#(and the closest to characters resembling Porfiry I have are all basically children at this point in the timeline which *doesn't work*) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kikizoshi · 1 year

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I've spent so much time outlining that in years I've written barely anything, and yet I'm still so far from ever being able to write... I have to be going about this wrong, but idk what else to do. It's this viscous spiral of not being able to write without a goal, but not being able to develop the goal properly.

#thoughts #writing #it's not like I'm not making progress #it's more like this isn't what two years of outlining should look like #even if it's not a job I'd hope for more from myself #when I'm still asking daily what the plot should even *be*#'cause sure I've just recently figured out some themes #and I've got plenty of moving parts #but no *plot*#what does Fyodor dooooo #Idkkkkkkk #I'm stuck between the plot wanting to be like The Idiot (which I still don't understand the structure of)#and needing to be like Crime and Punishment (which is so complex but also Fyodor isn't in the same position as Raskolnikov)#(well it's similar but different in that nothing connects on my end)#(I have the person he kills who's only connected to his church but has no connection whatsoever to Pushkin let alone Mikhailovsky Theatre)#((the church connects to his family some but I have another issue there with the most important siblings being younger than I can write))#(and I just realised I don't have any firmly Ability-hating characters aside from Fyodor kinda which is a Big Problem when-)#(that's a huge part of the theme and in theory I need a central character that absolutely despises Ability Users)#(and the closest to characters resembling Porfiry I have are all basically children at this point in the timeline which *doesn't work*)#(and even when they aren't too young I have issues... like... how could I use Tolstoy when I hate his work?)#(or Karamzin when I literally couldn't care less about him?)#(and Lermontov is already part of Akhmatova's story 3-4 years after this point)#(Mayakovsky's barely in this at all because again he belongs with Akhmatova's story. and also doesn't hate Ability Users pretty much at all #(......I feel screwed. Because it's not even at the 'everything's too complex' stage)#(it's just at the 'not enough ideas for anything to interweave' stage)#(and it's been over two years)

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