night... but do I regret not trying the kiss? Of course).This week/weekend I’m at a conference, so no chance of meeting up, plus I also recognize she probably wants time to get home/get settled before trying to work anything out between us, which, again, 100% understandable. So I plan/planned to give it at least until next weekend before I try to plan anything. However, I still continued to text her. And for the first few days it went really well (nothing crazy, but I actually got like 3-4 text from her each day). Then, it comes yesterday, where I didn’t hear from her once. And all that leads me to right here. Haven’t heard from her in over 24 hours (which isn’t unusual for her, but again, just trying to contextualize the situation). Also, to make it clear, my last message to her was a direct (not intrusive or anything like that) question, so it’s not like I was just like “hey.”All of that brings me to my two main questions. 1. Did I screw up by not kissing her? Has it been too long now? Or was it the right call given the circumstances? (Would love to hear from some female perspectives, especially). 2. What is the appropriate amount to text/message her? I don’t want to be (and am not, so appear to be) needy/clingy by any means. But I also want to keep the relationship/communication alive. I don’t want to let the flame die, so to speak. I know this is a tough line to tow, as too much messaging is needy (or worse, psychotic), but too little can lead to a weakening of that connection we have built and possibly yet another fizzled out relationship. So, any thoughts on how much to text? (And also appropriate things to say, other than just the constant “how are you today,” which I know is nice/sweet, but is it too repetitive/plain)? Also, any other general tips would be most appreciated! What’s in my head? What’s not? Am I worrying too much? Or just the right amount? Thank you so much for reading this far and for any potential advice! (Achievement Unlocked Ramblin’ Man: Listened to the problems of a hopeless romantic). via /r/dating_advice

[rebeccahpedersen]

How Bad Is Toronto’s Land Transfer Tax?

TorontoRealtyBlog

I suppose it depends on who is asking, and who is answering.

The provincial and municipal governments love the tax!  The Province of Ontario will collect approximately $2.6 Billion in the fiscal 2016-17 year, and the City of Toronto would probably be bankrupt without the tax they collect.

The land transfer tax we pay here in Toronto is awful, and it’s exceptionally punitive to those who want to transact in the market.

But how does it stack up against other cities and countries?  You’ll be absolutely shocked.  As I was, this past weekend…

I’m not saying “land transfer tax is unfair” because I’m a real estate agent.

But no matter what I say, people will always take it with a grain of salt because I sell houses and condos for a living.

I just don’t understand the tax, and I never have.

The best word I’ve been able to come up with over the years to describe the tax: arbitrary.

I suppose most taxes are arbitrary.  But then again, governments run off tax dollars, and they need to constantly create new ones in order to increase revenue.

So when “creating” something, perhaps one of the best ways to do so, is to be arbitrary.

But I also suppose I don’t understand tax to begin with.

I’ve always felt that a particular tax should be directly attributable to something.

The whole purpose of tax is to fund public expenditures on behalf of those who it’s collected from.

I can see how property tax is attributable to one’s property.  You pay the tax, because you’re using roads, hydro lines, you’re having your garbage picked up, etc.

But beyond that, most taxes aren’t attributable.

And the idea of paying for everything else that the government spends money on, well, I guess that’s what income tax is for.

But we all know taxation doesn’t end there!

In fact, there are actually very few taxes that are directly attributable, and if you wanted to “see” where your tax money is going, you’ll go blind trying.

As a result, we have arbitrary taxation.

Sales tax?  That’s a cash grab.  Buy something, pay a fee.  We’re so used to it, that you won’t call it arbitrary, but what role does the government have in the sale of goods and services?

There is no role.  That’s not what taxation is about.

Taxation is about finding yet another way to take money away from people, to redistribute through society.

The eco-taxes aren’t about saving the planet.  When you’re taxed on each winter tire, or printer ink, or flat-screen TV you purchase, it’s about the government being creative in finding ways to raise revenue.

So when it comes to land transfer tax, I think that’s just as reasonable/unreasonable as the rest.

What I don’t understand is why the tax is so much.

Why not spread the tax revenue around?  Come up with another dozen arbitrary taxes, instead of taking $30,000 from somebody buying a $1M house, especially when that $30,000 has absolutely nothing to do with the purchase and sale.  Transferring title, registering a deed – these things are paid for seperately!

I just can’t, and have never been able, to comprehend the sheer amount of the tax.

Perhaps a refresher, for those who don’t know how land transfer tax is calculated in Toronto.

We have the municipal portion, and the provincial portion, which work on sliding scales as follows:

Municipal Land Transfer Tax (Toronto)

0.5% from $0 to $55,000 1.0% from $55,001 to $400,000 2.0% from $400,000 onward

Provincial Land Transfer Tax (Ontario)

0.5% from $0 to $55,000 1.0% from $55,001 to $250,000 1.5% from $250,001 to $400,000 2.0% from $400,001 to $2,000,000 2.5% from $2,000,000 onward

As we know, there are rebates for first-time home-buyers as follows:

Municipal Land Transfer Tax (MLTT): Maximum $3,725 Provincial Land Transfer Tax (PLTT): Maximum $4,000

The provincial rebate was only $2,000, but Kathleen Wynne increased it, as she increased LTT on the amount over $2,000,000 from 2.0% to 2.5%.  That’s washing one hand with the other, eh?

The funny thing about LTT is that they have this silly little categories for $55,000, as though you can buy anything for $55,000.

Unless you’re a first-time buyer, purchasing a small 1-bed, 1-bath condo, you’re getting screwed.

Let’s say you’re that first-time buyer, and you’re purchasing a condo for $430,000.  You’d be paying a whopping $9,400 in LTT, but thanks to the rebates, you’re only on the hook for $1,675.

Now let’s say you’re moving up from a condo and buying a semi-detached, 3-bed, 2-bath house for $1,000,000 – you’re paying $32,200 in combined LTT.

And what about that detached house in High Park for $1,800,000?  You’re paying $64,200.

And while you refuse to pity the rich person who is buying for $4,200,000, just consider that this person, after working his or her way up to this point in life, gets to write a cheque for an absolutely mind-boggling $171,200.

And for what?

What does the buyer of real estate get for the privilege of writing that massive cheque?

Nothing.

You get nothing.

You don’t get additional garbage pickup, you don’t get to skip lines in the E.R., and you don’t get to turn left at Jarvis & Queen between 4-6pm on a weekday.

This tax simply goes into the coffers with all the other taxes, and it blends together, completely indistinguishable.

I suppose that is the problem I have with the tax.

There’s just no reason for the buyer of a $1.8M house to pay the government(s) $64,200.

If anything, the government should come by that person’s house with a “Congratulations” cake, and say, “Hey, you worked hard to get to this point, congrats on being able to afford this.”  Instead, the government is like a shark that smells blood in the water, and goes in for the kill.

Where there’s money, there’s more money.  If somebody can afford to buy real estate, they should have to pay a punitive, unnecessary, arbitrary tax.

This past weekend, my brother was visiting from England, where he lives with his family.

We were sipping our latte’s, talking shop, and while on the subject of my impending housing search, I began a rant that incorporated most of what I wrote above.

My brother patiently heard me out, listening to every word (and curse), and when I finished, he wryly said:

“Are you familiar with Stamp Duty?”

The question, asked ever-so-slowly, came with a little smirk; a smirk that I have gotten to know over the last thirty-plus years.

I paused for a bit, thinking about whether or not “stamp duty” was the unfortunate job of the person who has to lick all the stamps in the office of a wedding planner, each and every day, and at the same time contemplating what that smirk was all about.

“No,” I told my brother.  “Why?”

“Ooooooooh,” he replied, with the smirk growing into an ear-to-ear smile, “You miiiiiiiight want to look into it.”

“I think it might put things, here in Toronto, in perspective,” he said, as his teacup clinked against his saucer.

I knew I was missing something.

I know England has a very high personal income tax rate.  What the heck could “stamp duty” refer to?

So I did what 99.99% of the population does when they don’t know something: I Googled it.

And I was absolutely shocked.

“You have to be kidding,” I said, as my brother sat there with a grin.

“This can’t be correct,” I said, as my brother replied, “Oh, it’s bloody accurate.”

Geez.  Spend a couple of years in England, and suddenly you’re Clive Owen.

Stamp duty, ladies and gentlemen, is land transfer tax, for Brits.  And the Welsh, and the Northern Irish.  The Scots got off……..wait for it……….scot-free…

The stamp duty, or land transfer tax, is just absolutely insane over there.

Here’s how their sliding scale breaks down:

0% from £0 to £125,000 2% from  £125,001 to £250,000 5% from £250,001 to £925,000 10% from £925,001 to £1.5 million 12% from £1.5 million onward

Wow.

12%.

Our highest rate is 2.5%.

And theirs is twelve?

Let’s compare that to ours, just for fun.

Ignoring the exchange rate, since everything costs more over there anyways, let’s look at our examples again.

The $430,000 condo?

The stamp duty would be $11,500, compared to $9,400 here in Toronto, and it’s only that low because they have no duty on the first $125,000.

The $1,000,000, 3-bedroom semi?

$43,750 in the UK, compared to $32,200.

The $1,800,000 house in High Park?

$129,750 in the UK, compared to $64,200.

And that poor schmuck who worked his ass off to buy a $4,200,000 house?

$363,750 in the UK, compared to $171,200.

It’s absolutely, positively, insane.

And consider that the price of real estate is much higher over there, and there are far more $20,000,000 houses!

Can you imagine?  $20 Million?  The buyer writes a cheque for $1,943,750 for taxes!

What is the government over there trying to accomplish?

It’s even crazier than the Ontario Liberals’ “16-Point Plan.”

I’ve heard anecdotally that people who own property in England never become “move-up buyers.”

The owners of a 3-bed, 2-bath flat won’t sell that property and buy a new one, because of the stamp duty.  Instead, they rent out the flat that they own, and seek to rent a 4-bed, 4-bath flat at a higher price.

In turn, this significantly lowers the amount of properties that come available for sale, which as we all know, drives prices up.

Folks, I cringe when I hear the words “land transfer tax,” and I get riled up, and want to rant.

It bothers me to no end, as you can imagine.

But as much as love Earl Grey tea, skin-tight dress-pants, and Downton Abbey, I thank God I don’t live in jolly ole’ England, and have to hear the words “stamp duty.”

Maybe, just maybe, we don’t have it quite as bad as we thought, here in the T-Dot…

The post How Bad Is Toronto’s Land Transfer Tax? appeared first on Toronto Real Estate Property Sales & Investments | Toronto Realty Blog by David Fleming.

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