#(and we often disagree about whether nfld is actually a good place or not and the experience of living in st. john's is not representative) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

purgaytorysupremacy · 2 months ago

Text

update: he emailed being self-flagellating and then went on a rant about being conflict-adverse during class when we were talking about virtue theory as an example of a virtue he wishes he could cultivate and I had to just be like never-fucking-mind, man.

I know people say “just let people misunderstand you” and “be yourself! don’t care about what people think about you!” but have they actually sat in a room with people who can’t stand you and aren’t shy about it and how that makes you feel like an infinitesimally small dust mote on the wind???

#i also just had an episode like this with a friend when i asked them why they just up and disappear during a conversation #whenever it veers into emotional territory or even signals that way #and they were just like “sorry I went to bed early”#and it's like. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS AND ONLY THIS.#my prof apologizes for the way he challenged my question bc he obviously didn't hide his distain for the place we both live #(and the class was a guest speaker who did her phd on the identity of newfoundland settlers who was a german woman but it was really good)#(and we often disagree about whether nfld is actually a good place or not and the experience of living in st. john's is not representative)#and it's like yeah dude i've already picked up on your barely veiled venom about teaching at this university instead of like UofT. i got it #i know what the kind of people who went to UofT think of newfoundlanders. i've spent my life being looked down on by them. I KNOW.#but any time i try to address an ongoing thing by bringing it up when an incident happens never seems to work.#people will always just litigate the singular event no matter what.#i always think i'm phrasing it wrong but i reread the email and it didn't mention anything about that class specifically even!!!!#and i'm sure an option might be to be like “hey can we talk about this thing that's bothering me” outside of an event #but then i just keep getting told it didn't happen or it didn't happen that particular way or i misunderstood or they self-flagellate #and i just literally don't understand how people like. exist with other people. this guy has a kid! a relationship!#I don't even think he's that bad of a guy. he's a Certain Kind of Guy™️ but if anything our insecurities are too similar yk?#i'll say this class was way better. i sat up at the front so i did hear and understand better.#and the other person who hates me so much it drips off her wasn't there. and neither were the women who have to bring their kids to class.#the one who hates me isn't even registered in this class but she comes anyway bc that's who she is as a person lol #i get it in a way. her year last year only had her and one other person so i can see wanting to have these discussions with a full(er) clas #but also the conversation moved so much easier today? it was funny bc people almost seemed relieved that she wasn't there?#bc oh boy #speaking of classroom management problems haha #yesterday we were in class and it started at least 15 minutes late bc she kept talking to the prof about some convo they were having #from before class began and the prof couldn't figure out how to extricate himself from it (see: conflict-avoidant comment)#and she kept going and going bc no one felt like they could jump in and we were all whispering to each other #just general conversation and everything but it felt like WE were the ones being rude if we were to interrupt whatever they had going on?#so i dunno. maybe it was already kind of poisoned before I even said anything. who's to say.#but it felt like when people weren't afraid that she was going to pop in or one up them or “build off that” they were way more eager to tal #and I definitely talked less but not. not talking? i feel like i was very consciously choosing whether it was worth saying my point.

6 notes · View notes