#(also title comes from a 30 seconds to mars song - i've always loved the lyrics and am glad i can finally use them)

[tattooedsiren]

too many bad notes playing in our symphony (harvey/mike)

When Harvey opens the door to find Mike silently standing on the other side he genuinely considers closing the door on him. But Mike is standing there with an expression that says not only does he expect this reaction but wouldn’t fight it, and for some reason Harvey just can’t do it. So he sighs, turning and walking back into the apartment, leaving the door wide open for Mike to walk through.

Harvey sits on one end of the sofa, idly wondering if Mike will join him or sit on the seat opposite. It feels like a test, even if he hates himself a little at the notion. Mike doesn’t hesitate, sitting in the empty space at the opposite end of the sofa.

He doesn’t say anything for long, torturous moments, but Harvey won’t be the one to break the silence. Finally Mike turns to him and says, “Remember back when all we had to worry about was keeping the fact that I wasn’t really a lawyer secret?”

“Of course.”

“I never thought I would long for those days. Life was so much simpler then.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me you were still pursuing the case? Because you missed having a secret?”

Subtlety, thy name was not Harvey Specter.

Mike shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. “No. I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t approve. And I didn’t know how to reconcile the need to see this through with the knowledge that you’d consider it a betrayal.”

Harvey lets out a sigh. “I can understand wanting to pursue this case. The betrayal was that you didn’t listen when I told you to drop it, and then tried to loophole me when you continued to work on it.”

“Harvey-”

“Do you know what the worst of it is?” Harvey continues. Because he needs to get this out and if he doesn’t say it now he might never say it and it will just be this unspoken thing between them. “I wanted you back with me so we could keep working together. Only bringing you back has made it worse. Not only have we not teamed up on anything, we’re now actively working against each other's interests. I didn’t want that, Mike. I never could.”

“I know,” Mike says gently, looking at him with regret. “Me neither. You’re the only reason I came back to Pearson Specter Litt. It wasn’t for Rachel or the cases, it was for you. But now…”

Mike can’t say it, so Harvey will. “It might’ve been better for our relationship had you never come back.”

Mike’s agreement is so silent that Harvey swears he can hear the sound of his heart cracking, another irreparable piece of damage to an already battered and bruised organ.

“I don’t know what to do,” Mike admits. “I can’t give up on this case, Harvey. But I cannot - I will not - continue fighting you at every turn. I’ve lost your trust and I hate myself for it.”

“Mike-”

“No, Harvey, just let me say this. You threatened to fire me, and I don’t blame you. Hell, you probably should’ve already done it. I deserve it. Because you were there for me when no one else was. You saved me in more ways than I can count. You’re the most important person in my life and my single mindedness has driven you away. But I don’t know how to fix it. Please, tell me, how do we fix this?”

Harvey considers him for a moment. He thinks about the last few years, everything he and Mike have been through together. And there might’ve been some things he wishes he’d done differently, but hiring Mike was still the best decision of his life, and that meant something.

“I can get us two tickets to Buenos Aires and have the chopper on the helipad in ten minutes,” Harvey says, lips quirking.

Mike looks at him, shocked, and then he starts laughing. It widens Harvey’s smile and soon they’re laughing together as though nothing was wrong.

“If only that was a legitimate option,” Mike says, grinning.

It is, Harvey thinks. If Mike wanted to he’d leave in a heartbeat. He’s so tired of the drama, of the constant uphill battles. At this moment nothing in the world sounds as good as jumping on a plane and running away with the person he cares about most in the world. “Yeah,” Harvey says softly, “if only.”

Mike collapses back on the couch. “Alex told me.”

Harvey isn’t surprised. Despite some mistakes Alex is a good guy, and he could tell how much Mike not knowing the truth was dividing the two of them, how it was weighing on Harvey. “It wasn’t my secret to tell,” Harvey says, because he doesn’t want there to be any doubt. He didn’t do this to hurt Mike. He was just trying to do right by someone he’d hurt before.

“Who understands keeping secrets better than me?” Mike says, a slight twinkle in his eye. Harvey huffs out a quick laugh, and wonders when the secrets they keep won’t define their lives. “But we need to fix this, Harvey. We need to put these bastards away, and we need to make sure Alex doesn’t get pulled down with them.”

“And how do you propose we do that?” Harvey asks, sitting straighter. It’s game time.

“I don’t know,” Mike admits. “But I do know this. You and I can accomplish anything. And once we do, things can go back to normal.”

Harvey smiles at him, even if it’s tinged with sadness. Because even if he’s right, even if they can take down Reform Corp and Masterson Construction, things won’t be the same. How can they be? Mike is never going to be able to reconcile his need for pro bono work and helping the little guy with life as a corporate lawyer, which is something he’s amazingly good at. Their ‘one for you, one for me’ deal lasted about five seconds before it imploded, so that obviously isn’t the solution Harvey hoped it would be. Harvey is always going to want more from Mike than he’s going to be able to give, and one day something was going to happen that would break their relationship, irrevocably. But it was not this day, and for now Harvey will do anything to keep Mike by his side. So he says, “Okay, let’s do it.”

His fate is sealed.