#(aka 1k+ words of rina making herself cry :'3 )

[lgcxmax]

Personal Development • The One That Got Away

his hands are clammy as he holds onto wook's carry-on, insisting to hold onto it while they make their way towards the terminal. he hates the strict security measurements, remembering days when he could accompany his family to the gate as they saw someone off. now he has to stare at the entrance of the security control and be reminded that there was no way back for them anymore.

max swallows, fighting to ask yet again if he shouldn't come with wook, if they shouldn't try long distance again even though he knows logically spoken they had settled this just a week ago. right after chuseok dinner, max drunk on the warmth of his family and his love, away from practice rooms and coaches for a short while. he'd been content until the conversation was brought up that wookjin didn't feel like his life was centered in korea any longer.

and max couldn't blame him. they'd both been born and raised in different cultures and the differences were frustrating at times, the feeling of looking the same but never quite fitting in. but he couldn't deny that it hurt, churned something uncomfortably in his chest that he'd have to rely on phone calls for god knows how long. and they both knew they couldn't do it.

life wasn't fair. max wanted to drop everything, see if he could reapply for a program in amerika and follow his boyfriend but the suggestion alone made the male mad to a point max worried he'd genuinely punch him. he'd come so far but why was he still here? why did everyone want him to hold on so tightly to something he wasn't even sure anymore he even deserved? would he be happy once he'd debut? would his confidence miraculously be re-established? would he be okay without wookjin?

his gaze rises to study the intricate design of the airport when the recollection of that night made him almost tear up again. he'd promised himself and wook: no more tears.

"well... this is it," he hears his best friend- first big love say. for a moment he doesn't respond, not wanting to respond in hopes it would make him stay a moment longer. a gentle but insistent tug on the carry-on bag in his tight knuckled grip eventually made him look back to what he thought was his other half. why was life so unfair? why did they have to separate? max swallowed again, lips parting but no word left his lips for wookjin shook his head with a small smile on his lips.

he always knew how to read max better than max did himself.

"come on dude. it's not like we'll never hear from each other again. I'll tell my grandma to find you and beat your ass if you dare to ghost me!" and the trainee can't help but laugh fondly at the image because he would. and granny jung would definitely run after him with a wooden spoon no matter if he was an idol then or a trainee still.

"this isn't goodbye," max mutters quietly, a smitten grin on his lips. "of course it's not," comes the sassy reply, a brow raised to almost challenge max into getting emotional on him again.

"I love you...," he can't help but tell him one more time as he finally lets go of the bag and lets go of a piece of his heart, smile a little wobbly as wook's hand lingers on his before holding firmly onto his travel bag. "you know I love you too." and that was precisely what made this so hard for them. both had to inhale a deep breath before exhaling it in a soft chuckle. max had always been the more emotional one of the two but seeing that wookjin was struggling as well made him feel the tiniest bit better in the saddest way.

"have a safe flight. text me when you arrive okay?"

"you'll be dead passed out then-"

"text me," max reaffirms, leaving it unspoken that he would stay up. probably wouldn't even be able to get a moment of shut eye this night and the following few. yet his best friend nods like he knows anyway. for one more minute he forces a smile onto his lips, raising his knuckles for a last handshake between them and struggles to let go as wookjin moves away and slowly but surely disappears into the crowd.

he waits until he can't see him anymore, until the line gets blurry as he sees wookjin faintly step through the security scanner and the gates close behind his back. he waits until he can feel a tear run down his cheek that he's quick to wipe away before he turns and drags his feet as he makes his way out of the airport. without allowing himself a glance back he drags his facemask up his chin to cover his nose before his hands disappear into his pockets. head hung low and shoulders hunched down with a defeated sigh he trots onward, hoping that whatever lies in his future will make him feel less heavy at last.