#(also holy shit they are hard to write. this reminds me of when i started writing mad men fic: v intimidating)

[imreallyloveleee]

honeymoon phase

She pulls him close and wraps her legs around his hips, runs her hands down his back, lets the bad thoughts bleed out while he makes her feel good.

(Set during 5x07, JMM.)

read it on ao3.

[systemadministratorclu]

Y'all, I just HAD to share this, because holy shit.

A little background first:

I run the drive-thru cash register window at a fast food joint. One of the shittiest jobs there is because some of the rudest/stupidest people on the planet come through the drive-thru, and one must have near superhuman patience to deal with it. That said, there are customers who come regularly and are not hard to deal with at all. And then there are some-very few and far between-that restore your faith in humanity a little every time they come.

This is about one such customer.

This guy comes every day at about the same time with his grandson (6 years old when this started, recently turned 7) and gets the exact same thing every time. To the point where now either I see their car or I hear the guy say his name (whichever happens first) and I'm already ringing them up. Because of this, the kid now thinks I have weirdly specific psychic powers, and has said he prefers coming to the place when I'm there. He's also decided I'm the best employee this place has. The granddad talks to me like I'm a human, they're always smiling and happy to see me (which means a lot in this line of work, let me tell you) and even on my shittiest days, they've managed to make me smile. I genuinely look forward to seeing these people every day.

Recently, grandson was hella excited to tell me he had a birthday coming up. Reminded me every day "my birthday's coming!" as most 6yo kids do.

Maybe I was feeling a little holiday spirit or something, but one day after work, I went to the Dollar Tree near the restaurant. I picked out a kid's birthday card and a Christmas card. I wrote a message in the Christmas one about what I just explained above, thanking them for bringing some joy to my days, because y'know what? People need to hear that shit. Especially in today's world. And I wanted them to know how much this meant to me. I wrote a little joke in the birthday card about not forgetting the day. Then I looked in my wallet, saw I had a $10 and a $1, and stuck the $10 in the birthday card. Addressed the birthday card to the kid and the Christmas one to kid and grandpa. I give the cards to them on their normal drive-thru visit. They are of course surprised (kid starts yelling "thank you" even though he hasn't gotten to open it yet) but thankful. Then the line moves on.

Fast forward to today.

I see the car come in but I don't start ringing the order up, because it's WAY early for them. I give my usual greeting, then I hear a woman's voice, so I think it's someone in the same kind of car. But when she asks "is this Hal?" I then realize it's the kid's mother, whom he has told all about me and who has come through with him before.

I say yes, and she tells me she's not here to order anything, just to see me, since kid and granddad are sick. I tell her to come on to the window, she does, and hands me a card and a nicely wrapped gift. I asked her to tell them hi for me, she said she would and then the line moved.

I got off on lunch break and opened card and gift.

I was not prepared. At all.

This is the gift...

...the card (no writing on the front).....

.....and the typed note inside the card that actually brought tears to my eyes.

......I'm still not over this. I will be thinking about how this went on for OVER HALF A FUCKING YEAR and I had no idea.

This is the kind of stuff that makes this shitty job worth it. People like this....We need more of in this world. I'm going to hold onto that note so when I feel like shit or I don't matter, I can look at it and know there's a kid out there who I am so important to that he got his dad to write a whole-ass letter, to some random stranger he only knows through his son, inviting me to their fucking house. I'm tearing up again as I write this, just thinking about it.

If that doesn't say "you matter", idk what does.

(And yes, I will go at some point, because how can I not? I'm not gonna dash this kid's hopes and make myself look like an enormous asshole. This is the RL version of being handed a toy phone and told it's ringing)

[skiddlecat]

you know what? fuck it. the dynamic between taco and microphone is really interesting and dumbing it down to "evil terrible abuser and poor innocent victim" flattens both of their characters simultaneously.

they both hurt Each Other in ways that can't be undone!!! mic did her fair share of Fucking It Up Big Time as well and i think the way their fallout went down is the best example of times mic could have been better. and before anyone says it NO i'm NOT saying she didn't have a right to back out when she did but what i AM saying is that i think the way she handled cutting taco off showcases one of her biggest character flaws EXCELLENTLY:

when she's hurt by someone, she will hurt them back twice as hard. cheesy makes an insensitive joke? she calls him a monster. taco relapses in her bad habits? she weaponizes her past friendship with pickle. i'm pretty confident in saying both of these responses are Pretty Damn Disproportionate. and i think that's really interesting!!! we should talk more about this!!!!!!!!!

taco did a lot of bad things in their friendship and should absolutely be held accountable for it, but i also think simply calling her a heartless abuser is horribly undermining her character. like, imagine with me, if you will:

(post-writing note. HOLY SHIT this was way longer than i thought it'd be. putting the rest of this post under the cut because the previous paragraphs are pretty much all my thoughts but i kind of go into a full taco character analysis below. if you want to see that then keep reading i suppose LMAOOO)

you once accidentally formed a friendship with someone based off of a lie. you exposed the lie, sabotaged that relationship, and cut him off. that was the last conversation you had. a good while later you realize that, oh no, you actually DID care about this person, and you miss him! but he's GONE and it's YOUR FAULT!!! so you write. you write, you write, you write, hoping to get a response, but you never do.

and then. and then you find someone else. someone who's loud, chaotic, cast out. she reminds you a little too much of the lie you built for yourself. and so, you help her. for your own selfish reasons, sure, but you attempt to reign her in. she doesn't trust you at first, you don't trust her either, and you are... less than kind to her. it's not pretty, but at this point it doesn't really matter to you, because right now she's just a means to an end. she doesn't mean anything to you.

but slowly, over time, things start changing. she starts seeing past the brick walls you built around yourself. starts trying to break them down, little by little. you avoid, you resist, you do everything you can to prevent her from getting through, because vulnerability is frankly disgusting, and you don't want to talk about your problems anyway! but, this doesn't last. you actually apologize to her, for being so closed off, because you should be doing better, and she seems to appreciate it.

someone brings up that old friend to her. you get MAD. it's like rubbing salt in the wound, reminding you of every reason you're not happy, every reason you've been scared of getting too close. he suggests that you will leave her the same way you left him.

and. surprisingly. your ally does not side with him. she tells him you're changing. you're changing. she looks at you and all of your disgusting flaws, and she sees someone not beyond redemption. and you think that maybe. maybe you can trust her. maybe you CAN let your walls down. maybe you won't screw it up this time. and, and...

one mistake.

a pretty big one, granted, but a mistake nonetheless. you relapse into some bad habits, because the situation you entered was not the one you planned for. and she's mad. so mad, in fact, that she takes your old friendship, something she knows is a touchy subject, that hurts every time it's brought up, and she weaponizes it. she looks at you as if you mean nothing to her, and then she leaves. she leaves before you even have a chance to respond.

one. mistake.

one mistake is all it took for her to grow sick of you, for her to agree with all of the terrible things people say about you. and what hurts the most is that you TRUSTED her. you thought you could be open with her, you thought she was DIFFERENT. but no, she's not different. she's just like everyone else. and maybe, if the one person who believed you could be better gives up on you... maybe they're all right about you.

the walls are back up. they're thicker, stronger, and as far as you're concerned... it will take FAR more convincing to let anyone get through ever again.

...and then mepad comes along and says he doesn't even believe you're a bad person in the FIRST place, which is. astounding and very hard to believe but he's seeing you at your absolute worst being needlessly cruel to everyone and is STILL saying this with complete confidence so, fuck, kind of hard to keep THAT up for very long. then ii16 happens and you know the drill SHE'S DOING BAD.

hoo boy this went on for a lot longer than it was supposed to. anyway all this to say i think we should talk more about how they both hurt each other rather than push the narrative that one of them was "the abuser" and the other was "the victim" because frankly that's not even how it works in real life. thank you for coming to my ted talk i've been sitting on this for weeks afraid that i'd be told to kill myself over anons 👍

[wowcatboys]

Hooray! Requests are open! And I rush like the wind into your abode with my idea! How about this idea? Heartsteel!Kayn x Gothic singer!Reader? Reader is the leader of the Gothic rock band the band. In their video, as well as in the songs themselves, there is a lot of gloom, mystery, and also a lot of creepy themes. There are a lot of cemeteries, abandoned buildings, etc. And in the main life Reader likes to visit cemeteries and abandoned buildings (just like me. Because there you can relax from the hustle and bustle of the city. Peace and quiet). In the clips, Reader often acts as a vampire. I would like to know the dynamics in their relationship) Thank you very much!)

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GIF by thedemonlady

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HEARTSTEEL KAYN: GOTHIC/SINGER PARTNER HEADCANONS ♡ Gender Neutral ♡ Light to mid-NSFW sprinkled throughout... couldn't help myself (but I KNOW none of you bonk-deserving DEGENERATES mind much 0-0 ) ♡ TW: Slight Sexual Content ♡Keyes write less than one thousand words about Kayn challenge (GONE WRONG) (GONE SEXUAL) (TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

KAYN

Yone's the one who "introduced" you to Kayn, in a way. After seeing one of your music videos, Yone had a feeling Kayn might like your style and sent him a link. What Yone didn't foresee was Kayn becoming instantly fucking obsessed with you. But how was he supposed to resist? You, with your blood red lips and your black lace everything and your haunting, creepy voice...how could Kayn be anything but instantly, painfully in love?

Since your group was much smaller than Heartsteel, it wasn't hard for Kayn to get you to notice him. Sure, maybe the guys teased him for DM'ing you around the clock and turning up at all your shows like a damn groupie until you told him he could take you out sometime...but he's the one who bagged the goth hottie in the end, so who's the real winner?

Kayn keeps a mini silver bat keychain clipped to his bag, a constant reminder of you. Even though your aesthetic is gloomy and, frankly, a little ominous, he still says that your little bat is his good luck charm.

Of course Kayn knows that you scream in your songs—he listens to them religiously, after all—but the first time he heard it in person? Holy shit, he got chills. He knows he shouldn't interrupt your band practice. It was already nice enough of you to let him sit in and listen. But he can't. fucking. help it. "That was the hottest shit I've heard in my life," he tells you after you finish the song. "You're so fucking cool." When the band takes a five-minute break halfway through rehearsal, Kayn tugs you into the nearest bathroom and shows you just how sexy he finds you. Needless to say, you get a bit more screaming practice than you bargained for...

Typically, Kayn prefers the stage to the crowd, but even he can admit that being in the audience at your shows is a really fucking good time. The low, moody lighting, the smoke machines belting fog across the stage, groups of your fans proudly sporting plastic fans and screaming the haunting lyrics to your songs? The atmosphere is fucking impeccable. Plus, in a crowd like this, he can easily get away with going full Rhaast. (He's even started a mosh pit or two...or more. Probably best not to keep track.)

Kayn's favorite part of your vampire-ensemble? A pair of silver tooth caps, shaped like fangs (naturally). When he steals you away from rehearsals or pulls you into a dark backstage corner after a show, Kayn's quickly licking his way into your mouth, tongue dancing along the edge of the metal. "Bite me," he often growls into the edge of your ear as you're kissing down his neck. At first you thought he was kidding, so you'd always give him a light nip and then find your way back to his hungry mouth. But, one time, he smacked your ass as you were working the soft flesh of his neck and you, surprised, really bit down—hard. The way Kayn squirmed into you, panting and whining as a dark bruise started blossoming to the surface of his neck, told you that's definitely what he'd been wanting all along.

Since Kayn's been in the industry for a long time, he's a lot more used to dealing with paparazzi than you are. Whenever you come to him for advice on dealing with the cameras and harassment, he scoffs, instantly annoyed. "Oh, those fucking assholes? If you get in their faces enough, they'll back off." Don't worry, though, he'll do the 'getting in their faces' part for you. If you're out with Kayn and the two of you start getting mobbed, he's not afraid to elbow a reporter or two, or break a few camera lenses. Your management is pissed by the bad press, of course, but it's done wonders for your privacy.

Kayn's favorite pet-name for you is his 'baby bat'. He often calls you that after you do something cute. "Ugh, my baby bat," he says, squishing your cheeks with his hand and planting a kiss on your puckered, smushed-together lips. "So fucking adorable."

Your music taste has earned you the great honor of sharing a Spotify account with Kayn. You're the only person he'd ever even consider allowing to add songs to his playlists, or influence what music the algorithm spits through the radio while he's driving. Just don't steal the account while he's listening (he gets pouty).

Whenever the two of you are hanging out Kayn tries to snag your notebook, flipping through for a glimpse at your newest song concepts or music video ideas. He can't help being curious! You're one of his favorite artists (the fact that you kiss him a lot helps with that), so he's always eager for a sneak peek at your next creative endeavor. Your brain fascinates him, and he can't wait to see what ominous project you put out next.

Anytime you've got a photoshoot, count on Kayn to show up. He loves to see you in full vampire-mode, looking flawless in you Tim-Burton-esque makeup and your platform boots. He's got an eye for edgy photography and iconography, too, so he's a great person to draw inspiration from (even if he tends to annoy the photographers—he's not afraid to tell them if their photos are shitty). Some of his best photo ideas? A boudoir-esque shoot centered around a velvet-lined coffin, a Halloween photo-set with charmingly-poorly-carved jack o' lanterns (carving credits to Heartsteel), a birthday party in a graveyard. Not all of his ideas are so extravagant, of course, and some of his best are the most simple. He's taken a simple shot of his neon eye that you loved so much, you made it the cover art for one of your singles.

Kayn has you saved in his phone under a black heart and a bat emoji.

While the graveyard might be a little too quiet and still for his tastes, Kayn's glad to accompany you on trips to abandoned buildings. He's committed arson in explored his fair share of old warehouses and factories, so he knows what to expect when the two of you break into an abandoned building on a date. He's got a full toolkit—flashlights, a crowbar, lockpicks. Whenever you've got to smash a window or crack a lock to move forward, Kayn eagerly volunteers to clear the way. "You know, since I'm a gentleman," he smiles, sweeter than sugar as he kicks down a door. (You have to physically restrain yourself from rolling your eyes at that.) The two of you spend hours wandering through old buildings on your days off, brushing through years of old, quiet dust. When it's time to leave, Kayn breaks a bottle of spray paint out of his bag. He always tags the building before you clear out, one little symbol for each of you; his Rhaast-grinned Heartsteel icon, and a bat next to it.

[oneirophobic]

TIGHT – m. sturniolo ! ( ★ )

( part of the summer fun series ! )

— word count : 687 ( exact )

warnings : [ IMPLIED FEM!READER ] swearing, hints of thlassophibia, mentions of zebra muscle injuries / cuts, boating terms ( stern , bow , watercraft )

summary : just riding the seadoo with matt on the lake

a/n : i accidentally pulled an all nighter while writing this, but anyways- feel free to leave requests for things you want to see in the summer fun series !! also, hope we're enjoying the new layout ! ;)

my fingers fastened the buckles on my chest, trailing behind matt as he swung the spiraling key in hands while waddling down the dock.

"you promise that you won't let me fall, right?" i whined, fearing the depths of the water. matt spun around, holding up his pinky, "pinky promise."

i smiled up at him, interlocking our pinkies, "pinky promise," i mumbled, reminiscing on the 'childish' action.

matt stepped down the ladder into the water, "holy shit, it's so warm!" he exclaimed, jumping down into the water. i followed after him, "jeez, it's like a nice warm bath," i giggled, dipping my manicured fingers into the water.

matt nodded, walking backwards to look at me. "be careful, zebra muscles hurt like a bitch," reminding him of the species that practically took over the lake decades prior due to careless boaters. "sorry, mom!" he sassed, turning around to watch his feet in the water, avoiding the sharp shells.

matt turned to look over his shoulder as we approached the seadoo, which was chained to a makeshift buoy that was just an old and faded laundry detergent bottle, "you can go ahead and hop on, i'll push you out." i looked at him, "you sure?"

"of course," he said, "it's not that hard. there's like nobody out here: no wakes, waves or anything like that." and he was right, the lake was almost perfectly flat besides the light ripples in the water. "and plus," he began to add, fully turning around and grabbing my hands, "i don't want you to step on any zebra muscles and get cut," he pressed a kiss to my cheek, making me smile.

he walked to the bow of the watercraft, unlatching the chain, as i stepped up onto the stern a seated myself in the middle, leaving room for him in front of me. he walked back to the stern and began pushing us out to the drop off.

once the water was just above his hips, he hopped on with me and placed himself in front of me. he placed his thumb onto the red button and pushed the key into place, making the watercraft let out a short beep.

he turned to look at me, "you ready?" he asked with a huge smile on his face. i nodded, staring into his eyes. he laughed a bit, "okay baby, you can either hang onto this," he instructed me, pulling at a thick strap behind him, "or you can just hang onto me."

"the second option," i giggled. he nodded and turned around, pressing the same button for a more prolonged period of time, making the engine roar to life. i secured my arms around his waist and gave him a kiss on his shoulder.

chris had went out not too long ago, meaning that we didn't have to wait for the engine to warm up. matt wasted no time to start whipping around the lake. going in circles and making sharp turns, throwing me around in the back, making me hold onto him for dear life.

i let go of matt to get the hair out of my eyes, when he made a really sharp turn, making me fall off. i got flung into the water, water all in my nose, giving me that burning sensation. "matthew bernard sturniolo!" i shouted at him, as he slowly approached me in the water.

"okay, that was on you!" he laughed, pointing at me. "it's not funny matt," i pouted as my arms and legs became more panicked in the water. matt noticed and stopped the seadoo, jumping in with me.

pushing his now wet hair out of his face, he grabbed onto me, calming my limbs now that i had him with me. "i'm sorry you fell off," he apologized, knowing that he broke the pinky promise. "what can i do you make it better?" he asked, pulling me closer to him.

"hmm.." i pretended to ponder, knowing exactly what i wanted, "kisses, i suppose," i shrugged. "okay then," he chuckled, leaning in and kissing me.

he pulled away, "i need more than that bernard."

[ SUMMER FUN MASTERLIST ]

TAGLIST : @d0wnt0wnstu4n1ol0

[thebisexualdogdad]

could you write one where Edie and venom have a crush and reader who is a famous NASCAR driver and they hook up after meeting

Eddie Brock x Male!reader

Eddie has been a fan of you for years, he regularly watches Nascar and you were his favorite driver.

It also didn't hurt that you were hot and even Venom had a bit of a crush on you.

You were in San Francisco for a race and Eddie used his connections to get a vip badge so he could meet you.

You were attracted to Eddie the moment you laid eyes on him so him congratulating you for winning the race led to you inviting him out to dinner which led to him now making out with you in your hotel room.

He excused himself to the bathroom before going any further and ran the faucet so you wouldn't hear him talking to Venom who excitedly popped his head out.

"Eddie, you are about to have sex with Y/N Y/L/N," Venom hisses proudly.

"I know Venom so please don't mess this up for me," he whispers.

"How could I mess this up Eddie?" Venom says offended.

"You scared off my last date when you saw a fish market and nearly got me hit by a truck trying to drag me across the street," Eddie says, reminding Venom of that recent disaster where he did not get a second date.

"Are you ever going to let that go?" Venom huffs.

"Be on your best behavior and I will get you whatever you want to eat afterwards, deal?"

"Ooh deal," Venom says, retracting back into Eddie.

Eddie takes a deep breath and turns the sink off, returning to the main part of the hotel room where you are laying on the bed smiling at him.

"Everything good?" You ask him.

"All good," he says approaching the bed and climbing on top of you, "now where were we."

He kisses you and you begin fumbling with the buttons of your shirt.

"Can I take this off?" You mutter into the kiss.

"God yes," he groans and then his shirt is gone.

Your own soon follows and you roll him over, his back hitting the mattress but your lips never detaching from one another.

Eddie sighs in discontent when you pull away but it's replaced with a moan as soon as you start kissing down his neck.

His hips roll up into yours when your hand palms his chest, nipples getting hard from your touch.

Your lips move further down, tongue flicking over one of his nipples before sucking it into your mouth while your fingers pinch the other.

He looks for friction against your thigh that's placed in between his legs, moaning as his cock is straining under the material of his pants.

"Fuck I need you so bad," he grunts.

"That's what I like to hear," you smirk, taking your attention away from his chest so you could get the both of you out of the rest of your clothes.

Eddie's spread out across the bed and his cock is standing tall now that it isn't being confined by his pants.

"Do you want me inside you Eddie?" You ask with a grin, running your hands over his massive thighs.

"Please," he begs.

You stick two fingers in your mouth, lathering them before teasing his hole.

Eddie gasps as you insert one finger stretching him out and then the second finger follows.

Your cocks rub together as you toy with Eddie and a string of pre cum leaks out of him.

When you feel he's ready for you you remove your fingers, quickly easing your cock inside him as neither of you could wait for this any longer.

"Holy shit," Eddie cries out as you slowly thrust your hips.

"Does this feel okay?" You question.

"Fuck it feels so good, please go faster," he replies.

That was all you needed to hear, you throw Eddie's legs up around your waist, giving you a better angle as you move your lower half faster.

Eddie grips the sheets under him, intently watching sweat drip down your stomach as you fuck him.

You dig your nails into his hips, his chest arched in the air and he begins playing with his own nipples for more stimulation.

Eddie is a moaning mess for the next several minutes and he's getting close.

"I'm gonna cum," he groans so he reaches down and quickly strokes himself until he's cumming all over his chest.

He's moaning your name as he cums, his orgasm feeling like it's going to last forever as your hips never stop moving.

Suddenly your movements falter and he feels you filling him up telling him that your own orgasm hit.

"Fuck Eddie," you say when you eventually slow your hips all together after your release subsides.

"That was amazing," Eddie says breathing heavily.

"It really was," you chuckle.

Your heart rate returns to normal and you gently pull out of him, cum dripping out of his hole.

You get up from the bed and head to the bathroom, grabbing some towels to clean up the mess you made.

"You know, when we met earlier at the race track I intended on this just being a one night stand but I uh, actually really like you," you confess on your way back from the bathroom, handing him a towel.

"I really like you too Y/N," Eddie smiles, sitting up and wiping off his cum on his chest.

"So can I give you my number? Maybe I can fly you out to my race in Dallas next week?" You suggest.

"I'd love that," he happily replies.

You wish he could stay the night but you had an important flight very early the next morning and if Eddie stayed you would surely miss it.

Once you get all cleaned up you kiss Eddie goodnight and when he gets to the hallway Venom pops up again.

"That was so hot Eddie," Venom tells him.

"You're telling me buddy," Eddie laughs.

"If you go to see him in Dallas next week does that mean he's your boyfriend?" Venom asks.

"Okay slow down we have to work our way up to that," Eddie responds.

Eddie's phone dings and he looks to see you had texted him.

'Miss you already' it says which makes him smile.

"Yeah he's your boyfriend," Venom says reading the message over his shoulder.

"Shut up Venom," Eddie scoffs.

One night together and both of you already had it down bad.

[r0t-t1ngxeyy]

Tw: Loli/shotacon, proship, Levi x Luke, Dark romance/abuse/kidnapping, NSFW!!! and

the Lollipop joke..

Im not letting anyone in this fandom forget those two obey me fanfics on ao3 from like 2?? Years ago. Please tell me I'm not the only one who remembers them?? It was such a big thing for the fandom, Im so glad I read them before they got deleted because the memory is soo FUNNY HELP ?? I need opinions on these two fics, if anyone actually remembers them:(

Dia x Luci : The Red Means I love you

ABSOLUTELY TRAUMATIZING SHIT BRO WHAT IN THE DARK ROMANCE?? wouldn't even call that romance it was such a hard read. Stumbling across videos of it made on tiktok was probably the worst event that I experienced 👽 ON MY MOTHER THE SCENES WERE SO UNNECESSARY (but the adrenaline rush was pretty good ngl)

I read through that with my heart dropping with each new chapter bro?? I couldn't even read through the entire story. I'm pretty sure it's deleted now cus I've been searching for it to make a whole OM fandom lore post but heyy

To sum it up for the people who were fortunate enough to not read it;

Diavolo kidnaps Lucifer, and keeps him in some cage/almost prison cell area. I think he's chained up to the ceiling, I'm not so sure. It starts off with Dia being nice I think, trying to gain Lucifers trust and eventually have him submit but that shit doesn't work and all of hell releases. Lucifer endures some physical and sexual abuse and attempts to escape. But before he successfully escapes,he bumps into Barbatos who offers to help him

He does not help him. Infact, he locks him back up and informs Diavolo.

What the fuck

The most notable things I believe Dia did was clip lucifer's wings?? And pulled out his teeth (i think Barbatos actually did that I'm not so sure). But I can't really explain how gruesome and detailed the writing was. What's worse is that it also included how the brothers were reacting to Lucifer just disappearing. Very interesting fic, story wise it was fine and well written. It's just the plot in general was what the actual fuck??

LEVI X LUKE : i forgor the title and I'm very relieved that I did

VERY UNCOMFORTABLE READ BTW!! i hated summing this up so much

An absolute wreck, these fanfics were so well written I can't even hate the authors for what they did (the Dia x Luci one didn't deserve any hate imo, but this one?? Holy fucking shit??) This fic was so out of pocket, it ruined the way I saw Levi for a good while.

P.s!! Not the same author!!

WHAT I RECALL!!! aka summary?? Kinda...

So I think Simeon called Levi to look after Luke? Which is really fucking weird because Luke is an angel, sure he's depicted as a kid but if Micheal chose him to follow Simeon down to the Devildom for the exchange program then I'm pretty damn sure he can at least take care of himself without adult Supervision, but whatever. Nice plot, I hate it

Levi was totally against the babysitting thing and actually disliked having to look after Luke

Until

At some point, Luke wants to take a bath and Levi's like suree okay.

THEN ACCOMPANIES HIM TO GIVE HIM THE SAID BATH??? Obviously that's where this all downplays from what could've potentially been a found family fic to some proship shotacon fic. Levi gives him the bath and Luke gets

turned on... (I hate typing this out so much)

So, Levi gives him head. I fucking hate this with burning passion :(((

His mouth 'pops' when he stops which reminds him of a Lollipop!! And I quote this from memory:

Kinda like a Lollipop. Heh.. Loli.

I hate this fanfic so much, I don't claim it in this fandom,its a fic not a fanfic👽👽👽

And yeah, the rest of the story went on with Levi doing that bullshit!!! I don't think I read through the entire thing because curious kills the cat. I just saw some tiktok post about it and decided hey!! Im gonna look for it and read it.

I would've been fine without reading this fic, ever, i would've turned out the same as I am today LMAOO

[veliseraptor]

March Reading Recap

Juliet: The Life and Afterlives of Shakespeare's First Tragic Heroine by Sophie Duncan. I actually really liked this one! It was an interesting look at several different lenses that have been used over time to look at Juliet (specifically Juliet, not the play), including the relationship between fascism and Juliet in Verona, Italy and the development of West Side Story (didn't know Juliet was Jewish in an early version). I enjoy sort of niche/specific books focusing on a very particular subject, and this book scratched that itch well.

The Brilliant Abyss: Exploring the Majestic Hidden Life of the Deep Ocean, and the Looming Threat That Imperils It by Helen Scales. I read this book too soon after The Underworld by Susan Casey which, while not necessarily a better book, covered a lot of the same terrain. The trouble with a keen interest in a niche topic is, I suppose, that the books on it can start to get repetitive sometimes. It was still good, though, and this one focused a bit less on the history of human exploration than Casey did and a bit more on the ecosystems themselves, which I did welcome.

Blood of the Chosen and Emperor of Ruin by Django Wexler. The second and third books in the series that started with Ashes of the Sun - both continued the trend of "I don't know that I'd call these particularly good works of literature but they were very enjoyable and propulsive." The second book was stronger than the third - I ended up feeling like the conclusion of the trilogy was weaker and a little rushed, but I still enjoyed the experience as a whole and would offer at least a tentative, general recommendation of the series for those looking for a fantasy series that's not particularly innovative or serious but is an exciting ride.

The First Sister by Linden A. Lewis. This book reminded me a little bit of Such Desperate Glory but wasn't quite as well done, I don't think. The back compared it to Mass Effect but I don't really see that as a reasonable comparison. Possibly one of my favorite things about it was the cover design, which fucks. I still liked it, though, and I'm going to read the sequel.

The Great White Bard: How to Love Shakespeare While Talking About Race by Farah Karim-Cooper. Sometimes when I read things I feel like a snot because I go "this is interesting information but the writing feels a little amateurish" and that was my situation with this book. It was good analysis and interesting to read, though sometimes the "and this is how this is modern-ly relevant! q-anon mention" felt a little bit...ehhh, unnecessary, but the writing itself was...yeah. It felt amateurish. Which might just be a result of the book itself being targeted at a particular audience that's less academically-minded than I am, that's certainly possible, but it did affect my enjoyment of the book.

Last Days by Adam Nevill. Mostly this was good spooky fun, though it lost me with the "the ultimate bad guy is an overweight bisexual actor with AIDS" (it's a little more complicated than that, but not enough). Too bad, because conceptually and in terms of imagery it could've been very good. Between this and my last Nevill, I might have to give future books a pass. My search for horror that isn't playing on bigoted tropes apparently continues, since I'm on a bit of a streak there with this and Ring.

China: A History by John Keay. I'd call this one a solid overview despite the choice to use "bureaux" for the plural. However, I'm taking a lot of it with a grain of salt since as far as I can tell he didn't use many or possibly any Chinese secondary sources, and relied primarily for quotations/analysis on English secondary sources. I would've liked to see more of a balance. Still, as far as background information and a general broad history goes, it feels like it was worth reading for me to get a little more background/grounding in history I don't have a lot of familiarity with. (Also, holy shit did Ken Liu crib hard on Liu Bang and Xiang Yu for The Grace of Kings and now I know that.)

Remnants of Filth: vol. 3 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. I continue to really enjoy this book and this volume might be my favorite yet - the flashbacks were satisfying to fill in some of the gaps in mysteries as yet unrevealed, and having Gu Mang fully "back" (more or less) is a fun development that is already having consequences changing the dynamic between him and Mo Xi in delightfully angsty ways. Of the cnovels I'm currently in the middle of this one is close to LHJC as far as my favorite.

Starter Villain by John Scalzi. This one is what I think people would call a "romp" which is all well and good and I probably should've known what I was getting into, but I think I am just not much of a "romp" reader. It was fun, I guess? But I don't know that I felt like it was good, and I'm probably not going to go around recommending it. My first Scalzi, and I don't know if that's typical of him, but I probably won't be in a hurry to pick up another one anytime soon.

Invisible Planets: Contemporary Chinese Science Fiction in Translation ed./trans. by Ken Liu. Short story collections are really hit and miss for me, but this was actually a collection that was pretty hit all the way through! Very interesting stories, a couple I'm still thinking about. I'm looking forward to reading my other collection of short stories in translation, which includes some fantasy - some of these actually felt somewhere between fantasy and science fiction in a very interesting way that I liked.

--

phew. I read a lot last month! Currently I'm reading Medea by Eilish Quin (we'll see how that goes); I have on my docket The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Nayler (recommended to me) and I think I might reread She Who Became the Sun so I can read He Who Drowned the World. I've been on more of a fiction than a nonfiction kick of late, but I am eyeing Islands of Abandonment by Cal Flyn and might make that part of my rotation. we shall see!

[infiniteeight8]

Okay ahhh this is the first time I’ve ever written a prompt I guess?? But after reading like,, most,, of your writings, I honestly just wanted to complement you.

I absolutely ADORE your Ironstrange soul series and am always eager to read more :D (honestly I adore all ur mini series but still)

I know you’ve just finished writing one but I feel as though you enjoy this story just as much as we do ahaha

*beams* Thanks so much! Both for the lovely feedback and for sending in a prompt!

At this point, no one is surprised that this one got long, are they? LOL. Under a read more for length.

Edit: I almost forgot! You can find the first few Tony & Soul ficlets here.

-

Ever since Soul started sharing Stephen’s emotions with Tony, being around him feels like being wrapped in a soft blanket. Call it affection, fondness, friendship; whatever word you used, it felt very, very nice. It also made it kind of hard to be annoyed with him.

“I don’t need to meditate,” Tony argues, sitting cross-legged across from Stephen on the floor of one of the practice rooms. It was nicely padded, at least. “I can just ask Soul.”

“Oh, certainly,” Stephen says dryly. “So when you fly the armor, you just sit there and let FRIDAY do all the work?”

Tony scowled. “You know I don’t.”

Stephen groaned. “And you know that I’m trying to make a point.” A small orange spike shot through the soft blanket feeling.

Well, at least if Tony couldn’t quite be annoyed, Stephen could be annoyed for him.

“I’m not a wizard,” Tony grumbles.

“Neither am I.” Despite the words, a bright flare of amusement illuminates Stephen’s emotions. “Look, don’t think of it as meditation, if that helps,” Stephen goes on. “This of it as…” Tony can feel him casting about for the words, and then a shot of satisfaction as he finds them “...learning a new user interface. Sometimes it’ll be easier to ask Soul for information, like asking FRIDAY. But sometimes it’ll be faster, and easier, to just access the data directly.”

That makes sense. Damn it. Tony sighs. “Okay, fine. Remind me what we were doing?”

“Soul can sense the connections between people,” Stephen says. “You want to try to sense them for yourself.”

“Sense?” Tony groans. “I’m not psychic, Merlin.”

“The word does also apply to the five senses you already have,” Stephen says dryly. “Your perception can represent them however you’re comfortable with processing the data.”

Well, Tony always had been an extremely visual person. There was a reason he built holograms into everything. Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath. Soul?

I’m not supposed to do it for you, Soul reminds him.

Yeah, I know. But if I’m accessing a new UI, I need to know where the on button is, right? Just show me that.

Soul considers for a moment. Very well. Relax. Open yourself to me.

Christ, magic was full of hand wavy bullshit. ‘Open yourself to me.’ Still, Tony concentrats on his breathing and tries to relax. Slowly, everything seems to go quiet around him. The feeling that there’s something just on the edge of his vision—closed eyes and all—starts to grow. Tony’s brow wrinkles. He tries to reach, but it seems to retreat. “It feels like I’m nudging it with my fingertips,” he mutters, “and it keeps rolling away.” 

“May I?”

Tony has no idea what Stephen was suggesting, but he nods anyway. Abruptly, the shallow sense he has of Stephen’s emotions deepens like the bottom has fallen out of a well and revealed an ocean. Tony catches his breath, and then it’s like Stephen’s hand is on his, showing him how to lift just enough that the thing he’s reaching for is under his fingertips instead of in front of them. As he makes contact, the sense of that ocean vanishes.

Tony opens his eyes. “Holy shit!” He’s surrounded by threads of light. No, not surrounded—they’re coming out of him.

“Tony? Is everything okay?”

Tony blinks and focuses on Stephen and realizes that one of the strands is connecting him and Stephen, except this one can hardly be called a thread. It’s more like a cord, a good inch in diameter.

“Tony!” Astringent concern floods the soft affection that emanated from Stephen. He’s on his knees now, hands coming to rest on Tony’s shoulders.

“I’m okay,” Tony says. Blinking some more, he manages to meet Stephen’s eyes and smile reassuringly. “Just, I’ve got the new UI working and there’s a lot more information than I was expecting.”

Slowly, Stephen lets his hands slide from Tony’s shoulders. He sits back a little, but stays close. “What does it look like?”

“Like thousands of threads radiating out from me,” Tony says. “They’re all orange, like Soul. There are a few thicker ones, too. There’s one between you and me, and one… Whew. That one’s big.” It’s almost as thick as his wrist, and it stretches off into the distance. Pepper, maybe?

“Concentrate on it,” Stephen suggests. “You should be able to identify the person on the other end.”

Tony stares at it for a moment, but that doesn’t help, so he reaches out carefully, like he would with a hologram, and taps it. Rhodey’s face fills his mind's eye and he grins. “It’s Rhodey.”

“Well done,” Stephen says warmly, and Tony looks back at him, enjoying the buoyant feeling of admiration. “What about the others?”

Looking around, Tony finds another thicker cord. It’s not as solid as the one with Stephen, but definitely substantial. Curious, Tony touches it and sees Pepper. He lets go and swallows hard. “Assuming the thick cords are with people important to me,” he says, “what are all these thin ones?”

“I could guess, but I assume Soul can tell you,” Stephen says.

Anyone who thinks about you regularly has a connection with you, Soul explains. You have many because you are very well known. Most have never met you. 

Tony relates that to Stephen, frowning. “I’m not sure I like being connected to people I’ve never met, who I never asked to be connected to.”

“It’s only a representation,” Stephen reassures him. “You matter to people, Tony. As a hero, or a role model, or a business interest. That’s the same as it ever was.”

“But with Soul, it’s more than just a representation, isn’t it?” Tony touches the connection between him and Stephen lightly. He doesn’t try to affect it, but he knows he could. Soul sends a feeling of affirmation and Tony knows that Stephen has received it as well from the way his expression goes thoughtful.

“Well,” Stephen says eventually, “I suppose that’s one of the responsibilities of being a stone bearer. They bring us power, and we have to choose how to use it, and when. I could turn back time every time the outcome of some encounter displeased me. I don’t, because I know these abilities aren’t to be used lightly.”

Tony takes a breath. “I’m not sure I’m the guy you want carrying that kind of power around.”

Stephen laughs and Tony shoots him an offended look. “I’m sorry,” Stephen says, still chuckling. “I don’t mean to make light of your concerns, but of everyone in the world, you’d be my first choice to carry that kind of power around. You chose to protect people when you could have lived a life of ease. But more than that, between your wealth, your genius, and your fame, you have plenty of experience with influence and how seductive it is and how careful you have to be with it.” Stephen smiles at Tony. “I can’t think of a better man to wield Soul.”

It’s all Tony can do to hold back the blush. He clears his throat and tries to keep his tone light. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

It comes out a little too sincere, but that isn’t too scary with the soft blanket of Stephen’s affection wrapped around him.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Disappointing Doom

Feb 2023 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My School President (Fri YT) ep 12fin - Them openly dating and flirting with each other (finally) while keeping it “secret” was hilarious. No surprise they got outed tho. The whole “coming out homophobic teacher” sequence was very extra but suited this show. And ending with prom could not be more YA. Plus smiley kisses! 

CONCLUSION?

GMMTV gave us a classic high school set Thai BL with tropes like messy boys singing their feelings that was Love Sick for the modern age with all the gentle sweetness and pining ache, but none of the dated damaging tropes or issues.  Yes, we’ve seen it all before, but this is me: I ADORE this shit. Who let my BL be this wholesome and funny? This show was fantastic, it’s only flaw was the singing (and that’s my baggage). My favorite GMMTV offering to date. 9/10 (could go as high as 9.5 on my more forgiving days) 

Bed Friend (Sat YT, GaGa & iQIYI uncut) ep 2 of 8 - I’m ending my week with this one these days. I feel like this is an EXCELLENT life decision. King’s pining is WBL levels of EPIC. Uea’s ma may be the worst ma in Thai BL (and that’s some stiff competition.) Ah getting tested together, such a right of passage. I like King a lot, his attitude, life philosophy, the way he looks an Uea, everything. This show is GREAT. 

Bed Friend extra sexy bits explained:

YouTube has the cut version with slightly less sexy content (this is what I’m mostly watching). 

GaGa ALSO has the cut version, BUT they have “extra clips” with the uncut content, you’ll need to find and watch them separately. 

iQIYI has the uncut version with the above mentioned extra sexy bits integrated back into the full episode.

Okay? 

Okay.

Moonlight Chicken (Weds YT) eps 5-6 of 8 - The break up btw Wen & Alan was really hard to watch, both actors are so good. Speaking of good actors, where did GeminiFourth come from? Seriously? I love these characters almost as a much as TinnGun. Heart’s parents are EVIL. Told ya they’d kiss as this couple bf TinnGun. Back of head wrap ‘Kiss’ tho, haven’t seen one of those from Thailand in ages. Old school. And then Khaotung just broadsides us with PAIN. This is such an aces show, but it is A LOT. 

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) ep 11 of 12 - More cute BF intercut with agony. Holy role reversal dad butler! Otherwise a somewhat lackluster ep 11 of DOOM as dooms go, but I’m okay with that. 

Chains of Heart (Sat iQIYI) 1-2 of 10 - This is a suspense thriller about smugglers, amnesia, and lost love. Haii is good (and gorgeous) in the lead but the story is choppy, disjoined, and confusing. May be intentional, bad writing, or the captions being particularly bad (or all 3). It’s an interesting and different start. Not good but interesting. It reminds me a little of Manner of Death only with better action sequences. But I’m not sold on it because MoD had MaxTul, and this... does not. Ep 2 did not improve matters. When Ken & Lue flirt it’s fine and the Thai food bits were fun. (Kao Soi is one of my fav northern dishes, I’m sad he didn’t get to finish it.) At the funeral, why are they all texting when it can be traced and they could just be talking to each other? Honestly, everybody behaves like an idiot in this show. So I guess this is a revenge narrative? I’m so confused. They pretty tho, so I’ll keep watching because I am weak, but if you can wait, I think this is one that’s gonna be better as a binge. 

Our Winter (Thai & Korea YT & TikTok under ThaiMiniSeries) eps 1-7 of 14 - TutorYim microseries, told in vertical (TikTok) shorts. (Thanks to the BL spies for reporting in.) Cute Trope snippits but Korean is HARD to understand with a Thai accent. I’m not watching it with Eng subs and I’m not wild about this style short form but still - cute. Funny how they styled TutorYim so that they look slightly Korean - wardrobe and makeup wizardry. 

Hit Bite Love (Sat YT) ep 6 fin - Degrassi Junior BL concludes in a very soap opera way, with new characters and new/extra drama. Trigger warning on the original trigger. The investigating cop was super hot tho. Can we give him a BL? Also I liked the final scene makeup tons. But honestly what a total mess. I don’t know what i just watched and neither does it. 3/10 (sorry babies)  

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

HIStory 5: Love in the Future (Taiwan Weds Viki) ep 9 of 10 (or 17&18 of 20) - Kind of a filler ep and lackluster for a penultimate DOOM installment. But the HIStory franchise gets this way sometimes. 

Jack o’Frost (Japan GaGa) ep 2 of 6 - I’m finding it a bit dull. 

It’s Airing But ...

My Beautiful Man 2 (Viki & Gaga) - Because there are only 4 eps, I’m waiting to binge this.

Boyband ep 2 of 10 - Stopped airing on YouTube, and only available in Thailand & Japan. Not sure if they’re working a distribution deal or just fucking with us. 

Destiny Seeker (Tues WeTV ) 10 eps - it’s not on any WeTV I can get ahold of. Bad Buddy the pulp rebirth meets Japanese handsome host club action. FairyGodBLer came through for me, but I’m collecting to binge just in case. It’s my new policy with the grey stuff. 

Cafe In Love (Thai) 10 eps on Ch3+ - Thai pulp, about trying to save a coffee shop. Same as above. 

Gossip

Thailand’s famous gay pink milk comes to Oakland, CA, USA. This amuses me greatly. And yes, next time I’m in the area, I’ll probably try to hunt it down.  (What is Pink Milk?) 

Kim Ji Woong is doing fine on Produce 101 5 Boys Planet. I agree with the pundits that he’ll likely make it through. (Yes, I think he’s a better actor than idol, and yes, we will mostly lose him from BL if he goes all in with whatever group results from this.) But does that matter when Peak Time is also airing? No, because Peak Time is MUCH better and more interesting show and it has Karam (Happy Ending Romance) fucking KILLING IT. You all know I love Leo’s voice but clearly VIXX-euphoria distracted me, because I had no idea Karam was such a stable vocalist. He’s insane and it’s fun to watch a 2nd gen fucking SERVE it up (have you ANY idea how hard Mirotic is to do LIVE?). 

In case you missed it 

Viki has acquired the airing rights to Advance Bravely. We can’t expect it to be much altered, but at least it will be legally available, and one hopes the subs will improve.

Viki added The Eighth Sense to their upcoming KBL roster, new one to me. “A university romance about the confusion often felt by college youth regarding life and love.” 

KBL A Shoulder to Cry On AKA Comfort the Boy coming to Viki, March 13. (MUCH anticipated by me, this is a high school set hurt/comfort delayed by OMGEA X scandal.) This will be the first BL to star idols from the same group! Fingers crossed it’s good because this is a group that definitely needs BL’s support. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

02/28 = Tin Tam Jai (Thai Gaga & iQIYI) 10 eps - Adorable Tin has a life-long dream to marry an older boy in his neighborhood, Park. Same production co as Coffee Melody & Ai Long Nhai. I'll likely binge it.

03/01 = The Promise, (Thai WeTV) 10 eps - friends-to-lovers, follow up to a previously aired miniseries Phupha | Nanfah. Because of this and the WeTV platform I likely won’t bother.

03/02 = All the Liquors (Korea Gaga & Viki) 8 eps - Liquor company rep and party boy Han Ji Yu buts heads with hot chef Park Ki Hoon, who doesn't drink.

03/02 = Heesu In Class 2 (Korea unknown prob Viki and/or Gaga) - A gay(er) version of Sex Education. I’m still not sure this one is actually happening. 

03/03 = A Boss and a Babe (Thai YouTube) 12 eps - ForceBook in an office set boss/employee rom-com. 

03/04 = Love Syndrome (Thai unknown prob iQIYI or Gaga) 10 eps - trailer, violent, hot/cold, hurt/comfort, amnesia. (Stars Frank formerly of FrankDrake.)

Full list of upcoming in March 2023 is here. 

2023 forthcoming BL master post. (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

That tentative hand GOT me bad. 

I love it when a character call’s out another character’s main characteristics. Very meta. (Moonlight Chicken.) 

OMG hot cop! 

Make up game ON POINT. 

(Hit Bite Love.) 

SO GOOD. (Bed Friend) 

(last week)

Current Kpop(ish) earworm? SHAUN & Jeff Satur - Steal The Show, you should watch it ALL THE WAY to the end, just trust me. Have I ever led you astray?

No.

Don’t answer that. 

[maximura]

Ad Astra: The Theory Of Relativity | An Interstellar Ateez story: Part I | Part II| Part III | Park IV| Part V| Part VI| Part VII | Part VIII (Words 7000, Gen, Warnings: swearing) You can now also read it all on A03

“I think we got it.” Yunho says, standing up to stretch his back. There’s a definite dull ache in his lower spine from time spent hunching over Mr Lee’s tractor engine. 

“Do the checklist.”

Wooyoung wipes his hands on his jeans and picks up an oil stained notebook, ready to tick off their accomplishments. “Okay, remove the sludge from the engine block, sleeves, crankshaft and camshaft?”

“Yup.”

“Re-install the cleaned sleeves back into the block. Then replace all the oiled bearings before dropping the crankshaft back in.”

Yunho goes through each step in his head, nodding again. “Yup.”

“Replace all the caps, thread in the rope and change the tappets if they’re worn out.”

“I didn’t need to change them today, write that down to tell Mr. Lee later because it’ll change the cost of the job.”

Wooyoung nods and makes a note. “Okay, next step is to put the camshaft back and lock it in with the gears before re-installing the pistons.”

“Yup, done.”

On and on it went, until fifty steps later, the engine is safely back in Mr Lee’s tractor and the two-page checklist is completely marked off. Both brothers stand staring at the old farm machine in wonderment, like it was a Frankenstein monster that they’ve raised from the dead.

“Woah.” Wooyoung says, in hushed disbelief. “You did it.”

“Did I miss any steps this time?”

Flipping back through the notebook’s list, Wooyoung shakes his head. “Nope, you got it all.”

“Woah.” Yunho echoes, the faint smile on his face growing bigger by the second.

“Should we see if it’ll start? I know Hongjoong said not to do it until he gets here but well, he’s not here and Mr. Lee is out on his field, he won’t notice if we try it out now.”

Yunho chews on his bottom lip for a moment before nodding. “Okay but if it starts smoking like hell, we tell Hongjoong that Mr. Lee insisted we try it out and if the old man denies it, we’ll say his hearing aids must be playing up.”

“Totally.” Wooyoung agrees easily, handing the keys over to his older brother.

Yunho gingerly climbs onto the old red tractor and turns the key. There’s a few seconds of spluttering before the engine growls into life, shaky at first, then loud and steady after. Yunho cuts the engine before it alerts the old farmer. 

It works. 

“Holy shit.” He says with a wide grin, jumping back down to land beside Wooyoung. “I did it?”

“Well, yes but I made the checklist so I’d say its fifty-fifty.”

Yunho shoots his brother a tired look. 

“Sixty-forty?” Wooyoung negotiates. “No? Seventy-thirty?”

Yunho rolls his eyes but he’s not annoyed. Far from it. He’s ecstatic with the job today. He’s never fixed an entire tractor engine by himself before because Hongjoong was always hovering beside him to correct his technique or remind him of steps he’s missed. Apart from babysitting Wooyoung, it’s hard to remember a time when anyone trusted him to do something so important by himself. 

Another sudden rush of endorphins hits him in that moment and he sweeps the little menace into a tight hug, easily lifting him off the ground. 

“Hey! Put me down!” Wooyoung protests, squirming uselessly against Yunho’s strong embrace. “You’re excited, I get it! Sheesh.”

Wooyoung doesn’t even really like farming and doesn’t naturally gravitate to it in the way his brothers do. He was born with a fascination of machines, though preferred building things on a much smaller scale; like robots, circuits and repairing household electronics. But never wanting to be left out of any family activity, he had come along to most of the farming repair jobs with his battered notebook and meticulously jotted down everything Hongjoong had said, in the order he said it, word-for-word, like he was documenting a new scripture from God. 

It had proven unexpectedly helpful, even if Yunho doubted it at first. 

They make a good team. And deep down, if he’s being honest with himself, Yunho always knew they would.

“Do you think Hongjoong will split the pay check with us?”

Yunho shrugs now. “If he doesn’t, you have my permission to complain until he does.”

“Awesome.” Wooyoung grins wickedly.

*

Hongjoong doesn’t split the paycheck. 

He gives them the entire thing, followed by several proud thumps on the back. Yunho gets another job fixing Mr. Lee’s ride-on lawnmower next weekend and Wooyoung tries to calculate how many robot parts he can buy with his twenty percent earnings.

Neither of them pay much attention when Hongjoong is driving them home and telling them they have guests waiting back at the farm. 

Wooyoung stops dreaming about new electronic motherboards as the words catch up to him. 

“Guests? What kind of guests?” He asks.

Hongjoong looks over briefly before turning back to the road. “People from my work. You don’t have to hang out with them if you don’t feel like it. I can tell them you’re both sick if you want.”

Yunho is still on a high from his job success and being eighty percent richer, so he shakes his head easily. “It’s fine by me, as long as they’re not stuck up jerks.”

“They’re not like that.” Hongjoong reassures him before looking at Wooyoung. “What do you think, kiddo? You want to be social or sick?”

“When you say “work” do you mean like other farmers or like from NASA?”

“From NASA.”

“Oh!” Wooyoung’s eyes widen in surprise. “Yeah, that’s okay then.”

“Farmers are cool too.” Yunho mutters under this breath. “I don’t see NASA feeding the entire human population with their rockets and computers.”

Wooyoung ignores him and leans forward in his seat as their farm comes into view. “Can I show them my robot?”

“Oh My God.” Yunho groans. “Embarrass yourself in your own time, Einstein. Don’t bring down the entire family in front of Hongjoong’s work friends.”

“As if you’re not the embarrassing one!” Wooyoung bites back, reaching across to pinch his brother on the arm. “You’re covered in grease and your hair looks stupid.”

“My hair looks stupid? Have you even seen a mirror lately? Your face is stupid.” Yunho cackles, raising his arm to shove at his younger brother, only for Hongjoong’s lightning-fast-dad-reflexes to smack it back down.

“No fighting! I’m literally begging you to make good choices today and behave like normal people. They’ve both had a really stressful day. I don’t want to make it worse.”

Yunho shakes his head at his older brother. “So you thought bringing them here to meet Wooyoung was the solution….OW! Hongjoong, he kicked me.”

“No fucking fighting! What did I just say!” Hongjoong warns. “This was a stupid idea.”

“No shit.” Yunho says, laughing. “Why did they even agree to come? Are they your friends? Do you even have friends at NASA, besides Seungcheol?”

“It’s just a guy from work and his little brother.” Hongjoong replies, feeling defensive.

“Oh great, another child to babysit. Thanks Hongjoong.”

“Shut up, Yunho.” Wooyoung grumbles. There’s another retort on the tip of his tongue but it’s cut short as they pull up into their driveway and he notices a very familiar face leaning against the other truck parked there. 

“IS THAT SEONGHWA?”

He’s out of the truck before Hongjoong has even come to a full stop.  

Yunho looks at the unfamiliar man through the windscreen, then he looks across at Hongjoong’s nervous hand fumbling with the keys. The realisation sets in slowly. 

“That’s The Doctor Park Seonghwa? I thought he’d be really old. Wooyoung said he’s this crazy smart scientist with five degrees.”

“He isn’t old and he does. Why? What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing, nothing.” Yunho says slyly. “I guess I know why you invited him over though.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hongjoong asks, only to be answered with a smirking shrug. “Yunho!”

With that the teenager gets out the truck and Hongjoong is left to wonder what that the hell just happened. He’s startled out of his thoughts by a small knock on the driver’s side window. 

It’s San, all dimple-smile and waving like he hadn’t just seen Hongjoong a few hours ago.

“Hey, sorry about the wait.” Hongjoong says, getting out the truck. “Didn’t trash my farm yet, did you?”

San shakes his head. “No. Your garage was locked though.”

Hongjoong laughs, because of course Choi San has already explored the property. “You could’ve picked it. I know you know how.”

“I didn’t want your brothers to hate me for trying to break into your house.” San replies. “Besides, Seonghwa would kill me.”

Hongjoong just shakes his head in amusement and motions for the young pilot to follow him. They reach the other truck parked in the driveway and find Wooyoung already talking a mile-a-minute about a burnt soldering iron. Yunho breathes a sigh of relief when he sees Hongjoong approaching. 

The introductions are awkward. 

San is guarded, jamming his hands in his pockets and continuing to survey the property with sharp observant eyes. He automatically sizes up the new competition because that’s what he’s always done when he meets new people. Other teenagers were usually just other training candidates who wouldn’t hesitate to step on him to get ahead. Other teenagers who steal the attention of his brother and adoptive father and now Hongjoong.

Wooyoung is staring uncomfortably, obviously and owlishly at San, caught between needing to “be a normal person” and wanting to spill the contents of his mind to anyone within hearing range, whether they want to hear it or not. His excitement in seeing a familiar face now overtaken by the anxiety of meeting a new one. He picks up on the discomfort and decides to hide his fidgety fingers in the front pocket of his hoodie. It was Yunho’s hoodie once and had seen so many summers and winters that its faded blue fabric was now almost grey. It was softly worn and comfortable but he suddenly feels self conscious in it.

Beside him, Hongjoong stumbles over his introduction of Doctor Park. 

“You can call me Seonghwa.” The Doctor corrects, giving both Wooyoung and Yunho a warm smile. “There’s no need to call me Doctor outside of work.”

“Sorry.” Hongjoong nods, embarrassed, and runs his hand through his hair for the third time before herding everyone in.

None of them are used to having new guests on their farm and Yunho can see his brothers struggling through it all. He really should’ve dragged Mingi over for the moral support and comic relief. 

*

The sun is high in the mid-morning sky as Seonghwa settles into an old wooden chair on the back porch. He can see the three boys standing in the field next to a very old yellow tractor with a thunderbolt painted on the side. 

Despite the awkwardly stiff introductions, they visibly relaxed and dissolved into children when Hongjoong handed them the keys to the tractor and had taken off running before the stern lecture was even finished.

Seonghwa watches Yunho and Wooyoung bicker about something now, while San stands silently off to one side, unable to keep the judging look off his face, despite NASA’s efforts to train him otherwise. 

There’s a flash of worry that maybe this was a bad idea; that San is too different, too socially unprepared, too much a sheltered “NASA Kid” to get along with regular people his age. Maybe he wasn’t ready to return to a farm. Maybe he hasn’t had enough therapy to deal with a place where his entire family had died. 

A flood of ‘maybes’ swirl nauseatingly around Seonghwa’s gut as he watches his adopted brother frown at the bickering in front of him. His legs are all but ready to trek across the field and make some excuse to leave early. 

But then Yunho says something and San lets out a loud laugh that crinkles his eyes and carries across the entire field towards the porch. It’s quickly joined by Wooyoung’s scathing protest and Yunho’s deeply indignant tone as they all climb back onto the tractor.

Seonghwa cautiously relaxes a little. 

Maybe San will be okay here. 

A light breeze brings him back to the present. It ruffles his hair and barely brushes against his skin but he can hear the way it gently rustles across the cornfields in the distance. It’s not a sound he hears often. The sky above them is as clear as it’ll ever be, the forecast this morning predicted only twenty percent haze today, which is a rarity in itself. It will increase significantly this afternoon.

Hongjoong is pottering around in the kitchen behind him. He can hear the tap running, a cupboard opening and closing, the clink of some glasses, a dull thud followed by a quiet curse. 

There’s nothing to do but sit and watch and wait. Time seems to pass slowly here on the farm, as if it was some kind of foreign alien land. The morning has become unhurried and with all his projects and responsibilities isolated to the other side of town, Seonghwa finds himself lulled into a weightless sense of serenity.

It’s just for a moment, before his brain catches the glitch and reminds him of real life again.

But in that moment, he feels something close to peace. 

Seonghwa looks up to the blue sky again. Somewhere, light years away, on distant lonely planets, there were explorers he once knew, sent on impossible missions by NASA, in the name of science and on the blind faith of his father. He wonders how they are, if they’re in hypersleep, if they’re out exploring alien terrain, if their spacecraft and tech were still viable, if they had gotten the science right, if they had already succumbed to isolation madness of the most irreversible kind, if they were still even alive. 

And on it goes. One worry after the next. One responsibility after another. The Mission never escapes him and sleeping doesn’t even offer any reprieve; if he’s not thinking about futile scenarios when he’s awake, he’s dreaming of them when he’s asleep.

“Here.” Hongjoong says, appearing by his side to place a glass of water and plate on the small table between them. “We made some sugar cookies for Yunho’s birthday, if you eat that kind of thing.”

Hongjoong had taken off his tie by now. His shirt sleeves were hastily rolled up to his elbows, with the left one shorter than the right. There are large veins running tortuous paths down his forearms that Seonghwa has never noticed before.

“Long day huh?”

Seonghwa scoffs softly. “It’s eleven thirty.”

Hongjoong runs a hand through his hair, it’s significantly longer than when they had last seen each other but not any less tamed. It was a trait he shared with his younger brothers.

“Long morning then.”

“Yes, it definitely has been.”

“Do you want to talk about the meeting? The new proposal?”

“Not particularly, no.” Seonghwa says. He’s compartmentalised and filed it all away in his mind. It will be something to spiral anxiously over tonight, when he’s alone and not being watched. 

“Oh, okay.” Hongjoong replies, taken aback by the abrupt shut down. 

Seonghwa quickly changes the subject and points towards the field in front of them. 

“What are they trying to achieve exactly?”

Hongjoong takes a sip of water and follows the line of sight. “That’s KAJO, one of our oldest tractors. It’s almost as old as Wooyoung. I think they’re trying to make it go faster by adjusting the gears. My guess is that they’re badgering Yunho to get it into top gear.”

Seonghwa frowns. “How fast can they drive it?”

“At top gear? 65 kilometres per hour.” Hongjoong explains. “I limited KAJO to 30 for the boys to practice on but I told them it’s only 20.”

“The trust runs deep, I see.” 

“What trust?” Hongjoong snorts. “With those three? And their track records? You’d have done the same.”

It’s true. He would.

“Who named it? That tractor?”

“Oh, that’s all Wooyoung.” Hongjoong replies, holding out the plate of sugar cookies that have big Y’s stamped into them. 

Seonghwa takes one and nibbles on a corner. It’s good and sweet and familiar; a nostalgic taste he hasn’t had in a long time, not since his mother died. San never really asked for cookies, even on his birthdays. But then again, San barely even asks for birthdays to begin with.

A mild ache spreads over his chest; it echoes of his mother, of lost childhoods, of premature adulthood, of regrets he has for San. He envies Hongjoong and his brothers for their idyllic life here but it’s only a brief envy. He knows what’s coming and they all deserve whatever time is left on this Earth.

“It’s a peculiar thing to call a tractor.” Seonghwa muses. “I thought he might have named her after the famous mathematician, Katherine Johnson-“

“Oh he did.” Hongjoong says with a laugh. “He was obsessed with her when he was younger. He read about her in one of dad’s old books and announced he wanted to be a human computer too.”

Seonghwa looks up in surprise, “So he really did name it after her?”

“Yep. We had to vote and everything.” Hongjoong tells him with amusement in his voice. “It was KAJO or Pikachu. We went for the shorter one.”

“Pikachu? Oh, because it’s yellow.” 

“Yep.” Hongjoong says with a lopsided smile. It looks nice on him. 

“He must really love science and maths. Is he doing well in school?”

“If you’re asking if that kid is a genius level nerd, then yes, he sure is. He’s skipped a year and a half. It’s kinda why he has no friends his own age at school. He’s used to dealing with adults and making fools of them all. Me included.”

“Your IQ is 145.” It slips out accidentally and Seonghwa’s face burns with instant regret. He blames the stress of the meeting and a poor night’s sleep and the way the farm lulls him into a false sense of security. He’s thrown off his game here.

Hongjoong looks at him knowingly but thankfully let’s the matter pass without comment. 

“Yeah, well, Wooyoung’s IQ is 160 and that was when he was twelve. I don’t even want to know what it is now.”

There’s a loud boisterous burst of yelling from out in the field. San is in the driver's seat of the tractor, it looks like they’ve figured out that the speed limiter was just merely a suggestion that didn’t apply to them.

KAJO putters slow and steady down the field before growling into top gear. San has driven, and broken, far more advanced machines in his short life, and yet, Seonghwa is a little taken aback by the wild look of exhilaration on his brother’s face as he drives the ancient farming relic. His grin is open and unclouded and a rare thing. 

“Goddammit.” Hongjoong mutters, putting down his cookie and standing up. “They figured out my limiters. I’ll go get it back down.”

“Wait.” Seonghwa interjects, surprising himself more than anything. “Leave them be, it’s okay. They seem to be enjoying it. You know San’s driven things much faster than that.”

Hongjoong looks down with uncertainty. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. There’s nothing to crash into and they look like they’re having fun out there.”

“Two of them do.” Hongjoong observes as he sits back down. “I bet they’re completely ganging up on Yunho.”

“He seems to be handling it well.”

“Yeah of course, he’s my reliable kid.” Hongjoong says with obvious pride. “But the other two? They’re going to cause problems. I can tell you that right now. The lunacy is going to multiply. I hope you’re prepared.”

“Lunacy with others might be better than stability alone.” Seonghwa says, hoping he’s kept the melancholia out of his voice. 

Hongjoong looks at him with a comically surprised face. 

“What?” Seonghwa asks. “I was talking about San.”

“I know, I just can’t believe you, of all people, just said that.”

“San isn’t me. He seems to like having people around.”

Hongjoong laughs and for a moment Seonghwa think he’s mocking him. 

“You like having people around. I’d say that out of everyone on Earth, you’re the one trying their hardest to keep ‘having people around’. All six billion of them.”

“It’s just my job.” Seonghwa says with a light shrug. “Intelligence and knowledge without utility is selfish and useless.”

“Even if the government tells you how you should do it?”

“There’s always a price to pay.”

“So I guess the meeting this morning didn’t really go the way you wanted it to?”

“They never do.” 

“Look, I know you don’t want to talk about it but I just wanted to know why you didn’t, I don’t know, tell them all to fuck off. It’s your project.”

Seonghwa swallows the rest of the sugar cookie and looks across at the other man. Hongjoong’s hand is digging into his thigh and there’s a deep scowl on his face. It’s not something Seonghwa has come to understand yet; how a pilot who has only known about the Lazarus Mission for the last few months could muster up this much anger about it. 

But then he realises that he barely knows anything personal about Hongjoong at all. 

His father informed him of the numbers and figures. He knows things that would be critical to the mission, to NASA, things that could be useful: like Hongjoong’s IQ, his training abilities, his test scores, his aptitude for mechanical engineering, his physical evaluations, his flight records.  

He was never told anything else, because nobody thought those other details would matter. Every personal detail he’s learnt about Hongjoong has always been on his own or through San’s stories but they always point to the same conclusions: they were too different to see the Lazarus Mission the same way.

Hongjoong’s attitude in the meeting this morning hadn’t come as a surprise and his question now isn’t surprising either. Seonghwa is aware that his own behaviour could be interpreted as weak and submissive but it’s been years since he cared what other people thought of him. 

“Antagonising the NASA Board without our Head of Division present doesn’t serve any useful purpose. Your friend Commander Seungcheol? He can behave the way he does because there’s nothing more they can take away from him. Like you. You can go back to your life here and live like you always have.”

“NASA is my life. It’s my father’s life and now it’s also San’s life. Everything we have is tied there. The Lazarus Mission has been alive for the past eight years and the Board has been looking for reasons to shut it down for seven of them. I won’t let it go to ruin now just because I feel like throwing a tantrum. Taking punishment and timely diplomacy are just part of the job.”

It grows uncomfortable but it’s exactly what Seonghwa expects. It’s what he is good at: driving people away with hostility. It has happened before and it will likely happen again. He doesn’t have time to regret it, harbour guilt over it and he certainly doesn’t have time for reconciliation of unnecessary workplace relationships. 

Hongjoong is well within his rights to tell Seonghwa to leave. 

But he doesn’t. 

Instead he scratches his chin and says, “That’s a fucked up situation.”

“It is.” Seonghwa replies. There’s a lump in his throat that he doesn’t want to think about.

“Well, I’m good at the ‘taking punishment’ part but definitely not good at the ‘timely diplomacy’ part.” Hongjoong says. “So don’t judge me for wanting to punch the Board members in the face. Especially the one in the blue suit, who talked to you like a creep.”

“Masculine violence is so archaic.” Seonghwa says.

“I know.”

“I don’t condone it. But…once the Mission is over and we’ve both been successful, you have my permission to do what you like.” 

Hongjoong looks up in surprise before a worryingly mischievous grin spread across his face. 

“Okay, good. Because I hate that guy.”

*

San loves it here. 

He loves the big sky and the wide open space. He loves all the old machines and tractors they were allowed to mess around on without fear of punishment. He loves how Hongjoong has rules but at the same time, doesn’t really enforce them as long as they promise to look out for each other. He even loves watching Yunho argue with Wooyoung over trivial things that they were both technically right about. He loves all the activity around him, everywhere he turns, and how none of it has anything to do with tests or “The Mission”. 

Most of all, he loves that Seonghwa came with him and is still somehow talking to Hongjoong on the porch instead of isolating himself in his cone of silence, because his brother is really good at that.

He decides that he likes Hongjoong’s brothers. 

He finds out that Yunho is eighteen years old and Wooyoung is fourteen. He had wanted to drive the old yellow tractor first and tried not to be too disappointed when Yunho held onto the keys and sat in the driver’s seat. They had made it a few metres before Wooyoung complained about the lack of speed and guilt-tripped Yunho into hacking the speed limiter. San had watched as Yunho whipped out a screwdriver from his cargo pants and opened up the tractor hood to re-route some wires and levers. 

The two brothers had bickered over whose turn it was to drive next and San had felt the odd man out. But then suddenly Yunho turned to him, holding out the keys. 

“Test ride was fine. Do you want to give it a go? We’re going in age order. I don’t make the rules.”

He found it funny for some reason. Maybe because Wooyoung started complaining immediately that his older brother definitely did make the rules and they were invalid because they weren’t in his favour.

Yunho reminds him a lot of Mrs Park before she died. They were both kind without pitying. Supportive without being condescending. Fair and even, like a strong boat out at sea. Mrs Park was the one who insisted he stay in regular school for as long as possible and tried to find him friends his own age. It didn’t really work, she ran out to time, and he threw himself into NASA training after she died. 

As for Wooyoung. Well, he’s… a lot. Of everything all at once.

At first he was quiet, eyeing San warily, and then he wouldn’t shut up. He was loud when he fought with Yunho but quiet when he was thinking of something. A know-it-all for sure but somehow not competitive in the way San was expecting. He’s not sure how it’s possible to be over friendly and distant at the same time but apparently it is.

The wild oscillations left him unsettled and feeling unpleasantly out of control. 

He’s startled back to the present when something touches his shoulder. 

“Huh?”

“I said, do you want to see the drone we found?” Wooyoung asks as soon as Yunho walks off to talk to Hongjoong. “The one that helped us get to the NASA headquarters.”

“Wait, that was a true story? I thought Seonghwa made it up.”

“Nope, it’s a real drone but I don’t want Yunho to come, he’s just going to be so boring about it.” Wooyoung says as he grabs San’s shirt sleeve. “Come on.”

San doesn’t even get the chance to reply, just looks down curiously at where the fingers grip his shirt as he follows Wooyoung towards the house. They run past a suspicious Seonghwa and confused Hongjoong, until they reach the basement. 

Instead of dark, dingy and creepy, it was warm and stuffed full of electronics and tools and farming parts. When Wooyoung hits the lights, he finally sees the half dissected drone laying on a large wooden workbench in the middle of the room.

“Woah.” San breathes out. “This is an old one from the army. There’s more of these at our headquarters but I’ve never seen one of them up close before.”

“I knew it!” Wooyoung exclaims, mostly to himself. “I knew they were hiding more of them at NASA.”

San gingerly walks around the drone, hand hovering for a moment, before resting it on the cool metal. It still feels alive somehow. He lets his fingers run through the exposed wires and over the remaining electric boards. 

Wooyoung tracks the movement curiously, watching how gentle and oddly reverential the touch is. 

“How did it help you find the headquarters?” San asks, now crouching to look deep into the drone’s outer shell. “Seonghwa said you figured out the co-ordinates?”

Wooyoung jumps onto one of the benches as San inspects the drone. 

“Hongjoong thinks our entire farm is on a magnetic plate, that’s why the drone was circling above us. He also knew it was military so when he found the binary lines on my bedroom floor, he figured the co-ordinates were to an old military base and he was right.”

“Woah, that’s kind of badass.” San marvels. “Your brother is seriously so cool.”

“I know.” Wooyoung nods proudly. “He’s always been cool.”

��You’re lucky he’s your brother.” 

Wooyoung hums before asking, “Are you really training to be a pilot like him?”

“Yeah.” 

“So you’ll go to space one day?”

“Yep.” 

“That’s seriously so cool.”

It is cool but San shrugs it off, not used to even having a conversation like this with anyone who wasn’t already in NASA doing the exact same thing or something even better. He isn’t used to thinking that ‘going to space’ is some extraordinary feat and not just an expected rite of passage for NASA kids. And he definitely isn’t used to anyone being genuinely impressed by anything he does. 

“It’s not gonna be for a few years.” He replies with a grimace. “I’ve got a lot more training to do.”

“Do you like it?” Wooyoung asks. “Hongjoong hardly ever talks about it. He keeps saying it’s classified but as if I’d tell anyone. Who would I tell anyway? Yunho is good at keeping secrets too.”

San is surprised by the questions. It’s not the one he expected and he doesn’t have a pre-planned answer ready to go.

“Um, yeah I like it. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do. I think I’m pretty good at it.” San says carefully. “Not as good as your brother though.”

And San can tell that the brothers don’t talk about flight training or Hongjoong’s history much because now it’s Wooyoung’s turn to look surprised.

“So he used to be a really good pilot?”

San gives him a deep dimple smile. “He’s still really good at it. He’s kinda crazy.”

“Oh, well that I definitely do know.” Wooyoung smiles back. “Seonghwa is cool too though.”

San has to laugh at that. It’s not every day someone says that about his brother.

“What? Seonghwa’s awesome. He can build robots can’t he?”

“He’s built three so far and I think there’s a fourth one somewhere.”

San pauses abruptly, suddenly remembering that he was talking to a non-NASA person, that he had signed an NDA when he entered training, that he should shut up right now. 

“Okay don’t tell anyone I told you that. I don’t think I was supposed to.”

Wooyoung nods knowingly. “Don’t worry I won’t say anything. It’s probably classified information right?”

San nods, chewing his bottom lip.

There’s a beat of silence. 

“Okay but there’s FOUR of them?!” Wooyoung hisses loudly. “Are they all like CAASI?!”

“Wait, you know about CAASI?” San whips his head up, confused. “How?!"

“When Hongjoong and I broke into your headquarters. We met Seonghwa and CAASI and the Professor. Oh and Yeosang. He’s nice.”

San’s mind is reeling. Seonghwa hadn’t told him all that.

“Well, there’s LEO, he’s CAASI’s little brother, but other two don’t have names yet.” San says. 

Wooyoung is still perched on a bench, swinging his legs and looking too excited over classified information. 

“What do they do exactly? Seonghwa said they’re programmed to solve problems and for flight navigation.”

San nods. “They can do so much more than that. I don’t even really know everything. They don’t tell the pilot trainees all the details.”

It was the truth. 

San might be living with Seonghwa and the Professor but he knows there’s so much information that’s classified and deliberately kept from him. He’s stopped feeling offended about it years ago, knowing that information leaks would only get Seonghwa and the Professor in trouble. 

“That’s so cool.” Wooyoung says, and San wonders if he’ll say that about everything. 

“Yeah it’s pretty cool.”

“I can…umm builds robots too. Do you want to see one?” Wooyoung asks nervously, voice faltering half way through, like he changed his mind after starting the sentence. “I’ve got them here, I mean, if you want to see them. They’re not as good as all the ones you’ve seen at NASA, obviously, but anyways, it’s okay if that’s boring, actually nevermind.”

“No, I want to see them.” San says, still marvelling at how a person could use so many words to make an offer then withdraw it immediately in the same breath.

Wooyoung looks at him for a few moments, as if to gauge whether he’s being genuine or not. But he must have eventually decided because he jumps off the bench and sets off up the stairs.

“Okay, be right back.”

San nods and sits down at the workbench to wait. There’s scattered papers next to the drone, detailed schematic drawings mixed in with rough doodles of robots that look like CAASI but less blocky. He’s trying to read the terrible handwriting but pounding footsteps into the basement makes him look up. 

“Okay, don’t laugh.” Wooyoung says, as he gingerly places a robot on the ground. It’s a mismatched block of dark grey metal accented with Lego pieces in purple and green. There are two small ‘ears’ where the head is. It stands just over thirty centimetres tall. It looks ridiculous but also oddly impressive.

“This is SPIKE.”

“Spike?” San snorts. “You didn’t name it after an ancient old scientist like Seonghwa does?” 

“SPIKE is an ancient old space pilot.” Wooyoung replies seriously. “Haven’t you ever watched Cowboy Bebop?”

San laughs in earnest then. 

This guy is so weird.

 “Well I wasn’t going to call him R2D2 or something.” Wooyoung pets the robot proudly and fondly. “Seonghwa named CAASI for Isaac Newton right? I figured that one out but who did he name LEO after?”

“Galileo.” San says. “The father of-“

“-astronomy and modern physics.” Wooyoung finishes easily. “That makes sense.”

San hops off the stool and crouches down to inspect SPIKE more closely. As rudimentarily as it looks, he can tell from the intricately melded metal and wiring that it was built with a lot of time and care. 

“So what can he do?”

Wooyoung pulls out a remote control and flips a switch behind SPIKE’s ear. 

There’s a jerky whirr that makes San scoot back. And then, the robot starts walking across the basement floor. When it reaches the wall, it doesn’t turn, but simply starts walking backwards towards them again. 

“It’s multi directional.” Wooyoung says by way of explanation. “But only forwards and backwards. I haven’t figured out the rest yet.”

“So kinda like a tank?”

“Exactly like a tank!” Wooyoung nods, smiling excitedly that someone gets it.

“I can’t believe you built that.” San stands up. “It’s really cool."

Wooyoung reaches down to scoop up his robot and place him on the workbench. “Well, Seonghwa was building way more advanced stuff at my age.”

San rolls his eyes. “Yeah but Seonghwa was a total nerd who had no friends. Literally nothing has changed.”

Discomfort flashes across Wooyoung’s eyes as he nods along.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that!” San adds quickly. “I’m just saying that Seonghwa isn’t normal and nobody should expect be like that!”

Wooyoung’s hand closes protectively around one of SPIKE’s legs. “I wouldn’t mind being as good as him.”

San tilts his head.

“Why do you want to be like him? What if you turn out better?” He says earnestly and means it. 

Wooyoung shrugs, unconvinced. “Yeah, maybe.”

*

“Oh my god, here you are!” Hongjoong says with relief when he finds Wooyoung and San in the basement. “What are you doing down here? It’s so dusty.”

“Is that a robot?” Seonghwa asks, pointing to the block of Lego-metal on the workbench. 

Wooyoung brightens and nods. “Yeah this is SPIKE.”

“SPIKE?” Seonghwa chuckles, “Who did you name him after?”

“Cowboy Bebop."

“Oh right, of course.” Seonghwa replies without batting an eyelid. “He looks good. Does he move?”

Hongjoong hops onto the bench as he watches Wooyoung excitedly turn the robot back on and show off his handiwork to another audience member. San moves to sit down next to him.

For all his prickly and guarded exterior, Seonghwa is unexpectedly warm and generous with his attention and patience. He nods and asks questions when it’s needed and knows to stay quiet when Wooyoung explains his overly ambitious visions. It’s a natural exchange, not just an adult pretending to care, it twists something in Hongjoong’s chest and he wishes his brothers could’ve grown up with two actual parents instead of a struggling substitute.  

“Are you okay?” San asks, interrupting his thoughts. 

“Hrm? Yeah, I’m fine. I think I just zoned out a bit.”

“He does that a lot.” Wooyoung says. “I just don’t think he likes robots.”

Seonghwa raises a curious eyebrow. “Is that right?”

“What? No.” Hongjoong protests. “I never said I didn’t like them. Where did you get that idea from?”

“You called SPIKE a ‘metal menace’.” Wooyoung says accusingly. “Then banned him from the house for three days.”

“He is a menace! He tracked mud through the entire kitchen and ran over my toes last week. What’s worse than metal and Lego rolling over your toes? Nothing.”

San cackles loudly and even Seonghwa looks amused. 

“Maybe SPIKE can detect an unbeliever in its midst.”

Hongjoong gives Seonghwa a deadpan look. “It’s a robot. It’s not sentient.”

“Yet.” Wooyoung adds ominously before turning to Seonghwa. “Do you think it’s possible? You’ve done it haven’t you?”

“I don’t think it’s impossible.” Seonghwa says carefully. “It’s an incredibly difficult program to write but I think it will be fully achievable one day with the right scientist. It might be necessary, in case you need a robot army against narrow minded older brothers.”

“When was I narrow minded? I’m very open minded!” Hongjoong says indignantly, turning to San for moral support, only for the teenager to just give him the thumbs up . “Who do you think buys all the Lego and electronics?!”

“It’s fine.” Seonghwa says calmly, if not condescendingly. “Only people with refined tastes and high intelligence can appreciate complex robotics.”

They’re laughing at his expense and Hongjoong swears there’s an epic comeback on the tip of his tongue but the pounding of Yunho’s footsteps causes them all to turn towards the basement’s entrance. 

“Um, just wondering if you guys are staying for lunch? It’s nearly one-thirty and if we don’t feed him soon Wooyoung’s gonna turn into a gremlin.”

“Shut Up Yunho!”

Seonghwa shakes his head, ignoring San’s pleading eyes, “Thank you but I’m afraid we’ll have to head back home to check on our father.”

San pouts quietly in his seat. 

“But maybe next time?” Seonghwa adds as a compromise.

“No problems, just checking!” Yunho smiles easily and trudges back upstairs.

“We really should be going now actually.” Seonghwa says, petting SPIKE’s head carefully. “I don’t want to get caught driving in the late afternoon dust.”

“Oh yeah, good idea.” Hongjoong nods as they all stand to make their way out of the basement. The jubilant energy fizzles out. San is pouting aggressively and Wooyoung only quietly nods as Seonghwa tells him to persist with SPIKE’s development.

Outside, afternoon sun had slipped behind a hazy cloud. There’s a more obviously breeze that stirs the dust now and even though the hour wasn’t that late yet, both the atmosphere and light have visibly dimmed, much like his mood. 

“Well, drive safely, hope you miss the late dust fog. Tell the Professor that I wish him a speedy recovery.”

“I will.” Seonghwa nods. 

Hongjoong turns to an obviously grumpy San. “If you ever need to deal with your frustrations or boredom, I’d rather you take it out on a fifty dollar tractor and not a million dollar NASA machine okay?”

Wooyoung mouths a quiet ‘what?!’ in the background that San pretends he doesn’t hear. 

“Okay, thanks Hongjoong.” San says sheepishly before waving to Wooyoung and Yunho and getting into the truck. “See you next time.”

And then there were two.

“Hope it wasn’t too boring for you today.” Hongjoong says, sticking his hands in his pockets. 

“It wasn’t.” Seonghwa replies.

“Okay, good.” Hongjoong hums. “I meant what I said before though; if he’s getting restless and annoying, you can drop him off here. Let them roll in mud and run around or whatever.”

“They’re teenagers not toddlers.”

Hongjoong shrugs. “Same difference.”

Seonghwa smiles. It’s possibly the first time it’s directed right at Hongjoong’s face and he’s not sure what to do about it. 

“Thank you Hongjoong.” Seonghwa says, looking back at San in the truck. “I think San enjoyed himself. I hope he didn’t break anything.”

“Oh….yeah, no no he didn’t.” Hongjoong stutters. “It’s no problem, err, Seonghwa.”

There’s a smirk. “That’s the first time you’ve said my name like that.”

“Well, that’s the first time you’ve said mine.” 

“No, its not.” 

“Yeah, well…whatever.”

Hongjoong wonders how they got to this place. And how it’s possible that he’s met yet another version of Seonghwa today: not the intimidating interrogator or smirking genius or the man who showed incredible restraint during this morning's meeting.

No, he met San’s brother on his porch this afternoon. 

He wonders which version he’ll meet next. 

“Goodbye, Hongjoong.”

“Bye…Seonghwa.”

He waves then stands until the truck is out of view and the dust cloud has settled on their dirt driveway. As he turns to go inside, he’s blocked by a very smug looking Yunho leaning against the doorway.

“Just a guy from work, huh?”

[candycryptids]

Good morning (or good evening in your case I guess)! 🤭

Because you asked me about the theme songs: If you had to choose one for each of your OCs what would it be?

Goooood Morning! Or evening for you by now I think 🤔🥰 This’ll be easier for some than others B’3 (links will all be to YouTube videos hopefully!) thank you for the question this was a real thinker x3

So Levraut actually has a song we recently heard and went HOLY SHIT ITS LEV’S THEMESONG! Which would be [Creator, by Lena Raine] it has the mysterious suspense of the music box at the start, and then shifts into the cadence of something I associate with the Sea, which is something that sounds like Accordion ahaha (and then it further intensified with electric guitar, which isn’t usually in his soundscape, but it’s So Good)

[cut because… length again LOL]

For Tuesday I’d have to say my first choice is [Hello World, by Louie Zong] as far as songs that make me immediately associate with Tuesday lololol. The other song I have is [Waltz No. 2, Robot, by Hikaru Shirosu] it has, to me, the cadence of going shopping in a small market, but you’re still very ‘young’ in a sense, and small obstacles can feel like big obstacles 🫢 it’s also Piano, which is one of the instruments associated with Keathan! Who has a very heavy influence on Tuesday’s soundscape :3

For Chuusday…. Picking just one is rly hard… hm… it’s not on EITHER of her playlists I think, but [Home Beyond The Horizon by I think Masoyashi Soken and Daiki Ishikawa] Which is a song played on a crunchy, tinny radio. She’s not patriotic, but it was too large a part of her life for it to not have had some major impacts on her, lol. For a less/more serious song (???) I’d say [Hardware Store by Weird Al Yankovic]. It’s got. The vibe. LMAO.

Tangy is also hard to pin down, but I think [Fell In Love With A Girl, by White Stripes] does a pretty good job of suiting both the vibe and at least a Lil Bit the lyrics [because the first three lines remind me of Minfilia and Tangy :/ not that I ship them explicit romantic 100% of the time, but it coulda been. It coulda.]

🎤Fell in love with a girl

I fell in love once and almost completely

She's in love with the world🎵

Otherwise my other offering is When You Look At Her and it’s just playing [Cat Cafe by Tsundere Twintails] in her whole expression.

There’s not a particular song I can think of for Mochiie yet- I’ve been fighting that gorilla for a month or so now and I’m not much closer to victory yet, lmfao. However I do offer the song from [this post] because it reminds me Thavnair, so the real answer is I have a lot of music in Urdu I need to listen to and figure out his vibe LOL. I found the song in particular after scouring the notes though! Which is ->[Mehndi Laga Ke Rhakna, sung by Lata Mangeshkar and Udit Narayan] (I also need to figure out the influence the Azim Steppe had on him 🫢)

Ishi’li is… tricky. Cos I’m also still working on their playlist BDJDNFJDJFSK and the one song I’ve heard recently that made me think of him so so hard isn’t in the soundscape I’d set for them :T but. It’s rly Ishi.

[Like or Like Like by Miniature Tigers]

🎤I watched you get undressed

I must have turned bright red

'Cause I couldn't stand to face you

'Cause I liked what I saw

And maybe we should just be friends

Tell me how you feel about me

Do you like or like, like me?

Tell me what you really feel

Do you like me? Just say you do🎵

Swydghem actually has songs because I listened to a playlist on basically endless loop while writing so even though it’s Baldurs Gate [Down By The River composed by Borislav Slavov] always makes me think of her LOL… Solkmyna gets slightly more associated with [How The Tide Rushes In by Anne Dudley] Jojoha doesn’t have a particular soundscape yet because it overlaps with Levraut regularly😅 (at least in terms of; the Dreadnaughts, which is one of the bands I listen to for him lmao.)

Colette is my monster hunter/Ffxiv cross oc and while I haven’t really given her a whole lotta thought I think [I Want It All by Arctic Monkeys] could definitely fit her vibe, lol. She’s someone else on my to-do for music thoughts, just a little further down the line from Ishi and Mochi uvu;

Bonus!!! If you were wondering [Love Like You from Steven Universe] makes me think of Tuesday/Haurchefant. :’)

I hope you enjoy the music 🫶 lord knows there’s a bunch of it SHFJRJFEKCKSKXKA hopefully the color/bolding isn’t obnoxious, it makes it easier for my eyes to not glaze over if there’s variation lmao

[takaraphoenix]

Teen Wolf Rewatch 2024 (1)

Have a little update on this! So, my bestie @kimmycup and I are watching Teen Wolf together, rewatch for me and first time watching for her.

Today, we covered season 1 episodes 1 through 6.

I love this show. I love this show so much. Holy shit do I love this show.

Just, seeing the first six episodes again absolutely reminds me how I ended up watching this show for the first time and immediately after I finished the first two seasons starting a rewatch, and after that, another rewatch. It's addictive. It's so good.

There is just... nothing to complain about so far? I adore the characters, I immediately imprinted on Stiles the moment he hung upside-down scaring the shit out of Scott, the parent teacher conference served to show the depth of pain and facade on Lydia and Jackson so early on, Scott is such an adorable clueless puppy, all of the pain and trauma of Derek's makes his actions so damn understandable, like yeah it's frustrating for Scott, but, shit, fam, Derek just lost his sister, after he had already lost all of his family and he was a born wolf so of course he doesn't really know how to teach a bitten wolf, Allison is so adorable and I am still madly and deeply in love with both Scallison and Jydia, those ships get me.

I remember watching the first two seasons back during the hiatus before season 3 started and latching onto that show hard, and I love how rewatching them just reignites that spark, still giving me that same feeling of unbridled joy.

And rewatching things you love is just so much fun because you have the knowledge of what will happen and see the little foreshadowing, or have a different context for why a character acts a certain way.

And as can be seen by the fact that we just binged six whole episodes - our episode-per-session average clocks in at about 4 usually - I absolutely dragged my beloved Cupcake into this show for good.

The best news is she did also imprint on Stiles. As one should, when watching the show. It is impossible not to love Stiles, honestly.

And it is another delight to see her get attached to him, and also to discover Sterek. See the little seedlings of the ship already and the potential. It has already been pointed out to me, repeatedly, that those two are a great match, and I wholeheartedly agree, naturally.

It's so fun to see Stiles and Derek's beginnings, especially as I have been dragged into writing Sterek fics again. Though I love their dynamic, it is still so different to see all the moments unfold all over again, it's so much fun.

Oh, I love this show. I just. I just really love this show.

(That tune is gonna change during 3A, and is gonna... fizzle out starting with season 4, which is a shame and a pain and a frustration, but I have so much raw, unadulterated love for the first two seasons and for 3B that I am beyond excited about this rewatch.)

[knotwerk]

holy shit i fucking love editing. (remind me i said that in two weeks.) 

i’m working on the proper hydration series finale aka PH6. i finished writing the first draft on 4/6/24, clocking in at 85k words. and then i sat on it for a few days before rereading it, did an extremely cursory once-over edit, and sent it off to my first reader & og beta @demolitionwoman-blog (CHEERS!!!). she started working on the beta, and by the time she hit chapter 3, she made the observation that the next step in the editing process for this might not be a typical beta read, but a structure/development read, and maybe a reverse outline would be a good next step. 

and i was like, i have never heard of a reverse outline. like, i have never heard of most things, really; i just started writing fiction in fucking august 2022 and am having a FUCKING BALL learning by doing. so i googled reverse outline, read the top three hits lol, and was like OH FUCK YES. 

because i do not Outline-outline when i write. all respect to those who do!!!!!, but i just Can Not. i have tried, and i get both daunted and bored, and that combo is like fucking kryptonite to my brain. for a longer piece (or a piece that doesn’t just burst out of my fingertips in response to a gifset or bts drop or tweet or gc comment 😅), i do make a sort of vibes outline. like, i open a fresh doc and splort down all the themey ideas i’m able to put words to at that point, and i make notes on whatever beats have already formed in my head, but it’s loose and sketchy at best. and then i write and see what happens as the story unfolds, and i go back to that notes doc to sort of talk to myself about it, to update the vibe outline as i get further in my draft, etc. 

but PH6 is the longest & most complex thing i’ve written yet, so by the time i got to the end of the first draft—by the time i’d put the whole story into words—i was like, oh my god, what is this. like, has this done the thing i wanted to do, per my vibe outline, and also, what did it actually do, and is it legible (whatever that means; like far be it from me to tell the reader what they should get out of something, but, generally speaking, is it cohesive.). now that i have told the story, like… what the fuck is the story about please, and does it "work." 

so i “finished” my reverse outline yesterday and omfg it’s helping so much and it’s SO EXCITING!!!! LIKE, THIS IS HELPING ME WRAP MY MIND AROUND THE THING I DID, SO I AM BETTER ABLE TO SEE WHAT I AM TRYING TO DO!!!! AND I CAN WORK WITH THAT!!!!!

it’s like i had a bunch of kittens scrambling around in my brain and while i was writing i was like 'oh i love these kittens so much, and i really hope this story herds these kittens effectively so they slow down just enough that people can really see their cute little faces (including me, i am people)' and then i finished the first draft and was like 'ahhh did the story herd the kittens??? i can't tell, they're still moving too fast in my brain' and then the reverse outline showed up and was like I COME BEARING TUNA AND FIFTEEN CARDBOARD BOXES and now i can see the kittens better. 

and then! i slept on it last night, and this morning my brain was like, “oh, here, why don’t i just efficiently articulate the vibes and arrange them in a tidy visual diagram that reveals how they all flow through the story for you?” WHEE!!

and then i got so excited that i had to put it down and write all this instead of working on it further 

(this, which could probably use its own reverse outline lmao)

like, i’m reading Mary Ruefle’s Madness, Rack, and Honey, which is a book of collected lectures that i cannot stop screaming about and that slaps so hard i keep having to throw it across the room, and just the other day i read, in the chapter “On Secrets,” 

I used to think I wrote because there was something I wanted to say. Then I thought, “I will continue to write because I have not yet said what I wanted to say”; but I know now I continue to write because I have not yet heard what I have been listening to.

and i think the reverse outline is helping me hear it a little better, and that is fucking exciting.

[cringe-but-fr33]

Okay okay so I'm rereading Hell Followed With Us and as a nerd who doesn't draw, I am left with analyzing this thing to show my love

Chapter 1 and 2 thoughts ahead

Chapter 1

- "You will return to the earth for out of it you were taken; for from dust you were made and to dust you will return" It can be assumed that since this quote is about death, it's probably used as a reference to Benji's dad. (Especially considering Benji himself does it) I'd also say it can be referring to Benji himself, seeing as the chapter ends with him being caught by the Angels, starting his "return" to New Nazareth

- I love love love when works centered around the apocalypse focus on how nature has grown naturally over buildings, covering everything with no restraint. The imagery is so lovely yet so haunting in its implications.

- "A banner flutters high above me: GOD LOVES YOU. Corpses dangle from the wires, yellow-pink organs hanging from their stomachs to obscure their nakedness, like Adam and Eve ashamed of their bodies." THIS LINE HOLY SHIT. The imagery itself is so disturbing and the comparison to Adam and Eve just fits so perfectly. Hits just as hard as it did the first time.

- Benji dreaming about meeting a boy when he and his dad got past the bridge just reminds me how young he is. He's really just a trans kid who wants a boy to love him freely. Also his complicated feelings about Theo coming out in how he mostly dreams about the boy not being blond but sometimes he does is so good

- The description of the Grace is so strong, amazingly horrifying thank you Andrew Joseph White

- Be good vs Make them suffer. Benji's dad's words are such a strong conflict for Benji. Cling to the morality he's been taught or lose himself to the violence. The use of one betrays another. Either way he betrays himself.

Chapter 2

- The statement from the Angelic Movement website is really good for this chapter. The Angels are there to enforce what they believe to be the Lord's will. There's no room for sympathy or compassion, they have a job to carry out and those in their way are dealt with.

- Brother Hutch is such a good introduction to the cult. He plays kind with Benji until he acts out. He tells him to either come with him by choice or force. He praises God's mercifulness with the blood of a father on his cheek. He views the Grace's transformation as a gift they've been allowed to have. He is exactly what you expect from him and yet still terrifying for it.

- Theo reaction to the death-squad markings and Benji's being so different as a way to set up the conflict between them before we even see Theo is just such a good writing choice.

- I definitely think Benji not being allowed to clean himself off is an intentional punishment. A way of having him sit with the consequence of rebelling.

- It's so interesting seeing how the book leads up to Benji's feelings towards the Graces and people of New Nazareth. He focuses on the human features of the Graces. He wonders whose son the rookie is. He remembers Brother Hutch's smile and well wishes when he dies, despite everything. I love his character so much

If you got this far, thank you for reading and if you were wondering yes I am in AP Lit

[azumasoroshi]

guess who just watched summertime rendering (it's really good)

guys what the FUCK

(spoilery-review stuff will be below the cut but tldr: summertime rendering is really good, subverted a lot of my expectations, gorgeous animation, keeps you on your toes and has smart characters and good writing, just try not to cringe too hard at some of the haha boobs/haha panties jokes i swear there's not too many)

okay funny story. i got interested in this anime literally yesterday because one of my favorite channels was analyzing its ending song by chance

and i was like oh it's like anohana but a murder mystery? interesting premise. doesn't necessarily guarantee that it's good, the animation looks pretty at least, but it's 25 episodes and my attention span kinda sucks...

and i see the main girl in a swimsuit and im like alright. the second there's a really weird zoom on her chest im out

(my live thought process pictured below)

and the first shot or so was of the swimsuit girl (ushio) without any weird zooms so i was like okay hey we're in the clear so far

AND THEN

one minute ten seconds. dawg. that actually has to be a record of some sort

and i was 🤏this close to dropping the anime but i really wanted to see the dark horrifying stuff so i continued anyway

like. maybe that's a one off joke. maybe they wont do it again and that was just to get weirdos to be like AYYY and keep watching. maybe there is hope

there was no hope.

but i hung on anyway because right after that was the OP and it looked really interesting mostly because there were no anime visuals at all until the very end

which was. shinpei being a little bit silly. little but quirky. vibing persona 3 style baby baby baby baby baby baby baby

so yeah i decided to keep watching until the end of the first episode despite my apprehension because i just. wanted to see the dark shit go down. uaghhhhhh

and i kept watching EVEN THROUGH the clear insinuation that the mc's adopted sister was in love with him and that the mc was in love with his other adopted sister and the police officer was looking at porn in public and then FINALLY

FINALLY

(major + ending spoilers start here)

they killed my favorite character.

and then they killed the younger sister and then they killed the MAIN CHARACTER AND I WAS LIKE DAWGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

like i was expecting it to be dark but i didnt expect them all to straight up die on screen with blood splatters n everything :sob: wasnt expecting the time loop either

like. you gon have this gorgeous animation just to make the characters' deaths that much more brutal. holy fuck

i realized the other anime this reminded me of. this anime is a anohana x kagerou project crossover. thats fuckin crazy i kinda dig it

people also compare it to re:zero which is fair cuz it has the time travel, the unexpected brutality, the short haired girl who gets rejected in favor of the long haired girl (lmao) i just like kagerou project more

it somehow didnt connect the first time that it wasn't mio and i was like huh i wonder why they suddenly skipped time

and then when this scene rolled around for the second time i literally like. it hit me so fast and i was like FUCK. i was like genuinely terrified help

and then she started stabbing the ever loving shit out of totsumura and i was like oh okay! guess i dont have to wait in suspense for what she'll do at the very least

and then she stabbed shinpei in the throat and i was like OH OKAY

that scene also terrified me cuz like the phone call happening while the killer is nearby is a classic horror trope but like. i dont watch horror usually. that's my worst nightmare

it was on his third death that shinpei really started to shine for me as a protagonist because like. he's smart. notably so! it was really nice because the classic horror starts to fade away at this point and everything becomes a giant chess match

fair enough though cuz bro was like "LMAO NAH I REFUSE TO DIE AGAIN THAT SHIT PAINFUL AS FUCK" (and then repeatedly died a bunch more anyways)

it's interesting that his whole "take a step back" thing is like. a trauma response too. we love dissociation representation lmfao

shinpei was also really quick to adapt to everything and it took a LOT of shit going down to make him finally lose his composure, but he gets back in it and doesnt waste time and it was really refreshing because yknow anime (and the horror genre in general) with its overdramatic clueless protagonists

and also!!

i immediately pegged sou as the loud dumbass yosuke/ryuji type (i love them and their depth, im talking about surface level) best friend who wingmans for shinpei and immediately gets sus of shinpei and gets killed first n shit

but that was my bad like damn sou was a really good character

to be fair this was his first introduction

and the line "I should tell Sou everything" with a shot of the sky is REALLY FUCKING OMINOUS, so i feel like that was a bit of a bait and switch on the author's part lmfao

i stopped taking screenshots around this point so ill just talk about a bunch of parts that stood out to me pff

HIZURU MINAKATA MY BELOVEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

she's so autistic and so smart and so just. god. i love her

AND RYUUNOSUKE IS BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

i literally wanted to cry seeing him in the ending like dawggggggg he's SO cute id marry him no questions asked

he and hizuru were my favorites along with nezu because badass old man SLAYS

i also surprisingly really liked ushio lmao i thought she'd be like the usual manic pixie dream girl and then just based on her being in a swimsuit but like. she was honestly a joy as a character lmfao

like. her being the biggest powerhouse next to hizuru? did not see that coming, we love a girlboss!! and she's also smart and forward-thinking despite the airheaded vibes so like damn. good character! i really liked what little we got to see of the real ushio interacting with her shadow too, it was a nice bit of character building + it was funny lmao

mio was the only character other than shide that i just straight up did not like lmfaosgkjhsjg the whole "im in love with my stepbrother" was just. fuckin. weird to me from the start and you have no idea how fucking relieved i was that shinpei didn't accept her confession or get with her at the end

of course it's like. not any better that he got with his other stepsister. but like mio was more annoying so it's fine (😭)

she ended up being a damsel in distress who didnt really do anything up until the school fight where she still didnt do much, and with how much ushio emphasized "protect mio" you'd think she' have some sort of plot relevance but nope she just. thought about her brother a lot and confessed after 20 episodes and got rejected and cried

it's like all the buildup to her confession was PURELY to buildup for the ACTUAL confession which was shinpei telling her that he was in love with ushio

which is lame

like jesus her shadow had more plot relevance than her. i literally liked her shadow more than her like ????????

tokiko was a good character though i liked the "i didnt dirty my hands for this" foreshadowing and also her being a lesbian was an unexpected surprise that i liked lmfao she's a fuckin real one for still encouraging mio to be with shinpei despite being madly in love with mio. what the hell was that "i want her to see all of me" line like girl????

shide was a good smart villain, he kinda started getting cheesy typical anime villain by the end but by that point the anime was pretty firmly in the action/strategy genre and relying a lot less on the horror/mystery part so it was alright

i did love the talk he and shinpei had about video games and the FF7 namedrop was hilarious lmfao

it was cool how they had the callback to him being a video game nerd during the first fireworks festival with that 2d 3d king thing

absolutely despise him for what he did to hiruko though like. ew.

i didnt really get why hiruko deadass reverted into this weird lookin baby thing at the end but like haise was cute i liked her

didnt understand how they literally changed history either but i guess the magic eyes are like "fuck time lmao all my homies hate time" so oh well, i guess it works

the ending was really a full on "everybody lives and is happy" type deal but like. i didnt even mind man i was literally ecstatic seeing hizuru's boobs again like holy shit. you know you're watching a weird ass anime when you start crying at the fucking fanservice scenes like ohhhh my god

and like goddammit they deserve happiness

although. i was a bit pissed that they brought ushio back to life. like yeah she deserved to be brought back and yeah i do love her but rip the themes of grief and regret i guess

the show was never really about grief so i get why she was brought back but like ueeeuueueuueuee the whole "i don't want to do anything i'll regret again (including leaving ushio before we had the chance to say goodbye) so i have to keep moving forward" was really good character stuff and hrekjajsghjhsg i guess it paid off at the end???

whatever ill take getting hizuru and ryuunosuke back no matter the narrative costs

anyway yeah really good anime, definitely exceeded my expectations (which were pretty low to be fair though), i did watch all 25 episodes within 24 hours so i might be a little insane